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1:03

pear.com. Hi, friends. So

1:06

this week I'm going to tell you some things

1:08

that I've stopped doing recently. A lot of things

1:10

I've been doing and a lot of ways I've

1:12

been living has been purely out of ego and

1:14

I didn't even realize it. And it made me

1:16

think certain things were me when they weren't. This

1:19

is not a fun process to go through. I've been going

1:21

through an ego death of sorts, but these

1:23

are some of the things that I'm doing different about

1:26

life that has made me feel so much better and

1:28

made me like life again and want to be here.

1:31

Tea. To everybody asking if I'm still going on tour,

1:33

yes, that didn't change. The link for tickets will be

1:36

in the description. My first show is in a couple

1:38

of weeks in Medford. It's close to Boston. So if

1:40

you live near Boston, go get you a ticket. But

1:42

if you want to see other cities that I'm going

1:44

to, the link is in the description where you can

1:46

buy tickets and see everywhere I'm going to go. I

1:48

have like 20 shows this summer. I'm going to come

1:50

everywhere I can and share everything I know and have

1:52

learned about confidence in person and give you a bunch

1:55

of hugs. A lot of the tickets for VIP meet

1:57

and greet are sold out in a lot of cities.

1:59

I'm so sorry. Don't get mad. You can still go.

2:01

Take it if it's still available. But also at every show,

2:03

I do a Q and a portion for like 45 minutes.

2:06

So if you're going to come to a show, think

2:08

of a question you want to ask and come prepared

2:10

in case you get called. I want to get into

2:12

some juicy shit. You know, we're going to be live

2:14

in person. There's no filter. We could talk about anything

2:16

we want. But with that being said, let's jump into

2:18

the first thing that I've stopped doing and

2:20

it's criticizing people. I

2:22

know that's a big one. And

2:24

who would have thought? And

2:27

there's two angles for criticizing people and

2:29

how to stop. The first thing is

2:32

to realize you feel the need

2:34

to criticize things, to

2:36

disarm a threat. So if

2:38

you perceive something as a threat to criticize it

2:41

and to poke holes in it or make

2:43

it not as bad or not as serious

2:45

or not as smart or not as strong

2:47

example is people when you criticize people and

2:49

try and nitpick them. Sometimes it's because of

2:51

a subconscious belief and thought that this person

2:54

is a threat and to criticize them makes

2:56

them feel like less of a threat. And

2:58

that's a big way that your brain and

3:00

your ego can hijack you without you realizing

3:02

it. But criticizing people and things is

3:05

really a learned protection mechanism to

3:08

keep yourself safe and to feel

3:10

like you can deal with a threat

3:12

or not perceive so many threats. If

3:14

your brain's immediate response is discredit it

3:16

and validate it and make it less

3:18

threatening. You don't realize what's going on,

3:20

but that's a big kind

3:22

of like shadow behind why you feel like

3:24

you criticize people all the time. If you

3:27

do, because I was very much like that.

3:29

I was very much sassy. Fuck. I was

3:31

very much criticizing everything. Everybody. But

3:34

the thing that's helped me is if you notice that you

3:36

criticize people a lot and you don't

3:38

know why you're doing it, become aware in

3:40

the moment that you're criticizing something or someone,

3:42

what is the potential threat here? What

3:44

do I feel threatened by? And is there

3:46

a threat? Is there a reason to be

3:48

just criticizing and nitpicking and

3:50

when you're sitting in a place of criticizing

3:52

something, it doesn't feel good. It's not fun.

3:54

It's not like a good place to be

3:56

in when you're just running around criticizing people

3:59

all the time. So the main way

4:01

that I've checked myself with this is what

4:03

I'm about to share in a second. But

4:05

don't let yourself criticize something if you're not

4:07

going to offer guidance or help with it.

4:10

Since-less, just criticism and attack of something is

4:12

pointless. It does nothing for you. It's going

4:14

to make you feel worse. You might think

4:17

it makes you feel better for a minute,

4:19

but it doesn't. And that's kind

4:21

of how I've learned to flip it is how can

4:23

I help? What guidance can you offer or

4:26

shut the fuck up? But

4:28

that goes with yourself too. If you notice

4:30

you're criticizing yourself and it's just kind of

4:32

senseless criticism or you're criticizing somebody else, what

4:34

guidance can I give? What can

4:37

come about from this? You're now aware of something

4:39

you don't like or you don't want. Okay, how

4:41

are you going to go to what you do

4:43

want from that? And that's my other perspective of

4:45

how I've let go of this and stopped doing

4:47

it is when you're

4:49

criticizing something, you're focused on what's unwanted. You

4:52

can't get what's wanted if you're focused on

4:54

what's unwanted. And to be criticizing something doesn't

4:56

change it. And I have

4:58

an example that I'm going to give

5:01

you around criticizing things and it doesn't

5:03

change it into what you want. So

5:05

criticizing it is useless. I was

5:07

touring some houses recently and I have a very

5:09

specific taste for what I like and what I

5:11

want. And I was going into

5:13

a lot of houses just nitpicking the shit out

5:15

of them. And I was getting frustrated and irritated

5:17

like, why did this person who lived here before

5:20

do this? Why did they do that? Why did

5:22

the builders who built this house make

5:24

this wall like this? For what? Like

5:26

I was just so focused on what

5:28

I didn't like about so many properties.

5:30

And I caught myself in the moment

5:32

and was like, hey, fucker, you're

5:34

only over here focused on what you don't

5:36

like. You just criticizing the house like poor

5:38

house. They didn't do nothing. But

5:41

asking yourself in the moment, why are

5:43

you criticizing something? There's no threat. But

5:45

there is a threat in a situation

5:48

like this because I'm trying

5:50

to find something that I want. And

5:53

I'm hoping that each house that I was

5:55

touring was going to be what I wanted.

5:57

So when I saw things further

6:00

from what I did want and I

6:03

felt hopeless about what I want actually

6:05

existing so the threat was the fear

6:07

and the worry that I wasn't gonna

6:09

find what I wanted and why

6:12

can't this thing in front of me just

6:14

be what I want it to be that's

6:16

very fair to think but what

6:18

does that do nothing criticizing

6:20

don't do nothing was me getting mad

6:22

about the color of the walls and

6:25

the certain backslash they did in the

6:27

kitchen was that gonna change and

6:29

make the house become what I wanted no but

6:31

nitpicking what isn't what I want is not gonna

6:33

get me any closer to it that's a useless

6:36

behavior so I quit doing it and then after

6:38

I kind of sat with that for a minute

6:40

I was walking into other houses and I was

6:42

more excited because I wasn't

6:44

letting myself get discouraged I wasn't only seeing

6:47

what I didn't like and what I didn't

6:49

want I was looking at things and being

6:51

like I like all of these aspects and

6:53

I found more things I liked and then

6:55

the things that I didn't like or didn't

6:57

prefer I made a mental note of because

6:59

it made it very clear and it made

7:01

it more obvious when things I did like

7:03

popped up but everything that I didn't like

7:06

and every unwanted thing that wasn't really what

7:08

I was looking for I stopped

7:10

getting mad about it and trying to

7:12

change what is I accepted this is

7:14

not what I want if it's

7:16

not something I'm willing to put money into to change I'm

7:19

gonna go to a different house this is not the one

7:21

for but it doesn't mean that

7:23

the house I want does not exist and the things

7:26

that I'm looking for are not out there so taking

7:28

your focus off of things that you don't like

7:30

and stop criticizing things just for no fucking

7:32

point like there's no point in it it's

7:34

not gonna change the house that

7:37

made me feel better about the experience and

7:39

I stopped seeing so much confirmation that what

7:41

I want is difficult or hard to find

7:43

that I started finding more and more of

7:45

what I did like but the biggest takeaway

7:47

here is if someone is not what

7:49

you want or if something is not what you want

7:52

walk away from it and let it be okay

7:55

don't criticize it don't attack it for not being

7:57

what you want understand what you

7:59

want is out there, you're being directed in

8:01

a way away from it. You're

8:03

seeing things that you don't want. Now walk the fuck

8:05

away from it. Don't stand there and criticize it. It's

8:08

not going to change. And the only thing that's going

8:10

to happen is ruin your hope and

8:12

your ability to actually find what you want because

8:14

you're focused on what you don't want. Don't criticize

8:16

it. Just let it be, let it be what

8:19

it is. It's what somebody else wants. They'll find

8:21

it. What you want is out there too. And

8:23

focus on that is what I learned. It's

8:25

easier said than done, but I

8:28

feel a lot better mentally. So the

8:30

next thing that I've stopped doing is try

8:32

to take the value away from others and

8:35

discredit people in my own mind. It's not

8:37

something I've done like publicly

8:39

online, but that is

8:41

something that I've done in my head for

8:44

a really long time is kind of discredit

8:46

people or look for things that will make

8:48

me see them as less valuable when you

8:50

feel threatened, that's, that's a typical response. Like

8:53

your ego is there to help you survive.

8:55

You can't get rid of your ego, but

8:57

feeling a perceived attack. To it or

9:00

seeing value being recognized by somebody else

9:02

for something else. Leave it

9:04

be. Don't attack it. Don't

9:07

rip it down. Don't try to take away the

9:09

value of something else and make

9:11

yourself feel better about it because maybe your

9:13

value is not being recognized or you don't

9:15

feel as valuable, let it be because taken

9:18

away and not seeing other people's value that

9:20

they can contribute or the value of them

9:22

as a human being doesn't make you more

9:24

valuable, but it, this is an

9:27

ego tactic because you'll subconsciously think if you

9:29

diminish the value of everything else, your value

9:31

will be way more clear. It's kind of

9:33

like if you go around blowing up all

9:35

the buildings around you, your building is the

9:37

only one left and that's the only one

9:39

that value is left to be recognized and

9:41

that's the only thing people can see value

9:43

in. That's not how things work. It's not

9:45

how life works. And it makes you more

9:47

off putting to wreck the value of other

9:49

people and devalue other people. You can't be

9:51

looking at something and refusing

9:53

to see the value in it and be doing

9:56

that to yourself too, because life is a mirror.

9:58

I Know it's a bitch. I'm here with you.

10:01

But. An example I have about the whole

10:03

criticism things would devalue aspects their these videos

10:05

gotta on on Sick talk of this woman

10:08

who was a professional house burglar like she's

10:10

to rob houses like professionally as she was

10:12

good at it and a lot of people

10:14

in the comments were immediately raping her and

10:16

didn't even watch the videos and were to

10:18

attack in her for how could you do

10:20

this you're a piece of shit and it

10:22

is attacked her and ripped her I didn't

10:25

get caught up in the criticism I was

10:27

like oh t this is what you do

10:29

I'm gonna use this concept and consume all

10:31

of this content. To learn new ways to

10:33

protect myself and to protect my home and

10:35

my belongings. I'm going to use this content

10:37

that I'm now seeing not to criticize that

10:39

and wish it were difference and same people

10:41

and tell them why they're bad. I hope

10:43

the woman as a change of heart's but

10:45

people have free brother going to do what

10:47

they're gonna do. You can protect yourself from

10:50

it's and the best Able to learn from

10:52

other people who target people like us. So

10:54

instead of getting caught up in criticizing her

10:56

and attacking the person, I was there to

10:58

assess and look at what I couldn't get

11:00

from, I looked at how to protect. Myself

11:02

better and consumed all of the

11:04

videos to see what makes certain

11:06

people and their property a target.

11:08

So I can learn ways to

11:10

not be a targets and not

11:12

be stolen from by people who

11:15

do this. I'm not cool saving

11:17

people anymore and. Like.

11:19

Just ripping people down and criticizing

11:21

them like would that situation. What's.

11:23

Criticizing her gonna do see from the

11:26

way she was talking was very. Didn't

11:28

care about what was going on. Nothing's gonna

11:31

change her mind. Maybe so sick of stolen

11:33

from? who knows? That's her lesson to learn

11:35

and I'm gonna leave her alone to go

11:37

learn. It's like I said is something is

11:39

not what you want. Don't criticize it's and

11:41

freak out his window. Your time lashing out

11:43

on it. Leave it be or learn what

11:45

you can protect yourself from the threat Because

11:47

that really is one you know. Okay

11:50

this next thing that I've stopped

11:52

doing is looking for revenge and

11:54

attacking people and lashing out. I've

11:57

had a whole new mindsets if the around

11:59

it as. The. I'm. Not qualified

12:01

to dish out consequences and I've had

12:03

to learn this the hard way. But

12:06

basically the only time it feels good

12:08

to dish out a consequence and to

12:10

attack someone is when your ego is

12:12

the thing that has hit. But in

12:14

order to dish out a consequence, Dot.

12:17

Requires someone to be in a perspective

12:19

of God or the universe. You're gonna

12:21

have to have an all knowing perspective

12:24

to be able to dish out a

12:26

fair consequence. I don't possess that knowledge

12:28

I don't possess or perspective. There are

12:30

so. I. Do not feel

12:32

comfortable. And. I do not

12:35

want to lash out and harm

12:37

people and take any action from

12:39

an ill intent toward someone to

12:41

harm them or exact revenge. I

12:43

about a whole com apart and

12:45

like I said ego that around

12:47

everything to do with this I

12:49

no longer lead with the intent

12:51

of hurting people and. I'm

12:53

not saying that wanting to is bad.

12:56

it is normal, it's or human reaction

12:58

to. Want to protect yourself

13:00

but also we're biologically wired and

13:02

our instincts are made for survival

13:04

and if there is a threat

13:06

it feels good and as you

13:08

get charged you gonna journal and

13:11

head you get fight flight mode

13:13

to take out as threats. but

13:15

what I was unaware of is.

13:18

Your. Ego can be perceiving a

13:20

threat and you will feel that

13:22

urge to lash out and destroy.

13:24

The threats that doesn't always mean

13:27

is justified and I've had to

13:29

face recently calling into question. Every

13:32

single time I've lost out or hurt

13:34

someone and I no longer feel confident

13:36

in it because I hold a different

13:39

perspective now. and all of a times

13:41

I've felt justified in hurting someone because

13:43

they hurt me I no longer see

13:45

as justified and that's. Something. I

13:47

asked a live with and things I

13:50

have to learn and grow from and

13:52

as a lot of phone calls I've

13:54

had to make to take accountability and

13:56

based something that I've done because blinds

13:58

justification just because you're hurt. About something

14:00

said, using that as grounds to

14:03

harm someone. Is not

14:05

fair. Because like I said, we

14:07

don't have the perspective to be able to

14:09

dish out a consequence and call it fair.

14:12

and I was very big on like. Blaming.

14:14

People for their action and not my

14:17

reaction and how I respond to with

14:19

my new perspective now is people are

14:21

responsible for their own actions and the

14:23

thing that they do to others. But

14:26

just because you're hurt by some things

14:28

and you lash out how you feel

14:30

is justified, that doesn't mean that your

14:32

response or your reaction does not need

14:34

to be questioned. You fully still need

14:37

the question, the fairness and the harshness

14:39

and what you've done in response to

14:41

something. Was there actually a threat you

14:43

needed to destroy. Or harm. Or were

14:45

you just acting in a way that

14:48

made you feel better or feel a

14:50

sense of repair with your ego? Acting.

14:53

Out of you go and repairing your

14:55

ego and your sense of self at

14:57

the cost of someone else is not

14:59

something I agree with anymore. and other

15:01

than that I do and I feel

15:03

so much better about everything in life

15:05

because I no longer have to carry

15:07

the weight of strategizing my revenge or

15:09

minute get on people and strategizing home

15:11

and a clap back on people speak

15:13

of of a lot of weight to

15:15

carry and the guilt is even more

15:17

weight to carry once you grow and

15:19

you see things difference and you have

15:21

to call into question. How justified

15:23

your reaction really was That's a lot

15:25

harder to deal with. so the way

15:28

to sort cut as to no longer

15:30

act off. Character. Traits

15:32

and behaviors that have kept

15:34

you say these are adaptive

15:36

strategies I've learned. From.

15:39

A long period of like feel like any

15:41

to protect myself and survive in this world.

15:43

But taking actions based off of things you've

15:45

adapted to survive is not the real you.

15:48

It's not a true essence of who you

15:50

are, that's not an action taken from your

15:52

soul and what you actually want to cancel.

15:54

Live off of survival and what's kept his

15:57

safe. Once. You realize that it's

15:59

damaging and it's. Harmful. and if that is

16:01

justified as you think. And the

16:03

biggest way that I found to

16:05

differentiate if a situation. Is.

16:07

You about the oft off of ego and

16:09

to stop before you do. Is

16:12

if there is no immediate physical threat

16:14

to you and your safety, what is

16:16

happening is just a hit to your

16:18

ego. You're not in fight or flight

16:20

mode because you have a physical threat

16:23

that actually his a potential harm to

16:25

your safety and your well, it is

16:27

just something emotional and any action you

16:29

take from an emotional standpoint like that

16:31

that is not what an actual threat

16:34

will be an inaccurate one to how

16:36

you truly feel when you are level

16:38

headed. Think before you act and don't

16:40

act off of emotion. But that's the

16:42

biggest way to identify it's ego. Or.

16:45

Your actual instincts as a human being.

16:47

If it's not a physical threats, what

16:49

is actually being attacked is your sense

16:51

of self and it's causing these emotions.

16:53

Take a step back, get away from

16:56

the situation and reflect before you react

16:58

or give an answer or attack somebody.

17:00

Because in this situation the way you

17:02

want to react as an urge, it

17:04

is not what you want to do,

17:07

it is not you and the way

17:09

to refrain and urge and your mind

17:11

is any desire you have to act

17:13

a certain way from. A negative emotional

17:15

place and a negative feeling states

17:18

will yield negative results. This life

17:20

is law of attraction. It's a

17:22

mirror. It's a bitch. No one

17:24

likes to minutes put his through.

17:26

It sucks for homelessness, but when

17:28

you take an accent from a

17:30

negative place it will yield a

17:32

negative result that the Mets. Dot.

17:35

Is the vibrational match the action you

17:37

just took when you took it from

17:39

negative emotions? The response and what's gonna

17:41

happen will match shifts, so that's the

17:44

biggest way to not act. in

17:46

a way that will get you negative results

17:48

so identify any desire you have any poor

17:51

you have is just an urge when it

17:53

comes from a negative feeling states and you

17:55

do not want to take action from that

17:57

standpoint back off take space takes time Think

18:00

about it and wait until you get into

18:02

a neutral feeling state or a positive feeling

18:05

state and take action from that I

18:07

always regret when I take action off of

18:09

an urge and clapping back on social media

18:12

With this whole cancellation that just went on that

18:15

is something I really had to exercise and

18:17

it Reaffirmed this when you act out of

18:20

urge you will always regret it because people

18:22

would say something or attack me or

18:24

just talk shit And I would

18:26

feel like this is the right decision

18:29

It feels good to comment hate back

18:31

to them to spew hate or criticism

18:33

in any way with no guidance Delivered

18:35

with it is just hate that

18:37

comes from a negative place that comes from a

18:40

place of wanting to do harm That's

18:42

an urge so every single time I

18:44

would comment back because I had a moment of

18:46

weakness where I was just like fuck you I would comment

18:48

something back and talk shit back Five

18:50

ten seconds later after the emotion had come

18:53

out of me the action I took I

18:55

felt the release and Then

18:57

I had to sit there and I was like

19:00

damn I need to delete that and I would

19:02

delete it immediately because it was not taken from

19:04

a good feeling state It was an urge that

19:06

I acted on and I want to help as

19:08

many people avoid that as possible Because

19:11

that's not the real you that's your ego.

19:13

That's your ego That's been hit and is

19:15

trying to defend itself or feel better. That's

19:17

not how you truly feel That

19:19

is your survival mechanism and your

19:22

ego taking control. Don't let it

19:24

don't take actions from urges It's

19:26

fine to have the urges. That's one big thing. I

19:29

want to make clear It's fine to want to tell

19:31

everybody to go fuck themselves. Is it

19:33

okay to do it? That's up for everybody to

19:35

decide but it's fine to have

19:37

the urges. It's fine to think very very Fucked

19:40

up things sometimes your

19:43

ego is gonna do it It's gonna find a

19:45

way to feel better about the situation, but do

19:47

not act on it Make sure any action you

19:49

take comes from a level-headed standpoint and from a

19:52

place where you're not wanting to do someone

19:54

harm if You only want to harm someone

19:56

I've learned you need to sit down and

19:58

not take any action until you

20:00

feel differently. If you just want

20:03

to harm someone or hurt someone or make

20:05

someone feel bad, don't take action

20:07

from that place. That's not you. Okay,

20:10

the next thing that I stopped doing is physically hurting

20:12

people and attacking people. I haven't done this in a

20:14

while, but my whole

20:16

perspective around violence, over,

20:19

done. I used to very much

20:21

promote it and before

20:23

it. And I was very

20:26

all feisty, mad,

20:28

loved to fuck

20:30

somebody's shit up. I loved it.

20:34

And this is something I never thought I would

20:36

ever see different. I really never thought I would

20:38

get to a place where I wouldn't find joy

20:40

out of popping somebody in their mouth. I used

20:42

to have such a problem with being the bigger

20:44

person and walking away. I

20:47

see it totally different now. I

20:49

do not condone violence for

20:52

things that are an attack on

20:54

your ego. It doesn't fucking matter.

20:57

If something is not an immediate

20:59

physical threat to your safety, like

21:02

someone actually trying to kill you or harm you, I

21:04

don't condone violence anymore. If you got a

21:06

physical threat actually coming at you, handle what

21:08

you gotta handle. I will always encourage that.

21:10

Your physical safety should be number one always.

21:13

Handle a threat however you got to.

21:15

We are creatures that have survival instincts,

21:17

so those will kick on when you

21:20

need them. But do not let them

21:22

kick on if there is not

21:24

an actual physical threat. If you can

21:26

walk away from something, walk away.

21:29

Because like I said, I've had to revisit a

21:31

lot of things recently. And there's a lot of

21:33

times I've put my hands on people and

21:35

I felt like it was justified. Now

21:38

I see it wasn't. To cause harm to

21:40

somebody with that being your soul

21:42

intention is not something I agree with anymore.

21:44

Like I know it's crazy hearing it come

21:46

out of my mouth. But

21:48

the biggest thing with this is if someone is

21:51

saying things to you and trying to harm you

21:53

and hurt you, if it's not a physical threat,

21:56

the only thing being harmed is your

21:58

ego. And just words from somebody. are

22:01

not enough to justify physically

22:03

harming them. If they make a threat to your safety and you

22:06

really feel like they're about to act on it, do what you

22:08

got to do like I said before. But

22:10

just words, just someone talking shit

22:12

or just someone disrespecting you, walk

22:15

off. Do not let them speak

22:17

to you. Don't allow yourself to be around that

22:19

and to let the person speak to you. That's

22:21

what you do. You revoke their access to talking

22:23

to you. If you want to talk to me,

22:25

you want to speak to me. You're going to

22:27

do it in this way. You set up boundaries

22:29

of how people are allowed to communicate to you

22:31

and if they do it disrespectfully, they're not going

22:33

to get a chance to talk to you and

22:35

it's not going to come from a place of

22:37

harm. It's going to come from a place of

22:39

protection for yourself. You can have a conversation with

22:41

anybody but these are my boundaries for how this

22:43

conversation is going to go. It's going to have

22:45

decency, respect, and consideration for both of us.

22:48

Even if we're both pissed off, even if

22:50

we're both mad, that's fine. Causing each other

22:52

harm is not going to happen. It's not

22:54

going to fly. Defending yourself is something else

22:57

that doesn't really need to be done all

22:59

the time. Like some people just want to

23:01

talk and if someone is acting out of

23:03

their ego and just attacking you to defend

23:06

themselves or feel better, there's no conversation to

23:08

be had. You can't talk to somebody and

23:11

stay on the point of the situation when

23:13

they're trying to defend their self-concept. What's going

23:15

to happen is a pissing match of both

23:17

of you back and forth, self-concept versus self-concept,

23:19

ego versus ego, and nothing's ever going to

23:21

get addressed and it might lead to a

23:24

place of violence because that's how

23:26

it used to work with me. Like once

23:28

my ego felt hit enough, the only way to

23:30

repair the rupture I felt in my ego was

23:32

to put my hands on somebody to feel better

23:34

about it. That's acting off of your emotions. That's

23:37

weak and that's weird for me

23:39

to say. Like I can't believe these things are coming out

23:41

of my mouth but it's what I truly believe now and

23:43

I'm having a whole reconstruction

23:46

of my personality. I used to

23:48

love fighting. If It's

23:50

not a physical threat, I Can't die from it.

23:52

Words don't mean shit. And If someone's words can

23:54

really impact you that bad and make you question

23:57

yourself or make you feel better, then I can't

23:59

do it. Negatively or feel attacked.

24:02

That's. A sign You got to reflect a

24:04

some things you're looking at and that's what

24:06

I've been habit of the recently. It's a

24:08

pain in he as and it's not fun.

24:10

people's words might always impact you and that's

24:12

okay. but sitting with the things that hurt

24:15

you and bother you and repairing what's inside

24:17

you that you need to as how you

24:19

really become on Fuck with a box and

24:21

that's my favorite things. The more and more

24:23

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24:25

because when people say something and it hits

24:27

Senate strikes a nerve. That's a pain point

24:29

that I don't want people to be able

24:32

to. Hit that's an alarm bell or something

24:34

and meets the needs to be addressed. and

24:36

when you address it other people can't hurt

24:38

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24:40

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24:43

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That's Prolonlife.com/aware. Now

27:20

back to the podcast. And this leads

27:22

me to my new approach to dealing

27:24

with criticism and not

27:27

wishing harm on people. So with

27:29

criticism, I do not

27:32

allow it in. So first example we'll use

27:35

online, people talking shit, whatever, then we'll use

27:37

in real life. With people making

27:39

videos about you, especially with me right now in

27:41

the little hot seat that I'm in, I

27:43

do not consume anything or listen to

27:45

anyone who is solely criticizing me and

27:47

trying to attack me. As soon as

27:50

someone mentions me in a video or

27:52

I see something come up, as soon

27:54

as I hear their tone or something

27:56

they're saying is solely just to attack

27:58

the shit out of me, swipe.

28:00

I don't consume it. I don't listen to it.

28:02

I have no use for blatant and

28:05

pointless criticism. If someone is gonna offer

28:07

me constructive criticism, I'm all ears. But

28:09

in order to get me to listen

28:11

to you, you are going to deliver

28:13

what you have to say with the

28:15

intent very clear. It is to help

28:17

me and make me see something that

28:19

I'm not seeing for the betterment of

28:22

myself, not to simply attack me and

28:24

criticize me. I don't allow that in.

28:26

And not listening to these people doesn't

28:28

come from a place of rejecting them

28:30

or shaming them. I'm just not letting that in.

28:32

And so you can speak to me from a

28:34

place of actual concern or

28:37

offering anything more than just criticism. You got some

28:40

guidance, you got some education. I'm all ears. But

28:42

I'm not gonna listen to it in a way

28:44

that is just an attack. I'm not gonna engage

28:46

in that. I'm not gonna listen to it. I'm

28:48

not gonna consume it. You don't need to attack

28:51

them back. You don't need to tell them about

28:53

themselves. All you have to do is set up

28:55

a boundary with how you're allowed to communicate with

28:57

me and what you will and won't let in.

29:00

And the same thing applies to people in real

29:02

life. If someone is coming at

29:04

you just critically and they're just being

29:06

mean and their sole purpose is just to

29:08

criticize you and shame you and tell you

29:10

how you're bad and you're wrong. Don't

29:13

listen to it. Stop them when

29:15

they're speaking. Be like, I'm not gonna engage

29:17

in this conversation being talked to this way.

29:19

If we can't have a respectful conversation about

29:22

this, I don't want to have one. And

29:24

if you don't have anything to offer me

29:26

with constructive criticism or to

29:28

offer me help or offer me guidance

29:30

about something that you see that you

29:33

disapprove of to help me or

29:35

make me see something different, then there's

29:37

no point in having this discussion. I'm not gonna

29:39

sit here and let you just criticize me and

29:42

attack me. I'm all ears for anything you have

29:44

to offer but not to be

29:46

attacked by you. And that is not unfair.

29:49

That's not attacking them. That's setting the ground

29:51

for how you will be communicated with and

29:53

what you require for someone to be able

29:55

to have a conversation with you or walk

29:58

off. Get away from me. them. Anytime

30:00

someone is attacking you and criticizing you

30:02

with no intent to help, don't subject

30:04

yourself to that. It doesn't matter if

30:07

it seems rude. That's protecting you. Walk

30:09

away from it. Go get yourself together

30:11

because you don't want to take action

30:13

from being just attacked and say something

30:15

mean or actually do something harmful to

30:17

them. Remove yourself from the situation and

30:20

don't let yourself back into it until they

30:22

can come correct and have an actual genuine

30:24

conversation with you. If people have nothing to

30:27

say but hate and criticism and they try

30:29

and shame you, you don't have to

30:31

listen to them and you're not wrong or bad

30:33

for not listening to them and it's not

30:36

rude and wishing them harm to get away

30:38

from them. And I had a situation recently

30:40

where someone very close to me said

30:43

something very very disrespectful and granted they

30:45

were looking out for me but it

30:47

wasn't very obvious. It just felt like

30:49

an attack in the moment and

30:52

when we talked about it later I said I do not

30:54

want to be spoken to that way and

30:56

if you feel comfortable speaking to me

30:59

disrespectfully because we feel comfortable and we are

31:01

as close as we are then I no

31:03

longer want to be this comfortable with you.

31:05

I no longer want to be this close.

31:08

I want to be whatever level of closeness

31:10

that you still give me respect and care

31:12

about my feelings and care to put intention

31:14

behind having the fact that you care for

31:16

me and you're looking out for me be

31:18

known. If I don't feel like you

31:20

care and it just feels like you're

31:22

gonna attack me I don't want to have

31:25

a conversation I don't want to be that close

31:27

so whatever we need to do to fix it

31:29

going forward let's do it but I'm not gonna

31:31

tolerate this respect and then we talked about other

31:33

ways to proceed in the future with criticism not

31:35

being perceived as just an attack because I have

31:38

my own shit to own up to. I have

31:40

my own jaded view on what's an attack and

31:42

what's not. The next

31:44

one I'm gonna talk about is

31:46

my favorite thing to do well

31:48

used to be was abandon people.

31:50

That was my go-to party

31:53

trick you could say is to

31:55

like exact my revenge with

31:58

abandoning someone and harming

32:00

them by removing

32:03

me from their life and like losing

32:06

my presence was my get back

32:08

in a way and I felt good

32:10

leaving situations where I felt wronged or

32:12

hurt or betrayed by abandoning

32:14

them because I knew how bad it would

32:17

hurt that's how I felt good about getting

32:19

revenge but that came from a place of

32:21

intending to do harm and

32:23

I've been reality-checked about

32:26

abandonment and how truly

32:28

unfair it is to completely

32:31

discard someone and their

32:33

heart. If you've cared about someone and they've treated

32:35

you good or you see that they have good intentions

32:37

and they're just not being

32:40

communicated properly or they're not acting in

32:42

the way that they want

32:44

to but you can tell that they care

32:46

and they genuinely do want to do better

32:48

to abandon that person after they hurt you

32:50

is mean and unjustified and it's just happened

32:52

to me on a grand scale with social

32:55

media when everybody canceled me and a

32:57

lot of people turn their backs a lot of people

32:59

personally turn their backs on me

33:02

and did not help me

33:04

at all like I felt the feeling

33:06

of being abandoned for

33:08

something I said and wanting

33:11

to do good having good intentions having

33:13

a good heart and not seeing

33:16

what I did wrong I was

33:19

stuck figuring the shit out and

33:22

being alone and wanting to do better and

33:24

a couple of people in specific

33:26

that I was close to seeing

33:28

the attack I was under and

33:30

saying it was justified and not

33:33

understanding from my perspective how it

33:35

could be justified really

33:37

really hurt me and I felt trapped

33:40

and stuck knowing there was something I

33:42

wasn't seeing but being

33:44

abandoned in it and I felt very betrayed

33:47

because the people who got to know me

33:49

in real life and anyone who spent time

33:51

around me knows my heart and knows how

33:53

I am and for them

33:55

to just discard that and punish me

33:58

and look at me bad

34:00

as an entire person like I'm a

34:02

bad person and I'm just bad and

34:05

to be written off because of something

34:07

I said that's not fair and that's

34:09

not something I will ever do to people

34:11

again because someone says something bad or does

34:13

something bad what they did or said was

34:15

bad they are not altogether

34:18

bad not everything about them is

34:20

bad everybody cares in their own

34:22

little way and everybody has good

34:24

in their heart and when any

34:26

good that I've shown to people

34:28

has been completely discredited and paid

34:30

no mind it hurt a

34:32

lot and it made me

34:34

fully question how I have

34:37

done that to other people like

34:39

with friends that I've cut off and abandoned

34:41

but when someone I care about does

34:44

something now I do not

34:47

abandon them I know

34:49

that they have good intentions I know they have a

34:51

good heart and I make sure that they know that

34:54

I see that because that

34:56

is the most insane gift you can

34:58

give somebody is to see them do

35:00

something bad or do something wrong and

35:02

still remind them and let them know

35:05

that you see their heart and you

35:07

see their intention it's a

35:10

lot of times the only thing that can pull

35:12

you out of a very dark spot if people

35:14

have turned on you and have

35:16

been bad to you and a lot of people

35:19

who were supportive of me and were there

35:21

for me and did talk to me and

35:23

did help me the people who didn't I'm

35:25

gonna do a full podcast episode about my

35:27

whole new realization around betrayal but I'm fully

35:29

open to hearing people out now but

35:31

that does not mean I'm gonna let you back close to

35:34

me or let you back into my life because once you

35:36

turn your back and you abandon

35:38

me like that I'll never feel safe with

35:40

you again that's something I can no longer

35:42

do because I now experience the consequence of

35:44

it and abandoning someone just straight up because

35:46

something that they did or said that hurt

35:49

you you got to communicate it you got

35:51

to talk about it and you can't

35:53

leave anymore feeling justified and feeling like

35:55

you're all good of a person if

35:59

you're just gonna intentionally hurt someone

36:01

like that. Because that is intentionally to hurt

36:03

them the way that I used to abandon

36:05

people. But I'm not saying I fully believe

36:07

in forgiveness and like letting people

36:09

back and people can do no wrong. If

36:11

someone hurts you or betrays you, you're

36:13

allowed to set up boundaries, you're allowed to put up

36:15

distance, but you need to do it

36:17

with the acknowledgement of

36:20

their heart trying to understand

36:22

them without understanding them being

36:24

an excuse for their behavior. You need to

36:26

set up boundaries and have communications and talk

36:29

about the hard shit. Because some damage is

36:31

irreparable and some damage is done once it's

36:33

done. You light a piece of wood on

36:35

fire, it's ash, baby. No coming back, no

36:38

bringing me back. You gotta deal with what

36:40

you got now. And some things are like

36:42

that. But if someone does do

36:44

harm without intentionally meaning

36:46

to, help them

36:48

see how they

36:50

can avoid that in the future and help them

36:53

see to the best of your ability how you

36:55

can help them take actions

36:57

more in line with their heart and what

36:59

you do see about them. But I'll no

37:01

longer just attack someone or criticize someone or

37:03

abandon someone without advice or guidance

37:05

or something. I don't take a harsh approach

37:07

to it anymore. I'm not just gonna criticize

37:09

somebody, I'm gonna try and encourage them and

37:12

help them see things and let them know

37:14

that I don't think that they're bad and

37:16

evil and wrong. Like there is a level

37:18

of understanding that should be had. Some things

37:20

like I said are irreparable and you don't

37:22

need to understand it. But if you're not

37:24

gonna choose to understand it, you don't get

37:26

to walk away. And wish them harm and

37:29

wish them bad. And if you do wish

37:31

someone bad and you do wish them harm,

37:33

that is not something that should leave your

37:35

mind. You need to sit there with it

37:37

and try to understand it. So you don't

37:39

inadvertently cause yourself harm by actions you take

37:41

that you will regret. The other huge thing

37:44

is with abandoning people and attacking people and

37:46

like cutting people off the way that I

37:49

used to, it makes

37:51

no one feel safe with you. And

37:54

that is the biggest thing that I want is for

37:56

people to feel safe with me. And

37:59

for everyone in my. life to see

38:01

me be so close to certain people

38:03

and they do something that

38:05

hurts me and I immediately cut them

38:07

off or abandon them no one

38:09

around me is gonna feel safe if

38:12

they don't see there's any chance

38:14

to repair that. I want to

38:16

give everyone I care about the

38:18

fair chance to create repair if

38:20

something has happened that caused

38:22

damage and I want everyone to feel safe

38:24

that does care about me to know you're

38:26

not just gonna be abandoned like that I

38:29

don't want that to be done to me and I don't

38:31

want to continue doing that and sending everyone

38:33

the message around me yo you got to

38:35

walk on eggshells that doesn't let anyone feel

38:37

safe to be themselves it makes everyone feel

38:39

like they have to put on an image

38:41

with you and act perfect and according to

38:43

your morals and values and they can't be

38:45

themselves they're gonna feel uncomfortable you're never gonna

38:47

feel close to them because they don't feel

38:49

safe to let you meet the real them

38:51

because they're so scared of being abandoned or

38:53

being a criticized or attacked for how

38:56

they are and who they are there's always

38:58

a conversation to be had and I want

39:00

everyone around me to know I will hear

39:02

everyone out and that's something that

39:04

I was very resistant to because

39:06

hearing people out makes you see you

39:09

mourn as justified as you thought but

39:12

that's a big thing I realized too is everyone around

39:14

you sees how you treat other people and

39:17

they will be scared and it does push people

39:19

away that are close to you

39:21

when you push someone else the way that you care about

39:23

they see it and they're scared about

39:25

it alright the last thing that I've stopped doing

39:27

this is gonna sound cynical but

39:30

it's not and it's thinking that being

39:32

good and being a good person and

39:34

having a good heart is enough it's

39:37

not enough to simply just be good

39:39

and to care and have

39:42

no ill will is not enough you

39:45

have to take on the responsibility of

39:47

making sure that comes across that is

39:49

communicated and it is clear in your

39:51

actions and everything I shared in this

39:54

episode is how I've kind of bypassed

39:56

the ego taking control of it and

39:59

the strategy that I talked about

40:02

that will cover your heart, your strategies

40:04

you've had to learn to adapt to

40:06

survive in your environment or to be

40:08

loved or get approval. All these things

40:11

might taint the way your heart

40:13

is perceived. People aren't seeing a clear view

40:16

of your intention in your heart when you're

40:18

acting out of survival. That's not acting from

40:20

your heart. That's not leading from your heart.

40:22

That's how you handle a threat. And

40:25

when you love, it's different than when

40:27

you handle a threat. And

40:30

if you're treating people you care about or you're

40:32

trying to share how much you care in a

40:34

way that you handle a threat, your

40:36

heart's not going to be seen. It's going to feel

40:38

like an attack to people. It's going to be seen

40:40

as bad and it will cover your heart. And

40:43

there's a lot of work that needs

40:45

to be done to make sure your

40:47

heart is perceived and communicated, right? So

40:49

just sitting back and thinking having a

40:51

good heart and caring is enough is

40:54

not. You have to look at the way

40:56

that you care and how you care and

40:58

correct that if it's not accurate

41:00

and it's not congruent with actual

41:02

love and caring about somebody because there are

41:05

a lot of people who harm

41:07

people and think that is

41:09

love. You have to revisit all of

41:11

your conditioning, your whole personality, the way

41:13

you love, what love is, what love

41:15

looks like. And that requires a lot

41:18

of bruises and gunshots to

41:20

your ego. You're going to feel shut up.

41:23

You're going to feel stabbed up. You're going

41:25

to feel rotisserie chicken. You're going

41:27

to feel like you got a big pull through

41:29

you when you have to question your ego like

41:31

this, but it's part of having

41:34

a good heart and

41:36

having that be portrayed. And you can't do

41:38

that when you're taking actions from a negative

41:40

space. That's not your heart talking. That's your

41:42

ego. So those are the things

41:44

that I've stopped doing recently. And

41:46

I'm happy I got to share these things

41:48

because everything is different now. Like

41:50

everything going forward is different. And

41:53

especially the way that I'm going to talk

41:55

about confidence on tour. There's a whole new

41:58

dynamic and type of confidence. I didn't. realize

42:00

exists and it's the best form of their

42:02

felt and it's kind of ties in with

42:04

all of this in a way deeper

42:06

level but I'm trying to save it I want us to

42:08

have a secret I want to have the shows be fun

42:10

and like gag like the face crack of everybody in the

42:13

crowd the to everyone that's coming to

42:15

my shows I'm so goddamn excited oh my god I

42:17

can't wait to hug all of you and just see

42:19

all of you going on tour literally brings me so

42:21

much joy and happiness and I cannot wait for it

42:23

and if you haven't gotten a ticket like I said

42:25

the link will be in the description but that is

42:27

all I've got for this week's podcast everybody be safe

42:30

take care of yourself leave me five stars thumbs up all

42:32

those things subscribe if you're new love you

42:35

I'll talk to you guys next Sunday Built

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