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0:58

for Everyone. Hi,

1:00

friends. This week, we're talking about self-esteem.

1:03

And I want to kind of break down self-esteem

1:05

in a whole new way and give you a mindset

1:08

that's going to help your self-esteem and

1:10

not hurt it. Because there's a whole shift you

1:12

got to make, and I'm going to explain

1:14

it to the best of my ability. Because there's

1:17

two types of people, and this is going to kind

1:19

of reveal which mindset you're in.

1:22

And then I'm going to tell you how to flip it. And then I'm going to talk

1:24

about being worried about what people think

1:26

of you, and being worried about how people feel

1:28

about you. And when you get like anxious

1:30

or nervous or you feel like bad about yourself,

1:33

I'm going to teach you how to flip that and give you this

1:35

new mindset. Because the way you're going to approach

1:37

things and the way you're going to think about things after this

1:40

episode is going to be completely different.

1:42

So, let's jump into this. First thing

1:44

is the two different types of mindsets. So

1:47

the way I saw this the other day, like my example

1:49

is, there was this woman who was

1:51

lost and confused at the airport,

1:54

and she was trying to figure out where to go.

1:56

And she had a lot of bags, and she was having trouble

1:58

like pulling her own...

1:59

bags but also trying to be on her phone and like

2:02

find her uber and like figure out where she's going she's

2:04

lost LAX was god-awful the

2:06

airport is terrible but she was very confused

2:08

and it was visible and she was frantic and

2:10

panicking and kind of like worried and just

2:13

lost and my brains first resort was

2:15

this is someone who needs to be taken

2:17

care of this is someone who needs help

2:20

she looks like kind of like a victim like she could easily

2:22

be taken advantage of in this situation

2:24

like I saw someone who was vulnerable

2:27

and I saw the ways I could help her and be

2:29

there for her now that's one

2:32

mindset because you're gonna see how you're

2:34

of use to people and you're gonna see what

2:37

voids you can fill and you're able to identify

2:40

what needs people have you can read a situation

2:42

you can see it see the position that they're

2:44

in and you see how you can offer yourself

2:46

to help and make them feel better

2:49

when you see someone in distress or someone in a vulnerable

2:51

position how does your brain go do you

2:53

immediately think and see what could

2:55

make it better for them and how you could be there for them

2:58

or does your mind kind of go the other way

3:01

where you see someone in a vulnerable state and

3:04

you see what you could get out of it and

3:06

what you could take advantage of because a lot of taxi

3:08

drivers will take advantage of someone like that a

3:10

lot of people will go up and rob someone like that

3:13

or pretend like they're helping her and then fill her suitcases

3:15

like there's two ways that your brain is

3:17

gonna instinctually kind of go

3:20

but if your first spot and the way your brain

3:22

immediately sees situations is how

3:24

you can benefit how you can take advantage

3:27

instead of being of use you

3:29

are never ever going to

3:31

feel

3:32

good about yourself or feel of use

3:34

or feel like you're capable of anything people

3:37

with this type of mindset are used

3:39

to having to fend for themselves and

3:42

they have to look at any opportunity to meet their

3:44

own needs because they're not used to people doing anything

3:46

for them it's like you've been for yourself and you figure

3:48

it out or you don't get what you need so I understand

3:51

why people have this mindset but I kind of want to

3:53

take it a step further and break down

3:56

like someone who's always trying to see what

3:58

they can get is never seeing what they

4:00

can give and how they can help and

4:02

be there for someone. So the flip mindset

4:04

of trying to take advantage, you're never

4:07

gonna be able to have self-esteem. You're never gonna

4:09

feel good about yourself if you never see how you can

4:11

be of use or take up space

4:13

in like a good way and offer things to

4:16

people in this world. If you're only ever seeing

4:18

what you can get out of things, you're never

4:20

seeing what you can give and you're never

4:22

gonna feel like you have self-esteem. You're never gonna feel useful.

4:24

You're never gonna feel good about yourself or

4:26

life. Like life is just gonna seem like a constant

4:28

fight and the cycle is

4:31

just gonna continue. I felt like that

4:33

example illustrated this perfectly because

4:35

that's a mindset that you have to

4:38

look at things a certain way. When you

4:40

feel like you have enough and you're

4:43

fulfilled or you're confident or you're happy

4:46

and you have resources and you feel abundant

4:49

in a way, your brain is gonna be in a giving

4:51

mindset. And how can I be of use mindset?

4:54

But people who don't have that, a lot of people

4:56

have to break that and it makes full sense

4:58

why people are the opposite and look at how

5:00

they can take advantage and see what they can get

5:02

out of things. Like it makes full sense, but you're

5:04

gonna be trapped to a life of pain and never feeling

5:07

valuable if you stay in that mindset.

5:09

This next portion I wanna talk about is about

5:12

how people see you. This is gonna fall

5:14

into friendships and especially

5:16

relationships and partnerships, even like family.

5:18

Like being worried about how anyone sees

5:21

you, these are just a couple of things

5:23

that I want to give you new mindsets

5:25

around that are gonna make you

5:27

feel a lot better and stop seeing

5:30

how you're deficient and not good enough and unappreciated

5:33

and start seeing the opposite. So

5:35

you feel better. Like this is the whole thing about self-esteem.

5:37

You have to see how you're of use. But there's

5:39

a big thing between seeing if you're of use and

5:42

not being appreciated. Like it's a mind

5:44

fuck. So let me unfuck it for you. I

5:47

have a whole podcast episode about caring what people

5:49

think. And I talked about in that episode,

5:52

you can't stop caring what people think. You

5:54

can't stop being worried about it. And you

5:57

shouldn't want to. Like it's gonna help

5:59

you reveal. so much about yourself. And

6:01

that's where I'm gonna go into this deeper with

6:04

self-esteem. Like the way that you're

6:06

worried, people feel about you,

6:08

is how you actually feel about yourself sometimes.

6:11

But instead of trying to not give a fuck what people

6:13

think and not care what people think of you, look

6:16

at it. Fully look at what

6:18

are you so worried people think of

6:21

you? What are you so worried they

6:23

assume? Or how do you think that they're looking

6:25

at you that's making you feel bad or not

6:27

feel good? Because all of your worries

6:30

are going to become very obvious as soon as

6:32

you look at it. And then every single

6:34

change you need to make pops right up. As

6:36

soon as you look at it, figure out what you're worried

6:38

about, I'm gonna teach you how to go through it. So

6:40

I have a couple of things that I used to feel

6:43

a lot with people and I'm gonna give you

6:45

my new mindset that is like building

6:48

my self-esteem and has built my self-esteem

6:50

with these certain situations. And it's gonna give you new

6:52

perspectives to see yourself from and

6:54

just fix a lot of shit for you. So here we go. So

6:57

one thing that used to bother me a lot is I

6:59

convinced myself a lot

7:01

of people talked to me because

7:04

they felt obligated to or

7:06

they would respond to me or

7:08

communicate with me because they felt like they had

7:10

to. They didn't feel like they had an option. That's

7:12

how I was looking at it. But with every

7:15

worry you have about how other people are thinking

7:17

of you and feeling about you, you

7:20

need to ask, is it true? So for me

7:22

feeling like everyone was obligated to talk to

7:24

me and that's the only reason that they were talking to me

7:26

a long time ago, I laugh now because

7:28

I'm like shit. It was so

7:31

damaging to me to be thinking like this but

7:34

I was so trapped in it. I convinced myself,

7:36

people only talk to me because they felt

7:38

obligated to. They didn't talk to me because they wanted

7:40

to. And I had to question, was that true?

7:43

Is there another reason people would talk to me? Is

7:45

there a possibility people actually

7:47

want to talk to me? Yeah,

7:50

but that didn't really help that much. So I had to kind of go

7:52

into it deeper and be like, why do

7:54

I think everyone operates

7:56

out of obligation? Why do

7:58

I think that people... Feel like they have

8:01

to talk to me and actually do it a lot of people don't

8:03

operate out of obligation But I had a lot

8:06

of experiences in my past where

8:08

everybody just acted under obligation

8:10

They didn't really honor the way that they felt and what

8:12

they truly wanted to do after seeing

8:14

that I could look back at it I'm like, okay now

8:17

that I can acknowledge not everyone

8:19

operates out of obligation a lot of people do

8:22

but not everyone You can look at your case

8:24

more clearly Some people actually

8:26

are talking to you just because they want to they're

8:29

responding to their attentive to you because they want

8:31

to be they care with this limiting

8:33

mindset of like kind of writing

8:36

off like the good about yourself and like

8:38

people want to talk to me because They actually want to talk

8:40

to me and just convincing yourself. Oh, they feel

8:42

obligated You're never gonna feel good about yourself

8:44

and a lot of people don't have awareness

8:47

that this is going on in their head I didn't for a long

8:49

time. I just thought nobody liked me and I

8:51

didn't know why it's because I was Discrediting

8:54

every single thing that they did to

8:56

me to show me that they cared about me or liked me I was

8:58

like, oh they feel obligated. I didn't get to sit in

9:00

the appreciation of oh, they do

9:02

like me They are texting me because they genuinely

9:05

like want to know how I'm doing. They want to talk to me. They

9:07

want to hang out they don't feel obligated to

9:09

like when you grow up and Have

9:12

experienced Transactions a lot and like people

9:14

only doing things for certain things and a lot

9:16

of people operating out of obligation You're

9:18

gonna question a lot of people's motives But it

9:21

robs you from a very

9:23

big boost and self-esteem Because

9:25

you discredit everybody for what they're

9:28

doing. They're just doing it because they're obligated stop

9:30

looking for how people are showing you attention and love

9:32

and Writing it off stop

9:34

looking for ways to discredit

9:36

it and discount it Look for how you

9:39

can accept it and allow it in and

9:41

say okay Like I see why this person would

9:43

actually want to talk to me like look

9:45

for how they're not Obligated and look

9:48

for why they would want to talk to you and be attentive

9:50

to you. See that's just the first thing

9:52

I wanted to bring up now the second point I'm

9:54

gonna talk you through is a little different

9:57

and it doesn't go like this way. It goes

9:59

the opposite way So I used to not

10:01

feel interesting around certain people. I

10:03

didn't feel like I was exciting or special

10:06

or interesting to a lot of people.

10:09

I used to be so like, cribblingly

10:12

insecure about that because I always thought

10:14

I was like boring and people thought

10:16

I was boring.

10:18

But

10:19

when you look at it, okay, there's my

10:21

concern. I feel like people look at me like

10:23

I'm boring. Is it true? What

10:25

else is at play here? That's not

10:27

that. So I looked at myself and I

10:29

was like, I know what I know. I do what I

10:32

do. My style is the way that it is. I can have conversations

10:35

at like a very high level. I'm very, very

10:37

interesting to myself. Then

10:39

I looked at the people I thought

10:41

thought I was boring. Actually,

10:44

they were fucking boring. That's where that came

10:46

from. Like I felt like I

10:48

was boring because they were boring. Boring

10:51

people do not appreciate special

10:53

things. Like boring people don't have

10:55

the capacity to like understand and appreciate

10:58

something special or something fun. Like they're

11:00

boring. They probably don't even show emotion. So

11:04

being around boring people, being

11:06

so worried about what they thought of me, I didn't check

11:08

in and see what do I think of them? Are they

11:11

exciting? Am I excited by them? And

11:13

the answer was no. And that's why we did

11:15

a lot of cleaning out with my life and people I was around.

11:18

But that mindset stuck with me. I'm

11:20

not boring and neither are you. The

11:23

people who make you feel boring might

11:25

just actually be the boring one. Does that make

11:27

sense? Like it's not being reflected to you and

11:29

it doesn't mean that it's not there. It takes

11:31

someone who's not boring to make you feel

11:34

special and exciting and fun. So

11:37

just become aware of that in your mind. If you

11:39

ever feel boring around somebody, check and see

11:41

if they're boring. Check and see if they're a loser.

11:45

Because it can make you feel like it's

11:47

you. Because things

11:49

you say might not land. They might not seem interested

11:51

in conversation. They might seem to just talk about

11:54

surface level shit. That's their thing.

11:56

They're not even able to access where you can

11:58

be exciting. and share new

12:01

fun things, they can't get there. So

12:03

don't let that make you question if you're

12:05

exciting, or if you are special,

12:07

or if you are fun to be around. They're

12:10

the fucking boring one, okay? Let

12:12

me just yell that at you a little bit. Because

12:14

I've suffered with that for a long time. And

12:16

after I explored this, I was like, hey,

12:19

I'm kind of fun. Okay,

12:22

now my next example is gonna be

12:24

something where I needed to change something.

12:26

So other people was actually right, and

12:28

what I was worried about was actually true. This

12:31

is not a bad thing. Because like I said, as soon

12:33

as you face what you're worried about, changes you need to

12:35

make become very obvious. So one of

12:37

my biggest worries and concerns was

12:40

that people thought that I was weak and

12:43

not emotionally controlled. So

12:45

I had to look at, okay, is it true?

12:48

And it kind of was. Like it kind of

12:50

was. And I know

12:52

I'm very mentally strong, but my

12:54

behaviors at the time were

12:57

when I lacked discipline, and I

12:59

kind of let my emotions run me and control

13:01

me. So what I did

13:04

was realize, okay, if I do

13:06

want to feel more controlled and have

13:08

people perceive me as

13:10

controlled and not weak, I

13:12

need to stop being weak. I need to

13:15

stop letting my emotions run me

13:17

and dictate me. Like I started implementing

13:20

discipline and got a really good grip on it. I

13:22

started to structure my life a little bit more and

13:24

do things and give myself time constraints

13:27

and forced myself to show up for myself. And

13:30

it made me respect myself a lot more. Because

13:32

like I said, how you think other people

13:34

feel about you sometimes is how you feel

13:36

about yourself. I felt weak

13:38

because I was constantly dicked around by my emotions.

13:41

Like I would say I was gonna do something

13:43

and then wouldn't do it. So as soon as I started

13:46

getting more disciplined and showing up

13:48

for myself and not letting my emotions

13:51

run me around and not having

13:53

such big outward displays

13:56

of emotion and knowing how to control

13:58

myself in... certain situations

14:01

and not pop off and not freak

14:03

out and cause a scene and be overly dramatic.

14:06

I felt a lot more controlled

14:08

because I was. It was all in my actions

14:11

and my actions that I used

14:14

to make me feel stronger was getting

14:16

a grip on myself. Like literally just grabbing

14:18

myself and being like, get it to fuck together,

14:21

you know? But that's a situation where

14:23

how I felt about myself changed just

14:26

by my actions of what I needed to do and

14:28

how other people felt about me changed.

14:31

I felt more respected. I felt like

14:33

people knew I was strong. Like I knew I was

14:35

strong, but it was just at certain

14:38

times. It wasn't all the time. Like now I'm strong

14:40

and it's obvious and people see a lot

14:42

of things that I deal with and they're like, how do you keep it

14:44

together? And I'm like, girl, I don't know. But

14:47

I always do. I always find a way to figure things

14:50

out. I do still get very emotional

14:52

and I let myself get riled

14:54

up and I let myself get sad, but I

14:57

do that contained with myself and

15:00

I don't show that to people who I don't want

15:02

to see it. I do let certain people see it. I

15:04

do talk to people in my life and they

15:06

know I'm still strong even

15:09

though I'm expressing the times that I feel

15:11

weak because they know and they see I

15:13

always flip it. I always fix it. I always

15:16

get up and do something and move and change

15:18

my situation. Like I'll sit here and vent and

15:20

bitch about what I'm dealing with, but everybody

15:23

knows I'm going to fix it. I'm going

15:25

to handle it. And that's where you can still

15:28

be emotional and not be

15:30

seen as weak. Like you're complaining about

15:32

your situation and then you have a track

15:35

record of showing you complain and then you change.

15:37

You don't sit here and just complain and do nothing

15:40

and keep complaining. That's a weak person.

15:42

That's who someone's going to look at as weak. That's

15:44

who someone is not going to think is emotionally controlled.

15:46

Like you're just over here just whining. For

15:49

what? Wine to get

15:51

a solution. Get

15:54

it all out there and see what you can do. Get

15:57

the emotion out of you and get clear

15:59

on what you need to do. Because after you vented out most times,

16:01

you're like, okay, yeah, I know what I need to do. And now

16:03

I'm not so upset, so let's go do it. But

16:05

the other thing I was so worried about was people thinking

16:08

I was dramatic. That was something

16:10

I had to learn how to communicate the

16:12

way that I felt so people understood. When

16:15

I have an emotional reaction to something, if

16:18

it seems misplaced or if

16:20

it seems bigger than it should be, I'm

16:22

aware because I go into myself and

16:25

see why things bother me, that

16:28

it's never an overreaction. There's a lot more

16:30

things going on in me. And people

16:33

who are looking at my reaction and me

16:35

experiencing the reaction are in two different

16:37

realities. I had to learn how to communicate

16:40

what I was feeling, what this was reminding

16:42

me of, and what this certain thing meant to

16:44

me and why it hurt me so that they

16:46

understood. Then they could get into my perspective,

16:49

see why it bothered me, and be understanding,

16:52

and not be like, oh, you're being dramatic. That's a

16:54

really big thing with learning how to communicate.

16:56

And a lot of people are hung up about, oh,

16:58

I don't wanna be vulnerable, I don't wanna share these things.

17:01

But communicating is giving people

17:03

insight into you. And it takes a lot of strength

17:05

to be able to communicate that and to be vulnerable.

17:08

And giving people a clear reality

17:10

of what you're dealing with makes them

17:12

see you stronger. Because they

17:14

might see a little situation and be like, oh, it's easy

17:17

as this, like done. But they see you

17:19

dealing with a lot more and still handling

17:21

it. You don't get looked at as weak when

17:23

you communicate more. You get looked at as

17:26

strong. It's the weirdest thing. But

17:28

I used to be so worried about it. Now I communicate

17:31

freely and openly, even if I look

17:34

weak in the moment, or I don't even

17:36

say weak. If I let people know

17:38

something bothers me, it's not weak at

17:41

all. It makes you

17:43

look a lot stronger because they're aware

17:45

this thing bothered you and they see you

17:48

keep going. Versus they assume nothing's

17:50

bothering you and see you keep going. They

17:53

don't realize what you're overcoming and what you're dealing

17:55

with. So it's okay to share those things. And

17:58

that's what helped me a lot with being. worried that

18:00

people saw me as like dramatic in the past.

18:02

Like I had to understand first,

18:05

what's going on is not just on the surface

18:07

and being able to communicate that and made

18:09

them see the same thing. So there's two

18:11

ways you can kind of hit that one. I

18:13

do need to take a quick second and talk about today's

18:16

sponsor, which is Vessi. And Vessi

18:18

is basically a weatherproof

18:20

shoe company and they also sell other accessories,

18:23

but they sell shoes that

18:25

can withstand the elements. So if you're

18:27

doing anything outdoorsy and you don't

18:29

want your feet getting wet or you don't want like other

18:31

shoes you have getting ruined cause they can't

18:34

get wet, they'd be falling apart. So if you're

18:36

going to the beach, Vessi has you covered. You can get their

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shoes fully in the water, like a little water shoe,

18:40

but it doesn't look like one. It looks like a full sneaker. If

18:42

you're going to go hiking, they're good for that. Or if

18:44

it's just raining outside and you want a

18:46

good shoe that you know is going to keep your feet

18:48

dry and can get wet, but like not ruin the vibe

18:51

cause their shoes are cute. And they have a lot of accessories

18:53

too, like the gloves. I talk about them a lot,

18:55

but I use them more than I thought I would. So

18:57

like if you have stuff that you don't want to touch, that's

19:00

like gross, or like if you're cleaning

19:02

certain things their gloves are really good for

19:04

making a little barrier for you. And they're really good

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quality. Cause like mine haven't ripped and

19:08

I'd be using them and I wash them and

19:11

they're still doing great. And Vessi is

19:13

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19:15

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back to the podcast. Now

19:28

the next thing I want to talk about is

19:31

something I still kind of deal

19:33

with to this day. But

19:35

I'm going to teach you how to flip your mindset around

19:37

it and not have it wreck your self esteem. So

19:39

I literally wrote down on my notes, being

19:42

worried that people think that

19:44

I'm lost, confused

19:46

and unstable. I used to have a really big

19:49

worry about people perceiving

19:51

me this way and not seeming

19:53

stable to people and not seeming like I have

19:56

my shit together. For people to think

19:58

that I was lost and... Confused I

20:01

let that kind of like hurt me and I felt like people were

20:03

judging me I didn't want anyone to see that but

20:06

I had to look at is that really

20:09

a bad thing? because The

20:11

way my life is this

20:13

is fucking expected.

20:15

It's very expected for me to feel unstable

20:18

Confused and lost a lot because

20:21

every single day I wake up with the

20:23

career that I've chosen Everything's different

20:25

everything changes you guys have seen my life flip

20:28

upside down so many times I've moved

20:31

like four times in the past two

20:33

years not even like year and a half I've moved

20:36

four times Where can you look at someone

20:38

who's doing this much and improving their life

20:40

this much and look at them and be like your

20:43

whole reality is constantly breaking you're constantly

20:45

achieving new things and moving to new places and

20:47

experiencing new things and Expect

20:50

them to have a stable air about them.

20:52

I am very stable and grounded in who I am but

20:55

like my life and my environment is

20:58

What I feel is very unstable

21:00

like what I'm doing constantly

21:03

is changing and I was

21:05

sitting here worried that people thought because

21:08

the way my life is that I was unstable.

21:10

That's not the truth I'm very stable.

21:13

I'm very clear-headed and clear-minded I

21:15

adapt and do everything I need to do but

21:18

for my life to be unstable

21:21

and look unstable and my apartment is not fully

21:23

furnished and like I'm still working

21:25

on shit with my life and That

21:27

isn't all that people see like they

21:29

see that you're stable in who you are

21:32

and they see that you're handling all

21:34

of this uncertainty And instability

21:36

because you are stable enough to handle it like

21:38

in you in yourself You are stable

21:41

your environment in your life is not so

21:44

me having to kind of like base that made

21:46

me feel a lot better Because it's

21:48

not a bad thing and it's not that my life

21:50

reflects me like what I'm dealing

21:52

with what my circumstances look like Constantly

21:55

changing.

21:56

I'm not

21:57

like I'm growing and developing. Yes, but

21:59

like I I am not my

22:01

life and my external situation,

22:03

if that makes sense. Like I thought people only

22:06

saw my life and what was going

22:08

on, not me. All of you see

22:10

me and you see me very stable and grounded

22:13

and strong, even though my whole

22:15

life is constantly changing and moving and flipping.

22:18

And that really put my mind to rest when I

22:20

realized that's not all people

22:22

see is just how your life looks. Like they

22:25

see you.

22:27

Okay, my last point I wanna hit on is

22:30

worrying that other people do not find

22:33

you attractive. And

22:35

that is a big

22:38

one. So buckle in. So

22:40

if you are automatically thinking and like your brain

22:42

kind of assumes people don't think you're

22:44

attractive, there's

22:47

a couple of things you can kind of check first

22:49

before you start attacking yourself and trying to change

22:51

yourself. What is

22:53

making you think that you're not attractive to

22:56

them? Not in general, to

22:58

them. Because someone

23:00

could be a completely different vibe from

23:02

you. They could be a whole different type

23:05

of lifestyle, type of look, like a grungy

23:07

vibe or like a very clean, like Sophia

23:09

Richie, like pretty put together vibe. I'm

23:11

over here like gold tattoos, all black,

23:14

mobster from the eighties in Miami vibe.

23:16

Like that's my vibe. But like there's certain types

23:18

of people who are not gonna like me, the clean, pretty aesthetic

23:21

and like these little frat boys, these

23:24

type of people would never think I'm

23:26

like attractive. They

23:28

might think, okay, he's cute, like he's decent looking but like

23:30

they wouldn't be attractive to like want

23:33

me if that makes sense. Like some people are just nice

23:35

to look at because they're not your vibe at all.

23:37

Like they're cute, they're attractive, but

23:40

you wouldn't bring them like in your life. Like

23:42

you don't mesh, you're not compatible.

23:44

So I just wanted to point that out. People

23:47

might not be moving in on you because

23:49

they think you're not compatible. It's like

23:51

these little frat boys with the goth girlfriends. It

23:53

actually works. Like it's funny

23:56

when it does work, but like a frat boy

23:59

who likes a goth. girl might be like, oh,

24:01

I don't feel like she thinks I'm attractive

24:03

because I don't look like her. I don't look like her

24:05

vibe. I don't fit that. But she

24:07

still very much could be attracted to him. And

24:10

a lot of people are attracted to like the opposite.

24:12

So that's the first thing to kind of check. Do

24:15

you not feel attractive because you don't

24:17

aesthetically look like someone else's vibe?

24:20

That's the first thing to question. And

24:22

like I said, where you go changing stuff, you

24:25

need to see is this

24:27

person's vibe yours?

24:30

Like for you to go change the way

24:32

that you look and the way that you present like the frat

24:34

boy trying to date the goth girl, does he need

24:36

to go try and be goth now? No.

24:38

And does the goth girl need

24:40

to go be more like pretty and put together and try

24:43

and like fit that little Sophia Richie like aesthetic?

24:45

No. What they like about each other

24:47

is the differences. They like that it's different.

24:50

So that's something else to get if someone

24:53

might be attracted to you because you're

24:55

not their vibe and they like your

24:57

vibe. So if you automatically get insecure

25:00

and worried and it hurts your self esteem, so you

25:02

go trying to change yourself to be more their vibe,

25:04

they might lose attraction to you because you're not your

25:07

original vibe, you see, but

25:09

that's why it's so important to get your own

25:11

aesthetic and find out what you like

25:14

and how you want to present and stay

25:16

grounded in that. Like, sure, it's going to change

25:18

and ebb and flow, but my look,

25:20

my aesthetic is me. Like

25:23

it's not going to change much

25:25

like certain little things will change.

25:28

Like I'll get a new decoration or like I'll get

25:30

a new like piece of clothing, but my

25:32

whole entire vibe and aesthetic is

25:35

mine. And that's where

25:37

sometimes you might feel like your vibe is not

25:39

attractive. That's where I'm saying ask

25:42

why, what vibe do you

25:44

feel like thinks your vibe is not cute? And

25:47

is that even true? Because for me

25:49

to meet someone who's my exact vibe, I

25:51

know I'm going to be cute to him. I know I'm we're

25:54

going to like each other like it's duh, we're the

25:56

same vibe. So you're confident in that. But what I

25:58

really wanted to bring up is just Just because

26:00

you think someone's not into you in your vibe

26:02

doesn't mean that's the truth. Like some

26:05

people like the flip and the contrast

26:07

and they like it to look different and they like

26:09

that their partner is different. That's

26:11

what makes them attracted to you. So your brain's trained

26:14

a little to see, I'm not attractive

26:16

to this person because of this. Explore

26:18

the opposite. But now I want to talk about changing

26:21

like the way you look and your appearance

26:23

to try and look more attractive for

26:26

someone. Always check in with yourself.

26:29

Do you actually like it?

26:31

Like

26:32

for you to change your style for someone,

26:34

that's a transaction. Like okay I'm going to do these things

26:36

and change these things, dye my hair, change my body,

26:39

whatever I'm going to do with the

26:41

hope and the attachment

26:44

of I'm going to get approval and love and

26:46

feel attractive to you. If

26:49

you change all these things about yourself and

26:51

don't get the desired outcome, you will hate

26:53

yourself. You will turn against everything

26:56

you just changed and hate it because

26:58

it didn't get you what you subconsciously

27:01

were hoping for so you're going to resent it.

27:03

So like if you change your vibe to try

27:06

and be appealing to somebody else and they still don't

27:08

find you appealing or it doesn't make them want you more,

27:10

that's a disaster

27:12

waiting to happen. That's why I say change

27:15

what you want to change for yourself. Look

27:18

at am I changing this thing because I want

27:20

them to like me more or am I changing this thing

27:22

because I want to like me more and I'll feel

27:25

better if I look like this. But also question

27:27

why would you feel better? Would you do

27:29

it like low key because you think they're going to like you more or

27:31

is it because you feel like it's a new confident

27:34

way of being for you and that's how you want

27:36

to look and you want to be. Is that the vibe

27:38

you want? It's about you because

27:41

people are very attracted to someone

27:43

being the most them they can be and

27:45

it shows a lot of confidence

27:48

and so like solid like reassurance

27:50

and like what's it called like stability and

27:52

assurance and like appreciation for yourself

27:55

because like had y'all seen me get with

27:57

somebody and then try and change my vibe

27:59

like a clean boy. aesthetic y'all be like what

28:01

the hell like I have the clean

28:03

boy aesthetic ish like I'm

28:06

kept I look kept but I still got

28:08

that like edge but it gives

28:10

very uncertain and unshaky and when you

28:12

get with someone they immediately try and like take

28:15

on your vibe it gives very insecure it gives

28:17

not cute for someone just be who they

28:19

are and own that shit that's

28:21

hot like it doesn't matter the vibe like

28:24

I said like the golf girl like if she gets with

28:26

these people and tries to start dressing different it's

28:28

gonna be like oh you insecure ain't it

28:30

that's when people

28:32

are actually gonna think you are less attractive

28:35

is when you try to be more attractive for them

28:37

not for yourself I think

28:39

I nailed that last little point down but I do want

28:42

to say about self-esteem when you

28:44

start going into everything and realizing the

28:46

things that you want to change the

28:48

moment you become aware

28:51

of the way you want to present and how you want

28:53

to be and how you want to feel about yourself the

28:55

moment that you start taking those steps

28:58

is when all the self-esteem pours

29:00

in you're gonna feel it immediately

29:02

like once you recognize okay these are the changes

29:05

I want to make and you start doing them you

29:07

start lending your energy toward that that's

29:10

when you start to respect yourself more and care

29:12

about yourself more and take yourself more serious

29:14

and appreciate yourself and all

29:16

the self-esteem like I said just pours

29:18

in it's in the actions and

29:21

sometimes it's not even the actions sometimes

29:23

the self-esteem can pour in by taking

29:26

on a new perspective like a couple of things that I shared

29:28

in the different ways that I broke them down just

29:30

seeing a new perspective of yourself and

29:33

seeing if it's true how other people see

29:35

you or not like with me not feeling

29:37

interesting just taking on that new

29:39

perspective and understanding that they're

29:41

fucking boring not me self-esteem

29:44

is gonna pour right in but the same thing comes from

29:46

the actions so all the self-esteem

29:48

is just sitting there waiting for you but you have to

29:50

get clear on what you're worried about people

29:53

think of you that's hurting your self-esteem

29:55

and you'll see what you need to change and

29:57

then put your laughs behind it and you're gonna feel

29:59

real

29:59

I feel good.

30:01

And the biggest reason I call this the self-esteem

30:03

mindset is because you're

30:05

looking for ways and doing things

30:08

to stop damaging your self-esteem. Like

30:10

you're looking for the thoughts that are damaging it and

30:12

you're looking for the actions that are damaging it and

30:15

making you feel bad about yourself and you're flipping

30:17

them. This is the new mindset you need

30:19

for self-esteem. It's always there and accessible

30:22

to you. It's just how you're gonna achieve it

30:24

and access it. How you're gonna access that increased

30:26

self-esteem. It's either a new perspective or it's an

30:28

action. Get started. There

30:31

are still some tickets left to my tour happening

30:34

in January of 2024. If you want

30:36

a ticket, I'll put the link in the description. A

30:38

couple of the shows have already sold out but we added

30:41

two more. One more in San Diego and one more

30:43

in Phoenix. And for everybody who's pissed off that I'm

30:45

not coming to your city yet, this

30:47

is just the first leg of the tour in 2024. Like

30:50

we're gonna plan our next locations

30:53

after the first round. So

30:55

there's a lot more places coming. So don't stress.

30:58

I'm gonna come everywhere and hug everybody, okay? You'll

31:00

get your chance. But that is all I've got for this week's

31:02

episode about your new self-esteem

31:05

mindset. If you enjoyed this video, leave it a

31:07

thumbs up. And if you're here on YouTube and you're new, subscribe,

31:09

damn it. I've put out all kind of videos like this

31:11

that's gonna help you a whole bunch. If you're

31:14

listening to the audio version on Apple Podcasts and

31:16

Spotify, you know the drill, babe. Five stars

31:18

for increased self-esteem. Trust

31:21

me as you hit the five star button and submit it. You're

31:23

gonna feel better about yourself, promise. I

31:26

will leave the link in the description to all of

31:28

my social media. Also with tour tickets, like I said. My

31:31

app, my merch, which is going

31:33

away very soon. It might go away

31:36

like in a couple of days after this video is posted.

31:38

But a relaunch and like a rebrand is coming

31:41

in December. So don't stress. More stuff coming

31:43

and it's so much better. But links to everything

31:45

you need for me will be down below. Don't forget to add

31:47

me on Snapchat. I'd be doing like daily vlogs

31:50

or like daily type stuff on there. But that's just

31:52

Leo Skeppy. Like I said, in the description, everything

31:54

you need. Everybody be safe. Take

31:57

care of yourself. And I will talk to you guys

31:59

next Sunday.

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