0:04

Thank you. Thank you.

0:07

done. Come in. Hey, guys.

0:08

Brand new podcast. Alaska, I am

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coming your way. At the end of this month, December

0:13

fifteenth and sixteenth, I think those are

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the dates. I'm at the Alaska Airlines Center.

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Get your tickets at ber ber ber dot com. The fully

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loaded cruise is officially sold out. It's

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sold out. just have to presale

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in like four or five days. I'm so grateful

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we're gonna have the best fucking time. I haven't even

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announced all the shit that we got lined up. It's

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gonna be awesome. tops

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off world tours hit in Europe. If you're in Europe,

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I will see you there. Oslo,

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Sweden's Stockholm.

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Norway, Norway. Norway. Norway.

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London, Athens, Portugal,

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everywhere.

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I'm going everywhere. So

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I'll see you there in and

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then Emily Garden Emily

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Garden. the Emily Center in Tampa,

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TV Gardens. We have so many

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shows coming up. Go to Burber, burber dot com,

1:01

tops off world tour, tops off world tour, falls

1:03

off your mouth. tops off world tour. Without

1:05

further ado, I'm gonna start this podcast. Let's

1:08

get started. Today's podcast is

1:10

a great comedian, Ryan Long. He has a new

1:12

special out on YouTube called White Immigrant.

1:15

We have a fantastic conversation. We talk

1:17

about Kanye. We talk about Brittany Greiner.

1:19

Free Brittany Greiner.

1:21

Free Britney Greiner. Free

1:23

Britney Greiner. I

1:24

could be the person of Free Brit. We talk about all

1:27

of this. We talk about his videos. He does.

1:29

He does. He does man on the street Frank videos that are fucking

1:31

hilarious, we have great conversation, but

1:33

I'll let you listen to it instead of me telling you

1:35

about it. Ladies

1:36

and gentlemen, without further ado, check out his special

1:39

on YouTube white immigrant. My

1:41

friend stand up comedian, Ryan Long.

1:53

This game

1:57

Sweet. How was Skank Fest?

1:59

Skank

1:59

Fest was wild, man. You know why?

2:03

Those things are But you're right for that.

2:05

Yeah. It's kind of about my other things. up your

2:07

alley. Yeah. You're right for that.

2:10

Sweet. Tell me about I lost my voice, but you know

2:12

what the coolest part about all those things is,

2:14

yeah, I'm sure like, you've done a cool thing where you'll

2:16

tour with you

2:17

know, three or four people and kinda turn

2:19

into a thing. But there isn't that many

2:21

things in comedy where, like, everyone from

2:24

every coast is kind of in the same place

2:26

at the same time. Yeah. So it was

2:28

it was really cool. And then there was a

2:30

couple nights where I was, you know, because I lost

2:32

my voice and I was, like, got all this stuff to do. And I was,

2:34

like, one night I went and I was, like, Alright.

2:37

That's it. I'm calling it quits. I went, like, gambled

2:39

a bit. Then I then I run into, like, Josh Potter

2:41

and any letterman. And they're, like, okay. We're going in this

2:43

place, and then I ran into Ian

2:46

Fidance, and the

2:48

guy pooped the Jackass who pooped. See, and those

2:50

guys are out there. And I was like, okay. I'll just hang with you

2:52

guys for a bit. I was like, you know what? That's it. I'm calling.

2:54

I'd rather get a column, Tyrell just watch it.

2:56

Like, we're doing this. Eventually,

2:59

we might just leave it, like, seven that I got up

3:01

at, like, eleven to a podcast. That's

3:03

the fucking I gotta

3:04

be honest with you, man. I'm so impressed

3:07

by Lewis. you know, and

3:09

and I know that it's -- Wow. -- I know that it's it

3:11

takes abilities to put that together, and then he's

3:13

got a lot of people. They all work together

3:15

to do that. because III was at I think I did

3:17

like, the first Skank vest Skank vest?

3:20

You're right now. Maybe was that New

3:22

York? Maybe the second one. I don't remember.

3:25

But,

3:25

like, I I wanna say, it might have

3:27

been the first one. Well,

3:28

how long is Skankfish been going?

3:31

Maybe it's sized. I

3:33

did I did Houston this one. I

3:35

didn't do Houston. That's where everyone got COVID.

3:37

Right? I got COVID. Yeah. You got COVID in the

3:39

AM? Already

3:41

got it. and Regan had to fucking link

3:44

him up with the Alex Jones Cox. Oh, yeah.

3:47

Yeah. No. Literally sponsored

3:49

by Gradham. Create

3:53

them. The bagger door. dot com.

3:55

Scag fest.

3:58

Oh, they that's so great. So here's

3:59

the light up. No. Everyone was there.

4:02

Everyone was there. Everyone

4:04

was there.

4:06

Holy shit. Amy

4:08

Schumer? Some people were paused in

4:11

the the show and pulled up. Yeah.

4:13

She did a roast. I like that Whitney showed

4:15

up. When he was there? She did.

4:17

Pleasure to skanks. Yeah. Godfrey.

4:20

People started posting that they got COVID this year,

4:22

though. I was I was I was watching that. hope for

4:24

real? You were posted. He got COVID he got

4:26

COVID in Vegas.

4:28

I was in Vegas that weekend to the Jelly

4:30

Roll show. We had Jelly Roll on

4:32

the podcast that day. That was

4:34

so scary. There was, like, seventeen thousand

4:36

people on Fremont Street to see jellyfish.

4:38

Crazy. Really? I thought it wasn't gonna

4:40

be that pack. And so I brought all my whole

4:42

bachelor party. I was like, we gotta see this guy, like,

4:44

we'll probably be able to get good good

4:47

viewing area because every

4:49

outdoor concert that's always over there. It's always

4:51

like, you know, a few hundred people. And

4:54

it was the most packed

4:56

Fremont street had ever been for a concert.

4:58

Yeah. We we was crazy, dude. So they basically

5:00

had it in the middle, and then it was kind of like

5:02

a walkway that, you know, people just go

5:04

down in Vegas. Right? It's old Vegas. Yeah.

5:07

And it was legitimately, like,

5:09

almost a mile of just

5:11

people. Yeah. Yeah. And then there was And do you

5:13

get ziplines everywhere ziplining through

5:15

in Wodgina? It's crazy. No

5:17

one no one like, jelly

5:19

roll and and skank vest didn't line up. It just

5:21

happened to No. It just happened to be there, and we

5:23

know some of the dudes that play in

5:25

his band were, like, fans of the podcast, and we've, like,

5:27

talked in the Internet and stuff like that. And then we

5:29

came through, and then he was mad singing and where it's

5:31

like, don't come by to do the podcast. So Jolly Roll

5:33

came by, did my podcast, the boy's

5:35

cast. And then we and then

5:37

Jolly Roll did a song on Josh, Shadi

5:39

Meyer's his jam. for real. Yeah. He can't

5:41

I think he might have done a couple, but he was rocking

5:44

out. Yeah. It was funny because his

5:46

life is so, like,

5:48

rockstar life where he's very he

5:50

came, he was like, you know, are you guys gonna have security

5:52

blah blah? We're like, I mean, like, Dana

5:54

White and Steve are just, like, standing by the door.

5:56

Like, it's There's, like, he's many

5:58

famous people. There's bands. Like, so it

6:00

was just nothing. Right? Yeah. But in his

6:02

mind, he was, like, I can't just walk normally and

6:04

you're, like, you kinda can hear at this festival

6:06

scenario. No. So we didn't know why he showed up to

6:08

the past. You didn't know why he was there? Yeah.

6:10

Brilliant. That was probably the biggest, Bob,

6:12

then. That's the biggest. How many times did it? He

6:14

came the opening night. Really? Mhmm.

6:17

Look

6:17

at this. Oh, it's

6:18

a big deal. Yeah. So this is them on

6:20

the hang glider thing. That was

6:22

one of those where you get there and you're like, gonna hang

6:24

glide. After day three, you're like, pry, I don't need to hang

6:26

glide. It's like after after

6:28

they call that. Oh, the

6:30

the it's when you

6:32

do it freight forward, what's it called? Zip

6:34

lining. Yeah. Zip lining. And they put a, I guess,

6:36

a russman winds. They put a parachute behind

6:38

them. No. That's a

6:41

Wow. That's fucking insane. Yeah. And that's not

6:43

like it looks like a concert hall there, but it's

6:45

not. It's just the downtown, like,

6:47

old Vegas. This is

6:49

apparently looking insane. No.

6:53

It's crazy. He's the

6:55

best dude. Who Joe O'Rourke? He's the

6:57

best man. I had him on the podcast. I we didn't

6:59

party. I wish I could party. His wife's a fucking

7:02

fascinating person too, but their

7:04

story. And again, she was I

7:06

I get it. She she wrote a really

7:08

cool she

7:09

wrote a really cool post

7:12

that weekend. I forget

7:14

which one it was. That's is that jelly roll

7:16

of Steve Byrne? Mhmm.

7:17

You love Steve Byrne?

7:21

God. He's got the best

7:23

vlogs, tour vlogs too? Yeah.

7:25

because he fucking gets after it. He's doing it

7:27

right. Oh, the tour vlogs are incredible,

7:29

dude. They just have a whole crew of filming

7:31

them nonstop. And the band those guys are

7:33

the bands are, like, young dudes. They're,

7:35

like, twenty three and they're just, like, partying. You

7:37

know what I mean? every

7:39

night. They're just waking up

7:41

at two on rock star

7:43

time. Yeah. I you gotta you gotta hand it to

7:45

Lewis because that that is

7:48

a legit festival. Yeah. And there

7:50

aren't festivals anymore. No. I know. I mean,

7:52

there are not any festivals.

7:54

When we did And

7:57

here's the cool thing about Lewis is, like,

7:59

if you need help with something, he's the

8:01

first one to give it you. Sure. Interesting. It's

8:03

so juxtaposed with who he

8:05

is online. Like, he is online.

8:07

It's so volatile. Yeah. Like, so

8:09

I don't give a fuck. It's always like

8:11

that too. Alright. But it's so in

8:13

staying knowing both of them and knowing them

8:16

who they are that it's not like

8:18

like you seem to

8:21

be you seem to be same on

8:23

stage is off stage. Who who what you stand

8:25

for is comedy

8:27

first, fucking politics,

8:30

seventeenth. Sure. Am I right? Yeah.

8:32

Yeah. Actually, kind of what you're saying, I'm

8:34

I'm thinking about that question a lot lately.

8:36

When I see because you see a lot of people go

8:38

down different paths on the Internet, especially I live

8:40

so much on the Internet. Yeah. And I have a

8:43

lot of friends that maybe work on

8:45

it like comedy adjacent, that a lot

8:47

of them kind of they'll say things a lot. Like, you

8:49

know, I'm here to find the truth and this kind of stuff

8:51

and you're just like, I think that's probably like a good

8:53

way to put it. You go, how many people? It's

8:55

like, being like a really good comedian?

8:57

by proxy, you're gonna have to find some

8:59

truth. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, the best jokes

9:01

you found truth, but you were trying to find

9:03

these little truths so you could

9:05

make good jokes. Yeah. And they're you

9:07

they're like trying to find these truths and

9:09

then using some jokes so they could tell you they're

9:12

truths that they wanted to tell you. But so funny,

9:14

there there is an adjacency towards and

9:16

this sounds horrible, but QAnon

9:18

and Buddy Right. Sure. And because

9:20

as a comic, you cannot ignore

9:22

queuing on. No. How can you not? You

9:24

have to wait. Frogs are gay. Hold on. They're making

9:26

frogs gay. I gotta find this

9:28

out. or

9:29

like when

9:29

you hear about people

9:32

getting duped for pizza gate and

9:34

then the guy going in with the gun and clearing out

9:36

the restaurant going, I'm here to find

9:38

the kids. That is I don't feel unsold.

9:40

PizzaGate could be real. By

9:42

the way, I am just dumb enough to believe in

9:44

any conspiracy theory. Like, when you when

9:46

they sell us on and and people go,

9:49

some of the other day was, like, it

9:51

was it was so, like, I'm

9:53

I straddle the fence. with

9:55

fan with comedy. You go, I'm listening.

9:58

No. No. No. I have friends that are like

10:00

like lip tards, you know,

10:02

or whatever they call them. Yeah. Of course. And then I've got,

10:04

like, queuing on friend. Me too. So, like, I

10:06

have the both. And so, like, I

10:08

had I was listening to Rory's Global the other

10:10

day ago. Can you imagine think actually believing

10:12

the world is flat? as soon as I heard that

10:14

I went I went, but who says it's not?

10:16

Like, I literally I'm such

10:18

a antagonist of whatever you say that

10:20

I go I believe I'll argue the other

10:22

thing. I was arguing last

10:24

night. I know this is gonna be It's also

10:26

fun here to be the guy that, like, it might

10:28

be the I said the other day, I'm a

10:30

better athlete than Tiger Woods. And I and

10:32

and everyone on the Internet was like, are you

10:34

being serious? I wanted to go first and foremost.

10:37

How can you not understand that anything

10:39

that comes out of my mouth? I'm a comedian

10:41

first. Like, I will argue the

10:43

fact that I'm a better athlete than Tiger

10:45

Woods any day of the fucking

10:47

week because that's my job for

10:49

sure. My job is to find the thing you

10:51

disagree with and then fucking

10:53

work my way out of it. now into

10:55

a ridiculous way. And so when

10:57

you get people to go, I can't

11:00

believe people believe the earth is flat. I

11:02

go, boom, I always I don't know

11:04

if I side with the underdog, but I go, why

11:06

not? No. There is you know what it is?

11:08

It's I think that like, I do all this, like,

11:10

street stuff and I guess you would call trolling or

11:12

whatever. Right? But it's something There's

11:14

nothing funner than when people are

11:16

really sure of themselves. Like that to me, that's the

11:18

like, if some people have your attitude, you get

11:20

mess with them that much because they go, okay. Yeah.

11:22

Like, what you want is someone that goes, anyone

11:24

who disagrees me is create like,

11:26

that mind could be, like, messed with very

11:28

easily. You know what I mean? The person who's set in

11:30

their ways. Set in their ways can always be because

11:33

you can agree with them more than they agree

11:35

or I'm gonna find a place for an

11:37

activist. That was one of my fave that one that's

11:39

gonna be your that's gonna be your biggest clip. Hey, we just

11:41

It's not my biggest, but that might be, like, one of the ones

11:43

if you will mention the most. That's good

11:45

to call that. And I couldn't tell if the lady

11:47

was like, if the one lady was like They're so sure of

11:49

themselves. And the woman was like, I can't believe two

11:51

crazy people found each other. And I felt I kept

11:53

going, who are you talking about? And

11:55

there's three crazy people in there. Who

11:57

are you talking about? But

11:59

it's so funny because you're right. Someone

12:01

who's set in their ways. Yeah. Is the

12:03

most I had and it always

12:05

changes. Like, it's always it's always

12:07

changing who's the most I

12:09

know that I'm right and anyone else is crazy. Like, I

12:12

can't even believe you would think anything else.

12:14

Yeah. And those people are the funniest to mess

12:16

with this whether it's a

12:18

crowd or, like, on the street or in real life?

12:20

I think sometimes you look at, like,

12:22

like, here's the other part. It's, like, I I

12:24

am genuinely not very

12:26

political. Like, I am Politics

12:28

and culture got so intertwined. You know what I mean? I

12:30

was thinking of that. I go, Trump was

12:32

culture, Biden's politics. Like, if you have

12:34

a joke where you're talking about Trump, that's like a

12:36

culture joke. If you have a joke where you're

12:38

like, this Biden policy, everyone's like

12:40

politics over here. Yeah. Right.

12:42

You're right.

12:42

Trump was for this

12:44

hell's horrible. Trump was for everyone. It

12:46

kind of Everyone got to enjoy

12:49

Trump. We're not enjoying it, but

12:51

everyone had to take You guys It's Biden. I don't

12:53

really have a take on the guy. Yeah. It's not it's

12:55

not fun to have a take on Biden. Like, I

12:57

felt that when I first moved to New York, I

12:59

always thought it was, like, interesting that you

13:01

would have like, comedians at certain clubs that were

13:03

doing jokes about, like, can you believe they're gonna

13:05

pass this bill and you're just, like, pass this

13:07

bill crazy topic? You know that you

13:09

know that used to be, like, a thing that you'd

13:11

be a political comic. Chad. That was

13:13

Fred, not Fred Dursch. Will Dursch.

13:15

Trump got the man where they go, I can make fun of

13:17

this and you go, but there's such a You have to

13:19

have a feeling, I think. I have a feeling where

13:21

I'll say stuff. A big part is using

13:23

the words. Feel like black comics do it

13:25

better where they talk about, like, presidents and stuff,

13:27

but they don't use, like, the words. What do you

13:29

mean? Here would be an example, like,

13:31

imagine you say like, let's say you're talking about,

13:33

like, fat phobia and, like, stuff like that. Right?

13:35

But you you know, everyone's trying to push

13:37

being fat right now. Yeah. That's very different

13:39

being, like, your fat phobia is in the new you

13:41

know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. So you're using, like,

13:43

the words that all of a

13:45

sudden make it political? because you can

13:47

sort of talk about something that and

13:49

then it's culture. Like, if you say the word

13:51

triggered, everyone's like, oh, you now

13:53

you're fighting against liberal people.

13:55

Exactly. You're fighting against the it's

13:58

yeah. You're right. They're like But guys

14:00

and girls. Yeah. Just guys and girls. Anyone

14:02

could give and all of these

14:04

arguments that's like me and my chick are, like,

14:06

stuff between real like, that's all just guy girl

14:08

things. But as soon as you use the word feminism, it's

14:10

now, like, political. Yeah. You know what I

14:12

mean? Yeah. But it's or it's just, like, normal

14:14

shit that everyone experiences in their lives.

14:16

I was in the car with my wife, and she said dot dot dot.

14:18

And you're like, girls are so much like this. You know what

14:20

I mean? it's not political. It's like stuff

14:22

observations that everyone's had. It's

14:24

that's so crazy. Yeah. It's it's

14:26

gotten to a place now where

14:28

it's like I

14:28

try not to I I've never I

14:31

I wonder if it's because I'm a white

14:33

dude who grew up

14:34

roughly in privilege. that I net

14:37

that I don't give a fuck about politics. I

14:39

remember saying that Donald Rollins, I was like, I don't care

14:41

about politics because, yeah, you don't have to. And I

14:42

was like, what? And he goes, if if if

14:45

everything changes, it's still doesn't affect you. I

14:47

can't know what you mean. I I thought of that too where

14:49

they go, you know, because that was a big argument

14:51

of, like, well, obviously, you don't care about this.

14:53

But, like, And it's like if you were this, you would have

14:55

like go, well, am I a different guy or am I

14:57

still meba black? It's not

15:01

Different guy. Yeah. By

15:03

the way, if I was me in black, I

15:05

would be I would be very problematic.

15:07

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would be very problematic.

15:09

Yeah. because you're right. because I

15:11

like, my whole thing has always been, like, a,

15:13

I guess, troublemaker to some degree, and you

15:16

go, well, I'd probably be that,

15:18

but black. You're just look

15:20

it might look different, but I can't imagine

15:22

that I would just maybe there'd be like a

15:24

different set of things I'd be

15:26

rebelling against sorta. Yeah. Yeah. It's

15:28

it's funny because I I there

15:31

there is a weird thing of like of

15:34

like not caring is almost

15:36

as bad as doing the wrong thing. Like, do remember

15:39

remember -- Yeah. -- January. Whatever the whatever

15:41

the day is where we had to plug Jay, I'm a tad here

15:43

on my arm. January six. Yeah.

15:46

That's well, I got a solar energy. just

15:48

a bunch of hard hard work Americans. The

15:50

what was the day we had to post a black square?

15:53

I don't have I don't have that one tattoo. Yeah.

15:56

I got that tattoo with my arms. A

15:58

black square. I'm not gonna black

16:00

light tattoo that depends on who's

16:02

the legend. What what was do you

16:04

remember that though? We everyone had to post

16:06

the black square bars. And then

16:08

I had just had a it was I wanna

16:10

say it was during black out Lot of

16:12

squares came after that though. Oh,

16:14

yeah. Squares were flying.

16:16

Oh, that was the first one. That was o

16:18

g. The original squares. That's

16:21

I I was the first time there was a

16:23

movement. Yeah. And I was like I

16:25

remember so I was like, what's the funny angle

16:27

on this? Right. And I

16:29

couldn't find one because I was like, well, I'm not

16:31

gonna I mean, I'm not

16:32

gonna just post a black square. I couldn't

16:34

find one and then I

16:35

went into my comments

16:38

and

16:38

every fucking

16:40

person was like,

16:42

you

16:42

how your silence is deafening.

16:45

You

16:45

have made the you've you've

16:47

made money off the back of black people

16:49

your entire life. And I'm like, my head, I'm

16:51

like, I have. Yeah. Right. Do you mean I told her?

16:54

There's no There's no

16:56

yeah. Yeah. Did I did I put it on, Tanya?

16:58

June second. By

16:59

the way, okay, let's talk about Kanye. I don't really

17:01

have a take on Kanye. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Like,

17:03

I I don't I don't know III

17:06

don't, like, I don't have, like, a hot

17:08

take on him And and I and then

17:10

everyone's like, so what about Khan? Yeah.

17:12

I don't know. I don't want to give a fuck. And

17:14

you're like, well, listen, if I told you my take, I'd

17:16

be in the same position as Khan known.

17:19

I was like, it sounds like they're running that. No. No.

17:22

No. No. No. No. No.

17:24

No. If I learned anything, He

17:28

he he's off on a burger. Oh,

17:31

sure. You know what? Part

17:33

of it too is, like, the Internet

17:35

and the stage. I feel like that's why it's so

17:37

important to, like, do comedy. Like, I don't know

17:39

if you like, even in pandemic when you were just

17:41

doing other stuff for a while and you're kind of, like,

17:43

losing your instincts a little bit -- Yeah. --

17:45

because the Internet is so different. Like, even like

17:48

a Kanye thing, imagine

17:50

you were gonna go, like, pro

17:52

Kanye. Yeah. as like a jake.

17:54

If that's in a crowd and most

17:56

people aren't gonna think that, you're kind of like the

17:58

villain. And then the people that agree with you, then

18:00

you can go you can kinda switch it up and then you go, but also this. But when

18:02

you're on the Internet, if you said that, the

18:04

the few people that are, like, super

18:06

hard on that like, retweet you

18:09

being like, this guy thinks what we think.

18:11

Yeah. And then you were like, but in a on

18:13

a stage show, you wanna have a whole bunch

18:15

of people and you kinda go back and forth

18:17

and you're It's like a game and you're taking

18:19

energy here and there. You know what I mean?

18:21

Even even the Even the

18:23

statement going like, if you walked on

18:25

stage, you go, I think Kanye has

18:27

some good points. Then that gets a

18:29

huge laugh. Of course, everyone knows you're

18:31

joking. Sure. But when you type in, I think

18:33

Kanye has a huge point. Yeah.

18:35

sounds like you mean it. Or set up a camera

18:37

and say, well, you're trying. Yeah. That's

18:41

What is what is his is is things you know,

18:43

like Jewish people? Is that what it is? Yes.

18:45

I had something about the But is that

18:47

I mean, that's serious. His basic thing

18:50

is

18:50

the Jewish people

18:52

run everything and they're been

18:56

stealing money from black people kind of

18:58

thing. That's right. You can

19:00

make me say it.

19:02

that happen

19:04

Clip that out. I'm

19:08

just gonna take out the Kanye farthest. Let's

19:10

see. Here you go. Jerusalem. Everything.

19:13

Everything.

19:14

Everything. And you still

19:16

have, like, people. And I guess,

19:18

I I need these, like, not stoked about

19:20

it, I think, at the other line. Yeah.

19:22

And the other line, I have not stoked

19:24

about it. Like, crazy hammed up

19:27

about it. fucking

19:30

Kanye. Oh, where did I

19:32

wanna know where he got his ideas. What

19:34

do you see the podcast he listened I predicted

19:36

this actually because it was one of

19:38

my, like, more aggressive predictions that because when

19:40

I saw Kanye, I've just seen this

19:43

path And

19:43

I I always make, like, you know, tons of

19:46

Jewish joke too, but the one thing is too, it's

19:48

always context. Like, in the sense

19:50

that sure you have a lot of friends or

19:52

Jewish, but, like, I've got a table sometimes

19:54

and it's, like, me and six Jewish people, like, at the, you

19:56

know, salaries. Like, with my friends, like,

19:58

whether it's people a lot of people that you all

20:00

know. You know what I mean? So I'm a little bit,

20:02

like, going extra hard because it's kind

20:04

of like being the one white guy with a bunch of black guys, you're

20:06

gonna go harder on, like, know, the

20:08

white guy scores in basketball. You're like, the boys you

20:10

know what I mean? Yeah. because that's the

20:12

dynamic. But then leaving that

20:14

dynamic and you're making all these jokes and

20:16

it's like, Well, they're not there anymore. So it's all it depends on what the,

20:18

you know, the same reason why I'm sure you do different

20:20

jokes and different places of the country, you know?

20:22

Well, we were in when we were

20:24

in Europe, I was with Mark Norman,

20:26

and our tour manager was

20:28

German. And she said and

20:30

she said, I don't Mark,

20:32

I can't III

20:34

am bothered by these

20:36

jokes. He goes, what jokes? Because when

20:38

you make jokes about like

20:39

Jewish people. You know, Mark

20:42

always always has, like, gets his

20:44

almost being in New York, it's surrounded all

20:46

the time. But it's it's always like his his

20:48

tag almost. this time. He does it as a it's almost he does it so

20:50

much. It the the fact that he does it is a

20:52

joke. Like, everything is a joke about Mark.

20:54

Everything is a joke, and he goes, well, it's just a

20:56

joke. And And he

20:58

was like, wait, you what, like, what do you

21:00

say? You're like, you never made a

21:02

Jewish joke, and she goes, no. I'm

21:04

German. And he goes, well, like, what do you say

21:06

to your Jewish friends, and she goes, I don't have

21:08

any. And he goes,

21:08

you don't have any two of his friends. And she

21:11

goes she goes, no. That was kind of

21:13

our thing. We don't Yeah.

21:15

I didn't realize there are no

21:17

Jewish people in Europe,

21:19

like, to speak of.

21:20

The way we have, like, the way we have them in LA in

21:23

New York. Like, there are fifteen million in the world or something. There there's

21:25

and and they're not in Germany. They're

21:27

definitely not in Germany. Anymore. Not

21:29

anymore. And they're in Antwerp alone.

21:32

Like, that's where if you wanna find Jews, well, you go

21:34

to Antorp. And so that for me was

21:37

like, oh, shit. Yeah. Of

21:39

course, if you don't have diversity

21:41

in your life, then you can't

21:43

then, of course, you don't make the joke. They're not there.

21:45

You don't know it. Right? Yes. Like, if you're making

21:47

jokes about cultures, you'd, like, don't understand.

21:50

It's, like, even back to that I

21:52

agree with Mark, of course, it is like a joke, but

21:54

there is that other part where it's like, yeah. Hopefully, there

21:56

was something like true in there that

21:58

at least you know, or it's theoretically true

22:00

where it's, like, your joke is that everyone

22:02

thinks this, I know it's kinda not true. Like, there

22:04

is some some point you're making

22:06

underneath, like, where you go. So

22:08

I had that the most with Indian

22:10

dudes to the point where, like, Toronto

22:12

is so packed with Indian dudes. My school was

22:14

like, really and also the girls. but that my

22:16

school was like that. Well, no. They always show up

22:18

the dudes first. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But, like,

22:20

that's kinda their thing. Yeah. In the

22:23

women. Yeah. And there

22:25

was, like, So every comedy clubs would be like, I

22:27

know there's Mexicans and everyone who

22:29

has tons of jokes about that. Right? Where it's like

22:31

when I was coming up in comedy, they'll

22:33

be like, often, like, a table of, like, nine Indian bros

22:35

would show up. And they're kinda, like, Indian frat

22:37

dude types. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Like, jazz up. So

22:39

it's I feel like a lot of us who

22:41

are kind of playing

22:43

these, like, comedy clubs. I had,

22:45

like, a good, like, eight minutes if, like,

22:47

the Indian table showed up, but I'm just, like, I'm

22:49

gonna pander hard just for us. Right? it's almost

22:51

reverse pandering around, like, you know, making

22:53

fun. It's Puerto Rican dudes. Sure. In

22:55

New York, Puerto Rican dudes were the thing, and

22:57

then I came out to LA and it was

22:59

Mexican dudes. and it does not translate. Yeah. You see that. It

23:01

does not translate. I guess. You're

23:03

like you and all you Indian people do this and

23:05

they're like, is that a thing? I don't know.

23:07

You're like, oh, you're like, all of

23:09

my insights on this culture are

23:11

just down the drain. Yeah. And I'm looking at

23:13

Mexicans. I'm like, do you guys do anything I should

23:15

know about? Mattel was the best at

23:17

that. He had all he had all of us. Mattel, when I

23:19

was young, Mattel would fucking

23:22

annihilate in the most in the

23:24

most Pure little subculture. I

23:26

love that. Oh, he I he

23:28

had so many he had so

23:30

many he's just so good.

23:32

Just some tiny little thing wherever that's what

23:35

you know, like,

23:36

one of those

23:37

things was the

23:39

the tamels were, like, the most dangerous culture there. And every

23:41

time they get in these, like, fights and parking

23:43

lots and stuff like that. Right? In the Indian culture?

23:45

Or Yeah. What's a tamel? It's like

23:48

a type of it's like a a

23:50

type of Indian dude in that area.

23:52

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And there'd be some there, this gang

23:54

called the Tamil Tigers, and they're, like, these kind

23:56

of in Toronto? It There would yeah. No. There

23:58

would be, like, some in Toronto. Yeah. I mean, they would just

24:00

they wouldn't have to be, like, some of these guys were

24:02

just that they're, like, learning as your way

24:04

around. Yeah. No. No.

24:06

That's fine. the the just stickler for people. Well, there'll be, like,

24:08

these hard dudes kinda where I'm from. And you

24:10

could always mention that, like, you don't fuck with the

24:12

Tamels and people would, like, kinda know or see where you

24:14

guys should I It almost just sounds racist you're

24:16

like, yeah, the the damn all Indian dude.

24:18

It's like fucking fighting and parking lots. Everyone's like,

24:20

yo, do you hate Indians or something? And

24:23

you go, No. They would they they would agree.

24:25

Haven't been beaten them all. It was

24:26

like that with us growing up in with Cuban dudes,

24:29

Tamils out of Southern India to speak Tamar one of the

24:31

principal languages of the

24:33

drop it. It sounds like Game of Thrones.

24:35

Sixty

24:35

four million.

24:40

No. Nice. Nice set

24:42

a nice set of honkers on that

24:45

one. See, like, that

24:47

like, right now, someone that doesn't know

24:49

that would be like, why would Bert give me

24:51

shit about talking about that? But and then when you

24:53

know it, you're like, oh, I get. That's a good one. That's

24:55

a good one. That's so funny that

24:58

that That is comedy. That is the essence of

25:00

comedy at times. It's just

25:03

knowing. because if you don't know, like, there

25:05

was a joke I had one time long

25:07

time ago. I was like, you wanna

25:09

hear something racist and a

25:11

woman walked out of the room. And I was like, fuck

25:13

that. No, I don't. And I was like, well, you didn't

25:15

give me the opportunity not

25:17

to to tell the joke. Yeah. You just heard,

25:19

do you wanna hear something racist? Then you went,

25:21

he's a racist. I'm done. And you're like He

25:23

interpreted it as, like, let's get real here. Yeah. Let's cut

25:25

the shit. Yeah. And I was like

25:28

and that oh, I had to joke one time

25:30

about pedophiles, and I go and

25:32

I said, here's the thing about pedophiles. And the woman

25:34

just goes, no. No.

25:37

No. And I went, hold on. When

25:39

you do that, I can't now tell the

25:41

joke because you've ruined it.

25:43

Did you think I was gonna be pro pedophile? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

25:45

Now I right now I am. Right now I have

25:47

to be, but that's because you pinged me in

25:49

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Minimum order may be required. one

27:38

of the things is when I was really starting to get good

27:40

at comedy was like, peak, you

27:43

know, peak, like, you know, white

27:45

matter or a problem era, Like

27:47

What what what year, like Two thousand fifteen -- Yeah.

27:49

-- two thousand fifteen -- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. -- like a top.

27:51

When did you start? Maybe, like, thirteen

27:53

years ago. So -- Really? -- Zachary.

27:56

Nice. Nice. in Toronto. Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. It's Toronto at the club

27:58

that is the weed smoke smoking

27:59

club. Not necessarily anymore. I'm

28:02

not sure. Do you remember the club, of course. I'm under

28:04

the underground? I know you I

28:06

actually know that you guys all loved

28:08

it. We loved it. No. That's the best. And

28:10

this the woman, Joe, the rapper's name,

28:12

mama, something. Yeah. puff

28:14

mama. Yeah.puff mama. The best. And well,

28:16

this is I'm kind of watching the same thing happen

28:18

in New York where the

28:20

the weed thing is kind of like decriminalized.

28:22

And that's the sweet spot. It's

28:25

because -- Yeah. -- because they basically go. It's not

28:27

illegal. It's not not illegal. So

28:29

everything goes. As soon as they, like, say

28:31

it's legal, then they started making all the

28:33

laws. So basically, they were like,

28:35

okay. Now, weed's legal in Toronto, and then, like,

28:37

day two, they're, like, Alright. Well, anyways, all these are shut

28:39

down. Like, you can't have that anymore. Oh,

28:41

yeah. Smoke inside. Yeah. Like, they

28:43

they only were allowed to live in the gray. So

28:45

that, like, five years where it was, like, not

28:47

legal or illegal. They were

28:49

cooking. And then once it's once it's

28:51

legal, they're like, alright. Well, now we have, like, rules.

28:53

It's the real thing. Just like any

28:55

other bar, and y'all so you can't smoke inside. Yeah.

28:57

Like, can we make it illegal again? That

28:59

was fun then. I remember I

29:01

remember I think Doug Benson told me he was, like, write

29:03

down your jokes. Oh,

29:05

you got too high. And he was, like, just trust me

29:07

write down your jokes. It was a whole wheat land

29:09

scene in drama. That was it was I

29:12

remember I went out with a

29:14

legit Cocaine dealer, one night

29:16

-- Nice. -- and I had

29:18

I

29:18

had I

29:19

had done really good merch sales in Edmonton,

29:21

so I had a bunch of looney's. I

29:23

had in in cash. Yeah.

29:26

You have been from merchant learning too? Yeah. It's or

29:28

whatever, you know, like, the doll whatever the dollar is. Yeah.

29:30

learnings and learnings. Yeah. And so I had

29:32

I had, like, six thousand looney's

29:35

-- Sure. -- and

29:37

and I in

29:39

cash. And I didn't wanna leave it my backpack in the

29:41

trunk, so I had it on me. It's a wild

29:43

amount of It's a wild dog. Yeah.

29:45

Yeah. I had one Dollar Bank note.

29:48

It's literally stacks of

29:50

fucking of of Canadian cash.

29:52

And I had in my jacket

29:53

pocket. And the guy I was with I think

29:56

it was Rob. Maya? Yeah. Yeah. It was

29:58

Rob. Nice. And he he grabbed me and he

30:00

was like, hey, my buddy wants to come out with us. I was

30:02

like, cool. He's

30:04

like,

30:04

and his buddy gets in the car and he's, like,

30:06

heads up to everyone in the car. I have -- Not

30:08

alunis. -- I have a lot of I have a lot of

30:10

coke on me. Oh. And I said, really? And

30:12

he said, yeah. I said, how much? And

30:14

he goes, like, six thousand dollars worth.

30:17

And I went, hold on. I have

30:19

six thousand dollars in cash. I go

30:21

Rob, if we get pulled over, there's no way

30:23

they're going to believe that

30:25

I ran them. They would just think you're the

30:27

most obnoxes drug purchaser ever.

30:30

Yeah. Like, you were in a pandemic with the

30:32

drug dealer and you go, I'll buy it with your six

30:34

thousand one dollar coins.

30:36

I was I was fucking panicked

30:38

and then and then I think we did Coke. And

30:40

I was like, I'm better. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This

30:42

panic just disappears. You're gonna arrest me.

30:44

You're gonna arrest shit, bitch. On

30:46

the looney man, what was the wait.

30:48

What in what are the laws about freedom of speech

30:50

in Canada? Does is it, like,

30:53

because that one guy got a lot tricky. hard.

30:55

Yeah. Yeah. He's the best dude. What what

30:57

were the that story? It is kinda

31:00

crazy. That his story is

31:03

actually the big one, but it's kind of the less

31:05

relevant one. There's so Mike

31:07

Ward, he basically there

31:09

was this kid that was, like,

31:12

mentally retarded and had some disease and stuff

31:14

like that. And then he was supposed to die and

31:16

did, like, a make a wish, and then his version,

31:18

you know, some version of, like,

31:20

you got it. You're not gonna die after all that, you

31:22

know what I mean? Yeah. Which isn't, like, a, you

31:24

know, crazy joke. You know what I

31:26

mean? But So then he got sued by the human

31:28

rights tribunal, which they have it's in that

31:30

sound wild. The human rights tribunal? Yeah.

31:33

It does seem like scary walking into

31:35

the human rights should be another all in a circle. You

31:37

stand up. Yeah. It's gotta be the center naked.

31:39

every single ethnicity up there. They have,

31:41

like, sort of native German, the

31:44

poundings. Yeah.

31:47

Ladies and gentlemen, to to

31:49

my word. he

31:51

goes against. So

31:57

so then he went he had to

31:59

So he ended up but the thing with Mike Ward, he's

32:01

a big celebrity and, like, he's got lots of

32:03

money and it's you know, it was a it

32:06

sucks. But, like, what really sucks?

32:08

is the four or five other people that happened to called

32:10

the one lady a lesbian. You know this yeah.

32:12

You know this one. Yeah. So this guy,

32:15

like, open miker essentially. He was like ed I think it was Edmonton

32:17

again or like, Edmonton or Calgary

32:19

or whatever. But that guy got smacked with,

32:22

like, five fifty k, and

32:24

he's, like, a bar back. You know what I mean? And he

32:26

just thought he'd get on stage and these

32:28

lesbians were making fun of him. It was, like, he

32:30

was, like, Fucking suck

32:30

my dick. I'm fucking fishy and lesbians. Hey,

32:34

these holes are lesbians. They're probably

32:36

putting a dart up in her pussy. and

32:39

then he doesn't pay fifty thousand

32:41

dollars. That's fucking crazy.

32:43

Yeah. It's wild. When I was in

32:45

Canada, when I was in Canada, I

32:47

was just there. And I was there the

32:49

day the Queen died. And I was

32:51

performing

32:51

in the Queen Elizabeth Theatre.

32:54

And I said, I

32:56

had a joke. It was a very simple joke, but it was

32:58

a run of it was a little rant

33:00

about the queen. But it

33:02

had to start with she was

33:04

a bad bitch. Like, she was a bad motherfucker.

33:06

Sure. And it did not and

33:08

there were it was mind blowing

33:10

to me that You think that they were

33:12

kind of, like, stoked on the queen. They're like, come on, man. Not

33:14

cool. No. No. I go I go no. What happened is

33:16

I was like I was like, Queen passed away. I

33:19

go shout out to

33:19

the Queen. She was a bad bitch, man.

33:21

and this

33:22

lady goes, she was a colonizer.

33:24

No. I don't have it. I go, you you have

33:26

she was like, no. Boo.

33:29

jaded

33:29

a queen and I went and I'm and

33:31

again, I'm like, you fuck. And what I said

33:33

to her, I was like, ma'am, you've had a

33:35

great time this entire fucking show. By the way, this

33:37

is the last was Ram gonna tell the machine

33:40

No. That's your line. Something positive about

33:42

the queen. Yeah. I go, oh, the whole run

33:44

was the whole run was because I watched the crown. you

33:46

watch the crown? No. Oh, it's

33:48

it's fucking awesome. But

33:50

it it it paints a very a

33:52

picture of a very unhappy woman. a

33:54

woman that did not get to I mean, when you're that hot. I mean No.

33:57

The queen was Yeah. Oh.

33:59

Fuck. That was part of the joke, but she wasn't

34:01

even the hot one. Her fucking

34:03

sis with the partner burned her feet in antiqua.

34:06

Yeah. And so and and yeah. And the the the

34:08

joke was I go, she was a

34:10

bad

34:10

bitch. She didn't even wanna be know she be

34:12

queen? And then they're like, no. And I go,

34:14

you think she wanted to marry her cousin

34:16

was a Nazi? They were like, hey, I went to

34:18

me. Do you think she wanted have

34:20

a Lollipop grandson to turn

34:22

his

34:22

back on the dynasty with some blue

34:24

tick? We used to colonize them.

34:27

And and so Yeah. Yeah. Fuck.

34:30

I'm like your I don't know what I'm doing a

34:32

Canadian accent. Yep. Fuck them like your

34:34

granddad, but you'll leave the island. You gotta get

34:36

a little more hockey. You go fucking Leave them like a

34:38

colonizer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Leave them like

34:40

a colonizer. But but I

34:42

couldn't even get to tell the joke because I

34:44

couldn't even fuck around with the

34:46

joke because Anytime

34:46

I said that, I didn't realize I underestimated how much Canadians hate the queen.

34:48

And I was That is the it's

34:50

like half and half. I'm sure that, you know,

34:52

the half and half was still a lot. Like, because

34:56

I go In my head, I was like, I hate everything. And I was I was I

34:58

was like, oh, just You got a great show.

35:00

Canada's like Portland was a country

35:02

right now. Wait.

35:04

What is the I think it's still locked down. Name of

35:06

the different when we talk about the different is it Providence?

35:08

It's Providence. When you talk about

35:10

the different Providence, What if a providence? Is

35:13

is Ontario as a

35:15

providence? Yeah. Alberta is

35:18

a providence. Right. -- Providence.

35:20

Yeah. Yeah. So there's, like, five provinces

35:22

states. You know, there's, like, four

35:24

twelve and then oh, no.

35:26

Including territories thirteen, I think there's ten

35:28

and -- Thirteen. -- fuck. I'm gonna get killed on nothing. But you

35:30

know it's still anymore? When I came

35:32

to America because I'm like, fairly

35:36

loopy with, like, most stuff. And when I came to

35:38

America, like, for the first, you know, I'm talking to whenever

35:40

I'm talking to girls, I'm like, well, I'm just Canadian, so I wouldn't

35:42

know that. No. Like, what about Canada? go. k. I don't know it

35:44

there either.

35:46

There are three territories

35:49

in Canada. Do

35:51

you know them? Yeah. Or the Northwest, none none

35:54

none of it? That's a yeah. None of it's one

35:56

with a calorie in

35:58

it. Those are those places

36:00

that have random comedy shows where people will go up and it'll be like this one city

36:02

and it's like this big once a year corporate gig.

36:04

Yeah. Yeah. Really? No. I know a lot of people that have

36:06

done those

36:08

runs. And then there are thirteen provinces. Not so much people there though.

36:10

Yes.

36:11

I was right. Ten

36:14

provinces. Well, you know what? I was I was imagining

36:16

because they just had

36:18

I think they just added none of it,

36:20

like, in my lifetime. So that's why I

36:22

was So Quebec, everyone speaks French.

36:24

Yeah. I don't consider Quebec part of the

36:26

candidate. No. British

36:29

Columbia, Alberta,

36:31

Saskatoon,

36:32

that's good to

36:34

the

36:35

Melatoga,

36:37

Atwa. These are all are these

36:39

all Indian words? I think those are.

36:41

Yeah. Or not Indian book,

36:44

God Bert. I

36:44

just said to someone how offensive it was First Nations. Yeah. Yeah. Well, no. Not even oh, yeah.

36:47

I guess it is First Nations. That's another one where

36:49

it's, yeah, it's like a hot topping in Canada,

36:51

but if you had lots of know,

36:53

inform if you had lots

36:54

of jokes on it and you came here, everyone's like, what?

36:56

We killed Allera's dude. You know? Oh,

36:58

yeah. I don't know what you're talking about.

37:00

We we don't bring that up.

37:03

Havenson and then Ontario, Saint John's

37:05

Nova Scotia. Evanson and they

37:07

have a you guys are talking about

37:09

having a woman president. We had a

37:11

woman prime minister years ago. We haven't done it again, foolish ones, but

37:14

Wanting done. We and no

37:16

one no one likes no one likes

37:18

the the

37:20

I

37:20

thought he dated Jennifer Aniston. fucking Trudeau?

37:22

Yeah. And they were like, no. There's

37:26

Justin Trudeau. trot.

37:28

That'd be huge, though. I'm sure he

37:30

was a little

37:31

bit of a ladies man. Look today. What

37:33

the fuck is that? I

37:35

that's that is that the big

37:37

body of water right there? Holy shit.

37:39

I've never

37:40

even seen that. That's the

37:42

real bay air area. You want it?

37:44

Yeah. Not these appropriate isn't same.

37:46

So yeah. Toronto's in where's Toronto

37:48

in Ontario? Yeah. It's like Toronto's like

37:51

Detroit. Right? above. That's Windsor's right beside Detroit. Toronto

37:53

is, like, kind of if if you were

37:55

to say, like, culturally, the best way to

37:57

describe it is, like, Toronto is closer to

37:59

New

37:59

York and Vancouver is closer to by the way. Vancouver is These Coast

38:02

West Coast. I love Vancouver.

38:04

Very cool city. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What are the cool cities

38:06

in in

38:08

in Canada? go back to I'm sure you've

38:10

been to come back for just for last. Oh, stuff. Right? Oh,

38:12

was that Montreal? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've been to Montreal.

38:14

The French people. Montreal

38:16

is probably the in my

38:18

opinion, like, top one or two cities in the

38:20

world to be at for a week. Yeah. You know

38:22

what I mean? Montrose is pretty fucking bad

38:24

ass. Do you see me as people? when

38:26

when in we're on each other while. So

38:28

we went into the strip club to

38:30

get a cocktail. Yeah. You get, like, a a night

38:32

for fifteen cents to And the

38:34

lady goes, you want me to jack your

38:36

guys off don't know why I'm doing that accent in Montreal because that's not the

38:38

accent. No. It's a gross Quebec watch. She

38:40

goes, well, Jack. No. No.

38:42

No. No.

38:42

all i know That fuck,

38:43

I lost it. Now, by the way, I know the accent. You know

38:45

what it sounds like? Pinky Tuscodoro. You're on a

38:48

But putin a Jackoff. Yeah.

38:51

You want me to jack up your

38:53

dick? Yeah. Yeah. Jack up our dick

38:55

in the yeah. Are

38:56

you in the friend or just you It's

38:58

and I're like, wait, we can get hand jobs in here. And

39:00

she was like, yes, of course. We're not. And we were like, thanks.

39:03

Steve's like, thank god. We didn't know

39:05

about this. married. The

39:08

Montréal's a pretty bad ass. Montreal City.

39:10

Montreal City is fucking gorgeous.

39:13

Montréal City. My thing comes to

39:15

the Come back Citi. Is it Quebec? I'm

39:17

thinking Quebec City is, like, it's the hottest girls and then, like, a lot

39:19

of, like, angry UFC guys. There's two

39:22

types of guys

39:24

in Quebec. there's anger UFC dudes, like, you know, like --

39:26

Right. -- Jean Saint Pierre kind of

39:28

dude -- Yeah. -- or there's, like, a

39:30

guy that

39:32

looks like a skateboarder from

39:34

nineteen eighty nine. You know what

39:36

I mean? Yeah. Yeah. do.

39:39

There's a guy who's just, like, complete you know what

39:41

I mean? Like, fifty, but still just, like, you

39:43

know, baggy pants, like, maybe

39:45

a sweater of, like, what part what part

39:47

of yourself do you still see the Canadian

39:50

side of you? because you don't I feel like

39:52

comedy wise, it's a you know what? There's a weird I

39:54

was actually thinking about the

39:55

over the last, like when I was on the plane, I

39:57

was kinda thinking a lot about because

40:00

I'm sure

40:00

that so many times you have conversations with

40:02

people about comedy, but they just don't

40:04

get, like, how your like, body interaction. You were,

40:07

like, you probably know better than anyone what

40:09

types of joke you can make and what you can

40:11

get away with because how you adhere to

40:13

people. It's not crazy because I I did joke the other night and

40:15

I said, I understand I look racist

40:17

and homophobic. Sure. But I'm not.

40:19

So understand that as I say this

40:21

racist homophobic thing, that it's

40:23

a joke because they know You

40:25

gotta give that to somebody. I almost had to say

40:27

that. And then I said the thing, and I was

40:29

like and

40:29

I was like, oh, And you if

40:32

you play to it, sometimes that you but I know what you're

40:34

saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that it, like, affects you.

40:36

And then I was kind of thinking about it where I was

40:38

like, you know, especially the era I came up in

40:40

or whatever. was like, if I was thinking

40:42

about, like, all the guys that sort

40:44

of had a somewhat similar, like,

40:46

appear I mean, I would say, like, maybe, like,

40:48

Daniel Taw shared, like, Andrew,

40:50

like, like, all I was, like, listing off a bunch, like, early Norma Don a little

40:52

bit. And I was, like, all the guys that I could think of, they

40:54

go maybe sort of, like, a way that they

40:56

kinda look Like, my not

40:58

that we look the same, but I bet you we appear the

41:00

same way to people. Yeah. We all

41:02

kinda came to the same type

41:04

of comedy. which is, like, you're sort of a dick, but you're kinda kidding. And

41:06

I think a lot of it's, like, so crazy

41:08

the way that, like, your energy

41:10

appears to

41:12

people, dictates like, how you end up being as a And it doesn't doesn't

41:14

always start that way, but it kind of ends up No.

41:16

I was doing like, I I remember starting and

41:18

doing, like, things where I was, like, kinda more vulnerable

41:20

and just being, like, People

41:23

are just more like grossed out by it, and it's like, you just I

41:25

I remember the point where I realized that people like bad

41:27

things happening to me, but they don't like me

41:29

being sad about

41:32

it. Like, even when I was doing like, kind of like a you think of Larry David

41:34

or, you know, in terms of TV, you

41:36

know, Al Bondi would be that. Like, nothing

41:38

ever works out for him.

41:40

But he's not like, he it never breaks him in

41:42

any way. It's not like people like that. You kind of see how

41:44

people whereas there's other people, like, they

41:46

can be more vulnerable. People like it.

41:49

And that's it's so completely based on, like, how

41:52

you appear to

41:54

people on, like, a first image, your energy.

41:57

Yeah. And it's what's interesting is that

41:59

well, what's interesting is

42:01

that, like, Patrice

42:03

played against that. he

42:05

played against the way that people see it. Well, because, I mean, his he had a joke about

42:07

he was like, I know what I look like. He's

42:09

like, I look like a monster. He's

42:11

like, II64653

42:15

hundred and fifty

42:16

pounds. I got broken teeth. Like,

42:18

I meant that we lived together in Scotland for

42:20

a month, and he

42:21

but his jokes were always always a

42:23

little more thoughtful,

42:24

and he had a couple jokes. He had

42:26

this one joke about I don't know if it's

42:28

that he ever recorded it, but about the

42:31

cool guy in his neighborhood -- Okay. -- was this guy

42:34

Tony. And Tony just knew how

42:36

to how to, like, talk to

42:38

bitches. And and he knew how to

42:40

play with bitches and Patrice didn't.

42:42

So

42:42

he's like, I remember Tony just walked up

42:44

and he'd tap a

42:45

rolling back in the neck and then run

42:47

away. and the girl a big Oh, Tony. And he was like

42:50

so

42:50

I'm like, alright. You gotta smack

42:52

a bitch. Okay? So I come in with

42:54

this big fucking paw of the hand. I'm

42:56

just like, Why am I? And it

42:58

just it's it's really but

43:01

his but his his take on

43:03

everything was always that of like I

43:05

don't know. He I guess he did of play in to what we thought he

43:07

looks like. Will you do more of yeah. You

43:10

kind of It's like find

43:12

that place where you go, you leave no room for

43:14

error or something. You know what I mean? Look at Jim Norton,

43:16

his act. You see Jim Norton

43:19

as Jim Norton. like Jim Norton is the guy that you go, yeah,

43:21

prostitutes. You know what I think it is as you're saying that?

43:24

Your comment sort of made me I think a a

43:26

big part of it is,

43:28

like, people see you a

43:30

certain way, and then you have to let them

43:32

know, yeah, I know you see me like

43:34

that. Like, I'm more of that.

43:36

And obviously, I know how your small little

43:38

brains are India. Yeah. It's

43:40

like you almost have to like it's

43:42

not that you're saying like, oh, I

43:44

it's like you have to almost internalize their

43:46

thing and spit it back to them in a way

43:48

that they, like, Yeah. I know how you

43:50

guys your brains work. What's crazy is who is

43:52

when you meet the guy who does the thing and leans

43:54

into what his body looks like and and what he looks

43:56

like and what you take him as. and then you

43:59

meet him and he's not that guy at all. You go there on your life. Yeah. Yeah. On

44:01

stage, they're not like, I remember I

44:03

remember Dane being, like, seeing

44:05

Dane, and he's wild and crazy on stage, and he's

44:08

energetic, and he's like, got these bizarre

44:10

thoughts. What if you what if you walked into a

44:12

bank? He's all over the place. He's all over

44:14

the place. So everyone assumed I gotta get high with Dane. And I

44:16

remember meeting Dane and being like, do you wanna get

44:18

high? And he was like, I don't drink drugs. I don't drink alcohol.

44:20

I've never had caffeine. And I

44:22

was like,

44:22

those like I

44:24

was like, okay. I would've thought you're this, like, I thought was a walk in a

44:26

wild party down play. And he had never done

44:28

it. And still to this day, he's

44:32

fucking fifty fifty

44:33

two, fifty maybe fifty three,

44:36

and he's never done a drug an

44:38

alcohol or caffeine. Never fucks wrong with

44:40

any of it. Some of

44:41

that is, like, that young guy energy. with Tush. Same with Tush. Yeah. Same

44:43

and then, like, Tush never

44:46

done anything.

44:48

Never never done

44:50

anything. And I was always like, what the fuck?

44:52

Like, that never I never could have

44:54

I

44:54

could never wrap my head around that.

44:57

because I was like, I was the guy who'd done everything and was like,

44:59

oh, that's where I am. This is my -- Yeah. -- this

45:01

is my personality. And

45:04

I also also Maybe even that was, like, a little disarming. You know what

45:06

I mean? Like like, you may maybe

45:08

develop, like, a funner personality

45:10

because of, you know, in the way you

45:12

may be I think I always

45:14

looked at there should be no church separation

45:16

between church and state. Yeah. Like, I was like, you

45:18

should be who you are on stage and

45:20

off stage. that was a flaw. I think

45:22

that's a flaw. Now that I look back. Well, I guess if

45:24

that's like, you know, kind of

45:28

people have like, if you're gonna

45:30

be, like, on the drinking guy, that can

45:32

be, like, a flaw in stage because you're just, like,

45:34

what not as I mean, think of other people

45:36

that had worse thoughts. We're just laughing at the idea

45:38

of, like, think about those bands that, you know, painted their faces and

45:40

put out all the makeup, like, that

45:42

probably after, like, six years of being famous,

45:44

you're, like, Probably bad

45:46

idea doing this whole thing. I can't

45:48

imagine being kiss painting your bitch

45:50

face. Or, like, even, like,

45:52

like, I I'm friends with

45:54

Corey Taylor. from -- Right. -- that's guys all of it. Those

45:56

masks smell I I can't One of nine

45:58

dramas. It's my the saving grace of taking

45:59

my shirt off is I'm very

46:02

comfortable shirtless. and I love being

46:04

shirtless. I'd much rather be shirtless. I'm

46:06

wearing a suit on sneakers. Yeah. So

46:08

I'm, like, fucking sat But you more are you

46:10

more saying that, like, sometimes you're, like, probably didn't

46:12

need to drink tonight. No. See,

46:14

you're

46:14

cutting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, but, like, well, I

46:16

don't know, we're in the middle of we're right at the

46:18

end of October, so I'm kind of

46:20

enjoying not drinking. It's kinda nice. kinda

46:23

nice having a default. People

46:24

are like, Bert drink

46:25

and I'm like, oh, October, October. And

46:27

they're like, oh, yeah. dude

46:30

kill it. Have good luck on that and you're like, that's nice. It's

46:32

like nice to have an out every now and then.

46:34

When you're thinking so much though, like, That's

46:37

why don't know. It was so crazy to me that people whose brains

46:40

are like, oh, I just need to turn it off and smoke weed.

46:42

I'm like, that'll make it worse for me. I've never

46:44

been able to. I don't get it. And

46:46

it's like, to me

46:48

partying, like, with, you know,

46:50

like, just even not even partying. Like, you know, a

46:52

bunch of dudes are there and you're, like, drinking

46:54

or whatever. it probably is the only time that I feel like I really

46:56

do turn it off.

46:58

Yeah. So, I mean, obviously, people are like,

47:00

whoa, you should meditate and do those things and

47:02

blah blah. But

47:04

you're like, Is it that bad to be like, yeah. I have some drinks. You

47:06

know what I mean? What I was saying to my one

47:08

we were we were all gonna I feel like it's a good

47:10

system. But yeah. it's it's

47:12

the best turn off is to have a cocktail and just tap the phone. It is. It's the only

47:15

one. Once it kicks into your system and you

47:17

feel the weight of it, the heaviness

47:19

of the fucking anxiety blanket

47:22

hit you, and you're like, oh, I'm getting

47:24

one more of these. Yep. I'm getting one

47:26

more of these. Yeah. Those are the clips that, like,

47:28

if you do have to quit, like, you just

47:30

when you feel the warmth of that drink, that's the

47:32

AA speech, the greatest fuck. I feel bad for, like

47:36

like,

47:37

you know, feel

47:38

like it's interesting. My thoughts

47:40

on sobriety, like, there's a guy named Brandon Novak.

47:42

Do you know who that is? Of course. He's

47:44

the guy from Bam Bam's buddy.

47:47

Chris. And and, like, you look

47:49

at him and you're really happy

47:51

he's sober because, like, you watch New

47:53

York is full of

47:56

that. Really? Oh, you probably know tons of them. Oh, yeah. Do

47:58

comics I've never met

47:59

an industry that has more people that

48:02

don't drink because, like, they had to

48:04

stop drinking.

48:06

It's

48:06

it's insane to me. I think it's just

48:08

it's I mean, I'm sure bar

48:10

you know what? I'm sure bartenders is the

48:13

same. Well, both vendors, of course. But but How

48:15

many other industries this is, like, you were at

48:17

night, you know, everyone's drinking. But but porn is a bit

48:20

people you're working during the day. And they get out

48:22

of it. They get

48:23

out of town. They go they go them out. I'm in a sober up.

48:25

I'm in a family. And then I'll do some in

48:27

plastic surgery, marry a guy

48:29

who never knew. if

48:32

I was a porn star, I'd go to fucking I'd go to, like, Middle East.

48:34

Go to Middle East. Does that would

48:37

you ever follow Jabber? I would That

48:39

would they would flip if they found out at the wedding night that

48:41

the girl on the job was an American porn stuff.

48:43

Go to a place where the fuck in. They don't have

48:45

the go to China. They don't they

48:47

scrub the Internet. just fucking

48:50

crazy disappear. But it yeah.

48:52

With enough money? Yeah. You know, I

48:54

mean, I don't think they allowed the group. Hey,

48:55

wait. Hold on. Have you been following this pretty

48:58

grinder thing? she's nine years. What the

49:00

fuck dude? That so,

49:02

like, I don't have

49:02

a okay. I don't have a hill

49:04

to die on. Right? I just don't. Like, I like,

49:08

imagine you did though and it was that she deserves it. You're

49:10

like, I don't like to get political,

49:12

but, like, they nailed it.

49:16

this drug is lethal. And if anything that

49:18

here should work like that, how fucked up?

49:20

She had a vape pen that was

49:22

it. I mean, crazy. I'm I'm

49:26

always I'm always the person that goes, hold on. Do we not know

49:28

everything? How many cartridges did she

49:30

have? because she had one fucking vape

49:34

pen. and she's in prison for not and by the way, let's be very with

49:36

a country we're essentially at war with.

49:38

Yeah. And she's six seven.

49:42

those cells,

49:43

no one in Russia is 670 she leaves

49:45

is gonna, you know, be the boss at the

49:47

jail

49:47

a little bit. But don't

49:50

know.

49:50

First of all,

49:51

there's big meds. She's well, she I

49:53

mean, she's she's bigger than any of the guards.

49:55

She's the biggest fucking person. She's the

49:57

biggest person in the jail. Yeah. But,

49:59

like, the, you know, the beds aren't gonna be comfortable.

50:02

No. These things these are the least So

50:04

these are

50:06

the These are the gulags, the

50:08

the old gulags. That's where she is?

50:11

Yeah. They're they're This

50:13

is where Posey Riot was kept.

50:16

This is, like, there's a

50:17

is like, this

50:20

is not Comfortable at

50:22

all. You spend your day either breaking

50:24

rocks, digging holes, or

50:26

watching propaganda

50:28

videos. So, like, you know, language, you don't speak. You know, language? Which I

50:30

bet she's gotta be learning it. But more

50:32

importantly, she's

50:33

not gonna fit in

50:35

any fucking bed. Like, there's

50:37

not one bed in there that is gonna fucking

50:40

the

50:40

showers, like, nothing

50:42

fits for her. Yeah. And people

50:44

are a little smaller in Russia too. Alright. The fucking shower is gonna

50:46

be hitting her too. She's gonna have to find a girl and

50:48

make it her bitch and then put the two people

50:50

together. she loves, man.

50:53

I think they all are. Like, I just You

50:55

know what I'm generally Yeah. I'm always generous,

50:57

but, like, my body, Danny's got a joke

50:59

where he's, like, the, you know, the

51:01

NBA is, like, with the first, you professional gay basketball player in the whole

51:04

W NBA is,

51:06

like, hello? I

51:08

mean, I I like, I don't have a hill to die on, but I'd fucking I

51:10

can't believe we haven't tried to break her out. Did you

51:12

see what they so basically, they

51:16

they you know, sometimes with these kind of things, they negotiate, like, a

51:18

swap. Right? Yeah. And then Russia, they

51:21

they were, like, coming to the

51:23

table being, like, what do you What

51:25

are you thinking? And then Russia was, like, we

51:27

wanted this, like, arms dealer who, like,

51:29

was wanted for, like, in nineteen

51:32

countries and, like, you know, there's, like,

51:34

mass murderer essentially, and they're just,

51:36

like, I don't know if you've been paying attention in America,

51:38

but the W NBA is, like, I think you got the wrong

51:40

NBA if you think you're getting the mass

51:42

murderer back. but they actually might get them. I don't know where it lands. I don't know the year's

51:44

jersey. What's she what what's she

51:45

wearing in that? It

51:48

says Crenshaw?

51:48

I haven't watched the

51:49

NBA W NBA since he stopped

51:52

-- Oh, yeah. -- far before. But She was

51:54

by the way, she hasn't played in seven

51:56

years. she's been playing a mosque in Russia for some reason. That was the whole thing. Right?

51:58

because you can make more money going to play in some

51:59

of these other places.

52:02

If you had to be in a prison,

52:06

where

52:06

they, like, you know, they they were

52:07

very progressive. So let's talk, like You

52:09

ever got a night in a

52:10

present? No. Not a present, like, a

52:12

a drum tag or anything? Yeah.

52:14

A drunk tank. I would assume you maybe have the Under the under the belt. I'm I'm a

52:17

weird thing about following rules. Like, I'm pretty --

52:19

That's right. -- I'm pretty strict about rules. Like,

52:21

I don't drink and drive. I

52:23

don't like, I've never I've

52:26

I've now in in as an adult Let's

52:28

punch one cop. Never punch like

52:30

a cop. I've never really punched

52:33

Yeah. I've punched a couple people, but,

52:35

like, never

52:36

probably probably

52:38

way less in reality than I

52:40

than I than I've never punched anyone. I don't

52:42

I've punched people, but, like, I'm not -- Yeah. -- I'm a weird rule follower.

52:45

Sure. But You that's like

52:47

a that is like a fun dad characteristic

52:49

too. Right? That suits, like,

52:52

we're having fun here, but, like, that's within the rules, guys.

52:54

Like boundaries. Yeah. I'm not someone who could,

52:56

like, flaunt alcohol on the beach.

52:59

Like, I'm not even like that. Yeah. In a

53:01

weird way, like, I it makes me uncomfortable

53:03

because I don't Like, if they say one per

53:05

customer, you're like, the rules of

53:07

the rules? Well, so my wife has a

53:10

weird way of putting

53:11

parameters on this. She goes, you

53:14

follow the rules. However, there are

53:16

rules that you say don't apply to

53:18

you. And I was like, I don't know what you're talking

53:20

about. Like, I'm out for that one

53:22

altogether. Like,

53:24

I child

53:24

porn. Right? No. No.

53:26

I like, I won't

53:31

the III

53:33

think it

53:34

has to do with being a comic. I

53:36

know what you mean when you go. You were

53:38

just like if they said,

53:41

will be a good one. They were, like, no phones in

53:43

this place. You're, like, I don't do that rule. Like, I

53:45

would use you would just pick, like, a random one. No.

53:47

No. No. No. I'll III won't let that No.

53:50

I I wouldn't I like, if if like,

53:52

Dave spelt through one of his parties and he was like, hey.

53:54

Would I let that No. That would be, like, crazy.

53:56

I'm keeping my phone. I'm Okay. Yeah.

53:58

I'm Yeah. Okay. Sure. There you go. And then I'm like, I'm I'm not gonna videotape anyone.

54:00

Like, I would never videotape him, but I'm definitely not

54:02

getting rid of my phone. I'm not Right. So

54:04

you just go, like, yeah. I would

54:07

you follow the rules that you follow. Yeah. I follow the rules. So,

54:09

like, a a perfect one is one time we

54:11

were going to a concert and we all

54:13

made roadies and we went to get in the Uber and the

54:15

guy was like, oh, no alcohol.

54:17

And I was like, oh, it's not alcohol. And he

54:19

goes, what

54:20

is it? And I said it's water. I've I've been working all

54:22

the damn hydrating. And then I got

54:23

in, Leanne goes, why don't you make a water? Why don't you

54:25

get a bottle of water. Right? Go pay following

54:28

Pakasota. She was like,

54:28

he said, no. I'm only gonna fuck about this

54:30

guy. Like, I'm following my rules. He's not gonna be

54:33

No. Not another one to the no rule. Yeah.

54:35

Following Like, I I there are rules

54:37

I don't follow. Leanne's better at playing it out. She's always

54:39

like, yeah, you you do believe,

54:42

like, this drives

54:44

her nuts. I

54:46

believe there's rules. I believe there's rules when the

54:48

luggage comes down. I don't stand

54:50

up against the thing right where all

54:52

the luggage is coming out, you know, the little slot.

54:55

I don't stand right there and block everyone from getting their

54:57

luggage. Yeah. I stand back five feet. I

54:59

believe that's a rule. And

55:02

and and but almost like a code of honor. Yeah. And if

55:04

the rule fits into your code, then you

55:06

internalize it as a code.

55:08

Yes. However,

55:10

when they're when they start boarding a plane and I see line of

55:12

people, that line means nothing to me.

55:14

Means absolutely. Because I know that they

55:16

don't know how a plane boards.

55:19

And so I go, they're going to call

55:22

first class or whatever the highest

55:24

executive thing is. Is sheep. When you

55:26

see that, you know, you what are you out of your mind?

55:28

These guys don't know anything about fine. I will simply

55:30

get over to the side, and then I'll walk in front

55:32

of I've done it a million times that they called --

55:34

Yeah. -- whatever yet and

55:36

people like, And

55:37

I go, yeah, you don't know what the fuck you do. I

55:39

wanna walk past all you guys. Yeah. I saw a woman break that it's so funny. I

55:41

saw something last night that

55:43

is so the

55:45

the the the

55:48

cult hair of

55:50

what

55:50

makes society fall apart. Right?

55:54

So a black

55:56

woman not

55:57

from this country, which is

55:59

important in this

55:59

story. Two children

56:00

who are from this

56:02

country. So the two children do not have an

56:05

accent. This woman not only has an accent,

56:07

she's not a hundred

56:08

percent comfortable in the language. Okay.

56:10

What's the accent? Like, I wanna say I wanna

56:12

say, like, African something

56:14

African like yeah. But and and

56:18

she we're

56:20

in line at Rite Aid, and we're

56:22

trying to get we're trying to get

56:24

our medication and

56:24

the line was long. And

56:26

I said to Ayla, I said, well, let's just go around

56:30

shopping. We'll come back. There's no

56:32

way it's longer than this. We get back. It's even longer. And it's

56:33

me. It's

56:36

me and

56:36

and the old

56:38

ad

56:39

sales rep for all things

56:41

comedy? Like, what the rant about the Yeah.

56:43

I just saw her. She's,

56:45

like, too upfront There's a woman in front of me, and then there's

56:47

this black woman. So this the woman way

56:49

up front is the ad salesperson, then

56:51

black woman, then a white woman in front of

56:53

me, then me. black

56:55

woman's looking for her

56:58

kids, and she says to the woman behind

57:00

her in in not so

57:02

great English. I

57:03

I'm just gonna go get something. Can you hold my place in line?

57:05

That's not what

57:05

she said, but that's what she

57:08

emoted. Right?

57:10

She the

57:12

line and the line starts moving.

57:13

And then, like I said, even more

57:16

people show behind me now and there's eight

57:18

people behind

57:20

me. Yeah. the woman in

57:22

front of

57:22

me gets called up and

57:24

she's looking for

57:25

the black tick. Like, I'm holding someone's

57:28

spot line. and then me

57:30

like, if she comes back, you got it. Right?

57:32

And I was like, yeah. Some sitting

57:34

there, they call me up to the thing.

57:36

I'm like, do you have the prison behind you? No. I don't

57:38

say anything. So I go to the thing. And then the black chick shows

57:41

up, looks around, doesn't see the

57:43

woman she told, and

57:45

I think probably thought all white women look

57:48

alike. I just looked around and just got

57:50

at the front of the line. In front of, like,

57:52

now what's thirteen people -- Okay. -- and gets it from the line. And I

57:54

hear huffing and puffing. Came on a ass. Through a

57:56

mask. The woman behind her is on a

57:58

mask on. She's like,

57:59

excuse me. Excuse me. Black woman

58:02

doesn't know. She's talking to her, doesn't see

58:03

her mouth moving, doesn't know what the

58:05

fuck's happening.

58:07

they NA, shit

58:08

show falls out. The kids come up and speak

58:10

fluent English. And so everyone

58:12

is trying to communicate to this woman thinks

58:14

she's been blowing them off. And

58:17

the whole time, I what I want

58:19

to say is, she

58:22

doesn't speak great English. She

58:24

told her who's ignoring

58:26

her that And

58:26

now I look over to her and she's gone. The woman that is

58:28

no longer here that she needed to hold her place in line,

58:31

but everyone's gone. I'm the

58:33

only

58:33

one that witnesses. I said

58:35

nothing. I said nothing. I said nothing that I

58:38

watched fucking all hell. that. We

58:40

even listened to sleep over that one? I've been I've been

58:42

bothered by it that I didn't stand up for this

58:44

one because because in the story -- Right. -- in the

58:46

story, I side. So

58:48

I side with both teams. I side with I

58:49

don't like

58:52

rule breakers. Like, I

58:53

don't like the people that cut the line.

58:55

But you just But I understand that you

58:57

have errors. But I go, it's it's

59:00

it's just just

59:00

things didn't align and she didn't know that you're not the woman

59:02

and she just got in line and and

59:04

I just didn't hang in. And and it

59:06

was it happened so quick and then

59:09

And then some lady right behind her was like, I

59:11

have COVID. And I was like, what the fuck? It

59:13

was such a shit show. I see. And

59:16

then I love it. Yeah. I it's because

59:18

then and then I love shuts down. I'm out

59:20

of here. Right? And I go, she doesn't have

59:22

COVID. Now I go, dad, she just said, he her

59:24

kids have COVID. I go, no. She doesn't wanna

59:26

be involved in this fucking nightmare

59:28

that's trans fire ass. I said to Ireland, it's

59:30

what people do who are crazy. They just

59:33

go, I have COVID. And now they've got

59:35

the Trump card. I have AIDS. and spit

59:37

on them. You know? It was the fucking biggest. That

59:40

is one of those ones where you're just Look, that's

59:42

when I got involved, it

59:44

happens again. that's one of those things

59:46

where there's gonna be, like, a a month

59:48

from now. A similar situation is

59:50

gonna rise. It's gonna be your time to shine.

59:52

But will you that's in some of the

59:54

stabs. Yeah. When you step in, that's when

59:56

you get fucking stab. What's it? There's a

59:58

comment that has a cut on his face.

1:00:00

If you don't talk about Doug

1:00:02

Smith. Yeah. And and just hey, guys. What's up? On the subway.

1:00:04

Right? On the subway. Hey, guys. Let's

1:00:06

let's all be gentlemen here. By

1:00:08

the way, he's still is a good looking guy with a color on

1:00:10

his face.

1:00:12

Actually, I know him because I had a joke where I said Doug Smith

1:00:14

in the joke, and then everyone would come out to me

1:00:16

and go, that's our buddy Doug Smith. Oh, for real?

1:00:19

Yeah. I would say, go I getting it was an old

1:00:21

joke, but I was, like, I have a friend that's

1:00:23

getting married and he's gonna take his wife's last

1:00:25

name, but she's gonna take his

1:00:27

first line name they're, like, they're both gonna be Doug Smith.

1:00:29

Like, that was yeah. What Just like a one liner. He got another

1:00:31

thing. But Yeah. He was flashing

1:00:34

Victor. But

1:00:36

I know That was popping off again in New York, the face

1:00:38

slashings. Like, you straight up picky

1:00:40

blinders stuff. They were going

1:00:42

hard, like, It was one of those

1:00:44

things where you go, oh, people go, oh, it's

1:00:46

only, like, a hundred. You're, like, a

1:00:48

hundred. Oh, one is a

1:00:50

hundred people. What was he

1:00:52

doing? He was trying to defend Try to

1:00:54

defend, like, a woman

1:00:56

situation. I'm pretty sure.

1:00:58

Yeah.

1:00:58

He looks he looks fine. He's a good looking guy.

1:01:00

Yeah. But crazy. Right? And I think

1:01:01

those I'll tell you what, do you know how many people

1:01:03

weren't saved because of that

1:01:06

story? Yeah. Yeah.

1:01:08

You know how many people perish because everyone's like, well, fuck that, man.

1:01:10

They're gonna rape her. I guess The Doug Smith

1:01:12

Chronicles probably forty five people

1:01:14

in the subway, like, that week

1:01:17

were just like, yeah. probably on your own.

1:01:19

I The in the subway, it is

1:01:21

probably

1:01:22

there is probably no benefit

1:01:24

to getting involved when you're in New York as you

1:01:26

go if I wanted to be, like, the

1:01:28

subway patrol, I could do that every fifteen seconds.

1:01:30

You know what I mean? Bernie guts is a tough

1:01:32

one. Bernie guts had a

1:01:33

good one. What did you say? You remember Bernie guts?

1:01:35

No, really. Oh, See,

1:01:38

that's the thing we're talking about about comedy. If

1:01:40

you don't know the joke, you don't then it's just like

1:01:42

a serious statement. Yeah. Yeah.

1:01:44

Yeah. Type in

1:01:46

Bernard Gets. Bernard

1:01:47

gets. It's a it's a beastie

1:01:49

boy's lyric. Two, he's in a beastie

1:01:51

boy's song. Oh, really?

1:01:54

Bernie gets.

1:01:54

the type in, can

1:01:56

you just read it out loud? He

1:02:00

shot, like,

1:02:02

five black dudes in the

1:02:04

back. in a

1:02:05

in a subway who came up.

1:02:08

And they said they were I mean, that's why I

1:02:10

was saying. They said they said they were Josh and

1:02:12

around, you know. I think those were their

1:02:14

exact words. We were just joshing around, and we were pretending

1:02:16

to rob this guy. And then --

1:02:18

Oh, no. -- he had had it. He had

1:02:20

had it. And by the way, he is not a

1:02:22

sane dude.

1:02:24

he used to come on Opiant Anthony all the time. And

1:02:26

he pulled out

1:02:27

a fucking

1:02:28

gun and not

1:02:29

only just shot them all,

1:02:32

but then hunted

1:02:33

them down in the subway and the ones

1:02:35

that were crawling, shot them in

1:02:37

the back, if I'm

1:02:39

not mistaken. Correct? And he was

1:02:41

a comic. After wounding three

1:02:44

unarmed men, he pointed his gun an eighteen year

1:02:46

old who was not wounded, but cowering,

1:02:48

terrifying the subway and said, You don't look too

1:02:50

bad. Here's another. Oh. No. He

1:02:52

wasn't a callback. He's happy with that,

1:02:54

but I was just in the show. I

1:02:56

was thinking in New York. I was like,

1:02:58

this calm like, this is the Joker

1:03:00

situation. Severid is

1:03:01

spinal cord, but that guy

1:03:03

was paralyzed and suffered brain

1:03:06

damage. That's right. So this is the

1:03:08

opposite story. This

1:03:09

this is Bernard Getz was

1:03:12

like, he was the story.

1:03:14

This is when New

1:03:15

Yorkers had it's worse. Right? Before they re renovated

1:03:17

everything. What is it? Eighty six? It's

1:03:19

eighty

1:03:19

six. He was

1:03:22

thirty seven they surrounded him and asked him for five

1:03:24

dollars. And, like, I'll I'll do you

1:03:26

one back. Without a gun, it's already shooting

1:03:28

them. Five dollars with the

1:03:30

ammo each and then the

1:03:32

one that was scared, probably the one

1:03:34

that did the least. He was like,

1:03:36

oh, yeah. Yeah. He was you didn't even wanna be

1:03:38

there, the younger brother. He was like, you don't

1:03:40

look too bad. shot him in the fucking

1:03:42

head. But but --

1:03:44

Wow. --

1:03:44

well, but that what's crazy is

1:03:48

I

1:03:48

think it cleaned up the subways for a little while. Oh, they get,

1:03:50

oh, I see what you're saying. The vigilantes What

1:03:52

are we knowing that That man stuff. Like,

1:03:54

yeah. Like, you're right when when

1:03:57

Doug got attacked, everyone's like, well, I'm not gonna

1:03:59

fucking stick my mind. That was one for the bad guys.

1:04:01

Yeah. And you're like, well, fuck. You need to

1:04:03

find the guy I did it a girl once who said that. Every

1:04:05

now and then, you need a vigilant due to just go to town. Pick

1:04:07

on the wrong view of the guy in

1:04:10

the subway.

1:04:12

What? Oh, crap. Bernie

1:04:14

as a SoundCloud mixed day

1:04:16

about now. In two thousand one, he made

1:04:18

an unsuccessful bid for the mayor.

1:04:21

stop. In two thousand thirteen, he was charged was trying

1:04:23

to sell marijuana to an undercover

1:04:26

cop. Heat

1:04:28

Bernie gets was a was a he

1:04:30

would That's a guy looking for another fight

1:04:32

too. I was, you know, is anyone

1:04:34

wanting a weed? He went he went a lot

1:04:36

of weed in my pocket. he went

1:04:38

crazy on on on

1:04:40

Opiant Anthony. He did the Adam on

1:04:42

before Oh, they they used to bring him

1:04:44

on all the time then after. Oh, yes. Like

1:04:46

after he got like after he got into jail,

1:04:49

he was doing this circuit? After he

1:04:52

Was this guy, like, a low key, like, a hero

1:04:54

kind of? or hi. Can you hear me? don't

1:04:56

think he was a hero. I think for people

1:04:58

in New York, there were, like, somewhat Yeah.

1:05:00

We need we need to clean these subways up.

1:05:02

I mean, I think the eighties, the subways

1:05:04

were fucking

1:05:05

terrifying. What are they

1:05:06

like? Right. I mean, I move kind

1:05:09

of right before COVID, which is like a pretty wild time

1:05:11

to move to New York. But, like, I live

1:05:13

in the east village and I just moved, like, away a

1:05:15

little bit away from first and fourteenth

1:05:17

where I was. Oh, okay. I know first

1:05:19

and fourteenth very

1:05:22

well. Yeah. first and fourteenth is, like, mayhem. Yeah. To

1:05:24

the point where there was

1:05:26

a there was a fight every

1:05:28

single day because they set up

1:05:30

a market people start selling

1:05:32

stuff. And then the cops, you know, the cops kind of in

1:05:34

the pandemic. They're like, well, if everyone hates us, we

1:05:36

just won't do our job. How do you like that? Right?

1:05:38

Yeah. So the cops are like over it. Bodega. The

1:05:40

Bodega guy beneath me got in a fist fight

1:05:42

with the guys who tried to set up

1:05:44

a a tent, and would they have, like,

1:05:46

six living with them outside of my house right in front

1:05:48

of the Bodega. But I got you got a

1:05:50

fist fight with that guy. And then

1:05:52

they'll be like male versus female

1:05:54

fights, like, often, dude, I

1:05:56

would go into my place and there'll be someone and

1:05:58

this is not, like, crazy cheap. Right? There

1:06:00

we go. Yeah. Not like this. There's, like, fun in the

1:06:02

main hat. Look. You know what I mean? First of

1:06:04

fourteenth is there. Yeah. Like, it's not like the most

1:06:06

expensive thing in the world, but you're like, paying too

1:06:08

much to fucking Like,

1:06:10

once men beat up women in your front yard? Yeah. I

1:06:12

didn't know why you're trying to

1:06:14

sleep. Like, And then I I legitimately

1:06:16

did go down and, like, have a word with him at night

1:06:18

sometimes. Really? I turned into

1:06:20

this guy. Dude, I was like,

1:06:22

well, you guys Bro. Bro.

1:06:24

Bro. I go, guys, what are we doing here?

1:06:26

I I tried to I tried to be, like, the cool

1:06:28

complainer. I go listen. Like,

1:06:30

you do I know they bother me too, but we can't

1:06:32

beat them up in curbs, Tom, from gentlemen,

1:06:34

gentlemen, gentlemen. You're a convention guy.

1:06:36

We all know the fucking

1:06:38

all the I don't know if anything. You don't cruise

1:06:40

there. Hey. I like rap music

1:06:42

as much as the next guy. I don't know if we need a

1:06:44

blasting at three AM.

1:06:46

No. It's they're out of control. There'd be a

1:06:48

guy doing crack, like, in

1:06:50

my, like, doorway, you know, often.

1:06:52

Now it's like a very often

1:06:54

occurrence. Right? They just had gone to the

1:06:56

point where I would I'd be, like, excuse me. And and then they would, like,

1:06:58

not, like, the way that I said, excuse me. They're, like,

1:07:00

you got a problem. And I was, like, just trying to

1:07:02

get in. My if that's all the same

1:07:04

to you, sir. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? And then they would

1:07:06

kind of be like, whoa, you know, don't talk to us

1:07:08

like that. And I was just like, have it yeah. It

1:07:10

happens so often that you just became dumb doing

1:07:12

it. You just like, okay. Yeah. I won't yeah. It's funny when you to New

1:07:14

York for one day, it's it can it can scare

1:07:16

the fucking shit out of you. And now if you live

1:07:18

there, you're you get numb to it.

1:07:20

So you're stepping over

1:07:22

fights to get to, like, you know, buy

1:07:24

some juice. That's fucking

1:07:26

crazy. Dude, that is Contraction.

1:07:28

And But no one can pass without yet, like, nine guys yelling at her.

1:07:30

Like, any girl walks by, like, nine guys are,

1:07:32

like, yo, give me that fucking ass, bitch. Like It's

1:07:34

so funny when you see, like, videos of,

1:07:38

like, dudes just straight up, like dudes in a

1:07:40

in a Yankee's Jersey just punching

1:07:42

a woman and you're like, I think they're

1:07:44

pretty far off from declaring their pronouns.

1:07:48

I think I think we have a lot of cleaning up to do before we

1:07:50

fucking there's the the non

1:07:52

adjacency with which people hold issues Yeah.

1:07:55

Those are Those are the

1:07:57

fault insane. I remember being somewhere and they were like, yeah,

1:07:59

they'll just throw a tire around his neck and light him

1:08:01

on fire. And I was like,

1:08:04

excuse me. far are

1:08:06

we? That was that was over

1:08:08

in Africa. Yeah.

1:08:10

I find that with a lot of comments that a

1:08:12

little too New York

1:08:14

centric. They'll go

1:08:15

to other places, and they'll be

1:08:17

talking about some of these issues, and

1:08:19

they'll be, like, you

1:08:21

know, whatever talking about, like, trans stuff or whatever. Like, maybe a little less now, but,

1:08:23

like, three years ago and they'd be, like, oh, you guys aren't on board

1:08:25

with that and

1:08:28

they're, like, They don't know what you're talking about. Yeah. Not not don't

1:08:30

they don't not have a position on this. Like, they're not they're not, like, against

1:08:33

you. They don't know what the fuck you're talking about I remember

1:08:35

here. I remember my wife. perfect one, sir.

1:08:38

Yeah. No. No, please. Perfect one is

1:08:40

they'll be talking about, like, I'm

1:08:42

in, like, a polyamorous relationship and I'm

1:08:44

the the whatever the

1:08:46

this I can't remember the words, but then they'll be, like, oh, you guys don't like that. And that's what it was. The polyamorous

1:08:49

stuff, and they're

1:08:52

just, like, don't know what the

1:08:54

fuck you're even taught. They never heard

1:08:56

that word. You're living in a fucking

1:08:58

in a kingdom with which doesn't exist

1:09:00

in their fucking realm. Yeah. They think you might

1:09:02

as well be talking about, like, world of Warcraft, like, intersees, you know? We that's fun to bounce off our

1:09:05

by by my bus driver. It's

1:09:07

my bus drivers. a

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pretty open mind to do. But, you know, you

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talk about a thruffle. And he's, like, a fuck you

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1:11:14

It's

1:11:14

crazy to think that,

1:11:17

like like, especially

1:11:17

when you look at, like, college

1:11:20

campuses today and

1:11:22

people protesting certain things, And you're like, you know going

1:11:24

on in the world. Right? You know what?

1:11:26

They think yeah. And do you

1:11:30

know why? that's going on in the world because I can't my

1:11:33

trouble can't get married legally and

1:11:35

federally. It's fucking insanity. Like,

1:11:38

that that to me makes me giggle when

1:11:40

you look really fun. What was the one? What was

1:11:42

the one evergreen state evergreen? That's that was the

1:11:44

but that was the hot one very long story.

1:11:47

wasn't gigged out. Yeah. They were and they were

1:11:49

chasing down that -- Right. No worries. -- people

1:11:51

there? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the one

1:11:53

guy showed up and they chased him

1:11:55

down with the fucking

1:11:56

professor. And you're like and because sometimes I wonder,

1:11:58

like, I remember That was his

1:11:59

fucking villain moment for sure.

1:12:02

Was was he guys? That's it.

1:12:05

And I started a podcast. Who was the I think it was

1:12:07

Jordan was it Jordan Peterson? That's what happens. Then you started Jordan Peterson,

1:12:09

the one in Canada. No. Jordan

1:12:11

Peterson was Toronto.

1:12:15

Jordan Peterson is an interesting

1:12:17

guy. Yeah. No white people

1:12:20

today.

1:12:20

Yeah. No white

1:12:21

people today. I fucking

1:12:24

love that. I

1:12:24

would love that. Make it a week. I'll take the whole fucking

1:12:26

week off. Like, I I Yeah. Do it at work. It's mid at least

1:12:28

do it at work too. Yeah. You

1:12:30

know what I mean? Yeah. Make all around

1:12:32

the world. people on the planet have no working life in

1:12:34

the day. It's not better to tell you. There's gonna be some businesses that

1:12:36

are gonna make it's

1:12:39

gonna be a wrinkle The sake

1:12:41

of you did no no if you did no Indian day,

1:12:43

go to the fucking hospital. Good fucking

1:12:45

luck. I want an

1:12:47

Indian fucking doctor That's

1:12:50

all I trust. In the inter Asian. I believe

1:12:52

you don't wanna follow-up. There was a

1:12:54

good three years where every month,

1:12:57

there was, like, faster getting embroiled into a

1:12:59

scandal and then becoming like a podcaster and be in becoming better at our job. Was yeah. Was

1:13:03

that was that mean, Jordan Peterson was

1:13:06

a person. He was A0G Because there's a few others that he was so good at Oh,

1:13:08

sure. He was

1:13:10

so good at, like,

1:13:13

I'm always amazed that he goes, you know, he

1:13:15

does a new speech every night they say or that he says.

1:13:17

Gotcha. He does a new speech every night, never does the same

1:13:20

speech twice.

1:13:20

does the same speech twice anybody's

1:13:22

just a his brain Okay. Well,

1:13:24

I think that that's one of the things where

1:13:26

they're lectures almost, and he's given that he

1:13:28

has probably thousands of lectures. Yeah. You know

1:13:30

what I mean? Now he wants team. Brett

1:13:31

wants team. That's the guy. 0II that's Brett wants

1:13:34

team? Yeah. I thought you knew that. I didn't No.

1:13:36

No. No. That's I know

1:13:38

that guy. He's on he's on

1:13:40

He's

1:13:41

got he's but on rogan

1:13:43

a bond. Of course. a

1:13:44

bond. Yeah. Oh, shit. I didn't know that

1:13:46

was. Yeah. Yeah. He's a

1:13:47

little nerdier. Peterson's a lumbar. He

1:13:50

was on lex loop lex Luther. Peterson's Peterson's hot now. He's, you know Jordan

1:13:52

Peterson, really, go to a science doctor.

1:13:54

Go in the early picture. Two thousand

1:13:59

us makeover story of all time. He's like a sex influencer. He

1:14:01

started eating fucking meat like a man. Yeah.

1:14:03

me made. Your your

1:14:05

children need to

1:14:08

be dangerous. They

1:14:08

need to be dangerous. Yeah. Dude, he

1:14:10

got sexy. Oh,

1:14:10

yeah. That's the that's the, hey, I

1:14:14

think I can play bass. picture Jordan Peterson. There was

1:14:16

a lot that you have to admit

1:14:17

though that there's probably you know, like, there's

1:14:20

the kind of,

1:14:22

like, public intellectuals that worked out for. And

1:14:24

I think Peterson was at, like, a you know, he was probably,

1:14:27

like, the most person on the pulse of what needed

1:14:29

to be said at

1:14:31

that moment. There was But then there's how many

1:14:33

other guys were, like, they took their shot of, like, got fired and, like, you

1:14:35

know, they didn't get on Rogen. They did,

1:14:38

like, you know, They did, like, a little a couple inter intercity service. Can you

1:14:40

go back and said, Jordan Peterson Yeah. Go

1:14:43

ahead. Go ahead. Truliquist. Was

1:14:45

she a

1:14:46

have been Truliquist?

1:14:49

Go to the

1:14:50

puppet. Do you know what doll he has? Oh, that's his child. You never saw this? He has a he has the terrorist

1:14:52

doll. He's

1:14:57

he's not. He's AquaMed. It's

1:14:59

Olivia Wild. He's the worst. He's

1:15:00

have you been worse

1:15:03

he's doing right now. There was

1:15:05

a moment where, like, we're, like, we're,

1:15:07

like, IIII

1:15:09

mean,

1:15:10

I don't mean this. I don't mean this shitty, but, like, I listen to a ton

1:15:12

of Jordan Peterson. I just It's way better

1:15:14

for I mean, a lot of it is,

1:15:16

like, get your life together and your It's true

1:15:19

that a lot of it applies to

1:15:21

be Pretty successful. Like, no. No. No. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's not it's not

1:15:23

something I'm gonna drop, but there was a A lot of guys are really good

1:15:25

for a sixteen year old that

1:15:27

needs to get shit

1:15:30

together. Yeah. Well, they I mean or

1:15:32

at twenty five on these again. What's the difference?

1:15:34

This is a serious question. You're ready. Serious

1:15:36

question. What's the

1:15:37

difference between Jordan Peterson and

1:15:39

the

1:15:40

Liver King? I would say

1:15:41

some hair plugs, less

1:15:44

steroids. Both. I

1:15:47

mean, they're all saying roughly the same thing. Like, I don't mean this

1:15:50

no shit towards I don't mean this shit on

1:15:52

Jordan Peters. They're different I

1:15:54

think they're different messages for different

1:15:56

people. but it's the same fucking message really

1:15:58

kind of. They all say the same thing. Everyone's saying the same thing these days. And I and

1:16:00

I've once you

1:16:02

hear it once, then you're like,

1:16:05

I think I got it. Like, I I agree with a lot

1:16:07

of what Jordan Peterson says about raising children is that, you know, like, they they

1:16:09

you only get a few moments with them when

1:16:11

they're babies, but it

1:16:15

does last forever. I mean, that's a little different that you that

1:16:17

I think I think

1:16:18

there I think a lot of people

1:16:21

are saying that men need

1:16:22

to stand up and be men. I think that's awesome.

1:16:24

I also wonder, like, who the fuck

1:16:26

isn't that I

1:16:27

mean, who what what cuckolded

1:16:30

boy

1:16:30

is gonna be able to hear that message and then turn it around. I I don't know. Well, you know what it is?

1:16:33

I I

1:16:36

think that yeah, it's like

1:16:38

the right message at the right time that changes your brain pathways. And then once those pathways change, you're like, yeah. got

1:16:40

it. So I actually completely

1:16:42

agree with that. But there is

1:16:46

Some of that just everyone you're

1:16:48

you're like young and you're listening to everyone and

1:16:50

you're like, you remember you remember being remember

1:16:53

a point in your prior career where you're

1:16:55

just like, those people don't know what they're talking about.

1:16:55

probably listening to the wrong people. I can say

1:16:58

their names and I'll say them off record. I

1:17:00

had a moment where I

1:17:02

realized these people I looked up who

1:17:04

did not know what they were talking about, and

1:17:06

they were lying. Very much. Even if they did not for you, they didn't.

1:17:10

Yeah. And and they were giving me They were giving me advice based on their

1:17:12

life experiences, which were nothing

1:17:14

like my life experiences. And

1:17:18

I literally had to I had to go, oh, wow.

1:17:20

So what I started doing at that time and

1:17:22

you're gonna have to edit this name out too.

1:17:24

And I Joe Rogen.

1:17:26

No. Keep that name in. And

1:17:28

so but I I had I

1:17:31

started looking at people going, I'm gonna witness them from, what

1:17:32

it was it called,

1:17:34

three thousand feet above and

1:17:37

and find the things that I see, I

1:17:39

think they're fucking up doing. And

1:17:41

I was like,

1:17:43

I'll just witness that, and then

1:17:45

I'm gonna write those down as a list of shit I never do. So, like, one of the

1:17:47

things I never did was

1:17:52

try to fucking front and give a comic advice on

1:17:54

how to get better at comedy or or, like, this is

1:17:56

what you need to do. I just

1:17:58

never did that especially with Peter that our

1:18:01

gonna be great. That's like no. They don't need that advice. Yeah. Definitely. And the people

1:18:03

that will take that do need that advice won't use

1:18:06

it. Yeah. No. Yeah.

1:18:08

Yeah. And

1:18:10

and I remember people telling me about, like, they were like That's

1:18:13

everything. They were like, what you know, I no. I

1:18:15

could name I could name

1:18:17

a thousand fucking names of

1:18:19

people that gave me advice that were serving

1:18:21

themselves where

1:18:23

they were like, hey,

1:18:25

can

1:18:25

you stop doing this? Because I don't know how to do that? And and and I

1:18:27

and you're making me look bad. I

1:18:29

hate that's my one

1:18:32

of my least

1:18:34

favorite, but it very much is, like,

1:18:36

it's bothering them that this is happening.

1:18:38

Oh, I'll say another name. By the

1:18:40

way, these are all my friends. I

1:18:42

mean, everyone I named how to be

1:18:44

them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right? Edit this

1:18:47

name out. Love the guy

1:18:48

to death. Love

1:18:51

him to fucking death. his advice

1:18:53

has always been so fucking as and

1:18:55

nicely self centered that

1:18:58

I've always been like, I

1:19:00

just you hear them and then

1:19:02

you go, alright, now I gotta run that through the algorithm of what they're

1:19:05

trying to say? Well,

1:19:07

it it, like, is that

1:19:10

advice also requires you to, like, subscribe to a worldview that you

1:19:16

don't. Yes. I'll tell you the

1:19:18

only person and you can keep his name in. The only person whose advice has has

1:19:20

ever, like,

1:19:21

has really

1:19:22

the two people,

1:19:25

two people is advised that really meant

1:19:27

something to me or or Tom and Joe. because, like, Tom and Tom's advice

1:19:29

the like top incomes advice always

1:19:32

always is it sometimes will be

1:19:34

skewed for Tom, you know, like you can see it's coming out of that that vehicle.

1:19:36

But in Joe's,

1:19:39

same way Joe's advice don't

1:19:41

I mean, I'm not talking, like, I don't listen to health advice from Joe because, like, Joe's on a

1:19:43

fucking different path. Like, I'm not I you know, but,

1:19:46

like, when it comes to comedy and

1:19:48

career, their

1:19:50

advice has been pretty fucking

1:19:52

spot on selfless, like

1:19:54

selfless advice. And those are

1:19:56

the only to, like, I I'll

1:19:58

listen. Like, I I like, if a comment gives

1:20:00

me, like, advice on joke, like, Louis told me, like, the joke, and

1:20:03

I was like, well, that joke's in my act for the rest

1:20:05

of my life. Oh, I was saying, you're like, yeah. Yeah. Fuck.

1:20:07

Yeah. But when it comes to, like, the business of, like, this is what

1:20:09

you need to do. Dude, they're fucking morons.

1:20:11

They don't know they don't know they

1:20:13

don't know what you're optimizing for,

1:20:15

first of all. Yeah. I've had that with

1:20:18

yeah. It's almost, like, in a guy, like, I don't know him, like, crazy well, but a little bit.

1:20:20

And with Louis

1:20:23

and -- Yeah. sometimes I feel like people that

1:20:25

understand the world so good. It's like they don't even give you advice as much as

1:20:27

sometimes they crystallize something that

1:20:30

you've been working on. I

1:20:32

remember some have been thinking about a lot, and Lucy Kaye,

1:20:34

I was doing I did this video. And he was like, yeah. That he, like, was, like, positive on

1:20:36

it. And he was, like, I really like that. And he was, like,

1:20:38

yeah. It was kind of when it came out, I was, like,

1:20:42

we don't have to be mad about that anymore. And I was like, that's such,

1:20:44

like, something I'd been, like, struggling about

1:20:46

how to think because it's everyone

1:20:49

else's advice would be, like, do more of that --

1:20:51

Yeah. -- whereas, really, that is the answer. It's

1:20:53

like, you've been it's it is

1:20:56

like an unfortunate pill to

1:20:58

swallow, but you're like, spend all this time kind of developing this

1:21:00

theory and then you like almost nail a

1:21:02

thing and then that's it. You'd move on.

1:21:04

Yeah. It's like that is the that's

1:21:06

the real answer, but every advice you

1:21:09

would get would be like, that's that's

1:21:11

you now. You're like, always. You know what I mean? Dude, do you know how many

1:21:15

people told me I

1:21:16

mean, in a honesty, you know how many

1:21:18

people told me once I the machine was story of a viral But that's a different thing than,

1:21:21

like, a a

1:21:23

like a point. Like,

1:21:25

you know what I mean? Yeah. The same thing. No. No. No. They they went you need

1:21:27

to stop telling that on stage. They would say the opposite. And I would go and I would go

1:21:29

yeah. They'd be like you're done

1:21:31

with that now. And

1:21:33

I'd be like, okay. But I'm at the show. know, that's a point like a vibe. And I I I I remember

1:21:36

Ari Shafir.

1:21:41

By the way, these are all my friends, the ones the names I'm leaving in, and the

1:21:43

ones I've talked that I've to edit out. I just do that because they are my friends and

1:21:45

I respect them and I don't want them to be

1:21:47

like, dude, what the fuck? But,

1:21:50

like, I remember

1:21:52

Ari telling me we did

1:21:54

a show in Calgary, and

1:21:56

he

1:21:56

was, like, it

1:21:58

was, you know, it was we were doing the the

1:22:00

the fast the the big

1:22:02

rodeo up there, and then we were

1:22:05

doing

1:22:05

one show. And he was, like,

1:22:07

don't tell the machine. And I was like, oh, don't worry, I won't.

1:22:09

And he goes, I know

1:22:10

good. Don't tell it.

1:22:12

And I said, I won't.

1:22:14

It's a storytelling festival. So I went up. I told

1:22:15

the story. I told a guy did well. I got

1:22:18

off stage and

1:22:19

they started booing and

1:22:22

chanting the machine. and

1:22:24

Ari went up and he could not

1:22:26

write the boat. They would not let him speak

1:22:27

and they were yelling, boom, machine.

1:22:30

And Ari was like,

1:22:32

I And the

1:22:34

social media goes, I guess, I'm I Yeah. They went

1:22:40

crazy. and they were like

1:22:42

He didn't understand the phenomenon. Well, it's not even a phenomenon, but it's just like it's like it's like it's like you

1:22:45

it's like, yeah,

1:22:47

like Bill Louie. Joe,

1:22:51

Tom, myself even, like, when I

1:22:53

do an hour, it's over. But I got one

1:22:55

thing that just kind of resonated. And

1:22:57

it's like, it was a different thing. And it's

1:22:59

like it's a different thing. And and why not why you're when up ignore what you

1:23:01

feel for what another

1:23:04

comic says? Like,

1:23:06

why take the advice of a comic that that

1:23:08

you even that you respect when you go yeah.

1:23:10

I mean, you're not standing or I'm standing. It's

1:23:12

the end stage. Like, I I

1:23:15

remember Ralphy used to do on course. And everyone's

1:23:17

like, that's so

1:23:17

cheap. But then and and if you followed him, it

1:23:19

was tough. Like, when he did on course. Wait.

1:23:21

He did on course when he

1:23:23

wasn't lost. He was It

1:23:25

did odd. Of course, what's funny is

1:23:27

it. laugh. I mean, that's crazy. Yeah. If

1:23:30

someone's, like, fidgeting for me. I I can't believe

1:23:32

that. he

1:23:34

did Encore's when he was at last. I came back next

1:23:36

week. Yeah. He would do Encore's at

1:23:38

the store. He would do I

1:23:40

swear to God. I swear to God. And And

1:23:42

I will tell you, you couldn't follow his encore.

1:23:44

Hey. Hey. Some guy's left to follow.

1:23:47

He was He's got the fireworks set

1:23:49

up. I remember him coming off stage at

1:23:51

the store I was about to go up. And I was like, I was like, wait. You

1:23:53

didn't say my name. He was like, one second

1:23:55

player. One second. Give me one

1:23:57

second player. Alright. I'll be

1:24:00

back into and

1:24:01

he goes back and he's like, alright, you

1:24:03

guys want it ball and they go fucking nuts. I said you want it ball. Man, I'm

1:24:05

tired. These girls look

1:24:07

up a big dick. You

1:24:09

don't want bad dick, ladies? You want baby dick. Come on, baby. And and he would do

1:24:11

Encore. That's and the show's

1:24:14

that's the show's over energy, appreciate

1:24:18

it. Yo. And then he's like, alright. you. You are too nice. You nice make

1:24:20

you believe now? I don't wanna

1:24:22

leave. Alright. I'm gonna bring

1:24:24

his

1:24:25

put you guys together about Brexit. Alright,

1:24:28

baby. And then

1:24:28

you got good luck by the fucker. And

1:24:30

you should be like, fuck. Yeah.

1:24:33

You're like banks. That's also he's opening for you, like, regarding

1:24:36

a special And by the way, anyone who

1:24:38

knows Ralphie knows that he didn't say motherfucker. He

1:24:40

dropped the

1:24:42

m bomb in your ear. He was the yeah. He was child. He

1:24:44

was a he was a monster. You can't

1:24:46

you can't listen to anyone. Anyone did

1:24:51

Yeah. There yeah. There's those little things where I I can picture of,

1:24:53

like, three points or something in my

1:24:55

life where

1:24:57

it's, like,

1:24:58

I almost change the way I, like, think of everything. You

1:25:00

know what I mean? Yeah. And then you are. You're

1:25:02

like, I can you know, I remember, like,

1:25:05

Tim Ferris. I'm sure you know. Yeah. It's not

1:25:07

even, like, him as like, him, like, James Altria, like, really, like,

1:25:09

there's, like, the the whole How do I know

1:25:11

James Altrich? Hold on. Altria chair. How

1:25:13

do I know that guy? He

1:25:16

did it he did what did he do? Well, he made

1:25:18

a book called Cheesecake Factory. He's one of those guys. He's, like, the man, but he's, like, in he wrote he

1:25:20

owned the State of New York, and he

1:25:22

did the New York. because that's how I

1:25:24

know. He's got one of

1:25:26

the best jokes. He's got one of the best jokes. He's the man dude. He goes he's an Andrew Tatum?

1:25:28

Yeah. He goes I

1:25:31

just got my twenty

1:25:34

four twenty three in me.

1:25:36

Did you ever hear this joke? No. And

1:25:38

he goes, I'm ninety nine percent Oskanagi jiu.

1:25:42

and

1:25:42

two percent or

1:25:45

one percent sub Saharan

1:25:47

Africa. Well, we

1:25:48

know that wasn't

1:25:51

a date. That's good. That's a good joke. Jesus.

1:25:52

I bet. I know that guy.

1:25:54

He's the best. And those guys

1:25:58

kind of all were they were, like, you know, Silicon Valley

1:26:00

cowboy types, and they were all just they

1:26:02

were just subscribing to this

1:26:03

whole new way of,

1:26:05

like, what if

1:26:06

you just, like, everything that everyone thinks about, like, how to

1:26:08

build a business, how to live your life. You

1:26:10

just, like, started again. Yeah. And it really I

1:26:12

feel like the most thing that it

1:26:14

changed my, like, opinion on was the

1:26:17

way I was always like, you know, have you ever been a thing where you're dating someone or

1:26:19

maybe it's with your wife where you're like, I'm gonna oh, and we'll hang

1:26:21

out from, like, four to six and they're like, what

1:26:23

you're slotting me in? it's

1:26:27

sort of it, like, really bothers people. Yeah. And those

1:26:29

guys spoke about that, like, yeah,

1:26:31

of course, like, that's how you you that

1:26:34

that's how you operate, like, successful life. It's like, you need to do this and it was

1:26:36

very, like yeah. And they're like, yeah.

1:26:38

And they're gonna push back. People aren't gonna

1:26:41

like it. And this and it was this whole one

1:26:43

of those things where you're like, yeah, but I do that and people don't

1:26:45

like it and then being like, yeah, no one likes this, but this

1:26:47

is what you have to do.

1:26:49

And kind of that was, like, a shift of,

1:26:51

like, the way that I look at, like, a lot

1:26:53

of things. You're just, like, yeah, a lot of these

1:26:55

ways that you're gonna have to do to live your life

1:26:57

people are gonna hate it. Even though sometimes the way you

1:26:59

think of like writing jokes -- Yeah. -- people are gonna hate it. But, like,

1:27:01

that's how you're gonna have to do it. And maybe you'll have to line up

1:27:04

people even but

1:27:06

this is how you have to do it. Oh,

1:27:08

I my wife hates the Be like, oh, I yeah. I don't write. Yeah. III

1:27:10

completely am obsessed with standup. That's all I think about these jokes all day long.

1:27:15

I cannot not think of a joke. And she's like, can you just

1:27:18

turn it off? And I go, mhmm.

1:27:20

Like, I don't I wouldn't

1:27:21

wanna turn it off.

1:27:22

Would would you think I'd wanna think like you?

1:27:25

don't want to. Yeah. Do you think I'd

1:27:27

wanna just sit in a hammock and stare at a tree?

1:27:29

I'm I'm my brain's way too active for that. I

1:27:32

can't tell where

1:27:34

they're getting blasted and I'm thinking. Yeah. Yeah.

1:27:36

And I I was saying to her the other day

1:27:38

she was like, maybe you shouldn't maybe you should

1:27:40

just keep not drinking and I go, I go,

1:27:42

yeah, but I I like the highs I get. She goes,

1:27:44

yeah, we also get lows. I said, yeah, but I'm willing

1:27:46

to deal with them for the highs. The

1:27:49

highs sparkle. the highs like fucking

1:27:51

pop. When there's no better feeling than the sun setting, lighting a cigar, fucking

1:27:56

opening

1:27:56

up opening up the

1:27:58

turning on the fire and sitting out back there and having to drink and feel and hit you and then going

1:27:59

like, I gotta make a video,

1:28:02

man. I should do a promo video

1:28:04

for fucking

1:28:06

the European tour. I got this, you know,

1:28:09

like like, the jazz dance. Yeah. Yeah.

1:28:11

Get jazz. The

1:28:13

My favorite thing ever. is, and

1:28:15

I don't get there

1:28:17

anymore like I used to, but

1:28:19

getting drunk, legit, drunk or

1:28:21

an airplane listening to

1:28:23

music, and and imagining the music video

1:28:25

as you listen to the music. I used to love that more than

1:28:28

anything. Getting so lost

1:28:30

in songs where you go

1:28:34

this is the best song I've

1:28:36

ever fucking heard. The doors. 111

1:28:39

and some girl. I think she

1:28:41

doesn't even know what I'm experience. Yeah. That's

1:28:43

stupid bitch that The doors had I

1:28:46

come home one night. I forgot.

1:28:48

I

1:28:49

must have been in

1:28:51

a different country. And

1:28:53

it and it's the doors,

1:28:55

soft parade.

1:28:55

Is that the one? Is it

1:28:57