0:13

okay guys, this

0:15

is a very special episode of

0:17

burning hell i've covered a lot of fuckedupshit

0:20

i've talked to a of fucked up people and

0:22

we have never covered

0:25

fertility infertility

0:28

would never touched it not even not even

0:30

a tip not even not even look at it

0:32

dot is have a , this is

0:34

gonna be so fucking insane folks

0:37

and i couldn't pick a better person to do it

0:39

we're with casey balsam i'm

0:42

obsessed with this comic ceased

0:45

so fucking funny so much you i was

0:47

like i'm it like you inspire

0:49

me everything about you and your lights

0:51

and also we have like girl's gotta eat as obsessed

0:53

with her someone who came they have incredible taste

0:56

no pun intended arm up

0:58

see as up see i say to sit with

1:00

us we love a person title comes as an album

1:02

out son of a bar is hilarious news

1:04

on she says she bombs and group sex for

1:08

your ideal i'm terrible group tax i

1:10

literally can only say ah because i for are you

1:12

like in your head about it yeah i'm

1:15

, the one that sends the something and in

1:17

their conversation soft sounds like up welts

1:19

meanwhile my husband this is literally in

1:21

our vows i was like he like

1:24

he is the king of were like every group text

1:26

is like robbie everything was i write something

1:28

there's like five or something something he

1:30

kills and group tax and it's infuriating

1:32

and he's not a comic is no years a comic

1:34

is okay yeah i said it's infuriating you

1:37

know i he must have a certain style or is

1:39

that a yes but it seems

1:41

pretexts you're actually useful for group

1:43

tax because people want an ongoing group

1:45

sex the people who hire you to

1:47

and group tax on to think of these fucking

1:49

bachelorette group tag notifications

1:52

about nothing i'll be the group text cooler

1:55

i said i will come in all down the tae bo

1:57

it always has come in with something fucking stupid

1:59

fucking a like right and as his dad putting

2:01

us on i decided to com a become a comic

2:04

low key because of his like

2:06

pretty funny groups have a

2:09

recent strikes

2:11

wind really sick sector you know works

2:14

but you write some good sex marriages about

2:16

energy for you i think you just haven't if you

2:18

haven't found the right group

2:19

maybe the i need people to get me in

2:22

a but i love that you sick so who

2:24

you are you don't change to the group says i can

2:26

i wouldn't even know how and you have

2:28

of he wasn't very exciting

2:31

event coming up here like can

2:33

you explain how like the project

2:35

you're working on the , it's

2:38

been yes i i'm

2:40

a and also by the way i love you too i love i

2:42

love i've loved working with you were at gotham and everything

2:44

like that and so it's very fun to be here here

2:47

i wrote struggling with infertility

2:49

i have been for almost five years now

2:52

which is fucking insane but i

2:54

started telling jokes about it as a way to kind of cope

2:56

with it and then that became like a really

2:58

nice quarantine project to be like hey

3:00

i don't think anybody has spoken about this

3:03

with a funny tinge to it cause like i was

3:05

saying before i feel like infertility is is just

3:08

tackled so sad

3:10

and it's like a very hopeless place like

3:13

when you go on the internet and everyone's like you have to eat

3:15

this and you can't do this and you're just like it

3:17

it's very hard to navigate your way through so i

3:19

started telling jokes about it because jokes needed to process

3:21

it and then that became this project

3:23

of this kind of one woman

3:25

show mainly it's woman comedy like i'm

3:27

trying like there's definitely parts where definitely talk

3:30

for my heart but it's supposed to be funny

3:32

i'm i'm and i'm made this show

3:34

called inconceivable what called good title it's

3:37

a and title it's i love it i lose your head

3:39

to the title comes to immediately the title was first

3:41

yeah but you know outburst and

3:43

i was like i gotta i gotta

3:45

do this and he was

3:47

it has gotta do this i've got it isn't everyone

3:49

was like absolutely there's nobody there's

3:52

nobody infertility slightly it's starting

3:54

to be talked about like the tip of the iceberg like even

3:56

on like selling sex in the city there was a character going

3:58

to idea but know they do with they going

4:00

to ideas like they don't actually get into second

4:02

that know service and so i wrote this

4:05

ah show and i've been doing the jokes on stage

4:07

and i'm bringing it to the edinburgh fringe

4:09

festival

4:11

the know it and sky lana excited and

4:13

yeah you're going overseas better take it as international

4:16

taking this yeah across across state lines

4:18

visit

4:19

right were really the only got

4:21

them before

4:21

i've been to edinburgh and it's beautiful

4:23

and wonderful and i can't wait to see it

4:25

just filled with it was created young people

4:27

i think it's going to be so fun and i've told

4:29

that you literally lose your mind because you do that you

4:31

do your hour every day for a month at

4:35

the same time at the same than he is so you

4:37

like literally i ran into a comic who

4:39

had ever met before but he was ah he's

4:41

done for engine he's a grin medication and as like

4:43

awesome cook and usually they have like

4:46

very soon were on july thirty first

4:48

sight leads to well we're

4:50

week from sunday and you also said you have some

4:52

exciting news on the fertility for us i

4:54

do sell the crazy part about

4:56

is that i'm doing this show at meanwhile

4:59

i am actually transferring

5:02

one of our the embryos

5:05

on monday the twenty fifth sell

5:08

after you transfer number you wait two weeks to see

5:10

if you're pregnant so i will actually be taking my pregnancies

5:12

as while i'm in scotland doing

5:15

the show so it's really like a

5:17

real time i know and i told my doctor

5:20

i was like i just want to wait and he's a guide them i'm

5:22

the guy he's a you can find a place over there to draw

5:24

your blood i have seen a league of i'm lily going i

5:27

was i tell me

5:29

out about this is a things

5:31

with comedy icily go get inspiration

5:34

and you're younger these great job as and everyone

5:36

loves them and then like and year later you're still doing

5:38

that but you know love them anymore because like your life has

5:40

evolved yeah aged you're

5:43

living your truth right now

5:45

as in it and you are so fucking

5:47

like legs out mention it

5:49

all a minute about your

5:51

life but i do have to explain ceo

5:54

yes i am dum

5:56

dum when it comes to fertility to israel

5:58

i don't know or i don't know anything

6:00

about it it's not your for never had to

6:02

know my mom pop to me and my brother

6:05

out sheath as she just

6:07

a difference if is a couple hours she brags

6:09

that have us take any drugs nicer

6:11

like any pussy as bits of idea of a drug

6:14

as arm and that's literally all

6:16

i know to tears to say it's it's

6:18

really and really touch on it's a little bit in the shelves

6:20

and like honestly they do not

6:22

set us up for this as women they throw

6:24

out they throw a fucking causal magazine at

6:26

us and all the he does or to how to like tires silk

6:28

scarf how to give a bottle of as all

6:30

blow job pretty bad hand job what

6:33

, happening with my able to make him

6:35

like yeah i know how to make your part smell

6:37

better and his allies allies

6:40

, i'd

6:42

say it's truly but it's but they don't

6:45

speak don't set us up it's not like

6:47

it it's not like somebody says hey

6:49

at twenty as at thirty years old

6:51

if you're not with a process and you think you want kids

6:54

go to a doctor and just go for just poke

6:57

around with see what the eggs are like go see what

6:59

the hormones are like just go

7:01

check things out because you don't know

7:03

and the when you start trying to have you start you don't know what

7:05

would like there's so many things inside of her about as you can

7:07

have like polyps or fibroids you could have

7:09

a separate like there's so many little seeing

7:12

a and you could be totally fine you couldn't get drunken

7:14

in vegas and and falcon and get pregnant like

7:16

no prob you make i feel lot of emotions

7:18

like has lot of a most and i'm getting excited

7:20

get it must be here at like i want to punch

7:23

a wall like an angry white dude who does loss of a boat

7:25

games as you don't know about this because they don't tell him i

7:28

like i feel like every

7:31

girl at a certain age hidden

7:33

know that it's ok to

7:35

go and just check your situation that they

7:37

won't tell you they won't they won't do it for you have

7:40

to ask for it but it is

7:42

so crazy because for example i know friends

7:44

who their whole life they think they're

7:46

pregnant every month they're afraid of getting

7:48

pregnancy and then at like thirty

7:50

two they realize like oh like actually

7:53

can't get pregnant or like oh my husband

7:55

doesn't have whatever yeah don't know how to

7:57

say it but it's like

7:58

we should know or

7:59

leon how to prepare for

8:02

what is inevitable with our bodies

8:04

but it's like the second you decide i want a baby

8:06

zen all this reality hits you

8:08

it's really it's it's truly crazy because

8:10

you do you spend most

8:12

of the time trying to

8:16

prevent pregnancy because like so

8:18

fucking player but that's also that's

8:20

also been ingrained in us it's a minute

8:22

we grow tits people are like don't get

8:25

pregnant yeah do you want to do anything

8:27

our lives you care if you're

8:29

pretty a d throw you could approach

8:32

as a lead honestly yeah i mean an attorney

8:34

you those you remember this from like when you guys had

8:36

sex ed when you were younger but that

8:39

was that question that came up concepts that can

8:41

you get pregnant from sucking dick it's a small

8:43

there was just it was a prank and the model

8:45

number of control in i don't think in leave

8:48

i was my educated about that kinds

8:50

of birth control to this day it's i'm

8:53

what's the thing that they stick up a new stick got

8:55

you deem fit see the sunni acronyms

8:57

to like i'm not i'm can't deal with that is toads

9:00

it's cozy that we have not been

9:02

pointed out crack seven know i am

9:04

formula bad with my birth control and i'm

9:06

so chaotic i'll take like on this

9:08

a couple days i'll take five pills is like hope

9:10

it works and i'd my mom's

9:12

like have you would about like and easy and i'm like

9:15

i'm scared of that or know what it is my one friend

9:17

told me like it was the most pinches of are gone

9:19

through pinches don't even know how i'd go about getting

9:21

at and then and just don't and that's i know

9:23

i think i'm a good the average

9:26

girl who like doesn't like to do a lotta admin

9:28

on cannabis seats and like as as i'm not

9:30

going to do it i get it so

9:32

why when you were going up did

9:34

you want to be among since i was like ten

9:37

and we got kylie jenner i look at you ah

9:40

we very much resemble each other as well season

9:43

finally we didn't make

9:45

it out for

9:47

i know truly honestly when

9:49

when i was playing

9:51

like naming kids games i was canceling

9:54

making lists of names that i lot like

9:56

i was naming my children since i was

9:59

and

9:59

never to be said about letting them i never thought

10:02

about the husband and i didn't even know that

10:04

that was like it i knew that that was part of it

10:06

but i mainly was just like i

10:08

want kids like i i played barbie cells eighty

10:11

and like i was very into being

10:13

in control of other people ah

10:17

i was like who can i tell what to do dynamic

10:20

inner like lab pigeon exactly

10:22

it's own orkut wow wow wow

10:25

it's all and orchestrated uncommon upon us answer

10:27

my whole life but yeah you them you little you wanna

10:29

like influence and inspire

10:31

and like help someone grow yeah

10:34

so have you ever had any

10:36

pregnancies guys newer younger at

10:38

a thing is that i thought i did some yeah

10:40

but now

10:41

where i mad

10:43

sometimes i wonder because a we've been trying

10:45

since i was at thirty six and and after thirty five

10:47

is really when you it goes

10:49

rapid like at between thirty

10:51

and thirty five there's still a little bit of room to

10:54

play with but you should still kind of know but after thirty

10:56

five it's it's third

10:58

it's did it were rolling downhill where

11:00

would you mean by rap you mean like like at the exit

11:02

it's are killing of the eggs the a good quality

11:05

and the numbers drop drastically

11:07

at thirty five it's so funny because our

11:09

bodies and are on

11:12

generation are so likes

11:14

the body still thinks like she's are capable

11:16

she's gonna die of forty five she can't

11:19

raise these children of my can we change

11:21

in on thing is also it's a modern society

11:23

especially because you're women are we waiting

11:26

longer and i don't know if this is people

11:28

were doing it back in the day know people had

11:30

issues but i think people were just

11:32

having children younger i think that it was just

11:35

kind of like the norm back

11:37

in the day was like a you get married at twenty

11:39

three twenty six you have kids

11:41

all at stuff and

11:43

i'm like man when i was twenty three there was that

11:45

is that there were no prospects and

11:48

also like making

11:50

me and mother had twenty three are you kidding me

11:52

lay out mean that we would both the and

11:54

he says terrible anymore

11:56

to be good right now for me for that kinda

11:58

sucks kinda feel like sports now that i'm

12:00

like i get it like and i've done shit with

12:02

my life and it's i'm ready for this second chapter

12:04

but like my god and i'm not i'm not

12:06

you know i have a lot of friends that had kids in their twenties but

12:09

it's just wild to think about it that your

12:11

child brides it's so it's so normal

12:13

and i look at pictures of myself and i was twenty three am i

12:15

have babysat man smack my brother

12:17

fucked up like i looks i don't look

12:19

like the mods like i just i might who

12:21

would have given me a bit like i wouldn't have given me

12:23

a baby and knowing i get why things but

12:26

so and also i do feel like eat whatever the

12:28

universe throws at you like we will

12:30

find a way to deal with it but

12:32

there's so many women who you know they'll be

12:34

twenty six and single and they're stressing

12:36

already about their timeline sullen and apps or

12:38

have fun don't deny to look like but it's hard

12:40

to really don't worry about it because then they're like

12:43

okay i'm not going to meet some on let's say for two years i

12:45

meet someone and if is wrong person i'm with them

12:47

for five years and we break up than a single a thirty

12:49

two likes i think yourself into crazy shit and

12:51

all because the timeline of her eggs and

12:53

us that's why it's like just go get him out

12:55

and i'm an eye on a save us from have a

12:57

point knowing that that's not that cheap and not

12:59

a lot of insurances take it or

13:01

not have insurance is cover it's but if it's

13:04

something in your life that you know you want or

13:07

just taken eggs out when you're younger as what

13:09

is that it would help sigma eggs now i'm

13:12

so so taking doing an egg

13:14

retrieval processor you have to go through

13:18

we did progress that i went through as they basically

13:20

they'll , you on kind of like i've been to two different

13:22

clinics who had different kind of approaches there's

13:24

plenty more of an old school nurse kind of like that a more

13:27

modern approach what i'm doing now which

13:29

my body's responding to more the basically

13:31

you get put on like them they go you have to go

13:33

by your natural cycle so when you decide okay i'm

13:35

gonna do this there is an end end

13:38

winning but i'm kind of obsessed with the drama

13:40

of the same as

13:43

i say no to that

13:44

ah

13:47

alabama that he broke size now

13:49

sees a so they are you

13:52

going to cycles you have to get your period and you have to kind

13:54

of then ah

13:55

he needed to track the natural

13:58

phases and so at a certain point during

14:00

the faith and i forget it might be right after you ib

14:02

litter and between period and i really should you go on

14:05

a birth control like some will put you on

14:07

like a harder one i was on this other or a really

14:09

light one so could they want essentially

14:11

all the eggs to be at the same starting

14:13

point cut your eggs like they kind of during

14:16

a cycle there's some big and you know ultimately it's

14:18

just the one that kind of his his

14:20

chosen and released to avi

14:22

late and that's where the sperm as both to meet so

14:25

they want to kind of take all of your eggs in

14:27

allow you to kind of gather them up so they kind

14:29

of stop them so they put you on they tell this

14:31

is i'm making and gate with my hands because that's

14:34

what my doctor did he data gates

14:36

itself in my head my to seagate is the

14:38

great the pill is immediately and all your eggs

14:40

are just say the my goal line to brunch

14:42

at twelve o'clock on o'clock sunday

14:44

and near said

14:45

yeah or a girl isa ready

14:47

to

14:47

jack for every day that enables

14:49

that you can get some you're behind the fucking

14:52

glass so they do that and then

14:54

arm and then essentially after that

14:56

you take two

14:59

different types of hormones one the

15:02

south stem i since one of them

15:04

is basically decline of that and

15:06

him up and one of them is to kind of get

15:09

em all together something like no access

15:11

to this thing as that i've done the stewards sit mm

15:13

it's four times that times still don't even really like

15:15

know

15:16

the engine out much you in

15:19

you

15:20

shoot needles with this hormones

15:22

that is directly really that like when i'm

15:24

like it's not that bad it's

15:26

bad it's a diabetic needle around and

15:29

you can't really feel it one of the stuff one

15:31

of the medications and until and whole joke about

15:33

this because of synthetic urine a burn it

15:36

for it because there's like a hormone in

15:38

this guy back in italy lawyers

15:41

ago found out that there was there was and older

15:43

women's urine that could help younger women get

15:45

pregnant so he started like harvesting

15:47

from these nuns because the older women couldn't

15:49

be pregnant so he was that will nuns don't

15:51

get pregnant so he started harvesting gear and

15:53

with with the vatican blessing to the pope was

15:56

like yeah give the madison good give the man the pp

15:58

like nuns give it to so then

16:01

keep so then he was injecting in the urine

16:03

and with workings of but then it just became

16:05

unsustainable he needed like thirty thousand and leaders

16:07

of you're in a day from nuns and so they just

16:09

found a way to make it's and that a young so we soon

16:11

lights burning a bring your insights it just

16:13

kind of like burns when it goes the aga like this is only

16:15

the some the agreement i just had with robbie i

16:17

thought it was pretty well known that like p birds

16:20

but like other my friend was like yeah yeah of course

16:23

mike was i just peeing on my feet a lot as a

16:25

child and my feet were like how do i know

16:27

that you're in burns like this is a good

16:29

night i thought this is a very normal thing and that every

16:31

time i tell me vomit you know how your and burger haunts

16:33

like watch what

16:36

they have an std sir how much time ago

16:39

when you like when pee on a cotton people like why are

16:41

you on sites like sites

16:43

don't know but there's something but there's light

16:45

out yet someone the i'm i truly

16:47

are that i don't know why i know this but i know that

16:49

year and burn so when he rejected a britain so you you

16:52

shoot the things and then you basically they sell

16:54

up your ovaries with eggs so east side

16:56

and he going to the doctors everyday and they check

16:58

in every day one one guy

17:00

had become an everyday another i had to come

17:03

every couple days that right towards the end when

17:05

it's like it's a timing things to take the eggs

17:07

have to be right at the right times as you don't want them to

17:09

over mature as a new can't use them so

17:11

big so you want them are growing at the same time

17:13

and say imo as he would guess ugly about the most

17:17

people have a fulltime job during

17:19

not oh this and say here's the thing you're going at it like

17:21

seven and eight am you're going

17:23

in at seven and eight am and you're doing that where

17:25

your future unborn child those

17:28

like okay where were you know when

17:30

i get a kid they eyes they night is a

17:33

bedtime story will be them sox games

17:35

journey and the gauntlets that

17:37

i went through to make that if

17:40

they think they are going to college

17:42

they're not they will live with these i'm breastfeeding my childhood

17:45

or thirty five , kid

17:47

is with me forever but

17:49

so he says yes and so basically than your bloated

17:52

because your ovaries or fucking gigantic

17:54

an year cramping your does cramping

17:56

uncomfortable but it's not it's only

17:58

for like the span of nine

18:01

to ten days okay and then they

18:03

like there's a certain time where he says okay

18:05

we need to trigger cuts oh and then you start taking

18:07

something that will stop you from populating so once

18:10

the eggs start looking good looking good

18:12

than they like we don't want you to lose that we're not you would want

18:14

your ability then you have to add another shot so

18:16

that you're not rb ladies i also took this

18:18

stuff called omni trope which kind of i think help

18:21

the quality so it's taking like four shots

18:23

at at certain nights of singing four shots and

18:25

what's your husband doing their elders watching tv

18:28

yep sometimes i would suppose

18:30

i would make him watch me semi to be like stand

18:32

here they're like you will

18:35

get oh oh wash your vagina and during

18:37

it you're just like thought you run did

18:39

early whoever the guy you're else would

18:42

, just channel of the pain towards them i

18:44

actually channel mine towards and both my parents

18:46

who are extremely harry a

18:49

few bars and my

18:52

asshole excess of my sudden

18:54

the lady at an

18:56

event and robbie mess with humus

18:59

it is not their fault that they're it

19:01

too old so does he

19:03

feel emotionally during all this he

19:06

he goes and is now so like because

19:08

by design i'm feeling

19:10

most exam physically doing i have to sometimes

19:12

remind him like the guard and

19:15

but but i but i

19:17

don't think i think it's just because you don't

19:19

like the men's whole portion of this is to com

19:22

and a cup in a bathroom

19:25

at a doctor's offices you know to me like

19:27

they literally have a pleasurable experience it's

19:30

really like that like i'm like crying and

19:32

sweating running and is how second he's

19:34

like edison the got a , with

19:36

up there were some and other whenever

19:38

you say the word hormones i get scared

19:40

the us both a zero young people call

19:43

hormonal a saying india and i

19:45

just envisioned myself like just

19:47

going buzzer yeah

19:49

i it's

19:50

kind of what i really only and

19:52

robberies and said and some other people that

19:55

i've been around have been like you're doing pretty

19:57

good with it like i definitely internally i'm

19:59

feeling some term

19:59

oil and i've the i definitely will snap

20:02

at robbie like i do remember one time

20:04

when we're doing our first transfer last summer

20:06

you're on a whole other cocktail of hormone

20:08

because then you're getting your body prepped for

20:11

said to hold an embryo and

20:13

i remember i was i doing good doing good neither could

20:15

earn really good you doing really good think that's two weeks

20:17

and you're waiting in your just like taking so

20:19

many drugs and then at one point

20:21

towards the and i just remembered something set

20:23

me off and he was like in the shower

20:26

and i peel back the shower curtain on sex when

20:30

he was like he couldn't say anything

20:33

because it wasn't me you know it out as a screaming

20:36

at him while he was like in the ship just

20:38

in that dislike like site public i just

20:40

pulled the same back and would like

20:43

yeah

20:43

what he watched my head then

20:47

and fire and it was just like

20:49

and as accurate as and he does have a what that means

20:51

had to be like okay what

20:54

does happen i also want to preface are like i hate

20:56

when people say women are like

20:58

emotional could like think men are

21:00

emotional just and totally different ways right like

21:03

anger and last but it our legs were

21:05

navigating insane

21:07

things that were not in control of but somehow

21:09

we still managed to

21:11

run shit it's like it it

21:13

truly i just as a podcast and

21:15

them and the whole same as a powerful

21:18

women and she's like who is powerful

21:20

to and i was like all women in

21:23

general like anybody that sees

21:25

what's going on in the fucking world right now anybody

21:27

that has a dealing with any kind of and for anything

21:29

like this infertility or have just given birth

21:32

and the fact that we do all this and that we wake up

21:34

in the morning we go to are stupid little jobs and

21:36

we tell our done little joe and we and we laugh

21:38

at every last boss is bad job and

21:40

we give exclamation marks on every fucking email

21:43

to make sure everyone's okay yeah truly

21:45

not like every thing about

21:47

what what what what we go to a daily basis

21:49

is so crazy

21:52

and i don't think we suffer in silence

21:54

sell myself i believe we wake up and secure

21:57

believe that i forgot about the bed as i believe

21:59

we

21:59

we eat anything other than bagels with all

22:02

of us attorney mississippi results

22:04

with all those portions

22:06

christmas morse and stuff so murder arson

22:09

i had know i had a crazy moment

22:11

i was in actually away when it

22:13

when went down and this

22:15

man was actually he actually yelling

22:17

he was like honk if you've had enough wish

22:19

and like there is just like rally going on yeah the

22:22

whole highway so blowing

22:24

up with honking and i was shocked

22:26

and i was like we go through

22:28

so much

22:31

the violence because it's not like

22:33

it even like when you go to your job the

22:36

average jobs there's not tampons

22:39

in you know the closet

22:42

there is it's not like a woman while they a site

22:44

for that at a job i worked at

22:46

the by tampons for a mainly female

22:48

assess well as though

22:51

and it was a customer care had to work twenty

22:53

four hours a day

22:54

the they were there the mail the night and they were there on the weekends

22:57

and he's like i don't want to be a thing where than words

22:59

buying and for that your we need to any didn't have trash

23:01

cans in the women's bathroom either i go we need trash cans it

23:03

was at them and i need fucking tampons and are there for a

23:05

girl you who were in stand up and

23:08

imagine if it was like fifty fifty

23:10

men women how different the green rooms would be

23:12

i mean people understand like

23:14

this this on studio and right

23:16

now is yes run by a woman and a man and

23:18

machine so what is there's been

23:21

like every green or own i'm in

23:24

during the country it looks

23:26

like a horrible things have happened in a

23:28

or it was an idea in south bay

23:30

my wire

23:32

objects not even amid

23:34

there are now that i had to fight

23:36

with added a job i'm working out to now it's like an antonym

23:38

or thing as if i need a mirror if i may be putting

23:40

clipping things and putting microphones

23:42

of like i need i need a male is no one has

23:45

even thought if a woman was in this

23:47

position would she not one us a mirror

23:49

which he not want djelic a tampon

23:51

around or oh like

23:54

a good way i don't know like maybe

23:56

not a rat in the foreigner maybe not

23:59

me

23:59

i don't know

24:02

, couldn't handle on know it's

24:04

it's through i love those being involved

24:06

in mail spaces yeah being like allow

24:08

it they think women don't exist at

24:10

all said for that we're going into has changed

24:12

everything for their situation

24:14

but that's why i love your second voice

24:17

like what you're doing is so powerful right now because

24:20

it what you're doing with the are so is similar

24:22

to what i love but burning in hell burning caught a comedy

24:24

mental health pot cause health asked as it's like people

24:26

are more apt to listen apt these things when i'm

24:29

like is my comedy podcast yeah and

24:31

people come in and joked about ring

24:33

of the adding here we have to we asked

24:36

how do you live have you live every day

24:38

like you said suffering in silence and that's why

24:40

i started talking about it because i also

24:43

needed and out for myself that i was like

24:45

out and about and i was with people and like

24:47

i just wasn't feeling it or i was just

24:49

felt like not talking i could be like on hormones

24:51

like i needed i knew i needed to not

24:54

pretend like i was going through the has

24:56

has i was like i'm affected by this i'm

24:58

exhausted my body

25:00

is that my ovaries or traveling

25:03

in size and i'm bad twenty nine goddamn

25:05

eggs bouncing around in there like

25:07

i'm tired i've had

25:09

i was on you know like i you

25:11

get put under when you do the egg retrieval and

25:13

i've got on stage the next night

25:15

and i'm like what am i like it's just it's it's

25:19

it's , had to talk about it so that i could be weird

25:21

i was the the like loses what's going

25:23

on was a man so question

25:25

but question was even they give you going stayed overnight

25:27

like if like go on stage and like on stage

25:29

i might have to pee i like i i'm

25:32

like or not or like if i'm like a little but i have a phobia

25:34

of being onstage during an hour being hungry

25:37

so you like i do not want to be

25:39

andreas it might be a

25:41

little things like when you stayed you want to feel

25:43

good society when you're uncomfortable

25:45

at least minimal any comparable with

25:48

your body another thing that nobody tells

25:50

you like wouldn't there's there's certain medications that

25:52

you have to stick in your vagina and you leave

25:55

and like being on stage thinking

25:57

like any you know he you know you can feel an egg

25:59

drop you can feel your period you know

26:01

i feel a leak yup you know when you're

26:04

now to i can i felt that lead syndrome

26:06

stage and other i'm always worried that

26:08

like halfway through my said they're just gonna

26:10

be a big wet spot on my crotch

26:12

that is just literally i leveled to

26:14

the

26:15

i leveled every because of this

26:17

is it's such a leaky process like there's so

26:20

many thousand years ago vulnerable on stage

26:22

that you literally sitting there with a light right

26:24

on you on your your labor your lips

26:26

are like in in perfect i

26:28

learned lit people are literally the

26:30

the are looking at your vagina whole time and like al

26:33

feel like a drop in of it that damage

26:35

and then you're onstage on like i get seven more minutes

26:37

or i got whatever twenty five more minutes to talk

26:39

and i see like i gotta draw and like a only

26:41

have to think about her being funny and

26:43

it's very hard sometimes imagine like at a

26:45

bad if you in a bad mood at work and you can be in

26:47

a bad mood against of will nine five and leon your

26:50

emails you have to go from bad mood

26:52

to literally making people

26:54

last i know when you're not laughing

26:56

inside now i now there's intact when i

26:59

the first the first transfer get i

27:01

was on so many med that i was so tired that was literally

27:03

like waking up from sleep

27:05

going and doing show and

27:07

and comic like i was just like it was solely

27:09

like like even there like i was so

27:12

tired so how is he how

27:14

long did it take you to go from

27:16

the way

27:17

this really upsetting

27:20

to

27:21

like laugh about it cause i know sometimes

27:24

with comics with writing like something bad

27:26

will happen sooner be like no i don't really want such

27:28

as subject at yeah i know that

27:30

ceiling as well i

27:33

i can like i was as i was going to the process

27:35

you know i

27:37

i hadn't fully checked in with that it's

27:39

such a weird thing like i'm physically giving myself

27:41

shots and physically feeling uncomfortable

27:44

i'm sitting at the doctor's office i'm getting

27:46

i may have a blood of a bruiser just getting blood

27:48

blood drawn so much but i still intelligence

27:50

happening to me like i still felt like i was

27:52

outside of this number there's no fucking

27:54

way that this is me is without was like says

27:57

ugly myself up his the stereotype

27:59

in your head the wasn't me it was like my one

28:01

i had was the most basic like my

28:03

period was so normal my period where

28:06

the most reagan it was reliable like i

28:09

have caught light so i their a correlation

28:12

will generally you know when you are the late and it's not

28:14

met

28:15

you're lining thickens because it's getting ready

28:17

to like meat and and

28:18

the pair for ah for a confirmed

28:21

and an implant and i didn't happen

28:23

as your period so skinny your period

28:26

i am normally every month mentally

28:28

that makes my cycle was not my

28:30

we are violating regularly and doing other stuff

28:32

and so it really i didn't

28:35

there was nothing you know wire son

28:37

the warning signs and then and

28:40

and yeah and so of them going through a being like surely

28:42

this surely this solid as

28:44

for a quick sure is surely out

28:47

we can just keep having sex now it

28:51

doesn't , are like i'm just being you know

28:53

this is not pro active and also i don't even

28:55

know in infertility also is like

28:57

it's fifty fifty so it could be robbie

28:59

so it's it's robbie sperm as well they don't

29:01

slim they have morphology issues like there's

29:04

so many things and then i think me

29:06

it's my quality just because i'm older

29:08

and i i did snobs many

29:10

newport's in my life or you

29:12

smoker oh my god i love i still

29:14

love smoking still do not now

29:16

know as usual know i as

29:18

are know i can't because it really it's like smoking

29:21

don't have the have rule that be not american

29:23

economy by or

29:24

but i literally simmering sag like

29:26

went through and i'm from i know when did you start

29:28

smoking twelve s

29:32

a cyber still play and barbies is some

29:34

concern that

29:36

i was or other people are like

29:38

was drawing on it you just like burning years say

29:40

ground i'd say successes

29:43

burning years hot cigarette give it to me

29:45

a i dream about elected mayor other

29:47

when we travel like robbie will smoke in europe

29:50

and it's just like it is differently in just

29:52

just lie still love cigarettes

29:54

and i cannot touch him or you drinker i

29:57

love did i not all the things that are bad for yeah yeah

29:59

okay but name and i did at nebraska

30:02

your fun i'm fun

30:03

i just fun thank you a good time ago

30:06

studio in the good die i lived in hawaii for

30:08

a couple of years you get very bored you just

30:10

drinking i need to unlock

30:14

like i love asking questions in

30:16

my mind going

30:19

so much crazy set to

30:21

complete that so as if you're getting your

30:23

eggs frozen yet how long does only

30:26

a and how many times did however and

30:28

then when i when a when i wanted to start talking about yet here

30:30

and this is the i go off and know i might apply

30:32

but i'm getting the girl is of them from have any of it

30:34

so wait let me finish at the

30:36

for the first one was when did i

30:39

wanna start talking about it anyway

30:41

the

30:43

i needed a way to clue and to myself that's my

30:45

sword telling jokes about it men would

30:47

have minutes i would like only see if i can tell a

30:49

couple of these i bf jokes and they are resonating

30:51

and it made me check in with the fact that i was going

30:54

through it because of the we will help i have to riders

30:56

out in reality to read recognize that

30:58

i'm going through it yes that

31:00

was that and of and have an egg or to the

31:02

though you've gotten up your egg you take

31:04

all these shots than you you you stop yourself from

31:06

modulating and then when the eggs are ready the

31:08

doctor will say you're going to trigger tonight and

31:10

it's a very timely things are you take and hcg

31:13

shots that at tells your body you can ah

31:15

the late so than you trigger and the trigger

31:17

has to happen it's like ten pm exactly

31:19

i literally was it's bathroom that gotham

31:21

being like tick tick tick tick and at ten pm

31:24

exactly because then the egg retrieval has

31:26

to be exactly thirty six hours

31:28

after so you have to trigger exactly

31:30

at a certain time and then you go in

31:33

like yeah like thirty six hours later so you trigger

31:35

ten pm you wait you go in the next day and

31:37

then day

31:38

put you under which is

31:40

did that might literally that's a reason

31:43

to do an egg retrieval like that are all

31:45

talks mans these allergies and like listen i haven't like

31:47

drinker done a thing and like a days the can you cuz i

31:49

don't i tend to not like drinker do anything

31:51

when you're going to the site yeah let me just you'd

31:53

i want to give myself the best chance and so i i

31:55

tend to eliminate a lot of stuff i'm

31:57

some like let me down slowly intellect

32:00

let me have a little bit of a ride so silver

32:03

give me like a good thirty second spitting hi

32:05

the florida

32:06

and then they literally they say they they

32:08

take it and a suction all the eggs out

32:10

of your said it's it's a crazy

32:13

ceiling where did they go in

32:14

do you do your

32:16

your whole the and up your yep you ain't

32:18

getting up to your layout and and it is like i've watched

32:20

like you to the as it's like a small to buy

32:22

think and they kind of

32:25

that bag that's if you have a lot like it's obvious

32:27

he becomes like a the kind of i

32:30

hate the word scraping yeah kind of getting your

32:32

insides out into the iraq on the wall

32:34

it's just they're just they're just kind of i don't know if

32:36

with their stock or whatever but when you have more

32:38

your own shall i am obviously if you're over

32:41

bangs or their head their party is

32:43

or thirty minutes are mixing isn't there a

32:46

secure apartment had apartment mixture of ruins like

32:48

oh like know what's happened over and it's like

32:50

it's like it's pm were known as we're leaving

32:53

everyone we are in their yeah yeah and then and

32:55

then they accuse out yet the noise complaint yeah but

32:57

your ovaries or so big after

32:59

that you have to be really careful not to do

33:02

like certain kind of exercises they don't want your ovaries

33:04

to like docile and twist cause then that becomes

33:06

the whole thing and you could have over stimulated

33:08

ovaries in and that's a whole thing we're like pukey nino

33:11

had a lot of the control freak me

33:13

yeah is getting a good idea but

33:15

tesla ago you have to go because you

33:17

can it sounds like you can listen to everything they say

33:19

in it still won't work you know and

33:21

that is a real sense of loss

33:23

of control i feel like it really is because you don't

33:25

know what's going on

33:27

with you there's so many things that

33:30

are not like your body you could be you

33:32

have low very

33:32

there in which means that you

33:34

like my doctor so me his ticket one egg

33:37

and of a lady it like need new could i've

33:39

talked to women who at thirty eight were

33:41

already in the throes of menopause they

33:43

did not know it didn't know

33:45

so there's so many did either septum

33:47

so mean my over he was split at the top

33:50

which means that that's something that can nectar

33:53

it didn't have to fix that i also had like a

33:55

fibroid at one point the neatest be because otherwise

33:58

the fibroid was right where the

33:59

the would have grown and what

34:02

what am i poked and how the fuck would you know

34:04

this is they have to you have to poke around

34:06

of def also eat and just hormonal a now

34:08

people are starting to check their hormones more and i

34:10

i recommend even though i haven't done it when

34:12

my friends she's like couldn't lose weight and she was the

34:14

healthiest person i knew like cyber thing so

34:18

and she was like how like had an eating disorder

34:21

because i didn't understand why i couldn't

34:23

lose weight see i'm when she was able to realize

34:25

like oh it's out of my control it

34:27

says he didn't like regulate it exactly

34:30

so like this assists it's so hard buses women's

34:32

i select some of us will do everything right and

34:34

our bodies still will not respond we

34:36

hate you know you have to in that

34:38

you have to seek medical advice haven't

34:41

earned point you know like if it's if you are doing

34:43

all these things that

34:45

clear area control

34:47

though

34:48

they say put you under they take all their eggs out

34:50

and then

34:51

if you're getting them frozen i believe you

34:53

can still test the quality of the eggs and

34:55

then they'll test them and then they'll they'll

34:58

cry or freeze them and then essentially you're

35:01

dead if you're getting embryos out then

35:03

they take the eggs out and and they have

35:05

to be which ones are mature so some of them

35:07

either if they're too small or they've gone over

35:09

they have to be mature and then they put a sperm

35:11

into each of the mature eggs and then

35:14

you see which ones fertilized and then you

35:16

wait until day three and you see if

35:18

they're they have enough cells of you

35:20

want on day three you want between six and

35:22

ten cells and then on day five

35:24

and six you want certain other things like

35:26

a little to no fragmentation you want

35:28

them to be like in this like can you

35:30

want to sell to be to the suddenly grade

35:33

them seventy five or six they grade the

35:35

embryos to be like this is what we think they are based on

35:37

like the fragmentation the cell number and

35:39

where they are and like this right

35:42

thing for black of better words and then

35:44

once you have those embryos any anybody

35:47

who's made who's made or that and at every step

35:49

they go down like we have

35:51

yeah said i started at one point with twenty

35:53

nine eggs eat at twenty seven are

35:55

mature twenty four fertilizer

35:57

day three you have fifteen at day

35:59

six yeah nine and a nose nine go

36:01

to testing to make sure they have all the right chromosome

36:04

and then you get and i had to come back

36:06

so it's like as it's just and then they are

36:08

the ones are common and and and

36:10

then the to where the good ones than those get re

36:12

frozen and then based on quality

36:15

you implant like the best quality one

36:17

so we have five frozen right now

36:20

from two cycles excited to

36:22

with another clinic and i only got one embryo

36:25

they didn't stack it we put it in what

36:27

is it stick chances

36:29

the

36:31

you can aid it it changes so like

36:33

i think if you're like below thirty

36:35

i think you have a sixty percent chance of

36:37

alive for if you're like

36:39

when twenty

36:41

the air between thirty and forty

36:43

i think it's like you know fifty five

36:45

and then like after forty it's forty

36:48

percent chance of a lifer

36:49

you're fucking wild and can

36:52

you give me some numbers of what these things can

36:54

cost sell

36:56

it the egg

36:58

retrieval can be about eighteen thousand

37:01

dollars somewhere between fifteen and eighteen

37:03

yes and then there's met then and the meds

37:06

can be anywhere from

37:08

size my first clinic

37:10

had me so drugged up my first round of meds

37:12

for twelve thousand dollars or

37:15

, running this by you and give you numbers as as of

37:17

the and their lisa was a they they show you they show

37:19

either but you're buying the drugs at other places

37:21

yeah luckily then after my first our jobs

37:23

my my clinic saved drugs for me

37:26

i got drugs from other friends because

37:28

of here for under one hundred germany

37:30

i drug some friends that had insurance

37:33

and they were like giving me sacks and needles

37:35

and like war because you guys are both com a sua

37:37

have insurance

37:39

this lampard round on

37:41

there and so we were about i'd say

37:43

we're probably about eighty to eighty five out

37:45

of pocket ourselves luckily

37:47

we had very nice

37:50

friends and family members

37:52

the gift of about forty thousand

37:54

dollars is i don't know why the dichotomy

37:57

of like what's going on right now abortion rights and

37:59

how much like pro life people care

38:01

about a baby's a laser and i'm

38:03

like how certain difficult it is that assembles

38:05

who is that with these laws though depending

38:07

on how the term

38:10

of fertilization this is what else is a scary

38:12

that so many people are depending on this to make families

38:14

and

38:15

when you're forgot when you're the fertilize embryo some

38:17

people are considering that the person so they wanna

38:19

now put limits on how many

38:22

age as you can take out and how many thing

38:24

over then they want it so that they want to not let you

38:26

test your embryos and make you put in

38:28

embryos that has been miscarriages

38:30

or bad embryos they were there was nothing

38:32

you've done wrong just as bad a

38:35

miscarriage is just an embryo it was

38:37

not a viable

38:38

if it did make it to pregnant

38:40

if he did

38:41

the birth to a an

38:43

embryo with the wrong number of chromosomes a lot of had they

38:45

don't live outside of your bike is to they want to force

38:48

women to do what

38:50

is what call a mercy a mercy put their bad

38:52

embryos in just to miscarry them

38:54

because they think that that's more humane than discarding

38:58

things that you cannot even fucking see

39:00

with your eyes with the naked eye

39:03

they think that that as a person so it

39:05

will it could eventually also national

39:08

man's they hum of clearing that

39:10

like i know and they wanna make

39:12

women and who knows that i could succeed your birth

39:15

the thing to once you have a miscarriage

39:17

you you have to there's there's certain cells

39:20

and things that are still in there that

39:22

could help that could cause more

39:24

miscarriage so it's a really the

39:26

president if it's traumatic

39:29

to bleed out less

39:31

traumatic yes you read my body

39:33

doesn't like that this is not comfortable

39:36

for anybody any talk about leaking

39:38

it's it's like it's not it's not it's oh so

39:40

that's what scares me is that it really could affect

39:43

how people make their

39:45

families yes

39:47

france or is over which it might

39:49

which because essentially fertilization

39:51

as a baby then then you're embryos

39:53

are affected and then you're not allowed to keep as many

39:55

like because the whole thing is basing

39:59

you know for you that

39:59

the embryos and

40:01

to and you have two babies natalie you wanna

40:03

give three embryos and you would just discard him or donate

40:05

them to science or whatever and then they're saying like oh

40:08

that's also abortion upskilling

40:13

it

40:16

surely among all the whole thing is

40:18

so married i started and because like knowing

40:22

, hard it is to make is

40:24

this is your only option to make option to and knowing they

40:26

could eventually stop

40:29

people from being able to do that makes it so sad

40:31

i got a i think like this is literally what

40:33

you guys said you wanted one more

40:35

low sort of one other than the both of which is

40:37

crazy like have you met people i know horrible

40:39

through a people as the a clear outset

40:41

we've all been to times square yeah i

40:44

still say literally

40:46

and figuratively as they set out

40:49

when did you decide you wanted the

40:51

try to get pregnant it ,

40:53

halloween halloween

40:55

was really of as crowded of crowded a

40:58

fully hammer just half the gray and my hair sell

41:00

him rubbish how to load and me and i are being like i'm a mom's

41:03

like it was it it was a guy let science got the

41:05

window like i wanted to take a pregnancies as the next

41:07

day you do not at all you

41:09

do to discuss their sperm and you discuss their

41:12

not know so i said i

41:14

remembered as being like oh my god how old are

41:16

you are you guys may when he had no we weren't

41:18

married yet on that they're to thirty eight

41:20

the yogi bear to it's that so

41:23

that halloween i think of asserted amazon

41:25

thirty six zero thirty six and

41:28

he shot allow allow me to gather spirit

41:30

even together i get sick for years

41:33

and had he not like raw dog

41:35

like that we read i we just pulled out

41:37

we thought we just we did

41:39

that the are pulling out know birth control no

41:42

i haven't been a murder trial seven twenty two because

41:44

it was i was like there's no desert to crazy

41:46

this is to wilds the madonna from like fifteen

41:49

years

41:49

another woman and a presence abt medicine

41:52

and here , see kodak commercial

41:54

in your balling and i was who can live like that as

41:57

a putting fucking live like that nord

42:00

mercenary like you're ,

42:02

that commercial for like mormon summer when they broke

42:04

the window and he's like sorry and i'm a a

42:08

isaac a can't live like this so i was our commercial

42:10

december it'll it is because of

42:12

all that i will dot the i's

42:15

as i truly and honestly i'd i'd i'd

42:17

just cold turkey my

42:19

reply did my the medicine landed presence

42:21

the birth control in

42:23

talk about what what raw dogging

42:26

life hop about

42:28

exactly

42:29

how did it can be the source added she had

42:31

her emotions as as your weight

42:33

your overall wellbeing us when

42:35

it's him i was down so much coors

42:37

light like i really yeah wow we i

42:39

don't get one point we we had i've been

42:41

at one point we went to a mint snap

42:43

say is like nobody knows who they are yes

42:46

or no way i don't know what i was feeling what italy

42:48

and gold snobs what are those logo things

42:50

snakes it is said we the keeping them

42:52

now i mean if i said i simply

42:54

wish that of and mining them as we

42:57

, of we've we've really made the mistake of the

42:59

goes it wasn't living life not thinking about

43:01

the consequences aftershock like why

43:04

were we drinking things out of a lack of model

43:06

it was it was disgusted yes i have no way

43:08

to all he knows that i remember sitting in traffic

43:10

one day and allies and i was i was

43:13

crying and crying was like no already know more meds

43:15

and i got birth control for had been on birth control for

43:18

yeah for over a decade a

43:20

decade and a half so sad i no longer

43:22

that the com zinio i'm the me

43:24

on halloween and this is like

43:26

what fourteen years after your like a mosque

43:28

birth control hobo the predators i

43:30

mean like i'd taken plan b s u time

43:33

i it you know and it says it it's really

43:35

funny like there's never been even

43:37

through all of that i don't think i've ever had like a late period

43:40

since an adult think i'd ever really truly had

43:42

a pregnancy scare like i don't iraq i've never

43:44

been pregnant

43:45

hi yeah so so

43:47

then you'd you aren't pregnant

43:49

after halloween not breaks and

43:52

then are you like let's let's

43:54

try

43:55

yeah so then we were kind of like okay we're doing this

43:57

we're doing this and so we were just kind of do and at willy

43:59

nilly and nothing was happening like you

44:01

know and it and that's also a very wild

44:05

then because then you're just kind of like living life

44:07

and and you get your period and near like so

44:09

sad

44:10

yeah there's always like three weeks

44:12

where you're like i could be walking around saying

44:15

i remember on stage i was at

44:17

gotten as like and the after the halloween

44:19

when i was like i could be pregnant right now it was

44:21

it the first time i kind of started telling jokes about

44:23

trying to get pregnant yeah an

44:25

immutable concepts as he would be like we're trying

44:28

is so semitism looking at your friends the

44:30

like were fuck we , honored

44:32

to load the bucket i also

44:34

i thought i was pregnant was months does it

44:36

would cause i itself it's also

44:38

funny that you get married suddenly like

44:41

you're not here you can sell is pregnant new

44:43

can't blow to the ruins the slaves

44:45

are you fragment and i'm bloated

44:47

ninety percent times i was like we're semi

44:49

i want to do game shows like bloated are pregnant i

44:51

know people get offended people get offended

44:53

by that sense black people some people can

44:56

get pregnant and i'm like i possibly can

44:58

get pregnant i don't know but it's the second

45:00

you're you're married everyone assumes

45:02

you're like pregnant yeah but i other

45:04

reason to be open about talking about set

45:06

cousin i get no question has

45:08

ever get to know cars and of them away like i'm

45:11

working on ssssss i'm

45:13

working on it have we been married

45:15

a month ago yeah but like

45:18

lives election we lives our lives are just are little

45:20

the yeah that's definitely what we wanna do

45:22

yeah but i'm very i'm take birth control

45:24

but i'm notoriously bad about it about it

45:26

i bits about it it's i didn't take

45:28

it that like i just want to i don't know how to take

45:30

it and i because most traveling i don't have

45:32

a good method i have a d h d i

45:35

don't suck and us but i mean i'm trying

45:37

yeah and then i would normally i make

45:39

sure he doesn't do the deed

45:42

like when i'm obviously adding but like let's

45:44

be honest i don't

45:46

i'm not a perfect with that either see i think

45:48

there was a moment where i was

45:50

it

45:51

he came and then i like

45:52

like i'm deathly i relating right now as

45:55

i know when you're obviously and i have the slow

45:57

app but i i don't update it as i'm

45:59

just bad without they have when you have the clear stuff

46:01

coming out when you have the egg whites coming out your ability

46:04

okay i remember that that was like happening a

46:06

lot this this month's yeah

46:08

i'm ever been like okay aggressive ah

46:10

yes the egg whites is that that's that's you

46:12

drop and eggs so see

46:14

yeah i remember being like i say

46:16

the to him and then i

46:18

my boobs were throb and my

46:20

boobs or throbbing

46:21

yeah if you think you're pregnant you can make you

46:23

can make the simple your good the symptoms

46:26

will be there if you're like a magnet you're like oh

46:29

, oh my really hurting so bad one

46:31

day to i googled and they were like that

46:33

the science and then it was like are you moody

46:36

and make make are

46:38

you tires on which are

46:40

those are my god it's like and provide

46:42

the same sign for kobe some like some like robots

46:45

in the last my sinus like sinus think i'm pregnant she's

46:47

like my friends had she was pregnant

46:49

when she could smell her booker's

46:53

there is already

46:55

, race slew of wait

46:58

wait a second and

47:01

wait was i so doing so

47:03

i don't think i just told

47:05

my burgers on him smell like

47:07

a short no one knows what the fuck is going on and

47:09

two days ago i do you like just

47:12

got my i got was pmsing like crazy

47:14

yeah and that's also the same thing it's

47:16

it's all these pregnant

47:19

we literally had like the most of say if we had the

47:21

most beautiful weekend together, but there was

47:23

a lot of things we had to do finally,

47:25

the last thing we really go

47:27

up to a driveway to see some people, and

47:29

i turned him and i go i

47:31

don't

47:32

want to be he were

47:34

like where this coming from

47:35

you can drive home you of the beer and i'm like

47:38

to go

47:40

i didn't know you don't want any

47:43

silver screwed the hamptons

47:45

you don't know how the i'd be like the

47:49

most dramatic

47:50

and then i got there another it was fine spicer

47:52

swear i saw it as brain so

47:55

yeah the under sundays i know like the things

47:57

that happen a new tax about i did joking at

47:59

the zone a dip

47:59

i'm instagram

48:01

i took plan b than the next day and

48:03

i wedding her because i hadn't take

48:05

my present or for like five days because wedding

48:07

i was like distracted by the wedding one hundred

48:09

resigned he came and the

48:12

next day i was on

48:14

spotting has i was off birth control

48:16

for like six days yeah yeah elsa than

48:18

and then it was also a during ovulation ah

48:21

so i just looks like the one of a baby in his

48:23

local news travels so

48:26

of his legs and take me to say i you looked

48:28

down at your underwear and you look at him like

48:30

is are you ready to visit was no their family grimace

48:32

that other bits are you gonna wake up in the morning to

48:34

go this babies and young flakes at

48:37

he was like no one on like been taken to see as is

48:39

a do you wanna have kids eventually else so

48:41

else was never the like i wanna be

48:44

a mom when i was younger but i have

48:46

this intense

48:48

love for children and animals like

48:50

when i'm around so zoom and around animals

48:52

he says it's hilton's is something i feel

48:55

i just i love it like i will hang

48:57

out with kids over adults all the

48:59

time day and i i

49:01

have the feeling great relationship with my

49:03

parents i'm that i

49:05

like want that y el yeah you but i also

49:08

am like obsessed with my career

49:10

yeah and i've never seen

49:12

like of

49:13

i don't feel are good examples especially fema

49:15

com i did so it's really are many great him

49:17

a comics who don't have children

49:20

we won

49:21

said when she

49:23

just got a divorce and it it's just like there's a lot

49:25

not it's hard to see that like effort lyfe

49:28

i'm have it all moment yeah but

49:30

with and also another thing because yeah because

49:32

we've been also

49:34

i think something there there's not been

49:36

many examples anyway for a cyber seen

49:39

or comics like as it's it's at thing that when you're younger they're

49:41

like if you want to career you can't have a kid like it's

49:43

been told to us and it's just like

49:46

it's it's very hard to break out

49:48

of the and you know that feeling like when you're sixteen

49:50

and you're afraid that you're pregnant and

49:53

the whole world seems like it's crashing

49:55

down like how they make like

49:58

the reality tv show exists independently the

50:00

like if i'm pregnant my life is over some

50:02

seems like eat that still stays with you

50:04

for it was with eight know it's one hundred

50:07

percent as they were you scared like this

50:09

is the and like for eighteen years now like i'm

50:11

a slave to long being

50:14

a mom yes and even

50:16

today and sick tuck this girl of went

50:18

viral it's just like sobbing being

50:20

like i've never been more lonely like make sure

50:22

if you have a baby that like your husband

50:24

actually like

50:26

here for you as a person yeah

50:28

you have to like the person that you're doing it with but

50:30

also it's like there has to be a switch like

50:32

why is it that we like

50:34

i get a we were to breastfeed

50:37

and where the people but like there is no world

50:39

that says that the mom is that

50:41

work in the dad's days and i guess there's is there

50:43

has to be some kind of something

50:46

epic somebody has to be willing to give up something but

50:48

it's always assumed that it's gonna be us

50:50

it's funny i think my husband is like

50:53

wanting to wait a little because he knows

50:55

that he's like a year goes to the were yeah i

50:58

, on are not area a

51:01

caretaker i made caretaker very clear that

51:03

i am yapping and yeah loves wake

51:05

up in the morning in keys supply the and

51:07

you personally know he goes on tv

51:09

services so i'm away and of

51:11

athletes but that was part of choosing

51:14

was person for me knowing that like he's gonna

51:16

be a very hands gonna dad it has

51:18

to allow an anathema like i am now

51:20

but so for you how

51:24

you said this is like been a for your process

51:26

yeah almost october five houses

51:29

as the site did your relationship

51:31

oh quite ah

51:33

but suspected into and many different

51:36

ways because there ,

51:38

this thing where like we were saying earlier

51:40

because i'm going through it there's

51:42

a level of seriousness

51:45

and that's just it's just different and

51:47

just different he doesn't necessarily

51:49

get all the parts of

51:51

it that are important to me fleet on else

51:53

he's not in your shoes i was no advice

51:55

you have any some any and and and the men

51:57

are dumb they just they don't have the

51:59

the

52:01

different kind of thing six when i'm there

52:03

like very logical that's the thing is

52:06

is there more logical throw be like

52:08

a monday as or transfer dates there's nothing

52:10

of like

52:13

it more like okay you've told

52:15

me a date of something like and there's

52:17

not like an emotion attached to at

52:19

i have to remind him to be like and they need a little mail

52:21

on your being needy being like hey

52:23

i'm scared i feel i feel

52:25

i feel like and i'll be like oh he does that a

52:27

good to have a cast iron and you don't care

52:29

where to says maybe the last day i ever won't

52:32

be pregnant made it out and he that i

52:34

just heard that there's a date yes and it's monday

52:36

like it it becomes a think about

52:38

it very logically like you said as opposed

52:40

to and enjoy her i have to had to remind

52:42

robbie many times to

52:45

remember the emotional

52:47

aspect of it and it's and as club

52:49

lots of sites and know that's great that's a big you

52:51

have a person in this yeah but

52:53

like i like to say like no religions that are perfect

52:56

because life isn't perfect but

52:58

or of life doesn't just put some this fairytale

53:00

likes just noticed have someone next

53:02

you wall life throws

53:05

all it's crazy now ups and downs

53:07

tear up his other when even to be when

53:09

you have a person now and

53:11

you get thrown shit

53:13

like you

53:14

robbie handle thing so

53:16

differently that it's amazing that were even able

53:18

to live under the same roof together year to mean

53:20

like where's were so much for you're

53:22

dealing with with massive trauma right now so polar

53:25

opposites and loss which is something that i

53:27

have unprocessed yeah you know what i mean like

53:29

it's a

53:30

having translated embryo and not having

53:32

it have worked having done all these things

53:34

having

53:36

you make all these eggs and you only did it it's

53:38

all like kind of this law and

53:41

enron and and a weird sense of trauma that

53:44

i didn't didn't fully understand

53:46

yet like this is again like doing this show

53:48

has helped me to kind of get into my

53:50

own body a bit to be like oh

53:52

my god i've gone to a lot in the last

53:55

four years like if finish it's

53:57

been oh how are you dealing

53:59

with

54:00

having empathy with yourself

54:03

ah

54:05

that's my current

54:06

work i'm doing

54:07

the canadian arctic with yourself yeah

54:10

i my actually are

54:12

couples therapist just showed us this little have you

54:14

seen that it's like a it's like literally like a three minute

54:16

brene brown thing about it's called the emf

54:19

empathy burst sympathy have you watched it know

54:21

like , made us watch it in therapy the other day we

54:23

were like okay i guess is they

54:26

take notes yeah she was i did because she told

54:28

such as they did you guys watch it were like were totally forgotten the

54:31

hear it as like sort of took but it was really

54:33

interesting thing i'm about

54:35

the difference between the two and and

54:37

how empathy is just so much more

54:40

carrying

54:41

the helps so much more than like

54:43

sympathy

54:45

i really try to forgive myself because

54:47

with this process there's so instead if you

54:49

go on the internet there's so much where it's like don't

54:51

eat this don't do that don't take a bath don't paint

54:53

your nails don't act like there's so many things that you're not

54:55

supposed to be stressed about it make you just fucking

54:58

relax just for laughs you just relax

55:00

be relaxed will get pregnant it's like so know

55:04

lock yourself so hard fuck yourself in front

55:06

of a train tracks lock yourself on a

55:08

train track don't , me to relax

55:10

because i will will you're

55:12

so your vagina together i it's

55:15

not okay it's not okay don't say anything

55:17

to anybody going through this process don't try to give them

55:19

advice literally buy them advice bottle of wine

55:21

and be like wine dunno if you drink right now but i'm sorry you're going through the

55:23

buy them a bottle of wine buy him a box of candy

55:25

that's it don't say anything saying forgive

55:27

yourself is fucking powerful yeah

55:30

you have to forgive like the so i will

55:32

go and i'll and i'll do something i'll be like i'm

55:35

not on the scene i'm not doing the mediterranean

55:37

diet everything says it be the mediterranean diet

55:39

free transfer but all i want to eat it's hot tamales couldn't

55:41

drinking and i bought like also when you're stressed on

55:43

the want as optimize you only eat a fucking

55:45

kale salad and on ah to my

55:48

kick like nobody says yet at the thought

55:50

is i am i oh no

55:52

but i've had to kind of like they've had nice right

55:55

to sit up and i would i spiral a spiral

55:57

a spiral i good god if i really wanted a baby

55:59

why would i why did he says if i really wanted a baby

56:01

waited like oh my god how come i can't

56:04

how come i can't ah have enough

56:06

self control the not do this to say really

56:08

wanted to the taken so much i've actually

56:10

also served acupuncture and i think whatever

56:12

she's doing is allowing me to be a

56:14

little bit more gentle like

56:16

whatever she's doing she's doing allowed me to prost

56:18

like to to handle these things a lot

56:20

more like

56:23

calmly then by rock

56:25

they really haven't had a bad spiral and am

56:27

and i'm a week i'm i'm less than a week away

56:29

from a transfer and i really haven't and this

56:31

is your second transfers second chance or through

56:33

the first one

56:35

we had only had one embryo with laugh

56:37

last summer and this this my doctor

56:39

he is doing like something so different than i did last

56:41

time some really interested to see if

56:44

this work and i feel like i'm in

56:46

a different place how make a difference

56:48

so the first would generally when you transfer

56:50

it you have to take

56:51

the just your out whether that is ah

56:54

humans as you need sick lining

56:56

you're lining needs to be sick and your hormones

56:58

need to be a certain level for your body

57:00

to want to accept to make a healthy environment

57:03

for the in for the embryo to implant

57:05

and stick on and so

57:07

and lot of times you have to take things to help second

57:09

in second your hormones selects i

57:11

was taking than six

57:13

estrogen pills a day for

57:16

up my crotch to in my mouth add

57:18

ashes and patch and i was out every who have everything

57:21

looks like they were last year i felt

57:24

like there are less drugs than what i

57:26

was on at fucking for tell us and then you take

57:28

you take and you'd shoot

57:30

it in your book you take progesterone

57:32

and you literally give yourself shot in the butts and

57:34

then if you're pregnant you do the trick weeks leading

57:37

up and that if you're pregnant you continue it for like ten

57:39

weeks as a that was it it's like a huge

57:41

thing and an editor not present you just stop everything

57:43

calmed the can you to stop taking harm us but he's

57:45

doing more with my natural cycles of he's doing

57:47

kind of like an assisted natural cycles i'm waiting

57:50

for me to avi late he's checking my level so

57:52

i've so i've only done i did as

57:54

a light hormone

57:56

the a light birth control and then i'm amarna

57:58

i did

57:59

i triggered cause they were again waiting they

58:02

were like watching my natural eggs and he was like

58:04

okay in it and he allowed my body told my body

58:06

it was okay an audi late and now i'm on

58:08

a light steroids and then i'll go

58:10

in on monday are going on sunday for bloodwork

58:12

and i'll go on on monday and co

58:14

they were like you're lining was sickening enough on it's own

58:17

he that if we needed to help we'd give you

58:19

something when but it was like it was my natural

58:21

cycle was doing enough on it's own they

58:24

said we can go out and transfer it so i've had to be

58:26

on way less drugs dislike

58:28

like almost no drugs this

58:30

time compared to legitimately

58:32

i had a schedule that was i was on

58:34

like five different pills and you had to take certain

58:37

things of food and some things you couldn't take was very

58:39

and he had to take and exactly at this time and the shots

58:41

had to be between these dress like it's it's

58:43

truly insane process where you're like you're so

58:46

locked in and what's the admin i so much

58:48

admin and then you're also going to doctors to check

58:50

everything and then once they implanted it's

58:52

nothing and is is two weeks of you and yourself

58:54

being like yeah like

58:57

it is your is your like you're so responsible

58:59

but you're also so now responsible i

59:01

always grew i grew up with this kind

59:04

of like oh if i succeed

59:06

at things i'm more lovable

59:08

like yeah and and so i would

59:10

be going nuts with like oh

59:13

i'm not success on this am i not lovable

59:15

which is like so number

59:17

you gave those the valley together yes

59:20

oh man that a tough on yet another it

59:22

must not have left a tough one i that might

59:24

set a really tough i've gotten like good

59:26

things happen from it but it's it's not

59:28

a pleasant you know they day

59:31

some time know know

59:34

it sounds miserable that it's

59:36

great that you've been able to separate the two

59:39

i had to and i have better days knives and

59:41

i have not good days you know ah

59:44

but this round i've really

59:46

tried to to spend like because his honestly

59:49

follow people on the internet and and i follow

59:51

these things any watch these people that do everything

59:54

correctly and are still not successful so

59:56

it's like

59:57

it out of i'm internet you can sign

59:59

revealed

59:59

you can find a site that is like eat nothing but mcdonalds

1:00:02

near the pregnant like if that's what you want to find

1:00:04

you'll find a you will find what

1:00:06

you want on the internet you know how many variables to these

1:00:08

things and everybody's different like i had a friend

1:00:10

that literally was like just don't you crack she's i just don't

1:00:12

do drugs and like it'll like but you can't you

1:00:14

cannot control this i mean there

1:00:16

are people do swear

1:00:19

by certainly the gonna have you seen like heidi montag

1:00:21

was like chewing raw liver like

1:00:23

she would eating literally like raw liver

1:00:25

is trying to get fragments like she was as chewing

1:00:28

bison hearts and raw livers

1:00:30

and then putting this on instagram and she had pregnancy

1:00:32

that was like i was on an all meat diet

1:00:35

like you don't know what it is

1:00:37

what is the combination but

1:00:39

like somebody gets pregnant after doing this one

1:00:41

thing and they're like this is what it is and you're like do

1:00:43

i need to do that but it's not it's

1:00:45

not a one size fits all it is not

1:00:47

a like you have to go on the only thing they they do tell

1:00:49

you to try to keep your belly warm they

1:00:52

say try to keep your belly warm try not to

1:00:54

do like through little marco get a's it's

1:00:57

also like the human body as ninety as ninety

1:00:59

like i'm on fire like i'm on fire

1:01:01

but like they say to do like

1:01:03

broths and soups and like not

1:01:06

do like smoothies and stuff like that

1:01:08

but again and six who the fuck knows but they they're like

1:01:10

if you keep your you want to keep your belly warm

1:01:13

and decided only thing that has seemed to make sense

1:01:15

this sort of from a combination of like you've something's

1:01:17

going on and your husband's sperm may

1:01:19

not be as yeah this is started

1:01:21

from hey we're not getting pregnant and then we did i

1:01:23

wise which is like the step before i v

1:01:25

f where they basically take the suburb and delivery

1:01:29

the egg and say like to just to get

1:01:31

there and my husband's sperm were still like i'm

1:01:33

okay a wanted

1:01:35

know they were like nothing

1:01:37

says this says this this is so insightful

1:01:40

to me because like i

1:01:42

i don't know any of this and it's

1:01:44

crazy because i must thirty year old woman

1:01:47

and no one has of

1:01:49

air he we don't we don't we don't tell people

1:01:52

i know i mean i'm not i going to

1:01:54

i've never i just haven't been that situation

1:01:56

yes the whoa

1:01:58

what is your ultimate

1:02:00

mindset for this

1:02:02

embryo coming but also just in general like

1:02:05

what do you think you want to be a mom regardless

1:02:07

of any situation or do you think you might one day

1:02:10

they can also gets yeah i've

1:02:12

had that conversation especially for six hundred forty

1:02:14

it's kind of like there was a lot of pressure on

1:02:16

these two last two egg or tribals because it's

1:02:19

like i don't think if is none of these

1:02:21

i mean god forbid they slide embryos we have five

1:02:23

chances right now but if for some reason

1:02:26

the body's not working with them

1:02:29

could you can get a surrogate there's ,

1:02:31

which is also like so much money though it's like a

1:02:33

hundred thousand dollars yeah hey somebody who's pregnant

1:02:35

for you i'm which we just don't that

1:02:37

that i don't even think that would be an option

1:02:40

for us but i've had to talk to myself

1:02:42

and be like i've seen like gofundme for like

1:02:44

cats that have gotten like forty case so i

1:02:46

feel feel should members

1:02:48

yeah i

1:02:51

i have i know i just

1:02:53

wonder what you know like we really do you will

1:02:55

do fine okay it's okay if i

1:02:57

need a surrogate i've been opposed to take care take

1:02:59

those who like their to broke her ankle and like

1:03:01

and they gotta go already thousand dollars eighty five k

1:03:04

and i was like i but i truly think that we like put

1:03:06

more like we think we've done

1:03:08

more people but in fact we don't even use the way

1:03:10

we don't even like i would understand the abortion ban

1:03:12

if women were getting pregnant with puppies they'd be like no work and

1:03:16

all the puppy but people yeah

1:03:18

yeah yeah yeah

1:03:20

my ah so

1:03:22

what do i have at i have had a look at most

1:03:25

of them air b like you're forty if this is the

1:03:27

last chance of you probably aren't going to do another egg

1:03:29

retrieval like if these don't work

1:03:31

what is what's what's your move kid

1:03:33

you know and i've just had their and and

1:03:35

, is part of me that cyclo the world

1:03:38

seems to be ending sell it's i'm not

1:03:40

bringing somebody else to sit for the demise

1:03:43

and like maybe i'm doing something nice

1:03:45

but something nice i think i've had declined

1:03:47

to be like i've had

1:03:49

to stop that line of thinking to be like i

1:03:52

have five chances right now and i need

1:03:54

to put all my positive energy into

1:03:56

that so i haven't even really don't

1:03:58

as a what comes after you're living in a

1:04:00

moment which is really great i ask

1:04:02

are you said we urge all it or know i've

1:04:05

been i've been doing as robins crystals

1:04:07

and i pull ups pull a card a

1:04:09

puma terracotta like a pair of murder that

1:04:12

as it's fair to say it's all been

1:04:14

life

1:04:15

there he

1:04:16

i've yet to pull a card that

1:04:18

said the same for yeah yet i everything

1:04:20

i've pulled based on my question so far

1:04:22

as bend light growth new

1:04:24

life like all that like there's been a lot of things

1:04:27

and own a could be interpreted it to like

1:04:30

kid to new beginnings and

1:04:32

new chances and laugh even i was just

1:04:34

like running my show the other night i was like i'm

1:04:36

worried about this and the card was just site

1:04:39

stop judging yourself

1:04:41

like you mother fucker it's clearly

1:04:43

modify i saw as a some

1:04:46

as i get clear and she was like yeah

1:04:48

i'm seems like babies and then

1:04:50

i saw an astrologer yeah and she

1:04:52

was like okay i'm just then

1:04:54

he was like i'm seeing city their babies

1:04:56

are like new career stuff and she's like you can

1:04:58

probably like being control

1:05:00

of either cla or yeah

1:05:02

it's so that's why that's and the my friend

1:05:04

who's like very close to me alex

1:05:07

you're getting paying and i'm like i'm pressed

1:05:09

i don't really it's so funny we're in such different situations

1:05:11

where i'm scared asset less i get it but

1:05:13

it also unlike

1:05:15

okay i'm like if i get print like i get pregnant

1:05:17

like we're going to do that yeah yeah yes

1:05:20

but it's oh my god this conversation has

1:05:22

been so fucking powerful

1:05:24

one other question yeah how

1:05:27

the audiences on ah

1:05:31

it's been released fine because

1:05:33

fine because the material

1:05:35

summer they have to bring it down to explain

1:05:38

it i'll look into the crowd and i i

1:05:40

i feel like people are really listening but sometimes

1:05:42

people get up to the bathroom like that i

1:05:44

, know that guy supply i do feel

1:05:47

like people are listening when really

1:05:49

interesting and i feel like i'm ice

1:05:51

i'm talking about it differently than i've ever told

1:05:54

jokes before and i get a lot

1:05:56

of people that come up men and women will be like we

1:05:58

went through a lot of women will back and

1:05:59

maybe a forty one you're okay

1:06:01

they are like i went through this and you'll be

1:06:03

that a lotta guys being like me or my wife did it's

1:06:05

an like

1:06:06

they could i get a lot of people just been

1:06:08

like i'm thinking about

1:06:10

you and like you can like it's possible

1:06:12

and like just kind of given me words about from a surgeon

1:06:15

or just just saying i we went through it as well

1:06:17

kill on the near stand of yeah like fertility

1:06:19

is not something that you're hearing

1:06:21

about every nice know and that's why i was

1:06:23

also kind of like guy i

1:06:26

made a choice to kind of go for it to those like

1:06:28

this feels when you hear the odds that it's

1:06:30

one in eight people sometimes

1:06:32

it's one it like in some countries it's one in four like

1:06:34

it's it's literally and they that they have trouble

1:06:37

the it i do tell it to deter herpes ah it's i can we

1:06:39

all know somebody with her misery to be the so it's like

1:06:41

if it's the same odds are you don't have a buddy be or

1:06:43

you at your leisure and damascus

1:06:46

getting shot they her back in nursing job

1:06:48

they had a vaccine my time around but

1:06:51

and it's because a speedy also

1:06:53

kinda sector fertility yeah

1:06:55

gearbox but but yeah it was

1:06:57

at so audiences agencies sometimes sometimes

1:07:00

i lose them said i could tell that there's a couple people that

1:07:02

maybe aren't into but by it's goal with the jokes

1:07:04

is too

1:07:05

if you're not going through it that

1:07:07

you could still at the the jokes or not

1:07:10

it's still funny even if you can't really

1:07:12

if you can relate it'll be double good

1:07:14

yeah and if you have no feelings to

1:07:16

it may be alone even if for whatever you're

1:07:19

gonna learn so learning of thing yeah

1:07:21

okay we're gonna and with and final

1:07:24

game of at of at around oh

1:07:26

my god i got very talk to for hours i actually

1:07:28

have four hundred more questions but on

1:07:31

any right definitely messy and miss

1:07:33

casey i have an equally

1:07:35

on and them here for anything also you on

1:07:38

the supplements i'll tell you anything i did

1:07:41

and you can do it if you want need on has to end

1:07:43

of your closest atlanta are planning

1:07:45

on going scotland she is around

1:07:48

my mom and other your orders us

1:07:50

the taught against the mass house measures at

1:07:52

five o five pm come see it amazing

1:07:56

that lobe free dinner final yes

1:07:58

final yes yes

1:07:59

or you get hammered can talk about baby

1:08:02

are you know have know have free dinner drink

1:08:05

okay it's time to play the seven deadly sins

1:08:07

of

1:08:08

seven

1:08:12

to me see

1:08:15

what do you greedy about

1:08:17

he

1:08:18

the kennedys pepper jack oh

1:08:20

hell yes thousand waitress

1:08:23

it has come up a spectator

1:08:25

that amount even that whatever it is it

1:08:27

bad are you from boston originally from san

1:08:29

francisco oh yeah

1:08:31

i am so sorry i was insulting as soon as

1:08:33

that or five a year later

1:08:35

it seems to do so fucking cool it's

1:08:37

cool i want dismisses go twice to play

1:08:39

hobbes and others great that bar next

1:08:42

door to cops is my high school by that was that gross going

1:08:44

that sixteen like yeah like know there are you talking

1:08:46

about it i'm and i'm love the seals

1:08:49

i'm loving the seals

1:08:51

cells or staple they are like lots

1:08:53

of seals dog breeders i like them who

1:08:55

are you envious you

1:08:57

the can be pretty a let her career

1:08:59

i mean i swear she's amazing

1:09:01

i just think like she's just so funny sees

1:09:04

his like than writ wrote on a show of and had it

1:09:06

roll made for her now kind

1:09:08

of i think and do whatever she wants you know i just

1:09:10

think she's funny and but she wasn't like the

1:09:13

will you want to plan figure by the industry yes

1:09:15

she was she's really she's still like

1:09:17

did pretty good industry way but she wasn't

1:09:19

like super super but

1:09:21

she does like enough for her clear to

1:09:23

seems and they also think seat yes he never seems

1:09:25

to be doing something says and wanna do ceo is him

1:09:27

sub yourselves is sincere and she just is

1:09:29

really funny what about on yes

1:09:32

where do you gluttonous about besides

1:09:34

she's still says i'm

1:09:37

i'm gluttonous in a way that like i

1:09:40

don't let myself get thought like i nonsense

1:09:42

away but like if i want another something

1:09:44

right then it's going him a mill i agree

1:09:46

i'm the same way i do

1:09:48

not

1:09:49

break

1:09:51

i'm and i throw my son son

1:09:54

was was

1:09:56

i am like russian

1:09:58

german

1:10:00

that in either an irish yeah

1:10:02

i'm a white much oh wow i'm a white much

1:10:04

can be i were similar my dad is like that

1:10:07

russian ocean polish yemen vs

1:10:09

us and then my mom's

1:10:11

five

1:10:12

yeah her brownies pepper

1:10:15

when we first time a new experience extreme

1:10:17

ras or anger

1:10:19

the to robbie when when

1:10:21

he when i told him the date of our transfer

1:10:23

and he said okay

1:10:24

no hugs

1:10:27

note here the recognition

1:10:31

rage rage

1:10:34

over did you have to get angry hemisphere

1:10:36

them to then to be like pleasant and excited

1:10:38

for can i tell you what happened is that we were like

1:10:40

on a way to brunch it got derailed i

1:10:43

fuckin fuckin like see later i went and i

1:10:45

went know sad it's other place and i started

1:10:47

eating branches and he met me and i

1:10:49

will add one the hamilton lottery and

1:10:51

we're supposed to go together and he's a cannot bring someone else

1:10:54

because it's you can have fun of somebody else i

1:10:56

didn't bring anyone else has act as not to bleed

1:10:58

the house by myself as ext go bullet

1:11:00

silva need a clue i'll go with you know we got to hamilton

1:11:03

and we're both x sorry say

1:11:05

to we just hamilton brought anything

1:11:06

everybody up when you fire water your

1:11:08

months ago he said

1:11:10

or yes every i've done my we've got that

1:11:13

going on morgan think about you to lunch he gonna finally

1:11:15

we can't sit together i'll go separate

1:11:17

ways with my elbow and anyway and you're like

1:11:19

com as you

1:11:22

know like you know and i feel very i

1:11:24

have the resources of the

1:11:26

together to my

1:11:28

and i what he did he bet me and then

1:11:30

and then we and and yeah as we leave

1:11:32

your votes are too dumb other hand with the we were like we

1:11:34

were eating i said us to others i got my piano

1:11:36

and isn't when you win the lottery your front row with we

1:11:38

were like sitting in the front row been like this is kind

1:11:40

of wild to them we were like as

1:11:43

a kid daves the camels and made us feel better thirty

1:11:48

one who has samuel sloss are just

1:11:50

lazy all day oh my god

1:11:53

sometime in the last couple weeks the i've

1:11:56

started love island season five a not really totally

1:11:58

deal at a couple days when who's the so

1:11:59

if the cdm five again tommy fury a molly mae

1:12:02

that's the one i want i watched the funny

1:12:04

flutters yeah it's a

1:12:06

lower rate aura was she's

1:12:08

all while my yeah my

1:12:11

well last time you

1:12:11

the ego your pride again the way of something this

1:12:14

is a hard one

1:12:15

ah

1:12:17

i feel like in comedy a com is a pretty

1:12:19

often where you check yourself a you see somebody

1:12:21

get something in your like see like i'm funnier

1:12:23

than them than you have to be really

1:12:26

i clearly there's something that they

1:12:28

had in this moment it when they got

1:12:30

this thing that i didn't that young to be you have

1:12:32

to check your side silica have to check myself i'll like

1:12:34

look at a seller light up and be like bag at indebted

1:12:36

they had an idea like and immediately be like the

1:12:39

fuck is wrong here i'm funny

1:12:42

and i had a big

1:12:43

that didn't them getting and has nothing to do

1:12:46

with how funny i am and i'll see you assume like them

1:12:48

getting some the that you want means

1:12:51

that their life is perfect and it's like

1:12:53

what and then you realize like oh it's actually

1:12:55

like my perspective is so fucked

1:12:57

right now yeah or

1:12:59

like that same person is looking at you wanting something

1:13:01

you have it set to come with comedies like a

1:13:03

have to know there's people that see my schedule go would

1:13:06

love that abs in other people's would love that you just

1:13:08

have to be like eyes on your pride either and paper

1:13:10

and then also that's also why wrote the show of zoc

1:13:12

i knew my own project i need my own product i

1:13:15

don't wanna compare myself i need my own probably

1:13:17

view that love can you literally made

1:13:19

it happens he sells it did it and it

1:13:21

was gay was same i ,

1:13:24

i needed something to throw my energy into

1:13:26

instead of just like spots and comparing myself

1:13:28

i was like what is something what do

1:13:30

i have and as like

1:13:32

the inactive womb the

1:13:35

, the who's live up up

1:13:38

seventy home maybe i'll walk and

1:13:40

capitalize on and that's where we did it

1:13:44

tells us a while to think of your life of lake

1:13:46

pregnant britain i'm pregnant because he

1:13:48

goes through out so much of your life not even thinking

1:13:51

about that and then also the concepts

1:13:53

of like oh if i have this thing

1:13:56

i'll be happy yeah and i don't even know

1:13:58

i don't i i don't even know

1:14:00

and i've been trying to check myself today is

1:14:02

not going to sell i'm just

1:14:04

i'm trying take it as like it's the next

1:14:07

phase yes it's a next phase so whatever

1:14:09

that faith brings but faith would like to have

1:14:11

the next phase yeah you know like as like haven't

1:14:13

made the choice of this of this i'm gonna live forever

1:14:15

of of how i live right now i would

1:14:17

like another phase i would like another something

1:14:20

i would like to be a mom your and so like i'm

1:14:22

i want to live in that world

1:14:25

for a bit so you know but like i say

1:14:27

my so to and my life i don't feel like less

1:14:29

than i don't feel like my life has been not

1:14:31

great because i don't have the kids yet i'm just

1:14:34

ready yeah i'm ready for am

1:14:36

for that change

1:14:37

well those i me less it over

1:14:39

someone so i know we love robbie we let

1:14:41

him go to hamilton with us but but

1:14:44

you celebrity crush on my god who

1:14:46

isn't a celebrity crush i

1:14:49

feel like it just changes with what i'm watching

1:14:52

a specific about the you watch love

1:14:54

island near like goddamn twenty two year olds

1:14:56

are hot my god

1:14:59

my god that

1:15:00

monday through your own body is footers

1:15:03

so

1:15:03

me oh did all those

1:15:05

super so squirreled

1:15:08

frame seabed and then you're like oh my

1:15:10

god i let men like that

1:15:12

like control my emotions

1:15:13

there is so crazy

1:15:16

and still plays expensive there's also like an

1:15:18

older after that i'm starting to find a minute

1:15:20

you know minute love a zadie i mean is

1:15:22

it again he turned forty and you're like give me the grey

1:15:24

hairs honestly i'm president who

1:15:26

president even

1:15:28

you know

1:15:29

yeah i don't even know i don't even know

1:15:31

what my latest celebrity crushes because it literally

1:15:34

changes every

1:15:34

what is

1:15:36

the changes i mean i think we all like

1:15:38

chris evans for sure years at me recently

1:15:40

came out bring lights and so folks

1:15:43

and timeline the one as you know everyone's mom as

1:15:45

damning them the everybody everyone's

1:15:47

mom of like he's gonna go

1:15:50

find that's like what like was i was

1:15:52

and i was convinced that justin timberlake can be

1:15:54

really have that we have so much in common meanwhile

1:15:56

i was in high school looking up all

1:15:58

the things he liked and then

1:15:59

the like and , listening to

1:16:02

the music like literally i found his

1:16:04

list of like favorite things that other this is me now

1:16:07

now love that song to like a co worker

1:16:09

thought we were each other not we the to get my mom was

1:16:11

like watch a basketball game

1:16:13

and like find the like car guy on the team

1:16:15

and she'd send it to me and i'm like man that means

1:16:17

a monster them and will be to

1:16:20

see me ah me before i've even dated him before

1:16:22

and it's hilarious that you think that that's just what happens

1:16:24

you just go on the court new say hi and

1:16:27

into

1:16:28

a camper

1:16:30

she's i can make i'm lazy because i'm not a side

1:16:32

is it i did it says the guy in the next as as a decisive

1:16:35

the same it's like having this is getting a load shot

1:16:37

a new being like this that we did it as

1:16:40

i wrote this up final question

1:16:42

this is appropriate for yoga that what

1:16:44

advice would you give

1:16:47

the people who are going through hell

1:16:49

how do you cope

1:16:51

with those dark times

1:16:54

if you're going to have first south

1:16:56

welcome

1:16:57

added added this is not it's not

1:16:59

so bad if you laden limited

1:17:03

plane and very like you are who you are you know that

1:17:05

it got ten get a to an

1:17:08

get some hot tamales i

1:17:11

would through every time i've had mental crisis

1:17:15

i sound writing things down

1:17:17

was super helpful because i couldn't

1:17:19

express how i felt and , only

1:17:22

thing i could do is write things down it happen i

1:17:24

went through depression high school i started writing

1:17:26

stuff with this infertility south i

1:17:28

start writing south south just

1:17:30

just just jot a couple

1:17:32

things down right a couple things down just

1:17:35

try to get they can energy to

1:17:37

somewhere else outside of yourself and

1:17:39

be vocal like eat again the you

1:17:41

don't have to do you have to be alone and

1:17:44

chances are there's no way you are like

1:17:46

you're not alone and but it no

1:17:48

help be vocal and see see

1:17:50

who's out there that might be able that might be

1:17:52

a few steps ahead of you

1:17:54

that can help you

1:17:56

that remembers when it was like where you are

1:17:57

yeah i said man

1:17:59

and don't know what you know no energy will

1:18:02

come back it's out know they're free and have

1:18:04

said throw things out into the universe and see

1:18:06

what boomerangs back when you must

1:18:08

i'm of says you're doing real

1:18:11

good work out in the streets think

1:18:13

i'm normalizing it speaking on

1:18:15

a i'm so excited to watch

1:18:17

your journey to a comedy it's

1:18:19

and fertility a ever thank

1:18:21

you were can be bizarrely you listen to you watch

1:18:24

you give me the good buy tickets guess

1:18:26

i have in , instagram

1:18:28

i've got to get links for upcoming shows

1:18:31

as at cases be on instagram

1:18:34

i'm i'm also going to have like i get that from scotland about

1:18:36

some gigs and like boston and in alaska and boise

1:18:38

a couple other things that are put alaska

1:18:41

armless it's and like november i'm in a second

1:18:43

freeze my deck authors the great answer

1:18:45

yeah have accuracies be and shady shit

1:18:48

comes out every friday and less i

1:18:50

don't put one out because sometimes i get hired i

1:18:52

didn't absurd right yes while

1:18:54

ago yes he did we are not without stopping

1:18:57

stepping on summer house it was a getaway oh my

1:18:59

god definitely go and yes and to

1:19:01

at yeah we start talking about celebrities that

1:19:03

were also and called that , another thing

1:19:06

we were amber and merida i love when i write

1:19:08

amazon former selves and i'm like is it goes it's

1:19:10

if if into this is an accessory

1:19:12

for a cia we had fun thank

1:19:15

you for coming to this yes

1:19:17

and to this you know fertility

1:19:20

guess i'm and truly my dm they're open

1:19:22

like i'm they're open than willing

1:19:24

it's never a weird question and it's and

1:19:26

at like even ask me literally anything and i

1:19:28

will give the other tell you nothing is off limits so

1:19:31

we were we love that some i guess

1:19:33

i must see you guys next

1:19:36

time and house