0:09

Welcome to the Stepping Into Meaningful Relationships

0:11

podcast . I'm your host , carissa

0:14

Stepp . I'm a relationship and

0:16

human design coach , and this podcast

0:18

is designed to help you create a stronger

0:20

connection to yourself so you can

0:22

transform the relationships around you

0:25

, whether that be with your partner , a friend , a

0:27

parent , a child or your business . We

0:30

will be looking at relationships through the lens of

0:32

human design , and my guests and I

0:34

will bring you the tools , tips and tricks

0:36

to create deeply meaningful connections with

0:38

others . But first let's

0:40

start with you . The most important

0:42

relationship you have is the one with yourself . Thank

0:45

you for tuning in . Now let's get to today's

0:47

episode . Hey

0:51

, hey , everyone . Welcome to this bonus

0:53

episode that I am dropping this

0:55

week on the heels of our episode

0:58

number 37 earlier this week

1:00

on People Pleasing . The reason

1:02

why I'm dropping this bonus episode is because

1:05

I had this big aha

1:07

moment and realization very

1:10

recently that , although

1:13

I identify as

1:15

a recovering people pleaser and

1:18

I thought that in my unhealthy

1:20

relationships I had done a really good job

1:22

of disengaging

1:24

from people pleasing behaviors with these

1:26

unhealthy or toxic people in my life

1:29

, I recognized that

1:31

my people pleasing

1:33

tendencies were still actually

1:36

showing up in those relationships , but in

1:38

a way that wasn't so obvious

1:40

, and so what I want

1:42

to do is I'd love to share this

1:44

awareness with you , because I think

1:46

that a lot of us think of people

1:49

pleasing as behaviors that

1:51

we do in an active

1:53

way in our day to day life , where

1:55

we are saying yes when we really

1:57

want to say no , or where

1:59

maybe we're being overly

2:02

kind and nice as

2:04

opposed to actually sharing how we truly feel

2:06

, meaning that someone will ask us how

2:08

we're doing , and so , as a way to

2:11

just kind of people , please we might just

2:13

be like , oh , I'm fine , everything's good , instead

2:15

of actually sharing and giving someone else the opportunity

2:18

to hear about , maybe , what we are

2:20

struggling with and allowing

2:22

for the opportunity to establish

2:24

a deeper connection with that person

2:26

by asking for the support maybe

2:28

that we need in whatever

2:31

we're enduring at that time that we need

2:33

support with . And so

2:35

, of course , you're not going to do that with everybody

2:37

, right ? You have to make sure that you are opening

2:40

up to the right people in your life , and

2:42

we're going to talk a little bit about discerning

2:44

the difference and how to place boundaries around

2:46

who is a safe person

2:48

or who is someone that you should

2:50

have in your inner circle versus your middle

2:52

or outer circle . But let

2:55

me go back for one second and just

2:57

get back to the key awareness

2:59

that I had very recently . So

3:02

, with these unhealthy relationships

3:04

right , these people in my life that are unsafe

3:06

what I

3:09

have been doing is holding

3:11

myself back from sharing

3:13

my story and my experiences

3:15

in these toxic relationships

3:18

out of what

3:20

I thought was respect

3:22

for these people that are still

3:25

in my life because they have

3:27

to be , and I

3:29

thought that I was doing it out of concern

3:31

for not

3:33

wanting to insult them

3:36

or call them out or make

3:38

it look like I was pointing a finger . But

3:42

here's the thing what I was

3:44

really doing was I was protecting myself

3:46

from the backlash

3:49

of what would happen

3:51

if I were to start sharing my story

3:53

. Right , so I was protecting myself from the consequences

3:56

as opposed to protecting

3:58

them . So

4:00

does that make sense ? Like there's a paradox there

4:02

? Right , so I was behaving in a way where I was

4:05

keeping myself small . I was holding myself back

4:07

from sharing my story , sharing my experiences

4:09

, so that you listeners

4:12

you know people there on the other side of the mic could

4:16

feel like you could relate to me . Right

4:18

, so I was preventing

4:20

any sort of chance I had

4:22

at relatability with

4:25

you , my listeners or my audience

4:27

, because I thought it was important

4:30

to protect them . But

4:33

really what I was doing was essentially

4:35

protecting myself and

4:37

I didn't recognize that . And

4:40

when we engage in behaviors that

4:42

are people pleasing

4:44

, what we're really doing is what might look

4:47

like from the outside , that we're doing

4:49

something good or something nice

4:51

for somebody else right when we are

4:53

maybe sacrificing ourselves or compromising

4:56

ourselves in some way to help

4:58

someone else out or to be there for them or to

5:00

serve their needs ahead of our own . It looks

5:02

very admirable , it looks very

5:04

altruistic . However

5:07

, really what's

5:09

happening is we

5:11

are actually engaging

5:14

in people pleasing behaviors as a way

5:16

to keep ourselves safe , to

5:19

protect ourselves from some

5:21

kind of pain or discomfort . So

5:24

you know I've talked about this before

5:27

on other podcasts

5:29

where people pleasing is actually

5:31

a form of subtle manipulation

5:33

, because we will serve

5:36

others' needs in an attempt to

5:38

get our own needs met , and

5:41

sometimes it's our need for safety and our

5:43

need for protection . So in those

5:45

relationships with people that you

5:48

have identified as unsafe , you might still

5:51

be subconsciously engaging

5:53

in behaviors and patterns

5:56

that are coping mechanisms

5:58

and are ways for you

6:00

to stay safe , without you

6:02

realizing it . And so in

6:05

a lot of the work that I do . I

6:07

talk a lot about your protector

6:09

parts . Right , this is part of IFS

6:12

, or internal family systems . This

6:14

is something that is used a lot

6:16

by IFS

6:18

therapists , and

6:20

so people pleasing is actually

6:23

a protector part of us . So

6:25

when we feel triggered or when we

6:27

feel , like I said , unsafe or uncomfortable

6:30

or we're worried about the

6:32

consequences of our actions

6:35

right or consequences of speaking

6:37

our truth , the consequences

6:39

of saying how we really feel or

6:41

what we believe , or

6:43

sharing our opinion , even If we're worried about

6:45

what the consequence might be of doing

6:47

that , we're going

6:50

to compromise our authenticity

6:52

and instead avoid speaking

6:55

our truth as a way to stay safe . So

6:57

we don't have to deal with the outrage

7:00

, to deal with the emotional blow up

7:02

that's going to happen , to deal with the conflict

7:04

and the confrontation that might arise

7:06

if we were to do that , because we learned

7:09

at some point in our life , most

7:11

likely in childhood , that

7:13

it wasn't okay to use our

7:15

voice , that it wasn't okay

7:17

to speak our truth , that

7:20

it wasn't okay to share how

7:22

we really felt about something , or

7:24

that it wasn't okay to share an experience that

7:26

we had that was adverse , because

7:28

the people in our life that we

7:30

cared about might feel

7:33

as if we are blaming

7:35

them for something or that

7:37

it might say something negative about them

7:39

. And if we're dealing with people who are unhealthy

7:42

, who are deeply insecure and

7:44

deeply wounded , they are not going

7:46

to tolerate that . They are going to

7:49

fight against it . They are going to make

7:51

you feel bad for it , they are going to

7:53

judge you and criticize you and

7:55

belittle you and demean you or gaslight

7:58

you to make themselves look better , to make

8:00

themselves feel better . And the thing

8:02

is , is that something that I have recognized

8:04

in my healing journey and

8:06

it took me a while to get here is

8:09

that these

8:11

unhealthy people are unhealthy because

8:13

they are so deeply wounded , they

8:16

are so deeply insecure , and

8:18

so when they act in these unhealthy

8:20

and toxic ways , their

8:23

patterns of behavior are also

8:25

subconscious and they

8:27

don't recognize that they are actually inflicting

8:29

pain upon the people around

8:32

them , as opposed to the people-pleaser , who

8:34

only inflicts more pain upon themselves

8:36

by self-abandoning , by self-sacrificing

8:39

, by keeping themselves small

8:41

, by not connecting to their

8:43

truth right To allowing themselves

8:45

to speak their truth , to share

8:48

their stories , to share how they feel

8:50

. Now I just want to make a quick distinction , because

8:52

if the toxic and unhealthy person that you're

8:54

dealing with is a malignant

8:56

narcissist and I don't like

8:59

using labels , but I have to in this case then

9:02

their behaviors are not

9:04

entirely subconscious

9:06

. They are much more calculated

9:09

, they are much more cunning and

9:11

aware of what they're doing

9:13

and the pain that they are inflicting , and

9:15

they are consciously choosing

9:17

how to behave and they don't care

9:20

if they're hurting you or not . So

9:22

that's something to be aware of , because not

9:24

all unhealthy or toxic people are

9:26

falling back on subconscious programming

9:29

and how they're behaving . Some

9:31

people , like malignant narcissists , are actually

9:33

consciously choosing to inflict pain

9:35

and hurt on other people . So that's important

9:37

to note . So now , how do we stop

9:39

engaging in these behaviors and tendencies

9:42

that we have adapted to keep us safe ? That

9:44

may not be healthy for us . Well , the first

9:46

step is learning how to identify those

9:48

triggers . We need to understand what

9:50

it feels like in our body when

9:53

we are triggered , because that's going to give

9:55

us our first clue that something's

9:57

off . And if

9:59

something's off and we're not feeling safe

10:01

because that's what happens when we're triggered , right , we don't

10:04

feel safe to some degree . That's what's being

10:06

triggered , like this fear that maybe

10:08

you're not enough , this fear that you're

10:10

not important , this fear that you're not lovable

10:12

, this fear that you might be rejected , this

10:15

fear that you don't belong , this fear that

10:18

somebody doesn't like you right Meaning

10:20

that you're not lovable or you're not likable and

10:22

so it really all boils down to some

10:24

underlying fear , and

10:27

it's that fear that then sponsors

10:30

the protector part to come

10:32

out and start doing its job

10:34

of trying to protect you . And that

10:36

can look like many different things . It

10:38

can look like this people pleasing part

10:41

. It can look like a perfectionism part

10:43

. It can look like an anxiety part

10:45

. It can look like someone who needs

10:47

to plan and control everything

10:49

and know what the schedule is

10:51

and what to expect next , because there's

10:53

a fear of uncertainty , the fear

10:55

of the unknown . It can be

10:58

a defended part

11:00

coming up right , a defensive part , where you

11:02

just find yourself reacting and

11:04

defending yourself as opposed to

11:07

taking a breath after you're feeling triggered

11:09

, observing and noticing what's coming up

11:11

within your body . Right

11:13

, what you're feeling , so you can

11:15

begin to get curious about it and become

11:17

aware of which

11:20

part wants to show up and how you can

11:22

disrupt that pattern after

11:25

using some grounding techniques , so

11:28

that you can show up and respond

11:31

differently . It's

11:34

an empowering process because

11:37

you stop responding

11:39

from an emotional state right , your

11:41

limbic brain and

11:43

you start responding instead

11:45

from this calm

11:48

, grounded , present place

11:50

. You can respond from your prefrontal

11:53

cortex , which is

11:55

the part of the brain that controls reason

11:57

and logic and is rational

11:59

, and when we do that , we

12:01

can actually have a big impact

12:04

on how we

12:06

interact and relate

12:08

to other people , because

12:10

when we show up operating

12:13

from our prefrontal cortex instead of our emotional

12:16

brain or limbic brain , it

12:18

changes how the other person's

12:21

going to respond to you too . We

12:24

co-regulate each other's nervous systems

12:26

. This is what a mother does with their child

12:28

. They co-regulate their children's

12:31

nervous systems . But so many

12:33

of us grew up with parents

12:35

or caregivers who

12:37

were often very dysregulated

12:40

, and so we never learned how to regulate

12:42

our own nervous system . So we come up with these

12:44

coping strategies and tools and techniques

12:47

in order to do that , and

12:49

sometimes that can be in unhealthy ways . It

12:52

can be by numbing

12:54

ourselves out with overeating

12:57

, with alcohol , with drugs , with

13:00

over shopping . It can look like over

13:02

exercising . It can look like OCD

13:05

. It can look like trying to control

13:08

every little thing that we can , because

13:10

it's the only way we can try to feel safe

13:13

is by controlling our external world , because

13:15

we can't control the internal world of

13:17

what's going on inside of us , that fear , that

13:20

anxiety of not knowing what

13:22

to expect and not knowing what's next

13:24

. So my point in sharing all of this

13:26

is that I have

13:28

shifted into closer alignment

13:30

with my truth , and so what you're

13:33

going to begin to hear more and more on this podcast

13:35

is me sharing more and more of my stories

13:37

, of my experiences

13:39

and how I've worked

13:41

through a lot of this stuff . So

13:45

I'm thinking that potentially , an

13:47

episode that I might want to do is

13:49

how to set boundaries in

13:51

your unhealthy relationships

13:54

so

13:56

that you can continue

13:59

to stay safe even when

14:01

the other person is unsafe , if

14:03

that makes sense . A lot of times , women

14:06

will come to me , whether they're clients

14:08

or just friends or acquaintances , and

14:10

they'll say things like well

14:12

, I can't end this relationship

14:15

, I can't just go . No contact , which

14:17

is oftentimes the advice

14:19

that is given when you

14:22

admit that you're in a toxic relationship

14:24

. If you were to find out , for example , that a friend

14:26

of yours was in an abusive

14:28

relationship , what would be your first

14:31

piece of advice to them ? You'd probably

14:33

say you have to get out , you

14:35

need to leave this person , you need to remove

14:38

yourself from the situation . It's not healthy

14:40

, it's unsafe . It's sometimes easier

14:43

said than done for multiple

14:45

reasons , and it might be because

14:47

you need to get

14:49

your ducks in a row or you need time

14:51

to process . What can you do in

14:53

the meantime while you're

14:55

gathering what you need

14:57

in order to make a safe exit from that relationship

15:00

. Of course , there's

15:02

a difference between potentially

15:04

between being in

15:06

a physically abusive relationship and

15:09

an emotionally and psychologically

15:11

and verbally abusive relationship

15:14

. Now the second

15:16

one . The latter , the emotionally abusive

15:18

, verbally abusive and psychologically abusive

15:20

relationship can escalate into

15:22

physical abuse . Even

15:25

if that hasn't been part of your experience so

15:27

far , it's something to be aware of

15:29

that once you try to leave this relationship

15:32

or try to end it . That that is a potential

15:35

being aware of that , of how are you going to keep yourself

15:38

safe so that you can get out . I'm

15:40

getting a little bit sidetracked here and I want to bring this back

15:43

. If you're in a relationship that is verbally

15:46

, emotionally and psychologically abusive and

15:48

there is no physical abuse

15:50

, then there are things

15:52

that you can do as you are

15:54

preparing to get ready to leave this relationship

15:56

, to keep yourself safe . There

15:58

are boundaries that you

16:01

can set . Sometimes it's not even a relationship that you can

16:03

get out of right , because this might be a relationship with

16:06

someone that you need to have ongoing

16:08

contact with . It could be a

16:10

boss , it could be a

16:12

sibling , it could be a parent , it

16:15

could be a grandparent , it could be a child . In

16:17

those relationships sometimes we

16:21

don't want to necessarily cut them out of our lives

16:23

entirely . That's not always the easiest

16:25

thing to do . It's very , very , very

16:27

hard . Depending on

16:29

how active the abuse is will

16:31

depend on whether or not it is the right

16:33

decision to completely go no contact

16:38

. If it's possible , where

16:40

the abuse is more intermittent and

16:43

you're able to have modified

16:45

contact right or extreme modified

16:48

contact with

16:50

this person , then

16:53

there are things that you can do to keep yourself safe

16:55

by setting boundaries

16:58

. That's why boundaries is so important and why I've been talking

17:00

about it so much , because

17:02

it does a couple of different things . Number one

17:05

it helps you stay safe

17:07

. It minimizes conflict

17:09

and confrontation in your relationships

17:11

. If you are in a relationship

17:14

, no matter who that relationship is with , where

17:16

it is unhealthy and it's toxic , then

17:19

you might see that conflict

17:21

and confrontation might be a big part

17:23

of what occurs in that

17:26

relationship . How do you minimize

17:28

that ? To stay safe , boundaries

17:31

is the answer . The

17:33

unsafe people in your life are likely not going

17:35

to like the boundaries . They are

17:38

likely to push back

17:40

on those boundaries . You're going to be met

17:42

with resistance , and

17:44

so the empowered boundaries bootcamp is

17:46

going to help you with all of that . There's

17:48

a part of you that might come up that feels guilty

17:50

for setting boundaries with these

17:52

people , especially if they're people that you love , and

17:55

sometimes that guilt or

17:57

that fear of rejection can drive us to

17:59

back down on our boundaries

18:02

, and so this bootcamp

18:04

is going to help you learn how to not do

18:06

that . Because what happens is is when

18:08

you allow someone to

18:10

bulldoze you or

18:13

to convince you

18:15

to back down on one of your

18:17

boundaries that's , around

18:19

a closely held value what's

18:21

going to happen is resentment is

18:23

going to build , and that

18:25

resentment may not just only be directed

18:27

at the other person who you may feel

18:30

is responsible for pushing

18:32

you to back down on your boundary , but

18:34

actually what happens on a subconscious level

18:36

is that resentment actually gets projected

18:39

inwards back at yourself . You

18:41

are basically resenting yourself

18:43

, which can increase any

18:45

kind of self-criticism

18:48

. It can increase the

18:50

volume on your inner critic . It can

18:53

create self-hatred or

18:55

augment any kind of self-hatred you might

18:57

already be experiencing or feeling . It

18:59

may actually increase

19:01

the depletion of your self-worth

19:04

, right ? Because in these toxic relationships

19:06

, oftentimes the other person has

19:09

already been doing a pretty good job of chipping

19:11

away at your self-worth and now , when

19:13

you start building resentment

19:15

and it gets subconsciously directed

19:18

internally towards yourself , you

19:20

begin to chip away at your own self-worth too

19:23

, right ? You're basically taking that chisel from the

19:25

other person and now using it on yourself to

19:27

continue to chip away at your self-worth , so

19:30

now you're both increasing the damage

19:32

that you're doing to your own emotional

19:34

, spiritual and potentially

19:37

mental and physical well-being as well . So

19:39

boundaries are so important in these

19:41

relationships and getting back

19:43

to my discussion around inner

19:45

circle , middle circle and outer circle is

19:47

you need to get clear when

19:50

setting boundaries with who gets

19:52

to be in your inner circle , who gets

19:54

to be in your middle circle and who should

19:56

be placed in the outer circle . And setting

19:58

boundaries is how you keep those different

20:01

relationships differentiated , right

20:04

. Who do you trust and value the most and know

20:06

that you can be yourself and

20:08

share and ask for support and express

20:11

your feelings in a healthy way

20:13

and communicate with them effectively ? Like those

20:15

are the people that should be in your inner circle , who make

20:17

you feel safe . The people who don't make you

20:19

feel safe need to be placed in that outer circle

20:21

. And how do we do

20:23

that ? We do that by placing appropriate

20:25

boundaries with them , and I just want

20:27

to put a little asterisk here , because what

20:30

you do not want to do is tell

20:32

the toxic or unhealthy person in your life that

20:34

you are placing them in the outer circle , and

20:38

you also don't want to say I'm setting boundaries

20:40

around what I share with you

20:42

, how much time I spend with you or

20:45

how much we connect right , because that

20:48

is going to cause conflict and

20:50

confrontation in that relationship . That is going

20:52

to be potentially toxic and more damaging

20:54

to you and it's

20:56

going to cause you more

20:58

pain potentially in the long run . So you

21:02

do that just through your actions

21:04

and you have to maintain the

21:06

distance that you're placing between yourself and

21:08

making sure that you're not opening

21:11

up and sharing things vulnerably with that person

21:13

who is not safe , who has exhibited

21:15

and shown that they are not someone that you can trust

21:17

with your innermost feelings and

21:19

emotions and vulnerabilities . So

21:22

that was something that I really needed to asterisk

21:24

there for you , because it's important , and

21:27

the other thing is is that I really would love to

21:29

encourage you to begin

21:32

to look at your relationships , because

21:34

potentially , you

21:36

might be very good at saying

21:39

no , for example

21:41

, or setting boundaries in

21:43

certain relationships , and

21:46

those might be the ones in your outer circle , and

21:49

it might be a lot harder for you to set boundaries

21:51

with people within your inner circle . And

21:54

so the thing is is that even if someone's in your

21:56

inner circle , that doesn't mean that you

21:59

shouldn't have boundaries with them . You still need to have boundaries

22:01

in those relationships as well . The

22:03

boundaries might look a little bit different . So

22:05

some of the things that we're going to be doing in the empowered boot camp is

22:07

really kind of discerning which

22:09

boundaries need to be set and in

22:12

which circumstances and with which people

22:14

, and so that's

22:16

something that you should probably pay close attention

22:18

to , because you know how many times have

22:20

I had conversations of people where

22:22

they've said to me you know , my husband's really

22:24

comfortable and fine with telling me no

22:26

and setting boundaries with me , but

22:28

when it comes to his mother , he has

22:31

absolutely no idea how

22:33

to set a boundary , and it's really impacted

22:35

our relationship and it's made it very difficult and it's caused

22:37

a strain between my relationship with my mother-in-law

22:39

, right , like that's just an example

22:42

of an instance , where

22:44

some people might be really good at setting

22:46

boundaries at work and they're terrible at setting boundaries

22:48

in their personal relationships , and

22:51

for others it can be the opposite and obviously

22:53

people at work would be kind of in your outer circle . People

22:56

that are within your home hopefully

22:58

should be within your inner circle , and if there's someone

23:00

within your home that is not in your inner circle

23:03

then obviously that's a red flag

23:05

. So again , it's important to pay attention

23:07

to which relationships you feel comfortable setting

23:09

boundaries in and which relationships you

23:11

do not , or which circumstances you feel comfortable

23:13

setting boundaries in and which circumstances

23:16

you do not . A lot of

23:18

times in these toxic relationships we

23:20

talk about gray rocking . I

23:23

personally started

23:25

gray rocking these toxic people

23:27

in my life subconsciously

23:29

, without even realizing it , and

23:31

when I first heard the term gray rock , I

23:34

had no idea what it meant , and

23:36

when it was explained to me I was like , oh my gosh

23:38

, I've already been doing that because I subconsciously

23:41

knew these people weren't safe

23:43

and somehow I knew that

23:45

this was how I needed to behave in order

23:47

to keep myself safe and that was part of my boundary

23:49

. So gray rocking is when we

23:52

stop showing any kind

23:54

of emotion to the person that's

23:56

unsafe . We basically

23:59

become as still and as uninteresting

24:01

as a gray rock , so

24:03

that we blend in with the background . And

24:06

most likely , if you have been

24:08

a people pleaser , then you have

24:10

a lot of experience learning

24:13

how to stay small and blending into the background

24:15

so that you don't stand out too much , because

24:18

, god forbid , you stand out too much , you might be rejected

24:21

. God forbid , you show up in your full power

24:23

and your full authenticity , you might be rejected

24:25

. So you already are pretty adept at

24:28

knowing how to blend into the background

24:30

, and so gray rocking just takes it to another

24:32

level , which you need to do . It is important

24:34

to do in these toxic relationships because

24:36

what happens is every time

24:38

you react emotionally , every

24:41

time you share something deeply vulnerable

24:44

or personal , it's going to get

24:46

used against you . In these toxic relationships

24:48

, it's just going to increase the

24:51

manipulation , the gaslighting

24:53

in the relationship , because what they're

24:55

gonna do is they're going to use that as a

24:57

way to make you look crazy

24:59

, to make you look bad , to make it look like it's

25:02

your fault . You're the one who's so emotional

25:04

all the time . You're the one who needs to work

25:06

on themselves , right , or you're the

25:08

one who has all the problems and the issues . So

25:11

it gets used against you . They use it as

25:13

a way to exert

25:15

their power because they're like , oh , they're vulnerable

25:17

. Let me just continue to make sure that I

25:19

let them know , in any way I can

25:21

possible , that I

25:24

am the one who's superior

25:26

, I am the one who is in control , I

25:28

am the one who has the power in an attempt

25:30

to make you feel worse . That's what toxic

25:32

people do . They push you

25:34

down to make themselves feel better

25:36

. They eat away at your insecurities

25:39

because then they feel more secure . It's

25:41

all a game of relativity , because

25:43

really , at the end of the day , they are deeply insecure

25:46

and so their tactics

25:48

end up hurting you , because that's what they do . They

25:50

project outwards their behaviors

25:52

, hurt other people , whereas

25:55

you might only just

25:57

be hurting yourself . So that's

25:59

why you have to gray rock with toxic

26:01

and unsafe people , so

26:03

that they cannot use

26:05

that against you and

26:08

so that you don't get hurt more in the

26:10

relationship . So again , it's setting boundaries

26:13

right , like what is safe to share

26:15

and what is not safe to share , and

26:17

that's why it's important to identify your triggers

26:20

, so that you're not reacting emotionally

26:22

, because think about

26:24

it from this perspective if you're getting out of a

26:26

relationship with somebody who is toxic and unhealthy

26:29

and you're responding emotionally

26:31

and you're potentially

26:33

overreacting , because now things

26:36

are out of fever pitch and

26:38

you feel out of control and they're

26:40

doing everything that they can to make you feel like you're

26:42

crazy or to make it look like you're

26:44

crazy or to make it look like you're

26:46

the one who is imbalanced

26:48

or dysregulated . Those

26:51

circumstances , those reactions

26:53

, that vulnerability will be used against

26:56

you and it could potentially be used against

26:58

you in front of a court , and

27:00

if you're dealing with somebody who is extremely

27:02

toxic , then I wouldn't

27:04

put it past them that they would try to do

27:06

something like that . So you have to be very , very

27:08

careful and that's why boundaries

27:11

are so , so important . So

27:13

, if you feel like you need support in this area

27:15

of your life , sign up for Empowered Boundaries

27:17

Bootcamp . I am gonna leave the link

27:20

in the show notes and I've actually

27:22

broken this down into kind

27:24

of two hybrid offers , meaning that you

27:27

can access the course for $147

27:30

and the content will start dripping November

27:32

15th . Each week you'll get one

27:35

module . So for five weeks consecutively

27:37

you'll get a module a week for you to work

27:39

through . There will be included

27:41

worksheets and exercises and workbooks

27:44

to go along with that to help support you through

27:46

the course and then , if you

27:48

would like to , you can actually add

27:50

on for an extra $100

27:52

, so $247, . You

27:55

can not only do the course , but you can also get

27:57

my one-on-one support

28:00

and that's kind of broken down

28:02

into two one-on-one

28:04

sessions with me , one 60 minute session

28:06

with me where we will work through whatever might

28:08

be holding you back , whatever is triggering

28:11

you , that you need to kind of have some support around

28:13

and some tools that can help you . We

28:15

can work directly on improving

28:17

certain boundaries with certain people . We

28:19

can talk about whatever it is that you're struggling with

28:22

as it pertains to

28:24

boundary setting in your relationships and

28:26

helping you feel safe while doing that . The

28:29

30 minute session will be a follow-up session , after

28:32

you've had time to practice and integrate what you've

28:34

learned during the bootcamp

28:36

, as well as our initial 60 minute

28:38

session , so that we can

28:40

fine-tune whatever we need to fine-tune . We

28:42

can celebrate where you've had success and

28:45

how . Perhaps maybe we need to tweak

28:47

things a little bit in order to get you on this

28:49

path to setting clear and healthy boundaries

28:52

assertively and effectively so

28:54

you can create more deeply meaningful relationships

28:56

in your life . I hope you'll join

28:58

us until next week . Be well , if

29:00

you're hearing this message , that means

29:02

you've listened all the way to the end , and

29:05

for that I am truly grateful . If

29:07

you enjoyed this episode and found it valuable

29:09

, would you mind leaving us a review wherever you listen

29:11

to podcasts and sharing it with others ? If

29:14

you'd like to connect with me for one-on-one coaching or

29:16

human design reading , you can find me on

29:18

my website or on social media . Also

29:21

, if you have a topic you'd like me to discuss on a future

29:23

episode , please DM me . Be

29:26

sure to tune in next week for another episode of

29:28

Stepping into Meaningful Relationships .