Show Notes:

We are coming back to our new series, “In the Thick of It: Small Steps for Quick Wins”. During this series I will be bringing you some of my favourite tools. These are things that are not rocket science, are totally able to be integrated into your life, no matter how crazy and chaotic it is, and that are guaranteed to make a difference if you apply them consistently. 

I teased this one a bit at the end of last week’s episode, so you might already know that this week we’re talking about how we tell the story. Last week we talked about Opposite Action, which is a way we can actively engage in doing something different with our trauma experience. Opposite action is practical and tangible – it is about doing different. Today, as we talk about story, we are talking about thinking different and actively participating in shaping the narrative of who we are, how we’re defined, and how we allow our trauma and experiences speak to this in us and about us. 

Often, the stories we tell about ourselves and the events that have happened to us and around us, are dictated from the most vulnerable and fearful parts of us. As a result, they tend to be narrated from a place of shame, self-judgement, unreasonably high expectations and so on. We will be likely to see ourselves as the villain – sometimes even twisting stories where we are clearly the victim into stories where that still means it was somehow our fault because we “allowed” bad things to happen to us. 

We are storytellers. Our brains are wired this way. Thinking back on human history, we have always told stories and used this as a key tool in passing down information, keeping next generations connected to previous generations. We are constantly telling stories – of ourselves, of others, of our experience. 

While we are well versed at telling stories, we are not generally well trained in telling them accurately or completely. It can be a little bit like the telephone game when you’re a kid – the message at the beginning gets warped along the way and distorted into something totally different as it gets passed along. …The same phenomenon happens with stories inside of our own heads. Instead of a message being passed from one person to the next, it’s being passed through multiple filters in your mind. Filters that scan for embarrassment, shame, stupidity, failure, weakness and anything else perceived as necessary to protect you from the parts of you that feel inadequate. 

I’ve mentioned many times before on this show that your brain is naturally wired to give higher valuing to negative experiences as these are important for learning and keeping yourself safe. The good things are already good, but the bad things, those we need to pay attention to so we don’t let them continue to happen. As a result of this, the filters in our heads tend to be largely dictated by the negative skews we hold rather than any positive ones, and by default, our brain will run the story of an experience or who it believes us to be through these filters, ultimately popping out a distorted version of a story at the end that is often extremely inaccurate but feels very real and true to the parts inside of us.

The real challenge is that operating from a place of believing that this story is true leads us to acting from belief that we are much like the villains in spiderman. It paints us into a corner, believing that we are destined to be weak, unacceptable, unlovable, helpless, powerless, stupid, and so on. The filters will continue to find confirmation by biasing stories on an ongoing that further reflect these, and we will feel increasingly helpless to the belief that we aren’t enough.

To change the default we have to do a few key things:

1.      Notice when your brain is telling a story. Try to catch it in the act.

2.      Be aware of your personal classic filters – we all have a few that tend to stand out and be the heavy lifters when telling stories about ourselves. 

3.      Be intentional about catching the default story and confronting it with context – help your brain learn there is more to the story than what the filters would have it believe.

4.      Experiment with telling alternative stories. You don’t have to believe them, but you have to be able to entertain that they are possible, as much as the default narrative might be. For example, one of my filters is stupid, I often judge this of myself due to past experiences. When my feeling is embarrassment and my internal judgement is stupid, I get curious about what else might be happening. And you know what is often a more accurate story? I tried something that felt risky, and it didn’t go perfectly, but it was BRAVE. This story tends to be far more accurate but is harder to tell because it is certainly not the default. It takes intentional effort at interacting with my default systems, and digging beneath the quick and dirty assumptions my brain will jump to. 

Episode Challenge:

·        Register for Beating the Breaking Point (choose the enhanced support experience – it’s worth it!), my online resilience training program.

Additional Resources:

Register for Beating the Breaking Point, our top-rated self-paced resilience training program tailor made for First Responders and Front Line Workers to protect against (and recover from) Burnout and related concerns (eg. Organizational Stress, Compassion Fatigue and Vicarious Trauma).

Check out some of our related episodes…
-        Impacts of Trauma Series (S3E9-13)
-        May Mini’s (Quick Tips for Regulation) (S2E35-39)

Connect, Rate, Review, Subscribe & Share!

Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram, or email me at [email protected]. I love hearing from you! Subscribe and share this podcast with those you know. I appreciate every like, rating and review – every single one helps this podcast to be seen by other First Responders & Front Line Workers out there. Help me on my mission to help others just like you to not only survive, but to thrive – both on the job and off.

This podcast is designed for First Responders and Front Line Workers including Law Enforcement (Police, RCMP, Corrections, Probation Officers); Public Safety (Fire Fighters, Community Liaison Officers, Emergency Call-Takers and Dispatchers); Social Services (Social Workers, Community Outreach Workers, Addictions Support Workers, Housing Support Workers, etc.); and Public Health (Nurses, Doctors, Hospital and Health Support Staff) and anyone else who works in high exposure, high risk workplaces. Please help us to help our community heroes by sharing this free resource to those you know in these front line roles.