0:00

It's Vile Benson, your favorite meme queen and

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the big sis you didn't

0:04

ask for, but need a

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welcome to Almost Adulting. Almost

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Adulting. Almost

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Adulting. Are you ready? Hi,

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bassis and welcome to a brand

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new Almost Adulting, the largest self-love

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podcast and movement in our

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own destination for personal growth and mental health.

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I'm your big sister and your

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host, Violeta. Welcome to

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a brand new episode. If you're wondering

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what's going on, why are we releasing

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another random episode this week? Well, it's

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not so random because today I'm sharing

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with you a small

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little part from

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my premium podcast, which

0:44

lives live on supercast.almostadulting.com

0:46

where you get extra

0:49

episodes every single

0:51

week on my premium podcast.

0:53

So today you will

0:55

get to listen to a small part from that podcast.

0:59

If you like the episode and you want to

1:01

listen to the rest of it, then you will

1:03

have to go to the link in my description,

1:06

my bio on

1:08

supercast.almostadulting.com to listen to

1:10

the rest. This

1:13

small part is all about

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goodbyes and why

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he doesn't want you and

1:20

how to change your perspective on the fact that

1:22

he doesn't want you. So

1:24

let's dive in. One of

1:27

the most common questions I tend to get

1:29

from you guys is why doesn't he want

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me? And as much as I can give

1:33

you a million and five reasons, and we

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still will never find out because we are

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not in that person's head. So all you

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can do is guess. And when

1:42

you guess, you make an ass out

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of you and me. OK, so don't

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do that. So

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what if I told you to change

1:50

your perspective on that? Don't look

1:52

at it from the perspective of why

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doesn't he want me? Maybe it's because he

1:58

doesn't want me because there's something wrong. with

2:00

me or I did something wrong

2:02

blah blah. Think of it as he

2:04

doesn't want me because of

2:06

whatever is going on with him

2:09

which has nothing to do

2:12

with me and the

2:14

truth is if he wanted to

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in any situation

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in life he would but when

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someone keeps showing you

2:24

over and over and

2:26

over again that you are

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not their number one choice that they

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do not want you maybe

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it is

2:35

finally time to listen. You

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have to understand people make choices every

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single day in life and it's

2:44

not that different from the coffee choice that they're

2:46

making to choosing you or not

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choosing you and sometimes people will not straight-up

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tell you that they're not choosing you but

2:54

their actions will show

2:56

you. So

2:58

when someone makes a choice

3:01

that's obvious when

3:03

they don't show up for you where

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they constantly are putting you

3:08

second when they are not

3:10

choosing us it is

3:12

time to listen because now you

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too have a choice and

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that choice is moving on

3:19

or of course

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trying to sit for 75 hours

3:26

and figuring out well if I just play

3:28

back every single moment in

3:31

my life for meeting this person maybe

3:33

then I can dissect and figure out exactly

3:35

at what point they'll stop giving a shit

3:38

about me maybe it was the day they

3:40

met you because maybe they never actually cared

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about you. We are

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never ready to see stuff

3:47

until we're finally ready to

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see it okay sometimes

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everyone around you can see something

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that you won't because you don't

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want to because you have some fair in

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your head and you are just

4:02

looking for someone to play the lead in

4:05

that fairy tale and the person standing in

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front of you may actually be the wrong

4:10

person for that role but you're not

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paying attention because you just want them to fill it.

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So something

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that I have always said to myself

4:20

when I'm dealing with a

4:22

wishy washy dating situation or

4:24

wishy washy man is

4:28

that I was fine before this

4:30

person came into my life and

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I will be just as fine when they're

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gone. And

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that quote-unquote fine state of being

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that is your stability that

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is what keeps you grounded.

4:45

Remember that feeling

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next time when you get all tied up in

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your emotions you will

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be fine. We

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can't change a man but

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we can change the

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man. Does that make sense?

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If you've already created a fairy tale and

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you already have all the other

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actors who are your fairy tale

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and all you have

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right now is that you just

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need someone to play your male

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lead. You

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can't change the current person that you hired

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that's longer a good fit but you can

5:26

change the person playing

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that role. Does that make sense? You

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can't change a man if he doesn't

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want to but you can change the

5:35

man aka you replace them with someone

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else. Someone that's a better fit in

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your fairy tale. Okay? And

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the last thing I will leave you with is probably

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to change your perspective

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when it comes to goodbyes. Instead

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of being sad about goodbyes

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be thankful that you

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are finally free to

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find someone new. Be thankful

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that you were finally set free from

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the pain and the heartache and

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the hardships and the agony of

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wondering why won't this person return

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my calls? Why are

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they not putting as much effort? Why does

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it feel like they lost interest? Why

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does it feel like they're playing with my heart? Why

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does it feel like I'm more invested? When

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you finally let go, that

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will finally free you from

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the pain, from the agony and it

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will free you to find someone new.

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So you're going to have to get used to saying

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goodbye until

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you will finally find the right person.

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The bye's will eventually start to

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feel and be less painful once

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you will realize that it

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actually opens up room for your person, for

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the right person, the person you're meant to be

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with to come through the door, the person who

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will fight for you. It will

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never make you feel crazy like you're

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asking for too much. They

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will never make you wonder, do they

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even like you? Or why

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do you even bother at times? The

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right person doesn't feel that way, especially not

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in the beginning when it's supposed to be

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the honeymoon stage. So

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be happy when

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someone is dumb enough to let

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you go, because that means you're

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one step closer to your person.

7:31

You can't hold on to someone or

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force them to love you, because

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the truth is the tighter you hold on

7:38

to them, the more they will

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want to run away. It's an art

7:42

DNA, especially a men's DNA. All

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you can do is love people to

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the best of your abilities and hope

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that they appreciate your love and feel the same

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way. I

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never want you to feel regret

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for giving your love to people because

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it just means you're such a loving person. You

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should never stop loving just because someone else doesn't

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know how to. And

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sometimes when you're giving love to people regardless

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if they deserve it or not, you

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may not know it but they may need it more

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than you'll ever know. Even

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if it wasn't reciprocated, I promise

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you the love always comes back full

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circle. The love that

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you gave away, eventually it will

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come back to you in some shape or form. So

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never stop being the loving

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and open person that you are. Don't

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harden your heart just because of

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some a few awful people that you've met in

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your life. They may have needed that love more

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than you'll ever know. So keep

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putting love into the universe because

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I promise you eventually it will come

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back double the size. And

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that is it for now. I

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hope you enjoyed that small little

8:56

part from my full episode

8:58

on the Oletta's

9:00

Diaries, Why He Doesn't Want

9:03

You. If you want to listen

9:05

to the rest of the episode, feel free to

9:07

subscribe to my premium podcast where you get extra

9:10

episodes every single week on

9:12

supercast.almostadulting.com The link is also

9:14

available in the description bio

9:17

of today's episode. I hope

9:20

this even the small little

9:22

part even if you don't subscribe to my premium

9:24

podcast puts your heart at ease

9:27

and allows you to free yourself. Okay?

9:29

I love you. Have a beautiful day

9:32

and I'll see you next week. Bye

9:34

besties.