0:01

The following podcast is a dear media

0:03

production. Welcome

0:10

back to Balance Black Girl Podcast.

0:12

My name is Les. I'm your

0:14

host. I appreciate you tapping in.

0:16

So all month long, we have

0:18

talked about different areas of life

0:20

that we can be successful in.

0:23

I started off the month talking

0:25

about my successful era and what

0:27

I'm really focusing on this year.

0:29

We talked to Brooke Devard about

0:31

navigating pivots in your career and

0:33

really leaning into creativity. We talked

0:35

about finding success in dating. We

0:37

talked about getting your money right.

0:40

So I'm here to wrap it all

0:42

up with a solo episode just giving

0:44

you a little bit of an update

0:46

on how my successful era is going

0:48

and then answering your questions related to

0:50

your successful eras and the different things

0:52

that you are working on. So

0:55

I don't know about you, but 2024 has gotten

0:57

off to kind of a weird, kind of slow

0:59

start. The very first week of the year, I

1:02

got super sick, had like the

1:04

flu or something, COVID, I

1:06

don't know what I had, but I was very, very

1:08

sick, didn't really do much. And I

1:10

had the best of intentions to hit the ground

1:12

running at the beginning of the year, like January

1:15

2nd, which I think was the first real workday

1:17

of the year. It was like I woke up

1:19

early, I went to the gym, I

1:21

was super productive, I was checking things off my

1:23

to-do list. And then by mid-day, January 2nd, I

1:26

started feeling a tickle in my throat. And by

1:28

the end of the day, it was over, it

1:30

was a wrap. And I was down, down

1:33

for the count for like a week after that. But

1:36

the good thing that came out of that was it

1:38

did give me a little bit more time to rest

1:40

and be more intentional than I think I would have

1:42

been if I would have just hit the ground running,

1:45

doing all of the things that I intended to

1:47

do. So I got to think a little bit

1:49

more about the ways that I'm spending my time.

1:51

I got to settle into my space a little

1:53

bit more. If you were following me last year,

1:55

then you may know that I was

1:57

traveling a ton and that I finally just got

1:59

my own. place and

2:02

I'm getting settled and I finally have like

2:04

a place to live and my own stuff

2:06

after so long of being in transition. So,

2:08

it did give me some time to really

2:11

settle in that and to not just immediately

2:13

start the year off by working myself into

2:16

the ground. And so, it gave me a

2:18

lot of time to be silent, to be

2:21

still, to rest, to reflect. It actually really

2:23

helped my sleep routine. My

2:25

sleep has been on point lately and

2:27

I think it's just because I've needed

2:29

extra rest after getting over being sick

2:31

and so I've just been really listening

2:34

to my body, focusing on my night

2:36

routine, sleeping a lot, paying a lot

2:38

of attention to my different wellness stats

2:40

in that area. And it's

2:42

just been, it's been really helpful and it was a

2:44

slower start to the year. It was not how I

2:46

intended to start the year but I

2:48

do think it was what I needed.

2:51

And so, now as I continue navigating

2:53

my successful era, it's a lot less

2:55

about the things that I'm doing

2:57

and continuing to really focus on

2:59

how I show up and continuing

3:01

to pour into myself in

3:04

ways that help me show up effectively. And

3:06

I almost fell into the trap of doing

3:08

all of the things and my body knew

3:10

right when to slow me down so that

3:12

I could be a little bit more intentional

3:14

and focus more on my habits and my

3:17

rest and just where I'm directing my attention.

3:19

And I've talked to a lot of people

3:21

who have felt the same way. It was

3:23

like all of us kind of started the

3:25

year off maybe down horrendous that first

3:27

week. January got off to a

3:30

slow start and we're slowly getting into the groove of

3:32

things. And I think that that's okay. I think it's

3:34

okay to get off to a little bit of a

3:36

slower start. This episode is coming out at the very

3:38

end of January. And even if you don't feel like

3:40

you've had that new year, new you feeling

3:42

yet, it's okay. You still have a whole

3:45

year ahead of you. You have so much time. You

3:47

have so much space. Also as

3:49

we get closer to spring. Spring is really

3:52

the season of new beginnings. And so if

3:54

that time is more energizing to you to

3:56

really focus on whether it's your goals, your

3:58

intentions, those characteristics you want to make. to

4:00

embody like we talked about on the podcast

4:03

earlier this month is absolutely okay to do

4:05

that in February, March, April, anytime.

4:07

It's never a bad time to focus on

4:09

yourself. It's never a bad time to take

4:11

care of yourself. And so that has really

4:13

been my big learning in this

4:16

current season of

4:19

my part of the successful

4:21

era. And I'm really

4:23

excited to get into some of your questions today.

4:25

Y'all sent in some really, really good ones. But

4:28

before we did, I thought it would be fun

4:30

to run down my weekly report. It's something that

4:32

I've done on Tik Tok. It's been a Tik

4:34

Tok trend for a little while. I've put it

4:37

in my newsletter. So that's why I talk about

4:39

what I'm reading, what I'm eating, something that I'm

4:41

playing with, something that I'm obsessed with, something that

4:43

I'm recommending and something that I'm treating myself to.

4:46

So this week, what I've been reading

4:49

two books, if you follow me on

4:51

Tik Tok or Instagram, you know that

4:53

my reading routine is the self help

4:55

girly in the morning and then the fun little

4:57

novel at night that is what I like. So

4:59

I read my productivity, my self help, my

5:02

educational books in

5:04

the morning during my morning routine. And then

5:07

at night I read my romance novels and

5:09

I get into a juicy little story. It's

5:11

like my substitute for watching TV because watching

5:13

TV doesn't hold my attention very well,

5:15

but books hold my attention very well.

5:17

So I'm currently reading the 5am Club

5:19

for my self help girly

5:22

book, which that book

5:24

is very different than how I thought it was

5:26

going to be. The way that the book is

5:28

written and it's more of a story,

5:30

I thought that it was just going to be a

5:32

straight up self help book and it's got

5:35

some interesting characters. It's just written very different

5:37

than how I thought it would be. But

5:39

that's my morning read. And then my evening

5:41

read that I've been reading and I

5:43

have to say Lucky Girl Syndrome because

5:46

I got an advanced copy of This Could

5:48

Be Us by Kennedy Ryan. If

5:50

you're not familiar with Kennedy Ryan's writing, you

5:53

should be because she is the author of

5:55

Before I Let Go, which was a really, really

5:57

popular novel that I know I've raved about. So

6:00

much of the Book Talk Girlies have raved about it's

6:02

a great book. So this could be us

6:04

is the next book in that series actually comes out

6:06

in March. So I won't go too much into

6:09

it. We'll talk about it when we

6:11

get a little closer to the release of that book

6:13

but I got an advanced copy and it's so good.

6:15

It is such a good read and a great

6:17

continuation of the story. Okay

6:19

what I'm eating. So my budget is

6:22

it's tight. I'm going to be

6:25

honest. My budget is tight these days. I'm

6:27

having to be really really mindful of my money

6:29

because I've just had some personal changes going on

6:31

that have required me to be really mindful of

6:33

my budget. So I got food at home. I

6:35

have been in the kitchen at home

6:38

meal prepping on Sundays and eating that same food

6:40

for the rest of the week. So because it's

6:42

winter it's cold. I've been very into my soup

6:44

making a big batch of soup at the beginning

6:47

of the week eating it for the rest of the

6:49

week and it's really helped me stay on

6:51

budget with my food because soups are usually

6:53

pretty cost effective. I got a couple of

6:55

cookbooks and so I've just been making like

6:58

my big batches of soup from my cookbooks

7:00

and it's not glamorous.

7:02

It's not flashy. It's not super

7:04

photogenic for Instagram but listen

7:06

I got

7:08

to do what I got to do to save my coins. So

7:11

that's what I've been eating. Something that I've been playing

7:13

with. I've actually been playing with my hair. You may

7:15

not be able to tell if you're watching this on

7:17

video because it looks exactly like how it's always looked

7:21

but earlier this week I actually did

7:23

a little heatless curl situation. So

7:25

when it was washed day instead of just blow

7:27

drying and flat ironing my hair like I usually

7:30

do I blew it out and then I used

7:32

my leggings to do a heatless curl situation. It

7:34

actually turned out really cute. It had some good

7:36

movement. It had some body. It didn't really hold

7:39

up long term. Basically I went

7:41

outside and the elements said girl

7:43

please do something so I didn't end up flat

7:46

ironing it but it was kind of a cute

7:48

little look because I do want

7:50

to wean off of using as much heat. I would love

7:52

to get back to having my natural hair this summer. We'll

7:55

see how that goes. I need a pretty

7:57

generous haircut but I've been playing with ways

7:59

to use. a little bit less heat on

8:01

my hair and go longer in between each

8:03

flat iron session so that I can

8:05

hopefully get my hair back healthy. We'll

8:07

see how that goes. Now

8:10

something else that I have been obsessed

8:12

with is my night

8:14

routine and I have

8:17

gotten very very specific about my night routine

8:19

and the ways that I get ready for

8:21

bed and I've actually been putting a lot

8:23

more work and emphasis into my night routine

8:25

than I have in my morning routine. Like

8:27

I said, when I got sick I was just sleeping

8:29

a lot and I was resting a lot and even

8:31

though I didn't physically feel great, it did

8:34

really show me how important it was

8:36

to be more rested and so

8:38

I'm focusing a lot more on improving my

8:40

sleep. For Christmas, I did get a

8:42

hatch alarm clock and so that has been really

8:44

helpful for helping me craft a night routine because

8:46

it has an alarm that goes off in the

8:48

evening that reminds me when it's time to get

8:50

ready for bed, when it's time to lay down

8:52

and read and then when it's time to go

8:54

fully lights off, book down,

8:57

phone down and that has

8:59

been so helpful in helping me have

9:01

a good night routine. So I've been

9:03

getting ready for bed so early. I've

9:05

been going to bed really early and

9:07

it's been kind of nice because it's

9:09

winter, it's dark, it's cold early and

9:12

I've just been feeling a lot more

9:14

rested so I'm definitely obsessing over

9:16

my night routine and what I'm recommending

9:18

is that you create a routine that

9:20

works well for you. Even

9:23

though I have maybe some fancy

9:25

wellness things like a hatch alarm clock or

9:27

I have my aura ring to track my sleep,

9:29

those things aren't necessary. What is necessary

9:31

is getting the rest that you need

9:33

and the other thing that I really,

9:35

really love and that I do recommend

9:38

because it's very inexpensive and has actually

9:40

changed my life is I like using a

9:42

little salt lamp night light in my bathroom.

9:44

So when I'm getting ready for bed at

9:46

night, I'm taking my shower, I'm doing my

9:48

skincare, I don't have the harsh bathroom light

9:51

on because it's just bright and it's doing

9:53

way too much. I will instead light

9:55

a candle, I'll turn on some music and then I'll

9:57

use my little salt lamp night light that has this

9:59

really beautiful. beautiful glow while I'm showering,

10:01

while I'm doing my skincare and it's

10:03

way more relaxing and that has also

10:06

been helping my night routine. So definitely

10:08

my recommendation is getting a

10:10

salt lamp nightlight, putting it in your

10:12

bathroom because it's just, it's

10:14

delicious. It's super luxurious and it just

10:17

makes all the difference. And

10:19

you know, I will say I have

10:22

not been treating myself to

10:24

anything this

10:26

week. I've just, like I said, I've

10:28

been very mindful of my budget. So I've been in

10:30

the house, I have been eating at home,

10:32

I've been shopping in my closet. I

10:35

haven't really been craving like sugar or sweets or

10:37

anything like that. So I don't really have anything

10:39

like that on hand. I've

10:41

just been kind of following

10:44

my routines and I have some weeks where I'm

10:46

super on, some weeks where I'm less on and

10:48

lately it just felt good to be on. And

10:51

I know I actually do have a question submitted

10:53

from someone about that, about when to be on

10:55

versus not. But I haven't really been treating myself

10:57

to anything this week. I've been really trying to

10:59

save money and just keep

11:01

it, keep it in the house this week.

11:04

Who knows? I could be treating myself to

11:06

something by next week because my

11:08

feelings change every time I blink. But for now,

11:10

I haven't been treating

11:12

myself too much. If

11:17

you listen to this show, you know that

11:19

I'm a huge advocate for financial wellness and

11:21

a big part of that is understanding what's

11:23

going on with your finances. At the beginning

11:27

of the year, I switched to using Rocket

11:29

Money to help me manage my budget and

11:31

it has saved me a ton and I'm

11:33

just feeling so much better about my money.

11:35

For so long, I felt like money was

11:37

flying out of my account and I wanted

11:40

to have a better idea of where it

11:42

was going. I realized I actually had so

11:44

many subscriptions for random things. Streaming services that

11:46

I wasn't watching, apps that I wasn't

11:48

using, delivery services that just weren't worth

11:50

it. The list goes on and on.

11:52

So I used Rocket Money to help

11:55

me find out what subscriptions I'm actually

11:57

spending money on, which was a very

11:59

eye opening. and I actually had

12:01

them cancel the ones I didn't want

12:03

anymore, which was so much easier than

12:06

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12:08

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12:10

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12:20

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15:04

lot of you have been really into the

15:06

idea of the successful era ever since I

15:08

introduced the concept last fall and so I

15:10

thought that it would be really fun for

15:13

this round of our Q&A where y'all submit

15:15

questions to have them be related to your

15:17

successful eras. So things that you need help

15:19

with when it comes to routines or the

15:21

different ways that you are leveling up. We

15:24

got some really fantastic questions so I am

15:26

excited to dive into them. Okay

15:31

so the first question says I've been

15:34

doing a lot of self-work and healing

15:36

which has led to so much growth

15:38

that I'm extremely grateful for personally but

15:40

I'm finding myself in a place of

15:42

dissatisfaction with the people places and things

15:44

that are aligned to the old me

15:46

so to speak. Would love your

15:49

thoughts on getting through the misalignment phase

15:51

of evolving? I think

15:53

this is a really great question and I think that

15:55

it's really natural when you start changing

15:58

your perspective when you start changing your perspective.

16:00

changing your habits, you just

16:02

start to see things differently. Maybe you

16:04

see people differently, maybe you see things

16:06

that you used to do

16:09

differently and things that used to be important

16:11

to you may not feel as important to

16:13

you. And I think that

16:15

it's okay to honor that and to

16:17

be honest about that because we're changing

16:19

all the time. Even when we're not

16:21

in seasons of our successful eras or

16:24

leveling up, we're still constantly changing all

16:26

of the time. And so I think

16:28

it's okay to be honest about when

16:30

some things are no longer aligned or calling

16:32

to you. Where I think

16:34

it is a slippery slope is when we

16:36

begin thinking that we are better than those

16:39

things that we are no longer aligned to.

16:41

And there is a very big difference between

16:43

something just not connecting and feeling like we

16:45

are above it. And so

16:47

I think that you want to be

16:49

really mindful of, yes, you are on

16:52

this evolution, you are on this path,

16:54

you are focusing on different things. Different

16:56

things are calling to you. It

16:58

is not better. Those old things are not

17:01

worse. That's just where you're at right now.

17:04

And if it means that you change up your environment

17:06

a little bit, maybe not pick up and move. I

17:08

know not everybody likes to pick up and move as

17:10

often as I do. But whether that

17:12

is changing the route that you take each

17:15

day or maybe changing a little something in

17:17

your home to kind of upgrade your environment

17:19

to feel more aligned to you or going

17:21

to different types of events to try to

17:24

also connect with like-minded people, I really

17:26

recommend that you focus on adding things to

17:28

your life that feel in alignment with you

17:30

instead of feeling like you need to cut

17:32

out those things that maybe no

17:35

longer align with you. So focus more

17:37

on adding as opposed to taking away.

17:41

Because I think that that's going to be just a

17:44

more human down to earth way

17:46

to honor your own evolution

17:48

as opposed to feeling like,

17:51

well, I just don't do this anymore. I just don't

17:53

talk to these people anymore. I don't do that. Sometimes

17:56

that can be warranted, but also sometimes

17:59

it's... It's okay to

18:02

honor your new self and to

18:04

honor your old self without feeling

18:06

like your old self,

18:08

your old priorities, the things that you

18:11

used to care about are bad or are

18:13

less than because they're not. They're just different

18:15

and you're in a different space. So I

18:18

would say continue holding space for where you're at right

18:20

now. Look for ways to add things

18:22

to your life that feel aligned with where you are

18:24

now. Honor what is no

18:26

longer aligned and let it be. Again, it's

18:29

neutral. It's not worse. That

18:31

old stuff, your new stuff isn't better and

18:33

it's okay to hold space for all

18:35

of it and begin to prioritize what

18:37

feels more important to you. Okay,

18:41

next question. And this is going to be

18:43

kind of, these two questions are

18:45

really similar, so I'm glad that I'm kind

18:47

of answering them back to back. So

18:50

this person says, I love your show. Your

18:52

podcast has helped me navigate this crazy thing

18:54

called life. Thank you so much for that.

18:56

I'm so glad it's been helpful. She

18:59

says, I'm in a transitional period where I

19:01

feel like my mind, body, and soul are

19:03

changing for the better. In

19:05

this journey of mine, I'm starting to see that some

19:07

of my friends are on board with the changes I

19:09

am making and some are not. I'm

19:12

seeing how some friends are a little more distant

19:14

than usual and not interested in hearing about the

19:16

changes I am making. How do I deal with

19:18

these people? Am I outgrowing them? Also,

19:21

I'm starting to make connections and get

19:23

into my dream career in filmmaking, acting,

19:26

and media. I'm at the point in my life

19:28

where I want to be happy and work on

19:30

my craft. I am still working my

19:32

nine to five government job and do you have any

19:34

tips on how to juggle the chew and

19:36

how to maintain sane or how

19:38

to remain sane while doing so?

19:42

Absolutely. Okay, there is a couple of different questions here. So

19:44

I'm going to refer back to them just so that I

19:46

make sure that we cover these different things

19:49

because your first part, similar

19:51

to the first question, was talking about how

19:53

you are really prioritizing yourself. You're making these

19:55

changes in your life and you have some

19:57

friends who are just not vibing with it.

20:00

And the first thing that I have to say to

20:02

that is that is okay. All

20:04

of these things that you're doing or all of

20:06

these different journeys that we're on, we're

20:09

on our own journeys. And sometimes our journeys

20:12

are going to align with our friends and

20:14

sometimes they're not. And if you have a

20:16

season where you're focusing on things that your

20:18

friends are just not interested in right now,

20:20

that is okay. If

20:23

you're familiar with Mel Robbins, great,

20:25

great speaker, creator, she has something called

20:27

the let them theory. And the let

20:29

them theory is basically just like you

20:31

got to let people do whatever it

20:33

is that they're going to do. So

20:35

if they're uninterested in the changes that

20:37

you're making in your life, or if

20:39

they want to create some distance because

20:41

maybe they feel like they can't relate

20:43

to the things that you're doing, you just

20:45

have to let them and vice versa, they

20:47

need to let you step into this season

20:50

that you're in with these things that you're

20:52

prioritizing. So everybody is letting one another do

20:54

their thing. And it doesn't mean that you

20:56

necessarily have to cut these people off, or

20:58

that you can no longer care for them

21:00

or no longer be friends with them. But

21:03

it does mean that maybe your friendship is

21:05

going to evolve a little bit. And I

21:07

think that's something that's really natural as you

21:09

get older, our lives, our careers, where we

21:11

live, our family dynamics, they all change and

21:14

shift. And so the different ways that we

21:16

relate to one another change and shift. And

21:18

so I think if people are distant or

21:20

creating distance, let them if

21:22

there's still a connection point or something

21:24

that you can still bond over, it's

21:27

okay to maintain that. And it's okay

21:29

if your connection looks different as you

21:31

evolve. So

21:33

I would say instead of making it this thing

21:35

where, well, my friends don't want to evolve with

21:38

me and I've outgrown them, let them be who

21:40

they are, let them be where they're at, and

21:42

you be who you are and you be where

21:44

you're at. And you continue being on your path

21:46

and doing your thing. You will

21:48

also continue to make friends who are going to

21:50

be aligned with where you're at or maybe a

21:52

year or two from now, those friends who weren't

21:54

feeling what you were doing, maybe their path will

21:56

take them on a similar journey and they'll be

21:59

able to relate you'll be able to reconnect

22:01

but it's going to be really hard to do

22:03

that if we burn bridges now.

22:06

So, let them be where they're at. Maybe

22:08

they feel a way about the things that you're doing

22:10

and that's okay because sometimes when our friends change, it

22:13

can be a little bit jarring whether the changes are

22:15

good or bad if you think about it from their

22:17

perspective, it's like okay, well this is the person that

22:19

I was friends with and she's not really like this

22:21

anymore and it may not even necessarily be that they

22:23

want to hold you back or don't want you to

22:26

change but it could just be okay, maybe

22:28

what you had in common is something that you

22:30

don't have in common anymore, maybe what they connected

22:33

with you over, that connection point isn't there and

22:35

sometimes it takes a little bit of time to

22:37

recalibrate but I would let everybody do what

22:39

they're doing, be where they're at, don't

22:42

burn a bridge. Again, similar

22:44

to that first question, it doesn't make you

22:46

better because you're doing these different things, it

22:48

doesn't make them worse because they're doing different

22:50

things. Everybody can be cool

22:53

doing what they're at and if there is a

22:55

point where you're able to reconnect or to strengthen

22:57

that bond later, great and if you drift apart,

23:00

sometimes it's okay to drift apart too

23:02

and you can still have a lot

23:04

of love and respect for friends even

23:06

after you drift apart if life takes

23:08

you in different directions or if you have

23:10

different priorities. If

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27:07

next part of your question you're talking about

27:09

your making connections getting into your dream career

27:11

in filmmaking you are also still balancing

27:13

this with a nine-to-five government job tips

27:16

on how to juggle the two and

27:18

how to remain sane while doing so. So

27:20

the remaining sane great question I

27:22

spent many

27:26

many years over a decade

27:28

having full-time corporate jobs while

27:30

either working in wellness creating

27:32

content and kind of managing

27:34

doing all of those things. Was

27:37

I sane? I mean debatable people

27:39

close to me who knew how cranky I

27:41

was and how much I struggled may

27:44

not think so but I think you just have to

27:46

do the best that you can with what you have.

27:49

What I'm about to say is not

27:52

career advice for everybody. I am

27:54

not the career corporate girly who's gonna

27:57

give you the keys for climbing the corporate

27:59

ladder so. With the context

28:01

it sounds like you need to

28:03

maintain your government job while you're

28:05

building this career on the

28:07

side related to filmmaking. What

28:10

I would do again, if you

28:13

get in trouble at work, it's not, don't

28:15

come to me. I would do enough

28:17

in your day job to keep it going. Do enough to

28:20

get the marks that you need to get, to

28:22

meet your expectations, to keep your manager

28:24

happy and I would not do any

28:27

more than that. Do enough to keep it going,

28:29

to keep your paycheck coming and to stay out

28:31

of trouble. Not

28:34

necessarily go above and beyond. That

28:36

extra energy that you have from not going

28:38

above and beyond is what you can apply

28:41

to that creative career that you really want

28:43

and I would get really strategic about your

28:45

time. Something that I wish I

28:47

would have done better early in my side

28:49

hustle journey has been a little bit more

28:51

focused with my side hustle. So

28:53

I would be working at gyms and I would

28:55

be blogging and I would be creating social media

28:57

content and I would be podcasting and I would have

29:00

personal training clients and I would have corporate job and

29:02

I'd have social media clients and I was doing way

29:04

too much and I wish that I would have spent

29:06

more time really focusing on the areas of my side

29:09

hustle that were truly going to move the needle and

29:11

help me get to where I wanted to be in

29:13

that part of the career. And I think if I

29:15

would have been a little bit more focused on that

29:17

instead of trying to do all of the things, I

29:20

probably would have been a little bit less burnt out.

29:22

I would have been a lot less burnt out and

29:25

I would have gotten where I wanted to be

29:27

sooner. So I think for you, it sounds

29:30

like if you're in the area of

29:32

media, filmmaking, acting, I

29:35

would focus on one project

29:37

at a time that you think is truly

29:39

going to be a needle mover for you.

29:42

So I wouldn't try to create five films

29:44

at once on the side. I would focus

29:46

on one film being very strategic with your

29:48

time, seeing that project all the way

29:51

through so that you can still have some flexibility

29:54

in your life to still have room for your

29:56

job and also your wellness and your life. But

29:58

it is hard. that the side

30:00

hustle creative job while on the

30:03

side of the corporate job, as

30:05

someone who did it for a long time, I

30:07

don't think it's meant to be permanent. I do

30:10

think it is meant to be temporary until you

30:12

figure out fully what it is that

30:14

you want to do or until you can get to

30:16

a level where you can

30:18

pick your thing and you are

30:21

comfortable in that. So

30:23

I would see it as temporary,

30:25

define what those goals are and really focus

30:28

on one project at a time until you

30:30

get to where you are going so that you

30:32

don't burn yourself out. I

30:35

hope that helps. Okay, our next question,

30:37

this one is a little more to the point. This

30:40

person asks, how do you remain humble with

30:42

your success? Which I think is a

30:44

great question. I don't know if this person,

30:46

again there is less context, I don't know

30:48

if this person is asking me how I

30:50

personally remain humble with my success or

30:53

if they are coming

30:56

into their own success and they

30:58

are concerned about remaining humble. I

31:00

don't know which context they are asking

31:03

from so I will answer

31:05

both and you can

31:07

take what resonates with you. So

31:09

first I will say I

31:13

don't necessarily subscribe to the

31:15

idea of being humble and I

31:17

think especially when we try to tell

31:19

black women in particular to be humble,

31:21

I think that it can have,

31:24

I think that it can

31:26

do more harm than good because when I

31:28

think about being humble, I think about being

31:30

small, I think about shrinking our light, I

31:32

think about not living up to our fullest

31:34

potential to try to make other people feel

31:37

more comfortable. I think about dimming

31:39

our greatness so that other people feel better about

31:41

what they are doing and so that no one

31:43

else feels threatened by it. I

31:45

think that that is

31:48

very different than having humility.

31:50

So for me, I don't

31:52

really think much about being

31:54

humble or needing to be humble but

31:57

it is a core value in my

31:59

life to have. have humility and to

32:01

just be a grounded person regardless of

32:03

what is going on. And

32:05

I think the thing about success, success

32:08

can be defined differently but if we

32:10

think about career success or attention or

32:12

money, I think a lot

32:15

of those things tend to magnify what's already

32:17

there. I think it tends to magnify who

32:19

we are. I don't necessarily think it changes

32:21

you. I think it's going to amplify what

32:24

was already in your heart. And

32:26

so for me, core values

32:28

in my life are having

32:30

humility, having a sense of

32:33

gratitude, being grounded, remembering

32:35

my own humanity, treating other

32:37

people with respect. Those are all

32:39

core values that I was raised to

32:42

have regardless of whether I'm doing well

32:44

in my career or whether I'm doing

32:46

poorly or anywhere in between.

32:48

And so because those are core values

32:50

to me, those are things that I'm

32:52

going to prioritize and carry with me

32:54

regardless of how well I'm doing on

32:57

the outside or on paper. And

33:00

so that is just really important to me. I

33:03

also think because I'm just

33:05

now beginning to hit career strides, like I don't

33:07

consider myself successful. If I was already successful, I

33:09

wouldn't be having to work so hard at the

33:12

successful era because I would already be here. I

33:15

don't feel like I am at a point where

33:17

I've done anything that's like not worth

33:19

having humility over. So

33:22

that's also that is like I'm just a girl. I

33:24

put my yoga pants on one leg at a time

33:26

just like everybody else. Like I just

33:28

said, I'm not treating myself because I'm out here saving money

33:30

and eating soup that

33:32

I've reheating for three days in a row.

33:34

So I don't think I'm

33:37

like doing anything that is would

33:39

make me treat anybody any kind of way. And

33:41

even if I did have more fame success money

33:43

or whatever, like I said, because those are my

33:46

core values, it really wouldn't change how I treat

33:48

people. But I do think that

33:50

because I have also started to hit

33:52

strides in my career later on, like

33:54

I'm currently 34 years old. I'm

33:57

still not where I want to be. I still

33:59

don't consider myself that successful. but I'm getting to

34:01

a point where I'm getting traction. Getting

34:03

traction when you're in your mid 30s and

34:06

you've been grinding at something for a decade

34:08

is very different than getting traction when you're

34:10

22 the first time you try something. And

34:12

so I think it's also easier to have

34:14

humility when you've had failure, when

34:16

you've been knocked down, when you've been told

34:18

no, when you've had major

34:20

flop errors that so

34:23

far out-quantify the success errors.

34:26

It's a lot easier to have that gratitude

34:28

and to be grounded because you've experienced the

34:30

other side and you know how much

34:32

work it took you to get to

34:34

that point. And so for me, those

34:36

are just different perspectives that I have

34:39

as I kind of walk around and

34:41

navigate this season that I'm in. So

34:44

it's very easy I think to remain

34:46

grateful because I know first

34:48

of all nothing lasts forever, anything can be

34:50

taken away and I know that I

34:53

can bounce back from anything and recreate

34:55

something but it

34:57

just gives you that perspective when you really

34:59

put in the time and the effort to

35:01

go towards something. It makes you appreciate things

35:03

more. And so I think for

35:05

other people who are maybe on the cusp of

35:08

like their glow up, their come up and they're

35:10

worried about that, I recommend you kind of do

35:12

the same. So what are those core values that

35:14

you live by? And if

35:17

humility isn't one of them, like maybe that's

35:19

something that you can reflect on and take

35:21

a look at so that you can make

35:23

sure that you do remain grounded or that

35:25

you treat people with respect regardless of who

35:27

they are or what season

35:29

that you're in. And also

35:32

just reflect on your journey so far and

35:34

those failures that you've had, the wins

35:36

and the losses, they all kind of

35:38

work together. And I think

35:40

if you are looking for an episode that could

35:42

help kind of inspire some of those

35:44

thoughts, the Living in Your Purpose episode

35:46

that I did with Ashley Blaine, Featherston

35:48

Jenkins last month in December could be

35:50

a really good kind of episode

35:53

to listen to for that because we talked a

35:55

lot about that. We're about the same age and

35:57

we talked a lot about overcoming those hiccups. and

36:00

those career failures and when you hit those

36:02

strides and what that looks like and what

36:04

that feels like. So that could be a

36:06

really great episode to supplement that. But

36:09

yeah, I mean, I think success amplifies more of

36:11

who you are. So it's important to know who

36:13

you are now. And if

36:15

there are maybe qualities we have that we want to

36:17

do a little work on, we can always do that.

36:20

I actually think it's great to do

36:22

it before we become successful because then

36:24

success will just amplify the goodness that

36:27

is there. So yes. I

36:29

don't like telling people, particularly black women, to be humble.

36:31

But I think for all of us as human beings,

36:33

it's very important to have humility to be

36:36

grounded and to treat one another with respect

36:38

regardless of who we are or how successful

36:40

we are. So that's the way I like

36:42

to think about it. Okay.

36:46

Our next question. Do

36:48

you have any advice on motivating yourself to

36:50

do the things you need to do but

36:52

don't always feel like doing, especially when it

36:54

comes to things like budgeting, working out, sticking

36:56

to a bedtime routine? Things

36:59

that will surely make your life better but

37:01

aren't always fun. Baby

37:03

girl, yeah. I

37:06

mean, here's the thing. Not

37:08

everything is going to be fun, which

37:11

I hate saying that. Like I

37:14

wish everything was fun. I wish that all

37:16

of those things did feel good. Not

37:19

everything is going to feel good all the time.

37:21

And a lesson that I'm really learning

37:23

and that is finally getting through to

37:25

me is to appreciate those things that

37:28

don't feel good just as much as

37:30

I appreciate what does feel good because

37:32

if everything felt good all the time,

37:34

nothing would feel good all the time.

37:36

And so doing those things that maybe

37:39

don't feel good but are good for

37:41

us help us appreciate the things that

37:43

do feel good. All

37:45

of those things work together and it's part of

37:48

what it means to be alive.

37:50

And so holding That

37:53

duality of like some stuff is going to

37:55

be fun and some stuff is not going

37:57

to be fun but is necessary is really

37:59

important. And I think a lot

38:01

of it is like you get to choose the

38:03

experience that you want to have because you have to

38:05

do any of it you know has to work

38:07

out. That. All you don't have to. But.

38:10

There are consequences to not moving

38:12

your body and to not pray

38:15

to prioritizing your health and the

38:17

older you get the more apparent

38:19

though consequences become so you have

38:21

to decide. What is more

38:23

important to you? Do you want a

38:25

strong, healthy body that's going to have

38:27

longevity? Or do you want to skip

38:29

it? And. I think about these things

38:31

all the time. when I want to shoes and

38:34

don't want to work out or don't want to

38:36

want take a walk is ten years from now.

38:38

when I'm in my mid forties. How do I

38:40

want to feel? Because how I feel a few

38:42

years from now. It's gonna be a direct relation

38:45

to the decision that I'm making right now. How

38:47

do I want to feel? We don't have to

38:49

do anything but we get to choose budgeting. You

38:51

don't have the but it you spend it all.

38:54

Do it all. But. Again,

38:56

how's that going to feel? Yeah, budgeting and sometimes

38:58

not spending the money on the things that we

39:00

want to buy. It's not fun. and the moment

39:02

is also not fun to not know how you're

39:04

going to pay your bills. And I've been there,

39:07

I've done it all. I

39:09

get better about sticking to a budget now

39:11

because I know what it's like to not

39:13

stick to a budget into not have the

39:15

money to do the things that I want

39:17

to do because I was doing other stuff

39:19

with my money. Also, not fun. You that

39:21

a pic? What's more, not fun for you?

39:23

For me, I think it's more not fun.

39:26

To do not know how my bills are going to

39:28

get paid than it is to go through my bank

39:30

account every couple days and make sure that everything is

39:32

accounted for. And you know, sometimes say no

39:34

to myself of those things that I want,

39:36

but I know just aren't in the budget.

39:39

You. Have to pick and you get

39:41

to decide. But whatever you do decide

39:43

you can. I gotta own that decision.

39:46

And again, legs you can do. You

39:48

do whatever you want, but just understand

39:50

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39:52

in effect. So if you're good with

39:55

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40:01

right? Fine, How is try

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43:24

and. The

43:29

other thing that is super helpful for me

43:31

when it comes to this idea of motivations,

43:33

I don't really believe in motivation. I believe

43:35

that we embody the characteristics of who we

43:37

want to be. So when I think about

43:39

fitness in particular and my fitness journey and

43:41

something that help me be consistent at the

43:43

very beginning of my fitness journey as I

43:45

remember right after I was in college, I

43:48

was at the gym one day after work

43:50

and I was kind of. I didn't really

43:52

know how to work out yet. I would

43:54

go to the jam. Okay do the elliptical,

43:56

but I didn't really feel like I was

43:58

getting in better shape. and i wasn't I

44:01

just it wasn't clicking fitness wasn't clicking for me

44:03

yet and I also wasn't consistent with it yet

44:05

But I was in the very beginning stages And

44:07

so I was on the elliptical at the gym and I remember

44:10

looking over To this kind of

44:12

open area and seeing this other young woman who

44:14

was around my age working out and she was

44:16

bad ass She

44:18

was doing kettlebell swings. She was doing

44:20

box jumps, but she was so strong

44:22

and she was so athletic and just

44:24

fit She knew exactly what she was

44:26

doing and it she just looks so

44:28

cool and I was like, oh I

44:30

want to be like her What

44:33

if I tried tried on that that

44:35

character like an outfit? What if I

44:37

had my gym? Version of Sasha

44:40

Fierce. That's my alter ego When

44:42

I come in here, what would she do if I

44:45

were that girl over there who's doing the box jumps

44:47

and the kettlebell swings What would she do? She

44:49

would come here consistently so that she could be strong

44:51

enough to do that She would come

44:53

here with a plan so that she knew what workout

44:55

she was gonna do and she would kind of have

44:57

it planned In advance so that she could move throughout

45:00

the gym She would feed

45:02

herself properly so that she could

45:04

have the energy to do that

45:06

And so I started treating it

45:08

like a Sasha Fierce alter

45:10

ego character of my gym

45:13

version of myself She is

45:15

somebody who goes to the gym every morning

45:17

before work because it's less crowded. She feels

45:19

less intimidated She is somebody who is following

45:21

a workout plan So

45:23

that when she comes here three days a week,

45:26

she knows exactly what she's doing. She's not wandering

45:28

around. She's not lost She's not confused. She knows

45:30

exactly what she needs to do She is somebody

45:32

who pushes herself so that she can get strong

45:35

enough to do those box jumps And I just

45:37

treated it like a character and I pretended to

45:39

be that character until I got to the point

45:41

where I became that girl I

45:43

became strong enough to do those things. I became

45:46

consistent enough in my workout routine and

45:48

I had to Just

45:50

learn how to pretend to be that

45:52

person so that when my alarm went off in the

45:54

morning Even if I didn't want to even if I

45:56

didn't have motivation It didn't matter that I didn't feel

45:59

motivated because that was the character I was playing

46:01

because I was that gym girl who does

46:03

the box jumps and does the thing and

46:06

now 14 years later, I'm

46:08

still consistent with being active all because

46:10

for that first few months, I kind

46:12

of learned how to

46:15

embody that character. And

46:17

so I think that that is really helpful when it

46:19

comes to us doing the things that we don't want

46:21

to do. Maybe we

46:23

just can't stand budgeting. Okay,

46:26

well, I'm going to put

46:28

on the character of somebody who is really good

46:30

with money. What does somebody who is really about

46:32

her money do? She checks her bank account often

46:34

so that she knows exactly where her money

46:37

is going. She reads finance books so

46:39

that she understands exactly how her money

46:42

works. She talks to

46:44

her boss about performance and pay

46:47

often so that she can make sure that she's getting

46:49

paid what she needs to get paid. Be

46:52

a character. Create your own Sasha Fierce

46:54

avatar who has those qualities that you want

46:56

to embody and when you want to back

46:58

out of it, then it's time to get

47:00

into character and say, okay, what would she

47:03

do? What would my Sasha Fierce do and

47:05

step into it? And you do that enough,

47:07

then you will learn how to be consistent

47:09

with it. But no one's ever

47:11

fully motivated. I've been working out consistently for

47:13

14 years now and I'm still not motivated

47:15

to do it. And I

47:18

still had to have that pep talk with myself literally this

47:20

morning before I went to the gym. But the more that

47:22

you do it, the better it gets.

47:25

And again, to my point at the beginning, you get

47:28

to choose. You get to choose the experience

47:30

that you want to have and

47:32

so choose wisely and

47:34

own it. And also, if

47:37

you have those times where you don't, that's okay

47:39

too. If you have those times where

47:41

you skip your workout, own it. And

47:43

then that time that you're not at the gym,

47:45

you better be doing something you enjoy and own

47:47

it, okay? Get that good sleep or

47:49

whatever it is that you're doing instead. Or if

47:51

you're going to maybe get outside the budget a

47:54

little bit because I had to all last year,

47:56

okay? No budget. It was just, I was

47:58

wiling out and I had a great time, okay? I

48:00

was like, if I'm not going to be on the budget,

48:02

I'm going to enjoy. So if you're not going

48:04

to, if you're going to take some time off the budget,

48:07

enjoy it, own it. And then when you're ready, get back

48:09

into it and keep it pushing. So I

48:12

get very passionate about that because I think that

48:14

motivation is a scam and I think the longer

48:16

we look for motivation the further we're

48:18

going to be from our goals. It's all

48:21

about embodiment, embodying those characteristics that

48:23

we want. Okay,

48:29

next question. Ooh, this is, this is a

48:31

little long. It's got some good context. So

48:34

this person says, I

48:37

recently got fired from my five year long

48:39

position at a tech company for overspending on

48:41

a work trip. By the time my company

48:43

confirmed I could attend the trip, most of

48:46

the company approved hotels were sold out. The

48:48

one hotel available price gouged, but I decided

48:50

to still book because I thought it was

48:52

my only option. I was also

48:54

really stressed out at work and didn't think I'd

48:57

have enough time to confirm with anyone if this

48:59

was okay. Long story short, my

49:01

company had a big problem with the spend

49:03

and after a month of exchanging explanation emails

49:05

to our risk manager, they decided to let

49:08

me go. And they

49:10

let me go one day after they did a

49:12

huge company layoff and told me I was technically

49:14

being terminated and not laid off. My

49:16

question to you is if asked, would

49:18

you disclose this information to potential new

49:20

employers during an interview or just say

49:22

you were laid off? Saying I

49:24

was laid off is technically a lie, but it

49:27

does feel like since the company was already looking

49:29

to make cuts, they found a loophole in my

49:31

situation to avoid giving me the severance I would

49:33

have deserved. I was a great

49:36

employee, never ran into issues before, ran an

49:38

inclusive ERG with no extra pay for the

49:40

company and even had talks with my manager

49:42

about a promotion just the week prior. I'm

49:44

just not sure what to do when it

49:46

comes to being honest about this new company.

49:48

I feel like it will paint the wrong

49:50

picture about my character. Okay,

49:53

thank you for that question and for sharing that

49:55

and I am so sorry that

49:57

that happened. That is just a really

49:59

unfortunate situation. And I'm so sorry that you

50:01

lost your job and I really hope that

50:03

you find a new one soon. First

50:06

thing I would, the first thing that just came to

50:09

mind for me is I'm also not sure if

50:11

you have talked to an employment

50:13

attorney, but it could be worth

50:15

doing just to understand the

50:18

situation. I don't know what state you're in,

50:20

if you're in an at-will state, but

50:23

it could be worth talking to an

50:25

employment attorney just to see what your

50:27

options are and if there is

50:30

any grounds for wrongful termination there.

50:32

That's one thought. The

50:35

second thought, while you are in the

50:37

market looking for other jobs, when

50:41

we are looking for jobs or

50:44

we're trying to get a new job, I

50:46

want you to think of yourself as a

50:48

marketer and you as the

50:50

potential employee are the product, right?

50:52

You are trying to market to

50:54

these companies why they

50:56

should hire you. And

50:59

sometimes in marketing, we don't necessarily need

51:01

to give every detail. We need to

51:03

give the details they need to know to

51:05

make us be the most attractive product.

51:10

I do not want to encourage

51:12

you to be dishonest, but I

51:14

do not necessarily think that you

51:16

need to go into all of

51:18

that detail with a potential employer

51:20

who is considering hiring you. Not

51:23

lying, but not including that

51:26

much information. All

51:28

of my time in corporate America, I err

51:32

on the side of saying less,

51:34

no pun intended. I actually hate

51:36

puns about my name, about like

51:38

less, say less, less is more and they're

51:40

trying to be funny. Anyway,

51:43

say less. I don't think

51:45

that you necessarily need to tell that

51:48

whole story to any potential job that

51:50

is hiring you because

51:53

it's not going to

51:55

make you seem like the most appealing product

51:57

and you are marketing yourself like a product

51:59

to the... these companies, right? I

52:02

don't think you need to go into that much detail

52:05

about your termination with that

52:07

other company as you're seeking out new

52:09

companies. And I think you

52:11

even asking the question shows a lot about

52:13

your character. You know that you're an honest

52:15

person and that you have good character, but

52:17

you also got to know what to share

52:19

and what not to share to get to

52:22

where you need to get. And I don't

52:24

necessarily think that there is harm done in

52:26

not sharing all of those details with a

52:28

potential employer while you are going through the

52:30

hiring process. So as you're going through that

52:32

process of being hired in a new

52:35

position, think about the ways that you

52:37

are marketing yourself. Is

52:39

telling that story while

52:41

you're being hired a good way to

52:43

market yourself? I don't necessarily

52:46

think that it is. I don't

52:48

necessarily think that it is. So

52:50

I would not go into that

52:52

much detail unless you were explicitly

52:54

asked. I would not volunteer that

52:57

much information about why you are

52:59

no longer at that previous company.

53:01

And I think particularly for us

53:03

as black women in corporate spaces,

53:05

saying less, just

53:08

really, really important because unfortunately, people

53:10

are more likely to use information

53:12

against us. And so I think

53:14

you have to be very, very discerning

53:17

about what you share and who

53:19

you share it with. Now we

53:21

also can't be stoned silent

53:23

because they also love to

53:25

say that we're standoffish and that we're not

53:28

a team player. There is like this sweet

53:30

spot in the corporate space where

53:32

you get other people talking and you ask

53:34

other people questions and you get other people

53:36

talking about what they did over the weekend

53:38

so that they feel chummy and buddy,

53:41

buddy and they pile up and

53:43

they think that your work besties.

53:45

You get other people talking,

53:48

sharing less about your life,

53:50

what's going on and what's

53:52

happening with you so that

53:54

they feel connected to you but so that they don't have

53:56

information that they can use against you. And it is a

53:58

dance and it is a really delicate dance. and I'm sorry

54:00

that we have to do the dance and I hate that we have

54:02

to do the dance. Unfortunately,

54:05

it is a game that we play and so I

54:07

think really learning that

54:09

dance of openness so

54:12

that people feel connected with you but

54:14

keeping more things to yourself so that

54:16

it's less information that people can use

54:18

against you is going to be really,

54:21

really important as you navigate your career.

54:23

Again, I'm not telling you to be

54:25

dishonest. I'm telling you to be incredibly

54:27

discerning about what you share about yourself

54:29

and who you share it with because

54:31

we don't necessarily have the luxury to

54:33

just be an open book and to share everything and

54:35

cry and do all these things that some of our

54:37

co-workers get to do and I hate it but

54:40

it is the truth. I also

54:43

think that there's really, really valuable learning

54:45

here with the

54:47

initial situation that happened at your

54:49

previous company and the importance of

54:52

getting things in writing. So, I

54:54

think that there is a really valuable learning here

54:57

and I could understand why you booked the hotel

54:59

and like all of that makes sense and

55:01

I think moving forward if

55:03

a situation like that were to arise

55:05

again, we always have to take the

55:07

time to get permission and to get

55:09

permission in writing to cover our tracks

55:11

when we have those things happen. Again,

55:13

the same way we don't necessarily get

55:15

to show up in certain ways, we

55:18

also sometimes don't get to break the rules the

55:20

same way other people do and so making sure

55:23

that first and foremost you are covered and

55:25

protected even if it takes longer to

55:27

get that approval, getting it and getting

55:29

it in writing and always having everything

55:31

in writing again is going to be

55:33

so important for you as you navigate your

55:36

career. So, I'm not trying to get preachy

55:38

but I spent a lot of time in corporate.

55:40

I've also gotten in trouble in corporate. I've had

55:42

all I've seen it

55:44

all and I think it's really, really

55:47

important that you understand how

55:49

to discern what to share, when

55:51

to share it and when to

55:53

get those things in writing to cover and

55:55

protect yourself because unfortunately in a lot of

55:57

these workspaces we are you're

56:00

kind of going to be the ones to only

56:03

protect ourselves. We are not necessarily going to get

56:05

that support or that protection from others. So

56:08

I would focus on making yourself the best

56:10

possible candidate, marketing yourself as the best possible

56:13

candidate. You can be as you seek out

56:15

new jobs, not sharing

56:17

unnecessary information and being super discerning

56:19

about what you shared during the

56:21

hiring process as well as when you're

56:24

in your job to protect yourself and

56:26

to protect your best interests.

56:29

So that is what I would say. Good luck. I

56:31

hope you find something soon and I hope

56:33

that everything works out okay. Thank you so

56:36

much for submitting that question. Okay.

56:40

So we have one last question. I

56:43

love how much context you all were getting for

56:45

these questions this time. It is super, super helpful.

56:49

So this person said, I've been loving

56:51

your successful ARA content. It inspired me

56:53

to kick things into high gear and

56:55

prioritize my wellness and well-being this year.

56:57

I've started getting seven hours of sleep,

57:00

taking my vitamins, doing morning stretches, having

57:02

a nutritious breakfast every day, working out, getting

57:04

weekly massages and cooking all of my meals

57:06

at home. Dang girl, you're killing it. You're

57:08

doing better than me. That's great. I

57:11

feel great physically. I've been sustaining

57:13

my momentum pretty well, but between my full-time

57:15

day job, my part-time remote job and my

57:17

new morning and evening wellness routines, I'm finding

57:20

it hard to make time to just chill

57:22

out and be mindless for an hour or

57:24

two before bed. By the

57:26

time I'm done working my part-time job in

57:28

the evening, working out, cooking, showering and preparing

57:30

for the next day, it's already 10 30

57:32

p.m. And I got to get

57:34

into bed so I get my seven hours of sleep. See

57:37

the dilemma? I also just moved to London

57:39

two months ago. So implementing this new routine

57:41

has been easier than ever because I don't

57:43

have my friends, boyfriend or family around to

57:45

distract me from my wellness routines. But

57:48

because of my new wellness routine, I'm also finding it

57:50

hard to carve out time to meet new people and

57:52

make new friends because I got to go home, do

57:54

the entire routine and still be in bed by 10

57:56

30. So my question is how on

57:58

earth do the wellness girl a year? balance the

58:00

social life while prioritizing their wellness and how

58:02

can I do the same? Also,

58:05

where do you draw the line

58:07

of doing enough to prioritize and

58:09

achieve your goals versus doing too

58:11

much? And how do you identify

58:13

when you stepped into the doing

58:15

too much category? So this is

58:18

a fantastic question. This is truly

58:20

the ultimate wellness girly dilemma. So

58:22

I really appreciate this question. And

58:25

I think ultimately, it comes

58:27

down to being okay being

58:30

flexible and not looking at

58:32

it as all or

58:34

nothing. I spent

58:36

a lot of my 20s being very

58:38

all or nothing, being very strict.

58:41

And I wish that I would

58:43

have given myself a little bit more flexibility

58:45

at that time. And I think now I'm

58:47

doing a much better job of being more

58:49

flexible. And I think as long as you

58:51

have kind of an 80, 20,

58:54

even maybe 70, 30, depending on

58:57

the week where you're doing your wellnessy

58:59

routines most of the time, but you're

59:01

also still nourishing your spirit with what

59:04

you enjoy, that is okay. So it

59:06

sounds like you've got a really great

59:08

evening routine. And if let's say

59:10

in a five day work week, you

59:12

do that routine three to four days

59:14

out of the week, and then one

59:17

to two days a week, you maybe allow

59:19

yourself a little bit more flexibility in your

59:21

routine to stay up a little bit later,

59:23

or do different

59:26

events or go out with friends.

59:28

I think that's okay. Like nobody

59:31

is, you know, say you

59:33

have to do this 100% of the

59:35

time. I think that the two things

59:37

work together really beautifully. Yes, you

59:40

do need to take care of your body,

59:42

like you do need to sleep. It is

59:44

important to move, it is important to nourish

59:46

yourself, it is important to eat

59:48

good food. And spending time with

59:51

your people and doing things that you enjoy is also

59:53

great. You can never have too much of one or

59:55

the other before it starts to get really old because

59:58

when you're on the other side of the world, and

1:00:00

you're only doing the wellness gurly routines,

1:00:02

like what good is optimal health if

1:00:04

you're not spending time with people that

1:00:06

you enjoy or if you're not having

1:00:08

fun to enjoy that health. But also

1:00:10

if you're doing all fun and not

1:00:12

handling your business, that also gets old

1:00:14

quick. You get burnt out, you have

1:00:16

no energy, you're not able to be

1:00:18

present because you're tired and sluggish. And

1:00:20

so for me, it's a constant dance

1:00:23

of I'm doing these things to take

1:00:25

care of myself and I'm also doing these things so

1:00:27

that when I am with my people and when I

1:00:29

am having fun, I can show up and I can

1:00:31

be energized and I can be present for the fun.

1:00:34

So it's okay to have a few days a week

1:00:36

where you are focused more on your routines and you're

1:00:38

in bed a little bit earlier. And then it's also

1:00:40

okay to have a few days a week where maybe

1:00:42

you stay up a little bit later and

1:00:45

you don't do your full routine and that's okay. And then

1:00:47

the next day you get right back into

1:00:49

it and you do the best that you can. But

1:00:51

I think that there's no good in

1:00:53

having optimal health if we don't ever have

1:00:55

fun and if we don't ever enjoy ourselves.

1:00:58

And so it's all about figuring out what

1:01:00

that dance is for you. For me, it

1:01:02

usually looks like three to four nights a

1:01:04

week. I'm at home, I'm doing my wellness

1:01:06

girly routines and it's great. Maybe once or

1:01:08

twice during the week, I'm going out with

1:01:11

friends and I am, or going on a

1:01:13

date or I'm going to an event and

1:01:15

I'm maybe gonna be up a little bit

1:01:17

later. And that is a

1:01:19

good balance for me. You can

1:01:21

kind of decide what works well for you. I

1:01:24

will also say that your wellness and

1:01:27

successful routines don't have to be mutually

1:01:29

exclusive with being social and with having

1:01:31

fun. And actually when I learned how

1:01:33

to integrate the two, I feel like

1:01:35

my life became a lot richer, my

1:01:38

friendships became a lot stronger. Doing

1:01:40

things like working out with your friends. Can

1:01:42

you take a workout class together with a

1:01:45

new friend? Or if you have work

1:01:47

that you're doing, can you meet up with a friend

1:01:49

and work from a coffee shop or co-work together? These

1:01:51

are things that I do with my friends, like every

1:01:53

week I'll meet up with someone for a workout or

1:01:55

I'll meet up with somebody at the co-working space

1:01:57

and we'll just get some work done together.

1:02:00

It is absolutely also possible to

1:02:02

spend time with your people in ways

1:02:04

that are fun and engaging and also

1:02:06

work on those things to better yourself

1:02:08

too. And I think the more we

1:02:10

learn how to integrate those things, I

1:02:12

think the better we feel because when

1:02:14

we're only focused on self-improvement through isolation,

1:02:16

that's kind of where we get into

1:02:19

those first couple of questions where we

1:02:21

feel like, okay, my friends are not

1:02:23

vibing with this. I feel

1:02:25

so disconnected. If we learn how to

1:02:27

connect it from the beginning and include

1:02:29

people and integrate and use that

1:02:31

time to better ourselves and be social

1:02:33

and let it all marry together, that's

1:02:35

when it feels like it's less of

1:02:37

a juggle. That's when

1:02:39

it feels like it's less of a grind and

1:02:41

that's when you feel like you're just living and

1:02:44

you're including your people in what you're

1:02:46

doing. Now the last part of

1:02:48

the question about how do I know when I'm doing

1:02:50

too much, also a great question because I've also been

1:02:52

at the point when I'm doing too much. And

1:02:55

I touched on this a little bit when

1:02:57

I talked about what is optimal health if

1:02:59

you're not enjoying your life, right? The

1:03:02

other day, speaking of co-working, I was

1:03:04

co-working with my friend and we were

1:03:06

talking about this like random guy on

1:03:08

social media who just has this wild,

1:03:11

wild lifestyle where he

1:03:13

only eats super

1:03:16

clean. He goes to bed at like 6 p.m. He

1:03:19

just does not do anything outside of

1:03:21

this very strict optimal

1:03:23

health routine. It's like what is the

1:03:25

point of optimal health if you never

1:03:27

deviate, if you never enjoy a meal

1:03:29

with the people you love, if you

1:03:31

never take a trip, if you don't

1:03:33

stay up past 6 o'clock

1:03:35

and have like a beautiful

1:03:37

dinner with your partner. Like

1:03:39

those are the things that kind

1:03:42

of show us what it's like to be

1:03:44

alive, those experiences. And so it's like yes,

1:03:46

I want to take care of my

1:03:48

health so that I can be around

1:03:50

to enjoy those experiences. And so it's

1:03:53

hard to say exactly what doing too

1:03:55

much is because I think that that

1:03:57

can be different for every person. I

1:04:00

think that those two things, the wellnessy routines

1:04:02

that we do and the things that we

1:04:04

enjoy have to support one another. I

1:04:08

think when they begin to feel really

1:04:10

disconnected, then you want to look for

1:04:13

ways to find a bit more integration

1:04:15

and you want to look for some

1:04:17

ways that you can support both simultaneously.

1:04:20

But I think having kind of an

1:04:22

80, 20, or even 70, 30 lifestyle

1:04:24

where you're doing the wellnessy stuff most

1:04:26

of the time but you're still allowing

1:04:29

yourself space and grace and flexibility to

1:04:31

enjoy yourself is, I think,

1:04:33

kind of what it means to be alive. I

1:04:37

don't know. I don't want to feel like

1:04:39

a hamster on a wheel doing the same thing every

1:04:41

day. So sometimes it helps

1:04:43

to have that consistency. And

1:04:46

we also got to know when to

1:04:48

mix it up as well. And so you

1:04:50

get to be the judge and discern that.

1:04:52

And it's a dance and it's constantly going

1:04:54

to change as your life changes. But

1:04:57

I would allow yourself the flexibility

1:04:59

to shift what you think

1:05:02

wellness looks like to incorporate some

1:05:04

elements that are more enjoyable for

1:05:06

you. So I hope that helps.

1:05:09

Like I said, you're killing it. I mean, you're doing better than me.

1:05:13

So I think you're doing pretty well. So

1:05:16

thank you so much for submitting your questions.

1:05:18

That is going to wrap it up for

1:05:20

our successful era Q&A. I

1:05:22

really appreciate y'all tuning in, sharing what's

1:05:24

going on in your successful eras with

1:05:26

me. I am rooting for you.

1:05:28

I think we're all going to have an amazing

1:05:31

2024, even if it got off to a little

1:05:33

bit of a weird start. And

1:05:36

you can always make a different choice. You can

1:05:38

always choose to be who you want to be. You can

1:05:40

always pivot. You can

1:05:42

always switch direction. You

1:05:44

can do it. I believe in you. So

1:05:47

go out and embody it, whatever it is that you

1:05:49

want to embody. So next month

1:05:51

is going to be February. And

1:05:53

in February, we are going to be

1:05:55

talking more about friendships. So we have

1:05:57

some amazing episodes touching on

1:05:59

different areas. of friendships and the

1:06:01

different ways that friendship impacts our lives and

1:06:03

our wellness. I know in the past

1:06:05

we've done friendship-related episodes, you all loved it.

1:06:08

So I'm really excited to bring you

1:06:10

a month of friendship content. Make

1:06:12

sure you're subscribed on Apple Podcasts, on

1:06:14

Spotify, on YouTube. Please leave a rating

1:06:16

and review if you have not yet

1:06:18

already and you enjoy the show because

1:06:20

we're five-star girlies. So if you've had

1:06:22

a five-star experience, please let me know

1:06:24

and I will see you. Please

1:06:39

note that this episode may contain paid

1:06:41

endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

1:06:43

Individuals on the show may have a

1:06:46

direct or indirect financial interest in products

1:06:48

or services referred to in this episode.