0:00

You two are bad friends. Who are

0:02

these two idiots? Woo! White

0:04

dude and Asian dude. Woo! You

0:07

two are disgusting. Woo! Well,

0:09

you two are something. We're bad friends.

0:12

So what I want to say to you, that is, that's

0:14

my final straw. OK? And

0:17

before when I came here, dude. No. No, no, no.

0:19

Just hear me out. I just said. Hear me out!

0:21

Hear me out, dude. Hear me out, right? We're not

0:23

even going to air this part. We are airing this.

0:25

I'm putting my foot down, dude. Put it down. I'm

0:28

tired of being true. Don't walk on. Tread on me.

0:30

Don't tread on me. All right. I have a statement. All

0:32

right. So here's my statement. I have

0:34

a statement as well. OK? Since

0:37

the last podcast, you two, McCone, I've been thinking

0:39

about the ways you guys treat me. You treat

0:41

me like, not you. OK, thank God.

0:43

I wasn't even. I didn't say your name. You

0:45

looked over here, so I thought it was me. No,

0:48

I was looking for backage. Affirmation? Backage. Oh,

0:50

backage? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blockage or backage? My back. I've

0:52

got your backage. That's right. Yeah, you got my backage.

0:54

Now let me tell you something, you scumbags. Yeah.

0:58

All of you. Want me to? No,

1:00

you're good. Yeah, just those two.

1:02

Go ahead. No, you go. Oh, yeah, yeah,

1:04

yeah. Listen up, man. Backing up. And

1:07

I'm being, fuck. I'm

1:10

just being. Korean. No, that's

1:12

not right. OK, OK.

1:14

I'm trying to back you. Obviously, I am. Yeah,

1:16

always, yeah. Right. So sometimes I feel black. I

1:20

do, dude. OK. You know what I mean?

1:22

Al Green. What are you tonight? Are you

1:24

black or Korean tonight? Armenian. Armenian tonight. Get

1:26

them, baby. Yeah, I feel I have extra

1:28

hair on my legs. Ooh. I played chess

1:30

at the park today. Yeah. No,

1:33

you move your car. Yeah. All

1:35

right. So, you know, I'm being completely

1:38

honest. OK, and I'm being very mindful. All

1:40

right. So, you know, the

1:42

last time we worked together, you ripped on me

1:44

a couple of times without out of nowhere. You

1:46

two McCone saying that I'm a bad actor, which

1:49

is really interesting because I had directors come over to

1:51

my house today and to pitch me on a movie. So

1:53

many different opportunities. But, you

1:56

know, to each his own. But What I want

1:58

to say to you is that and I came in here. The walking

2:00

around like oil. I'm going to do your movie.

2:02

But. Because you slap my deck if you're not

2:05

be will regret thing I did as an hour

2:07

and spread it around very funny by the way

2:09

it was sad to say to you but when

2:11

i going to city was. I.

2:13

Will not work for you.

2:16

As an actor or with is is this is

2:18

the only me. Not. For me. None.

2:21

Other do anything with it with or

2:23

four or behind any fraud nelson. Only.

2:25

This pod because look at your

2:27

service contracts. I will. He works

2:29

for us exactly so on. Find.

2:32

Somebody else I'd not doing it can

2:34

replace them and no, no, no, I

2:37

don't care what it is, I

2:39

will not do it. I'm too busy. It was

2:41

a favor in the first place but I would

2:43

you save us from evil but have my package

2:45

package that could I get people back his voice

2:48

and there's no back to their little we let

2:50

let's hear your. let me hear your years of

2:52

payment. Okay

2:54

first of all, ah, I want to say that

2:56

No One has forced me to read this. And

3:01

that our data on my free will ago. I

3:04

recognize that Lily my actions on this show

3:06

have not have been led than ideal. I

3:09

realized that making fun of obvious out of pocket. I.

3:13

Was thought that in comedy you have to punch

3:15

up a baby. I am a little too high.

3:18

So. From now on. I'll. Be switching

3:20

teams am a little lower and I'll direct

3:22

my it's really funny d of thoughts on

3:24

the know: think it of the who attacked

3:26

for do you think that's a pretty good

3:28

same as I got a sudden what you

3:30

com a minute repeater chevron right and also

3:32

I know I'm nearly even when I don't

3:35

trust it of us. Are you the humid

3:37

early? I don't You think his. Wife wrote

3:39

that. Someone. Else wrote that doesn't sound

3:41

like you have it. Also, I want a statement

3:43

that you haven't run written. Because

3:45

that's that's years you're thinking about his thinking about.

3:47

Right off when I'm saying is I want a

3:49

statement from the heart. Not. Premeditated. Premeditated.

3:51

I want you to been in the moment

3:53

and really feel your feelings and express yourself.

3:56

right? Now. The you're capable of

3:58

doing that Now you're to yourself. The man.

4:00

Yeah. You're. Right? You're you're a Baja

4:02

Shelf. Get that is enough or Aca. You know

4:04

that Baja Fresh ones it. Yeah a bar high

4:07

shelf is a thing in a swimming pool that's

4:09

like a little shallow erase a little babies to

4:11

sit on. Osha learn something new everyday. Get out

4:13

the that's a Baja Shelf you are a Baja

4:15

Shelf to your apostle for sure your of ah

4:17

ha shelves allow of they get know you don't

4:20

take it eight but I don't think that. Know

4:22

Bobby I love your your the funniest person I

4:24

know. Is

4:27

I wonder what? what can we celebrate? Today was

4:30

going on. O J died. Since

4:32

some will you talk about Ding

4:34

Dong the witch is dead. Oh

4:37

you are? You think he didn't do it?

4:40

Too. Was ah okay. know that know whoa

4:42

whoa whoa Love the them fit Yeah

4:44

well you must acquit a sick work

4:46

know our. Do

4:49

was. Murdered. His

4:52

wife. For

4:55

her at all I am a guy Ozone

4:57

idea for Yahoo One numbers And did I

4:59

mean what? Better. Way The Devil

5:01

God. I'm finally. They. Try to put him away

5:03

in jail didn't work out. That. He

5:05

died of cancer Retail He was seventy. What

5:08

He was seventy. Four. Seventy six. Pretty young.

5:10

That's relatively young. Seventy.

5:12

Six. Yeah, I mean Richard Lewis died at

5:14

seventy six and he didn't murder anybody. So

5:17

it's like I think I think Richard died

5:19

from cancer and he died. Ah, a happy

5:21

life. He lived a happy, wonderful, beautiful life.

5:23

He was a happy man. This guy was

5:25

tortured his entire as rightfully so you sorted

5:28

to the end of his life right? He.

5:30

Could get away from we didn't do it though. Who

5:34

do you think did. He.

5:36

Could as she could it could have been like a

5:38

double suicide. Know Kato Kaelin, we would have been. That's

5:40

that. Like what? ten thousand times she did it once

5:42

than that. no no he does. He says I saida

5:44

that you that it a lag I would have done

5:46

it a it's that was the word. That's the worst

5:49

part about I'm not. I don't know anything. I'm not

5:51

a lawyer on a dumb guy. Why

5:53

don't you have to prove. Who did do with them? Rottweiler.

5:57

Hello! Whoa Whoa. You're blow my.

6:00

right? Why Huckabee never have to prove who did it

6:02

If you find out he didn't do it, How come

6:04

that know that it's goes away. What?

6:06

He did it though, but they prove that he

6:09

didn't feel. So good if I if he did

6:11

is why would you go like he did I

6:13

want to go all it's find somebody else A

6:15

didn't know what I'm saying they. They.

6:17

Proved quote unquote that he didn't do it.

6:20

In. In In in. In. A

6:22

court of law. He lost civil

6:24

but he won. The. Legal

6:26

right so. Legally. They

6:28

said he didn't kill her. He.

6:31

Didn't. Legally. His he

6:33

did. I know he does. So who then if

6:35

they say know who did it. This

6:37

is like who's on first is like the newest. The

6:40

idea. He. The other guy? get what you're saying.

6:42

Okay, Legally. When it comes

6:44

to. Miles the murder

6:46

in the first degree when it comes to

6:48

it yet said he didn't do it exactly

6:51

So whom did see this. Ah,

6:57

Yes, it's like, you know, And

6:59

as the ultimate test is, there's a heaven

7:01

Or hell is brilliant, right? Yeah, right. That's

7:03

where we'll find out. Or Iraq right now.

7:06

If I die and I go to heaven.

7:08

And. Owes his chill and. right?

7:11

How Shocked. Because. I would

7:13

be. There's so many people up there

7:15

dobbies I saw Hitler. he I'd be

7:17

shocked. Bobby. Right

7:20

to say you, Hitler! Yeah I

7:22

love you doing up here. Yacht

7:24

warm like chilling on a cloud.

7:27

right? And I look over inside

7:29

your and dollars chewing on something of

7:31

human foot. Yeah yeah. Yeah.

7:33

But it's like have with oh we have

7:35

machines I do a happy that you got

7:38

in here. yeah but away Hitler how funny.

7:40

Pillows I you know kind of leaders. There's

7:42

a back door. Or

7:45

he got it through. There was no wow, there's a back

7:47

door to have it, you know, So funny as a even

7:49

if you're a bad person in the afterlife like Hitler and

7:51

one of these guys. The. I bet you they

7:53

know enough people to get in. Still just it's just like

7:55

Hollywood and the real world. Will

7:58

have this. if hitler alive

8:00

today I got one

8:02

for you too if you were throwing a house party right

8:04

and here you go

8:11

oh I'm coming I'm coming

8:13

there's so much music there's

8:15

so much beer

8:18

man hello hello hello hey it's

8:21

me titla oh

8:24

oh how do we I said I

8:26

heard this was a party I could go to to have a

8:28

good time yeah but who is a who

8:30

what do you mean who how did I what's

8:32

weird is that this is not like a normal

8:34

party it's my best friend was Jewish it's a

8:36

permit fuck I love you I

8:39

know but I just think I know but

8:41

I just think that your presence here it's

8:43

just gonna rule he's 12 for you gonna

8:45

believe all the rumors about me and not

8:47

really get to know me as a real

8:49

man well I know I've just read too

8:51

much I think so you've read too much

8:53

about tonight yeah but what you believe all

8:55

everything yes you read I'll

8:58

tell you what you read I'll tell you what

9:00

I'm name one thing I did how about this

9:02

yeah name six million things I did wrong

9:05

yeah so anyway what would you

9:07

do if he came I'd

9:10

let him in sit him

9:12

down sit him down you reprimand him for his crimes

9:14

he's almost want to know what was going on

9:17

in his head right he's almost too big to

9:19

not let him in that's what I'm saying is

9:22

that weird to say it's like you know what I

9:24

mean he's a legend right he's in like he's a

9:26

legend no if this is something

9:30

interesting he's so infamous you would want to

9:32

talk to him first I don't know Jesus

9:35

Christ I'm in terms of like I just

9:37

said Hitler look in

9:40

terms of like you know me

9:42

historical little legendary yeah characters right

9:45

Hitler's one Cleopatra has got to

9:47

be one like you wouldn't say

9:49

no Cleopatra yeah no this I'm

9:51

saying hot doing black what about black people in my

9:53

like pull it hot what you want the I want

9:56

to understand they don't know pop hot Genghis Khan but

9:58

definitely get I want to know You

10:01

want to go, how are you so fucking insane?

10:04

What's going on? How did this happen? Exactly. I

10:06

mean, it's just like Job. Job?

10:10

Dude, Job's a sad character. I'm letting Job in.

10:12

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just all his woes.

10:15

You know what I mean? How many people died? This

10:18

is the thing. He took my wife and, you know

10:20

what I mean, and my children and, you know, famine. But

10:23

then he gave me a hotter wife or whatever happened, you

10:25

know what I mean? I'd want to know. Yeah. I gotta

10:27

know. I'm going to throw you some names and

10:29

see if you let them in. Okay.

10:33

Stalin. Yeah,

10:35

I got his books. Oh,

10:38

you got his biography? Yeah. I got

10:40

a good one, dude. Vlad

10:42

the Impaler. Love. Would love to know.

10:44

Why? Why? One of

10:46

the most fascinating people on Earth. Yeah, but what if

10:49

he brings like, you know, a head with him? Yeah.

10:51

No. I brought my guillotine.

10:55

Vlad, do you bring your guillotine to the party? I brought my

10:57

guillotine. I'm sorry. You're saying

10:59

you're Valentine? Happy Valentine's Day. I

11:04

brought my guillotine for Valentine's Day. Wow.

11:06

So that's interesting. Did you

11:09

hear about this Vietnamese woman? I

11:12

love them. She's getting the death penalty? Why?

11:15

Vietnam sentences, real estate tycoon. You

11:19

say it because I bet you, I guess you know. Oh, I

11:21

don't know how to do that. What is that? Vietnam, Sinti,

11:24

real estate tycoon. Trung

11:27

Mai Lan. Death's largest ever fuck

11:30

place. We're

11:33

getting him to learn how to do it. I'll do it again. Give

11:35

me another shot here. Go back. Vietnamese

11:37

sentences, real estate tycoon, Trung Mai Lan

11:40

to death is fuck. I'm

11:44

going to do it as a newscaster. You know what? I want

11:46

to, will you reach out to KCal, the news, local LA news,

11:49

to see if we could become newscasters for a

11:51

day, to see if he could do the... I want to see, I want to give

11:53

me the shot. Can you imagine him

11:55

trying to do the skull? Dude,

11:57

I'm so good at Caledron for that.

11:59

Really? So man, so man, that's not

12:01

even moving. It's my eyesight though Right

12:04

teleprompters move this isn't even moving and you

12:06

can't read it Trung my lung is

12:08

a far hard thing to say in my land. All right,

12:10

here we go Vietnamese sentences

12:13

real ago already wrong. Oh, yeah Vietnam

12:16

sentences real estate tycoon Trung my lawn to death

12:19

in its largest ever fraud case That's good, but

12:21

it's so hard to hear you do it. Why

12:24

because I can hear you going do

12:26

it Like robotic that I'm a newscaster.

12:28

Oh, oh, I'm doing as a new skill show you

12:30

how newscasters do I do it? You

12:33

always try to show me up man Vietnam sentences

12:35

real estate tycoon Trung my lawn to death and

12:37

its largest ever fraud case Do

12:39

you hear like the inflection? I'll talk to her better.

12:42

What did you just say? He's was way better

12:44

He's not doing the movie. I'm not

12:46

doing the mood that those things that won't work with me

12:49

Okay, so this woman Trung my lawn sent it to Thursday

12:51

did by death in Ho Chi Minh City for

12:53

stealing 12.5

12:56

billion dollars 3% of the country's GDP

13:00

Dude 12 billion How

13:03

do they catch her at some point? It took

13:05

you that long 12 billion dollars, but that's not a

13:08

death I mean stealing my I would say that sentence.

13:10

Why do they know they're gonna kill her? It's

13:12

not I mean, you should only get the death sentence. Why?

13:16

The death sentence. Yeah, if you murder bingo

13:18

you murder you get murdered, but who murder

13:20

see this is that this is a good

13:22

one Yeah, Rope Rope. Let me

13:24

ask you though. What I don't know anything

13:26

about my long. I'm asking you about my

13:28

long tongue song Okay, son song long time.

13:30

Yeah, try long my long my

13:33

gun go ahead Open

13:35

your gun try my okay Try

13:39

my long good mood today, huh? Try my long song

13:41

man. He's on fire today. You know, I mean I

13:43

love it You know why? Played

13:45

with the dog in the backyard before he came here But

13:48

anyway, so what what is it? I play with the dog

13:50

in the now you're chilling it I'm not

13:52

am I not allowed to find happiness and playing with you know,

13:54

it's so funny last night I was at the store and a

13:56

girl comes to me, you know, I didn't know you find a

13:58

huge friend of Andrew But, you know, since watching

14:01

Bad Friends, you know, I got acquainted with you.

14:03

She's a friend of mine? No, she's a fan.

14:05

Oh, fan. I'm tired of hearing it.

14:07

It's like, yeah, I get it. He's talented. You know, it's

14:09

fuck, you know, and sometimes, you know, sometimes you think... Funny,

14:12

it never goes the other way. People

14:14

always come up to me, go, fucking huge fan of Bobby,

14:16

just found out about you through it. Awesome.

14:19

And I go, thanks, man. That's rad. I

14:21

don't think... Oh, Bobby. That's what

14:23

I said last night to her. You didn't even let me

14:25

finish! You just said, I'm sick of hearing it! I'm

14:28

sick of, you know, being so grateful. Fuck

14:30

you, dude. Let me finish, dude. I'm

14:33

so full of shit. I'm so sick of, like, being,

14:35

like, so proud. You're so filled with joy and pride.

14:37

A joy is what I'm saying. And I looked at

14:39

her and I go, you know what? I'm

14:41

so blessed to be a part of, you know, me

14:43

and the Bad Friends. What a great guy that I'm...

14:45

I was blessed to be in partnership with. That's right.

14:48

Jeez, you let me finish, man. No, I'm sorry. I

14:50

apologize. No, I'm sorry. I

14:52

don't want to turn into fancy. My bad. That's

14:54

my fault. I was at the store

14:56

the other day, and it was a travesty

14:58

on my part. What happened? And

15:01

I can't name names because I don't want to edit things

15:03

out. Got it. There was somebody that

15:06

over the years, I've been kind of jabbing

15:09

on, making fun of. Little bit!

15:12

Hit me on podcasting and whatnot.

15:14

Okay. You know, a little mean.

15:17

So then, last week,

15:19

somebody goes, that guy's here.

15:22

He never comes to the store. The guy you make fun of.

15:24

No. So I ran out there. Right?

15:27

No, stop. I know. I'm

15:29

just showing Andrew. And

15:32

I see him and his wife. I knew who it was. Him

15:34

and his wife. Yeah. Are

15:36

you tapping your feet? Yeah. What's

15:38

going on? I'm nervous. That's

15:41

why. Put some fucking nicotine in your mouth. Okay.

15:43

No, stop. You've never noticed. I always tap my feet. No,

15:45

but it sounds... You know what it sounds like? When a

15:47

kid's legs are swinging off a toilet and they're just hitting

15:49

the ground a little bit? That's what

15:51

I'm doing. Yeah. We can lower

15:53

your chair, bud. I'll stop doing it. It's okay. Distracting?

15:57

Yeah, very. You know what? I'm going

15:59

to take my shoes off. You're a Hulu. But

16:01

oh my god. Today I'm gonna call

16:04

you Hulu. But uh, and

16:06

I see him and I go,

16:08

what's up man? I give him a

16:10

hug. He gets up from the table, gives

16:12

me a hug. He's sitting in the

16:14

audience? No, he's outside in the patio. Got it. And

16:17

his wife is, I've never met his wife before. So

16:20

I go, hey, I put my hand

16:22

out and she looks at my

16:24

hand and she goes, no

16:26

way. Yeah. She denied a handshake

16:29

handshake. And as I

16:31

pulled away rage, not

16:33

rage, no shame. Really?

16:36

Yeah, because it's like I felt guilt. Well,

16:38

you didn't do anything wrong. Yes, I did.

16:40

No, you didn't. You make fun of.

16:42

Yeah, but but but but let's say this, the person

16:44

you're making fun of is a comedian. Don't

16:47

say that. But okay, we make fun of each

16:49

other. Exactly. Well, that's what comic you make, you

16:51

make fun of me all the time. But

16:54

you know what, you may, I felt at times it felt like I

16:56

was punching down maybe. So as

16:59

I pulled away, it just it was

17:01

like a rain of shame

17:03

and I walked away and I literally almost

17:06

burst into tears. Really? Because

17:09

of the guilt. It got ya. Yeah, because

17:11

it I've

17:13

talked shit for so long. But

17:15

why did you talk shit? Because you really like this? No,

17:17

because you know, we were very competitive when we were younger,

17:20

right? So as I walked

17:22

away, I just I became a changed man. And I

17:24

got you know what, dude, no more of

17:26

that. You're gonna correct your ways.

17:29

You're gonna contact this person. You're

17:32

gonna make amends. And you're gonna make it right.

17:34

Did you? I didn't

17:36

have his number. And I

17:38

know the next part is

17:40

and I'm not gonna find

17:42

it. You're not looking for

17:44

it. I have an Instagram.

17:47

Okay, so I DM them. Oh, right. So

17:50

basically, I said, you know, I mean, I could read

17:52

it to you. Read it. Really? Yeah, I'd like to

17:54

hear it. Okay. Because

17:56

you're known to hyperbolize from time to time.

17:59

All the time. But you know I'm gonna be real here.

18:01

I want to prove you I will prove to you

18:03

that this is real dude I believe you I'm not

18:06

I want to hear the verbiage okay here. We go

18:08

so here it is Why

18:10

is it not loading? You

18:12

probably oh there it is. Okay. Do you so

18:15

here you want to read it yeah? Hi,

18:18

so-and-so It was good

18:20

to briefly see you last night at the store. I Noticed

18:23

your wife didn't shake my hand which

18:25

is totally understandable I've

18:28

said things about you in the past on

18:30

podcasts. I regret right I hope

18:32

we can meet for coffee so I can make amends to you

18:34

one day If

18:36

you don't want to I totally get it I I

18:40

just want to say sorry wow okay,

18:42

and so he goes basically like

18:45

understood. Thank you. That's it understood Thank

18:47

you exactly which is fine. No verbatim understood.

18:49

Thank you show you the fucking I would like

18:51

to see that because that's awfully short Wow

18:55

Yeah, that's basically saying fuck you Yeah,

18:58

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podcast. I. Feel like. Known.

21:58

planning to maybe to do other things. What

22:02

do you mean? To make amends. Oh. Figuring

22:04

it out. Go further. To go further with

22:06

it. The program says go further. I go

22:08

further, right? But then four days

22:10

later his wife contacted me. On DM?

22:13

Yeah. What does that one

22:15

say? Basically she said, I'm

22:17

confused. Like I didn't see your hand.

22:23

Oh my god. I'm

22:29

being amends for no reason. Mistake amends? I

22:35

mean mistake amends. Mistake amends.

22:37

Now I feel like wow, you dummy.

22:39

Yeah. You could have just

22:42

moved on. Do you think she saw and

22:44

she's playing? She's playing. Now that would be

22:46

crafty. I would say the other side would

22:48

be this person said something

22:50

to his wife and said, why didn't

22:52

you shake Bobby's hand? I thought we're okay. We're beyond all

22:54

that. And she was probably like, well,

22:57

I didn't see it. I don't think I

22:59

saw it. And he's like, you saw it. I was sitting right next

23:01

to you. No, I don't think I saw

23:03

it. Yeah. But the way he got up from the table

23:05

to hug me, it was really excited hug. Well,

23:08

yeah, you're an excitable person. Thank

23:10

you. Well, so that's not, that's, that's not

23:12

validating. No, no, I'm going to show you

23:14

what it was like. Okay. Yeah. If

23:18

there was a comic, let's say Joe Rogan,

23:20

Joe Rogan. All right. You

23:23

know, you know, he comes

23:25

in like, what are you doing? I'm

23:28

not going to act out. Can you move on? Oh my God. What fucking

23:31

guy? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Yeah. To

23:33

be fair. He is doing his job. Yeah.

23:36

We act out. What are you talking about? I

23:38

always act out. What do you

23:40

call me? I'll give you a special shot for man.

23:42

It's like Christian Bale was right on the movie. Was

23:45

it Christian Bale right on the movie site when he went on

23:47

that rant? I don't move for you. You

23:50

know what I mean? You know, get the fuck out

23:52

of my sky. I don't know if it's working with

23:54

you again then. Right? Because

23:56

I'm the fucking performing and You

23:58

guys are fixing the lights. Yeah to.

24:02

Go to these environments I want to. Professional

24:04

bugging show Dude dude he can work under.

24:06

These environments are parts of stop Moving those

24:08

are the is doing So it's like let's

24:10

not for Joe players as a comic that

24:12

was above me that had said some said

24:14

to me and I had a little bit

24:16

resentment impel and I've seen him in a

24:18

long time. Dave Chappelle right he walks out

24:21

to me right I think my my hug

24:23

would have been I would go through a

24:25

or process like shit I hug I'm. Like.

24:27

Every moment of like what do I do here I would never

24:30

have them. right? But at the end

24:32

up I yeah would. I would never have.

24:34

If someone I know is like talking shit about mean

24:36

and we don't know each other that well, it's like

24:38

this is Debbie. Go so obese. basically. This

24:41

person did you me? I suppose. li

24:43

slide. To. Has no idea that even

24:45

I did that. I'm sure he has a pretty good

24:48

idea used as. And hundred

24:50

got back to him somehow. A

24:52

bad when I was six we were just

24:54

what I mean. If you're mocking somebody and

24:56

you don't know the memo mocking it's like

24:58

you're on telling stories about things that. I.

25:02

Perceived. But you know perception is that the

25:04

eye of the beholder. really? You

25:06

mean so I perceive things obviously.

25:08

The other day, dice goes. Your

25:11

chin. You're telling that story wrong.

25:14

right? About the gambling story I go,

25:16

but that's how I remember it right. He

25:18

remembers it is a complete different way. He

25:20

thinks your name is Chin right? Vanessa Big.

25:22

So I get in the like in terms

25:25

of like, You know what? I'm glad I

25:27

made a man's. It. Just got a little

25:29

weird. And. That's it. But making the

25:31

immense is him. That's That's the important part.

25:33

I'm really not a matter I'm ready to do. I

25:35

have a couple of wars out there that want to

25:37

squash what's another where you want to put on Yoshi.

25:40

From Super Mario Brothers. You know that guy. Why

25:43

go to a different time I go to do

25:45

I can get into the car to I've seen

25:47

you get into the sewers outside of the studio.

25:49

Yeah, yeah and will you? Do you go but

25:51

at a prenup? that? yeah yeah bought. I've seen

25:54

the Rat from parking of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

25:56

Yeah, why don't call them down. But.

25:58

it was that white guy that to the voice a splinter Why

26:00

does it should be if it wasn't because it's funny.

26:02

I'm gonna cancel him. Yeah This

26:05

is like Jackie Chan. No way.

26:07

Have you heard of them? Was no

26:09

in the new one who was the original voices

26:11

splinter Kevin Kevin clash guarantee you that guy's fucking

26:13

white. Yes. He is Wait, wait,

26:15

you don't know Kevin clash. I don't know who that is You

26:18

don't know Kevin clash say it again and maybe

26:21

I'll remember It's

26:23

just like I'm sorry, it's like say

26:25

let's stop but don't you take him off take him with him.

26:27

He's black. No, no Look

26:30

at me right now. That guy was black stop. Okay.

26:32

Okay. Yeah You

26:36

know and I don't want to start argument with you

26:38

no, you're doing it I hear you brewing it right

26:40

now I'm not brewing nothing dude. The coffee maker is

26:42

warm right now and I feel the drip about to

26:44

happen. All right what I'm saying is it's

26:47

surprising because You're

26:49

somebody that when I talk to people about

26:51

you. Uh-huh. I go. Yeah, she knows Tits

26:54

bits of information, but I don't know

26:56

I've been talking man. Who was Kevin

26:59

clash just get to it How

27:02

about stop this? Be quiet Do

27:05

any of you fuck had to do Kevin clashes? Everybody

27:07

knows Kevin. You really do know Kevin. Oh,

27:09

he doesn't okay. Thank you Have

27:12

you heard of Elmo? Did

27:15

have you heard of Elmo

27:24

I It's

27:27

the red puppet that's full of love

27:31

You know, why haven't listen, you know why I don't

27:33

know that let me finish cuz I'm a big boy

27:35

Oh, you're dumb boy, and

27:37

I'm a big boy and I don't

27:39

pay attention to the Sesame Street voiceover

27:41

actors What the fuck are you not

27:43

a Sesame Street voice after I what

27:45

is Elmo? I'm gonna tell you what

27:48

is it? I'm not done talking finish.

27:50

All right so Kevin

27:55

clash with a guy he grew

27:57

up in Baltimore. Okay, what are you

27:59

Wikipedia? No, I'm telling you because he's

28:01

a legend Okay, it's like

28:04

I know things about Lou Reed. I know things

28:06

about Kurosawa. I know both of them I know

28:08

things about Kevin Clash! Lou Reed and Kurosawa are

28:10

not Kevin Clash! The voice

28:12

of Elmo is like Lou Reed. The voice of

28:14

Elmo? Do you fucking so dumb? Get fucked. The

28:17

voice of Elmo is Lou

28:19

Reed. That's a comparable thing.

28:21

Yes. Oh my fucking god.

28:24

Oh my god, you're gonna make my throat sore dude.

28:26

You're so dumb dude. Do you know him personally? I'm

28:29

a huge fan if I met him it would be like why

28:31

are you a huge fan of the Elmo guy? It's

28:34

not just an Elmo guy. Do

28:37

he just revolutionize puppeteering? When

28:42

the fuck have you been a puppet fan?

28:45

How deep is your puppet game? Well, I mean, I

28:47

know the materials they use. Oh my god. Who is

28:50

the voice of Bert? Bert

28:52

was Frank Oz Who's

28:54

the voice of Ernie? It

28:56

was um I

28:59

don't know. You shouldn't know this. Yes, I

29:01

do. Why? Could

29:03

I finish what I'm gonna say? Is the voice of Bert Frank Oz?

29:07

I'm gonna be sick. Frank Oz is one of a Bert or

29:09

Ernie. What? Eric

29:13

Jacobson and Peter Lin. Okay fine. So

29:16

you're not deep in the Muppet game. I'm not I'm

29:18

not saying that I am a sesame street fan I'm

29:23

not gonna finish what I'm gonna

29:25

say before you get angry. I'm

29:27

already angry. You yelled at me

29:29

about fucking Kevin Clash and no one knew who

29:32

he was. Legend. I saw the documentary about him

29:35

Him playing Elmo. No, no, no

29:37

you didn't. No,

29:40

I saw the documentary. Look up documentary about

29:42

about Kevin Clash. All right, but

29:44

coming Elmo. Okay. I watched it Well, then

29:46

you would have known who he is. Yeah, I'm

29:48

just doing this to brew you up. All right,

29:50

like okay Take take take take off right? I'm

29:52

gonna ask you questions about Kevin Clash, please Really?

29:55

Yeah. All right, so um How

30:00

old was he when he first

30:03

met Kermit?

30:05

Not Kermit the Frog, but there's a guy named

30:07

Kermit who created Kermit the Frog, that guy in

30:09

New York. 42 years old. No,

30:11

he was in high school. You didn't see it. That's what I

30:13

said in high school. That's what I said. You

30:16

don't know what you're talking about. He just said, stop

30:18

giving him information. Let me give you the fucking low

30:20

down on Kevin Clash, okay? Real quick, okay? Yeah, our

30:22

fans want to know. Oh, so let's just move on

30:24

then. No, I want to hear it. I actually do.

30:26

Okay. Might be a lot of Kevin Clash fans in the house. He's

30:28

a legend. Understandably. Okay.

30:31

So what happened was, his parents

30:34

were both African American. Whoa,

30:36

slow down. All right, sorry. They

30:38

grew up in an impoverished area of Baltimore.

30:41

Baltimore. Yeah, I knew that. And

30:43

back then, people would make fun of kids

30:45

that... What he would do is

30:47

he would take his dad's pimp jacket and

30:49

cut out... What's so funny? And cut

30:51

it all up, right? Why is it a

30:53

pimp? You mean it's just a jacket? Like a furry jacket.

30:55

Was his dad a pimp? No. Like

30:59

make it Rachel. No, I'm just

31:01

saying, right? And then you would like, you know what I mean? And

31:03

oh boy. Yeah, I'm motherfucking Elmo. That

31:05

was the first version. Yeah, yeah. So,

31:08

um... What's up, Big Bird? Yeah,

31:10

and his mom would like call Sesame Street and go,

31:12

my son is really into puppeteering. Here's

31:16

this kid in impoverished, a black kid, right? And

31:19

then he hooked up with Captain

31:22

Kangaroo. Hmm. You

31:25

know Captain Kangaroo? Yeah, we know that. Yeah, very famous.

31:27

Gave him a job, gave him a job, right? Right.

31:30

Then he fucking meets Frank

31:32

Oz and he meets Jim Henson. Jim Henson. The

31:34

legends. The name the people know. Jim Henson, the

31:36

legends of the game. Yep. And

31:39

Jim goes, well, why don't you come and work... Well,

31:41

he first offered him in Dark Crystal

31:44

and then he couldn't do it for some reason.

31:46

It almost destroyed the relationship. But what happened was... You

31:48

had to show back together all those pimp jackets.

31:52

What? Well, if you

31:54

ruin a pimp jacket, you got to put it back together. That is true. Of

31:57

course. Because when daddy finds

31:59

out, he ain't gonna be... to happy. So

32:02

um so he's that sesame street

32:04

young you know I mean I think the

32:06

first black puppeteer which is a cue that

32:08

I know is true. Right yeah and there

32:10

was so Elmo wasn't always Elmo a bunch

32:13

of puppeteers try to make this puppet work I bet

32:15

you there's a bunch of puppets laying around and people

32:17

pick it up and go what about this you know

32:19

I mean and they're like they're like

32:21

no whatever

32:25

yeah right exactly yeah it didn't

32:27

work so he so some guy

32:30

threw Elmo at him you

32:32

make it work I get it to work you make

32:34

it work and so Kevin Clash took

32:36

it and he thought

32:38

about it and he thought about

32:40

what do kids love what does the voice of love

32:42

sound like love what is love and

32:45

he goes I did see the documentary by the way

32:47

pure love pure love and so that's

32:49

why he came up always hugging this it

32:52

became a hit yeah yeah exactly and then

32:54

what ended up having was he became the

32:56

executive producer of Sesame Street eventually traveled

32:59

the world you know I mean as Elmo

33:01

helping you know I mean disabled kids and

33:03

stuff like that I don't I did the

33:05

body that's okay yeah I'm so sorry it's

33:07

instinct for you well yeah I mean

33:09

I have no no you're I have spinal lift it

33:11

up anyway um to me he's a legend come

33:14

on finish it you did you were at the point when you were saying

33:16

he became executive versus Sesame

33:18

Street traveled the world traveled the world

33:20

entertaining kids and you know in impoverished

33:22

impoverished lands can I ask you something

33:24

yeah this is me I'm not making

33:26

a joke yeah cuz I saw the

33:28

documentary it's great he's wonderful do

33:31

you think that you secretly wanted to become a

33:33

puppeteer is

33:36

that why it touched no no I'll

33:38

be honest with you I I'm always

33:41

interested in people who are a minority

33:43

you know in an area where they

33:46

don't traditionally have minorities and being somebody that

33:48

would becomes a pioneer I really

33:50

like that story like other ones like that that's the only one peanut

33:52

butter guy but he didn't do the peanut butter so I don't

33:54

even know Washington

33:57

cover Washington George Carver Washington yeah

34:00

Yeah, yeah, apparently he didn't invent it.

34:02

No. Yeah. Yeah, you know, I'm interested

34:04

in people that are like like for

34:06

instance like the like the first We

34:08

should do a documentary about the first Asian male American

34:13

porn star Has there been

34:15

one that's why I don't know. Yeah, I doubt it

34:17

But if there was if there's one that rises you

34:19

would I would probably go oh, that's my guy I

34:21

just got to be honest with you. I highly doubt

34:23

an Asian male porn star has really made it through

34:25

the system Why well, there's checks

34:27

and balances aren't there? What

34:30

what stop stop stop? Do

34:34

you really get it you're gonna piss me out here is yeah

34:36

Kenny style sales born to a single mother who was a

34:38

sex worker in Thailand So his mom was already in the

34:40

business inheriting the business if you will. Yeah, yeah Kenny's

34:43

doing they moved to the United Kingdom where she

34:45

married a British national and then this guy is

34:47

now a porn star Here in he's

34:50

from lump whom Thailand By

34:52

the way, you know, I don't know if you guys know this about Kenny

34:54

styles 2006 he won

34:56

he won best male newcomer Wow regarded

34:58

as the first heterosexual Asian male porn

35:01

star an American pornography the first I

35:04

Know and what's his name Kenny

35:06

style Kenny styles? Well, I would like to know him.

35:08

Well, let's see his penis Kenny

35:10

South penis. I'd like to see what he's packing. Okay.

35:14

Oh, it's a cute little penis That's

35:16

pretty good. He's working as hard as he can to get it. I Mean

35:20

that thing is working over sucking in he's

35:22

that's working cuz look at that way That's

35:24

the more realistic version right? Yeah, zoom in

35:26

on that. Yeah, not impressive. Do you're being

35:29

mean dude being truthful? Well, but why

35:31

is big I like my porn stars black Okay

35:36

Refuse that I really can't

35:38

yeah, you can't leave this surprise. Oh my god. I can't

35:40

believe You're

35:44

gonna put it in your mouth. Oh my god Anyway,

35:46

um, yeah, well, you know what? Let's learn how about

35:49

this? I'm reaching out right

35:51

now. Okay, I'm reaching out really

35:53

to Kenny Styles If you want to come on

35:55

if you want to come on bad friend USA

35:57

number one, we would love to have you on

35:59

bad friend Yeah, yeah first Heterosexual

36:01

Asian porn star in America. We'd love to have

36:03

Kenny Styles on the show. Yeah, so um, you

36:05

know, is there like me?

36:08

What about the first Asian NASCAR driver? Never

36:11

gonna happen Why there

36:13

was one actually? fire

36:15

reaction Yeah,

36:18

he went in reverse Put

36:21

his blinker on Oh Fukuyama, that's

36:23

right. He must've been great Japanese race car driving. He

36:25

attempted to complete now You know, he attempted to get

36:27

in an ass car. Yeah, it worked out. Okay Well,

36:30

it's interesting. What is another thing like, um Like

36:34

what would a black person guy not be

36:36

good at careful careful? I know I'm trying

36:38

to be very careful But

36:40

what I'm saying is is that in your mind you're

36:42

thinking you think not not be good No, no, it's

36:44

an orthodontics what I might meant to say right? Like

36:46

you would never think that a

36:48

black dude would be one of the best puppeteers

36:51

Alright, why not though? It was in my mind. It

36:53

wouldn't it just doesn't make any like she

36:56

drowning I Look

36:59

at her she's drowning she sound yeah, that's

37:01

is that a black swimmer. Yeah, they're like the

37:03

pioneers and black swim It's incredible. She needs something

37:06

to lean on the litter Wait,

37:09

can you look up? Here we go Charleston?

37:13

You know our boy Charleston. What's his name? The

37:15

the guy that we like listen, what's his name?

37:17

A cone, but it's like the Jamaican Bob sled

37:19

team Look at this Bob. Okay,

37:22

here we go. Man hurt to help black people. Oh I

37:30

Kind of shit is that Apartment

37:34

swimming pool The

37:36

motherfucker mostly ain't open during the neighborhood.

37:38

There's no way the apartment ain't

37:40

never open five days after week No,

37:43

no, no, no. Oh Yeah,

37:46

they they damn their help was home

37:48

because it wasn't apartment swim swimming

37:50

pool They

37:52

get in the water during summertime Yeah,

37:58

momma's ain't taking them to hurricane I ain't hoeing

38:00

and playing in the city now. That's swimming

38:02

pool. That's summer swimming pool.

38:05

Take your ass down. Yeah, yeah. In

38:08

the summer swimming pool, a lot of

38:10

times that's where you get your first

38:12

little piece of pussy at, boy, in

38:14

the party complex. Bro, I fucking love

38:16

that guy. What

38:18

does it say when I see him? Charlton White.

38:21

Okay. He's fucking hysterical. All

38:23

right. In swimming pools, he's arguing

38:25

that they're not open five days a week in

38:28

the black apartment complexes. Like, they shut

38:30

down for most of the week. That's

38:32

insane. That's insane. Mando. You

38:35

know what sometimes I'm hanging out with people, dude? Like me? Not

38:38

you, because you always smell good to me. Thank you. But

38:41

sometimes I'm with somebody. Go ahead and name him. Um,

38:44

John Hakeskins. John Hakeskins? Yeah.

38:47

That guy stinks. He puts deodorant in his

38:50

pits, but whenever

38:52

I'm with John, I'm like, why are you doing all of

38:54

your body? You should have it all over your body. But

38:56

you have it. We do? Yeah. You

38:59

should have it, dude. Stop the shower and hope. Save

39:01

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39:03

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39:05

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that code badfriends. You know, by

40:12

the way, in your pool in

40:14

your backyard, I learned this, you

40:16

know what's illegal to not have

40:18

it fenced in? If

40:20

a kid crawls into your backyard like a kid in

40:22

the neighborhood, he falls in the pool in California, they

40:24

can sue you. Well, mine's fenced

40:26

in. No, you're not. There's a

40:29

fence around your property. There's not a fence around your pool, like

40:31

that. Any property in California must have a property fence

40:33

that is at least five feet tall. Do you have a pool? Yeah. Do

40:35

you have a fence around it? No. Well, we

40:37

both focked in. Yeah. Dude, somebody brought this up

40:39

to me. The real estate agent was like,

40:42

there's no fence, right? I was like, no. My house

40:45

was built in 1940. Oh

40:47

my God. Imagine. What would you do? Well,

40:49

I'd move. No, I

40:51

don't want a dead kid going. Imagine going into

40:53

your backyard and you see, you know what I

40:56

mean? A kid floating. What

40:58

do you mean? It's gnarly. That's awful.

41:00

So what do you do? You're just

41:02

like, you know what I would do? Get back on the

41:04

road and do stand up? No, no, no. I would pick up the

41:06

kid. Oh my God. I'm not going to touch him. No,

41:09

watch what I do. And put

41:11

him in the other swimming pool next neighbor. Oh, smart.

41:13

Yeah. It's somebody else's fault. You go put in the

41:15

neighbor's swimming pool. Right. Transport him. You transport it. Right.

41:18

And that was it. So now you're broken

41:20

multiple laws. What law did

41:22

that break? What? What? The

41:24

swimming pool law. Yeah. But tampering with. You

41:27

can't move a body. I don't think so.

41:29

No. Why is that illegal? I don't know,

41:31

man, but it definitely is. If I didn't

41:33

kill it and if I didn't kill somebody.

41:35

Hold on. In some states, you can transport

41:37

a human body by ground yourself without the

41:39

services of a funeral director. So you

41:42

could be like, I was just transporting. Yeah. What

41:44

states are that? That definitely not here. You know,

41:46

that's got to be your

41:49

neighbor. And the other neighbor. If your

41:51

neighbor saw, would he snitch? Your neighbor looks

41:53

over. He's in the bathroom and he's brushing his teeth. He

41:55

looks down. Barbara? He sees a

41:57

kid in the pool. Oh, yeah, he would. He

41:59

would snitch. Of course. But then you- And the

42:01

other guy though, that my other neighbor is a writer

42:03

on Babylon 5. Is

42:06

that still on the air? No. No. It was like an

42:08

old sci-fi show. Yeah, it was like 30 years ago. Right,

42:10

right. So he's an old writer, right? So I got a

42:13

comedy producer on one side. And a Babyloner. And

42:15

a Babylon writer. Wow. I would put

42:17

in the Babylon writer. Right. They

42:19

both have pools. You have to put in his

42:21

pool. I just know the best way to go

42:23

to his background. Well, the writer might figure out

42:25

a good story to tell at some point. He

42:27

might write- That could be a book. Yeah. A

42:29

body is found in my pool. It's probably his

42:31

also. The kid would probably come from heaven. Jesus

42:34

Christ. This got sad. What? Did

42:36

he have little kids? No, the grandkids. That's

42:38

not that big of a deal. Okay, yeah,

42:40

yeah. That's fine. I mean, that's pretty hard

42:42

for him. No, no. Grandkids are fine. Yeah.

42:44

Well, what else? What else could you do?

42:47

Or could you- Drain the pool, first of all. I mean,

42:49

you know, you gotta drain it. Why? I don't

42:51

go in there. That's true. You don't. Yeah, yeah. It's

42:54

all for show. Like, I- girls, I have a pool.

42:56

You've never been in your pool. Never been in there.

42:59

Isn't that amazing? Yeah. You've never once been in your pool. No,

43:01

never. Do you have a hot tub? No.

43:03

Okay. It's like a salt pool or

43:05

something. Yeah, salt water pool. Yeah. But you've never

43:07

gone in? Yeah. Do, do, is that- Do, do,

43:09

do, do. Do, do, do, do. Yeah, go ahead.

43:12

Do Asian people. I'm a great

43:14

swimmer. No, no, no. I'm saying, but like

43:16

culturally- We swim. So if you went to

43:18

a pool party- I go in the pool. You

43:21

don't go in your own pool. You'll go to- By myself? Just

43:24

waiting by myself in the- I don't know. I'm not

43:26

gonna do that. It's so relaxing. I

43:29

do it. Okay. Maybe I will. Well, wait. I'm

43:31

asking you. An Asian guy, Gene Hong, throws a

43:33

fucking house party. It's mostly Asians. Are

43:36

you getting in the pool? If he's like, it's a pool party. If

43:39

there's a pool party, I've been always known

43:41

to do gags in the pool. You're a gag

43:44

in the pool, guys. And have fun in the

43:46

pool. But my point being is if I'm alone

43:48

in my house, I'm not gonna go in the

43:50

pool by myself. Do you ever take a bath?

43:53

Yes, I'm not in the pool. It's kind

43:55

of the same shit. Instead of- in terms

43:57

of like solo relaxation and water, what's the difference?

44:01

or I'll do it this summer I want you to do I'll

44:03

do the summer anyway what do we even talk all the dead

44:05

kid in the pool dead kid yeah I would just call the

44:07

cops yeah call them yeah and then what do I go to

44:09

prison you might yeah because I don't

44:11

have a fence around my fucking pool no because

44:13

they could tell that you tried to move the

44:15

body no I wouldn't move it they could tell

44:17

there's like so much water on the side of the pool where you

44:19

drag drug them out and then tried to flip

44:22

yeah then they're like did you try to remove the body

44:24

what would you do hit

44:30

the pool cover oh you have a pool cover you

44:32

just press a button Wow I gotta get

44:39

one of those no I don't have yeah

44:41

you would have to call yeah you calling yeah by

44:43

the time it reminds me my dad's one of my

44:45

dad's best friend they have a beautiful big pond in

44:47

their backyard back home in Chicago they go in that

44:50

they go in the pond in the pool no no

44:52

they have a pond but they have koi fish in

44:54

there koi fish you know they

44:56

do suspense they suspend themselves in the winter

44:58

in the frozen water they can

45:01

they they animate what is it called well

45:04

don't look it up don't look it up don't look it up I want to guess what it

45:06

is go explain yourself the

45:08

koi can live in frozen pond water

45:11

they freeze they freeze and then they

45:13

saw out during the summer yeah hundred percent cuz frogs do

45:15

that yeah but these koi do it and I was like

45:18

wait aren't you didn't you have to take out the

45:20

koi he's like we we had to net the koi

45:22

pond because coyotes would come and eat the koi when

45:24

they're frozen in the middle of the night no no no

45:27

just regular but he was like we take it off in

45:29

the winter cuz they're frozen underneath the ice and you can

45:31

see their dig marks still the coyotes never trying to get

45:33

to him oh wow but it's so thick and they

45:36

can't get to it wow the koi fish are

45:38

there frozen under the water nothing what do they

45:40

dream about what do you think they dream about

45:42

for five months six months what

45:44

could you dream about no matter what they're dreaming about

45:46

it's pretty like it's always like it's

45:49

like they could be like dreaming about like

45:51

you know you know I'm at Disneyland right

45:53

but do they get to go to the

45:56

yeah but the whole time they're just cold

45:58

freezing yeah at Disneyland show show me what

46:00

koi fish frozen thing is I don't

46:02

know why I'm doing this look at my hands no

46:04

that's how they free yeah

46:06

no that's not frozen pie frozen give them a frozen

46:09

pot there that one was frozen that's frozen too did

46:12

that's crazy it's crazy to me look it up

46:14

look up the you looked at Walt Disney has

46:16

had a theory here he

46:19

knew what he was doing yeah go back to all the original

46:21

yeah that one's frozen just

46:23

chillin go back to all just so I see the text of it all

46:25

what did it say in the beginning now the

46:28

goldfish nor koi wait nor koi can freeze into a

46:30

block of ice to thaw in the spring that's a

46:32

lot that's not true so what it just they

46:34

stay in the water when it's cold the

46:37

fish are warmer and safer with ice oh

46:40

so well it's frozen but

46:42

underneath the water they just stay still I

46:46

guess so you just lied no

46:49

they're no you just lied I

46:51

didn't lie yeah you did you

46:53

said they they're frozen they look frozen but

46:55

they're not frozen well they're obviously night now

46:57

you know they didn't freeze thank you dude

46:59

I'm informed I'm gonna throw

47:02

up back so you fucking know that wasn't

47:04

a problem is dude liar you're

47:06

a liar the the koi's metabolism slows down to a

47:08

crawl they spend most of their time treading water at

47:10

the bottom of the pond yeah we all do that

47:12

no they look frozen when you see it you've never

47:14

seen me in the tundra do I do that too

47:16

I go right oh that cool it

47:19

I could be in any environment and you know I

47:21

mean and I would my will I can bring my

47:23

body down to barely alive you're doing

47:25

it right now point

47:28

point point

47:32

this I guess they don't freeze Wow but

47:34

they just stay in frozen water there are

47:37

frogs that do it Google

47:39

that are there let me see if I want to

47:41

see if I won this point it's

47:43

not a point it is you got yours wrong I'm

47:45

gonna say about me are there frogs that get completely

47:47

frozen and then they come back alive 65% of the

47:49

body's frozen solid so

47:52

no they don't completely freeze that's pretty

47:54

that's a lot that's more than

47:56

half yeah yeah that's a lot of frozen that

47:58

they're half yeah yeah more than Look at

48:00

him there. That's it. Yeah, look

48:02

at that guy probably bummed Yeah,

48:05

probably bummed. He's just like rib. Is he conscious?

48:07

Rib The

48:10

rib, rib, yeah Well,

48:12

like, you know like a bear's hibernation. They're not sleeping the whole

48:14

fucking time That was something I when you were a kid. Didn't

48:17

you think that they slept the whole fucking time? They told you

48:19

that they did They don't

48:21

sleep the whole time No, they

48:23

play jenga Yeah, oh, you know, yeah,

48:25

they're some of yeah some of them do well.

48:27

Yeah, black bears probably play dice. Yeah That's

48:30

a good one, that's a good one, dude Yeah,

48:33

yeah, yeah That's

48:38

funny. This front protein is usually where bears do not

48:40

do wake up however move around inside the den Yeah,

48:42

yeah, so what they'll do is they go in and

48:44

out of sleep, but then they quickly go

48:46

back to sleep So they're not sleeping the whole fucking time

48:50

I would you are like that What

48:52

you would love if career wise we could hibernate for

48:54

a little while If we

48:56

could sleep for like a month or two straight, but

48:59

do I have to um Gather before

49:02

you've been gathering my guy. No, but like squirrels

49:04

they gather right bears do too. They gather they

49:07

gather Well, what happens is it says go back

49:09

to that oracle it even said you wouldn't make

49:11

carlos gather for you Yeah, 100 percent eight to

49:13

twelve degrees. They're lower their body posture. That's

49:16

there is one. Oh, he's taking a shot No,

49:18

you did. Yeah, that was a lazy shot. I was

49:21

like you're lazy. You let carlos do your

49:23

gathering So that's another no move.

49:25

No, you're a bear. You know, it doesn't You

49:29

broke your contract Yes,

49:31

you did you wrote a fucking did he

49:33

not read a contract right? He just broke

49:35

it you did I don't know

49:41

You even said you were gonna make fun of me and you didn't you made fun

49:43

of him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah It's

49:45

difficult to do it right? Yeah. Yeah

49:47

because you're mean Okay

49:53

So, you know, I don't know maybe ronnie

49:55

cheng's available. We'll see what happens. I doubt

49:57

it. Anyway, um, so busy look at him

49:59

now Well that's... go

50:02

deeper in. He's too exposed.

50:05

Oh he didn't even know how to... Oh wow. No

50:07

see they don't need to be like... Oh they don't

50:09

even go into a cave. They can go underneath

50:11

a tree. As long as it's protected. Right. Yeah

50:13

there he is. That's his little spot. Whoa. Oh

50:17

wow. That's interesting. Where

50:19

do they go if there's no cave? That's what it says. Oh

50:22

that's how you know the difference? Shoulder hump? This

50:25

is good information. But

50:27

why can't... Let me ask you something. If I

50:29

made... There's business... I

50:32

don't know how I'm gonna get money for it but... If

50:34

I... Can you build

50:36

them a house? Build

50:40

a bear house? Yeah like a bear house? Do you

50:42

think they would get in instinctually? A sanctuary. A

50:45

bear sanctuary? Yeah yeah yeah. Let me get

50:47

more dome-y. But I don't know dude.

50:49

Cause they're cavernous creatures. Like they like caves not

50:51

houses. They like to be cold caves

50:53

underground or close to the earth. Like

50:56

my dog. By the way. I

50:58

bought my fucking dog a cool little doghouse thing. And

51:01

she never goes in it. It's a waste of time. Oh

51:03

dude. I was like why the fuck did I get you

51:05

that? I spent fifteen thousand dollars. I

51:07

know. What's the

51:09

matter? On the cat sanctuary. They've

51:13

never been out there. No it's insane. Sometimes

51:15

I'll go open up the door. C'mon. Nothing.

51:17

No they just go... No. No. They

51:20

even say it. Meow. Yeah. Meow. I

51:22

bought my cat. I already think I already said

51:24

this. An expensive bed. Yeah. And

51:27

I caught her once. Bojo sleeping in

51:29

the middle of a rolled yoga mat.

51:34

He was in there like this right next to

51:36

the expensive bed. I mean

51:38

being in the... Instead of a boa

51:40

constrictor is probably more comfortable than a

51:42

fucking rolled yoga mat. Cats

51:46

they don't... They don't care. And they

51:49

also don't care about healthy. Well.

51:52

What? What

51:54

do you mean? Well what? You mean a slammy

51:56

slammy? I wasn't slamming. Well their owners aren't healthy.

51:58

Why would they be healthy? hahaha

52:00

you well oh my god you know what

52:02

they don't care about healthy what they're healthy

52:05

living no I'll go and go I'll go

52:07

to the fucking pet food store and gum

52:09

hey guy what's the best

52:11

like the premium dry food yeah

52:16

I know yeah it's

52:18

not even origin it's like you know I mean there's

52:21

one that's in French writing and

52:23

the bag feels like not paper

52:25

but like there's a sheen on

52:27

it oh it's like a matte

52:29

finish right and the and the and

52:31

the and the and the font on

52:33

it is like old English but in France

52:36

you know I mean yeah what's it called

52:38

it's a book play for both but no

52:40

whatever yeah poor cats it says right book

52:42

yeah and I buy bags of this you

52:45

don't like it I go to Vaughn's

52:47

I get the cheapest fucking drive they love that well you

52:49

could buy him you know you buy him just can't tune

52:51

and throw in a cup they'll eat that shit they won't

52:53

my mom I can't even do that well you see they've

52:56

you've got them accustomed to like good shit either like it's

52:58

either like if I go to you know

53:00

like we're crock-potting chicken right now at my

53:02

house for my dog Wow we

53:06

crock but we do the big crock pot yeah

53:09

we feed her dog food that

53:11

has the nutrients and vitamins in it but

53:13

she fucking loves chicken so I

53:16

love the chicken so we'll do a big crock pot although

53:18

it could I all the last thing I want to say

53:20

too about my drugs I've been talking

53:22

about my interior designer so when they so when they

53:25

put up the paint

53:28

they painted or they put up wallpaper some

53:30

wallpaper some paint got it I

53:33

literally was like at

53:36

all you didn't pre-approve it I did

53:38

but once you see it live

53:40

you're like yeah it feels weird but

53:42

then once they put in the furniture

53:45

and the drapes it looks beautiful it's

53:47

just incredible I'm like I'll never felt

53:49

I like are you saying you're inviting

53:51

the boys over never I'll never never

53:53

you guys come over to my house you came over

53:55

today mccone yeah you

53:58

let him in or you know he just stays out the driveway

54:00

yeah yeah yeah I guess here's my suit did

54:03

you drop off his suit today it's here back

54:05

today so you're wearing a like

54:07

a a suit and tie I'm

54:09

gonna be picking up tomorrow 10 a.m. me too

54:12

you're wearing a suit and tie no just a

54:14

suit a t-shirt you know I'm

54:17

wearing a wife beater no

54:19

you're not you're not no you're not I am I'm wearing

54:21

a wife beater yeah and and board

54:23

shorts I'm spiking my hair

54:26

like ify arie that's so please do that

54:28

I'm gonna no really why not please do

54:30

it it's tv yeah yeah we gotta have

54:32

fun yeah you want a suit is so

54:34

funny or should I wear like

54:36

a Hawaiian shirt beneath it absolutely not wear it

54:38

where do you wear you're dressed up you're the

54:40

patriarch of the family are you

54:43

nervous not even a little bit I

54:45

am why because

54:47

if I can't be flavor flavor what can

54:49

I do well this episode will have come

54:51

out we're playing flavor Flaves family on family

54:53

feud we if I can't be flavor flavor

54:56

what else do I do in life ah

54:59

you crazy I know he's

55:01

gonna smoke us you think the flavor flavor family's gonna

55:03

smoke I don't know we got some good ones though

55:05

we do but I think flavor is better than we

55:07

think don't listen don't underestimate the flavor dude I know

55:09

I wanna I want to tell you something for real

55:11

to be if Chuck D showed up that'd

55:14

be he's like that'd be great how do you know

55:16

we don't know we don't know that would be fucking

55:18

amazing I just got fucking

55:20

if Chuck D just popped in oh

55:23

my god yeah boy how great would

55:25

that fucking be wow you know how bad McCone wants to

55:27

go but do you have you have to try you

55:30

don't try for the laughs I'm going I know I've been thinking

55:32

about it we're going for the laughs but you're

55:34

gonna try to be the right answer no and

55:36

then if you do if you had two

55:39

choices the right answer or the funny answer

55:41

which you're gonna do funny always oh man

55:43

we gotta no but I will say this

55:45

to you of course I'm gonna try my best okay why

55:48

are you picking up a gun I was just putting it down

55:50

well why did you have it up I

55:52

was holding it over here and then I just you've been

55:54

holding a gun the whole show yeah just

55:57

in case what the fuck's going on over here all right

56:00

I need to ask you this. Yeah, I want

56:02

to play fast money. Yes It has

56:04

to be me and you and it is if we

56:06

win. Yes, you pre-selected that. Yeah, it's you and me.

56:08

Okay Well, who

56:10

would it be? Anybody else on

56:12

no, no, you and me fast money. Yeah I'm

56:15

so nervous. I know I had to lie Are

56:21

you nervous you very I'm so nervous. I

56:23

know yeah because it's like fast money. I

56:26

could get all zeros me, too Okay,

56:28

but if we do get all zero together So

56:31

far I mean amazing should

56:33

we do should we go? During

56:35

fast money should we do it purposely?

56:37

Yes to get no points. Yeah That's

56:41

even a bigger challenge. No, but we're playing for charity.

56:43

So we want to win the money for the charity. I Didn't

56:46

be automatically doing that. I know they do. Yeah,

56:49

they gotta so if we get the challenge is

56:51

now to get all zeros That's

56:54

a good chance if that's money. Yeah, you

56:56

mean so it's like that could be actually

56:58

funnier than us actually trying Yeah, you

57:00

know if he's like name me a color on the Rubik's

57:02

Cube scubich That's

57:06

so good. Scubich. Yeah. Yeah. He's

57:08

like scubich. Yeah show me scubich.

57:11

Yeah, I think orange chicken

57:14

I would be orange chicken, but you'll get points for

57:16

the orange. Oh, yeah What

57:18

if our answers are all Asian stuff? Oh Fuck

57:22

that's good. If he's like when your spouse

57:24

comes home late at night. What's the first

57:26

thing you think of rickshaw? That's

57:32

a good one name and age when a man's

57:35

body starts to fall apart I saw Yeah

57:38

Really you think so? I thought yeah, you don't think

57:40

that'll be good I think it's so funny to

57:43

tank it is almost funnier than doing well.

57:45

Let me ask you something. All right When

57:48

you're driving around how long would you take

57:50

before you ask for help kimchi? But

57:54

they had confident Not

57:56

even skip a beat yeah, yeah, right you're

58:02

Maybe a color on the rainbow. Walk.

58:08

Okay. I think we should do it. No.

58:11

Come on. Well, we're going to commit to it on the day. How about this? Depending

58:14

the mood of the show. We'll make a shotgun

58:16

to sit. You know Steve's going to hate it. Here's

58:18

another thing. He's going to be so mad about it. My fear

58:20

is this. No. Not only

58:23

are we bad, but we're not funny as well.

58:25

That's impossible. No. Thank

58:27

you, Carlos. It could be complete because the thing

58:29

is when people are funny on that show, it's

58:31

not that they're funny people. Yeah, but it's just

58:34

they make a mistake that's like, you know, that

58:36

Steve can do like an awkward

58:38

stare or whatever or make

58:40

it weird. You know, if

58:43

we try to be funny, it could come

58:45

across as hammy. I know

58:47

what you're saying. So we can't try to be funny. I don't

58:49

know what to do though. I

58:52

think that if I go, I'll be really

58:54

excited. So, hey, Steve. You know what I

58:57

mean? See, but then it's going to come off as

58:59

hammy. No. Okay. Be

59:01

real. You, Steve. Oh man, we got a good

59:04

one for you today. Introducing the Leaf

59:06

family. First

59:08

up is Bobby. Bobby, introduce everybody here on

59:10

the lineup. What? Introduce

59:13

everybody here in your family. How

59:16

you doing, man? You good? I'm good,

59:18

man. I'm just so nervous. You still

59:20

do stand up? So we got here, Andrew Santino. I

59:23

love him. Yeah. His stand

59:25

up. You're going to go all down. His stand up

59:27

is so good. I love this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

59:29

But he'll ask Kalila. What else we got? Who's

59:32

that? My ex-girlfriend, Kalila. You brought your ex to

59:34

the show. And then Esther. I don't know her

59:36

that well. Who that little nugget?

59:38

Esther. That's an adult.

59:40

Yeah, yeah. And then Gene. So,

59:45

I think we're going to do great. Here's

59:49

the thing. The reason why I want you there

59:51

too is if the ship

59:53

goes down. We're going down together. We have

59:55

to go down together. If

59:57

it sinks, we sink as one. I

59:59

won't let you down. baby although if

1:00:02

the ship sinks and we're both on a door

1:00:06

what do you mean you know like the ship

1:00:08

sinks and I got a door to hold on to and then you're

1:00:10

swimming in the water and you're like I'm cold can

1:00:12

I can I get on the door

1:00:14

yeah oh like in I get it yeah

1:00:18

yeah why didn't she let him on the door there

1:00:23

was plenty of fucking room all

1:00:26

right why didn't she let him on the door look at

1:00:28

how much room is on the door if

1:00:31

I would but here's what I but he fucked up

1:00:33

how calm I know that looks and she's got a fucking

1:00:35

life preserver on but this is where he fucked up I

1:00:38

thought about it falling in love with her no what

1:00:40

he's in the water got it what

1:00:43

I would have done is looked her right in the eyes

1:00:45

and said hey Rose it's

1:00:48

much warmer in the water oh

1:00:50

she pops in I jump

1:00:52

on right and I

1:00:54

goes waiting away

1:00:57

right what do you think

1:00:59

that's good I start waiting right right smart good

1:01:01

shark you know and I start waiting away bye

1:01:03

Rose bye Rose what would you do there's

1:01:06

no way you would get your human you

1:01:08

just met the bitch your instinct on

1:01:11

the boat you know a Titanic passenger

1:01:13

list reveals that there

1:01:15

were eight travelers of Chinese descent aboard the Titanic

1:01:17

but only six of them survived Li Bing Chang

1:01:20

chip Chang chip

1:01:23

was on there Chang chip I'm such

1:01:25

a big fan of her work Chung

1:01:27

Fu Ling he I've had that at

1:01:29

the restaurant Fang Lang and I'll lamb

1:01:32

dude it's you know have you ever had

1:01:34

all lamb it's delicious I know

1:01:36

you know what makes me even angry after you read that

1:01:38

not a one

1:01:40

person of that in in that you saw them

1:01:42

in the movie well they all

1:01:45

six of them survived at

1:01:48

least in the background walking by with a plate

1:01:51

first of all they didn't even fucking do that no those

1:01:53

were passengers they were good actors what

1:01:55

the guy on the left definitely was almost died

1:01:57

look at his face Jesus he got shot I

1:01:59

don't know what have those ways. Dude

1:02:01

they looked. Now this

1:02:03

is a movie I

1:02:05

would love to see. The six Chinese

1:02:08

survivors from the Titanic. Yeah. Oh

1:02:11

well they probably did sneaky shit

1:02:13

though. Sneaky shit. What do they

1:02:15

do? They must

1:02:17

have done. What were they up to

1:02:19

on the boat you think these Chinese travelers? The

1:02:24

tragic tale of Masabi

1:02:27

Honsou, the Japanese Titanic survivor who was

1:02:29

ostracized for not going down with the

1:02:31

ship. Oh

1:02:33

from Japan? The culture. Wait

1:02:35

the culture goes you should have died with the

1:02:38

everybody else. Your honor survived and they were

1:02:40

mad about it? Like in Godzilla minus

1:02:43

one the theme right in the theme was like you

1:02:46

know he didn't go down with the bonsai so

1:02:48

when he came back to the you know I mean you know

1:02:50

the military you know

1:02:52

he was disgraced. How are you alive?

1:02:54

He's the only this dude was the

1:02:56

only Japanese traveler to board the ship

1:02:59

and he survived. That's incredible. This guy has

1:03:01

flowers why would he want him dead? He

1:03:04

was prepared to die when an officer said there was a space on

1:03:06

the lifeboat. I will take

1:03:08

my life. He's

1:03:10

the space on the boat. Right. I love him like his

1:03:12

eyes don't. That's really funny. I

1:03:21

think there's room for one more.

1:03:23

Yeah yeah. According to Metropolis Japan

1:03:26

he was shamed for an out of hearing to

1:03:28

the women and children first principal avoiding

1:03:30

honorable death. Honsou's object to

1:03:32

what the Japanese refer to

1:03:35

as Muruhachibu or social ostracism. So

1:03:37

they fucking ridiculed this guy for living for

1:03:39

the worst tragedy he could have lived through.

1:03:41

Oh my god. That's fuck man. He

1:03:44

lost his job despite being hired part time. The stigma followed

1:03:46

him for the rest of his life. Honsou lived in quiet

1:03:48

shame as a recluse and left the water. Why did I

1:03:50

lose my job? Well because you are alive.

1:03:56

Right. Even upon his passing mention the Titanic had been

1:03:58

forbidden in his home. That

1:04:00

is a part of Japanese culture that you're like, It's

1:04:02

bullshit, get rid of that. That's insane. It's bullshit. It's

1:04:04

bullshit. That poor bastard. It's a poor bastard. Women

1:04:08

and children were on, there was a spot. Also, could

1:04:10

I just say this? Back then,

1:04:12

racism was prevalent. It was at a

1:04:14

tall time high. Right, so imagine him

1:04:16

on the boat, and people are

1:04:19

scooting away. Right. They would do that. They don't want

1:04:21

to touch him. They don't want to touch that. No,

1:04:23

racism at its all time high. Yeah,

1:04:26

what a lonely boat ride. I

1:04:28

mean, how quiet. Nobody wants to

1:04:30

say anything. Yeah. Because he's there, they're afraid

1:04:32

he's like, you know. But what

1:04:35

if he said something, made everyone laugh? It's

1:04:37

dead quiet. Dead silent. And then he looks at

1:04:39

everyone and he goes, HADO.

1:04:45

And they all just start laughing. I

1:04:48

think I would have been really funny on that boat.

1:04:51

Don't you think? Oh, they made a move.

1:04:54

There's a North Korean on the Titanic? It's

1:04:56

the North Korean version. It's so

1:04:58

popular. Oh my God, that's so funny. It's

1:05:00

quiet. They took it a hundred times in

1:05:02

a row to perfect their story. Wow. They

1:05:05

what? Kim Jong Un made a herb.

1:05:07

Someone made them watch Titanic ten or

1:05:09

a hundred times so that they could

1:05:11

know the story so well. Wow. And

1:05:14

so we made it in North Korea. Is the graphics

1:05:16

as good? I don't think so. It looks the exact

1:05:18

same. It's Souls protest. Oh, we

1:05:20

got to get that movie. Can we buy that? There's

1:05:22

no way to find that movie. Hey, how about quiet

1:05:25

on the boat, the water splishing by.

1:05:29

Everyone's staring. He's

1:05:31

sitting there, Japanese guy. And then he goes,

1:05:35

More like a not so nice bug. Dude,

1:05:44

imagine him trying to do a bit. He's trying to do a

1:05:46

bit. He's trying to do a witty bit there.

1:05:51

That's so funny. And it dies. It dies. Yeah, it

1:05:53

dies. That would have died. It bombed so bad. Yeah,

1:05:55

yeah, yeah. But one kid in the back is

1:05:57

like, Yeah. The

1:06:00

whole movie's on YouTube for free. You better believe

1:06:02

it is. Yeah, well they want propaganda. Oh,

1:06:05

this looks exactly like the original. What

1:06:08

if the Japanese guy goes... What if the

1:06:10

Japanese guy goes off? Turn it off. He

1:06:12

goes... Just that quiet. It

1:06:14

doesn't matter, we're better here. Water-swishing vibes. Water-swishing

1:06:17

vibes. I

1:06:19

know it's really cold, but nobody

1:06:21

say, It's so nippy. You

1:06:28

go... That's good. Capitan said,

1:06:31

Iceberg not that big. I guess... He

1:06:34

was a Wong. Who

1:06:40

was driving that ship? A Chinese guy? Dude,

1:06:46

him doing bits on the boat. That's so funny.

1:06:48

I would fucking lose my shit. So funny. You're

1:06:50

such a fucking insane guy. It's insane. And the

1:06:52

poor guy... Ridiculed.

1:06:56

He probably killed himself. No, he didn't. He said

1:06:58

he died his natural death by himself in his

1:07:00

house alone. Jobless and alone. I

1:07:04

mean, come on. By the way, did you see this clip

1:07:06

of Trump going to Chick-fil-A? Have you seen this? No. It's

1:07:09

fucking hilarious. This

1:07:11

guy, he's a non-stop media fucking

1:07:14

frenzy, this guy. Donald Trump went

1:07:16

to Chick-fil-A yesterday, and

1:07:18

was talking with the workers, and

1:07:21

it was such an organic moment because you

1:07:24

had all these people... Yeah, super organic. I

1:07:26

mean, super organic. Were Trump

1:07:28

supporters as well? Minorities. What are the

1:07:30

chances? What's

1:07:33

good-looking? What's good-looking, people? That was

1:07:35

worth it. And I loved

1:07:37

that. I'm like, you're that. You're that.

1:07:40

I'm like, that's beautiful. Wow.

1:07:43

Dude, he's hilarious. It's all right, right? I'm

1:07:45

like, you know what I'm talking about? Why?

1:07:50

And also some chicken. I'm gonna take

1:07:52

care of the customers. This

1:07:55

is good. Making a

1:07:57

lot of money. Everyone's getting rich,

1:07:59

right? Yeah,

1:08:01

everyone's getting rich that works at fucking

1:08:03

Chick-fil-A, Donald Trump. He's so fucking detached.

1:08:05

That's hysterical. He does not know. We'll

1:08:08

take 30 milkshakes. I'm sure you're all billionaires.

1:08:12

When you get out of here, do you fly or drive? What

1:08:15

a fucking tune. He's an asshole.

1:08:18

Are you all Republicans? By

1:08:21

the way, this is a note to our fans. When you walk

1:08:23

into a Chick-fil-A, ask if they're Republicans. Don't order

1:08:25

yet. Hi, welcome

1:08:27

to McDonald's. I'm going to

1:08:29

take your order. Hi, are you a Republican?

1:08:32

So what I want to do

1:08:34

is I want to end this

1:08:36

podcast by asking Andreas, when are

1:08:38

you shooting your movie? When is

1:08:40

it available? So have you gone through

1:08:43

the casting process? I'm on it right now. Cool.

1:08:47

Good luck. Thank you. Let's

1:08:49

see this final clip to end the show. What is it? After

1:08:52

we finished filming, O.J. said to me that he

1:08:54

had a surprise for me, and I genuinely was

1:08:57

surprised. Just did you do it? No,

1:08:59

I didn't. I think it was his idea of

1:09:01

a joke. Nope. And

1:09:04

this is it. I did, did, did, did, did. Did

1:09:09

not do it. No, I didn't. She

1:09:12

shit her pants, huh? Dude,

1:09:15

I would be so sorry. Rest in peace,

1:09:17

O.J. You fucking asshole. What a fucking asshole.

1:09:20

Oh my God. Oh my God, dude. That's

1:09:22

insane. Thank you for being a bad friend.

1:09:26

Thank you.