Episode Transcript
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Hello, I'm Jess Milton and this
1:42
is Backstage at the Vinyl Cafe.
2:03
Welcome. So a couple
2:05
weeks ago, Louise Curtis and I got on
2:07
the phone like we do every Thursday. She
2:09
was at her desk and I was walking
2:11
and we started brainstorming show ideas. We
2:14
were talking about specific stories and what we
2:16
liked about them. We were talking about themes
2:18
that connect stories and we were talking about
2:21
characters that we wanted to feature in this
2:23
podcast. And every
2:25
single story that Louise suggested,
2:29
every single story
2:33
was about food. I
2:35
laughed and I said, Louise, do you
2:37
need a snack? There
2:40
may have been the tiniest hint of
2:42
hangry in her response, but there was
2:44
also a lot of truth. She
2:47
pointed out that so many
2:49
of Stewart stories are food related.
2:53
And she's right. It's true. Stewart
2:56
loved writing about food. He
2:58
loved to think about food and make
3:01
food and eat food. He loved restaurants.
3:03
He loved gardens. He loved farms and
3:05
he really, really loved grocery stores. He
3:07
had places he'd stop all
3:10
across the country to shop. La
3:12
Bottega in Ottawa, Thrifty Foods
3:14
in Courtney Comox, The
3:16
Market in St. John and Vincenzo's
3:19
in Waterloo. So
3:21
now that I think about it, maybe it was Stewart who
3:23
needed a snack, not Louise. By
3:25
this time, I was feeling kind of hungry
3:27
too. So after fixing myself a snack, I
3:30
decided to take the idea and run with
3:32
it. I went deep
3:34
into the archives to see just
3:37
how many food stories are there? Answer?
3:41
A lot. He
3:44
talks about bread in Boy
3:46
Wanted. And
3:48
all my stars, the
3:50
bread, crusty baguettes
3:52
that tasted a fire, black
3:55
on the bottom, brown on top, soft
3:57
and airy in the middle, that crossed
3:59
so hard. it, cut your mouth. Tastes
4:02
like burnt caramel, said Sam, except
4:04
sour. Because it's made from sour
4:08
dough, said Mr. Harmon, reaching
4:11
for the salt. He
4:13
showed him how you could tell by the bottom if
4:15
the bread had been made by fire or
4:17
by factory. If it has
4:20
tiny circles on the bottom, it means it
4:22
rode a conveyor through a factory oven. He
4:25
taught him how to dip the bread in olive oil
4:27
instead of using butter, sprinkling some
4:29
of the flaky salt on the
4:31
oil first. He talks about
4:34
honey in rosemary honey. As
4:36
if she'd been waiting for a cue, Maria
4:39
Conte came out the basement door carrying
4:41
a large wooden tray. There
4:43
was cheese on it, a
4:46
bowl of coarse sea salt, a loaf
4:48
of homemade bread, and a dark green
4:50
bottle of olive oil. Manja,
4:53
she said, manja. Everyone
4:56
watched Eugene. No
4:59
one said a word. He chewed, and
5:04
he chewed, and
5:06
they waited. And slowly,
5:08
slowly, ever so slowly, he began to grin. A
5:10
hive of bees is like a kitchen at
5:12
harvest. They gather up the
5:15
summer, the heat of the sun,
5:20
the warmth of the rain, the
5:22
softness of the mornings and the long afternoons. Above all,
5:28
they gather up the flavors
5:30
of the flowers. They
5:32
gather it all up and mix it together and
5:35
cork it in wax. Benne, said Eugene. Benne, Benne, Benne. He
5:38
talks about coffee in
5:41
Murphy Kruger,
5:47
philatelist. It's a Saturday, almost 11. Sam has
5:49
been at the little boutique
5:52
grocery store
5:56
since 7 a.m. and he's been waiting for a few
5:58
hours to get to the house. stocking
6:01
shelves and making coffees.
6:04
He is on his break. Murphy,
6:07
who knows Sam's schedule better than
6:09
Sam knows it himself, has
6:12
as his habit of a Saturday morning
6:15
dropped in for a visit. The
6:18
two boys are drinking coffees that
6:20
Sam made making the espresso the
6:22
way Mr. Harmon has taught him,
6:25
but then to the old man's horror
6:28
adding milk and caramel sauce, vanilla
6:30
and salt, chocolate shavings and sugar,
6:32
and then running it all
6:35
through the blender with an equal amount
6:37
of ice and topping the whole sorry
6:39
mess with whipped cream and
6:41
cinnamon. And
6:44
abomination said the green grocer
6:47
shaking his head. A befoulment.
6:49
A frappuccino
6:51
Mr. Harmon. A
6:54
frappatooie said Mr. Harmon. If
6:57
you can use a straw or a spoon
7:00
it is not coffee. It's
7:02
delicious Mr. Harmon. You should let me make
7:04
you one. I
7:07
would rather drink Kool-Aid said
7:09
Mr. Harmon. And
7:11
there are so many more.
7:13
There are descriptions of parmesan
7:15
cheese, balsamic vinegar, arugula and
7:17
San Marzano tomatoes. And
7:20
there's this. This is
7:22
something completely different. This is something
7:24
Stewart loved so much he was
7:27
moved to poetry. This is
7:29
an ode to... No. No.
7:33
From the King's Day House in Georgetown, Prince
7:35
Edward Island, it's the Vinyl Cafe with Stewart
7:38
Maclean. Thank
7:56
you very much. Now nice to
7:58
be back on Prince Edward Island. Island
8:01
and how good to be here in Georgetown.
8:04
It may have escaped your attention, but of course that's
8:06
what I'm for. I'm
8:08
on constant patrol for things that may
8:10
have escaped your attention. My
8:13
bright eyes wide open as
8:15
I paw around the margins
8:17
of this world, noting down
8:19
the marginalia so that I can bring to
8:22
your attention the things that may have escaped
8:24
it. And I'm thinking here
8:26
on Prince Edward Island of all places
8:28
where there is more farmland and more
8:30
farmers per capita than anywhere else in
8:32
the nation. Here on
8:35
Prince Edward Island, the
8:37
agricultural cradle of the country,
8:40
where the number one crop is
8:42
the humble potato, that it may
8:45
have escaped your attention, that the
8:47
general assembly of the United Nations of
8:49
the world has declared this the international
8:52
year of the potato. Now
9:03
you may wonder why they do that. Well
9:06
they did it because they want to raise the
9:08
profile of this humble little tuber. And
9:10
I stand before you today humbly
9:13
in this old,
9:15
clabbered theater. Some
9:17
might add curiously, though I
9:19
would say appropriately, somewhat
9:22
barn-like in nature. I
9:24
stand here your humble servant,
9:28
and theirs too, ready
9:30
to serve the United Nations of
9:32
this world whenever they summon me,
9:35
clay in their hands, and
9:37
in the service of humanity, and
9:39
ladies and gentlemen of Georgetown, Prince
9:41
Edward Island, my ode
9:43
to the potato. That
9:47
humble little tuber who looks like a
9:49
hippopotamus or something rather ruder if you
9:52
leave it in a bag, that is,
9:55
instead of in the pot. And
9:57
it goes all soft and wrinkly and smells
9:59
like a potato. stuff I'd rather
10:01
not talk about while standing on
10:03
the stage. For the
10:05
purpose of this little ode is
10:08
really to engage your imagination and
10:10
your taste buds. I
10:12
am not here to nag. I've
10:15
come to praise potatoes. I'm
10:17
not here to make you gag. You
10:20
can mash them, bash them, put them in a pot.
10:23
You can freeze them or fry them. You can eat
10:25
them cold or hot. They're
10:27
not mentioned in the Bible yet. And
10:31
that makes some folks wool. And
10:34
they're high in glycoalkaloids and that
10:36
can make them scary causing headaches,
10:39
cramps, comas, and in rare cases,
10:41
death. But
10:45
there's something else they cause I
10:47
should mention in this breath, sheer
10:49
delight. If
10:51
you slice them long and thin and
10:53
fry them up in oil, oh, let
10:56
the sin begin. I'm
11:01
talking of the French fry. Sprinkle
11:04
liberally with salt. I would
11:06
die for French fries. Is
11:08
there anyone who'd not? The
11:11
humble pomme de tère, the
11:14
apple of my eye, drenched
11:16
in dill and butter or a
11:19
sour creamy sigh, a generous bowl
11:21
of naki, a steaming bowl of
11:23
soup, a loaf of bread potato
11:26
head, a most
11:28
congenial root. I
11:31
knew a woman once who grew one in the shape of
11:33
a duck. She
11:37
was living with a certain man at the
11:39
time who planted her potatoes for her that
11:41
spring, but she had a new
11:43
man living with her in the fall when it was time
11:45
to dig them up. As
11:48
she watched him working the garden through
11:50
the kitchen window, the clothes snapping on
11:53
her clothes line in the wind, she
11:55
thought to herself, love
11:57
can come and go. potato
12:01
is forever. Oh
12:04
yes, they endure.
12:08
Endure indeed they do. On
12:10
the plates of kings the
12:12
potato sings, a creamy song
12:15
of cheese, a saucy song
12:17
of succulents, a crispy tune
12:20
of cheer, of butter lakes,
12:22
potato cakes, pepper grinders, parsley
12:24
flakes, or in a pot, a
12:28
peasant stew, a
12:30
fire of flickering meals, the
12:33
darkening night, potato blight,
12:36
an Irish sigh, a
12:38
teary eye. One
12:41
potato, two potato, three potato, four, five
12:43
potato, six potato, seven potato, more, and
12:45
out you must go as fast as
12:48
your flipper flapper floppers can carry you.
12:53
Potato feast, potato
12:55
famine boiled alone,
12:57
scalloped with salmon, my
13:00
butt, my spot,
13:03
my sweet potato pie, my
13:06
Yukon gold, I'm
13:08
growing old, stay with
13:10
me till I die. That
13:26
was Stuart McLean with an ode
13:28
to the potato. We recorded that
13:30
in Georgetown Prince Edward Island. Am
13:33
I the only one who's hungry? I doubt
13:35
it. I am sure that about 50% of
13:38
you are gonna go right now and put fries in the
13:40
air fryer. Do it. You do
13:42
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back. All right, fess up. How
15:46
many of you slipped into the kitchen during that break? We're
15:50
talking about food today on the podcast
15:52
because as it turns out, Stuart wrote
15:54
a lot about food over the years.
15:57
We didn't have to look much further to find
15:59
some other examples. Here's Stewart
16:01
from back in 2010. He's
16:03
talking about his friend Jason. Jason
16:06
had just flown home from Halifax and on
16:08
the way home he'd stopped in at Clearwater
16:10
Seafood in the Halifax Airport and he picked
16:12
up a couple of lobsters to bring home
16:14
with him. He told Stewart
16:16
all about how they pack the lobster up to keep
16:18
it frozen so you can bring it home and eat it that
16:21
night for dinner. But it wasn't the
16:23
lobster Stewart was interested in. It was
16:25
something else. He'll listen. The
16:29
lady at the counter packed it up in
16:31
a cardboard box designed to carry on specifications
16:33
and as she did she explained to Jason
16:36
that his lobster would be good in the
16:38
box for 24 hours. When
16:41
Jason got home and unpacked it he
16:43
was delighted to find that what was
16:45
keeping it good was a one pound
16:47
bag of frozen peas. A
16:49
complete dinner in a box. When
16:52
Jason told me this last week I phoned the
16:54
store and spoke to the manager, a woman named
16:56
Michelle Porter. Michelle told me
16:59
Clearwater's been using frozen vegetables in
17:01
their seafood boxes ever since
17:03
airport security prohibited the use of
17:06
gel packs and carry-on luggage. Michelle
17:09
said they've tried carrots and corn
17:12
but peas are what they've settled on. Peas
17:15
are not only the most economical, beating
17:17
out the corn, but they're also the
17:19
most efficient. Something about
17:21
their outer shell and soft
17:23
middle means that peas stay
17:26
colder longer. I've
17:28
long held that frozen peas are
17:30
the unsung heroes of the vegetable world
17:32
and I was delighted to learn of
17:35
yet another handy use. They
17:37
are, in my opinion, the
17:39
most versatile, pleasing and convenient
17:42
food around. Let's start with
17:44
aesthetics. Frozen peas are
17:46
truly beautiful to look at. Is there
17:48
a more perfect shade of green in
17:51
the world? I don't think
17:53
so. A cup of sweet
17:55
peas in a white china bowl
17:57
is an undeniable thing of beauty.
18:00
And why stop at a cup? Peas
18:03
virtually alone among the food choices
18:05
available on the spur of any
18:07
moment encourage guilt-free
18:10
gluttony. They're full
18:12
of fiber, are filling, and when served with
18:14
a bit of butter and pepper, truly
18:17
delicious. The more you
18:19
eat, the better you feel. I
18:21
know someone who eats them as a late-night snack. When
18:24
everyone else is reaching for potato
18:26
chips and cookies, my friend reaches
18:28
for her bag of frozen peas.
18:30
Mm-mm, good. And talk
18:32
about convenience. You can go from
18:35
freezer to a steaming bowl in
18:37
under 90 seconds. They are the
18:39
ultimate fast food. Even Usain Bolt
18:41
can't move that fast. They're
18:44
cheap, but not seemy. And
18:47
at the bottom of it all, democratic.
18:50
The expensive ones don't taste any
18:52
better than the common brands. And
18:54
not only that, they endure.
18:57
They last forever in my freezer and
18:59
without complaint. In fact, I
19:01
don't think I've ever seen a pea with freezer burn. Even
19:05
the ones I keep in there to
19:07
use on my back, the ones that
19:09
have been thawed and refrozen a hundred
19:11
times, seem strangely content. And
19:14
if you think they make your back feel
19:16
better, just ask a nursing mother what a
19:18
blessing a couple of bags of frozen peas
19:21
can bring. And on top
19:23
of all that, they're entertaining.
19:26
Watching adults try to eat peas with
19:28
a fork can be hilarious. Good
19:31
tasting and entertaining, convenient
19:33
and nutritious, long lasting
19:35
and soothing. What more
19:38
can you ask of your food? Flexible?
19:40
Well, they're that too. You
19:42
can use them as the main event as
19:45
my late night pal does or
19:47
as an accessory. What plate doesn't look
19:49
better with a pile of frozen peas
19:51
on the side? Fry
19:53
them with little white onions and you're a
19:55
fancy pants. Cook them with tomatoes and you
19:57
have a stew. Blend them with your hands.
19:59
It meant and call it soup, or
20:02
best of all, put gravy on
20:04
top and stick them next to a
20:06
hot turkey sandwich. Wait a minute, that's
20:09
not best of all. Best
20:11
of all, they remind me of being a kid.
20:14
Kids might turn up their noses at broccoli
20:17
and Brussels sprouts, but put a
20:19
pile of frozen peas in front of them
20:21
and you have a fighting chance, or my
20:23
mom did. When I was
20:26
a kid, it was frozen peas all the
20:28
way home, and often that's
20:30
how they were served, frozen from the
20:32
bag. Today
20:34
at the Halifax Stanfield International
20:37
Airport, security guards who have
20:39
to confiscate ice packs from people who
20:41
are using them to keep their medicine
20:43
chilled, like say their insulin, send
20:46
them back to Clearwater Seafood down the
20:48
hall to get a bag of frozen
20:50
peas. They are the
20:53
food of my past and the food of
20:55
the future. Let me say
20:57
it loud and clear. Let me
20:59
be unequivocal. Here's
21:01
to the frozen pea, a miracle
21:03
in a bag. That
21:06
was Stuart McLean from back in
21:09
2010 talking about my go-to snack,
21:12
frozen peas. Stuart
21:15
didn't limit his enthusiasm to vegetables. Once
21:17
I started poking around, I found
21:20
scripts about clementines, about lobster rolls,
21:22
croissants, sushi. How
21:24
had I never noticed this before?
21:27
Here now is one of my favourite
21:30
Stuart stories about food. This is
21:33
No Tax on Tristles. Morley
21:36
took Sam to the dentist for a check-up at
21:38
the end of the first week of school. A
21:41
busy Thursday afternoon, they blew into the
21:43
dentist's office five minutes late. Morley had
21:45
been running late all day. She
21:48
looked quizzically at Vicki, the receptionist, and
21:51
pointed towards the doctor's office, lifting her
21:53
eyebrows as she pointed. Vicki,
21:56
who was as usual on the telephone, shook
21:58
her head, tucked the receiver under her shoulder
22:00
and held up ten and then five more
22:02
fingers. Then she shrugged. What
22:05
do you expect? Morley
22:07
nodded and headed for the pile of magazines
22:09
on the table by the door. She flipped
22:11
past two issues of dental surgery, a
22:14
chattelane, and a dog-eared copy of People.
22:17
She stopped with a smile of perverted
22:20
pleasure when she came to the August
22:22
edition of Healthy Guns. She
22:26
didn't realize her mistake until she was
22:28
halfway across the room. Gums, not guns.
22:32
And she returned sheepishly to the pile
22:34
and traded the healthy gums for the
22:37
people and then dropped into
22:39
her regular chair beside the chest of
22:41
children's toys. She always sat
22:43
in this chair so she'd be close to Sam.
22:47
She flipped open the magazine and settled into a
22:49
profile of an author who had interviewed people about
22:51
the dreams that they had had about members of
22:53
the royal family. Morley
22:55
was halfway through a dream involving the
22:57
Queen Mother in a pack of feral
22:59
corgis. The
23:03
dream belonged to a British soccer player. It happened
23:06
in a Spanish sort of town, explained the
23:09
soccer player, sort of
23:11
like the running of the bulls. Except
23:14
instead of bulls there were these
23:16
giant feral corgis and
23:18
the only one running was the Queen Mum. She
23:23
was running like hell and
23:25
all these Spaniards lining the street were cheering her
23:27
on. I think
23:30
they were cheering her. I guess
23:32
they could have been cheering the dogs. Morley
23:36
was considering the implications of this dream
23:38
when she looked up and realized Sam
23:40
was not beside her or
23:42
by the aquarium either. Sam
23:44
had settled into a chair on the other side
23:46
of the waiting room. He was
23:49
glumly swinging his legs back and
23:51
forth as he rummaged through the
23:53
magazines. He looked bored
23:55
and peeved. He finally
23:57
chose one magazine and dropped the rest back and forth.
24:00
onto the table, Morley squinted at the
24:02
cover across the waiting room. Epicure.
24:06
Could be worse, she thought. Could
24:08
have chosen healthy gums. The
24:13
following Monday, the Monday after the dentist,
24:15
Morley stayed home. The
24:17
theater where she works is closed on
24:20
Mondays, Monday's wash day. Everybody happy? Well,
24:22
I should say. Morley
24:24
has a cleaning lady these days, a
24:26
woman from El Salvador who comes on
24:28
Mondays. On Monday, Morley
24:30
does laundry and changes beds and
24:33
pays bills. And Monday afternoon,
24:35
she goes to yoga. On
24:38
the Monday morning after the first week of
24:40
school, Morley was in Sam's bedroom changing Sam's
24:42
bed. And when she put her
24:44
hand down between the mattress and the bed
24:46
frame to tuck in his blanket, she brushed
24:48
against something that she wasn't expecting. Something
24:51
that should not have been down there. Something
24:55
smooth and slippery. Something that felt like
24:57
a thick, glossy
24:59
magazine. Morley
25:02
pulled her hand out of there so fast she
25:04
scraped her knuckles. She
25:06
stepped back from the bed in horror and she
25:08
closed her eyes. She looked up toward the ceiling.
25:11
Oh Lord, she sighed. Haven't
25:13
I already done enough? Did
25:16
you have to send this to me? Couldn't
25:19
you have sent it to Ben's mom? And
25:22
then she sighed and she opened her eyes and ran
25:24
her hand through her hair. I don't know where I
25:26
stand on this, Lord. Maybe
25:28
it was time for Dave to have the man to
25:31
man talk with his son. Or
25:33
maybe please, Lord, maybe
25:35
this was one of those things that parents were
25:37
supposed to ignore. Maybe if she
25:39
ignored this shiny thing, it would go
25:41
away. But she wasn't
25:43
going to ignore it. She knew that. She couldn't
25:46
ignore it. And before she knew
25:48
it, she was back beside the bed and she
25:50
was reaching down into that dark, tight
25:52
secret place between the bed frame and
25:54
the mattress. And she was pulling the
25:56
magazine out. It was a magazine. She
25:59
held a it up and she looked at
26:01
the cover in trepidation. It
26:04
was the July edition of Epicure.
26:09
It was the gourmet magazine Sam had been
26:11
reading at the dentist. Because
26:17
she didn't mention this to anyone, not to
26:19
Sam and not to Dave, because she decided
26:21
to let nature take its own course, because
26:24
she put the magazine back where she found
26:26
it and didn't mention it to anyone, Dave
26:29
found himself flying solo two
26:31
days later, Wednesday, when
26:33
Sam unexpectedly arrived at the vinyl
26:36
cafe after school. This
26:38
is not something Sam ever does, hardly ever.
26:41
He hardly ever shows up at his
26:43
dad's record store, especially after school. So
26:46
Dave suspected something was up, but
26:49
Sam didn't say what it was. He
26:51
walked self-consciously up and down the aisles.
26:54
He looked half-heartedly at some records. He
26:56
stared at the customers for a while
26:59
and then after 20 minutes he said, I'll see you later,
27:02
and he left as abruptly as he had arrived.
27:05
The purpose of the visit didn't become clear until
27:07
after dinner. When Sam came downstairs and found Dave
27:10
lying on the couch reading, I need to
27:12
talk to you, he said, and
27:14
he looked around and added, alone.
27:18
Dave struggled up onto an elbow, looked around
27:20
the room and nodded. Sam
27:22
said, I'm a little embarrassed about this. Dave
27:26
rested his book in his lap, Unknown Legends
27:28
of Rock and Roll. He was
27:31
reading about Sid Barrett, one
27:34
of Rock's most fascinating cult
27:36
figures. Okay, said
27:38
Dave, moving his finger, which had been marking his
27:40
place on the page of the book, and
27:43
turning his book over on the arm of his
27:45
chair, giving his son his full attention. I think
27:47
we're alone. I
27:49
saw a magazine, said Sam. He
27:52
was fidgeting. He wouldn't look his father in the
27:54
eye. I noticed a few things I'm interested in.
27:56
Uh-huh. That's
28:01
what Dave said. It seemed like the
28:03
safest reply. What
28:06
is a musky aroma of motherly
28:08
bosom? Blurred Sam. Uh
28:19
oh, said Dave under his breath. Sid
28:22
Barrett driven completely from his mind. What
28:27
asked him? Which
28:30
magazines have you been reading, asked Dave? It's
28:34
a magazine about, it's about,
28:36
well that's one of the things I'm embarrassed about, said
28:38
Sam. Now
28:41
Lord, said Dave, take
28:43
me now. It's
28:47
about eating, said Sam. It's a food
28:49
magazine. Huh, said Dave?
28:53
And I read this article about truffles and
28:55
it said that a truffle tastes like, it
28:57
says it's one of the most wonderful tastes
28:59
in the world. Thank
29:02
you Lord, said Dave. And
29:05
I don't know what a truffle is, said Sam. Yes,
29:08
said Dave. What's a truffle,
29:11
said Sam? Well,
29:13
said Dave, I'm
29:15
not sure I understand everything there's to
29:17
know about truffles. When
29:20
I was a boy, we didn't, it's not the sort
29:22
of thing a boy would talk about with his dad.
29:26
Sam was frowning. Not that
29:28
there's anything wrong with truffles, added Dave, quickly.
29:30
A truffle is a beautiful thing. A
29:33
truffle is a very special thing. You
29:37
usually share truffles with someone who's very
29:39
special to you. When
29:46
I met your mom, for instance, not
29:50
right away, but after
29:53
I'd known her for a while, I got her a truffle.
29:56
Actually, to tell the truth, I gave her a box of
29:59
them. And
30:01
I've never done that with any other girl
30:03
before in my life, which shows you how
30:05
special your mom was. And I
30:07
knew that, and so did she. But
30:10
what are they, said Sam? I'm
30:13
getting to that, said Dave. A truffle
30:15
is like a chocolate. But what is it,
30:17
said Sam? I'm telling you what it is,
30:19
said Dave. It's a little chocolate, like the
30:21
kind we get at Christmas, except they're very
30:24
expensive and very delicious. What
30:26
does that have to do with the fragrance of a
30:28
mother's bosom, asked Sam? I'm
30:33
not sure, said Dave. Because
30:37
I was thinking, said Sam, after I read about
30:39
them, I saw a sign at Harmon's that says
30:41
they're coming. They're coming, said
30:43
Dave. A truffle, said
30:45
Sam, from France. They're putting them
30:48
on a plane on Friday. They'll be here on Saturday,
30:50
and I wanted to get one. It says they're the
30:52
most delicious taste in the world. Well,
30:55
there's nothing wrong with that, said Dave. Good,
30:58
said Sam, because I already did it. You have to
31:00
order in advance. I just wasn't sure
31:02
if it was like if I was allowed. I
31:04
thought maybe you had to be older or something.
31:08
Well, usually you do, said Dave, but I don't see
31:10
a problem. How
31:13
are you going to pay for your truffle? With
31:15
my allowance, said Sam. Good,
31:17
said Dave. Good, said Sam. And
31:20
then Sam smiled, and he stood up. He
31:23
was halfway out of the room when he stopped, and he
31:25
turned. I'm glad we had
31:27
this talk, Dad. I feel a lot better. I
31:31
feel sort of older. Me
31:33
too, said Dave. Sam
31:40
gets $5 a week allowance, and
31:43
he has never spent a cent of it. He
31:46
has a bank account, and every time he gets money, he puts
31:48
the money in the bank. He puts
31:50
his allowance in the bank and his Christmas
31:52
money, and the money his grandmother sends
31:54
him on his birthday. It all goes in the
31:56
bank. So when Dave told
31:59
Morley that Sam had had gone to the bank
32:01
and withdrawn $25 to pay for truffles
32:03
from Harman's. They were both delighted.
32:06
Delighted that he was finally spending some of
32:09
his money. That was the point, wasn't
32:12
it? You learned to save and when you'd
32:14
saved for a while you bought something you
32:16
wanted. Didn't matter what it was, it mattered
32:18
that you learned the process of delayed pleasure.
32:22
Truffles were a little odd perhaps, but
32:26
it didn't matter, it was the process. Both
32:29
Dave and Morley had felt uncomfortable that Sam had all
32:31
this money. He had over $300 in the bank,
32:34
so they were delighted. And
32:37
as they lay in bed that night, Dave said,
32:39
I wonder how many truffles you get for $25
32:41
these days. Thursday
32:43
at supper, Sam said, two
32:45
more days. Friday at
32:47
breakfast, he said, my truffles come tomorrow.
32:50
Saturday morning he was up and out the door
32:53
at nine, I'm going to get my truffles. Harman's
32:56
is one of those specialty food stores
32:58
that you visit on special Saturday mornings
33:00
and buy maybe a baguette
33:02
or some sharp cheddar cheese or
33:05
maybe a small container of black
33:07
olive paste. Harman's is
33:09
compact, elegant, friendly
33:12
and ridiculously expensive. And
33:15
each time you go you wish you had enough money
33:17
so you could do all your shopping there. Everything
33:19
at Harman's looks better than the stuff you have
33:22
in your house. The carrots
33:24
at Harman's look like they were manufactured
33:26
in a sterile hydroponic factory in Sweden
33:28
and have never come in contact with,
33:31
well, Earth for one. Human
33:34
hands for another. The
33:36
potatoes are round and clean and polite and
33:38
they have things on the shelves at Harman's
33:41
that you've never seen before in your life.
33:44
Tiny red berries that look like they'd
33:46
be extra sour and really good for
33:48
your digestion. Your
33:50
squash and zucchinis that look like they were
33:53
grown especially for doll houses. Giant
33:55
cherries the size of tangerines.
33:58
Green beans the length of your arms and
34:00
coffee that smells so good it would be a shame
34:02
to drink it. And,
34:05
of course, truffles.
34:07
The sign by the cash register said,
34:09
truffles from France, one
34:12
of the most ecstatic, enchanting and
34:14
edible experiences you'll ever have in
34:16
your life. Order now for Saturday
34:18
delivery. And
34:20
there's Sam, coming through the
34:22
door in his sneakers and jeans and T-shirt.
34:25
He's locked his bike to the no
34:27
parking sign out front. Sam, standing in
34:29
front of the deli counter where Mr.
34:31
Harmon is fiddling with a ceramic bowl
34:33
of grilled mixed peppers. Mr.
34:36
Harmon in his white shirt with the sleeves
34:38
rolled up and his green apron. Yellow
34:41
and green and red peppers grilled gently
34:43
and mixed with garlic and onions and
34:45
olives and salt and pepper floating in
34:48
the ceramic bowl in the finest virgin
34:50
Italian olive oil. Sam,
34:52
standing quietly in front of the counter waiting
34:55
to be noticed. When
34:57
Mr. Harmon sees him he smiles and
35:00
Sam says, did they come? And
35:04
Mr. Harmon nods, they came this morning, direct
35:07
from Orly, a box
35:09
of jewels. Jewels,
35:12
said Sam. His mouth was
35:14
beginning to water. Better
35:16
than jewels, said Mr. Harmon, leaning forward
35:18
over the counter and lowering his voice,
35:21
magical powers have been attributed to
35:24
these things. And then he
35:26
says, come, you can see for yourself.
35:29
And he points at the large walk-in cooler at the
35:31
back of the store. Sam
35:33
licked his lips and
35:36
he followed Mr. Harmon through the store,
35:38
past the mysterious fruits and the fresh
35:40
sticks of bread and the jars of
35:42
jam and the bottles of caviar. He
35:45
followed Mr. Harmon to the back of the
35:47
store to the big cooler and he waited
35:49
while Mr. Harmon pulled the big silver
35:51
door open and stepped back like a
35:54
hotel doorman. And he motioned
35:56
him in. It was like walking
35:58
into one of the great pyramids of Egypt. As
36:01
Sam walked past Mr. Harmon and through the
36:03
door of the freezer he thought to himself,
36:05
I will never forget this moment as long
36:07
as I live. He
36:10
had a momentary twinge of anxiety when Mr.
36:12
Harmon stepped into the cooler and pulled the
36:14
door closed behind him. It
36:17
took a moment for Sam's eyes to adjust to
36:19
the cool dim light. He
36:21
shivered and he wondered what would happen if they
36:23
couldn't get the door open again. Then
36:26
he heard Mr. Harmon calling to him. They're
36:29
over here, said Mr. Harmon. As
36:31
Sam stepped around a huge croc of
36:33
olives and ducked under a large ham
36:35
hanging from the ceiling, he forgot all
36:37
about the closed door. He was walking
36:39
in a refrigerator. It
36:42
was like he had been made miniature, like he was
36:44
walking around the fridge at home. He
36:48
felt light-headed as he watched Mr. Harmon remove
36:50
a wooden box from the shelf in the
36:52
far corner. The box was
36:54
the size of a television set in his
36:56
parents' bedroom. It was covered with
36:58
a piece of cloth. It was full of rice.
37:02
Mr. Harmon picked up a wooden spoon off the shelf and he
37:04
began to dig in the rice. After
37:06
a moment he lifted the spoon out of
37:09
the box and held out a dirty, roundish
37:11
brown lump. He
37:14
was beaming. The
37:16
black diamond of Provence, he said. He
37:20
bent over and he smelled the dirty lump and
37:22
then he pushed the spoon toward Sam and he
37:24
nodded. Sam looked
37:26
puzzled. Go ahead, said Mr. Harmon. Smell.
37:30
It's like a distant field of
37:32
pineapples. Sam
37:35
leaned forward and breathed in. He
37:38
wrinkled his nose. He wasn't
37:40
sure what to say. He
37:43
looked up at Mr. Harmon. Mr. Harmon was still smiling
37:45
at him. What
37:48
is it? Said Sam. It's
37:50
your truffle, said Mr. Harmon, taking a step
37:53
back. But
37:56
it looks like a fungus, said Sam.
38:01
It is a fungus, said Mr. Harmon. But
38:05
I thought it was made out of chocolate, said Sam. Chocolate,
38:10
said Mr. Harmon? Where have you been
38:12
getting your information? The
38:15
school yard? The street corner?
38:20
My dad, said Sam. Another
38:26
man, a more sensitive man,
38:28
a man less obsessed with food, might
38:30
have offered to refund Sam his money.
38:34
The idea never occurred to Mr. Harmon. Not
38:37
because of avarice. He could have
38:39
easily sold the truffle two or three times
38:41
over, and not out of a meanness of
38:43
spirit either. Quite the contrary, Mr.
38:46
Harmon believed that in Sam he had
38:48
met his kindred spirit. He
38:50
believed he was doing the boy a favor. Mr.
38:53
Harmon was completely out of touch with what
38:55
children like to eat. In
38:58
his heart of hearts, Mr. Harmon believed that
39:00
Sam would love the truffle, needed the truffle.
39:03
Pasta, he whispered. As
39:05
they stepped out of the freezer, slice it as
39:07
thin as you can, slice it as thin as
39:09
paper, arrange the slices
39:11
on a dish of pasta and the
39:14
flavor. His hands flew up
39:16
to his mouth as he searched for the words. It's
39:18
something that can't be explained. It has
39:21
to be experienced. Ambrosia, he said. Sam
39:25
followed Mr. Harmon to the cash register. He
39:27
reached into his pocket and carefully counted out the money
39:30
he had withdrawn from the bank He
39:34
handed it to Mr. Harmon. This is too much,
39:36
said Mr. Harmon. It's only
39:38
25 visitors. The
39:41
tax, said Sam, who had worked everything out
39:43
to the penny. No
39:45
tax, said Mr. Harmon, handing the $3.75 back to Sam.
39:49
No tax on truffles. Sam
39:52
stood on the sidewalk beside his bike clutching
39:55
the brown paper bag Mr. Harmon had handed
39:57
to him. He was
39:59
confused. This
40:01
was not anything like he had imagined. He
40:04
had imagined he was going to pedal home with
40:06
a large box of chocolate. $25 worth of chocolate.
40:10
He had imagined it would be better
40:12
than Halloween. He had imagined there
40:15
would be so much chocolate he might have a hard
40:17
time carrying it on his bike. Which
40:19
is why he had brought his backpack. He
40:23
stood on the sidewalk unsure of what he should do
40:25
next. He had imagined taking
40:27
the chocolate home and setting it out on
40:29
the kitchen table. Letting everyone, each person in
40:31
his family, his mother and his father, even
40:33
his sister. One
40:35
chocolate each. He
40:38
felt alone and small
40:40
and miserable. He didn't
40:42
want to cry on the sidewalk in front of
40:44
Harman's. He took off his
40:47
backpack and he dropped the paper bag inside. And
40:49
he got on his bike and he pedaled off
40:51
down the sidewalk. Weaving around a
40:53
man with a dog and past a woman
40:55
pushing a stroller. Most of
40:57
all, he didn't want to look stupid. Especially
41:00
in front of his parents. Three
41:03
blocks later, instead of turning right on the street that would
41:05
have taken him home, Sam stood
41:07
up on his pedals and he wheeled left.
41:10
Five minutes later, he was at the IGA standing in
41:12
front of the path to this ball. Frowning
41:15
at the dizzying packages of different
41:17
shaped noodles. He
41:20
had 47 cents left when he left the
41:22
store. Before he went
41:24
home, he went to the bank and returned it to his
41:26
account. And
41:31
he cooked supper that night for the first time
41:34
in his life. I don't need any
41:36
help, he said. I'll call you when it's ready. He
41:39
set the table by himself. Everyone
41:41
got a paper towel at the napkin and
41:44
a serving of Coca-Cola poured from a glass
41:46
bottle. It tastes better out
41:48
of glass bottles, said Sam proudly. Dinner's
41:52
ready, said Sam. And
41:54
they all came into the kitchen. And
41:56
when they were sitting at their place, Sam
41:58
carried one covered dish. carefully across the
42:00
kitchen to the table, his
42:03
bottom lip sucked tightly into his mouth,
42:06
and he set the dish in front of his mother and
42:08
morally shook her head. The
42:10
chef served, she said. So
42:13
he moved it and put it down in front
42:15
of his place, and then Dave said, what are
42:18
you cooked us? And
42:20
Sam took the cover off the dish, and
42:23
Stephanie said, craft dinner.
42:28
And Sam said, craft dinner
42:31
with truffles. And
42:45
morally sucked in her breath, and she
42:47
looked at Dave, her hand over her
42:49
mouth, and then she
42:51
looked quickly over at Stephanie, who remarkably
42:54
hadn't said another thing. And
42:58
now it was morally who wanted to cry, thinking
43:01
as she watched her son earnestly spooning
43:03
the sticky orange noodles onto the plate
43:05
his sister was holding patiently in the
43:07
air in front of him, of
43:10
how they had grown and
43:12
how they were becoming, no mistake about it,
43:15
remarkable people. These
43:17
are the truffle Sam was saying. They
43:20
bring out the flavor of the cheese, but you have
43:22
to try it. It's hard to
43:24
describe. That
43:38
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43:40
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that's it for today but we'll be back here
45:15
next week with two more Dave and
45:17
Morley stories including this. Why
45:21
are you still in your pajamas said Morley because
45:24
I can't get dressed said Sam. He
45:27
said this with a look of great suffering.
45:31
Sam said Morley what's the problem? I
45:34
don't have any underwear he's asked. And
45:37
that's when Morley rolled her eyes.
45:39
Morley exasperated rolled her eyes at
45:41
her son and said with less
45:43
patience than she would have liked.
45:46
Sam you have a whole drawer stuffed full
45:48
of underwear. And then
45:50
Sam rolled his eyes and he picked up
45:52
his comic and he said they're all too
45:55
small. Morley
45:58
put down her coffee and she still stared at
46:00
her son. She sensed that
46:02
this was one of those moments when
46:05
her parental ship, the ship that had
46:07
been sailing along pleasantly, sailing smoothly and
46:09
with enough speed to make her think
46:11
that it was on course, she
46:14
suspected that this was one of
46:16
those moments when her parental ship,
46:19
because of its inattentive and likely
46:22
incompetent captain, was
46:26
about to bear down hard on the
46:28
shoals. All of
46:30
it, she asked incredulously, all of
46:33
your underwear is too small, except
46:35
for the gray one, said Sam, and
46:38
they're in the wash. It
46:40
took a moment for this to sink in. Morley
46:43
was trying to remember if she'd seen any
46:46
of Sam's underwear go through the laundry lately.
46:52
She was trying to remember if she'd
46:54
folded any of Sam's underwear in the
46:56
last few weeks. If she'd carried any
46:58
upstairs and put it away, she was
47:00
trying to remember and she was drawing
47:02
a blank and it was scaring
47:04
her. One
47:08
pair, she said again, how
47:10
have you been managing with one pair? Sam
47:13
didn't look up. Sam
47:16
just mumbled. I'd been improvising. That's
47:21
next week on the podcast. I hope you'll join
47:23
us. Backstage
47:29
at the vinyl cafe is part
47:31
of the apostrophe podcast network. The
47:34
recording engineer is salty fingers Greg
47:36
DeClute. Theme
47:38
music is by Danny Michelle and
47:41
the show is produced by Louise
47:43
Curtis, Greg DeClute and me, Jess
47:45
Milton. Let's meet again next
47:47
week. Until then, so
47:50
long for now.
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