0:01

This episode is brown to you by

0:03

Ethics Is The Veil storing. Elisabeth Moss.

0:05

Ethics is The Veil is an international

0:08

spy thriller that follows two women as

0:10

they play a deadly game of truth

0:12

and lies on the road from Istanbul

0:14

to Paris and London. One woman has

0:16

a secret and the other has a

0:19

mission to reveal it before thousands of

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lives are lost. Ethics Is The Veil

0:23

Premier's April Thirtieth Only on Hullo. Was

0:29

it might as well does anyone in

0:31

the crew on a coma smoke? We

0:33

were Cheese and John Jay. Is

0:37

Burning. Ladies.

0:40

And gentlemen, it is something's burning in. This

0:43

is a dream episode. This is an absolute

0:45

dream episode. I am here. With.

0:47

Comedic Legends: Cheech and Chong Guy I'm telling

0:49

you right now gentlemen if you told me

0:51

and I have great we are done school

0:53

Whenever the Caymans house we smoked we don't

0:56

We washed up in smoke. And.

0:59

Are. You know I was it. When you're there's

1:01

a point life where you don't understand. What?

1:03

Laughing at a movie is you just know like

1:06

a good movie but that you don't get comedy

1:08

a her and when. The.

1:10

Cops said. Where's

1:12

your license and you said a thing,

1:14

it's on the back of the car.

1:17

I laughed hysterically and it was like

1:19

the first time I just I genuinely

1:21

remember laughing at a movie and for

1:24

real laughing out loud. And we laughed

1:26

so hard we smoked weed that day.

1:29

Me: Himself care about this hooker?

1:31

Sell out the Jesuit high school

1:34

who knows as way. Got so

1:36

many views because you would laugh

1:38

so hard you'd miss. A.

1:40

Lot of the jokes. it's oh yeah

1:42

to go back and in see it

1:44

again. It's the truth is you'd watch

1:46

it over. I mean, there are parts

1:48

of things that you guys must have

1:50

come up just giggling to each other.

1:53

Mexican American I I'm I'm I don't

1:55

think I ever knew X again until

1:57

I moved to L A. I sang

1:59

that's. all through high school. You

2:01

sang that song all through high school. I

2:04

like to get up early, but they don't have to. It

2:08

is such an honor to

2:10

sit with you guys. And

2:13

so today, and I'll just get all the business out of the

2:15

way, I am doing, because I got to

2:18

be honest with you, Tommy, I didn't even know you were

2:20

Asian until I was in college. Chong

2:23

is a really good hint. Cheese

2:27

and Chong were like two Mexican guys. I

2:30

never put two and two together. Well, Chong is playing

2:33

for a monkey. Monkey. Yeah. Really? Yeah.

2:35

And your dad was Chinese? Yeah. And

2:37

so I am doing Mexican

2:40

Asian fusion for you guys. That's

2:42

right. I'm doing

2:45

taco egg rolls. And

2:47

then I am making, and this is, I've

2:49

been working all. Did you know that 90% of the

2:51

restaurants in LA, especially

2:57

are Mexican sushi

2:59

cooks? Really? Yeah. I

3:02

didn't have sushi until I was like 25. Wow.

3:07

They didn't have it where you were

3:09

from? Florida. Florida. Cheese introduced me to

3:12

sushi. Because for a

3:14

long time, it was illegal

3:16

for anybody but Japanese to

3:18

eat sushi. Yeah. In Japan

3:21

town. Oh, really? Yeah.

3:24

And Cheese's dad's a cop, right? You

3:27

had the cop? He was. Shut

3:29

up. So wait, what did your,

3:31

hold on, let me tell you what I'm making. I'm making

3:33

Biria Ramen. I'm making Biria Ramen. OK. What did

3:35

your dad say when the movies came out? He

3:38

gave me some of that free shit so I

3:40

can give it to my juvenile people. That's

3:44

what he'd do. He said, hey, give me some of the free albums.

3:46

Hey, you guys want to teach a Chong album for

3:49

free? What's going on over here? Who's that guy? Tell

3:52

me where you were last Saturday. Really?

3:54

L.A. PD 30 years. L.A. PD

3:56

30 years. Wow. So he was, you

3:59

grew up. in LA. Yeah,

4:01

born and raised. Where was like what

4:03

part of LA? South Central. For real.

4:05

Yeah, so it was all black

4:07

neighborhood when I lived in there but now it's

4:09

all Central American. Was it your

4:12

nickname? Hey Mexican? Yo, yo Mexican.

4:14

Yo, Mexican. It was all black

4:16

neighborhood. That

4:20

was great. What did you find your fan

4:22

base? What was Cheech and Chong's fan base?

4:25

What was, I always thought we know we

4:27

found it here. Really? We started in Canada

4:29

and I didn't even know him. Cheech was

4:31

Mexican until we came to LA. Seriously.

4:34

For real? Because he was up there dodging

4:36

the draft. I wasn't dodging, they knew where

4:38

I was. I told them where I was.

4:40

No, he wasn't dodging

4:42

the draft. No, he was, well

4:45

he was part of a secret

4:47

army just in case the Viet

4:49

Cong attacked from Alaska. Yeah. He

4:52

was ready. Yeah, that was fucking

4:54

great. But when we were down

4:56

here we had two shows to

4:58

do and the first show

5:00

we did not go over well because it was

5:02

in a dance club and people

5:04

had to stop dancing in order to watch

5:06

our comedy. And so they weren't

5:09

that thrilled. And so then Cheech

5:12

and I came up with a bit that they

5:14

could relate to and

5:16

which was the introduction of the low

5:19

rider. Yeah, yeah. And I heard you

5:21

talk about, you guys talk about that

5:23

one time. Wasn't it an old Vauvillian

5:25

thing where you saw the

5:27

guy to explain what they were going

5:30

to see? Well, it's an old black

5:32

bit. Sir Pineapple, this black comedian, used

5:34

to do a bit where he would

5:37

take a girl on a date. But

5:39

in order to show the

5:41

audience that he had a car, he

5:43

would mind watching it. And

5:46

so I remember that from my

5:49

Vaudeville days. Really? And so then

5:51

I... You were in Vaudeville? I

5:53

showed Cheech. Yeah, that

5:55

was a fancy name for burlesque. Oh

5:57

yeah. Or a titty bar. Because

6:00

that's what comedy clubs were back then was like, it

6:02

was there was no when you guys started, I

6:04

don't think people understand this or respect this enough.

6:08

Not only what you guys were doing

6:10

wasn't established yet, but it

6:12

was like, it was free form, like really alternative. It

6:14

was just strip clubs and then you guys would go

6:16

up, people be in the middle of seeing titties and

6:18

then go and wait, what the fuck says? It's

6:21

funny. I, as much as I say, I've had

6:23

it rough and comedy. I never had it like you guys. Like

6:26

you, well you guys, you guys got old

6:29

school fucked by the industry, like old, like

6:31

old school ripped off by a manager, old

6:34

school ripped out by the fucking

6:36

like you have the legendary most

6:38

probably five most stoner movies and

6:40

you, and it was when Hollywood was fucking

6:43

shady and it's,

6:45

and now it's like you look, I'm sure you

6:47

probably look at someone like my career and go,

6:49

you're welcome. You're welcome. We

6:51

figured out managers for you. We

6:54

figured out agents. Keep going

6:56

my son. And

6:58

you guys figured out merch. That's

7:00

the crazy thing is the way

7:02

the world's going right now with

7:04

marijuana. You

7:06

guys are the Everest. You

7:09

guys have such a

7:11

lineup of shit. It's right here. We're

7:13

going to go through it in a second. Oh, you got

7:16

a shirt too. This

7:18

these, these crock pots are

7:20

the best thing in the world. You can

7:22

put it in there 45 minutes and

7:24

it cooks everything so fast. It's like a pressure

7:26

cooker. Really? Let's go through

7:28

your merch. Okay. I'm dying to

7:30

see cause you guys really are kind of at the

7:33

forefront of all of

7:35

this. This is insane. This

7:37

is, this is the chicholata cannabis

7:40

infused 50. I've

7:43

got a button here. A milligrams. Yeah,

7:45

but you don't do it all at once. No

7:47

shit. The thing that makes it viable

7:50

is the flip top is

7:52

reusable. What is this? Oh,

7:54

this is, that's judges water. The Vodka.

7:56

This is your vodka? Yeah, there is

7:58

vodka in there. But. The

8:02

bigger shot is a read in

8:04

here in oh i'm here are

8:06

some lane is possible for smoke

8:08

we did I smoke weed say

8:10

that the i'm question this on

8:12

facebook through okay consumers know enough

8:14

as as this is I'd you

8:16

guys have so much Great merge.

8:18

This is a vodka bottle. The.

8:21

Turns into a ball when you're done

8:23

with it and is and we'll send

8:25

you the tools in order to cut

8:27

through the glass in order to make

8:29

it a bong shot on it. All

8:31

in all this is it right here.

8:33

This is crazy in the good and

8:35

says who are comes from one of

8:37

those scenes in the end up in

8:39

smoke worry we're in court or and

8:41

the judges com bubble bluff and he

8:43

goes have any during. The.

8:45

Judges Water adding a man is

8:48

what about. Saw

8:52

that has fucking vodka in L and

8:54

when you finish the vodka you can

8:56

drill a hole punch Bond in there

8:58

and and now it's a bomb that

9:00

are only know the courses and brothers

9:02

because you guys like I got his.

9:04

you guys have such legendary movies in

9:07

a find out that when you guys

9:09

did up in smoke it was predominantly

9:11

improv. And based off all your

9:13

sketches you guys did as a team and

9:15

that you directed at yourself and that it

9:17

was. That. Is so impressive. As

9:20

much as or to see a neurologist or

9:22

know this as regular like I trying to

9:25

my with it until. It's

9:27

years, especially if it's all he earned.

9:29

I mean, bunch of. School

9:31

Vodka and I know particular task

9:34

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gaming resources what was it was

12:22

buying weed like back in the

12:25

day I don't know I never bought

12:27

any you know the only

12:30

time I ever bought

12:32

weed was when I the

12:35

when it got legal for medical yeah

12:37

and we had a dispensary on on

12:40

Santa Monica across from Barney's Beanery I'm

12:42

gonna smoke before I start cooking I

12:45

would love to go through oh we're gonna be

12:47

here for a while are we sure if that's

12:49

okay we'll smoke with you Oh

12:52

famous last words oh shit I forgot the

12:55

album I do

12:57

it all the time now I swear Shelby doesn't

12:59

always do it all the time sometimes I have

13:01

to look at the garbage can to see what

13:03

I almost had for dinner which

13:09

are you guys are you guys big

13:11

cookers at home I wait I feel

13:13

like I mean you cook I probably

13:15

like on like TV or something yeah

13:17

I cooked in hotels in my youth

13:20

really yeah in Canada when I was

13:22

in Canada but I cook every day

13:24

now there's gonna be a show called what

13:26

are the odds of Mexican in a kitchen

13:28

would you guys like marijuana well I think guys

13:33

I can die a happy man

13:35

that's it usually this costs a lot of

13:37

money I was at

13:43

a charity thing somehow

13:45

I missed it was the two-night that I missed the

13:47

first night because I fell asleep so

13:50

wanted to give them something to the auction off that

13:52

they would you know raise money for them so I came

13:54

in the smoking joint with cheats

13:57

of cheats and Chong and that was the

13:59

auction item We sold

14:02

three tickets at $15,000 a piece. And

14:05

this lock session's like, my new item, man. Are

14:08

you serious? I don't need to sign our

14:10

graft of script or a picture or something,

14:12

but we sell it every time. That's, yeah,

14:14

well, I mean, there is like, like

14:17

who have you guys gotten high with that you're like? Have

14:19

you guys gotten high with Willie Nelson? No,

14:21

yeah. Oh, yeah. He

14:24

gives me Willie weed, and

14:27

it's the greatest golf weed. Yeah.

14:30

And he gives me a big bag every time I

14:32

put it. Oh, I hate it. It's unbelievable. You guys

14:34

get it? I feel like I just, I feel like

14:36

I'm skating with Wayne Gretzky. So I

14:38

was like, I shouldn't have lit the whole

14:40

joint. This might get fucking wasted. We smoked

14:42

with Kareem a lot. Kareem Abdul Jabbar? Yeah,

14:44

a lot in the day. Are you serious?

14:46

Yeah. He was a- He's smart as shit.

14:48

Very. He

14:53

actually, you

14:55

know, he was very influenced by

15:00

the weed and jazz. It

15:02

all comes from jazz. That's how I

15:04

got into it. A guy from Calgary

15:07

came back from LA with a Lenny

15:10

Bruce record and a

15:12

joint. You

15:15

know, it was my present and that changed

15:17

my life. Well, your guys' sketches

15:19

were like jazz. Yeah.

15:22

Like even in the movies, they never felt

15:24

too scripted. That was always like- Yeah. Really

15:28

organic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like when

15:30

you, like, I

15:33

watched it again last night. That scene in the car.

15:36

I watched it again. And when you

15:38

go here, just take these. And then

15:40

you're looking, you're not watching him at all. You

15:42

guys are doing two, as actors, you're

15:45

in two separate places. And then you're like, hold

15:48

on, I gave you the wrong one. It's such

15:50

a great moment. Was that just

15:53

like some synergy that you guys had together that

15:55

you accrued on stage? It was a live show.

15:58

Really? Yeah, we did that. on

16:00

a live show. We did 500 times before we

16:02

did it. For real. But there's some things that

16:04

are in the movie that we did for the

16:06

first time when we did it for the movie.

16:08

Like what? It's on the bumper.

16:12

That's the first time. Yeah. That's

16:15

such a great fun. It's so hard

16:18

to translate what's funny on stage on

16:20

the screen. Yeah. It's so

16:22

difficult. Oh yeah. I think my favorite bit

16:25

in that is when being

16:27

a beanie is full over

16:30

your eyes. That was the first time. Yeah.

16:32

Yeah. And on the when we did it

16:37

for the movie, that's the first time we did

16:39

that. For real? Yeah. Were you guys, were

16:42

you guys the first stoner

16:45

comedy? Yeah. There wasn't anything before that.

16:48

Now you look and you've got like,

16:51

have you seen any of the ones

16:53

after? The closest was the furry freak

16:55

brothers comic book. The what? Furry

16:57

freak brothers. Have you ever thought about

16:59

one more movie? Yeah. Yeah.

17:02

We got a movie

17:05

documentary coming out in South by Southwest.

17:07

For real? Yeah. March, March is March,

17:09

April. March. March 20th I think. We're

17:12

showing it there at South by South

17:14

by. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Yeah. We're going

17:16

to be showing there. And it's supposed

17:18

to be, I haven't seen it, but

17:20

it's supposed to be pretty good. It

17:23

is pretty good. You thought I did.

17:25

Well, you guys are such a, it's,

17:27

you know, what was the hardest part

17:29

about keeping a partnership? Because I

17:32

have a part of a business partner. There's a comedian

17:34

and it's, there's times where you

17:36

do butt heads and you have different creative

17:38

choices. The only thing, the only thing,

17:40

no, Tara, any, anybody apart is success.

17:44

Once you get success, that,

17:46

that usually is

17:49

like for a lot of people. That's the end. You

17:51

know, that, yeah, let's do something else

17:53

now. It's constraint. I

17:56

think because it's good friend of

17:58

actually not killing the other guy. and you really

18:00

want to, you know, and then you

18:02

go by that path and oh, it was okay.

18:04

It was just like, ugh.

18:07

Yeah. But it's constraint because. See,

18:09

in the beginning, you're

18:12

just trying to survive. Yeah. It's

18:14

almost easier when you're just trying to survive.

18:16

Trying to make the next meal, the rent,

18:19

get the rent paid or pay off the

18:21

car, whatever. We had to make a

18:23

dollar 50 every day, that was the

18:25

goal. We had to somehow get our hands on

18:27

a dollar 50 every day. And

18:30

then eventually. And

18:32

we'd eat. We get to the point

18:34

where we become international

18:37

movie stars. It

18:39

comes to the point, I think this is really interesting. I

18:41

heard Slash say this to me one time about

18:43

why Guns N' Roses broke up. And

18:45

he said, we all went on tour and we

18:47

were all pretty much on tour on a bus.

18:50

And then when we came home, we found out we

18:52

were millionaires and we had to decide what kind of millionaire we

18:54

wanted to be. And he was like, you know,

18:58

he was the craziest thing is Axel wanted to

19:00

be a Malibu millionaire. He was like,

19:02

I was just like, who the fuck wants to move? I want to live

19:04

in the, I thought we'd all live in the Hollywood Hills next to each

19:06

other. He started

19:09

out in the Hollywood Hills to move to

19:11

Malibu. But he followed me. I

19:15

went to Malibu first. Yeah, you went to Malibu

19:17

first, yeah. Oh, I would, I would, I would,

19:19

in my second wife, I moved to Malibu. I

19:21

loved her, hell yeah. Yeah, my second wife. I

19:23

remember those days. Nick Nolte lives in my house

19:25

now, or my old house for real. That's

19:29

someone I'd like to party with. I have a list of people

19:31

I'd like to party with. This one, I just barked off. You

19:33

better hurry up. I'll introduce you. So

19:38

I moved from Hollywood to escape

19:40

bad influences during the day. And

19:43

so I moved to the farthest end of

19:45

Malibu and it

19:48

was the Tranqis Bar. And who do I

19:50

find the Tranqis Bar? Nick Nolte, Jen Michael

19:53

Vincent. Jen Michael Vincent. Who was

19:55

the other one? Jerry

19:58

Williams. about you guys

20:00

is that the partying never got in front of

20:02

the work. No, no. Like the work was always...

20:04

It did, but we were too poor to keep

20:08

up the habit. No, we made

20:10

ourselves allergic to cocaine. No,

20:12

really, because it was fucking up our act, you

20:15

know. And then we said, okay, we're allergic to

20:18

this, right? Right. And then from then on, never.

20:20

We never did the code. We had one rule,

20:22

you know, when people used to ask us, what

20:24

kind of drugs do you do? And

20:27

what's your favorite strain? Yeah.

20:29

And my answer always was, anything given

20:31

to me by a naked woman. That

20:38

was my mantra for years. Marijuana

20:40

doesn't have sex, I think. Oh,

20:42

it does. I really... It

20:45

makes you forget. You forget to come. Did

20:50

you guys write high? No. No,

20:52

no. Yeah, probably write high

20:54

when we're apart.

20:57

Yeah. But when we're in

20:59

the studio and stuff, never

21:01

just... How did that work

21:03

back then? So someone like, someone would come in

21:05

and give you... Like when you

21:08

did your first album, they would give you like, say,

21:11

$500,000 to do... Good.

21:16

How much did they give you? Well,

21:18

when we signed our first contract, and

21:20

it was the day we met

21:22

Lou Adler, okay, I want to work

21:24

with you guys. I sent for Abe Summer,

21:26

the lawyer. He's downstairs. He comes up, they

21:28

present us with a contract, and he says,

21:30

I'm going to give you $1,000. And

21:34

Tommy reaches for the pan because we had

21:37

zip-o money. And he reached for the pan,

21:39

I go, I don't know, wait a minute, I have to talk about...

21:41

Mr. Adler, it seems as though, well, there's

21:44

two of us, so we'll need $2,000. Okay,

21:46

sure. You guys are like

21:48

businessmen like me. Oh

21:52

yeah. But we did, and

21:54

a recorder. Really?

21:57

A tape recorder. Yeah,

22:00

that's what we needed, a little

22:02

portable tape recorder. I heard you

22:04

guys that the, what is

22:07

it, Dave's not here? Yeah, well that was

22:09

it. That was the tape recorder. That was

22:11

the tape recorder. That

22:13

was our first bit, and that

22:15

was the only time we ever used a tape recorder. Because

22:19

after that we just went right to tape. And

22:21

it wasn't supposed to be a bit. No, what

22:23

happened, we were gonna rehearse with

22:27

the little tape recorder. And

22:29

so we're back in a mixdown room. Do

22:32

you remember Charlie Chaplin movies? Of

22:34

course. Do you remember him, he's

22:36

always sitting in the doorway of

22:38

a little house, a little shed.

22:41

Yeah, well that little house

22:44

was converted into what they

22:46

call a mixdown room. Really? And

22:49

that was the little house that

22:51

we recorded all our albums

22:53

in, because we didn't need a whole

22:55

studio. Really? Because we were

22:58

figuring out how to do it, first of all.

23:00

Yeah, so we were rehearsing, we were gonna rehearse

23:02

a bit. And I had

23:05

the little tape recorder inside the

23:07

studio. And

23:10

Cheech went outside, but the

23:13

door locked from inside. And

23:15

so when he was outside he was in the

23:17

hot little

23:20

area. The

23:22

sun was beating down, it was hot as

23:24

can be. But Cheech,

23:26

because he's a method actor, he got all

23:28

dressed up in his outfit. He

23:30

was supposed to be a dope dealer coming

23:33

to make a delivery.

23:36

Yeah. And so when

23:38

he knocked on the door, I

23:41

didn't know if the tape recorder was

23:43

working or not, so I paused. And

23:47

then he knocked again and I'd

23:49

seen the needle move. And

23:51

so then I started the bit and I said, who is

23:54

it? And then

23:56

Cheech went into his bit, it's me, man. It's

24:00

all just organic. Yeah, it's

24:02

all just organic. So anyway, I

24:06

was trying to see if that tape recorder

24:08

was worth it. And so I was looking

24:11

at the tape recorder and then

24:13

teach Dr. Are

24:15

you backing away from this? I've

24:18

cooked before. So anyway, teach Dr.

24:20

again. And then

24:22

I said, well, we'll start to bid over again. So

24:25

I said, who is it again? And

24:27

I could hear him being annoyed in

24:30

his voice. I'm supposed to open the door and let him

24:32

in. And it's hot. And

24:35

so I left him outside. And so every time

24:37

he had no idea. Just want to see how long he could

24:39

torture me. And that became the

24:41

recording. That became the recording. So

24:44

I kept saying, who is it? And he

24:46

kept saying. And then finally

24:48

he goes, it's Dave. And

24:51

I said, Dave? And I can hear him in

24:53

his voice. And finally he's

24:55

going to open the door for me. And

24:58

I go, Dave? And he says, yeah.

25:00

And then I said, Dave's not here.

25:02

And he blew it. But

25:04

he didn't break character. I'm

25:07

Dave, man. Open the fucking door. It's kind

25:09

of a little bit of a mess. And

25:11

we're outside in the middle of A&M studios.

25:13

And everybody's going to work. And they're walking

25:15

back and forth. And they're, who are these

25:17

two motherfuckers out here banging on the door

25:20

in the courtyard? Really? Because they didn't know

25:22

who we were. We showed up one day. That's

25:25

crazy. That's almost like folklore

25:28

that I feel like disappears. Because

25:30

I don't think people understand how great

25:33

your albums were. Red

25:36

Fox's albums were. They were party albums. They

25:39

were like, what people listen to on

25:41

a Friday night. That's what inspired us

25:43

to do the record, me. Because I

25:45

had heard Red Fox. Do

25:47

you remember any? Do

25:50

you remember the Dolomite albums? Oh, yeah.

25:52

Those are comedians. And their

25:56

albums consisted of recordings of their

25:58

live show. Yeah. Steve

26:00

Martin, George Carlin, everybody. We

26:03

went into the studio, we

26:05

were musicians, and so

26:07

we were used to working in the studio. Did

26:10

they ever have any horrible Cheech and Chong sitcoms they

26:12

came with you guys at? Oh

26:14

yeah. I think you guys got pissed. We

26:16

just turned down Ternicov. Ternicov,

26:19

they had a guy called- We ran his article

26:21

off of everyone listening. This is like, if he

26:23

ran NBC for like every, he created the Fresh

26:25

Prince of Bel-Air and all that. What was it,

26:27

right? Jimmy- Jimmy

26:30

Comax? Ternicov wanted to do

26:32

a Cheech and Chong television

26:34

show, and so he had Jimmy

26:37

Comax follow us around for

26:39

a couple of months. And

26:41

when we turned down the show, then

26:45

they told us that

26:47

they were doing the Freddie Prince.

26:50

Yeah. Wait, Freddie Prince? Chico and

26:52

the Man. Chico and the

26:54

Man. Which kind of they- It was the way

26:56

of it that we used to do ours

26:59

was the old man in the park. And

27:01

Chico and Max was nice about it. He come up and told

27:03

me, you know, we're

27:06

using your bit. That's crazy. You guys,

27:08

I mean, do you ever

27:10

wake up and think- Sometimes,

27:12

yeah. I

27:14

wake up with like, I wake up sometimes with survivors

27:16

remorse that I'm either successful and I have friends that

27:19

didn't make it successful, or that I have so much

27:21

and people have so little. But more importantly, you guys

27:23

have lived such a rich life with so many

27:26

people that aren't here anymore. And you still are.

27:29

And like you guys, your

27:31

85 is fucking insane. 86,

27:36

that's when they go insane. Right about that age.

27:38

All right. And you

27:40

know what's amazing? What's that? I still don't know how

27:42

to use my phone. Anything computer, I just handed to

27:44

my wife here. Yeah,

27:48

I handed to my three year old. All right, gentlemen, here's

27:50

our app. Here's our news, I never get it back. Here's

27:53

our app. It is, it is,

27:56

once again, Fusion. Taco

27:58

Egg Rolls. So I

28:01

hope they're good. Me too. I'll be the

28:03

first judge. Feel free

28:05

to double dip. We shared a joint. Oh, I'll like

28:07

that joint again. Okay, yeah I do. Pick

28:11

out the good one. I saw your act. Okay,

28:13

let's be record. These

28:16

are definitely white guy tacos. Those are just

28:18

brown beef. I saw

28:20

your act yesterday for the first time

28:22

too on TV. Amazing.

28:27

I was blown away. I was

28:29

really blown away. Especially

28:31

with your wardrobe. I

28:35

was so genius man. A lot of bold decisions

28:37

going on. And then I realized what you did

28:39

by not mentioning

28:41

it. You

28:44

had everybody hung up like me going,

28:47

doesn't he know he's naked? Yeah. The

28:50

best compliment I've ever gotten was

28:53

David Letterman. He

28:55

said, I watched this guy, Bert Kreischer,

28:59

absolutely hilarious. But

29:01

he takes his shirt off and he never mentions

29:04

it. He goes, I'm

29:06

sitting there the whole time going, why is this shirt

29:08

off? I

29:11

wish I could take any credit for any forethought

29:13

in that whatsoever. I honestly

29:15

just... That's improv. It

29:17

was something I just did on the road and I was bored.

29:20

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tickets lowest prices guaranteed Do you remember

30:33

the first time you smoked find out?

30:36

Hmm. Do you remember the first time you smoked

30:38

pot? Oh, yeah, where was it? Got

30:41

a jazz club in Calgary really?

30:43

I was 17 years old The

30:47

bass player Eddie Ma came back from

30:49

LA with a joint of

30:51

Lenny Bruce record Did I fucking ask this question

30:54

already? No, I said it though really no, he

30:56

already told you I'm fucking I'm high

31:00

So yeah, how did you guys meet? Now

31:03

we finished the Weed

31:05

was unheard of in Calgary. In

31:07

fact, we used to get stopped smoking

31:10

and In the cops

31:12

would be looking for beer. Yeah, and they didn't

31:14

know what it smelled like or anything And so

31:17

we'd be not bad, right standing at

31:19

the side of the road practicing our,

31:21

you know, drunk things Yeah, and

31:23

he's been looking for for a beer

31:26

and there was none That's

31:28

uh, yeah, my first time smoking weed. It didn't

31:30

it didn't affect me You didn't really know how

31:32

to inhale really and you know,

31:35

it's just like and we were getting shit weed

31:37

we got at a pool hall on on in

31:39

will Wellsboro and And

31:42

then you start going like oh Yeah,

31:44

it works. This is a very especially when

31:46

you get too high and you realize this

31:48

is a have you ever got Do you

31:50

guys ever like freak out? No,

31:53

never freaked out. Yeah me either then I

31:57

Am right. It's a bride. It's a bride. Thank you

32:00

Yeah, best way to kick back and enjoy

32:02

it. My favorite part about weed is when

32:04

you smoke weed and you get like, you

32:07

have crazy thoughts where you go. Like I was

32:09

in my backyard and I was like, these

32:11

are my trees. Like

32:14

they weren't planning for me, but ultimately

32:17

they were. Like

32:19

they didn't know they were going to be mine. And maybe

32:21

they're not mine forever, but they're mine right now. Because

32:24

you noticed them. Because I fucking noticed

32:26

them. On

32:28

weed, huh? Good

32:31

one. These

32:34

turned out pretty good. These are good. They're

32:36

not bad. The egg roll wrapping. They're

32:39

delicious. Is really good. And

32:41

I guess crispy really. I'm excited for

32:43

this ramen because I think it's going to present very well.

32:45

Do you guys like eggs? Is

32:47

there more coming? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it cooking

32:49

right here. It's almost done. See? That's

32:51

why I'm losing weight. I can only, that's it. Yeah.

32:55

I wish I could do that. And just take it.

32:57

When you get 86, don't worry about it. What's it

32:59

like to be 86? Incredible.

33:01

Yeah. If everything

33:04

works and so forth, everything works. Yeah. Did

33:06

you think you'd ever live this long? Yeah.

33:10

Yeah. I think I've known, I've known

33:12

all my life I've been, that I

33:14

was special. There was something, something going

33:16

on. Yeah. And all

33:18

my life. And especially now,

33:21

because now it's time to reflect. The

33:25

trick is we have the

33:27

ability to control our thoughts. Being

33:29

able to control your thoughts means

33:32

that you can be happy all the time. You

33:35

know, that's so fucking, I

33:37

got into a fight with my wife one morning

33:40

and I got, I was upset and I was going to get a

33:42

Starbucks and I thought, I don't have to

33:44

be upset if I don't want to be like

33:47

this is, I don't need to be upset at her.

33:49

Yeah. Like this. And I go, especially if I just

33:51

take a second go, so this is this, but then

33:53

think of all the things she's done that made me

33:56

happy. Then this looks like nothing. Like if you said,

33:59

I go this, I can wipe this. out easy. I'll just think

34:01

about this. And I did that for

34:03

like five minutes. I got a Starbucks and I was

34:05

like, I'm fucking perfect. See, that's

34:07

why you come

34:09

up with the idea of not wearing your shirt.

34:13

So clever. Like I watched Jim

34:15

Carrey when we

34:18

met in Aspen, you know, in

34:20

their honoring Jim Carrey and

34:22

they give him a standing ovation. Well,

34:25

he never left the stage. He

34:28

stood out there for at least

34:31

10, 15 minutes until

34:33

everybody was... It

34:35

was so genius because people love him

34:37

so much and they're standing up and

34:39

they're clapping and clapping and clapping. And

34:42

I looked at him and I saw

34:44

the twinkle. I saw the...

34:48

Okay, hello. How

34:51

long have I left this laugh? And

34:54

you got it when we got it. See? Oh,

34:57

yeah. And that's what it is because

34:59

those little gems... That's

35:01

why if you're a comedian, I don't know how to fuck any

35:04

comedian, comedian pressed because

35:07

our job is to making other people

35:09

laugh by thinking of a shit that

35:11

makes us laugh. You guys have

35:13

brought people together. People didn't watch your

35:15

movies just alone. We watched them with

35:17

our friends, our best friends that we

35:19

know for the rest of our lives

35:21

that we have gone with forever. You

35:23

guys brought us together as like

35:26

always like an older brother going, you guys got to

35:28

check this out and then hit and play. And then

35:30

all of a sudden, it's a group of dudes who

35:33

will know each other, who will always remember where they

35:35

were. That's fucking... And

35:37

you know, I got to be honest with you. You

35:40

guys have kind of defined friendship

35:43

in like the comedy world. It's like

35:45

it really is. You guys, Don

35:48

Rickles and that's

35:51

it though. Like best friends that

35:53

go, we're here for each

35:55

other. We're ride or dies. Yeah.

35:58

It's the fucking best. I

36:00

look at with me and Tommy, I look at you

36:02

guys as inspiration because you guys have held it together.

36:04

You guys such a thriving business. You're still going after

36:06

it. You're still getting after it. Where I was saying

36:08

earlier, I go, I wonder if

36:10

I'll make it another 20 years. You

36:12

guys are still getting after it every

36:14

fucking day. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we... It's

36:17

a ride or die, like you say. It's

36:19

a ride or die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No,

36:22

I realized real early that there

36:24

is a God. Yeah. And

36:26

if you look at my wife, there's

36:28

not only a God, but he really likes me.

36:32

I think about that all the time. I

36:35

was like, I don't know what I did in the past life.

36:37

I got a really great life. I'm

36:39

going to start plating ramen. We're ready to

36:41

plate ramen. Baby. What's

36:44

ramen? Ramen's noodles. Are

36:47

we going to eat some more? Yeah, I got a

36:49

ramen. You can eat as little or as much as

36:51

you want. Okay. You don't

36:53

have to eat it. Just me plating it's all

36:55

the show really good. Yeah. By the way, they

36:57

tuned in to see if we smoked weed together.

36:59

That's it. Where did you learn to cook? On

37:03

the road? No, no, no, no. When

37:06

I moved to LA, I got

37:08

a grill. And

37:16

I started enjoying the idea of

37:18

like grilling steaks. And

37:20

then at that period, I

37:24

was trying to land what is now my wife.

37:26

And so I started losing weight and I started

37:28

watching the Food Network. Losing

37:31

weight and watching the Food Channel. I would get drunk

37:33

and smoking weed. I'd

37:35

get drunk, I'd get high and I'd sit in front

37:37

of the TV and watch Ming. It was like one

37:39

of my favorite. Emeril was amazing. Bobby Flay. Emeril

37:43

was like... I remember being high

37:45

and he did the bam! And I

37:47

got it. I got why that's hell.

37:49

And I started laughing hysterically. But

37:53

that's... And then when we had

37:55

Georgia, we kind of

37:57

became a little bit of our

37:59

thing. of like just we didn't

38:01

have any money so you'd go to Ralph's and you'd get

38:04

groceries and you'd cook what was a great meal and I

38:06

started getting into like chefs like Jamie Oliver and I

38:08

get his cookbook and then I learned things. I gotta be

38:10

honest with you. They're not a sponsor but they should be.

38:13

HelloFresh all these great meal delivery kits they

38:15

teach you how to cook and then you

38:18

learn things about like fond and how to

38:20

cook chicken just how long to cook chicken,

38:22

how to poach eggs. This is a sous

38:24

vide. Have you ever worked with a sous

38:27

vide? They're amazing. They just keep the water

38:29

to the same temperature. And it's

38:32

all like very scientific so we're making poached

38:34

eggs to go in the ramen

38:36

and they just go in for eight nine minutes and

38:38

you pull them out let them cool. It's

38:41

real simple. And then

38:43

I had this idea for this show was just I

38:47

don't really cook. I love

38:49

having great conversations and I like making people happy.

38:51

So I like like making that and then seeing

38:53

the look on your eyes. That's actually good. Makes

38:55

me excited. And so we

38:58

started doing this cooking show. My daughter and I

39:00

are working on a cookbook right now. Really? Yeah.

39:04

What's a Mexican art

39:07

Mexican that you

39:09

can cook. Oh can you talk to me

39:11

about the

39:13

Chicano art movement? Sure. I'm obsessed with that.

39:15

There's a guy named Mr. Cartoon. Do

39:17

you know that? And I got

39:19

obsessed with that.

39:22

And then even going back further, not Chicano but

39:24

like the. Do you remember when

39:26

you go into Mexican restaurants and they'd have

39:28

the Inca warrior with the headdress and the

39:30

painting. I got obsessed with that entire fucking

39:32

genre. Yeah. Long story short you can find

39:34

out all you want to know by going

39:36

to my museum in Riverside California

39:39

called the Chichmarin Center for Chicano

39:41

Art and Culture. And this is

39:43

your personal collection. Yeah well it's

39:45

theirs now. Oh really? Yeah.

39:48

I'd love to go see it. I'd love to go see

39:50

it. There's I find that especially like

39:52

the chalk ones, the pencil ones

39:55

with the with like the beautiful

39:57

woman. The ones

39:59

that Danny Trejillo He'll get tattooed on his chest.

40:02

That was the cover for the excellent

40:04

tamale package. That was the only

40:07

thing they had in the joint, man. He

40:09

was like a tattoo guy, the rapper for

40:11

the tamales. The

40:13

guy in the bank in Saskatoon,

40:16

I guess. He kicked

40:19

him off the beach. I was kind of the

40:21

age of a girl giving donkey head on his

40:23

chest. So

40:26

when he went to the beach, he had a cover. He

40:29

made him sit on his own beach. Girl

40:32

giving donkey head. That's

40:34

funny. I'm going to put some avocado in it.

40:36

What do you guys think, you guys fans of

40:38

avocado? Oh, man, the avocado. You know what you

40:40

can do with the seeds of the avocado? Plant

40:43

another avocado tree? No, you can chop

40:45

them up and put

40:47

them with rubbing alcohol. And

40:50

it's a painkiller. No, I sat on YouTube.

40:53

I did it. I did it already. We

40:55

got to college and they're like, you know you can smoke a

40:57

banana peel. I was like, what? We did

40:59

it in college. Yeah, we did it in college too.

41:02

I've smoked just about everything there is to smoke.

41:04

A leg trickle banana. Yeah,

41:06

we smoked about everything. We had

41:09

a cigarette with toothpaste on it. What?

41:12

Jailhouse joint. We did that at Christian camp. We get

41:14

high on Mondays and then go to the church meetings.

41:17

Gang high on Monday church is pretty

41:19

fucking cool. That was my early life

41:21

was Christian summer

41:24

camp. Good

41:26

answer. Really? What's

41:28

your faith? Do you

41:30

believe in God? Do you believe in an afterlife? Yeah,

41:33

I am God. I

41:36

love this thought. I

41:38

love this thought. I

41:40

just started not believing in death because I

41:43

go, I don't have

41:45

anything. I don't have anything.

41:47

It's a transition. This

41:50

is our space. Death is

41:53

you get ready to play a new tune. Yeah.

41:55

That's all it is. Do

41:57

you think about that Cheech? increasingly

42:00

I've always convinced myself to my

42:02

life that I'm gonna live to

42:04

be a hundred I Think

42:07

I am going to live to be a hundred I can live

42:09

to be a hundred I look like this. Yeah, like I don't

42:11

want to be a hundred like my grandma. My grandma was a

42:13

rough 100. Yeah It's

42:16

a good thing. You're right. It's like

42:18

a cross between Irish Irish Irish

42:22

Irish although towards the end of her life. She started

42:24

questioning if we were Irish and we're like, I think

42:26

she got dementia There

42:28

was Irish in my family, but they it's French

42:33

French Irish they really Dylan's but

42:35

from France. Oh So

42:38

the Irish but from France interesting. I

42:40

get obsessed. Did you guys ever go

42:42

through like a history phase? Oh, yeah

42:44

I'm obsessed. Well, we did the documentary.

42:46

So we we did our whole DNA

42:50

Found out shit that my parents never

42:52

told me It was

42:54

weird man. She was my mom married

42:56

my dad who was Chinese and that

42:58

was a big deal You know back

43:01

in the day and I find out

43:03

that her mother and my grandmother was

43:05

half natives half

43:08

indigenous half First

43:10

Nations, that's the first time I ever saw

43:12

him when we got introduced And

43:15

he had like a like leather pants

43:17

and and a nylon wife beater Yeah,

43:20

and and I'm saying what

43:22

the fuck are you? I mean Mongolian

43:25

biker kind of say it and easily

43:27

and he's thinking the same thing as

43:29

he's looking at me Yeah, you know,

43:31

I thought she I didn't know what she was

43:34

and didn't care. Yeah, but

43:37

yes, it's funny I don't really I don't

43:39

really remember I guess

43:41

it happened to like a different generation But

43:43

I don't really remember caring about certain things.

43:45

Yeah, I never cared if someone was gay

43:48

You never bought like yeah, no, no Yeah, I'm

43:51

watching two and a half men and you know all those

43:53

shows and and they address it

43:55

You know, like we we used to with

43:57

queer wars. Yeah, we we did all the

44:00

politically incorrect shit you could do. And

44:02

we both always did. Yeah. And

44:05

we did that one bit called Queer Wars

44:07

instead of Star Wars. We

44:09

did it for Arnold at his

44:12

Mr. Olympia contest. Really? Yeah.

44:14

You guys have had, your list is insane.

44:16

Of people you guys know. Yeah. Do

44:18

you ever meet Barbra Streisand? Oh yeah. Shut the

44:21

fuck. Is there, who haven't you met? Who smokes

44:23

weed with you that you go, you

44:25

smoke weed? Wally from

44:27

Leave It to Beaver? Little

44:31

Richard. Little Richard?

44:33

Smoked, I smoked junk with Little Richard.

44:35

I met Jack Nicholson one night. Like

44:38

that one time at a party. Yeah. And

44:41

I was stoned, I just smoked up. And

44:44

I'd just seen the last detail,

44:46

the movie. Yeah. And

44:48

Nicholson, and there's a scene in there that

44:52

was fascinating me. So when I saw Jack,

44:54

I said, Jack, I love your

44:56

movie. That one scene where you're in the

44:58

mirror and you're combing your hair, you

45:00

must have combed it for like 10 minutes. I

45:03

said, and you have no hair. Was

45:06

that an improv? And

45:09

he just looked at me and put his

45:11

hand out and just moved me to the

45:13

side. And walked straight into the

45:16

bedroom. That's

45:19

great. That was so funny.

45:22

Gentlemen, I am plating ramen. All right. I'm gonna

45:24

start with taking these eggs off to the side.

45:26

I'm gonna put them over here. We're

45:29

gonna cut those in half. I'm so excited. These

45:31

are our noodles. We will plate the

45:33

noodles first in the

45:36

bottom. We've got, where's

45:39

my ladle? I'm

45:42

gonna ladle, ladle, ladle, ladle, ladle. Let's

45:46

get the broth first. Vadle,

45:48

ladle. Gradle, ladle, ladle.

45:50

Oh, darrel, darrel. We

45:53

put a half of, we give you a

45:55

cut of an egg, as soft

45:57

boiled as we can get it. Take

46:02

an egg. You're

46:04

going to make some guy a nice wife someday. I

46:08

will. Look at this meat.

46:10

This meat turned out absolutely perfect. I'm

46:13

looking for my tongs, which should be right

46:15

here. So

46:18

the thing I love about ramen is

46:20

the presentation. And

46:22

so the meat on top

46:24

for me is, and you don't have to

46:27

eat all of it, but I just thought

46:29

presentation wise, I'll make sure you have it.

46:33

And it is fall apart in

46:35

your mouth tender. This

46:38

is the way my dog looks at me when I'm fixing

46:40

his food. Diet

46:47

Sprite? I've got Diet Sprite. I've got

46:49

Diet Root Beer. I've got Diet Everything.

46:51

Yeah, Diet Root Beer. Whoa.

46:54

Diet Root Beer is my favorite drink

46:56

in the world. I've

46:59

been drinking ginger beer. Oh,

47:02

yeah, that's good. Oh,

47:07

man. You like it? It's so

47:09

good. You like it? Yeah. Oh,

47:12

fuck yeah. Love the beef. The beef's

47:14

tender, right? Whoa. Oh,

47:17

this is it, man. This,

47:22

I mean, the beef really falls apart. Do

47:25

you ever talk to your dad about moving to Canada

47:27

in like the 20s as

47:29

a Chinese guy? That must have been crazy. You

47:32

know, I never really talked to my dad. Oh,

47:35

right. He's old school. He

47:38

never said hello. He never said goodbye. Really?

47:40

He would appear and he'd leave. Did

47:43

he see much of your success? Oh, he did.

47:46

He did. And he was very,

47:48

very happy, but very, very Chinese.

47:50

He took his parents to see

47:52

Liberace in Las Vegas and then

47:54

introduced them to Liberace. Liberace? And

47:56

he... My

47:59

dad lost his life. He lost it. He lost it. He hit that

48:01

knife. Really? Liberace

48:04

came and sat with us, and Vyce

48:06

Manelli's on stage, and

48:08

my dad's almost crawling over the table with a

48:10

pen and pencil. Son, can you get

48:12

his autograph? Really? I just thought,

48:14

we'll do it later. He ain't going nowhere.

48:17

Wait, what was your Liberace like? It

48:19

wasn't that tall. Really?

48:21

Yeah. That's the thing that always

48:24

counts. You're taller than I thought you'd be. Really? Yeah.

48:26

Yeah, you're taller than I thought you'd be. Would

48:29

you think I was a midget, or what? No,

48:32

it's like when

48:35

you watch those movies... Well, I'm getting shorter.

48:37

Well, your pants were up here, your shirt

48:39

was here, so it compressed your body with

48:41

a... And you were jacked

48:43

as fuck. Baby, in the olden days,

48:45

I'm getting rejacked here. Yeah. What

48:48

do you guys do to work out? Eat.

48:50

Nutty. Guys,

48:55

this has been an absolute honor, an

48:57

absolute pleasure, a joy, and a dream

48:59

come true. You

49:02

guys are the ones that introduced me to laughing

49:04

with friends. You're the ones that introduced me to

49:06

laughing at movies. You're the ones that

49:09

introduced me to marijuana, and it is an

49:12

absolute joy to be able to sit here, smoke

49:15

weed, make you food, and

49:18

make you laugh at least once. No, thank you

49:20

very much. Yeah, let's find it one more

49:22

time. I think we're very nice. Thank you.

49:26

Might as well. Does anyone in the crew

49:28

want to come smoke weed with Cheech and

49:30

Chong? Come

49:33

on in. Come on in. So,

49:36

come on in. This is a test.

49:38

Yeah. Come on in. Just come in.

49:40

Yeah, it's like, listen, this is a moment. If

49:43

you get to smoke weed with Cheech and Chong, you

49:46

do it. Take me. This

50:09

episode was brought to you by The Machine.