0:04

Welcome to the Attention Deficit

0:06

Disorder Expert Podcast Series by

0:08

Attitude Magazine. Hello

0:15

everyone. I'm Carol Fleck and

0:17

on behalf of the Attitude team, I'm

0:20

pleased to welcome you to

0:22

today's ADHD Experts Presentation titled,

0:25

New Year, New Playbook. Any

0:28

plans that work for your ADHD brain?

0:31

Leading today's presentation is Tracy

0:33

Otsaka. Tracy is

0:35

a certified ADHD coach, attorney, podcast

0:38

host, and author of the new

0:40

book, ADHD for Smartass

0:42

Women. Over the

0:44

years, she has empowered thousands of clients

0:46

to see their neurodivergence as a strength.

0:50

In today's webinar, we'll discuss the

0:52

challenges and solutions to getting things

0:54

done. Adults

0:56

with ADHD know what they need to do,

0:58

but they struggle to get started. Imposter

1:02

syndrome, perfectionism, and executive function struggles

1:04

all get in the way. Our

1:07

expert will share strategies that suit

1:09

your ADHD brain, build confidence,

1:12

and leverage your strengths. So

1:14

without further ado, I'm so pleased to welcome

1:17

Tracy. Thank you so much for joining us

1:19

today and for leading this discussion. Thank

1:23

you, Carol and Carla, right? It

1:25

was Carla. She's

1:27

Carly. Carly. Yeah.

1:30

Carly. Okay. Now

1:32

you see my ADHD brain in full bloomin' color. It

1:35

is an honor to be here. Thank you so

1:37

much. And thank you so much to the audience

1:40

who's out there. Happy New Year,

1:42

first of all. So of

1:44

course, today we're going to talk about the

1:46

new year and a new playbook. We're going

1:48

to break the overwhelmed cycle of

1:51

getting things done. So

1:56

I just wrote a book with HarperCollins'

1:58

William Morrow as a book. Carol

2:01

mentioned, called the ADHD for smart

2:03

ass women. And

2:05

it was the hardest thing I've

2:07

ever done. I struggled

2:09

to write. Yeah, go figure, but I wrote

2:11

a book. I fancy

2:13

myself a bit like Dorothy Parker,

2:16

who was credited with saying, I

2:19

hate writing, but love

2:21

having written. Poor

2:25

Dorothy Parker. She was

2:27

brilliant. But she, like me, really

2:30

struggled to get her writing done.

2:33

Dorothy co-wrote Hollywood's screenplays. Her most famous,

2:35

you may be familiar with it, was

2:37

A Star is Born. She

2:39

also helped to form the Screenwriters

2:41

Guild, but then found herself blacklisted

2:44

in the 1950s

2:46

because of her communist affiliations,

2:48

code four. She was vocal

2:50

about human rights and civil

2:52

rights, and she criticized

2:54

those in authority. In

2:56

her early years, she wrote for the likes

2:58

of Vogue and Vanity Fair and The New

3:00

Yorker. She was witty and

3:03

outspoken. So she

3:05

was fired from Vanity Fair for

3:07

offending the powers that be. If

3:13

simplistic strategies like Nike's Just Do

3:15

It didn't work for a mind

3:17

as sharp and a pen as

3:20

mighty as Dorothy's, then it

3:22

certainly wouldn't work for me, and it

3:24

likely doesn't work for you either. Look,

3:29

if Just Do It worked, we'd

3:31

already have done it. And

3:34

while tips and tricks are great, they're not

3:36

guaranteed to work for us either. Often

3:38

if the tip or trick isn't quite

3:40

the right fit, we quickly forget about

3:42

it. This leaves us knowing what

3:44

we need to do, but not knowing how

3:47

to actually get it done. So

3:49

today, let's explore some strategies

3:51

that align better with

3:53

the unique wiring of our ADHD

3:56

brain. I'll help you swap

3:58

out the one-size-fits-all approach for strategies. that

4:00

resonate with who you already are.

4:03

You already have successful

4:05

systems in place. You just

4:07

don't know it yet. And

4:10

that's no surprise because your

4:12

systems and strategies were likely

4:14

different than a neurotypical. And this

4:16

is someone whose brain functions similar

4:18

to other ordinary people. You

4:21

probably were led to believe early

4:23

on that you weren't doing it

4:25

right. And therefore you didn't have

4:27

legitimate systems and strategies. Transforming

4:30

how you manage overwhelm and get

4:32

things done in the new year,

4:34

it's about finding your rhythm and

4:36

playing to your strengths rather than

4:38

conforming to neurotypical game plans that

4:40

frankly, they just don't work for

4:42

us. Look, I'm not a great

4:44

writer, but I am a fabulous

4:46

editor. But in order to get

4:48

me to the point where I'm actually editing, you pretty

4:50

much have to submit me to the chair. This

4:53

was so frustrating. So I started to

4:55

look into, well, why might that be?

4:58

Well, because what's required for

5:01

me to write is

5:04

strong executive function skills. Skills

5:07

like planning

5:10

and scheduling and organizing, time

5:15

management, decision-making, emotional

5:18

regulation, among other things. All

5:21

of these cognitive skills involve our executive

5:23

functions. Executive function is like the CEO

5:25

of our brain. It makes sure that

5:28

we get things done and it is

5:30

exactly what ADHD brains are challenged by.

5:32

I'll tell you more about that in

5:34

a bit. For me, when

5:37

it came to writing, I had all

5:39

these thoughts in my head, which I

5:41

then had to organize into some form

5:43

of an outline. And then I had

5:45

to choose the most important thoughts. Was

5:48

it this thought? Was

5:52

it not important? Was it slightly

5:54

important? Was it important? Was

5:57

it very important? Was

5:59

it the most... important. This

6:01

is an impossible decision when you have

6:04

a brain like mine that thinks everything

6:06

is important. And then what if I

6:08

forgot something? But let me tell you

6:10

a secret. Focused attention

6:13

actually causes you to confirm

6:16

what you already know. So that's

6:18

all you look for. Unfocused

6:21

attention on the other hand

6:23

or inattention what those of

6:25

us with ADHD have, right,

6:27

allows you to take everything

6:29

else that's going on in

6:31

around you. That sideways glance,

6:34

patterns in data or behavior,

6:36

connections between unrelated topics or

6:38

ideas. So who do

6:40

you think is going to be more creative? Not

6:43

the neurotypicals. With their focused attention,

6:45

it's going to be us with

6:47

our unfocused attention. So I started

6:49

to think about strategies to getting

6:51

things done and the fact that

6:53

although everyone's ADHD symptoms and traits

6:55

look a little different, which is

6:58

what makes it hard to diagnose,

7:00

right, there were a few

7:02

things that we all have in common

7:04

that might be helpful. If

7:08

we're not interested, forget about

7:10

it. We all have

7:12

interest-based nervous systems. And this

7:14

is exactly why the Just

7:17

Do It approach fails for

7:19

our ADHD brains. What's

7:21

important to others doesn't

7:24

automatically become important to us.

7:27

What am I talking about? Neurotypical

7:31

people have an importance-based

7:34

nervous system. If

7:41

it's important to their parents,

7:43

teachers, coaches, partners, bosses, that

7:45

they get something done, they'll

7:48

just do it. They have

7:50

no problem doing what others

7:52

around them have deemed important.

7:55

School, right, even if

7:57

they're not interested. We have

8:00

with ADHD had interest-based

8:02

nervous systems. If we're not interested,

8:05

it is really difficult for us

8:07

to get that thing done. It's

8:09

not that we need to try

8:11

harder, we have a character flaw

8:13

or a moral failing, it's neurobiology.

8:16

So why might this be? Dopamine

8:23

is the culprit. Our brains

8:25

don't make enough dopamine or

8:28

we don't process it in the

8:30

same way neurotypicals do. We're not

8:32

sure, we're not a hundred percent

8:34

sure. So dopamine is that feel-good

8:36

neurotransmitter that's responsible for feeling pleasure,

8:39

reward, motivation. It's also responsible for

8:41

learning and focus. It

8:43

affects all those executive functions

8:45

that we were talking about

8:47

earlier. Our ability or struggles

8:49

with planning, scheduling, time management,

8:51

motivation, emotional regulation, etc. These

8:53

are all skills that affect how

8:55

we get things done, right? Now

8:58

if we're interested in doing that thing

9:00

we can do it quite well and

9:02

likely better than you neurotypicals, thank you

9:04

very much. But when we're

9:07

not interested we struggle and

9:09

then people think she's all over the

9:11

place, she can't focus. Which

9:14

isn't true. What is

9:16

true is we can't focus on the

9:18

things you want us to focus on.

9:20

But we can focus on the things

9:22

that we're interested in so much so

9:24

that we hyper focus and lose track

9:27

of time. We are very

9:29

mission driven, just a sensitive. However we

9:31

need to be engaged by what's of

9:33

interest to us. So what

9:35

is the other thing that those with ADHD brains

9:38

all seem to have in common? We

9:41

thrive with positive emotion.

9:44

The ADHD brain

9:46

thrives with positive emotion

9:49

and positively wilts with negative

9:51

emotion. And this would make

9:53

perfect sense because positive emotion, feeling good,

9:55

being proud of ourselves, also

9:57

fires that elusive dopamine and it makes it

10:00

easier for us to accomplish those

10:02

tasks we're interested in and

10:05

also makes it possible for us

10:07

to complete those tasks we are

10:09

uninterested in. And so

10:11

in the spirit of positive emotion, I

10:15

always share this statistic.

10:18

Yep, do you know

10:20

that 43% of all people

10:23

with ADHD are in excellent

10:25

mental health? Not okay

10:27

mental health, not good mental health,

10:29

excellent mental health. There was a

10:32

big study out of Canada in

10:34

2022, February, March, that

10:38

showed that this is true. So

10:40

instead of focusing on the pathology,

10:42

our weaknesses, why don't we ask

10:44

what are those 43% of people

10:47

doing to feel so good and why

10:49

don't we do more of that? I

10:52

don't believe for a minute that you are defective

10:54

or you are disordered. I think we

10:56

have a different brain that uses a

10:59

different operating system. Frankly,

11:01

I think we're max in a windows-driven world

11:03

and I don't know about you but

11:05

I'd want to be a Mac. As

11:07

I said above, we already have systems.

11:10

We may just not know that we

11:12

have systems and

11:14

after five years of interviewing and talking

11:17

to thousands of women with ADHD, I

11:19

have never met an ADHD woman

11:22

who wasn't truly brilliant at something

11:25

and what I know for sure

11:27

is that we can all

11:29

feel and do a lot better knowing

11:32

that we're not defective or

11:34

disordered, just different. So

11:37

that begs the question, what else

11:39

generates positive emotion and how do we

11:41

use it to accomplish more in the

11:43

new year? When

11:47

you have a task that you need to complete, ask

11:50

yourself, how do I make

11:52

it more fun, make

11:55

it more challenging, make it

11:57

more social? So in the

11:59

case of this book. This

12:01

can look like, I don't know, working in

12:03

a coffee shop instead of sitting here, you know,

12:05

in my house at my desk, working

12:08

with friends who are spending time working

12:10

on their own tasks, setting a timer

12:12

and challenging myself to finish a task

12:14

in 45 minutes and

12:16

then trying to beat that time. In

12:19

the case of getting the house picked up, I

12:21

could wash the dishes and listen to music

12:23

or a podcast. If I picked up everything

12:25

off the counters and put it away last

12:28

time in 15 minutes, I

12:30

could challenge myself to do it in 10 minutes

12:32

this time. I could call a

12:34

friend when I'm trying to get the house picked up.

12:37

For you neurotypical parents or partners, I have

12:39

a bonus for you. You

12:41

want us to get something done for you, make

12:43

us think it's our idea and

12:46

then bowl us over with all

12:48

of the positive emotion once we

12:50

do it. Better yet, jump in

12:52

and help us because that makes

12:54

it more social, right? What

12:56

we need is a lot less nagging

12:58

and a lot more nurturing. By the

13:00

time an ADHD child is

13:03

10, they hear 20,000 more

13:05

negative messages than a neurotypical child

13:07

does. Can you imagine

13:10

what that does to their sense of

13:12

self-worth? Try positive emotion.

13:14

You'll be surprised at how much

13:16

better it works. So

13:20

let's go back to poor Dorothy

13:22

Parker, who was probably the most

13:24

famous of procrastinators. First

13:27

off, she said clever things like this, and I

13:29

don't know about you, but I

13:31

can totally relate. Dorothy

13:33

considered herself a short-distance writer rather

13:36

than a long-distance writer, and boy,

13:38

can I relate to that. When

13:41

attitude asks me to write an article, no

13:43

problem. If they would want a

13:45

book, big problem. Dorothy could get

13:47

short articles and short stories written, but

13:50

she really struggled with her novel. In

13:52

fact, she ignored its deadline for 37

13:56

Years. Yeah, none of you have done anything

13:58

close to that. Impress

14:00

said it was the longest

14:02

unfulfilled. Contract in the

14:04

company's history. Seeds.

14:08

Sense holograms, tour editors when she

14:10

missed deadlines. Look.

14:13

At this. This. Is instead

14:15

of telephoning because I can't look

14:17

you in the voiced. What a

14:19

brilliant, weighty sentence. And you should

14:22

know that Dorothy Parker actually thought

14:24

she had a system. She developed

14:26

it at the New Yorker. So

14:29

this was Dorothy system Monday through

14:31

Thursday. She. Didn't

14:33

write. Friday.

14:36

Seat. Ignore the deadline. Sunday.

14:39

When several of her editors would

14:41

call demanding her column sounds like

14:43

a nightmare carol doesn't it squint

14:45

at these editors would call demanded

14:47

your call and see. Oh yeah,

14:50

Start. Writing I know

14:52

that. Dorothy system would

14:54

never work for me, because frankly,

14:56

it didn't work for her either.

14:59

All that adrenaline would just scratched

15:01

my nervous system and yours too.

15:03

So that got me really curious.

15:06

Why? Do we procrastinate in the

15:09

first place? Well, we've been led

15:11

to believe that if we procrastinate

15:13

were lazy or not trying hard

15:16

enough, we don't care. Know it's

15:18

really just about our little friend.

15:21

Doesn't mean and how our brains

15:23

work differently. Procrastination is deficit is

15:25

the opening deficit and emotion. It's

15:28

how you feel about doing that

15:30

thing that you don't want to

15:33

do. remember emotional regulation. It's simply

15:35

one of or executive. Functions that

15:37

we struggle with. So what's we

15:40

need to do? We.

15:42

Need to increase our own. So

15:44

funny. How do we do

15:46

that? Well, we already know that we

15:48

can make whatever we need to get

15:50

done so much easier by making it

15:53

more fun, challenging, social, So

15:55

that's the strategy. But.

15:58

What if we could allow? How.

16:02

To procrastinate better because.

16:05

Frankly, I think procrastination gets a bad

16:07

rap. So. Are you

16:09

gain? Okay, You.

16:11

Know those irritating people who get an assignment?

16:13

it's do a month from now and they're

16:15

literally working on it the same day they

16:18

get it. He went to school with many

16:20

of them. Maybe work with some of

16:22

them. Worse yet, maybe they're your. Sibling Or

16:24

your parent? Yes, what the hell is wrong

16:26

with those kinds of people? Thought. We'd

16:30

been told. Since. Child set right

16:32

that the early bird always gets the

16:34

worm. But. Do that. What

16:37

if I told you that procrastinators

16:39

actually do better work then those

16:42

early birds? But it's a certain.

16:44

Kind of procrastinator. A.

16:48

Study compared students who did work right

16:50

when it was signed. let's call them

16:52

early birds. And.

16:54

Then compared their work students who saw

16:56

it and at the very last minute,

16:59

let's call them severe procrastinators. You know,

17:01

the kind of start studying the night

17:03

before, take no does, and then don't

17:05

sleep all night and then show up

17:08

to take the test the next morning.

17:10

That was my first year of undergrad

17:12

when I thought I was going to

17:14

be a dentist. Yeah, no aptitude, no

17:17

interest. Well, both of their work there

17:19

early birds and the severe procrastinators was

17:21

basically it was not very good. You.

17:24

Know whose work? What's the best? Yes!

17:27

Moderate. To substantial

17:29

procrastinators fees for the students who

17:31

openly a sign that when they

17:33

got it took some notes, many

17:35

jotted down a quick outline. They

17:37

understood the assignments but then they

17:39

didn't really look at the assignment

17:42

and so much closer to when

17:44

it was do so. why would

17:46

that be. Because.

17:50

According to one of my

17:52

favorites, organizational psychologist Adam Grants

17:55

procrastinators have been working on

17:57

it the entire time. Yeah,

18:00

your brain is constantly processing

18:02

and working, even when

18:05

you're not actively on task. You

18:07

know how when you're interested in buying a car

18:10

that you've never heard about. So

18:13

for me, it was the

18:15

Kia Telluride. I saw a

18:17

commercial on the Super Bowl in 2019. I

18:20

didn't even realize I had seen it. But

18:22

when we needed a car at the end of 2019, somehow

18:25

I remembered that car. So

18:27

of course, now that I remembered the Telluride

18:29

commercial and I needed a car, I

18:32

started seeing Tellurides everywhere

18:35

and articles about Tellurides

18:37

everywhere. A

18:41

guy pulls up with a Telluride and

18:43

you're asking him all kinds of questions

18:46

about his Telluride. Well, that's your

18:48

reticular activating system at

18:51

work. Even though

18:53

you're not doing anything, your brain is

18:55

working on whether or not you should

18:57

or shouldn't buy a Telluride. And

19:00

so pretty soon before you know it, you

19:02

own a Telluride. I

19:05

highly recommend this car, by the way.

19:07

And this school or work project is

19:09

no different. And that's exactly

19:11

how I created this presentation. Carol

19:14

Fleck at Attitude, you have already

19:16

met her, actually asked me to

19:18

do this presentation right before Halloween.

19:21

And then smart women that she is, she

19:24

also asked me to create a description of

19:26

what I was going to talk about. So

19:31

I did a little bit of research and

19:33

I pulled together this description that you probably

19:35

read when you signed up. And then I

19:38

put it away. But

19:40

because I knew what I was going to

19:42

talk about, lo

19:45

and behold, I started to

19:47

notice more research around procrastination. And

19:49

I started to think more about

19:52

what I already knew about procrastination

19:54

and past presentations I had created

19:56

on procrastination. A month later,

19:58

I had enough churning around in my house. my brain

20:01

that I threw together an outline. And

20:04

then I let it sit for

20:06

another month. To be

20:08

honest, I let it sit until right

20:10

before my deadline this week. Right

20:13

Carly? And let

20:15

me tell you, creating a presentation

20:17

this way is easy peasy

20:19

compared to waiting until the

20:21

very last minute. I

20:24

mean, think about it. Let's

20:27

use our enormous creativity and

20:30

our problem solving abilities. After all,

20:33

even scientists say that ideation is

20:35

one of our main strengths. We

20:38

have these creative brains. Let's give ourselves

20:40

every advantage. Science shows

20:42

us that when we learn something new, the best

20:44

way to consolidate our learning and then come up

20:46

with new ideas is to sleep on it. People,

20:50

this is free work time and we don't

20:52

have to do anything. So our brains are

20:54

working on the problem even when we're sleeping.

20:57

Because when we do this, we're always going to

20:59

come up with more out of the box ideas.

21:01

And that is exactly what makes our

21:03

work better. We are true

21:06

problem solvers. We see opportunities when

21:08

others just see a problem. We

21:11

make connections when others don't.

21:14

So for your next

21:16

project, you're

21:20

going to open up the email,

21:23

the assignment, the notes

21:25

immediately. Remember, it's

21:28

the emotion that's holding you back. Either

21:30

you're feeling like, oh, I've got plenty of time.

21:32

I don't need to do this now. But then

21:35

later, the deadline is looming and you don't even

21:37

want to go there because you're so overwhelmed by

21:39

what you might find. So you keep putting it

21:41

off and putting it off and putting it off

21:43

until you're right at the deadline and you have

21:45

no choice. And we already

21:47

know when we create work as

21:49

extreme procrastinators, it's not going to

21:51

be as good as if we

21:54

create work as substantial procrastinators.

21:57

Okay. You're

22:01

going to make sure you understand the

22:03

problem you want to solve. And

22:06

then you just going to number

22:08

three, go on your day and

22:10

positive emotion without a worry and

22:12

let your brain go to work.

22:14

And I want you to consider

22:16

this If you're waiting until the

22:18

very last minute. what are you

22:20

doing for weeks up until that

22:22

deadline? Anyway, you're worrying about the

22:24

project which shuts down your prefrontal

22:26

cortex, which is responsible for your

22:28

executive functions, right? It reduces your

22:30

doesn't mean, and it generates nothing

22:32

but negative emotion. just like Dorothy

22:35

Parker when we're feeling. The emotion

22:37

of doing that hard thing we

22:39

look for distractions? Anything to stop

22:41

feeling that uncomfortable feeling. right? For

22:43

Dorothy, it got so bad she

22:45

drank a bottle of shoe polish

22:47

to run from the negative emotion.

22:49

She was hospitalized, but then she

22:51

got fatter. And guess what?

22:54

her writing with still waiting for

22:56

her. She couldn't out distracted. So

22:58

if I'm gonna think about your

23:00

assignment or project anyway, let's generate

23:02

some positive emotion. And it's cousin

23:04

dopa. Mean along the way to

23:06

make you feel good is so

23:08

much easier to get things done

23:10

that way. Plus you'll have a

23:12

better work product. So.

23:18

Let's talk about some other strategies. When

23:20

you're feeling overwhelmed, you're spinning, you're trying

23:22

to start and you can't Again, we

23:25

know what we need to do. We

23:27

just don't know how to start doing

23:29

it. I call this managing the big

23:31

up. Sorry, not that kind of. oh,

23:34

we're talking overwhelm. The first

23:36

thing you need to do is. The

23:38

first thing you need to focus

23:40

on is regulating your nervous system

23:42

and we are going to start

23:44

by going back to our trusty

23:47

friend. Positive emotions. Remember, we can't.

23:49

Move. Forward. On. Much of

23:52

anything. If we're in our head spinning

23:54

and over thinking and ruminating and beating

23:56

ourselves that we need to get into

23:58

our body to regular. The are nervous

24:01

system first and we do that by

24:03

finding positive emotion. It always comes back

24:05

to dopamine and positive emotion. The first

24:07

question to ask when you feel the

24:10

big overwhelm is what will make you

24:12

feel better. Than. How you

24:14

currently feel, you don't have to

24:16

go from ceiling bad, feeling great.

24:18

There are all kinds of steps

24:21

in between, right? so. A

24:24

lot of this is trial and error.

24:29

But. I'll start with some options that

24:31

seem to work for most people. In

24:34

allowing you to feel better than you

24:37

currently sale. Exercise.

24:40

Studies show it's equivalent to a

24:42

dose of adderall and prozac together.

24:45

Nature getting out in nature even for

24:47

ten minutes every morning, his life changing

24:49

for many. Son. I

24:52

didn't know this stuff and so I'll probably. The.

24:54

Last webinars he did hear son Fire's

24:56

built The Mates and It's sets your

24:59

circadian rhythm, making it easier to fall

25:01

asleep. Breath. Work. At

25:06

sorry. Breath

25:08

Work. You know all of these different

25:10

breathing techniques in hell. For six seconds,

25:13

hold for seven, breathe out for a

25:15

I can't remember any of them. Well,

25:17

it turns out that any kind of

25:19

breathing helps as long as it's d.

25:22

Not. Shallow and it slows your breath

25:24

breathing down. So any technique works as

25:26

long as it's slow as you're breathing

25:29

down South. I actually do. I do

25:31

six, seven eight because that's what I

25:33

can remember. I inhale for six sacks

25:36

and six seconds. Hard for seven. Breathe

25:38

out for a. Number.

25:42

Of for grounding. So

25:44

granting is a way to com your mind

25:46

by noticing what's around you. Like what you

25:48

touch your see, It helps you get out

25:50

of your head and back into your body

25:52

by focusing on the present. When you're feeling

25:55

overwhelmed, you're looking for five things you can

25:57

see You're finding for things you can touch

25:59

your listening. Three things you can hear,

26:01

Two things you can smell signed in

26:03

one thing. That. You taste. And.

26:07

Number five, My favorite topic: tapping.

26:10

It's a technique where you gently

26:12

tap on specific body parts to

26:14

relieve stress. com you're calm your

26:16

nerves and focus your minds. And

26:18

it comes from on. Oh

26:21

my gosh, I can't remember the word word whole. Anyway,

26:24

I'm gonna keep going. I will remember

26:27

it So. I think a

26:29

lot of people think tapping. oh my

26:31

gosh, that must be like we will

26:33

know. Actually, there's over two hundred studies

26:35

around camping and the Veterans Administration here

26:37

in the United States is is it

26:39

from Ptsd or largest? H M O

26:41

Kaiser offers tapping therapy. It is the

26:43

gold standard for anxiety in Australia and

26:45

what I love about it is it's

26:47

fake would basically free. You learn how

26:50

to do it and you can do

26:52

it anywhere without a therapist, your your

26:54

own therapist and what you are doing

26:56

in all these what they call them

26:58

some attic strategies. Were your or therapies

27:00

Where you're going into your body, you're

27:02

basically teaching yourself how to regulate your

27:04

own nervous system. So. Now

27:07

that you're back in your body, what are we

27:09

gonna do next? You're.

27:11

Going to set your intention. So.

27:14

How do we go about doing

27:16

back? Over.

27:20

So. We. Paused right were

27:22

back in our body we've regulated are

27:24

nervous system. We also know we have

27:27

brains of interest not importance so we're

27:29

gonna with them and with that them

27:31

which is. You.

27:34

Know what with a mess, right? What's in it for me?

27:36

Wisdom. Is what's in it for them

27:39

right? You can ask yourself, is there a

27:41

way to spend what they want me to

27:43

do that I'm not that interested in doing

27:45

in such a way that I can be

27:47

more interested. in birthrate you're

27:49

gonna put yourself into the future and

27:51

i know that's hard because we're now

27:53

and not now kind of people right

27:56

remember we struggle with planning scheduling even

27:58

seen ourselves in the few But

28:00

that really is the key and I'm going to give

28:02

you some examples in a second. When

28:06

you're connected to your intention and your

28:08

future self, it's much easier to number

28:10

four, lean into the discomfort, lean into

28:12

the emotion of doing those things that

28:14

are difficult for you to do. And

28:17

then number five, you're going to focus

28:19

on how you want to feel at

28:22

the end to set your intention. So

28:24

here's an example for with them, what's

28:26

in it for me? And then obviously

28:28

what's in it for them that becomes

28:30

what's in it for me anyway, right?

28:32

So let's say your partner is frustrated

28:34

with the fact that you're always late

28:36

and you feel like they're trying to

28:38

control you. Well, every partnership

28:40

is about one of two things,

28:42

power or connection. And most

28:44

of us are, if you really, you know,

28:46

are honest with yourself, we're after connection, right?

28:49

But we get trapped in these power struggles. You

28:51

might pause and think, look, I love my partner

28:53

and I don't want them to think I don't

28:56

care. I want to feel that

28:58

connection. It serves me. And in

29:00

the process, it serves them too. And

29:02

it's not fair to them that they're always

29:04

waiting for me. I can understand

29:07

how this would make them feel like

29:09

I don't care. So you're

29:11

not only using with them, you're also with them,

29:13

right? Here's an

29:15

example for number three, connecting to your future

29:17

self using your intention. This

29:19

one was my son. He doesn't like to

29:22

write. He's the one who started all this.

29:24

He has ADHD and dyslexia, and he is

29:26

a senior at NYU. He

29:30

doesn't like to write, but he wants to become

29:32

a psychologist, which makes me so proud. It's

29:35

tied to his values, strengths, passion and

29:37

purpose. And so he's now able to

29:39

look into the future and he's connecting

29:41

to the intention he set for himself,

29:43

which makes it a lot easier for

29:45

him to write. I wonder if

29:47

that's genetic. I just thought of that. Example

29:50

number four for leaning into the discomfort and

29:52

emotion. So because school was so much harder

29:55

for him when he was in high school

29:57

and in the early years of college. It

30:01

was hard because he wasn't connected

30:03

to the intention of who he wanted

30:05

to become for himself. He couldn't see

30:08

his future self, which made it much

30:10

harder to lean into the emotion. Number

30:14

five, focus on how you feel

30:16

to set your intention. So again,

30:18

in the case of my son

30:20

Marcus, he wants to feel challenged,

30:22

successful, proud, and confident, right? Here's

30:25

another example. My house is a bloody stinking mess.

30:27

I'm going to go through the whole step two.

30:30

My house is a bloody stinking mess. I don't

30:32

want to clean it. I hate

30:34

doing it. So I'm not doing it.

30:37

Well, when I think about with him and

30:39

with them, when my house is clean, what's

30:41

in it for me? I wake

30:44

up in the morning and I feel so

30:46

much more positive emotion. Isn't that a great

30:48

way to start your day out versus right

30:50

away feeling overwhelmed and beating yourself up about

30:53

all the things you can't do? So

30:56

and guess what? My partner

30:58

and my kids feel the same way. So

31:02

then I'm able to connect to my future self. I

31:05

can see myself starting out my day,

31:07

not having to deal with the physical

31:09

clutter so I can focus on what's

31:11

really important to me. And

31:13

then I use that positive emotion

31:16

of seeing myself in the future to

31:18

lean into the discomfort and emotion of

31:20

getting into action to make this a

31:22

reality. And can I just

31:24

say when it comes to keeping a house, if

31:27

you have a family, this and you're

31:29

a woman, this does not mean that

31:31

this is solely your job or

31:33

responsibility. You need help. And I

31:35

think this is why ADHD women

31:38

struggle so much more with ADHD

31:40

than ADHD men. You

31:44

need help. A lot of the

31:46

reasons why women struggle much more

31:48

with ADHD is because of these

31:51

gender roles, stereotypes and sexism. I

31:53

want you to then think about how good it

31:56

will feel because you're going to focus on how

31:58

you want to feel to wake up. and

32:01

feel peaceful, competent, reliable,

32:03

and proud of yourself. So

32:05

that leads us to our next step, step

32:08

three, which is

32:10

to figure out who you want to be.

32:13

You are going to set your

32:15

identity. We're

32:17

gonna start small, but

32:20

we're gonna start. Let's go back

32:22

to our, my house is

32:24

a mess scenario. We've already

32:26

established that you wanna be someone who

32:28

wakes up in the morning and feels

32:30

peaceful, and competent, reliable, and proud of

32:32

yourself. So then, with them,

32:35

what's in it for me? You

32:37

wanna feel this way because you know

32:40

that when you're in positive emotion, everything

32:42

is easier because you have more time

32:45

to focus on those things that bring

32:47

meaning to your own life. So

32:49

now you're going to create a phrase

32:51

that anchors your intention, something like, I

32:55

am the kind of person who puts

32:57

things back in their place. Now,

32:59

that's not a big thing. I'm

33:01

not asking you to go clean the kitchen or

33:03

put everything away all at once. We've

33:06

chosen one small, doable task that we

33:08

can do for one week, and that's

33:10

all. When you have something

33:12

in your hand, you're not gonna just throw it down wherever

33:14

you are. You're gonna walk

33:17

to wherever you need to

33:19

walk to put it away because

33:21

you've created an identity around being

33:23

the kind of person who puts

33:25

things in their place. And you're

33:27

doing this for you, not anyone

33:30

else. This has to be something

33:32

that you want and that you

33:34

have intention behind. So,

33:37

as I said, start with a small

33:39

task. For example, let's

33:42

say you are totally dehydrated and you

33:45

know it. Perfect

33:48

time for a sip of water. By

33:51

the way, most of us are and we

33:53

don't even realize it. Our

33:55

poor little brains are walking around

33:57

completely dehydrated and it really affects.

34:00

our cognitive abilities. For the longest time,

34:02

I thought my burning eyes were just

34:04

a sign of aging. Nope, I was

34:06

dehydrated. So you're gonna

34:09

create a simple identity statement around

34:12

this glass of water, right? I

34:14

am the kind of person who drinks one

34:16

glass of water first thing in the

34:18

morning when I get up. Or I'm

34:21

the kind of person who spends 10 minutes

34:23

outside first thing in the morning. Or I

34:26

am the kind of person who does not

34:28

check my phone the minute

34:30

I get up. And this is

34:32

the deal that you're gonna strike with yourself. If

34:34

you do nothing else but keep this one

34:37

intention and build your identity

34:39

as the kind of person who drinks a

34:41

glass of water every morning, then your week

34:43

will be successful. So let me tell you

34:45

why this seemingly silly

34:47

thing is so important. Because

34:51

what you are doing is you are proving

34:53

to yourself that you can be

34:55

reliable to you. Not

34:58

anyone else, you. Look,

35:00

when we grow up constantly being told

35:02

we're wrong, we're doing it wrong, we

35:04

should do it this way, and we

35:06

can't do it that way, we fall

35:08

into learned helplessness and we stop making

35:10

decisions for ourselves. We stop trusting ourselves,

35:13

we stop trusting our own intuition, we

35:15

make everyone else the expert on who

35:17

we are and what we should do.

35:20

And between you and me, I don't know a

35:22

quicker prescription for unhappiness than that. This

35:25

is the truth though. You are the expert

35:27

on you. Everyone else can be the expert on

35:29

themselves, but they are not the expert on you.

35:32

You are the expert on you. So

35:34

by creating this identity that

35:37

is grounded in your intentions,

35:39

you are teaching yourself once

35:41

again how to start how

35:46

to start trusting your own intuition or

35:49

start trusting it again, right? Some of us

35:52

did trust our intuition when we were young

35:54

and then started listening to everybody else. And

35:56

pretty soon we don't trust it anymore. Some

35:58

of us have never... trusted our intuition.

36:01

So if you are trying to do things that

36:03

you don't really want to do to please other

36:05

people, it's no wonder that you're struggling

36:07

to get them done because there's no

36:10

intention on your part. You're doing these

36:12

things to make everyone else happy, right?

36:14

And even in the things you're not

36:16

interested in, there needs to be a

36:18

reason why it's important to you that

36:21

you do it because otherwise it's going

36:23

to be really hard to get it

36:25

done. So

36:28

what are we going to do next?

36:30

Okay, now it's time to develop a

36:32

cohesive, optionable plan. We're going to figure

36:35

out how to get things done.

36:37

So you're going to first ask yourself,

36:41

have you ever had success doing something similar

36:43

to what you need to do now? What

36:46

did you do? How did you do it? Where

36:49

did you do it? There is no point

36:51

in reinventing the wheel. Then,

36:53

number two, you're going to

36:56

ask yourself, what was your system that

36:58

you used to get it done? When

37:01

I had to seriously write this book, I

37:03

remembered in college that I couldn't study at

37:05

home. I had to go

37:07

to the library. So I decided to

37:09

test going back to the library. I

37:11

tested going to the coffee shop. I

37:13

tested working at a friend's house to

37:15

see if any of these strategies still

37:18

might work. And it turns out the

37:20

first two did. Then you're

37:22

going to ask yourself, what

37:25

are your VIA character strengths?

37:27

So the VIA character strength survey, it's a

37:30

free quiz that helps you find your top

37:32

personal strengths. Strengths like kindness

37:34

or creativity. Unlike values,

37:37

which often can feel aspirational, character

37:39

strengths are how you currently move

37:41

in the world right now. They're

37:44

as natural to you as breathing.

37:47

Knowing your top character strengths and using

37:49

them to get done what you need

37:51

to get done is very helpful. Let

37:53

me give you an example. Among

37:56

my top character strengths is

37:58

creativity. Many

38:01

of you have the same top character

38:03

strength of creativity. So I'll ask, how

38:05

can I use my creativity to get

38:07

that difficult thing done? If I'm struggling

38:09

to read something, I'll get on the

38:11

treadmill and walk as I'm reading. Or

38:14

I know that part of the reason I struggle with

38:16

writing is it's hard for me to order my thoughts.

38:19

Since I'm a big picture thinker, I'll put

38:21

a giant post-it note on the wall, I'll

38:23

get out of Sharpie and I'll jot down

38:25

every thought I have, so I can get

38:28

it all out of my head, and then

38:30

I'll put each one of those thoughts on

38:32

a post-it note, and then I can

38:34

organize them in the order that suits

38:36

my brain. If I

38:38

try a strategy and it doesn't work, I'll

38:40

use my character strengths to figure out why.

38:43

Sometimes I need to get something done with someone

38:45

else, and it's like climbing a mountain. I don't

38:47

want to go there, I don't want to meet

38:49

them, I am just pushing back. When

38:52

I pause and I get curious

38:54

around why without fail this happens,

38:59

what I will realize is that it's almost

39:01

always that

39:03

the person that I'm doing this

39:05

project with has no sense of

39:08

humor. My second character

39:10

strength, by a character strength,

39:12

is humor. The

39:14

By a Character Strength Survey, again, it's free,

39:17

you can just Google By a Character Strength

39:19

Survey, and you will find it, I find

39:21

it so helpful, and so do my students.

39:24

Then don't forget to add

39:27

these tools that we learned at the beginning of

39:29

this training. Make it

39:31

more fun, make it more challenging, make

39:34

it more social, that's where you want

39:36

to build your creativity around. Finally,

39:41

step five, we need to celebrate.

39:44

On my podcast, I often meet the most

39:46

incredibly accomplished women, but when the mic's off,

39:48

they'll tell me they don't feel very successful.

39:51

You can understand why. We're what I

39:53

call next people. This,

39:55

again, is because of our inconsistent

39:58

dopamine. We accomplished something incredible. And

40:00

then we're like, next, heading off to find

40:03

more dopamine. We don't celebrate. We don't know

40:05

how to celebrate. And ultimately, if you don't

40:07

know how to celebrate, and like me, you

40:09

have a really poor working memory, you start

40:12

to think that you've accomplished nothing of merit.

40:14

It never fails. When I talk to someone

40:16

with ADHD, I am always

40:18

blown away by the interesting things they've done.

40:21

Often they're not connected so that they can

40:23

seem all over the place, but when we're

40:25

doing the right work in that sweet spot,

40:28

between our values, strengths, talents,

40:30

skills, passion, and purpose,

40:32

remember, we're mission-driven people,

40:34

then it always, almost

40:36

always, it doesn't almost always

40:39

make sense. It always makes sense. So

40:41

in our community, we require our

40:43

members to pause and

40:46

celebrate even their smallest successes. We

40:48

call ourselves gold star people. Although

40:51

we discount our successes, we really

40:53

love when they're acknowledged because positive

40:55

emotion, right? OK, so I promised

40:58

you a few tips and tricks, and I realize we're

41:00

getting close to the end here. So

41:03

let's just do these really quick, OK? We'll do

41:05

a lightning round, and I'm just going to blow

41:07

through them as quickly as I can. The

41:09

Time Cube is my top

41:11

productivity tool. It's a cube with presets,

41:13

5, 10, 20, 25 minute timers, plus

41:17

it has a countdown display. When I'm in my

41:19

head, I'm trapped in the emotion of not wanting

41:21

to start. I'm procrastinating. I get out of my

41:23

head and into action, flip the Time Cube to

41:26

25 minutes and start. There's no searching for apps

41:28

or pressing buttons. It sits on my desk, so

41:30

I see it. There's no friction, so I use

41:32

it. And the deal I strike with my brain

41:34

is all you have to do is 25 minutes,

41:36

do you know? We struggle

41:39

with transitions, right? We struggle with starting.

41:41

We struggle with stopping. So once I

41:43

start, I don't stop. Next

41:49

one, the Bear app. This is the

41:51

app that I recommend if you never

41:53

want to lose information again. It's an

41:55

iOS app, but I understand that the

41:57

comparable Android app is called Supernotes. I've

42:00

been told it's equally as good. Bear helps

42:02

me to organize my notes, my

42:04

paint colors, links I can never remember, word

42:07

holes. You know those words that there's a

42:09

hole in your brain and you can't ever

42:11

remember them? Yeah, like evolutionary, I can't remember

42:13

it. Everything and anything I don't want to

42:15

lose goes into Bear. It doesn't use files,

42:18

which I love, so I just search for

42:20

it. I never have to put it anywhere. The

42:26

Chrome app and tab resize.

42:28

As you can see, you can have

42:30

four screens up at one time, which

42:32

means that you don't get as distracted

42:35

constantly going out of that screen to

42:38

find what it is that you're working on. And

42:41

I also recommend a 27 inch second monitor. You

42:44

will, it is a game changer.

42:47

Once you get that 27 inch

42:49

monitor and you get tab resize, you're gonna

42:51

wonder how you ever got anything done. Last

42:53

one, I think it's the last one, chat

42:56

GPT. Again, I struggle

42:58

to write but love to edit. Chat GPT

43:00

helps me quickly process and organize all my

43:02

thoughts. I can upload a PDF of my

43:05

entire book. I can write bullet points down

43:07

of my thoughts and then I ask chat

43:09

GPT to organize and then outline them. I

43:13

can't rave enough about it. You

43:15

want to upgrade to 4.0 because it writes

43:18

so much better. It'll summarize a whole

43:20

PDF. It'll summarize my whole book in

43:22

two minutes. And you

43:24

also want to set up custom instructions,

43:27

which tells it who you are, first

43:29

of all, and how you want to

43:31

write. I am so sorry, I am

43:33

totally over here, but we're

43:36

almost done. So that takes

43:38

us back to Dorothy Parker. One of

43:40

my favorite reasons she gave for missing

43:42

a deadline was somebody was using the

43:44

pencil. From research I've done

43:46

on Dorothy Parker, I know we would

43:48

be friends. I love her brilliance, her

43:50

wittiness, her desire to challenge the status

43:52

quo, but also how she beat herself

43:54

up when she couldn't finish. I'm pretty

43:56

confident that today, Dorothy would be diagnosed

43:59

with ADHD. I

44:02

think that we're so lucky to have a much

44:04

better understanding of the brain and how to inspire

44:06

it to get things done. We

44:09

can reject Just Do It for tools that

44:11

actually work much better for us. We

44:13

have so many different pencils. Let's figure

44:15

out what pencils actually work for you

44:17

because as you know, you are the

44:19

best expert on you. And

44:22

if you're looking to discover more pencils, I

44:24

invite you to check out my brand new

44:26

book, ADHD for Smartass Women. Oh,

44:29

I'm so sorry. I ran late. Thank

44:32

you, Tracy. It's a story of my life. Before

44:36

we start the Q&A, I'd like to

44:38

share the final results from today's poll

44:40

question reflecting on the past year.

44:43

What was your primary productivity challenge?

44:47

42% said overcoming procrastination.

44:50

15% said speaking to routines

44:52

or schedules. 16%

44:54

said distractions or maintaining

44:56

focus. 9%

44:59

said regulating emotions. 8%

45:01

said prioritizing tasks effectively.

45:04

And 8% also said time

45:07

management. 7% said

45:09

organization. So now

45:11

to your questions. It's very difficult,

45:13

someone writes, to push myself to

45:16

do something that takes so much

45:18

time. Even when I think of

45:20

the positive outcome, I feel panicked. How do

45:22

I continue encouraging myself on the days I

45:25

want to give up? It's

45:28

always about positive emotion. And

45:32

so, for example, I wanted to

45:34

create a website. This was a couple of years

45:36

ago. And I literally had create my website on

45:38

my to-do list. And I had

45:40

this long, giant to-do list. And I

45:42

think with our ADHD brains, we're just

45:44

constantly in this doing mode. And

45:46

so we have a million things on our to-do list.

45:49

And then at the end of the day, we've accomplished eight

45:51

of them. And we're thinking, oh, my God, I'm lazy. Look

45:54

at all this stuff other people can accomplish. I think

45:56

we're unrealistic. And so what I would do is I

45:58

would take that one day. big thing, I would

46:01

break it down into the littlest components that

46:03

you possibly can, and I would include a

46:05

few of those every week on your to-do

46:07

list. That is what you want to do

46:10

for yourself. Then as you finish

46:12

them, you're going to check them off. Every

46:14

single thing that you check off of that to-do list

46:17

is going to fire your dopamine, which is going to

46:19

allow you to do the next thing. But my premise

46:21

is that we tend to have a lot of things

46:23

on our to-do list that have nothing to do with

46:25

us. They have

46:27

to do with getting things done for other people. Then

46:30

we wonder why it's such a struggle. The first

46:32

thing you want to add to your to-do list,

46:34

and I always recommend doing them on a Saturday

46:37

or a Friday, so that you can hit the

46:39

ground running on Monday. You want

46:41

to fill your to-do list first with

46:43

those things that you need to do

46:45

and want to do for yourself that

46:47

have intention. We

46:51

have quite a few questions around work. The

46:54

first one is, can you provide guidance as

46:56

to how I can flip my narrative and

46:58

boost my confidence for job interviews? It's

47:08

all about thoughts. I

47:11

think the first thing that I would do is,

47:16

I would focus on, we

47:18

need to regulate our nervous system. I'm

47:21

just thinking like you're sitting there, you're waiting for a

47:23

job interview. It's been so long since I've done this

47:25

that it's like, what would I do? The

47:28

first thing you want to do is regulate

47:30

your nervous system. What I would recommend is

47:32

probably breathwork when you're sitting there to calm

47:35

the nervous system down. One of the things that I

47:37

have, and I can't remember, it's

47:42

called, I can't read it. It's

47:46

a breathing tool. It looks like

47:48

a whistle, but it's a breathing tool from Japanese

47:51

monks, but I can't remember which ones.

47:53

It allows you to breathe really deep,

47:55

a lot deeper than you would ordinarily

47:57

be able to breathe. So this is

47:59

probably I believe the first tool that I would

48:01

go to when I'm sitting in this

48:03

waiting room, waiting for the job interview

48:06

to start because it really is about

48:08

regulating your nervous system. I hope I

48:10

answered that question. Great. Someone

48:14

writes, during work, I get overwhelmed and

48:16

I shut down when faced with a

48:18

big project. How can I stay calm

48:20

under pressure? Well,

48:23

the first thing I would do is I

48:25

would put a list together of the things

48:27

that help. Well, again, this is calming your

48:29

nervous system, right? It's the

48:32

nervous system regulation problem. I

48:34

would put a list together of what are the

48:37

things that you can do at work that make

48:39

you feel better. Could you go

48:41

out and take a five-minute walk? Could you run down and

48:43

go get a cup of coffee? Could

48:45

you go over to a

48:47

work colleague that makes you feel good and just

48:49

spend five minutes chatting with them? Something

48:52

to take you out of

48:54

the dysregulation that you're in

48:57

and calm your nervous system. When you

48:59

go back into attacking

49:02

the work, look,

49:05

where our nervous system isn't calm, when

49:07

we're spinning, when we're ruminating, our

49:09

prefrontal cortex, we're taking it offline, that

49:13

whole area of our brain, which

49:15

is where our executive functions are

49:17

coming from, right? That's where they're

49:19

working. We've got

49:21

to regulate our nervous system or we can't

49:23

get anything done. That always has to be

49:25

the priority. I always recommend that

49:27

you put together a list of the things that

49:29

work for you. You're working at home, go pet

49:32

your dog, call a friend. I

49:34

do a lot of procrasto cleaning, just anything

49:36

to calm everything down and then

49:39

come back when you feel more

49:41

regulated. I know I'm 100% sure

49:43

it'll be easier to tackle the problem. Someone

49:47

writes, what is a good way to explain

49:49

to people at work that our brains work

49:52

differently and why procrastination is a problem? I

50:00

think what we need you know I'm I'm

50:02

not Always. I'm

50:06

very vocal about my idiot state, and

50:08

frankly, I'm very proud. Of that like,

50:10

I'm not ashamed of it at all

50:12

because there are so many things that

50:14

it allows me to accomplish that other

50:16

people can't right? So that's kind of

50:18

where I start. However, in a work

50:20

environment, I probably would not go in

50:22

initially and start talking about my idiot

50:24

stay because once the cats out of

50:26

the bad, you can't get the cat

50:28

back in. And what happens to a

50:30

lot of people neurotypical is they hear

50:32

a D H D and then every

50:34

problem that ever happens it's attributed to

50:36

be a D H D instead of

50:38

if a neuro. Typical. Had the problem

50:40

they just think oh it's just you

50:42

know it happens. No big deal on.

50:45

So. I think what I would do as

50:47

I would ask for. Accommodations

50:49

and I hope I'm answering this

50:51

question on I would ask for

50:53

somebody accommodations that relate to the

50:55

Simpsons rather than a D H

50:57

D until I know that there

51:00

are people around me that I'm

51:02

working with and working for that

51:04

I really trust. At that point

51:06

I would disclose sense but before

51:08

that I would ask for accommodations

51:10

on that are around the symptoms

51:12

like I can't sit in this

51:14

big bullpen on and get anything

51:16

done and because then I'm just

51:18

going to procrastinate. Any you know even

51:20

more on when you give me an assignment,

51:22

it is really helpful if you give me

51:25

a firm deadline. If you're loosey goosey, the

51:27

way my brain works is I'm just gonna

51:29

keep pushing it out because you didn't really

51:31

seem to care about it. So I need

51:33

to know that you really care about that

51:35

deadline and it needs to be specific. On

51:39

how do we know the difference

51:42

to pick between between procrastinating well

51:44

and not being accountable for ourselves.

51:50

I think. ultimately it's

51:53

about positive emotion bright and it's about

51:55

how you feel when we are trying

51:57

to do things that are meaningful to

51:59

us We will know,

52:01

let me give you an example. So

52:05

live video was really a problem for

52:07

me and I

52:11

knew it. So I took all these

52:13

programs, all these courses, I had all

52:15

the tech, I had the beautiful backdrops,

52:17

I had everything, but a

52:20

year later, I still had never gone

52:22

live because there was this fear that

52:24

was holding me back. Speaking

52:27

in public is no problem for me, but on

52:29

this kind of setting, like you don't know in this

52:31

kind of setting, you don't know who's out there, right?

52:34

So that was really a problem. What

52:36

I realized is that is

52:38

what I really wanted to do for me. It

52:40

wasn't for anyone else, it wasn't because people kept

52:42

telling me, this is what you need to do.

52:44

It was what I wanted to do for myself.

52:47

Lo and behold, when I finally did

52:49

it, I signed up for a program and I had to

52:51

literally do live video every single day for 12 days. By

52:54

day two, I was like, this is

52:56

actually fun. I really like this. And

52:58

guess what? The dopamine spiked. So when

53:00

we are doing things that are in

53:03

our wheelhouse of all of that purpose

53:05

and values and intention

53:07

and identity, you're going to feel positive

53:10

emotion. The things you don't care about,

53:12

you're not going to feel positive emotion.

53:14

So again, I always say, look for

53:16

the positive emotion and start trusting yourself.

53:18

And those things that you most

53:21

want to do are probably

53:23

the things that you're most scared of, but

53:25

I am telling you what you're going to learn

53:27

is how much doing that scary thing is going

53:30

to spike your own dopamine. And then what are

53:32

you going to do? You're going to start going

53:34

back to that when

53:37

you're feeling down. So what would happen after

53:39

all that live video is, when I was

53:41

sitting around going, I don't know what to

53:43

start, I'm feeling negative, I just don't feel

53:46

positive emotion, I would go live.

53:49

And that would spike my dopamine. And that

53:51

little bit of dopamine would ratchet everything, all

53:53

the positive emotion up, right? To

53:56

allow me to do the next thing. And then I

53:58

would use that to do the next. So

54:01

it's like a ladder, right? I can never do

54:03

that hard thing. I can never write at nine

54:05

in the morning, no matter how hard I try.

54:09

I know it's two o'clock, right? You

54:12

learn what works for you and you

54:14

just stop beating yourself up about it. Someone

54:18

says, I procrastinate mostly because of

54:21

perfectionism. How do I get past

54:23

that and understand that not everything

54:26

has to be perfect? Well,

54:28

there is no such thing as perfectionism

54:30

and I am a recovering perfectionist. So

54:32

I completely relate to what you're saying.

54:35

But again, perfectionism,

54:37

it's about emotion, right? It's either

54:39

the discomfort of doing that scary

54:41

thing that you need to do.

54:44

And the truth of the matter is nothing is

54:46

ever perfect. But we

54:48

can make things better. And so

54:50

by getting yourself out there and doing

54:52

those things that you fear, that are

54:54

scary, that you really want to do

54:56

for you, that is

54:59

truly how you overcome perfectionism

55:02

or at least what's

55:05

the thing that they always say that women have?

55:10

There's a term for it, but it basically means a

55:12

lack of confidence. You know, we have

55:15

been led to believe

55:17

that confidence is something you're

55:19

just born with. And that's as far

55:21

from the truth as could be. Confidence,

55:24

you develop confidence through action. The more

55:26

scary things you do that you really

55:28

want to do for you, low and

55:30

behold, the more confidence you have. So

55:33

it really is about getting into action. Perfectionism

55:36

doesn't serve anyone and least of all,

55:38

not you. Someone

55:41

writes, I have a lot of trouble sticking

55:43

with a new system, a new habit. What

55:46

can help? How

55:48

can I help make this year's plan

55:50

better and stickier? Okay,

55:53

so I read Atomic Habits and

55:55

I was like, there is literally one thing in here

55:58

that I can use. None of. It

56:00

just didn't work for my brain. And

56:03

I'm not even going to say ADHD brain. I'm just

56:05

going to say my ADHD brain because it might work

56:07

for you, right? It was just

56:09

such neurotypical advice. Things like eat the frog.

56:11

No, I'm not doing the first biggest thing

56:13

first thing in the morning, right? Or

56:16

what's the one where

56:18

you...on your calendar, you plan everything, you

56:20

know, like a week in advance. Like, no

56:22

way. I'd like...it's about emotion. I'm not going

56:24

to...I'm not sure I'm going to want to do that then. So

56:26

I'm not doing that. You have to figure

56:28

out what works for you. Forget about what

56:31

other people are doing. Figure out

56:33

the strategies that work for your brain.

56:35

We're all different, but there are certain

56:38

strategies for the ADHD brain, many of

56:40

which I talked about today, that you're

56:42

just going to be more successful at.

56:44

And once you can figure out what

56:46

actually works for you, double down on

56:49

that. Forget about what

56:51

everybody else is doing. And you know, everybody's

56:53

right now about habits, and hacks, and tricks.

56:56

And I'm just like, yeah, some of them work, but most of

56:59

them don't. But I found what works for

57:01

me. Well,

57:03

unfortunately, that has to be our last

57:06

question because we're out of time. But

57:08

thank you so much, Tracy, for joining

57:10

us today and for sharing your expertise

57:12

with our ADHD community.

57:16

It was my absolute pleasure. Again,

57:18

I just want to mention, I have

57:20

never met anyone with ADHD who wasn't

57:22

truly brilliant at something. Go

57:24

figure out what that is. And

57:27

thank you to today's listeners. Make

57:30

sure you don't miss future

57:32

Attitude webinars, articles, or research

57:34

updates by signing up to

57:36

receive our free email newsletter

57:38

at attitudemag.com. Thank

57:41

you, and everyone have a great day.

57:43

Thanks, Tracy. Thank you. For

57:47

more Attitude podcasts and information on

57:49

living well with attention deficit,

57:52

visit attitudemag.com. That's

57:55

a-d-d-i-t-u-d-e-m-a-g.com. Thank

58:00

you.