0:00

My mom said one time, when

0:02

men lock in height, they make up

0:04

in other places, and then she winked to

0:05

me. And I was like, mom, why would you do that? In what

0:08

world? Like, Do I not know the dad's shorter than

0:10

you? Yeah.

0:10

Do you think of your dad differently now? No.

0:12

I could tell. I could tell. What

0:14

do you mean like that? It's a bilebets in

0:16

your favorite mean queen in the mix, and you

0:18

didn't ask for but You know,

0:21

welcome to almost adulting.

0:28

Are you ready? Hey, Betsy.

0:30

I'm Benson. Welcome to a brand

0:33

new Almost Adulting podcast, your

0:35

number one podcast for dating advice,

0:37

mental health, and everything in between.

0:39

Today, my special guest is

0:41

Trevor Wallace. Did you have to look

0:44

at your phone to make sure you said it right? No.

0:46

I was just looking at that. You get pancakes

0:49

right,

0:49

but not Trevor Wallace. Trevor Wallace

0:51

is a capric corn king. I

0:53

am.

0:54

I knew that.

0:54

December thirtieth.

0:55

Yes. December thirtieth, ninety

0:57

two.

0:58

Ninety two. Full of fucking sleigh. I'm

1:00

out here. Trevor, aside from being a Capricorn

1:02

king, he is a comedian,

1:05

a writer, an actor. You've

1:07

obviously seen all of his funny videos that

1:09

they've gone viral on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube.

1:12

He's hilarious. That's one of the reasons I asked

1:14

him to come on my podcast. I'm a big fan of his.

1:16

I told him he was a big fan. He's also a

1:18

regular and all the hottest Comedy Clubs

1:20

and you you were doing I saw you

1:22

were doing stuff in Vegas

1:23

too. Yeah. Like follow you on TikTok for

1:26

the longest time.

1:27

Briefly? Yeah.

1:28

That's awesome. Oh, makes sense. You're amazing.

1:30

You're so funny.

1:30

As you read off your phone, you're like, this guy

1:32

is like, oh, this guy is like

1:33

Yeah. I know. I'm just

1:36

Yeah. I did show the Mirage in

1:38

Vegas, which was awesome.

1:39

That's so cool. That's so cool. Yeah. I was watching

1:41

your when you, like, found out and

1:43

we were, like, doing it. Yeah.

1:45

That was great. The whole thing. It was, like, one of my favorite

1:47

girls. But then you weren't funny enough, so you

1:49

you stopped doing it. They didn't rehire

1:51

you? Yeah. Yeah.

1:54

No. They just were, like, enjoy

1:56

this money, and we'll see you back in six months,

1:58

winky face. No. There's it's just

2:00

comedy is not, like, DJing. DJing goes every weekend.

2:03

Comedy is, like, If people see your set

2:05

one

2:05

time, by

2:06

the time they

2:06

come to see you again, they want a whole new set.

2:08

Right. Yeah. That actually makes a lot of

2:10

sense. Yeah. So once I get

2:13

another new set, then they just would be like, hey,

2:15

come on back. Hopefully, maybe I don't

2:17

know. No. They will. Why would you say? Manifest. Also,

2:20

he has a popular podcast called

2:22

stiff SOX. Boom. It's

2:25

with his cohost Michael where they do

2:27

weird stuff and then talk about it.

2:28

That's life. Yeah.

2:30

You guys definitely check out his podcast. I'm gonna leave

2:32

everything in the description bio of this episode

2:34

so you guys get to enjoy. So this month's topics

2:37

are super simple, super easy. It's

2:39

like sex and dating. I just want to give

2:41

you guys a really chill month before we go back

2:44

to the rest of my topics where

2:46

I just tell you everything you're doing wrong with your life

2:48

and how you can change yourself for the background.

2:51

Damn. So this is the appetizer before

2:53

the main course. I just wanted to give everyone

2:55

a fun month and that's why I picked such fun guests

2:57

for this month. Nice. You being one of

2:59

them.

3:00

Let's go. Let's go. Okay. Would you say

3:02

you've always been this

3:04

funny? Or do you think it's you were

3:06

probably bullied a lot as a kid and I kind of give

3:08

you a

3:08

personality? Yeah. I think bullied as a kid. always

3:11

say I hung out with the cool kids, but I wasn't cool

3:13

and the cool kids. You know,

3:14

like, there was starting five.

3:15

Yeah. Like, I was like a Rob Kardashian type

3:17

of guy. Mhmm. No shade to Rob, but,

3:20

like, he like, he's a Kardashian, but he's not frontline.

3:22

He's in the back. So I was with the cool kids,

3:24

but I wasn't the coolest of cool kids. So

3:26

those kids would

3:27

like, I would be the butt out of the joke a lot.

3:29

Oh. But I liked it, gaining personality.

3:32

Right.

3:33

And it you know, I was just more I was in

3:35

the back, I was observational, and that's how always think

3:37

about, like, jokes and videos and

3:38

whatnot. Yeah. I was like that too. Yeah. It was definitely

3:40

one of the cool kids, but I wasn't by

3:42

association, but like I don't think I wasn't

3:44

cool.

3:45

When did you move here? When I was fourteen.

3:47

Okay. So I came straight to high

3:50

school. I came straight to high school

3:52

ninth

3:52

grade. I barely spoke English. My

3:55

breast grew. The minute

3:57

I tried milk in the

3:58

US. I just went from, like, the

4:00

Newland here. Literally, God was like,

4:02

that girl has such a weird personality. She's

4:04

so awkward. She's like and she doesn't speak

4:06

English. Here's some tits. And then

4:08

I became double d's in ninth grade.

4:11

Yeah. That's great. I mean,

4:13

honestly, I remember in eighth grade,

4:15

this girl, Jamie showed up. Back to school,

4:17

she was a first girl that had, like, Iraq and,

4:19

like, it was big. It was, like, seeing

4:21

Tom Brady at an airport. Like, everybody couldn't

4:24

take her eyes off

4:24

her. She came back from summer and was racked

4:27

up, and everyone was like, what the fuck? Yeah.

4:29

I have such funny stories about I've

4:31

I've a high school and

4:33

just how

4:34

I, like, barely spoken. No. But I don't wanna

4:36

you know what? That's for another time. Oh,

4:38

you don't know. I don't know about me. I'll tell you. I but

4:40

I think there's mutual respect here. You're

4:42

learning about my upbringing in

4:44

comedy. I'm learning about double d's. You know,

4:46

it's life.

4:47

Yeah. What do you think something

4:49

most people don't know about you? Is that that

4:51

you're a comedian? They don't know that I'm a comedian.

4:54

Whoa. They're Yeah.

4:57

Probably. Yeah. Honestly, you know what's

4:59

funny? I was in Hawaii couple months ago.

5:02

Flex, I was doing a show out there.

5:04

And one of the bart there's two bartenders. One of

5:06

bartenders knew me. He's like, oh, like Trevor. And then

5:08

there's this other bigger dude. He I mean, he was massive.

5:10

It could have been security. It could have been a WW

5:12

wrestler. He's like, who's the comedian of

5:14

the group? There's like four like, who's the comedian in the group? And

5:17

they point to me and he's like, there's no way you're the comedian.

5:19

I was like, yeah, I'm at ballooning around. He's like,

5:21

you're You're the funny guy?

5:24

And I was like, yeah. And he's like, you

5:25

know, it seemed very funny. I'm like, I don't

5:28

I am. We'll do that. Worst. Oh my god.

5:30

You're so funny. Come on. Tell a joke.

5:31

Tell a joke. Tell joke is to

5:33

work. In the mere bitch. Boom.

5:35

Yeah. But, like, this guy was also six hundred pounds,

5:37

all muscles, so I couldn't I was nervous.

5:39

But yeah, it's like, I think that if

5:42

you look at me, your first instinct probably

5:44

isn't comedian. It's probably like a guy who's like a

5:46

tech bro or

5:46

something, finance,

5:48

I think I've seen so many of your videos that

5:50

I can't unsee them. I

5:51

don't even know who I am. Yeah. When video

5:54

comes to mind, looking at me right now. Oh

5:55

my gosh. Well, obviously, don't want Amanda.

5:58

Oh, the hygiene one? Yeah. I love Amanda

6:00

with friends. She think she's hilarious. She also

6:02

is so hot. I love looking at her.

6:04

And yeah. I saw some

6:07

videos on her Instagram, I guess.

6:09

So it's the hiking

6:10

ones.

6:10

Hiking's where? It's the funniest farmer.

6:13

He you 10 you guys are hiking, and then

6:15

I think you asked, where do you live? And she's like, well, I'm actually

6:17

living with my mom right now. You're like,

6:21

damn what? Red flag. And she's like, what could she

6:23

say? Because I

6:23

god. I hate bitches that I She

6:26

said, I'm sick. And I go, I'm sick of these bitches

6:28

living on with her moms. Which is great

6:30

comedy. If a guy really said that run far,

6:33

Also, if the guy shows up to a

6:35

hike with a

6:35

snapback, like that high on his head run.

6:38

That's so funny. Yeah. We're gonna talk about all the reflux.

6:40

But first, I

6:40

thought Please. Another fun way to get to know

6:42

you. Sure. Let's do it. Okay. So rapid rapid

6:46

fire. Rapid fire questions. Okay? Yeah.

6:48

Let's fucking go. Okay. Let's do it. Texting or

6:50

FaceTime. Texting?

6:55

Favorite day of the week. I I need stimulation. I

6:57

gotta, like, Like, I'll be on FaceTime. We

6:59

could have been the most entertaining conversation, but, like,

7:01

I'll I'll, like, start scrolling Instagram. I'm just out of habit.

7:03

Yeah. I'm disrespectful to the person. I'm just, like,

7:06

I'm always I gotta, like, my foot can't stop moving.

7:08

I'm always just doing stuff. Face time's too, like,

7:10

I'm just staring at a phone.

7:12

Red flag.

7:13

Yeah.

7:14

Okay. Cool.

7:15

Face time, I'm just staring at myself. The

7:17

whole thing. Oh, interesting. What's

7:19

worse? Staying

7:19

at yourself or just not or

7:22

just like off like, being on Instagram.

7:24

Being on Instagram staring yourself, the person

7:26

thinks you're looking at them.

7:27

I always thought people just had a lazy eye when they

7:29

were talking to me.

7:30

Last song that you've downloaded. Download

7:33

it. What year is this? Oh,

7:35

it's a it's a Diplo song. Diplo baby

7:37

no money,

7:38

Pogo. I don't know why. That and some tour

7:40

lanes. Favorite day of

7:42

the week.

7:45

Fuck. Thursday. Okay.

7:49

There's a it's good comedy

7:50

night, good standup, but also

7:52

It's the day the podcast comes out.

7:54

That's

7:55

why I said it. Exactly. It just feels fun,

7:57

you know.

7:57

Okay. Plan date or spontaneous last

8:00

minute date.

8:00

Spontaneous last minute. Nick

8:02

name your parents used to call you.

8:04

Bitch. That makes sense. That checks out.

8:08

Trev.

8:09

Is it wrong for vegetarian to

8:11

eat animal crackers?

8:14

No. First

8:16

of all, it's gonna be vegetarian.

8:17

Pardon? It's wrong to be vegetarian. Yeah.

8:20

Are you vegetarian? No. Good.

8:23

And I don't care. No, it's not

8:25

wrong. It's a little I I see the joke, though.

8:27

You know?

8:28

Yeah. For a celebrity crush.

8:30

Pam Anderson. Do

8:32

you know her?

8:33

I've heard of her. Cammy

8:35

Anderson?

8:35

I'm kidding. Of course, I know. I love her. Do you have her

8:37

contacts? Yeah.

8:40

Anyways, Did I come up there?

8:42

Kim correction. Yeah. It was in an episode. Anyway,

8:47

okay. I'm still on the phone. If

8:50

Voldemort -- Yes. --

8:53

offered you a

8:53

hug. Would you take it? No.

8:56

Fuck am I gonna hug an old man for?

8:58

Furious. You know? Yeah.

9:01

Am am I a sugar

9:02

baby? Is he throwing me some money?

9:04

Right. I don't know. What what what good is it?

9:06

Wouldn't he Would you?

9:11

Oh, should you think about it?

9:13

I mean, you

9:14

wouldn't wouldn't do it.

9:16

Yeah. I would do it because I think everyone

9:18

needs to be loved.

9:19

But Voldemort is not loved. Maybe he's misunderstood.

9:23

Okay. Red flag that you see that Voldemort

9:26

could be misunderstood. Literally, he

9:28

looks like a tadpole as a

9:30

human.

9:30

Yeah. I would hug him closing my I would close

9:32

my eyes and I would hug him. If he really

9:35

You don't want to hug his

9:38

I get it.

9:39

Say a word in Spanish.

9:40

Say a word in Spanish. Any word.

9:44

Nice. Say the same

9:46

word in Valerian.

9:48

Valerian. Mhmm. Biblica, but

9:51

in Valerian. Do

9:52

you know a Valerian this? Don't

9:54

do this to me. No. I

9:56

I thought New Hampshire was in a different

9:58

country. I don't

10:00

know. Everything that's not

10:02

Right.flag doesn't watch Game of Thrones get

10:04

fuck out of my house. Sorry.

10:05

No. I don't watch Game of Thrones. That's a lot

10:07

of incest. You might turn me

10:09

on. Whoa.

10:12

Whoa. There's some weird

10:14

acoustics going on in here. You know,

10:16

I'm a red flag in the sense that I don't watch

10:18

TV. You know? I

10:20

I was sitting on TikTok for three hours before

10:23

I'll put on HBO. Really? Yeah.

10:25

Yeah. I'm wrong. I don't

10:27

know why I do that. Biggest

10:28

lie you've ever told.

10:29

That I wanted to do is podcast. That's

10:31

cool. Oh, no. No. No. No.

10:33

That's cool. The biggest lie I've ever told,

10:36

I need budgets some stuff to my parents. I'm actually

10:38

I am happy to be here. And you're very funny

10:41

and you're very talented. I'm not a main guy.

10:43

See, that's the thing. You know what? Like, girls used to

10:45

be like, oh, nagging is good. Like, when you talk down to

10:47

them or you're like, make a joke. Can never do that. I'm

10:49

like, no. That shirt looks dumb. Then she's like, what?

10:52

I'm like, I was trying to be mean.

10:54

I think it's so cute. It looks

10:55

fun. It's a doesn't look like it was out

10:57

for the call. Literally, before we started this podcast,

11:00

I told them, I'm gonna I'm gonna about to do some

11:02

things in the beginning where I'm gonna clown

11:04

you a bit. Is that okay? And you said, yeah. So I've No problem.

11:06

You claw me back. Clown. This is

11:08

a worst podcast you've ever been on. Cool.

11:12

No. No. No. No.

11:12

No. Yeah. You you have I mean, you've been on your

11:14

own podcast, obviously. Yeah. You're working on Period.

11:18

Yeah. No. This this podcast is great. There's

11:20

a cat here. There's a great view. Nice.

11:23

Air flow going on. The

11:25

biggest lie thing I've ever

11:27

told, so I'd think.

11:29

I mean, I've align a lot.

11:31

Oh, you lie a lot? Yeah. But like

11:33

What's the giveaway if you lie? How can people tell if

11:35

you're lying? You ever give away Say the word,

11:38

a lot. Yeah. Well,

11:41

well, like, I like to get out of, like, a ticket,

11:43

you know, couple of me over. I'm pregnant.

11:46

You know? You gotta Yeah. No. I

11:48

just I don't know. Like, I

11:50

I don't know. But, like, if somebody's like, oh,

11:52

can you be here at

11:53

two? And I'm like, for sure.

11:55

So you're always late. That's the biggest lie.

11:57

Always

11:58

late. Always late. The biggest

12:00

lie I tell is

12:04

Sometimes I tell guys I'm allergic to

12:06

dogs if I think they're dogs ugly. Smart.

12:09

What's an ugly dog to you?

12:10

Most of them. Interesting. Yeah.

12:13

That's rare to find in the city. Most people

12:15

and you have a cat, which -- Right.

12:17

-- green flag. Yeah.

12:19

Because I think if you go to run-in, there's,

12:21

I would

12:22

say, six out of ten dogs. Good

12:24

dog. Four out of 10. Yeah.

12:26

Yeah. Take that

12:27

dog to Studio City. Right. When

12:30

they come up to you and you're like and then the owner

12:32

looks to you and like, what do you want me do? Do you want me fuck this

12:34

dog. Like, what are you what are you looking at? They're

12:36

just, like, expecting you to pet it to be so naive.

12:39

No. Get this dog. I'm kidding. Obviously,

12:41

love dogs, but I am allergic to them. So Yeah.

12:44

So what do you say if you just don't like the guy?

12:46

And he doesn't have a dog? You say I'm allergic

12:48

to

12:49

men. You gotta go?

12:50

I don't say anything. Smart.

12:51

I rather say

12:53

nothing, then actually be honest

12:55

because I'm honest of fault. So

12:58

I'm doing the person the favor. If I'm kinda doing

13:00

my best to say nothing, I hope people don't get the

13:02

hand. Then I may say,

13:04

then normally I'll say things like,

13:06

oh, I'm just I'm just so busy

13:08

working. I'm just it's not you. It's

13:10

me I need to work myself or You

13:12

hate them with the not you with me? Or is

13:14

it universal? I think it's

13:16

universal, but when I've done in

13:18

the past, sometimes it does feel like I was

13:20

the fuck boy in it more than them.

13:23

Interesting.

13:23

Not in a way where I was talking to any I don't even

13:26

sleep with guys when I did them.

13:28

I I don't sleep with anyone

13:30

unless I decide I wanna be exclusive with them.

13:33

So I date guys, but I

13:35

don't fuck them. Unless I decide I won't be

13:37

exclusive. I don't

13:38

wanna a girlfriend. I don't wanna just

13:40

exclusive. I don't wanna if I'm having sex

13:42

with someone, I guess it's the same. I don't like

13:44

titles.

13:44

Well, no. It's You see, that's where I feel like if

13:46

a guy said, I don't like titles. That is

13:49

not out of a man's book. I don't like

13:51

titles. Really? Because you've been working

13:53

your ass off to have the title of a

13:55

CEO, but you don't want the title of

13:57

a boyfriend?

13:58

Yeah. That is a red flag in a guy.

14:00

No. Here's the thing. In Los Angeles, big

14:02

cities, that is very common. Like, I don't like titles.

14:05

I get it. Yeah. But, like, if you're back in Tulsa,

14:07

Oklahoma, and a guy's like, I don't like titles.

14:09

He has another family. A

14:11

hundred percent. Yeah. Well, you don't like titles.

14:14

There's fourteen people in this town.

14:15

Okay. Here's a question. Why can't

14:17

we tickle ourselves? Whoa. Because

14:20

you're aware that it's being done to you.

14:23

The thing of tickling is, like, you have no

14:24

control. You know, they're, like, holding hands down, like,

14:26

tickling you. It's your cousin or your uncle.

14:29

Yeah.

14:30

But you're, like, out of control and it's, like,

14:32

oh, is that oh, I'm a it's yourself. It's,

14:34

you know, so it's not. Yeah. It's

14:36

it's your brain. Think if there's a way where

14:38

you could disassociate or if you used

14:40

something that was in your

14:41

hand, like a you ever use the head ones? Yeah.

14:44

Don't feel great because it's not your hand. But

14:46

then how can you still come if you masturbate

14:48

with your hand?

14:51

Whoa. I

14:53

don't know. Interesting. It's

14:56

a thinker. It's a real thinker. It is.

14:57

You can't you can't tickle yourself,

14:59

but you can jerk your so far.

15:01

Right. I've been pretty open about this.

15:03

I think humans need an upgrade.

15:06

Just how a new iPhone comes

15:08

out every couple

15:08

years, when's a new human coming out? I can't tickle

15:11

myself. I don't have an iPhone charger plugged into

15:13

me.

15:14

Right.

15:14

I can't get a new Dick link. Like, why

15:16

can't I upgrade myself?

15:18

Right. So okay.

15:18

What do you want cameras?

15:20

Oh, so if we upgrade ourselves and we'll be able to

15:22

tickle ourselves? That could be part of it.

15:24

You know how iPhone will put out a new phone and you're like,

15:26

you guys don't really change anything. Right. That

15:29

would be

15:29

big. No. We did. When you can take it yourself

15:31

now, and they'd be like, oh, got you got you

15:33

got you.

15:33

That's funny. And then if you're if you're like stressed

15:35

out on a bad day, you don't need to go to therapy. You should

15:38

go, but then you can still be

15:39

like, he he tickle yourself on the call.

15:41

That would be fun. But imagine, what if hear me

15:43

out. What if where you tickle yourself is your

15:45

dick or your vagina? So you go to jerk off.

15:47

Or rubbing out and you start tickling

15:49

yourself and you're laughing

15:50

well, drinking off. Weird.

15:52

Yeah. That's interesting. You

15:54

know, But that's all in the upgrade.

15:56

You have a lot of good thoughts.

15:57

Thank you.

15:58

Yeah.

15:58

Thank you. I try. It's the Celsius.

16:01

Yeah. Where

16:04

is the clitoris? Son

16:06

and Guam. A hundred

16:08

percent. Yeah. It's up top. It's

16:10

up north. You know, it's by

16:12

Sacramento. It's up north. You

16:15

know, it's all all roads lead

16:17

to one. Mhmm. It's up top. Yeah.

16:19

If you

16:21

pull the blanket shirt, I could

16:22

show it. Yeah. So this was a vagina.

16:25

Yeah. Show it to the camera. Wait.

16:27

You flipped that upside down. Where where is where

16:29

where

16:30

There's a glitters. Right there.

16:32

Nice. Yeah. That's good. Dude,

16:37

where did you realistically, where did you think

16:39

I was gonna point? Well, I

16:41

had my friend look at a quick

16:43

clip that you guys had on your podcast.

16:45

Yes. Sift socks? Yes. And

16:48

you had a guest on and you guys were talking

16:50

about

16:50

Lisa and yeah. She was struggling to

16:52

understand what you guys were talking about because you guys

16:54

were not you. The two other people, you know,

16:57

on the

16:57

show. They were talking about how they're

16:59

really turned off by big big

17:02

clits.

17:02

Oh, I know what you're talking about. So then I

17:05

had my friend watch it. My friend said, wait, I'm

17:07

so confused. Some people have really large

17:08

clits, and I said, no,

17:09

baby. With your pants, you're talking

17:11

idiots. And they're talking about the vulva

17:14

and they don't know what the fuck the vulva is and

17:16

they're calling it a click. Call. And, like, it's

17:18

really wild because these guys or

17:20

talking about how they don't like big

17:22

clits. Yeah. It's clear they never found

17:24

one because they don't know where it is.

17:25

That's true. I mean, look, I'm

17:27

not But it wasn't you weren't the one. You weren't the one.

17:29

It wasn't. Said the the sweetest thing, which I

17:31

always say, you said, I'm just happy

17:33

to be there. I am. And I always say that

17:35

to all the women

17:36

listening. I always say, men don't care what

17:38

a vagina looks like. They're just happy he's invited

17:40

to the party. It's like I wouldn't walk into

17:42

a girl's room but like, oh, there's clothes everywhere. I don't

17:44

wanna be here. I wouldn't look at vagina and be like,

17:47

that's A little it's it's not

17:49

sub Yeah. No.

17:51

It it doesn't

17:52

matter.

17:52

Right. It's the

17:53

feeling it's a connection. It's the

17:54

connect exactly.

17:55

We've laughed, loves.

17:57

Period. Yeah.

17:59

Yeah. No. I would never that's insane

18:02

to look at it for Johnny Day. What the fuck

18:04

is that?

18:05

Right. Because then it's like, well,

18:07

are you Oh, so why is it so bright in there? Then

18:10

the lights. You you

18:12

should unless you're like, what's the doctor who

18:14

lives in a vagina? Gynecologist. Yeah.

18:16

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I knew that. That's

18:18

the only person who should ever be staring

18:21

directly at a

18:22

vagina. In broad daylight? Well,

18:23

if you're going down a girl, your eyes just closed

18:25

the whole time. Oh, yeah.

18:28

Okay. It's when your eyes are open.

18:30

Oh, boy.

18:32

Yeah. Please.

18:35

Okay. So that's fine. Yeah. We're not gonna

18:37

be open. Just staring at her belly button.

18:39

So a vagina is here,

18:41

and then you're you're

18:43

here, then your eyes are straight ahead. You

18:45

know what? Actually, this wasn't part of

18:47

my question I am wondering. When a

18:50

guy goes down on a

18:50

girl, does he want her to

18:52

be petting his head? Because I'm not like, I don't

18:55

know what to do with that. He's

18:56

petting, but you can feel like

18:58

Does it does he want her to, like,

19:00

pet him or, like, just fly him back? No. Like,

19:02

touch the head. Because sometimes I feel like I hate looking

19:04

down because then I the

19:05

face. I'm like, I don't know what to do with my hands. And

19:07

I'm like, it's hot because

19:08

I'm not feeling good job. Good

19:11

job. Kidding. But, like, what do you do?

19:13

I I think a little bit of head grab is hot because

19:15

it's letting you know the intensity of where they're

19:17

at. If they're about to finish and you feel

19:19

it, then you're like, oh, we're getting closer. Because

19:21

then Do you want her to look at you? Or

19:24

does that make a difference? Because then it's closed.

19:26

So I I'm I'm honest, the eyes closed.

19:28

I'm thinking about you know, nacho cheese

19:30

fries or something. I'm just down

19:31

there. Okay. Eyes are closed. I don't even

19:33

know what's going on.

19:35

Yeah. I'm just kinda down their eyes are closed.

19:37

I don't know what she's doing. Maybe

19:39

doing a Sudoku, don't

19:40

you? As long as it feels good

19:42

--

19:43

Yeah. -- I'm

19:43

doing that for her. Nice.

19:47

You know, it's it's just a mutual --

19:49

Right. -- you do

19:50

this, I do that. Hey, me in the middle. Why

19:52

didn't think people have do

19:54

sixty nine. Do you think do you think it's because

19:57

they're they're busy, they don't

19:59

have time? Who's actually that

20:01

busy that they have to do sixty nine to kind

20:03

of get through things

20:04

faster. I've heard that take before and

20:06

I I like it. think it's hot. It's

20:09

you know what it is? It's just like

20:11

It's just why

20:13

not? Like, two hours ago, you're on

20:15

a Zoom call yelling about business and it's like,

20:18

yeah, fuck all this. Let's just do it something

20:20

together. Just a funny thing to do.

20:22

It's

20:22

funny? Well, it's a funny thing to walk in on

20:24

somebody doing. Oh, okay. Like, it's

20:26

--

20:27

Yeah. -- it's very How

20:29

do I say intimate? I don't know the last

20:31

time I did it, and I don't think anybody's stoked

20:34

to do

20:34

it, but it's like, oh, we could. No. Some people love it.

20:36

It's like a meme. Yeah. I love it. I don't hate it.

20:38

Sixty nine? Yeah. I'm updating.

20:40

Yeah. If someone's, like, I'm dating someone, they're, like, do

20:42

you wanna do it? I'm, like, yeah. If it makes you

20:44

happy. Sure. If it

20:45

makes you happy. For me with sixty nine, it's not

20:47

really my thing because I have to focus on

20:49

coming. So it's

20:51

hard for me to focus on coming and also try

20:53

to do the best job because I emma

20:56

perfectionist. Everything I do I want it to be amazing

20:58

the best. So how can I also focus on

21:00

coming and focus on doing the best job ever?

21:02

And plus, if I'm focusing on coming, I have to stop for

21:05

second so can just really focus on that. But then

21:07

I'm stopping. And there's just like a random weiner

21:09

in my

21:09

mouth. I rather just let's say turn. Weiner.

21:11

Where someone I thought that,

21:13

like, it was like a postmates driver. Yeah.

21:16

I don't think anybody's coming off sixty nine. It's just

21:18

like a good intermission. It's a halftime show.

21:21

Whoa. Oh. It's a halftime show.

21:23

You know, that yeah. It's not it's it's

21:25

a highlight of the round, but you're not ended

21:27

on it. So you got couple more quarters after that.

21:30

Okay. You're in a deserted island. What

21:32

are three things you bring with you?

21:33

A gun. Right.

21:39

No. I mean That's a good one.

21:41

My a gun Wi Fi and my

21:43

phone.

21:45

But

21:45

I'll tell you A charger. You

21:47

know,

21:48

this is why we're in a smaller than that.

21:50

Like, two hours an island. Okay. No gun.

21:53

Phone charger, WiFi phone. No.

21:55

Wait. Yeah. No. That's fine because then I can just

21:57

Google like, how do we survive on an island?

21:59

Or I can like DM somebody be

22:01

like, give me all this fucking

22:03

island. Right. Yeah. I think

22:05

all funny aside, like, if there was survival and,

22:07

like, I had to, like, live there You would die.

22:10

Eventually, but I would try to go

22:12

a while. I'd get a machete,

22:15

cut some fruit down. I'd get a

22:17

machete, a blowtorch, start

22:19

fires. And

22:22

maybe some good socks. What about

22:24

you? A chef? Well,

22:27

but but is he

22:28

phone to call for help. Yeah.

22:30

And a vibrator.

22:32

Interesting. Kinda disrespectful for

22:34

the chef. He's like, I have a built in vibrator.

22:37

Well, I

22:37

can really

22:37

make me make me food.

22:39

I

22:39

don't wanna disrespect him and just assume he's gonna

22:42

have to have sex with me. On

22:43

a deserted island, he he's a man.

22:45

A man in general. He's just there

22:48

to make me food. You know, sometimes

22:50

I don't want sometimes I rather just masturbate

22:52

versus dealing with everything that's attached

22:54

to the

22:54

penis.

22:55

That's life.

22:56

I do sound like a man for many years.

22:59

Feel like, oh, okay. Yeah. I joke

23:01

on that. Sometimes I jerk off like it's

23:03

like it's a craving for food,

23:05

like junk food. I'm like, I don't wanna

23:08

eat I don't wanna make a whole meal, but I kinda

23:10

want food. Yeah. Let me just go get a

23:12

jack in the box, taco. That's what jerkin' office

23:14

for me. Greasy, dark

23:17

dimly lit, scary. Scary?

23:20

Not

23:20

scary, but Yeah. I don't

23:22

know. Right. Do it to get it all the way.

23:25

Yeah.

23:25

Then I can go back to my Zoom call.

23:28

And they're like, you've been on this hold.

23:30

Yeah. I'm like, oh, I gotta go pee real quick.

23:32

Okay. And you forgot to mute

23:34

yourself yet. Wow. If you

23:36

move back in time,

23:38

to when Hitler was a baby.

23:40

Would you kill him?

23:41

Here's what I would do. I would wait until he's eighteen,

23:44

then I'd kill him. He basically came.

23:46

You went back in time when he was two

23:48

months. And now you're there for

23:50

eighteen years just sitting around waiting

23:53

for him to turn of legal age so you can murder

23:55

him. Yeah. Well, here's the thing. You kill a baby. I was

23:57

like, what the fuck is wrong? You try to and you're like, oh,

23:59

my god. He's gonna be a piece of shit. You can't do this. But

24:01

then then by the time he's eighteen, he

24:03

has like a paper trail of like, oh, you know, this

24:05

guy was gonna be a terrible

24:07

person. You know, like

24:09

you did this for the right.

24:10

Is it safer to drink

24:12

your own urine or your own saliva?

24:15

Urine. How do you know that?

24:17

It's already been through your body. It's filtered.

24:19

Did

24:19

you just guess that? Yeah.

24:21

And your body's a brinter filter.

24:24

Is that real?

24:25

You are so smart.

24:26

Thank you. Thank you. Well, I just know Bear Grylls

24:28

drinks his own pee, and he's like a nature guy.

24:31

Oh. Is

24:31

it really safer to drink own pee?

24:33

It is. Research shows because

24:35

I'm really into research on my podcast. Yeah.

24:38

What'd you

24:39

say? Who is researching P versus saliva?

24:41

So I did. For

24:43

this Right. But like the scientists --

24:45

Oh, yeah. -- somewhere in a lab in Temecula.

24:49

Yeah. I mean, they ran out of things to research, I guess.

24:51

They were, like, fuck, cure for cancer.

24:54

What's the You

24:56

know, they what? Safer.

24:57

P or Anyway, so saliva

25:00

is your mouth and

25:02

your soul the saliva in your mouth is a thousand

25:05

times dirtier than your

25:07

urine. So it's safer to

25:09

drink your urine than you're in space. You

25:11

know, also, it's so much harder to drink your

25:13

space. It has some you have to get so much spit to

25:15

equal one p. Doesn't that kind of make you

25:17

rethink when people say spit in my mouth?

25:20

Shouldn't they be saying pee in my mouth?

25:22

No. That is what scientists

25:24

need to get, like, dive into. Yeah.

25:26

I get I think pee is probably much

25:28

cleaner than we think. Yeah.

25:30

I would never drink it. I would never

25:32

drink it, but I do see the angle.

25:35

Never say never. You're in a deserted

25:37

island. If I'm on a deserted island. Yeah.

25:39

Well, also I wanna dessert it out. Only, like,

25:41

drinking coconut. So my peas should taste like

25:43

a pea

25:44

Violettta.

25:44

Oh. Pea nacolada.

25:47

Pets aren't just like family. They

25:49

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25:51

like me. And your

25:53

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25:55

I'm obsessive my campaign gig. So

25:58

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26:00

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26:02

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26:04

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29:13

So What comes first?

29:15

Cereal or milk?

29:17

Cereal. What what do you do?

29:19

Milk. You

29:19

do milk then cereal? Yeah.

29:21

Well, That's how I knew you moved here when you were

29:23

fourteen. didn't have a childhood. That's how

29:25

you're supposed to but you do milk and

29:27

cereal? Yeah. Obviously, because I don't want

29:29

the cereal to be soggy. It's gross. I get to

29:31

be in control of how much cereal

29:33

I put in milk and I can eat it while it's

29:35

crunchy. I I don't know. I don't understand Americans

29:37

and some of the shit that you guys So

29:39

don't try to gasline Americans because

29:41

you're wrong in making cereals.

29:43

Weird. It's weird. Like, why do you

29:45

want soggy cereal?

29:47

What

29:47

kind of life are you gonna get? That I get. But

29:49

the round two how many how many bottles of cereals

29:51

do you have? Just one or multiple. Multiple?

29:53

Good. That's normal. So when I have

29:55

the milk left over in the bowl, that's when

29:58

I pour it on top. It's

29:59

reverse. Six nine. Yeah. So

30:01

I'm just rather just I don't know.

30:03

I like I don't even I don't even know it was a thing, to be

30:05

honest. I thought everyone did what I did.

30:08

No. Yeah. And then I looked at research

30:10

and it was like two percent of people and they do

30:12

that, which obviously people because they're

30:14

embarrassed to admit. And I wanna I wanna

30:16

I wanna help people no longer feel embarrassed

30:19

by this. Good. It's

30:20

cool. Okay? Milk and cereal.

30:22

Try it. Well, no. Life You just

30:25

lost a brand deal for sure off that statement.

30:27

Milk, Vince? No.

30:29

Egg or chicken.

30:32

Egg. A second ago, you

30:34

said chicken so you are a

30:35

liar. So men really do lie.

30:37

No. You said, what came first? Oh, are you talking about

30:39

what I like to eat? Or

30:40

What came first? Oh, you got a preference? You

30:42

got a preference. I'm

30:43

sorry. I didn't

30:44

know if you're talking about food. What came first?

30:46

The egg or the chicken?

30:47

Probably the chicken.

30:50

You know?

30:51

Yeah. Who comes first? You or your girl?

30:53

The chicken.

30:58

You know, I think That should

31:00

have been a fast one. My girl. My

31:03

next. Female. Yeah. I can't believe you

31:05

don't have to think about

31:06

it. Well, I'm still thinking about, you know, food.

31:08

I'm kind of hungry, so the chicken versus the egg combo

31:10

got me kind of thinking about food. And then I know who comes first

31:12

and I was like the omelet. The

31:15

the female. Yeah. The female. Always.

31:18

Women's history

31:20

month. Is that right now?

31:23

It's all year for me, I'll be honest.

31:25

Yeah. Exactly. First.

31:27

Always. In life and in the bedroom.

31:30

That's a good one. Good job. Okay.

31:32

So I found another fun way to get

31:34

to Noyue before we dive into the deeper questions.

31:36

Oh, these are really fun. Great. So I didn't

31:39

know if I should do smash or

31:41

pass. Clearly, if I should do she's

31:44

a ten and then you rank what you think she

31:46

is on thing after I give her

31:48

little characteristic. Okay. Sure. Yeah.

31:50

Okay. So

31:52

she's a ten.

31:54

In. Doesn't matter.

31:57

Okay. It doesn't matter. Yeah.

31:59

She's a 10, but she head butts

32:01

you when she's mad because she doesn't know how to communicate.

32:04

Strong head but -- Yeah. -- like, cute.

32:06

Right. Yeah. It's seven.

32:08

That's

32:10

seven. Because if I'm drunk, done.

32:12

Because eventually, you're like, for fuck's sake, can't you

32:14

just say what you're feeling? What? Of the

32:17

yeah. Six months and you're walking

32:19

your

32:19

bruises. People are like, going on, you're like, I fell

32:21

down the stairs. Yeah. I I

32:23

was like, if she had but I mean, I was drunk. I was like

32:25

puke or something. Yeah. And

32:27

if it's a if it's a light

32:29

one, it's funny.

32:30

Yeah. You know? It's not. She's strong.

32:32

No. No. No. I'm out. Come out.

32:35

Okay. She's a 10, but she

32:37

has a good relationship with her dad. You

32:38

mean a normal human being? Yeah.

32:41

Get this bitch. No. I mean, ten.

32:43

Great. Good. She's

32:45

a ten, but she has to sing

32:47

every song in the car. Like Eve

32:49

but the promise she's super at a tune, like

32:52

she's not good singer. And sometimes even

32:54

put on music where there's no lyrics and

32:56

she'll just it and she just doesn't

32:58

stop. And she in the worst part, she went

33:00

to our lyrics, she gets them wrong. And she

33:02

got a two.

33:03

You know, I don't know how to can I go

33:05

negative on this? Yeah. Negative two.

33:07

Something about off singing is

33:10

I can't do it. I remember one time I went on a

33:12

date and this girl told me she was a singer and we're

33:14

sitting in a car. This was years ago,

33:16

sitting in a car like, oh, come on. Are you

33:18

saying? She's like, no. Yeah. Okay.

33:21

Fine. I'll do it. And she starts at,

33:23

like like, opera level, in a car,

33:25

windows up, so loud. And

33:27

for, like, ten seconds, I was, like, it it was, like,

33:29

seeing happy birthday. Like, I didn't really know what to do. And I was

33:31

just, like, oh, you know,

33:33

that's and it went off, like, minute thirty.

33:36

And it just didn't stop.

33:38

And I was like,

33:39

ugh.

33:41

Oh, yeah. Men authority

33:44

sitting on front of a a frozen yogurt

33:46

place than we made out

33:47

after.

33:47

Girls love a good listener. Love a good listener.

33:50

But I will say, like, I think the

33:52

scene would have been great if we're in an opera

33:54

house, but inside the car, acoustically, it was just

33:56

so loud. Yeah. It's once I was dating

33:58

a musician and we were just

34:00

FaceTiming. And then we're talking about

34:02

stuff, and then we were facing for so long.

34:04

And then he said, yeah. I'm just doing

34:07

all my new tracks or whatever. And I said, oh, cool. I would love

34:09

to hear it. Know, just to be polite. And he said,

34:11

okay, great. Let me let me send you the drop

34:13

box. The drop box. And And

34:16

it sends it sends it to me. And then he says,

34:18

Okay. Let me know you think. We'll talk tomorrow. Let me know what you

34:20

think. And I'm like, what? And then I look at the drop box.

34:23

It was like twenty

34:24

twenty files.

34:25

With with a good songs?

34:28

Oh.

34:29

don't know. You

34:30

don't wanna be rude. Well, I don't know is

34:32

worse than yes or no. Well,

34:34

I looked at it. I was like, are you fucking kidding me? I have

34:36

to do homework just to

34:37

talk to this guy. Okay. So she's

34:40

a 10, but she basically

34:42

says,

34:44

that's a good stretch. After every time she

34:46

stretches. Oh, cat. It's like my cat

34:48

does that. It's

34:50

still I think I'm gonna do that the older

34:52

I get. The closer I become to a dad, I'm gonna

34:54

do that. So still still nine point two.

34:57

Okay. Doesn't only

34:57

matter. She's a ten, but she

34:59

unbuttons her pants every time after she's,

35:02

and then she says That was yummy. With

35:04

that, like, that was yummy every

35:06

time. Eight. Okay.

35:09

Cool. Oh, look at you. You're like anything.

35:11

Yeah. Anything. Yeah. Okay.

35:14

She's a ten, but she high

35:16

fives you every time after you guys have sex and

35:18

you thought it was just a phase when now it's been three

35:20

years. I

35:20

think it's funny. I think it's funny. Do

35:22

you do that?

35:23

Yeah. I think it's funny. I

35:25

think it's funny. The funniest thing I think

35:27

that ever happened. I did this video

35:29

about, like, white claw. And I was, like, joking.

35:31

Like, before, so I was, like, talking about, like Christina.

35:35

But I forget what it was, but she's,

35:37

like, Oh, I'm gonna yell it out right before

35:40

you come one day. Just a fuck with you. And literally right

35:42

before you finish one day, she was like, Ain't no laws you're doing your

35:44

glasses? Like, goddamn it. Funny. Funny.

35:46

Funny. Yeah. I think I think if you're

35:48

able to laugh during sex after sex or

35:50

whatever, it's it makes you even more comfortable

35:52

with each

35:53

other. It just Of course. Because sex is such a, like,

35:55

internet moment, but then you're like, you finish

35:57

and you're like, wait, we were just making, like,

35:59

waffles, like joking around this morning. Like, it's

36:01

so, like, not serious and you get really serious that

36:03

you have to find a way to get back to.

36:05

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like that. I think

36:07

I think if somebody shut down your high five, that's

36:09

a new more red flag. Get a good job. Like,

36:11

what?

36:12

Well, sometimes it's a think

36:13

it's an alpha guy being like, what are you fucking?

36:16

I put in the work. You should be highly Well,

36:18

I think I think it's maybe the person who

36:20

can get offended because we're like, Do

36:22

do you not love

36:23

me? What's going on?

36:24

Oh, the

36:24

hype. Because it gets that awkward. You're just, like, good

36:26

job. High five.

36:28

I think it's fine. I

36:29

think so too. Yeah. I think it depends on the person's existence

36:31

of humor.

36:32

Right.

36:32

Okay. Good. So that's a green

36:34

flag.

36:35

Green flag.

36:36

Thanks. Yeah. If they wanna play rock paper scissors,

36:38

even funnier. Like, good

36:41

shit.

36:42

Oh, dude. Cog paper scissors. She's

36:44

a 10, but her favorite show is

36:47

Flavor of Love, with Flavor Flav. And

36:50

she basically gets really about it and she,

36:52

like, cries watching it, and she calls it gold,

36:54

and she makes you watch it with her every

36:56

night. And if you don't watch it with her, she'll cry.

36:58

Ten. I love reality

37:01

TV. I love

37:02

You say you don't watch TV. But when I

37:04

do, I watch, like, bar rescue, you

37:06

know, like, milth manner. I've been watching that.

37:09

That's one where, like, their the moms and their

37:11

sons are on a dating show, and the moms

37:13

have to date younger guys, but the younger guys

37:15

have to date

37:15

moms. While their kids are there, very

37:18

-- That's

37:18

so weird. -- very

37:19

Alabama type, be close to apartment.

37:21

I usually fast forward through those parts.

37:23

Hey. I don't. No. But I

37:25

like just I like shit. Like, really

37:27

bad TV. Yeah. Like,

37:29

all that shit. I used to watch Jerry Springer growing

37:31

up.

37:32

Oh, really? That was my

37:33

shit. Just, like, on a summer day

37:35

when my parents

37:35

get up. So that girl is your match, your perfect

37:37

match.

37:38

Yeah.

37:38

That's so funny.

37:39

Yeah. I I mean, I, like, love

37:41

terrible because it's, like, you don't have to pay too much attention.

37:44

Yeah. You're talking about. You

37:45

know, you're you're there. You know?

37:47

Okay. She's a ten, but you think she's stealing

37:49

money from you.

37:50

Oh. Six.

37:53

So you're still dating. Yeah. I'm still in.

37:56

I'm still in dude, early on,

37:58

I was dating somebody and I and I thought they

38:00

were. And I saw his I love this

38:03

woman.

38:03

Okay. What made you think that she was?

38:06

I was dominant, secure, and young.

38:08

So she wasn't? I don't know.

38:11

Okay. She's a ten and

38:13

she's definitely stealing money from you.

38:15

But the money she's stealing from

38:17

you is to buy you gifts for

38:20

things that you said that you wanted because she's such a

38:22

good listener. So

38:24

she's using the money for

38:26

you. Ten.

38:27

Oh. That's a mom. That's

38:30

a miff.

38:31

That's so but she's stealing money for okay. That's

38:33

so But, like, she

38:34

she's not stealing money. She's shopping for me.

38:36

It's all about perspective.

38:38

Oh, I like that. Okay. She's

38:40

a 10, but one

38:42

of her hobbies is basically collecting

38:46

Yeah. That's cool.

38:48

Ten. Green flag.

38:49

Green flag. Anyway, she's a 10. But

38:51

one of her hobbies is collecting all the cat

38:54

hair that's on her clothes and

38:56

making making it into little cute

38:59

cat slippers for cats, and

39:01

she sells them on Etsy. And right

39:03

now, no one's buying it. She only had one sale

39:05

and has been her mother. So she asked you if

39:07

you could post it on your Instagram. It's just

39:09

a flow.

39:11

Wow. Because my first

39:13

question is first start of this, is is it successful?

39:16

Is the billionaire? How's the aesthetic? Is there

39:18

an Instagram account? Do you know someone who does this?

39:20

No. But I I don't do. I wish

39:22

I was sound enough. I took a screenshot to show you

39:24

what they look like. I

39:26

don't like that. So then she's like, can

39:28

you post this? On your social to kind of

39:30

promote my brands? Because you have so many followers,

39:32

please. Yeah.

39:34

Are you dumping her? No. I'd be like, oh,

39:36

yeah. I can post it. And then I would

39:38

put on my close friends. And she's

39:40

like, what? I'm like, you didn't say where

39:43

I had to post it?

39:44

So is she still ten? Mean, she's passionate

39:46

about something that she's so If

39:48

she's passionate about it, it's we're still

39:50

at an eight. Mhmm. If I see

39:52

the vision, if she's putting in the work in

39:54

in the that it was there, and she made the

39:56

Instagram. She bought the the website,

39:58

I post it.

39:59

Okay. Yeah. Okay. That's sweet.

40:02

And we're a little friends. Organically marketing

40:04

out, make fun of it. And, like, look at this

40:06

dumb shit. My girlfriend's doing,

40:08

zoom in on it.

40:09

You're so supportive. That's so supportive.

40:11

That's really You know, and

40:12

then I flip back. Like, this shit's dumb as fuck, and then

40:15

I take a photo of it on my cat and I go these

40:17

low key, go hard.

40:18

Yeah. Then people are like, Yeah. That

40:20

is dumb. Wait. Those two you know, they're with the journey

40:22

with me. That is really sweet. Okay. So if someone

40:24

out there is making little cat

40:26

slippers for cats from cat

40:28

hair, date this guy, he will help you.

40:30

Cat slippers. Mhmm. A tad.

40:33

Okay. She's a tad. Yep. But

40:36

She has this annoying thing

40:39

where she laughs at your jokes before

40:41

you get to the punchline. Mhmm. And then you're

40:43

say it again and she starts laughing again and again,

40:46

you don't get to the punch line. So every fucking time,

40:48

you never end up getting to the punch line. So you never

40:50

get to do your Every time you're making a joke, she's like,

40:52

you're about to get to punch and she goes, that's

40:55

so good. And you're like, I didn't finish. And

40:57

then you have to start all over again and she

40:59

still dropped

40:59

you. Here's the thing. I get a big ego.

41:01

So if you're laughing at me in any regard,

41:04

I'm happy. Oh. Yeah.

41:06

I'm crushing off premises. Just

41:09

early sense is, but like, yeah, I went to the park

41:11

today. She's like, because

41:13

here's the thing, if I'm if I'm at dinner with that person,

41:15

anybody around us and the other tables was

41:17

like, this guy is prushing. Who is this

41:20

guy? But what about when you're in a group?

41:22

You're trying to look cool with your jokes,

41:24

and she's ruining the punchline every single

41:26

time. And at this point, they're like, why people

41:29

even go to this dude's show. He's not funny.

41:31

Oh, wow. Yeah. Eight.

41:34

Eight out of ten. And

41:35

now she's going to your stand up shows. Oh.

41:38

Interrupting.

41:38

She's gotta she's gotta sit in the kitchen for those

41:40

for those shows just so acoustically nobody

41:42

can hear.

41:43

You explain that to her then? You tell her?

41:45

I would say, babe, I know you're a little sweet

41:47

potato fries. They got them.

41:49

In the kitchen?

41:50

Oh, yeah. Can they bring them out? No. It's two

41:52

to attracting because the scent, everyone's gonna ask

41:55

one. They

41:55

made them just for you.

41:57

Eventually, Shania, I guess, suspicious. Can we

41:59

talk about when I got here you made me take out

42:01

your smoke detectors?

42:03

Yeah. I was First thing I walk in, you go, hey, it's

42:05

can I can I have you help me? Can you do something? I

42:07

thought I was gonna have to be move a package because I'm

42:09

buff. And she's like, oh, one of my smoke detectors

42:11

is beeping. Do you mind? Because I

42:14

didn't know if I would get electrocuted from

42:16

trying to take out the wires and I said, I

42:18

rather him do it than me.

42:19

Exactly. So within thirty seconds women

42:22

come first in everything in life. So

42:24

--

42:24

True. --

42:24

is in my life more important than yours?

42:27

No. Let 10. Because it is. But, like, you

42:29

should if any like, if if anything's

42:31

gonna come first, it should be death from the electrification

42:34

of the smoke

42:34

detector. Yeah. Thus,

42:36

That does make you come first. I will do

42:38

it after.

42:39

Yeah. Yeah. So anyway,

42:41

he did help me and brought him a ladder. And

42:44

I wasn't

42:44

supposed to get a ladder. I don't have ladder.

42:46

I have two. Dan,

42:47

can I have one?

42:48

No.

42:48

Why? What do you

42:49

want? One's a short, one one's tall one.

42:51

Short king. Well, how do you feel about them?

42:53

I love short king.

42:53

Ideal dating height. Go. Actually, I like shorter

42:56

guys, but it's I think it's because well, my dad isn't in

42:58

shorter than my mom. Really? Yeah. And they're

43:00

still together. Good. My mom

43:02

said one time, when men

43:04

lock in height, they make up in other places,

43:07

and then she winked at me. And I was like, mom,

43:08

why? In what why

43:10

would you do that? In what

43:11

world? Like, do I not know the dad's shorter than

43:14

you? That's wow.

43:16

So my dad's a big dick. Yeah. Do you think of your dad

43:18

differently now?

43:19

No. I could tell.

43:21

You could tell.

43:22

Caught anything like that. Use

43:24

that as the episode highlight right there.

43:26

What do you mean you could tell? He

43:28

would fucking always get an extra seat next to him at

43:30

movie theater for him in his dick to

43:32

someone. I don't know. You're a big dick energy?

43:35

Yeah.

43:37

I guess because you just never love

43:39

me cry. Oh, that's big dig energy

43:41

for sure.

43:42

Doesn't mean yeah. Your

43:42

dad's with no dig. You show so much love in

43:45

the life. You,

43:45

like, forgot how that

43:46

was all the time. Oh, that's good too bad.

43:48

Yeah. This guy, he has too many things. Like,

43:50

he he has other shit to worry about. That's way

43:52

more important than me. That guy is a

43:54

king. Get it. Wow. But we

43:56

have a great relationship now. So Yeah.

43:58

Because you've seen us dick. No. I haven't.

44:00

Thank god. I would literally kill myself.

44:02

If I did ill, I've never my

44:04

parents' night, they're so that's a funny

44:06

part, my parents. Everything is so conserved in

44:09

a way that I don't curse in front of my parents.

44:11

I don't curse in real life outside of the podcast

44:13

or my videos I make. It makes me

44:15

uncomfortable. Because they always

44:17

make sure I don't. We even never hugged

44:19

or kissed each other. We're around each other. Only

44:21

now we do. Hug your parents. I

44:23

didn't know. That's just like Can I

44:25

do my name? You your dad can't even hug you

44:27

because it's dicksers in the way. No.

44:29

Because it was just that our culture,

44:31

it was just very cold. People

44:34

and that just wasn't the thing. So

44:37

or, like, even if my friends will be over

44:39

and we're going to the living room, my dad

44:41

quietly would just get up and leave the room.

44:43

He's like, would he even be around me and my friends?

44:45

I wouldn't know if that's big dick

44:48

energy or just abandonment

44:49

issues. I think I'm mixing those two up. I think

44:51

the second one. Yeah. Yeah.

44:53

Yeah. Yeah. But he sounds chill. And

44:55

he's got a hug. So Is

44:57

that the Russian or Israeli

44:59

side? Russian. Russian dudes

45:01

back in? I think

45:03

so. He's also circumcised. I've asked my mom.

45:05

She's proper marriage material, but she has

45:07

this thing that she only changes

45:09

her underwear after

45:12

doing the stick

45:15

on the ceiling test? Or is basically where

45:17

you throw your underwear to the ceiling? And if it

45:19

sticks, it means it's dirty enough. And then

45:21

she'll finally change it. So then she changes her underwear

45:23

like twice some a year.

45:27

Then she's not proper marriage material.

45:31

I wouldn't go more into that, but you want me to

45:33

rapid fire? That was

45:35

insane. Okay.

45:37

Unless you just get that wet around

45:39

me. That's

45:41

a good one.

45:42

The Navy too would have to change daily.

45:45

Yeah. You can teach her that. Yeah. Yeah. It's

45:47

a complainer. Honestly, like, you can plan again.

45:49

It's kind of knowing how, like, girls are just seeing, like, I'm

45:51

just so wet around

45:52

you. It's crazy.

45:53

Girls say that to you?

45:54

Daily. I had a bus driver say it's me yesterday.

45:58

These

45:58

are jokes, guys. don't know if women even

46:00

like what I look like. I don't know what's happening.

46:02

That's funny. You're good.

46:03

Thank you. She's a 10.

46:06

Yep. But she has a fence secondary

46:08

account -- Oh, okay. -- where she just posts

46:11

just pictures of you sleeping. But

46:13

then you just scroll all the way down.

46:15

There's pictures of you from before you guys even

46:17

dated and it's basically screenshots of

46:19

you from any video you've ever done with your eyes

46:21

closed.

46:22

I was fine until that part happened.

46:25

If we, like, live together, funny,

46:27

fine.

46:29

But before we then guys closed. No. That's,

46:31

like, wacky feet level.

46:33

Yeah.

46:33

I gotta be out. Oh,

46:34

yeah. I gotta be out.

46:35

I'd be scared to blink around her. Yeah. She'd be like,

46:37

let's do it again. For sneezed. Okay.

46:40

You guys have been going strong for six months,

46:43

and you now just find out.

46:45

That she has a fake account where

46:47

she's actually your biggest bully online.

46:50

And every day, she writes a meanest comments.

46:52

You didn't realize until now that that was her.

46:54

And basically, she writes things like,

46:56

what does your face look like that? Like, my morning

46:58

droppings look better than that. You're fucking ugly

47:01

ass face or, like, I wish my

47:03

blind grandma could see again?

47:05

Jessica can poke her eyes out. She'll never have

47:07

to watch your comedy again. I mean, I'm

47:10

still in because it's humbling.

47:13

Right. I just wanna know I just wanna

47:15

where she's coming from with that. What's the end goal? If she's

47:17

like, I'm doing this so you can become numb to

47:19

hate comments. She says that she's

47:21

actually doing this because

47:24

she wants to help you grow thicker skin.

47:26

Where I'm at with this? I'm totally okay. If

47:28

I get to write comments back to her, No. Like, did

47:30

she post on her 10? On night. And

47:32

she goes, last year's done. I go, bitch, go

47:34

back. No. But then you find

47:36

out she's had this account for five years. You

47:38

guys been dating for six months.

47:40

So she's been your biggest bully. Yeah.

47:42

Here's here's what I would bully her in

47:44

reverse and just not have her finish.

47:46

And then be like, what's up now? Right.

47:51

Reverse psychology. Look, it wouldn't

47:53

work out on long

47:53

run, but it's like it'd be. It'd be in the

47:55

back in the background works. Okay. She's

47:57

a 10. Mhmm. But she cheated on you

48:00

with all of your friends, and she said

48:02

it's because she wanted to show you which

48:04

one of your friends were real

48:05

friends. And obviously, neither of them. Neither

48:07

of them are.

48:08

Guys are dumb. And we'd be like, y'all fuck with that

48:10

decision.

48:11

Yeah. But that's humbling. I don't need

48:13

Jeremy anyways. Yeah. And she's like, well,

48:15

whole family. I'm

48:16

like, good. Fuck that family. How many people

48:18

are in the family? Seven.

48:19

Okay. So still marriage material?

48:21

No. No. No. No. No. I here's what I would

48:23

wanna get even. I beg, let me fuck your friends

48:25

to see the same.

48:26

And I'll be like, no. Thank you.

48:28

Also true. Girls here's

48:30

the thing about dick. Dick is everywhere.

48:33

Guys have to work to get

48:34

laid. Women, you just have to have a,

48:36

you know, a hole. A singular hole.

48:39

I mean, it was funny because, like, when after a breakup,

48:41

girls will try to fuck the guy's best friends.

48:43

Yeah. Every guy's like, that's wrong.

48:45

Oh, I'm down. But vice

48:48

versa. I don't try to fuck the girls friends

48:50

after.

48:51

Wait. You're down if your exes fuck your

48:53

friends. What? No.

48:55

I'm saying that, like, Let's say

48:57

there's a breakup. The girl to get

48:59

back at the guy who might try to fuck the friends.

49:01

The dude, but the the guy who

49:04

got broken up with isn't really trying to fuck

49:06

the girl's best

49:06

friends. As much. It happens, but it's not as

49:08

much. You know what mean? So

49:10

often. Really? I feel like

49:13

all my ex's friends always try to come after

49:15

me. I

49:15

feel like you should break Dude's heart. It's like really bad,

49:17

though.

49:18

No. I know. Thanks. I just feel

49:20

like if there's ten guy friends

49:22

and ten female friends, 10 of those dudes

49:24

would fuck. Yeah.

49:26

And maybe like three of the girls would do it.

49:28

Yeah.

49:28

And then they wouldn't tell. And then, like, years

49:31

later, like, girl. I

49:32

can't

49:32

tell you. Actually, when I was younger because I was

49:34

really shy with guys, I and

49:37

so it was hard for me to meet guys, plus,

49:39

you know, not really speak English, I normally

49:42

used to date my ex boyfriend's

49:44

friends because I already met them and became

49:45

friends. So that's usually be but the next person

49:47

I would date would just be one of my ex boyfriend's

49:50

friends.

49:50

That's actually more yeah. I think it's actually

49:52

more common than I think. Why did

49:54

that one as younger obviously now? But, like, a lot of times,

49:57

I I guess you call it homey hopping, but then

49:59

it's not like I'm sleeping with any of

50:01

them.

50:01

Mhmm. Just

50:01

let them take me out.

50:03

And then

50:03

at this point, it just stayed at all my boyfriend's friends.

50:06

Interesting. Hell

50:08

yeah. Hell yeah. Okay.

50:11

But, like, what does the guy say to his

50:13

friends? Like, oh, you know, man. I'm

50:15

just

50:15

We get back to the other, it's fine.

50:18

But we're younger. Oh,

50:19

no. This is this is back in the

50:20

Yeah. Back in the day when we're,

50:22

like, early Thursday. Yours is back.

50:24

In America, I wasn't dating when I was

50:26

fourteen. Where'd you lose my virginity after I

50:28

graduate high school? I

50:29

lose her. When

50:30

did you lose your virginity? When I was four.

50:33

Down. No. I Are you okay? No.

50:36

I was seventeen. Okay. Same. Junior

50:38

high

50:39

school. Junior high school? Yeah. Would

50:41

you graduate when you were nineteen? No. Eighteen.

50:43

Right. But I turned I turned

50:45

eighteen the first half of my freshman

50:47

year in December and then the second

50:49

half of or second half of

50:51

sorry, senior year. Second, I have a senior year,

50:53

I was eighteen. Oh. So I turned seventeen.

50:56

Alright. Forgot, I skipped

50:59

kindergarten or something. That's why I got you. I

51:01

imagine I was

51:02

seventeen. That's why Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No.

51:04

No. No. No.

51:06

Yeah. Seventeen, homecoming night.

51:09

Hey. Oh, I tried to have sex

51:11

on prom, but then my boyfriend was like, no, I wanna

51:13

wait to make it special and then it

51:15

wasn't. Who's this pussy Also

51:17

prom is special. What's prom that's

51:20

the most special night ever in

51:22

terms of, like, that age. Yeah. Was he

51:24

waiting for a four day weekend? Well,

51:26

maybe because we also went to two different

51:28

schools and

51:29

Oh, I see. On you. No. When

51:31

he asked me when he asked me to go to his prom.

51:33

I was just like, no, take your best friend and said, I don't

51:35

wanna go to your prom. I don't know. I feel like

51:37

I just would not get jealous or understand

51:39

that other things are happening. They for sure fuck

51:42

too. Anyway, he took his best friend and said,

51:44

because felt shy to go with his

51:46

friends.

51:46

Yeah. So and

51:47

then I took him to my prom. And

51:49

tried to I wanted to lose my virginity, and

51:51

then he was like, no. Let's make special. And then two weeks

51:53

later, randomly, we're just hanging out in his

51:55

room. And he's like, should we have sex? I was like, what?

51:57

And that was

51:58

I have your idea of special and family guys

52:00

on TV.

52:00

Yeah. Damn. Yeah.

52:02

And was it special? No. Oh. That was,

52:04

like, take me home. And then I

52:07

I didn't talk to him for a couple of days, and he thought

52:09

we broke up was because my grandma died. So it's just

52:11

kinda be I lost my virginity and my

52:13

grandma. Wow. Years

52:17

ago when I was dating my first boyfriend, I remember

52:19

peeing and noticing that it burned peeing

52:21

and that I was bleeding a little bit when I

52:23

peed. And I immediately rushed to the group

52:25

chat And my Vessey Kiley was

52:28

like, okay, don't freak out, but Stephanie

52:30

just had the same thing happened to her after

52:32

having that threesome. And then she found out it

52:34

was chlamydia. So your boyfriend probably gave you

52:36

a chlamydia. No big deal anyway. You gotta go.

52:39

So long story short,

52:41

I end up dumping my boyfriend and leaving

52:43

the doctor like twelve hundred messages in

52:45

a span of ten minutes, only to

52:47

then find out with the doctor

52:49

laughing at me. That it was actually

52:52

just a UTI and that's when

52:54

I learned to not take medical advice from the group

52:56

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So again, that's Z0CD0C

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dot com slash adulting. Anyway,

54:06

she's so perfect. But when she eats sugar,

54:08

she gets overstimulated and she has,

54:10

like, run-in sprint until she falls asleep for

54:12

the next exercise. Like, Man,

54:15

then it's good for her. Like

54:17

a kid, and then she learns, like,

54:20

every

54:20

time, like, it's yeah.

54:23

Seven. Yeah. I mean,

54:25

enough people in this town are a taekido diet

54:27

or no sugar or whatever that one is. Yeah.

54:29

There's ways around it. Okay. Or

54:32

-- Yeah. -- if we got, like, a big flight coming

54:34

up or there's, like, a party or an event she doesn't wanna

54:36

go to him, like, honey. I'm racist.

54:39

And then she even said, she's like, I don't wanna go to a fucking

54:41

party. But she doesn't these noises.

54:44

And

54:44

she gets like, we're riding the face. So she's like,

54:47

And then he's, like, so Well, I think she's having a diabetic

54:50

attack. I don't think think I don't

54:52

think it's an issue hot. I think she's a diabetic

54:54

who's about to fucking o d on a

54:56

goger.

54:57

Oh my god. It's such anything good. You

54:59

know, that's what I'm here for. Yeah.

55:03

Yeah. Maybe it's not an

55:04

egg. It's a serious condition.

55:07

She's

55:07

like, oh my god. So courtsy, no.

55:09

Put your skittles down, Miranda. I

55:12

don't have diabetes. I

55:15

don't know why I think it's so funny. That's

55:17

really good. Yeah. In

55:20

my diabetic, in my diabetic. Okay. Did

55:22

you do that? No. I don't think

55:24

so. Okay. She's a ten,

55:26

but she's always commenting on people's

55:28

sick stock video saying, like, why is this

55:30

comment

55:31

pinned, but the comments never pinned? Four.

55:34

Negative four, actually. Can

55:36

you guide that? Like

55:39

like, for me to look over them, like, who you texted?

55:41

She's like, oh, no. Just leaving comments like this.

55:43

Why is this the number one

55:44

page?

55:45

No. 10 never pins them. That's I

55:47

I don't know if guys can have eggs, but that's one

55:49

of them. That's an egg. Why

55:51

is this the pin

55:52

comment? Yeah. Twenty eight.

55:55

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Last

55:57

one is she's a ten, but her

56:00

cat died six months ago and

56:02

she's grieving by still pretending that

56:04

it's around and you've been trying to be effectively.

56:06

Yeah. But you've been going to her house and you've

56:08

noticed her cat litter box is

56:10

filled every time. So you're

56:12

fresh poop. And now you're getting suspicious.

56:15

Like, what's going on? Because she doesn't have a

56:17

cat. So You know,

56:19

month number ten is pretty deep.

56:22

She's shitting in the in the litter box. 0II

56:25

picked up on that. I picked up on

56:27

that. I would but

56:29

she's a ten. Mhmm. We're talking

56:31

gorgeous.

56:32

Megan Fox.

56:33

Here's the thing. Women don't

56:35

poop. Period. So it's

56:37

clearly not her.

56:38

Yeah. Okay. Good. So you'll be

56:40

the loser, buddy. You'll be sending it out. Is she cheating

56:42

on me? What man? Or

56:45

what child is taking these small

56:47

poops? So you just say I could

56:49

look past it. I could look past it. Yeah. Because

56:51

California's in a water drought. He's

56:54

going in the litter box. Yeah.

56:57

I'm delusional. I

56:59

can see past it.

57:00

That's me with everyone I did. Oh,

57:02

I thought you're gonna say that's me. I shit my litter box.

57:04

Your little box is right by the front door. I

57:06

know.

57:06

So you're on a run. You're like, I gotta go.

57:09

What? No. I never.

57:11

I One thing for me and I've been

57:13

really open about it is that, hey, I love some

57:15

mystery, but the biggest mystery I would love, think

57:17

bathrooms forever should just always remain

57:19

separate, and that is two things. That's just

57:21

one thing that I will never cross. I have not

57:23

into the passing gas or

57:25

going to the bathroom bathroom talks and things

57:28

like that with your

57:28

partner. I just forever, I I want the Violettta

57:30

mystery. That's just my thing. Okay.

57:32

But that's also how my parents are. My parents have never

57:34

passed gas around me and my sister. Yeah.

57:36

They don't talk about that. They have separate bathrooms.

57:39

Well,

57:39

he has a separate bathroom because it's Dick so big.

57:41

Yeah. Period. He's circumcised

57:44

Dick is so big.

57:44

Hell, yeah. Okay. Now that he got

57:46

through all of that, which took so effing long. I'm gonna

57:49

get I just wanna get to know guys in

57:51

general, so I'm just gonna ask you really quick questions.

57:53

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What

57:53

do you think the biggest turn off is for most dudes?

57:56

I think suspicion where they're

57:58

like, oh, you you you text to someone?

58:00

Yeah. Like, the not no

58:02

trust. Maybe

58:02

not trust.

58:03

I get it matter of fuck boys. Why would you trust that?

58:05

Men ain't shit? No. I don't know what as well.

58:07

That's you're just saying things that you think.

58:09

I'm gonna I actually am my podcast.

58:12

It's all about taking accountability. So

58:14

I don't I never sit around and think all men

58:16

suck. Trust issues. Because

58:18

I've also been on the other side where I didn't trust

58:21

someone and it's bucking you

58:23

eat away at your

58:23

head. If someone doesn't get back to you in two hours

58:27

Yeah.

58:27

You know, I think trust or or suspicion

58:30

You know? Yeah. I like that.

58:32

Is physical attraction really everything

58:35

for men? Or did they actually care

58:37

about anything

58:37

else? No. I think they do. I think I think it looks

58:39

we're gonna open the door and catch

58:42

attention and then the conversation seals

58:44

the

58:44

deal. Okay. So most normal

58:46

guys like, past

58:49

physical attraction, they need

58:50

more. There's also

58:51

just, like, you ever you've been to San Diego.

58:53

Right? No. You've never seen

58:54

anything? Maybe once. Here's the thing. Or, like,

58:56

you've been like Scottsdale -- No.

58:58

-- Phoenix. No. What do you do you have you ever

59:00

left this goddamn godforsaken place?

59:03

Europe. Europe. But I feel like there's just

59:05

some guys who are just so surface level, just

59:07

basic

59:08

bros. And they're like, yeah, she's

59:10

hot, and then that's it. There's no

59:12

Yeah.

59:13

Leg layers to them. Yeah. Because I feel

59:15

like I'm an onion. You know, there's layers to

59:17

me. What's up? Making

59:18

girls cry all the time. And I smell

59:20

bad. Yeah. But I think

59:23

looks Oh, who's that? And then you

59:25

wanna have the conversation. And if it matches,

59:27

great. If it doesn't, then you're like, looks

59:29

catch

59:30

personalities continue.

59:32

Yeah. I agree. Yeah. I I can

59:34

data

59:34

But I have both. Hear it.

59:36

Yeah. You do. Okay.

59:39

So according to you, what is the most

59:41

attractive feature in a girl? Personality,

59:43

I think. And a badass.

59:46

Yeah. So is that is

59:48

that physically is what you're attracted to in women?

59:50

A bum. A bum.

59:53

Did we just go back to London? Or or like,

59:55

when did she go above me? Yeah. I like

59:57

a good smile and a nice

1:00:00

ass. I'm an easy man to please.

1:00:02

And

1:00:03

a good personality. Good personality. What

1:00:05

are some of your biggest ex?

1:00:06

I don't even know. You're

1:00:08

just down for anything. You don't even have this. You're just

1:00:10

happy to be there.

1:00:11

Happy to be there.

1:00:12

Yeah. Okay. No ex. You know what? Let me

1:00:14

just speak broadly. That's how I was thinking about

1:00:16

people that I've dated. I think broadly speaking,

1:00:19

x would be if

1:00:21

you post your Starbucks on your

1:00:23

Instagram story in the Mercedes logo's

1:00:25

behind it. You do that? No. I think

1:00:27

people who are to look at the logo or,

1:00:29

like, if a girl's, like, in car, and you see the

1:00:31

RR or the Rolls Royce logo behind her,

1:00:33

I think the subtle tones of the or or,

1:00:35

like, you know what? I hate this is big Los Angeles

1:00:38

thing. The girls who refer to, like, celebity's

1:00:40

first name type shit. You know?

1:00:42

The thing I was out last night with, you know, like,

1:00:44

oh, my buddy Wes is d jang tonight

1:00:46

Wes. Diplo,

1:00:50

what are

1:00:50

we doing here? Just the x of, like, underplaying

1:00:53

a really cool thing. Okay. You

1:00:55

know?

1:00:55

Yeah. Is that it?

1:00:59

I mean, there's definitely so many more. Lack

1:01:01

of emojis could do it. Flow one

1:01:03

in there every once in a while. When

1:01:05

they kiss for me, it's when they kiss if someone

1:01:08

kisses with their eyes open.

1:01:09

Oh, that's crazy. That person should be on the

1:01:11

dominories. That's a crazy

1:01:13

person right there.

1:01:14

Yeah. I don't really have eggs, I guess. I do.

1:01:17

I just I

1:01:17

mean, they they everyone has them. They

1:01:19

just, like, come to you last second. You gotta

1:01:21

think about it.

1:01:22

Okay. So you can you can think

1:01:24

of it. I think the biggest ache is probably not being

1:01:26

attracted me. Yeah.

1:01:29

You know? Exact that is You'll be

1:01:31

a hot air. Yeah. How

1:01:33

about raise your standards? Fuck

1:01:36

in. Yeah. Period right there.

1:01:38

Do you mind thinking about sex all the time? Yes.

1:01:41

K. That

1:01:45

fantasy

1:01:46

football, and what time does Chili's

1:01:48

open?

1:01:49

Never been to Chili's.

1:01:50

You're not missing much.

1:01:51

Okay. What is the most obvious sign

1:01:53

that a guy likes a girl? I think

1:01:55

if he

1:01:57

moves around his calendar. He was like, oh, I had a thing,

1:01:59

but I could do

1:02:00

that. I think also no. I think that's

1:02:01

He opens his his his time for her. Yeah.

1:02:04

opens up for her. But think there's shit I

1:02:06

mean, baseline entry. If he comments on your

1:02:08

Instagram, girl, he's trying to fuck Instagram

1:02:10

stories. Oh my god. So

1:02:12

funny asparagus. Shut up.

1:02:14

You know, as Paul

1:02:15

asparagus, Kevin. Wait. That's obvious times when my

1:02:17

guy like, girl, that's an obvious time when I got oh my god.

1:02:19

When guys only when guys, like, this

1:02:22

this one time, This guy would not stop

1:02:24

sending me pictures of myself from

1:02:26

my profile. I hate when guys do

1:02:28

that. Be like, oh, you look so hot. You're

1:02:30

scared to comment that on his

1:02:32

on the photos because he's I

1:02:34

don't even need him to comment that, but it's just

1:02:36

old pictures nonstop, and it was just so

1:02:38

old about my physical Actually, it sounds like

1:02:40

we're fucked. And I was getting so annoyed that

1:02:43

had to mute him. And you were just responding

1:02:45

to all my

1:02:45

dMs. Well, I think they're doing, like, say, they they don't

1:02:48

wanna comment in public or think or they want

1:02:50

to they want you to let they want you

1:02:52

to know that they think that because it might get lost

1:02:54

in your comments because there's a lot of

1:02:55

followers, but they want you to be like, I think this

1:02:57

is funny. Send you directly because you know you'll

1:02:59

see it. Usually, the way we love

1:03:02

is how we give love back.

1:03:04

There's some general love languages. So because

1:03:06

research shows for men, their initial attraction

1:03:08

is physical. So when you hear men say physical

1:03:11

looks is what I notice, is actually a whole

1:03:13

research behind it. So that's why a lot of

1:03:15

times men will then comment about

1:03:17

your looks because that's what they notice about you and

1:03:19

they think they'll be flattering versus for women.

1:03:21

For me, Elise, and most other women that

1:03:23

I know, I'm more flatter if someone's

1:03:25

like, that poem you wrote is so

1:03:27

deep. Or,

1:03:28

like, I love your brain or your so

1:03:30

you're so creative. Things like that. So when a guy comments,

1:03:33

like, I was talking to some this guy a while back

1:03:35

who was doing

1:03:36

that, and then took me forever ever talk

1:03:37

to him again. Yeah. It's like an entry level compliment. But

1:03:40

in the text, then we start texting and it was

1:03:42

constantly about my physical looks and I was just like, dude,

1:03:44

like, can you talk to me like I'm a woman in my

1:03:46

thirties, not a girl in her twenties. You're like,

1:03:48

okay. Sorry. And you tried

1:03:49

I saw your old bitch. He he was like,

1:03:51

what's your credit score? Yeah. But but

1:03:53

did that do anything? The credit score company

1:03:55

Yeah. I made me laugh. It was good. You know.

1:03:57

But I think it's like being

1:04:00

called the hot or whatever, it's like surface

1:04:02

level

1:04:02

compliment. It loses its value. If somebody

1:04:05

calls you gorgeous or word that's deeper --

1:04:07

Oh, I love it.

1:04:08

-- you know, it's different. It's you're

1:04:10

so used to hearing this, and now you hear this, it catches

1:04:12

your eye. You

1:04:13

so you're saying it forgot send you your picture of

1:04:15

you in a DM.

1:04:16

No. I think that's crazy.

1:04:17

He's dating someone? Well, I think he's trying to hide something.

1:04:19

Or he's so insecure that he goes, I need

1:04:21

her to know that I'm saying this

1:04:23

thing. Okay. You know? Yeah. Because

1:04:25

I'm sure you have your notifications turned off. I'm imagining.

1:04:28

I think he's trying to hide something. If you don't have a

1:04:30

lot of followers, he's trying to hide something. He doesn't

1:04:32

wanna be out in the public commenting, like, funny, LLL,

1:04:34

sexy, LLL, kissy face

1:04:36

emoji. Or I think he's just, like, I

1:04:38

need her to know that I feel this way. So what

1:04:40

are other ways to tell that a guy likes you except

1:04:43

aside from clearing your schedule? So

1:04:45

So that means his man is never too busy for

1:04:47

you. So if he likes you, he's gonna clear your schedule

1:04:49

for you. To

1:04:50

some extent. Yeah. This

1:04:51

obviously no. He's not gonna cancel the his

1:04:53

job or how does it work? Commenting on Instagram

1:04:56

stories is, like, That's I

1:04:58

mean, that's as horny as it

1:05:00

gets.

1:05:00

That's horny. This is sexual. I'm talking about

1:05:03

Does

1:05:03

it like it wants a day, he wants a day.

1:05:05

And I want to fuck anything with hold. That's

1:05:07

not a flattering old man. This guy

1:05:10

this guy responded to my story. don't care.

1:05:12

Oh my god. My guys do that. I don't even open the dams.

1:05:14

And afterwards, if I run into them, they're like, Did

1:05:16

you see I really liked that your

1:05:17

thing? And I always go, oh my god. I'm so sorry. Like, I have

1:05:19

so many dams. I just don't even look. No. I saw

1:05:21

your dam. I didn't give a shit. Is

1:05:24

the It's less than a fair amount. I think

1:05:25

if he invites you to a bro Adulting,

1:05:28

it's like, can you and me and the seven bros

1:05:30

are gonna hit this bar in WeHo

1:05:33

tonight --

1:05:33

Yeah. --

1:05:34

come by. I like those.

1:05:36

Friends are there? You're there? This could be a

1:05:38

thing --

1:05:39

Yeah. -- subtleties. Like Yeah. It's it's

1:05:41

like it's it's like a invite that's on her. It's

1:05:43

not like, hey, we should go meet my friends.

1:05:45

Because

1:05:46

the girls would be like, you need to meet my friends, guys would

1:05:48

be like, if you want, my friends are gonna be here. You

1:05:50

know, there's like, yeah. So the guy leaves it more like

1:05:52

casual. Like, you know what I mean? My friends are just gonna be at the

1:05:54

bungalow in Santa Monica. You ever been there?

1:05:56

Yeah. I love it.

1:05:58

The mecca. Love it. See, that's so crazy.

1:06:00

I always tell them guys that that to me was like, are

1:06:02

they am I just one of the

1:06:04

friends? I'm so confused. I didn't realize that that

1:06:06

meant that. I know. They like me. They want me to feel

1:06:08

friends. Yeah.

1:06:08

Exactly. If you're hooking up, but there's some chemistry ability.

1:06:11

Oh, come come out of this thing.

1:06:12

Oh, okay. Nice. I guess

1:06:14

I could do one of his friends then. If he doesn't like me,

1:06:16

I'll do one of his friends. That's

1:06:18

good.

1:06:18

That's actually how sometimes I'll end things with

1:06:20

someone. I tried to set them up with one of

1:06:22

my friends. While you're dating

1:06:25

them? Interesting.

1:06:29

Well, that's well, you know what? That's

1:06:31

not bad because you know when you get fired from a job, you get

1:06:33

severance, where they pay me like six months,

1:06:34

that's essentially what you're doing. You're like, hey, we're breaking

1:06:36

up, but you can still get some vagina.

1:06:39

I don't tell them we're breaking up. I'm like, you know who

1:06:41

you'd be perfect for? My friend, Roxy.

1:06:43

They're like, I'm well, I guess, guys are dumb. He's like,

1:06:45

oh, you take?

1:06:47

No. Do you think that you think I'm hot?

1:06:49

They get offended. And then I'm like, they're

1:06:51

like, well, we're dating. I'm like, are we though? Is

1:06:53

that

1:06:54

gasoline? I

1:06:56

sure heard of myself. Are we? Okay.

1:06:59

What are some signs that a guy is not interested? Slow

1:07:02

responses, short

1:07:04

texts.

1:07:04

Talking about the women. We'll

1:07:06

talk about other women as blatant.

1:07:08

Okay.

1:07:09

That's blatant. I think this is just his

1:07:11

tone is very different.

1:07:13

Okay. Biggest red flags to look for

1:07:15

in a man. As a man.

1:07:16

Being a man.

1:07:18

Yeah. That's number one. I guess red flags,

1:07:20

I think, would be how he talks about

1:07:22

his parents. And he's like, yeah, my dad's a fucking

1:07:24

bitch. You know, I don't fuck with him. It's

1:07:26

like, well, what happened? Was it your fault?

1:07:28

Was it your fault? I think other big red flags

1:07:31

would be if he makes

1:07:33

you feel like you're crazy. You know, if

1:07:35

if he's a club promoter and he's a

1:07:38

bunch of women, you're like,

1:07:40

wait, why the look? No.

1:07:41

Because I know someone like that. Corporal Motors DMing a

1:07:43

bunch of women. Like, oh, it's just for work. Okay.

1:07:45

The while you're sending your picture of your apps, it's just

1:07:47

for work. I think big red flags

1:07:49

in a man can just be If

1:07:52

he goes out and doesn't tell you, that's that's a

1:07:54

big one. I'm just out with the boys.

1:07:56

Well, that's the problem. No. He's looking

1:07:58

for

1:07:58

out. He's looking for an out. He goes

1:07:59

out and doesn't tell you. You have to shun you

1:08:01

his schedule? No.

1:08:02

No. But if you're, like, dating man and he's just

1:08:04

out of the clubs and you're, like, oh, I didn't know you're

1:08:06

going out. Don't outside?

1:08:08

Yeah. He's looking for an out.

1:08:10

Oh. He's looking for other women. Right?

1:08:13

Would you not be weird if if you were seen a guy

1:08:15

and you guys like, talking much and you look at his

1:08:17

Instagram and he's just get them port in his mouth at

1:08:19

ONEOK, you wouldn't be like, oh,

1:08:22

maybe I mean, if

1:08:23

I I didn't ask what he was doing then, I'm like, oh,

1:08:25

cool. You wouldn't know. But if I ask what he's doing,

1:08:27

and then he

1:08:27

told me I'm being in. I guess,

1:08:30

I have a problem. I think because so

1:08:32

a lot of my relationships the guys

1:08:34

every day would be cheating on me, so then they were constantly

1:08:36

so suspicious of what I'm doing. That's usually cheaters.

1:08:39

So then they would ask everything I'm doing. I

1:08:41

think got so used to just saying my whole schedule.

1:08:43

That I and I never bother asking someone else, but,

1:08:45

like, I'm the kind of person when I date someone. But,

1:08:47

like, oh, what'd you do today? And I literally give detail

1:08:49

by detail. It's just like I have it now. I'm like,

1:08:51

I did this. I'm with my

1:08:52

sisters. And then afterwards, I'm doing this, and then

1:08:54

I'm going to sleep. Like, I literally line up with

1:08:56

all the gaps. No gaps. But that's good because

1:08:58

then it let's the other person know what

1:09:00

to expect from you. You got a busy

1:09:02

day? Cool. I might not hear from you. But I don't expect anything

1:09:04

back. Literally, if I'm next to a guy and he has this

1:09:06

phone out, I from being

1:09:09

so traumatized for men cheating. I mean, I just looked

1:09:11

the other way. Like, it's an automatic bitch.

1:09:13

The other way. They put their phone. I just go like

1:09:15

this. Because I just don't wanna know. I don't wanna

1:09:17

deal with it. These men sound

1:09:19

not great. It's like when the Sam McLaughlin's --

1:09:21

Yes. -- commercial comes on, I just change the channel immediately

1:09:24

out of trauma for those dogs. Who would I

1:09:26

look your way? That commercial. It's

1:09:28

a sad commercial. I don't know you would you look the other

1:09:30

way as Yeah. Did you look

1:09:32

outside? I rather don't know. I don't wanna know. I

1:09:34

don't wanna invade their privacy,

1:09:36

I didn't realize that people get

1:09:39

that one of people's red flags is when

1:09:41

you hide your phone from your partner. And

1:09:43

I've realized that when I date guys in the past

1:09:46

recently, I guess last year, a lot of

1:09:48

times, if my phone was out, they've tried to look at something

1:09:50

and be, like, stopped and touched my phone. And I didn't

1:09:52

realize how much of a red flag

1:09:53

it was. Oh. And it was literally because

1:09:56

I was opening I was watching porn on

1:09:58

my phone and I didn't want it to seem like

1:10:00

porn sites on my photos, I was

1:10:02

too embarrassed, and that's why we got the phone

1:10:04

away. And I didn't even think twice that they would think

1:10:06

it means something

1:10:07

else. Now it was just like a shade of the porn that I'm

1:10:09

watching. Funny. Because I was watching

1:10:11

too much

1:10:12

foreign. What type of foreign do you watch?

1:10:14

Whatever. But I was just like watching, I guess,

1:10:16

it was just the links were just there, and I was

1:10:18

embarrassed by

1:10:19

it. Yeah.

1:10:19

And that's why I was typing

1:10:21

it. If the guy always has his phone face down,

1:10:23

like, on dinner table face down. That's

1:10:25

what I do. Too

1:10:27

much porn or cheating.

1:10:28

Because I'm paying attention to my partner. Smart.

1:10:30

Isn't that interesting? It's all about perspective. I

1:10:33

saw someone online if they have their phone upside down.

1:10:35

They're doing some

1:10:36

shady. But this world, you're gonna I

1:10:38

just wanna pay attention. This

1:10:39

is what people should communicate. Yeah.

1:10:41

That's so interesting. Yeah. Worse narratives

1:10:44

in my head, right, her phones have set out, probably

1:10:46

text and dudes, but she goes, no, just wanna be

1:10:48

present with

1:10:48

you. Because

1:10:49

it's so important for me to focus on the other person that

1:10:51

I don't my phone. I also don't wanna

1:10:52

bring it up and sound like an insane person big. Why

1:10:54

do you flip your phone upside down?

1:10:55

But imagine if you just ask how much more relieved

1:10:58

you would be versus getting all these ideas in your

1:11:00

head.

1:11:00

That's so interesting. It

1:11:01

is interesting

1:11:02

because There's a better way to ask. Be like, Do you keep

1:11:04

your phone upside down? Yeah. I don't know. How do you ask

1:11:06

without sounding crazy?

1:11:07

Why do you have your phone upside? Yeah. gonna say it

1:11:09

just says it joking. Wait. Jokingly. Right?

1:11:12

Yeah. And then she's like, oh, god, I'm cheating.

1:11:15

And you're like, right. My

1:11:18

ex used to Frank me that he was cheating on me with

1:11:20

the girls he was cheating on me with.

1:11:23

But That's funny. It isn't

1:11:25

it's funny. It's in a sick mind. I'd be like, what do you mean?

1:11:27

I told you the whole time. Literally. Get

1:11:30

some man shares, like, hopefully, good duty

1:11:32

will you? And then you're

1:11:33

like, right. And then he's like, oh, I was. I was telling

1:11:35

you. It was being up front. I wasn't lying.

1:11:38

What a good guy? Yeah. He

1:11:39

goes, like, I'm cheating, then he emphasizes the text

1:11:42

with the ha hah hah hah hah hah hah.

1:11:44

But that is interesting. I really like the perspective

1:11:47

idea and the communication because even our

1:11:49

opinions or

1:11:50

Yeah. That's so crazy. That's really cool.

1:11:52

Well, I could cross my leg because somebody thinks,

1:11:54

like, I have to pee and I'm like, oh, I think it's comfortable. You'll never

1:11:56

know what the other person is doing unless you ask.

1:11:58

Yeah. So just communicate. Perspective. Okay.

1:12:01

Do not even like women? No.

1:12:03

I'm getting

1:12:04

that.

1:12:04

I like being alone. Men

1:12:06

like fucking in comfort

1:12:09

and peace and

1:12:09

Okay. When men? No. Men like women. It's like

1:12:12

they'll be in a relationship. But, oh, fucking this is

1:12:14

but I wish I was single. Then they're single. And they're

1:12:16

like, can somebody just hold me?

1:12:19

Do you think men fall in love faster than

1:12:21

women?

1:12:21

Think I I think I don't know. It depends.

1:12:24

Mhmm. How come when guys date

1:12:26

someone? The

1:12:28

porn they watch. And all the girls they follow

1:12:30

on Instagram, it's always whatever girl

1:12:32

they said. Oh, that yeah. That's how my tag would not track

1:12:34

to that. And the girl you're dating looks nothing like

1:12:36

the porn that the guy watches and looks nothing

1:12:38

like the girls the guy's

1:12:39

following. What's up

1:12:40

with that? Because porn and I

1:12:42

guess Instagram models is like a fantasy

1:12:44

land.

1:12:45

Okay. Got it. This is where they're like, I would

1:12:47

never date this type of

1:12:49

woman because I don't think she

1:12:51

would date

1:12:52

me. But, like, it's just

1:12:54

so fantasy land. But then if she was

1:12:56

gonna date them, they'll be down.

1:12:58

So lost. So the girl they're dating is their

1:13:00

type because it's the only thing available.

1:13:02

No. Not available. It's just, like, they

1:13:04

feel, like like, you know what I was talking

1:13:06

about earlier, it's, like, looks get you the attention,

1:13:09

but personality carries it. And

1:13:11

so their girlfriend has looks

1:13:13

and personality, but, like, did the

1:13:15

porn. They're not there to be, like, what's this girl's

1:13:17

background? Is she a good chef? They're just watching

1:13:20

them be, like, big kitty, busty bitch,

1:13:22

like, that's on the right, and then it's just like a

1:13:24

fantasy

1:13:24

land. And then they come and they're, like,

1:13:27

I gotta get back to my loving girlfriend.

1:13:29

Yeah. If you

1:13:29

ever came so hard, you wanna hug your girlfriend

1:13:31

even harder?

1:13:33

Not me. No. Can't

1:13:35

relate. But in a guy's world, you watch some

1:13:37

fucking crazy porn --

1:13:38

Yeah. -- and you're like, god, thank god. This is

1:13:40

not my life. I need to get back to

1:13:43

just wholesome cinnamon

1:13:44

bread. You know? In in conclusion,

1:13:46

it doesn't mean anything. The girls No. The older

1:13:49

girls they follow in Instagram. Superworld. It's just

1:13:51

fantasy. That's

1:13:51

why, like, if a girl you know, like,

1:13:53

is, like, following all the dudes on the badslur.

1:13:56

It's like a fantasy

1:13:57

land. If she bangs on those dudes --

1:13:59

-- different

1:13:59

story. But she's just like,

1:14:02

oh, he's just a hot guy in reality show. What's

1:14:04

up with how guys talk? Like, locker room talk?

1:14:06

She's not podcasting. Yeah.

1:14:08

You know, memo podcasts. Red

1:14:10

flag. Red flag. So why do

1:14:13

you guys talk like that about

1:14:14

women? Is it just because they're with the boys in there.

1:14:16

It's an easy pill. They're

1:14:17

putting

1:14:17

up a wall. Okay.

1:14:18

Is that what it is? Is that But here's the thing. That's

1:14:20

with guys they're probably not super comfortable with.

1:14:23

Really? Yeah. I mean, like, if I don't if

1:14:25

there's a group dudes where, like, no from work or,

1:14:27

like, whatever, you're not gonna let

1:14:29

your guard down. I mean, it's like, yeah, fucking pussy is

1:14:31

tied. You know, you'll do the extra hob and your own

1:14:33

wings, but, like, with close friend. I've had some

1:14:35

very deep talks with, like, my friends. Yeah.

1:14:38

And it's like, those are the guys that can hear

1:14:40

me cry. I'm like, dude, you're okay. Like this. Like,

1:14:42

those are genuine friends. I think locker room

1:14:44

talk comes from locker rooms where it's

1:14:46

like, you see guy once a week at LA Fitness.

1:14:48

You're not deep friends, you're like boys. Right.

1:14:51

So it's just an ego thing and it's joking

1:14:53

around and it's not really how men

1:14:55

then think outside like their -- Of

1:14:56

course. -- just because they talk about Pussi

1:14:59

and

1:15:00

boop We're gonna say with John and they're like, the the

1:15:03

pussy. And all that, they

1:15:05

still wanna be held at night. They still cry.

1:15:07

They still wanna find someone to

1:15:09

love? Of course. Okay.

1:15:11

Good. What keeps you up at night?

1:15:13

The fear of irrelevancy in

1:15:15

my career?

1:15:16

Same. My keeps me up a night

1:15:18

is when I get scared that I don't have

1:15:20

a purpose. No. I don't have a purpose.

1:15:22

It's just like my fear is just being like,

1:15:24

you know, it's ten years down the

1:15:26

line, people go, like, yeah. Cool. YouTube,

1:15:29

what else you got? Like, what do you mean?

1:15:31

That's what I'm here for. Yeah. Videos

1:15:34

and stand up. What are you currently working on?

1:15:36

Just videos and stand up. I wanna pitch something bigger,

1:15:39

but like I love what I do now. It's my dream.

1:15:41

When I first quit my job, I was like, all I ever wanna

1:15:43

do is make videos in the day

1:15:45

and do stand up at

1:15:46

night. How do

1:15:47

you come up with your ideas? Is it just personal

1:15:50

experience -- Yeah. -- just who you are. -- personal

1:15:52

experience being just kind

1:15:53

of on true stories. Based

1:15:54

on true story. Being observational, my

1:15:56

notes app is just filled with shit, you know?

1:15:58

Yeah. The best idea has happened just right in

1:16:00

front of me. And I'm just like, oh, that would be funny. There's

1:16:02

somebody who says something down. I'm like, that's

1:16:04

great. You you're now that you're thirty

1:16:06

years old. Thirty. What's something

1:16:08

that you already feel that's different from when

1:16:10

you were twenty versus

1:16:11

now? Have you learned anything so far

1:16:13

being thirty? No. I'm so recently

1:16:16

thirty. Yeah. Popcorn season. I

1:16:18

think I've just learned that

1:16:21

I'm not where I thought I was gonna be at thirty.

1:16:23

In a good way. Amazing.

1:16:26

Yeah. I thought when I was younger, I'd be thirty

1:16:28

white picket fence, kids running around,

1:16:30

kids with crayola drawing on the

1:16:32

wall, and I don't have that. And I'm fine

1:16:34

with that. But I do want that eventually.

1:16:36

Yeah.

1:16:36

Do you want kids or no?

1:16:38

Yeah. I'm freezing my eggs right now.

1:16:40

Upstairs. Colony

1:16:42

podcast. Yeah. You

1:16:44

already did it?

1:16:45

No. I'm through going through the process. That's a

1:16:47

what's a process?

1:16:49

It's like a month process, but I have to

1:16:51

wait till I get my period to to

1:16:53

And then Yeah. That's

1:16:55

Talk about a meal prep.

1:16:57

That's good one. Best advice

1:17:00

you've ever gone. Oh, I mean, this is just a

1:17:02

random one for the help me out a lot. This is,

1:17:04

like, when you try to be funny,

1:17:06

That's the least funny you'll ever be.

1:17:09

Whoa. You know, it's you can't force

1:17:11

the funny. It's just gotta be real. I used to take,

1:17:13

like, improv classes out here. And

1:17:15

they'd be like, the funny you try to be the worse

1:17:17

it's gonna be. Like, like, when you try to squeeze

1:17:19

a joke and it's not gonna be funny. So if you just

1:17:21

lay your personality, they carry, like, you'll find the funny.

1:17:24

Kinda goes for life. It's like the the more serious

1:17:26

you take things, the more you're

1:17:28

not gonna get that. Like, I don't have a

1:17:30

goal to be like, I need to be on an like show.

1:17:32

I need to be on Jimmy Kimbell. I just,

1:17:34

like, do the best that I can to see what it brings

1:17:36

me. Because -- That's

1:17:36

really good. -- when people have one either, like, I have

1:17:39

to be on Netflix, I have to be on Netflix. If that

1:17:41

doesn't happen, they're shouted their ruined. They

1:17:43

lost so many opportunities on the way only focusing

1:17:45

on that. But when they do get that, it pays off. Yeah. I

1:17:47

just say, do the best you can be as best as you can be

1:17:49

in that field and see what it brings

1:17:50

you.

1:17:51

I like that. My mom's advice

1:17:53

was never say where you're not wanted.

1:17:55

I'm always like that. What

1:17:56

was it? Never

1:17:57

say where you're not wanted.

1:17:58

Never say where you're not wanted. Okay.

1:18:00

Yeah. I like So that's with anything in life and

1:18:02

I still follow that. Whether it's

1:18:04

a relationship, friendship, a

1:18:06

job, because your value is

1:18:08

not based on whether or not this person loves you

1:18:10

or likes you or That's

1:18:11

true. So you gotta go.

1:18:13

Alright. Where can people find you?

1:18:16

At my home. Sugar loss

1:18:18

comedy dot com for tour dates coming

1:18:20

up, and then also just trevor loss on

1:18:22

Instagram. Twitter. TikTok. I deleted

1:18:25

Twitter. TikTok. Yeah.

1:18:26

You did it deleted Twitter.

1:18:28

Yeah.

1:18:29

Me too.

1:18:30

Just there wasn't any good videos. It was boring.

1:18:32

Alright. Well, you guys make sure to go follow him.

1:18:34

I hope you enjoyed this podcast. Yeah.

1:18:36

And I love you. Have

1:18:38

a beautiful day. Bye.