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1:40

Hello, I'm Jess Milton and this

1:42

is Backstage at the Vinyl Cafe.

2:03

Welcome. So a couple

2:05

weeks ago, Louise Curtis and I got on

2:07

the phone like we do every Thursday. She

2:09

was at her desk and I was walking

2:11

and we started brainstorming show ideas. We

2:14

were talking about specific stories and what we

2:16

liked about them. We were talking about themes

2:18

that connect stories and we were talking about

2:21

characters that we wanted to feature in this

2:23

podcast. And every

2:25

single story that Louise suggested,

2:29

every single story

2:33

was about food. I

2:35

laughed and I said, Louise, do you

2:37

need a snack? There

2:40

may have been the tiniest hint of

2:42

hangry in her response, but there was

2:44

also a lot of truth. She

2:47

pointed out that so many

2:49

of Stewart stories are food related.

2:53

And she's right. It's true. Stewart

2:56

loved writing about food. He

2:58

loved to think about food and make

3:01

food and eat food. He loved restaurants.

3:03

He loved gardens. He loved farms and

3:05

he really, really loved grocery stores. He

3:07

had places he'd stop all

3:10

across the country to shop. La

3:12

Bottega in Ottawa, Thrifty Foods

3:14

in Courtney Comox, The

3:16

Market in St. John and Vincenzo's

3:19

in Waterloo. So

3:21

now that I think about it, maybe it was Stewart who

3:23

needed a snack, not Louise. By

3:25

this time, I was feeling kind of hungry

3:27

too. So after fixing myself a snack, I

3:30

decided to take the idea and run with

3:32

it. I went deep

3:34

into the archives to see just

3:37

how many food stories are there? Answer?

3:41

A lot. He

3:44

talks about bread in Boy

3:46

Wanted. And

3:48

all my stars, the

3:50

bread, crusty baguettes

3:52

that tasted a fire, black

3:55

on the bottom, brown on top, soft

3:57

and airy in the middle, that crossed

3:59

so hard. it, cut your mouth. Tastes

4:02

like burnt caramel, said Sam, except

4:04

sour. Because it's made from sour

4:08

dough, said Mr. Harmon, reaching

4:11

for the salt. He

4:13

showed him how you could tell by the bottom if

4:15

the bread had been made by fire or

4:17

by factory. If it has

4:20

tiny circles on the bottom, it means it

4:22

rode a conveyor through a factory oven. He

4:25

taught him how to dip the bread in olive oil

4:27

instead of using butter, sprinkling some

4:29

of the flaky salt on the

4:31

oil first. He talks about

4:34

honey in rosemary honey. As

4:36

if she'd been waiting for a cue, Maria

4:39

Conte came out the basement door carrying

4:41

a large wooden tray. There

4:43

was cheese on it, a

4:46

bowl of coarse sea salt, a loaf

4:48

of homemade bread, and a dark green

4:50

bottle of olive oil. Manja,

4:53

she said, manja. Everyone

4:56

watched Eugene. No

4:59

one said a word. He chewed, and

5:04

he chewed, and

5:06

they waited. And slowly,

5:08

slowly, ever so slowly, he began to grin. A

5:10

hive of bees is like a kitchen at

5:12

harvest. They gather up the

5:15

summer, the heat of the sun,

5:20

the warmth of the rain, the

5:22

softness of the mornings and the long afternoons. Above all,

5:28

they gather up the flavors

5:30

of the flowers. They

5:32

gather it all up and mix it together and

5:35

cork it in wax. Benne, said Eugene. Benne, Benne, Benne. He

5:38

talks about coffee in

5:41

Murphy Kruger,

5:47

philatelist. It's a Saturday, almost 11. Sam has

5:49

been at the little boutique

5:52

grocery store

5:56

since 7 a.m. and he's been waiting for a few

5:58

hours to get to the house. stocking

6:01

shelves and making coffees.

6:04

He is on his break. Murphy,

6:07

who knows Sam's schedule better than

6:09

Sam knows it himself, has

6:12

as his habit of a Saturday morning

6:15

dropped in for a visit. The

6:18

two boys are drinking coffees that

6:20

Sam made making the espresso the

6:22

way Mr. Harmon has taught him,

6:25

but then to the old man's horror

6:28

adding milk and caramel sauce, vanilla

6:30

and salt, chocolate shavings and sugar,

6:32

and then running it all

6:35

through the blender with an equal amount

6:37

of ice and topping the whole sorry

6:39

mess with whipped cream and

6:41

cinnamon. And

6:44

abomination said the green grocer

6:47

shaking his head. A befoulment.

6:49

A frappuccino

6:51

Mr. Harmon. A

6:54

frappatooie said Mr. Harmon. If

6:57

you can use a straw or a spoon

7:00

it is not coffee. It's

7:02

delicious Mr. Harmon. You should let me make

7:04

you one. I

7:07

would rather drink Kool-Aid said

7:09

Mr. Harmon. And

7:11

there are so many more.

7:13

There are descriptions of parmesan

7:15

cheese, balsamic vinegar, arugula and

7:17

San Marzano tomatoes. And

7:20

there's this. This is

7:22

something completely different. This is something

7:24

Stewart loved so much he was

7:27

moved to poetry. This is

7:29

an ode to... No. No.

7:33

From the King's Day House in Georgetown, Prince

7:35

Edward Island, it's the Vinyl Cafe with Stewart

7:38

Maclean. Thank

7:56

you very much. Now nice to

7:58

be back on Prince Edward Island. Island

8:01

and how good to be here in Georgetown.

8:04

It may have escaped your attention, but of course that's

8:06

what I'm for. I'm

8:08

on constant patrol for things that may

8:10

have escaped your attention. My

8:13

bright eyes wide open as

8:15

I paw around the margins

8:17

of this world, noting down

8:19

the marginalia so that I can bring to

8:22

your attention the things that may have escaped

8:24

it. And I'm thinking here

8:26

on Prince Edward Island of all places

8:28

where there is more farmland and more

8:30

farmers per capita than anywhere else in

8:32

the nation. Here on

8:35

Prince Edward Island, the

8:37

agricultural cradle of the country,

8:40

where the number one crop is

8:42

the humble potato, that it may

8:45

have escaped your attention, that the

8:47

general assembly of the United Nations of

8:49

the world has declared this the international

8:52

year of the potato. Now

9:03

you may wonder why they do that. Well

9:06

they did it because they want to raise the

9:08

profile of this humble little tuber. And

9:10

I stand before you today humbly

9:13

in this old,

9:15

clabbered theater. Some

9:17

might add curiously, though I

9:19

would say appropriately, somewhat

9:22

barn-like in nature. I

9:24

stand here your humble servant,

9:28

and theirs too, ready

9:30

to serve the United Nations of

9:32

this world whenever they summon me,

9:35

clay in their hands, and

9:37

in the service of humanity, and

9:39

ladies and gentlemen of Georgetown, Prince

9:41

Edward Island, my ode

9:43

to the potato. That

9:47

humble little tuber who looks like a

9:49

hippopotamus or something rather ruder if you

9:52

leave it in a bag, that is,

9:55

instead of in the pot. And

9:57

it goes all soft and wrinkly and smells

9:59

like a potato. stuff I'd rather

10:01

not talk about while standing on

10:03

the stage. For the

10:05

purpose of this little ode is

10:08

really to engage your imagination and

10:10

your taste buds. I

10:12

am not here to nag. I've

10:15

come to praise potatoes. I'm

10:17

not here to make you gag. You

10:20

can mash them, bash them, put them in a pot.

10:23

You can freeze them or fry them. You can eat

10:25

them cold or hot. They're

10:27

not mentioned in the Bible yet. And

10:31

that makes some folks wool. And

10:34

they're high in glycoalkaloids and that

10:36

can make them scary causing headaches,

10:39

cramps, comas, and in rare cases,

10:41

death. But

10:45

there's something else they cause I

10:47

should mention in this breath, sheer

10:49

delight. If

10:51

you slice them long and thin and

10:53

fry them up in oil, oh, let

10:56

the sin begin. I'm

11:01

talking of the French fry. Sprinkle

11:04

liberally with salt. I would

11:06

die for French fries. Is

11:08

there anyone who'd not? The

11:11

humble pomme de tère, the

11:14

apple of my eye, drenched

11:16

in dill and butter or a

11:19

sour creamy sigh, a generous bowl

11:21

of naki, a steaming bowl of

11:23

soup, a loaf of bread potato

11:26

head, a most

11:28

congenial root. I

11:31

knew a woman once who grew one in the shape of

11:33

a duck. She

11:37

was living with a certain man at the

11:39

time who planted her potatoes for her that

11:41

spring, but she had a new

11:43

man living with her in the fall when it was time

11:45

to dig them up. As

11:48

she watched him working the garden through

11:50

the kitchen window, the clothes snapping on

11:53

her clothes line in the wind, she

11:55

thought to herself, love

11:57

can come and go. potato

12:01

is forever. Oh

12:04

yes, they endure.

12:08

Endure indeed they do. On

12:10

the plates of kings the

12:12

potato sings, a creamy song

12:15

of cheese, a saucy song

12:17

of succulents, a crispy tune

12:20

of cheer, of butter lakes,

12:22

potato cakes, pepper grinders, parsley

12:24

flakes, or in a pot, a

12:28

peasant stew, a

12:30

fire of flickering meals, the

12:33

darkening night, potato blight,

12:36

an Irish sigh, a

12:38

teary eye. One

12:41

potato, two potato, three potato, four, five

12:43

potato, six potato, seven potato, more, and

12:45

out you must go as fast as

12:48

your flipper flapper floppers can carry you.

12:53

Potato feast, potato

12:55

famine boiled alone,

12:57

scalloped with salmon, my

13:00

butt, my spot,

13:03

my sweet potato pie, my

13:06

Yukon gold, I'm

13:08

growing old, stay with

13:10

me till I die. That

13:26

was Stuart McLean with an ode

13:28

to the potato. We recorded that

13:30

in Georgetown Prince Edward Island. Am

13:33

I the only one who's hungry? I doubt

13:35

it. I am sure that about 50% of

13:38

you are gonna go right now and put fries in the

13:40

air fryer. Do it. You do

13:42

that and we'll meet back here in a couple of minutes

13:44

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back. All right, fess up. How

15:46

many of you slipped into the kitchen during that break? We're

15:50

talking about food today on the podcast

15:52

because as it turns out, Stuart wrote

15:54

a lot about food over the years.

15:57

We didn't have to look much further to find

15:59

some other examples. Here's Stewart

16:01

from back in 2010. He's

16:03

talking about his friend Jason. Jason

16:06

had just flown home from Halifax and on

16:08

the way home he'd stopped in at Clearwater

16:10

Seafood in the Halifax Airport and he picked

16:12

up a couple of lobsters to bring home

16:14

with him. He told Stewart

16:16

all about how they pack the lobster up to keep

16:18

it frozen so you can bring it home and eat it that

16:21

night for dinner. But it wasn't the

16:23

lobster Stewart was interested in. It was

16:25

something else. He'll listen. The

16:29

lady at the counter packed it up in

16:31

a cardboard box designed to carry on specifications

16:33

and as she did she explained to Jason

16:36

that his lobster would be good in the

16:38

box for 24 hours. When

16:41

Jason got home and unpacked it he

16:43

was delighted to find that what was

16:45

keeping it good was a one pound

16:47

bag of frozen peas. A

16:49

complete dinner in a box. When

16:52

Jason told me this last week I phoned the

16:54

store and spoke to the manager, a woman named

16:56

Michelle Porter. Michelle told me

16:59

Clearwater's been using frozen vegetables in

17:01

their seafood boxes ever since

17:03

airport security prohibited the use of

17:06

gel packs and carry-on luggage. Michelle

17:09

said they've tried carrots and corn

17:12

but peas are what they've settled on. Peas

17:15

are not only the most economical, beating

17:17

out the corn, but they're also the

17:19

most efficient. Something about

17:21

their outer shell and soft

17:23

middle means that peas stay

17:26

colder longer. I've

17:28

long held that frozen peas are

17:30

the unsung heroes of the vegetable world

17:32

and I was delighted to learn of

17:35

yet another handy use. They

17:37

are, in my opinion, the

17:39

most versatile, pleasing and convenient

17:42

food around. Let's start with

17:44

aesthetics. Frozen peas are

17:46

truly beautiful to look at. Is there

17:48

a more perfect shade of green in

17:51

the world? I don't think

17:53

so. A cup of sweet

17:55

peas in a white china bowl

17:57

is an undeniable thing of beauty.

18:00

And why stop at a cup? Peas

18:03

virtually alone among the food choices

18:05

available on the spur of any

18:07

moment encourage guilt-free

18:10

gluttony. They're full

18:12

of fiber, are filling, and when served with

18:14

a bit of butter and pepper, truly

18:17

delicious. The more you

18:19

eat, the better you feel. I

18:21

know someone who eats them as a late-night snack. When

18:24

everyone else is reaching for potato

18:26

chips and cookies, my friend reaches

18:28

for her bag of frozen peas.

18:30

Mm-mm, good. And talk

18:32

about convenience. You can go from

18:35

freezer to a steaming bowl in

18:37

under 90 seconds. They are the

18:39

ultimate fast food. Even Usain Bolt

18:41

can't move that fast. They're

18:44

cheap, but not seemy. And

18:47

at the bottom of it all, democratic.

18:50

The expensive ones don't taste any

18:52

better than the common brands. And

18:54

not only that, they endure.

18:57

They last forever in my freezer and

18:59

without complaint. In fact, I

19:01

don't think I've ever seen a pea with freezer burn. Even

19:05

the ones I keep in there to

19:07

use on my back, the ones that

19:09

have been thawed and refrozen a hundred

19:11

times, seem strangely content. And

19:14

if you think they make your back feel

19:16

better, just ask a nursing mother what a

19:18

blessing a couple of bags of frozen peas

19:21

can bring. And on top

19:23

of all that, they're entertaining.

19:26

Watching adults try to eat peas with

19:28

a fork can be hilarious. Good

19:31

tasting and entertaining, convenient

19:33

and nutritious, long lasting

19:35

and soothing. What more

19:38

can you ask of your food? Flexible?

19:40

Well, they're that too. You

19:42

can use them as the main event as

19:45

my late night pal does or

19:47

as an accessory. What plate doesn't look

19:49

better with a pile of frozen peas

19:51

on the side? Fry

19:53

them with little white onions and you're a

19:55

fancy pants. Cook them with tomatoes and you

19:57

have a stew. Blend them with your hands.

19:59

It meant and call it soup, or

20:02

best of all, put gravy on

20:04

top and stick them next to a

20:06

hot turkey sandwich. Wait a minute, that's

20:09

not best of all. Best

20:11

of all, they remind me of being a kid.

20:14

Kids might turn up their noses at broccoli

20:17

and Brussels sprouts, but put a

20:19

pile of frozen peas in front of them

20:21

and you have a fighting chance, or my

20:23

mom did. When I was

20:26

a kid, it was frozen peas all the

20:28

way home, and often that's

20:30

how they were served, frozen from the

20:32

bag. Today

20:34

at the Halifax Stanfield International

20:37

Airport, security guards who have

20:39

to confiscate ice packs from people who

20:41

are using them to keep their medicine

20:43

chilled, like say their insulin, send

20:46

them back to Clearwater Seafood down the

20:48

hall to get a bag of frozen

20:50

peas. They are the

20:53

food of my past and the food of

20:55

the future. Let me say

20:57

it loud and clear. Let me

20:59

be unequivocal. Here's

21:01

to the frozen pea, a miracle

21:03

in a bag. That

21:06

was Stuart McLean from back in

21:09

2010 talking about my go-to snack,

21:12

frozen peas. Stuart

21:15

didn't limit his enthusiasm to vegetables. Once

21:17

I started poking around, I found

21:20

scripts about clementines, about lobster rolls,

21:22

croissants, sushi. How

21:24

had I never noticed this before?

21:27

Here now is one of my favourite

21:30

Stuart stories about food. This is

21:33

No Tax on Tristles. Morley

21:36

took Sam to the dentist for a check-up at

21:38

the end of the first week of school. A

21:41

busy Thursday afternoon, they blew into the

21:43

dentist's office five minutes late. Morley had

21:45

been running late all day. She

21:48

looked quizzically at Vicki, the receptionist, and

21:51

pointed towards the doctor's office, lifting her

21:53

eyebrows as she pointed. Vicki,

21:56

who was as usual on the telephone, shook

21:58

her head, tucked the receiver under her shoulder

22:00

and held up ten and then five more

22:02

fingers. Then she shrugged. What

22:05

do you expect? Morley

22:07

nodded and headed for the pile of magazines

22:09

on the table by the door. She flipped

22:11

past two issues of dental surgery, a

22:14

chattelane, and a dog-eared copy of People.

22:17

She stopped with a smile of perverted

22:20

pleasure when she came to the August

22:22

edition of Healthy Guns. She

22:26

didn't realize her mistake until she was

22:28

halfway across the room. Gums, not guns.

22:32

And she returned sheepishly to the pile

22:34

and traded the healthy gums for the

22:37

people and then dropped into

22:39

her regular chair beside the chest of

22:41

children's toys. She always sat

22:43

in this chair so she'd be close to Sam.

22:47

She flipped open the magazine and settled into a

22:49

profile of an author who had interviewed people about

22:51

the dreams that they had had about members of

22:53

the royal family. Morley

22:55

was halfway through a dream involving the

22:57

Queen Mother in a pack of feral

22:59

corgis. The

23:03

dream belonged to a British soccer player. It happened

23:06

in a Spanish sort of town, explained the

23:09

soccer player, sort of

23:11

like the running of the bulls. Except

23:14

instead of bulls there were these

23:16

giant feral corgis and

23:18

the only one running was the Queen Mum. She

23:23

was running like hell and

23:25

all these Spaniards lining the street were cheering her

23:27

on. I think

23:30

they were cheering her. I guess

23:32

they could have been cheering the dogs. Morley

23:36

was considering the implications of this dream

23:38

when she looked up and realized Sam

23:40

was not beside her or

23:42

by the aquarium either. Sam

23:44

had settled into a chair on the other side

23:46

of the waiting room. He was

23:49

glumly swinging his legs back and

23:51

forth as he rummaged through the

23:53

magazines. He looked bored

23:55

and peeved. He finally

23:57

chose one magazine and dropped the rest back and forth.

24:00

onto the table, Morley squinted at the

24:02

cover across the waiting room. Epicure.

24:06

Could be worse, she thought. Could

24:08

have chosen healthy gums. The

24:13

following Monday, the Monday after the dentist,

24:15

Morley stayed home. The

24:17

theater where she works is closed on

24:20

Mondays, Monday's wash day. Everybody happy? Well,

24:22

I should say. Morley

24:24

has a cleaning lady these days, a

24:26

woman from El Salvador who comes on

24:28

Mondays. On Monday, Morley

24:30

does laundry and changes beds and

24:33

pays bills. And Monday afternoon,

24:35

she goes to yoga. On

24:38

the Monday morning after the first week of

24:40

school, Morley was in Sam's bedroom changing Sam's

24:42

bed. And when she put her

24:44

hand down between the mattress and the bed

24:46

frame to tuck in his blanket, she brushed

24:48

against something that she wasn't expecting. Something

24:51

that should not have been down there. Something

24:55

smooth and slippery. Something that felt like

24:57

a thick, glossy

24:59

magazine. Morley

25:02

pulled her hand out of there so fast she

25:04

scraped her knuckles. She

25:06

stepped back from the bed in horror and she

25:08

closed her eyes. She looked up toward the ceiling.

25:11

Oh Lord, she sighed. Haven't

25:13

I already done enough? Did

25:16

you have to send this to me? Couldn't

25:19

you have sent it to Ben's mom? And

25:22

then she sighed and she opened her eyes and ran

25:24

her hand through her hair. I don't know where I

25:26

stand on this, Lord. Maybe

25:28

it was time for Dave to have the man to

25:31

man talk with his son. Or

25:33

maybe please, Lord, maybe

25:35

this was one of those things that parents were

25:37

supposed to ignore. Maybe if she

25:39

ignored this shiny thing, it would go

25:41

away. But she wasn't

25:43

going to ignore it. She knew that. She couldn't

25:46

ignore it. And before she knew

25:48

it, she was back beside the bed and she

25:50

was reaching down into that dark, tight

25:52

secret place between the bed frame and

25:54

the mattress. And she was pulling the

25:56

magazine out. It was a magazine. She

25:59

held a it up and she looked at

26:01

the cover in trepidation. It

26:04

was the July edition of Epicure.

26:09

It was the gourmet magazine Sam had been

26:11

reading at the dentist. Because

26:17

she didn't mention this to anyone, not to

26:19

Sam and not to Dave, because she decided

26:21

to let nature take its own course, because

26:24

she put the magazine back where she found

26:26

it and didn't mention it to anyone, Dave

26:29

found himself flying solo two

26:31

days later, Wednesday, when

26:33

Sam unexpectedly arrived at the vinyl

26:36

cafe after school. This

26:38

is not something Sam ever does, hardly ever.

26:41

He hardly ever shows up at his

26:43

dad's record store, especially after school. So

26:46

Dave suspected something was up, but

26:49

Sam didn't say what it was. He

26:51

walked self-consciously up and down the aisles.

26:54

He looked half-heartedly at some records. He

26:56

stared at the customers for a while

26:59

and then after 20 minutes he said, I'll see you later,

27:02

and he left as abruptly as he had arrived.

27:05

The purpose of the visit didn't become clear until

27:07

after dinner. When Sam came downstairs and found Dave

27:10

lying on the couch reading, I need to

27:12

talk to you, he said, and

27:14

he looked around and added, alone.

27:18

Dave struggled up onto an elbow, looked around

27:20

the room and nodded. Sam

27:22

said, I'm a little embarrassed about this. Dave

27:26

rested his book in his lap, Unknown Legends

27:28

of Rock and Roll. He was

27:31

reading about Sid Barrett, one

27:34

of Rock's most fascinating cult

27:36

figures. Okay, said

27:38

Dave, moving his finger, which had been marking his

27:40

place on the page of the book, and

27:43

turning his book over on the arm of his

27:45

chair, giving his son his full attention. I think

27:47

we're alone. I

27:49

saw a magazine, said Sam. He

27:52

was fidgeting. He wouldn't look his father in the

27:54

eye. I noticed a few things I'm interested in.

27:56

Uh-huh. That's

28:01

what Dave said. It seemed like the

28:03

safest reply. What

28:06

is a musky aroma of motherly

28:08

bosom? Blurred Sam. Uh

28:19

oh, said Dave under his breath. Sid

28:22

Barrett driven completely from his mind. What

28:27

asked him? Which

28:30

magazines have you been reading, asked Dave? It's

28:34

a magazine about, it's about,

28:36

well that's one of the things I'm embarrassed about, said

28:38

Sam. Now

28:41

Lord, said Dave, take

28:43

me now. It's

28:47

about eating, said Sam. It's a food

28:49

magazine. Huh, said Dave?

28:53

And I read this article about truffles and

28:55

it said that a truffle tastes like, it

28:57

says it's one of the most wonderful tastes

28:59

in the world. Thank

29:02

you Lord, said Dave. And

29:05

I don't know what a truffle is, said Sam. Yes,

29:08

said Dave. What's a truffle,

29:11

said Sam? Well,

29:13

said Dave, I'm

29:15

not sure I understand everything there's to

29:17

know about truffles. When

29:20

I was a boy, we didn't, it's not the sort

29:22

of thing a boy would talk about with his dad.

29:26

Sam was frowning. Not that

29:28

there's anything wrong with truffles, added Dave, quickly.

29:30

A truffle is a beautiful thing. A

29:33

truffle is a very special thing. You

29:37

usually share truffles with someone who's very

29:39

special to you. When

29:46

I met your mom, for instance, not

29:50

right away, but after

29:53

I'd known her for a while, I got her a truffle.

29:56

Actually, to tell the truth, I gave her a box of

29:59

them. And

30:01

I've never done that with any other girl

30:03

before in my life, which shows you how

30:05

special your mom was. And I

30:07

knew that, and so did she. But

30:10

what are they, said Sam? I'm

30:13

getting to that, said Dave. A truffle

30:15

is like a chocolate. But what is it,

30:17

said Sam? I'm telling you what it is,

30:19

said Dave. It's a little chocolate, like the

30:21

kind we get at Christmas, except they're very

30:24

expensive and very delicious. What

30:26

does that have to do with the fragrance of a

30:28

mother's bosom, asked Sam? I'm

30:33

not sure, said Dave. Because

30:37

I was thinking, said Sam, after I read about

30:39

them, I saw a sign at Harmon's that says

30:41

they're coming. They're coming, said

30:43

Dave. A truffle, said

30:45

Sam, from France. They're putting them

30:48

on a plane on Friday. They'll be here on Saturday,

30:50

and I wanted to get one. It says they're the

30:52

most delicious taste in the world. Well,

30:55

there's nothing wrong with that, said Dave. Good,

30:58

said Sam, because I already did it. You have to

31:00

order in advance. I just wasn't sure

31:02

if it was like if I was allowed. I

31:04

thought maybe you had to be older or something.

31:08

Well, usually you do, said Dave, but I don't see

31:10

a problem. How

31:13

are you going to pay for your truffle? With

31:15

my allowance, said Sam. Good,

31:17

said Dave. Good, said Sam. And

31:20

then Sam smiled, and he stood up. He

31:23

was halfway out of the room when he stopped, and he

31:25

turned. I'm glad we had

31:27

this talk, Dad. I feel a lot better. I

31:31

feel sort of older. Me

31:33

too, said Dave. Sam

31:40

gets $5 a week allowance, and

31:43

he has never spent a cent of it. He

31:46

has a bank account, and every time he gets money, he puts

31:48

the money in the bank. He puts

31:50

his allowance in the bank and his Christmas

31:52

money, and the money his grandmother sends

31:54

him on his birthday. It all goes in the

31:56

bank. So when Dave told

31:59

Morley that Sam had had gone to the bank

32:01

and withdrawn $25 to pay for truffles

32:03

from Harman's. They were both delighted.

32:06

Delighted that he was finally spending some of

32:09

his money. That was the point, wasn't

32:12

it? You learned to save and when you'd

32:14

saved for a while you bought something you

32:16

wanted. Didn't matter what it was, it mattered

32:18

that you learned the process of delayed pleasure.

32:22

Truffles were a little odd perhaps, but

32:26

it didn't matter, it was the process. Both

32:29

Dave and Morley had felt uncomfortable that Sam had all

32:31

this money. He had over $300 in the bank,

32:34

so they were delighted. And

32:37

as they lay in bed that night, Dave said,

32:39

I wonder how many truffles you get for $25

32:41

these days. Thursday

32:43

at supper, Sam said, two

32:45

more days. Friday at

32:47

breakfast, he said, my truffles come tomorrow.

32:50

Saturday morning he was up and out the door

32:53

at nine, I'm going to get my truffles. Harman's

32:56

is one of those specialty food stores

32:58

that you visit on special Saturday mornings

33:00

and buy maybe a baguette

33:02

or some sharp cheddar cheese or

33:05

maybe a small container of black

33:07

olive paste. Harman's is

33:09

compact, elegant, friendly

33:12

and ridiculously expensive. And

33:15

each time you go you wish you had enough money

33:17

so you could do all your shopping there. Everything

33:19

at Harman's looks better than the stuff you have

33:22

in your house. The carrots

33:24

at Harman's look like they were manufactured

33:26

in a sterile hydroponic factory in Sweden

33:28

and have never come in contact with,

33:31

well, Earth for one. Human

33:34

hands for another. The

33:36

potatoes are round and clean and polite and

33:38

they have things on the shelves at Harman's

33:41

that you've never seen before in your life.

33:44

Tiny red berries that look like they'd

33:46

be extra sour and really good for

33:48

your digestion. Your

33:50

squash and zucchinis that look like they were

33:53

grown especially for doll houses. Giant

33:55

cherries the size of tangerines.

33:58

Green beans the length of your arms and

34:00

coffee that smells so good it would be a shame

34:02

to drink it. And,

34:05

of course, truffles.

34:07

The sign by the cash register said,

34:09

truffles from France, one

34:12

of the most ecstatic, enchanting and

34:14

edible experiences you'll ever have in

34:16

your life. Order now for Saturday

34:18

delivery. And

34:20

there's Sam, coming through the

34:22

door in his sneakers and jeans and T-shirt.

34:25

He's locked his bike to the no

34:27

parking sign out front. Sam, standing in

34:29

front of the deli counter where Mr.

34:31

Harmon is fiddling with a ceramic bowl

34:33

of grilled mixed peppers. Mr.

34:36

Harmon in his white shirt with the sleeves

34:38

rolled up and his green apron. Yellow

34:41

and green and red peppers grilled gently

34:43

and mixed with garlic and onions and

34:45

olives and salt and pepper floating in

34:48

the ceramic bowl in the finest virgin

34:50

Italian olive oil. Sam,

34:52

standing quietly in front of the counter waiting

34:55

to be noticed. When

34:57

Mr. Harmon sees him he smiles and

35:00

Sam says, did they come? And

35:04

Mr. Harmon nods, they came this morning, direct

35:07

from Orly, a box

35:09

of jewels. Jewels,

35:12

said Sam. His mouth was

35:14

beginning to water. Better

35:16

than jewels, said Mr. Harmon, leaning forward

35:18

over the counter and lowering his voice,

35:21

magical powers have been attributed to

35:24

these things. And then he

35:26

says, come, you can see for yourself.

35:29

And he points at the large walk-in cooler at the

35:31

back of the store. Sam

35:33

licked his lips and

35:36

he followed Mr. Harmon through the store,

35:38

past the mysterious fruits and the fresh

35:40

sticks of bread and the jars of

35:42

jam and the bottles of caviar. He

35:45

followed Mr. Harmon to the back of the

35:47

store to the big cooler and he waited

35:49

while Mr. Harmon pulled the big silver

35:51

door open and stepped back like a

35:54

hotel doorman. And he motioned

35:56

him in. It was like walking

35:58

into one of the great pyramids of Egypt. As

36:01

Sam walked past Mr. Harmon and through the

36:03

door of the freezer he thought to himself,

36:05

I will never forget this moment as long

36:07

as I live. He

36:10

had a momentary twinge of anxiety when Mr.

36:12

Harmon stepped into the cooler and pulled the

36:14

door closed behind him. It

36:17

took a moment for Sam's eyes to adjust to

36:19

the cool dim light. He

36:21

shivered and he wondered what would happen if they

36:23

couldn't get the door open again. Then

36:26

he heard Mr. Harmon calling to him. They're

36:29

over here, said Mr. Harmon. As

36:31

Sam stepped around a huge croc of

36:33

olives and ducked under a large ham

36:35

hanging from the ceiling, he forgot all

36:37

about the closed door. He was walking

36:39

in a refrigerator. It

36:42

was like he had been made miniature, like he was

36:44

walking around the fridge at home. He

36:48

felt light-headed as he watched Mr. Harmon remove

36:50

a wooden box from the shelf in the

36:52

far corner. The box was

36:54

the size of a television set in his

36:56

parents' bedroom. It was covered with

36:58

a piece of cloth. It was full of rice.

37:02

Mr. Harmon picked up a wooden spoon off the shelf and he

37:04

began to dig in the rice. After

37:06

a moment he lifted the spoon out of

37:09

the box and held out a dirty, roundish

37:11

brown lump. He

37:14

was beaming. The

37:16

black diamond of Provence, he said. He

37:20

bent over and he smelled the dirty lump and

37:22

then he pushed the spoon toward Sam and he

37:24

nodded. Sam looked

37:26

puzzled. Go ahead, said Mr. Harmon. Smell.

37:30

It's like a distant field of

37:32

pineapples. Sam

37:35

leaned forward and breathed in. He

37:38

wrinkled his nose. He wasn't

37:40

sure what to say. He

37:43

looked up at Mr. Harmon. Mr. Harmon was still smiling

37:45

at him. What

37:48

is it? Said Sam. It's

37:50

your truffle, said Mr. Harmon, taking a step

37:53

back. But

37:56

it looks like a fungus, said Sam.

38:01

It is a fungus, said Mr. Harmon. But

38:05

I thought it was made out of chocolate, said Sam. Chocolate,

38:10

said Mr. Harmon? Where have you been

38:12

getting your information? The

38:15

school yard? The street corner?

38:20

My dad, said Sam. Another

38:26

man, a more sensitive man,

38:28

a man less obsessed with food, might

38:30

have offered to refund Sam his money.

38:34

The idea never occurred to Mr. Harmon. Not

38:37

because of avarice. He could have

38:39

easily sold the truffle two or three times

38:41

over, and not out of a meanness of

38:43

spirit either. Quite the contrary, Mr.

38:46

Harmon believed that in Sam he had

38:48

met his kindred spirit. He

38:50

believed he was doing the boy a favor. Mr.

38:53

Harmon was completely out of touch with what

38:55

children like to eat. In

38:58

his heart of hearts, Mr. Harmon believed that

39:00

Sam would love the truffle, needed the truffle.

39:03

Pasta, he whispered. As

39:05

they stepped out of the freezer, slice it as

39:07

thin as you can, slice it as thin as

39:09

paper, arrange the slices

39:11

on a dish of pasta and the

39:14

flavor. His hands flew up

39:16

to his mouth as he searched for the words. It's

39:18

something that can't be explained. It has

39:21

to be experienced. Ambrosia, he said. Sam

39:25

followed Mr. Harmon to the cash register. He

39:27

reached into his pocket and carefully counted out the money

39:30

he had withdrawn from the bank He

39:34

handed it to Mr. Harmon. This is too much,

39:36

said Mr. Harmon. It's only

39:38

25 visitors. The

39:41

tax, said Sam, who had worked everything out

39:43

to the penny. No

39:45

tax, said Mr. Harmon, handing the $3.75 back to Sam.

39:49

No tax on truffles. Sam

39:52

stood on the sidewalk beside his bike clutching

39:55

the brown paper bag Mr. Harmon had handed

39:57

to him. He was

39:59

confused. This

40:01

was not anything like he had imagined. He

40:04

had imagined he was going to pedal home with

40:06

a large box of chocolate. $25 worth of chocolate.

40:10

He had imagined it would be better

40:12

than Halloween. He had imagined there

40:15

would be so much chocolate he might have a hard

40:17

time carrying it on his bike. Which

40:19

is why he had brought his backpack. He

40:23

stood on the sidewalk unsure of what he should do

40:25

next. He had imagined taking

40:27

the chocolate home and setting it out on

40:29

the kitchen table. Letting everyone, each person in

40:31

his family, his mother and his father, even

40:33

his sister. One

40:35

chocolate each. He

40:38

felt alone and small

40:40

and miserable. He didn't

40:42

want to cry on the sidewalk in front of

40:44

Harman's. He took off his

40:47

backpack and he dropped the paper bag inside. And

40:49

he got on his bike and he pedaled off

40:51

down the sidewalk. Weaving around a

40:53

man with a dog and past a woman

40:55

pushing a stroller. Most of

40:57

all, he didn't want to look stupid. Especially

41:00

in front of his parents. Three

41:03

blocks later, instead of turning right on the street that would

41:05

have taken him home, Sam stood

41:07

up on his pedals and he wheeled left.

41:10

Five minutes later, he was at the IGA standing in

41:12

front of the path to this ball. Frowning

41:15

at the dizzying packages of different

41:17

shaped noodles. He

41:20

had 47 cents left when he left the

41:22

store. Before he went

41:24

home, he went to the bank and returned it to his

41:26

account. And

41:31

he cooked supper that night for the first time

41:34

in his life. I don't need any

41:36

help, he said. I'll call you when it's ready. He

41:39

set the table by himself. Everyone

41:41

got a paper towel at the napkin and

41:44

a serving of Coca-Cola poured from a glass

41:46

bottle. It tastes better out

41:48

of glass bottles, said Sam proudly. Dinner's

41:52

ready, said Sam. And

41:54

they all came into the kitchen. And

41:56

when they were sitting at their place, Sam

41:58

carried one covered dish. carefully across the

42:00

kitchen to the table, his

42:03

bottom lip sucked tightly into his mouth,

42:06

and he set the dish in front of his mother and

42:08

morally shook her head. The

42:10

chef served, she said. So

42:13

he moved it and put it down in front

42:15

of his place, and then Dave said, what are

42:18

you cooked us? And

42:20

Sam took the cover off the dish, and

42:23

Stephanie said, craft dinner.

42:28

And Sam said, craft dinner

42:31

with truffles. And

42:45

morally sucked in her breath, and she

42:47

looked at Dave, her hand over her

42:49

mouth, and then she

42:51

looked quickly over at Stephanie, who remarkably

42:54

hadn't said another thing. And

42:58

now it was morally who wanted to cry, thinking

43:01

as she watched her son earnestly spooning

43:03

the sticky orange noodles onto the plate

43:05

his sister was holding patiently in the

43:07

air in front of him, of

43:10

how they had grown and

43:12

how they were becoming, no mistake about it,

43:15

remarkable people. These

43:17

are the truffle Sam was saying. They

43:20

bring out the flavor of the cheese, but you have

43:22

to try it. It's hard to

43:24

describe. That

43:38

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43:40

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that's it for today but we'll be back here

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next week with two more Dave and

45:17

Morley stories including this. Why

45:21

are you still in your pajamas said Morley because

45:24

I can't get dressed said Sam. He

45:27

said this with a look of great suffering.

45:31

Sam said Morley what's the problem? I

45:34

don't have any underwear he's asked. And

45:37

that's when Morley rolled her eyes.

45:39

Morley exasperated rolled her eyes at

45:41

her son and said with less

45:43

patience than she would have liked.

45:46

Sam you have a whole drawer stuffed full

45:48

of underwear. And then

45:50

Sam rolled his eyes and he picked up

45:52

his comic and he said they're all too

45:55

small. Morley

45:58

put down her coffee and she still stared at

46:00

her son. She sensed that

46:02

this was one of those moments when

46:05

her parental ship, the ship that had

46:07

been sailing along pleasantly, sailing smoothly and

46:09

with enough speed to make her think

46:11

that it was on course, she

46:14

suspected that this was one of

46:16

those moments when her parental ship,

46:19

because of its inattentive and likely

46:22

incompetent captain, was

46:26

about to bear down hard on the

46:28

shoals. All of

46:30

it, she asked incredulously, all of

46:33

your underwear is too small, except

46:35

for the gray one, said Sam, and

46:38

they're in the wash. It

46:40

took a moment for this to sink in. Morley

46:43

was trying to remember if she'd seen any

46:46

of Sam's underwear go through the laundry lately.

46:52

She was trying to remember if she'd

46:54

folded any of Sam's underwear in the

46:56

last few weeks. If she'd carried any

46:58

upstairs and put it away, she was

47:00

trying to remember and she was drawing

47:02

a blank and it was scaring

47:04

her. One

47:08

pair, she said again, how

47:10

have you been managing with one pair? Sam

47:13

didn't look up. Sam

47:16

just mumbled. I'd been improvising. That's

47:21

next week on the podcast. I hope you'll join

47:23

us. Backstage

47:29

at the vinyl cafe is part

47:31

of the apostrophe podcast network. The

47:34

recording engineer is salty fingers Greg

47:36

DeClute. Theme

47:38

music is by Danny Michelle and

47:41

the show is produced by Louise

47:43

Curtis, Greg DeClute and me, Jess

47:45

Milton. Let's meet again next

47:47

week. Until then, so

47:50

long for now.