0:00

Wait, I didn't realize that black people knew who David Thade

0:02

was. I'm not your average black

0:04

person, right? I'm

0:06

sitting here with you, okay? Okay. Hey!

0:11

Something's burning, something's burning.

0:14

Something's burning. Okay, we

0:16

start in the episode. One time, we

0:19

live next to the rapper YG, who

0:24

lived next door to us. And one of

0:26

his cars was blocking our driveway. And

0:28

Leanne's like, fuck it, well, tell him. And

0:31

I was like, no, no, don't tell him. Like,

0:33

let's reach out, I hit him up on DMs,

0:35

like, see if he can move the car. She's

0:37

like, no, fuck him, tell him. I said, no.

0:39

She goes, he's famous, I don't fucking care about

0:41

him. And I go, it's not him you have

0:44

to worry about. It's the dude who needs to

0:46

make sure that he can prove that he's worth

0:48

50 grand a year that's gonna fucking shoot you

0:50

in piss on our front yard. It's always the

0:52

dude that has nothing to lose. Yes. It's

0:55

always, it's never like, the people you consider us

0:57

certainly, well, this could cost me this part of

0:59

my career. But the person that's borrowing his girlfriend's

1:02

car, not bringing gas in there and leaving blunt

1:04

wrappers, that's the guy that you need to worry

1:06

about. It's baby boy. Yeah,

1:08

exactly. You ever see baby boy? Uh-uh.

1:11

It's the best fucking, you ever see baby boy? Yeah. It's

1:14

the best fucking movie. Speaking of, should we get a booster seat for Donnell? No.

1:17

No. The funny thing

1:19

about that, I thought about that. Should

1:22

we get a phone book? No. Does anyone have

1:24

a phone book for Donnell? No, I need some height. I

1:26

feel like Kat Williams in Club Ch-Ch right now. They

1:32

know I'm coming, I know. Oh,

1:34

you can't say that. Come on, let me do

1:37

my share of the job impression. Oh, Kat, you

1:39

can't say that. No, Kat, you can't say that.

1:41

Come on, Kat, you can't say that. No, Kat,

1:43

come on. Oh, no, Kat, you can't say that.

1:46

Oh, no, Kat. That might've ruined my career. And

1:48

the reason why I tell you. That's not what it

1:50

was. All right, we all, listen, we all in the

1:52

podcast game where sometimes we may offend people and they

1:54

come and attack you, right? I've

1:57

been attacked by Nicki Minaj crew, that's the

1:59

Barbz. Okay, this is why

2:01

first of all there's no reason why they get

2:03

upset other them I was doing a David spade

2:05

show right and they put up a picture you

2:07

comment on the picture right? It was a picture

2:09

of Nicki Minaj and Cardi B and I said

2:11

well the reason why Dad

2:13

when I tell a story I would feel like I'm in prison. I

2:15

said the reason why Cardi

2:18

I said reason why Nicki Minaj has a B

2:20

for Cardi B because Cardi B took her shine,

2:22

right? Mm-hmm the barbers went off for me. Wait,

2:24

I didn't realize that black people knew who David

2:31

Sitting here with you It

2:35

was and they didn't they didn't

2:37

like they attack you with like emojis Because

2:43

a lot of the bar first off I found out

2:46

the barbs used to be ran by little knobs Little

2:49

knobs was a professional troller that

2:51

went into instigating. Oh, I'm telling you what

2:53

I know Can

3:00

I get some Do

3:06

you call me at the last two days of Black

3:24

I should go back to how they attacked me with the

3:26

emoji Right what? unicorns

3:34

They would hit me with a unicorn

3:36

unicorns, right and then it was putting

3:38

clown faces Like they call

3:40

me a unicorn clown They put

3:42

bull are bullseye size a little guns and

3:45

I wasn't enough for them to do it

3:47

on a page They found my page and

3:49

then I'm switching some other page cuz I'm

3:51

trolling. I'm reversed rolling Right, what's the other

3:54

page they said they said they

3:56

said girl and I think they were talking to

3:58

dudes, right? They said,

4:00

girl I found this piece, meet me over there, right? And

4:06

they was going hard like clown faces for a week, for

4:08

a week, all clown faces. They

4:11

was doing a middle finger emoji, they were doing

4:13

guns and putting prayers signs on the end of

4:15

that shit. That was the beef

4:17

I had with the, uh, with the Barb's,

4:19

right? I had to deal with them. Get

4:22

the beehive attacked. Those are your things. Oh,

4:24

the bugging trick? Daddy got slept, he got,

4:27

he got worked by the beehive and

4:29

was like, this is a trick daddy who does

4:31

not give a fuck. He was like, yeah, I don't

4:33

fuck with a beehive. You know who was next? Swifty.

4:38

Oh, the Swifty. Oh, that's about right. When I called that down,

4:40

cause they know I got jungle fever, so that didn't really last

4:42

that long, right? I'm just telling y'all

4:44

what it is. And all I had to do was quote

4:46

one of my songs. They was like, you ain't shit. And

4:49

then I said, it's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's

4:51

me. And then that beef was done. Oh,

4:53

good. I had to own that. Yeah, I had to own it, but

4:55

now I'm telling you, out of all of those games, Kat

4:57

wins, and I called him this, he got the kitty

5:00

cats. Oh, no, the pussy.

5:02

No, hold on, his Kat Williams followers are

5:04

the kitty cats? I called him the

5:06

kitty cats. Oh, wow. And they

5:08

don't want to hear shit you gotta say. No, no,

5:10

no, no, no, no. Anything you say, you can say

5:12

I love him. Well, where's the lie? That's the whole

5:15

way. You were a dress. Yeah, where's the, yo, about

5:17

it, they don't get over this dress shit. Yo,

5:20

I want to dress. You know, you know, you know,

5:22

you know, you know, I want to dress the dress.

5:24

What are you talking about? You don't even know about

5:26

dresses? I mean, mom. I

5:28

don't know anything anymore. Listen, the

5:31

biggest thing you can say to destroy

5:33

a black comedian's career, not the biggest,

5:35

the worst, the worst thing is

5:38

he wore a dress. You

5:41

can't say that. And I'm gonna tell you, I'll tell you that

5:43

I think it's bullshit. Now

5:46

I'm going to get attacked because now

5:48

I'm a sellout. I'm listening to the white

5:50

man with a white woman right here. So I'm

5:53

just telling her what it is. And

5:56

on top of it, he was talking about white

5:58

shit and black history. We might, we're fucking tuna

6:01

steaks in front of them all. They won't get

6:03

mad about that, man. Wait, so

6:05

Kat said that who wore a dress? Whitney,

6:08

you should never have had it on me.

6:11

You need to. You're sewing the fucking, yesterday.

6:13

I'm gone. Whitney, this is the biggest thing

6:15

that's happened in comedy. Kat Williams. I know

6:17

that Kat Williams did. Burned the boat. Loved

6:19

it. Burned the boat and said fuck them

6:22

all. Kevin Hart. Said Dick. So

6:24

he did his dick. Yeah, said Dick. He didn't

6:26

say that. That's what I read. No, he said,

6:28

you gotta tell him no. Oh

6:31

yeah, because Kat Williams has a virgin asshole. And

6:33

so. And not only that, he does

6:35

a great job. Because some people have virgin assholes

6:37

and they want him to be penetrated.

6:40

But he said he had to

6:42

protect his. He's protecting it. Kat

6:44

Williams, he burned the boats, burned

6:46

the bridges. Sure. And by

6:48

the way, I have to say, we're talking like,

6:51

fuck everything about that. We're talking from marketing

6:53

perspective. Kat Williams, I'm sure was selling OK

6:55

tickets. So let's go. Let's do our Kat

6:57

Williams interview. OK, give me a couple of

6:59

maybe 12,000 a night. We

7:01

do our version of the Kat Williams interview right now.

7:03

Go. Joe

7:07

Rogan's gay. I'm

7:09

leaning. Goodbye. Oh, come on, Bert. You

7:11

can't say that, Bert. You can't say that, Bert.

7:13

But I'm not gay. But I'm not gay. Oh,

7:15

Bert. I'm not gonna burn a good asshole. Am

7:18

I on Spotify? I'm not on Spotify. Everyone

7:20

on Spotify has worn a dress. OK, Bert. Bert,

7:22

you can't say the old words. That's what they

7:24

say. You can't say that, Bert. Listen. Hey. Come

7:27

on, Bert. Donnell. He

7:30

was a masterful marketing player. Oh, Kat

7:32

said something about you? He said something

7:34

about, no, he didn't touch Donnell

7:37

or Chappelle. Love it. But he touched everyone

7:39

else. Yeah, he did see that. Because Earthquake

7:41

can't read. They had to make Earthquake Read

7:43

on a radio show. They had to make

7:45

Earthquake Read. Like, I mean, I'm talking. Yeah,

7:47

yeah. I'm talking. Let's talk about man shit.

7:49

And Earthquake's a man. I would never talk

7:51

shit about Earthquake. He's funny as fucking shit.

7:53

But more importantly, he's like, he is a

7:55

grown man. Yeah, correct. They

7:59

made him. read that I mean

8:01

that is like the most maniacal

8:03

shit it's crazy but it's making

8:08

me know how many cups is

8:10

this fault how many cups is that for cuts

8:23

I really I could read the pressure this is right

8:25

I used all when I was young I was

8:47

always a funny guy right and worst thing

8:49

I used to just go crazy

8:51

if there was like now is your turn

8:53

to read out loud hmm that's what it

8:55

was press because I've been I've been funny

8:57

so much if I stutter or

9:00

miss one word they're gonna let me have it so yeah

9:02

I don't think I don't think there's a thing of earthquake

9:04

we I just read I just think it might be the

9:06

pressure of the one in front of people one of the

9:08

funniest things ever on the internet was during the ice bucket

9:10

challenge 50 cents that he

9:13

donated seven thousand dollars boy my mother could

9:15

read a book Harry Potter with no stutters

9:17

I couldn't do

9:19

it he's gonna see T either oh

9:21

definitely who said that if the employee

9:25

snap back and said I'll double that bet if you

9:27

can get your kid to say I love you back

9:32

we go hard so wait

9:34

our guest today something's

9:36

burning Whitney Cummings

9:48

Donnell Rollins Donnell's got a new special

9:50

on Netflix it is fucking fantastic

9:53

I watched it Donnell you're

9:55

my you're you're one of my favorite human beings but you're

9:57

one of my favorite comics where'd you shoot the vessel in

10:00

New York at the Heart Rock

10:02

Hotel. Nice. But

10:04

it was interesting how it all came about because a couple

10:06

of years ago, Dave said he

10:08

wanted to produce my special, right? So we shot

10:10

it, I might've talked about this on your

10:12

platform, but we did it, we shot it at

10:15

the Fillmore in North Carolina,

10:17

right? And this was like right

10:19

at the heels of the pandemic when

10:21

different venues still had COVID

10:24

protocols. Right, right. And we had to do

10:26

everything. So despite the whole 600 people, we

10:28

turned away like about 400 people because they

10:30

didn't have the vaccination cards or whatever. So I

10:33

was up against my wall just on that. You

10:35

imagine going to the spot and it's half filled.

10:38

So we shot the first, we

10:41

did one stab at it and it was good.

10:43

The second one, I

10:45

really thought I banged it out, right? So

10:48

we had announced, cause this is part of Dave Chappelle's home

10:51

team series. He wanted to

10:53

give people opportunity that maybe the industry

10:55

had overlooked and his people that he

10:57

believed as should have had. Speaking of

10:59

earthquake. That's special to

11:02

tell. Earthquake, New Nell, wait was it New

11:04

Nell? It was earthquake, they don't know. I

11:06

mean, by the way, Chappelle's got amazing taste

11:08

in comic, comics. All his favorite comics are

11:11

my favorite comics too. And

11:13

I think it's so great and it's so different than

11:15

like, nah, I don't want to slight any one, but

11:17

so many times you see someone pop and then they

11:19

go dot, dot, dot, present and they say they're openers.

11:21

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he just put on, Chappelle

11:24

puts on killers. Donna, I mean, I've known you for

11:26

years, but you're one of my favorite comics in the

11:28

world. Thank you. Well, going back to

11:30

what I was saying, so we shot it. We shot, we

11:32

did two stars at it. And we had

11:34

already announced that he had made

11:37

variety that he's doing his hometown series.

11:40

Earthquake, Donna, Ron's gonna be the first two out the

11:42

gate. Right? So I'm all excited. I'm

11:44

all excited about it, right? I'm like, we

11:46

get in the press where it's coming out. And

11:49

maybe about three weeks after

11:51

the announcement of the series coming out, Dave

11:54

called me. I was getting ready to go on stage. He

11:56

called me. I was like, what's up, D? He said, don't

11:59

get upset with me. He said, but I want

12:01

to shoot your special again. And

12:03

you see, your reaction is what any comic would

12:05

do. If you was like, that's the first

12:08

thing you think is like, oh, was it not funny enough,

12:10

right? And he was like, I want to shoot

12:12

it again. And I was like, why? He said, Donna, let me

12:14

tell you, he said, I can put you in front of any

12:16

audience, right? And you will kill the audience, but it doesn't make

12:18

it a great special, right? I'm like,

12:20

what does that mean? Because you know, some people just, it's a

12:23

joke dump. You know how to do a photo dump? Totally, totally.

12:25

A joke dump's the worst way to do a special. Worst way,

12:27

yeah. Special needs to have an arc, he needs to have a

12:29

point, he needs to have a story. And

12:32

I love, I've seen some great joke dump

12:34

specials where you just go, I remember that

12:36

one joke, but I remember the whole thing. But

12:38

the specials you remember. If you have a scene, it

12:40

should have an over-arching. Yeah, that's right. And I was

12:42

like, it's kind of tough to, you know, I don't

12:44

have a problem with constructive criticism, right? But when he

12:46

said that, I said, you gotta tell me more. He

12:49

said, well, first of all,

12:51

he said, our back was against the wall with

12:53

the COVID stuff. He said, when you look at

12:55

the shots, he said it's a lot of COVID

12:57

masks. That's such a bummer. It would have automatically

12:59

dated the special. And he said, Donnie, out of

13:01

everybody that I'm producing, your relationship

13:04

with me on the Chappelle show, he said,

13:06

my special was the most anticipated. Not saying

13:08

it was gonna be the funniest or anything,

13:10

but that connection, right? And I

13:12

was like, man, whatever. But then I said I had

13:14

to listen because the check had already cleared. Right,

13:17

I was like, okay, continue, right? He said, let's

13:19

do it again. I was like, all right, whatever.

13:21

A year later, we were in Napa Valley doing some

13:24

shows and he records all these shows, right? He records

13:26

them on film, all of the shows he does. Every

13:28

show he does, whether it's a workout, he records everything.

13:30

So does the audience. There's a lot, there's a lot.

13:32

No, they don't. Which is why he got the yonder

13:34

back. He said, he looks at

13:37

Ricky Hughes, he says, Ricky, how many cameras

13:39

do we have here today? She said, we

13:41

got five. He looked at me, he told

13:43

me, do you want a future special? I

13:45

said, when? He said, tomorrow. Wow. Right,

13:47

and it made me nervous for a second, but then I was like,

13:49

I like the idea of doing it again with no spectacle,

13:51

don't have to worry about a guest list. Yeah. Just

13:53

underground. In fact, it was only three of us that

13:55

knew we were even gonna try to do it. And

13:58

I felt really confident. Went up here. smash

14:00

the show, right? I'm like, oh, we got it. I

14:02

call Robbie Praw, right? Because Robbie Praw's like, when are

14:04

we going to do this special? And we were going

14:06

to give it to him without him even knowing that

14:08

we was, nobody knew what was going on. Robbie

14:11

said, I want to see it, I want to see it, right?

14:13

He was like, I want to see it. I was like, we

14:15

got it, right? Dave calls me in again. I

14:17

want to do it again. Jesus. I'm like, why?

14:19

He said, I didn't like the production. I'm like,

14:22

you're the producer. Is this self-hate? Yeah.

14:24

No, but there's a question when you start going, is that

14:26

ever going to be good enough for you? Because you're my

14:28

best friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, are you going to,

14:30

like, when can we just, yeah. I'm going to tell you

14:32

something. Both times, I wasn't excited about it.

14:34

But both times, I stepped back and said, and I

14:36

said, what was the problem with this one? He

14:39

said, well, lighting here,

14:41

and there's people moving around. Yeah, because you told

14:43

me the night before. No,

14:45

but not the one. But that's not it. Because

14:48

I wanted to go for a classic look. I said, let me

14:50

get a microphone with a wire on it. Just give me a

14:52

stool. Just give me a spot. Let's take it

14:54

back to the old school, right? So he's

14:56

like, there's people moving around. I said, well, remember Richard

14:58

Pryor live at Sunset Strip? One of

15:00

his biggest jokes. Got to say, yeah. You see what I'm saying?

15:03

So I said, let's go for that. He was like, man, I'm

15:05

telling you, I want to get it right. I'll say, can we

15:07

handle it in post? He said, yeah, we can

15:09

put it out if you want. And I

15:11

said, I want it. He said, but I don't think it's a good idea. Right?

15:14

So I was like, this is twice. And then

15:16

it came to a point, I was like, are we ever

15:18

going to be able to get another date, his schedule, my

15:20

schedule? And I was doing a New York Comedy Festival. So

15:23

I was like, this venue was untapped. Nobody's ever shot

15:25

there before. I was like, why don't we bring the, I

15:27

looked at his schedule, he was off. I was like, why

15:29

don't we do it then? And whatever

15:31

they say third time is a charm. And

15:34

now that I look at it, everything

15:37

he said to what I have

15:39

now, everything he said

15:41

made sense. My jokes

15:43

evolved, my look changed,

15:46

the set looked great. It's very

15:48

loose. Yeah. It's like, when

15:50

I watched it, I was, you'd get nervous when

15:52

you know comics as people and you

15:55

watch some work, you go, is there special going

15:57

to be like this? Yeah. Or is it going

15:59

to be them? I'm gonna take something from

16:01

your first fucking joke. Yo, the first set I

16:03

did, you know when producers come up to you

16:05

like this, they'd look at you like this, and

16:08

you know they're slightly honest, they're

16:10

like this. They said, we

16:12

got what we need. You don't wanna hear that.

16:14

No. You got what you need me. I definitely

16:16

heard that before. Yeah. We gonna do this?

16:18

We got it. We got it in the end. Yeah,

16:20

between both shows, we got it. And then I said,

16:22

exactly, and I said, you got what you needed, but

16:25

I didn't get what I needed, right? Took the suit

16:27

jacket off, I put a hoodie on, I burnt the

16:29

candle, I was like, man, fuck this.

16:31

We not doing this again. And you

16:33

saw it, the vibe that I

16:35

had, and when I came out, I was like

16:37

this, it's game time now. Yes, let's go. I

16:41

mean, I saw it with you, but I watched it by

16:43

myself. It's done

16:45

now. You want it to be a representation of you. The

16:48

worst is when you see someone you love seeing in the

16:50

clubs, you love seeing in theaters, who's so funny, who's like

16:52

put in the hours, is like in a flow

16:54

state, and then you see their special, and you see

16:56

them doing a special, and you're like, ah, like. Those bright

16:58

lights, and I was, I

17:00

will say, the first take, I

17:03

was like, because I'm thinking, I'm gonna need this, I'm gonna need this, but

17:06

then, you know, we all

17:08

know, you'll see comments that rip a club, and

17:10

it goes back to what Dave said earlier, you

17:12

rip a club, and you know they're nice, but

17:14

then for some, sometimes, when it's like an action,

17:17

it's like, look, it's a whole different ballgame.

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lowest prices guaranteed. I'm

19:56

going to put them in burger form with lobster mac and cheese.

20:00

Don't say that! I was gonna... Gay?

20:04

What is gay... The gay thing? What's the

20:06

gay mac and cheese? No, black gay men in

20:08

America make the best potato salad on the planet.

20:10

I was gonna be... Did you know that, Whitney?

20:13

I've dated a couple black gay men, so I

20:15

do know that. Black gay men? Mm-hmm. Okay.

20:19

How does that work? What do you mean? I'm glad

20:21

that this is... No, no! Perfect time!

20:23

Okay, and that's how it works! How does it

20:25

work? Yeah. So, did you find out

20:27

that they were gay? You find out that

20:30

it's tricky because rich... I don't care.

20:32

You rich gay black men are

20:34

very similar to gay men. There's

20:37

like jewelry, there's V-necks, there's good hygiene,

20:39

so it's hard to tell if they're just rich. That's

20:41

why I don't take showers. You

20:43

know what? Some people know you're straight? Oh, yeah. I'm

20:46

like, hell nah, I like pussy.

20:49

That's why you doubt yourself in whale cum?

20:51

He gives me his new lotion, and he's

20:54

like, it's whale cum. What

20:56

was that ingredient that was whale cum?

20:58

Ambergris! Ambergris, yeah. Did you know that

21:00

Donnell has a lotion? No. And

21:03

it's got whale cum in it? It would make sense. And

21:05

it would lead into the first joke, kind of special.

21:08

I've never made tuna burger, so what was all the ingredients

21:10

that you put in? So, what I'm gonna

21:12

do... Are you confused because it's not catfish? Tuna,

21:19

we've got a sauce. You

21:21

can't just go... What's the sauce? It's...

21:25

Okay, all right, gotcha. And

21:27

then we got... What? We

21:29

got some egg. Egg, well, one-handed egg crack. That

21:31

was wild. Yeah, pretty gangster. Okay. And

21:34

then... You think we bite that shell at the end of it?

21:37

I think there's a beak in there. Hold on, I'm

21:39

getting it out. It's got it

21:41

out. And then we put some bread crumbs

21:43

in. Oh, wow. Yeah, that should

21:45

bind it. You know what I miss? Shake and

21:47

bake. But why people do shake and bake, black people do

21:49

it different. Why people... What they do

21:51

is... You gotta just dance. Is that what we're

21:53

talking about? Oh, come on, come on,

21:56

you can't say that. You can't say we... You can't

21:58

say we dance. No, I'm

22:00

just saying, you guys go buy the

22:02

instruction. You don't add no other ingredients.

22:04

It's just like what's in the box.

22:07

Black people gotta be a nod. You gotta doctor it up,

22:09

bro. Put the garlic powder

22:11

up in that bitch. Some lemon pepper powder.

22:14

They be like, yeah, I got it, but I had

22:16

to do something special to it. We do something special.

22:19

You guys do like this. It says, it says. What

22:23

is that about, though? Do

22:26

you think that's cultural? Is that like, there

22:28

has to be a comment on the thing. Cause

22:31

like, I know like potato salad is a big thing.

22:33

Oh yeah. In the black community?

22:35

If you can't, you cannot bring to

22:37

make potato salad to a black picnic

22:39

as a white person. They'll light

22:42

you the fuck up. No, you can bring

22:44

it, but don't put goddamn grease. Oh

22:46

yeah. And art is

22:49

so hard to raise it. Raisins. And

22:51

applesauce. Pine nuts. Hey, and put some

22:53

motherfucking mayonnaise in there, man. Nobody wants

22:55

potato salad with olive oil. I'm

22:58

just saying who gives a shit about German

23:00

potato salad. It's true what? But that's who

23:02

created potato salad. Where they master it. German?

23:05

Yes, well. German potato salad is where potato salad

23:07

comes from. Oh, I didn't know

23:09

that. But I feel like white people started adding the

23:11

raisins and the fruit and the cherries and the dried

23:13

shit. You know what I mean? Yeah,

23:15

like dry. Cranberries, yeah. Yeah, cranberries. I

23:18

feel like. Dude, fucking grapes and chicken

23:20

salad. Is excellent. I'm pretty fucking awesome.

23:23

Yeah. I don't want to say, I'll tell you this. I

23:25

won't say it to your face, but. I'm

23:27

not going to say it to my apple chocolate screen.

23:29

Really? Because you only date white women.

23:31

I didn't say you don't say that! I don't say

23:33

that! I never said

23:35

that! Wait, what did you do? And

23:37

I'm counting. I'm counting the shit I gave you. What

23:40

is your like, when you like flirt with a white

23:42

woman, what's like your opening line? Like, want to swing

23:44

by Whole Foods? No,

23:46

I don't have

23:48

an opening line. Like, do you have to

23:50

have a different approach for white women? No, I don't have

23:53

a different approach for it. I would definitely need a different

23:55

approach for black chicks. For sure. I'd be

23:57

like, you also have soty? Yeah.

24:00

The leg for draw the same. As

24:03

a word, life was with a red flag.

24:05

The present. What it was not there was

24:07

a do that. I'm glad you're pressing on.

24:10

Cydia This impression on. Me: Know are

24:12

not audition for anything really the i never really

24:14

did anything and The Spurs what's the. One thing

24:16

you can super close on it. didn't get it. Now

24:18

you look back and like said thought I didn't get. Us.

24:21

There was a sitcom. That.

24:23

Ah, Was or Cbs. It

24:25

was a what is it called put

24:27

Put Put Violent Put Pilots. And.

24:30

I. The. Guy who

24:32

directed. Van

24:34

Wilder was directing it with walk with what

24:36

women are some for it was won't let

24:39

them and. I.

24:41

Tested for. I went into test for it and

24:43

all the people Cbs new me and they loved

24:45

me and that day I hurt my neck I

24:47

lifted the mattress, lived for the filming and I

24:49

tried to hole in the hurt my neck. I

24:51

could move my next to the hardest and I

24:53

do this within the mill. Be on. Isn't that

24:56

what? are you heard? It's a test on testing

24:58

for less than all them. Yeah. I

25:00

was gonna murder this. Chris content us to

25:02

for Gary Valentine test for the time and

25:04

Paul of Tompkins booked it. And I

25:07

I think about that. I thank God for

25:09

that. Every day now will turn into an

25:11

actor. or do they didn't? I think about

25:13

the level you were at when they what

25:15

is your time yarrow, pissed, frozen, go out

25:18

and and. The idea my

25:20

my guarantee was. Twenty

25:22

five Gram for the pilot says to gram

25:24

per episode as would change my fucking lie

25:26

hours and I would have never focus on

25:28

comedy. I would have never focus on my

25:30

part of never would have done pod but

25:32

I would have gotten temple I mean that

25:34

well known as they both to Paul Thompkins.

25:36

yeah and I and I remember going up

25:38

the wrong I like he's nuzzling on says

25:40

I did I will never be it out

25:42

of you and bidding at of would have

25:44

gone forever. oh if I had done it

25:46

will number of this kind of confidence I

25:49

need that morning I was looking for my

25:51

was hired loss. I'd taken. Off while I

25:53

slept. Ah us and I lifted my masters of and

25:55

of whom I had to hold the mattress and pulled

25:57

my neck and I couldn't move my neck for the

25:59

whole. Or watch me under the

26:01

masses. In the ways to drink a

26:04

lot more. Council is it just made

26:06

me I know she doesn't sound good.

26:08

Citizen Thomas how nice to I don't

26:10

know how about this. Can I please

26:12

persuade the African American community to fry?

26:14

Poros? Know. It's

26:17

fair enough. I said no

26:19

one was good. Nope nope

26:21

nope is like ours. Want

26:23

to revisit have you story

26:25

kind of reverse of what's

26:27

the sense of about that.the

26:29

a success at I. Know

26:32

this is my books. Oh

26:35

I would love. To

26:39

get my bridge is a man. You

26:42

guys make like you're. Not

26:46

with your vs It's as it

26:48

did with the certain said about

26:50

something you'd thought I'd be really

26:52

really wanted it you didn't get

26:54

it and now you're how on

26:56

his own citizens in are hundreds

26:58

of or for this an expert

27:00

where I thought are completely bombs

27:02

yes in or does it was

27:04

for on. A spills the

27:06

corner of you remember the corner. I do

27:08

remember the corner to corner was of the

27:10

wise Marysville I guess the Wire was a

27:12

spin off with a corner got an outside

27:14

of and I was a young activists and

27:16

I never really took acting as soon as

27:18

my and in weeks I was like. As

27:21

have daughters as go to I didn't know

27:23

my lines are A that was the as

27:25

Does Go winger The role was for this

27:27

god play how it was a heroin addict

27:29

of and so on when audition for him

27:31

alive and I just I just drew a

27:33

blank I couldn't remember anything. I was formed

27:35

an alliance cut two to three days later

27:37

my is a common it was I dunno

27:39

you booked is I was I say you're

27:41

in the court just like but after a

27:43

bombed and is a plane a heroin addict

27:45

here So when I get on sets the

27:47

first thing I gave assignment I was like

27:49

how in the hell did I. Get his role

27:51

he said well. we like the fact. You.

27:53

Through the lines away. And. That

27:56

was my interpretation was like this are

27:58

forgot the lines and like this. There are

28:00

you put a heroin addict I didn't go into

28:02

that. I think everybody would him he was gone

28:04

and like year Man that's not the person I

28:06

want to see my they want to see the

28:08

prison. It wasn't hard have you function around everybody

28:10

else and that in the end. And and of

28:12

the roller because when you're high. You try to not

28:15

be hi. Are. You translate

28:17

if I ever do her when I mean I've

28:19

never done how and I never done I've done

28:21

a lot of or her one of their scary

28:23

one witness. What's the most fun drugs? Or

28:26

than marijuana ssssss.

28:29

Settle for the allies with you'll be a third.

28:31

Want to look at out the window which is

28:34

a counterproposal. Thirteen for most of her son is

28:36

what we. Want to

28:38

hear to for temperature I want to

28:40

know Baltimore Nice here to. You.

28:42

And your body's org or by that the old

28:45

abandoned house know it was it was Washington Dc.

28:47

Our problems like last fifty years old and always

28:49

hung out with old do in the weed I

28:51

had. It is not the city of new know

28:53

I like where was I was the sit there

28:56

like you have to go out on notice the

28:58

most loses you have to the album cover and

29:00

we have You had to clean a weed first.

29:03

Fifth, Season good to see allows yeah and it

29:05

was of i topic was as a whole and

29:07

wheezing at the house with topic. Or

29:11

marijuana zola thing I've ever heard of. The

29:13

but I six years of them out the

29:15

weed in California. Right now is so strong

29:17

You guys saw me lose my mind about

29:19

the pandemics. Had a clam is that when

29:21

the you know I miss when I know

29:23

Bills New is so by what I don't

29:26

know it gives me a gives me hope

29:28

for everyone's digital footprints as as tissue damage

29:30

digital footprint was a wild for against the

29:32

normal again you know it's when can I

29:34

ask you why was it so odd that

29:37

I had blue hair. Because

29:40

you are alone and it's. Okay

29:43

so I like automatically think I just

29:45

had become a lesbian. no I'm not

29:48

at all I have improved still very

29:50

straight answers were joined one's. okay

29:52

yours are you allowed to have landed

29:54

a good like don't a pandemic when

29:56

this was where i gather bunch of

29:59

presented a pandemic You was

30:01

really living life. I was trying.

30:04

Look, if you lived in California, especially Southern

30:06

California, you believed that we were gonna die

30:08

of that pandemic. And you have food bars.

30:11

I got that food bars. Food bars. You

30:14

ain't gonna die, candy mall! I know, I was

30:16

like, fuck it. I'm like,

30:18

I'm just gonna date Tim Dylan. Um... Hey.

30:24

But it's, I started smoking

30:26

LA weed and just like to

30:28

go to sleep. Yeah.

30:31

Or is there a spot in the fridge I can

30:33

put this, someone that works here for me? Here's

30:35

what I say. I promise the YouTube comments will be

30:38

better if my mic is off. No,

30:40

Whitney. Whitney, let me tell

30:42

you something. Your YouTube comments have always been good, whether

30:44

you were crazy or not. You're

30:47

a fucking, you, here's the deal with,

30:49

here's the thing I, I

30:51

mean, I love about both of you guys, but like, you guys

30:54

aren't, you're not comment reading

30:56

motherfuckers, you're just real people. I

30:59

don't give a fuck, I don't give a fuck, I don't read comments.

31:01

I read them until they start getting fucked up. Like,

31:04

we love you, you're the best, you love you.

31:06

Fuck you, you're a deus opel dick. I'm like,

31:08

man, fuck these punk ass boys. Oh yeah, yeah,

31:10

I've been doing that for Rogan forever, hey cheers.

31:12

Why didn't I get to have one? What, a

31:14

Junior Deal? Why didn't I get one? Oh,

31:16

I thought, kiss your mom. Hey, Brian, what did you

31:18

put in here? Isn't that when you start drinking? Can

31:20

I try it without tonic? My

31:23

vodka? Of course. I wanna taste it

31:25

without the help of the tonic. Yeah. All

31:29

right, let's put the, I'm

31:31

sowing the weeds on this meal. That's pretty good, that's

31:33

so good that I could just do it on ice.

31:36

Yeah, it's fucking pretty great. I'm gonna make

31:38

the pasta first, I'm gonna let it sit. I think your

31:40

culinary skills stepped up for the last time I've been here,

31:42

so. So much you didn't even

31:44

trust me to make it. Make it, thank you.

31:46

I'm still shocked you don't have a cooking show, and if

31:48

you want one, I will fucking fund it and we can shoot

31:50

it out of this kitchen and get it out. Say less.

31:54

Do you guys ever read your comments on

31:56

YouTube? No. And some of them, well, like

31:59

you ever like. I don't read. Roasted. Do

32:01

you ever get roasted and you're kind of like, that was a good one? Yeah.

32:05

No, they mean, they're nasty. Yeah. I

32:07

mean, people, I don't want

32:10

to read comments, but

32:12

I just want to kind of feel the climate

32:14

of what's going on. Sure, sure. And

32:16

it's very addictive, you know? Yeah, it is. Until

32:18

you hit that, when you start hitting the bad ones,

32:20

but I really got to remove myself from it because...

32:22

They're good until they're not. Yeah. And

32:25

then once it's like, I can read five good ones and

32:27

then I read one negative one and I start fucking

32:29

melting down and I go, well then why would I

32:31

read the good ones? And it's addictive. So

32:34

why don't you just turn your comments off? No, I'm not going to do that.

32:36

That's a weak power move. I

32:38

did it on the Black Friday, not Black Friday,

32:40

Black Wednesday, whatever the Black Lives Matters thing. Why

32:43

are you looking at her? What are you talking about? I was

32:45

looking at you. Oh, I was looking at her. It's the right

32:47

word. I was like, perform it. That's mine.

32:49

I got all of that. Fight the power.

32:52

You know when you're supposed to post the black

32:54

square? Yeah. And I posted it and then all

32:56

of a sudden I was like, wow, 3,000 comments. That

32:58

can't be bad. And

33:00

then I was like, delete comments. And then they're

33:02

like, this coward turned his comment. But

33:05

the people are so judged on Instagram.

33:07

You damn if you do, you damn

33:09

if you don't. Because if you don't

33:11

post like, if you post

33:13

too much, like, oh, he's posted a lot this week. Right.

33:17

And if you don't post like, yeah, he ain't saying shit. So it's like, you

33:19

got to do like a two post minimum or

33:21

whatever. But you know, you can auto block

33:23

certain words on Instagram that are like consistent. You

33:25

don't know about it. No, I'm not. You

33:29

got like, what would your auto block words be?

33:31

I had to block like,

33:33

poor slut, cunt. Yeah.

33:35

But you're it's easy to be.

33:38

Okay. No, I'm not saying it's

33:40

easy to be a woman or a black man, but

33:42

I am saying I would block goofy. That's

33:44

very hard. Yo, you have goofy. Like

33:47

what's the meanest thing someone can say for

33:49

it to me? Yeah. The main thing

33:51

that you could say and I responded to this a

33:53

while ago, but you're not funny. Yeah, that's true. That's

33:55

what set me off. I'm like, what's an insult? This

33:58

is like over the line. I

34:00

feel like for most women it's like the word

34:02

cunt, I feel like. Why? Why would that?

34:05

But why? I don't think so. I don't

34:07

think so. So if you come back to the fucking Mike

34:10

Epposhani sharp thing, I go, gay, okay. I would

34:12

never respond to gay. I'd be like, all

34:14

right. Yeah. I'm not gay. I don't

34:16

give a fuck about it. Yeah, but you got

34:19

like black folks, we maintain

34:22

our homophobia a lot longer than white guys.

34:24

Yeah, yeah. That's clear. Yeah, but it's

34:26

just doesn't. I just stopped doing it 10 years ago.

34:29

Stop being homophobic? Yeah. I tried

34:31

to beat me down. I couldn't do it no more. I

34:33

quit. You win. I could not do it.

34:35

I tried it, but I could not do it. I tried it. It

34:41

was simple stuff like that freshen

34:43

up chewing gum with the jelly shit

34:45

in the middle. That was my

34:47

last thing. Not Gushers. You

34:49

had to stop eating Gushers because it made you feel

34:52

gay. Yeah. I call it, at

34:54

least they call it the buff off gum. Your

34:58

buff off gum. I had to quit after

35:00

the bus off. I bit into

35:02

that shit and I was like, yo, this game.

35:04

I love this. Don't blame my black. No, the

35:06

fuck is wrong with you gay motherfuckers? And

35:09

that was it. They didn't like it. Straight

35:11

women go through that too. Cunt

35:13

is not offensive in our community. Okay, yeah,

35:15

no, mine either. Cunt is what? Cunt's

35:17

not offensive. You call it black chicken

35:19

Cunt, they'll laugh at you. Yeah, yeah,

35:21

yeah. I've said things to black women

35:23

that I didn't think would upset

35:25

them and that really upset them. I'm

35:28

like, smile more. You know what? I

35:30

got a version of that and it's a fifth

35:32

tooth. Fix your face. Yeah.

35:34

Fix your face. Those are buckshot.

35:37

Yeah, yeah. Fix your face. I

35:39

remember one time I did a

35:41

joke about that. I

35:43

was like, women are always like this.

35:45

Yeah. First time women don't ever want to say

35:48

that you're right. They'll say, well, I

35:50

mean, you made your little point. Oh,

35:52

right. And they'll be like this, but I didn't like

35:54

your tone. Yes. And I said,

35:56

well, I would change my tone if you fix

35:59

your face. And this girl was like this, but

36:01

she was like this. She said, what's wrong

36:03

with my face? I was like, just fix it.

36:07

She said, what's wrong with my face?

36:10

What's wrong with my face? I was

36:12

like, it's broke. Fix it. What's

36:15

the fight you get into a lot of

36:17

relationships? I

36:20

don't wanna fucking ruin your special. All right, but no,

36:22

but he's got a great, but in the first five

36:24

minutes, he's got a great joke about

36:26

being in a toxic relationship.

36:30

It's a fucking great joke. I'm not gonna ruin it. Go see

36:32

him on Netflix right now. It's a,

36:34

what's the name of your special? Great Day, Beautiful

36:36

Day? New Day. New Day. It's

36:38

a new day. It's a new day

36:40

for my heart. You know how I

36:43

feel. Breeze drifting on by. Remember,

36:45

was it Back to the Future where the one thing

36:47

you couldn't call him was yellow? And

36:50

he wasn't Asian, don't panic. But remember

36:52

that was the crossing the line? And Chicken was

36:54

one of them too. He's like, whatever you do,

36:56

don't call me Chicken. I just watched a movie where-

36:59

I just watched a fish called Wanda. And

37:01

if you told Kevin Kline, he was stupid,

37:04

he'd lose his fucking mind. Yeah, exactly. Like

37:06

what's your like third rail like that? Racist.

37:10

If you call me racist, cause I've made so many

37:12

jokes. And then you go, he's actually a racist. It

37:14

shuts me down. And I go, stop, you're not, stop

37:16

on anymore. Why do you get so upset about that?

37:19

Cause there's no comeback. You can't defend that you're not

37:21

racist. You can't show that you're not racist. You don't

37:23

do like with the gay comma. You're like, oh, I

37:25

got plenty of black friends. Yeah, I tried.

37:27

I tried. That's

37:29

racist. That's

37:33

racist as shit, son. Yo,

37:36

I used to be mad. I used to get mad

37:38

when people like, like I used to

37:40

get mad, racist, racist, racist. And I said,

37:43

you know what? I

37:45

personally don't have time for all

37:47

racists. Okay. Right? I'm

37:49

like, if you're not talking with my paper, you're not talking about

37:52

family, I don't care about you being a

37:54

racist. Like I said, why would I care

37:56

about a racist gas attendant?

38:00

I don't have time to deal with this. Yeah,

38:02

just get your electric car. Yep. Could

38:06

you stop it? You're

38:08

a fucking mom now. You

38:12

don't feel mommy though, you feel mommy. I feel

38:15

it too, I feel it too. I called you

38:17

the other day, right? Oh yeah. And

38:19

we missed each other, right? And this

38:21

was a question. This

38:23

is a question I wanted to ask you and

38:26

I didn't get a chance to ask you that, right? I

38:28

wanted to ask you like, how does

38:31

momhood feel to you? And

38:33

do you, this is a tough question.

38:35

Do you feel as successful as you

38:37

were and are? Do you feel

38:39

like being a mom, do you think that that completed

38:41

you? Good

38:44

question, Donnell. I mean, I

38:46

can't say no, obviously, but- Do you just feel

38:48

like you're- I couldn't say no, but the answer

38:50

is yes. Yes. Very much so. I mean,

38:52

I was talking to a bird about this earlier. Like female

38:55

comedians, if they don't have kids, we

38:57

have to become like activists. So

38:59

I feel- Saving shit too, right? Yes.

39:01

You were saving shit before, mom. I know I was. Yeah,

39:03

I'm talking horses and dogs. You were built to be a

39:05

mom. You were saving shit? I was running around like

39:08

saving giraffes and dogs and other comics. But

39:10

no black people, but can't tell you. I

39:13

see those poop artists. You

39:15

wanted me to help you with your quota. Yeah, I sure was there.

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42:14

I feel like having a child has made me

42:16

more present. I was so happy for you. Thank

42:18

you. Because

42:21

I'm not saying that there's something missing in

42:23

your life, but I'm telling you, I just

42:25

felt like there was something that you would

42:27

enjoy because all the love that

42:29

you have for people and then they

42:31

shit on you and everything. Yeah. You

42:33

know what I'm saying? I was like, this motherfucker needs

42:35

somebody to give her unconditional love. Well,

42:38

that's dog. She's been raising, like when you

42:40

went to her house during the pandemic, there

42:42

were fucking 20 people

42:44

there at all times that she was raising.

42:46

Yeah. Like raising is all- It's your energy.

42:49

You've always had that energy. I mean, not

42:51

to get too schmoopy and deep, but you

42:54

kind of mothered your mom

42:56

into the next life. That's correct. I

42:59

probably kept her alive a little too long, frankly. I

43:02

was mothering my parents for a long time. But yeah,

43:04

I think for me, I think comics, like, I mean,

43:06

Bert, you're so kind of comically traditional in the way

43:08

that sort of like your marriages and stuff. But I

43:10

was like, oh, I think I have to have a

43:12

husband before I had a kid. Like I was waiting

43:14

for that order. Non-black. I was like, yeah. I'm

43:17

telling you, well, most of what I had to pay this

43:19

way, when are you going to get married? You

43:21

got the baby, that's black marriage. That's black marriage. That's

43:23

black marriage. Baby! Yes! Baby!

43:27

Connected forever. Have you been engaged even? No,

43:29

I got close to it. Yeah. What

43:32

happened? COVID. COVID. I

43:35

started learning these mental health words. I was like, fuck that. You

43:37

started learning mental health words. Yeah, like gaslighting,

43:40

boundaries, and all that type of stuff.

43:42

Okay. And I was like, I don't know if

43:44

this, I don't know if it was for me. And let me

43:46

ask you, the gaslighting and all the mental health things, was

43:48

she accusing you of doing those things? Yeah.

43:50

And this was... That's wild. No,

43:52

but what else was because she knew that I didn't know what these words

43:55

meant. So I didn't have no dent. And she

43:57

would say something, I'd be like, fuck it, then. People throw these

43:59

words around a lot. Not like girls will

44:01

say like he gaslit me. He loved

44:03

bombs me monkey branch. I found monkey

44:05

branch You know what? No, my baby

44:07

just you guys monkey. You know what

44:10

monkey branches it sounds heard it It

44:12

sounds racist sounds very right. No monkey

44:14

branch googly shit monkey branch is when

44:17

Somebody supports. This is my

44:19

definition Getting

44:25

your next relationship set up before dumping

44:27

your current Okay,

44:30

yeah, and that will happen to you one day Leanne

44:34

It's like going from one relationship to another and

44:36

not leaving the other one so you know, you have another

44:38

person to do Brains

44:40

to my whole fucking life. It's called cheating.

44:43

Yeah I

44:49

do feel like people throw around these terms now these

44:51

like psychology terms It's kind of like a way like

44:53

what you said about races to like end the conversation

44:55

There's no way to come back when someone says that

44:58

you're gaslighting me. There's nothing you can say That's not

45:00

gonna feed into you seeming like you're being gaslighting gas.

45:02

Yeah, like you can't win that but I

45:04

hear like a lot of people say like

45:06

you Love bombs means when women accused men

45:08

of love bombing them is like didn't we

45:10

just used to like he was into you

45:12

and then He got to know you and liking

45:15

you they'd love to be love bomb until they

45:17

get upset about so do guys Go

45:19

into relationships going. I only want to be in love

45:21

for a couple months and then bounce Well, yeah,

45:23

it's like it's like getting in someone's pants is better than

45:25

fucking them all the time What

45:28

someone's pants is so married guy. No,

45:30

but like get no getting in someone's pants is The

45:34

best part of the the moment you'll have is

45:36

when you go to unbutton her pants She

45:39

doesn't stop you and you go For

45:42

Leanne. It's the first kiss. Yeah pants haven't had buttons in

45:44

a while. So this is What

45:47

it's when you go to take their trousers

45:49

off So when you pull

45:51

down their bloomers No, but like Leanne one time said

45:54

to me the one thing that shoes gonna miss the

45:56

most out of being married was first kisses And

45:58

I had a hard time understand I don't like the first

46:00

kiss. Me either. There's so much

46:03

energy and nervousness. You know what I hate

46:05

when you get teeth on teeth in a

46:07

first kiss? Never been there. Never? Never. Not

46:10

once. I've only kissed a handful of fucking chicks.

46:12

I thought that was, did you ever get teeth

46:14

on teeth in a first kiss? No, I, What?

46:17

Well, when I started doing white chicks, it was easier

46:19

because the lips were a lot different. Like.

46:22

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

46:24

ha. I'm

46:28

so sorry. I'm so sorry.

46:32

Oh boy, that black card is gone. Thank you

46:34

man. Ha ha

46:36

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

46:39

ha ha ha ha ha. Oh,

46:43

I'm so sorry. Is that why

46:45

we get along? Yeah, yeah, that's right. That's

46:47

a straight tie. Oh,

46:50

I'm so sorry. That is

46:52

fucking brilliant. That is

46:55

fucking brilliant. Ha ha ha ha ha.

46:57

His new Netflix special. New

46:59

day streaming on Netflix right now. I'm about to

47:01

be a new career. I'm about

47:03

to win an Amazon. Don't you think it's

47:05

a lot of pressure to have to initiate a first

47:07

kiss? I see why women will miss doing

47:09

a first kiss, but for guys, it seems like

47:12

so much pressure. Because you're terrifying. It's terrifying. How

47:14

do you know when you can go in? There's

47:16

girls that think I'm gay to this day. Because

47:18

you didn't. I didn't do it. Huh? I

47:20

wouldn't do it. But how do you? I used to

47:23

be a nice kid. And the reason why, well in black, I

47:25

lost my virginity at a later age.

47:27

Okay, like what age? Okay.

47:30

Well in the black community, that's like an onion boy. I only had

47:32

two kids. I was having two kids by

47:34

then. And I was like a dope

47:37

kisser because I would, this is what I used to

47:39

always do. And I was afraid to have

47:41

sex. I'll be honest with you. Why? I

47:44

did it so quick. I didn't know. I

47:46

didn't know if I was kissing. I've never had experience. I

47:48

didn't know. So I would like put up on the kiss

47:50

side. I was like, shit. I used to be like, oh,

47:52

I know he can do it. Right? And

47:55

what I used to do to get out of house, I used to be like just, all

47:57

right, look, you know, if you think we going too far, let

47:59

me know. I don't want to force you into anything you

48:01

don't want to do, right? And for the

48:03

most part, these girls are like, okay, you're right, I don't

48:05

want to do anything. But I met this one girl, she

48:07

was like, no, you ain't said shit. I got nervous and

48:09

shit. I was like, what the fuck do you do now?

48:11

But I was a kid, so they just knew I was

48:13

nice, but I had no experience. And the

48:16

first time I got it popping, I fell in

48:18

love with this girl. I

48:20

was writing her notes, getting

48:22

balloons and shit like that, writing

48:25

poems like, together forever

48:27

equals success. I was just

48:29

being all romantic and shit. I was like, this chick love

48:31

me. And then this one, you know, it's

48:33

not the right chick, or she might not feel the same

48:35

way. Because I was sharing it to us with my friends,

48:37

and they'd be like, I'd be like, what you think about

48:39

songs? So they'd be like, whatever

48:42

a dude does like this, it's

48:44

something he don't want to tell you. He

48:47

was like, they would be like this, I don't know. And

48:49

I didn't, when you think you're in

48:51

love, you ignore that, right? Come to find out this

48:53

chick that I lost my virginity to, she just was

48:55

a jump off. A jumper?

48:58

Jump off. What's a jump off? A jump off

49:00

is a person that's in a lot of sexual

49:02

relationships with no commitment to love or anything. It's

49:04

like a monkey brancher who doesn't look for the

49:06

next brand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it. It's just

49:09

fucking... Yeah, they like to fuck. Okay.

49:11

And that's cool, but not for your, you know, sort of

49:14

be in love. So she was sleeping with other people? My

49:16

friends. Oh! Are your friends? That sucks.

49:18

I thought that happened. She was, as they say, about

49:20

that life, and she was for the streets. Oh no.

49:24

How's she doing now? I

49:26

mean, I don't think she's doing as good as I am.

49:28

Okay. She's definitely not doing as

49:30

good as he is. You know, how do you know when you're

49:32

in love? How

49:36

do I know I'm in love when I don't

49:38

want to fuck anybody else? Okay. Yeah. Tunnel vision.

49:40

Yeah, that's it. Yeah, but

49:42

that's... But here's the thing, the

49:44

interesting thing about that is like... I

49:48

want to talk about the streets. Can we talk about the

49:50

streets? Yeah, let's get back to... Oh, I'm just joking. Go

49:52

ahead. Let's get back to Cat Williams. Yeah. Oh,

49:55

you can't say that. You can't say

49:57

that. You can't say that. Oh, come on, Bert. He's the

49:59

street. Why

50:02

are we so afraid to talk shit about other comics?

50:05

I'm not afraid. I just don't do it here

50:07

because I just backfired. Yeah. Like I

50:09

can tell you, I'll tell you secrets all day.

50:12

But the truth is, here's the deal, I've had shit

50:14

talked about me. I talk to you guys both about

50:16

someone and talk shit about me. It

50:19

hurts. It hurts. And then I go, well,

50:21

I wouldn't want to do that to someone. Sure. And

50:24

I think part of that too, Burt, is that

50:26

nobody will really, really understand your feelings. And

50:28

then people, especially in my

50:31

community, people associate everything to like, oh,

50:34

you're a hater. If you

50:36

just like something about somebody, like, oh, you're a hater, you're

50:38

a hater. But I think that's

50:40

something that I love so much about

50:42

our community in comedy is there's this

50:44

unspoken agreement. Our community? My community, okay.

50:46

Your community is the same community as

50:49

my community. No, it's

50:51

a lot different. No, no, no, you have

50:53

a different side that shows up

50:55

in your community that I don't have to deal

50:57

with. Yeah. Well, you know, people

50:59

always, with all this stuff that's going on

51:02

in my community of comedy, people are always

51:04

like, it's only, only black people go at

51:06

each other like that. No, that's

51:08

not real. Let me explain that. They always

51:10

like this. They're like this. Yeah, why

51:12

is it that black people go so hard at each

51:14

other? I was like, why do people go just as

51:16

hard? But they put it under the

51:18

umbrella of a roast. Yeah, that's right. They

51:21

call it a real thing. That's how a Whitney roast. And

51:26

then you get to know somebody's really, that's

51:28

why when we, when I did your show,

51:31

remember I told you people, they were like, they were like,

51:33

they were like, oh, when he wants you to do this

51:35

roast. And I was like, man, I

51:37

don't roast because they take it to person. I'm going

51:39

to get mad. And then she told me how much

51:41

I said, I'll be roasting tomorrow. I'll

51:45

be roasting. I'll be raving. I'll

51:47

be brawling. I did see

51:49

Double Dash. You did it twice. I was like, roast

51:51

the fuck out of me. Donnell shows

51:53

up to like, you know, because when you're doing a

51:56

roast, there's just like a writer's room of writers,

51:58

just brainstorming stuff and putting a list together. like,

52:00

Donnell, here's a list of like facts or whatever.

52:02

And then he came, everyone came in and it

52:04

was just like pitching jokes. Donnell came in and

52:06

was like, you know that I'm gonna fight you

52:08

people. Like we're gonna fight after this. I'm

52:11

telling you that. But Donnell was refreshing. I'm

52:13

gonna tell you something. As much as, this is

52:15

like, I didn't, what I, when I did your

52:17

roast, and they was

52:19

giving me some good jokes or whatever, right? But I'm like

52:21

this, I don't wanna be on script where I think I

52:23

didn't wanna feel like that, right? And

52:26

it was so funny cause you're a producer. Like I

52:28

had this paperwork and I was like, wait a minute,

52:30

Donnell. Do you wanna trust these

52:32

jokes or do you wanna trust yourself? You

52:34

know what I'm saying? And that's why I threw

52:36

the paper down, right? And somebody said, I knew

52:39

it was going to be something special when they

52:41

looked at the teleprompter and it was black. Black

52:44

square. Yeah, it was just like, it

52:46

was just like, oh shit. The

52:49

roast, when I started doing them in the beginning,

52:51

it wasn't run by a comedian. And

52:53

then they had a bunch of people on that weren't comics.

52:55

So it would be like a couple of comedians. Joel Gallon.

52:57

Joel Gallon. He was a motherfucker, man. He was

52:59

a bad bitch. That guy

53:02

knew how to, I'm sure he's still doing

53:04

stuff, but I worked with him once. Cause he used to

53:06

do the MTV movie award. He's a dialed in motherfucker. Yeah,

53:08

he used to do all these big specials. But then, in order

53:10

to get ratings or whatever it was back in the day, it

53:12

would be like me, Greg

53:14

Geraldo, Jeff Ross, and then like, Clorox.

53:17

RIP, when you say somebody did, you gotta say RIP.

53:19

Who? Oh, Geraldo. I mean, if you

53:21

say something gay, like, Donnell, like you pause. LZB, BQ.

53:24

You gotta say pause. Or you gotta say gay shit.

53:26

Before, if you know you're gonna say some gay shit,

53:28

you gotta say no homo. Say the gay shit and

53:30

then pause it at the end. I thought you said

53:32

no homo after. No, no, pause was after. No

53:35

homo. Can you give me an example? Okay,

53:37

cause like, dude, I'm fucking loving Cameron and

53:40

Mace pause. Right, and I gotta catch him

53:42

before he pause. Yeah.

53:45

Do it again. No homo,

53:47

pass him them balls. Don't me balls, no homo.

53:49

And then when I say balls, before they get to

53:52

no homo, if I say, first thing, you gotta have

53:54

the first sight to

53:57

no pause, you gotta do it. And you

53:59

can't take it. more than three seconds say

54:01

pause because that makes you homework. The pause, the quicker

54:03

the pause, the less gay you are. But then you're

54:05

gay if you knew the pause before you even got

54:07

to that point. But why do you even have to

54:10

say is it like... Like if you mid-census like the

54:12

meatball pause you were like yo you was waiting for

54:14

the ball. Camera's throwing quick pauses every time. I'm like

54:16

how do you know? But why do you have

54:18

to even qualify that you're not gay? Because you're

54:21

wearing black. We're black

54:23

and we're built and

54:26

born homophobic. But why

54:28

are people confused is

54:31

it because you're wearing

54:33

a white cashmere hoodie?

54:36

Pause. Pause. Pause.

54:38

Pause. I'm putting the other

54:40

cashmere crew neck off and

54:43

putting another cashmere shirt on.

54:45

No he came in. I came in

54:47

with a tag there. I want to be gay

54:49

to put a hood on that bitch. Stop playing

54:51

with me. That is why do you look like

54:54

a fancy KKK wizard. That's it. Stop

54:56

playing with me. So he comes in

54:58

with like a cashmere hoodie.

55:00

I was like oh shit he was recently

55:02

in a TMZ fight. He's wearing a turtleneck.

55:04

He's going to court. Oh my god. And

55:07

then I say I don't want to wear

55:09

this soft ass shit and put a cashmere

55:11

hoodie on. I'm about cashmere. Fuck off. I'm

55:13

a cashmere motherfucker. Pause. Pause. I'm a cashmere

55:16

motherfucker. Homo. Homo. No no Homo. No. Well.

55:18

But you know gays are never paused. But

55:21

also if you're gonna... They never even like this. Yo

55:23

I like them balls. They be like mmm. I

55:30

don't think I'm a regular gay anymore. I went

55:32

to trans and to like... Old school gay dudes?

55:34

I missed that. I missed like a 90's gay

55:36

dude. I missed a dude in the steam room.

55:38

Just make an eye contact. Nope. Like now they're

55:40

pro now. Yeah but like you're in the wrong

55:42

steam room. I want old school buff

55:44

ass 1997 gay dudes with a little

55:47

distended belly because of the testosterone. And

55:49

just like a receding hairline with like

55:51

the old school plugs. With like a

55:53

bar band around the thing that says

55:56

he wasn't gay in college but he's

55:58

gay now. Listen

56:00

to Village People. Does that make you

56:02

gay? No. Well, then, but now, now,

56:05

like pause. This is what I learned.

56:07

This is what I learned. This is what I learned.

56:09

From my, me as retired

56:11

homophobic person. That

56:14

this is the evolution of the way we think. Nobody

56:18

gives a fuck anymore. Yeah.

56:21

This is when I knew that things

56:23

were changing. When I first found out that

56:26

my brother was gay, because he's

56:28

my half-brother. When we were younger, I

56:31

didn't identify with sexuality or

56:33

anything like that. I just thought that my brother was, I

56:35

thought my brother had all the bitches. Excuse

56:37

me. I thought he had all these girls. I was like, oh, I

56:39

want to, he got all the

56:41

chicks, right? And then, all these trilor shoes.

56:46

I went to the military. He went to college.

56:48

So, and we would see each other every other

56:50

weekend and that type of stuff. So, part of

56:52

my young adult life, I wasn't around him. So,

56:55

I remember one time when I first moved to LA, I was

56:57

at the Hollywood Improv. He

56:59

came with this guy. They watched my show and

57:02

everything. And at the end of it, my brother,

57:04

I feel like he

57:07

had to get something off his chest. And he was like, this is what my

57:09

brother told me. He said, you

57:11

see that guy right there? I

57:14

love this guy. He's the best. He's

57:16

like this. He said, this, I

57:18

knew he was going to tell me something because he

57:20

got a little longer. He said, you see that guy

57:22

right there? I said, he said, that's

57:25

your brother-in-law. And my

57:27

dad has so many kids. I didn't know if he was, and I was in

57:29

the middle of taking pictures. I didn't

57:31

know if he was trying to say it's another

57:33

brother. I was, I ain't got time for that

57:35

shit. I love that his blackness still was there

57:37

in his gayness. But let me tell you. He

57:39

said, brother-in-law. I'm

57:42

going to ask you a question.

57:44

That's my brother-in-law. Oh, it's so

57:46

fucking awesome. Here's the beauty of

57:48

this. My dad has so many kids. It's been like

57:50

every three years I was meeting somebody else. That's his

57:52

sister. So and so, right? So when

57:55

he told me that I didn't think of it, I was

57:57

in the middle of taking pictures. I just didn't register. And

58:00

then when I went home, I was like, yo, wait a minute.

58:03

I think my brother just told me he was

58:05

gay. So I called my

58:07

father. My father, he passed away four years ago,

58:09

right? Gangster motherfucker. I said, dad. I

58:13

said, I think Chucky

58:16

just told me he was gay. And

58:18

then my father said, yeah, man. I

58:21

knew what he was up to. Like

58:24

being gay was up to something. This

58:27

is the most endearing thing

58:29

you could say to black people. He said,

58:32

I knew he was up to something. He

58:34

said, but he was talking about my brother's

58:36

partner. He said, but he's a good man.

58:38

And the fact that my dad cared more

58:41

about the character of

58:43

the guy that, okay, I'm

58:46

gonna be real grabby. My

58:48

dad cared more about the character of the

58:50

guy that was fucking his son. That

58:55

meant a lot. And that's why I knew I was like

58:57

this. You know what? Certain

58:59

thoughts and certain way people

59:01

felt they changed. And that's where it's

59:03

gotta be. Like, I don't care. Like it's gotta be come

59:05

to a point where I just, all

59:07

the other shit is bullshit. At the end

59:09

of the day, is this a good person? No,

59:12

it's crazy. And I like what your dad said.

59:14

It's like, I'll just say as

59:16

a father of two daughters who

59:18

are growing up in this world, don't give

59:21

a fuck who you fuck, who you date,

59:23

who you kiss. Just be so

59:25

happy. Do I get obsessed with

59:27

the men that straight men think are hot, like

59:30

famous men, like when

59:32

guys like Tom Brady, he's like super hot. Tom

59:34

Brady's not hot, he's a dork. Really? I

59:37

don't think he's hot. I think he's, he

59:39

would be exact. Who do you think is

59:41

handsome? Like what straight guy, like celebrity, do

59:43

you think is handsome? Edelman's attractive. Who? Julian

59:46

Edelman's very attractive. Julian Edelman, who's that?

59:48

He was his wide receiver. Oh,

59:51

okay. Cause I always think that like straight guys

59:53

find different men attractive than women find attractive.

59:56

And then guys find women attractive. I can't answer that question.

59:58

I will relapse from my homophobia. Everybody answer. By

1:00:00

the way, I can't believe it. No,

1:00:03

I'm straight down like this. Oh yeah, oh

1:00:05

my God, you know who's hot, fucking Tyson

1:00:07

Bedford is fucking... Tyson Bedford. That's it, you

1:00:09

know who he is means you're gay. Yeah,

1:00:12

I can't acknowledge that. You could've listed an

1:00:14

NFL player, not a male model. Just an

1:00:16

underwear model. All right, I'm telling you what,

1:00:18

the streets say it. Okay, like who's like

1:00:21

a handsome... Nobody, me. Flavor

1:00:25

Flav, motherfucker. You

1:00:27

know that Flavor Flav, that's how I got involved in

1:00:29

the roast, is I wrote a joke

1:00:32

about Flavor Flav for the Flavor

1:00:34

Flav roast, and that's what got me hired. I

1:00:36

wrote the joke, Flav, you look like what Magic

1:00:38

Johnson should look like right now. Really?

1:00:41

Okay, now I'm, because I've been drinking, I'm getting

1:00:44

emotional and whatever. Okay. You know what, I respect

1:00:46

you. Your vodka has me

1:00:48

feeling like I'm on Club Ché Ché couch. I

1:00:50

love it, I love it. Let's go! It's

1:00:53

truth terms. Okay. This is what

1:00:55

I respect about anybody that's doing this game. You

1:00:57

can get to a certain point, but when

1:00:59

motherfuckers start giving other people opportunities, I

1:01:02

love that shit. I think the best thing about

1:01:04

what we do in our job is if you're

1:01:06

in a position where you can create

1:01:08

opportunities for other people. Yeah, and I think

1:01:10

there's nothing better, like it is weird when

1:01:13

people give credit for it, because that's... Damn,

1:01:15

I need to say that shit look good.

1:01:17

It looks fucking good as a motherfucker. Oh.

1:01:20

Is this an... That's crazy.

1:01:23

Stunning. Oh, wow. Here, hold

1:01:25

on, let me get your drinks first. Oh,

1:01:27

did you want another drink? I'm good.

1:01:29

Okay. Thank you. Can I ask

1:01:31

you a question? Why did you guys decide vodka instead

1:01:33

of like a whiskey? Great question. I agree. Tom wanted

1:01:36

to do whiskey, and I felt like we had too

1:01:38

many friends that had whiskeys. Yeah, for why do they

1:01:40

have a vodka that's like, I want to have more

1:01:42

black people in my life. But

1:01:45

you didn't flavor it, so you don't really care about what's in the

1:01:47

train in Russia. It's kind of my thing. Eating

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to get 50% off. This

1:02:58

looks insane. I feel like we need to

1:03:00

cut this. The beautiful part is the tuna

1:03:02

should be medium

1:03:05

rare which is perfect

1:03:07

because it's high grade sushi. Why you look at

1:03:09

me like I was going to order

1:03:11

it well done? I'm just making

1:03:14

sure everyone knows it can be medium rare.

1:03:16

Everybody meaning Daniel? That's

1:03:18

nice. I wanted to cut mine in half. Here,

1:03:20

please. I feel like I need to. I

1:03:22

feel like that's as soon as you have a kid

1:03:24

you start cutting sandwiches. You're not going to eat that

1:03:26

whole sandwich are you? You don't think I can fit into this whole

1:03:28

thing? What I was saying was I

1:03:31

could do half that and I could do this to go because it

1:03:33

looks that good. I mean

1:03:35

this is really, really, really

1:03:37

good. That's really

1:03:40

good. Try the

1:03:43

sandwich. That burger is fire. That's

1:03:45

really good. But is this

1:03:47

Thousand Islands dressing? What

1:03:49

is on top? Sriracha

1:03:51

aioli. Oh, the

1:03:53

Sriracha aioli. You know like when people have

1:03:56

cooking shows they don't actually eat like they're

1:03:59

kind of like grays to the they could still host their show?

1:04:01

I don't know. No, I'm eating. I'm

1:04:03

eating like a lot of butter. I mean like,

1:04:05

you should. No, they usually do one, they do

1:04:08

the bite like this. The face. No, here's the

1:04:10

bite. Mm. Mm. Yeah. Mm.

1:04:13

Mm. Like, I feel like we're just eating.

1:04:15

Like, this is still a show. No,

1:04:18

you gotta keep doing this. Mm. Mm.

1:04:21

I wanna do a movie where I work. This

1:04:23

is good, good. Where I die. Okay.

1:04:26

But I get reincarnated. So, Dr.

1:04:28

Henry. I'm reincarnated in Donnell's body.

1:04:32

Oh shit. And my wife has still been

1:04:34

married, Donnell. I think she'd be the happiest

1:04:36

person alive. I will. I. Mm.

1:04:40

No, you can't say that, bro. Come on, you

1:04:42

can't say that. My wife likes you so

1:04:44

much more than me. I can't stop eating this, man.

1:04:46

I am. I'm here. and

1:04:49

actually eaten for re- Yeah, I

1:04:51

fucked that last one up. You fucked

1:04:53

what up? The salmon. Oh,

1:04:56

when I came up with Kim Dylan. Salmon

1:04:59

caveat. There's so much mayonnaise.

1:05:02

It's disturbing me that the whole fish, it's

1:05:05

disturbing me that the whole fish was baked in

1:05:07

a casing of mayonnaise. It just looked, just looked.

1:05:09

Can you do a close-up on this? This

1:05:12

is all mayonnaise. Look at

1:05:14

this. This is just mayonnaise.

1:05:16

I'm fucking crying, fucking. This

1:05:18

one was good. And by the way, don't throw out the

1:05:21

mac and cheese. We'll eat it tomorrow. Oh,

1:05:23

you're definitely eating it tomorrow. It's all damn it.

1:05:25

This is legitimately delicious. It is.

1:05:28

All I wanted to hear. I didn't want

1:05:30

to tell you that, but you had to hear

1:05:32

it, but it was good. Guys, congratulations on the

1:05:34

new special. It's a new day for the adults.

1:05:37

It's a new day. And

1:05:40

I'm feeling good. Aroooooo.

1:05:46

Great episode, everybody. It's a new day

1:05:48

for the adults. This

1:06:10

episode was brought to you by The Machine.