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Unlimited slows. Out

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how do we don't do We start

0:50

with we've been a long time and

0:52

out will a pray we could do

0:54

we are you have one hundred I

0:56

t shirts or zo a thought it

0:58

was your turn to bring the prayer

1:00

oh for god's oh well no prior

1:02

to their them as been a while

1:04

as know do you have any excuses

1:07

are reasons or anything like that? Yeah

1:09

I've got three reasons. Three of the

1:11

rodeo them in descending order Ribs.worst to

1:13

best Laura Worst is shingles I saw

1:15

it's. Just one drew.

1:18

A week under a year ago

1:20

right? not me right out what

1:22

it where it was terribly turgid

1:24

thing that we celebrate the anniversary

1:26

that all it's on the ninth

1:28

Moto Moto light a candle, say

1:30

a prayer or got the beach

1:32

you know shingle are they were

1:34

good. Nice. Secondly rotten a book

1:36

on another one called new Book

1:38

learn nothing from the previous war

1:40

experience and here and I never

1:42

thousand to two hundred have some

1:44

called the Avocado a hotel so

1:46

that's a nice thing. To call a

1:49

book any on this very nice very

1:51

intriguing up a card also cut up

1:53

we have a hotel weird of avocado

1:55

a a hotel with an avocado it

1:58

it know morning on it's on. Bowering

2:00

it now listen up the third

2:02

reason is is it sloth? Nervous

2:05

yeah born idleness for nidleness happens a lot

2:07

of our age well at my age you

2:09

know if you're knocked out With

2:12

it with it a disease deadly

2:15

illness deadly. Yeah, thank you deadly.

2:17

Thank you deadly illness You

2:19

know it feels okay. I just sit on the

2:21

set a feel sorry for yourself I did keep

2:23

ringing you up each month say no are we

2:25

back here? No, it's still deadly still

2:28

deadly What an unbelievable if you know

2:30

I it's not public information arena athletic

2:32

omens, but if if you if

2:34

you fancy a shingles

2:37

vaccination oh my

2:39

word I wish Yeah, I

2:41

mean yeah, but also we

2:43

was there someone else you want to know that

2:45

was the three really three reason yeah We've

2:48

also our legal dispute with infinity rocket

2:50

plastics has gone on end yeah All

2:55

all I can say is that I'm obliged

2:57

to plug their new social

2:59

media service, okay called connections, right?

3:01

That's spelled K and X s

3:06

You get on there all the usual

3:08

social media stuff, but there's also a

3:10

specialist section for the trading of rare

3:13

animal skins, okay tusks Bush

3:15

meat that kind of yeah, well that sounds

3:17

like them now listen up Brian

3:20

Ferry Got really really

3:23

upset about recent developments with the EFL

3:25

did you know this? No,

3:29

do you know that ten of the Premiership

3:31

clubs voted against giving the EFL any money?

3:33

I did It's

3:36

really upsetting so he sent me a song

3:38

but sadly he didn't have any music with

3:40

it So I don't apologize, but he never

3:42

writes the music he gets someone else's it

3:44

Brian He knows does it for all think

3:46

he knows not gonna write song for Affirmative

3:49

comments, but I'll try and give it a go.

3:51

I'll do give it a play Club

3:55

is on the rant again Peppos

3:58

the rules better than ever anyone

4:01

and Arteta's ass looks tight

4:03

in his ferris legs How

4:07

is on the rants again? Tenharg

4:10

is swimming in the deep end

4:13

and DICE on the sideline is picking

4:15

his nose with his thumb and

4:19

meanwhile in the championship the

4:21

teams that come down go up again

4:25

and ten fucking clubs want

4:27

to destroy the F.E.F.L. Liverpool

4:31

ball not with him,

4:34

Nottingham forest, palace and

4:36

wolves Tottenham villa

4:38

Arsenal and obviously

4:41

fucking Chelsea and

4:44

Angie's on the rants again, posh

4:47

is cooking mint in his penthouse

4:50

the ten clubs are fine, in fact

4:52

they're having a lovely time Liverpool

4:56

ball must etc etc

4:59

Tottenham villa Arsenal and

5:02

obviously fucking Chelsea so

5:05

thank you Brian for that I

5:08

think the answer to any given question at

5:10

any time can be obviously fucking Chelsea if

5:13

you think about it you

5:15

have no grudge on out like that

5:18

you know what I mean as

5:21

we've been away for so long I need

5:24

to retest your memory man credentials oh go

5:26

on then, yeah that's fair enough renewed one

5:30

of our club parsnips subscribers called

5:32

dp and submitted once will use

5:34

that by the way there's an

5:36

extended version of this episode on

5:38

club parsnips if you are a

5:41

subscriber that's on patreon and apple

5:43

podcast subscriptions seven day free trial

5:45

on both of them um dp

5:48

says memory man do

5:50

you remember the runner

5:53

up of the 1984

5:55

grand national Yes.

6:01

Man, we're really mad. Brilliant.

6:06

Yep. Brilliant. I've

6:08

still got it, Andy. Still got it. I'll just.

6:11

Is that me sitting in the ficker? Yeah,

6:13

I'll just put it into the system. Hey,

6:16

listen up. I always like

6:20

to bring some potential topics of interest, none

6:22

of which generally interest you,

6:28

but I'll mark them up at this point. Maybe

6:30

we'll do them in the past. Well,

6:33

I thought we could do a separate topic of

6:35

interest. But I just wanted to show that I

6:38

wanted to bring to your attention. Right. All

6:40

right. Yeah. Tellism. If

6:43

you were to picture Morgan

6:45

Freeman's trousers, what would

6:47

you see? What would they look like? Right,

6:49

right, right, right. I wanted to ask you

6:51

that. Right, right, right. Do

6:53

you have a favorite curved thing? And

6:58

if you had to survive naked in an allotment,

7:00

what would you use to fashion some shoes? I'm

7:03

not sensing any interest in you. Well, if you

7:05

look at them later on, here's my topics of

7:07

interest. I'd like you to consider the edge of

7:09

town. Right, nice. Where is

7:11

it? Do you go? What happens

7:14

there? Two,

7:16

ponds. Right. Pros and

7:18

cons. Right. Of ponds. Three,

7:22

magazine stands. OK. And

7:25

four, the future of men's knickers,

7:28

immediate and long term. Long

7:30

term future. Well, I mean. Don't

7:33

say anything yet. I really want to though. Well, hold

7:35

that thought. What was the third one? Magazine

7:38

stands. I used to think for many

7:40

years that you know those things you get in hotels that

7:42

you put your suit case on. I thought they were for

7:45

magazines. I don't know who it is. That's because you're an

7:47

ignoramus. Listen up, Andy. Andy, I'm not going to say anything.

7:49

Listen up, Andy. Anthony

7:52

Gordon. Yep. Arvy Elliott.

7:54

And Cole Palmer. Right. Right.

7:58

They've been out on the rise. They're a little pulling. group

8:00

here. Yeah. And they

8:04

were a wine club, they're

8:06

a wine bar in Cheshire. They

8:08

sent to meet there before they

8:10

have their go to discotheque. Right.

8:12

Yeah. It's called Cass and Ken's

8:14

wine bar up in Cheshire. And

8:17

I've got, via the gift of

8:20

Infinity Rocket Plastics, I've got footage from

8:23

there. Yes. So that

8:25

we can enjoy their pre-clubbing drinks.

8:27

The little grass. Let's enjoy that.

8:31

How's Santa? Let's

8:34

get cool, hon. How's

8:37

das? Nice

8:39

club again. Hey, I'm not

8:41

talking to our cannon. Check

8:44

the doucheons. That's

8:47

it, Andy. So they're out,

8:49

um, they've met up for their pre-clubbing drink.

8:51

They're having a night out in, um, Gardundos

8:55

nightclub, um, on the

8:57

pole. There's an older bloke on

8:59

a table next to him demanding his own

9:01

business. So he's probably going to come back. I

9:03

think so. You would have mentioned him otherwise, would

9:05

you really? Who'd

9:07

you think you thought? South African,

9:10

older bloke on the table, minding it.

9:13

Don't know Adrian Lewis. Yeah. So Anthony Gordon,

9:15

um, he's wearing a

9:20

Gucci tracksuit and a Bugs Bunny cap. Yeah.

9:23

Um, what Bevy she's drinking tonight,

9:25

boys? Harvey Elliott,

9:27

who's wearing a silk Paisley

9:29

shirt and yellow dungarees. Espresso

9:31

martinis, lemon cello spritzes

9:34

and majority shots. Anthony

9:37

Gordon, oh mad's that. You'll be eating

9:39

pancakes, aye, by the time we catch

9:41

the club. What about you,

9:44

Cole Palmer? Cole

9:46

Palmer, he's wearing a foil jumpsuit

9:49

with white Wellington boots like the

9:51

forensic services were. Oh, oh, probably

9:55

sick to be there. Got on your

9:57

jokes to test like a launderer and

9:59

cuss. It really is the

10:01

beans. Oh Japs Japs! Says Gordon. If

10:03

you got the fangs out you'll go

10:05

beans on toast and you'll laugh. No

10:07

if he smells it he'll just stick

10:10

up with eating me pudding in the

10:12

laundry. Yeah maybe I'll

10:14

stealth sir. There's a

10:16

pretty young lady sat at the bar

10:18

looking over in their direction. Harvey. Hey

10:21

old boys I think we might have

10:23

something dressed over there like the bar.

10:26

Harvey do you really think you're gonna

10:29

pull with that hairstyle? It looks like

10:31

some scally thrown the contents of his

10:33

overbug on your bogs. Shut up you

10:35

divvy and you can talk with your

10:38

hair a bit haircut. You look like

10:40

an apprentice fucking monk. This

10:42

cut is sharp mate. It's got

10:44

cleds. It's got some very

10:47

straight lines and a lot of

10:49

interesting angles. No one's

10:51

interested in angles these days. Just

10:53

confuse these people. What if that

10:56

lesson the club asks you what

10:58

the haircut actually means? Do you

11:00

think that could happen? What not?

11:03

Cause I wouldn't have a clue what to say. Harvey

11:07

Elliott. Dad you

11:09

could just set a tribute to

11:11

medieval France leaving a death like

11:13

in your home. Oh

11:15

nice one. Sorry. Nice

11:18

one boss I owe you a majority. Hey

11:20

lads I'm not talking to

11:22

my sister Kevin no more. I just

11:24

thought you should know that she's been

11:27

on the social scene. I've spent ten

11:29

thousand quid on a machine. I also

11:31

have that. Like I say just thought

11:34

you should know. So

11:38

what was this machine you bought?

11:40

I'm not really sure. It's

11:43

pretty big and not that noisy so

11:45

I'm pleased about that. Lots

11:47

of people have them so I thought I'd get

11:49

on it. Was it an air fryer? I

11:52

just don't know. Maybe I'll

11:55

call maybe fucking couch section. Maybe

11:58

I'll call the, maybe I'll call the couch section. I never

12:00

will! How much that! Anthony

12:06

Gordon! I've got two scousers in this!

12:08

Yeah, Anthony Harvey and Gordon! No, Anthony's

12:10

thing, she doesn't really matter, doesn't care

12:12

about that matter! No! Shame

12:15

that lie! Hey, shall we order some

12:17

chicken gozians? Do the

12:20

do-go-jans! Closstas out

12:22

gojans! Where does it

12:24

say the do-go-jans? On

12:26

the board there, we do do-chicken

12:29

gozians! Nice one, I'm in! Hey,

12:32

have either of you still been to

12:34

Fluffy Fluffy in town? It's

12:36

a pancake shop, but they're actually soufflays!

12:39

How sounds that! Oh,

12:42

that's well mad, Pop, but confused me to

12:44

be honest! Anthony

12:46

Gordon! Hey, have either of you been

12:48

on a Britney ferry? I

12:50

bet it's boss on a Britney ferry! Do

12:52

you know, they do three different routes to

12:55

France? How sounds that! Can

12:58

I just say at this point that

13:00

I am definitely the skinniest of us

13:02

three! No way, like I look at

13:04

Gordon! At this point, the

13:06

man on the next table pikes up who's

13:09

a cuddly pea, has he? Well, it

13:11

doesn't his stripes! It's nonsense, Potter, Neil

13:13

Hunt! Hey! Excuse

13:16

me, but can you three baboons

13:18

shut up and let me enjoy

13:20

my drinks in peace? Your witterings

13:23

are turning my tits inside out!

13:25

Who the fuck are you, lass? I'm

13:28

Neil Hunt, nonsense Potter, and it

13:30

doesn't get much better than that!

13:32

Never heard of you, pal? We'll

13:34

preface your footballers to show us

13:37

some respects, or do one! The

13:39

only thing I will be doing is asking

13:42

the management to make you sling your collected

13:44

hooks if you don't pike down! Knock...

13:47

what? Fuck, I'm wrong! What

13:50

kind of acta happen, boss? We

13:52

play a new ship, that's Birmingham!

13:56

We're not gonna happen, boss! We play

13:58

a new ship, Potter! Where the

14:00

frickin' hell is that? Oh

14:03

dear and I'm copping up sputum. Gals.

14:08

How mad? They're not gonna happen,

14:11

Bats. We playmanship football, there's no

14:13

one's going to shift us. Yes

14:16

they are and I'll fucking do it myself if

14:18

need be. Cole Palmer gets

14:20

off his seat, stands over Neil Hunt

14:22

nonsense potter. Go on then, Shaw,

14:24

make a move. Rock up

14:26

your words or shut your potty mouth.

14:28

Neil Hunt gets up and goes eye

14:30

to eye with Cole Palmer. Get out

14:32

now or I'll grab you on the air.

14:35

But before he could finish his words, Cole had

14:37

put him in a headlock and was rubbing his

14:39

face up and down his foil jumpsuits. Get

14:42

off me, you pick the wrong thing here,

14:44

sunshine. You should know

14:46

that I'm a very close friend of

14:49

a loan shark and my nephew driving

14:51

his truck has access to medical swabs

14:54

via his wife's work. Cole

14:57

increases the pressure, Neil Hunt accepts

14:59

defeat. Okay, okay, I give in.

15:01

You could stay and why or

15:03

why is it always me? I

15:06

don't deserve this. Just this week I allowed

15:08

the vicar to store his bunting in my

15:10

garage. And I've never gone over 40

15:13

miles an hour in my entire life. Cole

15:16

releases his grip and Neil slumps

15:19

back into his chair defeated. The

15:21

young lady from the bar walks

15:23

over. Hey, old lad, looks like

15:25

things are about to get interesting.

15:28

The lady stops in front of them. All

15:31

right, girl. You want to join us? Do

15:34

I now? You scally know, Max. She

15:37

turns to Neil's table. Hey, are

15:40

you Neil Hunt the nonsense potter? Yes

15:43

I am. Oh my

15:45

God. Do you mind if I join

15:47

you? Of course not, be my guest. Do

15:50

you fancy sharing a place of gougeons? Yeah,

15:53

that would be boss. The

15:56

footballers grumble between themselves. Call

15:59

pass. Come on, let's

16:02

bust out all this shit all! And

16:04

all three make their way out of the wine bar. Neil.

16:08

I'm Neil Hunt, nonsense potter.

16:11

And I'm a fucking nightmare.

16:13

How mad is that? Thanks

16:17

to Infinity Rocket Plastics. Wonderful

16:20

stuff. And Kev was it? Keith,

16:23

Kev's wine bar. They're allowing them to install

16:25

their hyper-optic chemicals. I want to go to

16:27

Fluffy Fluffy where it is, pancakes, but they

16:29

are souffliers. Very

16:32

into that indeed. Do you fancy

16:34

a fight? What, a real piss fight?

16:37

Yeah. No, I'm not in the... Oh, come on. Not

16:39

in the condition I'm in. Oh, come on. Just

16:42

a little one. No, I'm not. No,

16:44

I don't want to fight. Come on, please. Andy, I'm

16:46

not going to fight. I know you're going to do

16:48

this for ten minutes. But I ain't fighting. Don't want

16:50

to fight. No, I'm a shit fighter. Just a little

16:52

one. A fun fight. No, I'm shit at fun fights.

16:54

Oh, come on. I'm not going to get

16:56

hurt. No. I'll let you win.

16:58

Give me the quiz. I'll let you win.

17:00

No, I don't want to fight. I'm going to be later on. Hey,

17:03

I've got one of me quizzes. You've got a quiz. You've

17:05

got a quiz. I've got a quiz. What's your quiz?

17:07

My quiz is called From Sent The Spot To Shit

17:09

Farm. Oh, I'll do that one, thanks. It

17:11

feels like it needs an intro. A bit

17:13

of music and something like that. From shit farm

17:16

to the centre circle. Oh, it's called From Sent

17:18

The Spot To Shit Farm. No,

17:20

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

17:22

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

17:24

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'll

17:27

get that one. You've got to be back in the hospital. You've got to

17:29

be back in the hospital. You've got to be back in the hospital. I

17:31

think this is what it is, Bud. Yeah, shit farm. nearest

17:34

shit farm wherever you are, but you've got to be within the confines

17:36

of a professional football

17:38

club. Professional football club. It doesn't work anywhere else. Can

17:40

you tell us? Which of these has got the nearest...

17:43

I'll explain it, don't you? Sorry, I apologize. Do it

17:45

yourself. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'll

17:48

fight you in a minute. No, I don't want to fight him. From

17:52

centre spot to shit farm, we're going to give you three football clubs and

17:54

you've got to tell me which one

17:57

is nearest to its nearest shit farm.

18:00

I.E. waste treatment,

18:02

water management plant, outlet. It

18:06

can do it reverse order. It can do

18:08

it from first to last, but I need an order.

18:10

I know you do. Here's the

18:12

three. West Brom, Ijalpian. Shout

18:16

them town. Oh, I don't know what

18:18

you're talking about. Akron, Stanley.

18:22

I'm pretty confident, because

18:25

I've been to West Brom quite

18:27

a few times, I'm pretty confident in putting West

18:29

Brom at the top. You've been

18:31

to West Brom a few times, therefore you feel you

18:33

knows where the nearest ship farm is. I'm just judging

18:36

the area, I think they need a ship farm pretty

18:38

near. It's gonna feel like you're making a judgment call.

18:41

Oh, well I don't mean it that way. I've been to West

18:43

Brom, the foot was stung. I

18:45

think, I love the count. After

18:49

that, Cheltenham, I

18:52

mean, I'm tempted to think that it's Cheltenham, because

18:54

it sounds bucolic and that, and that you're tricking

18:56

me up. There are no tricks, I've

18:58

just chosen the clubs and then found the ship

19:00

farms. Okay, I'm gonna go West Brom. Is

19:04

it Cheltenham? Cheltenham, Akron and Stanley. Cheltenham,

19:07

Akron and Stanley. In that order, I've told

19:09

you them. Yeah. West

19:11

Brom nearest. Yeah. You

19:14

could not have been more wrong. Oh, fuck her. Ah,

19:17

dear. Akron and Stanley's

19:20

nearest ship farm is

19:22

5.9 miles from the centre spot. Right, not bad. West

19:25

Brom, Javi and Second, 14.2. Yeah.

19:28

And Cheltenham Town is 15.5 miles from

19:32

centre spot to ship farm.

19:34

Wow. And there it is. Well, thank you

19:37

for that, because I do genuinely enjoy

19:39

it. Do you happen to know off the top of

19:41

your head which club has the nearest ship farm? Do

19:43

you have that in full? I've got that in full,

19:45

yeah. You're not telling me. I'm not giving it away.

19:48

It's gonna be a long running quiz, that. Would

19:50

you like to do a talk

19:53

sport? Would you like to do a Jodi

19:55

Heat? Would you like to do a Sean Tikes? Can I give

19:58

you a couple of names first? I meant to do that. the

20:00

beginning I didn't get to it I've got

20:02

a couple of names for you you can

20:04

be Sir Richard

20:06

Scratcher right he is a backbench

20:08

MP right most of his objections

20:11

are along the lines of the

20:14

claims that the minister makes are all well and

20:16

good but what my constituents really

20:18

need to know at this point in time

20:20

is that I have got a very very

20:24

itchy ass

20:28

I am actively considering Richard Scratcher you

20:30

can be British ropes right

20:34

oh you can be honky tonk

20:37

there's no explanation of British ropes I just thought I sounded

20:39

like a good company name British

20:41

ropes this is good yeah UK rope I

20:44

will be Scratcher you'd be Richard Scratcher have

20:46

you got a very very itchy ass I

20:48

could I can think myself into it

20:50

yeah you've got the cult of it what an order

20:52

to beat him yeah let me think

20:55

what about for you I was thinking of Eileen

20:57

Butterscotch that's all I'm offering that's all you've got

21:00

it's week it feels like you've just made it

21:02

up now I have it so you're gonna be

21:04

Ronnie up dogs here don't you fight no I'm

21:06

not fighting Andy and what

21:09

do you reckon is there anything that appealed to you talk

21:11

sport sounds good you like a bit of talk

21:14

before we do it can I just get a get

21:16

a telly about the man who came there for breakfast in me

21:18

travel lodge this morning right he was

21:21

wearing a very very

21:23

fluffy dressing gown slippers right

21:25

in the breakfast I

21:27

have a my breakfast room did

21:30

it fuck you up heat North or hero

21:32

yeah legend I thought you got himself a

21:34

plate of bacon scrambled eggs six

21:37

slices of white toast bacon bacon and dressing

21:39

gowns that's a nice title for something I

21:41

thought there's someone who's living his best life

21:43

do you think you could combine that as

21:45

a shop do the bedding and bacon but

21:47

in a burger with a million years so

21:49

I was listening to Jim White

21:52

Simon Jordan show and talk sport right the

21:55

other day it was a good one so I

21:57

taped it taped an extract I'll

21:59

play that for you. You've got your tape recorder

22:01

there have you? Yeah there. Press

22:04

it. Why?

22:07

Well you join us just as I'm in

22:09

receipt of some breaking news that is going

22:11

to change the way you think about the

22:14

professional game. It's mind-boggling earth-shattering

22:16

and believe me you're going to

22:18

want to be sat on a

22:20

very absorbent surface to prepare for

22:22

this. I'll just get on

22:24

with it will you Jim you're earning the

22:26

optics. Well this is

22:29

it hold on to your loved ones. As

22:32

of next season referees have been

22:34

instructed to use a velcro

22:36

strip to secure the sleeve pocket

22:39

rather than the familiar press

22:41

stud system. There you have it

22:43

unbelievable. You know just

22:45

as we're getting used to the

22:47

velcro system they come out and

22:49

drop this bombshell. What say

22:51

you Simon? Has the world gone mad? Is

22:55

this the end of the professional game as

22:57

we know it? It's definitely a shift but

22:59

I think it could be accommodated within the

23:02

current paradigm so long as

23:04

people take a holistic viewpoints of the

23:06

various manifestations it implies. Well

23:08

you can't argue with that but

23:11

it is just change for change

23:13

sake of all the

23:15

fixing systems involved in the current

23:17

game. Surely the sleeve pocket press

23:19

stud system is absolutely sacrosanct Simon.

23:22

Time for change Jim we used

23:24

to fix things with safety pins

23:26

but obsolescence is built into every

23:28

fixed system. Just think of no

23:30

more ails than the other glues. They're

23:32

developing in a place not previously deemed

23:35

possible in the labyrinth of the developmentism.

23:37

That's a great point but will you

23:40

at home be renewing your season ticket

23:42

or will the demise of the press

23:44

stud sleeve pocket be the straw that

23:47

broke the camel's back? I'll be taking

23:49

your calls after this short message. Hey

23:53

mate your car looks shit and

23:55

that reflects badly on you and

23:58

your family to be honest. Why

24:00

don't you buy a new one? Can't

24:02

afford one? I've spent all my spare cash

24:04

on air fryers! Ever

24:06

considered a fuss free loan? There's

24:09

no such thing, there's always a catch! Not

24:12

with David C. Johns loans, just sign

24:14

and drive. It really is as simple

24:16

as that. Never heard of

24:19

them? Are they reliable? Honest and transparent?

24:22

Yes! Well, as far as I know

24:24

they are, so why delay? I don't

24:26

want! It's your car sign! By the

24:29

way, David C. Johns loans! What's the

24:31

seat for? Sailing ships in!

24:36

Quest loan associated in my

24:38

life! Thanks boss! David C.

24:40

Johns, just sign and drive.

24:44

Well, we've had over a million

24:46

calls already about this Velcro

24:48

debacle and I have to say it's pretty

24:50

much a 50-50 split. One

24:53

thing's for sure though. It's an

24:55

end of an era. Surely the game will

24:57

never be the same. Your thoughts, Simon? Well,

25:00

how comes this is the key word?

25:02

Will it adversely or adversely affect suitable

25:04

outcomes? Will those outcomes be twice figurated

25:07

or reframed by the replacement Fixings gym?

25:09

That's what you've got to ask yourself.

25:12

And that's what we all will be

25:14

pondering on this momentous day. And I

25:16

have to tell you that my gallbladder

25:18

is already squirting excess acids into my

25:20

upper colon due to the stress of

25:22

it all. So, it's all changed on

25:24

the referee sleeve fixing front. Goodbye to

25:27

our old friend the press stud. When

25:29

will they stop meddling? Time

25:31

for the news and sport now with Melody

25:34

Frankburton. So,

25:37

it was quite a nice extract though.

25:39

Yes, very good. Very informative and interesting.

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loss. Hello.

27:14

Welcome along to a new episode

27:17

of the Joining Clue Pod. Welcome

27:21

along again. If you want to take

27:23

a look online on your apps and

27:26

look at the archive, you

27:28

can listen to episodes with

27:30

previous guests I've had on

27:33

such as Richard Maydly and

27:35

Claire Boulding. Sadly,

27:37

I couldn't get anywhere as good as them

27:39

this week, but I was still happy.

27:41

Hello, boys and girls. Who's the Bob Boulding?

27:43

Thanks for having us, Dom. Thank you for

27:46

carrying along. Do you want to say hello

27:48

to my guinea pigs? Hello, guinea pigs. Yeah,

27:50

you brought any fig for them? No,

27:52

I didn't know you would have your guinea pigs with you. Oh,

27:56

well, it's been a breakdown of communication there because

27:58

that's a very integral part of the. podcast

28:00

where the guest adds over an

28:02

offering to the guinea pigs but

28:05

you ain't got nothing you got you got some leaves

28:07

there to pop I've

28:10

got some leaves to eat on myself later on I'd rather have them

28:12

myself but if they like leaves there

28:16

they can have some leaves I'll take a

28:18

photograph of the leaves all

28:21

right there we go there's the leaves,

28:23

I've got that yeah I put them

28:25

down for a bit of homework all

28:27

right well let's get down to it

28:30

was that content yeah yeah for socials

28:34

let's get down to it that's where you catch phrase all

28:36

right let's get down to it I

28:38

will hear it a lot of talk these days about

28:40

the scammers aren't we

28:43

scammers everywhere yeah on the net and

28:45

that oh look just done it everywhere

28:48

hey good thing old bad thing scabbards

28:51

yeah I mean for

28:53

everyone apart from the scammer it's a bad thing isn't it

28:56

done I'm

28:59

on the fence myself when

29:02

you're close to that I'm not sure never

29:04

judge anyone till you've walked a mile in

29:07

their shoes oh what a sec by that

29:09

time you're a mile away you've got their

29:11

shoes that could have gone

29:14

better all right

29:16

next question are you

29:19

barred from anywhere I

29:22

was barred from me local in Middlesbrough a long

29:24

long time ago that bar still fighting fighting you

29:31

know I fight I hate fighting so

29:34

should I say I got kicked in but I

29:36

got dragged into the you got kicked in they

29:38

still got barred yeah well that's what

29:40

happens in it you lot all you lot your

29:42

bad and then you would not have become a

29:44

solicitor somehow didn't manage to have a turn that

29:47

decision didn't even though it seems blatantly unfair yeah

29:52

well don't you press me Dom yes

29:55

well I'm still there yeah and I

29:57

did go back a couple of years I

30:00

was going to let me in, change the landlord you see.

30:02

Oh I see. It's a waiting game isn't it? Yeah sure

30:04

you can play a long game yeah. Long game yeah. Nice

30:06

one, well done. I've put that

30:08

down as a kick. Who's

30:11

the best one on The Simpsons? I

30:14

don't watch it that much no more. But

30:16

I don't change much. I think it's

30:18

not. Homer

30:21

obviously I mean yeah. Bro it's Bart. It's

30:23

Bart. He's so naughty. He

30:27

is naughty, you're right Tom. Haven't I

30:29

done any self surgery? Self

30:31

surgery. Self surgery. Just a little minor operations

30:33

on yourself. I mean I've done me on

30:35

dentistry. I know that's not surgery though is

30:38

it? Well kind of yeah. I

30:40

put yourself down. I have

30:42

done dentistry. I used to have a

30:44

terrible ulcer on my heel. Ooh. Well

30:47

I just used to tend to it. I didn't kind of. Vinegar

30:49

on it. Is that what you do? I think so. Vinegar

30:52

and golf. Well urine. Yeah and

30:54

bleach. Yeah. Okay I put that down as a tick as well.

30:57

If you could have a different first name, what would

30:59

it be? Um. Tom.

31:07

Right. Yeah. Tom

31:09

Ormer. Yeah. All

31:11

right. Roland. Nice name. Roland Orf I

31:13

was a girl Claire. Claire.

31:15

Yeah. What's your second name Tom?

31:17

Littlewood. Littlewood. Claire Littlewood. Yeah

31:19

Claire Littlewood's a very strong name. Middle

31:21

management single. Yeah. Yeah. And then he

31:24

shows. And Roland Littlewood sounds a bit

31:26

push. I like that. I'll

31:28

go around wearing tweed. I

31:30

think that's about it for this episode. I'm

31:32

not in with a song if I may.

31:34

You may of course Tom. About the state

31:36

of the nation. Okay. Here we go. The

31:40

dogs and the cats can't be bothered

31:43

to fight. The pubs

31:45

are all shut in its hand. Regional

31:48

accents don't make sense no

31:51

more. And my piles

31:53

are playing havoc again. This

31:57

is the state. The

31:59

absolute. state this

32:02

is the state of the

32:04

nation second verse hold on tea

32:08

bags don't hold their flavor

32:10

no more carpets are all

32:13

thin and greasy air

32:16

styles are boring and they

32:18

make me feel sad and

32:21

watch it's no longer taste

32:23

cheesy this is

32:26

the state the

32:28

absolute state the

32:31

state of the bleeding

32:33

nation I

32:38

will always have time for you

32:43

Dom you've got to shorten

32:45

that you know it's

32:47

not I know your sentiments but I ain't

32:50

shortening it you know thanks very much

32:52

for carrying a little bubble but last

32:55

minute and hopefully next time fat man

32:57

with better turn up thank

32:59

you very much good boy Robin has done I've

33:05

just done this little podcast with Dom oh yeah

33:07

he's good he's consistent he's solid he did a

33:09

song that was a bit long yeah

33:12

yeah yeah I'm like Mike no

33:14

one used to do the end

33:16

like no this is me and

33:18

everyone goes on fuck off I

33:21

managed to get hold of a copy of Sean

33:23

Diesch's more

33:25

motivational mp3 of his from the

33:27

beginning of a training session just last week

33:29

it's like nothing's changed is it with Diesch

33:32

so I thought I might you might like

33:34

to hear Andy yeah soon

33:36

as I can find the music staying

33:44

up will not be easy mashed

33:46

potato it's better cheesy we won't

33:48

survive if we're divided you can't

33:51

cook a pie without meat inside

33:53

it the

33:56

running will be grueling matches

33:58

come thick and fast But

34:00

with a dollar box and a side

34:02

of gravy, your salmon will last. No

34:05

dribbles, buck eels or rainbow flicks if you

34:07

want to get fancy eat some crab and

34:10

chips. And remember, pies,

34:15

drill bits, grill

34:18

cream, chives,

34:22

welding, sealants.

34:27

And that's the Everton way. Have

34:29

a sausage and let's get training. The

34:32

weather's perfect, it's fucking raining. Kick

34:34

some balls high into the sky

34:36

because elevation is how we survive.

34:41

If you're cooking burgers, always deep

34:43

fry. If you're grouting pavers, keep

34:45

the mix dry. Never wear boots

34:48

that fit you properly. Buy old

34:50

Kent Road if you're playing Monopoly.

34:52

And remember, talk wrench. Scrap

34:56

your... ...carp.

35:00

It's weird. It's

35:03

tautles. And that's the

35:06

Everton way. And

35:09

I very nicely intercepted

35:11

by the lads at Infinity Rocket

35:14

Bucket. Whoa, I should stop that.

35:17

Yeah, wonderful stuff. Oh, I tell you what, that

35:19

bit where he says a nasty Everton way, that

35:21

hit hard. Yeah, but he's... He's not

35:23

Burnley no more. Not the Burnley way. I've heard

35:25

from him since he went to Everton. That's quite

35:27

something. Oh,

35:31

hold on, Andy, is that Roy Hodgson at the

35:33

door? Yeah. Oh, it is, yeah. Oh, get him

35:35

in. Go on, get him in. Roy!

35:38

Roy! Oh, come in. Come

35:40

on in, Roy. Have a seat. Hello,

35:44

Roy. Hello, my darling

35:46

boys. You both look

35:49

splendid. Nice. Thanks for coming,

35:51

Roy. How's it going? You seem in a good

35:53

mood. Why would I feel young man? Spring is

35:55

in the air. Everywhere you look

35:57

is weepers. Everywhere you do, but I

35:59

see... And if I was wearing a

36:01

hat, I would duff it in a load

36:04

of av in fakes and square-tude. Actually,

36:06

shall we say it pretty together?

36:08

No, we've already done that, right?

36:10

So, what's new?

36:12

What's new, right? Oh, tell

36:14

you what's new, my lad.

36:17

Shield walls of liberators, planning

36:19

sleek new fandestrile armour, Already

36:21

the defence Sigmar's realm, Because

36:23

the tide of craven clan

36:25

rats, while elite recursions, Strive

36:27

forfeit and affray their knight-ditch

36:29

scorched souls, Weathered by innumerable

36:31

reforgings. Yes, in case you

36:34

hadn't guessed, It's the arrival

36:36

of the Stalkast Eternal's reinforcements!

36:39

Whoa! I'm sorry,

36:41

I mean, I don't know what any of that

36:43

means. It's war-e-ver, of course. It's what? W-w-e-ver!

36:47

I'm sorry, what it says? W-w-e-ver! W-e-ver!

36:51

W-e-ver! Well,

36:53

alright, war-e-ver. Anyway, I was like treating

36:55

you now that you're not a Crystal

36:58

Palace manager. Ah, my god, why didn't

37:00

you have to go bet you that

37:02

place? Bloody dawr! I thought we were

37:04

having a nice time here! I am

37:07

sorry, right? Only asked. Oh, I was

37:09

stitched upright like that lot. My pro-war-ever

37:11

agenda was systematically dismantled in an operation,

37:14

Not unlike the Horace Heresy, When it

37:16

nearly destroyed the fledgling appearing of bad that

37:18

time. Yeah, you've lost me again. It's

37:21

war-e-ver stuff. It was an insurrection!

37:23

The World of Palace Squad! A what? It's

37:25

the rest, she's a rebel! A

37:27

rebellion! Alright. The coup d'état! Badgers

37:30

have got together and they set up a rival

37:32

lobby! Oh, oh yeah, what was that then? Coffee!

37:35

They had a WhatsApp group or everything,

37:37

Chatting away about coffee all day

37:39

long! What's the best type of

37:41

beans? What's the best bread and

37:43

machine? Milky! Don't milky! I lost

37:45

control of the gesture over here

37:47

to turn me ill! Coffee's

37:50

not even a proper hobby, right? You know

37:52

what you're gonna fucking tell me, that's sad

37:54

side? It was a nightmare! Every time I

37:56

come into gesture rooms, Try to talk about

37:59

war-e-ver, They just... get together and do

38:01

the egg gesture what the bloke off the advert

38:03

used to do when he was shaking the beans

38:05

Yeah, oh well. I'm sorry for bringing that up

38:07

and upsetting you right? Well it has yeah, or

38:10

set you've got on the desk in that cup

38:13

That's tea right the bleedness in his blood

38:15

coffee isn't it? Oh? Get

38:18

me out of this twisted citadel of

38:20

caffeine Whoa, I sense a little bit

38:22

of maybe missing the game

38:24

there What

38:33

war am I no missing those football? Yeah, he

38:35

was in a good mood First

38:38

it was a pension football table

38:40

Oh Jodi

38:45

eat jolly. Hey. Yeah, I

38:47

got this for the film in the new

38:49

Netflix series I'm gonna speak and

38:51

I got a bit of script and Sent

38:54

through to me from me sauce. Oh, you got

38:56

sauce now. I'm gonna saw yeah, okay Jodi

39:01

heat Crime

39:04

on the time hot

39:07

Jodi nights Jodi

39:12

full of crime Jodi

39:15

heat Interior

39:21

Jodi heat headquarters Please

39:24

see Denise Walsh and dii Eddie how are

39:26

on the day shift on the cup of

39:28

tea and a study It's like

39:31

a bread bun in it. Yeah, a little

39:33

bacon grill and reggae reggae sauce Eddie

39:36

how my over blew up

39:38

over the weekend, so that's a

39:40

sharp kick to my ass What

39:43

over would you recommend a factory

39:45

price went Dennis? Sorry

39:48

to hear that bus do

39:50

you have any specific requirements you

39:53

know allergy filters Pet

39:55

hair attachments bagless you know out like

39:57

that now. I just require it

39:59

now I have a good strong point to

40:02

it. I live in a very fucking dusty

40:04

house. Well

40:06

the Hooray Henry is good all

40:08

rounder and it's a reasonable price.

40:12

Is that always the incredibly fucking

40:14

cheeky face on the side? Aye

40:16

that's the one. It's like a little friend with

40:18

a great big long hooter. Now

40:21

it's just a bit too fucking cheeky

40:23

for my lifestyle. I want a serious

40:25

bit of kit. Well

40:28

what about a shark then? God

40:30

he's fucking deaf to this. I don't live

40:32

in a fucking water tank. At

40:34

that moment the Geordie Heat hotline rings.

40:37

Geordie Heat hotline? How can I

40:39

help you, Spet? It's

40:42

me, Mr Sting, from the massive

40:44

house with the massive drive and

40:46

the massive argon powered lawnmower. And

40:48

I have got a right cob

40:50

on so don't dare mess us

40:53

about. Oh hello

40:55

Mr Sting. Attitude?

40:59

Sorry Mr Sting, what appears

41:01

to be the nature of your emergency? My

41:04

neighbour has thrown a bag of

41:06

dog dead under my paddock and

41:08

I believe this to be a

41:10

major incident. I

41:12

require full forensics in hazmat suits,

41:14

roadblocks and a transivan full of

41:16

sniffer dogs. I cannot live like

41:18

this. Would you say to things that I should? I

41:22

never said it's acceptable, Mr Sting. Now

41:24

have you secured the bag for evidence

41:27

reasons? Yes, I placed

41:29

it under one of my gold buckets and

41:31

put a bag of spuds on top. That

41:33

bag ain't going nowhere soon. Well

41:36

done, Mr Sting. Yes I know.

41:38

I'm very friends with the way you

41:40

might want to put my name forward

41:42

for trophy or a scroll. I'm

41:45

not bothered so long as it's massive. Well

41:49

we'll be there as soon as we

41:51

can Mr Sting. You better not

41:53

be. Goodbye. Exterior

41:55

massive house Denise, Sting and Howe are stood

41:57

in the paddock next to the neighbour's wall.

42:00

How is Bentdown inspecting the bucket? Very

42:03

nice bucket, Mr. Stink, if you don't know what

42:05

I was talking saying. Oh, I've got

42:07

a lot of them. You can have it if you want. Howl

42:10

lifts up the bucket. Well,

42:12

that's a very full bag. Must

42:15

contain a number of movements. Whoever

42:18

did this, he's obviously wanted to make

42:20

a statement. I

42:22

must be a week's worth at least. I

42:25

got good terms with you, Anaira. How

42:28

should I know? Well,

42:31

they can only be union with now, whether

42:33

you're on your neighbour's fucking good terms. Don't

42:36

get tricksy with me. I'm sure I'll say

42:38

that question without my legal team in 10

42:40

minutes. Fucking... Stink,

42:44

who is your neighbour? Oh,

42:47

is that footballer with the ball guys and

42:49

Dosey Alsatian's dog? Oh,

42:51

he's got a dog. I see that's very

42:53

fucking pertinent. Make a note of that face

42:55

he was. Will do, boss.

42:57

Do you mean Alan Shearer? Yes,

42:59

that's him. Always fighting about when

43:01

he shitties his lawnmower, which is

43:03

only one seat. And away's the

43:05

rubber, where's the rails and mine.

43:07

I'm made of retouched bamboo clods.

43:09

Yes, it's a Canadian blizzard. Why

43:11

the loser? Sounds

43:14

to me like we need to have a word

43:16

with this Shearer bloke. At that

43:18

moment, Alan Shearer pops his head above the wall.

43:21

All right, lads, those are good. Not very

43:23

well, actually. Well, seems to be the problem.

43:25

Oh, as if he doesn't know. Rest him

43:27

now or forever, hold your peace. Risty

43:31

Shearer, does this plastic doggy bag have

43:33

belonged to you, sir? No,

43:35

it's something I do with his wife.

43:38

She threw it over the wall last

43:40

night. I'm just returning it. He's lying.

43:42

I have never seen that bag before

43:45

and I've demanded his fingerprint is to

43:47

escort Trudy from any involvement. So help

43:49

me God. Yes, she often throws those

43:51

bags over the wall. So I thought at this

43:53

time I'd give it back. You should look inside.

43:55

Might give you a shock. I don't really need

43:57

that piece here. We'll see what we can do.

43:59

we're dealing with. Denise unties

44:01

the bag and spills the contents on the

44:04

grass. Oh my god

44:06

it fucking stinks. Jesus

44:08

why is it? It's fucking gruesome.

44:11

Denise examines the contents more closely.

44:14

I can see mung beans, leaves,

44:17

chickpeas, some sort of

44:19

pellets and maybe some it

44:21

lets the onion hangs. Oh

44:24

hon that's a portion of

44:26

my mung bean. Casio a

44:28

cook last night. Foodie said she was gonna

44:30

wait it in the loot work shop. He must

44:34

have broken it and stole it. But

44:36

a doggy's a woggin. Well maybe your

44:38

wife doesn't like your cooking mate. Well

44:41

I think I wish I had a word

44:43

with your fucking wife mate. Your

44:47

lawn mower is blonde boys shit

44:49

mate. You gave some manual which is

44:51

a sick joke. And you were

44:53

bearing from my lawyer's forth with

44:55

and with great haste. Goodbye

44:57

and you two get off my land. Sting

45:00

runs off. Thanks for your

45:02

help Mr. Shearer. I shall have

45:05

a word with Mrs. Sting about this and

45:07

in the meantime wish you all the fucking

45:09

best with your future endeavors. No

45:11

problem or? Denise and Eddie

45:13

are back in the heat squad car. Do

45:16

you want a pop bag? Corey's have a look at

45:18

some hovers. No I'll go

45:20

online. I like to check the fucking reviews.

45:25

Oh that's the end. That's

45:31

it he didn't send me any more scripts. There you

45:34

are. It ended beautifully. I think that my portrayal of

45:36

Al and Shira is understated. Oh beautiful. But also, you

45:38

can tell I've been there a film can't you? It's

45:40

so yes. I did the film do all right. It

45:42

came out. It came out. It's all I can ask

45:44

for. It's out there. Do you want to have a

45:47

fight? I'm not going to have a fight.

45:51

You can't just say you want to fight. Well I'm just

45:53

going to start on you. You know what I

45:55

mean. Lee in here. That's not fair. When you ask if you

45:57

want to fight you're proposing a box. I am going to fight.

46:00

old man I feel old so thank

46:02

you for having me Andrew it's been lovely

46:04

we'll do the topics of interest in a

46:06

separate episode for the for the club pastnip

46:08

subscribers a direct and blum I'm just a

46:10

living on all right now I'm going now

46:12

I'm going there are

46:36

he can't power the world's best

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podcast here's the show

46:40

that we recommend winning

46:44

is an everyday mindset and

46:46

we're here to help I'm

46:49

Craig Robinson join me and coach

46:51

John Califari for ways to win

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we're kicking off during March Madness Cal's

46:57

Kentucky Wildcats are in the hunt so

46:59

throughout the tournament I'm gonna call up

47:02

my friend to ask about his wins

47:04

losses and especially what he's telling his

47:06

players in the locker room you gotta

47:08

win every day find

47:11

the ways to win podcasts anywhere you

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47:16

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