0:00

That's what's cool about you guys. You

0:02

put a cowns in a stroller,

0:04

take him out for morning sun with you,

0:06

where you meditate. I can't deal with it.

0:09

I know, I fucking listen. Oh my God,

0:11

you listen more than my husband listens

0:13

to me. Oh, I listen to you more than I

0:15

listen to my wife. Hey,

0:18

something's burning, something's burning.

0:22

Something's burning. How long

0:24

have you guys been married? Seven

0:26

years? We've known each other since

0:28

we were 12. Oh,

0:31

that's right. You guys knew each other in San Diego.

0:33

Yes. Yeah, and your parents have a

0:35

restaurant in San Diego. Yeah, you have to go. You're over down

0:37

there. Yeah. It's really

0:39

good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Brand new

0:41

something's burning, everybody. Today's guest, Michael Bostic,

0:43

Lauren Bostic, from Dear Media, but more

0:45

importantly, one of my favorite podcasts, and I love what you

0:47

guys do, The Skinny Confidential. I

0:50

am a fan, I listen, I'm on

0:52

my own little weird wellness

0:54

journey, but you guys kill it. Give

0:57

me the elevator pitch for Dear

0:59

Media. Well, we have, I'd say 80

1:01

shows at this point. I think I

1:03

get new numbers every day. We started

1:06

very female focused, now broadening a bit. We

1:08

basically not only produce all the shows, but

1:10

take care of live events, distribution

1:13

of social channels, merchandise, reinvest in product

1:15

lines, commerce brands. You guys are in

1:17

a little bit next level, in my

1:19

opinion. And I say that the reason

1:21

we're doing this today is I

1:23

went in and did Josh Peck's podcast, and

1:26

I was blown away. I was blown away by

1:28

just your operation, and then went in, listened

1:31

to Skinny Confidential, and

1:35

the first episode I heard was just Lauren

1:38

talking about her day routine. And

1:40

I listened to it with my daughter, Isla, and

1:42

we loved it. Took about an

1:45

hour to get through that one morning routine, I'm assuming.

1:47

Is that what happened? You

1:49

are, I'm thinking of

1:51

the, there's so many questions, but you

1:53

are very thoughtful people. You've put

1:55

a lot of thought into life, into

1:57

the way you wanna live your life. You've

2:00

said. things that land on me pretty heavy.

2:02

I'm in a moment of

2:04

kind of self-discovery and

2:06

you guys are perfect for that.

2:08

What inspired the self-discovery

2:11

theory that you're going through? It's

2:15

getting completely out of control,

2:17

like meaning like 275 pounds.

2:19

We were partying from

2:26

the moment we woke up until

2:28

way until late and then and

2:31

eating whatever we want, three corn dogs at a time. I

2:34

mean just real, like that's why I say I'd love

2:36

to see you guys get off the rails. Well

2:39

you've never seen me and my wife

2:41

suck down three corn dogs with Chardonnay

2:43

sitting crisscross applesauce in a field. Like

2:45

we got fucking loose. Well I think

2:48

like why will we maybe relate more

2:50

than some of the guests we've had

2:52

on our shows. We like to

2:54

kind of tighten it up but then we like to go off the

2:56

rails to your point. We're not boring people.

2:58

We want to sit around and go to

3:01

the gym and meditate all day long. We

3:03

like to party. No but you guys do

3:05

meditate. I meditate for 45 minutes a

3:07

day. I love meditating. But I don't meditate when I'm

3:09

hungover. No. Then

3:12

I would not meditate. I would

3:14

simply not. I would not meditate.

3:17

I am keto right now. That's why I have a nice

3:19

sugar. You submitted a recipe on I

3:21

think either on your vlog or

3:24

through your web or through your podcast. They

3:26

were lettuce

3:29

cup BLT. I love it. So what

3:31

we're doing is we're going to do

3:33

a smattering. I've got this

3:35

is my inspiration a Vietnamese

3:37

shrimp lettuce cup which I think is

3:40

going to be phenomenal. I have a

3:42

Philly cheesesteak lettuce cup because there's nothing

3:44

better than a little bit of gluttony

3:46

within the parameters of your fucking boundaries

3:48

and then you've got your

3:50

classic BLT lettuce cup.

3:52

We're going to start by making my own

3:54

keto mayonnaise. Yeah. Yeah. He's my second home

3:57

cookie meal of the year. Yeah. He doesn't

3:59

get home cookie. You don't cook at home?

4:01

No. But what's interesting about your home is

4:04

and I said this to Leanne, I said this

4:06

to Stacy this morning. It

4:09

really is. And now that you've

4:12

moved to Austin, a place for recovery, it

4:14

is basically set up to make

4:16

sure that you are utilizing your time there

4:18

to wind down, view the kids, read, lip

4:20

tape, everything. You really have like studied. That's

4:22

that's amazing. That's exactly it's a sanctuary. I'm

4:24

going to tell you. We hide out. I'm

4:26

going to tell you a secret. I listen

4:29

to podcasts on my bus when I when

4:31

we drive at night, I get high and

4:33

I sit and I and you

4:35

guys, for whatever reason, in

4:37

my I listen to history podcast and then

4:39

you guys and they just they just play.

4:43

There's two people in my life that I've been

4:45

shocked by that listen to our podcast. Who's that?

4:47

You are one. Yeah, say Rogan and I'll eat

4:49

my flip flop and sugar ray is the other

4:52

way. I'm a graph. So I made sugar ray

4:54

Leonard. That would be

4:56

here. No, Mark.

4:58

Mark McGrath looks a lot like Ethan Hawke. FYI,

5:01

yeah, he does look like he's on the screen. I

5:03

recognize Ethan Hawke and told him I love this movie.

5:07

No, you didn't. I swear to God. Him

5:09

and he was with Richard Linkletter, big Austin dude. You

5:11

have to do a parody on that. You have to

5:13

go to recreate that. I was like, bro, I love

5:15

your music and poor Ethan Hawke. I was like, thank

5:17

you very much. Now, there's part of me that wondered

5:19

if Ethan Hawke had a side project band that he

5:21

was like, fucking this guy's a fan. He's an author

5:23

as well. Ethan Hawke. Go on in. I

5:25

was just changing my during the show. How

5:28

do you make keto meat? Keto meat. So that's a

5:30

great question. What you do is

5:32

you take an egg, a little bit of lemon,

5:34

an egg. You put it in there together.

5:36

Love it. Do half a teaspoon of salt. Half

5:40

a teaspoon of half a

5:42

teaspoon. I get more salt personally,

5:44

because I who doesn't love a little bit of

5:46

salt. And then half

5:49

a teaspoon of mustard,

5:51

which we eyeball. Are

5:54

you actually making keto mayonnaise every single day

5:56

for yourself? No, I am eating keto. I'm

5:58

really so. talking about this in

6:01

the stairwell. I am a all or nothing dude.

6:03

Yeah, that's my problem. Yeah,

6:06

I think that's kind of how we are too. Like

6:08

we're we're either all or all. Yeah, I don't think

6:10

so. I think I think he's really all or nothing.

6:12

Like all or nothing. No, but I mean, when we're

6:14

like sitting at Austin and being well, that's what we're

6:16

doing. But when we're getting after it, we're getting after

6:18

it. But he don't mean it. I don't

6:20

know what getting after it looks like. It means you'll have

6:22

to find out. You guys have an uncooked? Yeah,

6:25

I have not. That makes me

6:27

feel so good. Yeah, I love you. Never done it.

6:29

You know, when I'm already like a little amped up

6:31

as it is and I feel I always thought like

6:33

if I would be a coke, he would be the

6:36

annoying guy at the point you would be feeling that's everyone

6:38

that does. Like

6:41

he would have a network. Oh, yeah, you

6:43

give me like you. Podcast

6:45

for this itself. No, I would go. I would go

6:48

deep. I feel like I would go deep in that

6:50

direction. I wouldn't I wouldn't have a regulator there. I

6:52

don't think so. I just scared me off.

6:55

All right. This is looking good. I can do this. I'm

6:59

just going to pour it all in. This

7:02

is avocado oil. Okay. Wow.

7:05

You're really like that's really healthy. Avocado

7:08

oil is the can't use regular man is

7:10

what are you doing? Oh,

7:12

you can't use regular man

7:14

is when you're keto. It's got

7:16

to be avocado oil. Okay. I think some

7:18

with the sugars. So you just

7:20

got to emulsify it and then

7:23

then you put it in the fridge and we'll

7:25

do the this one last. Why

7:28

Keto that what was that? Because

7:30

I couldn't figure out rules. So

7:33

what is keto? Just needs no sugar. No, no,

7:36

no. So I'm actually a

7:38

little more carnivore than

7:40

anything. Okay. I

7:45

couldn't figure out rules. I did a cleanse.

7:47

I'm sure you've heard of it. Prolong. Yeah.

7:50

I did the pro long cleanse. Okay. I lost

7:52

like 12 pounds. And then I said to myself,

7:55

I didn't know what to do. I went into the cardiologist and

7:57

I was like, I'm lost. I really was like, I'm lost. And

7:59

he's He just was like, well, you

8:01

seem to be doing good right now. And I said, I've been

8:03

on a cleanse. I'm in ketosis.

8:05

And he stopped. He was like, stay in

8:08

ketosis. What? And he goes, ketosis is

8:10

everything. He's like, trust me. Cedars is doing a bunch

8:12

of studies on it. He's like,

8:14

I'm in ketosis. It's just a imperative for

8:16

your liver. They're doing studies about

8:18

brain tumors. It's reversing the size of tumors

8:20

and brain tumors. Sugar's a fucking killer. He's

8:22

like, stay away. He's like, trust me, the

8:24

way you live your lifestyle, the longer you

8:26

can stay in ketosis, the better. Are

8:29

you hungry? No. No. I have zero hunger.

8:31

You have more energy? I feel like I

8:33

am through the roof. Yeah, you probably feel so

8:35

much better in the morning. I feel amazing. And is

8:38

your wife doing it with you? What?

8:41

Here's the deal about. You're turning the

8:43

emulsifier off? What the fuck does that

8:45

make you? I'm getting real quieter. Here's

8:47

the deal about, one

8:51

of the things you guys talk about is

8:53

a great way to stay in shape is

8:55

have accountability partner, accountability buddy. I

8:59

have an accountability buddy. But

9:03

she's like, I'm keto adjacent. I

9:07

can have dessert and a drink and red wine,

9:09

but I eat a lot of meat. That's

9:12

not keto. I'm just eating. How the fuck

9:14

do you want it? I love it. I'm

9:16

eating a lot of meat. She's editing it.

9:18

So she's like, I'm keto adjacent. So

9:20

it just is a lot of

9:22

protein. All right, we'll put it in the fridge.

9:26

And then worst case scenario? Yeah,

9:29

that's Mayo. Good

9:32

on a lot of watery Mayo. We'll

9:36

put this in the fridge. I think I have egg

9:38

all over the fucking counter. And

9:41

then worst case scenario, we have pre-made Mayo.

9:44

Let's take the strip out of let it marinate. OK. Yeah,

9:48

my wife is my wife looks amazing right

9:51

now. I mean, that sounds creepy, but she

9:54

looks great right now. She's doing great. And we're on a bunch

9:56

of my wife's on a bunch of

9:58

these great things. And she looks. Feels amazing,

10:00

looks amazing. All

10:02

the anti-aging, all the longevity

10:04

work is so fucking fascinating.

10:08

But how do you guys, as people

10:10

who kind of are kind

10:14

of like channel markers for people looking for this, like

10:16

you guys are the person that they go to to

10:18

get their way out to the sea, how

10:20

do you sift through the bullshit artists? Well,

10:23

I was 60 pounds heavier after I

10:25

had a baby. And then I

10:27

was 50- Let me see that, you post that picture. I

10:29

posted that picture, I'll send it

10:32

to you. So I'm not like

10:34

a naturally slim person. I

10:36

have to make it. No. Yes. Every

10:39

picture I've seen of you, you're perfect. No,

10:42

I showed Michael a picture the other day and he

10:44

goes, you stayed like that and then stop talking.

10:46

Oh my God, this is gonna make me stop talking. Because if you stayed

10:49

like that, dot, dot, dot, dot, didn't say

10:51

anything. No, no, no, I didn't. I didn't. This

10:54

is the internet for kidding. Oh my God, they're

10:56

shaking their head. No, I said- Yeah, what did

10:58

you say? Let's hear what you said. She said,

11:00

what would you do if I just stayed like

11:02

this- I would love a hypothetical. Without trying to

11:04

change, you forgot the last one, without trying to

11:06

change anything. I said, well, I would maybe have

11:08

an issue with that if you just kind of

11:10

like stayed. My thing is if you're doing

11:13

this stuff, I'm trying. That's

11:15

okay, I'll top this. Edit that out. No, no, no, keep it

11:17

in, keep it in. And I'll tell you what I said to

11:19

my wife when we first started dating. And

11:21

we can put this on my shirt. If

11:23

you ever get fat, I'll cheat on you. I

11:25

said that to her. I said that to her. I

11:29

hadn't gotten into therapy yet. I was just a

11:31

fucking bro. And we're on a hike in Ranyan.

11:33

And I saw a guy with an

11:35

overweight wife and I just went, oh, she goes,

11:37

what? And I said, here, we get a final

11:39

cheat on you. It's hard after you have a

11:42

baby. It's not easy. No shit, did not cheat

11:44

on them, I mean. No. It

11:46

took a lot out of me. I saw myself up

11:48

for that. I've

11:51

had to work at it. Michael is never in

11:53

his entire existence since we've been together, since

11:56

I've known him since he was 12. We've

11:58

been together that long. I've never

12:00

said he has a craving, ever. I've never

12:02

heard this man say I'm craving this. For

12:04

real? Ever. No, I mean,

12:07

I love good, I obviously love good food, but I,

12:09

maybe I'm fortunate in the sense that I'm not. Yeah,

12:11

I love- Well genetics are a motherfucker. Yeah, my dad

12:13

is one of those guys that when he's cooking you

12:15

breakfast, he's asking what we're doing for lunch and dinner

12:17

before we've got through the breakfast. Complete opposite of you.

12:19

Complete opposite, so I don't know, my mom's different, but

12:21

no, I don't know, I think like- Michael's

12:24

naturally blessed. We try to have the

12:26

atias, the Hubermans on to give us the

12:28

information, but then we try to, I guess,

12:30

quote unquote dumb it down so that, you

12:32

know, we can- It's digestible. It's digestible. I've

12:34

never felt like a responsibility to be like,

12:36

I call bullshit. Yeah, if somebody comes

12:38

on and they're just rattling off a bunch of

12:40

stuff that's either unrelatable or just, you know, not

12:42

applicable to the everyday person, like, I think we zone

12:44

out if somebody comes on and it's too perfect. Like

12:47

they tell me they're never gonna have a drink or

12:49

they're never gonna let loose enough, or they're never gonna

12:51

have a cheat, you know. I think, you know, we

12:53

push back on that. But what we

12:55

do with the people that come on is we try to pull all the

12:58

stuff that is applicable and attainable like 80%

13:00

of the time, right? You know, if you

13:02

can cut drinking by 80%. That

13:05

was one of the things in the

13:07

five keys to happiness, I think you

13:09

just maybe just released it. Five

13:11

keys to happiness. Yeah, you've got to leave all

13:13

this. I like, I

13:16

can't, I'm unapologetic on this, I'm a fan.

13:19

But I like, I like, I like

13:21

challenging myself. I like hearing different, you know,

13:23

that's the problem with this country. Oh

13:26

wow, Bert, easy. Well that's

13:28

the problem with this country, is now people are willing to

13:30

listen to different opinions. Yeah, sure. Listen, everyone knows I'm parting

13:32

my dick off. I'm never gonna stop parting my dick off.

13:34

My hero is, this is

13:37

gonna creep you out. I'm gonna look like a fucking

13:39

stalker. My hero is like,

13:41

are all the tragic characters. I'm reading

13:44

a book right now about Johnny

13:46

Carson. She read a book about

13:48

Johnny Carson. No fucking shit. That

13:50

is like- Is it by Henry Bushcote? It's the

13:52

great one. So good. It's so good. I'm gonna

13:54

read it, because you said you read it, and I've been telling you

13:57

to read it the whole time. I just bought

13:59

fucking. I just bought the one about

14:01

the ship where everyone fucking The weight of Jesus,

14:03

man. Hold on. The thing

14:05

is, is like you gotta

14:08

be. Listen, if someone's willing

14:10

to recommend a book, it's

14:12

fucking good. Yeah, that's true. It's fucking good. I'm

14:15

buying Peter Tia's book too. But here's the deal. I'm

14:18

listening to, I must

14:20

have been listening to the solo one you did

14:22

about your daily routine. And you

14:25

must have said it or if my phone

14:27

heard it, but I go on Amazon and

14:29

it's recommended. Johnny Carson. Johnny Carson. And I

14:31

fucking bought it. And I love

14:34

this fucking book. I ended up buying Jackie Gleason

14:36

too because those are my heroes. So like everyone

14:38

knows I'm a

14:40

man of excess. I love excess. I love impulse.

14:42

Those are my problems. But I'm

14:44

also a person that wants to

14:47

live a healthy, fun, fulfilled life.

14:49

I want to achieve things. I'm

14:51

unapologetically like

14:54

aspirational. And so I

14:56

like seeing all the things. And

14:59

that's why I love your podcast is it presents other

15:01

ways of living like your

15:04

fucking nightly routine that both of you guys love

15:07

reading. You love reading. My wife loves reading. I

15:09

don't. I am not a fan of it. However,

15:12

you should present me a good book. I don't mind reading.

15:14

Here's the trick. You've got to get a Kindle, but

15:16

you've got to get the Kindle with dark

15:19

mode because here's the deal. When

15:21

you have the Kindle, you have options with all different

15:23

kinds of books. So you can be laying in bed

15:25

when your spouse is sleeping and open your Kindle and

15:28

you can switch around to what you feel like reading.

15:30

Where people get fucked is you can't take a book out

15:33

in the middle of the night and turn the light on

15:35

usually. At least I can. So

15:37

I feel like the Kindle makes it easier

15:40

to read. Can I tell you that Island, I thought you

15:42

read those Kindles in

15:44

dark mode. So

15:46

that if I said this out loud to you

15:50

so that when you fell asleep reading, it didn't

15:52

wake you back up. That is true. Oh, for

15:54

real. Well, I was like, it's over

15:56

your eyes. Well, I can't. Can I tell you?

15:59

Well, that's like a humor mistake. don't stare at light but then we'll

16:01

do the Kindle and the dark one so it's probably not

16:03

perfect he would probably say no light is good you hear

16:05

him in today said one of the keys longevity is not

16:07

just morning Sun but while you're getting your

16:09

moon and Sun it's gonna sound crazy but I guess

16:11

it works is pissing in your pants you

16:14

know I'm I'm a fan of butthole funny

16:17

I really you're being for real yeah I've heard

16:19

of this I didn't know that thing you

16:21

should do a whole pair of a Kubernetes

16:23

not say piss your pants I'll start pissing

16:25

your pants everybody it's

16:29

so good for you because

16:31

if you think about it your butthole never

16:33

gets any sun on it so it's really

16:35

good for that area to be this is

16:37

facts I'm not making this stuff but

16:40

I'll end it the morning sunlight

16:43

just in the eye if I could send my asshole every

16:45

morning and you would let me I would but you

16:47

won't let me well the neighbors that they get a

16:49

little round up when you're out there with our three-year-old

16:51

with your asshole in there by the way I'm all

16:53

I'm seeing is a brand integration immediately

16:56

do you know many brands are like yeah Lawrence

16:58

willing to son or butthole if you give her

17:00

an ollie pop at the end ollie pops like

17:02

yo we're in no it's not I'm like this

17:04

is the way my brain works and we are

17:06

both I think our couple

17:08

wise we're very similar me and my wife

17:10

and you two is immediately

17:12

I'm making this for our I'm

17:15

gonna slow cook it I'm making this for our

17:17

medicine stuff our BLT lettuce stuffs I said this

17:19

about like we've had a lot

17:21

of guests on the podcast and I'm saying this

17:23

the other day there's like 3% of them that

17:25

I would hang out with socially does that make

17:28

sense meaning like they're all great nice people but a

17:30

lot of these people they're like so extreme in the

17:32

wellness or so extreme in the fitness or so you

17:34

know like they don't have any fun or like you

17:36

know they're so into the business like we I want

17:38

to have fun in life right you know we can't

17:40

all you know the fun dude yeah no

17:42

you gotta get them to cut loose but like I'll

17:45

tell you one of the things I can't really

17:47

wrap my head around is like when they say

17:49

like humor man I he did two bears and

17:51

one of my hangups was he's like could

17:54

you just have one drink a week and I

17:56

said no cuz why would I like why would

17:58

I would just not drink Like,

18:00

that's how we do it. Like, that's that's

18:03

and I mean this respectfully. And I obviously have

18:05

everything I say in life has been as

18:07

a joke. When I bust balls on on Huberman,

18:11

Jay Shetty. I'm a fan. I listen to everything.

18:13

I try to take it as much as I can. But

18:16

the thing is, I need you to fucking

18:18

talk to me sometimes and

18:21

go like. Just be

18:23

like, yo, don't drink it all then, because if

18:25

I could have fuck has one drink, not me,

18:27

but why? I feel like that's a waste of

18:29

drinking. It's a waste of time. Like, I'd

18:31

rather waste calories. It's definitely waste calories. Why put your

18:33

why put that through your liver at all? Yeah,

18:36

I would rather not drink. This

18:38

is I am thinly slicing this. OK,

18:41

so that because I don't like chewy steak.

18:44

OK. And this is skirt

18:47

steak. Well, man, I don't know who makes this

18:49

knife. But if you recognize this knife

18:51

and you want to sponsor this podcast, I

18:54

am fucking all in. All

18:58

the way over in Asia. So

19:00

that's what's cool about you guys. Like

19:03

you do go like you

19:06

put towns in a stroller,

19:08

take him out for morning sun with

19:10

you where you meditate. I

19:13

know I fucking listen. Oh, my God. You

19:15

listen more than my husband listens to me.

19:17

Oh, I listen to you more than I listen to

19:19

my wife. Maybe

19:22

you guys should come to the game. I never realized.

19:25

He's actually listening to me. You don't listen to

19:28

me like this. Listen, let's let's let's

19:30

focus on the show. He is like he actually

19:32

listens to what I say. This is so weird

19:34

to have someone actually listen. Well, hold on.

19:36

I did get a one page on both. He is.

19:38

That's why when I said I only know your parent,

19:40

your dad has a restaurant because he because of the

19:43

idea. Yeah, I love that. Can

19:45

I tell you the read I would have given for a

19:47

Tia? Yeah, you're like, you know, you

19:50

know, our guest today has written this podcast

19:52

and the written this book and he's been

19:54

on this part. All you need to say

19:56

is he swam from Maui to the big

19:58

island. That's. fucking gangster

20:01

swam at night That's

20:04

the reason we know Peter Atiyah Peter Tia went

20:06

on Rogan's podcast back in the day and Rogan's

20:09

like so you're a long-distance swimmer the same way

20:11

Rogan was having all those little tremorophoners on Peter

20:14

Tia did the same fucking shit, but swam

20:16

in the middle of the night Look,

20:19

that's why like I'll bus balls all day But

20:22

that's okay in the middle of the night He

20:24

didn't go to bed He got in the shipping

20:26

channel because the ships don't go through the middle of the night

20:29

and he swam from Maui to Honolulu

20:32

Like 25 miles in the middle of

20:34

a fucking night. Was there a boat following

20:36

you? I'm sure No,

20:43

no one saw him do it he just

20:45

said he did it like he no one's

20:47

ever seen him do it He said he

20:49

did it. I don't know. I'm joking. I'm

20:51

joking. There's a boat. They've documented it Wait,

20:53

so wasn't there sharks or something? Yeah. Oh,

20:56

yeah, Peter. It is a fucking gangster

20:58

He doesn't I'll listen to anything that

21:00

man says he fucking walks the walk

21:02

David Goggins walks walk campaigns Walks

21:04

the walk like those dudes do it

21:07

Lane Norton fucking

21:10

Give me your top five fitness

21:12

people fitness longevity people that you fucking

21:14

go You say

21:16

it. I do it. I just named him.

21:19

I think I'm I know David Goggins for

21:21

sure David. Have you ever met him? No,

21:23

no, have you met Aubrey? Yeah Yeah,

21:25

yes David Goggins. I've never met

21:28

but I've read his book and he's an early he's

21:30

gnarly Yeah, he's probably

21:32

a level of gnarly Yeah,

21:36

who is like David Goggins? No

21:38

one no one's like you know, his

21:40

book was so good Dan

21:43

Bolzerian really it was I

21:45

did not expect that I'm a big Dan

21:47

Bolzerian fan good because My mom

21:49

taught him in first grade Yeah,

21:51

my mom was his teacher on first grade. That's cool. He

21:53

lived right right around the across the lake from us I

21:56

think a lot of people I think that book like when

21:58

we read it like man this guy's got we I had

22:00

him on the show after we read the book. Yeah. Yeah.

22:02

We went out to Vegas to his kind of like,

22:04

ignite pad out there. And uh.

22:06

You guys smoke weed? You do. I know

22:09

you do. No. But you mentioned

22:11

it in podcast that. I've smoked weed many times

22:13

before. Yeah, but there's not something in your. Weed

22:16

makes me eat and lazy. And

22:20

the problem? I'd

22:22

rather drink alcohol. Yeah. I have

22:24

a weird reaction to alcohol to where it gives

22:26

me energy. I get energy from

22:28

alcohol. I just feel like. The color in my

22:30

brother house. Because whenever I drink I can stay

22:32

up all night. I am

22:34

shocked. I've said this a number of times. I'm

22:36

shocked at how many people want to

22:38

go to bed. Like I want to stay up all night. I

22:41

never want the party to end. Well,

22:43

it depends who you're partying with. But when

22:45

I drink alcohol, same thing. I've never been able to drink alcohol.

22:47

I can stay up all night. I find it strange people go

22:49

and pass out. Because

22:52

I'm not drinking. I'm just being

22:54

like. At the end of the night I'll take a hit

22:56

of a vape pen. See if I do that though I'm

22:58

spinning off of my head. I can't do that. I was

23:01

really into smoking a cigar right now. Which I'm obsessed with.

23:03

Because I've never felt a harder penis. Than

23:05

after smoking a cigar. There

23:08

is something about. Keep that part in. No.

23:10

This is actually. Every single guy should do this.

23:13

So when you smoke a cigar it does

23:15

something to your testosterone. And it

23:17

feels so different. I think it just

23:19

gets the blood flowing. I don't know what

23:21

it does. It is like a dildo. Well

23:24

this I know about you, Bert. I know you

23:26

are a big cigar guy. I am just starting

23:28

my cigar journey. So I'm still a novice. But

23:31

I like it a

23:33

lot. And I like. He has to get like the

23:35

acceptor. Here's the thing. If I'm limiting the alcohol I

23:37

need to still have something to do. I can't just sit

23:39

there at a table with nothing. And so I feel like

23:41

a cigar I could sit there for like 45 minutes.

23:44

Yeah. Yeah. Big. Are you

23:46

smoking cigars now? Because there's only one ingredient.

23:48

So those can't be that bad can they?

23:51

No. I'm smoking cigars aggressively. Yeah.

23:53

I don't think cigars are that bad. No they're not

23:55

that bad. I think they get a bad rap because of the

23:57

cigarettes. They get like. They get a bad rap. It's like smoking.

24:00

It's uh, it's like anal sex had

24:02

a bad rap in the 80s cuz AIDS but you guys

24:04

still do it I do it this sort of way No

24:09

applause break for that joke that's a fucking great

24:11

joke Wow

24:18

Um, I clearly I have one

24:21

side of this burner that's very hot and the

24:23

other side that's not Um

24:26

The I'm a big cigar fan

24:29

I'm a big treat guy like that's if I

24:31

did your podcast. I wouldn't I'd want to just

24:34

talk about treats Like desserts.

24:36

Nope treats treats are everywhere. I'm sorry. I

24:38

want to write a self-help book. I'm not

24:40

joking I know this sounds like a joke,

24:43

but I want to write a self-help book Based

24:47

on how I succeeded because listen anyone

24:49

can succeed if you follow Peter

24:52

Atiyah's advice. Yeah. Yeah, that's obvious. That's

24:54

gonna happen. It's it's a no-brainer Same

24:57

with David Goggins. I would buy yourself help book

24:59

in one second I know my first chapter what

25:01

give yourself a nickname give yourself

25:04

a nickname Yeah, give yourself an alter ego

25:06

give yourself someone that you can go when

25:08

you achieve you can go the fuck

25:10

in my shame Give something

25:12

where people can yell it to you and you hear

25:14

it and it gives you a false sense of accomplishment

25:18

Something sometimes like today I was

25:20

I was like going like

25:22

I wonder what my day looks like compared to theirs one

25:24

of the things I love Immediately when

25:26

I wake up we should go tip

25:28

or tap first thing you do when you wake up go Tester

25:32

us pretty much Quick make

25:34

sure it's the I gauge the temperature if I'm in trouble

25:36

yesterday we got on the plane She was a little dicey.

25:38

She was a little angry with me And so then I

25:41

I tap over and I gauge to see how angry she

25:43

still is The first thing I do

25:45

when I wake up is I try I try no

25:48

I try to meditate I try okay It

25:50

depends though, and then you scrape your tongue You

25:53

gotta scrape your tongue every single one

25:55

of your listeners that is breathing

25:58

needs a tongue scraper and you do it before Or

26:00

you drink water because? Cause you

26:02

don't want to swallow all the bacteria that's been on your

26:04

mouth all night. That's right. If people are catching on

26:06

to you, our buddy just posted, like, with his tongue out and

26:08

all these girls came in and were like, oh look at his

26:10

tongue. All these girls messaged me and said, your friend

26:12

needs to scrape his tongue. And he's a good looking

26:14

dude, but they were not having his tongue. You can't have

26:17

a white tongue. My

26:19

thing is like, what's not, what's not like,

26:21

I'm brushing your teeth if you're not going to take

26:24

care of your tongue. So you're saying if you

26:26

don't brush your teeth, you don't need to scrape your tongue. I'm

26:28

a big water pit guy. I would rather you

26:30

scrape your tongue than brush your teeth. That's how

26:32

serious I'm about scraping your tongue. Um, I used

26:34

to be a big tongue scraper. Can you do

26:36

with a copper? No, I'm, hold

26:39

on. I follow, when you

26:41

guys do our nest, I gotta get in there.

26:43

When you guys post stuff you like, it's a

26:45

really cool post. I follow all the things. I

26:47

follow all the things. I think it's fun. Like

26:50

you go, this is the, this is the

26:52

face fucking roller I use. I

26:55

brought you one. I brought you one. You,

26:58

um, to tighten the pores, tighten

27:00

the pores. And, uh,

27:02

listen, I want to know your

27:04

inflammation. Lip tape is so, inflammation

27:07

is a motherfucker. Yeah, it's

27:09

a motherfucker. That is one thing alcohol is not so

27:11

helpful with. Oh, you're telling me. So,

27:14

but when I wake up, the

27:16

first thing I do is I get on Instagram and

27:18

I inspire myself. Like I try to

27:21

look for inspiration. Everyone says, uh, first

27:24

thing you can't, you can't look at your phone

27:26

versus what you're looking for inspiration. I don't agree

27:28

with that. That's kind of a meditation in itself

27:30

because you're looking for the good. Yeah.

27:33

Oh, I look for the good. And then I

27:35

look for, and then sometimes have a

27:38

fake arguments in my head. So I had with people

27:40

that don't really exist or don't

27:42

think that way about me. You think I'm weak. And then

27:44

all of a sudden I'm like, yo, I'm not fucking weak.

27:46

I'll show you. I'm not weak. I'm

27:49

going to get up. I'm going to work out. I'm going to fucking

27:51

do a promo. What do you see on my tickets? I sell and

27:53

dot, dot, dot. Fuck you. They've

27:56

never said a thing. Well, like you think you can talk to me like that. I

28:00

am you don't know what I can do. You

28:02

don't think I can bet you 270? I'll

28:04

show you three times. This is meditating by

28:06

the way what you're doing. This is a

28:08

version of meditating This is manifestation and visual

28:11

it was like I got that you do

28:13

that is meditating Patrick Bette David, you know

28:15

that guy No, he's interesting. He

28:17

just wrote a book called like choose your enemies

28:19

wisely I haven't read it yet, but it's all

28:21

about like it's this it's about like high achievers

28:24

find you know Enemies that they

28:26

can compete against. What time do you wake up in the

28:28

morning? Six thirty. Wow.

28:30

What about if you're hungover? 637

28:33

six thirty seven, you know the worst being

28:35

hungover with toddlers in the house or young

28:38

children There's there's not a

28:40

worst hell that exists and waking up hungover

28:42

with kids that don't give a shit if you're hungover

28:45

Oh, I remember those days so

28:47

fucking good So

28:50

what I used to do is I would put

28:52

get two belts, okay And I'd put a belt

28:54

around me and a belt around them and I'd

28:56

pass out Fucking

28:59

100% true Just

29:01

so they later just fucking I love a goddamn lunatic

29:03

and you didn't have a belt on her She would

29:05

be gone and you'd wake up you ever woken up

29:07

in your house. I'm like where the fuck is my

29:10

kid How

29:13

old can you do the belt thing like what I did

29:15

it up until the last time we were

29:17

in Aspen Okay, and Ila got out I

29:20

was I and I got she got

29:22

out of the belt and I was and she was old enough to

29:24

walk like to All

29:28

right, Liam would have to be here. I don't remember ages But

29:33

yeah, probably two and And

29:35

I was like fucking woke up in a panic and it wasn't

29:38

my house. I didn't know where she could hide Just

29:41

an Airbnb she's in the kitchen going through

29:43

the trash can She's

29:46

a she's a big scavenger back Yeah,

29:51

I put a belt on me and then I take a

29:53

belt a little bit through that and I put a belt

29:55

on them Tie it tight and then we'd watch TV like

29:58

this and then pass out I

30:00

like the leash. Yeah, what if they want to get up?

30:02

The whole. Well, they got up. They got to figure out a way

30:04

out of the belt and I figured a way out. And I was

30:06

fucked. And I was a bad idea because you

30:08

just put a TV in front of me. Yeah.

30:12

You got to get some rest. And you're over.

30:14

Oh, we didn't have iPads back then. We had

30:16

like like 19 years ago, you had iPads, but

30:18

I think maybe you did. I don't even think

30:21

you did. No, we had to watch. Who's

30:24

the baby Einstein? With commercials, which is probably.

30:27

Oh, and fucking blues clues. You watch TV

30:29

with them. You just sit on a fucking

30:31

couch. Oh, oh, fucking pain. Yeah,

30:33

that sounds like a nightmare. I had so many

30:36

times where I'd wake up. I remember one time

30:38

I video this. I woke up. I

30:40

was supposed to be taking care of Isla. Leanne's at

30:42

work. George is in preschool.

30:44

And I wake up and Isla is

30:46

shitting on my on my treadmill. And

30:49

I was like, I was

30:51

like, fuck. Do

30:53

you ever feel like your money is flying out of your account

30:56

and you have no idea where it's going?

30:59

I do too. And you

31:01

know what? It's all those subscriptions.

31:03

Think about it between streaming services,

31:06

fitness apps you used once, delivery

31:08

services and parenting apps. My kids,

31:11

my kids are in high school. I'm

31:14

guilty of this too. So I used rocket

31:16

money to help me find out what subscriptions

31:18

I'm actually spending money on, and it was

31:20

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31:22

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31:25

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32:06

rocketmoney.com/burning. God

32:08

damn it, what time it is? I gotta get you guys out of here, but

32:10

I got, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. I

32:12

got chicken to do there. Let's start, how about

32:15

this? Let's

32:17

start with steak tacos. We're gonna do

32:19

this steak and cheese taco. Done. What

32:22

was it called? We're gonna

32:24

start with the steak and cheese lettuce wraps and

32:26

we'll sample that and then we'll go on to the shrimp

32:28

one. We'll sample that and then we'll

32:30

go on to the BLT and we're almost there.

32:32

I'm talking to you. Yeah. You

32:35

guys flying out today? We're flying out tonight.

32:37

Tonight? Yeah. Tonight. Nice. We flew in for

32:39

you in an interview. In and out. Who's

32:41

the interview? Steph Shepp. She

32:44

is, she's, well, she's

32:46

Kim Kardashian. I had a dream

32:48

I dated Kim Kardashian last night. You never

32:50

know. I had a dream that I dated Kim Kardashian back

32:52

when I first moved to LA and I didn't know it

32:54

was Kim Kardashian. She wasn't like done the way

32:56

she is now. And I was like,

32:58

and then I found out. I was like, that

33:00

was fucking Kim Kardashian. They're like, Bert, she had

33:02

three sisters. You don't remember the sisters, Chloe. And

33:04

I was like, oh yeah, that's the Kardashians. I

33:06

dated Kim Kardashian. And then someone was like, what

33:08

do you remember about her? And I was like,

33:10

she had great nipples. That

33:12

was my interview. I bet that's true. I

33:15

bet. I bet she,

33:18

you know, I look at women sometimes.

33:20

This is so misogynistic. Maybe

33:23

the most misogynistic thing I'll ever say was

33:26

not even remotely close. But

33:28

as like, when

33:31

I see women blowing up or doing big

33:33

things, I go, how great

33:35

would their husband have been in the 1800s? Cause

33:38

all their energy would have been focused to supporting him.

33:42

And so like Whitney Cummings' husband

33:44

in the current century would have

33:46

been a Titan. A Blin, Abe

33:48

Lincoln, maybe? I'm thinking Rockefeller.

33:51

I'm thinking maybe Flagler. I'm really big

33:53

in the history podcast called the State of Florida right now. Yeah,

33:56

that's the other thing I listened to nonstop. I

33:59

think we're. being a state. So

34:01

Florida's wild history, Florida.

34:03

You grew up in San Diego. Did you enjoy

34:05

San Diego growing up? We

34:07

did. It's very, it's very

34:10

much like Santa Barbara. I think it's

34:12

idyllic. We didn't know anything different. It's sort

34:15

of a bubble. It's a little slow.

34:19

Were you guys, were you guys who you

34:21

were? When did you become who you are?

34:23

Like, meaning at

34:25

what point did you have a realization or awakening where

34:27

you're like, I want

34:30

to, I want to fucking, I want to

34:32

supersize my life. I want big things. I want like,

34:35

were you guys ever stoners and lazy

34:37

and bored and not, not

34:39

getting shit done. And like,

34:41

or have you guys always been pretty much

34:43

this? We definitely drank a

34:46

lot of alcohol. I love that.

34:48

I love that. I feel like we

34:50

were drinking like in college, like in like the way people

34:52

drink in college, we were drinking like that when we were

34:54

15. How old were you the first time you got drunk?

34:58

Wow. Okay. I had a fake ID before

35:00

I had a real ID. You really

35:02

used to go to the liquor store. You guys used

35:04

to feel naughty. Like, wait,

35:06

that was, oh my God. We just

35:09

heard natural light or naturalized and Captain

35:11

Morgan and Josh Daniels. Yeah.

35:13

That was a fucking move. Yeah.

35:15

But that's all we could afford.

35:17

You know? But yeah, I was

35:20

always entrepreneurial, always looking at my

35:22

whole life. I think with you too.

35:24

I was really bad in school, but I was

35:26

always horrible. I know that you were not good

35:28

in school. No, he was not good in school. Yeah.

35:32

Not good in school. The Harvard of the

35:34

desert. A lot of

35:36

alcohol at our school. Really? Yeah.

35:39

Did you guys, when did you fall in love? We

35:42

fell in love when we were 12. Really?

35:45

We got caught in the closet by my father when

35:47

we were 13. Naked.

35:49

Naked. We... Shut up.

35:52

I heard my dad walked

35:54

in. We were about naked. No,

35:57

no, she, we were there and I was trying to get

35:59

some... and he was begging for a

36:01

blow job. We were 12 years

36:03

old and the dad pulls into

36:06

the driveway in his SUV and I

36:08

hear him Oh shit, so I

36:10

went in a hit in her closet, you know,

36:12

he's like for one at this time and I'm the I'm

36:17

five seven and he's literal for one person. I saw her.

36:19

She was fully developed I thought she was the substitute teacher

36:21

Then I was like a kid but you

36:23

know when the in the movies when he's looking

36:25

out a little split and the in the Closet,

36:27

yeah, you know in there And

36:30

I hear her dad charging up the stairs and

36:32

then she gets in the closet with me, which is a huge mistake

36:36

in her five-year-old Looking

36:38

under the bed and the first thing I see is this

36:40

grown man rip the closet open Grab

36:42

me my the bathroom. What's your ethnicity

36:45

Italian? No, I don't even know No,

36:53

she's like Norwegian or something Scottish

37:00

No, it's kind of like southwestern fusion really

37:03

it's delicious a lot of meat

37:05

a lot of good margaritas Fucking

37:08

lot of tequila. So what's your move

37:10

on margaritas? My move is

37:12

the skinniest margarita in the world with

37:14

a half-room assault. Yeah, and

37:17

some jalapenos Oh,

37:19

I love jalapenos. I think the classic

37:21

is about just classic No,

37:24

I don't want to waste calories on the classic. I

37:26

dude I am all about not wasting calories

37:29

I love when you wake up and you go I

37:31

didn't fuck it up last night Yeah, I don't want

37:33

to because the classic you have a margarita you just

37:36

you will what will you do? I? Will

37:41

go frozen margarita Frozen

37:44

with all the calories and

37:46

then I'll just keep putting shots in that's

37:48

smart. No waters itself down That's actually that's

37:50

like kind of a skinny test and you

37:52

guys aren't big shit like you don't cook

37:54

a lot at home And

37:57

not really no one of our skill sets listen, I

37:59

feel like You have to like check and

38:01

balance your life. You only have so much time in

38:03

a day. Yeah. If you don't fucking enjoy

38:05

it, why do it? That's my thing about everything.

38:07

I don't know if I enjoy it yet. I

38:09

feel, I don't know. Like I'm watching you,

38:11

you're very good at doing this. I

38:14

enjoy making you happy. That's my

38:16

thing. And that's my, like so whatever

38:18

your thing is in life, like

38:20

Peter Ati was saying, he just

38:22

loves to work out. Like he loves that

38:25

activity. He loves the stress on his body.

38:27

I don't, I enjoy it. I enjoy working

38:30

out. I enjoy the feeling afterwards more than I do

38:32

the actual workout. Have you always

38:34

been doing this workout or is this

38:36

just newly inspired? I've always been working

38:38

out. I've been working out. I'm

38:41

a sneaky athletic kind of person. Like I

38:44

ran the LA marathon with no training when

38:46

everyone was like, there's no way you can do that.

38:49

So I can, I have a little bit of like, even

38:52

when I was partying the hardest I was partying, I still

38:54

could work out pretty good. Well, that's

38:56

what I was saying when we came in. I was like, you

38:59

have like a weird natural, like athletic ability in weird areas. Yeah.

39:01

And so. And I couldn't, I couldn't run that marathon.

39:04

No, you could, you'd be shocked. You know,

39:06

the native Americans marched from Florida to fucking

39:08

Missouri. I guess if I

39:10

absolutely had to, yes, but. Dan

39:13

Bilzerian in his book, he rode a bike from

39:15

Las Vegas to where? Yeah, but that's on a

39:17

bet. And it was a recumbent bike. That's an

39:19

interesting, I love that. By the way, I'm, that's

39:21

my shit. Dan Bilzerian is,

39:23

I love that guy. He's

39:25

a badass dude. I like that guy. I

39:28

like all the guys, you know. Here's the thing is I, as

39:30

a comic, you bust balls on anything you try to be contrarian.

39:33

But I love, I love, I

39:36

love being a fan of shit. I

39:39

like being interested in stuff. I

39:41

like being like, like turned

39:44

on to stuff. Like I love it. You got a lot of

39:46

different interests. I do. Yeah,

39:48

you do. Well, it's better, I mean, there's a

39:50

lot of haters these days. You know, it's better

39:52

to be, you know, somebody who's passionate about, you

39:54

know, being excited about different things, you know. I

39:56

don't like hating. I do understand the vibe of

39:58

like. Like, I understand,

40:01

I understand, I understand

40:03

it. If you don't understand it, you're lost. Like

40:05

if you go, I don't get why people leave

40:07

negative comments, you're like, well, you're not on Instagram

40:09

enough. Yeah. Right. You

40:12

guys eating cheese? Yeah. Cheese. the

40:16

productivity in it. Oh, it's just right. It's

40:18

the same. It's the same thing

40:20

about like putting your finger in your ass and smelling

40:22

it. You're like, why do it? But fuck it, I'll

40:24

do it. You know? It's like, yeah, Stace. You want

40:26

to melt in cheese? No, I'm saying, I'm not. No,

40:29

I was going to have the cheese melt into this.

40:33

And so, but like, it's like, I don't get it, but

40:35

I understand it. Like I'm like, I don't do it, but

40:37

I understand it. Like I just, it's, it's

40:40

part of human nature

40:42

to not have something, see something with

40:45

the thing you want and

40:47

to hate them. Does it ever get to

40:49

you negative comments? Of course. Yeah. These

40:51

are fucking way too big. I made them way too

40:53

big. I mean, they're beautiful. Yeah. Here.

40:56

What a meal. Please. I

40:59

think it's a little more manageable to wrap your hands around. I love

41:01

it. A little bit of a fuck up. I'm

41:03

going to take the first bite and tell you guys if you should take a bite. Okay.

41:06

Okay. And then obviously keto. Okay.

41:09

It should be filled with flavor. This

41:11

looks amazing. What if I cooked for

41:13

you every night like this? Is it good? Wait,

41:16

I got to take a picture of

41:18

her. Oh, my

41:20

reaction was a little better than

41:23

yours, but that's why I don't cook for him,

41:25

by the way.

41:29

He critiques every single thing I do. He'll be

41:31

like, this is an 8.5. So

41:34

that's why I don't want to cook. It's not fun to cook

41:36

for someone that's constantly critiquing. I don't have the enthusiasm.

41:39

This is what I wish you had said. Okay.

41:42

Let's hear it. The texture of the meat is

41:44

interesting. It's not ground beef, but it's not technically

41:46

steak. And so thinly shredded

41:48

that it falls apart in your mouth, but you still

41:50

get the consistency of a steak. I

41:53

love what you did with the meat part. The cheese really adds

41:55

a ton. I like that you put it on the bottom because

41:57

it kind of binds and holds it all together. nice

42:00

little you'll notice the cheese gives you a little

42:02

bite okay that you don't expect

42:05

the onions to start to reaction you

42:08

know I actually is really good

42:10

yeah the onions were cooked perfection they're just

42:12

melt in your mouth it's

42:15

really good I

42:17

mean I would eat this every

42:19

single night this is my my

42:21

time of thing I'll eat the same thing

42:23

every single day it takes like it's like decision

42:25

fatigue I would eat this every day I've

42:28

been doing ribeyes every day mmm

42:34

that's a 10 out of 10 I

42:37

hope you watch who's doing so you can make it for me

42:41

you know you can repeat things back to me that I've

42:43

told you like a meal I'm

42:45

just gonna eat it up damn this is good

42:47

the hardest thing about not drinking is

42:49

that I like the act

42:52

of having a specific cocktail with what

42:54

I'm eating you know so

42:56

like here's the problem like when I have

42:58

like a chip in a salsa I want

43:00

like a margarita it's hard to go out

43:02

this is like I could that's the hard

43:04

thing is that you associate certain foods with

43:06

a certain alcohol when also Italian

43:08

food if you're not having like

43:10

one no so this next meal

43:12

is inspired from I got

43:18

I went rock climbing and

43:20

how long day no I don't think

43:24

anyone's ever said that's pretty solo rock climbing

43:26

and how long Bay and one

43:28

of the things they did at the night after we went we had

43:31

these great Vietnamese

43:33

beers on this junk boat and

43:35

they made shrimp

43:37

and all you difted in was

43:40

lime salt pepper with a

43:42

little bit of these peppers

43:44

it was so fucking

43:46

good that I go I

43:49

want those in the taco I want to see if those are as

43:51

good as I do you ever

43:53

feel like a do you ever feel like a responsibility

43:55

I feel like this sometimes to be so

43:58

honest with your marriage that is semi destructive.

44:00

Like give an example of what you

44:03

mean. Uh I can't be I

44:05

can't I I'm afraid to

44:07

lie about things in our marriage. I'm afraid they'll

44:09

come out and look like our lying. So I

44:12

tell everyone we're laying and I are both on

44:14

testosterone. She's on progesterone like I I'm so open

44:16

and honest with my marriage is sometimes it's

44:19

like I remember the first time I did it we were talking

44:21

about I was on stage and I was talking about her giving

44:24

birth and I was like you know they shit when they give

44:26

birth and I was like she's shitting

44:28

the net like how do you did you watch the

44:30

baby come out? Oh yeah see I wouldn't let

44:32

him watch maybe stand by her shoulder which for

44:34

real. But after preference I was like I got

44:36

it. Bro you missed a fucking hour show. They

44:39

shit they pissed and they give them a piece of

44:41

you got a piece of out of me or do

44:43

you tear? I I got six stitches. I got the

44:46

husband stitch. Liam

44:48

didn't. You know why? Liam got the

44:50

NBA stitch. Last time you said the

44:53

husband stitch people got pissed off about that too remember?

44:55

Why? Oh yeah people got pissed off that I said

44:57

I got the husband stitch. You know here's you got

44:59

to register on on how

45:02

pissed off they get and does it matter to you?

45:04

Like right? Yeah. Because this is what someone said to

45:06

me. I want to give

45:08

the guy credit but I'm not because he's a fucking cunt. But

45:12

someone read it was saying how fat I was

45:14

and it got back to me. This guy I'm

45:16

not gonna say anyone's name. He's

45:19

he's like you're not fat as red it says. I was like

45:21

huh? He's like oh this said you're gonna die. You're like he

45:23

just was he was he was being fun about it but it

45:25

meant something to me and it bothered me and I got called

45:28

my other friend and I was like I'm not that fucking fat

45:30

and he goes well if it

45:32

didn't bother you if it bothered you

45:35

then something must be accurate. Huh? And

45:37

he's like so address the thing that's

45:39

accurate and then it won't bother

45:41

you. He's like you got to let that register if it's

45:43

something that bothers you then maybe there's something real about it.

45:45

Yeah. And I went oh and then

45:47

I just had to say I have to

45:50

do I have to have to have my words

45:52

have meaning. I have to stand behind my

45:54

words. I have to stand behind my actions.

45:56

I can't misrepresent myself and I was misrepresenting

45:58

myself. I'm telling people

46:01

I'm in good shape, I fuck like, but I

46:03

looked like I was dying. I was like 275 pounds,

46:05

red as fuck, bloated as fuck.

46:09

I'd sleep, I sound like a cow, like. You

46:12

gotta get mouth tape. Tell

46:14

me about mouth tape. You gotta get mouth tape. Tell me

46:16

about mouth tape. You have to have mouth tape. You have

46:18

to tape your mouth shut. It's such

46:21

a beauty hack. It will make your

46:23

jaw line be so snap. Do you realize

46:25

how much work has gone to this jaw line? No,

46:27

not a lot of work. Well, you'd be shocked. Just tape it

46:29

shut because then you're- Can you tape your mouth? No.

46:32

Look at his jaw on them. You're a

46:34

cool fucker. You're a cool jaw line. That's

46:37

not mouth tape. It's not just

46:39

mouth tape, it's also air scoped. Air

46:42

scoped? Yes. What's air

46:44

scoped? They suck, they put a little like, No,

46:46

but the big- Full right there and they like,

46:48

melt the fat right here. The big thing about-

46:51

It was a shit, but didn't Bridget Nielsen get

46:53

that done? And they fucked up her hips. No,

46:55

that's cool scoped, and that was Bridget, not Bridget

46:57

Nielsen, it was, what's her name? I forgot

46:59

her name. No,

47:01

but the thing is- No, that was cool. It's proper tongue

47:03

posture. With a lot of people's stuff. Yes, yeah. Yeah,

47:06

it's proper tongue posture. You don't have

47:08

to have proper tongue posture. But if you sit with your

47:10

mouth closed, you don't need it. Your mouth

47:12

is hanging open all night long

47:15

because you're snoring. And if you close it

47:17

shut, it supports your jaw line and it encourages you

47:20

to breathe out of your nose, which you'll wake up

47:22

with 10 times more air scoped. People that are

47:24

mouth breathers should consider it. I'm

47:28

a hardcore mouth breather. And then maybe- Meaning stupid,

47:30

I'm a mouth breather. If you take

47:33

your mouth shut for one night,

47:35

you would notice your energy levels

47:37

skyrocket from what they are now. Are you serious?

47:39

One night. It's less of an aesthetic thing, more

47:41

of like a good sleep type. But I lick

47:43

my lips a lot while I sleep. Yeah, well,

47:46

sometimes we have to change our habits. You don't have to

47:48

lick your lips anymore. I

47:51

have a lot of, yeah. I'm coming,

47:53

I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming. I gotcha.

47:56

Here's the thing about shrimp, fucking

47:58

like 10 calories of shrimp. Wow,

48:00

a lot of pros you can do. God, you know a

48:02

lot of different fun facts, don't you? No, I don't.

48:05

You do? No, but can I tell you,

48:07

I'm obsessed with people who have

48:10

their fun facts. I'm not going to load you up on shrimp. I

48:13

might just go skinny. Just

48:17

stand good. Skinny. Here

48:19

we go. And then I'm going to start your

48:21

last one and get you guys out of here. Thank you. Hold

48:24

on, I want to try one myself. Yep. I'm going

48:26

to go, oh, this is the cup you should have had. Why?

48:30

It just looks great. Damn, the shrimp smells good. Okay. Try

48:35

taping your mouth shut for three nights. You will have more energy.

48:37

The shrimp is fucking good. I like to talk in my sleep.

48:39

Am I just going to be mumbling? Just type it shut. You're

48:41

going to have to do the break. Is it? What's

48:49

the one life hack you guys kind of like disagree

48:51

on all the time? You're like, I

48:53

keep telling him. Oh, 100%. What

48:57

am I going to say? He wakes

48:59

up. Yeah, but you're looking at the news.

49:03

No, you're looking at the news. It

49:06

doesn't bite me. Also,

49:08

when you get into that phone,

49:10

you're reacting to everyone. That's

49:13

what we disagree on. Oh,

49:17

it's a

49:19

little spicy. How is it spicy? The

49:24

peppers? Yeah, the peppers give it a little kick. A

49:26

lot of kicks. Damn, this is good. Let's

49:29

see how our man is doing. I told

49:31

the whole blog into questions. Wow. That

49:34

was great. Hey, where's the other mayonnaise? Cool.

49:40

And I put it in this cool tank

49:42

hanger so that you'd recognize it. I

49:45

didn't want you to feel like you didn't recognize the mayonnaise.

49:48

Do we have other mayonnaise?

49:50

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hit

49:53

it hard with that food processor. How old are you

49:55

guys? I'm 37. Yeah.

49:58

You're older than he is? year older. He

50:00

reminds me every day. I do too. My wife's

50:02

two years old in the middle of it. I want to throw up when I

50:04

say it. How old are you? Younger

50:07

than my wife. I'm 50. My wife actually

50:09

said, is he gonna be tearing the chicken open

50:11

with his

50:14

hands? And she said, yeah, and Leanne goes good. I

50:17

want everyone to see how he does it. She

50:19

hates it more than anything. She's like, why would you tear

50:21

it open with your hand? She does like, like

50:24

forks and knives. And she was so

50:26

funny. She's like a legit redneck. So

50:28

like, like they didn't have

50:30

forks until she was like 20. Are

50:37

you guys just laughing all day long?

50:39

No. You'd be shocked how

50:41

much I fucking A-list material I drop

50:43

in their laps and they just fucking can't

50:47

appreciate. All right. Watch this. Easy peasy.

50:49

You ready? Yeah. Ready. Bacon chop it

50:51

up. Okay. I'm going new cutting board.

50:53

This is the heaviest cutting board in

50:55

the world. Jesus

50:57

Christ. By the way,

50:59

what a sponsor. Give me a fucking

51:01

40 pound half cutting board. I do

51:04

steroids. Chop up

51:07

some bacon. Okay. Oh, look at this bacon's better.

51:10

Did you make anything for Arnold after you guys worked

51:12

out? Uh, no. I

51:14

went to luncheon. I went to breakfast and I saw

51:16

Ed Norton at breakfast. How

51:18

crazy is that? And, uh, he

51:21

is different than Arnold. Why?

51:23

He's an actor. Like I'm not saying Arnold's not

51:25

an actor, but Arnold's like a movie star. Like

51:28

he gives you everything you want from him. You

51:30

know, look at this, get down. You know, you're

51:32

like, Oh, he's got the fuck out. Like

51:35

Ed Norton was like, he's just an actor. He's

51:37

like, he's a shy guy. And he's,

51:39

I think he just fell in love with what he does.

51:41

And he does it. Whereas

51:44

like, if you recognize me, I

51:47

hate to say this, even in an airport, you'll

51:50

get everything you wanted out of your

51:52

moment with burden. You'll be like, fuck that

51:54

was crazy. He took his shirt off and did a shot

51:56

with us. His daughter was there. I

51:58

think she was crying. I definitely...

52:01

Man of the people. Well, no, I just know

52:03

it means a lot to me. It meant a lot

52:05

to me growing up and it still does when you meet like a

52:07

celebrity and they're generous

52:10

with their time. And so

52:12

I understand that. I understand the responsibility. I'm not saying

52:14

Ed Norton did anything wrong. I'm just saying that like

52:16

you probably don't want to meet him at breakfast. Like...

52:23

I feel like with... You mean you guys get like a... I mean,

52:25

you guys get like a... A ton of energy from the crowd, right? Like maybe like an actor

52:27

you don't get the... Well, I don't think it's what he signed up for. I think he signed

52:29

up to be a fucking actor. Yeah. And he was

52:31

like, yeah, I can also... I know I'm a celebrity, but like

52:33

that's not my thing. Like

52:35

I just want to fucking do the work, have the work speak for itself, have

52:38

people enjoy the

52:40

work. I mean, he's a fucking

52:42

amazing actor. I'm not saying Arnold's not, but Arnold just

52:44

also had a date. I mean, he's a fucking

52:46

amazing actor. I mean, he's

52:49

a fucking amazing actor. I

52:51

mean, he's a fucking amazing actor. I'm not

52:54

saying Arnold's not, but Arnold just also had a...

52:56

He had a responsibility and he had different wants.

52:58

It's like, you know, sometimes those wants confuse

53:00

yourself. Like Nirvana were shameless

53:02

self promoters. You probably don't know that.

53:05

And that was the thing is like

53:07

how... I just talked to a band goose about it

53:09

and we're like, yeah, people don't know about the shit

53:11

you're doing. Right. Then why do it? Right.

53:15

Yeah. There's a lot of brilliant comedians

53:17

out there that aren't

53:20

the best promoters. And unless they can

53:22

tether themselves to someone who can promote,

53:25

you may not hear about them. I

53:27

do want to put an avocado in there. Like,

53:29

do you know who David Tell is? No. Yeah.

53:33

Best comedian in the world. Not the best promoter, not his fault.

53:35

He's too good of a comedian. And to be honest

53:37

with you, I don't think any of us want to see David Tell

53:40

spend time away from writing jokes to

53:42

tell you about his new hour. And I will

53:44

tell you, his new hour is fucking insane. And

53:47

I'll tell you because I don't mind

53:49

promoting, especially something I'm not attached to. Like I

53:51

didn't make. I think he's fucking amazing. And

53:53

I'll say it here and I'll say it on my Instagram. He's

53:57

that fucking brilliant. David Tell is a goddamn

53:59

genius. I used to have a TV show

54:01

too. Insomniac, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Who is

54:03

the best comedian that you think is, that

54:05

he's the best? In my opinion, he's the greatest.

54:08

I mean, I think I created my fully

54:11

loaded festival just so I could work

54:13

with him. I mean, that's crazy,

54:15

that's a crazy thing to say, but it's kind of accurate.

54:18

He's that fucking good. One of my favorite

54:20

memories ever is watching my daughter, Georgia, watch

54:22

David Tell on Father's Day.

54:24

I heard your girls are really funny. Yeah,

54:27

yeah, they are. They're

54:29

fucking weird as shit. And it

54:31

was really cool to introduce them to comedy because

54:34

they didn't get comedy. They knew I did it,

54:36

but they didn't understand. It's kind of cool, you

54:38

know? It's like when

54:40

your kids start realizing they're getting old and they're

54:42

like, dad, how come you look so fucking amazing?

54:44

You're like, well, do you remember those peas your

54:46

mom and I used to drink? You

54:49

know? So,

54:53

so here we bring it home. BLT

54:57

lettuce wraps. Same. I'm

54:59

gonna put some tomato on here.

55:01

So is this how you eat on a day-to-day basis? Lately,

55:04

yeah. Wow. All right,

55:06

this is the BLT. And

55:09

by the way, I went light on the mayo because the

55:11

amount I made was just a titch. Thank you. I'm

55:14

gonna put it, I'm gonna taste it first and tell

55:16

you guys if you should even bite it. Okay. Because

55:19

I'm a little suspect. I feel like you should have

55:21

needed more mayo, but whatever. And I'm

55:23

like, so white, I love mayo. I

55:26

fucking love mayo. You don't

55:28

think you put enough? I don't know.

55:30

We're gonna tell you. It was a pretty strong

55:32

glass. Not a lot of mayo. I was

55:35

gonna say, because I saw

55:37

you taking it. It

55:39

was like half the, okay, let's see. It

55:46

was a lot of mayo. It was a lot of mayo. It

55:48

was a lot of mayo. Mayo, mayo, mayo. What

55:50

are you doing here? I like it. It

55:52

was good. It was good. My

55:55

favorite? What do you think my favorite was? It

55:58

was good. It was good. That's

56:00

those are those those fucking

56:02

pretty unreliable or unreal. I

56:05

do that every every male I doubt it

56:07

wants to work for hims. It's international business

56:09

is pretty been good and when reading our

56:11

towers. Of not bad know. Or

56:14

you can easily use crazy. You can

56:16

get a rotisserie chicken for ten dollars

56:18

or you buy a raw chicken or

56:20

yourself for ten dollars. My. Crazy.

56:23

Go. To the same price. So.

56:26

Much. When bar. What history is?

56:28

Why would you go to the appeal? Will ever

56:30

go to the I. Would. Rather that the

56:32

rye. I'll highlight what because that

56:34

was never it's history as in

56:36

the plastic and it's hot. Cancelled.

56:41

All. The micro plastic are melting into

56:44

the rotisserie. Sell. You

56:46

know, two dozen on opposite sides of the

56:48

don't. Hover. On

56:50

the planes. And

56:52

he's whatever happens in were. No. So.

56:55

She watches or I pod in the plane and

56:57

rooms on full volume. No. Other.

57:02

And I hope I'm in a panic. A

57:04

hotel you try going on down and it's

57:06

not full volume. On

57:09

the hazards. He. Has I feel like it's to

57:11

my Cms in my ear. Was your mouth? I

57:13

don't know. This is a spokesman. For

57:17

his own electromagnetic radiation means

57:19

over there's no ordinary Was

57:21

frequent and will say com.

57:24

Sweet. Let's.

57:27

Just a viral zip tie.

57:30

The. Sea Bubble something is something I'm going

57:32

to do as soon as we're not. You

57:34

need those and your about more ominous on

57:36

my bucket. Something on your eye for. How

57:39

long? Ah, five minutes. You'll.

57:41

Get a media energy and resources

57:43

as a team going. through

57:46

some herbal thing to the ball snacks and

57:48

they don't get in the way oh well

57:51

that's where image of take those my my

57:53

son i bring him outside i just got

57:55

to speak into so yes on the world

57:57

is fucking labella do with my daughter she

57:59

says I will fucking stop fighting it.

58:01

Just suck it in take it take

58:03

it But that should be

58:06

the name of this show something's burning sonning your

58:08

bubble sonnings Five

58:10

minutes is I feel like five minutes like

58:13

five minutes. Oh, you could do two minutes

58:15

two minutes. Yeah Yeah, just do it two

58:17

minutes. I'll just do it as long as it takes for me

58:19

to come sucking my own dick I Love

58:25

that you guys are fun. I love that you

58:27

guys are fun. Your podcast is awesome. Thank you

58:29

Oh, your network is impressive. It really is everyone's

58:31

you go over to deer media Check

58:33

out Josh Peck and boy with no

58:35

job Ben Ben his wife girl would

58:37

know job is pretty fucking awesome Yeah,

58:39

but the whole network is impressive. It's

58:42

it's it's it really is Amazing

58:44

what you guys are doing and you're changing the

58:46

industry and I and I keep

58:48

doing what you're doing. So I'm a fan Thank

58:52

you. I can't wait to see you setting your bubble.

58:55

Well, if you stick around for five minutes, you're with me And

59:23

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