0:00

All There Is with Anderson Cooper is

0:02

supported by Evernorth Health Services. Who

0:30

Would Want To Be? Happiness

0:32

Would Become Meaningless If It Were

0:34

A Constant State. If

0:37

You Accept That, Then You Will Not Be

0:39

Surprised When Something Bad Occurs. You

0:41

Will Not Nast Your Teeth And Ask Why Me?

0:43

Why Has This Happened To Me? It

0:46

Has Happened To You Because That Is The Nature Of

0:48

Things. No One Escapes. Nothing

0:51

Is Meant To Last Forever. We

0:55

Are Told The Fable Ends With A Part Of

0:58

Gold At The End Of The Rainbow. But

1:00

Does It? I

1:03

Have No Answer. Except To

1:05

Say, I Know The

1:07

Rainbow Comes And Goes. And

1:10

Really, Isn't That Enough? You

1:13

Are A Doring Mom. I

1:17

Really Miss Hearing Her Voice. And

1:22

It's Funny Because All The Things That Used To

1:24

Frustrate Or Stress Me Out About Her. That's

1:26

All Gone. Hearing

1:29

Her Voice Now, I Just Hear Her Almost

1:32

Childlike Enthusiasm. Her

1:34

Optimism And Her Humor. And

1:37

Most Of All I Hear The Love That She Had For

1:39

Me And The Trust That She Had In Me. I

1:43

Mentioned Recently That I Felt Stuck

1:45

In My Grief. But Listening To

1:47

My Mom, I Realized Now

1:49

For The First Time That The Grief I

1:51

Feel For Her Is Very Different Than The

1:53

Grief I Feel Over My Dad And Brothers

1:56

Deaths And My Nanny Mae. I

1:59

Had A Lifetime With Me. My mom.

2:01

She died in Ninety Five, and while

2:03

I miss her, I don't feel robbed.

2:05

There's no horror rage at her passing.

2:08

It. Is I see very clearly right

2:10

now the grief of an adult? And.

2:13

I see very clearly how

2:15

the grief I feel over

2:17

my brother and father and

2:19

may is the grief a

2:21

child feels. A mixer of

2:23

horror and heartbreak. Fear enrage.

2:27

Me be I have made some progress

2:29

after all, whatever progress means. At

2:32

least now I can allow myself

2:34

to lose, get the many layers

2:36

of my greece and feel them

2:38

long enough to analyze their dimensions

2:40

and and origin. It's no longer

2:42

just one huge, ever expanding black

2:44

hole of oblivion and I'm running

2:46

same. And I have many

2:48

of you who are listening to thank for that. I've

2:51

been playing your voice mails this past week

2:53

and received more than twenty two hundred of

2:56

them so far. And the number one nine

2:58

one seven seven two seven six eight one

3:00

Eight will be working for several more weeks.

3:02

If you want to call. Hearing

3:05

your voices and your stories, the names of

3:07

your loved ones, I I couldn't stop crying.

3:10

While I normally try to shut that

3:12

down pretty quickly, I didn't this past

3:14

week and I'm glad. In

3:17

this episode I'm going to play some of

3:19

your cause I want you to hear what

3:21

I heard in your messages. Because. It's

3:23

so confirmed to me that I

3:25

you. None. Of us is alone

3:28

in our sadness and in our struggles and

3:30

I know it feels like we are. I've

3:32

felt alone for so long. But.

3:35

What France as well or send the first episode

3:37

of the season is really true. Greece.

3:42

When. We're really in it. We.

3:44

Are in the commons of the soul. Anytime

3:47

he walked down the street. Any

3:49

pair of eyes you look into. They.

3:51

Will no loss. No

3:53

one's been excluded from that club. One.

3:55

Of the most. If not

3:58

the most common human experience. As

4:00

one of loss. The when

4:02

you're in a agree phobic culture. That.

4:05

Language does Commons don't have to be

4:07

visited. For

4:09

the next half hour. So I want you to

4:11

visit the comments of the soul with me. My

4:16

name is Mary Tyler and phone because I

4:19

want you to know my son. Nice! Here.

4:24

Are you. In

4:27

Alexander line train and.

4:30

His name only child. Is

4:32

twenty five and diagnosed with brain cancer.

4:35

Be immersed cleo glass dome we're

4:37

told from the reasoning is a

4:39

trick is like. A

4:41

sort it out for number of years,

4:43

but he was left with daily seizures.

4:45

runtime girlfriends us too much for her.

4:49

He planned to marry her. It.

4:51

Was just the three of us, mom, dad, and

4:53

even. A timeless colorful of the

4:55

master, but also terrifying and right to see

4:58

if the other soon. As they put his. Family

5:01

draft. October twenty ninth

5:03

team. They offered to try to just keep

5:05

him alive. Know Murtech as

5:08

a cure this know constantly at

5:10

the hospital in wanted to stop.

5:12

I didn't wanna lose him I

5:14

talk to. Them for three weeks. You

5:16

finally another when I asked him to tell

5:18

me what he really wanted. I

5:20

want to stay home Mom I went on

5:23

their black to Survive he said. Even

5:26

if you know it can happen. Oh

5:28

yes, yes he said. He

5:30

said okay, a killer. They want to start

5:33

crawling. No more appointments. no. Glamorize

5:35

my heart would take it

5:37

in. looked at me with

5:39

a huge smile moment. So

5:41

Murphy. And February twenty.

5:43

Nine Twenty Twenty and hold you the my

5:45

own. And. He

5:48

could see on. His heart pounding in my

5:50

chest. I. Said it's already a nice

5:52

guy. Is how long have you. Seen.

5:54

As a concert stopped. As

5:57

the first of. All. These when he was born.

6:00

I was the last. Thing. Has

6:02

the She smiled and told. Me I was his

6:04

best and. Would. It gets that was.

6:07

Our throughout his life we will goofy pounds.

6:10

He knew that he was my favorite

6:12

human. I. Can

6:14

offer much because and left without. I'm.

6:18

Married. And listen to

6:20

your message. Dozens of times I've

6:22

said your son's name is Alexander

6:25

like Conan allowed into the universe

6:27

over and over. And

6:30

I hope people listening will say his name out loud

6:32

as well. My. Name

6:34

is Linda. My dear friend knew

6:36

exactly what to say when I

6:38

called her to tell her our

6:41

son Matthew had died by suicide

6:43

at age twenty four. She

6:46

said. I will

6:48

say his name and I

6:51

will remember and talk about

6:53

Matthew for ever to everyone

6:55

I know. The.

6:57

Worst thing that could ever have happened to

7:00

us. Our only child was gone. We.

7:03

Feared he would be forgotten. My.

7:06

Friends let me know with so

7:08

sweet words that mass you would

7:11

continue to be talked about and

7:13

remembered. Beyond. Our memories of

7:15

him. It. Was

7:17

the most beautiful generous

7:19

just. And I will

7:22

never forget. For perfect. Words. Many

7:25

of you who calls spoke about

7:27

that ceilings been lost the pain

7:29

of it many views of learned

7:31

that talking about is the only

7:33

way through. My name's Sarah. I'm

7:36

a different set of Chicago. Has

7:39

been in learning fast. Our first

7:41

baby. And

7:43

about. Six months. Or

7:45

six months. Pregnant. What is the things

7:47

that I've come to understand is that.

7:50

My grief is

7:53

useful. To us are.

7:56

Who are increase. And

7:58

decrease is useful. to me, sort

8:01

of like driving in

8:03

a white-out snowstorm. If you

8:05

see that there are headlights in

8:07

front of you, it helps

8:10

you feel like

8:13

there's a path that you are

8:15

on, and there is space to move

8:17

forward. I love

8:19

that description of headlights and a blizzard that help

8:21

you feel that you're not alone and

8:23

that there is a path ahead. Hi,

8:27

Anderson. I lost

8:30

my second child from your

8:32

sack to a really

8:34

rare genetic condition, and it was

8:37

completely devastating, as you can imagine. He

8:39

was an infant, and

8:41

I was able to test for it

8:44

with subsequent children

8:46

and lost two other pregnancies

8:49

and also had two more living children

8:51

after that. So I have three living

8:53

children right now, and I

8:55

learned a lot from it. I

8:57

absolutely believe that he was meant to be

8:59

here. I was meant to be his mother.

9:02

There's so much love around

9:04

that, and I'm so glad that

9:06

I was able to hold him

9:08

as he died. I think that being a

9:10

witness to the death of

9:13

someone that you love is amazing.

9:15

It's an honor, but he's not

9:17

something that's a taboo subject. If

9:19

he comes up in conversation, if

9:22

I'm talking to somebody, if they ask how many

9:24

kids I have and it feels appropriate, I mention

9:27

it, I feel like making

9:29

the loss of a loved one where you don't

9:31

talk about the person. I actually think that that

9:34

can make living with

9:36

it more difficult, and I feel

9:39

grateful that my

9:42

son Jordan has been incorporated into

9:44

our family as just part

9:47

of our lives. He was my kid's

9:50

brother. He was my husband's

9:52

child. So many of

9:54

you called in to emphasize the importance of

9:57

talking and also to mention specific things that

9:59

people have said. to you that have been

10:01

helpful. My name is

10:03

Sarah and my first daughter Clara

10:05

was born and died unexpectedly at

10:08

birth on December

10:10

28th of 2015. I

10:13

have another daughter as well and so

10:16

people will ask, how many children do you

10:18

have? Is this your only one? And

10:21

I make a decision right then and there whether

10:23

or not I'm going to share about Clara. And

10:26

often I do because she is part of

10:28

our family. And while I'm often

10:31

met with silence, as

10:33

though the person who asked that question didn't

10:35

even hear me when I say, well, actually

10:37

I have to, but my first daughter died

10:39

at birth. Even though

10:42

I am often met with that reaction, I continue

10:44

to share because one of the things that I

10:46

have found is that the

10:48

more I share, the more people open

10:50

up to me and they tell me

10:52

their stories. There's a

10:55

lot of connection that can be made and

10:57

I have met some of the kindest

10:59

people through my sharing

11:01

and that has helped me and

11:04

I hopefully helps others. Hi,

11:07

my name is Mariana Yamadi and I just

11:09

wanted to share one of the nicest things

11:12

anyone has ever said to me in my

11:14

grief. My father passed away

11:16

in 2017, my mother passed away in 2018 and

11:18

I befriended a small group of

11:21

older women. One day I

11:23

just started weeping and one

11:26

of the older women gently asked

11:28

me, what was she

11:30

like? What was your mother like? And

11:34

to be honest, I didn't even know

11:36

how to answer that. I had realized

11:38

that all the questions that I've been

11:40

asked in the last few years with

11:42

my parents asking were, what happened to

11:44

them? When did they

11:46

die? How did they die? And

11:48

here this woman was asking me about

11:50

my mom as a person and so

11:53

every time that I find out

11:56

that someone has lost someone, I really try

11:58

to ask something personal. What was

12:00

their name? What was your favorite memory?

12:04

Mariana, I've taken that advice and I've seen

12:06

the difference that it makes. My name is

12:08

Grayson Williams Krebs. My mom died at a

12:10

young age and I feel like when people

12:12

found out this fact, it was like mental

12:14

notes. Never bring up moms in front of

12:16

Grayson. It was isolating

12:18

and it was uncomfortable. I realized that not

12:21

talking about my mom was not only keeping

12:23

me from telling other people about the life

12:25

she lived, but also to not

12:27

talk about my mom is to not recognize my

12:29

strength and who I am today. So

12:32

I wanted to change this. I started bringing

12:34

cheesecake, her favorite dessert to work on her

12:36

birthday. I had tulips around the

12:38

house more, her favorite flowers, and

12:40

I started wearing her clothes more and telling them like a badge

12:42

of honor, these are hers. Then

12:45

that's when things change. On the anniversary

12:47

of her passing, which we need to have a better word

12:49

for that day, what are we calling it these days? My

12:52

friends started sending me tulips. At

12:54

restaurants, they'd order cheesecake and then I was able

12:56

to tell them stories about my mom. It's

12:59

like I gave them this invitation to talk about

13:01

her and then in doing so, I

13:03

didn't have to carry the weight of grief alone. I got

13:05

to share it with friends. And grief

13:07

weirdly turned into this really beautiful thing.

13:10

Grief does not have to be scary when we can do

13:12

it together. We'll

13:17

be right back with more of your calls. All

13:22

There Is with Anderson Cooper is supported

13:24

by Ever North Health Services. Hi,

13:27

I'm Glennon Doyle, author of Untamed and

13:29

host of the podcast, We Can Do

13:32

Hard Things. On We Can Do Hard

13:34

Things, my wife, Abby, my sister, Amanda,

13:36

and I do the only thing we've

13:38

found that has ever made life any

13:40

easier. We drop the fake and we

13:43

just talk really raw and honestly about

13:45

all the hard parts of life. So

13:48

come on over and join us

13:50

and some of our friends and

13:52

greatest heroes like former first lady,

13:54

Michelle Obama, Tracy Ellis Ross, Gloria

13:57

Steinem, Elizabeth Gilbert, Brandi Carlisle, Bernadette.

14:00

Brown and our beloved

14:02

community A Pats glad

14:04

you're here. Refreshingly honest

14:06

conversations trust see of

14:08

out Sachs gender parenting

14:11

blended families our bodies,

14:13

anxiety, addiction, feeling overwhelmed

14:15

just. All of that. Life.

14:18

Is hard so let's do it together. Meet.

14:20

Us every Tuesday and Thursday so we can do

14:22

hard things. One. Of Apple and Spotify.

14:25

It's top shared podcasts of twenty twenty

14:27

three. Listen. To and follow

14:29

we can do hard Things and Odyssey

14:31

podcast available now for free on. Odyssey

14:33

and everywhere you get your podcasts,

14:37

Welcome. Back there are so many different

14:39

kinds of grief and so many layers

14:42

doing. Sally received a cancer

14:44

diagnosis that changed her life forever.

14:47

My name is Sally. While I

14:49

love and I'm an i'm forty

14:52

seven and for the past. Four.

14:54

And a half years it has done

14:56

a stage for a terrible breast cancer.

14:59

And one. Of the things that. Are

15:02

focused. On Ally is. The

15:05

lot of. The

15:07

image I had of my. Future South.

15:10

Which. Is just as. Important as

15:13

clear as the loss

15:15

of loved ones. And

15:18

at the same try and. Find.

15:21

The France. He see

15:24

what? Guess that last may

15:26

coexists side. So for example,

15:28

I was considering becoming a

15:31

mother on my own, much

15:33

as a lifelong dream of

15:35

mine has. Told her and. And

15:39

I. Are assholes

15:41

on that plan? Possibly.

15:44

Forever. On the

15:46

cells as three consecutive cancer

15:48

diagnoses. And yeah, at

15:51

the same time I am an

15:53

anti to stories. Amazing

15:55

little human who are almost nine

15:57

or more Sutherland on the side.

16:00

And I honestly never knew it could be

16:02

this magical. To be an empty. So.

16:05

While I grieve the loss

16:07

of motherhood, as I envision

16:09

that. I.

16:11

Also well from the.

16:14

Vs that I have found. in

16:17

the incredible only sunsets I

16:19

have with my nephew and

16:21

he says. So.

16:24

Many of you are grieving as a result

16:26

of cancer. Hi

16:28

my north western. My

16:31

son a brain search for survivors.

16:34

And. From there is a child

16:36

died he was gonna be when

16:38

he was born and then this

16:41

thing happen to own. An.

16:43

It forever alter them. She was to

16:45

the house. When. He

16:48

was diagnosed. And then

16:50

he was three the half when he relapsed. The

16:53

you know, thirty sessions of

16:55

radiation. Takes. A toll on

16:57

the brain and it altered. I'm and

16:59

will be forever altered from it. Increases.

17:06

For. Who he was a speech. Before.

17:08

The half as. Well

17:11

as and we think Greece's sadness for

17:13

the passing of someone with loved and

17:15

will miss you can be so many

17:17

dimensions to. I

17:19

have never said. Anything like

17:21

this before, but my dad was

17:23

extremely emotionally abusive to be pretty

17:26

much every day of my life

17:28

in. There were times I hoped.

17:31

For. Him to be there because I

17:33

knew I deserve to be free but

17:35

he was also a family the love

17:37

it and well respected doctor in are

17:39

small community and when he died there

17:41

were hundreds of people at his funeral

17:44

coming up to me, my mom, my

17:46

sister telling us what a wonderful person

17:48

he was. So

17:51

there's a physical feel, all the

17:53

complexity, pets Rest of the

17:55

morning someone. Who You

17:57

also need to be free for.

18:01

Lisa. Called in about the death of

18:03

her father was an alcoholic. It

18:06

is perfectly Ok to love them

18:08

to honor and be grateful for

18:10

the good things they brought into

18:12

your life. And the key part

18:14

for me that I have never

18:17

heard from anyone and thirty six

18:19

years is a knowledge is that

18:21

your life is easier without them

18:23

in it. I love my father

18:25

and my life is easier without

18:27

him And As and. It's.

18:30

Than thirty six years since he passed

18:32

and I've never heard anyone say that

18:35

and is them my truth all along

18:37

and I hope is as helpful for

18:39

someone. My name is

18:41

Sarah and I'm from Arkansas. I

18:43

lost my dad to lung cancer

18:45

in two thousand six. As.

18:47

Thirty two. He was a

18:49

musician and an artist. He

18:51

was an alcoholic and I

18:53

trust him. Little by little

18:55

in my life I'd miss

18:57

him because he be playing

18:59

a game or unfortunately on

19:01

a bender at a bar.

19:03

We got closer. Closer.

19:06

To his death when I was thirty

19:09

two and he always told me serious,

19:11

you have so much moxie I'm now

19:13

almost fifty. The So I and my

19:15

husband Patrick and I have a daughter.

19:20

Who's. More see. Because

19:24

it is a memory, I.

19:28

Was she was fearing record B.

19:31

C's would have loved to see

19:34

their sober. So like there were

19:36

that. There

19:38

was music and she's ten years

19:41

old all these years later. There's

19:43

too little, physically, but I see

19:45

so much him in Boxy so

19:48

is. It's a constant reminder of

19:50

the good. Sir

19:53

I'm so glad you Dad were. We will

19:55

get closer towards the end of his life.

19:57

I lived in a Max. The

20:00

things we've talked about over the last two

20:02

seasons or anniversaries and birthdays and how far

20:04

they can be, These next few listeners have

20:07

found ways to celebrate their loved ones and

20:09

feel less alone in their sadness. My.

20:11

Brother's birthday is in about a

20:14

week. And one thing

20:16

that I do is I celebrate the

20:18

day instead of. I'm

20:20

acknowledging the pain at it solely

20:22

because I know I'm gonna have

20:24

those feelings he loves Trills. He

20:26

load on roller coasters on the

20:28

news and parkside. I got a

20:30

roller coaster parks in a ride

20:33

roller coasters and it helps me.

20:35

It's cathartic to scream on roller

20:37

coasters. And instead of a looming

20:39

sad day on a calendar, I have

20:41

a. Fun! Day the

20:43

amusement park next with. Brief.

20:46

Which is sort of my existence. My

20:50

dad passed away over twenty five

20:52

years ago and it was such

20:54

a threat. Avoid on the man

20:57

Loves a good parking space. Lobby

20:59

try to stop sign. This

21:01

is like my dad was a patron

21:03

saint of partying and called in there

21:06

and after he passed away he was

21:08

his turn this thing it was such

21:10

a heartache as boy by over the

21:13

years Every time we get a good

21:15

parking place we all say thanks dad

21:17

and it it really is We have

21:19

a good all this is real source

21:22

of remembering and a moment of of

21:24

is being back in our lives and

21:26

what started as a has ended up

21:29

becoming a family sort of ongoing. Was

21:31

an inhuman. Love

21:34

that the patron saint of talking. My.

21:37

Name's Arthur Murray to Hollander. I have

21:39

an area in my house. It started

21:41

out as what. I called the

21:43

Guardian wall which is an effort

21:45

to choose episode his life was.

21:48

last and i'd let them keep

21:50

an eye on me and sir

21:52

now there is like a shell

21:55

of tokens and souvenirs an item

21:57

and then saw the photograph says

22:00

everyone and included in those souvenirs

22:02

and tokens and items are parts

22:04

of my life that have

22:07

fallen away. And it helps me

22:09

feel loved and it reminds

22:12

me that I'm never alone, that they

22:14

are always just a breath away and

22:18

don't tell anybody but sometimes I do

22:20

talk to them and they talk back.

22:24

I used

22:26

to talk to my mom

22:30

when I was driving. We

22:33

always lived far apart from each other and

22:36

so when I would hop in the car I would

22:38

give for her call and

22:44

it was hard when she died because

22:48

I didn't have her to talk in the

22:50

car anymore. But

22:54

the other day I was

22:57

driving and

22:59

it just suddenly occurred to me to talk

23:02

to her anyway. So

23:04

that's what I did and

23:09

I've done it a couple times now and it feels

23:14

great. That

23:16

huge empty hole where

23:20

I used to talk to her. Now

23:24

it's filled again with conversations

23:26

about things that are

23:29

happening in my life, things like that. It

23:32

makes sense that we could just be

23:34

talking to the air but it's

23:37

really helped which

23:40

probably can't tell us since I'm driving but

23:43

it really has. These

23:45

past few months I've found myself talking to

23:47

my dad and brother in May and

23:50

while it sounds silly to some it

23:52

doesn't sound silly to me and it

23:54

does help. It's

23:57

hard for anyone whose grief isn't recognized and

23:59

I've heard from a number of you who've

24:01

lost beloved animals. And it's

24:03

not just that the pain of the loss

24:05

that you spoke of, but the way it's

24:08

been treated by some people around you. Hi

24:10

Anderson. I'm

24:12

snuggling with my sweet dog

24:16

tonight knowing that tomorrow I'm

24:18

gonna have to say goodbye.

24:20

He's been my only constant

24:24

since I was 25 years old. He,

24:31

she, told me to grow up. And

24:38

I just know that there's never gonna be kind of

24:40

love like this ever again. I just

24:42

want to let other people know who we're going through.

24:44

The loss

24:49

of beloved animals that

24:52

it's okay. It's okay

24:54

to grieve. Don't

24:56

worry what other people think. Animals

24:59

are the

25:01

only thing capable of

25:04

unconditional love. And I'm

25:06

gonna try so hard just to remember

25:10

all the lessons my sweet Millie

25:12

girl taught me. For

25:15

many people the loss of a pet is

25:17

the loneliest kind of grief. They're the witnesses

25:19

to our lives. Sometimes the

25:21

only witness. They're the reason

25:23

to come home. They can be the only

25:26

tether to the world for some people. And

25:29

they represent the end of an era of

25:31

our lives. So the grief

25:33

can be incredibly lonely and isolating as

25:35

it's rarely taken as seriously as human

25:37

loss. So what I've

25:39

learned is to seek out others who understand the

25:41

depth of that loss and don't worry about those

25:44

who don't because your grief is real and as

25:47

legitimate as any other grief. Rest

25:49

in peace, Miles. I still

25:52

haven't made much progress the last several weeks going

25:54

through any of the boxes of things belonging to

25:56

my mom and dad and brother. They're still in

25:58

my basement just waiting. Shannon

26:01

left this message about it. I

26:30

find that notion of grief as a process of

26:32

transformation really interesting.

26:46

Becoming who we're meant to become without

26:48

the loved one who's died. And

26:51

the idea that we're not meant to be with

26:53

our beloveds all our life. I

26:55

don't know, maybe it sounds obvious to you, but I

26:58

keep thinking about it. And I find it comforting in

27:00

a way. With grief,

27:02

so much changes over time. And

27:05

I want you to hear from some listeners who are

27:07

at different places in their grief. My

27:10

name is Erin, and I'm from Michigan. My

27:13

parents died in March of 2021. My

27:17

mom had dementia. My dad

27:19

was overwhelmed with fear and pain

27:21

and watching her decline. My

27:24

dad took my mom's life and then took

27:26

his own. I

27:29

didn't know how to even begin to understand what

27:31

had happened until overwhelmed

27:34

with grief. I

27:36

received some advice from a friend who had

27:38

recently lost her husband. She

27:40

told me to simply begin by

27:43

choosing the next thing that I could do. Small

27:45

things like getting a drink of

27:47

water or making something to

27:50

eat or going for a

27:52

walk. In

27:54

the initial days of grief, I found this advice to be

27:56

a helpful way to help me move through a day that

27:58

I didn't even know how to do. to get through. Now,

28:02

over a year and a half later, there

28:04

are still moments when I just

28:06

need to decide what's the next

28:08

thing that I can do to take

28:10

care of myself. My

28:13

name is Casey. I

28:16

lost my brother Ron on

28:18

September 9, 2020.

28:22

He was driving his motorcycle to work, and

28:25

a woman was not paying attention and

28:27

shook and killed him. You

28:31

learn quickly that although your world

28:34

has stopped, the real world

28:36

keeps going, and somehow

28:39

now we are entering our almost

28:41

fourth year without him. And things

28:48

change. You

28:50

figure out how to carry

28:52

it differently. It's not always right

28:54

in front of your face. It's kind of tucked

28:56

away in an envelope, and you're able to peek

28:58

into it and see if

29:01

it's something you can deal with today or not.

29:03

But then you're driving, and someone runs a

29:05

red light right in front of you, and

29:08

you think, my

29:11

brother didn't get that lucky. My

29:14

name is Christina, and I lost

29:16

my wonderful husband Eric two

29:18

years and seven months ago to suicide.

29:22

Leaving my husband to suicide was the

29:24

second most painful thing I've ever been

29:26

through. The first

29:28

most painful thing I've ever been through

29:30

is watching my then eight-year-old and

29:33

five-year-old grieve their

29:35

father. Walking

29:37

your children through pain and

29:40

grief and sadness is

29:42

basically human torture, but

29:45

I would really encourage anybody out

29:47

there that is going through something

29:50

similar to give

29:52

yourself space to grieve,

29:54

to allow your children to openly grieve,

29:57

to keep their memory alive every day.

30:00

And your household. People.

30:03

Memory alive for your children. And.

30:05

Your heart and in their hearts. I

30:08

think this is so important and I say

30:10

this as someone who did not openly grieve

30:13

as a child or for most of my

30:15

life. My brother and I never spoke about

30:17

my dad after his death. He. Was

30:19

just too painful. My

30:21

husband passed away several years ago after

30:24

thirty year battle with cancer. Boys.

30:29

And they're thirteen years. For.

30:31

The home at their childhood. And

30:34

were sixteen and eighteen when their dad

30:36

died. We could

30:38

have retreated three separate corners as we

30:40

grieve. And wage or for all that, we

30:42

have no control. The

30:45

different like spirit is actually the same.

30:48

Nut. Pulled us together, My.

30:50

Boys, the money were able to

30:53

forge an unshakable relationships that laid

30:55

the foundation for us to remain

30:57

connected. And it is the

30:59

State Farm with my boys. Formed in

31:01

the midst of trauma and for an

31:04

age. That I

31:06

am most deeply grateful for. Sale.

31:09

I'm so glad you were able to do that! I.

31:12

Brother and I did retreat into our

31:14

separate corners and we never emerged from

31:16

them. Sort of the biggest regrets

31:18

my life. My.

31:20

Name is Kristen Pain and has been

31:22

as died. Nine. Years

31:24

ago coming up on the. Ninth,

31:27

Anniversary. The

31:29

single most helpful thanks for me and

31:31

for my son is now sixteen and

31:33

a six when he died. Is

31:36

happy about him and talking about.

31:39

The Death and his eldest before.

31:42

He died my son and then talking

31:44

about him all the time. And

31:48

there's a com I don't know if it's

31:50

their homes that it says statements. That was

31:52

given to me as much laughter My husband

31:54

died. And. Is just

31:56

beautiful. Death

31:58

is nothing at all. I've. Only

32:00

for the way into the next room. When

32:03

I heard Christian start to read

32:05

this, I began weepy. He triggered

32:07

and memory. I

32:09

had long buried. It

32:12

was July nineteen eighty a per day or

32:14

two after my brother. soon as. Someone

32:18

handed me the Xerox copy of this poem on

32:20

a sort of paper. I

32:23

still have it press between the pages

32:25

of an old journal I'd completely forgotten

32:27

about. These

32:29

words may not be new to you. But

32:34

they were to me back then. And

32:37

they helped me. To.

32:42

Death is nothing at all. I've

32:45

always looked away to the next room. I

32:48

am I and you are you. Whatever

32:51

we were to each other that we

32:53

still are. Call.

32:55

Me by my old familiar name

32:57

speak to me and easy way

32:59

which he always used put no

33:01

difference into your tone were no

33:03

forced air of solemnity, your sorrow.

33:07

last as we always laughed at a

33:09

little jokes we enjoy together. Play.

33:12

Smile. think of me, Pray for

33:14

me. That my name

33:16

be ever the household word that it

33:19

always was, let it be spoken without

33:21

effect, without a trace of a chateau

33:23

wanted. Slice. Means all

33:25

that it ever meant. It is the same

33:27

that it ever was. There. Is

33:30

absolute unbroken continuity. Why

33:33

should I be out of mind? because I

33:35

out of sight. I

33:37

am but waiting for you for

33:40

an interval somewhere very near. Just

33:42

around the corner. Of

33:45

as well. So

33:54

that's all there is for now. They'll

33:56

be more episodes down the road if

33:58

you'd like to leave of. Mail Too

34:00

funny. I still have a lot of your

34:02

courses to listen to and I will, but

34:05

I'm happy to hear more. The Numbers: Nine

34:07

One Seven Seven Two Seven Six Eight One

34:09

Eight at Nine One Seven Seven To Seven

34:11

Six Eight Money. It'll be open for another

34:13

two weeks or so. I

34:16

hope this podcast have been and continue

34:18

to be of some help wherever you

34:21

are in the world and in your

34:23

grief. I hope you know you're not

34:25

alone. Daycare. All

34:34

there is is a production of

34:37

seen an audio. The show is

34:39

produced by Grace Walker and Dan

34:41

Blue Or senior producers are Haley

34:43

Thomas and Felicia Putting can't stand

34:45

to. Zola is our technical director

34:47

and Steve like Thai is the

34:49

executive producer of Seen An Audio

34:51

support from Trolley More Carry: Rubin

34:54

Shimmery Cheat Read: Ronnie Bettis Alex

34:56

Miniseries Robert Masters Jaunty and Nora

34:58

Laney Steinhardt J. Miss Andres, Nicole

35:00

Pesaro and Lisa Namru. Special

35:02

thanks to Katie him at. All.

35:18

There is with Anderson Cooper supported

35:20

by Ever North Health Services.