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Living Not Looking (w/ Liz Moody)

Living Not Looking (w/ Liz Moody)

Released Wednesday, 24th January 2024
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Living Not Looking (w/ Liz Moody)

Living Not Looking (w/ Liz Moody)

Living Not Looking (w/ Liz Moody)

Living Not Looking (w/ Liz Moody)

Wednesday, 24th January 2024
Good episode? Give it some love!
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Episode Transcript

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member FDIC. Hi,

1:02

I'm Hannah Brown and welcome to Better Tomorrow.

1:05

My absolute favorite thing to do is have a

1:07

heart-to-heart talk with my new friends and my best

1:09

friends, where we sit

1:11

down and talk about all the things like

1:13

relationships and love, faith and self-care, and of

1:15

course the little things as well, like the

1:17

struggle to figure out what to eat tonight.

1:19

All in all, I really want to ask

1:22

how am I better today than yesterday and

1:24

bring artists, entrepreneurs and friends along on the

1:26

journey. So join me on the journey, will

1:28

you? Hello,

1:34

everyone. Welcome back to Better

1:36

Tomorrow. Today we have a

1:40

really awesome guest for you guys. We have

1:42

Liz Moody here. Liz

1:44

is the host of the

1:46

top-rated The Liz Moody Podcast.

1:48

It is the author of

1:50

bestselling books, Healthier Together, Recipes

1:52

for Two, Nourishing Your Body,

1:54

Nourish Your Relationship and Glow

1:56

Pops, and a popular online

1:59

contest. content creator who has helped millions

2:02

of people transform their lives. Her

2:04

newest book, 100 Ways to

2:06

Change Your Life, the Science of Leveling

2:08

Up Health, Happiness, Relationships, and

2:10

Success, draws from Moody's more

2:13

than a decade of experience in the

2:15

health and wellness world, serving as a

2:17

new kind of personal development book, one

2:20

that empowers readers to craft their unique, best

2:22

life based on the habits they want to

2:24

form, the problems that they want to solve,

2:27

and the parts of their life they want

2:29

to take to the next level. I

2:33

am so excited that you're here. I'm

2:35

so excited to talk about your newest

2:37

book. And I'm

2:39

so excited that we get to like

2:41

join back and talk together because I

2:44

was on your podcast recently and we

2:46

just had the best time. In getting

2:48

this podcast to actually happen, this conversation,

2:50

I will

2:52

say it's been my most

2:54

rescheduled podcast because mostly

2:56

on my part of just like things coming

2:59

up, but I'm glad that it's finally happened.

3:03

We're like star-crossed lovers. We

3:05

are. But

3:07

you know, I'm actually glad that it happened because

3:09

I feel like I've had more time to like

3:11

finish your book, read it through. I

3:14

also want to say since the

3:16

last time we saw each other, you gave

3:18

me your conversation card. Oh, yeah.

3:21

And Adam and I have been like really, we

3:23

got obviously were engaged, but

3:25

we've been really focusing on preparing

3:28

not just like for a wedding, but preparing

3:31

for a marriage. And

3:33

we've been like working with a couple

3:35

therapists and like really just tuning, fine

3:37

tuning our way. We communicate with each other

3:39

what our needs are. And

3:42

so we've been having like more intentional time together and

3:44

we've used your cards a few times and it's been

3:46

so fun. Like just like after

3:48

dinner when we're just like sitting and talking and

3:51

it's helped so much just get to know each other

3:53

in like different ways and ask questions we

3:55

want things to ask. Oh, that makes me so happy.

3:58

I mean, my husband and I still. use them the

4:00

same way. And we've been together for 16 years

4:03

coming up on, which is wild

4:05

to me. We met when we were tiny babies.

4:08

But we still use it the same way because

4:10

otherwise I think with partners we can default to

4:12

the how is your day and just

4:15

not really get to the deeper media

4:17

or stuff that we want to talk

4:19

about. Also, I should give you Ron

4:21

share together which is the that one.

4:23

Okay, you haven't you that one that

4:25

one can spice up the relationship in

4:27

a nice way as well. I

4:30

have that one but this one like we use one

4:32

time and then we just loved it. So we just

4:35

continue to go through these but well

4:37

and the thing is each card like

4:39

takes like sometimes

4:41

10, 15, 20 minutes. It will spark a really

4:43

long conversation. So it takes you a really long

4:46

time to get through the entire box, which

4:48

is nice like and it's

4:50

like you could just do like one or two and

4:53

really have like a good

4:55

long conversation because it can be so

4:58

easy for us like

5:00

I think at the end of the day I'm just like brain

5:03

dead sometimes and that's like the

5:05

time that we really have with each other and it

5:08

can be really easy and really tempting

5:10

to just like have dinner

5:12

and watch a show which is great. Like

5:14

don't get me wrong. I love TV. I'm

5:17

never going to not love TV. But

5:19

I did find that we

5:23

weren't really spending quality time together like

5:25

we were together but not really using

5:27

that time. So even just those have

5:29

been so helpful. So I just wanted

5:31

to say thank you for that gift

5:33

because they've been great. How

5:35

did you decide to even like come

5:37

up with these cards and and do

5:40

that? I wanted to

5:42

give people the tools to have the

5:44

types of conversations that we have on

5:46

my podcast. People were always like oh

5:48

you go so in-depth you ask such

5:50

good questions and I wanted to empower

5:52

people to bring that level of in-depth

5:54

conversation that we all really really want

5:56

to have in our lives to their

5:58

friends, their partners, their families. family members,

6:00

people will write to me and they'll say,

6:02

I found out things about my dad that

6:04

I had no idea and I've known my

6:06

dad for my entire life. And

6:09

so I think we all want to go there.

6:11

We just don't know how to. And like you

6:13

said, sometimes we're really tired at the end of

6:15

the long day. And I shared

6:17

these questions recently with my audience of six questions

6:19

to ask if you want to make 2024 your

6:21

best year yet. And one of them was how

6:23

often do you give the people that you love

6:26

the most the best version of yourself? And

6:29

I think it's worth thinking about because

6:31

yes, we want these people to be

6:33

a safe space for us. We want

6:35

them to be the people that we

6:38

can be the most comfortable with and

6:40

not have to put on a show.

6:42

But also, sometimes that leads to our

6:44

friends, the people that weren't getting our

6:46

most sparkly versions of ourselves and the

6:48

people that we want to shine the

6:50

brightest for getting the dullest version, getting

6:52

the tired version. And I get

6:54

it. We all are very busy. And these

6:57

cards are kind of like a quick pathway

6:59

to that sparkly version, a low effort way to

7:01

get there. I think

7:04

that's a really great question to ask. Because

7:06

I think a lot of people, if we

7:08

are being honest, would not

7:10

answer it the way that we would

7:12

hope we we could

7:15

honestly say. That's like

7:17

a big intention for

7:20

both Adam and I like for 2024. And I think

7:22

we've done pretty. We've

7:25

done a lot better at it. But

7:27

it also can be uncomfortable. Like

7:29

change can be uncomfortable in being

7:31

able to be like, hey, like

7:33

this something we're working on, let's

7:36

let's change our habits, which I

7:38

feel like kind of gets into

7:40

what I feel like you are

7:42

great have like a plethora of

7:44

advice for. And your book has

7:47

just been so helpful for that

7:49

too, for me. What

7:53

made you feel like this

7:56

book was necessary

7:58

and There

8:01

is so many different self-help books out

8:03

there, but I feel like this one is different. And

8:05

why do you think that this one is different? And

8:07

why did you think it was necessary for you to

8:10

write this for people like me that are trying to

8:12

figure out how to change? So

8:14

there's a few different reasons.

8:17

The biggest reason probably is that

8:19

it's really personal for me. I

8:21

have a pretty intense anxiety story.

8:24

I went from being completely agoraphobic.

8:26

I couldn't get out of bed

8:28

without having panic attacks to

8:30

living this thriving, exciting, beautiful, wonderful

8:32

life that I'm living today. And

8:35

I wanted to give people some of the

8:37

tools that I developed in that journey so

8:40

that anybody who's in a hard place, whether

8:42

it's with anxiety or with feeling stuck in

8:44

their relationships or with feeling stuck at work,

8:46

would have the tools to create the life that

8:49

they wanted. That's one really, really

8:51

big reason. And I think that one of the

8:53

reasons it's broken down in the way that it

8:55

is in these little actionable steps

8:57

is because that's what it was for me.

8:59

People are always looking for

9:01

this one giant revelation that's

9:03

going to change your life completely. And

9:06

in truth, change comes from

9:08

taking these tiny actionable steps

9:11

and sticking to them and

9:14

not just attacking it from one direction, which is another

9:16

reason I wrote the book in the format that it

9:19

is. It has 18 different categories.

9:21

We cover relationships, gut health,

9:23

longevity, success,

9:27

friendships, all these different things. And

9:29

people are kind of like, well, wait, how do all of these

9:31

things go together? Why are these in a book

9:33

together? But I think that the

9:36

fact that they are in a book together

9:38

is so incredibly important to me because our

9:40

gut health, our microbiome impacts our mental health.

9:42

There is a relationship via

9:45

the gut-brain axis. And then our mental health impacts

9:47

how we show up at our relationships and how

9:49

we show up at work. And

9:52

then how stress we are at work is going to

9:54

impact our gut microbiome. It's all a giant cycle. And

9:56

so when we're just working on our gut health or

9:58

we're just working on our work-life. for we're just

10:00

working on a relationship, we're missing a

10:02

really critical part of the puzzle. And

10:05

then the last reason is that I

10:07

kept going to bookstores and I would

10:09

read these self-help books and I would

10:11

really enjoy them while I read them. And

10:13

then I'd be left with this sort of

10:16

empty feeling afterwards like, oh, I felt really

10:18

good. It's like kind of a candy bar.

10:20

You'd be eating it while you're eating it.

10:22

You're like, oh, so good. And then afterwards

10:24

you're like completely unsatisfied.

10:26

And I wanted the

10:28

antidote to that. I wanted a book that answered

10:30

the question, what do I actually do?

10:33

What does the science say? And for people to

10:35

see real results in their own lives. And now

10:37

the book's been out for three

10:39

months, four months and it's been really fun because

10:41

people write to me and they share the results

10:43

and they are actually changing their lives, which is

10:45

my ultimate goal. I think

10:48

the key word in that is

10:50

action. It's something that I've been

10:54

really passionate about lately because I've also like

10:56

changed up my therapy. And I'm gonna tell

10:59

you, it was actually so great that our

11:02

conversation got pushed back because I

11:04

have like a new appreciation for

11:07

this book and the conversations that this

11:09

starts because I

11:11

have been going, I feel like my life has

11:14

been like a dark night of the soul for

11:16

the past like four years, to be quite honest.

11:19

And I am very

11:21

privileged that I've been able to like seek

11:24

help and I've been seeking and seeking so much

11:26

help reading all the books, going to all the

11:28

different specialists. And

11:31

it can make you feel like what is

11:33

wrong with me. You can read like this

11:35

great self-help book and at the end feel

11:37

like so empty and

11:39

you can go to the therapist but what I realized

11:41

is a lot of it is so passive and

11:44

it's information without

11:46

like their action

11:48

behind it. And especially when

11:50

I think you, like you said, you've

11:52

struggled with anxiety and felt

11:55

depression before and like it's

11:59

so... great week like getting the help first

12:01

of all just even asking for help is

12:03

so hard but then sometimes you don't always

12:05

get the right help or the right information

12:07

at that time because it's

12:10

really hard to even

12:12

know what to do and I feel like in your book

12:15

kind of goes with I'm learning in my therapy that

12:18

having a little bit more of not

12:20

as passive as approach with my therapist but

12:22

my therapist is really helping me take action

12:25

instead of just like being like I think

12:27

a lot of therapists I don't know if

12:29

you've heard this but like their whole mantra

12:32

like way of being taught is like oh

12:34

the person will find help when they need

12:37

it or they'll change when they're ready to

12:39

change and it's like no I'm

12:41

ready to do and I can't I totally know what

12:43

you mean I my dad's a therapist

12:47

my mom's a therapist and my sister's finishing

12:49

her PhD in therapy and then my husband's

12:52

mom is therapist and dad is a therapist

12:54

okay so something's

12:57

quite wrong with me probably as a result of

12:59

that but I've been raised really in the therapy

13:02

world and my sister and I joke sometimes that

13:04

you could make a therapy

13:06

app where all it did is repeat

13:09

well what do you think that means and

13:12

it's true to an extent and I do

13:14

think a really beautiful thing about therapy is

13:16

it asks you to look inside yourself and

13:18

it empowers you to say that you have

13:20

the answers but I personally really

13:23

like concrete action steps so I

13:25

can give you an example of

13:27

that from the book people always

13:29

say like love yourself believe in

13:31

yourself you can do it and so I

13:33

would do things like look in the mirror

13:35

and be like you got this girl like

13:38

I love you you're the best and it

13:40

never built any sense of

13:42

real self-love for me and I was kind of like okay

13:45

what do I actually do and we

13:47

have a tip in the book about

13:49

how self-love comes from self-trust because if

13:51

we don't trust ourselves when we're looking

13:53

in the mirror and we're saying you

13:55

got this girl I believe in you

13:57

we don't believe ourselves when we're saying

14:00

those words. So the question becomes how do you

14:02

build self trust and you build self trust by

14:04

keeping little promises to yourself. So when you say

14:06

to yourself, I'm not going to reach for my

14:08

phone first thing in the morning, I'm going to

14:10

get out of bed and start my morning routine.

14:13

And then the next morning comes around and you

14:15

reach for your phone and you're scrolling on it

14:17

first thing, you've broken a little promise to yourself

14:19

when you say I'm going to work out today,

14:21

and then you skip it, you've broken a little

14:23

promise to yourself. It's like having a partner who

14:26

says, I'll take out the trash, I'll take out

14:28

the trash, I'll take out the trash, never takes

14:30

out the trash. The next time they say I'll take

14:32

out the trash, you're not going to believe that they're

14:34

going to take out the trash. So

14:37

if we can connect keeping

14:39

those tiny promises to ourselves saying, I'm

14:42

going to work out today and then following

14:44

through with that, I'm not going to reach

14:46

for my phone, following through with that to

14:48

I'm building the foundation of self trust that

14:50

will let me build that self love. All

14:53

of a sudden, we've taken this very esoteric

14:55

concept and we've grounded it in this

14:58

very concrete action step, I need to

15:00

keep promises to myself. If I can't

15:02

keep promises to myself, I need to

15:04

make those promises tinier and tinier and

15:06

tinier until I can consistently keep them.

15:08

And then I can raise the bar from there. And that's how my

15:11

brain works. I don't like the floofy

15:13

esoteric, I like to get

15:16

into reality, I like to get grounded in real life.

15:18

And I like to figure out, okay,

15:20

tomorrow morning, when I wake up, what am

15:22

I doing to feel the way that I

15:24

want to feel and to build the life

15:26

that I want to build? I

15:29

totally agree that self trust

15:31

and really hit home for

15:33

me. It's something that I'm

15:36

learning that I could have more

15:38

of. But

15:41

the way that I think you do in a lot

15:43

of these things in the book, it's like, how you

15:45

said like, we'll make it tinier and tinier so that

15:47

you can show up for

15:50

yourself. Like maybe it's not, I'm

15:52

going to work out every single day this

15:54

week when you haven't worked out in three

15:56

months, like maybe are three years. Okay, well

15:58

maybe it's I'm going to get outside. and

16:00

do a small walk.

16:03

A micro workout, that's the other tip in the

16:05

book. I love micro workouts. If I had to

16:07

get in the car and drive to the gym

16:09

every day, I would work out never. I do

16:11

a 20 minute online

16:13

video workout every day. That is my minimum. If

16:16

I go more than that, amazing, but I got

16:18

my 20 minutes and I can always, always, always

16:20

talk myself into a 20 minute online workout. Yeah,

16:23

I feel like that is

16:25

the key to

16:28

just starting any habit. Well,

16:30

I know that from your

16:33

book now. This

16:39

show is sponsored by BetterHelp. When

16:41

I'm thinking of the new year, I

16:43

really just wanna continue what I've

16:45

started this year. And

16:47

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16:49

on how can I grow

16:52

a little bit more every day?

16:55

I feel like around the new years,

16:57

we get obsessed with how to change

16:59

ourselves instead of just expanding on what

17:01

we're already doing right. Maybe

17:04

for you, it's finally organizing one part of

17:06

your space and you can tackle another, or

17:08

maybe you're taking your supplements every morning and

17:10

now you want to actually

17:13

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19:38

I also say I love that

19:40

you and your fiancé are

19:42

doing this work before you get married.

19:44

I think that therapy

19:47

and working on relationships has this really

19:49

bad rap for something that we do

19:52

when things are going

19:54

wrong but like anything

19:56

with wellness period if

19:58

you can do it before things are

20:00

going wrong, you're going to have a

20:02

much better outcome or chance of success.

20:05

So I think it's really admirable that you're both

20:07

doing that and talking about it. Thank you. I

20:09

feel like we do kind of get like a

20:11

side eye of like, what are you doing? But

20:14

I think we also mean you share

20:16

this in common, common like I didn't

20:22

really have the best examples

20:24

of relationships, growing

20:26

up, and kind of

20:28

had a lot of trauma, like, when

20:30

I was younger and processing through that.

20:32

And so because I've been doing that, and that

20:34

has been such like forefront of my mind, like,

20:37

it's really important for me that like I

20:39

take this, I knew everybody's going

20:41

into a marriage, like, taking it

20:43

seriously to an extent, but like, the

20:46

wedding is something I'm, of course,

20:48

excited about, but I really want to

20:50

like be grounded in the marriage of

20:52

like what we're actually doing. And

20:55

it's great that I have

20:57

a partner that it's also

20:59

really wants for like us

21:02

to have a great marriage and partnership and

21:04

then that comes first. But it

21:06

is sometimes like people are like, what

21:08

are y'all doing? I'm like, this is

21:10

important to us. And it's important for

21:12

like, you

21:14

know, not just us, but like our future

21:16

and our family that we really take the

21:18

time to do this and kind

21:21

of always calm like the scary closets like

21:23

going to the scary closets of within

21:25

ourselves within our relationship and make sure that

21:28

like we feel comfortable

21:31

and confident and

21:33

having those conversations with each

21:35

other and then doing the work and

21:37

knowing that we both are going to be there

21:40

with each other to do the work. Well, and

21:42

laying a foundation of communication is

21:44

the single most important thing that you can

21:46

do in any relationship. I was talking to

21:48

a girlfriend about this last night, where I

21:50

want to go back and shake myself in

21:53

my 20s. When I'd go out with my

21:55

girlfriends and we would the number one conversation

21:57

over brunch was like, was that guy good

21:59

in bed? after like your friends go

22:01

out and hook up the night before. And

22:03

I want to shake myself in

22:05

my 20s and be like, there is literally

22:08

no such thing as somebody being good or

22:10

bad and bad. The only thing that makes

22:12

one good in bed is being able to

22:14

communicate because what one person is going to

22:16

love is going to be so different than

22:19

what the next person is going to love.

22:21

It's literally about communicating with that partner and

22:23

finding ways to make each other happy and

22:25

meet each other's needs. And

22:28

that's everything in a relationship. Like you

22:30

can't be universally good or universally bad.

22:32

You can be good for your partner

22:34

or bad for your partner. And the

22:36

only way you can get there is

22:39

by learning how to communicate. Yeah,

22:42

for sure. And like we're my our

22:45

therapist right now has really

22:47

been into like our attachment styles,

22:50

we can both be like super

22:52

avoidant, which

22:54

has been really interesting to kind of

22:56

see how when

22:59

we are in moments of, you

23:02

know, every couple has like some type

23:04

of conflict, like what we can do. So

23:06

like this is really big for us that

23:08

we're not being avoidant and being like super

23:10

head on about it. I think I can

23:12

be the person that

23:14

definitely wants to like have conversation about things.

23:16

But there are little pieces that I will

23:19

like, not going there, not going there. And

23:21

so we're like, fully going

23:23

in. And it's been great

23:25

to actually be able to support each

23:27

other in a way that we really

23:30

weren't even allowing each other to like

23:33

be there for, if that makes sense.

23:35

Like if we're not going to go there, but

23:38

we really need to then how can the other person

23:41

even show up, if that makes sense, if you won't

23:43

show up for yourself. So 100% even

23:46

conflict is literally a learned skill. I just

23:48

had John and Julie Gottman on the podcast,

23:50

and we did an entire Yeah, they're like

23:52

the founders of couples therapy. They're incredible. And

23:55

they're also just a very charming, cute couple with

23:57

like a cute couple dynamic in real life. But

24:01

they we did a whole episode about how

24:03

to fight better because the tools of Conflict

24:06

are real tools like you don't you're

24:08

not just born knowing how to have

24:10

a productive argument with your partner like

24:12

a really interesting Takeaway, I learned in

24:14

that episode was that there's a certain

24:16

point where your body just gets so

24:19

activated that you can't communicate effectively

24:21

and they can measure that in a beats

24:23

per minute of heart rate and the second

24:25

that your body gets over that Beats per

24:27

minute you need to just take a break

24:29

and find a way to Physiologically

24:31

calm your heartbeat down. So

24:34

meditating taking a walk doing something

24:36

like that something like that Otherwise

24:38

according to their research you're so much

24:40

more likely to tip into these communication

24:42

patterns that are really disruptive for relationships

24:44

So literally paying attention to your physiological

24:46

cues and saying I need to go

24:48

and make a physiological state

24:50

change There's something fascinating to me about it

24:53

not being a psychological state change But actually

24:55

on a physiological level you need to change

24:57

your state before you come back and continue

24:59

the conversation But that's just a

25:02

tiny tool. That's one of so many tiny

25:04

tools that we are not given We

25:07

don't you know how to have conflicts in

25:09

these ways and we need to learn it

25:11

Which is why I'm so big on like

25:13

what are the tiny tools and how can

25:15

we arm ourselves with them? Yeah,

25:17

I agree and I feel like having

25:19

compassion For like when you

25:21

find yourself in these situations or at least

25:23

this is what I'm learning of like Why

25:27

can't I handle this conflict or

25:29

why am I still feeling

25:31

sad? It's like Sometimes

25:34

you weren't given a lot of times we weren't

25:36

given the tools to figure out how to change

25:38

that state or how to get better and I

25:43

feel like there's also in that

25:45

breath like sometimes you try to find the tools

25:47

and then you're given you're given just More

25:50

sorry, but like bullshit. So what

25:52

and sometimes we are not gentle

25:55

with ourselves with how much these

25:57

things take in

25:59

terms of practice and learning to stick. This is

26:01

something I've been thinking about a lot because, okay,

26:03

so I wrote this book and

26:05

to write this book, I did hundreds

26:08

of podcasts episodes. I did hundreds of

26:10

hours of research. I read all of

26:12

these expert books and then I compiled

26:15

it into this book. And then I

26:17

wrote the book, edited it like

26:19

20 times, went on tour for it,

26:21

did all of these interviews about it. And it

26:23

was on my last stop of the tour when

26:25

I was doing a Q and A. And

26:28

I thought to myself, Oh

26:30

my gosh, this is actually starting to

26:32

sink in. And that was after engaging

26:34

with this material, literally hundreds

26:36

of times. Like I got the same

26:38

information. I got it in an audio

26:40

form. I got it in a written

26:42

form. I communicated it to other people.

26:44

And yet we read one

26:47

book or we hear one podcast or

26:49

we go to one couple's therapy session

26:51

and we expect everything to

26:53

change or we are a failure because

26:56

we weren't able to enact that information.

26:58

And I think we need to one,

27:00

be so, so gentle with ourselves because that

27:02

is not the way that

27:05

our brains work. From a neurological

27:07

perspective, we are not designed to

27:09

assimilate information by a one touch

27:11

point and two, to give ourselves

27:14

more touch points to create the space for

27:16

us to learn that we do literally need

27:19

to learn something hundreds of times

27:21

over and practice it hundreds of times

27:23

over for it to stick. And that

27:25

is not a self failing. That is

27:27

how our brains work. And we need

27:30

to create the space for that. Yes. We

27:32

have to get those reps in that's the reps

27:34

in. Um,

27:38

I kind of want to shift gears because,

27:40

uh, we

27:43

kind of talked after I was on

27:45

your, um, on your podcast and

27:47

you talk about it a little bit in your book, but there

27:51

was a one thing that we haven't

27:54

really in common about like our childhood. It's

27:56

just like, we

27:58

talked about how we. kind of

28:00

had like this like existential crisis mode

28:03

that you'd go into at like you

28:05

know like age six or seven like that's freaking weird

28:07

and like most children

28:09

I do not think are having these type

28:12

of like angsty thoughts

28:16

and feelings but I

28:18

would love for you to tell a little bit more about

28:20

your story but you also had

28:22

some trauma pretty

28:25

extreme trauma

28:28

at a really young age and

28:31

if you could just share a little bit about that and

28:34

then also do you think that when

28:36

you experience trauma

28:39

so young like

28:42

does that change

28:45

the way that you just view

28:47

life itself and like think about

28:51

like big things in life like death

28:53

and dying differently

28:56

like have you learned anything about that? So

28:59

when I was two years old my mom was

29:01

thrown off of a horse and she got in

29:03

a really intense accident she was in a coma

29:05

for a very long time and then had to

29:09

relearn how to walk and talk and

29:11

eat and my parents got divorced as

29:13

a result of that accident

29:15

and my

29:18

entire childhood I got

29:20

very different narratives about what had

29:22

happened and I became obsessed with

29:24

finding out this objective

29:26

version of truth and reality but

29:28

I think the biggest

29:31

thing that happened to me

29:33

was my safe base was

29:35

taken away I was really

29:37

destabilized in terms of my sense of

29:40

what safety was with

29:42

my parents and with reality

29:44

essentially the nature of reality and

29:49

that has impacted me a lot of

29:51

ways I think

29:54

that I do

29:56

have a sense of like

29:58

existential ambition because

30:00

I had this thing

30:04

when I was younger where I'm like, something

30:06

terrible can happen at any moment in

30:08

life. Like my mom's accident was

30:10

a one in a million thing. And so

30:13

I was acutely aware from

30:15

the moment that I can first remember that

30:17

one in a million things can happen to

30:19

anybody that that statistics weren't

30:21

really a comfort. So when people tried

30:23

to comfort me with them, I said,

30:25

Well, yeah, but my mom was the

30:27

one in a million. Yeah, I tell

30:30

I feel that. Yeah. I mean, what happened

30:32

to you? Okay. You

30:36

like the Oh, it's the worst case scenario is like, no,

30:38

but I've been through worst case scenario. Yeah.

30:40

And like, you're just like, well, that

30:42

can happen. I have proof that that

30:44

can happen. And I think

30:46

what I've struggled with as an adult and what

30:49

I've worked on a lot is creating

30:52

that safe space for myself. So

30:54

I have two thoughts on this. I

30:56

actually have three thoughts on this. One

30:59

is that relational bonds

31:01

can heal relational wounds.

31:03

So I had very

31:05

destabilized relationships as a child as

31:07

a result of my mother's accident. And

31:11

I have attachment issues and all of these

31:13

different things. And I thought for a long

31:15

time that it was my responsibility to heal

31:17

those on my own or it didn't count.

31:20

Like if somebody else was involved in my

31:22

healing, then it could be taken away from

31:24

me at any moment because that's how my

31:27

anxiously attached brain thinks. And

31:29

a real learning of my adult life is

31:31

that wounds that

31:33

happen in relationships are healed

31:35

in relationships. And that

31:38

just because the wound has been

31:40

healed in the relationship doesn't mean

31:42

you don't get to keep that healing, even

31:44

if that relationship ends that healing

31:47

is ours always. But

31:50

we need the other people to create

31:52

that healing for ourselves. So my relationship

31:54

with my husband, for instance, it's been

31:56

an incredibly healing relationship, but I also

31:58

have relationships with I

32:00

have a relationship with my cat that

32:03

has been an incredibly healing relationship for

32:05

me and all

32:07

of those are mine to keep even though

32:09

they've been formed with other people. So that's

32:11

been a really big thing. And

32:14

then two, I've worked

32:17

on creating a sense of security and

32:19

safety for myself and I did an

32:21

episode of the podcast that's called You

32:23

Can Actually Heal Your Anxiety. It was with

32:25

Dr. Russell Kennedy. And

32:28

we talked a lot in that episode about how my logical

32:31

brain is looking for these

32:33

logical answers for things. I'm

32:36

very head focused because when I was a

32:38

kid, I couldn't take real life actions. I

32:40

was trapped in my head. All I could

32:43

do was think about all of the problems

32:45

in my life, but I wasn't empowered to

32:47

actually do anything about them. So I've tried

32:49

outthinking my problems for 30 years now.

32:53

It doesn't work. Outthinking

32:55

my anxiety is not going to happen. And what

32:58

he taught me to do in that episode is

33:00

to instead just give me

33:02

the comfort that I wish I

33:04

had gotten as a child. So

33:08

I feel my anxiety in my chest a lot. And

33:10

when I used to feel anxiety, I would be like,

33:12

well, is it because of this? Is it because of

33:14

this? Should I do this? Should

33:16

I do this? And I've been more recently just

33:18

taking a moment and putting both of my hands

33:20

on my chest and just saying like, you're

33:23

safe. You've got this. You're

33:25

okay. And that's been incredibly

33:27

helpful. It felt almost

33:29

silly when he was teaching it to me in

33:31

the episode. I was like, no, like I need

33:34

a real solution. I mean, you know how my

33:36

brain works. But I found

33:38

that to be incredibly powerful to just say

33:40

there's a little kid inside of me who

33:42

feels unsafe, who did not get that reassurance,

33:44

who did not get that sense of security.

33:46

And that's the thing that I actually need

33:48

right now. And then the

33:51

third thing I'll say is that

33:53

I have a tip in the book and it feels

33:56

morbid, but it's one of my all time favorite tips,

33:58

which is to think about your death. And

34:01

the idea behind that is if you can

34:03

picture yourself on your deathbed in your 90s

34:06

when you're 120 I don't know how

34:08

long we're all planning on living these days, but

34:10

you can picture that person and think about what

34:14

would really matter to them from a

34:16

Perspective of things to do and also things

34:19

to not care about like would the person

34:21

who's laying on their deathbed be like wow

34:23

I am so glad that you were worried

34:25

about your cellulite on the beach that day

34:27

like that was such a good use of

34:30

your finite time on this planet or would

34:32

they be like you should

34:34

have been enjoying the waves and the sand

34:36

and the Delicious drinks with

34:38

your friends all of these things like

34:40

obviously the latter and also with the

34:43

person on your deathbed wish

34:45

you'd taken that risk or taken that

34:47

chance or told that person that you

34:49

loved them or gone after that job

34:51

and It

34:54

provides such a helpful sense of perspective for

34:56

how we should live our lives And

34:59

because of my mom's accident, I mean I am

35:01

now Older than the age

35:03

she was when she had her accident, which is so

35:05

interesting for me to think about That

35:08

person on their deathbed is not just like an

35:10

89 year old person I'm acutely

35:12

aware that these things can happen at

35:14

any age at any time and it's

35:17

really really changed How

35:20

I approach fear how I approach

35:22

relationships how I approach trying

35:24

to seize every single moment of my

35:26

life That

35:29

was those were some some good

35:32

you asked big questions You

35:36

gave me a really big answer,

35:38

but I appreciate that I think We

35:42

are like everything that you're

35:44

hitting on I feel like I

35:46

am I've been learning recently about

35:48

the importance of being able to

35:50

like first of all Kind

35:54

of connect the dots of like You

35:58

know, I can know these things happen then

36:01

I can see my life now and

36:03

then being able to see how

36:05

like the way that I

36:07

react to anxiety anxiety that I'm having right

36:10

now is because I'm feeling a powerless

36:13

feeling that I felt in this situation

36:15

and then okay so now I'm feeling

36:17

powerless how do I

36:19

give myself that that

36:22

power in this moment so it's like I'm

36:24

having to learn the

36:27

why first and then the how which you

36:29

talk a lot about in your in

36:31

your book too I feel like but like it's

36:34

just been really interesting to be

36:36

able to like connect the dots

36:38

of what's happened to how I

36:40

am now to what I need

36:42

and how I can heal those

36:46

those wounds well and I think

36:48

under identifying the underlying real

36:50

need is what is so critical

36:52

in all of that like I

36:54

just did a podcast episode about

36:58

redefining our relationship with our bodies I have

37:00

this mantra your body is for living not

37:02

looking and the episode really dives into how

37:04

can we feel that our

37:06

body is for living not looking and

37:08

my guest dr. Lindsay Kite who's in

37:10

our PhD in body image resilience and

37:13

how we view our bodies was like

37:15

in those moments where like I look

37:17

bad in these genes or I'm feeling

37:19

bad about myself take it

37:21

to live in your body

37:23

to do something active to go for

37:26

a run to have

37:28

an orgasm to really

37:30

embrace the living moment so

37:32

that you can counteract the

37:35

looking moment and that's what your body actually

37:37

needs in that moment not more reassurance that

37:40

you look a certain way and so I

37:42

think that if we can get to like

37:45

what am I really looking for and

37:47

how can I give myself that thing

37:49

that I'm really looking for rather than

37:51

peppering our lives with band-aids

37:54

which I think a lot of us spend a lot

37:56

of time doing that can be incredibly powerful like I

37:58

love what you said about

38:02

I need to feel powerful. So every

38:04

band-aid you put on top of that is

38:06

not going to do anything until you find

38:09

ways to take your power back. Every band-aid

38:11

that I put on top of dyeing

38:14

my hair and putting on more makeup

38:16

and trying to fit

38:18

my body into clothes that society tells me

38:20

are gonna make me look good is not going

38:22

to heal what I actually need, which is

38:24

to feel good in my body. Oh

38:27

my gosh, yes, I know that firsthand. I mean,

38:29

it's so funny like what you think you need

38:31

and then you get it. And

38:33

then you still feel the exact same or

38:35

shittier because you're like, oh wait, that wasn't

38:37

it. And that's where we can't. I

38:41

didn't know the root feeling

38:43

or I feel like that's been a

38:45

lot of my life

38:47

that I've found. Like

38:49

I've had really cool opportunities,

38:52

really cool success

38:54

in some ways, but

38:56

it's interesting when you get it, it

38:59

was just like a really big, pretty

39:01

shiny band-aid. But you're like, there's

39:05

still a gash there. Well, and

39:07

sometimes people feel worse because

39:09

as long as you have the dream that's unachieved,

39:11

you can tell yourself you'll feel better when you

39:13

get that dream. But once you

39:15

achieve the dream and you don't feel better, then

39:18

you're left sometimes with a sense of hopelessness. Like,

39:20

well, if that wasn't it, then

39:22

what now? I am lucky

39:24

enough to interview incredibly successful people,

39:26

people at the absolute top of

39:28

their game. And it's a

39:31

story I hear over and over and over,

39:33

which is when I pin my happiness on

39:35

this distant thing and then I get it,

39:38

I feel more despair than I have

39:40

ever felt before. Yeah,

39:42

no, it's a real thing.

39:45

So I guess my question is like, what have you

39:47

learned? Like, how do we, I, all of us, shift

39:54

our mindset so

39:56

that we can really like ingrain help

40:00

the habits or tips that we're

40:02

getting to like actually use them.

40:04

I think that's like

40:06

a another step in it's like

40:09

okay we figure out okay whatever we're doing is

40:11

not working now I can now I see what

40:13

can work like how do I actually like make

40:16

that happen for me. The point

40:19

of what we were talking about

40:21

earlier I think getting incredibly clear

40:23

about what the life that you

40:25

want actually looks like is the

40:27

number one step because if you

40:30

are doing habits in service of

40:33

an ideal life that isn't your own

40:35

dreams you're never going to be motivated

40:37

to stick to them and so I think a lot

40:39

of us actually don't take the time to step back

40:41

and say is that my dream

40:43

or is that my mom's dream

40:45

my dad's dream my best friend's dream a

40:48

dream that I learned from television dream I

40:50

learned from a reality show where they hand

40:52

out roses and tell us what love is.

40:54

I think that there's a lot of dreams

40:57

that we take on

40:59

as our own and then we

41:01

end up living this very unintentional

41:03

life and when we're

41:05

trying to incorporate habits that don't resonate with what

41:07

we want we're never gonna be able to stick

41:09

to them. So I have a tip in the

41:12

book that's called find your why and it's really

41:14

about exploring what are the

41:16

reasons behind what you're doing every supplement

41:19

you take should have a reason that

41:21

correlates with a

41:23

goal that you have every habit that

41:26

you're incorporating should have a reason that

41:28

incorporate that that correlates with a goal

41:30

that you have and it needs

41:32

to really resonate I did

41:35

not develop a workout routine until I was

41:37

well into my 30s and it's because I

41:39

would work out for like a few weeks

41:41

I'd be lifting my shirt to check my

41:43

stomach in the mirror to see if I'd

41:46

gotten those perfect us weekly abs that I

41:48

was told that I should have and

41:50

I didn't get them and then I felt like a failure

41:52

and I quit and I was like well I guess this

41:54

isn't worth it until I

41:56

connected my workouts to feeling

41:58

calmer to feel feeling more energized

42:00

to having the mental health support that I

42:02

need to be my best self every single

42:05

day. I could not stick to them. And

42:07

the second that I made that connection, I

42:10

had no problem sticking to it. It was a

42:12

such a powerful motivator to say, wow, if I

42:14

spend 20 minutes and I sweat this

42:16

morning, I get to be calm all day long.

42:18

I get to have energy all day long. I

42:20

get to not just feel that sense

42:23

of sadness that I can't

42:25

pinpoint to anything all day long. So

42:28

your why not only has to

42:30

correlate with the habits that you're putting in

42:32

your life, but it needs to resonate with

42:34

what your ideals are on

42:37

the truest level. That

42:39

was probably one of the

42:44

biggest things that I got from your book. I

42:46

loved that like asking yourself

42:48

the why and really getting down to that

42:51

because I mean,

42:53

it was actually yesterday. It

42:56

was so freaking cold. We're in a

42:58

snowstorm here in Nashville right now. And

43:02

I did not like, I just wanted to like lay

43:04

down all day and I told myself I was going

43:06

to go outside and go like on a little walk.

43:09

But then I was like, I just don't want to.

43:11

But then I was like, okay, well, why did I even

43:13

say I want to do this in the first place? And

43:17

because I knew that, okay, if I

43:19

go outside, the sun's out, the sunlight

43:21

helps me be like

43:24

feel like that dopamine hit. I want to

43:27

feel happier. Why is

43:29

because I want to like be

43:32

happier and like this is going to

43:34

make me feel happy at then and

43:36

it's just like getting down to that

43:38

instead of just being like, I want

43:40

I have to go on this

43:43

walk. And that was another thing also like I

43:45

think a lot of times when

43:49

we think we have to change, we think you have

43:51

to suffer. I mean, you talk about that in your

43:53

book. I want you to share a little bit more about

43:55

like that mantra you have about wellness

43:58

and like

44:03

change that I feel like

44:06

is a really great mantra that people

44:08

would love to hear. One

44:10

of my favorite mantras is wellness is

44:12

a tool. It's not an end unto

44:15

itself. So the second that wellness is

44:17

making your life worse, it is no

44:19

longer wellness. And that feels obvious,

44:22

but if you think of

44:24

it is, I have always felt

44:26

no, it is not obvious. I

44:29

have always felt

44:32

like even like a workout or something

44:34

that you had to suffer. If you're

44:36

not like kind of hating it, then

44:38

you're not actually doing it. And isn't it

44:40

so I've interviewed hundreds of doctors and I

44:42

will say, what's the best workout for hormones?

44:44

What's the best workout for gut health? What's

44:46

the best workout for mental health? And over

44:49

and over there, like the best workout is

44:51

the one that you will enjoy enough to

44:53

stick to over and over

44:55

and over. Because if you are not sticking to

44:57

the workout, you're not getting any of the benefits of

44:59

it and we're just not going to stick to and

45:01

this is not my opinion. This is science research

45:03

proves this over and over and over. We're not going

45:05

to stick to something that we hate in the long

45:08

term. So we

45:10

try to suffer ourselves into a

45:12

better life. So often we try

45:14

to force ourselves to eat food

45:16

that we hate, we try to

45:18

do workouts that are miserable

45:21

and awful. There's

45:23

a place for small amounts of good

45:25

stress. That's a concept called hormesis. It's

45:28

really, really powerful and interesting. That's things like why

45:30

cold showers are good for you, why sauna sessions

45:32

are good for you, why doing

45:35

hard things like a fact I share in

45:37

the book that I think is fascinating is

45:39

carrying your groceries and the rain actually balances

45:42

your dopamine because you're doing this hard thing

45:44

that's pressing gently on the levers that are

45:46

balancing the dopamine in your brain. But

45:49

by and large, if the habits that

45:51

you're filling your life with are making

45:53

your life worse, not better, then what is

45:56

the point? Like the end

45:58

goal is all about. living lives that

46:00

feel as good as possible now and

46:02

will feel as good as possible later.

46:05

So what are we doing if we're

46:07

stacking them with things that are just

46:09

making ourselves miserable in the names of

46:12

being well? There

46:18

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46:20

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46:40

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46:43

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46:45

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46:47

another language. I do get a

46:50

little embarrassed about my accent

46:52

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46:54

Stone's true accent feature so that I

46:57

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46:59

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47:03

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47:05

it's better to try and to learn

47:07

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48:30

When you were learning all this, when did you

48:32

decide or was it always in the back of

48:37

your mind that you wanted to be able to

48:39

share this information through

48:42

a podcast or a book? Was

48:44

that always in the back of your mind or did

48:46

that come later? It

48:49

came a little later. When I got my

48:51

full-time job, I was working in the editorial

48:53

world in New York City. I was back

48:55

to the journalism editorial life that I knew.

48:59

A lot of people kept telling me over,

49:01

you should have a podcast because I was

49:04

the kind of person where when you're talking, I'm like, I

49:06

want to know more. I want to know more. I want

49:08

to know more. The podcast came out

49:10

of that and then the book came out of

49:13

feeling like I had so much incredible information

49:15

on the podcast and I wanted to create

49:17

a resource that people could really easily access.

49:19

I'm all about how can we make this

49:21

easy and fun for people so they can

49:23

actually action it because there's a lot of

49:25

science out there, but a lot

49:27

of it is boring. A lot of

49:29

it is hard to understand. Again, above

49:31

all, suffer less. We don't need

49:33

to be putting ourselves to sleep

49:35

to try to learn the things that are going

49:38

to change our lives. We don't need to be

49:40

stressing ourselves out to do it. I'm like, how

49:42

can we make this as accessible and fun as

49:44

possible? Well, I feel

49:46

like you have done that. And like

49:50

I said, your book, 100 Ways to Change

49:52

Your Life has been so awesome for me.

49:54

And I know that it will be for a lot of people because

49:57

I also love in the book, like, side note,

49:59

like how There's a

50:01

lot of different Options

50:04

for people and sometimes you think oh like

50:06

I remember There was

50:08

like how to be more creative and like

50:11

on one page. It's like Don't

50:13

think of anything. Don't do anything. I'm like

50:18

Run go running But

50:20

it's like figure out what works for you.

50:22

Yeah, and it's gonna be yeah

50:25

different for all of us And also and I

50:27

think this is a point we don't talk about

50:29

that much It's gonna be different for you Hannah

50:31

Brown at different times in your life Like what's

50:33

gonna resonate with you this month is gonna be

50:36

different than what's gonna resonate with you next month

50:38

I always talk about this in the context of

50:40

New Year's resolutions because people are like, oh I

50:42

failed I only did this

50:44

thing for a month two months and then I

50:47

fell off and I'm like you are not

50:49

a failure You did it for a month or two.

50:51

Like let's applaud that that's amazing and Maybe

50:53

we need to find a way to Reintegrate that

50:55

to find our why to stick to that or

50:57

maybe that was the habit that was gonna serve

50:59

us then and there's gonna be something Completely different

51:02

that's gonna serve us now Maybe that was the

51:04

bridge that carried us to where we need to

51:06

be to get to take the

51:08

next path Yeah, no,

51:10

I I definitely Agree

51:14

with that and then I also like just see

51:16

that of like, oh, okay Well, I

51:18

could try sitting in silence

51:20

and seeing if creative Creativity

51:23

comes to me and you know what

51:25

if it doesn't we try the

51:27

next thing we try that so many options

51:30

Yeah, and I think it's great to be able to like kind

51:32

of had that experiment

51:34

with yourself but

51:36

just You know knowing

51:39

that I'm doing all this to

51:41

really make my life better and that there are a

51:43

hundred ways to do so I One

51:47

of them will stick So

51:50

many sick I will say and I love

51:52

this about you so much that you share

51:54

your struggles and your journey But

51:58

you have changed your life in so many

52:00

incredibly positive ways and I hope that you

52:02

are applauding all of those ways too while

52:04

still being committed to doing the work that

52:06

you are so committed to doing. Thank you.

52:09

Thank you. I'm going to

52:12

receive that. I've

52:14

been pretty open. I don't know

52:16

another way. I'm trying to learn

52:18

how to not protect

52:21

myself in some way with my vulnerability,

52:24

but I don't want to lose it completely. But I

52:27

am seeing that I have made a lot of progress

52:29

and I have changed my life in a lot of

52:31

ways. And yet there's,

52:35

you kind of said something earlier, like about

52:39

how you just like know for your life that you're

52:41

supposed to have a big life and that you won't

52:43

really settle for anything less and I just won't settle.

52:46

And so I'm just

52:48

committed to continuing to like figure out the

52:50

little connecting points

52:53

in my life and always

52:56

looking for more help and

52:58

guidance. And so having these conversations are

53:00

really awesome for me. And then I'm

53:02

like, okay, y'all can listen

53:05

along and hopefully you'll be able to make

53:07

sense of what I'm saying. And so we'll

53:09

just have smarter guests on smarter,

53:12

more knowledgeable guests to figure you can figure it out

53:14

with me. But thank

53:17

you for just taking the time to talk

53:19

with me today. I'm glad we got it

53:22

finally on the books and it

53:24

happened. But

53:27

thank you so much, Liz Moody. Can you just

53:29

share where everybody can find you and

53:32

hear all the beautiful,

53:35

wonderful nuggets of advice and

53:37

truth where people can find

53:39

you for that. Yeah.

53:42

So the number one place is the Liz

53:44

Moody podcast. We have an incredible interview with

53:46

you, which I think is going to be

53:48

going live on the same day as this.

53:50

So after you finish this episode, go listen

53:52

to Hannah and I chat on the Liz

53:54

Moody podcast. It's a really fun

53:56

interview and I appreciate your vulnerability and everything

53:58

that you shared in our conversation there.

54:01

And then on atlasmoody on

54:03

Instagram and on tiktok I

54:05

share bite-sized nuggets, little fun

54:07

quick things that you can do to change your life and

54:10

I share more of my story. And then of course the

54:12

100 Ways to Change Your Life is available wherever books are

54:14

sold and I feel like you've already hyped

54:16

the book up enough that... I mean I don't

54:18

buy this book. What are you doing? What

54:25

are you doing? Hannah Brown, if you don't buy this

54:27

book, what are you doing? Write it on the back.

54:29

We have to print more copies. Yeah, we'll print

54:31

more copies. That

54:34

is my quote. No,

54:37

it's awesome. But

54:40

again, thank you so much. It

54:42

was awesome being able to talk with you more. Thank

54:44

you so much and thanks for creating

54:46

this beautiful space and asking such lovely

54:48

questions. Honestly, this is like one

54:51

of my more vulnerable interviews so thank

54:53

you for creating a safe space for

54:55

that. Oh, I appreciate that. Thank you.

54:57

Thank you guys so much for listening

54:59

to the episode. Better Tomorrow is produced

55:01

by me, Hannah Brown, and Legos Creative.

55:03

Our producer is Andrew Stolmer. Our

55:06

show is recorded, engineered, and edited by

55:08

the Legos Creative team. Remember

55:10

to follow Better Tomorrow wherever you get your

55:13

podcasts so you don't miss the next episode.

55:15

And don't forget to rate and review us

55:17

on Apple Podcasts. It really helps and shows

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your support. You can follow me on socials

55:21

at Hannah Brown and you can stay updated

55:24

on all things Better Tomorrow on our Instagram

55:26

at Better Tomorrow and our TikTok at

55:28

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