0:01

I mean, well, there was days where you know

0:03

you're heart being too fast. Now

0:06

you can't sleep. But

0:09

I mean rock bottom was that whatever

0:13

I was hiding now

0:15

it was exposed, or people are gonna whatever

0:18

I was trying to hide is exposed because

0:20

people thought I was doing drugs at this damn

0:22

brothel. Um,

0:25

there's the best situation manh

0:45

Hi, I'm Dr Oz and this is

0:48

the Doctor Oz Podcast. He's

0:51

been called a walking miracle two

0:53

times NBA World champion. Lamar Odom

0:56

was found unconscious in Nevada brothel

0:58

nearly four years ago and was in critical

1:00

condition fighting for his life. Today,

1:03

Lamar is here with his harrowing story of survival

1:05

and the truth about his road to recovery that keeps

1:07

him from falling back into the dark throes of

1:10

addiction. His new book didntly called

1:13

Darkness to Light. What did it

1:15

take for you to come here, Lamar and

1:17

talk openly about what you went through? It

1:20

takes a brave man to do that. But

1:22

you've taken a life that we were all

1:24

watching from afar and brought

1:26

it into the light for us um

1:30

therapy. Um.

1:32

It was extremely therapeutic

1:36

for me to vent um

1:38

in this form and

1:40

then I wanted to tell let let my family know

1:42

exactly what I was going through while

1:45

he missed so many days, you

1:47

know, where was he? I wanted

1:50

to let everyone know where I was going through, where I was that mentally,

1:53

and I'm hopefully it will help man

1:58

old relationships that was that hurt

2:01

due to my um my addiction.

2:04

Well let's start with Ben. You're talking the book

2:06

about your relationship with your father, and

2:10

a lot of folks listening right now I've had issues

2:12

with their dad's If

2:14

you don't mind share yours with everybody, I

2:16

want people to take lessons away from it.

2:18

Well, you know, at a at an early

2:20

age, you know that the trauma

2:22

that we go through at at an early age, I think

2:25

it um it helps shapes

2:27

us into the people that

2:29

we become. And

2:32

on top of seeing my father and my

2:35

mother go through some physical altercations, my

2:37

father was was a heroin addict,

2:40

so I think maybe he might have passed

2:44

the gene towards

2:46

me. And that was the most beneficial UM

2:52

lesson that my

2:54

my kids and I learned. My stating

2:57

rehab was that

3:00

these are not choices that we make constantly.

3:02

An addict is someone who is who

3:04

can't even make rational decisions. Yeah,

3:08

yeah, that was some of the most important lessons to that my

3:10

family was able to learn. The things

3:12

you disliked about your father is

3:15

what in many ways you became I start to

3:17

become. Yeah, it's

3:20

too bad that my family had to Um,

3:22

my kids really would

3:24

hurt the most. Um

3:26

in my in my years of addiction, I

3:29

would say, help

3:31

me understand how how it all came

3:33

down. So you're

3:36

at NBA Superstar, top

3:39

of you game. Actually, let's go before that, you're playing in high

3:41

school, having a good time, anything

3:43

going on in your life at that point. That was

3:46

a harbinger, a warning of things

3:48

you're where to come. Um,

3:53

well I didn't. I didn't really understand. Um

3:56

that I might have been past that gene and

4:00

um I'm an avid pot

4:02

smoker now, but I would hate

4:04

to think that. UM.

4:07

I don't know if it was subconscious, maybe like the

4:09

pot, I just wanted to try and make another high.

4:11

I don't know what the hell maybe wanted to, um

4:14

to try cocaine because I'm the fathers

4:16

The stories that my father used to always tell me

4:18

about Lenn Bias, who was a

4:20

famous basketball player and he was drafted

4:23

on on his UM the day of his

4:26

UM day he was drafted. You know,

4:28

he tried cocaine and and ody

4:31

and um. So it was something I never thought I would try.

4:34

I don't know if so constantly, if I wanted to get higher?

4:37

But really, when did you first try cocaine?

4:40

I was, so,

4:44

you're already so in high school,

4:46

nothing much, college

4:49

pros no nothing? So

4:52

what what what was the first time? What the very first

4:54

time that you started the stray? Because

4:56

at this point you're already a superstar. Yeah,

4:59

so you're Why would you want to do drugs

5:01

when you already in top of your game? What wasn't filled?

5:04

I don't know if I was trying to, like subconstiantly feeling

5:06

the loss of my mother or

5:09

maybe the loss of my son. There

5:11

are a lot of losses, and I don't know what

5:13

I was trying to feel. When you when you, when you when

5:15

you when you do cocaine, do you think you're getting high but you're

5:17

getting low? How so you're

5:22

knowing things in your in your nose that can cause

5:24

you your life would if

5:26

it hits you the wrong way? It doesn't

5:28

make sense why I even take that risk. But

5:31

when you say you're about twelve

5:34

years ol when you lost your mom? Yeah? Yeah,

5:37

what was going on in your life when that happened? How did you deal

5:39

with it? How I dealt with it

5:41

was that damn

5:43

basketball. It was

5:45

like my way to escape from everything

5:47

at that time. You know, when you're twelve, you're confused,

5:50

hurt, You're not gonna see your mother

5:52

anymore, don't even know how. You don't even know how to you

5:56

know how to digest that, how to

5:58

make sense of it. But luckily for me had my grandmother

6:00

and God was on the side. I

6:02

guess was your dad around? Yeah?

6:05

No, not really then?

6:08

So this fast for you, I'm not sure

6:10

how well you could cope with your mom's lost. Yes,

6:13

you have support, you've got God, you've got love

6:15

your grandmom, But life's not full.

6:18

Then you lose your your child. Yeah,

6:21

I think that's the one that I'm probably still hurt from

6:23

the most. I don't think i've even

6:26

um I had the opportunity

6:29

as the rock and my family even

6:31

to grieve, if that makes

6:33

sense. I always felt like I had to put on be

6:35

strong for everyone else. I don't know if I even took the

6:37

time to deal with that. Even

6:41

if you were the rock on the outside. What were you feeling

6:43

on the inside. Could you imagine losing

6:45

a uh six month year old?

6:47

No, that's why I'm asking. And I used

6:49

to look at you. I used to walk into the room

6:52

it slottle. Duty's just like stare at me without

6:55

me even saying anything. I knew he knew if his father

6:57

was Um

7:00

in his place, and his face is you know,

7:03

his face tattooed on my chest and

7:05

will always be with me. But I

7:07

mean, you know, it hurts like hell, hurts

7:09

like hell. You don't even know how to digest it. You

7:12

don't even know to make sense of it. But I

7:14

think the only one of the only ways

7:16

I was able to get over it, I didn't. I didn't ask why

7:20

the next why? I mean, if if I'm not mistaken,

7:23

he passed away the same day as my

7:25

grandmother m So

7:27

to me, that was like, you know, like spiritually

7:30

I felt connected. But maybe that she was telling

7:32

me that she got him.

7:34

Yeah, she got him.

7:37

So through the emotional

7:39

strife and some of it may have given

7:42

you the drive to become the athlete. Oh,

7:44

I definitely did. It. Definitely did. Even though Um

7:48

playing in the NBA, I felt like it was my destiny, like

7:50

I knew at eight or nine

7:52

years old when I was going to be doing, which

7:54

is also a blessing. So

7:57

you're you're playing the game, but now you're starting

7:59

to your drugs cocaine, which you very

8:02

wisely sage. You are saying it wasn't a high, it was

8:04

a low. Is it admitting that you couldn't

8:06

cope? Were you thinking

8:08

about how that would affect your gabe, how would affect your

8:10

career at

8:14

the time, I would say no, I was

8:16

being selfish, um,

8:19

you know, but obviously I think

8:21

about all those summers that

8:25

it was kind of wasted where

8:27

I could have been perfecting my craft man

8:30

and becoming the best player that

8:32

I possibly could. And

8:35

you know, it's so that's probably the one thing that I regret

8:37

about throwing drugs or having this

8:40

weakness that I couldn't control. Just

8:42

the time missed from every

8:44

from everything from my family and the most

8:47

my children. Yeah, how's

8:49

your relationship with your family now? It's great,

8:52

it's great. I think it's been healed. Um.

8:56

But you know, when you go through things and you get beat down

8:58

and sometimes the only thing you have to

9:01

lean on is your family and yourself. The

9:04

forgiveness process is hard. It's hard for you

9:06

to forgive yourself. I guess that's

9:08

why I'm so pressure, so honest about what

9:10

what what you went through? Hard for people

9:12

who loved you, trusted you to

9:15

forgive you for having wronged them.

9:17

And that's what this like, this book, it's

9:20

like, um, it's just like letting them know

9:23

where I was at mentally,

9:25

and you know why I was going um

9:29

down such a dark road, you

9:31

know, but I'm hearing out on him a fighter and

9:34

I didn't give up. What do they say to

9:36

you when you realized

9:39

that you need to talk to them and be honest

9:41

with what was going down? What

9:44

my my my daughter is really proud

9:46

of me, um,

9:50

And and that's really all I live

9:52

for. That's

9:54

sort of love my kids. That

9:57

really keeps me going. It

9:59

keeps my mo we're running. I lived

10:01

selfishly for so long it

10:04

hurts me even to say that, But you know what, I man a

10:07

little selfishly for so long. So it was

10:09

just time to give back. A

10:11

lot of people listening right now living selfishly. They just

10:14

don't know it yet. Yeah,

10:16

I mean, it's is it time to give back? My time is

10:18

now for everything, all

10:20

right, we'll just scratching the service here, but we've got a lot more

10:22

to discussed, so stay with us after the break.

10:32

So let's go through some of the things you did. And I'm

10:35

I'm curious about them only because I'm I'm wondering

10:37

how your mind was working as you got through these things,

10:39

and because you're so brutally

10:41

honest, which I respect, maybe could shut

10:43

some light for all the rest of us how this civen happens.

10:45

Because we look around the people that we admire superstars,

10:48

and we want to what went down. But

10:50

then we go back, you know about while they we go

10:52

back fifteen years. One of the dreams that every

10:54

basketball player has is representing their country

10:57

in the Olympics. Right, So you're

10:59

picked for the team, not surprisingly because it

11:01

was the dream, you know, incredible

11:03

mix of talent, and you

11:06

realize you might have an issue because you got a drug test.

11:09

And everyone's been reading the tabloids about went down.

11:11

But I'm just curious what you're what was going

11:13

through your mind when you realize I could be thrown

11:15

away the dream of my life because

11:17

these drug issues, you

11:20

know, And and I brought this story up

11:22

like the one thing that I didn't want to cause

11:24

any controversy with USA basketball or

11:27

the hardest part about reading this book was me

11:30

being like too honest, Like I didn't

11:32

want to offend the

11:36

the Kobe Bryants, or

11:38

the pat Riley's, or the Phil Jackson's or

11:40

the world like people that you know took a common

11:42

interest in me, um,

11:44

and that we're really genuine with me. I

11:46

didn't really want to offend them.

11:49

So I guess that was the hardest part about

11:52

being completely honest in this book. But you

11:55

know, my honesty set me free and

11:58

and hopefully it can. Um. You

12:00

know people that are going through it. I can't

12:03

get over at death or I can't

12:05

get through the addiction. Hopefully it can help him.

12:07

And I hopeully it can give him a push in the right direction.

12:09

So you're you're sitting there about to go to the

12:11

drug test just to recount, do you have

12:13

a I don't know who was whose idea was

12:15

to get a PROSTI it was a friend of

12:17

mine who is a good friend.

12:20

I just wish that he could have been a better friend

12:23

and kept me away from the drugs. But um,

12:27

I've been smoking, man. I wanted that whole summer and

12:30

and doing god knows what um

12:32

I was. It was marijuana, smoking

12:35

marijuana the whole so I'm not knew that I couldn't embarrasced

12:37

myself for USA basketball. Decided

12:41

to um use a fake

12:43

penis. I have to clean yourn

12:47

But but that I thinking that was just by

12:49

any means necessary, you know, always always

12:51

with a dream of mine to play USA basketball, you

12:55

know, make it happen.

12:57

It has to be fresh yurine, right to be warm urine

13:00

was scary though, the whole process of

13:02

scary. I'm thinking, like, damn, if I get caught, you

13:05

know, like everything,

13:07

I'll be over. So since I'm a doctor,

13:09

I'm trying to envision how this happens. Because if I was watching

13:11

someone p I'd probably be able to tell

13:13

that it was legit or not. So you know, I

13:16

forgot the fake I think you're not really

13:18

like just on it, You're

13:20

not, So where's the where's

13:22

the actual yurine? Hell? Is there a bladder behind the fake penis

13:25

as like a little ball? Second,

13:27

and you just they

13:29

actually make they make a fake penis with a ball. Second,

13:31

because it has to keep it warm. Oh

13:33

my goodness. And when

13:36

you so you painted the cop that they

13:38

the drunk testure comes over sees

13:40

it, it's warm, dips it tests it. Well. You

13:42

don't get to test right away, but

13:44

obviously you know that you pass when they

13:46

don't come down when your door. And so when he said

13:48

welcome to the USA Basketball or whatever he

13:51

said, how did that affect you? Um?

13:53

I made it. It worked, but

13:56

I didn't. I'll bring this to light. I didn't.

13:58

I'm laughing about it now. But it is something that I'm

14:00

not proud of. Obviously.

14:03

I really think I'm

14:08

almost ashamed, to

14:10

be honest, I could have let my country down. You know, it's

14:14

a bad situation. Were you worried by

14:16

telling the story now that they could take your metal back

14:18

from you a little bit? A

14:20

little bit? We want the bronze? Yeah,

14:24

yeah, well, I mean those are consequences

14:26

every becustoms. I gotta live with, I guess. So

14:33

in the middle of all this, the pressure unused

14:35

mounting. You know, you're you're doing keeping

14:37

up with the Kardashians. They had your own show,

14:40

Chloe Lamar. So you know folks

14:42

are all over here there watching you. They're staring at

14:44

your gawking actual actually because they want to. And

14:46

half of them a watching because they want to be like you. The other

14:48

have for watching the train wreck and not sure you

14:51

know what's going down and all this while

14:53

you're sort of camouflaging weak. This is

14:55

the problem. The problem through that process,

14:58

were you having imposter syndrome thing, can

15:00

I'm not worthy of this? Or you're thinking the heck with

15:02

it all? Life's not worth living? I lost my son. No,

15:06

life's always been worth living.

15:09

Um, And that's

15:12

it's funny that you said, because that's the slogans

15:14

for my c D CBD line it's

15:16

worth living. But life has always been worth

15:19

living to me and never wanted to take my own

15:21

life or anything like that. It's

15:23

always been worth living. But

15:25

as those shows are airing, you're more and more

15:27

in the public eye. People are getting

15:29

to know you intimately. Yeah,

15:33

and that was that was the different part

15:35

of reality TV than just being a sportsman.

15:38

Being a sportsman, people think don't they know

15:40

you, but being a reality TV star,

15:42

like they really really feel

15:45

like they know you and so and the

15:47

two. It was a

15:49

tough combination to deal with. But I've played the

15:51

best basketball in my career. When

15:54

I was married to Chloe, I

15:56

won six minute a year ward m took

15:59

a great deal of concentration, um

16:02

and commitment to do that. I

16:04

think that was like I lost my prouder sports moment.

16:07

I always admired the sixth Man because it meant that

16:10

you could be selfless, you come off the

16:12

bench and be better than the people start

16:14

the game. That's right. I didn't. I

16:16

didn't start every game that year, but I finished

16:19

them. Yeah, you finished them.

16:22

So when when when

16:24

you're going again? In the honesty in the book, you've

16:26

talked about the fact that you've had sexual intercourse

16:28

with two thousand works. That was being

16:31

artististic, but it was a

16:33

thousand hundred. I

16:37

don't I don't know. I don't you know. I have a daughter

16:41

um that I

16:43

respect, and women in my life

16:46

that I respect. I don't. I wouldn't

16:48

want to disrespect then. But I

16:50

was just trying to bring the life to

16:53

the book or letting people know, let

16:55

them see through life through my eyes. Well,

16:58

you you were honest the fact that were addicted the

17:00

sex. I think when someone says they've had intimacy

17:03

that many times, it's not about being in love with that many women.

17:05

It's about that something that some unfulfilled need

17:07

you have, just like with drugs. So I'm

17:10

just curious

17:12

how that gets translated in

17:14

recovery, which is where you are now. When

17:16

you if you're talking to Chloe or

17:19

other folks that you've you know, in this case

17:21

very specifically being unfaithful

17:23

to her, how do you cross that barrier to

17:25

two? It becomes the healing experience as

17:28

opposed to the darkness that you were in before. How do

17:30

you bring light to it? To this? To this? I

17:32

think we really like really made me go hard

17:35

with my sexual um

17:38

addiction was because when I've when

17:41

I thought of cocaine,

17:44

thought of having sex,

17:47

so they came hand

17:50

to hand. Yeah, and

17:52

I'm not doing cocaine anymore. So

17:55

a lot of the addictions that are just like staring

17:57

and slip away, you know,

18:00

the triggers go yeah, so yeah, that's

18:02

what they were triggers for each other.

18:05

So taking back if you can, to that faithful

18:07

day that you when you nearly died. I remember I was on

18:09

the set and I heard the story of what happened,

18:12

and like many I'd heard rumors here

18:14

and there, but it just it

18:17

just didn't seem believable. Yeah, so you're you're

18:19

in this brothel, Um, You're in Vegas

18:23

and you're

18:25

doing cocaine. I didn't

18:27

do cocaine all and a lot of people they

18:30

don't know that. But when you have the um

18:33

a history and I tell people

18:35

that, they're like, okay, whatever, But

18:38

I don't know what they you know, we're able to do to me

18:40

or anything. But it almost worked. But

18:44

I'm just living testimomony testimony.

18:46

There is a god. But what what? What? What

18:48

happened that that? How did you know I would sleep? The

18:50

next thing? I know? I woke up? Honest

18:53

with you, you just passed

18:55

out. Yeah, I couldn't.

18:57

When I woke up, I couldn't walk and couldn't talk.

19:01

Scary, So

19:04

again, as a doctor, from what I can tell,

19:07

it looked like, first of all, you shouldn't be here, right,

19:10

I mean, there is no way you should be sitting across from me lucidly

19:12

describing your recovery.

19:16

You had a bunch of strokes, small

19:18

ones. So how do you how

19:20

do you put all the pieces together in your own mind? You

19:23

have no recall of any of this. No,

19:25

No, I was sleep. You

19:27

know, you're a doctor. You know what being a coma is.

19:29

No, you missed the fun, Yeah, I missed

19:31

it. I missed it, but maybe Well,

19:35

the reason why I'm here is to let people know. Why

19:38

do you call that day rock bottom?

19:40

I mean, obviously you almost died. I get that, But why

19:42

why that day in particular? But the other

19:44

warning days before that? With your thoughts? I

19:46

can't keep doing this. I mean, well, there was

19:48

days where you know, your heart being too

19:51

fast, man,

19:53

you can't sleep, and

19:58

you know what I'm saying, You realize like, damn, why

20:00

do I do that? And of course the

20:03

effects of cocaine the next day it is

20:05

harsh, um,

20:09

But I mean rock bottom, was that whatever

20:13

I was hiding now

20:16

it was exposed or people are gonna whatever

20:18

I was trying to hide as exposed because

20:20

people thought I was, you know, doing drugs that this damn

20:22

brothel. Um,

20:26

there's the bad situation man. Why

20:28

why did you go to the Bunny Ranch that day? You

20:30

know? It's funny because I remember actually

20:34

watching the Bunny Ranch on

20:36

HBO. Yeah,

20:39

and it's it's it's funny. Don't you even bring that up?

20:42

I remember watching it with my ex wife. Did

20:45

I wind up going there? Is

20:48

that? Why you went there? Because you've seen it? Yeah?

20:50

I seen it on TV seen x BO it's

20:54

nice. What were you curious? What?

20:56

What? What? What? What? What made you want to trink

20:58

to see what the inside of us? I thought you've already

21:00

seen on television just being a

21:02

freak and every

21:04

which way to work looking

21:07

forward, and that me and Chloe were going through it at

21:09

that time when she

21:11

was trying to him make the divorce

21:14

final and everything. So I wasn't in a good place,

21:16

good headspace mentally. It's

21:20

a great time for soon to take advantage of me. So

21:24

what do you think happened? I don't have no idea.

21:28

I have no idea. I

21:31

have no idea. I don't know how they got it into my system

21:33

or what. But

21:37

whatever it was, you

21:40

know, I think about it all the time. It's

21:44

like sometimes I think like, why

21:48

did he pick me to do it too? Or you

21:50

know, I'm like, what would he get out of harm? And me?

21:52

Who's he? The guy that

21:55

that worked money ranged in his high got It's

22:00

hard for me to even understand that. But

22:02

if I'm not mistaken, I think he passed away in the

22:04

same room I overdosing. I

22:07

know it passed through. I didn't know it was the same room. I

22:09

heard it was the same room. Did you ever ask him,

22:11

noting it to ask him. I didn't get too I

22:13

didn't get to see him. But you know he has a family. I don't. I wouldn't

22:16

want to expect his legacy or his memory. There's

22:20

lots more. Will we come back so

22:32

you don't remember passing out, You're

22:34

ending up at the hospital. Your whole family is running

22:36

over to try to manage you. Were

22:39

you were you when you awakened. Then you realize

22:41

that Chloe's around you and your kids are you know,

22:43

how did that affect you? Well? Um,

22:47

I think the part that Chloe Knight was

22:49

there because at that point in time of

22:51

a relationship, you know, me

22:54

me being found in at a brothel,

22:57

I would think that would have give her old energy to

22:59

be like keep him away from me, just

23:01

stay away from me. But

23:04

but not not just because of that,

23:06

but because she was there and bringing

23:10

me the pictures of my mother to

23:12

help get my memory back, making

23:15

sure I had the best in physical therapy, making

23:20

sure I was doing the I had

23:22

the best doctors to get my speech back

23:24

and talk. I mean, that was

23:26

that was amazing. She's like she's an angel, lets

23:29

me know that God is real. You

23:32

still love her hm. You're

23:36

never gonna lose

23:38

love for someone that you marry after thirty days, you

23:41

know what I mean that that I'll never go anywhere. So

23:46

the injuries that you sustained that Chloe

23:49

and others helped you get past seemed

23:51

to have recovered quite a bit. Just okay. I mean that's why

23:53

I'm like doing all these things for the mental

23:55

health and kind

23:59

of mean did it work? I

24:01

think so just

24:04

helped me open up. Did

24:07

you give a care to me for depression or puttramatic

24:09

stress disorder? I do it for everything, take

24:13

more than um. Uh,

24:17

what's the experience like when they give you cared to me? Because

24:19

it just got f the approved first. Yeah. Well when

24:21

I was the first time I did it, cared to me? Busness

24:25

crazy? Was um film

24:28

the documentary on

24:30

Academy m hm um.

24:33

The first time I did it, that

24:35

was like I went to heaven. I

24:39

just felt all this, Oh

24:43

well, I'm a love and emotion and

24:46

then you know you're hallucinating. I've

24:49

always been against doing

24:51

drugs intravenously, you

24:53

know, because of my father's history. But

24:56

you know, if I could take

25:00

this intravenous medicine and it

25:03

can help clear my depression

25:05

or anxiety and

25:07

just make me better. Hope, open

25:09

my third eye. Then

25:12

I'll do it every days.

25:14

You have two things are really cool. The first is

25:16

the third eye. What do you know about the third eye?

25:19

I just know it makes you better explain

25:21

to everybody at home. Well, I mean if you can

25:24

see things for what they truly are and

25:27

the good, the bad, and ugly and

25:30

learn from him, then why not use

25:32

it? And I think a lot of people are like scared

25:35

to tap into it because a lot of us is like scared

25:37

of greatness or scared

25:40

to UM understand

25:46

how great we can be, how

25:48

much UM potentially that we

25:50

each have, that we all have we

25:53

think that support. Were you scared of greatness

25:56

for a long time, a

25:59

long time? Yeah? Yeah,

26:01

hopefully this this book is UM not

26:05

the first step but not the not the first and

26:07

the last step the greatness. So

26:09

let me go back to the first time they offered ketamine

26:11

to what was the situation? What was going on that

26:14

they said, Hey, listen with you know I have I have UM

26:16

this this this this friend whoever started

26:19

the CBD company with He's

26:21

from from Utah. UM.

26:24

He was especially person to me. He came into my life, and

26:27

he just knew what I was going through. He

26:29

said, Lamar, I got to some this

26:31

plant medicine, Dusty, try I can't click um

26:34

ketamine what I'm

26:36

not really into into sticking needles

26:39

in my own And

26:41

I tried it and it started to work

26:43

immediately. Oh he gave me the Yeah.

26:45

No, he didn't give it. He didn't personally give it to me. But

26:48

of course we've got with doctors and and

26:50

did the kademine in Utah. And how often

26:52

are you taking care ofmine now? Um, the

26:55

last four

26:58

or five months, I probably took it like four or five times.

27:01

It's cool. And what do you think about folks listening

27:03

right now who might be actually depressed

27:06

or in recovery or having

27:08

issues with post traumatic stresses sort of? That's

27:11

returning back trying kedemy will

27:13

be open up, open up your heart

27:15

in your mind to getting

27:17

better. It's not easy and

27:20

it ain't gonna just come to you, ain't gonna just fall in your

27:22

lap. You gotta go out and search

27:24

for it. When you walk

27:27

down that hospital alive, were

27:31

you already in recovery or was

27:33

that just the very beginning to wake up calling You couldn't

27:35

even process it I'm

27:39

couldn't process and

27:41

I don't know, I don't know what was at you

27:45

know, there's some things that I'm

27:47

still trying to um process

27:51

and I think the Kedemy just

27:54

when I can say it could open you up with I

27:56

had a problem with being empathetic. You

28:00

did. Yeah, I don't

28:02

know where that, where

28:04

that came from, was just I've

28:07

always been a people person, but I just always had a problem

28:09

of showing empathy, because

28:11

you seem pretty empathetic to me. Yeah, we're

28:13

talking about the book. Do

28:16

you feel like you're fully recovered from the injuries

28:19

you sustained at the Bunny Ranch? Yeah?

28:24

Yeah, yeah,

28:27

they should have shared. I'll leave

28:29

it alone, but I

28:32

feel like I fully recovered. All

28:35

right, You're still working on on

28:37

the big question we all face in our lives. Who are

28:39

we really? Who is lamar? Well?

28:42

You know what, I'll be forty um

28:46

November six, and

28:49

I can still I can honestly say I'm still

28:51

learning about learning a little bit about

28:54

myself every day. But

28:57

my grandmother told me when you

28:59

stopped learning is when you stopped living.

29:02

So I'm living song for ever, learning about

29:05

myself, about everything around me every day. You've

29:07

got your wise grandmother. Listen, I really really

29:09

enjoyed meeting with you. Treasure your honesty.

29:11

I think you're gonna change a lot of lives. You

29:13

can hear lots more about Lamar and his fantastic

29:16

memoir Darkness to Life's got a handsome

29:18

picture on it. Thanks

29:21

bless you. Thanks not