0:02

Hello everyone, and welcome back to another episode

0:05

of my favorite podcast,

0:07

Alchemy. This I am your

0:09

guest host, Chris Alvarado. I am

0:12

sitting in for Kevin

0:14

Pollock. Yes, that Kevin Pollock.

0:17

It's hard to sit in his seat, you know, it's hard

0:19

to take over this position. But he's

0:21

trusting me with it, and I am so

0:23

happy to the Tool.

0:26

I I messed up that word. Now

0:29

now I'm flailing in the intro. Everybody, We're

0:31

going down, but I'm gonna. I'm gonna pull this plane

0:33

up and we are back. We

0:35

are back. It's not just me. You heard

0:37

me say a tool's name. I'm joined by other Alchemists.

0:40

So let's say hello to them, in no particular

0:43

order. We're gonna start with James Heeney. Hi,

0:45

James, Hi, I

0:48

got a little scared there. I gotta hello.

0:51

No, no, no, You're good. You're good. You're good, James, James,

0:54

I have a question for you. Okay,

0:56

do you have a good relationship with

0:59

your primary physician? No?

1:02

No, I I had

1:04

not been to the doctor in almost twenty years,

1:07

and I might my primary care physician in January.

1:10

We've had a great like forty five minutes

1:12

together and all my things came back

1:14

great, luckily, except

1:17

I have to stop eating hashbrows as much and now I eat

1:20

oatmeal. But I love it, you know, it's great. Wow,

1:22

Well, well are you gonna are you going to

1:24

develop this relationship? Are you gonna keep going back

1:27

around? I was supposed to schedule another

1:29

another one in March, and well it's thet

1:31

and it didn't happen. So

1:36

but once I got all those numbers back and it

1:38

was so good, I was like, well, I can go another

1:40

twenty years. I don't

1:42

think that's how it works. Um, well, you heard

1:44

her chiming in, so let's say hello to her.

1:46

Everybody makes a noise for Jackie

1:49

der Ruthy. I'm so

1:51

sorry. I'm nervous

1:53

in the chest now, James, I'm nervous

1:55

in the chest. I am all about preventative

1:57

care, and um,

2:00

you should be seeing a doctor once a year.

2:02

It is free to just do

2:05

the preventative wellness situation

2:07

stuff. You should be seeing a dermatologist.

2:09

You're a fair man. You should be. I

2:11

mean, there are things so I'm getting I'm

2:13

a little heated. I'm a little nervous in the chest, to be

2:15

honest, after hearing that well,

2:18

once I started eating oatmeal, the nervousness

2:20

in my chest went away. I don't

2:23

think. I don't think the oatmeal was a

2:25

cure. Girl. But Jackie,

2:27

you said you're getting heated, right,

2:30

and it's no it's no secret that you are

2:32

a fan of the Miami

2:34

Heat. That's right. My question for

2:36

you, though, is are you actually good

2:39

at playing basketball? If you actually ball

2:41

or you are you just a fan? To tell you

2:43

I've never balled in my life would be

2:45

the truth. I never played.

2:48

I was, I'm

2:51

not. I mean, yeah,

2:53

I'm not athletic. Maybe

2:55

I'm athletic, but I'm not a contact sport girl.

2:58

I just never kind of did it. I was a leader and

3:01

then uh, which

3:03

is its own sport and its own right. And then

3:05

I did like theater and danced,

3:07

which is also athletic in its own

3:10

right. But I never

3:12

dabbled. I had asthma.

3:14

And running and I are

3:16

not friends. Though

3:20

dancing and I are friends. There's something

3:22

also when I run, I get I've

3:24

tried it a couple of times, and I get full body

3:26

hives. Uh, my body

3:28

is not used to a circulation, and

3:31

I get so itchy, like I

3:33

am. I'm in so much pain. I

3:36

ran with my husband Pat before

3:38

once and he was like, never again,

3:40

Jackie, like this is so embarrassing,

3:43

and I was like, but I'm so like look at me,

3:45

like it's not just that I'm saying I'm itchy,

3:47

Like you can see how red my body

3:49

is, and like also

3:51

like the parts that get red first, like the jigliat

3:54

parts. And so he's like, pull

3:56

your shorts down, like stop showing me your ass,

3:58

Like, but look, how I

4:01

just I haven't spent a lot of

4:03

time with you. I guess I don't know. I haven't.

4:05

I've spent more time with you online than I have in person.

4:08

I just can't imagine these giggly parts of you.

4:11

You know, everyone has, everybody,

4:14

you know, that's the thing. Everybody

4:17

has jiggly parts. And you can be a petite,

4:19

a sweet, petite princess like me and

4:23

still have jiggli jiggli situations.

4:26

I will not take up all of this time, but

4:28

it's a natural part of the body. Yes,

4:30

yes, I did,

4:34

and tell you how to preventative care situation

4:37

search we couldn't find any

4:40

I do. I love I love watching

4:42

basketball and I really want

4:44

to play, but my feet

4:47

have been sucked up for two years, and so

4:49

that is my main goal is like, once I get

4:51

my feet back to a hundred,

4:53

I want to start playing basketball.

4:56

But when I say that, I'm like, no, I want to shoot around.

4:58

I don't want to. Can you imagine how cute would be if you and

5:00

Craig were just met up met up

5:02

on Tuesday mornings to shoot around for

5:04

a couple of hours. That would be so cute. I would love and

5:06

it would make sense because we lived at each other. Speaking

5:09

of which, ladies and gentlemen makes the noise

5:11

for Craig Ktkowski. Craig,

5:16

when's the last time you got good

5:18

and drunk,

5:20

like a real nice one, you

5:22

know, one of those like whoa, it's been a minute, it's

5:26

within the last month, so it's it is.

5:28

Yeah, So

5:30

it's probably not like an amusing anecdote.

5:33

It's more like cry

5:36

for help. No.

5:39

I probably at most will drink

5:42

one or two nights a week, you know, and

5:44

usually you know, one and done. Um.

5:47

But I think there's something about the pandemic

5:50

and the lack of social opportunities

5:53

that when we do have a social opportunity,

5:55

I tend to go a little overboard.

5:58

So just getting together with some

6:00

friends from the neighborhood, and

6:02

like the wine kept

6:05

comment and nobody

6:07

was saying no. And you

6:10

know it's it's

6:12

a two it's a two minute drive home,

6:15

you know. Uh so,

6:18

like the conditions were right,

6:21

yeah, but I uh yeah, I I felt

6:24

it the next day. Okay, regrets,

6:27

no, And

6:29

that's why you can drink. Drink.

6:31

That's why I had to stop, because the next day it was

6:33

all regrets for a full week. Okay,

6:35

here we go movie speaking of a man who

6:38

probably has no regrets. Let's

6:40

make some noise for a tool saying everybody,

6:45

you just got back from a long flight, just

6:47

flew in last night, and now you are here

6:50

available for us, and we appreciate

6:52

that, we appreciate your time. There's my question for

6:54

you, a tool. And I'm really just

6:57

you're so fascinating. You know, my my dad met

6:59

you at my wedding and he was a huge fan of yours.

7:02

Everybody who meets you is such a huge fan of yours.

7:04

That's true across the board. I'm

7:07

wondering for yourself, do you

7:09

allow yourself time to stop and

7:11

smell the roses? Do you take time

7:13

for a tool? I do?

7:15

I think so? I think that's that's important

7:19

for for a tool or anything small. I

7:21

don't know. Before

7:24

before I lived India, my dad has has

7:26

this like a minivan type car. And

7:28

I made a point to be like, hey, thanks for getting

7:30

that car because it was we're in traffic quite

7:32

a bit in India and it's

7:35

nice to be in a big car. And it was just like

7:38

I was like, I gotta appreciate that having that

7:40

car makes the traffic

7:42

so bearable. And yeah,

7:44

I was just like, I just gotta go say thanks. You

7:47

know, I've been complaining about a lot of stuff, so I was

7:49

like, hey, I just wanna say that decision you made

7:51

eight years ago to buy that car brilliant.

7:54

So but yes, yes, and

7:56

I am Facebook friends with my doctor James.

8:02

Okay, I mean sho, I feel like this could be

8:04

the whole show, but I guess people, I was just thinking,

8:07

what is there a podcast that's just welcoming

8:09

people and then you wrap it up like this

8:11

is great, This is great. I

8:14

need to mention that we are joined in Zoom

8:17

Studio. I'm doing the quotations in studio

8:20

by two alchemists. Today we have Paul Hetton and

8:22

Mike del Rosso, which is really

8:24

exciting for us um As you know, if

8:26

you are an alchemaniac, if you support us at that

8:28

level, you will have the opportunity may have the opportunity

8:31

to join us in zoom see what we

8:33

look like as Jackie de Ruthie. Any question

8:35

do you want before we get started? It is

8:37

a fun time for everybody.

8:40

And as you all know, today's

8:42

seeing suggestions come from listeners emails

8:45

and if you want some priority in the in

8:47

the suggestion situation, if you want us to

8:49

select yours, you know a little sooner,

8:52

will then consider becoming a Patreon v

8:54

I P. You'll get exclusive content,

8:57

including bonus scenes. You get to hang out

8:59

with us like we Just a lot is going

9:01

on at Patreon dot com, slash Alchemy

9:04

this or and this

9:06

is totally fine. If you want to submit a suggestion

9:08

the old time away via email, we love

9:10

those We love those two. Please shoot

9:12

us an email at Alchemy this email

9:14

at gmail dot com. That's alchemail

9:20

dot com. All right. See one comes to

9:22

us from listener Rebecca Schaefer. Hi,

9:25

guys, thank you so very much for continuing

9:27

to provide such high quality nonsense.

9:30

It really is the finest. I

9:32

just got back from a trip to Chicago and

9:34

of course had to go to a Cubs game,

9:36

which inspired my scene suggestion hot

9:40

dog guy versus beer guy.

9:42

Thanks for the last Beck's from Montana.

9:47

Hot Dogs get your hat, dogs code

9:51

beer code

9:56

beer at

9:58

dogs two for six dollars. You can't

10:00

beat that deal. Dogs dogs cold

10:03

beer too for five

10:06

dollars? Could

10:08

you stop shouting? Hey, let's going on, Jerry.

10:12

I'm trying to sell some hot dogs and I think that people

10:14

are getting confused and they keeping you

10:16

shout over me. Well, Jerry,

10:19

were the whole stadium?

10:21

Sure, sure, but this is my section.

10:26

You say that people can't have hot dogs and

10:28

beer cold beer? It

10:32

please stop it. I'm

10:34

telling you, like, can I

10:36

get a hot dog? Uh?

10:43

Trying to watch the game here? Yes?

10:45

My issues can't be your issues.

10:48

Yes? Wait, what are your issues? It's

10:51

the it's the bun of it all. I don't

10:53

and I don't like the shape of it. It freaks me out.

10:55

Then there's the goop inside condiments

10:58

freaked me out, scare me. That's

11:00

my issues. I don't want them to be your issues.

11:02

Let's get you a hot dog. Dad's

11:05

watching the game. Should we get him a hot dog?

11:08

Let's get him a hot dog. Let's get him a hot dog. Sure,

11:12

let's get him down. Oh

11:14

my gosh, we are not at home. This

11:16

is embarrassing. And if you keep doing this to

11:18

me, I'm gonna I'm trying to raise a family. You

11:20

know how expensive it is for an apartment in Chicago.

11:24

Uh No, I I own you.

11:26

You come in, you come in from the suburbs, and I

11:29

live on wavelength. Right, I live

11:31

on wavelength. It's expensive. You

11:33

might catch a home run ball if

11:36

I'm lucky, but most often I just catch a

11:38

broken window. JA, maybe you need

11:40

a code beer? Mom?

11:43

Do you think I could try a beer? Okay,

11:46

now you're pushing the buttons. Now you you said your

11:48

issues are my issues. That's not an issue. That's

11:50

legal. You

11:52

have alcohol issues. I don't have alcohol

11:54

issues. What are you trying to say? Every weekend

11:57

you think I've got an alcohol issue? You think every

11:59

weekend? How you change? I get

12:01

a little different, a little loose, like a little

12:03

dancy. I get a little fun. What's the problem

12:05

with that? You're not twenty one. You're not getting a beer.

12:08

If you don't mind me interrupting, I might say that your alcohol

12:11

issue is that you don't have a cold

12:14

beer. And this

12:16

is definitely not a This is not a beer group

12:19

right here are you? This is a

12:21

mom andous son. You're looking for a goopie.

12:24

Do not yell. I know this is I know what's your job,

12:26

but to not yell in my facility. My husband

12:28

will freak out. He is watching

12:31

this guy's with you. It looks like

12:33

it at all. I know. I'll

12:37

take one hot dog please, right

12:40

This one's extra goopie just for you.

12:42

There you go, Jerry, you gotta say,

12:46

and my mom will have one of those cold

12:48

ones. Am

12:56

I up to bat next? Or the

12:59

running? Just kind of

13:02

the rudding order, the batting

13:04

order. I used to do theater in high

13:06

school, and I guess you're always kind of confused.

13:08

Yeah, we know, Jenkins, you always

13:12

that was Puck. I shouldn't

13:14

have to say in Midsummer's

13:16

Night, that's Shakespeare. Um.

13:18

But I switched to baseball because my

13:21

father. Yeah, your ninth, your

13:23

ninth in the

13:24

coach? Are we talking? Are

13:27

we talking previous theater experience? I was also

13:29

in Midsummer Are you looking at Nick Bottom?

13:32

At your service? I

13:34

played Nick Bottom, the weaver, He turns into the donkey,

13:37

Okay, don't be so proud. Well

13:39

you just struck out, Okay,

13:42

yeah, no, I felt bad about that. I overheard

13:44

we're talking about our coach, coach before

13:46

I go in. Do you want me to hit it?

13:49

You know, like I usually do? Or like we tried the other day

13:51

in rehearsal, rehear

13:54

sorry practice, Sorry sorry. I used to

13:56

do theater screen.

14:00

Was a minor faery role, but it was still my

14:02

role, a bit of a dance break.

14:06

Okay, look, everybody gets cast

14:08

in mid summer. I'd stream okay, like

14:10

it's it's an easy

14:12

Shakespeare play to do for high school and

14:15

there's a lot of characters in it's you

14:17

know what, what plays?

14:19

Did you ever do? I

14:22

did Corey Elanus? Oh,

14:27

flashback to coaching Corey Elanus?

14:30

Who whoa Corey

14:37

that? Verily? I'd be Corey

14:40

Corey oh Lanus'

14:44

back. We made some changes

14:47

to the to the script and

14:50

it was more he was more irish than Roman.

14:53

Oh Roman, I

14:56

played Caesar. Um,

14:59

yeah, okay, look we need somebody

15:01

at the plate right now. Okay, yeah,

15:07

why don't we Why are we fighting

15:10

this this situation we have going

15:12

on here? Why are we fighting this theater mapping over

15:14

this ballgame. Why don't we just combine them,

15:16

Coach, director, if I can call you

15:18

that, don't call me that. Okay,

15:20

all right, okay, okay, But

15:23

but how how how do we combine these

15:25

two passions of yours? Well? Maybe

15:27

for starters. You know, I do a little better

15:29

when I'm a little ease back on

15:31

the plate, So maybe I should be standing a bit

15:34

upstage, you know, in terms of

15:36

me at home plate situation. Look, whatever

15:38

helps you get a hit, if you want to call it upstage,

15:40

down stage, And

15:43

coach, I was thinking lately, when I've been batting, I've

15:45

been kind of playing to the guys in front of me. Maybe

15:47

I should play to the back of the house. Maybe I

15:49

might hit some more home runs than project really projecting.

15:52

Well, yeah, because you've been bunting

15:55

every time, right,

15:57

and non bunt situations, right,

16:00

Okay, a home run would

16:02

be nice if you want to call that playing to h

16:05

the crowd in the back. Sure, sure,

16:07

project project the ball all

16:09

the way out of the fucking park. Uh,

16:15

Security Security,

16:18

Hi, I'm hot, thought guy,

16:20

um and I and I want to keep this

16:23

between you and me, but I'd like to report, uh,

16:25

you know ed the beer guy. He

16:29

just he just sold a beer to an

16:31

underage person, and

16:34

I would hate to see the whole stadium

16:36

get shut down, you know, so you might want

16:38

to take his license and kick him out of here. I'll

16:41

tell you, I've been doing this job for a long time. One

16:43

thing, there's one thing that I hate, uh

16:46

huh, and that's a rat of

16:50

what somebody who tattle tales. But

16:53

but but I'm just trying to make a same

16:55

thing. It's clearly not he sold

16:57

a beard to somebody for a mom, quote unquote,

16:59

but it was clearly for the kids. Come

17:01

on, so if you were in the mob and somebody committed a

17:03

murder, you would go and tell somebody

17:07

is this is this a trick question? Like they do in

17:09

interviews for chops, I wouldn't

17:11

join the mob. What kind of interviews are you

17:13

going on? Family

17:17

business? Slinging dogs, slinging goopy dogs

17:19

at at the Cup is a family business.

17:22

Yeah, my dad sold goopy dogs.

17:24

I sell goopy dogs, and if

17:26

I have kids one day, it's going to continue

17:28

in the family tradition of two to three.

17:31

Well, hey there, Jackey,

17:34

what's going on here? What are you guys talking about?

17:37

It's just the game. Oh god,

17:40

we're talking about how he kept doing this year. Well,

17:43

they're in last place like usual,

17:46

but they stopped bunting for once,

17:48

which is nice.

17:50

We're just talking. We're just talking

17:52

about his intergenerational family

17:55

of hot dogs on. Yeah.

17:59

Well, I come from a long line of biggers.

18:04

You can't imagine what it's like in your household.

18:07

Well, you know, my father started serving beer

18:10

eighty years ago and earned

18:12

enough money to buy a nice house

18:14

in the suburbs. I

18:17

don't have to do this. I don't even take a salary.

18:20

I just love serving copy. Jeez,

18:28

Mom,

18:32

you're gonna have to talk a little out. I mean we

18:34

are at the game. Dad

18:37

hasn't even looked over at us. Yeah,

18:40

he's in the zone. You know when he watches sports,

18:42

he's got his blinders on. He's just looking forward.

18:44

He's in the zone. Honey. I

18:46

know. I'm not sure if you're noticing, but oh

18:48

my god, this team, this

18:51

team is playing completely different today.

18:54

Belt in the balls, way out

18:56

of the park. Something's changed.

18:58

I love it all right, and you having it okay?

19:01

Good? And I love you Dad,

19:03

So that works out great. Don't just keep

19:05

it down, don't you're pushing

19:07

it. You aren't pushing it, Mark,

19:10

can I get one ship? You're

19:13

pushing it again. You're really pushing it today,

19:15

really pushing it to batting

19:19

Herb Kowalski first base,

19:22

sag equity after.

19:25

I think, wow, he's doing like a little

19:28

Charleston on that plate. To prepare

19:31

himself. Look at

19:33

that, you see to take

19:35

a little take a page out of these players

19:38

books and change

19:40

it up. Change it up for yourself,

19:42

because this you

19:45

comporting yourself at these games. We don't

19:47

stop coming, you don't stop misbehaving,

19:51

and I can't

19:53

blame myself as the mother. I

19:55

won't do it. I won't take

19:57

any you know, must

20:00

bill, We'll take it, you know. Uh,

20:04

honey, honey, what what

20:06

are you talking about? Oh?

20:09

Now you're in the family. Oh now you're

20:11

in the family. Just wanted to

20:13

check in. How is everything going with that cold

20:15

bear? I gave your son? You're

20:19

the one who gave my son cold. I

20:21

got it for you. I got it for you. And now obviously

20:24

you've had a few SIPs because you're really wilding

20:26

out. Now, all right, everybody,

20:28

the cats out of the bag. I'm loose as a goose.

20:30

I'm loose as a Goose. Last

20:32

game, my son punched

20:35

me in the face, so you

20:37

can't imagine that this game, I want to

20:39

real admit a little bit. I want him to be a little

20:41

more comportant. And you're over here, look out

20:46

that ball. That ball broke the fourth

20:48

wall.

20:52

And here we are at the top of the fourth

20:54

inning, and once again always joined with my

20:56

partner Steven Franklin, and

21:00

what the Cubs are really at the bottom this year.

21:02

But what do you think that's gonna be something

21:04

that's gonna help them turn it around? Steve? Well,

21:11

I think the one thing that would if I was going to be out

21:13

on the field and I was playing baseball, I

21:15

try to make sure that every time a ball

21:17

came at me, I knocked at the hill out of the park.

21:19

Good strategy, Steve. Steve's always

21:23

that's that's what I do when I play baseball, or

21:25

when I did when I was a professional baseball player.

21:27

But you know, yeah, our careers don't last

21:29

that long. Excuse to me. And I'm sir

21:31

Ian McKellen and was asked to provide

21:34

play by play, if you will, a

21:37

commentary on today's game.

21:40

Sure there's the mic right there, going pick

21:42

that up and put on the home Great. Great,

21:46

I don't need to be amplified, sir, as

21:48

I project from my dietphram.

21:52

Alright, great, Surrey, and it's a pleasured

21:54

to have you. Ley, gentlemen, were joined by Surrey

21:56

and come into us a live from

21:58

here in studio. And why don't

22:00

you take this next pitch coming up? Big

22:03

black Bucks, bleed blue blood. That

22:07

fastball shut up pass

22:13

because he hit it. He hit it,

22:16

it didn't pass. It didn't pass him.

22:19

Oh, the Cubs are really starting to turn around,

22:21

sir. And it was absolutely correct. And

22:24

uh, well, the home runs going on where I want

22:26

to say that we're brought to you by Subway.

22:29

Subway Eating Fresh is new and

22:32

we have no more sponsors.

22:35

So welcome back Subway Eat

22:38

Fresh coach,

22:41

coach. Should we do an encore? They're

22:44

they're cheering for us, not the game's over.

22:46

We won. You don't do an encore. You

22:48

can go out and bow to the crowd. I guess

22:50

we'll do. We'll do certainly, also

22:53

do a cool down, right, because we don't want any

22:55

kind of fatigued lyre on. We want to cool it down,

22:58

face right, whatever you need

23:00

for somehow it worked today. Okay,

23:03

guys, coach, do we have a

23:04

u A Wednesday matinee? I mean a double

23:07

header tomorrow. Don't call the matinees?

23:09

All right, Yes, we do have a doubleheader,

23:11

so gets so get some rest, guys, and protect

23:14

your your throat with some

23:16

some tea and honey. Okay, because

23:18

vocal fatigue is a real thing.

23:20

And I don't even know why I'm saying this. I'm

23:23

both sucked into this theater thing, coach,

23:25

Coach, would would you agree? Oh? Please? Uh,

23:29

you're the bigger lead. You go first. I

23:31

was just gonna say, would you agree that the

23:34

scene? The scene's almost over because

23:37

everyone's leaving the stands and stuff. What do you mean?

23:39

Seen? This

23:41

is my life up here and

23:45

see what does that? What does that mean?

23:54

Okay, let us go on to our second

23:57

scene. He comes to us from listener Anny

24:00

Tanner. No, yeah,

24:03

he has every time.

24:05

Oh my god, it's a good name.

24:07

Danny Tanner says, hello, alchemist.

24:10

The scene suggestion is for everyone's favorite

24:12

baby boy, Chris. Yeah.

24:17

The suggestion is surfs

24:19

up dude from Danny in Saskatchewan.

24:24

Oh man, those waves are crushed, Chan,

24:26

I'm gonna get out there. I can't wait, all

24:32

right, just gonna be be by myself

24:34

all up. Oh hey

24:36

you you you're going out to the waves over there?

24:39

Yeah? Man, uh,

24:41

you know what, there's nobody's super today, right,

24:43

I'm sorry, what did you say? I said,

24:45

you notice there's nobody's surfing out there today, right, No,

24:48

it's just gonna be me in the ocean. There's

24:50

a shark out there. There's just shark

24:52

out There was a lot of rain, and the rain brought a

24:54

lot of debris, and the sharks are eating up the debris

24:56

like they're hungry, hungry hippos. You gotta

24:58

be careful. I go up north if

25:00

I were you. I'm sorry you said that the rain brought

25:03

in a lot of debris, and the debris brought in a

25:05

lot of sharks. I

25:07

don't know if you know how this works, but a lot of the like

25:09

debris on the streets came out into the water, and

25:11

of course it's like hamburger bones

25:14

and stuff like that out in the ocean. Sharks

25:16

come in gobble it up, and when they're done,

25:18

if they eat at all, they're gonna get surfers. So what I'd

25:20

say is go up north, and there's no

25:23

no sharks up there. No debris up there, don't

25:25

don't They're all the sharks are coming right down

25:27

here. I'm trying trying and tell you look around,

25:29

you see any of the surfers, Hey, Steph,

25:32

I wouldn't go out there if I were you. It looks

25:34

pretty sharky today. Yeah,

25:36

but I'm totally one with the sharks. Not

25:38

I know, I know, And I think that's the conversation

25:41

we need to have. Hey,

25:43

Sky, come in here. When I went

25:45

into that sound bath, I

25:48

became one with the sharks, and they guaranteed

25:50

me that within that uh, within

25:53

that, don't Sky?

25:55

Hey, what's going on? Guys? I'm talking

25:57

to her about the shark situation and then

26:00

maybe she shouldn't go on today because of the sharks.

26:03

Yeah, a lot of sharks. But

26:05

but what are you doing?

26:08

Sky? But you know, I

26:10

gotta say, like if you can

26:12

you know, catch a sweet wave, you

26:15

know, uh like narrowly

26:17

avoiding uh

26:20

shark, then I mean then

26:22

you're the ultimate. Then you're the ultimate,

26:24

you know, So I gotta put that out

26:27

there. You know, sharks aren't here

26:29

to eat me. Sharks, you know, yes,

26:31

like the way that they figured things out is with their

26:33

mouth. But then once they're gonna taste

26:36

like unless they've gone rogue and their rogue

26:38

sharks who've gotten like, you know, a bit of like a

26:40

flavor for the humans. Like they're not going to

26:42

you know what I mean, Like they're not They're gonna

26:44

take an exploratory bite, an exploratory

26:47

by, and it kind of depends on where the explorat

26:49

ray bite comes from. It's like whether

26:51

you're but Steff, remember

26:53

the last time we were out there and you've got that huge barrel,

26:55

you got so painted, right, and you were like that right,

26:58

absolutely right. Well,

27:02

I'm gonna be honest, I got scared.

27:04

I thought maybe I wasn't gonna see my little gram anymore.

27:08

Greg, are you trying to tell me something? Because

27:10

if it's about the sharks, it's about the sharks.

27:12

But if it's about you wanting to get with

27:15

this, then that's a whole another conversation

27:17

that we need to have. Bow

27:20

maybe at eight o'clock Saturday

27:22

night. I am free. I love

27:25

their garlic, not I would go fucking

27:27

eight for that, oh man, garlic

27:29

not to

27:32

look at Look out the window. Look there's

27:34

one surfer out there. I don't recognize hithing.

27:37

He's not local. A nube. What

27:39

are you trying to distract me from? Like me

27:42

and you're getting together? I don't know you just

27:44

I just tossed that like, yeah,

27:49

remind me of that one time I got that a footer. Remind

27:54

me bro the

27:56

second guys, the nube is surrounded

27:59

by finn and what

28:01

it? All right? We got him

28:03

surrounded. That's uh,

28:06

who's gonna take the first bite? I

28:08

want to exploratory bite on him.

28:11

Well, you're a newbie. You should wait till talk

28:14

him. Grandpa should

28:16

go first. Grandpa's the oldest. To your grandpa,

28:18

what do you what is? Grandpa? Well,

28:21

uh, I don't think

28:23

these old teeth can handle anything other than

28:25

stale hamburger. But no, no, Grandpa,

28:27

you still got You saw your

28:30

doctor this year. You're in great shape.

28:32

All right? What

28:34

if? What if I chewing up in baby bird? It to

28:36

your grandpa? Alright,

28:40

grows gross gross. It's at

28:44

least do me the honor of letting me have

28:47

an exploratory bite. Yeah,

28:50

that makes sense. Grandpa goes first. Alright,

28:52

Grandpa goes. If he surfed back around,

28:54

Grandpa goes first. We all

28:56

agree. Hey,

28:59

dude, dude, put

29:01

your feet up on your board. Don't let him

29:03

dangle down there. My feet

29:05

are dangling, dude, you don't

29:07

do that. Put your feet on the board.

29:11

I already warned him not to go out there. I don't know what

29:13

the hell he's doing out there. Who's up, Lifeguard, Luke?

29:17

You three know I'm about to go out there, right, You're not gonna go

29:19

out there and join them. I'm only gonna go I'm

29:21

not going out there. But as Steph goes out there, you know I got

29:23

to go out there. She's got my heart on my leash, my

29:25

leash with its barring my leash. What

29:31

and if they both go out there, then it's

29:33

probably covered and Sky doesn't have to Sky

29:36

won't. Sky won't, Skuy won't. But

29:39

but right now it looks like all those all those sharks

29:41

are circling that guy out there.

29:43

Well, I've warned New Bruni, I'm not going

29:45

out there, and I'm not gonna help him. He should have known,

29:47

he should have gone north, but he didn't. Isn't it your job?

29:49

Isn't your job to help serve and protect? Look

29:52

at all those fins. You think I want to go

29:54

out there and get bit bro

29:56

bro, get one with the shark,

29:59

Get off your board, circle

30:01

it yourself takes to

30:04

the left, fence to the right. Wow,

30:08

yeah, all right, I'm gonna get off

30:10

my board

30:13

alright, shark, So it's uh,

30:15

we're gonna let grandpa go first. What the

30:17

hell he's

30:20

just he's getting

30:22

in here. Wait? Wait, are we sure

30:25

this guy, this thing is not half shark? Oh

30:27

he's swimming with us. Now, maybe he's half shart. Grandpa.

30:30

Do you recognize him?

30:32

Yeah, he looks familiar. Alright,

30:35

so maybe he's shark. Maybe

30:36

he's look

30:38

but don't don't ask me. When's

30:45

the last It's more

30:47

about smell and taste anyway with shark.

30:49

That's right, that's right, we know that. Well.

30:53

I lost my sense of smell and taste a couple

30:55

of days ago. I don't know if I'll be able to do it.

30:58

You lost your smell and taste? Uh?

31:01

Yeah, well you're sick,

31:03

dude. You got

31:06

comment covid

31:09

shark, stay at home covid sharks.

31:13

But I wanted to go to school, Steff, stuff,

31:15

where are you going? I have to get

31:18

in there. He's flailing, he's absolutely

31:21

flailing. I

31:24

don't want to I don't want to keep you from doing

31:27

what your heart is telling you you need to do well.

31:32

I'm not coming out there to we know, we

31:34

know, Luke, we don't made it very clear.

31:37

I don't want you to come made it very clear.

31:39

I really don't want that. Greg. I'm

31:42

going out there and I'm making you a solid

31:44

promise. I am coming back

31:46

and we're gonna go to Buccanepo

31:48

and fill our taste buttons. The water's

31:51

cold, the water's cold. All right, you better get

31:53

going stuff, We better get

31:55

going, okay, but we're gonna have that garl

31:57

it. Go get him broa.

32:01

Okay, wait, Greg, I feel like there's

32:03

been like a turd. I feel like now you're bra

32:05

and like it's like like

32:09

fuel the water, you know, like and like you'll

32:11

see the shark. So that's it. Just go get

32:14

him, getting gut

32:16

him. But I just want to nail

32:18

down this date first and like make

32:20

sure we have that in the books for me to

32:22

look forward to, because you know how they say like like

32:25

surgery patients need to have hope exactly.

32:29

I just came guys, I just came back

32:31

from book and a Beppo and you weren't kidding about

32:33

these garlic knots. They're insane. That's

32:35

what I'm saying, Gregg. Yeah,

32:38

so Saturday night a PM. That's when

32:40

I'm pree. That's like a perfect date. Not he's

32:42

going under you better get in there stuff. Yeah,

32:44

I just want to Oh you,

32:47

old shark. Do you recognize

32:49

me? Grandpa?

32:52

Is he talking to you? Yeah, yes, old

32:54

shark. Do you understand me? Yes?

32:58

I do. Touch

33:03

your nose to my nose? What

33:06

the hell is this guy doing? Right?

33:12

Am I holding my breath along? Oh?

33:16

I'm part shark, aren't I?

33:19

I think you are? You

33:22

are. I'm finally with my people.

33:25

Stay away from him. He's sick. This

33:29

guy's got COVID. You're

33:33

supposed to stay home. He's got COVID.

33:36

It's just garbage. It's just garbage. And my gills,

33:40

Steph, you came back. Was that guy dead

33:42

or what? He's super dead? Turns

33:44

out he's very very dead. But

33:47

his his corpse have a smile on its

33:49

face, and I think he went to a better place, you know. Yeah,

33:52

So I let him out. I left him out there because

33:55

yeah, you know, what goes around goes around

33:58

to the ground, and he composition.

34:02

I gotta get back to sure.

34:05

Yeah, let's just um, let's just nail

34:07

down a PM. Guys,

34:11

guys, you gotta help me with this chicken parm because

34:13

the portions are ridiculous

34:17

and I definitely want to go there

34:19

and try things for sure. Like the portions

34:21

are almost a split, right, like they like a

34:23

perfect family size

34:27

family. And welcome to Bucca

34:29

to peppose. My name is

34:31

Charles and I'll be taking care of you.

34:34

How many of you in your party? How many? How

34:36

many? How many do we have? Guys? I

34:40

think I think there's six in our school

34:43

and that okay,

34:52

see three comes to us from

34:56

Alchemy v I p. Nathaniel Jacobs.

35:00

Daniel says, Hey, Alchemist, you've got

35:02

the best comedy podcast, if

35:04

not the best podcast period. Thank

35:06

you for being the high point of my entertainment every

35:08

week. And I want to say how honored I am

35:11

for you to read my message during the triumphant,

35:13

long awaited permanent return of Vanessa.

35:16

I can fantasize right. I became a patroon

35:19

a few months ago, and I strongly encourage

35:21

everyone else who enjoys alchemy this even

35:23

a little bit to do the same. Honestly,

35:26

there is no better way to spend money on entertainment.

35:28

For just a few dollars you get hours and

35:30

hours of extra alchemy. This, by the way,

35:32

this is what he's really saying, not this is he's

35:35

saying this hours and hours of

35:37

alchemy. This It was the best five dollars

35:39

I ever spent as for my scene suggestion.

35:42

And I carefully listen every time Chris says

35:44

you wear this ahead of time, right, Kevin, And I

35:46

think I got a pretty good sense of what to avoid.

35:49

Will see the suggestion Indigo

35:53

sincerely, and please never stop. Not

35:58

no, that's that's the that's a purple.

36:03

I think it's more of a more of an indigo. I

36:08

mean, you're the paint guy.

36:10

I guess you'll know. Did

36:12

you want me to mix it up for you guys? Or do

36:15

you want to check out some other palettes?

36:20

Do you have something between between

36:23

between purple and indigo, like

36:26

something on the spectrum? Because I know it's roy

36:28

g BIV and the eye is right

36:30

there next to the v. Uh,

36:32

So where where

36:35

does purple fall between

36:37

indigo and violent? It's

36:39

hard because the eyes also

36:41

right next to the bright

36:44

for blue, right, so we

36:47

know, right?

36:52

Um, you know, I

36:54

mean not personally, but yeah,

36:57

because he's not real, you're not kind

36:59

of did you guys say, you know you

37:02

know Roy g Are you friends of Roy giv? I

37:05

mean we're familiar with his work. Oh

37:08

so you're not affiliated with this society?

37:11

Okay, never mind anxiety?

37:14

What was that about? Um? I think that

37:17

bear actually has a

37:19

strip that might be really interesting. Were

37:21

you guys? What? What?

37:23

What society? I'm right now, I'm

37:25

a member of the Worlster Club, the Beverly

37:27

Club, the Soho Club. But I'm

37:29

not in whatever this is. He comes from money,

37:33

don't don't start with That's

37:35

not my fault. I'm not ashamed of it. I'm not gonna apologize.

37:38

No, No, I want to be in that club

37:42

Perry Winkle. People really love Perry Winkle.

37:44

People who like who are in that Violet

37:46

Indigo situation. I mean, I don't know Perry

37:49

Winkle personally, but I was invited

37:51

to to Pee Diddy's White Party six

37:53

years in a row. I'm in the A list

37:55

groups wherever they are. I want to

37:58

find out what that clubs. That's

38:00

all right. And now you're painting houses, that's cool, that's

38:03

cool. Do it, do it. I

38:05

don't give the money. Hey,

38:07

Rick, how's uh? How are things going over here? And plumbing

38:12

it's pretty shitty. You know hey,

38:22

um, you know, um, you

38:25

know how you've been wondering why some of us go to happy

38:27

hour but you can never find the bar. Yeah,

38:33

well yeah, I think I

38:37

think we might just give you the address tonight, My

38:40

fucking god, hold on one second, let me get my

38:42

notebook out. No no, no, no, no,

38:44

no, no no no no hold on. Okay,

38:46

okay, two things here, Rick. One you

38:48

can't write anything down, and two, you can't say anything

38:50

to anybody. I

38:52

didn't say anything yet. I just told my wife.

38:54

It was gonna see. You can't. If

38:57

you tell your wife anymore, we're gonna have to either kill

38:59

her or are you you killer?

39:02

I don't care, Okay, I want to come and hang out with

39:04

the boys. I didn't work at a I

39:06

didn't work at a home building

39:09

place to hang out by myself drink

39:11

alone at a bar because I thought you

39:13

were going to down unders and nobody's

39:15

there. We told you. I think we told

39:17

you down on Honors one time. Yeah you

39:19

did, Yes, you godd have did all

39:21

right. We had to know that, you had to

39:23

know that you were good. I'm

39:26

really good. Where name?

39:29

Please? Are you on the list? I'm

39:34

Rick, Rick, Rick,

39:38

And do you need the full name Rick

39:41

Prentice, Rick Prentiss, Rick

39:43

Prentiss, Rick Prentiss,

39:46

Rick Prentiss. It's possible that I don't

39:48

know that they know my last name, so I just start with

39:50

Rick. Thet What

39:54

what's the past word, Rick Prentiss?

40:00

Password? The past? Is

40:03

it? Friendship? Is

40:06

friendship from work? Is it?

40:09

It's I can tell

40:12

you the password is not friendship from work?

40:15

Just try friendship? Just try friendship. What do

40:17

you mean, just try it? I

40:21

mean this is the place they told me to go. My

40:24

name's Rick, him on the list. I'm sorry, Rick

40:26

Prentice. If you don't know the password,

40:29

you cannot be admitted to the society tonight.

40:33

Rick, we missed you last night. Man. We had a good

40:35

time. We had a good time, man, a

40:37

really good time. You forgot to mention

40:39

the password. I gotta get back

40:42

to work. No no, no, no, no, no no no no. Here's

40:44

who's making pains today, like

40:46

gold me. No, you

40:48

didn't give me the password. That

40:50

was on purpose. You made me look like an idiot.

40:53

I cried in front of a man last night. Hey,

40:56

at least you know, at least you know that

40:58

you know things are happening. That

41:00

didn't even look like a bar. It wasn't

41:03

people, wasn't. Yeah, we wear

41:05

hoods and robes and cloaks.

41:07

We call them cloaks. Okay,

41:10

some of us here, some of them is here, have proven

41:12

that we can show up and get rejected

41:15

and be okay and hopefully next time they

41:17

get the password. Okay,

41:19

sorry, how's your wife? She's

41:22

good? Okay? Good? My eyes red eyes

41:25

read, they're a little ready. What's your face? Name?

41:28

Please? Um?

41:32

Felix Alder the third, Felix

41:35

Alder, the third, and

41:38

the password society

41:42

Roy right this way, Mr Alder, thank

41:44

you? Yes, yes,

41:48

yes, oh

41:51

he's with me. Wait

41:53

wait wait wait no, I'm sorry, he's not with you.

41:55

Could I get your name please? Rick?

42:00

You might remember me. The is the

42:02

guy that was here last night, Prentice, Rick

42:04

Prentice. I wasn't here last night. You

42:07

weren't, Rick Prentice.

42:10

Oh yes,

42:13

yes, you're on the list and

42:15

the password O

42:19

god Bob.

42:24

I was hoping to get transferred away from Paints

42:27

if I could do maybe stock room something, not

42:29

with them, direct with customer.

42:33

You you don't want to be direct to customers.

42:35

People. People are dying to

42:37

work with customers. Yeah,

42:41

you know it's not. Yeah, so then maybe those people

42:43

should work with them. I'm feeling like it's maybe

42:45

not a great fit for me. So

42:47

um, but I would do really well in the stock room.

42:50

Throw on some you know, earphones, listen to

42:52

some podcasts, and and just get

42:55

on with my day, you know, like that. I

42:57

would like know what happens in the stock room, stock

43:00

things, and you do inventory, and it's a

43:02

lot of listening that. I'm actually very strong.

43:05

That's exactly what happens there. My

43:07

arms don't look strong, but the thing is you have

43:09

to lift with your legs, and

43:11

my legs are very

43:14

strong. I'm not supposed to look at him,

43:16

So no, I'm not asking you to look

43:18

at This is why I can't. I shouldn't be with people,

43:20

you know what I mean, Like, I shouldn't do the whole customer thing. You're

43:22

very awkward. It's not good for me. It's

43:25

not good for my mental health. No,

43:27

no, well, hey, no, say no more.

43:30

I'm gonna I'm gonna move you over. But be

43:32

aware of Gary back there, right

43:35

Gary, he works in the stock room. Just

43:38

you know what, why do you employ someone

43:40

that you need to be wary the other employees?

43:43

Of he's this is a

43:45

problem, Bob. No, No, he's

43:48

he's actually Gary's

43:50

last name is Low, So I

43:52

can't you understand being at

43:54

a Low's. Gary gets to

43:56

do whatever job he wants to do. But

43:59

he's not a danger, there's no.

44:01

No, I just need to be aware that he'll

44:03

be like a little upty and annoying. No,

44:06

like, so you don't get caught off guard when

44:08

you walk back there and Gary's there, be aware,

44:11

like be watch out, watch

44:14

out, So there is some kind of danger. No,

44:16

just if you're going around the corner, I'm gonna say,

44:18

watch out. There's If there's

44:20

danger, then maybe I should stay out on the floor because

44:22

at least it's a public place and I have eyes

44:24

on me, and there's like people to back me up and corroborate

44:27

any story. Robert.

44:29

No, there's no murders. Listen. I

44:31

don't know. I don't You're really you're really confusing

44:33

me, Bob, and you're really kind of freaking me out. No, I'm

44:35

not trying. I can't leave you on the floor.

44:38

Now, now that you said you're awkward with customers,

44:40

putting you in the stock room, send Gary

44:42

to the front. I did not say

44:44

that I'm awkward with customers. I said that maybe

44:47

it's not my strong suit. Um,

44:49

that I would feel more comfortable doing a

44:51

loner job. Do you want my job?

44:53

Is that what you want? I'll

44:55

just give it to you here. We'll switch. You wear

44:57

this name tag, I'll wear yours. Do

45:00

I get full benefits? Yeah, it's

45:02

full switcher. Okay,

45:05

okay, okay, thanks Bob.

45:10

We know. Welcome. Don't

45:15

say anything. I'm sorry everybody

45:17

was sitting in. You're a new member,

45:21

alright, Welcome to the Enna sanctum,

45:23

Rick Prentice, Rick p

45:32

Now, Rick, you may have noticed that you cannot see our

45:34

faces, but we can see yours. You

45:37

haven't earned the rights to put face

45:40

covering on just yet. Uh

45:43

huh? And

45:47

is the right? And

45:49

nimity is a right?

45:51

And right?

45:56

The spotlight is really like it's

45:58

bright, so it's really hard to see any We can put your

46:00

word back outside, Rick, if you'd like. No, no, no,

46:02

no, no, no no no no. Police. Where on the

46:05

color spectrum do you lie? Rick

46:07

Prentice? Color

46:10

spectrum

46:14

yellow yellow,

46:17

yellow, Then

46:20

place yourself in

46:24

the spectrum.

46:26

Um, I this

46:28

is where do

46:30

you lie? Find it? Rick? I

46:34

guess just w are you? Rick? Let's see just

46:38

after it seems a little strange

46:40

that I'm after Orange, and then it's

46:42

it's before it doesn't

46:45

I guess right here is this correct? Between

46:48

Orange? Hey?

46:52

Rick? Um, quick thing,

46:54

dude, Um, we're not We

46:57

kind of don't want you to come back, you know what I mean? Last

46:59

night out and like you know, but

47:03

you're going to go to the same place and it's the same password.

47:05

Right. I don't I mean probably don't,

47:08

but don't take guys. Sorry, Um, I don't

47:10

mean to, but you guys need to get back to work.

47:13

Um, I'm the floor manager

47:15

now, and girl,

47:17

thought you were the paint girl. There's not a lot

47:19

of changes here painter

47:23

like the cute little paint girl. That's what we always

47:25

call her. No, I'm the strong, the big

47:27

strong floor manager now and the big

47:29

strong floor manager now. And you're

47:33

gonna need to sir. You're gonna

47:35

need to buy something or get out, and sir, you're

47:37

going to need to get back to the louver for wit

47:40

second. Actually, no,

47:42

actually work now. You don't know,

47:45

you don't. When you leave the society,

47:47

you leave employment as well. Oh

47:50

my god, yeah, don't

47:52

tell your wife ship honey,

47:56

how did you what are you doing? Home

47:59

at the doors close to blinds. Hold

48:02

on, Oh boy, I've got

48:04

a lot to tell you. So yello

48:07

yellow yellow yellow yellow. Oh

48:10

listen, I've been discharged from

48:12

a secret society and how I don't have a job.

48:15

Um,

48:18

why did you do this to last? What about

48:20

our son? And

48:24

he was fine that scene three

48:26

and the end of our show. Everybody,

48:29

let's say, let's say a couple of thank

48:32

you as you know. First of all, I want to thank

48:34

our in zoom Alca Maniacs,

48:36

Paul Hattan and Mike del Rosso for

48:39

chilling with us, hanging with us.

48:41

I also want to go around and thank you guys and see what you're

48:43

up to. James, thank you and what are you up

48:45

to? Wow? I am

48:48

What am I up to? I've been doing

48:50

a lot of game front stuff. Check

48:52

out game Front game front dot COM's

48:54

web page. We'll bring you over to where we

48:57

really are, putting the last on a YouTube channel,

48:59

game Front terrific. Jackie,

49:01

Ruthy, thank you and what are you up

49:03

to? Thank you so much? Um? You

49:06

know, I'm Jackie to Ruthie on Instagram

49:08

and that's where I'll post, you

49:10

know, new things when I'm

49:12

when I'm up to what's going on.

49:15

Um, I have a show

49:18

and I'm not sure when this this comes out,

49:20

but I think that it would come out before

49:23

the fourteen, perhaps

49:25

April of April April fourteen,

49:28

there's a Pony Pony show at

49:31

the west Side Comedy Theater that will

49:33

have a lot of similar players to

49:35

this podcast, and either way be

49:37

very fun and I will be there.

49:41

Um, I will be doing that show live

49:43

at the west Side Comedy Theater. And on

49:45

the twenty two is Earth Day, so don't forget

49:47

to uh to celebrate. That's one of my favorite.

49:53

Congratulations on your on your award winning

49:55

short film, thank You is

49:57

award winning now it is award winning

49:59

you your husband made and it was great.

50:03

Congratulations on that. Okay, Craig Kaikowski,

50:06

thank you, And what are you up to? Well,

50:08

a self tape just came in, so with

50:11

any with any luck, that will turn into a job

50:14

on TV and then I'll be able to tell you about

50:16

it eight months from now. We're

50:18

just I know, we're just wrapping up, but let's just quickly

50:20

explain to people who don't know what self tape what

50:22

that means. Well, it

50:25

used to be that all auditions you'd go to

50:27

a casting office somewhere in the Greater

50:29

Los Angeles area. You drive all around

50:32

town, so you do have the convenience of everything can be

50:34

done from home. But it really

50:36

is just you're you're reading

50:38

with your significant other or a friend.

50:41

Uh, You're you're taping it. You're sending

50:43

it off into the ether, never to be

50:45

heard from again. Well

50:48

break a leg with that, and uh you

50:51

know. But also you know, Craig, you book baby,

50:53

and if you go in there with that booking mentality, you're

50:55

gonna book. I usually slate

50:58

by saying I booked

51:01

Craig Ktkowski five for eleven Los Angeles.

51:04

I booked baby. That would be good

51:06

like a tool saying thank you so much

51:08

and what are you up to? Uh?

51:10

Not much. I'm getting back on stage. I'm I

51:13

got a sketch show coming

51:15

up a couple of weeks. You can follow me

51:17

on a tool time A T U L

51:19

T I M E. On Instagram and on

51:21

Twitter and uh my website

51:24

of toolsing dot com. I usually will have my shows

51:26

listened there. So if you're in the area, come on out. I'd

51:28

love to see you in person. And

51:31

I guess you and I will probably probably

51:33

be joining Jackie on that Pretty Pretty

51:35

Ponny Show. Yes, Yes, absolutely or

51:37

fourteen for fourteen.

51:41

Well, thank you all for being here and let's think our

51:43

engineer and produce. You to the stars, Mr Doug

51:45

Baby

51:47

and the fine folks that I hurt Media.

51:51

I have been your guest host Chris ov Rodo, and I thank

51:53

you for listening and until next time, Yes

52:00

Up.