0:00

Hi friends, this week we're doing a What Would

0:02

Leo Do? But I want to give

0:04

you a little update about me first. When you're watching

0:06

this, I'm in New York. I

0:09

booked a one-way ticket to New York.

0:11

I don't know when I'm coming back. I'm just

0:13

gonna go figure it out. But my next episode

0:15

will be me in a random setup with

0:18

my mic in my hand. So I'm just gonna

0:20

warn you, you're gonna come along this ride with

0:22

me, come along this journey with me. This next

0:24

chapter of my life is gonna be

0:26

very intuitive. I'm gonna just let

0:29

myself be guided wherever the hell I

0:31

go and figure it out. All

0:33

I know is right now I don't like how

0:35

I feel here. So I'm getting out and I'm

0:38

gonna follow what feels right and what feels good.

0:40

And we're just gonna wing it. And this new

0:42

version of me does not resonate with this place

0:44

at all. Old me didn't, but me now really

0:47

doesn't. So we're gonna go figure life out. But

0:49

that's all a little update I have about me.

0:51

Now let's get into the What Would Leo Do.

0:55

Okay, let's start with this one. It's gonna be

0:57

quick. Is it a red flag if

0:59

you have been dating someone new and they refuse

1:01

to talk about their dating history? Yes,

1:04

absolutely. Another quick one. Someone said,

1:06

my situationship seems way too good

1:08

to be true. Please help. A

1:12

situationship is right there, your sign.

1:14

It's not too good to be

1:16

true. It isn't too good. Because

1:18

you wouldn't be in a situationship.

1:21

You would be in a relationship

1:23

with the person. What

1:25

do you mean the situationship is too good to

1:27

be true? Too good would

1:29

be ready to commit and lock

1:31

things down with you immediately. I

1:34

don't think it's too good to be true. I feel

1:36

it's very much their average. Here's

1:39

a good one we can ramble about for a

1:41

minute. Someone or a lot of people, a lot

1:43

of you guys were asking about trauma bonds. Now

1:46

let's get into that. So

1:49

from my experience with trauma bonds,

1:51

there's two ways it can kind

1:53

of happen. You can have a

1:55

shared experience together, where you've been

1:57

traumatized together, or have traumatized each

1:59

other, or... You've both been

2:01

through a similar trauma and you share

2:03

a specific feeling state that you feel

2:05

like no one else shares.

2:08

The big thing here with either situation,

2:10

any type of trauma bond you have

2:12

going on, you get into

2:14

this mindset that this

2:16

person is the only person

2:18

who shares that pain or shares that experience

2:20

with you. And you will start to make

2:22

misjudgments with the way that you care for

2:24

them and prioritize them and feel connected to

2:27

them. And you're really gonna feel like you

2:29

can't let them go because not just the

2:31

fear of losing them, but the fear of

2:33

being alone in that experience or pain if

2:35

you lose the person that shares it with

2:37

you. There's a lot that goes into it

2:39

and trauma bonds are hell. But a personal

2:41

example I'll give you from a while ago

2:44

with me and someone that I

2:46

was like trauma bonded with. When

2:48

I met this person, I was

2:51

in a very dark period of

2:53

my life and I felt very

2:56

hopeless, numb, drained,

2:59

tired, like nothing made me

3:01

excited, nothing made me happy.

3:04

It was just living my life

3:06

running off of sheer willpower and

3:08

like force. That's a

3:10

really hard way to live. And when I

3:12

met this person, they were in the same

3:14

position and they were the only person that

3:16

I found that shared that feeling state and

3:18

feeling this whole like just numbness to life.

3:21

And it was the most

3:24

bonding thing ever. But

3:27

when you bond out of

3:29

vibrationally, very low place, it

3:31

kind of like handcuffs you to it.

3:34

Like you're stuck in that spot together. When you're

3:37

alone in it, you're uncomfortable. You want to get

3:39

out of it. You want to grow. You want

3:41

to change. You want to move. You want to

3:43

do something when you find someone that can comfort

3:45

you in that state. You're

3:48

a lot more likely to get stuck in

3:50

it and feel stuck in it because now

3:52

you have a companion. You suffer more when

3:54

you suffer alone and it's comforting just to

3:56

have someone in your pain with you, especially

3:58

if they share it. Like if you both

4:00

just don't know what to do, just having

4:02

the person there and knowing you both share

4:04

that is very comforting. But like I said,

4:06

it's gonna take away your ambition

4:09

and enthusiasm to make a change, reflect,

4:11

grow. You just cope your way through

4:13

it because now you have a new

4:15

comfort. You don't have to really address

4:17

it. You have a new comfort for

4:19

it. And the bond that is built

4:21

there is very, very

4:23

dangerous. Very

4:26

dangerous because at any moment, one

4:28

of you could make a change or have

4:30

a realization or have a new, like something could

4:32

shift in you and you

4:35

change the way that you feel and

4:38

your little lust for life might come back. And

4:40

when you're the one that didn't make that change,

4:42

you have a feeling of abandonment. You

4:44

were left in where you were, where

4:47

they were with you. But

4:49

to be the one that leads, that's

4:51

very hard too because a lot of the times it's not

4:53

a quick flip or like a quick change. But if you

4:55

wanna make a change and get out of shit, that

4:58

trauma bond and the feeling of connection you

5:00

have, like that person is

5:02

gonna hold such an important place

5:04

in your heart it's gonna feel

5:06

like. And that's one situation where

5:09

you absolutely can settle and

5:11

bend in your boundaries and bend in

5:13

your values because this person is just

5:15

so special and they touch that pain

5:17

in you that no one else can

5:19

touch and no one even knows exists.

5:22

That is a very dangerous situation to be in.

5:25

Very, very dangerous. And you

5:27

wanting to leave or feeling like you

5:29

have to break a trauma bond, it's

5:31

more than just breaking up with someone,

5:33

stop being friends with someone, leaving someone.

5:36

It's losing the only comfort you've ever

5:39

felt to the pain that you feel

5:41

and losing your connection to not feeling

5:43

alone in it. That's

5:45

a whole thing to try and leave

5:47

behind and it's very, very, very hard.

5:50

And then you have to go through the whole

5:52

breakup process of losing the motherfucker. And you're gonna

5:54

feel like you'll never connect with someone like that

5:57

again. No one's gonna get it. No one's gonna

5:59

truly understand. And it's one

6:01

of the most heartbreaking things to

6:03

do, to break a trauma

6:05

bond or lose someone you had a

6:07

trauma bond with. Breaking

6:09

the bond is one thing, like I said,

6:11

then you have to go through the whole

6:13

period of like missing them, losing them and

6:15

like going through the normal heartbreak version of

6:18

it. But there is no

6:20

just one way to break a

6:22

trauma bond. So me just explaining

6:24

the connection and why you feel

6:26

so connected to them and why

6:28

you feel so unable to

6:30

let them go. It

6:33

comes down to your relationship with you and

6:35

that pain that you feel. Like you're gonna

6:37

have to face being alone in it and

6:39

handling it or find someone, a therapist, a

6:41

friend, someone that can sit with you with

6:44

it and comfort you. Or find a support

6:46

group, find people online who share that with

6:48

you so you don't feel so alone and

6:50

isolated in it because that is the number

6:52

one thing that leads people to unaliving

6:55

is feeling alone in

6:57

their pain and feeling like they're the

6:59

only one that experiences it. But before

7:01

you try and break a trauma bond,

7:03

you need to understand the bond you

7:05

have. Like I said, what

7:08

is it that's connecting you to? What

7:10

is it that you're getting comfort with

7:12

by having this bond with this person?

7:14

Fully understand yourself and what you get

7:17

from it and then it

7:19

will be easier to break it because you

7:21

see the needs that this trauma bond is

7:23

meeting for you. As soon as you

7:25

identify what they are, when you leave

7:27

and you feel all these things in

7:29

yourself of like just wanting to go

7:31

back and like you feel like you

7:33

cannot breathe without this person, you're gonna

7:36

understand why you're feeling this way. All

7:38

of this comfort, all of these needs that were

7:40

being met by this weird trauma

7:42

bonded situation, it's like open wounds.

7:45

But if you know the wounds are there

7:48

and you understand what the wounds are, when

7:50

you snatch the bandaid off of all of

7:52

them and you walk away and all your

7:54

wounds are bleeding, you're not sitting here freaking

7:56

out, running around like why am I bleeding?

8:00

is this hurt so bad? Why am I

8:02

having all these crazy thoughts of going back

8:04

and feeling like I can't live without them?

8:06

You see them all. You understand them all.

8:08

And the way you feel will make sense

8:11

because it's not just a person you lost.

8:13

It's a comfort and you're gonna feel like

8:15

you're never gonna find it again. And just

8:17

having that awareness and understanding what the wounds

8:19

are is gonna help you be able to

8:22

stay strong in your decision and also navigate

8:24

handling it better and getting yourself through it.

8:27

But I'm gonna warn

8:29

you, it's one of the hardest things you'll fucking

8:31

do is break a trauma bond with somebody. It's

8:33

very, very isolating. You'll become

8:35

hopeless, like I said. Is anyone ever gonna get

8:37

it again? Is anyone ever gonna

8:39

know this pain? We are all human

8:41

beings. We all feel the same things.

8:44

And if you have gone through something, like

8:46

I have shit that I'm like, no one will ever

8:49

understand that. But we're all

8:51

human beings and there's always some

8:53

aspect of a feeling state other

8:55

people can relate to. There's only

8:57

so many emotions and there's unlimited

8:59

ways to feel those emotions through

9:01

different experiences. So I guarantee you

9:03

the pain you feel other people

9:05

have felt it, can

9:08

feel it or can relate to

9:10

what it is you shared with this other person.

9:12

And it does kind of become a bitch because

9:14

like I said, if you share an experience where you're

9:17

traumatized together, like me and my sister, I will

9:19

never have a bond like my sister again. I will

9:22

never have anyone who went through life with me

9:24

side by side with a lot of the shit

9:26

that I went through to fully

9:29

understand how I am, who I am,

9:31

the way my brain is. Like the

9:33

bitch just gets it when I speak.

9:35

I don't have to make sense when

9:37

I'm talking. She just gets it. I

9:39

don't have to say anything sometimes. She

9:41

just understands, knows how my brain works

9:43

to an extent. She can predict my

9:45

actions. I'm the most unpredictable person, but

9:47

she's the one person that can predict

9:49

it and figure out my next

9:51

move before I even make it and be

9:54

right. That's a level of connection

9:56

I will never get again because we

9:59

have experiences. you cannot re-experience. There's

10:01

no one else that could fill that

10:03

spot. And that is okay. That

10:05

is a part of life that some

10:08

people are irreplaceable. Some connections

10:10

and some bonds are irreplaceable. But

10:12

that does not mean other

10:15

connections and other bonds are not out there

10:17

for you. So like I said, when you

10:19

try to cut this bond with this person,

10:21

you're gonna feel hopeless. But just

10:24

remember me saying this. You're

10:26

gonna line up with more connections. There's 8

10:28

billion people in the goddamn world. There's plenty

10:30

of people who understand your pain. You just

10:32

have to find them. And as soon as

10:34

you can look at your pain and understand

10:37

it, like I said, understand what the wounds

10:39

are so you're not questioning why am I

10:41

bleeding. As soon as you can see and

10:44

understand the pain that you're in and you

10:46

can articulate that to somebody better and actually

10:48

explain it, that's gonna increase your chances of

10:50

having people understand it or be like, oh

10:52

my god, you just put words to the

10:54

way I've always felt like I do with

10:56

my podcast. I've put words to the way

10:58

a lot of you have felt that you've

11:00

never fucking heard before. You're like, oh my

11:02

god, he described it perfectly. Sitting

11:05

with it, understanding it will give you the ability

11:07

to articulate it. I don't feel alone in any

11:09

of my pain. All the fucked up shit I

11:11

talk about online, all the things I've been through,

11:14

just by sitting with it, understanding it, learning

11:16

it, and talking about it. I have literally

11:18

millions of people now who relate to the

11:20

pain that I'm in and I don't feel

11:22

alone in it. And none of you guys

11:24

do either because I'm sitting here and I

11:26

just articulated and just like, like I extracted

11:28

the way that you felt out of you

11:30

and looked at it and I described it

11:32

because I have it in me. We all

11:34

share certain things, but the biggest thing is you're

11:37

never alone in it and

11:39

it's gonna be hell. So prepare.

11:41

But some bonds are meant to

11:43

be broken, but especially trauma bonds.

11:45

Good luck. Oh no, this one

11:48

said my best friend cheated on her boyfriend and

11:50

I told him, did I do the right thing?

11:54

You're asking someone with very old

11:56

fashioned views. Your loyalty lies with

11:59

your best. friend, not

12:02

her boyfriend. I'm not

12:04

saying you're a bad person for telling him, I

12:06

just don't think that is a loyal thing to

12:08

do if you're best friends

12:10

with someone. Like going to

12:12

your best friend and saying, hey bitch, own

12:15

up to it, express it, talk about it,

12:17

please tell him, be honest, I don't like

12:19

carrying this secret. That's

12:21

totally fine and that's expected. You

12:24

best check her in private, but

12:26

have her back in public. That's

12:29

how I am as a friend, but if you want

12:31

to take this one step further, is

12:33

this best friend you have really someone you

12:35

want to be best friends with? Do you

12:38

want to be best friends with someone who

12:40

does cheat on their partner? That's

12:42

a question for you to explore on your own. Do

12:46

you want to be friends with someone with that type of character?

12:49

That's for you. I'm not saying go

12:51

to bad. That's just a decision you

12:53

need to make with yourself, but most

12:55

people will tell you, you did the

12:57

right thing. You did the morally correct

12:59

thing by telling her boyfriend that

13:02

she cheated on him. I do

13:04

not operate on what

13:06

other people see as correct. I

13:09

value loyalty and who I'm

13:11

loyal to gets that loyalty right or wrong.

13:14

So I would

13:16

not have said shit to the boyfriend.

13:20

So by everybody else's book, you did the

13:22

right thing. Good for you. God

13:24

bless. Okay. In my book,

13:26

you didn't do the right thing because of who

13:28

your loyalty lies with, which is your best

13:30

friend. And I'm just going to leave that

13:32

there. Okay. Okay,

13:35

here we go. Someone asked about

13:37

how to stop seeking validation from

13:39

others. Basically

13:41

that comes down to you

13:44

not trusting your own judgment. And

13:46

I'm not going to tell you, like

13:49

everybody else says, you should never need

13:51

validation. Shut the fuck up. All right.

13:53

Validation feels good. It feels nice. But

13:55

relying on it from other people, do

13:57

you need other people's attention to beyond

14:00

to know that it exists and to know that it is true.

14:02

If there's something about you that you want validated,

14:05

does it go away just because no one mentions

14:07

it or points it out? I guarantee you people

14:09

notice a lot more than you think. A lot

14:11

of people just don't voice it. But that's

14:13

not really where we're gonna go with this. I want

14:16

you to look at how you don't truly trust your

14:18

own judgment of what you see as valuable

14:20

in yourself. Look for

14:22

ways to become more certain of your

14:24

value. I have a whole podcast episode

14:27

about self-love. It's an audio version. It's

14:29

on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. I also

14:31

have an episode called How to Actually

14:33

Feel Lovable. If you wanna practice recognizing

14:35

your own value and loving yourself and

14:37

feeling it. But you using the word

14:39

rely on other people's validation, it

14:41

reveals you don't trust your own judgment with it. If

14:44

you need other people to validate it,

14:46

to see it as true, you

14:49

should just see it in yourself and

14:51

be fully certain that it's true. And

14:53

then everyone else's voicing of that and

14:56

validation of that is just

14:58

a nice add-on. It's like confirmation of what

15:00

you already knew was true. But you saying

15:02

you rely on it means you don't really

15:05

think it's true. So let's cut the shit

15:07

with the whole get in the mirror and

15:09

tell myself I love myself. I am beautiful.

15:11

I am this. I am that. If you

15:13

don't feel it, don't fucking say it. But

15:16

I talk about that in my self-love episode,

15:18

if you wanna hear about that. Because I

15:21

have a very different approach to self-love.

15:23

One that actually works. That's not what everybody

15:25

else talks about. So go listen

15:27

to that. And it will help you learn

15:29

to trust your own judgment because you're fully

15:32

gonna see and feel yourself after

15:34

that. So you ain't gonna question shit and you're

15:36

not gonna rely on other people's validation. It's

15:38

just gonna be nice to get. Okay,

15:41

someone said I'm struggling saving money. How

15:43

do I just stay consistent with saving

15:45

it? The biggest thing that helped me get

15:47

better with saving money years and years ago because I

15:50

had to get good at it. I

15:52

didn't have much back then. But the

15:54

thing that helped me with saving money was

15:57

stop convincing myself I can afford shit that

15:59

I cannot. afford. There's

16:01

ways to purchase things. There's ways to

16:03

get things in your possession, but

16:06

do you actually have the funds to

16:09

purchase it? Like with credit cards, you can just go

16:11

rack up a credit card. Do you actually have that

16:13

money? That's just a loan

16:15

basically. There's ways to get things in

16:18

your possession is what I mean. If you can't

16:20

go buy something in cash, you

16:22

can't afford it. So don't convince yourself you can.

16:24

You're looking at it like, oh I

16:26

want this thing and I can get it so

16:28

I'm just gonna get it. But you're not seeing,

16:30

you actually cannot afford it. If you can't buy

16:33

it twice in cash and not notice the cash

16:35

is gone, if it's something just

16:37

like bullshit, piddly, not a necessity to

16:39

live, don't buy it. You cannot afford

16:41

it. You don't have the luxury of

16:43

just buying shit. If you can't buy

16:45

it twice in cash and still not

16:47

worry about it. That's the rule I

16:49

live by. That's what my dad don't

16:51

even know he's younger. And that's something that's

16:54

helped me a ton. But the other thing

16:56

with saving money, you need to look

16:58

at your relationship to spending it. So whenever,

17:00

this is a really fucked up concept and

17:03

it makes me so angry when

17:05

it comes to like buying shit.

17:08

But if you go to a store

17:10

and you go see something that you

17:12

want, whether it's some random fucking knick-knack

17:14

from Walmart or like a new gadget

17:17

that you want or it's some clothes.

17:19

A big thing with sales psychology is

17:22

you imagining your new life with this

17:24

thing. You see how buying this new

17:26

thing and having this new thing that

17:28

you want is going to improve your life.

17:30

You're already living in the future. You're

17:33

living in how my life just got better.

17:35

Now I can't leave without this thing. Because

17:37

once you have the awareness of how there can

17:39

be an improvement, when you do not get it

17:41

and you have to sit here in the current,

17:43

you're like, oh what the fuck? And it's gonna

17:45

make you think that you want the thing ten

17:47

times more. So just look

17:49

at that and become aware of that when

17:51

you're shopping. If you're not seeing that in

17:54

yourself already, watch your thought patterns. Watch why

17:56

you feel like you will all of a

17:58

sudden do whatever you have to do. to

18:00

get that motherfucking thing out of the store and

18:02

to get this new object. You're envisioning your life

18:04

being better with it. Look at how much better

18:06

it's actually going to get. And I can kind

18:08

of explain this with the example of like, you

18:10

know, when you go buy new clothes or like

18:12

when I used to have to go like back

18:14

to school shopping for school, I would

18:16

go be looking for new clothes and I would

18:19

put on my outfit for the day and I

18:21

would go shopping and I would be confident in

18:23

my outfit. And then I would go see all

18:25

the new clothes and all the new shit. I

18:27

was going to get the new shoes, the new

18:29

everything. I was so excited. And then

18:31

as the day went on, as I found

18:33

new things that I was looking at, I

18:35

felt worse and worse about my current outfit,

18:37

but it was my best fit and I

18:39

was confident when I left the house. When

18:42

you're out and you're seeing all this new

18:44

shit, you're envisioning your new style, how it's

18:46

going to feel to have the new stuff

18:48

and you feel worse about the current state

18:50

of what you're wearing. The

18:53

way you can kind of combat that

18:55

is stop shopping if you can't afford

18:57

shit. If you can't think of a budget

19:00

in your head of like, okay, I

19:02

have 200 bucks and I'm going to go

19:04

spend it on what I want. Go shopping

19:06

when you have the money to spend, go

19:08

browse and look at shit. But when you're

19:10

like, okay, I have this extra money and

19:12

I'm willing to part with it and it

19:14

will not hurt any of like anything I

19:16

need to save for or pay like bill

19:18

wise. When you have this money, then go

19:20

look, then go browse. And

19:22

most of the times you're going to be

19:25

way more picky. You're not going to be

19:27

into shit. That's the realization that just hit me in

19:29

the head. When you have the

19:32

money available and you get to go

19:34

select what you want to get, it's

19:36

less enjoyable versus if you go to

19:39

the store without money and you find

19:41

something, there's a weird adrenaline

19:43

rush and a sense of satisfaction and completion.

19:45

When you become aware of this new thing

19:47

that you want and then you get to

19:49

scrounge around and find a way to get

19:52

the money to buy it. Like you're

19:54

not shopping at that point. If you go

19:56

with a certain amount you're willing to spend,

19:58

you're very picky. You're so. you get

20:00

the upper hand of like no I don't

20:03

want this this isn't good enough versus if

20:05

you go without money to spend you don't

20:07

get the upper hand all these things get

20:09

to tell you no I'm not coming home

20:11

with you I'm too expensive like you get to

20:13

go with the option or be like dicked around

20:16

by all the prices of everything that makes sense

20:18

does that hit but that's what really works

20:20

for me is setting a budget of like

20:22

okay this is how much I can spend today and

20:24

then go have a ball oh no we're

20:26

about to fight I'm getting in y'alls ass

20:29

today this person said recent

20:31

X keeps blocking and unblocking

20:33

me when I'm dating someone

20:35

new what would Leo do oh

20:43

I know you're like thinking that the

20:45

X is crazy but you're in

20:48

the wrong here why are

20:50

you even noticing that your

20:52

X is blocking you and

20:55

unblocking you why are you

20:57

looking their shit up why are you texting them I

20:59

don't know what the situation is I don't know if

21:01

you're just looking up their social media or if you're

21:03

texting back and forth and all of a sudden to

21:05

keep going green I don't think it's texting I think

21:08

it's you keep looking up their social fucking media why

21:10

you looking up their social media if you're with somebody

21:12

new you owe your loyalty to the new person you're

21:14

dating how would you feel if they were over here

21:16

stuck in their exes shit and even noticing that they

21:18

were blocked and unblocked the next time your ex on

21:21

blocks you block them get that

21:23

shit over with and done with get

21:25

them out of your life and really

21:27

commit to the person you're with or

21:29

break up with them and go back to the

21:31

fucking X but don't do this whole game of

21:35

stalking your exes shit while you're with someone new that's

21:37

the most hurtful thing you could fucking do and that's

21:39

how you get someone to put their hands on you

21:44

I wanted to like not say that but

21:46

it just flew out

21:49

oh I could

21:51

bite this fucking crystal right now like that makes

21:53

me so fucking mad pick

21:56

one or the other let go of the

21:58

X fully and go into this relationship or

22:01

let this person go and

22:03

stop wasting their fucking time and just go

22:05

back to bed. My

22:08

whole point with saying all that was it's very

22:10

unfair for you to be stalking your

22:12

ex while you're in a new relationship. Clearly you

22:14

ain't over it but like I said block the

22:16

bitch as soon as they unblock you. Like

22:19

as soon as you catch another time by doing it

22:21

block them in the cycle, be done with it put

22:23

them to rest in your head. Okay? Oh

22:25

I like this one someone said if you have

22:27

a boyfriend in jail should you stay with him

22:29

or should you not wait? Well

22:32

depends what he's in for and the

22:34

fact that you said jail instead of

22:36

prison, prison usually longer sentencing and a

22:38

lot less freedom or ability to communicate.

22:40

Jail you can have a motherfucker be

22:43

sentenced to like two years in

22:45

jail they'll be out in three months on

22:47

good behavior and whatever random crap you can

22:49

get in. Jail time can be condensed very

22:51

quickly and people will get out way faster

22:53

than you think. Prison's a different story

22:56

so he was just in jail like you

22:58

said. What's he in for? How

23:00

long is it really gonna be? Whatever they're

23:02

sentencing him cut it in half and

23:05

then maybe another half and you might see

23:07

the person get out sooner but figure

23:09

out if the person is worth waiting for.

23:12

But I really think you even asking should

23:14

I stay or not and like wait for

23:16

him? Um

23:19

you don't want to wait because if you truly

23:21

love someone and truly care about them you're gonna

23:23

wait. You're not gonna like

23:26

just let them go. I'm like oh well I guess I have

23:28

to leave you because I can't see you for a year. Like

23:32

I said they're gonna probably get out in

23:34

like three four months six max. Jail is

23:36

like weird as shit. I have too

23:38

much experience with people going to jail around me and

23:40

they get out way faster than you think. Like I

23:43

said prison's a different story. If they're booked in prison

23:45

they might get out a little earlier but

23:48

depends what they went in for. But if

23:50

you don't think it's worth waiting for like if it's

23:52

a ten year thing you

23:54

really got to sit down with yourself and figure out is

23:57

it worth it or is it not and

23:59

don't. have guilt if it's not worth it

24:01

like if you were already questioning staying with them

24:03

and they got locked up you

24:06

already need to go you need to cut it because

24:08

you already been questioned and should I stay should I

24:10

go bitch go but

24:12

if this is somebody that you really really care

24:14

about and you know this is

24:16

like a really set and solid relationship and

24:18

you want it duh stay

24:21

but the fact that you question it I don't

24:23

think you want to stay but also from the

24:25

outside you can do a lot to get them

24:27

out earlier if

24:29

you know what to do not gonna start

24:31

giving legal advice online but there's a world

24:34

other way okay and put money on his books

24:36

let him go shop at the commissary center and put extra

24:38

money on the books so you can make a lot of

24:41

calls to you if you want to maintain a relationship you

24:43

got to communicate a lot maybe

24:45

sneak him a phone don't do

24:47

that okay okay I'm gonna get

24:49

off the don't sneak him

24:51

a phone okay I gotta watch it

24:53

I gotta watch the shit that I say cuz

24:56

I keep getting like cancer everything I fucking say

24:58

all right don't sneak him a phone don't

25:01

mess with the jail just put money on

25:03

his books do little calls go to the

25:05

center and go do like the video calls

25:07

with him go sit there just don't flash

25:09

anything don't show skin that's one thing you

25:11

need to know when you go to the

25:13

video calls don't do all that

25:15

you have to go very professional just do the

25:17

little face time chat so you can talk on

25:19

the phone but remember every time we talk on

25:21

the phone it's tapped someone's listening okay

25:24

so code words things you don't

25:26

people to hear also everything you write to them

25:28

is read before it's given to them just

25:31

watch your ass if you want to stay

25:33

stay if you don't can't

25:36

blame you if it's a long time if

25:38

they're not worth it they're not worth it so that's up

25:40

for you to decide but now you have a couple of

25:42

tips before we keep

25:45

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29:58

next person said. to deal with

30:01

the guilt of having everything you ever

30:03

wanted and more. For

30:05

some reason, I want to say, I don't think

30:07

it's guilt that you're feeling. So

30:09

really sit with your emotions and figure out,

30:11

is it a sense of unworthiness and a

30:13

feeling that you don't deserve it? Or

30:16

is it an anxiety of something that's going to

30:18

happen? Or you're going to lose it? Is that

30:20

what you're feeling? Or is it a sense

30:22

of hopelessness of

30:26

what now? Or is it a

30:28

sense of disappointment? That one will

30:30

get you. And that one will kind of

30:32

feel guilty. I

30:34

think the reason you feel guilt is because

30:36

you're shaming yourself for not being happy with

30:39

having everything that you want. That's

30:41

where guilt will come in. What's the emotion under

30:43

it? Stop with shaming yourself. Stop telling

30:45

yourself, you shouldn't feel like this. You should be

30:47

happy. You should whatever. Look at

30:49

what the fuck is up underneath that guilt.

30:51

One of the biggest things I've experienced is

30:53

disappointment with so many things I've achieved. I

30:55

thought life would be a certain way. I

30:57

thought things would feel a certain way. I

30:59

thought I would be so much happier and

31:02

I thought experiences would feel so much better

31:04

once I had them and once I was

31:06

in certain positions. And that sense of disappointment

31:09

is very, very strong and hurts like a

31:11

bitch. But if you're over here feeling disappointment

31:14

and you're over here shaming yourself, you're ungrateful, all you're going

31:16

to feel is a shame. So look

31:18

at what's underneath it. It could be all of

31:20

those or just one of them or two of

31:22

them. But sit with yourself and

31:25

figure that one out. But shut your brain

31:27

up about this should feel this way. Fuck

31:29

the shame shit. Alright, you feel how you

31:31

feel and that's alright. If you've

31:33

got everything you ever wanted and it wasn't enough,

31:36

hi, how are you? We're in the

31:38

same boat. Don't make yourself feel bad for that.

31:40

Don't shame yourself for that. Take

31:42

care of the way that you feel and face the emotion.

31:45

Part of you is upset. Even though you just

31:47

got what you want, it doesn't mean you're ungrateful

31:49

if you still feel a negative emotion or you

31:51

feel down, you feel disappointed or sad or whatever

31:53

it is. And forgive you, still

31:56

needs your attention so fucking give it to yourself and stop with

31:58

the shame. Love you. Alright,

32:01

okay here we go, here's a good one. Someone

32:04

needs advice about trusting the process.

32:08

Babe, this whole trust

32:10

the process crap that's promoted

32:13

online, don't trust the

32:15

process. Trust

32:17

yourself to go through the process and

32:19

be guided through what needs to happen

32:21

to get you to where you want

32:23

to go. It's

32:25

not trust the process and passively just

32:28

let things unfold. Get clear on

32:30

what it is you want. Get clear

32:32

on the actions you're going to take to

32:34

get there and then be open to even

32:36

if these things don't make sense right now,

32:38

I can see how they'll kind of get

32:40

me there. As you start going down the

32:42

path, you will be redirected in

32:44

other ways. You'll get new ideas, new

32:46

opportunities, random ideas will just hit you

32:48

in the head, random inspiration, random

32:51

just new patterns, new thoughts are going to

32:53

come out and

32:55

you're going to be guided. So

32:58

I don't want you to look at trust

33:00

the process, I want you to trust in

33:02

yourself to go through the process to get

33:04

whatever it is that you want. That's

33:06

the thing, it's not a passive thing, it's a

33:08

very active thing to achieve something or to manifest

33:11

and get something. Trust yourself to

33:14

do it, but trust

33:16

that you're being guided and every

33:18

step is not for

33:20

nothing. No step and nothing that happens

33:22

is a coincidence. These are

33:24

all building blocks and I have a

33:26

podcast episode about all of my failures,

33:29

I forget which one, I think it's episode 100 and

33:31

I talk about all the random things that

33:33

I did and how I was so strong

33:35

along the path, so many different ways and

33:37

I was like, this don't make no goddamn

33:39

sense. This was all for nothing until I

33:41

kept going and I started having

33:44

to use all of the skills I learned

33:46

which made all the experiences and all those

33:48

steps not for nothing. It actually helped

33:51

me and allowed me to get to

33:53

where I am now. Understand

33:55

no part of the process is useless even

33:57

if it does not make sense, you trust

34:00

yourself to keep going. You

34:02

don't trust that it's gonna make sense right

34:04

now. It's gonna make sense in the future once

34:06

you get there. Okay? Trust

34:08

in yourself, get your ass moving,

34:11

trust the guidance not the process.

34:13

You're responsible for the

34:15

outcome. So trust that you're gonna get

34:17

there. Trust that you will go through the process but

34:19

you are being guided about how the process is gonna

34:21

look and it all is gonna make sense. Oh

34:24

no! Someone said my ex dating their

34:26

other ex a week after our breakup.

34:29

Oh shit! That one will

34:31

get you. That one

34:34

hurts when someone

34:37

you were with jumps back to

34:39

somebody they were with before you.

34:41

But what I want you to

34:43

see is how pussy bitch of

34:45

a behavior that is. This

34:48

situation is you broke

34:50

up with this guy you were with

34:52

and he jumps back to his ex

34:55

before you. That's

34:57

so pussy because he's so

35:00

uncomfortable. He's so upset and the fact

35:02

that you broke up with him just

35:04

hurt his ego so hard. He's not

35:07

gonna risk coming back to you. He

35:09

wants comfort. He wants to not feel

35:11

how he's feeling. So he's gonna go

35:14

back to his last sense of comfort

35:16

and validation and feeling cared about which

35:18

is the ex before you. So he's

35:21

just resorting back to what's

35:24

known. What he knows

35:26

is there and comforting for now.

35:28

He's not looking at how he's

35:30

disrespecting you, how he's disrespecting himself,

35:33

how this person probably isn't shit

35:35

and just runs back because he's

35:37

chasing comfort. He's chasing familiarity because

35:40

to leave someone to break up and

35:42

have nothing to go back to but

35:44

them. If you know you're never going

35:46

back, if your only sense of comfort

35:48

is a potential of meeting someone else

35:50

in the future, a lot of people

35:52

can't stand in that instability. They want

35:54

to run back for some comfort. So

35:56

if he ran back, he ran back.

35:59

I Would pay it and

36:02

what I mean my pay it is pay it no fucking attention

36:05

Do not look at it. Don't

36:07

pay attention to it. You two are

36:09

done 1000%

36:12

you are finished you are done This is something

36:15

that frustrates the hell out of me because I

36:18

am someone who operates This is my own

36:20

rule of a 30-day grace

36:22

period After I

36:24

stop talking to someone or stop dealing with

36:26

someone I will give them a 30-day grace

36:28

period Before I

36:31

go talk to anyone new get on a dating

36:33

app, which I'm off all dating apps now But

36:35

I will give a person 30 days. Well, I will

36:37

not entertain anyone. I will not DM anyone. I will

36:39

not like anybody shit Unless

36:42

they do some shit like that If

36:45

you're gonna go and go run to somebody or

36:47

go get on a hookup app or go run

36:49

to give new people attention A

36:51

week two weeks after we

36:53

ended how you know, we were sure

36:55

how you know We wasn't gonna you back together

36:57

you know I mean like I like to leave

36:59

that door a little cracked if We

37:02

are gonna sort things out and work things out if there is a

37:04

potential to work it out Let's

37:06

say let's beat that potential to death But

37:08

as soon as someone steps out like that

37:11

or goes and entertains someone new hooks up

37:13

gets on a hookup app runs back To

37:15

an ex it's done. It's cut. So this

37:17

person does not get a 30-day grace period

37:19

they get a week He went to his

37:22

ex bitch a week after you're

37:24

done block them Literally pay

37:26

it pay it Block

37:30

both of them on everything erase

37:32

them from your life move

37:34

forward move on there is no getting

37:36

him back You don't

37:38

want to ever have to go through a situation Where

37:42

you break up with somebody? They

37:45

go fuck someone else and

37:47

then you have to try and get back together The

37:49

fact that someone accessed you in

37:51

between that I would never be

37:53

okay with you might be okay with it But if

37:55

you watch me and you're asking me it's because you

37:57

want my fucking advice. I'd never be okay with it

38:00

And you probably never would either you're fucked up over

38:02

the fact that he went back to the bitch let

38:04

him go have her So don't question yourself Do

38:07

not get down on yourself. I just want

38:09

to protect you with this. Don't question yourself.

38:11

Don't look at it Do not

38:13

look at it block them both

38:16

get it out of your sight get it out of your mind and walk

38:18

Forward go meet somebody new you

38:21

are free no more 30-day grace

38:23

period he spoiled that he ruined that you get to

38:25

go Do whatever you want to go fucking do go

38:28

meet somebody new Who ain't a baby

38:30

back bitch? And

38:32

not as I love God for this week's podcast

38:35

episode if you want to submit a situation that

38:37

you want my advice on I'll Put the link

38:39

in the description where you can go write it

38:41

in it's all anonymous. So don't stress I will

38:43

also leave the link to all of my social

38:45

media go follow me everywhere I'll leave the link

38:48

to my merch my chronically unimpressed crew neck and

38:50

sweat pant little combo that I dropped I'll

38:52

also leave the link for my app and everything else you

38:54

need So go check the description do your

38:56

thing if you like this video leave it a thumbs

38:59

up If you're watching this on YouTube and you're new

39:01

hit subscribe Hey friend if

39:03

you're listening to the audio version on Apple podcast

39:05

and Spotify, you know the drill five

39:07

stars rating But that is what I've got

39:09

for this week's episode everybody be safe Take

39:12

care of yourself, and I will talk to you

39:14

guys next Sunday from New York