0:04

Welcome to the Stepping into Meaningful Relationships

0:06

podcast . I'm your host , carissa

0:09

Stepp . I'm a somatic , trauma-informed

0:11

coach and narcissistic abuse specialist

0:13

. This is a podcast for you if

0:15

you are looking to improve your most

0:17

important relationship , the one

0:19

you have with yourself , so you can more

0:22

meaningfully and deeply connect with

0:24

those around you . This podcast

0:26

will equip you with valuable tools

0:28

, tips and tricks essential for recovering

0:30

from toxic relationships , and guide

0:33

you towards cultivating healthy , fulfilling

0:35

and intimate connections with others . But

0:38

first , let's start with you . I'm

0:40

so excited you're here taking this powerful

0:42

step forward . Thank you for tuning

0:44

in . Now let's get to today's episode

0:47

. Hey

0:52

, hey , everyone . Welcome back to

0:54

another episode of Stepping into Meaningful

0:57

Relationships . I'm your host , carissa

0:59

Stepp , and I'm so excited that you're here with

1:01

me today . Thank you so much for tuning in

1:03

. Today we're going to be talking about

1:05

the 10 different types of narcissists . I

1:08

received a lot of questions after last week's episode

1:10

, where we laid out the

1:12

top 12 internal red flags

1:14

that might indicate that you're in a narcissistic

1:17

relationship . So there are four

1:19

main types and then there are three

1:21

different subtypes , and within each subtype

1:23

there are two sub-subtypes

1:26

, I guess I would say . Before

1:28

we do that , though , I really just wanted to share

1:31

with you how I feel about the

1:33

word narcissist , because it's

1:35

gained a lot of popularity in

1:37

recent years , and I think that

1:39

a lot of times , it's often being misused

1:42

as a way

1:44

to speak negatively or

1:46

to label or judge someone . And

1:49

for me , like when I'm using the word narcissist

1:51

yes , I'm using it because it's easily identifiable

1:54

in some ways , but , that being

1:56

said , what I'm really using it for

1:59

is a way to describe

2:01

certain patterns

2:04

and traits . So , in other words

2:06

, a narcissist

2:08

is a deeply wounded

2:10

, deeply insecure individual

2:13

who has experienced some kind of trauma

2:15

as a result of

2:18

, oftentimes , dysfunctional family dynamics

2:20

, and so I would love to

2:22

invite you to

2:24

listen to what I'm about to

2:26

share with some compassion in your

2:28

heart . Okay , it's

2:30

very easy for us to sit

2:33

here and talk about narcissists like

2:35

they are , these terrible , awful

2:37

people . The thing is is that we

2:40

all have narcissistic

2:42

tendencies . Right , there

2:45

is a healthy level of narcissism that we

2:47

all hold . The differentiation

2:49

is is that a narcissist , in the

2:51

way in which we are using that term , identifies

2:54

somebody who goes about trying

2:56

to meet their needs in

2:59

a way that is harmful towards

3:01

other people not

3:03

harmful towards themselves , harmful

3:06

towards other people . And

3:09

if you're with somebody who uses

3:11

these types

3:13

of behaviors and

3:16

tactics that

3:18

are harmful towards you to get their

3:20

needs met because , in effect , what

3:22

they're saying is that their needs are more

3:24

important than yours , then that's not

3:26

a healthy relationship

3:28

, right ? That's not a healthy dynamic . But it's

3:30

what they have learned . They

3:32

have learned how to behave this way because

3:35

it was the only way in which they were going to get their needs

3:37

met as a child . So

3:41

just keep that in the back of your mind . I

3:44

would love to come at this with a more compassionate

3:46

viewpoint , so that you can see

3:48

that these really are just

3:51

really hurt individuals . That doesn't

3:53

mean that you need to stay in relationship with them

3:55

. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't have

3:57

boundaries with them . That doesn't mean

3:59

that you have to make

4:01

excuses for their behavior . That

4:04

doesn't mean that you need to tolerate the

4:07

abuse . So with that

4:09

, let's dive in to the 10

4:11

types of narcissists . Some

4:13

of you may be familiar with the terms covert

4:16

and overt narcissist , and

4:19

that's typically the two

4:21

main types I think most people are familiar

4:23

with outside of the grandiose

4:26

narcissist . So

4:28

overt and covert are

4:30

actually a subtype of the four

4:33

main types of narcissists . The

4:35

four main types are the grandiose

4:38

narcissist . This is

4:40

the narcissist . That

4:42

is the classic example , right

4:44

, I always think of John Hames

4:46

character in Mad Men when

4:49

I think of a grandiose narcissist . They

4:51

are very outgoing

4:53

, they're very charming , they're

4:55

very charismatic . They're

4:58

the type of narcissist that most people

5:00

associate with

5:02

the word narcissist . They're generally

5:05

high functioning , they can be very

5:07

captivating , they often

5:09

are very successful in what they

5:11

do and

5:14

they can be very exhibitionist . Right , they're

5:16

the type of narcissist that might

5:18

have the flashy cars and

5:20

the really nice , you know , watches

5:22

and shoes and outward

5:25

appearance that would make it seem like they

5:27

kind of have it all together . That makes them look

5:29

really successful . Because you know they

5:31

might believe that it's necessary

5:33

for them almost to kind of put it all in display for

5:35

people to see them in a position

5:37

of strength or power , and

5:40

so if they highly value material

5:42

things , then you're going to probably see that

5:44

kind of showing up in how they

5:46

present themselves to the outer world and oftentimes

5:49

people who know a grandiose

5:51

narcissist from the outside will

5:53

see them as this really

5:56

friendly and charming and

5:58

really nice type of person

6:00

. Right , they're the kind of person that when they

6:02

walk into a room they might

6:04

command a lot of attention , and

6:06

so a lot of people might think very highly of them , obviously

6:10

behind closed doors . It's a very different situation

6:12

. The grandiose narcissist the other

6:14

thing about them is that they

6:16

tend to really be very egocentric

6:18

, right , they tend to be mostly interested

6:21

in themselves and that's it . So you'll

6:23

find that every conversation with a grandiose

6:25

narcissist always ends up coming back to

6:27

them , right ? They're not really interested

6:29

in you . They don't really care about your life

6:31

, your story , how you're doing or any

6:34

of those things . They

6:36

just get bored . If

6:38

you start talking about yourself for too long , it

6:41

always has . The conversation always has to circle back

6:43

to them how they're feeling , how what

6:45

they're thinking , what they've experienced

6:48

. And they tend to really have this

6:50

superiority complex right , where

6:52

they really do believe that they're more important , that

6:55

they're better than everybody else . And

6:58

the flip side of that is that , ironically , they're actually

7:01

really , really desperate in some ways

7:03

to feel important . So

7:05

one of their biggest core wounds is that I'm not important

7:07

, so their actions are

7:09

going to overcompensate for that . Then

7:12

there's the vulnerable narcissist . Now

7:15

these are the closet

7:17

narcissists , or , more

7:19

typically , even categorized

7:22

by the subtype of a

7:24

covert narcissist , backtracking

7:26

to the grandiose narcissist . The grandiose

7:29

narcissist is more often associated with the subtype

7:31

of overt narcissist People

7:34

. Narcissists despise being

7:36

the center of attention . They tend

7:38

to be a little bit more introverted

7:41

, so they're not going to be as outgoing as the grandiose

7:43

narcissist . They might still be

7:45

very charismatic and they could be very charming

7:48

. It's just not going to be on

7:50

display in a very ostentatious

7:53

way or an egregious way like

7:55

the grandiose narcissist . They

7:57

might actually be very deeply insecure and

7:59

fragile . From an outside

8:02

perspective , vulnerable narcissists

8:04

are deeply wounded and

8:06

deeply insecure people

8:08

. However , oftentimes

8:11

with a grandiose narcissist

8:14

it's not going to be as obvious that they're insecure

8:16

, although obviously , if you

8:18

can see through some of their behaviors , you might

8:20

identify very quickly that they're just

8:22

really trying to prove their value and prove their worth

8:25

because they are so insecure , whereas

8:27

a vulnerable narcissist they might come

8:29

off as very insecure , which can actually be

8:31

very off-putting when you

8:34

witness a

8:36

vulnerable narcissist , because

8:38

you might very quickly dismiss

8:40

the idea that they are narcissistic

8:44

because you're like oh , I can see

8:46

they are very fragile , they are very insecure

8:49

. It seems obvious

8:51

to me . So they must not be a narcissist

8:53

. They're just lacking confidence or

8:56

they just don't see how wonderful and how great

8:58

they are . People can get

9:00

very much blindsided by a

9:02

vulnerable narcissist . For that

9:04

reason , the vulnerable narcissist

9:06

is often the one

9:09

who's going to seek out attention in a

9:11

different way , a very different way than the

9:13

grandiose narcissist . The vulnerable narcissist

9:15

is not going to be the person who stands in the

9:17

middle of the room and starts spouting out all

9:19

of their accomplishments and sharing

9:22

with everyone how smart they are , or anything like that

9:24

. The way that they're going to get their

9:26

supply met is by seeking

9:29

out the pity of other people . They

9:31

may seem like they're very humble

9:33

in a lot of ways , but almost

9:36

to a detriment , where

9:38

they might downplay who they are , their

9:40

accomplishments , what they actually think of themselves

9:42

, so that other people boost them up . In

9:45

that way , people see them as

9:47

really insecure and that

9:49

works in favor for the vulnerable narcissist

9:52

, because if people view them as insecure

9:54

, they're going to do what they can to boost you up , which

9:56

really just feeds into the

9:58

vulnerable narcissist's really fragile ego

10:01

and gives them that supply that they need . They

10:04

also will be the type of people that might

10:06

come across as people pleasers in some way . They

10:09

tend to do a lot of kissing

10:12

up to people and this will very much be

10:14

in their external relationships , not

10:16

in their primary or close and intimate

10:18

relationships . This could even be the

10:20

guy at the bar who's trying a little too

10:22

hard to try and impress you

10:24

or to impress your

10:27

friends or something like that . Very

10:29

early on in a relationship they're

10:32

very eager to make sure that people like

10:34

them . Vulnerable narcissists will come across

10:36

as someone that a lot of people

10:38

do , like they're going to be . Maybe

10:41

potentially they might even look like people pleasers

10:43

in some way , where they have a hard time saying no

10:45

to other people , because if they say no

10:47

to other people then they may not like them . That's

10:50

a big thing for a vulnerable narcissist is

10:52

that fear of rejection or that fear

10:54

of abandonment . They're going to

10:56

suck up and do what they have to do to get people

10:58

to like them , but it's not really who

11:00

they are . They might harbor a lot of resentment

11:03

as a result of that , but sometimes

11:05

they do that through excessive generosity

11:07

. They might go

11:09

above and beyond for someone else . They

11:12

do that because they need that recognition

11:14

. They need that validation that they're a good person

11:17

or that feeds their ego in some way

11:19

. They do that as a way

11:21

to just receive that attention and that admiration

11:24

that they really desire and

11:26

that they really desperately seek as

11:28

a way to support their low

11:30

sense of self-worth . The next

11:32

two main types of narcissists are communal

11:35

narcissists and malignant narcissists . Communal

11:38

narcissists are the people perhaps

11:40

, maybe even in your community you might

11:42

be able to identify the communal narcissist

11:44

. They're usually the people who

11:46

are the do-gooders

11:49

right . They're the ones who might

11:51

go out of their way to volunteer

11:53

and perform a lot of acts

11:56

of service for their community

11:58

. Now , obviously , that's

12:01

not to say that anyone who's volunteering their time

12:03

or who's giving back to their community

12:05

is necessarily a communal narcissist

12:07

. But what you have to understand is that with

12:09

a communal narcissist , there is an underlying

12:11

motivation to get

12:14

commended for that

12:16

service that they're providing . They

12:18

tend to be seeking out praise

12:21

and recognition for their acts

12:23

of service , and so

12:26

it can be hard to understand whether

12:28

or not someone is actually

12:30

doing it from a good place

12:32

in their heart where they want to give back , or

12:34

if they're doing it with this underlying motivation of

12:36

trying to get their supply met

12:39

by getting the recognition and

12:41

attention and the outside validation

12:44

through helping other people . The

12:46

communal narcissist can

12:48

be a little bit trickier to identify

12:50

. These are the people who are doing a

12:52

lot of good for the community , which is great . We

12:55

need people like that , but we need people to do that

12:57

from a good place , whereas

12:59

the communal narcissist really , they have an underlying

13:01

motivation . That

13:05

underlying motivation is to get their narcissistic supply

13:07

in return . They want to make sure

13:09

that when they do things that other people do

13:11

recognize it , that other people do see

13:13

it and commend them for it . And so what

13:16

they'll do is they might self-proclaim

13:20

all of these amazing things that they do . So

13:22

in conversation with them they might make

13:25

comments like oh yes , I'm on

13:27

the board of this charity and I've given so

13:29

much money to this foundation and this organization

13:31

and I contribute

13:34

so much and I give back to my community

13:36

and it's a really big deal . But they'll

13:38

say it in a way where they're looking for attention

13:40

for it . They're looking for that

13:43

recognition . They're looking for someone

13:45

to announce

13:48

publicly to everyone else how wonderful this

13:50

person is because they do so much , and

13:52

that just feeds that communal narcissist's ego , right

13:54

? So they might brag a lot about

13:57

how little they spend on

13:59

themselves or how little time they have

14:01

because they're volunteering all of their free time

14:03

and helping others . They might also

14:06

talk about how their charitable work

14:08

is so important because they are changing

14:10

the world and they

14:12

have this mission to give back , and

14:14

so they make it sound like

14:16

they are sacrificing or they're murdering

14:18

themselves to some charitable cause

14:20

, but , as a result , like

14:22

what they're doing really is talking about

14:25

it in that way because they want that recognition

14:27

in return , they're going to appear

14:29

like they're really selfless , right

14:31

? They're going to appear like

14:33

they give so much of themselves . But

14:37

if you were to look behind the curtain , so

14:39

to say , and dig a little

14:41

deeper , you might find that

14:44

they're very protective

14:46

and territorial about the

14:48

charity that they're involved in and

14:50

that they're really ultimately looking

14:52

for that pat on the back

14:55

rather than actually

14:57

being really passionate about the

14:59

goal that they're trying to

15:01

achieve or the work

15:03

that they're doing , or the work that they're supposedly

15:06

doing . Right , because sometimes they can even overinflate

15:08

their role and the impact that

15:10

they have had on their community

15:12

or on the organization that they're volunteering

15:15

their time for or whatnot . So

15:17

, again , like just looking and reading between

15:19

the lines to understand is someone doing

15:21

this often enough , where they are looking

15:23

for something deeper

15:25

? Right ? Are they really looking just to get their

15:27

needs met , to feel like they're important

15:30

, to feel like they are worthy ? And again

15:32

, like they do this as a way to support

15:34

their very

15:36

low self-esteem , and they might even

15:39

lack their sense of self . So they might even attach

15:42

themselves to a charity or an organization

15:44

and that becomes their persona

15:46

or their identity . Like I am the person , I am

15:49

the face of the charity , and that

15:51

might be self-serving as opposed

15:53

to being really heart-led . The

15:55

last main type is a malignant narcissist

15:57

. This is probably the most toxic

16:00

type of narcissist because they are

16:02

highly manipulative . They

16:05

are exploitative for their own

16:07

pleasure , right when they are going

16:09

to get to know someone

16:12

and then use that

16:14

deeper understanding of someone

16:16

else to manipulate them . What

16:18

I mean by that is , a malignant narcissist

16:21

will often show up as

16:23

someone who might appear to be a very good listener

16:25

. The thing is is that they're

16:27

listening so attentively

16:30

with the underlying motivation of

16:32

getting to know you and your weaknesses

16:34

really , really well , so

16:37

that they can use them against you later

16:39

on . For example , you might be a very empathetic

16:42

person and what they'll do is

16:44

they'll kind of test your empathy to see like , well

16:46

, how deep does your empathy go ? And

16:49

then maybe they'll use that empathy

16:51

against you later on . Malignant

16:53

narcissists tend to be overt

16:56

, and then we're going to talk a little bit more about

16:58

what other subtype they fall into as

17:01

we get further down into our discussion . The

17:03

other thing with the malignant narcissist is

17:05

that they are really toxic

17:07

, as we said , and they're highly manipulative . But

17:10

they also might be very paranoid , right . They

17:13

might be the type of person that feels like the

17:15

world is out to get them . They might

17:17

believe that no one else has good

17:19

intentions . They might even be anti-social

17:21

, so they might even feel like

17:23

no one else is really worth getting to know

17:26

or they're not worthy of their time

17:28

in some ways . And the

17:30

thing is is that you might notice that they might

17:32

actually be a really good listener with you . So

17:35

if you're coming into a relationship with a

17:37

malignant narcissist and they're telling

17:39

you that they don't really like people , or they

17:41

come across and you notice that they're very anti-social

17:43

but they take a special interest in you , you

17:46

, as like codependent person who may

17:48

also be coming from a place of low

17:51

self-worth or a lack of

17:53

a sense of self , might feel

17:55

very Charmed

17:58

by the fact that they're taking an interest in you

18:00

, because that feels really good . It might be filling

18:02

some sort of hole in your soul when they do

18:04

that , and that's all part

18:07

of the manipulation . So , whether

18:09

or not they are actually anti-social , they might

18:11

. They might truly be anti-social , but

18:14

they also might be anti-social

18:16

because they might have actually burned

18:19

a lot of relationships in their life . They

18:21

may have actually destroyed a lot of

18:23

their friendships and and that's

18:26

something to be mindful of . So if you meet

18:28

someone and you begin to

18:30

notice that they don't have a lot of close relationships

18:32

around them , there's a potential there

18:34

that they might be a malignant narcissist , right

18:37

and again , like they can exhibit these anti-social

18:40

traits and stuff . But there also could be a deeper

18:42

reason as to why they can also be really

18:44

deceitful . So they might

18:47

tell lies to

18:49

make you believe something other than what is true

18:51

about who they are about . In

18:53

this example when I said , like they may not have a lot of close friendships

18:56

, they might tell you all these

18:58

stories about all these people who have done

19:00

these things to them and that's

19:02

the reason why they're no longer in their life . Well

19:05

, if that happens , I would encourage you to get curious

19:07

to understand what actually

19:09

happened . They're very harmful

19:12

, very hurtful , very manipulative

19:14

behaviors which can cause a lot

19:16

of pain to the people that

19:18

are in a relationship with this type

19:20

of person . And what they'll

19:23

notice with the malignant narcissist is that they

19:25

often really don't have any kind of remorse

19:27

for what they're doing , because

19:29

they've had an ulterior motivation the

19:31

whole time , which is literally just

19:34

to get their needs met , just for them to feel

19:36

important and to feel powerful . And

19:39

it could come from , obviously , again back to childhood

19:41

trauma , where maybe they had a

19:43

parent that completely

19:45

neglected them , maybe they never

19:48

felt like anyone cared about them , and so

19:51

they've learned these really toxic

19:53

ways in order to get the

19:56

attention , to feel important

19:59

, to feel like they

20:01

are lovable , to feel like they

20:03

matter in any kind of way , and so they

20:05

exploit others to do that . Their

20:07

ultimate goal really is to control and to dominate

20:09

others . So we see a lot of coercive

20:12

control in these types of relationships

20:14

, and it could be subtle or

20:16

it could be much more overt

20:18

. So let's

20:20

just take a step back and

20:22

kind of divide these different Four

20:25

main types into the first subtype

20:27

of overt versus covert

20:29

. Okay , as we mentioned , the

20:31

grandiose narcissist is going

20:33

to be very overt , right ? So their methods

20:36

of manipulation

20:38

and their narcissistic tendencies

20:41

and their tactics for manipulating

20:43

other people are going to be a lot more

20:45

obvious and out in the open for all to see

20:47

. The Same is

20:49

going to apply for communal narcissist

20:51

and malignant narcissists , right

20:53

? So while perhaps

20:55

maybe these manipulative tactics

20:58

are not as Obvious

21:00

always at the onset , over

21:03

time if you pay attention and you have awareness

21:05

around it , it's going to become very obvious to you because

21:07

they are going to be out in the open and

21:10

a lot of people might dismiss those

21:12

manipulative tactics or those behaviors

21:14

because they think

21:16

that perhaps this person is a good person

21:18

and oh , they're just really insecure and

21:20

oh , I understand , like they're just constantly seeking out

21:22

attention or validation and

21:25

and not really understanding that they're actually doing

21:27

it with mal intent in some ways , right

21:29

, or that they're doing it in a way that's

21:31

actually hurtful and toxic to other people

21:33

. The vulnerable narcissists

21:36

out of the four main types is the only

21:38

one , really , that falls into the covert

21:40

category , where

21:42

their methods are a lot harder

21:45

to detect because they often

21:47

are Doing things that are

21:49

below the level of awareness

21:51

of the people that they are

21:54

Victimizing . Let's then kind

21:56

of talk about the subtype , the

21:58

second subtype , right . So that's subtype

22:00

one . Subtype one is overt versus versus

22:03

covert . For the Subtype

22:06

two , type narcissists , we've got the somatic

22:08

narcissists and we have

22:10

the cerebral narcissist , and this

22:12

describes what the narcissist

22:15

Primarily

22:17

, you know , values in themselves

22:19

or in others . So

22:23

a somatic narcissist is going to be someone

22:25

who is very obsessed with

22:27

the body . Right , that could be their

22:29

own body , their own physical appearance . Right

22:31

, this could be the Type of narcissist

22:34

that spends a lot of time at the gym or

22:36

who Goes on these crazy

22:38

diets . You know , it has a crazy

22:40

fitness routine that they have to stick to

22:43

in order to feel good about

22:45

themselves . Right , they need to look a certain way

22:47

, you ? It

22:49

could also be someone who really

22:51

values appearances , and

22:54

that doesn't necessarily mean just their own appearance

22:56

, right , they might be very vain . They might

22:58

care a lot about how they look . They

23:00

may not , you know , ever leave the house

23:02

without makeup , which I'm going to admit right now

23:04

. I'm like that . I don't like to leave the house without

23:07

wearing some kind of makeup , and

23:09

, yes , that does point to my deep insecurity . The

23:12

problem would be if I were projecting that on out

23:14

onto other people , right ? So

23:16

this type of narcissist will

23:18

not only care so much about their

23:20

appearance . They will also care

23:23

very much about the appearance

23:25

of the people that they associate with or

23:28

their children . Right , so

23:30

this would be the type of narcissistic parent

23:32

who would put a lot of pressure on their

23:34

children to make sure that they dress

23:36

a certain way , that they look a certain way , that

23:38

they behave a certain way , that they achieve certain

23:41

things , because the outward

23:43

appearance of their children , they believe

23:45

, is a direct reflection of them . The

23:47

somatic narcissist is also going to be someone

23:50

who cares about who's

23:52

in their friend's circle , right ? It's almost

23:54

like this game of well , who do you know

23:56

? And if you know the

23:59

right people , then you can

24:01

be part of their inner circle , right ? Just

24:03

like they value the people that they

24:05

know that are going to elevate them in

24:07

some way . Right , that's a very narcissistic

24:10

type of behavior and

24:14

it comes down

24:16

to more of the things that they value in themselves

24:19

or what they value in their connections , because

24:21

they believe that their relationships even

24:23

say something about them . Then

24:26

there's the cerebral narcissist and

24:28

again , this can also play into like a who

24:30

do you know type of thing

24:33

with a narcissist

24:35

, but it's more about like who

24:37

knows the most ? Right ? The cerebral

24:39

narcissist is really going to value

24:41

knowledge and education

24:43

and place a lot of emphasis

24:46

on accomplishments . So those

24:48

could be . They themselves might come

24:50

off as know-it-alls . They know everything . No

24:53

one can know more than what they know . So

24:58

they might like portray themselves as like the most

25:00

intelligent person in the room , or try

25:02

to prove to everyone that they're the

25:04

most intelligent one in the room . This

25:06

can also play into wanting

25:09

to impress people with

25:12

their accomplishments and their position

25:14

of power , and so this

25:16

might be the person who , when you're in conversation

25:19

with them , is constantly telling you about

25:21

all of the recognition that they've

25:23

received in their career , or all

25:25

of the degrees that they have , or

25:28

all of the success

25:31

that they've experienced in their life

25:33

and in their career . They

25:35

also might impress upon their children

25:37

if they are a narcissistic

25:39

parent , right , they might impress upon their children

25:41

that education is the most important

25:44

thing and that without an education

25:46

or without a degree , or without an

25:48

advanced or higher level degree , then

25:50

they're not worthy of success

25:53

or they're not worth the

25:55

parent's time or attention or anything like

25:57

that . Right , the parent is going to reward

26:00

the child for doing well

26:02

in school and will push

26:04

them harder and harder and harder . Because again

26:06

, it comes back to that idea

26:08

that it is a reflection upon

26:11

the narcissistic parent and who they

26:13

are when their child succeeds

26:15

and achieves , and all of that . So the

26:18

cerebral narcissist might even use their

26:20

children as these

26:22

ploys or these representations

26:25

, maybe even for

26:27

the things that they are lacking in themselves , they

26:30

might be lacking in

26:32

their perception of themselves . They might project

26:34

out onto their children . There's

26:38

then the third subtype , and

26:40

so this third subtype

26:43

, and just to

26:45

go back real quick , so those four main types

26:47

the communal , the malignant , the grandiose

26:49

and the vulnerable they can be one

26:51

of the somatic

26:54

or the cerebral type of narcissists . They

26:56

could be a mix of both , right , depending

26:58

on what they value . Again , like people

27:00

do not make perfect formulas , so we can't just throw

27:03

everyone into a specific box , but

27:05

I just wanted you to understand that it is possible for

27:07

someone to have a blend at least of both of those

27:09

, and also each main

27:11

type can be either , or

27:13

as opposed to the subtype

27:15

one , with the overt versus the covert

27:18

. You know , we do generally tend

27:20

to see that vulnerable narcissists are more

27:22

covert and malignant

27:25

. Communal and grandiose narcissists

27:27

tend to be a little bit more overt with the way in

27:29

which they try to get their needs met . We

27:31

then have the subtype three and the

27:35

subtype three . This

27:38

is a special subtype and they

27:40

do show similarities to

27:42

some other psychological

27:45

and personality disorders . So

27:47

the sadistic subtype of

27:50

narcissist is going to be

27:52

similar to a sociopath

27:54

, meaning that they are going

27:56

to actually derive a lot of pleasure from

27:59

hurting other people or from watching

28:01

other people suffer in pain . So

28:04

they might cause physical or

28:06

psychological harm

28:08

or pain to other people . Or

28:11

, likewise , they might actually

28:13

really enjoy watching someone else that they

28:15

supposedly love or care about , or

28:18

just even other people , be tortured

28:20

or tormented or in pain

28:22

. Okay , so they get enjoyment

28:24

out of that , which is obviously sadistic

28:26

. Right , we know what that word means . We

28:28

use it often , but I think when we have to try

28:30

and tie it back to what a sadistic type

28:34

of narcissist might do , it's a

28:36

little bit harder to understand that people are

28:38

actually deriving pain from this , and sometimes a

28:41

lot of narcissists

28:43

that have this subtype are also very

28:45

malignant at the same time . So it can be

28:47

someone who's a malignant . Sadistic

28:49

narcissist is someone who is going

28:51

to have a high disregard for

28:54

other people's well-being

28:56

. They're going to actually

28:58

have a high need for admiration

29:00

and they might even have

29:03

a really high sense of self-worth

29:05

, believing that they are more important than

29:07

other people by doing things that inflicts

29:09

pain or hurt onto other

29:11

people and then watching them suffer as a result

29:14

of it . That , in a way

29:16

, makes that malignant , sadistic narcissist

29:18

feel powerful . It feeds their

29:20

power needs . It allows

29:23

them to feel like they're more important . That's

29:25

how they get their narcissistic supply . That's

29:27

how they get validation that they are

29:30

more important and more powerful and

29:32

that their well-being or

29:34

that their needs are more important

29:36

, or that they themselves , just in general

29:38

, for being who they are , are more

29:40

important than other people , and other people are expendable

29:43

. We then have the inverted narcissist

29:45

, and this type of

29:47

narcissist is oftentimes more

29:50

associated with vulnerable

29:53

, covert narcissists . This subtype

29:56

points to specifically

29:58

that victimhood mindset

30:00

of a covert

30:02

narcissist , where they believe that

30:04

everything always happens to them

30:07

. They don't feel like they have any

30:09

sort of ownership or accountability in

30:11

their life for the things that they have experienced

30:13

in their life . It's always everyone

30:15

else's fault as to why

30:17

they can't hold a job , or

30:20

it's everyone else's fault as to why

30:22

they're unhappy . They tend

30:25

to do a lot of blame shifting

30:27

and we do kind of see this across

30:29

the different types , but with the vulnerable

30:32

inverted narcissist we

30:34

see it a little bit more often and

30:37

it can become a really obvious

30:40

pattern once we're tuned into

30:42

it . This subtype of inverted narcissist

30:45

only applies to vulnerable

30:47

, covert narcissists , and

30:49

they are also often very codependent

30:52

. Now , I would say that all

30:54

narcissists are actually codependent , but

30:57

in this particular instance , the

30:59

vulnerable , covert , inverted

31:01

narcissist is going to be

31:03

obviously codependent and

31:05

they'll attach themselves to

31:08

other narcissists , potentially to feel

31:10

special , or they will

31:12

attach themselves to other codependents

31:14

as well . That fear of abandonment and rejection

31:17

can really be a big theme for them

31:20

. In other words , they might try

31:22

very hard to prove themselves

31:25

in a lot of ways that aren't

31:27

going to be so obvious , right ? They're not going to

31:29

be overt and out there for everyone to see

31:31

. They're going to do it in more covert ways

31:33

and it might look like more

31:36

passive-aggressive comments . These are

31:38

the type of narcissists that might make

31:41

those really insecure comments about

31:43

how they love you so much

31:45

and no one will ever love you as

31:47

much as they do . That's because they have

31:50

the fear of abandonment , the fear of rejection

31:52

, and so what they're going to do is they're going to try to

31:54

subtly convince you by saying

31:56

something like that . That sounds in the beginning

31:59

of a relationship , sounds so

32:01

charming , it sounds like

32:04

something that is innocent

32:06

, when really there is a covert

32:09

manipulation happening there . They want you to

32:11

believe that no one else

32:13

is going to love you the way they do , that they

32:15

are special because

32:18

they love you the way that they do . What

32:21

that implies is that you are so difficult

32:23

to love that no one else is going to love

32:25

you . Right ? That you're not actually lovable , that

32:27

they're doing you a favor . That's how that

32:29

manipulation works . Again

32:32

, you can see how it can happen so

32:35

covertly and how , when

32:37

it's said very early on in a relationship , when

32:41

our bodies being flooded

32:43

with serotonin and dopamine

32:45

and oxytocin , we don't

32:47

take it to mean anything other than like oh

32:49

, that's so sweet to say they love me so

32:51

much . Right , that's the part that we accept , and

32:54

we're not really thinking about that

32:56

second half of that statement , which is I'm

32:59

not lovable , really right , and they're doing me a

33:01

favor by loving me as much as they do

33:03

. I hope that helps you understand the different

33:05

types of narcissists . I know that we

33:07

went through a lot of information . You might have

33:09

a ton of questions . You might still

33:11

be wondering whether or not someone you know or

33:13

someone you're in a relationship with is

33:15

a narcissist , and if that is the case

33:17

, then please feel free to reach out and book

33:20

a 30-minute discovery call with me . I'd

33:22

be happy to chat with you . It's

33:25

not my job to diagnose anyone . I

33:28

can share with you

33:30

the patterns of behavior , the maladaptive

33:33

traits that narcissists

33:35

often exhibit , and can help you begin

33:38

to understand , maybe , why you even attracted

33:40

these types of people into your life A

33:43

lot of times . The patterns of behavior

33:45

are very familiar to what we

33:47

may have experienced in childhood , and

33:50

so we'll see that the pattern

33:52

might repeat . It might be different types

33:54

of narcissists in from

33:56

relationship to relationship . However

33:59

, there is still that common theme of it being

34:01

an unhealthy and a toxic relationship

34:04

with just another type of narcissist . In

34:06

our next episode , I'm probably

34:08

going to dive into what keeps

34:11

us stuck in these relationships . We're going to talk

34:13

about the cycle of narcissistic abuse , and

34:15

we'll talk a little bit about the trauma bond

34:17

and why it's so hard to break it when

34:20

we come out of these relationships . If

34:22

you have any questions in the meantime , you know where to find

34:24

me head on over to our

34:27

Stepping Into Meaningful Relationshipscom

34:29

website and feel free to leave me a voice

34:31

note , send me a comment , send me questions

34:34

, and if you have an idea for a future episode

34:36

, I'd love to hear that too . Until

34:38

next week , everyone be well . If

34:41

you're hearing this message , that means

34:43

you've listened all the way to the end , and

34:45

for that I am truly grateful . If

34:48

you enjoyed this episode and found it valuable

34:50

, would you mind leaving us a review ? Wherever you listen

34:52

to podcasts and sharing it with others ? If

34:55

you'd like to connect with me for one-on-one coaching or

34:57

human design reading , you can find me on

34:59

my website or on social media . Also

35:02

, if you have a topic you'd like me to discuss on a future

35:04

episode , please DM me . Be

35:06

sure to tune in next week for another episode of

35:08

Stepping Into Meaningful Relationships .