We know bank accounts, but an emo bank account? The former has a deposit and a withdrawal function with a legalized financial institution, while the latter has an illusionary deposit and withdrawal function…. but with who? It’s the human relationship bank account we’re speaking.

A bank account flourishes when there is more deposit than there is withdrawal. The more we deposit, the number goes up and we are in the state of accumulation of wealth. An account is considered healthy as long as it is positive. We have rooms for allowance and are able to do occasional withdrawal if needed.

Just like the physical financial account, we maintain an emotional account with another human being. Be it our parent, our friends, or our teachers and colleagues, each of us immediately opened a ‘bank account’ with another person the moment we are acquainted with each other. We can say that the more affection we hold with our loved ones is a result of constant deposit in another person’s emotional bank account.

Now deposit in an emotional bank account can be done with acts of:

1. appreciation
2. approval
3. understanding
4. love
5. care
6. courtesy
7. promising them something and then fulfill it

They could be more. But these are some of the ways we can deposit in the emotional bank account with our neighbors. The effect of constant deposit is a healthy account leading to better relationship, which results in faster and more effective communication. It creates creative energy in synergistic conversations, where people are not afraid to express themselves, or perhaps uttering wrong words at the wrong time, simply because they trust each other’s intention so well that they can overlook these mistakes.

Before we go on, it is good to present the other side of the coin. A physical bank account exists so that we may deposit, and more importantly that we can withdraw it in future. But an emotional bank account withdrawal? These are some of the acts we often do to our neighbors, and sadly often to our loved ones.

1. No appreciation made
2. Disapproval, or body language showing dislikes
3. Listening with the intention to reply, rather than with the intention to understand
4. Hatred, unforgiveness, jealousy
5. Not giving them the due attention (shunning if serious)
6. Not being courteous
7. promise them something and then not fulfill it

The list may go on. What I did here is essentially reverse the 7 deposit acts, and here we are getting the withdrawal by committing either one of the combinations of the above. By committing these things to our neighbors, our friends, we are risking of depleting the emotional bank accounts we have with them. No one likes a bank account draining of its resource like the water tap. Relationship suffers, and a negative bank account changes our inclination with another human being. Instead of liking them, we are beginning to dislike them, or they began to dislike us.

Dante worked as a salesperson in an insurance company. He loves his job, and enjoys the attention of being looked upon as a successful young man. With branded outfits and the best hairstyles in town, he rehearsed to smile in front of the mirror every morning before going to work. The customers liked Dante. He has a charismatic personality and is a great talker. Everything seem to go well with an outgoing job he has.

Now Dante deposited the emotional bank accounts he hold with each of his customers. In hope to close a sales, he sometimes made promises beyond what was actually insured in the life insurance the customers interested in. And so he made things better, thinking that after all his customers are satisfied after signing the document. Years past and everything seem pretty well for him. He quit his job and join a public relation career in a multinational company.

Now we can learn from Dante. Yes we should affirm people’s worth, and yes we should be courteous and warm toward each other. No we shouldn’t make blank promises and, if the story allows, we should treat people genuinely by prioritizing on their need over closing a sales.

How is our emotional bank account with our parent? Do we do frequent deposit, or do we do withdrawal and suffer the relationship? How about our relationship with our loved ones, our friends, colleagues and extended family members?

Make a deposit today. Refrain from taking withdrawal. When an account flourishes, relationship improves, trust increases, love abounds, creativity unleashes… then we can truly enjoy the maximum benefit of living in an interdependent society.