0:00

Hi friends, this week we're getting

0:02

deep with it. We're gonna

0:04

talk about how to truly stop caring what

0:06

people think about you and also how

0:09

to deal with criticism and deal with people

0:11

having a lot to say because that's very

0:13

common in society now. Everybody wants to run

0:15

their mouth and they feel justified to do

0:17

it. We got a lot to break down.

0:19

I'm gonna hit a lot of deep psychological

0:22

aspects of this and truly help you

0:24

experience the relief of just

0:26

other people's opinions, the weight of them

0:28

just lifting off. Goodbye. Get

0:31

the fuck out of here. And tickets

0:33

are still on sale for my tour that

0:35

I'm doing in the summer. So if you want to see

0:38

if I'm coming to a city near you, I'll put the

0:40

link in the description. Buy a ticket. Trust

0:42

me if you have any inkling of

0:44

an issue with the topic of confidence, that's what

0:46

I hit at my live shows. But I'm gonna

0:48

give you a little taste of what my live

0:51

events are like with this episode with how deep

0:53

we get into things. But I'm gonna take you

0:55

on a little journey. We gotta go through a

0:57

lot of stuff with this. I'm gonna start off

0:59

with teaching you how to stop giving a fuck.

1:02

From my experience, it's a mentality that is earned.

1:04

So I'm gonna walk you through and help

1:06

you avoid going through all the process of it

1:09

and just get you straight to the mentality. I'm

1:11

gonna share how we get there. I'm also gonna

1:13

break down why people criticize you because that's very

1:15

important. Then we're gonna go into how to stop

1:17

being impacted by it. Also being impacted

1:19

by the doubt and the thoughts that you

1:21

have in your head, worrying what people think,

1:23

and then how to not be impacted by

1:26

what people say. And when you actually hear

1:28

voiced criticism because that's a whole bitch in

1:30

itself is dealing with just the walking out

1:32

in public and you're so anticipating what everybody's

1:34

thinking and assuming. We're gonna hit all of it

1:36

and I'm gonna give you my tactics for how

1:38

to choose your reaction and your response to things.

1:41

And at the end we're gonna polish this off with

1:43

the end all be all. Just stop

1:46

giving a fuck forever now always. Put

1:48

in the envelope and send it. So

1:51

the first thing to clear up with wanting

1:53

to stop caring what people think about you.

1:56

Having the desire to stop caring it's

1:59

not that you want to... stop caring what people think,

2:01

you want to stop being run by it. Caring

2:03

what people think about you is not the issue.

2:06

It's your relationship to the thoughts about

2:08

what people think of you because you

2:10

keep changing your actions because of them.

2:12

You let these thoughts dictate you, change

2:15

you, mold you, and make you basically

2:17

navigate through life. That's what's

2:19

annoying. That's what the bitch is. But

2:21

the relationship to the thoughts are the issue

2:24

and then the actions you take because of

2:26

that relationship are the second issue. The

2:29

thoughts and emotions do not require

2:31

action and that's an aspect of emotional

2:34

discipline and lack of discipline makes you

2:36

ugly. That's my most popular podcast episode

2:38

for a reason. This makes

2:40

you ugly. If you take action off

2:42

of every single thought and emotion you

2:44

feel, you're someone who's just going to

2:46

be run around by thoughts

2:49

and feelings. That's not very attractive. It's very

2:51

childish to me. The

2:54

last thing I want to clear up before we jump into

2:56

the not giving a fuck mentality is

2:58

your assumption about what people think

3:00

about you is what you're going to see

3:02

proof of. So you know how

3:04

you go out in public and you assume people

3:07

are, you might not even know that you're assuming

3:09

this, but you just feel judged and watched in

3:11

public. You're assuming people are judging

3:13

you when you're out in public. When you feel

3:15

discomfort, when you feel weird, when you feel watched,

3:17

when you feel like just uncomfy, it's

3:20

because you're assuming people are looking at you and

3:22

judging you. You assume people look at you like

3:24

you're out of place. You assume people are looking

3:26

at you to nitpick you the

3:28

same way you can assume they're nitpicking

3:31

you and they're judging you. You can

3:33

also assume the opposite of maybe they

3:36

like me. Maybe they're admiring me.

3:38

Maybe they're happy I'm here. So just becoming aware

3:40

of it can go both ways. It's going to

3:43

help you kind of relieve that anxiety of being

3:45

out in public and feeling like you're being watched

3:47

all the time. If you think you're

3:49

being watched in a negative way, it's what you

3:51

will feel. If you think you're being watched in

3:53

an admirable way or like a happy way or

3:55

people really aren't fucking looking at you because most

3:57

of the time they're not. up

4:00

their own ass. The thing to see here is whatever you

4:02

assume is what you're gonna see proof of and it's gonna

4:04

cause what you're feeling. So next time you're in public and

4:06

you're feeling weird or you feel like people are staring at

4:08

you, look around for a second. Are

4:11

they actually and are what are you assuming about

4:13

them looking at you or what are you assuming

4:15

just being in public? Become aware of the thoughts

4:17

going through your head. Social media

4:20

is a different ball game, babe. We're

4:22

gonna get there. So with earning

4:24

the ability to not give a fuck and earning the

4:26

mindset of not caring what people think, I'm gonna go

4:28

ahead and tell you the process of it so you

4:30

can skip it and not have to go through it.

4:33

But basically step one, you got to start off being

4:35

a people pleaser to the max. You

4:37

have to literally care about what

4:39

people think so much that

4:41

it leads you to a point of utter

4:44

exhaustion and there's three shortcuts

4:46

to get to that exhaustion. The

4:48

first one is trying to desperately

4:50

be loved and be anything anyone

4:52

wants that gets you acceptance

4:54

and just being what you think everybody else

4:56

would like from you and would want you

4:58

to be friendship, relationship, as a child, trying

5:01

to people please and literally try so hard

5:03

to change yourself to be anything that you

5:05

see as lovable. That's gonna exhaust

5:07

the piss out of you because it's never gonna work

5:10

and I'm speaking from experience because I've been

5:12

there. I've tried everything in my childhood. I

5:14

tried every goddamn thing you could think. That's

5:16

why I have so many skills and I'm

5:18

so good at so many things and I

5:20

know so many random things. I tried everything.

5:23

I did everything. Never worked because it's not

5:25

the real you. That's the main thing to

5:27

get and it's never gonna work because it

5:29

is not you. It's a mask when you're

5:31

trying to be all of these things. It's

5:33

not you. You will never truly feel accepted

5:35

and you will never truly feel loved as

5:37

long as you operate like this but

5:40

to kick this up a notch it's gonna hurt your feelings. No

5:42

one's ever gonna feel safe with you. You're

5:44

never gonna feel safe with you because you constantly throw

5:46

yourself away to be what everybody else wants but no

5:48

one's ever gonna feel safe with you because you run

5:51

around pretending like you don't have feelings and you don't

5:53

have needs because you don't want to be a bother

5:55

and you want to be accepted and approved of so

5:57

bad. It's very off-putting. And

6:00

you act like you have no opinions or feelings or

6:02

needs. If you think about

6:04

being around people who are

6:06

themselves and they have opinions and they're not afraid

6:08

to say what they like and say what they

6:11

don't like, they're not afraid to say what bothers

6:13

them, you feel safe because you know what you're

6:15

getting involved with. You see what's in front of

6:17

you. There's not this hidden

6:20

anything. Like it's very safe to care about

6:22

people who voice things and just are straight

6:24

up about it and they're not pretending to

6:26

be something that they're not. You feel safe,

6:28

you feel calm. It honestly makes them feel

6:30

easier to love because you

6:32

know what you're getting into and

6:34

everyone has needs, everyone has opinions.

6:37

People like to pretend that they don't and be

6:40

all holier than now and pretend like they don't

6:42

really feel how they feel because they know it's

6:44

going to get them shamed. But

6:46

when people do voice these things, your

6:49

opinions, your feelings, whatever it is, you voice

6:51

what you like, what you don't like, what

6:53

you need from people, what you want. It

6:55

gives people the opportunity to see

6:57

how they can be there for you, what

6:59

they can do for you and what needs

7:02

they can meet for you. Also

7:04

the only way you're going to find people

7:06

with the same opinion as you is to

7:08

have an opinion. If you run around never

7:10

actually voicing an opinion, if it's

7:12

asked for, if it's called for, if it's to

7:14

relate, not just to be an asshole and attack

7:16

people, but to have an opinion, to have a

7:18

preference, the only way to find other people who

7:20

have that same preference is to talk about it.

7:22

If you just sit here and shut up, no

7:24

one's ever going to know how you feel. You

7:26

will never be able to relate and bond or

7:28

find your people. I know that you're trying to

7:30

play the whole safe route and be accepted is useless,

7:32

babe. But the main thing I want you to see with

7:34

this, so you don't have to get to the point of

7:36

exhaustion is it makes you

7:38

easier to love when you voice things

7:41

and you have needs and you have feelings. And

7:44

if you have resistance to that, it's because you were taught

7:46

the opposite in your life, but

7:49

you're here because that didn't work. So

7:51

another aspect that leads into the mentality of

7:55

not giving a shit

7:57

is trying so hard to cater

8:00

yourself and change yourself to not

8:02

be offensive. That's the quickest way

8:04

to be shamed is to offend other people. And

8:07

when you try and cater yourself to not

8:09

offending other people, you're going to hit that

8:11

point of exhaustion where you're just like, I

8:13

don't care anymore. Every single move I make,

8:15

every single thing I do is exhausting because

8:18

everybody's still offended. What's the point? That's the point

8:20

you want to get to and I'm going to

8:22

help you see it. But the main thing with

8:24

this is it leads you to get dicked around.

8:27

That's how you're going to be. That's how you're

8:29

going to be behaving and living life is just

8:31

getting dicked around by what might offend somebody. Oh,

8:34

I'm not going to do this. I'm not going

8:36

to do that because it might be offensive society.

8:38

Now, the biggest hobby of society is to be

8:40

offended. It's like walking in the

8:42

minefield. It doesn't matter where you turn. They're all

8:44

around. You just got to start choosing the one

8:46

just step on. But the whole point

8:48

with this is you're basically going to be

8:51

caught with a whole personality construction of

8:53

trying to prove that you're good and you're going

8:55

to make other people's perception of you more important

8:58

than your perception of

9:00

yourself and who you truly are. You're going

9:03

to be solely running around life and living

9:05

in a way where other people's

9:07

perception of you is the most important. You're going

9:09

to be living to prove that you're going to

9:11

be living to prove your worthiness and prove that

9:13

you're good. And that's exactly how you

9:15

feel lost and lose your identity and not know

9:18

who you are as a person. I highly suggest

9:20

avoiding that one like to plague. Now,

9:22

the third aspect to hitting the mindset and like

9:25

earning the mindset of not giving a shit is

9:28

your relationship to criticism. So if

9:31

you feel criticized and your relationship

9:33

to criticism is something needs to

9:36

change when I am criticized, you

9:38

are going to be powerless to

9:40

criticism because every single time you

9:43

experience it, you are going

9:45

to feel the need to change yourself or be

9:47

changing something. We are in a

9:49

period right now with society. Criticism is at an

9:51

all-time high. If You really want to get to

9:54

a point of exhaustion with this to just finally

9:56

earn the ability to be like, fuck it. Be

10:00

run. By. Criticism: Feel that

10:02

pressure to change and keep changing yourself?

10:04

Keep doing it. I want you to

10:06

get to that point of exhaustion. People

10:08

please your ass off so you can

10:11

earn disability. That's the only way they're.

10:13

But. It's can take out a little

10:15

secret form of rune in your life

10:17

because you might be having this relationships

10:20

criticism. Like if I've received criticism, I

10:22

have to change. So you're just gonna

10:24

lead with your best foot forward all

10:27

of the time. That's another mask you're

10:29

going to be a certain way and.

10:32

Portray. Yourself as except the boar what

10:34

you think is gonna be most except the

10:36

both. To avoid feeling that pressure to change.

10:38

if you don't have a good relationships of

10:41

criticism, you're going to be run by that

10:43

pressure. Your way of avoiding that pressure is

10:45

to present always acceptably so you don't opt

10:47

for the present a switch and flip yourself

10:50

nonstop. This is just the city. Last cycle

10:52

I don't recommend. Now. I want to

10:54

hit on why it feels good to change

10:56

yourself and adapt and like be whatever video

10:58

on. Oh it's so enticing. It's a nice

11:00

but you need to become aware of what's

11:02

going on psychologically. it's and emotionally so you

11:04

can stop doing it, gets understand the back

11:06

and free to stop doing it. you know,

11:08

ripped a bit out by the route like

11:10

a weed. So. The birds reason

11:13

it feels really good to chains

11:15

and conform is because whenever you

11:17

feel judgment, you feel. Pressure.

11:19

The heat is on. It feels

11:21

good to get that heat turned

11:23

off. If. You don't know how

11:25

to withstand it. so if changing who

11:28

you are and how you are gets

11:30

that pressure off, it's gonna feel like

11:32

release to change who you are if

11:34

you do not see what's going on

11:37

there. If you're being told you are

11:39

wrong, your bad, your this your that

11:41

you're immediately gonna feel inclined to make

11:43

a change in the direction of where

11:46

people want you to go because on

11:48

the other side of it there's this

11:50

pressure you feel it's gonna be gone

11:52

but love and acceptance. they convince. You

11:55

is gonna be on the other side of it so

11:57

that's why it's going to feel good to comply Be

11:59

need to see that because you need to know the

12:01

you can choose the and when not to the other

12:03

thing and it's gonna feel good to hide certain things

12:05

about you. Like. That you

12:08

have certain feelings because if you don't

12:10

was in the past the way you

12:12

felt made things more difficult or it

12:14

was a bother that you felt a

12:16

certain way or you're not allowed to

12:18

feel that way to how dare you

12:20

you are. Same for it so it's

12:22

gonna feel better. Does this hide certain

12:24

things and it's a relief from that

12:27

pressure and has also protection that I

12:29

have to face any backlash. but if

12:31

you keep giving in to the heat

12:33

that's put on you and you keep

12:35

conforming and changing to the judgment. Or

12:37

the fear of judgment from other

12:39

people. You're gonna be last with

12:42

an entire personality and an entire

12:44

identity that is not. Yours.

12:46

That's not going to be you

12:49

as is gonna be all the

12:51

little things that got you accepted

12:53

or allowed you to avoid the

12:55

he is not the real you.

12:58

You're gonna feel the most disconnected,

13:00

isolated, miserable, unhappy, last confused, Drained.

13:03

Oh it's gonna be awful. And.

13:06

The worst part of it is

13:08

you are not gonna respect yourself

13:10

because you've just lead your life

13:12

folding under pressure. You've not withstood

13:14

any pressure. You. Not a diamond.

13:16

You. Pieces don't. Put.

13:19

In all seriousness, you aren't gonna respect yourself

13:22

if every time pressure comes up, you fold

13:24

and you change. or you completely change everything.

13:26

See, don't even have to meet that pressure.

13:28

Your never ever going to respect yourself and

13:31

you're never going to feel safe with yourself.

13:33

Stats not respectable behavior, so it makes sense,

13:35

but that's a little bit of a harsh

13:37

approach. The other side I want to hit

13:40

on because I've been through all of us,

13:42

I had a rebuild all my self respect

13:44

and go through this whole process as hell.

13:47

But. the most painful thing is

13:49

to have an entire personality

13:51

dot is built around this

13:53

and have to go through

13:55

experiencing the deconstruction of it

13:57

because the pain of continuing

14:00

is more pain than not

14:03

continuing. If you catch

14:05

my drift. But you're gonna be back

14:07

in the same position because once

14:09

you find who you are, you have to

14:12

go through owning that you, the

14:14

new you that you found, and go through

14:16

facing all the backlash and criticism again with

14:18

the new you. You're gonna keep getting tested.

14:21

It's gonna come back up. It's

14:23

like you're gonna have to deconstruct who you're not. You've

14:25

become aware of all this. Great. You're

14:27

gonna have to go to the pain of deconstructing it, finding

14:30

yourself again. Then you have to take

14:32

the new you and walk

14:34

forward owning that back into the

14:36

criticism. You're gonna face it. This

14:39

seems a little cynical. This seems a little like negative,

14:42

but it's the reality of it.

14:45

Sorry, there's no way around it. But it's all gonna get

14:47

better. This is about to like completely like turn up. Now

14:51

we're gonna get into why people

14:53

criticize you and

14:55

everything in the world. If you literally look

14:57

at the world right now, it's pathetic. Social

14:59

media is a disease. Every

15:02

single thing online is criticized

15:04

to the nth degree. Literally,

15:07

it's so sad to get

15:09

online nowadays. Every

15:11

single thing every person is doing is

15:14

criticized on a grand scale. I can't

15:16

wait for in a few years for

15:18

all this to be studied and people

15:21

to really see the impacts of,

15:23

this is like gonna cause a new disease. This

15:26

is a whole new mental disorder is chronically

15:28

online. I can't wait for it to be

15:30

studied. We're in the process of like experiencing

15:32

it, but it's gonna get studied

15:34

one day and y'all are gonna see the impacts of it. But

15:37

everybody seems to be offended by everything

15:40

and it's because they want to

15:42

feel offended. We're about to get

15:44

into some shadow stuff here. This

15:46

is where it's gonna get like

15:48

deep psychology. People want to feel

15:51

attacked. People want to feel offended

15:53

because of what they get when

15:55

they feel attacked. They finally get

15:57

an excuse to... Be

16:00

who they are, voice what they feel,

16:02

and be a little bit more authentic.

16:05

Being offended and feeling offended gives

16:08

people the justification to stop caring what

16:10

people think. So that's their way of

16:12

achieving, letting go of the pressure

16:14

of caring what people think. They

16:16

let their anger bypass it. Like

16:19

some people have to feel angry

16:21

to be authentic. Some

16:23

people, the only way to escape the pressure

16:25

of caring what people think and being their

16:27

true self and expressing what they feel and

16:29

what they think is to

16:32

feel attacked and feel offended. People

16:34

are trying to be offended. That's what their

16:36

brain is looking for because they don't see

16:38

the relief that they get and how it's

16:40

benefiting them. They're just running around attacking the

16:42

shit out of people, feeling justified for

16:45

it, unaware of what's going on inside

16:47

them. Another reason, in

16:49

my opinion, why people like to

16:51

feel attacked and offended by everything

16:54

is because they've never had their

16:56

feelings matter. They

16:58

can't rely on people to consider them.

17:01

They can't rely on people to consider how

17:03

they feel. So when they feel offended by

17:06

something, they feel

17:08

justified to force their

17:11

feelings to matter. You will

17:13

look at how I feel. You

17:15

will care. And they use this

17:17

as kind of like a power play to force

17:20

the person that said something or

17:22

did something that offended them. That's

17:25

the quickest way to get someone to

17:27

pay attention and see it and care.

17:29

If you shame somebody, if they feel

17:32

like they offended you, most people are

17:34

very quick to apologize and care that

17:36

they hurt you. Most of these people

17:38

have learned the only way for people

17:41

to care how they feel is to

17:43

scream how hurt they are

17:45

by something that you did

17:47

because they're trying to get

17:50

you, get someone something

17:52

to care how they feel. And

17:55

they use this moral obligation of

17:57

you're a piece of shit if you don't care. they

18:00

like to attack you. It's such a

18:02

weird dynamic that goes on mentally with

18:04

all of this but basically

18:06

some people have learned this is the only

18:08

way for their feelings to be taken into

18:10

consideration and to feel like

18:12

anyone is paying attention to how they

18:14

feel and cares how they feel. They

18:17

have to get it from people online

18:19

or get it from people in public

18:21

who they can paint an image that

18:23

you've offended me so now you will

18:25

make up to me. Now you will

18:27

treat me nicely. Now you will care

18:29

how I feel. Now you will acknowledge

18:31

it and this for someone who

18:34

has never had their feelings be considered or

18:36

matter to anyone this is better than not

18:38

being considered at all. This is

18:40

why you see these people behave the way that they

18:42

do. It's like what the fuck. This is just a

18:44

desperate attempt to get their feelings to matter and

18:46

to feel considered. If you

18:48

look at it big shadow.

18:51

This is why shadow work is so

18:53

important but my big point here is

18:55

you cannot avoid offending people. People

18:58

are going to be offended because that

19:01

is what their brain is looking for.

19:03

It serves them to constantly feel under

19:05

attack to allow them to one be

19:07

authentic and to have their feelings matter

19:09

and be made up for the thing

19:12

that they've convinced people they've done to

19:14

them. There's a lot of deep psychological

19:16

things going on and how this serves

19:18

people. All you need to know is

19:20

being offended serves them. You

19:23

cannot control if they feel offended

19:25

or not. People will be offended

19:27

by a fucking piece of paper

19:29

nowadays. Not even a hundred dollar

19:32

bill. A piece of white paper.

19:34

Yeah it's white and that's insensitive

19:36

to my brain. The paper looks

19:38

a little thin. That's not so

19:40

big. These people will literally take

19:42

things so out of context

19:45

and make things be offensive that literally

19:47

don't matter. But my

19:49

point here is you cannot control

19:52

what they do with you

19:55

what you say and what you do.

19:57

They're going to perceive it how it

19:59

serves them. These people are not

20:01

looking for reality. You cannot control if

20:03

you offend people or not. When they're

20:06

hunting to be offended, you

20:08

have to see. It's because it serves

20:10

them. It's not because you're actually offensive.

20:13

Just know these people's brains

20:15

cannot take in or perceive

20:17

anything other than being under

20:19

attack. That's all you

20:21

need to know. It's not about you. You're

20:23

not being offensive most of the time. They

20:25

just have a need of

20:28

being offended. But I do need to prepare

20:30

you mentally to make you stronger to really not give a

20:32

shit. Because these people

20:34

are going to make assumptions and

20:36

take things so out of context.

20:39

These people's brains will literally make up

20:41

anything to fit the narrative that they

20:43

want it to fit. Like I

20:45

said, these people are not trying to see reality.

20:47

Most people in this life are not trying to

20:49

see reality. They're trying to fit their own narrative.

20:51

You cannot fight what serves

20:54

other people. But my point with bringing up

20:56

people will make assumptions. People

20:58

will literally see one thing and make an

21:00

entire judgment of who you are as a

21:02

person. Your beliefs, your thoughts, your behaviors, what

21:04

you value, what you don't value. And they

21:06

will do anything that they can to paint

21:09

you in the light of a piece of

21:11

shit off of one thing you say, one

21:13

thing you do, or one random

21:15

piece of information. Most people's judgments

21:17

of you are inaccurate. They do

21:20

not have sufficient evidence or information

21:22

to even make a claim or

21:24

an assumption about you. Most people's

21:26

assumptions and judgments are incorrect. They

21:28

do not know enough about you

21:30

or whatever's going on in the

21:32

situation to get an accurate read.

21:35

So I don't want to

21:37

say throw out opinions and throw out things

21:39

that are irrelevant. But if it's not somebody

21:41

you know or you're close to, why are

21:43

you taking the opinion for you? It's

21:46

an inaccurate read. They don't have enough

21:48

information to make a correct assessment. The

21:51

fuck? More love a story

21:53

here. You cannot do anything to change people's

21:56

assumptions of you or people's Feeling

21:59

offended. They're. Gonna have

22:01

to do with serve them, you can't linda

22:03

energy to it and I'm never going to

22:05

tell. Used to keep your focus on other

22:07

people. I'm always going tell you to bring

22:09

your focus back to yourself, but especially with

22:11

things like this because it will literally run

22:13

you stupid if you focus on it. Are

22:16

you in any efforts into trying to cater

22:18

to these people? They. Cannot be

22:20

catered to. They do not want

22:22

to be catered to. They have

22:24

an incentive to not be catered

22:26

to. Like. I talked to her before

22:28

but now you know their shadows and he can live

22:30

in the fuck. Been in darkness? Fell.

22:33

A size about stop being impacted

22:35

by the thoughts of what other

22:38

people think of you and also

22:40

criticism. Suppers thing the gets his

22:42

you are going. To. Face

22:44

criticism. You are going to be

22:47

offensive to some people. This is

22:49

just the reality. Of. Life.

22:52

Not everybody's for everybody. Everybody's

22:55

an acquired taste. There's.

22:57

Certain people who are more lights but some people

22:59

subtle like them. There are some people who are

23:01

really not liked but some people still do like

23:03

them. Everybody's not for everybody's there are people who

23:05

are gonna love you and people were going to

23:07

his youth. but there's gonna be even more people

23:09

who just don't give a fuck. That's

23:12

the reality of life. So instead

23:14

of running from criticism and running

23:16

from being offensive and being on

23:18

love of though you have to

23:20

look at this as these are

23:23

consequences. For. Just being a

23:25

human as being around other humans. this

23:27

is the type and it's gonna happen.

23:29

These are the consequences your now been

23:31

accused them because like I said before,

23:34

even if you run around trying to

23:36

be everything everybody wants, it's never gonna

23:38

work. Anyways, these people benefit by being

23:40

offended and a d triangle. Be loved

23:42

for who you're not, it's never gonna

23:45

work. People can sense that you're off

23:47

putting when you're not yourself. Like I

23:49

said, hideaway feel and all that there

23:51

were going to work. You literally have

23:53

no choice. But to get completely

23:56

dicked around by everything like I told

23:58

you about or you can look it

24:00

now before you get exhausted with all

24:02

that and choose the consequence of okay,

24:05

this is just part of reality. This.

24:07

Is something I'm gonna have to be aware of.

24:09

And shoes I am going to have to choose

24:12

to offend certain people. I'm going to have to

24:14

choose to not be liked by certain people. And.

24:17

That's okay. It's something every single person

24:19

deals with. It is not abnormal. it

24:21

is very much expected and this is

24:23

normal for the human experience. We all

24:26

deal with it. Not everybody is liked

24:28

by everybody. Mother. Fuckin

24:30

sorry sir. Was. Not like to

24:33

everybody. Though. It doesn't matter

24:35

how good and gray, imperfect and godlike you

24:37

could be, people don't. even my god. He

24:39

pisses me off sometimes. But it doesn't matter

24:41

how great you are, people are still not

24:43

going to fucking like you. and if we're

24:45

going to let those people rob you and

24:47

ruin you what they're robbing you from as

24:49

the people who would have liked you as

24:52

you. Don't. Let them change you. Quit.

24:54

Pauses like well as well as of today's

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27:05

Now back to the podcast. The

27:08

next thing to get is the pressure thing. People

27:10

can put pressure on you all day long

27:13

to change. It doesn't

27:15

mean you have to. Just

27:17

because the pressure's there, you don't have to. It's

27:20

like when you're hungry, you can choose

27:22

to not eat. When you're thirsty, you cannot

27:24

drink. When you're horny, you cannot go have

27:26

sex. It's just pressure.

27:28

It's just a little extra something.

27:31

If someone is going to unalive

27:33

you, they can put

27:35

a glizzy up to your head and

27:38

you can still choose not to do

27:41

what they want you to do. The

27:43

point here is, all that

27:45

people can do is put pressure on you. Are

27:47

you going to bend to it? You

27:50

always have a choice. Just

27:52

because there is pressure, it doesn't mean

27:54

you have to change who you are

27:57

at all. That's one thing that's going to help you get...

28:00

more comfortable with the pressure. Cause if you have the

28:02

relationship with facing all of this

28:04

heat and being under the heat, if you don't

28:06

know how to just sit under it and let

28:08

that be okay and stay focused on who you

28:11

are and what you're doing, you're going to

28:13

get into the pattern of avoiding the heat. You

28:15

have to learn how to sit in it and

28:17

understand just because it gets a little warm

28:19

or gets a little hot, you don't have to

28:21

change nothing. You can handle it. Now

28:24

the other point I want to make

28:26

with not being impacted by everything from

28:28

other people is it's going

28:30

to become very, very hard to go for

28:33

anything you want to go for in this

28:35

life. So I want to give you the

28:37

permission to give yourself the permission to just

28:39

go for what

28:41

you want and goddamn do it

28:44

because this is where feeling drained and getting

28:47

to a point of depression, like a pit

28:50

of depression you can't get out of will

28:52

come from when you look at something you

28:54

want to do and you hold yourself back

28:56

from going straight for it because you're trying

28:59

to tiptoe around, Oh, what's

29:01

going to get me approved of what's not

29:03

going to hurt people when you're trying to

29:05

take so much into consideration, every

29:07

move you make is going to become 10

29:10

times more draining and difficult. And you're just

29:12

going to be like, for what?

29:14

Because you can't please everybody. You're

29:17

going to piss people off. You're going to hurt people. It's

29:19

just going to happen. But if you

29:21

want something and you make yourself jump

29:24

through all of these unnecessary hoops to

29:26

be considerate to other people and try

29:28

and control their narrative and their assumption

29:30

of you to be able to go

29:32

for what you want, you're going to

29:35

stop going for what you want. It's

29:37

just going to become too exhausting. You

29:40

just got to throw your hands up and be like, I'm going

29:42

to take the consequence and just go for

29:44

what I want. I'm going to be considerate

29:46

and polite and respectable to my boundary of

29:48

how much I'm willing to be considerate, but

29:50

I'm no longer holding myself back from what

29:52

I want to do, what I want to

29:54

be, what I want to achieve, whatever it

29:56

is. That's the biggest advice I

29:58

can give you. is let like,

30:00

what's it called when you're like, what does Santa use

30:02

with the reindeers and shit? When he's like, got him

30:05

on the rope? Not a

30:07

leash, like a harness. What's the word?

30:09

Reins. Now you got the reins on it.

30:12

What the fuck am I doing with

30:14

that analogy? My

30:17

point there with that one is take the

30:19

rope off yourself before you hang yourself with

30:21

it, okay? Cause you will have to. That's

30:23

the only thing gonna satisfy these people. You're

30:26

gonna have to kick the chair out of one of

30:28

you and then they'll be happy. But what's funny is

30:30

they're still not gonna be happy because the way you

30:32

kick the chair offended me. I

30:35

really want you to hear me when I say this. Stop

30:39

molding yourself and changing yourself

30:41

and conforming yourself to be

30:43

digestible for people. Because

30:46

there are people out there already that

30:48

exist that don't need you to change

30:50

because they won't choke on you. The

30:53

people who need you to conform and

30:56

change can choke. Go

30:58

find the people and go fit

31:01

in the spaces that you're already

31:03

fit for. You're not fit to be over

31:05

here and be accepted by all these people.

31:08

I'm not, but I'm not

31:10

trying to shove myself in these spots. It's like

31:12

the game when you were a kid with the

31:14

cube and there was a triangle shaped piece and

31:17

you have to put it into the triangle to

31:19

get it into the box. There's

31:21

a square, there's a circle. Stop trying to put

31:23

the fucking square in the circle. Go to a

31:25

different box. You don't belong there, babe. The

31:28

analogies in this episode, what the hell? Okay,

31:32

so I said I was gonna finish this off with telling

31:34

you finally how to stop caring once and for all. You're

31:37

gonna have to choose to stop caring and

31:39

this is how to do it. You're

31:42

going to get very clear on

31:44

your intention and

31:46

anchor into it. Your intention for being

31:48

yourself, the way you dress, the way

31:51

you walk, the way you talk, just

31:53

everything about yourself. You're gonna have to

31:55

get intentional with it and

31:58

understand your actual. motive

32:00

for doing it because when you

32:02

face the criticism and the

32:04

worry even in your own head you face

32:06

the worry in your head or you face

32:08

criticism from people for being a

32:10

certain way they're gonna flip

32:13

it they're gonna misread it they're not

32:15

gonna know why you're doing what you're

32:17

doing they're gonna make assumptions about it

32:19

you need to be anchored into why

32:22

you're really doing it so you have

32:24

reassurance and you can choose not to

32:26

give a shit what they're saying and

32:28

I'm gonna give you the perfect example

32:32

of something this

32:34

applies to there's this girl named Nara

32:36

Smith I don't even know if I'm

32:38

saying her name right I love the

32:41

bitch she's on tik-tok and she's

32:43

this like little house wife she's very

32:45

like bougie obviously well off got her

32:47

little kids got her little husband and

32:50

she makes food from scratch

32:52

as fuck like her kids wake up like

32:54

I want cereal and she'll literally make fucking

32:56

dough and like cut it off and like

32:59

mix it up cut it up put it

33:01

in the oven and like make homemade cereal

33:03

and she makes a lot of meals like

33:05

that she makes very detailed long like

33:08

very time-extensive recipes and things and she

33:10

speaks very calm and she acts like

33:12

nothing is a big deal like oh

33:14

my toddlers wanted cereal this morning so

33:16

I made some from scratch so I

33:18

got started with this and she just

33:21

goes about doing it but she

33:23

does not act like it's a

33:25

big deal like for her to

33:27

wait 30 minutes for her fucking cereal

33:30

to finish baking in the oven even

33:32

after she spent an hour making the

33:34

dough and everything do it this little

33:36

breakfast took like three hours but she

33:38

doesn't bring attention to it it's just

33:40

normal for her and it's not a

33:42

big deal people have

33:44

been losing their mind over

33:47

this woman for me her

33:49

video is very much peaceful to watch

33:52

I don't give a shit what's going

33:54

on I just like to watch her

33:56

make stuff her voice is very calming

33:59

very soothing She's always looks very

34:01

pretty. She always looks very clean and put

34:03

together. I think some of it's funny. I'm

34:05

like, damn girl, you got extra time in

34:07

the day. You must got a different 24

34:09

hours than me. Cause I could not be

34:11

doing all that, but she lives a different

34:13

lifestyle. She's a mother. She's

34:16

got children. She lives a different

34:18

life. And I'm going to do a

34:20

whole podcast episode about people wanting

34:22

you to live by their expectations and

34:24

they criticize you for not doing that.

34:27

But my whole point was bringing up

34:29

Nara is this woman does

34:31

not do anything problematic. She doesn't

34:33

do anything bad. She makes her

34:35

calming little videos. Mine's a fucking

34:38

business. People are attacking her and

34:40

assuming and making all these stories up about why

34:43

she posts what she posts and why she lives

34:46

the way that she lives and why she does

34:48

these type videos. She's promoting an

34:50

unrealistic lifestyle. She's doing it to flaunt

34:52

her wealth, to show us the class

34:54

she's in. Or she doesn't have to

34:57

deal with like day to day things

34:59

like everybody else does. She just gets

35:01

to spend time making a three hour

35:04

fucking cereal for breakfast. People are so

35:06

mad and they're painting this image. Like

35:08

she's intentionally trying to hurt

35:10

people with these videos. Her videos

35:12

are just peaceful to watch to

35:14

me. I'm not reading that much into

35:17

shit. I don't have the time one

35:19

to make the shit she makes or two

35:22

to look that deep into it. Who

35:25

cares? But the whole point

35:27

is this woman literally makes videos about

35:29

what she cooks for her family and

35:32

people demonize her and make her out like

35:34

she's just this vindictive

35:37

piece of shit and they

35:39

hate her. Like I said,

35:42

social media and being chronically online

35:44

is a new mental illness that's

35:46

yet to be studied. That's weirdo

35:49

behavior. Very much weirdo.

35:52

I mean, we understand it. I broke down the

35:54

whole shadow aspect of all of it, but still,

35:56

how the fuck are you so asleep like that?

36:00

You don't know what the hell you're doing. Oh

36:02

my god. That has me just baffled. But

36:06

I'm gonna use Mara as an example

36:08

of the criticism. These

36:10

people are freaking out, painting her

36:13

out like she's such a bad guy. And this is

36:15

why I say get anchored in your intention. She

36:18

knows what her true intention is.

36:20

All these narratives people are creating about

36:22

her. The bitch probably

36:24

just enjoys making the videos. She loves

36:27

cooking. She's filming it. She's blowing up.

36:29

She's getting some followers. She's making some

36:31

money doing some brand deals. She's doing

36:33

good. She's providing for her family. She

36:35

enjoys making the videos. I

36:37

don't really believe there's ill intent the

36:39

way these people have made it seem.

36:43

And she knows that. And the

36:45

fact that she's not changing what

36:48

she's doing. She's just continuing to

36:50

do it shows she does not

36:52

have ill intent. And this

36:54

whole dynamic is the perfect example of

36:57

choosing not to care what people think. Because

37:00

she enjoys making these videos. It

37:03

makes her happy. She likes to share her

37:05

whole journey of being a mom and being

37:07

a little housewife and doing her thing. And

37:09

sharing her hobby of cooking. For

37:11

her to be attacked for

37:13

the way that she dresses and looks. Why

37:15

would she choose to care what people think

37:17

and change the way that she looks and

37:19

dresses and lives her life if she likes

37:21

it? Why is she gonna change what she's

37:23

doing and the content she's

37:25

posting if she enjoys it? She's allowed

37:28

to do what she enjoys. She doesn't

37:30

need anyone's permission. It's not a good

37:32

idea for her to choose to care.

37:34

This is benefiting her. She's having a

37:36

blast. She's loving her little life. And

37:39

the people who enjoy her videos

37:41

enjoy them. I like them. I

37:43

watch every single fucking one. But for

37:45

her to choose to care what these

37:48

people are saying about her would be

37:50

to rob her own happiness. Rob her

37:52

own look. Her own life. Rob

37:55

her relationship. Rob everything from herself.

37:57

Just to try and cater to

37:59

the world. these people who will

38:01

never be pleased, that's not

38:03

a good idea to choose to care what

38:06

these people have to say and what they

38:08

think of her. If she knows why she's

38:10

doing it and it makes her happy, goddamn

38:12

do it. And that's why grounding

38:14

in your intention is so important. You know why

38:16

you're doing what you're doing. You know why you

38:18

dress the way that you do. Why you act

38:21

the way that you do. Why do you talk

38:23

the way that you do. That's for you. That

38:26

is you. And to change

38:28

that is to rob everybody who likes

38:30

you. Like for her to change her

38:32

content because of what people

38:34

are saying would rob the people who like

38:36

it. The millions of people who love what

38:39

she's doing and find peace in it or

38:41

find joy in it or just like to

38:43

watch it as nice entertainment. Whatever. It's inspiring

38:45

to some people. That's gonna rob everybody else.

38:48

That's gonna rob them to try and

38:50

cater to these people who are never gonna like her.

38:52

That's dumb. And choosing to take

38:55

her focus off of what

38:57

she's trying to do, what makes her happy

38:59

and put it on everything else and everyone's

39:01

judgment is a waste. Her

39:04

intention is to do what makes her happy and

39:06

to make this content. To take

39:08

your focus off of that and

39:10

to put it on these people is gonna

39:13

do nothing but harm you. You have to

39:15

choose not to care. You have to choose

39:17

what you do with your focus and attention

39:19

and put it into your intention and continue

39:21

to keep it there. And

39:23

a personal example I have with

39:25

all of this is my podcast

39:27

was number one in education for

39:29

six months in 2023

39:31

and there's been so many people

39:33

who are so happy to see.

39:35

My podcast is not charting number

39:38

one in education anymore. My podcast

39:40

fell in the charts and what

39:42

really happened is I signed

39:45

a contract with a certain host

39:47

for my podcast and had to

39:49

switch platforms where I was uploading

39:51

it. So all of the stats

39:53

that I had for my podcast that

39:55

had me at number one wiped out

39:58

and I do not have those stats anymore. That

40:00

had me held in that position.

40:02

I had to go start from

40:04

scratch basically and rebuild all my

40:06

stats. I'm back up charting in

40:09

the top ten in education, so

40:11

realistically, I. Have a laps.

40:13

A lot of these people. Twice.

40:16

Three times already because I lost

40:18

everything came back and I'm back

40:20

up charting again. I would still

40:22

be number one if I didn't

40:24

switch platforms, but I chose to

40:26

do that for a business decision.

40:28

But my point with this is

40:30

where you choose to put your

40:33

attention and your focus can hurt

40:35

you if you don't stay. In.

40:37

Tune and leave your focus on what

40:39

you're trying to do is making videos,

40:41

talking shit. Back to these people are

40:43

gonna be a good use of my

40:45

time. Know I can choose the for

40:47

my focus on entertaining the bullshit, entertaining

40:50

what other people have to say and

40:52

put it there or I can choose

40:54

to put my focus on what I'm

40:56

trying to do which is share the

40:58

information that I want to share and

41:00

keep my focus here. With the my

41:02

intention of what I'm trying to do

41:04

I'm going to choose the put my

41:06

it's Hinson energy and. What I'm trying

41:08

to do and keep a ground

41:10

in my intent: Not fighting these

41:12

people and wasting all this energy

41:14

that's taking away and detracting from

41:16

what I'm trying to achieve. These.

41:18

Are too perfect examples of

41:20

soothing not to give a

41:23

fuck. It's a choice and

41:25

it's one you have to make. Is

41:27

it the most? Ego boost

41:29

in not always. it's way more fun

41:31

because people the fuck out is way

41:33

more fun to tell people how much

41:35

of a dip shit they are when

41:38

they make an assumption off of information

41:40

they do not have like with me

41:42

and my podcast but that is not

41:44

going to do anything and I'm gonna

41:46

break you into this mindset and this

41:48

understanding you need to have her own

41:51

acknowledgements and lending your focus and attention

41:53

to things because if I acknowledge this

41:55

and what people are saying and the

41:57

criticism about my podcast. falling in that

41:59

sense people are

42:01

never going to remember

42:03

me for charting, for

42:06

being the first gay person to chart. People

42:08

are never gonna remember and associate me with

42:10

charting as long as I did as a

42:12

solo podcast, as a gay person, as a

42:15

dude, as someone who started it from a

42:17

goddamn closet on my phone. I'm not gonna

42:19

be remembered for all of this. If I

42:21

lend my attention to this, one, it's gonna

42:24

take away from all the focus that I

42:26

have on sharing the information I want to

42:28

share, but two, it's gonna make this association

42:30

in people's heads of, oh,

42:32

you're the guy who fell out of

42:35

the number one spot. You're the guy

42:37

people are criticizing. You're the one that's

42:39

no longer on the chart as number

42:41

one. No one's gonna acknowledge I'm still

42:43

top 10, but the point with this

42:45

is people are not gonna associate me

42:47

with number one. For me to address

42:49

all this bullshit and care what people

42:52

have to say and care what people

42:54

think is gonna create an association if

42:56

I lend attention to it of what

42:58

I don't want, which is not being

43:00

number one. People will remember me as

43:02

that. I want to be remembered as

43:04

number one, so I'm only gonna acknowledge when I'm

43:07

there. Does that make sense? So this

43:09

decision to truly not give a fuck

43:11

is way more important than you think

43:13

and the association game, like I just

43:15

explained, you have to be

43:17

very strategic and you have to truly choose

43:19

not to care what people think about you

43:21

or choose to not care about what the

43:24

criticism is. You just have to stay doing

43:26

what you're doing. I have to stay sharing

43:28

the information that I share and getting to

43:30

where I want to go and getting back

43:32

to number one. I'm gonna get there. It's

43:34

a matter of time. My podcast is still

43:36

doing amazing and that's what I'm gonna keep

43:38

my focus on, which is delivering

43:41

here, not delivering to the bullshit.

43:44

Keep the focus on your intention, what you're

43:46

trying to do, what's gonna make you happy

43:48

and what's gonna make you want to

43:51

stay living this life. You need

43:53

to do what you were

43:55

meant to do here, which is expand

43:57

and be the ultimate version of you.

44:00

not censor yourself, not run around

44:02

and avoid all this and that.

44:04

Stop living a life of avoidance.

44:07

Remember who the fuck you are.

44:09

Remember what you're trying to do.

44:12

Remember your intention and goddamn do

44:14

it. You're not weak, so stop acting

44:17

like it. You now have a whole new

44:19

game plan and a whole new guide about

44:21

dealing with what people think about you, how

44:23

to stop caring. You can come back to

44:25

this video literally anytime you want it. And

44:27

like I said in the beginning, if you

44:29

want to learn about confidence, hit the link

44:31

in the description. Buy a goddamn ticket and

44:33

I will see you on tour. Trust. But

44:36

also in the description, I'll put on my social media if

44:38

you want to follow me. Keep up with me. See me

44:40

doing my damn thing and get some inspiration from it when

44:42

you need it. But if you enjoyed

44:44

this episode, leave this video a thumbs up if

44:46

you're watching it on YouTube. And if you're listening

44:48

to the audio version on Apple Podcasts and Spotify,

44:50

leave me a five stars rating. Give me back

44:53

to the number one spot. I'm done fucking around

44:55

and I really can't wait to piss everybody off

44:57

who's praying on my downfall. Maybe if only you

44:59

really knew. This

45:01

is our inside secret now, but that is

45:03

all I've got for this week's episode. Everybody

45:05

be safe. Take care of

45:07

yourself. Choose right now to stop giving a fuck

45:10

because now you know how to do it. And

45:12

I will talk to you guys next Sunday.