0:11

Thanks for tuning in to becoming something.

0:13

Where we promised to keep the conversation honest,

0:16

real for young adults in their twenties

0:18

and thirties. Every moment we

0:20

live is training for a future moment, and

0:22

that's why we do this podcast. Because

0:25

we want you to be prepared for everything

0:27

that life is going to throw at me. Our

0:29

hope with this podcast is that it would help you

0:31

become all that God desires you

0:33

to be. So with that in mind, let's

0:35

jump right into this week's episode

0:38

of becoming simple. What's

0:47

the podcast world? Is your boy j

0:50

p in the podcast studio with

0:52

my friend? Nate.

0:54

Can I be honest? Nate, the great. I

0:56

am sorry. Can't be honest. And

0:58

Kathy

0:59

Davidson. What's up, Kathy?

1:01

Oh my god. I'm sorry, guys. That's

1:03

not Kathy. Who is it?

1:06

I'm Brie. Where is Kathy?

1:08

Who is who is Brie? Like, how

1:10

how does she get in here? How

1:12

do you guys even know each other? Guys,

1:18

We have some sad news regarding Cathy.

1:20

Oh my goodness. Was it was it

1:22

a truck? Where

1:25

is she, by the way? don't even know. She said she's sick

1:27

today, but I don't think she's sick. Here's what's shocking.

1:30

So well, this

1:32

gonna be confession during our staff meeting that we just

1:34

had. You just led. You did a wonderful job leading,

1:36

and this was really meaningful. Anyway, I

1:38

was texting with Kathy and Hannah --

1:40

Of course. -- your assistant during it. AND

1:43

ANYWAY, SHE SAID, SORRY, I'M FORWARD

1:46

WITH MY FAMILY FOR X MESS.

1:48

I I know.

1:50

I know. I know. I

1:52

196 like,

1:53

Kathy, that is so hurtful

1:55

in a face. Inside Christ. I know.

1:57

You know it's you know it's actually not.

1:59

Okay. I know Wait. But people say that, but I don't

2:01

like it. What do you mean by that? She's But

2:03

it's true. She said

2:05

She said the same thing in the text, and I'm confused

2:08

by that. Well, like, Let's surprise. Early

2:10

Christians would

2:12

abbreviate Christian with a with

2:14

an x. And it was it was actually

2:17

it it can actually be

2:19

a sign of greater devotion, not lesser

2:21

devotion. Oh, that is bogus.

2:24

Yeah. Well. Here here's

2:26

my stance. I'm sticking to it. Keep the

2:28

Christ in Christmas. Like,

2:29

let's let's be honest. Kathy

2:32

is a stronger followers. There

2:34

you are.

2:35

So I think I think I've already

2:38

won this one.

2:39

Oh, that's fair. I

2:40

do the the all caps Christ.

2:42

It's our case. Oh, you got him.

2:44

You are that girl. Oh, I'm a show you

2:46

Starbucks. You're the one that's

2:48

like, oh, my name is Jesus Christ.

2:51

You gotta put him on the cup. So

2:53

they call out they write they write Jesus

2:56

Christ on the cup. He's like, yeah. I've

2:58

got two Starbucks. Tell

3:01

me you've done that

3:01

before. I definitely have not done something

3:04

like that. Whatever if you've done anything. How'd

3:06

how'd you how'd you stick it to Starbucks? I

3:08

don't stick at the Starbucks app.

3:09

I love Starbucks.

3:11

196 really do. They took the Christ out of Christmas.

3:14

Yeah.

3:14

See, I'm out of that. What Every

3:16

holiday gathering, I'm like, what is a holiday

3:18

gathering?

3:19

We're literally celebrating Jesus.

3:21

Alright. True story. This is crazy.

3:23

We went to a donut place. Oh,

3:25

we did. Yes. So we go to this donut

3:27

place in Austin. This is on the gram. If you might

3:30

have saw this on the gram. Nainary in

3:32

Austin, and You guys your

3:34

travels. Okay. And they

3:36

had they had the they had holiday

3:38

flavors. And Hanukkah

3:41

flavors. Oh, man. And I was like,

3:43

wait, I'm confused. Is

3:45

Hanukkah not a part of the holiday? Like,

3:47

what is wiser Hanukkah flavors and holiday

3:50

flavors? And if you have Hanukkah flavors,

3:52

where is Christmas? And do you know what she said?

3:54

What did she say? She said,

3:56

that's offensive. She

3:59

said, we don't have that because that's Wow.

4:02

And 196 she

4:05

was a Christian.

4:06

Mhmm. I'm like, I'm I'm baffled.

4:09

This is the craziest thing ever. Man,

4:12

but I like I like I know you

4:14

were rattled by that. I'm like, I I

4:16

feel like I was hold on. I was rattled. Well,

4:18

you were rattled that she said like,

4:21

Christmas is offensive. And I'm

4:23

like, man, that's just what we've turned into.

4:25

We we're like, what's

4:27

the opposite of a stiff spine? It's like,

4:31

of curve spine. Curves spine. No.

4:34

I

4:34

just feel like it's scoliosis. I feel like

4:36

it's -- Mineless. -- Christians 196 America

4:38

just like, man, I'm honest with you. About something like

4:40

-- Yeah. -- get get too passionate.

4:42

But it's like it's like, hey, whatever whatever

4:45

would make someone else the most comfortable.

4:47

Like, Sure. Well, we'll say

4:49

holiday rather than Christmas. It's like, I don't know. Let

4:51

me just start this real quick. This -- Yeah. -- this

4:53

episode of becoming something sponsored

4:55

by nerds gummy clusters.

4:57

Only the blue kind. Pink kind gave us

5:00

no money. So

5:01

Oh my goodness. Yeah. I feel like I would

5:03

love

5:03

for you to be sponsored by nerds. I feel like today is

5:05

not as funny as it usually is. Cathy

5:08

always brings the humor. Oh

5:09

my goodness.

5:10

Sorry. I'm just trying to know who I am. It's

5:12

like a level of See if I am and like

5:14

who I am. Guys Breeze on staff

5:16

at Harris Creek, but you guys met

5:18

through someone not as famous as me

5:20

any f

5:21

downs, which is funny. We did meet through any.

5:23

Yeah. Those were the days. That

5:25

was I mean, that was right before the world analyst.

5:28

Yeah. That was the last place -- Last tour. --

5:30

I went on. J. P. Slept on a tour

5:32

bus which is just the funniest, like,

5:34

picture in my head. I never got to see it, but I'm

5:36

like, I I don't know how you did that. I

5:39

bought

5:39

I feel like your body would not fit on a

5:41

tour bus bed.

5:42

It's a bit fun. It was fun. Are you body shaming?

5:44

It was unbelievable. It

5:47

was not the best sleep I've ever had. But

5:49

Yeah. That's offensive. Whatever. See.

5:52

Hey. I was gonna start off the

5:54

podcast when I said, hey, can I be honest?

5:56

By saying I'm really sad to be in Waco right

5:58

now. Why? I wish I was still in

6:00

Cuero. Oh, come on. Tell him. Tell him

6:02

about Cuero. Yeah. So j p took me to

6:04

where he grew up. And man, it

6:06

is so about Cuero, Texas.

6:08

So Waco was kind of a little bit in the

6:10

middle of nowhere a little bit. And then we drove three

6:12

and a half hours from Waco.

6:15

To even more into the middle of

6:17

nowhere. And Quiro is like a

6:19

small, small, small, small, small, small town

6:21

surrounded by

6:23

deer. Yeah. That's

6:26

that's where we went. That's all right.

6:28

We went we went to the Quirrell Country Club, though.

6:30

We did go to Quirrell Country Club, and it

6:32

was That's like a real real

6:33

deal country club.

6:34

It just doesn't make sense to me that you came from

6:37

a place like that.

6:37

Why? I don't know. You're just you're

6:40

so cool. But

6:40

why what does that mean? It's

6:43

pretty cool. Quail,

6:43

that's It just doesn't check out.

6:46

Here's what makes us these guys are both from

6:48

Minnesota. Here here's it, which is

6:50

video. An honest thing that I told

6:52

the guy the other guy we were with on the drive back.

6:54

I was like, how does food

6:56

get to Quail? Like, how like,

6:58

I like, how do they actually have

7:00

food? This is crazy. I I'm

7:02

serious. How's food get to Minnesota?

7:04

There's people that live there. There's

7:06

people that live in Quiró. Seven thousand.

7:09

Right. I might it's just AFedEx

7:12

is fascinating to me or or UPS.

7:14

Whoever runs, like, shipping. I'm like, how

7:16

how does how does stuff get to all

7:18

across the country? So

7:21

anyway, that's what we're gonna talk about today.

7:23

Drains, planes and automobiles, Nate.

7:26

Okay. So one of the reasons why we have Breon

7:29

is that Kathy's been married for too long. So

7:31

it's like she's it's hard to remember

7:33

dating. So Brie just got

7:35

married less than a year

7:36

ago. Yeah. I I forgot the

7:37

name. She's about the host of a marriage

7:39

podcast. That's right. What's it called?

7:41

It's called more than roommates. Okay.

7:43

It's about her and her cat. No.

7:46

It's just so wet. Really excited

7:48

about her. You

7:50

know, like, all are the ones early. Like,

7:53

ultimate troll.

7:54

More than roommate. It's about

7:56

marriage. It's gonna be awesome. I'm sure, and so

7:58

honored that I was asked. And I

8:00

haven't had a decline. I haven't had a decline

8:02

in my my schedule 196 Yeah.

8:04

So anyway, we're gonna talk about how

8:06

do you know the person that you're interested

8:08

in or even the person that you're dating

8:10

is actually like a strong enough

8:13

believer that you should continue to

8:15

date them, that you should ask them out. Like,

8:17

how do how do you know? Like, what what are

8:19

the things that that need to be checked

8:21

off on their box? Is it like a

8:23

bible person, their Instagram bio, isn't

8:25

I go to a church? What what 196 you need to know

8:27

about that person? So you're saying, like, I know,

8:29

you know, second Corinthians six teen did

8:31

not be unequally Yolked with unbelievers. So I'm

8:33

I I want to date I'm a Christian.

8:35

I follow Jesus, and I want to date

8:37

a Christian but how do I

8:39

know if they're Christian enough for me

8:41

to date? Yeah. And so that could be

8:43

a number of things. It could be like, man, they've got

8:45

a past. Like, how do I know?

8:47

Like, hey, my boyfriend my

8:49

boyfriend looked at porn, what should I do? Every

8:51

Friday, every single Friday repeated. Hey,

8:53

my boyfriend looked at porn, what should I do? What should

8:55

I do? So is it like, hey, does he

8:57

need to never look at porn to be dateable?

9:01

He has a past. Like, is it how do

9:03

I know if he's passed

9:05

another question like, hey,

9:08

is is it a red flag? It's always now? Is it

9:10

a red is it a red flag if she has

9:12

kids? Right? So just like, what does that

9:14

mean? Does that mean, like, are

9:16

you saying it's in the realm of possibilities

9:18

that someone who has kids can't,

9:21

like, shouldn't ever date. Like, what think about

9:23

the question? Like, I'm like, what do you mean by

9:25

that? And so is it a red

9:27

flag if he hasn't

9:29

been a Christian that long. Is it a red flag? If

9:31

he's Catholic, is it a red flag?

9:33

If she

9:36

doesn't read the bible or pray. Like,

9:38

hey. How do what are the things where I know it's

9:40

like, okay. I'm a Christian

9:41

there, Christian, and they're a dateable

9:42

Christian. Yeah. Can can we go back to the first thing

9:45

you said? So I'm in ministry, work with college

9:47

students, young adults. Basically,

9:49

let Yeah. I know. Yeah. He's

9:51

the best pastor, Everett. There we go.

9:53

Let's go. We got Everett. And

9:55

it's like, man, all the all

9:57

the Christian guys struggle with porn. It it

9:59

would be you you

10:01

wouldn't ever marry anyone if you're like, I'm

10:03

not gonna date anyone who's who's struggling

10:06

with porn right now. So, like,

10:08

like, once you get married, that that

10:10

stuff goes away because you're able to have

10:12

sex. So it's like, I I feel like well,

10:14

I don't even know what you're saying. Doesn't assert this

10:16

because it's it's like taking up so much of

10:18

my time lately. People

10:20

who struggle with pornography and masturbation

10:23

outside of marriage struggle with

10:25

pornography and masturbation inside of

10:27

marriage more. People who struggle with

10:29

masturbation, outside of marriage, struggle with

10:31

masturbation, inside of marriage more. You know that

10:33

nobody believes that? I know. And

10:35

and what's happened lately

10:37

is a lot of married people

10:39

meaning multiple several. So if you think I'm

10:41

talking about you, I'm not it's happened

10:43

lots of times, have said,

10:45

man, I didn't believe you when you said that,

10:48

gosh, that was really true. So you

10:50

don't have to believe me. And I don't

10:52

mean to sound so arrogant, but, man,

10:54

there's a lot of patterns that

10:56

are that are highlighting this reality

10:58

that purity inside

11:01

of marriage is is even

11:03

more difficult than outside of marriage.

11:05

Marriage is a magnifying glass

11:07

that takes your struggles outside of marriage and

11:09

just amplifies them. So that

11:11

is one of many reasons you wanna pursue

11:13

purity outside of marriage. But

11:16

but I feel like you just said

11:18

that, but didn't actually back to that. Like, what do you

11:20

what do you mean? They still struggle with

11:22

poor because when you get married, you can have sex.

11:25

Therefore, you don't need to watch porn or even

11:27

want to watch porn. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

11:29

So it's it's like I always feel

11:31

like my hands are tied because my explanations are

11:33

always grafting to be like, oh my gosh. I can't believe

11:35

you said that. And it's like, no, man. You gotta say

11:37

the things and start parts. And

11:39

they they nerve the way they do the nerve

11:41

endings. Gosh. Have you

11:43

heard them before? He

11:46

always gets he always gets sweaty when I

11:48

talk about the parts. I start

11:50

talking about the parts and mates like, oh, no.

11:52

He's going there again.

11:53

Don't say the actual word. He's gonna

11:55

have to tell his Sweet

11:57

JC. That's that's that's Natalie's

11:59

job. Lucky

12:01

Lucky Natalie. For words words, I don't even

12:03

know what sex is.

12:04

Yeah. So that's Oh, my goodness. You

12:07

try to fool me all

12:09

sides. Oh,

12:12

gosh. I almost did an old

12:14

office quote, but thank you,

12:16

Lord, for sanctification. Okay.

12:19

Where were we? You're talking with the partner. I

12:24

I honestly don't really remember.

12:26

Alright. Why? So

12:29

So you okay. So you you get

12:31

married, and it's like now you can have

12:33

sex. But the way that

12:35

God does designed

12:38

a man and a woman. And so

12:40

it's like like one of my favorite

12:42

colors. You are so

12:44

bad. I have to do a podcast with

12:46

a fifth grader. Yeah. And

12:49

that's why. My job is so

12:51

hard, guys. I have to do a podcast

12:53

with a fifth grader. Look at this

12:55

guy. What is the world old. Alright.

12:58

Okay. So you have sex.

13:00

And Stop.

13:07

Dude, he is like he

13:09

has completely lost.

13:12

He snorted. He just snorted

13:15

in all of Kathy. What

13:17

was that? You just snorted.

13:20

Nate. Okay. Let me get

13:22

through this.

13:23

Okay? So god

13:26

designed the parts. I'm

13:29

this man. He's got ear muffs.

13:31

Alright. You guys, you gotta watch this

13:33

on 196, not just listen. You gotta

13:35

watch this

13:36

one. Okay. So God designed

13:38

the parts. And

13:40

he made the fuck. So that's not even what I was

13:42

gonna say, down

13:44

lost. And that's for my water.

13:46

I'm so mad right now.

13:53

Always happy with the world.

13:56

I would

13:59

I would He just he literally just

14:01

threw his water at me. That's because you

14:04

Actually, we were talking about Physical abuse.

14:09

Nate, will you please forgive me? Yes. Or pour

14:11

my water on

14:12

you. That was unacceptable. Yeah.

14:14

It's okay. Okay. These aren't

14:16

tears. You think alright. We're going

14:18

serious now. You think that,

14:20

hey, when I get married, I can have sex

14:22

anytime. I want it's not that's not God's design. You

14:24

can't have sex time you want. First of

14:26

all, and and the

14:28

way that to

14:30

have sex is you have to pursue each other and

14:32

love each other. And cherish each

14:35

other. Yeah. And, like, sex is not

14:37

available to someone when

14:39

they're frustrated. It's not like I'm so

14:41

angry at you man, let's

14:43

go, you know, have hot steamy sex

14:45

in the other room. That's not the way marriage

14:47

works. Mhmm. You have to love them, be gentle

14:49

with them, kind to them, cherish them,

14:51

respect them. Honor them.

14:54

And only when you do that, is it

14:56

available? sadly, a lot of times,

14:58

when people get married, believe it or

15:00

not, they have a real difficult time, cherishing

15:02

each other, honoring each other, being respectful to

15:04

one another, being kind

15:06

to one another. And so then it's not

15:08

available. And now you're frustrated

15:10

196 you're worked up and you're you're

15:12

sharing a close base with somebody

15:15

who who is

15:17

walking around with very little clothes

15:19

on, you know, and and you're

15:21

attracted to them, and you have to sleep

15:23

beside them, and sex is unavailable. So

15:25

then then the the

15:27

the temptation of masturbation is heightened.

15:29

Mhmm. And you even, like, build resentment

15:31

towards them where it's like -- Yeah. -- yeah. Because it's like, hey, it

15:33

feels like you're keeping something from me, which is why first

15:35

Corinthians seven says what it says, which is, you know,

15:37

do not keep this from each other except for a period

15:39

of time that you agreed upon for the purpose

15:41

of prayer. This is just stuff that you just

15:43

I I would have never thought of as a single

15:45

guy. I feel that people just don't realize

15:47

this. And and when you've when you've become

15:50

addicted to porn. You just train yourself

15:52

that whenever you feel like masturbating,

15:54

you can masturbate. 196, yeah,

15:56

it's the opposite of marriage. So

15:58

to to take us back on topic of, like, hey, how

16:00

do I know that they're ready? It's, like,

16:02

it's not 196 and you said, hey, they're struggling

16:04

with, you know, pornography or masturbation. I

16:06

would say it depends on what you mean by struggling. Like I

16:08

like I have the desire, but I'm I'm struggling

16:10

and I'm winning and I'm and I'm not?

16:12

Or is it like by struggling, you mean,

16:14

I I am I am succumbing to. I'm

16:17

giving into that every

16:19

single week, every single

16:21

day, you know. And so I think --

16:23

Okay. -- I don't think it's like, oh my gosh.

16:25

My boyfriend saw porn, should

16:28

we do 196? Yeah. We need to be done

16:30

forever. 196 if

16:32

it's like, you know, like women, I'm surprised

16:35

because I get this like, hey, my boyfriend

16:37

my boyfriend, you know, looks

16:39

at porn, doesn't think there's anything wrong with

16:41

it. Is that a red flag?

16:43

I'm let's reframe it in the words of

16:45

Jesus. Your boyfriend is sleeping

16:47

with other women every single

16:49

week. Do you have a problem

16:51

with that? That's what he says.

16:53

And so it's like I think on the when you're

16:55

considering this, like in dating, I think that's how

16:57

we have to frame it. And then it's

16:59

like in marriage, people go, well,

17:01

he looked at porn. So now I have he slept

17:03

with somebody else. So now I have justification and divorce that

17:05

man, I would be a little more gracious

17:08

slow and patient in that --

17:09

Yeah. -- in the context of marriage. But in dating,

17:11

that's when you're giving consideration, hey, is this

17:13

person gonna be a good

17:15

husband? Is there, like, a specific time frame,

17:17

like, season of faithfulness that

17:19

you would encourage couples

17:21

to have or or someone to have if they

17:23

struggle with

17:24

that? I mean, I think that's I think that's

17:26

what dating is. Right? It is

17:28

a it is, like, my favorite

17:30

list and not not that the scripture gives us a list,

17:32

but if I was pull a from first Timothy

17:34

four eighteen, did not let anyone look

17:36

down you because you're young, but set an

17:39

example for believers in speech

17:41

in conduct, in love, and faith, impurity. And so

17:43

in speech, I'm I'm inspecting what comes out of

17:45

the mouth in conduct. I'm inspecting

17:47

how they act how they act towards people who can do

17:49

nothing for them in turn in love?

17:52

Like, what do they love? Faith?

17:54

What do they believe? And impurity? Are they

17:56

committed to it? Because if they're not committed to purity

17:58

outside of marriage, they're

18:00

telling you, hey, I'm willing to go

18:02

outside of marriage for sex. Mhmm. I'm I'm

18:04

willing to go outside of marriage. Like, I don't value

18:06

the covenant of marriage. They're communicating that

18:08

to you. I've said that many times. And

18:10

even many times on this podcast. I think

18:12

that's an important distinction. Anybody who will have

18:14

sex with you outside of marriage is saying, hey,

18:16

I'm willing to go outside of marriage for sex.

18:19

You need to know that about me, I

18:21

do not value the marriage covenant as

18:23

God has commanded me

18:25

to. And so, I mean, those are things

18:27

that you inspect but I I'm you're just looking for

18:29

somebody who loves Lord their God with all their

18:31

heart, soul, mind, and strength. And so they they wake up

18:33

thinking about God. They're they're pursuing him

18:35

in his Word. They're committed to him

18:37

in prayer. They're they're a member of a local

18:39

body. They're living in the context of

18:41

community. They're confessing sin.

18:43

And as I'm saying that to you guys, some of you are like,

18:45

well, I'm not that. And I'm

18:47

like, because that is this

18:49

is a picture of

18:51

a disciple of Jesus Christ.

18:53

A a disciple means a follower,

18:56

like someone who is actually following

18:58

Jesus. So we say the word Christian and

19:00

we think, oh, that

19:02

just means I believe in God. That's

19:04

not what it means to be a Christian.

19:06

To be a Christian. Means to be a little

19:08

Christ. It means you're pursuing Christ.

19:10

You're you want to be

19:12

like Jesus. You're emulating him. You're

19:14

studying his ways and then you're living

19:16

out his ways. And so what that

19:18

means, the the the hard truth for

19:20

some of us is we know

19:22

there are a lot of people who call themselves Christians who

19:24

are not Christians. Mhmm. It's

19:26

good. Man, I just I feel like

19:29

that's like That's not for you to

19:31

decide though. Yeah. I mean, that's

19:33

that's kinda harsh. So so what about let's

19:35

say I'm interested in this girl and she's a Christian,

19:38

like, She told me she's a Christian.

19:40

She sometimes listen to his song, sometimes

19:42

listens to a podcast. But,

19:44

like, there's not a church where

19:47

where she lives or or or even,

19:49

like, in the same city where we are,

19:51

like, that that that she really

19:53

likes. Like, there's

19:55

this one church that the pastor shoes

19:57

doesn't really connect with and the other one, like the

19:59

worship isn't great. So she doesn't she doesn't go

20:01

on Sundays, but she's a Christian. Mhmm.

20:03

Like -- Yeah. And she and

20:05

she might be a Christian. She

20:08

she may be like, if she gets hit by a meteor

20:10

today, she may wake up in the presence of

20:13

Jesus. But but

20:15

she's a immature

20:18

Christian at best. I mean, she's not like

20:20

like there is no

20:22

biblical category for a Christian

20:24

outside the church. So whether

20:26

it's Paul's letter to the church in Corinth,

20:29

thessalonica, ephesus, Malaysia,

20:31

you know, whether it's it's Peter's letters,

20:34

whether it's John's letters, we

20:36

have no context,

20:39

Matthew Revelation, of

20:41

a follower of Jesus who is outside

20:43

the body of Christ. Mhmm. And so

20:45

when the scripture talks about we are all members

20:47

of one 196, when the scripture

20:49

talks about, you know, in in Matthew eighteen,

20:52

care and correction, when the scripture talks about

20:54

in Hebrews thirteen being under authority,

20:57

a church authority, all of

20:59

these realities that the scripture

21:02

presents is members

21:04

of the body of Christ

21:06

who are who what really,

21:08

what is a distinctive of them being a

21:10

Christian is that they belong to a church.

21:12

196 so for her and it's really common

21:15

today is like, oh, I'm a

21:17

Christian, and I and I pull what I want

21:19

from this buffet of

21:21

information. It's like your growth is going to

21:23

be stunted. Growth happens

21:26

through doing hard things. And so it's like,

21:28

well, churches are really long drive.

21:30

Or the membership process is three weeks and I'm

21:32

always working or this like,

21:34

growth happens when we say, hey,

21:37

that thing. really hard, but I'm gonna

21:39

commit to it. That's like, think

21:41

about that in terms of crossfit. Like, it's hard to

21:43

join a box and and to go every

21:45

week. And then to to do the

21:47

half MURF or whatever you're doing that day.

21:49

But when you do those things, you

21:51

see results and growth.

21:54

Well, Church, following Jesus, it it's

21:56

the hard it's the same thing. He says,

21:58

take up your cross and follow me. Mhmm. And

22:00

so it's through those difficulties that we are

22:02

sanctified and experienced

22:03

growth. Mhmm. That's good.

22:05

And, Brie, what did you see? I mean, you were recently dating.

22:07

What did you see in Cooper where you're like, man, III

22:09

trust that you love

22:10

Jesus. Yeah. That's a great question. I mean, I

22:12

love even what you're saying about being

22:14

surrounded by a church, like, I I

22:17

remember so vividly when Cooper and I started

22:19

dating, like, knowing every single

22:21

guy in his community group 196

22:23

just believing, like, oh, those guys are

22:26

a blessing to me. Like, outside of

22:28

just Cooper, I'm so blessed

22:30

by the men 196 his life that

22:32

are have now are now like a provision of God's grace to me

22:34

--

22:34

Yeah. --

22:34

because they are the men that are going to

22:37

sharpen him. They're the men that are

22:39

gonna ask him about his purity. Ask him the

22:41

hard questions. Keep him accountable to being

22:43

consistent with the Lord. And so even

22:45

when you're talking about this

22:47

hypothetical girl that like -- Yeah. -- is a Christian and doesn't

22:49

go to go to a church. Like, can

22:51

you date someone like that? Absolutely. Will

22:54

it bless you? No. Like, it

22:56

will bless you to be in a relationship with

22:59

someone that is connected to the body.

23:01

And and so with

23:03

Cooper, like, That was one of the first things.

23:05

Just he hadn't been in his life that

23:07

we're sharpening him and encouraging him. And

23:09

then he just let out in in the

23:11

way that he I watched

23:13

for a season. We were just like friends in in

23:15

group settings for about nine months,

23:17

and I just got to watch from afar him

23:19

be really faithful with

23:21

the lord faithful in his pursuit of truth and in

23:24

his pursuit of people. And so

23:26

when he asked me on a day, it was

23:28

like, it was the easiest, like, most excited.

23:31

Yes. Just because I already from

23:33

afar got to evaluate the ways

23:35

that he was faithful to Jesus. And

23:37

then We got to keep evaluating from

23:39

there. So it was a blessing. True

23:41

story. I started my day

23:44

looking at your wedding pictures How

23:46

about that? Man, how about that? I

23:48

I literally I was like, I was

23:50

scrolling through pictures, and I got to those

23:53

pine trees. I also, shortly after

23:55

starting my day, got to sit around a

23:57

at a round table with Cooper.

23:59

And we were talking about how

24:01

crazy it is this morning. So I I

24:03

meet with guys Tuesday mornings. And we're

24:06

talking about how crazy it is. One of

24:08

the guys, you know, his parents

24:10

divorced after a

24:12

decade of being married and and

24:14

don't care for each other. And we were just kind

24:16

of discussing how

24:18

ironic it is that, like, somebody

24:20

can choose anybody in all of the world that

24:22

they wanna marry, and they

24:24

choose somebody, and then they get to a place

24:26

where they they can't stand

24:28

them. And I I was so I was thinking

24:30

about so what how do

24:32

we decide who we date? Yeah. If it is

24:34

in the realm of possibilities,

24:36

that we choose so wrongly,

24:39

that we get to a place where we can't even

24:41

stand being around the person who

24:43

we choose. Then I think that's in the realm

24:45

of possibilities for everyone 196 sure.

24:47

And so we have to go about this

24:49

in in the right mind. So think about it like

24:51

this. Have you guys ever had to write a job description

24:53

Yeah. Yes. Yeah. And so it's like

24:56

my least favorite thing to do,

24:58

and I I have to do it often at

25:00

least, you know, at least a couple times

25:02

a year. Where I participate in writing

25:04

a job description. And so it's like, hey, here's the

25:06

job, and here's what

25:08

they would be doing. here's

25:10

the kind of person that we're looking for to do

25:12

this job. Right. You know, so if it's like a student

25:14

minister position, you know, they're going to be

25:16

they're they're going to be ministering 196

25:19

students and they're they're

25:21

going to need, you know, some

25:23

they're they're going to need to know the

25:25

bible, like, to be able to navigate it. They're going

25:27

to have to teach they're gonna have to be

25:29

fun and creative. And and so we're trying to you

25:31

know, you're writing the job description. You're considering

25:33

what they're going to do in their their week

25:35

to week tasks. And then you're

25:38

thinking about what kind of person would feel this

25:40

real well. And then you enter into an

25:42

interview process where you begin to meet with

25:44

people and ask them questions to

25:46

identify if they have the skills and capabilities that align with

25:48

this job description. Yeah. And I'm like, this

25:50

is how we should think about marriage.

25:52

So if you're a man and you're

25:55

looking you're in search of a wife, you should think what

25:57

is the job description of the wife,

25:59

meaning what kinds of things

26:01

will she need to be able

26:03

to do 196 who would who

26:05

what character qualities, what

26:07

skills and capabilities align with that

26:09

job? And if you're a woman looking for

26:12

a husband, you should think about, okay,

26:14

what kind of of

26:16

work? What kind of responsibilities? What

26:19

what kind of tasks will he need

26:21

to complete as a husband? And

26:23

then what type of person? What type

26:25

of skills capabilities will

26:28

they need to to possess in order to do

26:30

that job well. And if we

26:32

just looked at it through that lens,

26:35

I think we would end up in a better

26:37

place. That's where most people

26:39

say, I want them to be

26:41

hot, you know. Yeah. And and then they get

26:43

into it and they realize man, hot is

26:45

not super functional. Functional,

26:47

it doesn't help you in the

26:50

task of being a great wife or a great

26:52

husband. You

26:54

you invested in something with

26:57

diminishing returned. And it's

26:59

crazy because a

27:01

woman today, this is

27:03

probably controversial, but I don't it shouldn't I

27:05

don't think. So tell me if it is a

27:08

woman today who is really

27:11

beautiful -- Mhmm. -- but

27:13

lacks no skills. Like,

27:15

lacks I'm sorry, lacks all

27:17

skills. In what it would take to be a

27:19

great wife is going to have

27:21

guys fighting over her -- Totally.

27:23

-- to commit to her.

27:25

Like, that that's where we're at. And and she's

27:28

gonna be married three or four or five

27:30

times. Right? Because

27:32

because guys are gonna jump into that

27:34

marriage because they're so side because it'd be

27:36

such a great honeymoon. And then they're gonna realize, like,

27:39

oh, you're not a

27:41

good wife. Like, you're just a

27:43

trophy wife as the world would call you.

27:45

Right? The same is true with a guy.

27:47

You take a guy and

27:49

he's a doctor and he makes a

27:51

lot of money and he's really handsome and he's good

27:53

with his words. He's charming the scripture

27:55

would say or I would

27:57

say and the scripture would warn you

28:00

about he's very charming, and then

28:02

women are gonna swoon. They're gonna want

28:04

to commit their lives to that guy. They're

28:06

gonna get in that marriage. The girl says,

28:08

oh my gosh. He's never home. He he

28:11

doesn't invest in me. He doesn't honor me. He

28:13

doesn't cherish me. He doesn't know how.

28:15

He's really a narcissist. He

28:17

he and now I'm stuck in this covenant of marriage with this 196.

28:19

I I've said for better or

28:22

worse, and and I don't wanna

28:24

be married to you because I don't love you because

28:26

you're not here for me to love

28:27

you. Mhmm. And I I invested in

28:29

the wrong thing. I would have been so

28:31

much better off and thought, okay, what

28:34

does the role of a husband require one,

28:36

you need to be present. Right?

28:38

Wow. I should have considered that ahead

28:41

of time. And if you do that, then

28:43

the attractiveness, it

28:45

follows. Because anyone

28:47

you marry, there's gonna be days where you're

28:49

not to them. And so I think it's

28:51

important to think through, man, what are those things?

28:53

Like, they study God's word. They pray.

28:55

They're they're in they're

28:58

committed to a local body. They're under authority.

29:00

They're you know, if you if you just marry

29:02

someone who is pursuing

29:05

Jesus who loves the Lord their God with other heart's soul mind and strength. And you're someone

29:07

who loves the Lord your God with all your heart's

29:09

soul mind and strength. It will work.

29:12

Yeah. I'm not saying that's all you need to consider, but I

29:14

am saying you need to consider that first and

29:16

foremost. And if that's all you've

29:18

considered, it will work. Rather

29:20

than if you just try to be as

29:22

beautiful or as sexy as you

29:24

possibly can be and you marry someone who

29:26

as sexy as as they can possibly

29:27

be, that's not gonna work. Like,

29:30

I guarantee you you're getting divorced.

29:32

Mhmm. A frustrating part

29:34

of ministry, specifically when you're working with

29:36

young adults, is when you see

29:39

women who would be unbelievable lives. Yeah.

29:41

And no one 196 them, like, no

29:43

one asked them out, like, for years. And it's like,

29:45

guys --

29:46

Yeah. -- just If you trust me with anything, trust me

29:48

with this one. She's gonna be awesome.

29:51

And

29:51

faithful. Yes. Like, they're they're

29:54

they're women we

29:56

work with. That would be I mean,

29:58

there are women who go to Harris Creek. That would

30:00

be amazing life. So if there's any of

30:02

you guys out there that you love the Lord you got with

30:04

our heart, soul mind 196 you wanna

30:06

be married do holler at your

30:08

boy. But but the truth, like, I

30:10

mean, guys say that, and I it's

30:12

hard. I understand it's difficult. I'm

30:14

compassionate to it. Mainly because you've just been fed that

30:17

lie so much, you

30:19

know. And so I think

30:21

first Timothy four twelve is a I

30:23

mean, I said four eighteen

30:24

earlier. It's four eighteen. I know. I thought it was four twelve. Yeah.

30:27

It's four twelve. First seventy four twelve. This is the first time

30:29

in my life I've ever First seventy four

30:31

twelve. First seventy four twelve is a

30:33

great list you know,

30:36

I I think that's something a great list

30:38

of what to inspect whether you're male or female.

30:40

Like, those five things inspect those

30:42

things. Yeah. That's

30:43

good. That's great. Nothing

30:46

else. That's how am I gonna end on that Okay.

30:48

How how has Monica's pursuit of Jesus

30:50

been helpful in your relationship? Man,

30:52

I think about that. Like, that was a

30:54

a pivot in our marriage.

30:57

Honestly, like, I think about how

30:59

much I did this wrong

31:01

and how much I paid. Like, how much Monica did

31:03

it wrong and how much we paid. Like, man, those

31:06

that second year of marriage was

31:08

so stinking miserable. And

31:11

hard and filled with

31:13

tears and, I mean,

31:15

just unbearable. And

31:17

and the spirit of god moved in

31:19

both of our lives and we began to prioritize things of

31:21

Jesus, and we both changed as

31:23

human beings. And so it's like, I lived

31:25

this firsthand. Yeah. And you do

31:28

not wanna pay the price that I paid or Monica paid

31:30

for that matter. Like,

31:32

fines that's what dating is. Like,

31:34

it's your time. To

31:36

inspect, to ensure

31:38

that they are radically pursuing Jesus,

31:40

not just like good enough. And I'm

31:42

telling you once you really like somebody,

31:44

or to say in a different way, once you're really attracted

31:46

to someone, the compass is is

31:48

messed up. Yeah. It's like you take a mag you

31:50

you take a magnet and you put it beside a compass, the compass

31:53

doesn't work. It's always gonna show you like

31:55

wherever the magnet is, it's gonna be like, that's your true

31:57

north. So when you really like someone and

31:59

you're really attracted to them, it's so easy to be like, oh,

32:01

they're Christian enough. Yeah. Like that or they meet that

32:03

they meet that requirement and you don't wanna listen

32:05

to anybody that's gonna try

32:07

to, you know, break that

32:09

idle. Because it is an idol.

32:11

Like, the relationship is an idol. Your feelings for

32:13

them are an idol. They are an idol.

32:15

And anybody who comes between you and that idol,

32:17

like, you wanna destroy with baseball

32:19

bat. Yeah. And so I just like, you like,

32:21

I trust myself the least when I

32:24

really, really, really want something 196, in

32:26

this case, someone 196 so

32:29

trust yourself the least when your feelings are

32:31

at an all time peak 196 I I know delight yourself in the

32:33

Lord 196 will give you the desires of your

32:34

heart. But that first part delight yourself in

32:37

the Lord is so so important.

32:39

Yeah. I think I think when we think of marriage, we

32:41

just think of, like, only the the

32:43

amazing parts of, like, man, do I wanna have

32:45

sex with them? Do I wanna go on fun

32:47

vacations with them? But it's like

32:49

that is a small piece of marriage. You're gonna

32:51

go through some really hard things. So

32:53

it's like, man, is that the person you wanna go

32:55

through? The job loss with, the miscarriage

32:57

with, the the, like, like,

32:59

the hard seasons with, is does

33:01

that person have what it takes to to be there for

33:04

you

33:04

then? Well, and just back to,

33:06

like, the importance of community, the the verse that

33:08

comes to mind is Proverbs eighteen one,

33:10

whoever isolates himself, seeks his own desire,

33:12

he breaks out against all sound

33:15

judgment and to what you're saying

33:17

with with, like, infatuation and

33:19

attraction. Like, there just there are so many

33:21

binders. Yeah. And we desperately need

33:23

community to just point out those things. It's like,

33:25

hey, this this might be where you're missing

33:27

it -- Yeah. -- because that person is so

33:29

faithful 196 they're pursuing hard after Jesus.

33:31

196 I think you're it in this

33:33

area. If you're focusing only on attraction. Yeah.

33:38

Yes. Yes. You know, there are about sixteen

33:40

proverbs that say wisdom comes from the council

33:42

of many. Do do not isolate yourself.

33:44

Do not be wise in your own eyes. There's a way that seems

33:46

right. But in the end, at least to death,

33:48

what I would say to you and I just I

33:50

love this. Somebody said this. I heard it. And I was

33:52

like, man, yes. Like, find

33:55

someone that you want to suffer

33:57

with. Yeah. Jesus says, in this world, you will have

33:59

trouble. Yeah. As you think about marriage, we we

34:01

always think hey, find somebody you want a honeymoon

34:03

with. Right. And that's a part of it. That's a part

34:05

of it. But man, in

34:07

life, in this world, you will have trouble. So

34:09

make sure you choose someone that you wanna suffer with,

34:11

not someone who's insufferable. 196, man,

34:14

people who

34:16

get married and they marry

34:18

someone who's really difficult. That's a challenging

34:20

life, you know. And

34:22

so you would be better off just

34:24

marrying I mean, I say it all the time, people

34:26

hate me for it. Like, guys,

34:28

find the godliest woman you know.

34:30

Yeah. The godliest girl you know

34:32

and and ask her out. And

34:35

find out and then in asking you're out, you're trying to confirm

34:37

two things. Is she as godly as you think

34:39

she is? And is she willing

34:41

to spend her life

34:44

with you? if both of those are green lights, you

34:46

know? Man, you go

34:48

light. Yeah. Put a ring on it.

34:52

Yeah. It's helpful too, like, the way that you're just making

34:54

the objective so clear. Like, I think I

34:56

think there can be this pressure in

34:58

Christian dating where you think the

35:00

objective

35:01

is, like, I have to marry that person. Yeah.

35:03

And so then if you break up, it's like, oh, I failed,

35:05

like, I failed at dating. Maybe I wasn't

35:07

listening to God, maybe I wasn't

35:09

listening to community. But if the

35:11

objective is evaluating whether or not they're

35:14

gonna make a great, like, lifelong ministry

35:16

partner, then you

35:18

can like successfully evaluate. And and it can end up in a breakup if

35:20

you evaluate that they weren't that

35:22

person. Right. And so it doesn't have to lead to

35:24

as much

35:26

disappointment or like, man, I

35:28

failed if the objective is of

35:30

of evaluation is clear. That's right. And

35:32

so that's helpful. Yeah. No. That's right. I mean, I

35:34

think that's that's all dating is.

35:36

It's not any more complicated than that. And I think through the

35:38

world's lens dating is just a

35:40

means to emotional highs and

35:42

lows 196- Mhmm. -- and

35:44

an experience. and and that's really ineffective. Gosh.

35:46

And that's why you That's exhausted.

35:48

That's why some people, not everyone. That's

35:50

why some

35:52

people stay perpetually single who desire marriage is

35:54

because they look at dating through the wrong

35:55

lens. Mhmm. Some people again don't need if

35:58

that's not to

36:00

you. You don't need I'm not talking to you is what I would say. Yeah.

36:02

I feel bad for pouring water on

36:04

you. You wanna pour that on me? No. Absolutely not. I

36:06

would never do that to my elder. Oh, man.

36:09

Honestly, we have respect. We

36:12

submit. Man, that's it.

36:14

Y'all are both fifth

36:17

graders. You well. Anything else.

36:20

I feel like that's

36:21

a good episode. I think that was

36:23

helpful. You did what? You did good.

36:26

Thank you. You have what

36:28

it takes. Oh my

36:28

goodness. Let's go, Brie. Yeah. Cathy

36:29

Week. I guess we'll start a

36:31

marriage podcast then. Yes. I love it.

36:33

Alright, guys. Well, we will see

36:35

you next week. Peace

36:42

out.

36:46

Thanks for tuning in

36:48

to becoming something, where we promised

36:51

to keep the conversation honest

36:54

and real.

36:55

For young adults in their twenties and

36:57

thirties. Every moment we live is training for

36:59

a future moment, and that's why we

37:01

do this podcast. Because we want you to be

37:03

prepared for everything that is gonna throw at

37:05

you. Our hope with this

37:06

podcast is that it would help you

37:10

become all that God desires you

37:12

to be. To find out more, visit becoming something

37:16

dot com.