0:00

Hi, my name is Marc Chavez and I'm

0:02

the host of Let's Make a Horror, a

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podcast where three comedians try to make a

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horror short film. Why

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am I laughing like a ghost? Is this scary

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for exactly a different reason than I thought it

0:13

would be? It is the hardest

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thing we've ever done. But we're not alone.

0:17

When we run into trouble, we consult Hollywood

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horror experts, people who have worked on everything

0:22

from The Blair Witch Project to Leprechaun.

0:24

To be clear, this film has zero percent on

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rotten tomatoes. Let's

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make a horror everywhere you get your podcasts.

0:34

This is a CBC Podcast. Every

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leader, every parody has the best before date. Our

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best before date is here. The

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Democrats want to run against Donald

0:46

Trump. Ryan

0:49

Gosling in Barbie. Because

0:52

news... Gavin Crawford. Oh,

0:57

hey, everybody. I

1:00

am Gavin Crawford. Welcome to Because News,

1:02

Canada's funniest news quiz. A

1:05

mobster who stole Judy Garland's Wizard

1:07

of Oz ruby slippers said he

1:09

did it to make one last

1:11

score. His story will be adapted

1:13

into the upcoming mob movie, Gay

1:16

Fellas. Over

1:20

the next 30 minutes, we'll be making games out of the

1:23

news. Let us welcome this week's panel. They

1:25

call him the human bowing because his

1:27

parts keep falling off. Holding

1:30

it together for us, it's Steve Patterson. Hello.

1:38

And she is replacing Pascal Siakam as

1:40

the Toronto Raptors' new forward. It had

1:42

to be someone, so why not Martha

1:44

Chavez? Hola,

1:48

Migos. And

1:50

finally, he has been eating snow since

1:52

way before Reese Witherspoon made it cool.

1:55

Throw caution to the wind for Miguel

1:57

Rivas. Thank

2:00

you very much. Alright

2:03

panel, are you sitting semi comfortably?

2:05

Yes. Then let's begin.

2:08

Here we go. It's

2:11

time for our entertainment news panel with

2:13

this week's Altered Lyrics. Have

2:16

a listen to some Rejig lyrics

2:18

from one of this year's biggest songs

2:20

and tell me if you can what

2:22

news from this week inspired this ballad.

2:27

It

2:29

doesn't seem to matter

2:31

what we do. We're

2:34

still ahead of you. Though

2:38

you put up a good

2:40

fight, we will triumph

2:42

on the night. Cause we're

2:45

just men, stealing the spotlight

2:47

yet again. Is it

2:50

our destiny to

2:52

live a life

2:54

of constant visibility?

2:58

God bless men, guess we're

3:00

just better in the end.

3:03

What will it take

3:05

for you to see

3:07

that we control the

3:09

whole academy? We're

3:12

white men. Alright,

3:22

there are your Altered Lyrics panel. Can you

3:24

tell me for a point what story from this

3:26

week had men across the globe thanking the patriarchy

3:28

once again? Oh, we got our

3:30

monthly secret e-transfer from the men's fund that

3:32

makes sure we keep the wage gap in

3:34

front of us. Yes! Good

3:39

guess? No. Steve? Well, we celebrated

3:42

a men's football team winning a

3:44

game in the NFL again. That's

3:47

a long uninterrupted streak of men's

3:49

teams winning in the NFL. Finally,

3:51

yes, we appreciate that. Martha,

3:54

I feel like you might know this. Barbie,

3:56

that the women were snubbed,

3:58

the producer. director for

4:00

Barbie what is known for a

4:06

best producer and best actor. Best director but close

4:08

enough. The headline from the

4:10

Telegraph reads Barbie skewers the patriarchy

4:12

but Ken gets the Oscar nomination.

4:15

The internet was ablaze with cries

4:18

of misogyny after the snubs. The

4:20

Rolling Stone headline reads Greta Gerwig's

4:22

Oscar snub for Barbie is classic

4:25

Academy BS. Yeah. I

4:27

see him stands for Barbie stuff.

4:29

Because the woman made a movie

4:34

out of adults and it

4:37

was a great movie for women by women and

4:39

about women and she

4:42

made it work. It wasn't boring. Did you

4:44

watch it? Did you still go with your guys? Oh

4:46

yeah. Oh yeah. And you

4:49

and me go. Oh I loved Ryan Gosling

4:51

and Barbie. He was so

4:53

funny. Oh God. You just didn't

4:55

feel like the direction. Oh

4:58

the direction of Ryan Gosling. He must

5:01

have really directed his own scenes. She

5:03

was so great. I think the movie

5:05

should have been called Ken's Friend. Exactly.

5:10

And it would have been about the other Ken. Yeah the

5:12

other Ken. But there have

5:14

been only eight women nominated in

5:16

the history of movie

5:18

making. So couldn't you throw the

5:20

woman a bone since the movie

5:23

was called Barbie? Well I think she earned

5:25

it. No to throw her a bone. I

5:27

mean by the fact that she made it.

5:30

Throw her a bone not very. Not

5:35

the right phrase here. Yeah it's not the

5:37

right phrase. Can you guys stop mansplaining to

5:39

Marta what Marta is trying to say. Exactly.

5:42

I don't care much about Barbie.

5:44

Never liked Barbie. Never I ate

5:46

the digits. So the rubber

5:48

was delicious. I never played with

5:50

her. But I found the movie

5:52

very interesting. A real journey. Oppenheimer

5:57

led the pack with 13 nominations followed

5:59

by core things of the 10 best

6:01

picture nominees. Only one is directed by a

6:03

Canadian, which Canadian is in the running for

6:06

best picture. Celine Song for

6:08

Past Live. You are correct. We've got to re-vest.

6:10

Yeah! Yeah! Celine

6:14

Song, director of Past Live. Song was

6:16

passed over for a directing nom, as

6:18

well, because films directed by women tend

6:20

to just direct themselves. Ha

6:22

ha ha ha. It's

6:28

time for some politics, panel. This week,

6:30

the federal liberals held a caucus retreat to

6:32

get their ducks in a row before heading

6:34

back to Parliament. After trailing the

6:36

Conservatives in the polls all fall, the liberals

6:39

are looking for ways to show Canadians they

6:41

are still the one. To

6:43

that end, they were touting their housing

6:45

accelerator program. They also announced this

6:47

week that they're making a change that could help

6:49

mitigate the housing crisis for renters. What

6:51

change did they announce that could make it easier for renters?

6:53

I actually think it's a pretty good idea. They're

6:56

going to require all current homeowners

6:59

to rent out half of their

7:01

existing rooms to new

7:03

people, including people with bachelor apartments. So

7:05

it's going to be a great way

7:07

for Canadians to meet new Canadians,

7:10

because those with one bedroom,

7:12

you've got to rent out half your bed. Everyone

7:15

will be forced to become swingers. They

7:17

have to share their bedrooms. That is

7:19

a good suggestion, but not what they

7:21

went with. I'll give you a hint.

7:23

The change was announced by the immigration

7:25

minister. Oh, I know that

7:28

one. I know that they're going to

7:31

the colleges that are

7:33

not being used, because people are not going

7:35

to college. That's where

7:38

they're going to house the unhoused and

7:40

teach them a few things, too. I

7:44

think they should use the churches, but

7:46

nobody listens to me, because the churches

7:49

are empty, and Jesus would have given

7:51

the churches back. Do they give them?

7:53

No. The correct

7:55

answer, according to the Globe and Mail, the Globe

7:57

and Mail headline reads, Ottawa announces two year cash.

8:00

on international student visas. Canada currently

8:02

has a historic number of foreign

8:04

students and temporary workers which the

8:06

government says has put pressure on

8:08

the rental housing market. So I was

8:11

right, the colleges. The colleges. Why, yeah,

8:13

I mean you said the word

8:15

college. I was fine. Give her

8:18

the point. I don't know when.

8:20

Fine, fine. Immigration

8:22

Minister Mark Millers said the move

8:24

is meant to squeeze out the

8:27

private for-profit colleges who have been

8:29

providing subpar education. He compared these

8:31

for-profit colleges to which other nefarious

8:33

operation? The great DeVry incident in

8:36

2001. It's an operation that turns

8:38

out a lot of something. Oh,

8:40

the butter industry.

8:47

The corrupt

8:51

butter industry. Yeah. That's true.

8:54

It's not big butter. It's

8:56

not big butter. I

8:59

like big butter, I

9:01

cannot lie. He

9:04

compared them to puppy mills. They're

9:07

basically diploma puppy mills. Which are

9:09

bad? Yes. These private colleges can

9:11

make a lot of money by

9:14

attracting international students who pay a

9:16

lot of tuition and can receive

9:19

postgraduate work visas going to

9:21

the college but some of these

9:23

schools aren't delivering what they are

9:25

promising these international students. A headline

9:27

from CBC reads, BC, Ontario, about

9:30

a crackdown on diploma mill schools

9:32

exploiting international students. Can

9:34

you tell me what are some ways to

9:36

know your school is a

9:38

sham college? Oh, I know. If

9:40

one of your graduates is Andrew Scheer. Very

9:48

good guess. Miguel, how do you know

9:50

your college might be a sham college?

9:52

Your syllabus is spelled silly bus. Martha,

9:58

how do you know your college is a sham college? Where

10:00

I can fool 9 or 13 camps,

10:05

delivers your diploma, and the

10:08

diploma is written in crimes. That

10:11

would maybe do it. I think I know. Is it

10:13

if your class takes place in a Mr. Sub, and

10:16

you're just waiting for the sandwich artist to take a

10:18

break? You're not far off. One of them is if

10:20

your college is in a strip mall. Oh,

10:22

see? It's located in a strip mall in one store

10:24

in a strip mall. That might be a sign. Also,

10:27

if there's no library, if

10:30

there's no student services on campus. And

10:33

finally, they say you can tell if

10:35

it's a sham college if there's no

10:37

actual classes. That

10:41

would be a sign. So

10:44

they're trying to put a stop to those. The

10:46

immigration minister put it this way. It

10:48

is not the intention of

10:50

this program to have sham

10:53

commerce degrees or business degrees that are sitting on

10:55

top of a massage parlor. Don't

10:59

kinkshame me, sir. What

11:02

if it's a massage business degree? Martha,

11:05

you teach stand-up comedy at Humber, so we

11:07

know that's for sure not a sham. I

11:12

feel that you're throwing shade at me. Do

11:16

you feel like this law might affect your enrollment? No,

11:19

because we don't have a lot of international

11:21

students. And we

11:23

are actually the clown that will deliver

11:26

the sham. The

11:29

training is just delivering sham degrees. Finally,

11:33

putting domestic issues aside, the liberals spend

11:36

the last day of their retreat focused

11:38

on an upcoming global event. What a

11:40

exciting international event were the liberals busy

11:42

planning for. I think I know this

11:44

one. I probably shouldn't say correct answers

11:46

right out of the gate. But this

11:48

is Trudeau's first Valentine's since the separation.

11:52

The whole cabinet is making Valentine's

11:55

for him to send them out. And it's

11:57

just a bunch of be mine, be mine. Be

12:00

his, be his and somebody else.

12:02

There's a little variety of them. We

12:05

choo, choo, choos, peer. Oh

12:07

no! That

12:11

is not the big event. Martha, do you know

12:13

what big event the liberals were busy planning for

12:15

on the last day of their retreat? Of course

12:18

I know, because I'm planning too. Planning

12:20

was the same thing. You

12:22

know that Pierre

12:24

Trudeau said that

12:26

being neighbors of the Americans was

12:28

like sleeping together of

12:31

a kanky elephant. And

12:33

nobody, no matter how friendly and even-tempered

12:36

is the beast. One

12:38

is affected by every twitch

12:40

and grunt. But we know

12:42

that that beast is not

12:45

even-tempered. The crazy person with the

12:47

orange makeup. That's what they

12:50

are preparing. Like in the unlikely

12:52

event that Mango Mussolini comes back

12:55

on power, they are preparing to

12:57

how we're going to deal. All

12:59

of us have to mentally prepare because

13:02

I am already crazy and imagine with

13:04

that. The Globe

13:06

and Mail headline reads, liberals prepare

13:08

for possible Trump re-election by

13:10

reviving Team Canada approach. What

13:14

is the Team Canada approach? You let them

13:16

win the first couple games and then you

13:18

just start slashing and hacking. Martha,

13:22

what is the Team Canada approach? Mother them

13:24

with kindness. You know,

13:26

like I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

13:28

I'm sorry. They've gone a different

13:30

way. They are assigning two

13:33

ministers to work with the US ambassador

13:35

and various business and labor groups to

13:37

highlight the importance of Canada-US integration. Just

13:40

keep reminding them how important it is that we

13:42

work together. Currently,

13:44

the team is led by our industry

13:46

and export and trade ministers. But

13:48

if you could choose the team, who would

13:50

you put on Team Canada should Trump get

13:52

in again? I think I would send the

13:55

two Ryans. I would send Ryan Gosling

13:59

and the other one. And, you

14:01

know, I don't know, you guys are the Ryans.

14:04

And one would be like a superhero

14:06

of sorts, and the other one would

14:09

be like, I'm just Ken. I

14:12

mean, Ryan Reynolds is kind of everywhere doing everything right now.

14:14

He is, but I would just like to see the

14:16

two Ryans working together for the greater good. Yes, I

14:18

would like to have the two Ryans, and Alanis

14:21

Moris says, and I'm here to remind

14:24

you that we

14:27

work together very well,

14:29

you know. Because News,

14:31

Canada's News Week. I'm

14:39

Gavin Crawford. This is Because News.

14:41

This week I'm joined by panelists

14:43

Steve Patterson, Martha Chavez, and Miguel

14:45

Rivas. All right.

14:48

Toronto and Hamilton Palace, if you are

14:50

itching for a live show that isn't Because

14:52

News, fear not. Steve Patterson and CBC's The

14:54

Debaters are rolling into your neighborhood come March.

14:56

Head over to The Debaters website for all

14:59

the juicy details. And

15:16

we're the hosts of This Is That. Are

15:18

you kidding? For over a decade, we

15:20

were radio's go-to source for completely fabricated

15:22

news. You must be guilty of me.

15:25

And now we're back in podcast form.

15:28

We've selected some of our favorite stories from

15:30

over the years and put them in one

15:32

convenient location. Sugar in the tap

15:34

water. Fire in your dog park.

15:36

Charging to see wildlife. This

15:38

is That, coming soon on CBC Listen

15:41

and everywhere you get your podcasts. Let's

15:45

turn to Sports News panel because Edmonton

15:47

is having a moment in the spotlight.

15:49

According to the Fort McMurray Times, something

15:52

jaw-dropping happened in the Alberta capital on

15:54

Tuesday night. For the

15:56

point, what event dropped Albertan's jaws on

15:58

Tuesday? food at

16:00

the Stampede was awarded Michelin status.

16:04

That is incorrect. What event dropped

16:06

Albertans Jaws Steam? I think it

16:09

was Premier Daniel Smith who surprisingly

16:11

led the whole arena in a

16:13

chorus of Kumbaya, which was surprising

16:15

to a lot of people. Martha?

16:18

The Edmond Canoe is won 14 times

16:20

in a row. You're correct. The

16:26

headline from the Four McMurray Times reads, Edmond

16:29

Canoeilers flexed third period muscle to make 14

16:31

straight. The longest winning streak

16:34

by a Canadian team in NHL

16:36

history. Remarkable. But

16:38

why was this streak particularly remarkable?

16:40

Well, Air Bud was on the

16:42

team. Nothing in the rule

16:45

book that says a dog can't play hockey. Martha, do you

16:47

know why it's remarkable? Well, you know

16:49

what? I don't know, like you, I don't know

16:51

much about hockey, but I think that

16:53

if somebody wins 14 times, it's because

16:55

the other team suck. What's

17:00

particularly remarkable about this streak is that

17:02

they started off the season with just

17:04

two wins and nine losses. Oh,

17:06

that's good. And they really turned things

17:08

around. We are taping the

17:10

show on Thursday night, just minutes before

17:12

the Oilers take to the ice for

17:15

what could fingers crossed be their 15th

17:17

straight win. Who they are playing? They

17:19

are playing the Chicago Black Hawk. I

17:21

like their chances. And I think the chances

17:23

are good. But now that I've said that,

17:25

we've just changed. We

17:28

should all be knocking on wood right now. 17 games

17:30

is the longest winning streak held by the

17:32

Pittsburgh Penguins in 1993. Wow. That makes

17:35

sense. Have you been following the Oilers winning

17:38

streak? Look, I like hockey. I

17:40

have children. They don't like when

17:42

I do things. So

17:44

I haven't watched a full live game of

17:46

any sort. This holds so good

17:49

for them. I'm happy for them, but

17:51

I have not enjoyed even a single

17:53

period of hockey. Well,

17:56

Oilers new head coach Chris Knoblock

17:58

spoke to reporters. after a recent

18:00

win. He said pretty much what he'd expect a

18:03

brand new hockey coach to say. What do you

18:05

think he said about the amazing winning streak? I

18:07

think he said, you know, we just got to

18:09

keep giving 110 percent and then by the end

18:11

of the year we'll have given over 8,000. And

18:16

that's hockey man. Martha?

18:19

He said that although nobody has

18:22

faced on this team before, and

18:25

now they are so hot, they

18:27

are melting the ice. They

18:29

have to have the Zamboni around because

18:32

of all the melted ice of these

18:34

hot players. He called them

18:36

my fiery gladiators on ice.

18:41

That was quite an inspiring speech. Word

18:44

for word quote. Let's see who

18:46

was the closest. Here is Chris

18:49

Nodlock. We're

18:52

just treating them like every other game

18:54

and doing what we did. You know,

18:56

we're working on things in our game.

18:58

We have won a series of games

19:01

in a row, but none

19:03

of those games have been

19:05

perfect. I would follow this

19:07

man into one. Such

19:09

an inspiring speech. All right, Spartans. I

19:11

know that they're outnumbering us, 1001, but

19:13

we're just going to have another fight

19:16

like any other day. He was

19:18

thinking that he was like over. Yeah, no, you

19:20

were way off. The

19:23

coach's words may not have been inspirational

19:25

this week, but Edmonton's head office brought

19:27

in something guaranteed to motivate. What made

19:29

a sudden appearance in the Oilers locker

19:31

room this week? But I will

19:34

assume that Wayne Greske.

19:36

Solid guess. Cool

19:39

ad. He broke right through the wall and

19:42

gave them all a nice fruit punch. Those are all great

19:44

guesses. The headline from the Edmonton

19:46

Journal reads Greasy, gritty and dirty

19:49

shift to disturb or Perry. Just

19:51

what the Oilers need. It

19:54

was in fact veteran forward Corey Perry, who

19:56

signed a one year contract with the team

19:58

after being terminated. But the Chicago

20:00

Black Hawk. And

20:02

now tonight they're playing the Chicago Black Hawk so

20:04

he's playing against his old team. Oh, it's gonna

20:06

be blood. The Edmonton Journal, possibly

20:09

the Edmonton Journal, cause the Perry signing

20:11

a win for the team, noting that

20:14

he was a mouthful of something whenever

20:16

he played against Edmonton previously. A mouthful

20:18

of what? Loose teeth.

20:24

A mouthful of pox. According

20:30

to the Edmonton Journal, he was a mouthful

20:32

of Sour Patch kids. Oh.

20:35

Means he's real feisty and he gets in

20:37

everyone's face. There's been a lot of cutbacks

20:39

at the Edmonton Journal. Sour Patch kids. That

20:41

writer's six years old. Well panel, if

20:45

hockey isn't your thing, and I'm guessing, it

20:47

isn't. Don't

20:50

worry, there's a brand new sport catching on in

20:52

Alberta that might be of more interest to you.

20:55

It combines two beloved Alberta

20:57

pastimes. One is skiing. What

21:00

is the other? It's skiing and waving and

21:02

a through doe flag. Steven Adia, skiing and?

21:08

Skiing and country line dancing. That also was

21:10

a good Alberta

21:12

pastime. Martha? Two Alberta pastimes, skiing and?

21:15

Skiing and the stampede. Toe hats and

21:24

horses. How do you call the

21:26

cowboy hats that are big? Ten gallon. Ten

21:28

gallon hats, yes, I translated to small hats. I

21:30

was more picturing like an oil baron with a

21:32

top hat like Mr. Monopoly style. No,

21:35

ten gallon hats and horses. Well you're

21:37

correct about the horses.

21:40

Well you're correct about the horses. It is

21:42

indeed skiing and horseback riding. Yes.

21:47

It's called skijoring. Really is.

21:49

It's a blend of skiing

21:51

and horseback riding. How do

21:53

you think that works? You strap a ski to each hoof? and

22:00

piss the horse off and...

22:03

It's like dogs less but you

22:05

can end up being the horse's

22:07

ass. You know like ass... You

22:11

know what I mean? I do know what you mean. It

22:15

is when riders aboard galloping

22:17

horses tow skiers or snowboarders

22:20

through snowy courses and over wicked

22:22

jumps. This seems like

22:25

an old punishment for theft. For

22:27

shoplifting. Yeah,

22:29

it's the old way. The

22:32

Globe and Mail points out that if you want to see

22:34

skid-joring in person, head to Banff. It's happening

22:36

there right now at Banff's Winter

22:38

Days Festival. It is

22:41

apparently open to even more mashups this

22:43

sport. There's an event happening called skid-jour-do.

22:47

Horses and skiing and what else

22:50

makes up skid-jour-do? I

22:53

mean it's just skid-joring in

22:55

the morning. There's

22:57

dew on the horse. Good

23:00

morning. Good morning.

23:04

You're pulled by a horse while you're on skis and

23:07

you have to eat boiling hot cheese out of a

23:09

fondue pod. Skid-jour-do. Weirdly,

23:14

and this is going to shock you, Miguel is

23:16

correct for the point. According to

23:18

the skid-jour website, it's

23:20

a blistering blend of snow, speed, style

23:23

and cheese. I'm

23:28

out for the crash. There's

23:32

good news, there's bad news, and

23:35

there's because news until

23:37

I die. I'm

23:41

Gavin Crawford. This is Because News with

23:43

guests Miguel Rivas, Martha Chavez and Steve

23:45

Patterson. Just

23:48

a reminder that yes, we are on

23:50

TikTok where we post fun clips and

23:53

bonus material, but no, for the hundredth

23:55

time, we are not on OnlyFans. Stop

23:57

asking. Panel,

24:03

it's time for fashion news. Something

24:05

that was once universally loved, then universally

24:07

loathed, seems to be making a huge

24:10

comeback. To find out what

24:12

it is, let's bring out our resident

24:14

news troll, Kevin, who's crawling out from

24:16

under this bridge with a riddle

24:19

to share. Kevin,

24:22

thanks Kevin. I

24:26

am serious up front, but riot

24:29

in the back. You

24:32

see me on some folks who like

24:34

to drink pats. I've

24:37

crowned several kings and necks

24:39

while red. But

24:42

to rock me in public, some

24:44

would not be god-take. Where

24:47

am I? Wow.

24:54

Kevin's riddle, thank you Kevin. You

24:59

heard his riddle, what am I? Dead giveaway there.

25:02

So it's business in the front and party in

25:04

the back. It's a French tuck, where

25:06

you just tuck in the front of your

25:08

shirt only. Martha? It

25:10

has to be something in your head. Yes.

25:13

Because of the crown that he talked about.

25:15

Yes. Seems to be in

25:17

the form, pointing the box about a mullet.

25:19

You are correct. Hey, Martha

25:21

Chavez. A

25:24

headline from CNN this week reads,

25:26

A Moment for Mullets. It's

25:29

perfect to cook because

25:31

you won't burn your hair. You know,

25:33

like a, but it's

25:35

an abomination. I just love it. Yeah,

25:38

I love when you go to a restaurant and the

25:40

chef has a long mullet. Mullet.

25:43

No long hairs in this food. Here's

25:45

a bonus question for you. What is

25:47

the name for someone who is still

25:50

rocking a mullet but has also suffered

25:52

from male pattern baldness? Oh I know

25:54

this. This is

25:56

a skulllet. You are correct. Nice.

26:00

Nice! It is a scullet. It

26:02

sounds like a slur! According

26:06

to CNN, can you tell me what

26:08

is driving the mullet Renaissance? A

26:11

lack of disposable income for

26:13

regular haircuts. You

26:15

can only afford to cut half your

26:17

head. Yeah. Yeah, it's so dire out

26:20

there, they've gone to not-so-supercuts. Average

26:24

cuts. Average cuts. Come

26:26

into half a cut. Yeah, we just do

26:29

the fed. Great guess, Steve, but

26:31

it's not. Any other ideas? What is driving the

26:33

mullet Renaissance? First of all,

26:35

mullet and Renaissance should not be

26:38

together. Good point. I

26:42

think this pair, this pair,

26:44

everybody, yeah, like when the pandemic,

26:47

remember when the pandemic, like everybody let

26:49

their hair, whatever it was, I think

26:52

that we came out of the pandemic

26:54

with ideas that we could just look

26:56

stupid. Who knows? Who knows?

26:59

This pair is always a great guess. It

27:03

is being driven this time by

27:06

Hollywood, specifically Napoleon, which

27:08

features a character with a very good

27:10

mullet. And also the iron claw, they

27:12

say. Where did this research come from?

27:14

People saw Napoleon and wanted a mullet,

27:16

and then they saw the saddest movie

27:18

ever made, and were like, that's the

27:20

hair I want. The iron

27:22

claw. Yeah, but also, Paul Mascow's character

27:24

sports a mullet in All of Us

27:27

Strangers, and Kristen Stewart apparently has a

27:29

mullet and an upcoming thriller. Yeah,

27:31

well, if she jumps in the river, you

27:33

jump in the river, like

27:35

my mother would say. You're not

27:37

buying it, or you're not ready for the Renaissance? You're

27:39

not ready to party in the back? No.

27:41

I already did it once, and I regretted

27:43

it. Well,

27:46

despite what you may think, humans have been

27:49

rocking mullets for centuries. In fact, can you

27:51

tell me or guess which

27:53

historical document features a description of the

27:55

mullet as far back as

27:57

8th century B.C.? Well, that's the Magna Cola.

28:01

No man is above a mullet. Steve,

28:07

I'm going to guess Rex Murphy's

28:09

first book report. Way

28:12

back in 8th century B.C. Incorrect.

28:17

Martha, do you know? The

28:20

Iliad. In

28:22

the Iliad. In the

28:24

Odyssey. Homer

28:27

said finding a

28:29

good hairdresser was an Odyssey.

28:33

It was in fact the Iliad.

28:37

Of the Iliad! Yeah!

28:41

Yes! Uh,

28:44

yes. Also,

28:46

ancient Greek scholar Procopius

28:49

gave a vivid description of the

28:52

mullets worn by the uncivilized Huns.

28:55

Can you guess how did

28:57

Procopius describe the uncivilized Huns

29:00

mullet? Invading in the front,

29:02

pillaging in the back. Yes.

29:09

What did he say? Procopius described

29:12

the Huns mullets thusly. Cut

29:14

off in front, back to the temples, leaving the part behind

29:16

to hang down to a very great link. In

29:19

a senseless fashion. Finally,

29:22

in 1778, this famous inventor

29:24

doffed his powdered wig in

29:27

protest of England to reveal

29:29

a marvelous all-American scullet. Um,

29:33

Benjamin Franklin. No, that's a good answer. Any

29:36

guess, Steve? I was going to say Benjamin Franklin. Benjamin

29:39

Franklin is correct! Martha gets

29:41

it! Martha for the point. Benjamin Franklin, who

29:43

famously said, I cannot tell a lie, this

29:45

is not a good look. Somehow

29:52

we've come to the end of another exciting

29:54

episode of Beguess News. Since we champion, well,

29:56

it's Martha Chavez! Congratulations,

30:02

brother, you have the honor of creating your credits.

30:06

I'm Gavin Crawford, very relieved that the Doomsday

30:08

Clock remained at 90 seconds to midnight because

30:10

honestly, I'm going to need the time to

30:12

finish that bunker. We'll see

30:15

you next week, why? We

30:17

love you! Thank

30:19

you very much, everyone. Give it up for Michael

30:21

Rivett. Happy Birthday, and

30:23

welcome! Hey

30:36

Canada, this is Marita Chavez,

30:38

winner of Because News. Congratulations

30:41

to my fabulous runner-up,

30:44

Miguel Rivers and Steve

30:46

Patterson. Because News

30:48

is written and produced by

30:50

Elizabeth Bowie, David Carroll, Lee

30:52

Pitt, Gavin Crawford, C

30:55

Long and Jess Klim Moskey.

30:58

This week they had help from

31:00

Cliff Cardinal, John Caruana and Michael

31:02

Balazzo. Rounding out the team,

31:04

Erin Conway, Browning Page, Chris

31:07

Lyons and our record

31:09

engineer, the fabulous Paul

31:11

Hodge.