0:00

I slid into Drew

0:02

Starkey DMs and

0:05

I said, hey, what are you

0:07

into? And is it me? He

0:11

has not responded. It's actually been 10

0:13

hours since he's responded, which is telling

0:15

me one of three things. Number one,

0:18

he deleted Instagram. He doesn't use it.

0:20

He is. He's going through a lot right

0:22

now. So obviously he doesn't know that I

0:24

DM them, which is why no response. I

0:27

have not been rejected. He just has no

0:29

access to Instagram. He forgot his password. Number

0:32

two, he has a girlfriend. Better

0:34

yet, he has a wife. He has a wife

0:36

and seven children. He is too busy breastfeeding those

0:38

seven kids all the same time. And that's why

0:40

he has not had time to look at his

0:42

DMs. And by the way, I respect

0:45

a married in a relationship man. So

0:47

I respect loyalty and I will take

0:49

a step back. Number three, I

0:52

would assume he got hit by a

0:54

bus. So that

0:56

sucks. It's a file events in

0:58

your favor, Mean Queen and the

1:00

big sit. You didn't ask for,

1:02

but need a welcome to almost

1:04

adulting. Are

1:09

you ready? Hi everyone

1:12

and welcome to a

1:14

brand new premium

1:17

almost adulting. The

1:19

largest self-advocacy and movement, your number one

1:22

destination for personal growth and mental health.

1:24

I'm your big sister and your host,

1:27

Violetta. And today

1:29

a brand new episode is all about

1:31

Violetta's diaries. Welcome to a brand new

1:33

Wednesday. If you currently listen to a

1:35

podcast that means that

1:38

you are either subscribed to my

1:40

premium podcast, which

1:43

is on almost adulting.supercast.com

1:47

or you are getting a

1:49

quick little glimpse to my premium

1:51

podcast because I decide

1:53

to cut this little clip and I'm

1:56

sharing it with the regular podcast if

1:58

you enjoy today's podcast. or

2:00

whatever glimpse I shared with

2:03

you, then feel free to subscribe

2:05

to my premium podcast to get

2:07

between one to three extra episodes

2:10

a week with me, your host,

2:12

Violetta. Link is available in the

2:14

description of this episode's bio. I've

2:17

been thinking a lot about death lately, but

2:20

not in a suicidal type of way, of

2:22

course. Chasachaira, God forbid, not at all. I've

2:24

just been thinking about the afterlife. Do you

2:26

guys ever think about that? Like, what

2:29

if, okay, what

2:32

if right now we're

2:34

in hell? Have

2:36

you ever thought about that? Like what

2:38

if this is the afterlife and this

2:41

is hell? Like every person that's ever

2:43

done something really terrible in their life

2:46

goes to hell and this is it. Like this

2:48

is what hell is like. Like real life is

2:50

actually beautiful and it's only happy. You only know

2:52

one emotion is happiness and this is hell. That's

2:55

been my thought sometimes, but I

2:57

also think maybe this is not hell because there's

3:00

a lot of people that have amazing lives. And

3:02

of course we also have amazing moments, although maybe

3:04

it is hell because we're never

3:07

able to hold on to

3:09

the happy moments for too long. And

3:11

sometimes we take them for granted and

3:13

we have all these other emotions that

3:16

we a lot of times, you

3:19

know, don't appreciate things until it's too late.

3:21

And what if that's part of hell or

3:23

we, you know, we experience shame and

3:25

we experience guilt and, you

3:27

know, like when somebody passes

3:30

away, I had this conversation

3:32

with my mother the other day where

3:35

I wasn't there for my grandmother when she passed

3:37

away because she was in Israel and

3:39

obviously I was here and I was really young

3:41

and I couldn't say goodbye to her. And

3:44

unfortunately my grandma was passing away because

3:48

we were best friends growing up. She

3:51

was with my mother's brother

3:53

and as they

3:57

say that when someone passes away, they

3:59

lose of their memory a few seconds before

4:01

they're about to die. So

4:03

as she was losing her memory and she

4:06

was going away, she suddenly opened her eyes

4:08

and she said, where's Violeta? I have

4:11

to tell her something. Zia

4:13

Violeta. Like that.

4:15

Which means in Russian, where's Violeta?

4:18

I need to tell her something. Where's Violeta? And

4:20

my mom's brother had to tell her Violeta's not

4:22

here, but just know she loves

4:24

you and just, you know, leave in peace. And

4:26

then she died. And obviously

4:28

that's something that I've carried my whole life with

4:31

me. So I told my mother how it's

4:33

such a terrible thing because

4:36

when people pass away, they're gone. And

4:38

whatever hate, resentment, emotions,

4:41

whatever they've ever felt, it's gone. They

4:43

get, they get to finally rest in

4:46

peace. And it's us

4:48

who are left behind that have to

4:50

hold on to the regret. If we

4:52

never say goodbye to them, if we

4:54

did something to them,

4:56

then now we can't say sorry. We

4:58

are left with the memories.

5:01

We are left with the sorrow and the sadness and

5:03

missing them and wanting to see their face, but like

5:05

their peace and they're going to be okay. And it's

5:08

us that have to suffer every single day. So

5:11

I do wonder sometimes, I'm

5:14

going to start crying. I do wonder sometimes if that's

5:19

hell, but which brings

5:21

me to the next question that somebody asked

5:23

me, which was what's the best thing

5:25

that I heard recently? And

5:27

the best thing that I heard recently

5:30

was that if there's sadness,

5:33

then there will be happiness again, too. And

5:35

that's really beautiful. I do love that. That's

5:38

true. That's kind of a little reminder

5:40

that I tell myself whenever, whenever I

5:42

feel low, I kind of remind myself,

5:44

well, if I know if

5:46

I can experience these types of emotions, that means

5:49

I'm going to be able to also not

5:51

only appreciate the opposite type of emotions,

5:54

but I'll know, I'll

5:57

know when I'm happy. I'll know when I'm

5:59

feeling. those positive feelings because

6:01

I was able to feel the

6:03

lows. You know, right? Because

6:07

how they say you can't have rainbow without

6:09

the rain. I know it's cliche, but sometimes

6:12

you need some cliches to pick you up. My

6:14

other thought when it comes to death. My

6:19

third one is, what if this

6:22

is all a simulation? Hear

6:25

me out. I know other people have said this before,

6:27

but there's this one memory that I have that I've

6:29

not been able to stop thinking about since it happened

6:31

last year. Last year, I

6:33

went to Mexico with my friend, Jessica.

6:37

I shouldn't have said her name, but whatever.

6:41

It's fine. She does. This

6:43

is the premium podcast. She won't hear, but I

6:45

won't to Mexico with my friend, Jessica, because she

6:47

was sleeping

6:49

with us. She

7:00

was sleeping with this one guy and

7:03

his, uh, he was, he worked for this billionaire

7:05

guy and no, I can't. I'm

7:09

sorry. I don't mean

7:11

to laugh because last time when I tried to

7:13

mention this story on a podcast, I almost got sued. That's

7:22

why I'm laughing. Well, I

7:26

almost got sued twice with

7:28

podcast stuff. That was one

7:30

of them. The second time

7:32

was actually recently, but I'm

7:34

very into just keeping things to my well,

7:38

like sometimes, you know, I have to keep things

7:40

to myself with the whole lawsuit stuff, but anyways,

7:42

so I'll keep that the rest

7:44

of it to myself. Anyway, we were in

7:46

Mexico and the point is we were getting

7:48

ready for dinner. So I was in my

7:50

room getting ready for dinner. In

7:53

a beautiful Wafalica hotel, but it

7:55

was someone's house because they're that

7:58

they're billionaire and. when

8:00

I was done getting ready, Jessica said, oh, I

8:02

shouldn't say her name, sorry, my friend Emily, my

8:06

friend Emily, she said, it's

8:11

not even that funny, sorry, the funny

8:13

already passed. But anyway, my friend Emily,

8:15

wink, wink, not Jessica,

8:18

she said, come to my room when you're done

8:20

and then we'll be ready to go to dinner.

8:22

And I said, sounds good. I finished getting ready.

8:25

I walk into her room. I must have not

8:27

been making any noise because I can

8:31

see her through her balcony as I'm walking

8:33

through her room and she's just sitting in

8:35

her bed, not moving, just staring at the

8:37

wall, not on her phone, not watching TV

8:40

in silence, staring at her phone. And

8:43

it took me about a minute to walk through the

8:46

whole circle of the balcony and finally walk into her

8:48

room. And the whole minute, this girl has not moved.

8:50

And when I walked in, I look at her and

8:52

she's still staring at the wall and I said, Emily,

8:57

not Jessica, Emily, hello, are you here?

8:59

And then she's like, oh, oh,

9:02

hey. And then she started moving again. And

9:05

I'm like, okay, are you

9:07

real? Is this AI,

9:10

are you a simulation? And I

9:12

still think about that to this day. That's what I

9:14

wanted to say. That was the whole point. I didn't

9:16

mean to air her dirty laundry. She's

9:18

doing great now. She's engaged to someone else.

9:21

I shouldn't have said that information. Oh my

9:23

God. The point is she

9:26

wasn't moving for a minute. Frozen

9:29

like a sims character, just staring at

9:31

the wall, waiting for me to activate

9:33

her. And I activated her when

9:35

I said, hey, Emily, wink, wink. Are

9:39

you ready for dinner? And then she was like, oh, oh,

9:41

oh, oh, and she started moving again. And

9:43

ever since then, I think about that. And I think

9:46

about that how sometimes when I walk outside of my

9:48

door of my house, it's

9:51

empty. My neighbors are all home.

9:54

I've never seen once in my

9:56

life, my neighbors get gross.

10:01

Sometimes I walk out and one of my neighbors walks

10:03

out and I'm thinking, oh, that's convenient. Of

10:06

course, one of my neighbors walks out right now,

10:08

just to kind of remind me, like, oh, no, this is reality.

10:11

This is happening. I think about the old time. And

10:14

I'm like, so everyone is literally existing

10:16

for me. And if that's

10:18

the case, if this is all a simulation, none

10:20

of this is real, why am I

10:22

still paying my mortgage? You

10:25

know what I mean? Why?

10:29

What is all of this for? What am I

10:31

doing? What is the meaning of life? Do you

10:33

guys ever think about that? I think about that

10:35

a lot. I'm always thinking about what

10:38

is the meaning of life. And I don't know.

10:40

I don't know what it is. But

10:43

is it this? Because I don't know. I don't know. Anyway,

10:51

so yeah,

10:53

that's that. Another

10:55

random thought that I've had that somebody asked

10:58

what's a random thought that I've ever had.

11:00

I sometimes I

11:02

feel really bad when

11:04

I'm busy working and I don't have

11:06

enough time for my cat. I get

11:08

I feel guilty, especially when she starts

11:10

to walk around. She does this weird

11:12

meow thing where she meows like like

11:14

a baby and she's like, wow, wow,

11:16

wow, wow, wow, like that. And

11:19

it sounds like a crying baby. That one time

11:21

I was on a Zoom call for

11:24

work to try to get a brand to work

11:26

with me. And

11:28

these people stopped the

11:30

brand call the Zoom call and

11:32

they said, I'm so sorry. Do you

11:36

want to go take care of your baby? I

11:39

was like, I'm so sorry. That's

11:41

my cat. I don't have a baby. I

11:43

literally was like, what baby? And she's like

11:45

the one that's crying. And I said, ma'am,

11:48

Karen, hold your horses. It's not a baby.

11:50

That's a crying cat. And she just wants

11:53

attention. And then I literally picked up my

11:55

cat that was just standing by my feet

11:57

and held it in front of the Zoom

11:59

call. to be like, look, this

12:02

was what you thought was a crying baby.

12:04

So that was really funny. But that's my

12:06

cat. When she wants attention, she literally cries

12:09

like a crying baby. She's like, ah,

12:11

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

12:13

ah. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's

12:15

a lot. But I love her so much.

12:18

Anyway, you guys, I think our time is up.

12:22

I think that

12:24

was enough for my intrusive thoughts for today.

12:27

And I want you guys tonight, when

12:29

you go to sleep, if I can ask you to do

12:31

one thing for me. Will

12:34

too. The first

12:36

thing that I need you to do for me,

12:38

whoever's listening, is when you go to bed tonight,

12:41

I want you to close my eyes. Oops. I

12:45

don't want you to. I do not want you to

12:47

close my eyes. When you go to

12:49

bed tonight, I want you to close

12:51

your eyes. And

12:53

I want you to imagine me and

12:56

Drew Starkey together. I

12:58

want you to manifest it for me. OK, I want

13:00

it to happen. I mean, to be honest, I've never

13:02

spoken to the guy. I've only seen him on TV,

13:06

on that one show, with

13:09

that one blonde girl. Oh, Outer Banks.

13:12

So he could be not a great person

13:14

to be around. But you know what? I'm just focusing on

13:16

his looks at this point and his

13:18

character. So imagine us together. If

13:21

he can do one thing for me, let it

13:23

be that. The second thing that you can do

13:25

for me, if it's not to dream

13:27

about Drew and I being together, it would

13:30

be, what are you? This

13:33

is so embarrassing to say. This

13:35

is not an ad, by the way. I'm not

13:37

doing an ad right now. But Skims is my

13:40

year partner, which I'm

13:42

so thankful for. And to be honest, I'm like, what?

13:45

Thank you. I

13:48

mean, they've been a great partner. I

13:51

still buy on the website for my partner.

13:54

But basically, if you ever shop

13:56

on Skims, if you can please do me

13:58

this biggest favor, And when you ever

14:00

check out, there's a survey that

14:02

you get at the end. And in that survey, if

14:04

you can just click, that you heard, you

14:08

click on podcast, which is asking, where did

14:10

you hear about us from? Which is like,

14:12

hello, who doesn't know you exist? But let's

14:14

pretend you didn't know they existed. You

14:17

get the survey at the end, when you check out

14:19

and you click on their

14:21

podcast. And when you

14:23

click podcast, you will have a little bar

14:25

that will come down and you will be

14:27

able to pick a podcast. And

14:30

if you just type in, you start typing

14:32

in almost, almost adulting will come up and

14:35

you click that. And that way they will

14:37

know that someone for once sent them so

14:39

they can figure out why they're still my

14:42

partner. And that's that. Cool.

14:44

Well, anyway guys, I hope you enjoyed

14:46

today's episode. Just FYI, tomorrow we have

14:48

a brand new episode, which is all

14:50

about attachment theory and

14:53

that's dealing with not only your

14:55

nervous system and regulating it, which

14:58

was, we had that episode two

15:00

weeks ago and everyone should listen

15:02

to it, how to regulate your

15:04

nervous system. But this episode focuses

15:07

on that plus attachment

15:09

theory has to do with anxious style

15:11

attachment, avoidant attachment, dysregulated

15:13

attachment. No, that's not

15:16

it. Disorganized attachment. And

15:18

then how those types of attachment

15:20

styles can date, of course also

15:23

secure attachment style and so on. And

15:26

if those two avoidant and anxious can date,

15:28

why they're always drawn to each other and

15:31

how to make it work because low and

15:33

behold, you too can actually date. Not

15:36

sad. Okay, cool. I love you.

15:38

I love you. I love you. I

15:40

love you besties. Don't forget to dream with me and Drew.

15:43

Bye. Oh, and give me a five star

15:45

review on the podcast. You can't. I'm

15:49

kidding. I mean, do

15:51

if you want to, but it's fine. Just

15:53

dream about me and Drew wearing skins. Okay,

15:55

bye.