0:12

Hello, everybody

0:12

and welcome to ADJUSTED. I'm

0:15

your host Greg Hamlin coming at

0:15

you from beautiful Birmingham,

0:19

Alabama and Berkeley industrial

0:19

comp. And I'm excited to share

0:24

with you this rebroadcasted

0:24

episode. This is one of my

0:28

absolute favorite people that

0:28

I've ever met. And that's

0:32

Timothy Alexander. So I've met

0:32

Timothy Alexander TA twice. And

0:36

both times I left inspired,

0:36

motivated and with a desire to

0:40

be a better human being. I just

0:40

don't think there's anybody you

0:45

could meet that could do this

0:45

better than Timothy Alexander,

0:49

as he talks about how he's

0:49

overcome a catastrophic injury

0:53

and became a paraplegic. His

0:53

determination to walk his

0:57

determination to stay positive,

0:57

and his determination to

1:01

reengage in making a difference

1:01

in the world rather than staying

1:05

in a back bedroom really inspire

1:05

me. And it's made me think a lot

1:10

about how powerful our thoughts

1:10

are in controlling our outcomes.

1:14

And so I hope you enjoy this

1:14

episode with TA as much as I

1:19

did. So with that, we'll move to

1:19

the episode. Hello, everybody,

1:23

and welcome to Adjusted. This is

1:23

a workers compensation claims

1:27

podcast for workers compensation

1:27

enthusiast. I think there are a

1:32

few of them out there somewhere

1:32

in the world. I'm your host,

1:36

Greg Hamlin, and I am with

1:36

Berkeley industrial comp and

1:40

Sweet Home Alabama. And with me

1:40

is my guest host today.

1:44

Hey, it's Alison

1:44

Marlowe. And thank you, Greg,

1:48

for having me back. Today,

1:48

you're having a conversation

1:50

with one of my favorite people

1:50

in this whole world TA. And I'm

1:54

so excited to be able to share

1:54

his story with our listeners.

1:58

That's exactly it.

1:58

So our guest today is Timothy

2:00

Alexander. You know, he's a

2:00

amazing individual has amazing

2:05

story to share with us today. I

2:05

met ta a few years ago at one of

2:09

our company retreats. And as we

2:09

were thinking about topics to

2:13

cover for our workers

2:13

compensation podcast, I really

2:17

wanted a chance for all of you

2:17

to hear what it's like from the

2:20

perspective of somebody who's

2:20

gone through a difficult injury.

2:23

And so, you know, Timothy's told

2:23

his story on TED talk on all

2:28

over. And it's really an

2:28

inspiration. So we're glad to

2:31

have you with us today, Tim.

2:34

Ya know, it's an honor to be here. And thank you all so much. And, Allison,

2:36

thank you for all you do for

2:39

always allowing me to share my

2:39

story, whether it be on stage,

2:43

whether it be with his son, and

2:43

now whether it be on his

2:46

podcast, I really do appreciate

2:46

you all and all the

2:50

opportunities that you all grant

2:51

me. Oh, thank you.

2:53

We appreciate

2:53

having you for sure, too. So

2:55

yes. So I know I've heard the

2:55

story about some of our

3:00

listeners have not probably

3:00

heard, you know, do you mind

3:03

sharing how you those who can't

3:03

see because this is an audio

3:07

Timothy Alexander TAs in a

3:07

wheelchair. So I thought I would

3:11

have him share his story with us

3:11

today of how he came from being

3:16

a high school athlete, too, to

3:16

where he is today.

3:22

Yep. So it's

3:22

funny you asked, I was actually

3:24

just giving the same message,

3:24

short message this morning with

3:28

our football team, just

3:28

reminding them on how I went

3:31

from walking one day to rolling

3:31

the next, I was a five star

3:35

athlete with the opportunity to

3:35

go and play ball anywhere in the

3:37

country. And I remember running

3:37

off the field on the Friday

3:41

night before my accident

3:41

happens. And my coach said, look

3:44

into stance. Look at all these

3:44

people here to see you. You're

3:48

gonna make everyone proud,

3:48

you'll be able to go on and

3:50

choose any university you want

3:50

to go to. And I had a heart full

3:54

of joy and I had tears full of

3:54

joy. Because my senior year was

3:59

a very, very rough year in my

3:59

life. My house burned down my

4:02

senior year, my grandmother

4:02

passed my senior year, I lost my

4:07

brother, my middle brother in a

4:07

car accident my senior year. And

4:11

on top of all of that, just so

4:11

many things happen. And then on

4:15

top of that, again, My accident

4:15

happened my senior year, the day

4:20

after I told my mom, she went I

4:20

have to work a minimum wage job

4:24

to provide for three young men.

4:24

I'm going to earn an education.

4:27

I'm going to make it to the NFL

4:27

and I'm going to come back and

4:30

do something for my family. Not

4:30

just because I was great at

4:34

football, not because I was

4:34

talented, not because I was

4:38

skilled, but only because I have

4:38

came to a place in my mind that

4:43

I knew if I can do anything in

4:43

this world that was going to

4:47

allow me to change my lifeline

4:47

that was going to allow me to

4:51

make a difference than where I

4:51

come from and where I'm going.

4:54

Football was going to be that

4:54

vehicle that would drive me

4:58

there and it will It's not just

4:58

about me playing football

5:02

forever. But again, I look at

5:02

football as the vehicle that

5:07

gets me to my next destination.

5:07

And so when I had my car

5:10

accident, it was a very, very

5:10

rough, it was very, very

5:14

traumatizing. Because I went

5:14

from walking one day to rolling

5:18

the mix. I went from walking one

5:18

day to being able to dress

5:21

myself and do everything on my

5:21

own. And to the next day, I'm

5:24

being told, I may be a

5:24

vegetable, the rest of my life,

5:28

someone may have to feed me,

5:28

someone may have to clothe me

5:31

and do all these different

5:31

things, at 17 years old. And so

5:36

you go from having complete

5:36

independence, to having no

5:39

dependents, wearing diapers and

5:39

opinions and all these different

5:43

things that will make you want

5:43

to give up. And I'm not going to

5:46

even lie to you, I didn't want

5:46

to give up because I couldn't

5:49

imagine a life like this. So I

5:49

was depressed. I was suicidal, I

5:54

tried to take my life. You know,

5:54

my mom played a big role in my

5:58

life, by just getting me to

5:58

understand that it is what it

6:03

is, but it's about what you make

6:03

it. I remember, I woke up out of

6:07

a coma. And I was tied to the

6:07

bed and I had a trach in a

6:11

feeding tube, I had a tube in my

6:11

lungs, and I whispered to my

6:15

mom, if I got to be like this

6:15

the rest of my life, you might

6:18

as well pull the plug. So my mom

6:18

gets up and walks over to the

6:22

hospital bed. And my mom says my

6:22

son, my son, blink your eyes, if

6:27

you can hear me, the doctors are

6:27

saying you're not gonna make it,

6:30

they believe you're going to be

6:30

a vegetable. But son, blink your

6:34

eyes, and you can hear me and so

6:34

I blinked my eyes. And my mom

6:37

said you will live and not die.

6:37

And so I always like to stop

6:41

right there. Because everybody

6:41

always looks at me with a blank

6:45

stare, but they're blinking. And

6:45

they always want to know about

6:51

what was so important about the

6:51

blank. Well, I do understand

6:55

whatever your occupation is,

6:55

whenever you are a professional

7:00

in some sort, no one has to tell

7:00

you to immerse yourself in your

7:04

occupation. No one has to tell

7:04

you to immerse yourself in your

7:09

whatever it is that you do

7:09

professionally. You just have a

7:12

niche, right? The lawn man, he's

7:12

the best lawn and when he got

7:16

that motorcycling, okay, and so

7:16

my mom knew because she worked

7:21

in the hospital field in the

7:21

healthcare field. My mom knew

7:25

that, okay, if the doctors are

7:25

telling me that my son is brain

7:29

dead, and he may be brain dead

7:29

the rest of his life, and I can

7:33

give him a command, and he

7:33

respond to the command, then I

7:38

know he will be okay. And me

7:38

being okay. It was not an

7:43

instant gratitude. It was a

7:43

delayed gratitude. And so my mom

7:47

knew that if he can blame that,

7:47

let me know. He may not look the

7:51

way I want him to look now. But

7:51

later on, he will, because he is

7:56

what they call responsive. And

7:56

so in that moment, when I did

8:01

not have anything else to hold

8:01

on to recovery came because I

8:07

held on to what I heard. And

8:07

that's my message for the

8:12

people. You know, it's not that

8:12

we don't talk a lot is that we

8:17

stopped talking, right? It's my

8:17

mom used to tell me all the

8:21

time, when I'm not talking to

8:21

you, then you should know we got

8:25

to my coach tells me, hey, if

8:25

I'm not talking to you, we have

8:30

a problem. But just as we talked

8:30

to everyone else, we got to

8:35

continue talking to ourselves,

8:35

and recovery often stopped.

8:40

Because we stopped talking to

8:40

ourselves, we stopped motivating

8:43

ourselves, we stopped

8:43

encouraging ourselves. We

8:46

stopped believing again

8:46

ourselves. And we look for

8:49

everyone else to encourage us to

8:49

believe in us and to motivate

8:54

us. But at the end of the day,

8:54

well we have to understand, what

8:58

do you do when you have in a

8:58

moment? What do you do when your

9:01

loved one is not around? What do

9:01

you do when a doctor, the nurse,

9:05

the janitor, whoever it is that

9:05

you depend on? What do you do

9:10

when they're not around? I was

9:10

just able to grow in those

9:15

moments when I had nobody but

9:15

myself. But I started first with

9:19

my mind. And so my competitive

9:19

advantage on how on how I've

9:25

been able to recover 15 years

9:25

later, is because I recover in

9:31

my mind first every single day.

9:31

We call it football. We call it

9:36

in football. Ball security is

9:36

job security. Well, mental

9:42

stability is mental security.

9:42

And if you are not mentally

9:46

stable, then you are just a

9:46

loose cannon getting ready to go

9:50

off. And so when I was depressed

9:50

and suicidal, I said okay, it

9:55

doesn't take rocket scientists.

9:55

I I've been going to the

9:58

psychiatrist I We go on to these

9:58

counselors. But at the end of

10:02

the day, it's about me taking

10:02

action, and to my own hand, and

10:06

thinking the opposite of worse.

10:06

And the opposite of worse is

10:11

better. The opposite of negative

10:11

is positive. And so I had to do

10:16

that. But I had to make up in my

10:16

mind that my recovery was not

10:21

just going to be an one day's

10:21

work, it was going to be an

10:24

every day's work. So I spend a

10:24

lot of time on my mind. Because

10:30

at any moment, Allison at any

10:30

moment, Greg, if I'm not

10:34

mentally stable, then I can

10:34

easily go back to being

10:39

depressed and suicidal. Because

10:39

I am in a wheelchair, people

10:42

walk in front of me, every

10:42

single day, people run in front

10:46

of me every single day, I see

10:46

how different I am by looking at

10:51

people every day. But I have to

10:51

remind myself that it is the

10:55

difference that allows me to

10:55

make a greater difference. And

10:59

so I got to be different than

10:59

anybody in this world by

11:02

choosing to start with my mind.

11:02

That's how I went from being

11:07

paralyzed from the neck down to

11:07

fill in came back. Because once

11:11

I got myself back in the game, I

11:11

said, I will win my mind. First.

11:15

I think that's huge

11:15

that you talked about the

11:17

importance of mindset. And I

11:17

really do think that's yeah,

11:21

that's a principle that could

11:21

apply to almost anything is he

11:24

starts with your thoughts. Yeah.

11:24

So how did how do you when you

11:28

are going through the early

11:28

stuff the first few days,

11:31

months, even maybe a year of of

11:31

going through that terrible

11:35

accident? How did you control

11:35

your mind? Because I would think

11:38

it'd be really hard with with

11:38

the things you were talking

11:41

about to not have those

11:41

thoughts, just run, run circles

11:45

in your brain? Yeah.

11:46

Well, when I

11:46

couldn't control my mind, my mom

11:49

controlled it for me. And she

11:49

controlled it by not bringing

11:53

any negative information to my

11:53

mind. So all I can do was think

11:58

positive. My mom just told me

11:58

the other day, son, there were

12:01

days where the doctors told me,

12:01

Hey, get the family together,

12:06

because he's not going to make

12:06

it. And I knew if you would have

12:10

saw me crying, or you even would

12:10

have heard that, that injury

12:14

would have took you out quicker

12:14

than anything. So my mom had to

12:18

control my mind. And I'll never

12:18

forget, when I took matters into

12:23

my own hand, I'll never forget

12:23

meeting with Dr. Tice, here at

12:27

UAB was going on my last week

12:27

because I had to cut my back

12:30

open when I broke my spine and

12:30

gave me a titanium plate with

12:34

five screws. So I got a huge cut

12:34

going down the middle of my back

12:38

where they opened me open like a

12:38

water mill. And this was the

12:42

same week where I had just tried

12:42

to commit suicide three times in

12:47

one week. And so I told myself,

12:47

as soon as I get to the doctor,

12:52

and the doctor asked me that

12:52

they always on a scale of one to

12:57

10. What's their pain? I'm like,

12:57

right? And I'm like, I put my

13:03

mom out in a row. I said Dr.

13:03

Tice, I don't need you to talk

13:08

to me like I'm a patient. I

13:08

don't need to talk you to talk

13:12

to me. Give me this PhD talk. I

13:12

don't need any of that. What I

13:17

need is for you to be completely

13:17

honest, because I don't want to

13:21

be here. And I've already tried

13:21

to commit suicide, right? So is

13:26

it anything you can do to help

13:26

me? And Dr. Tice, took off his

13:33

white jacket, sat down on a

13:33

seat. And he said, Tim, your

13:40

mind will kill you quicker than

13:40

his injury will. If you don't

13:45

get your mind right. The best

13:45

information I can give you is

13:50

get your mind right. And it was

13:50

on that day when Dr. Thais told

13:56

me to get your mind right is

13:56

when I went on this hiatus and

14:01

Trent being transformed by the

14:01

renewing of my mind. I thought

14:06

differently. I talked

14:06

differently. I spoke

14:08

differently. I as you hear me, I

14:08

never address myself as a guy in

14:13

a wheelchair. Always say let me

14:13

walk here. Let me walk there is

14:17

because I'm playing mind games.

14:17

And the best mind game to play

14:22

is the positive mind game with

14:22

your own mind. Because you are

14:27

your thoughts. If you tell your

14:27

mind, oh, I'm just going through

14:32

the motions, then you're just

14:32

gonna be going through the

14:34

motions. When somebody asks you

14:34

how you're doing and you're

14:37

like, Well, I'm guessing that

14:37

your body is already

14:41

lackadaisical announced. And so

14:41

I just say it again. You know

14:44

what? Words are something that

14:44

you don't get back when words

14:49

come out of your mouth. They go

14:49

find what you say and bring it

14:53

and drop it right at your seat.

14:53

And so I wanted my words to go

14:58

out there and grabbed the best,

14:58

not the worst. And so I am very,

15:04

very cautious. And what I say, I

15:04

am very, very cautious and what

15:09

I think, because again, you are

15:09

what you think you are your

15:13

thoughts, you are what you think

15:13

about day in and day out. And to

15:18

me the goal mind is your mind.

15:18

And so once I started first in

15:23

my mind, I just talked about

15:23

this today, too. I coach five

15:27

star athletes, we coach

15:27

champions, and I told them

15:30

today, your competitive

15:30

advantage is not how fast you

15:34

are, not how strong you are, not

15:34

how skilled you are, not how

15:39

versatile you are, your

15:39

competitive advantage is your

15:43

mind. And so for me, my

15:43

competitive advantage became

15:48

different than anyone else with

15:48

my situation. Because I was

15:52

willing to be a different

15:52

thinker, right? It starts with

15:56

the mind. And adversity is what

15:56

pushed me to just really fall in

16:01

love with my mind. And what do

16:01

you know, my mind shocked me and

16:05

land me where I am today. Wow.

16:10

That's amazing how

16:10

how there's so much to unpack

16:13

there about how how did you end

16:13

up? I know you're talking about

16:17

working with division. You know,

16:17

these five star athletes talk to

16:21

us about how you ended up

16:21

involved in football again,

16:25

after going through this? Yeah.

16:28

Yeah, so

16:28

after I ended up in football, I

16:30

could not watch football for

16:30

like a year because it would

16:33

depress me, and it makes me

16:33

suicidal. And I said, You know

16:36

what, man, I can't run from my

16:36

problems. Because if I keep

16:40

running, I'll be running and I

16:40

never deal with it. And

16:42

eventually one day running from

16:42

is gonna have my back up against

16:46

the wall to where I got to do

16:46

with it. And so I had a friend

16:50

that tell me, you're going to be

16:50

a great motivational speaker one

16:53

day. And I didn't even know what

16:53

a motivational speaker was. I'm

16:56

like, man, what is that? Like, I

16:56

have no idea what that is. And

17:00

so I knew I had a great story to

17:00

tell. So I started off just

17:05

trying to just go back and be a

17:05

part of society. I started look

17:10

using my life as a living

17:10

example of my quote, We don't

17:15

need it to be easy, we just need

17:15

it to be possible. It wasn't

17:19

easy being 17 years old, wearing

17:19

diapers in the pants. It wasn't

17:23

easy, being 17 years old, and

17:23

I'm having to go through my

17:26

alphabets 100 times a day. It

17:26

wasn't easy, being 17 years old,

17:31

not having control of my bladder

17:31

and have a control about things

17:35

that you really wish you had

17:35

control over. But I could not

17:38

run from it anymore. I had to

17:38

deal with it. People ask me all

17:42

the time. How did you deal with

17:42

your issues, it's simple, I just

17:45

dealt with, right. And by me

17:45

dealing with them, the more I

17:50

was impressed by dealing with my

17:50

situations, the more I began to

17:55

grow in the midst of adversity.

17:55

And so I came, I came across a

17:59

quote by ever Einstein early in

17:59

my journey that says in the

18:03

middle of adversity lies

18:03

opportunity. And so those tough

18:07

moments in my life, where I

18:07

wanted to give up, those were

18:11

opportunity moments. Those were

18:11

moments for I used to say for

18:16

God to get the glory or, you

18:16

know, being resilient to get the

18:19

glory, you know, all these

18:19

different things. But those were

18:22

the moments of no pain, no gain.

18:22

And so once I graduated high

18:28

school, I've said to myself, if

18:28

I graduated high school, in

18:32

spite of I can graduate anywhere

18:32

in spite of so I went to Wallace

18:36

State Community College and at

18:36

Wallace State Community College,

18:40

I made sure that every athlete,

18:40

every student I came in contact

18:44

with, I reminded them to whom

18:44

much is given, much is required.

18:48

If you're not an athlete, if

18:48

you're just a student, man, fall

18:52

in love with being a student. I

18:52

know school sucks, but you got

18:56

to embrace it. Because guess

18:56

what, you you you longed for

19:00

school, when you can't go to

19:00

school. I don't care what

19:04

children are saying. When the

19:04

schools open back up. Everybody

19:09

was trying to go back to school,

19:09

because it's like, Man, I cannot

19:12

spend another day in this house.

19:12

Right? Well, for two years, I

19:18

was on bed rest. For two years.

19:18

All I had was four walls. I

19:23

couldn't go to school. I

19:23

couldn't go here. I couldn't go

19:26

there. So when you when you loan

19:26

for something, when you end up

19:30

getting it, you try to really

19:30

maximize it. So when I graduated

19:34

from wild State Community

19:34

College, I said you know what?

19:37

I'm gonna further my dreams and

19:37

I'm going back to school to play

19:40

football. But I knew me going

19:40

back to play football had

19:44

nothing to do with me going to

19:44

the NFL. I was actually telling

19:47

everybody man, I'm playing for

19:47

someone greater than you and my

19:51

number one assignment at that

19:51

time in life because it's

19:55

changed now. That my son from

19:55

2010 all the way to graduated

20:01

from 2015 was led every teacher

20:01

athlete, let everyone know that

20:08

let everyone know that. Take

20:08

advantage of it why you can't,

20:14

because you never know when you

20:14

can't take advantage of

20:17

learning, take advantage of

20:17

working, take advantage of being

20:21

alive, because you never know

20:21

when you can't. And if you are

20:25

not mentally prepared for that,

20:25

like I wasn't, then life is

20:29

gonna be rough for you. So go

20:29

ahead and use my life as an

20:33

example, to go ahead and get

20:33

your mind right. That way, you

20:38

don't have to go through what I

20:38

went through, you can learn from

20:42

me what I went through, I would

20:42

not wish on my worst enemy.

20:47

Because I still deal with that

20:47

every single day, I had to let

20:51

friends go, I had to let family

20:51

go, just so I can have a piece

20:56

that surpassed all. And even

20:56

when I made the football team

21:01

and became the first paraplegic

21:01

and Deewan history to ever

21:05

receive a full ride in football.

21:05

I still was challenged because

21:08

everybody was like, they just

21:08

gave you that feeling sorry for

21:12

you. And I'm like, No, they did

21:12

it. I don't even feel sorry for

21:15

myself. So although I was not

21:15

running up and down the football

21:20

field, I was running through my

21:20

teammates. I was doing push ups

21:24

and rain, sleet or shine. I

21:24

remember one day, a severe fluid

21:29

came, we was all outside and

21:29

they was like, Tim, what are you

21:33

going to do? I'm like, man, just

21:33

take the wheelchair, get the

21:35

wheelchair out of here, because

21:35

it's made out of aluminum. The

21:38

guys picked me up and we went to

21:38

like this storm shelter. And

21:41

still to this day, if you ask

21:41

any player, or anybody at UAB,

21:46

about Tim in a wheelchair, they

21:46

are saying, Tim is not in a

21:49

wheelchair. He's just, he's just

21:49

short. I know what I'm saying.

21:55

Because of how my mindset how my

21:55

mindset just got them to

21:59

understand like, man, don't be

21:59

don't don't look at what you

22:04

see, fall in love with the mind,

22:04

which is what you don't see.

22:08

That's why concussion is so hard

22:08

to figure out because you never

22:12

know if a person is concussed or

22:12

not. And so when people see me,

22:16

I want them to know beyond

22:16

reasonable doubt that this man

22:20

is healed and hold. Because he

22:20

starts with his mind, it may not

22:24

look like it, right. But once

22:24

you talk to me, and you hear me,

22:29

and you see my mind, you will be

22:29

like, Man, this guy is in a

22:33

better place. So I got involved

22:33

with football, because I said I

22:37

would be the example to remind

22:37

these guys to take pride in what

22:42

you do. And once you be at all,

22:42

which is appreciate where you

22:45

are, work hard for what you

22:45

want, that earns you the right

22:49

to see the results that you

22:49

want. And so because I was

22:52

appreciative, I appreciate being

22:52

able to go back to school,

22:56

because I remember when I

22:56

couldn't go to school. I

22:59

appreciate being on a football

22:59

team. You don't see too many

23:02

guys in a wheelchair in the

23:02

football team. So because I was

23:06

appreciative. I was willing and

23:06

willing to work that earned me

23:10

the right to see the results

23:10

that I want. Because I made a

23:14

conscious, intentional decision.

23:14

And I will start with my mind

23:18

every single day. Yeah, wow.

23:22

Every time that

23:22

I get to have an opportunity to

23:26

talk with Uta, you just amaze

23:26

me. And I want to go back for a

23:30

second. It's something that you

23:30

said about Dr. Tyson struck me,

23:34

you had the mindset of saying, I

23:34

don't I don't want to hear the

23:37

medical jargon. I don't want to

23:37

hear the what ifs I want to hear

23:40

the reality and and that just

23:40

leads me to you know, you you

23:44

spoke about him and you spoke

23:44

about your mom and then helping

23:47

you with your mindset. Who else

23:47

in your life has been able to

23:51

help you through this journey

23:51

and you spoke touched a little

23:54

bit on that sometimes you gotta

23:54

let people go from your life if

23:58

they're failing you from your

23:58

progress and to get to the

24:01

recovery you want to get to. So

24:01

just love to hear a little bit

24:05

more about, you know, your

24:05

perspective on really both

24:08

family and friends and the

24:08

impact that they have on your

24:10

recovery.

24:13

Yeah, you

24:13

know, my family and my friends,

24:15

they, they had a tremendous

24:15

impact. But I really am thankful

24:19

for my family that was

24:19

completely honest with me. You

24:23

know, I have this thing that I

24:23

call complete transparency,

24:27

which is being brutally honest.

24:27

Right? Because when that doctor

24:32

comes in there to tell you, you

24:32

better get it together. He being

24:36

brutally honest, sometimes they

24:36

say doctors are right. You know

24:41

what I'm saying? But when when I

24:41

was in a situation where I was

24:46

when I was trying to become

24:46

healed and hope I didn't need

24:49

anyone beating around the bush

24:49

on me. I needed complete

24:52

honesty, so I could face reality

24:52

completely. Right. And so my

24:59

family members says that it will

24:59

hurt them to see me how they saw

25:04

me. It hurt me to cut ties with

25:04

them. Because when I came around

25:09

them, they made me sad and

25:09

depressed. Because I'm not

25:12

realizing I'm hurting anymore.

25:12

But they cried, Oh, I'm sorry,

25:17

this had to happen to you. And

25:17

you just get to a place in your

25:20

life where you you want to stop

25:20

here in the Tsar? Because I'm

25:24

not sorry, no more. Right. And

25:24

so I had to cut my friends and

25:30

some of my closest family away,

25:30

because they did not get that

25:34

right, that I don't want to talk

25:34

about the woods and this thing

25:37

that I don't even want to talk

25:37

about, what if I don't walk

25:40

again. And so if you don't

25:40

respect that, or respect me

25:43

enough to do that, then I gotta

25:43

go with my certain weight, my

25:47

friend that fell asleep behind

25:47

the wheel. Everybody asked me,

25:51

Do you still talk to him? No, I

25:51

do not. Do I have a problem with

25:54

him? No, I do not. But at that

25:54

time, when we had that car

25:58

accident, my friend could not go

25:58

on with his life, because he was

26:02

blaming himself. And at that

26:02

time, I was blaming him. Right?

26:08

You know, just being honest. But

26:08

then I knew that if I wanted to

26:13

be healed, and hold and have a

26:13

peaceful life, that I had to

26:18

operate in forgiveness, not just

26:18

forgiving him, but forgiving

26:23

myself and saying, Hey, what

26:23

happened has happened, we're

26:27

gonna move forward to the

26:27

future, I'm gonna go this way,

26:30

you go that way. And once we

26:30

become mentally stable, then we

26:36

can meet back at the top of the

26:36

ladder, you get what I'm saying.

26:40

But most people may not do that.

26:40

Most people, families, plant

26:47

plants funerals, before the

26:47

doctor even tell them to plan

26:51

their funeral. Right? And so I

26:51

just got my, my close knit

26:56

family, my wife, my family, my

26:56

friends, my loved ones, everyone

27:02

knows, Jess beyond, right? Just

27:02

beyond. And by being honest with

27:08

me at the front, will allow me

27:08

to embrace anything someone says

27:14

for me in the middle of my

27:14

journey, right? Because

27:17

expectations has already been a

27:17

friend. That's why I tell

27:22

athletes, hey, I'm not telling

27:22

you, you're gonna come in here

27:25

and start. However, I do know,

27:25

if you willing to put in the

27:31

work, you have a 99.9% chance.

27:31

So one thing we do know, you

27:37

will never be able to say what

27:37

Coach ta lied to me? No, he was

27:40

too honest. That's what he was.

27:40

And that's how I live my life.

27:44

All because truth sets us free.

27:44

And I have been able to be free

27:50

from depression, free from

27:50

suicidal. Because the doctor

27:54

said, hey, it's a 5% chance that

27:54

you may gain your strength back.

28:01

But it's also a 5% chance that

28:01

you may not. And so I say am I

28:06

gonna worry about the 5%? May

28:06

not? Or am I gonna worry about

28:09

the 5% you made? So I bit the

28:09

bullet and said, I'm going with

28:15

the 5% chance that I made. But I

28:15

had to be honest with my sales.

28:20

So when someone asked me, Hey,

28:20

did the doctor say what is the

28:24

doctor saying? The doctor is

28:24

still saying 15 years later, you

28:28

have a 5% chance and you may or

28:28

may not walk. But that's not

28:31

what I'm saying. Right? I have

28:31

to be respectful and be honest,

28:36

to hear what the doctors saying.

28:36

But at the end of the day, it's

28:39

about what I choose to do with

28:39

it. So yes, I do hear, but I'm

28:43

not allowing what I hear to

28:43

affect the truth that I believe

28:48

that one day I will be walking

28:48

again. It may not happen now.

28:52

But eventually it happened

28:52

later. Which is why I truly

28:56

believe in the growth mindset of

28:56

looking at every difficulty as a

29:00

challenge that leads to growth.

29:03

That's amazing. So

29:03

you said something I was really,

29:06

I was a little off topic. But

29:06

I'm curious because I guess

29:10

that's my nature. You mentioned

29:10

your wife. Did you meet her

29:13

before the accident or after?

29:13

Yeah. How did you meet

29:15

her? Yeah, I

29:15

met my I met my wife after the

29:17

car accident. You know, I'm

29:17

actually I met her after my car

29:22

accident met her at UAB my

29:22

senior year. And it was very,

29:26

very different for her. You

29:26

know, my wife is a very, very

29:29

sweet hearted, you know, she

29:29

works for basketball here at

29:33

UAB. And I remember when I met

29:33

her all the boys on the team was

29:37

like, no way you're gonna be

29:37

able to talk to her man, that

29:40

girl. And, and I was like, what,

29:40

don't let the wheelchair fool

29:47

you. You know, I went and just

29:47

pursued her and still to this

29:53

day and when we talk about it

29:53

periodically, I always ask her

29:57

to make sure that her answer is

29:57

still the same. Just as it was

30:01

years ago as why you gave me a

30:01

chance, and she just simply

30:04

said, Man, you were so confident

30:04

I had to. It was just being

30:09

confident. Yeah, just being I

30:09

was just confident

30:13

understanding. I know I'm in a

30:13

wheelchair. But what what does

30:16

that mean? Right? You know, I

30:16

know it's different. And we

30:20

don't see as much. And you don't

30:20

see where chair relations like

30:23

that here in the south, you

30:23

really, if you want to see

30:26

something like that, you got to

30:26

go to the west coast or go

30:29

somewhere where the states are

30:29

more accessible. But I knew that

30:33

in spite of my dilemma, that I

30:33

still had something to offer.

30:37

And it wasn't about who didn't

30:37

see it, it was about me seeing

30:40

it. And it's still difficult

30:40

because I'm still in a

30:43

wheelchair, and the same issues

30:43

that I have to deal with. She

30:48

deals with some time, right?

30:48

This is she deals with, when she

30:51

see a couple of running and

30:51

walking and playing ball

30:54

together. She's human, you're

30:54

gonna be like, Man, I wish me

30:58

and my I could do that. And so

30:58

being mentally stable, is like,

31:02

hey, we can't do that. We just

31:02

got to find a different way of

31:06

doing. So we can play

31:06

basketball, I just got to go and

31:09

get me a wheelchair basketball

31:09

chair, you know, we can play

31:12

tennis, we can run we can't

31:12

swim, we just got to do it

31:16

differently. You get what I'm

31:16

saying is always is it's all

31:21

about those who are recovering

31:21

the best thing that I can tell

31:25

someone who is recovering, take

31:25

away every excuse you can make.

31:29

I used to not go over people

31:29

house who didn't have steps, who

31:33

had steps. Because I'm like,

31:33

ain't no way in the world. I'm

31:36

climbing up no stairs. However,

31:36

that was causing me to miss

31:40

opportunity from family, from

31:40

friends from network and from

31:44

loved one. So I took away that

31:44

excuse step saying Don't stop me

31:48

by not going to stop me. And by

31:48

taking away excuse that provided

31:52

me an opportunity to go farther

31:52

and do more. And that's how I

31:56

still recover. Because I take

31:56

away excuses from my own life.

32:00

So when I'm coaching others or

32:00

working with others, most

32:03

definitely I'm gonna try to take

32:03

away excuse for them too.

32:06

That's a great

32:06

point too, because a lot of

32:08

times people are looking for a

32:08

silver bullet and everything's

32:12

gonna be great. Yeah. And once

32:12

you know once that bullet hits

32:16

your your say, you're gonna be

32:16

recovered, your life's gonna be

32:19

great. And what I love about

32:19

your message and what you're

32:21

really sharing with us today is

32:21

that mindset isn't just one and

32:25

done it, you got to take it and

32:25

keep going and keep going and

32:28

keep going and looking for every

32:28

new opportunity to get you to

32:32

that next step that you want to

32:32

get into life. Your your life's

32:35

not over to your point, just

32:35

because it's not the way you

32:38

want it to be.

32:39

Right, right.

32:39

It's so funny you say that

32:41

because before I became social

32:41

with other people, I had to work

32:46

on that one myself. I just ran

32:46

into a lady the other day, she

32:49

was like, Do you remember used

32:49

to come to the restaurant once a

32:53

week? And and say table for two.

32:53

And you would be sitting there

32:57

talking to yourself? You know,

32:57

like I paid myself I spent time

33:02

with myself. I took myself to

33:02

the movies. I took myself out on

33:06

dates I found out for myself.

33:06

What made me happy? What? What

33:11

made me smile. What made me look

33:11

sorry about this shot. What what

33:17

made me downtown. I had to I had

33:17

to find out within myself. What

33:25

made me happy what made me look

33:25

forward what what things made me

33:29

just just get butterflies, all

33:29

these different things. Because

33:34

even the great Greek philosopher

33:34

Aristotle, he says, You got to

33:37

know thyself, right? You got to

33:37

know thyself. And so I spent two

33:43

years just working on myself. I

33:43

didn't date anyone. I didn't

33:48

talk to anyone. I got myself

33:48

back. I took a two year hiatus

33:52

from 2008, the 2010 until I got

33:52

to UAB. But I spent two years on

33:59

getting my mind, right, because

33:59

I knew the flesh is weak, but

34:03

the mind is willing. And as long

34:03

as I was great with my mind,

34:08

everything was going to take

34:08

care of itself. And so now I

34:11

travel by myself some time, I

34:11

still go out to eat by myself. I

34:16

still take pride in spending

34:16

time with Tim, I spend an hour a

34:20

day with myself, no phone, no

34:20

nothing. Just talking to myself,

34:26

letting myself know how proud I

34:26

am. Now, it's not always an hour

34:31

when maybe 20 minutes here, 20

34:31

minutes there. But by before the

34:36

end of the day, I have taken an

34:36

hour to myself, but I have to do

34:40

that. After this podcast, I'm

34:40

going to have a celebratory

34:44

swim. I'm celebrating this

34:44

opportunity. Like that's just

34:49

what I do. That's just what I

34:49

do. Because again, I'm thankful

34:54

that I can even talk about

34:54

things like this, because I

34:57

remember it was a time where I

34:57

couldn't talk About, does it

35:01

make me cried and make me sad?

35:01

It'll just bring back so many

35:04

memories. And sometimes

35:04

counselors will tell you, hey,

35:08

once you burn it, don't talk

35:08

about it anymore. Like don't

35:11

even try to think about it. And

35:11

I'm like, man, no, you overcome

35:17

by what you're talking about

35:17

what you go through. Because to

35:21

me, it's not about what you go

35:21

through. It's about what you

35:24

grow through. And that's what

35:24

I've been able to do is, again,

35:27

not just do it on one day. But

35:27

do this every day, Allison is

35:31

very tough. I read another quote

35:31

by Albert Einstein, who said,

35:37

for one, he said, for one

35:37

negative input, he had to

35:42

replace that one negative input

35:42

with 11 Positive inputs. And I'm

35:48

like, man, I've been doing that.

35:48

Because if I have one bad

35:52

thought, I get myself seven

35:52

great thoughts, and it's very

35:56

tough to do is very challenging

35:56

is very like, man, do I really

36:00

got to do this? And I'm like,

36:00

Yeah, you do. Because that one

36:04

thought is just going to be

36:04

sitting there on your mind. And

36:07

just that one thought, it's one

36:07

thought that can either move you

36:11

forward and move you backwards.

36:11

That's why I believe we are one,

36:14

one thought away from a life

36:14

changing moment, which is change

36:19

is recovery. And so what do I

36:19

call full body recovery, a

36:24

recovered mind, a recovered body

36:24

is full body recovery. Because

36:29

the athlete know, when I tear my

36:29

ACL, yes, my ACL has to heal, my

36:35

body has to heal also. But guess

36:35

what your mind has to heal, too.

36:40

And so if your ACL does heal,

36:40

and your mind is not heal, you

36:44

just have body recovery. So you

36:44

may go out there and get hurt

36:47

again. But when your body is

36:47

healed, and your mind is healed,

36:52

that's what I call full body

36:52

recovery. So,

36:56

so when you have

36:56

I'm sure there's still times

36:59

every now and then where you get

36:59

discouraged what, when you have

37:03

those moments where you're like,

37:03

Man, I today, I'm not feeling

37:05

it. Because I know, all of us.

37:05

Lots of people listening

37:09

probably have moments where the

37:09

where they say little, the

37:13

little devil on the shoulder

37:13

starts whispering in your ear,

37:15

and you're like, Man, I just

37:15

don't think I can do today. So

37:18

when that happens, what

37:18

motivates you, Pastor? How do

37:20

you deal with that when that happens?

37:22

I just got

37:22

done swimming. The other day at

37:24

a YMCA in Jacksonville, Florida

37:24

went in the shower. And I was

37:29

showering on the shower bench.

37:29

And I ended up falling off the

37:34

shower bench hitting the floor.

37:34

So be sliding all around, I'm

37:39

disgusted. I'm like, I can't

37:39

believe I'm on this nasty flora.

37:43

I'm like, I hope I don't get

37:43

staph infection. You know. And

37:49

every time I got up, I was

37:49

slipping, fall right back down.

37:54

And I'm trying to force it. I'm

37:54

trying to use my strength to get

37:59

me up off the ground, will fall

37:59

again, is nobody to come help

38:04

me. All I can do is help myself.

38:04

And in that moment, I get so

38:09

worked up that I'm crying

38:09

because I can't do anything

38:13

about it. I'm so frustrated that

38:13

I'm not even thinking, okay, the

38:18

water is still running, rinse

38:18

yourself off. That way you won't

38:22

slip. But it took me to just

38:22

take a moment to embrace that

38:28

pain. What I like to call it

38:28

this is what I like to do. And I

38:31

hope you all it makes sense. I

38:31

call it you got to embrace that

38:36

pain. You got to feel that pain.

38:36

You got to breathe, and you

38:41

breathe and allows you to take

38:41

action. What am I trying to say?

38:45

When you go to a doctor and you

38:45

get ready to give but they say

38:48

hey, you got to give some blood

38:48

today. So they're letting you

38:51

know, get ready to embrace I'm

38:51

about right. So once they tell

38:57

you you're getting ready to get

38:57

blood today, then they say

39:00

you're gonna feel a lot of pain.

39:00

But what I want you to do is

39:04

keep breathing. Because if you

39:04

don't, you may pass out. And

39:08

when I count to three, you're

39:08

going to feel a steak. But what

39:12

I want you to do is not move and

39:12

make sure you keep breathing. So

39:16

you don't pass out what they're

39:16

doing is telling you, hey, some

39:19

pain is about to come. But now

39:19

that I'm giving you it from the

39:23

front, I want you to embrace his

39:23

pain. I want you to feel it and

39:26

three, you're gonna feel it, I

39:26

want you to breathe. And by the

39:29

time you get ready to move

39:29

forward is already done. Because

39:33

moving forward and is to me is

39:33

trying and that's the best thing

39:38

you can do. But you're never

39:38

gonna be able to move forward

39:42

all worked up. You're never

39:42

gonna be able to move forward,

39:45

jazz all destroyed. So like I

39:45

tell people when they're crying.

39:50

It is if any if we watched

39:50

somebody cry right now, it's

39:55

innate that we're going to do

39:55

this. Yeah. Because you don't

39:59

want anybody he feel those

39:59

tears. But what I have learned

40:03

in my, in my journey, drop him,

40:03

let those drop off. You

40:09

remember, I don't know if you

40:09

ever seen the movie cry baby.

40:11

But he kept those tears that he

40:11

cried in that jar for a reason.

40:17

Because it reminded him of

40:17

everything that he went through,

40:20

right. And so when you allow

40:20

yourself to feel those tears,

40:26

unless you know, man, that you

40:26

are human, you are in the game,

40:30

it is hurting you. But you got

40:30

to feel that pain sometimes. And

40:34

so that's why when I'm crying, I

40:34

don't drop my tea, I don't wipe

40:38

them. I need to feel that pain.

40:38

Because I know I'm about to gain

40:42

something based off what I'm

40:42

feeling. And people don't do

40:46

that. My cousin's No, man, I'm

40:46

sorry to cry right now. Feel

40:51

them drop them. Because you need

40:51

to feel how that feels. You need

40:55

to become one with your inner

40:55

feelings. And by doing that,

40:59

those, those Sarpo tears are

40:59

gonna go to happy tears, land,

41:04

you know, you can do it. And so

41:04

when I got up off the ground,

41:08

when I was able to stop crying,

41:08

and just embrace, and take a

41:11

moment and think about what

41:11

needs to be done, I said, Man,

41:15

this is why I can't give up.

41:15

Because once you just take some

41:19

time to really think about what

41:19

it is that's true. What it is

41:23

that you have control of your

41:23

understanding is really not that

41:27

bad. Right. Now, to some people,

41:27

they may be like, Man, you crazy

41:32

and crazy, right? But again,

41:32

it's really not that bad.

41:36

Because it can always be worse.

41:39

That's true. That's

41:39

very true. That's very true.

41:43

Well, yeah, I've loved having

41:43

you on our podcast, you are an

41:47

inspiration to me and everything

41:47

you do. And and for those who

41:52

haven't met yet, encourage them

41:52

to reach out because you, you

41:56

make me want to be better. And I

41:56

really do think your thought

42:00

about it all starts with your

42:00

mind. I think that is so true

42:03

that our thoughts lead to our

42:03

actions and our actions are who

42:05

we are. And you really, really

42:05

show a lot of people that

42:10

there's hope out there for what

42:10

can come next. So we just we

42:15

just really glad to have you

42:15

with us today. Thank you. Any

42:19

any final words of wisdom before

42:19

we wrap up for the day?

42:22

You know, I would tell anyone that's recovering. When life seems most

42:24

painful, you got to work twice

42:29

as hard to stay mentally stable.

42:29

Because life will check you life

42:34

will try us, life will challenge

42:34

you. But life will also champion

42:39

you too. And that's the thing

42:39

that I love about life, life

42:42

challenge me. But it also

42:42

champion means and I'm a

42:46

champion every single day,

42:46

because I respond to the

42:49

challenge of life. And what's

42:49

the challenge of life. Every day

42:53

you wake up and you get an

42:53

opportunity to be better than

42:57

what you was yesterday, you can

42:57

have a champion, a champion day

43:02

by champion in your mind. So

43:02

allow life to challenge you. I

43:07

mean, I get challenged on the

43:07

highway all the time. Right? You

43:12

know, and all these different

43:12

things, but life also champions

43:16

me too, because I understand

43:16

that perseverance produces

43:21

character, and character hope.

43:21

So you got to count it great joy

43:25

when you face these trout.

43:25

Because once you become mature

43:29

in these areas, you will say,

43:29

Man, I'm happy. I may not be

43:34

where I want to be, but I'm

43:34

thankful I'm not how I used to

43:37

be. I love that.

43:37

That is fantastic. I love that.

43:41

What a great way to wrap up. Ta

43:41

Well, we appreciate you having

43:45

us with us today. That's the end

43:45

of our episode today. But we

43:49

hope you'll join us for future

43:49

podcasts releasing every two

43:52

weeks on Monday. And if you

43:52

can't get enough adjust in your

43:56

life, then check out our blog

43:56

from our resident blogger

43:59

Natalie dangles, she this drops

43:59

on the opposite week of the

44:02

podcast and it can be found at

44:02

WWW dot Burk in comp.com. And

44:09

also if you liked or listened

44:09

please get please give us a

44:12

review on Apple's podcast

44:12

platform. We also want to be

44:16

sure to express Special thanks

44:16

to Cameron Runyon for our

44:19

excellent music. If you need

44:19

more music in your life, you can

44:23

contact him directly by Loki

44:23

locating his email in our show

44:26

notes. Thanks again for all your

44:26

support. Remember, do write

44:31

think differently. And don't

44:31

forget to care