0:00

Welcome to this bonus episode of

0:02

a podcast with Vlana talking

0:04

about sex and sexuality.

0:07

It's by far the most vulnerable we've ever

0:09

gotten in this subject, and it coincides

0:12

with the release of her new single out

0:14

of exile, which really

0:16

goes there. It talks about all

0:18

of the full breadth of sexuality through

0:20

music, and we do the same on this podcast.

0:23

So enjoy this special amp

0:26

with Vlana. Vlana.

0:30

Normally, I would call you Vylana Marcus, but

0:32

as an artist, you're just Vylana.

0:35

Just Vylana.

0:36

And you have probably

0:39

the most controversial song of

0:41

your whole album about to release so much

0:43

so. And so interestingly so,

0:45

that we thought we would have little chat about

0:47

the meaning behind it. The song is called

0:50

out of exile and it's about

0:52

the reclamation of sexuality and

0:55

your own journey through that, a journey

0:57

that I've been a part of. Big

0:58

part of. Quite a big

1:00

part of, the monumental part

1:02

of. why did

1:04

you decide to name it

1:06

out of exile? What does that mean to

1:08

you?

1:09

So in

1:10

my own life's experience,

1:14

in so many ways, I felt

1:17

disempowered in my sexuality, using

1:19

it for validation, using

1:22

it to try to capture love.

1:24

Try

1:24

Hold on. You were not a virgin when

1:27

we met?

1:27

This is fucked up. Stop

1:30

the podcast. How do you

1:31

think I was working on it? Are you crazy?

1:33

We're having

1:34

a discussion.

1:37

But the exile part

1:39

is the part that feels shame

1:42

around the fullness of being in your full

1:44

fuck. the part of you that's

1:46

willing to just be fully surrendered

1:49

and open and to touch god

1:51

through your sex. And that

1:54

is something that I

1:56

feel very few women and men

1:58

have truly experienced, and

2:00

there's so much distorted energy

2:02

around our duality based on

2:05

how we're brought up, based on

2:07

religious traditions and the shaming

2:09

that comes around that expression,

2:12

you know, in that container. Like, there's so

2:14

many aspects of life where is

2:16

sex really talked about

2:18

in this way where we can

2:20

access our power

2:23

where we can connect to

2:26

the highest frequency that we can

2:28

access through our ecstasy and

2:30

rapture. Is that something that's really talked

2:32

about in the world? I've been really

2:34

blessed to have people in my

2:36

field that, you know, you have primarily introduced

2:39

me to, Layla Martin, Emily Fletcher,

2:41

momagena, these women who are really

2:44

you know, like leading

2:46

the charge with this message and over

2:49

the last year and in my own

2:51

reclamation through the container of

2:53

our love,

2:55

through the

2:55

safety and the devotion that you

2:58

hold to me, what that's you know,

3:00

really unlocked in my own expression. It

3:03

felt like it was a necessary piece

3:06

to create

3:09

a piece of music too that's

3:11

edgy, that's sexy,

3:14

that's a little bit confronting potentially,

3:17

but it just contains the

3:19

vastness of what my own

3:21

reclamation has, you know, has

3:23

has had. Yeah,

3:25

it's interesting because, of course,

3:27

there is the religious influence

3:30

that we have to give credence to,

3:32

of course, I mean, sexuality

3:34

was always treated as

3:36

a sin, you know, except if it was

3:39

specifically for

3:41

the you

3:42

know, for the purpose of making a baby. Yes.

3:44

In which case, like, then it was okay. Yeah.

3:46

You but it had to be in missionary position. Actually,

3:48

sodomy is defined as anything that's not

3:50

missionary position sex. Right?

3:52

So and that's Doggisai is sesame.

3:54

Yeah. It is. Or Saks sesame. Mhmm.

3:57

So that's actually and then you have stories

3:59

where the biblical

4:02

god of wrath and punishment,

4:04

which if you look at what he, you know,

4:06

what the stories say, he sent

4:08

a fireball to destroy an entire

4:11

city of men, women, and children,

4:13

a city called Sodom, because they

4:15

were sodomites. They were I don't

4:17

know, going down on each other and stuff. Having

4:19

sex for pleasure. Having sex for pleasure.

4:21

So you have to think that this

4:23

and we were obviously founded by pure

4:26

tannical pilgrims. Mhmm. So

4:28

that's a factor.

4:29

And also one thing I would love to

4:31

add because I just recently got

4:33

very obsessively

4:36

invested in watching Game of Thrones.

4:38

You know, there's also this element of

4:41

the woman being viewed as as

4:43

the vessel to bear an air

4:45

where it's not about love

4:48

and connection and

4:50

access to the divine. It's like you

4:53

are here to bear a sun that can be my

4:55

heir, that can carry on my name.

4:57

And and just even imagining, like,

4:59

that's programming that still

5:01

exists within our DNA

5:03

from, you know,

5:05

for thousands of years. So that's

5:07

another form of Excel. So you have religious. Yeah.

5:09

And then you have patriarchical heredity,

5:12

which is a double exile, but

5:15

it's even more than that. I think there's

5:17

industrial puritan

5:20

puritanical, you know, roots,

5:22

which is basically pleasure

5:25

is fucking off.

5:27

And work is good. Mhmm. And as

5:29

part of this kind of industrial revolution

5:32

mindset, embrace the grind this whole thing,

5:34

like constantly be working your

5:36

worth is determined by your output. Mhmm.

5:38

You know, and that that concept

5:40

has actually made pleasure something

5:43

that is below you

5:45

know, work. Mhmm. And it's

5:47

it's the same idea of, you know, people.

5:50

I think we've all had parents of, like,

5:52

or or other people like sleeping in till,

5:55

you know, sleeping in till eleven

5:57

AM. You know, it should be getting up there

5:59

and getting to

5:59

work. We're gonna have to sacrifice to

6:02

to make life happen. Yeah.

6:03

I understand. compromise. And just

6:05

like And why why are you sleeping the day? Or

6:07

I was up at six o'clock? And I was

6:10

already did all this work by the time

6:12

you're awake, you know. So it's this industrial

6:15

puritanism that's that

6:17

exists as well. So that's like triple

6:19

exile -- Mhmm. -- that's there.

6:21

And then there's the exile that

6:23

comes from people's jealousy

6:26

-- Mhmm. -- basically, Right?

6:29

Like, a lot of the slut shaming,

6:31

I think, has, yeah, has some of

6:33

the roots of these other exiles, but

6:35

it also has just men's

6:37

jealousy. Oh oh, you wanna

6:39

have sex with somebody? That's

6:41

not me. You're a slut. you

6:44

know, and so it's a way to denigrate that

6:46

thing when actually the source of

6:48

it is jealousy. So it's almost a

6:50

fourfold exile. or

6:51

even just judgment because when

6:54

when there's judgment, there's always

6:56

an aspect that has to do with self.

6:58

So if you see somebody that's very liberated

7:00

in their sexuality, you

7:03

know, where they're experiencing pleasure

7:06

of their own choice and in their own

7:08

authority, and that's threatening

7:10

to you because you don't contain

7:12

that same sense of freedom within yourself.

7:14

so that's an easy way to be like, you're a

7:16

slut. Yep. Let me shame

7:18

you. Let me feel bad for your sense of

7:20

freedom because I don't have access

7:22

to my own. yeah, it's a way

7:24

to place your own virtue

7:26

above somebody else. When really, again, that's a

7:28

form of jealous. I'm jealous that I'm not as

7:30

liberated as you because of this other

7:32

cultural programming that I've experienced. And

7:34

so therefore, let me shame it. Let

7:36

me denigrate it. Let me make it worse.

7:39

than what I'm doing as the virtuous

7:41

one. So there's many

7:43

ways in which sexuality has

7:45

been exiled and it's not only

7:47

women, but I think women have had to bear

7:50

the brunt of it because of the patriarchal

7:53

heredity exile. And we do

7:55

have you know, names have always

7:57

been passed through

7:59

the paternal line. Mhmm. You

8:02

know, lots

8:02

of things you can say about a patriarchy, and in

8:04

a lot of ways, it is kind of overdone,

8:07

I think. But there's a lot of

8:09

truth to it -- Mhmm.

8:10

-- as well. Mhmm. undeniably

8:12

so.

8:14

So and

8:15

in that, I think to

8:18

imagine that we would just be able

8:20

to shed all of that

8:22

without that having an influence on us

8:25

is just wild to assume

8:27

that we wouldn't be impacted by

8:30

that fourfold exile, and of

8:32

course, you

8:33

were. Mhmm.

8:34

Or even, you know, even

8:37

and I can speak to my own experience even

8:39

your own, like, self exile.

8:42

Like for me, in my early

8:44

twenties, I was in a very toxic

8:47

relationship where, you

8:49

know, ultimately there

8:51

was, like, polarity

8:53

created in the you know,

8:55

fighting makeup sex, fighting makeup sex

8:57

like in in just using

8:59

sex as a way to feel love again and

9:01

to come together again and

9:03

how painful and distorted

9:05

and delusional that relationship was. So

9:07

there's even a part of myself

9:10

that shut down my own pleasure

9:12

because my pleasure and my addiction

9:15

to to that pleasure

9:17

is something that put me through a lot of

9:19

pain. Yeah. And

9:21

so you know, there's there's also an

9:23

aspect of self exile if you're

9:25

having, you know, really just

9:28

unhealthy relationships. with people and using

9:30

that as a mechanism. I'm

9:32

curious, and I've never talked about

9:34

this with you. But I'm curious that if you had

9:36

a more liberated attitude, towards

9:38

your own sexuality because you've mentioned

9:40

in this particularly toxic relationship

9:42

-- Mhmm. -- that the sexuality was

9:45

what kind of kept you in it -- Mhmm. -- like

9:47

the and I know in some ways there

9:49

was a way for redemption because you

9:51

were getting rejected, cheated on in a

9:53

variety of different ways. But

9:56

if you were more

9:58

sexually liberated, had a different kind

10:00

of mindset, a mindset like you

10:02

do now and more comfortable going

10:04

to seek your own pleasure. I'm

10:07

curious as to whether you felt

10:09

like and I think maybe other

10:11

people feel like as a woman,

10:13

if you've already had sex with somebody, you've

10:15

already crossed the shame threshold

10:17

-- Mhmm. -- of like, well, we've

10:19

already had sex. So if I sex

10:21

again, that's okay because it's the same

10:23

person. My count -- Mhmm. -- the count of

10:25

how many people I've had sex with,

10:27

which, you know, I think a lot of

10:30

especially because of this pressure on the

10:32

female, the idea is to keep that

10:34

count low. I

10:34

mean, it's for for men it's like being

10:36

high and for women it's low. Like, that's like --

10:38

Right. -- like, I I would imagine that most

10:40

people have had that conversation when they start

10:42

a new relationship or they're dating

10:44

somebody. Like, how many people have you had sex it.

10:46

Right. Right. Right. And so that that

10:49

kind of that pressure, I wonder

10:51

if you had been more liberated,

10:53

if you would have just been like, Oh,

10:54

no. I can have great sex or

10:57

at

10:57

least good sex -- Mhmm. -- in a

10:59

lot of different places, so you would have been

11:01

less bound to that

11:03

one partner that was your

11:05

outlet to express your sexuality --

11:07

Mhmm. -- if you had had a more open

11:09

minded and less shame

11:11

infused -- Yeah. -- understanding

11:13

of your own sexual liberation. Yeah.

11:15

Likely. I I mean, I think

11:17

it's it's interesting because it it

11:19

feels like it's twofold. Like, I think

11:21

that the reclamation of my

11:23

sexuality has gone hand in hand

11:25

with an elevation of my consciousness and

11:27

self awareness. So I think

11:29

there's like, it's a little bit more

11:31

nuanced than just specifically that.

11:35

I don't Honestly, at that time, I don't

11:37

think that that was something that I was super

11:39

worried about or III

11:42

personally have never really been

11:44

slut shamed. You know, like,

11:46

that's that's just not been something that's been super in

11:48

my field, so that hasn't been something that I've, you

11:50

know, really come up against. But

11:53

I do think if I were me

11:56

sitting here today

11:59

feeling very expressed

12:02

in my sexual you know, in my sexuality.

12:05

I don't think I would have participated in

12:07

something. Like,

12:07

that would have gone hand in hand with

12:10

the conscious and the self confidence

12:12

and the self love. Exactly. That would

12:14

have actually made it

12:16

just implausible for you to even consider

12:18

staying in that relationship.

12:19

Exactly. because I think there's an element of,

12:22

like, your and

12:24

this is, I believe, something that you said, you

12:26

know, from your your Mark Gaffney, that it's like

12:28

your self love

12:30

and worthiness. Like

12:32

your what was the word that your

12:34

dignity? your dignity and your

12:37

belief that you are worthy of

12:39

love actually goes hand in hand with how

12:41

much pleasure that you can act

12:42

process. Yeah. Your dignity is the limit to

12:44

the amount of pleasure that you allow yourself to

12:47

receive. Yeah. Yeah. Which is

12:49

a very, like, interesting

12:51

concept to explore -- Mhmm. -- being

12:53

that we actually place a

12:55

ceiling on our own pleasure

12:57

based on how much

12:59

we feel we deserve that pleasure. Yeah.

13:01

And that mechanism I've explored

13:04

with love because, of course, we

13:06

only receive love equal to

13:08

the amount of love we feel like we

13:10

deserve. Otherwise, we think that somebody's

13:13

foolish or like that it that it's they

13:15

they're missing something. They're not seeing the

13:17

real truth or it's not real, but we just won't let

13:19

it in. But it's also the same with

13:22

pleasure. You have to have, like, a

13:24

real dignity, a

13:26

dignity of pleasure, a dignity of worth,

13:28

a dignity of feeling

13:30

like, oh, yeah. And if I'm supposed

13:32

to feel this amount of money. And if you have a

13:34

lot of shame

13:36

around how you express sexually,

13:39

like, how much are you really accessing

13:41

the fullness of your fuck or your

13:43

pleasure? Like, you're not even

13:45

tapping anywhere close

13:45

to Yeah. Yeah. So

13:48

what has it been about this

13:50

is container,

13:52

this unbelievable

13:53

union that we're in? What has it

13:55

been about this union that's really allowed

13:57

you to unlock and flower

14:00

into the full fuck of your

14:02

sexuality.

14:03

Yeah. It's it's actually

14:05

it's actually story of it's

14:07

the story of the song. And so

14:09

the first verse of it really

14:12

establishes in the lyrics

14:14

that This is a container of

14:17

safety. And Let's

14:18

let's let people hear that first

14:20

first.

14:20

The first first. Okay.

14:23

Let me sit up here.

14:27

Take me.

14:34

promo game

14:36

you

14:41

Enter the

14:46

garden. Total

14:50

permission.

14:52

My flower was

14:55

the overheads. Oh,

14:59

you're on TV,

15:01

Ocean. An ocean.

15:03

It's time,

15:06

this pleasure.

15:09

So, you

15:11

know, with

15:12

those lyrics, what

15:14

it's saying is

15:16

because

15:17

I trust you

15:19

because I know that you have reverence

15:22

and you honor me and you

15:24

honor my body, and

15:26

that the act of sexing

15:29

whether it's fucking and it's

15:31

wild and there's power dynamics

15:33

or it's just essential you

15:35

know, erotic making love

15:38

because I feel that sense of

15:40

safety, my ability

15:42

to fully open myself

15:44

and be in my full feminine

15:47

principle of surrender

15:49

to what, you know, is another

15:51

lyric in the song to literally be

15:53

annihilated, to be taken to god.

15:56

Like, it's it's it's

15:58

the safety piece of it.

16:00

It's the fact that I

16:02

know that no matter what it is that we

16:04

go through, like, we're here for each

16:06

other. We're in integrity. You're in

16:08

integrity. with yourself, you're

16:10

honest, I'm honest, everything is

16:12

authentic, everything is true,

16:14

something about that sense of safety,

16:17

creates the vastness of potential

16:19

for where you can go in your sexuality

16:21

and how much pleasure you can access.

16:23

Yeah, absolutely. it's

16:27

interesting, you know, I think

16:30

people are afraid

16:32

to actually really surrender

16:35

and enter into that

16:37

feminine principle that you talk about

16:39

because they're worried

16:41

that there's a kind of

16:43

greedy rapacious desire

16:46

from the masculine that always wants

16:48

more. Mhmm. And the more you surrender, the

16:50

more, you know, the more the the

16:52

mask and principle will take. And I think -- Mhmm. --

16:54

we have to be careful not to just place

16:56

this on one sex and not

16:58

the other sex because it can be it can be

17:01

whoever holding the polarity. Who's ever holding the feminine

17:03

or masculine polarity, but until you

17:05

trust that the mask and polarity will

17:07

not take more than is

17:09

given and that the

17:10

submission will actually provoke the

17:12

tenderness. Mhmm. And that

17:15

when the when the dynamic is healthy. When it's like I

17:17

give you an inch, you take a mile. If it's

17:19

in that kind of cliched

17:22

model, then you're never

17:24

gonna feel safe because you're always gonna be

17:26

guarded because the more you give, the

17:28

more that they want to take. And so

17:30

there's no trust. in the containers.

17:32

So you're always guarding yourself. Yeah. If

17:34

there's

17:34

any if there's any fear,

17:36

it's like your whole

17:39

energy body, your pussey,

17:41

you know, your like, it's like everything

17:43

is a little bit contracted even though

17:45

you might be feeling pleasure and enjoying yourself.

17:47

Like, there's some aspect

17:49

of you that's a little bit shut down because you're

17:53

afraid. You're afraid of getting hurt.

17:55

Mhmm. You're afraid that,

17:57

you know, I mean, I guess, I can

17:59

say for me and my

17:59

former years, like, I

18:02

was afraid that giving myself in

18:04

that may in that way meant that Ultimately,

18:06

I would end up in a

18:08

lot of pain because there wasn't

18:10

the trust aspect there.

18:12

Mhmm. you mentioned a couple

18:15

times that sexuality

18:18

can be a portal to

18:20

god. Mhmm. and there's a lot of

18:22

interesting ways to enter into that

18:24

understanding. And

18:26

but it's something that we kind of

18:29

know. actually,

18:30

you know,

18:31

and and again, like Mark would

18:33

say, like, Anthro Ontologically, we

18:35

feel it. And it's been in pop culture

18:37

even Trent Resner in the

18:39

nine inch nail song closer,

18:41

you bring me closer to God. I wanna fuck

18:43

you like an animal. You bring me closer

18:45

to God. Yeah. And it's like, we

18:47

hear that and we're like, oh, yeah, I get it. Mhmm. You

18:50

know, if I can get it. And it's iconic.

18:51

Like, that's like That's

18:53

nice. stood at times. Of course.

18:55

Of course. Because we know we know we

18:58

kind of know that that's true, but we

19:00

don't really follow the thought all the way

19:02

through. Mhmm. And also, there was a study

19:04

done and Mark again loves to talk about

19:06

this, but study done about what

19:08

people say when

19:10

they're climaxing. Mhmm.

19:12

And the things that people say are

19:15

god god or

19:16

your partner's name. And he

19:19

he likes to talk about how that is really the

19:21

same thing -- Yeah. -- that you're actually recognizing

19:23

that your partner in that moment

19:25

is also a presentation

19:27

of the divine and bringing you to the divine and

19:29

you're entering the divine space together -- Mhmm. --

19:31

or you're just calling out God because that's

19:33

what you're experiencing. Yeah. Or

19:36

I

19:36

actually what you say

19:39

is fuck. Yeah. You

19:41

actually say fuck. Which

19:44

in that in, you know, Mark's

19:46

phenomenology of Arris in that in that

19:48

transmission, fuck is another name for God.

19:50

Mhmm. Right? Like, that is

19:52

because of eros, Shkiena,

19:54

God. It's all representing

19:56

this kind of merger

19:59

of

19:59

the union and then the and then

20:02

the collapse of self, the

20:04

destruction of self, like this kind of moment

20:06

where you come together and part of you

20:08

is annihilated. and

20:10

another part of you opens into

20:12

hypothesis, into a state of the divine -- Mhmm.

20:14

-- where everything else melts

20:16

away. Yeah. And for that

20:18

moment of climax, you know,

20:20

they used in in French, they called out their petite

20:22

more like the little death. It's

20:24

like then that moment, all

20:25

of you dies and you merge

20:28

with something ecstatic that's

20:30

beyond our comprehension. Mhmm.

20:32

And, like, so

20:34

it's interesting that people

20:37

don't really give that as much credit

20:39

as I think we actually really believe

20:41

when we start thinking about it. And

20:43

then to also acknowledge, like,

20:46

how much of the way the operates is

20:48

actually driven around sex.

20:50

Sure. You know, I used to work I used

20:52

to work in nightlife when

20:54

I lived in LA. And there was this

20:57

one night, you know, I I did

20:59

bottle service, so I was used to

21:01

just serving mostly men that would

21:03

come in and get and like, what's the

21:05

whole purpose of the night? They wanna get girls to

21:07

the table. They want the girls to have

21:09

fun. In the hopes that maybe

21:11

one of them will like them and they'll

21:13

get to you know, I

21:15

don't imagine that many people are going to

21:17

nightclubs looking for like their sacred

21:19

union partner, but it's just like they

21:21

want to have that access point

21:23

to get to connect with something that

21:25

is literally purifying like ecstasy

21:28

is purifying. And one

21:30

thing that I love, you

21:32

know, just kind of imagining the

21:34

moment of orgasm

21:37

the is

21:38

when you're reaching that

21:40

peak expression that

21:42

is vibrational

21:43

of ecstasy of rapture, it is the

21:45

potential to create

21:49

life. When it's with

21:51

when it's with when it's with a

21:53

man and a woman, it's a it's a potential to create life. Right.

21:55

So it's literally like

21:57

this high frequency the

22:01

potentiality. It's God. Mhmm. Like, you're

22:03

literally and and and you always are, but

22:05

it's it's stepping into fully

22:07

creator consciousness. you

22:09

know, and and I don't really think that it's just, you

22:11

know, necessarily biological, but it's

22:13

like when you're embodying

22:17

one aspect of the polarity to merge

22:19

with another, to make it to that

22:21

moment. And this is something else that you

22:23

always say about the moment of

22:27

orgasm is when you're

22:29

holding so much light that you literally

22:32

cannot contain anymore of it, so it's like an

22:34

explosion. Mhmm. you know,

22:36

but just thinking of like

22:38

something that is that pleasurable,

22:42

rapturous, and high

22:44

frequency, like how that could be

22:46

something that is so bad. How could

22:48

that not be purifying on

22:50

multiple dimensions of your being?

22:53

you know, and and that's kind of the world of thought

22:55

that I have been stepping into

22:57

this last year, you know, just knowing

23:00

these really extraordinary women who have

23:02

been studying tantra for, you

23:04

know, Layla Martin who's been studying tantra

23:06

for a decade over a decade and who

23:08

just, like, really understand it

23:10

from spiritual, biological,

23:12

emotional, psychological lens. You

23:14

know, it's really opened my mind

23:17

to like how much power

23:19

is in our sexuality

23:21

if we can really claim it of our own authority

23:23

for ourselves.

23:24

No.

23:25

Yeah. The

23:28

interesting thing is is

23:31

that, you know, again, to

23:33

talk about the first exile, being

23:35

the religious exile, know,

23:37

I think it really

23:38

comes into view if this is

23:41

a portal to unmediated access

23:43

to the divine, but your business

23:45

model is being the mediator -- For

23:47

sure. -- to the divine. Oh, oh, you want the

23:49

divine. You have to go through me. I'm a priest or

23:51

I'm a church and, you know, tied to me.

23:53

And and if you look at it from a business model

23:56

perspective, and there's a lot of beautiful aspects of

23:58

religion. And of course, I'm deeply

23:59

involved you know, Hebrew

24:02

lineage that's reviving some of

24:04

these ancient understandings, religious

24:06

understandings that have been kind of misconstrued

24:08

over the ages. So

24:10

I'm not downplaying religion and

24:12

of course the mystical teachings of Yeshua

24:14

and and across the board there's beauty there.

24:16

So I don't wanna get that

24:18

confused in this. But nonetheless, you can

24:20

see how that

24:22

was a real nefarious,

24:25

insidious trick. to try to convince

24:27

people that their ability to

24:29

access the divine unmediated,

24:31

completely democratized. Mhmm. Right?

24:34

It's like yeah, you could

24:36

say, alright, well, 5ME0 DMT,

24:38

can give you access to God.

24:40

And it does. But is that democratized

24:44

everybody do it? Should everybody do it?

24:46

Hell no. Mhmm. You know, not enough

24:48

toads. And even if

24:50

it was synthetic, it's like it's not the

24:52

right thing for everybody to experience

24:54

that. However, sex --

24:56

Mhmm. -- fully democratized. Everybody,

24:58

even if you're pleasuring yourself. Yeah. Even

25:00

can self practice. Can access,

25:03

you know, that divine. But if you tell

25:05

people that that's not it, then

25:07

then you're really lost. Because

25:09

the thing the way that you can

25:11

know No God. If

25:13

you're told that that's not God,

25:16

then you're you're looking

25:18

for a ghost. Yeah. That's not

25:20

real. You're playing a big game of Scooby Doo

25:22

and continually looking behind

25:24

different masks. Yeah. And you're

25:27

never gonna find it because it was right in

25:29

plain sight -- Mhmm. -- in your pants.

25:31

Or in your pants. Or just

25:32

always having to outsource it to something

25:35

else. Right. You know? And that's that's

25:37

one thing that I really love too about, you know,

25:39

the teachings about sex magic and, you know,

25:41

we've done a podcast with Layla Martin that would,

25:43

you know, if anyone's really interested in it, can

25:45

go check it out. But Like, you can

25:47

even access these

25:49

the

25:51

expansive states of consciousness

25:53

through your own practice with yourself by

25:56

connecting that pleasure energy, that fuck

25:58

energy to your own heart

26:00

with intention, with visions, like

26:02

there's there's so much available, but this isn't a

26:04

conversation that many people are having.

26:06

And so, you know,

26:09

my intention for this

26:11

song is to start the

26:13

conversation by something

26:15

that is exciting

26:18

and awesome to listen to. Like,

26:20

one of one of my one of

26:22

my intentions for the song

26:24

was for it to be something that was

26:26

iconic. Like, I wanna like, closer. I

26:28

wanna fuck you like an animal. You take me

26:30

closer to God. It's like, for some

26:32

reason that hits for people,

26:34

and he's talking about, you let me violate

26:36

you, you let me desecrate you, and

26:38

it's like people go bananas for that

26:40

song. I'm sure it's also very, very

26:43

you know, threatening and confronting and triggering

26:46

for some people as well. But I

26:48

wanted to capture that

26:50

same essence in this

26:52

song that's there is so much

26:54

here for

26:55

where you you. If you

26:56

can open your mind, if

26:59

you can open your heart,

27:01

if you can just like allow yourself

27:04

to feel the transmission

27:06

through the frequencies of the music and through

27:08

the lyrics and through you know, this is is

27:10

the expression. It's my autobiography of

27:12

my own reclamation. And

27:15

not everyone's is going to

27:17

look same, but, like, maybe it can activate and inspire

27:19

something in you because it's, like,

27:21

it's reaching you in a in a way that

27:24

doesn't have to contain understanding

27:27

but it's more about like the felt sense of what is how

27:29

does this land in my system? How does this feel in

27:31

my body? How does my body wanna

27:34

move in this like Kundalini

27:36

like energy and then the rock you know,

27:38

the electric guitar comes in and the

27:41

violin takes you to the climax

27:43

and then after there's these

27:45

ethereal, you know, these

27:47

ethereal voices coming in that's like the

27:49

afterglow of after you've accessed something

27:51

that's extraordinary and

27:53

beautiful. and purifying and pleasurable.

27:56

Mhmm. So

27:57

a cultural phenomenon,

28:00

fifty shades of gray. just

28:03

hit the world and just I

28:05

don't know how many of those fucking books sold. It's not

28:07

even a good book. I read one. I was like, wow. This

28:09

is not a good book. totally read all of them and it

28:10

was, like, very I mean, it

28:13

was

28:13

very exciting. But not

28:14

for a I think for a woman for many

28:17

reasons. Yeah. And So

28:19

and

28:19

it's one of these things. It's like

28:22

still a little taboo, but it's

28:24

also gotten more mainstream in a

28:26

certain way. and it's

28:28

something that we've explored

28:30

as well. Power Exchange. Mhmm.

28:32

And and so what is what is from your

28:34

perspective that experience

28:37

to

28:37

step into the power exchange,

28:40

submissive, dominant dynamic.

28:42

You know, what does that open up

28:45

for you? So

28:45

for me and I, you

28:48

know, I think that it

28:50

becomes a mirror to

28:53

life

28:53

where you

28:55

know, we go into

28:57

the space. And for

28:59

me, it's a very sacred container

29:02

because I am completely surrendering

29:06

myself to trusting that you

29:08

know exactly how to feel where

29:10

my limits are and also

29:12

to be willing to be uncomfortable,

29:14

ball impatient, you know,

29:17

all these things that, like, if if you

29:19

mirror that to life, it's like, how willing

29:21

are you to surrender through

29:23

discomfort? Mhmm. and to trust

29:25

that the divine is always carrying you

29:27

no matter, you know, what

29:29

challenge or or what challenge

29:31

you go through where you'll end up, like,

29:33

how much can use surrender.

29:35

And it's fascinating because

29:37

there's something about

29:39

the expression

29:41

of that surrender

29:43

that creates this, like,

29:46

high feeling, almost

29:48

like being on psychedelic, almost like smoking

29:50

cannabis. It's like my

29:52

whole body just feels like I'm

29:54

floating on a cloud and

29:56

pain and pleasure more into

29:58

the same thing because they're happening simultaneously. And

30:01

there's this realization that

30:03

the there's a fine

30:05

line between the two of those.

30:08

and they've actually accessed pleasure

30:11

simply through the pain, you know,

30:13

vlogging, whatever it

30:15

might be. And

30:17

it just feels like it blurs all of these

30:19

lines where normally it's like

30:21

really black and white. Like paint

30:24

pleasure is this. And then all of a sudden, they're intersecting

30:27

and weaving and morphing with each

30:29

other. And there's like a big

30:31

liberation in that. And I feel

30:33

like, you know, that

30:35

practice that we do, which is incredibly

30:37

rapturous and exciting. And it also

30:39

creates a lot of novelty if you're in

30:41

a monogamous relationship. You

30:43

know? Like, we have we're

30:45

very, very devoted to

30:47

making our pleasure and

30:50

eros. and our, you

30:52

know, sexual connection, a

30:54

priority in our partnership. Mhmm. Like, we

30:56

have date nights as often

30:58

as we can in the

30:58

often enough.

30:59

Not often enough when we get you know, we're

31:01

so we're we're most

31:03

of the times, like, going

31:05

out of really work. our date nights more than anything.

31:07

No. It's like it's amazing in the

31:09

world.

31:09

We go at a fast pace though that sometimes

31:12

we just kind of fall off and then we both

31:14

feel it. It's like something in the relationship

31:16

feels like it's getting stagnant or like a

31:18

little bit robotic. and then

31:20

we have a date night and it

31:22

like reinvigorates our

31:24

partnership. And when you're, you

31:26

know, playing in in these kind

31:28

of power dynamic situations, it

31:30

feels like it's bringing a new sense of novelty

31:32

because it's always shifting, you

31:34

know, like, sometimes we do the same thing, but

31:37

it's also like, we're

31:39

we're creating some sense of

31:41

distance and newness and

31:42

When we're playing, we're stepping into

31:45

a character. Yeah. You know, I mean, you're stepping into a

31:47

submissive character. You're not submissive

31:49

in ordinary life, nor my dominant in

31:51

ordinary life. Yeah. But stepping into

31:53

that character, it's exaggeration of polarity

31:56

-- Mhmm. -- you know, to the extreme. You know, you

31:58

representing the feminine principle in

31:59

exaggeration -- Mhmm. -- me representing the

32:02

masculine principle in exaggeration and

32:04

not the shadow masculine, it has to be

32:06

both

32:06

the fullness of the divine

32:09

masculine that's deeply listening.

32:11

Listening at a level that,

32:14

you know,

32:14

calls forth my actual highest

32:17

affinity. So my experience in

32:19

in

32:19

the dominant role is

32:21

that because as the song says,

32:24

because of your submission, it's

32:26

calling forth my tenderness, but my

32:28

tenderness is dependent. upon

32:30

the deepest deepest listening

32:32

-- Mhmm. -- energetically listening

32:35

listening to cues, listening to

32:37

your sounds, listening to

32:40

every different aspect listening to my

32:42

own self, my own lust

32:44

and desires, and and paying attention

32:46

to such a degree.

32:48

that there's nothing that draws focus

32:51

more deeply. And I think

32:54

correlated with that are the brain wave states. What you

32:56

talked about is that sense of timeless which

32:58

is another word in the song.

33:00

Mhmm. Right? It's transient

33:02

hypofrontality. They've done studies,

33:04

and it's this moment where

33:06

actually the blood leaves the prefrontal

33:08

cortex, which is the part of you that focuses

33:10

and thinks about

33:12

reality. And for the

33:14

dom, you step into flow state,

33:16

which is a state where it's

33:19

super fluidity. just action

33:21

without thought. You're just in the zone.

33:23

And it's

33:23

also just like like for you

33:25

I would imagine too for both of us

33:27

there is an energetic conversation that's

33:30

happening that's beyond just, you

33:32

know, the physical elements of

33:34

whatever it is that we're doing. It's like

33:36

you're in such a deep sense of

33:38

listening, and I am

33:41

constantly feeling the sense that I

33:43

can trust whatever things are

33:45

going and surrender even more. How

33:47

much more can I surrender? How much more can I

33:49

surrender? Because I can feel your

33:51

deep listening and then it's just

33:53

this vortex and cycle of energy that just

33:55

feels like nothing else I've

33:57

ever experienced.

33:57

And with that framework, that's

33:59

the way to experience novelty at depth.

34:02

And that's one of the things that I described as the

34:04

difference between polyamory and

34:06

sacred union. Polyamory, you're looking

34:08

at novelty by

34:10

actually having novelty, new people.

34:12

Mhmm. That's novel. It really

34:14

is. However, the trick

34:16

of being in

34:18

union is finding

34:20

that similar experience of

34:22

novelty, but at depth.

34:24

And one of the ways to do that is to

34:28

exaggerate polarity so that the polarity actually brings you to

34:30

a state that you've never experienced and

34:32

neither of us have ever experienced.

34:34

A more

34:36

masculine poll than I've ever

34:38

reached -- Mhmm. -- and a more feminine poll than

34:40

you've ever reached. And then we

34:42

encounter each other at the same time.

34:44

So it's like we bring the stranger and Gaffney would

34:46

call like Gaffney calls us the

34:48

stranger back into the

34:50

relationship. The

34:52

novel the novelty of meeting each other for the first time.

34:54

And that is absolutely exhilarating

34:56

and electrifying. And that's why

35:00

I think It's one of the

35:02

technologies that allow

35:04

a monogamous or at least monogamous

35:07

container to really thrive

35:09

is some of these techniques that bring

35:11

in that sense of

35:14

electric wonder filled

35:16

novelty. Yeah.

35:18

And

35:18

I think it's, you know, I've been most of

35:21

I've been in, you know, I was kind

35:23

of like, serial relationship

35:26

type of person before you and most most

35:28

of those cycles were around like

35:31

two years. There were

35:33

a lot of elements were the reasons

35:35

why they ended. But it's just like, at some point,

35:37

you know, what initially drew

35:39

you together, the novelty,

35:41

the excitement, the craving the,

35:44

you know, feeling like you don't really know

35:46

and then the sex that can feel

35:48

really, like, you know,

35:50

exhilarating in the beginning.

35:52

It's like,

35:53

all of those

35:54

kinda textures start to

35:57

fade a little bit. And

35:59

in our relationship, you know, as

36:01

I said before, like we're always creating

36:03

that new novelty. So it feels like we're

36:06

constantly meeting,

36:08

like, our partner,

36:10

but it in like a new expression --

36:12

Mhmm. -- you know, because we're always evolving and

36:14

we're always changing and we're and we're always

36:17

devoting ourselves to having

36:21

our pleasure and arrows be,

36:23

you know, the

36:23

highest priority of our

36:26

relationship. Yeah.

36:26

And, you know,

36:28

in in that, it's like like it

36:31

we tend to actually

36:34

have more, like, struggler

36:36

conflict when we're not

36:38

doing when we're not, you know,

36:40

keeping up with -- For sure.

36:41

-- being in arrows as much.

36:43

for sure. You know? And power exchange is not

36:45

the only way to do it. I I think

36:47

we had one of the most

36:50

particularly strong and

36:52

powerful experiences when we

36:54

actually, again, you know, and on a lot

36:56

of this stuff to give so much credit to, you

36:58

know, to Gaffney for his work, but what he

37:00

would call a version of

37:02

sexual theater. in which I put on the role of

37:04

this wild eccentric,

37:06

erotic mystic. And I,

37:09

like, really step into the role

37:11

you a part of this mystic's

37:14

private collection of films,

37:16

you know, and that was like that he was

37:20

creating his this wild erotic mystic reclusive

37:22

artist, you know, and I, like,

37:24

stepped in all the way and you stepped in

37:26

all the

37:28

way. And in that, I was able to embody a character

37:30

that was, like, so

37:33

erotically entrenched with

37:36

every kiss, every smell, every

37:38

breath of of that I

37:40

was experiencing with you. Mhmm. And then

37:43

that just brought you alive

37:46

to a whole other level. Yeah. And so there's so many of these

37:48

kind of technologies that they

37:50

only really work if you go all the

37:52

way. If you're kind of like,

37:54

If you break the spell and you're like, and you step in your role or you

37:57

laugh, you can always laugh. But if

37:59

if you really try to

38:02

step into the role fully. Mhmm. That's where it's magical.

38:04

Just like burning man. Like, you gotta

38:06

step into the consciousness of wow.

38:09

to understand how wow burning man

38:11

actually is. And you gotta step

38:13

into this, step into the consciousness of what

38:15

you're actually embodying to make

38:17

these dynamics really work.

38:20

Mhmm. That's

38:22

in that so that's to say

38:24

that there's many there's many different

38:26

pathways -- Mhmm. -- that

38:28

that can actually access these

38:30

different aspects because we're such

38:33

we're a hyper object were so many different

38:35

things. And

38:35

it's also just like, it's there's a fluidity to

38:37

it too with us. Like, there's sometimes

38:40

when I

38:42

feel credibly sensitive and the idea of any

38:44

kind of power dynamic is like so

38:46

not where my energy is at for whatever

38:50

reason. And So then we get to

38:52

explore different aspects of more of,

38:54

like, essential nature of our

38:56

sexuality or, you know, it's it's

38:57

Or sometimes where you wanna be

38:59

in a bit more of like a dominant, you're

39:02

like

39:02

kind of like the teasing

39:05

cortisol who's like No. You just lay on your back,

39:07

and you listen and you listen to me, you know. I'm like,

39:09

I and that's fun. mildly

39:12

dominance. Oh, yeah.

39:13

Oven isn't really my gate.

39:16

Yeah.

39:16

This is about this is about as far as I go with that.

39:18

But nonetheless, it like it that opens

39:20

up a new vector -- Mhmm. --

39:22

as well. And and and this is

39:26

the you know, this is the technique. And I think a lot of people can

39:28

see that, I mean, typically,

39:30

this this period of limerence,

39:34

we'd be you know, kind of in the aggregate of

39:36

running out of the the limits, which is the

39:38

honeymoon phase, that initial part where everything

39:40

is electric and exciting,

39:43

but we're not. you know, we're

39:45

just as wild and crazy about each other as we ever

39:48

have been, in fact, more so.

39:50

Mhmm. You know, and of course, there's

39:52

periods where

39:54

it's you know, peaks and then And and it's not it's it's more

39:56

of like a sine wave than it is like

39:58

this consistent, of course,

39:59

where human beings,

40:02

we get stressed. We get busy. We

40:04

get tired. We get distracted. Mhmm. But, like, every peak seems

40:06

to be an even higher peak

40:10

You know, and that's like I mean, I I

40:12

we just got back from Green Bay, and I remember, like,

40:14

in one of those days in Green Bay, I was, like,

40:17

fucking maxed out. just absolutely maxed out. Happy Doug and

40:19

following me around. Yeah.

40:20

I'm so obsessed with

40:21

you today. Yeah. Exactly.

40:24

Yeah. Sweet.

40:26

And that's the and that's the that's the possibility. That's

40:29

the that's the good news

40:31

about this situation. That

40:34

breaks this cultural

40:35

double bind, then people say, like, well,

40:37

you're either single, and then you

40:39

have excitement and passion, or

40:42

you're polyamorous, and you

40:44

have some excitement and passion, but deep challenge and pain. And

40:46

most men who I talk to are like, that

40:48

sounds interesting. And I'm like, yeah. But think about

40:50

loving your

40:52

sweetheart. so

40:52

much and then knowing that she's getting

40:54

fucked in the ass by somebody tonight.

40:56

And they're like, yeah. Never mind. Fuck

40:58

that. You know, like, just kidding. That

41:02

sounds horrible. You know? I'm like, yep.

41:04

Yep. Nailed it. Yeah. You know what I mean?

41:06

Like, that's it's like so

41:08

you can you have that kind of

41:10

dynamic or then you have a and

41:12

then there's boring old monogamy.

41:14

Mhmm. And it's like nope

41:16

doesn't have to be. And also,

41:18

also as

41:19

Tammy Nelson famously said, there is a

41:22

monogamy continuum. Like, monogamy

41:24

isn't one thing. It's also can

41:26

be a kind of a you know,

41:28

kind of a softer boundary edge to

41:31

that and that's something that we've also

41:33

explored and it's been extremely

41:35

fruitful and also very

41:38

surprising -- Mhmm. -- given the

41:40

background of how many men have

41:42

cheated on you. Yeah. And how much

41:44

jealousy

41:45

has been apart of

41:46

your life and your ability to step in. So so

41:49

talk about that a little bit as well

41:51

because that's been a deep deep

41:54

journey that we've only alluded to, but -- Yeah. -- bucket. We're coming out

41:56

without a big deal. Yeah. Coming

41:58

come out

41:59

out. So Yeah.

42:01

So, essentially, what he's

42:04

describing is just, you

42:06

know, inviting other

42:08

women into our container at

42:12

times. And it's been

42:15

so liberating for me

42:17

because I have been so contracted

42:20

in, like, jealousy and competition,

42:22

you know, because as you said, I've been

42:24

in so many pretty much all of my relationships.

42:26

There was some sense of betrayal

42:29

or cheating. So I've always looked at other

42:31

women as threats. You know, like,

42:33

don't get to don't do

42:35

close, don't get comfortable because then I'm like hyper

42:38

vigilant and on edge. And, you know, I

42:40

was really blessed last year to go through

42:42

a really big death

42:44

rebirth process. around all of this and my mistrust with the

42:46

masculine and the feminine.

42:48

And, you know, in in

42:50

actually a very

42:52

sacred context, you know,

42:54

we engaged in a very,

42:56

like, very deep and

42:58

spiritual experience with a sister of

43:00

ours, and it's

43:02

funny because I'm wildly

43:05

excited by seeing you

43:07

be in your pleasure

43:10

even if it's not

43:12

with me. And it's like there's

43:14

there's something beautiful

43:17

about intimacy with

43:20

the feminine. that's just

43:22

different. You know? I I won't

43:24

ever have a moment

43:26

expressing, you know, my sexuality with you than I

43:28

will when there's like the softness and the

43:30

tenderness of of being with the

43:32

feminine and it's just like, it's so

43:34

beautiful to just love the goddess.

43:37

Like, I really understand I

43:39

get it why men are just, like, crazy about women and

43:41

just have this, like, lust

43:43

and desire to

43:46

just, like, penetrate the feminine, to penetrate the world. It's like, of

43:48

course, it's the goddess.

43:50

It's the goddess embodied, and it's something

43:52

that is

43:54

just like, passionate and

43:56

beautiful and tender and, you

43:58

know, in in those dynamics as well as

44:00

I said, like, I'm super cited

44:03

even if I'm, like, not involved at all and I'm just kind of, like, a

44:05

voyeur in some sense. Well, you're never not

44:07

involved at all.

44:07

Well, just, like, not

44:08

involved in the action. Yeah. and

44:12

just being a voyeur of it is really exciting

44:14

for me. There's something about,

44:16

you know, again, the the

44:18

the song expressing, like, I

44:21

feel so safe. I know at the end of any experience like

44:23

that it's me and you. And something

44:25

about us experiencing

44:28

that together is so

44:30

beautiful. And I don't think that that's something you know,

44:32

it's like I think people think of like

44:34

monocoming or polyamory or

44:36

swinging, which is another thing, you know, we haven't

44:38

experienced, but it's just like, what

44:40

about experiencing something in

44:42

your union together? And the funny

44:44

thing about it is

44:46

all of the sacred union

44:48

couples that I've really seen

44:50

it, you know, be as close to

44:52

us as possible. It's almost

44:54

like there's that code within their

44:56

relationship where the woman

44:58

is like, you know, somewhat bisexual. Mhmm.

45:00

And Benjamin

45:00

Benjamin and Andrea who have opened

45:02

and talked about this in their book -- Yeah.

45:04

-- this was one of the models of

45:08

this type of sacred union, and it's been

45:09

a part of part of their codes as well. And

45:11

I think it's helpful to have

45:14

these models to say like, no. No. This

45:16

is this

45:18

is okay. Yeah.

45:18

And it's and it's working for us. You know? There hasn't

45:20

been there actually hasn't been

45:22

any moment of contraction or

45:25

conflict or, like,

45:26

In fact, all the moments of contraction and conflict before

45:29

we

45:29

actually crossed that threshold. Mhmm. Oh,

45:32

yeah.

45:32

Before I went through

45:34

Right. Yeah. My big deck. Before, it was all there

45:35

was a lot of fear. It was getting really

45:38

amplified. Yeah. Yeah. And then you cross the

45:40

threshold and you're like, actually,

45:42

there's nothing fear and actually

45:44

just bring it it brings us closer. Yeah.

45:46

My admiration for you, my

45:48

appreciation for you, my, you know,

45:50

my rapturous desire for you actually

45:52

just increases.

45:53

And I also think there's like there's

45:55

something there's a gift in

45:57

it also, you know, and this might

45:59

be hard for some some women to

46:02

but I'm just speaking from my

46:04

own experience, but I do think that there's an element of a code

46:06

in having that type

46:10

of container where

46:12

for you, you get

46:14

to experience the fullness of your

46:17

fuck, your lust, your, you know,

46:19

desire to love the

46:21

goddess. without being

46:24

ashamed. Right. Because there's so

46:26

much like -- Yeah. -- you're

46:27

either you're either a good

46:29

man or you're you're a dog.

46:31

Or you're just a yeah. Exactly. And I think it's, you know,

46:33

it's very nuanced. And I

46:35

don't see, you

46:38

know, a tremendous amount of men in the world that I've met, you

46:40

know, expressing in the way that you do with so

46:42

much integrity but it's been

46:44

a gift for me to

46:47

be able to feel so liberated and comfortable to,

46:49

you know, I don't wanna say allow

46:50

because that that sounds

46:51

like I'm, you know, dictating, but to

46:54

just, like

46:55

For civil facilitate

46:56

or create that kind of container where you

46:59

can fully express your sexuality

47:01

without shame and I'm

47:04

I'm excited by it and I love it because it's like

47:06

this, the word term you always like to

47:09

use compersion. It's like I'm

47:12

actually connecting to your

47:14

pleasure, your excitement, like,

47:16

I'm on the inside of your

47:18

experience. And something about that is just like,

47:20

oh my god. Like, I love this. I

47:22

love being able to give that gift to you.

47:24

And, simultaneously, it's very

47:26

pleasurable

47:26

for me. Yeah. It's

47:29

you know,

47:29

and and also just so people

47:31

are aware, like because of

47:33

my baptism through the fire

47:35

of polyamory, I mean, I was accused

47:37

of having a tuck fantasy where I, like, got off by

47:39

the idea of another man sleeping with my sweetheart.

47:42

I never did -- Mhmm. -- and all power to

47:44

people who have that fantasy. I

47:46

just don't But

47:48

nonetheless, of all of the challenging experiences

47:50

I ever experienced, the

47:53

challenging experiences were not when

47:55

in in the few occasions where there was

47:57

another man actually present in the sexting --

48:00

Mhmm.

48:00

-- with my partner. That wasn't

48:03

actually the hearts stuff.

48:05

The hard stuff was when I was

48:07

away from it and I was imagining it

48:09

and not a part of it and wondering what

48:11

was actually happening and and how the

48:14

cuddle, how how she was lying on

48:16

his chest when they were done and and what

48:18

they're like, that was, like, the really

48:20

hard part. Mhmm. And so

48:22

in this, as well as just my own sense of reciprocity

48:24

and fairness. I've always offered, like, yeah, I

48:26

mean, if there's a man that you feel

48:28

that with, You know,

48:30

also,

48:30

I'm fully open

48:31

to facilitating that

48:34

for

48:34

you now. Yeah.

48:36

I'm actually quite happy that you've

48:38

that you're not desiring. He's he's to everyone listening.

48:40

Like, he's encouraged that.

48:44

for there to be reciprocity so many times.

48:46

Like, we we have these really,

48:48

like, brave honest conversations about

48:51

all possibility and it's your strongest

48:54

desire for there to be absolute

48:56

reciprocity for me. It's

48:58

not something that you know, in

49:00

my body feels like in ex

49:02

like, excitement for me. And I've

49:04

also had to No. I'm

49:05

secretly, like, Napoleon Dan. Like,

49:07

I've

49:07

also had to -- Yes. -- I've also had

49:09

to unravel I think there's an element to just

49:11

of discernment that, like, I

49:14

think as a woman,

49:16

when you're welcoming and allowing somebody to enter

49:18

your body and your energy

49:20

field. You know, there's

49:22

an exchange there's

49:24

an exchange that's happening, and I've had to do a lot to unravel a

49:27

lot of distorted energy

49:29

based on my past.

49:32

So, like, unless there

49:34

is a certain level of

49:36

integrity and trust and

49:38

safety and all those things that

49:40

are mirroring what you are

49:42

to me, I don't have the natural excitement

49:44

around really wanting to go there

49:46

now. Right. You know, I don't know that I ever

49:48

will, maybe at some point, but

49:50

it's just it's not there for

49:52

me now. Yeah. And I've been and I've really

49:54

checked in, you know, like, I've I've had

49:56

ceremonies where I'm like, okay,

49:58

body, like, peers this scenario, what does this feel in

50:00

my body? Do I feel like with with the

50:02

person that I know, you know, how does it feel

50:04

if this were to happen? It's

50:06

kinda like it could be cool,

50:08

but it's like not like -- Mhmm. -- oh my

50:10

god. I want this. If it's something

50:12

random, you know, how does that feel? And

50:14

it's like, it could be cool, but I'm not super

50:16

excited by it. But something

50:18

about, like, loving the goddess as

50:20

part of my my

50:22

my full expression of my sexuality

50:24

that I'm claiming. And that

50:27

feels really exciting for me

50:29

now, but yeah,

50:30

we'll see. It's I

50:33

think one of the moves that's been made in

50:35

kind of this post modern or woke modern

50:37

kind of idea is

50:40

that men and

50:42

women, feminine and masculine, is actually the

50:44

same thing, and sexing is actually the same for

50:46

both people. And I think there's a real liberating aspect

50:49

of that of bringing in you

50:51

know, equality,

50:51

egalitarianism in the expression

50:54

and and claiming of

50:56

your desire and your

50:58

sexual experience. However,

51:00

I think there is also

51:02

a truth of biological

51:04

and plural difference -- Mhmm.

51:07

-- in that actually,

51:08

literally, you are as

51:10

a woman allowing a

51:13

part of another

51:16

person's body and the

51:18

extension of the energy of that

51:20

person's body actually into your

51:22

shocker body. Mhmm. Like and

51:24

that's a different thing --

51:26

Mhmm. -- than actually as the

51:28

man who's penetrating to

51:30

receive the penetration is

51:32

fundamentally energetically. It's a

51:34

different thing. Yeah. And it has it doesn't

51:36

mean that any actions have to

51:38

be different because of that. But I think

51:42

there's a celebration of our both biological

51:44

and energetic difference that's involved in

51:46

the act, which actually makes it

51:49

beautiful. Mhmm. But try to make

51:52

everybody the same. Yeah. And and

51:54

also it goes along with calling mothers

51:56

birthing persons or something like that.

51:58

Like, I I get it. You know,

52:00

someone can embody mother energy as a man, but nonetheless,

52:02

like, a mother that

52:06

actually births is there's only one there's only one, you

52:08

know, being that births. Mhmm. And that's a

52:10

biological woman. Mhmm. You know,

52:12

and that's

52:14

So while I understand and appreciate so much of the

52:16

impetus behind all of these

52:18

cultural ideas and I think that's sometimes missed

52:20

even in this birthing person argument,

52:23

like -- Mhmm. -- if you're a homosexual couple and one partner

52:25

is embodying -- If feminine. --

52:27

the feminine principle and

52:29

being the mother, they're

52:32

they're representing the mother. They're representing the

52:34

great mother, and I think that's important.

52:37

Mhmm. However,

52:38

birthing person Well,

52:40

no. There's only one there's only one type

52:43

of biological sex that

52:45

can actually birth. Mhmm. a

52:47

person. And actually fix

52:48

physically has a womb in the country.

52:50

Physically

52:50

has a womb. Physically

52:52

can actually so it's a

52:55

it's a celebration of of a lot

52:57

of these ideas in in this kind of

52:59

post modern approach, but also

53:01

a kind of

53:03

transcendence of that in the

53:05

post post modern where

53:06

you say yes, I appreciate

53:10

that. However, let's go back and reclaim and include

53:12

all of the pre

53:14

modern understandings of, yeah, there's

53:16

some there's some fundamental

53:18

differences. Mhmm. Yeah.

53:19

I agree. And that's

53:20

I think that's, you

53:21

know, Vivala different. You know, it's,

53:23

like, it's, like, celebrate everybody's

53:26

uniqueness. And that's,

53:26

like, that's also that's also you

53:30

know, a

53:30

strong part of my

53:32

intention for this song is,

53:35

I'm claiming this

53:38

for myself. and no one else gets to dictate, you

53:40

know, my sexuality, but

53:42

me. You know, it's it's it's

53:44

the reclaiming of authority, and

53:46

and that's the reason for

53:48

part of the lyrics of, you know,

53:50

total permission. Like, I

53:52

am welcoming you of

53:54

of my sound authority into

53:57

my energy body to to meet God, to

53:59

feel rapture, to feel

54:01

connection, to feel

54:04

that collapse of, you know, separateness.

54:06

But I think that's, you know, that goes from

54:08

men and for women. Indeed.

54:11

Mhmm. I'm

54:13

wildly intoxicated by you. I love you,

54:15

madly. Thank you. And I'm so, you

54:17

know, so thrilled for this whole

54:19

album and and this

54:22

song is fucking banger. It's a banger.

54:23

Yeah. I mean, my my hope to be

54:25

totally truthful is like just

54:28

hearing it. I'm like, people are gonna

54:30

have sex to

54:31

myself. And I like it.

54:34

Yeah. For sure. I like

54:35

it. I like being a

54:38

part of

54:40

reinvigorating that code. Indeed.

54:43

indeed People

54:44

can see this

54:46

on YouTube. Are you gonna release it?

54:49

individually on YouTube, we can wait for the full album.

54:51

Yeah.

54:51

So this particular single so

54:54

my my single that I released last

54:56

month, I

54:58

released it with a music video that you can see on

55:00

YouTube, you know, YouTube slash bylana. I

55:02

also have my website bylana dot com

55:04

that has all the content around

55:07

you know, this whole album, which is

55:09

called goddess Rise, out of exile

55:11

is releasing today as this

55:13

will be released.

55:16

on Spotify in all music platforms. And I'm actually

55:18

going to keep this

55:21

music video be

55:24

part of the entire visual album because there will be an

55:27

entire five song

55:29

EP that's gonna release in

55:31

November, likely gonna be on November fourth,

55:34

and it'll have an

55:36

entire visual album that tells the

55:38

story. And as I said

55:40

before, like this entire piece

55:42

of art and creation

55:44

is my autobiography and the

55:47

medicine that I to offer in the greatest way that I

55:49

can through my voice, through all the love, and

55:51

the energy, and the hardship, and the

55:54

challenge, and the darkness, and the

55:56

reclamation, everything. that I've been through in my

55:58

life is in this music.

56:00

And, you know, so

56:02

far, the feedback just with Phoenix and

56:04

people really feeling it has been

56:06

so overwhelmingly positive

56:08

and thank you so much to everyone who,

56:10

you know, has just brought this into their

56:12

life and and allowed that to just

56:14

really expand them. And, yeah, I've

56:16

I've I've never done something greater and

56:18

and I'm just so grateful to share

56:21

this message through my voice.

56:23

indeed. That was kind of a

56:25

funny story about the filming of this

56:27

particular song because the idea was

56:29

that I was going to be

56:31

involved in this song as well,

56:34

and we were gonna try to artistically embody what this

56:35

kind of erotic

56:38

polarity union

56:40

that,

56:40

you know, what that actually looks like. But Not

56:43

porn. But Yeah. That's it. Argentina.

56:44

Imagine, like, the three

56:46

hundred scene

56:49

about The three hundred scene with with

56:51

what's

56:51

Lillianitis. Lillianitis. Yeah.

56:55

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

56:58

Yeah. But what

56:58

ended up happening is I was really sick. It turned out I had COVID, but we didn't

57:00

know I had COVID yet. I was just really sick. Yeah. That's

57:02

a and we had No. I already

57:05

I

57:05

already had it. completely

57:08

healed from it was out of my

57:10

window of being able to spread

57:12

it. You were just like chime in

57:14

through, healthy as an

57:16

ox, just great. And then a few days before we were

57:18

supposed to film everything already

57:20

set up, lighting, you

57:22

know, everything paid for it,

57:24

set up, and he's sick.

57:26

And so we had

57:28

to pivot to you

57:30

highly encourage me to do it myself. And

57:32

I'm like, I'm not doing this without you.

57:34

Like, this That just sounds ridiculous. What am

57:37

I gonna look like? I'm getting, you know And

57:39

I

57:39

and that's a period of the you live.

57:41

I I That's what I told you. I was not down

57:43

to that. Gotta look like you're getting fucked by

57:46

God. Yeah. And I By the holy

57:48

ghost.

57:48

I was so so

57:49

upset and like many other moments

57:52

of this album was

57:54

just pure initiation.

57:56

It's like colley's medicine.

57:58

It's like the destruction of,

57:59

you know,

58:01

what brought things into alignment for how

58:03

it was actually supposed to happen. It was

58:05

so perfect because I just went in there and I

58:07

just attempted to do it and to just see what happened since

58:10

everything was all set up already and it turned

58:12

out to

58:14

be visually absolutely

58:16

stunning. And so many magical things happened

58:19

on that set. And, you

58:22

know, I

58:24

it's it's just me and I got body painted by a dear

58:26

sister Karen Chroma who

58:30

really, like, ugh, really, really brought it home

58:32

and it's just you know,

58:34

me expressing what the song means

58:36

through my body, through my

58:38

through my emotion, through my eyes, you

58:40

know, through everything. And so it

58:42

will be it will be a

58:44

woven part of a full visual album,

58:46

and it's gonna be really

58:48

spectacular. Beautiful. And

58:48

that drops in November. It

58:51

drops in November. Mhmm. Yeah.

58:52

By Lana, I love you so much.

58:53

Hey, Lana. You so much. Thank you. And we love

58:55

you guys. Thanks for tuning in to this

58:57

bonus episode. See you

59:00

next week. Thanks for tuning

59:01

into the show, everybody.

59:02

As we mentioned, out of

59:04

exile is available on spotify

59:08

and all music platforms

59:10

everywhere. Give it a listen. I'm

59:12

sure you'll love it. And then her

59:14

full album drops again

59:16

in November. And also,

59:18

please follow vylana at VYLANA

59:21

on Instagram and other platforms.

59:24

I love her. You're gonna love her too.

59:27

Alright. Bye everybody.