Back from rehab, I believed, due to a few months of sobriety, that all the problems in my life would solve themselves. Alcohol had been the problem. The thing that was holding me back was removed, so nothing could stop me!!!Stop me from... orga

Resident of the Day!

Jun 30th, 2022 34m 7s

The last month at Portage I was looking for an escape route. Now this wasn’t a literal, Shawshank redemption, crawl through the sewers kind of escape, it was escape through focus, which I was determined to be on anything but my role in the comm

Monster

Jun 2nd, 2022 35m 52s

It seems the Johnny Depp vs. Amber Heard trial made me have a whole lot of feelings. Particularly, where do ideas and 'victim' and 'perpetrator' fall apart when there is wrongdoing on both sides, or when an environment or relationship is in its

Not At All Like The Movies

May 3rd, 2022 35m 11s

My first rehab was awful. Often, when I externalized my misery in one way or another, I can look back and say, naw, well, that was really more of a me thing. Yet with this rehab, I look back and still think it was awful.Was I miserable the whol

Time To Say Goodbye

Apr 19th, 2022 34m 35s

My grandfather passed away, and I was useless. I didn’t go to the hospital in his last few weeks. Hospitals really bummed me out. I mean I was fragile. God forbid I carry any extra emotional weight. I checked out. I did nothing but try to drink

The After-After Party

Mar 29th, 2022 34m 49s

Back at Concordia University, I set some boundaries with myself and alcohol. Since I still wanted to drink all the time, I had to strategize how my ‘normal’ drinking was going to go down. Was there an event being hosted at a bar? Was there a p

How To Disappear Completely

Mar 8th, 2022 33m 7s

Warning: This episode contains descriptions of sexual assault that may not be suitable for some listeners. Want to talk about it? Drop me a line at [email protected] second after I accepted that Leo had really dumped me, I plunged

Our Secret Lives with Brianne Davis

Feb 24th, 2022 1h 6m

Addicted to Recovery's first conversation episode, where I talk to Brianne Davis about sex and love addiction, and our secret lives. Video format available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wJYuVLJJbYTalk to me about at interactivememoir@gma

How the Hell Did I Get Here

Feb 9th, 2022 33m 23s

I wake up to my phone ringing through a lacerating headache. I ignore it. The person calls again. The guy sleeping next to me grumbles enough that I pick it up, mumbling hello, my breath acrid, my mouth chalky and sticky. There is a frantic wom

Edgy, Cool and Tortured

Jan 27th, 2022 35m 6s

My classmates in Creative Writing would understand how edgy, cool and tortured I was, and how cool my drinking was. The first writing assignment I workshopped in my fiction writing class was from my *ahem* novel, a chapter in which the narrator

Functional Alcoholism

Jan 6th, 2022 34m 35s

Over the next year, I kept both a job and a boyfriend, and was thus performing normalcy to a dazzling degree that surprised even me. Since the incident and my outpatient therapy, every time I drank and nothing terrible happened I gave myself pe

Bonus

Happy Holidays!

Dec 25th, 2021 18m 25s

A few thoughts on the holidays, and the challenges they have presented, as well as the legitimate joy they can bring.The holidays can be difficult for people in recovery So many holiday traditions involve alcohol, the office party, the Christma

I Think I May Have Just Murdered Myself

Dec 22nd, 2021 33m 27s

After a disturbing alcohol related injury, it was off to my very first outpatient program for addiction. The outpatient group, at the time, was five days a week, and it was good in that it gave me something to do every day and bad in that it ga

She's AWFUL.

Dec 1st, 2021 36m 20s

Why would I quit drinking when I still liked me better when I was drinking, and the confounding thing was that other people did too.Well, that's what I believed at least.I didn’t have much to offer in a relationship, but that was never so much

My Friend's Cool Dad

Nov 12th, 2021 34m 27s

That awkward moment when you walk into your first AA meeting and there's your friend's cool dad who used to give you booze as a teenager. And your first impulse is to go and tell your mom and friends about it.Oh wait... I think that's against t

Are You Buying The Stairway To Heaven?

Oct 29th, 2021 40m 7s

So, time to get controversial and talk about 12 step recovery! People have very strong feelings about 12-step, what it is, what it isn’t, if it’s bad, if it’s good, if it’s a helpful community, if it’s a cult, whether you need to find God, whet

Drug of Choice... I Didn't Know There Was a CHOICE!!!

Oct 13th, 2021 37m 22s

I'd heard somewhere no one understands an addict like another addict, so as my alcoholism, progressed I gravitated towards a booze-fueled affair with a deliciously tortured soul who was legit damaged: He'd actually been to rehab. How exciting!

The Melting Pot of the Hopelessly Average

Sep 15th, 2021 34m 52s

At 20 years old I'm already washed up, so might as well just give up on doing anything meaningful and go into a school program I have no intention of taking seriously. While I'm at it, might as well give up on love as well and lose my virginity

I Am An Abusive Person.

Aug 25th, 2021 36m 45s

I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I am an abuser. There is someone in my life that for years I’ve been abusing mentally, emotionally, and physically. I also neglected her, endangered her and left her vulnerable to the abuse of other

The First Time

Aug 11th, 2021 32m 22s

The first time I drank I may not have catapulted into full-blown alcoholism, but it was clear, even from the get go, that alcohol only amplified my personality deficits.But what about other first times in recovery, in life? What about the posit

The Bottle and The Borderline

Aug 3rd, 2021 33m 44s

Stumbling upon a book about Borderline Personality Disorder. It seemed to explain everything! Impulsivity, unstable relationships, mood swings, feelings of emptiness, self destructive behavior, troubles navigating identity... Well maybe BPD cou

When It Was All Supposed To Happen

Jul 28th, 2021 31m 32s

So the 'S' word... no, not the one referring to bodily functions, but SPIRITUALITY. There. I said it. This episode breaks down my still rather dubious relationship with the word itself, but the ways in which embracing the principles behind it,

But Everybody's Doing It!

Jul 21st, 2021 33m 38s

It’s easy to obscure a drinking problem when everyone else drinks. It was all happening in plain sight. It wasn’t a PROBLEM! I was nineteen! I liked to PARTY! And so did EVERYONE ELSE! In this chapter I drift further into denial when drinking i

Addicted to Love... Or whatever THAT was...

Jul 14th, 2021 36m 21s

It turns out the best antidote to rapidly declining mental health is becoming completely obsessed with someone who just isn't that into you, and putting the power of your salvation in their indifferent hands.I never did learn the rules of intim

Oops, I Did It Again!

Jul 7th, 2021 30m 14s

Relapse. The most confounding process in addiction. Why do we keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results? How do we rationalize this process when we KNOW BETTER? What kind of lies do we tell ourselves and others?