0:04

Welcome to the Attention Deficit

0:06

Disorder Expert Podcast Series by

0:08

Attitude Magazine. Hello

0:15

everyone. I'm Carol Fleck and on

0:17

behalf of the Attitude team, I'm

0:20

pleased to welcome you to

0:22

today's ADHD experts presentation titled,

0:25

The 20-Somethings Guide to Living

0:27

with ADHD. Leading

0:29

today's presentation is Dr. Sharon

0:32

Saline. Dr. Saline

0:34

is a clinical psychologist,

0:36

consultant, international speaker,

0:38

and award-winning author. She

0:41

is also a dear friend and longtime

0:43

contributor to attitude. She

0:46

specializes in working with children,

0:48

teens, emerging adults, and

0:50

families touched by ADHD, anxiety,

0:53

learning differences, and more.

0:55

Her unique perspective as a

0:58

sibling in an ADHD home and

1:01

decades of experience guide her in

1:03

moving families and adults toward

1:05

effective communication and closer connection.

1:09

In today's webinar, we'll discuss

1:11

the joys and challenges facing

1:14

emerging adults and their caregivers.

1:17

As we know, the 20s are a time of major

1:20

transition. Young adults are

1:22

learning how to juggle the demands of work,

1:24

finances, medication management,

1:27

dating and relationships, roommates and

1:29

housing, and more. At

1:32

the same time, caregivers are learning

1:34

when to offer advice and when

1:36

to provide support without giving advice.

1:39

We'll explain strategies today that will

1:42

help young adults and their parents

1:44

navigate this new and exciting journey

1:46

to independence. Finally,

1:48

the sponsor of this webinar is

1:51

InFlow. InFlow is the number

1:53

one app to help you manage your ADHD.

1:55

Developed by leading clinicians, InFlow

1:57

is a science-based self-help program.

2:00

based on the principles of cognitive

2:02

behavioral therapy. Join InFlow today

2:04

to better understand and manage your ADHD.

2:07

Click the link on your screen to learn more. Attitude

2:11

Thanks are sponsors for supporting our

2:13

webinars. Sponsorship has

2:15

no influence on speaker selection

2:17

or webinar content. So

2:19

without further ado, I'm so pleased to

2:21

welcome Dr. Sharon Saline. Thank you so

2:23

much for joining us today and for

2:25

leading this discussion. Thank

2:28

you, Carol, for that lovely

2:30

introduction. And as usual, I'm

2:32

thrilled to be here with

2:34

Attitude for a really important

2:36

topic, which

2:39

is how to live

2:41

with ADHD in your 20s.

2:45

And I'll do my best to offer tips

2:47

both for you, people who are

2:49

watching who are in your 20s, and

2:51

I'm guessing for parents who have

2:53

kids who are emerging adults as

2:56

well. Let's start off

2:58

with a key question.

3:00

What is emerging adulthood? So

3:02

this is a new life stage that

3:07

didn't really exist for

3:10

previous generations. And

3:12

it begins after the age of 18. And

3:14

it typically ends with socioeconomic

3:17

independence, usually in the

3:19

mid to late 20s, and

3:22

sometimes in the early 30s

3:24

for those with neurodivergence.

3:28

I think the question that we want to

3:30

ask is, what is adulthood? This

3:33

definition differs according

3:35

to culture, ethnicity,

3:37

socioeconomic status, and

3:39

religion. People

3:41

in their 20s, you're learning how to

3:43

manage yourself with respect to showing up

3:45

when you're supposed to, assessing

3:48

situations, engaging your words

3:50

and your actions accordingly.

3:55

What are the characteristics of

3:57

emerging adulthood? So in... The

4:00

questions of adolescents, who am

4:02

I? Where do I belong?

4:05

What do I believe? What

4:09

matters to me? What am I capable

4:11

of? These questions are still quite important

4:14

in our 20s. What

4:17

are what how do I address my challenges?

4:20

And in fact, Dr. Jeffrey Arnett

4:22

has done a lot of research

4:24

about this particular

4:26

life stage and he's come

4:28

up with five aspects of

4:30

emerging adulthood. That

4:33

it's an age of

4:35

identity exploration, experimentation,

4:38

sex drugs, rock and roll,

4:41

identity explorations in terms of

4:44

race, gender, sexuality, work, purpose,

4:46

and religion. This is all

4:49

very common. It's

4:51

also an age of instability. These

4:54

identity explorations create uncertainty and

4:56

changing situations as you experiment

4:59

with who you are and

5:01

where you want to be and maybe

5:03

you move out of your family home and

5:05

into a different housing situation and then you have

5:08

to move back to the family home, then

5:10

you have a job and then that job

5:12

ends and you have a different job. It's

5:14

common to have multiple jobs during the

5:17

20s and move away from the house

5:19

again and perhaps back. They're

5:21

shifting friends and romantic relationships

5:25

as well as again the sense

5:27

of moving around. There's

5:30

a self-focus in this period.

5:33

It's a period between reliance on

5:35

parents and sort of the newfound

5:37

adult of commitment to work and

5:40

love. You're trying

5:42

to balance competing demands on attention.

5:44

There's often a feeling of overwhelm.

5:48

You're experimenting with life skills

5:50

and new experiences, processing,

5:53

meeting, learning how to maneuver

5:55

in the world with money and health care,

5:58

Managing Substances, Developing

6:00

self understanding and judgment as

6:03

well. There's

6:05

a feeling of in between nests.

6:07

you're in between. You're not in

6:09

adolescence, but you're not fully on

6:11

your own as an adult. perhaps

6:13

in the way that you would

6:16

like to the your your culture

6:18

defines that as a you could

6:20

feel like you have one foot

6:22

in both worlds and it can

6:24

be both confusing and frustrating. Of

6:26

course, the effects of racism, sexism

6:29

able his arm, homophobia and poverty

6:31

affect. Your. Ability. To

6:33

adults in the way that you would like. And

6:36

lastly, there is a sense

6:39

of future possibilities are a

6:41

dealings with openings and disappointments,

6:43

our understanding that that there

6:45

are still the things are,

6:47

still are open and and

6:49

and and hop the are

6:51

hopeful in some ways. and

6:53

on the other hand you

6:55

may feel disappointed and and

6:57

and and confused. So it's

6:59

a very complicated and confusing

7:01

time. Netflix

7:04

is. So.

7:07

We know loops onto the next

7:09

liberia. We know that there is

7:11

no single path to adulthood, and

7:13

this is particularly true for those.

7:17

People who are nora divergence on

7:19

and new, many many people with

7:21

H D to be what used

7:23

to be called and term. I

7:26

don't like late bloomers here with,

7:28

you know, maybe you know, go

7:30

to college right away. speedy wait

7:32

five or ten years until you've

7:35

done other things and experiments explored.

7:37

and gotten to know yourself better media's

7:39

as i pods and for you at

7:41

all that you wanna do some sort

7:44

of vocational training and i think it's

7:46

important to remember that causes of the

7:48

only option for people on you might

7:50

work and and find yourself really enjoying

7:52

your of the work that you're doing

7:55

and being promoted some people take gap

7:57

year between high school and college which

7:59

i can then lead them into a

8:02

field of something that they're interested

8:05

in. There are some people choose

8:07

the military and and one of

8:09

the things that's challenging for a

8:12

lot of 20-somethings is that they

8:14

feel parental pressure sometimes for being

8:16

a particular way and choosing a

8:19

particular field. So

8:22

let's do our first poll. What does success

8:24

at this stage of life look like

8:26

to you? If you would

8:28

launch that poll please I would appreciate

8:30

it and it can look like organization

8:35

and time management, achieving high

8:37

grades if you're in school,

8:40

turning work in and on time at

8:42

whether it's school or at your job,

8:45

etc. So I'm

8:48

assuming that the poll has been launched and so I'm going

8:50

to go on to the next slide while you're

8:52

answering the question. What

8:55

are some of the characteristics of Generation

8:58

Z? That's you guys who are watching.

9:00

One of the defining

9:02

features of your generation are

9:05

screens. These affect social

9:09

life, entertainment, consuming material

9:11

goods and education and

9:15

researchers wonder about the link

9:17

between higher online usage and

9:19

increased rates of depression and

9:22

anxiety. It's important

9:24

for adults who are

9:26

not you 20-somethings to

9:28

remember that virtual reality is

9:30

your reality. It's

9:32

an equal reality and I think for a

9:34

lot of times older

9:37

people who are older than their 20s particularly

9:40

in their 40s, 50s or 60s or 70s may feel like online

9:45

is not real and that's not really the

9:47

case for how you were raised. You're

9:52

a generation who wants to work to live

9:54

not live to work. You

9:56

hope for a more work-life balance

9:59

than previously. and you

10:01

want your work to be an expression of yourself and

10:04

to fit with your interests and abilities and

10:06

be satisfying. So you have high expectations

10:09

for your work, which means

10:11

that there can be higher disappointment levels. Understanding

10:14

and accepting differences is

10:16

essential to the values of their generation,

10:19

and you're vocal about your views,

10:21

politically and otherwise. You

10:24

seek adventures and exploring

10:26

the world, and you

10:28

advocate for justice, social,

10:30

racial, gender, et cetera,

10:32

work justice, immigration rights.

10:36

And you're under a lot of stress because

10:38

nothing is for sure. It's

10:40

hard to envision a future

10:42

sometimes, and that can be

10:44

confusing. Do

10:46

we have the poll results yet, Carly?

10:53

I'm going to head forward, and then we'll

10:55

find out when the poll results

10:57

emerge. Sharon, we do have

10:59

our poll results. If

11:01

you click on the surveys tab, you should see the

11:04

answer to it. There we go. Perfect.

11:07

Okay, I want to send these to the audience. Okay.

11:11

So now you can see them. So

11:13

the number one thing that success

11:16

looks like for you is organization

11:18

and time management. Interesting.

11:20

The second is

11:22

career advancement. Awesome.

11:25

And the third would be having an active

11:27

social life. Fantastic. Thank

11:29

you so much. All right,

11:31

how do I get out of this? I'm going to go back

11:33

to the slides. While we're

11:35

paused, I'm going to

11:38

ask Carly to share with you

11:40

a free gift that I've created.

11:42

It's a downloadable for

11:45

you. She is

11:47

sharing the link and the QR code,

11:49

I believe. So please

11:52

paste this into your browser,

11:55

and you'll

11:57

sign up for... to

12:01

receive the free downloadable gift that

12:03

I will summarize a lot of what I'm talking about

12:06

here. So you have something to hold on to and

12:08

reflect, refer back to

12:10

and reflect on afterwards. So

12:12

let's look at the ethnic breakdown of

12:14

this generation. Generation Z

12:16

is more racially and ethnically diverse

12:19

than previous generations. 52%

12:22

are non-Hispanic whites. 25%

12:24

are Hispanic or Latinx folks. 25%

12:30

or 14% are Black or African-American, 6% Asian,

12:32

and 5% mixed. And

12:38

Generation Z is less likely than

12:40

millennials to be immigrants, but more

12:42

likely to be the children of

12:44

immigrants. And they're on track

12:46

to be the best educated generation ever.

12:50

57% of Generation Z are enrolled

12:52

in some type of college education,

12:55

compared to 52% of millennials in

12:58

2003 and 43% of Generation X in 1987. You're

13:05

navigating more complex identity

13:07

exploration and confusion. And

13:11

it's important for

13:14

you that the adults that you interact

13:16

with or the people you work with

13:19

are open to discussions of race identity

13:21

and experience and are transparent about their

13:23

level of familiarity with these issues. In

13:28

terms of sex and gender

13:30

identification in emerging adulthood, about

13:33

5.6% of adults in

13:35

the United States identify as

13:37

LGBTQIA. The

13:41

vast majority of Generation Z

13:43

adults who identify as LGBTQIA,

13:45

72% also see themselves as

13:49

bisexual. About

13:53

one in six adult members

13:56

of Generation Z consider themselves as

13:58

something other than heterosexual. sexual.

14:01

And gender is no longer considered

14:03

something that is neatly sorted into

14:05

male and female categories. It's

14:08

been there's been a cultural revolution that

14:10

has occurred. And people can, you

14:12

know, choose from like 70 gender

14:14

categories. And a common

14:16

app for college, as you probably are

14:19

aware of, gives an option for naming

14:21

a different gender than what was assigned

14:23

at birth. The transgender

14:25

movement in this country is a

14:27

social justice and diversity topic that

14:30

came of age in the social media

14:32

era. Generations years feel more

14:35

free to express themselves and use

14:37

gender as another way to create

14:39

their identity. It's more

14:41

fluid and experimental. And

14:44

this is different than sexual orientation,

14:46

which is who you are sexually

14:49

attracted to, based on their own

14:51

sex or gender in relationship to

14:53

your own. Of

14:58

course, if we're talking about ADHD, we

15:00

have to just touch on executive functioning

15:02

skills. Yours are still

15:04

developing the last executive functioning

15:06

skill to coalesce in the

15:09

mid to late 20s is self

15:12

evaluation or we call

15:14

metacognition, thinking about thinking,

15:16

self awareness, judgment, decision

15:18

making. We know

15:20

that executive functioning skills is

15:23

a term that's used to

15:25

describe the directive capacities of

15:28

the brain right here behind our forehead.

15:30

And it's the command center

15:32

of the brain that connects,

15:34

prioritizes and integrates cognitive functions

15:37

moment by moment. We

15:39

all have executive functioning strengths

15:41

and challenges. And everybody

15:43

with ADHD has significant executive

15:46

functioning challenges that are often

15:48

more severe and debilitating

15:50

than for those people who

15:52

do not have ADHD. The

15:55

more severe the executive functioning

15:57

challenges are, the higher the likelihood there

15:59

is of a learning disability. These

16:02

are responsible not just for integrating

16:04

memory with what we see and

16:07

think about right now, but for

16:09

self-regulation. And when we're

16:11

tired or stressed, our weakest

16:13

executive functioning skills are hit

16:15

first. So

16:18

neurodivergent adults are managing

16:20

yourself with

16:23

respect to showing up

16:25

when you're supposed to, assessing

16:28

situations, gauging your words

16:30

and your actions accordingly, developing

16:32

tools for managing your

16:35

emotions, tidal waves of

16:37

big feelings such as anxiety, anger,

16:40

sadness, or disappointment, so

16:42

that you're responding effectively

16:45

in a professional situation

16:47

or in a situation with

16:49

housemates or with friends. You're

16:51

building an awareness of your

16:53

personal social needs for interaction

16:55

and alone time, how to

16:57

balance that. And you're

17:00

now taking responsibility for managing

17:02

your medications and taking

17:04

them. We know that pills don't

17:06

teach skills, so you still have

17:08

to work on shoring up those

17:11

executive functioning challenges, leaning into your

17:13

strengths and getting help

17:15

with the things that you're challenged with. But

17:18

medication can make you more available

17:21

to learn and retain some tools.

17:23

And recently I attended the

17:26

research conference related to

17:28

ADHD called APSARD. And

17:31

one of the things that they emphasized

17:33

repeatedly in terms of

17:36

the best measure of long-term

17:38

outcome for adults with ADHD

17:41

is the combination

17:43

of properly prescribed

17:45

medication with cognitive

17:48

behavioral therapy and

17:50

tools that can

17:53

come from coaching or from

17:55

counseling. So

18:01

routines will really help you

18:03

develop the executive functioning skills

18:06

that you need. Predictability can

18:08

be very comforting because,

18:10

you know, understanding cause

18:13

and effect relationships

18:16

assist you in developing consistency

18:19

and persistence. It's

18:21

great to think about how to create

18:23

a routine and weed out the things

18:25

that don't matter and keeping the things

18:27

to do so you can stay on

18:30

track. They don't have to be rigid, but

18:32

they have to make sense to your brain.

18:34

And think simple. Talk

18:36

about following a simple plan more

18:39

often than not, allowing for some

18:41

exceptions, but knowing that the goal

18:43

is steadiness. So yes, you want

18:46

to get to work by 9 a.m. every day. And

18:51

if one day you get there at 9.15, maybe

18:53

Tuesday is your day, you've got you decide I

18:55

can get there at 9.15, then you get there

18:57

at 9.15. If

19:00

that's okay with your work situation, if not,

19:02

then you can't do that. But you really

19:04

want to figure out what is the most,

19:07

what are some of the most important things

19:09

that I need a routine for and to

19:12

follow through on. And it's okay

19:14

to ask for help in setting this up.

19:17

We want to set realistic goals and

19:20

focus on maintaining and establishing

19:22

supports to get you to

19:24

where you want to be,

19:27

either through friends or caring

19:29

adults or coaches or therapists

19:31

or other people. Reduce

19:34

your expectations compared on,

19:37

based on comparisons to neurotypical

19:39

peers. You will

19:41

need more time to complete

19:44

things, to figure out some

19:46

of the nuances of adulting

19:48

than because of your ADHD

19:50

brain. And that's okay. There's

19:52

nothing wrong with this. And

19:55

part of the problem is the judgments that

19:57

you tell yourself and that is

19:59

accepting. it and saying, you know, it's

20:01

going to take me a little longer

20:03

because of how my brain is structured.

20:05

In some ways, I'm ahead over here.

20:08

And here I need a little more

20:10

support because this is my weaker area.

20:12

I'm not so great with time management,

20:14

but I'm really good with organization, for

20:17

example. So how

20:19

do we do this? We set

20:22

up scaffolding, right? So scaffolding isn't

20:24

about making excuses. It's about facilitating

20:26

learning and making adjustments for your

20:29

executive functioning weaknesses. So I

20:31

want you to have one simple

20:33

thing that you think about. Do

20:37

more of what works. That's

20:40

it. You're going to do more of what works and

20:42

slowly focus on one area of improvement

20:44

at a time. So I'm doing things

20:46

that are working and then there's something

20:49

I'd like to change. There's probably three

20:51

things I'd like to change, but I'm

20:53

just going to pick one because the

20:55

likelihood of me doing better on one

20:58

thing is much higher than if I'm

21:00

trying to do three things. Okay,

21:03

here's how Miro works. Okay, here,

21:05

how Miro works. See? it's amazing.

21:08

What's everyone doing David's desk? ever

21:10

since marketing started using Miro's

21:13

collaborative online whiteboard, he

21:15

thinks all our other teams

21:17

should sign why he says

21:19

Miro's making his meetings disappear.

21:21

And if every team gets on it, that

21:23

means even less less meetings.

21:26

They're using Miro for brainstorm,

21:28

mind maps, customer research. So

21:31

could we use Miro instead of having

21:33

another 100 meetings for every round of

21:35

feedback? Yep. you can comment,

21:37

react to ideas, even leave a recording

21:39

on the board. And what about

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presentations? There are Miro templates for that.

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22:02

That's m M-I-R-O dot com. parents,

22:06

we have to manage our own feelings.

22:09

Our kids who are emerging

22:11

adults are going to push back. That's

22:13

what they're supposed to do. They're trying

22:15

to figure things out for themselves. We

22:18

have to work on our discomfort

22:20

of letting them try things

22:22

on their own, of letting

22:24

them try, stumble, regroup, try

22:27

again. And that is, I

22:29

think, one of

22:31

the hardest things about parenting 20-somethings

22:33

and emerging adults that there are

22:35

there is for parents. Jared,

22:38

age 23, says, when

22:41

I was younger, like

22:43

in 12th grade, I didn't want anybody's help.

22:46

I wanted to do everything on my own. I

22:48

was kind of a cocky kid. But

22:50

now I know that even though I'm

22:53

independent, I need help

22:55

sometimes. I can't always do

22:57

it alone. So

23:01

what are some keys for healthy

23:03

adulthood? So we want to

23:05

set a goal and work

23:08

towards it. So we want to

23:10

respond thoughtfully to challenges that we

23:13

face and regroup instead of putting

23:15

ourselves down for having them. Don't

23:18

let the gremlins get to

23:20

you. That negative voice inside

23:22

of you has probably too

23:25

much power. And I

23:27

work with somebody and

23:32

that voice has a name. And that

23:34

voice is called Stupid Steve. And

23:37

there's another voice. And that

23:39

voice is called Smart Steve. And

23:41

these two are constantly in dialogue,

23:43

often with Stupid Steve being much

23:45

bigger, brawnier and

23:48

winning the sort

23:50

of arguments or

23:53

discussions. Then Smart Steve, we

23:56

want to build up Smart Steve.

24:00

So we want to believe

24:02

that you're good enough and

24:04

have personal value, regardless of

24:06

your accomplishments. Your accomplishments or

24:08

lack thereof are not

24:10

who you are. You are

24:12

a person of love

24:14

and value. Okay. This

24:18

means being compassionate with yourself.

24:21

If you talk to yourself, kindly,

24:25

congratulations. Most people

24:27

I work with with ADHD do not talk

24:29

to themselves kindly. They have their own version

24:31

of stupid thieves in their head. And

24:35

what I want to encourage you

24:37

to do is to think about

24:39

what your beloved grandmother or grandfather

24:41

or your first grade

24:44

teacher or somebody in your life

24:46

would say to you when you

24:48

were having a hard time. What

24:51

would you say to a third grader

24:53

with a skinned knee? That's how

24:55

you need to start to talk to

24:57

yourself. This

25:00

means that you're creating your

25:02

own definition of success based

25:04

on your interests, capabilities, and

25:07

resources. Now,

25:09

I'm going to introduce a concept that

25:11

I think is really important both for

25:13

you as a twenty-something and for your

25:15

parents or who's ever watching as a

25:18

family member. Connected independence.

25:21

Connected independence is what we're aiming

25:23

for. This is when you see

25:25

that caring adults can assist you

25:28

or offer advice when you seek

25:30

it. You feel like someone

25:32

has your back. They have empathy for

25:34

your situation. You're living your own life,

25:37

but you have emotional or physical

25:40

or you know, how to fill

25:42

out the tax form help if you

25:44

need it. They're there for you, but

25:46

they're not running the show. You

25:49

do not have to make this

25:51

transition for your twenties alone and

25:53

you probably shouldn't. How are

25:55

you going to know how to manage a

25:57

health and

26:00

apply for healthcare if you've never done it

26:02

before. What do you

26:04

do if you go to the emergency room

26:06

and you have this big bill? How do

26:09

you deal with that? That's part of what

26:11

knowing caring adults is for, including parents. So

26:17

this is a broader definition of

26:19

connected independence. And

26:21

it occurs when you are working

26:23

with your parents on

26:26

your terms, rather than them telling you

26:29

what you should or should not do.

26:32

It's common for

26:34

you to struggle with

26:36

what you want and how to

26:38

get there. And while sometimes your

26:40

decisions can be confusing and stressful,

26:43

good friends, a trusted coach or

26:45

therapist or other caring adults can

26:47

be really helpful. There's

26:50

no shame in asking. There's

26:53

shame in not asking and not

26:55

learning. There's a

26:57

trend among 20 somethings I've seen to

27:00

cut their parents out of their lives.

27:03

Now cut offs create wounds that

27:06

continually fester and never heal.

27:09

In some extreme situations of neglect

27:11

or abuse, such a separation might be

27:13

necessary. And I can understand that.

27:16

But there are many parents who may not

27:18

agree with some aspects of how you live your

27:20

life. And you may not agree with some aspects

27:22

of how they live their life, but

27:25

they still wanna find a way to be

27:27

connected with you. And there's value

27:29

for you in staying connected to them. And

27:32

this is a model for how to do it. It's a

27:34

framework. So

27:39

let's look a little bit at some

27:41

specifics of living with ADHD in your

27:43

20s and some of the stressors. So

27:46

anxiety. So

27:48

what happens is that the

27:50

stress of big feelings will

27:52

negatively affect your already overtax

27:54

executive functioning skills. You'll

27:56

feel flooded by intense feelings.

27:59

And so. what happens is

28:01

you'll have these feelings and they'll build up

28:03

and then they'll override your developing

28:06

and sometimes more limited

28:08

executive functioning skills to think about

28:11

what's going on, engage

28:13

the consequences of your behavior.

28:16

People with ADHD tend to have

28:19

more severe anxiety reactions than those

28:21

without it and more angry

28:25

reactions than those without it. Of

28:27

course, weaker working memory, which often

28:30

comes along with ADHD, makes managing

28:32

and responding to this intense

28:35

rush of emotions even harder

28:37

because you can't retrieve past

28:39

successes and apply them to

28:41

the present. Now,

28:43

in terms of anxiety,

28:45

many adults with ADHD

28:47

may not meet the

28:50

diagnostic criteria for a

28:52

full anxiety disorder, but

28:54

you still can experience

28:56

intense emotional dysregulation, procrastination,

28:59

social anxiety, etc.

29:02

What we want to try to do is wonder

29:04

instead of worry. Have

29:08

some excitement and curiosity

29:10

about things instead of

29:12

projecting a defeat,

29:15

a negative expectation. Worry

29:18

says blah, blah, blah and you

29:20

can't handle it, but

29:22

what you could say is I'm worried,

29:24

but I'm going to take a risk

29:27

anyway. I'm wondering how this

29:29

will work out instead of, uh,

29:32

I'm worried this isn't going to work out.

29:34

So you can reduce anxiety by

29:36

changing your relationship to it, identify

29:39

the goal. I want this,

29:42

so I'm willing to try this to

29:44

take a small step for that. Um,

29:51

of course, uh, stress,

29:53

burnout and anxiety are things that

29:55

we experience at different

29:57

points of our lives. And sometimes

29:59

sometimes in our 20s, this

30:02

can happen a lot. And I just

30:04

wanted to give a quick shout out

30:06

to the difference between

30:08

stress and burnout and what you can

30:10

do about them. So stress occurs when

30:12

there's too much pressure on your mind

30:14

and your body. It's a matter of

30:16

too much. When people are

30:19

stressed, they're wondering about finding a

30:21

trick to figure out how to

30:23

get their lives under control. They

30:25

may experience physical

30:27

symptoms and keep searching for a magic

30:30

solution to make it all go away.

30:33

Persistent stress actually leads to

30:35

burnout over time. You give

30:37

so much until there's nothing

30:39

left to give. And

30:41

burnout reflects the deficiency. It's

30:43

a matter of not enough.

30:46

You lack energy or resources

30:48

because you're depleted and you're

30:50

feeling hopeless. You're not motivated,

30:53

you're exhausted. Reducing

30:55

overwhelm by pausing or

30:59

giving yourself time to

31:01

think before agreeing to doing something.

31:04

Scheduling adequate downtime to

31:06

integrate and process information

31:09

between experiences and

31:11

doing more of what you will

31:13

enjoy will not only help you

31:15

feel less stressed, it'll push away

31:17

the possibility of burnout. Setting

31:20

up routine for eating, sleeping,

31:23

personal hygiene, doing the personal

31:25

hygiene, doing the laundry, spending

31:28

time with friends will reduce

31:30

the sense of drowning, which

31:33

is a key element of stress. You

31:35

want to decrease the too muchness of

31:37

your life. Recovering

31:39

from burnout differs, however, because

31:42

those issues relate more to

31:44

feeling empty, overburdened

31:46

or unsatisfied. Isolation,

31:48

shame, and self-criticism are

31:51

common denominators for people

31:53

who experience burnout. And

31:55

so burnout is often the result of an

31:58

imbalance in the work life where you... show

32:01

in your life, which can

32:03

include extracurricular activities as well.

32:06

So we need to set some limits

32:08

on that and actually pick

32:10

an activity or something that

32:13

makes you happy no matter

32:15

how small and bring that

32:17

into your life. Because recovering

32:20

from burnout is active self-care

32:22

and a healthy lifestyle. We

32:27

talked a little bit about anxiety before, but

32:29

I want to say something about overwhelm-freeze. So

32:32

overwhelm-freeze is related to intense

32:35

stress based on

32:37

weaker executive functioning skills

32:39

that impact planning, arranging,

32:41

and executing. The

32:44

brain experiences your endless to-do

32:46

list as a threat. And

32:49

so the body responds accordingly with

32:51

fight, flight, or freeze. High

32:53

stress levels, based on the belief

32:55

that you can't do all of

32:58

these things, start to become the

33:00

norm. And wear you down. Wear

33:02

down your resistance. You're more

33:04

likely to get sick. Wear

33:07

you down emotionally, more likely

33:09

to feel anxious consistently. And

33:11

then if that's untreated, it

33:13

will lead to depression. So

33:16

in order to help

33:18

with anxiety and overwhelm-freeze,

33:20

slow things down. Reduce

33:23

the size of a task. Zoom

33:26

out to get some perspective. Talk

33:29

to your friends to help you

33:31

when you're on the edge.

33:36

My hand is up here because I think about being

33:38

like, I'm on the ceiling. I'm

33:41

gripped onto the ceiling. I

33:43

needed some help today, and I called someone. She

33:45

was super helpful. She read this email that I

33:47

sent. She was like, oh, it's fine. Don't worry.

33:49

I was like spinning out. Don't

33:52

worry. I was like, OK. I won't worry. I

33:56

know you're not supposed to reassure someone when a-

34:00

with anxiety, but having her read the letter

34:02

and say, this letter is fine, you are

34:04

clear, you owned your thing, you let it

34:06

rest, you can let it rest. I

34:11

took that in as don't worry, it's okay,

34:13

but that's not actually what she said, and

34:15

it was quite helpful. So

34:18

how do we transform anxiety? We're gonna

34:21

focus on curiosity. Anxiety

34:23

is experienced cognitively, physically,

34:25

and psychologically. So there's all

34:28

or nothing thinking, there's distorted

34:30

beliefs, there's physiological signs, a

34:32

knot in your stomach, your

34:34

chest tightens. These are signals

34:36

to you that anxiety is

34:38

on its way. So we

34:40

wanna pay attention to those

34:42

signals so that we can

34:44

change our response to the

34:46

trigger. Triggers will happen all

34:48

the time. It's what we do in

34:50

response to those triggers that makes the

34:53

difference. This is why we

34:55

wanna name our hope. I want to

34:59

make a friend at work, so I'm

35:01

willing to sit at a table where

35:03

I don't know folks at lunch and

35:05

say hi. Anxiety

35:08

reflects all or nothing thinking

35:10

and a negative expectancy. It

35:13

has to do with feeling uncomfortable

35:16

and being unable to tolerate uncertainty.

35:20

That is something that you

35:22

can practice. Feeling

35:24

uncomfortable means you're living, you're

35:27

on the right direction. We

35:31

wanna identify what's helped us in

35:33

the past when

35:35

we're uncomfortable and see if some of

35:37

those tools can be applied to this.

35:40

One of the traps people get into

35:42

with anxiety is trying to solve the

35:44

content of a particular problem. We

35:46

wanna zoom out and look at the

35:49

pattern of how anxiety operates rather than

35:51

zoom in to what its

35:53

fearful demands are. So

35:56

Let's clarify the goals and what you need

35:59

at this stage. Your life here

36:01

you are in your twenties. Ask

36:03

yourself these questions. what do you

36:05

want for yourself? What would help

36:07

you feel confident and said he

36:09

could your parents, friends, or other

36:12

caring adults help with your goals

36:14

And in what way? what would

36:16

it be like to ask them

36:18

if I'm not satisfied with my

36:20

housing or work. How.

36:23

Can I make a change?

36:25

Do I have friends? Is

36:27

not what you're. Doing.

36:31

Using substances. Were.

36:34

Made suffering for void I

36:36

know many myself. To

36:42

let forces second poll, What aspects of

36:44

being in his old are you struggling

36:46

with the most? Corrupt

36:48

Car A Carly if you can launch that, that

36:51

would be great. Okay,

36:54

great less launched into

36:56

some i'm. Speaking. Of

36:58

launching into some solutions. So what

37:00

are seven essential tools to help

37:03

you create the life you want?

37:05

It's easy to feel overwhelmed to

37:07

give up or procrastinate. Let's.

37:10

Try these. Ask. For

37:13

and except help when you're suck,

37:15

Understanding your limitations and learning how

37:17

to manage them is a strength.

37:20

It. Is not a weakness. Of

37:22

growth mindset nurtures resilience because

37:24

you try something, you see

37:26

what happens, you continue, it's

37:29

working and you pivot is

37:31

it doesn't But a growth

37:33

mindset also have often rely

37:35

on mentors, king colleagues and

37:37

friends parental figures to help

37:40

you. When you don't know

37:42

how to proceed, there is

37:44

no shame in asking. There's

37:46

a shame in suffering. You.

37:49

Don't need to suffer. be

37:51

accountable learn for own time for

37:53

things my managing more sensibly i'm

37:56

not great would say management i

37:58

have analogue clock I have a time

38:00

timer, my watch is on an

38:03

analog system, I have alerts

38:05

and notifications that I set on

38:07

my phone for all kinds of

38:09

things. Write down things that

38:11

will help improve your working memory. If you

38:13

have some things that you want to make

38:15

sure that you get to and you're not

38:17

sure you'll remember, write it down. There

38:20

are some great apps that will help you with that.

38:22

I like the to do one. I

38:25

think it's a Microsoft app, but you can

38:27

check it off and get a little ping

38:30

when you do, I love that. Prioritize

38:33

your tasks, your chores

38:35

and activities by determining

38:37

what's urgent, time related

38:39

and what's important, value

38:42

related. Okay,

38:48

so then you want to manage

38:50

your big feelings more successfully by

38:52

being able to take a pause

38:58

to notice when you're having those

39:00

physical reactions, slow down,

39:03

slow things down. And the way you're gonna

39:05

do that is go to the bathroom, wash

39:08

your face, do some

39:10

alternate types of breathing,

39:12

alternate nostril breathing, box breathing, I

39:14

do something called triangle breathing, in

39:17

for four, hold for four, out

39:19

for six, step outside to

39:21

get some fresh air, make a cup of

39:23

coffee. You do something that's gonna

39:25

take you away from what is triggering

39:27

you so that you can regroup. Then

39:32

you can come back and join

39:34

again when you're a little more organized.

39:39

Make sure that you balance your

39:42

social experiences with,

39:49

sorry, make sure you balance your

39:51

social interactions with recovery time. When

39:54

you're growing up, you know, the recovery time

39:57

is structured for you, when you're an adult, it's up to

39:59

you. So you can. like party all the time.

40:01

You can't work, party, sleep, work, party, sleep. It's

40:03

a lot. So you want to really figure out

40:05

what it is that you need, when you need

40:08

time by yourself, and what do you want to

40:10

do with that time. Manage

40:13

your physical and mental health. You

40:16

can probably know

40:18

that if you don't eat

40:21

well and you don't get enough sleep and

40:23

you don't regularly take your ADHD medication, then

40:25

you're going to struggle. What can you do

40:27

to help with this? Well, you can get

40:30

a box and have your

40:33

pills every day, place it somewhere so

40:35

that you know, maybe you carry some

40:37

medication with you in case you forget,

40:40

have a time each week where you

40:42

fill that pill box. Consider

40:44

finding a coach or a

40:47

therapist to help you improve

40:49

your executive functioning skills. Clarify

40:51

your goals, figure out steps

40:53

to getting towards them and

40:55

to changing ineffective habits. Create

40:59

a healthy routine with a balanced

41:01

diet to keep your mood and

41:03

your sleep regular. Negotiate

41:06

conflict using active listening

41:09

and reflecting tools. You

41:12

in your 20s, you're living with other people.

41:14

Most likely you don't have enough money to

41:16

have a beautiful studio apartment or

41:19

wherever you might be living.

41:21

And so you're probably living with housemates

41:24

or at work. You know, people are going to

41:27

come into your life that

41:29

you may not like or you may just,

41:31

you may just feel very

41:34

distant from and you don't understand. It's

41:37

important to learn how to communicate

41:39

clearly with these people without blame

41:41

and listen without judgment. So

41:44

when your noisy night owl housemates disrupt

41:46

your sleep, yelling at them is not

41:48

going to help. Instead, explain

41:50

how their actions are impacting

41:52

you and your work and

41:55

then spend some time figuring out

41:57

a solution together. Make it time for for

42:00

a meeting. So you can sit down and

42:02

you can say, I feel frustrated when you're

42:04

gaining till two o'clock in the morning very

42:06

loudly because I have to be up at

42:08

seven. And that's not

42:10

enough sleep for me. What can we

42:12

do to work this out? Listen

42:15

to what they say, repeat back what

42:17

you hear, and then state your need

42:20

again. If they don't get it, I

42:22

need more than five hours of sleep.

42:25

What can we do with to solve

42:27

this problem? The goal is a good

42:29

compromise. Actually one where nobody gets

42:31

everything they want, but the plan is good

42:34

enough. Okay,

42:38

sorry about this. Oh,

42:40

wait. The final thing that I wanted to say,

42:43

excuse me, is about befriending

42:45

your finances. So finances

42:49

are complicated, no matter

42:51

what age you are for some people. And

42:54

learning how to manage your finances is

42:56

a big step. Maybe you've never made

42:58

a budget before. Maybe you've never filled

43:00

out a tax form. Maybe you don't

43:02

know what a bank statement looks like,

43:04

etc, etc. That's okay. There's

43:06

nothing wrong with you for that. Ask

43:09

for help. Perhaps sit down

43:11

and see if someone at the bank can

43:14

meet with you to figure it out. Talk

43:16

with a family member, even a parent, how

43:18

do you fill out your taxes? Can you

43:20

show me? What is

43:22

it like to balance your

43:25

credit, to

43:27

check out your credit and your credit

43:29

score and how do you

43:31

balance your accounts and your budget to make

43:33

sure that you have enough to live on?

43:35

These are these are tough things to do.

43:38

And most people figure them out by the

43:40

seat of their pants. And it doesn't always

43:42

work out so well, particularly for those people

43:44

with ADHD. So

43:47

moving forward, I'd like

43:49

you to use what I call the PREP method.

43:52

Pursue services and ask for help if

43:54

you need them. Represent

43:57

yourself fairly. Don't shortchange

43:59

yourself. and don't think that because

44:01

you need help, there's something wrong with

44:04

you. You know, there's a

44:06

lot of services that are available for

44:08

people who are neurodivergent from

44:10

the Americans with Disabilities Act, and you

44:12

might have rights that you're not even

44:14

aware of. Educate yourself

44:16

and others about ADHD and

44:19

executive functioning skills and what types

44:21

of supports will help you in

44:24

various situations. Plan for

44:26

what you need. Don't hope that

44:28

because you needed something in college, you're

44:30

not gonna need it now two years later

44:32

at work. You probably will, because

44:35

it might be the same

44:38

sort of executive

44:40

functioning challenge of planning and

44:42

prioritizing. And

44:44

of course, set aside that shame and

44:46

really focus on growing, because that's what

44:49

we're here for. We're learning and we're

44:51

growing. Carly, can you post

44:53

another link to my handout again, please?

44:55

Thank you. So

44:58

what we're here doing is we're nurturing your resilience.

45:00

Resilience is the antidote to shame. And

45:02

shame is about, shame tells you something

45:05

about who you are. And guilt says

45:07

it's about something you did. So shame

45:09

tells you that you're a bad person.

45:11

Guilt tells you that what you did

45:14

wasn't, you know, wasn't a

45:16

good choice. I'm

45:18

not really big in the goods and the bads, but

45:20

that's generally what people think about when they think about

45:22

shame and guilt. So resilience occurs

45:25

when we take our skills from

45:27

situations in the past where we

45:29

learned or succeeded at something and

45:33

apply them to a new situation. You

45:35

will struggle. We all did.

45:38

And that's how we build

45:40

competency. Okay? So

45:46

for parents, I have a little guide for

45:48

you moving forward. First of all, I'd

45:50

like you to meet your adult kids where they are, not

45:53

where you think they should

45:55

be. Use humor and

45:57

compassion. acknowledge

46:00

positive experiences and

46:03

how progress to

46:05

nourish their inner strengths. Build

46:08

resilience by letting

46:11

them know you see them growing and

46:13

changing. And work with them

46:16

to solve problems

46:19

in their lives. If they come to you with

46:21

a question, that means they are coming to you

46:23

with a question. They want to work with you

46:25

for the answer. They don't want you to tell

46:27

them what to do. Here

46:31

are some tools for essential

46:36

tools for parents of 20s and things.

46:39

Listen with genuine curiosity.

46:41

Pick your battles very

46:43

carefully. Maintain perspective

46:46

and stay steady. And consider what

46:48

you are like in your 20s

46:50

and keep it separate from what they are. Because

46:53

it's a different time and they are different people. When

46:57

should you worry? When should you get

47:00

help for yourself or recommend help for

47:02

your child? Here are your red flags.

47:06

Not going to work or class with

47:08

consistency late a lot of the time.

47:11

Trouble getting out of bed or over

47:13

sleeping. Not sleeping enough. Spending

47:17

a lot of time alone. Experiencing

47:19

panic attacks. Avoiding doing important

47:22

things. Not showering or

47:24

eating. Partying too

47:26

much. Self-medicating with drugs or

47:28

alcohol. These are times when

47:31

it is important for you

47:33

to seek professional services. Okay.

47:39

Well, I thank you so

47:41

much. I am

47:44

going to wrap things up right now for

47:47

questions. I'm looking forward to hearing

47:49

from you. And again, please

47:51

download your gift. Carly, if you can

47:54

post that for everyone to see, that

47:56

would be great. And I look forward

47:58

to your questions. Thank

48:01

you, Dr. Saleen. Now, before we start

48:03

the Q&A, I'd like to thank Inflow

48:05

once more for sponsoring this webinar. Now

48:08

to your questions. How can

48:10

I navigate getting an actual ADHD diagnosis

48:12

as a young adult when my parents

48:14

don't believe they have ADHD? Well,

48:19

that's a very good question.

48:21

Your parents are separate from you. If

48:24

your parents don't believe in ADHD, or

48:26

they don't believe they have ADHD, that's

48:29

okay. You can still get your

48:31

own diagnosis. I would

48:33

encourage you to meet with

48:35

someone who's knowledgeable about ADHD.

48:38

You could start with your primary care

48:41

provider and get a referral for a

48:43

psychologist or a psychiatrist.

48:45

If you want to

48:47

be tested to get an evaluation, that's

48:50

possible too. Your primary

48:52

care should be able to send you to

48:54

any of those people. One

48:56

of the things that I learned at

48:58

this conference that I attended and

49:01

Carol, you were there too, it

49:03

was so interesting, is that adult

49:05

ADHD fluctuates. That there'll

49:07

be periods where you're really on top

49:09

of your game and everything seems great

49:12

and you're in

49:14

the flow, and then there'll be

49:16

periods where you're really struggling and

49:18

things aren't working out. It can

49:20

be several good days and then some

49:22

bad days. It could be several really positive

49:25

weeks and then more difficult weeks. The

49:28

important thing is that you

49:30

trust your own instinct and you

49:32

seek to get the diagnosis you

49:34

need regardless of what other people

49:36

think. A proper diagnosis

49:39

will be informative and will

49:41

include a range

49:43

of rating

49:45

scales, a good history

49:48

taking, and sometimes psychoeducational

49:50

or neuropsych evaluation. Okay.

49:57

One person writes, now that my young adult

49:59

daughter, is living on her own and

50:01

she's dating, how can I help her

50:03

to stay safe? That's

50:06

a great question. You know, the

50:08

dating world is so different than when

50:10

I was growing up. And

50:13

a lot of dating, a

50:15

lot of connections happen online. And

50:18

so I think there are just some

50:20

basic rules of safety that we want

50:23

to encourage our, if we're a parent,

50:25

our kids to do. And if you're

50:27

if you're an adult, a 20-something adult,

50:29

you're probably familiar, but it's good to

50:31

hear them again. Which is,

50:33

you know, spend

50:35

time getting to know a person, chatting

50:37

with them before you meet them in

50:39

person. Meet them in a public

50:42

place a couple of times. Don't

50:45

go back to their house or bring them back to

50:47

yours alone until

50:50

you've had this extra time. Maybe bring a

50:52

friend or set something up with some friends

50:55

so you can have someone else dust them

50:57

out. I know a lot of

50:59

people meet someone

51:01

online and, you know, they

51:03

connect and then they meet up at a

51:06

cafe and then they go home and they

51:08

do whatever they do in their houses. And

51:11

that's fine. It's just a little more

51:13

dangerous. And so if you are going

51:15

to meet someone in person that you've

51:17

connected with online, maybe let your friends

51:19

or your housemates know where you're going

51:21

and the name of this person or

51:23

any contact information you have about this

51:25

person to be safe.

51:30

Okay, another question is, my 24-year-old just

51:32

got his first job and he's moving

51:34

into his own apartment. I'm

51:37

worried he'll forget to take his stimulant medication

51:39

every day. What can we do to

51:41

ensure he continues to take his medication

51:43

as directive? Well,

51:45

first of all, I want to say

51:47

congratulations. That's so great. Has a job,

51:50

is moving into an apartment. Far out.

51:52

That's wonderful. Congratulations. I

51:55

think sitting down with him and talking about what

51:57

his plan is. What is your plan for taking

51:59

your medication regularly? The

52:01

20-something that I work with usually

52:03

have two plans. Sometimes they have

52:06

a pill box that

52:08

they keep next to their bed or in some

52:10

very visible location like on the sink so when

52:13

they brush their teeth they see it and they

52:15

take their pills and sometimes

52:17

they may also carry some of

52:19

their medications with them, a few

52:21

tablets or capsules

52:23

during the day in case they forget that

52:25

one in the morning or they may have

52:28

medication that they take twice during the course

52:30

of the day. They take too short acting

52:32

instead of a long acting. I

52:34

think the main thing is to just talk with him

52:36

about his plan and then

52:38

perhaps check in very

52:40

neutrally, very calmly in a few weeks and

52:43

saying how's it going with that medication plan

52:45

we came up with. That's

52:48

really all you can do. Okay.

52:52

How do I help my child

52:54

navigate fraternity life and college parties

52:56

as an ADHD male with alcoholism

52:58

in his family? That

53:03

is a huge question. So

53:07

you can lead the horse to

53:09

water but you cannot make

53:12

the horse drink so to speak nor

53:15

can you control how much the horse is drinking.

53:18

What you can do is

53:20

have frank conversations, not hysterical,

53:23

not finger

53:25

wagging you should be aware blah

53:27

blah blah but rather I'm concerned

53:32

because of this pattern in our family

53:34

how are you managing

53:36

drinking and fraternities? How

53:38

are you going to manage your intake because I

53:41

know there's a lot of social pressure. When

53:43

you ask questions that start with

53:46

how, what, where

53:48

and when you're much

53:50

more likely to open a

53:52

conversation than with why. In

53:56

this situation we want to give information

53:59

and then we have to step back. We

54:01

are not at the fraternity. We're

54:03

not watching. We can only hope

54:05

that they'll think a

54:08

little bit more carefully about what

54:10

they're doing. And if

54:12

you are noticing that their

54:14

grades are slipping and they're struggling, then

54:16

you can step in. And

54:18

that might be a time for you

54:20

and your child and your partner,

54:23

if they're in the picture, to

54:25

maybe meet with someone at the school

54:27

or a counselor to talk about your

54:29

concerns. Someone

54:33

asks, can you comment on sleep issues for

54:35

young adults with ADHD? My child goes to

54:37

bed at 4am and I'm worried he won't

54:39

be able to get up for work. That's

54:43

a reasonable worry. That's his problem, though.

54:47

And I know what I'm saying is really

54:50

hard for you as parents. I'm a parent

54:52

of 20-something. I'm going to tell you

54:54

this is hard for me. Okay? But if

54:56

your child choose to go to bed at

54:58

4am in the morning and has to get

55:01

up for work, that's actually

55:03

his problem. Eventually, he'll have

55:05

to learn I can't go to bed at 4am in

55:08

the morning. I'm not able to get up

55:10

for work or I've gotten some warnings at

55:12

work that I'm going to be

55:14

on probation. So I have to get

55:16

my act together. And maybe there's a

55:18

biological reason. There could be delayed sleep

55:20

onset. That's worth talking about

55:23

with your primary care provider.

55:27

But again, we want to talk

55:29

about our concern and brainstorm an

55:32

idea. And if they say

55:35

I've got it under control, stop

55:37

worrying, then step back and wait

55:39

and then maybe approach it again

55:41

and see what's going on, particularly

55:43

if you see them and they

55:46

look exhausted. That addresses a lot

55:48

of the or quite a few

55:50

questions we got around supportive versus

55:52

enabling. You know, how

55:54

can we be supportive without being

55:56

enabling when a child and

55:59

a young adult isn't doing what he or

56:01

she is supposed to be doing or you see

56:03

some red flags about their behavior. It's

56:06

such a fine line, Carol, because

56:08

we love our children and we

56:10

come from a generation of parenting

56:12

where we're very hands-on, we're very

56:14

involved, and yet the

56:17

task of being in

56:19

your 20s is

56:21

that connected independence. I'm

56:23

doing my own thing and

56:26

I come back to

56:28

touch base and then I'm off doing

56:30

my own thing and I come back

56:32

to touch base and so we have

56:34

to be that solid base and so

56:37

we can express some of our concerns,

56:39

particularly if we're noticing that they look

56:41

very tired, they lost a lot of

56:43

weight, or they gained a

56:45

lot of weight, that they're not

56:48

living healthfully, or you

56:50

find out they're not taking their medication,

56:52

but you can't make your kids do

56:54

things that you want them to do.

56:56

You can offer your concern and

56:58

then you have to just

57:01

let them come to it. Think about

57:03

yourself. Did you do what your parents

57:05

wanted you to do? Did you follow

57:08

their directions? I certainly didn't, you

57:10

know, and this was a big

57:13

struggle for me in my 20s

57:15

was setting those boundaries respectfully and

57:17

I think that's what connected independence

57:19

is about, is having respectful boundaries

57:21

between emerging adults and

57:23

their parents. One

57:27

person asked, how can I push my

57:29

child out of the comfy nest to

57:31

start adulting? That's

57:34

a great question. So we do see that

57:37

a lot of 20-somethings come

57:39

back home after whatever

57:41

they do after college, I

57:43

mean after high school, excuse me, whether

57:46

that's college or a training program, or

57:48

you know, for a lot of people

57:50

with ADHD, emerging adults, it's very difficult

57:52

to do college, to do school and

57:54

life at the same time so they

57:56

can do school, but they can't and

57:59

do fine. and they can do life

58:01

and do fine, but together it's too much. So they

58:03

come home to live while they

58:05

go to school. That can be very helpful.

58:09

And sometimes it's the same thing. I've

58:11

gone to school, I've come home, I

58:13

can't afford to live on my own.

58:15

I have a job, but I don't

58:17

have enough money to live on my

58:19

own. Plus,

58:22

you know, my mom's doing my laundry,

58:24

my dad empties the trash. You know,

58:26

life is pretty good. And so I

58:29

think the thing that you would want to

58:31

do is have a conversation about timing.

58:34

You know, now that you're doing blah,

58:36

blah, blah, when do you think it

58:38

would be time for you to start to look for your

58:40

own place? And

58:43

what would that look like? That's

58:45

one way to go. Now if

58:47

someone is home and not looking for work

58:50

and is depressed and is spending a

58:52

lot of time gaming, then that's another

58:54

path, and that's a path where I

58:56

would recommend family counseling, because

58:59

there are issues going on that are difficult

59:01

to talk about, and if you talk to

59:03

your kid about it by yourself, you're going

59:06

to end up in probably an unhelpful argument.

59:09

So in those cases, I would really recommend getting

59:11

some family counseling about how to

59:13

move on to the next life stage,

59:15

which is you moving into your own

59:17

life, into your own world. Well,

59:21

unfortunately, that has to be our last

59:23

question, because we're out of time, but

59:26

Dr. Salim, thank you so much for

59:28

joining us today and for contributing your

59:30

expertise to our ADHD community. We

59:32

really appreciate it. Thank you,

59:35

and thank you so much for having me.

59:37

I really appreciate it, and please go

59:40

to my website,

59:42

www.drsharonsalim.com, to check out

59:45

more of my resources on this and

59:48

other very important topics related to

59:50

living with ADHD. And

59:53

thank you to today's listeners. attitudemag.com

1:00:00

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1:00:29

For more Attitude Podcasts and information

1:00:31

on living well with attention deficit,

1:00:34

visit attitudemag.com. That's

1:00:36

a-d-d-i-t-u-d-e-m-a-g.com. Today

1:00:49

I want to talk about the healthscape that

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is technical diagramming, right? Everybody's nodding their heads

1:00:54

right now. And there

1:00:56

is a potential solution that I want to

1:00:58

share. There was one name that several people

1:01:00

brought up. I did some digging and it's

1:01:02

kind of nuts how much this program Miro

1:01:04

has for developers. I have to share this.

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It could potentially be a game changer for

1:01:09

you. So my favorite part about Miro is

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that half the work is already done. Like

1:01:13

right now, typically we spend hours starting diagrams

1:01:15

from scratch, right? Gathering information, you get buy-in

1:01:17

from every team. You know, following

1:01:19

up, that's a lot of work to do.

1:01:22

But Miro has a full set of integrations

1:01:24

with the tools. You're probably already using. And

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they also offer open APIs and SDKs

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for custom solutions for all those niche

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diagramming use cases we have to do,

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right? So the end result is the

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same, but it doesn't take forever. It's

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a massive, massive time saver. I'm transforming

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basic flowcharts and network architectures and it

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all lives in one place. So

1:01:45

are you using Miro? Have you used it? I

1:01:47

want to hear.