0:00

Hello , ladies , and welcome to episode 196

0:03

. I'm so happy that you are here

0:05

. I hope you're doing well and that

0:07

you're enjoying the holidays and just

0:09

spending time with the family . That's

0:12

happening over here and

0:14

I'm super excited about today's topic . But

0:17

before I get into today's topic

0:19

, which is three reasons why

0:21

we struggle with confidence , I want

0:23

to invite you to the service

0:25

women's advanced network

0:28

inaugural event that is happening

0:30

this Saturday , december

0:32

9th , at 6pm Eastern

0:34

Standard Time . The topic

0:37

for the event is empowering

0:40

her to excel One of the reasons

0:42

why I love collaborating

0:44

with the Swan Service Women

0:46

Advents Network because they are all

0:48

about empowering women in

0:50

the military , women in the service , and

0:52

how they can not only continue

0:55

their careers in the military or even

0:57

outside of the military , pursuing their

0:59

dreams and still staying in line

1:01

with their values . And you all when I

1:03

tell you that this event is

1:05

something that you don't want to miss , because

1:08

one we're always focused

1:10

on serving

1:12

other people , which is great , but we forget

1:15

to take some time to ourselves . We forget that

1:17

we also have things that we want to

1:19

continue to grow in , to learn and

1:21

to even make progress in right . I don't know

1:23

about you , but for me , when it comes

1:25

time of the end of the year , there

1:28

are things that I already start planning for the next

1:30

year , but also trying

1:32

to distract myself away from the goals

1:34

that I've set for this year and maybe

1:36

I'm not where I want . To be right , I

1:38

haven't paid the progress that I want , and

1:41

it's completely wrong . It's completely okay . We all

1:43

have different areas of our lives that

1:45

we possibly didn't look at throughout

1:47

the year and now we're like oh man , I actually

1:50

want this to be a goal of mine for next

1:52

year , because I'm

1:54

not doing so well , right , or something

1:57

that I want to improve on . So , for example

1:59

, for me is working out . I want to be

2:01

able to run my miles to actually

2:03

lift more heavy weights . That's

2:06

my personal goal going into a new year

2:08

. For some of you , it may be

2:10

financial planning , it may be

2:12

real estate investing , it may be getting into

2:15

the entertainment industry , and

2:17

that is exactly some of the topics

2:19

that we'll be covering this coming

2:21

Saturday . We're going to empower

2:23

you to excel through these different

2:25

topics . I know there are not many

2:28

military women out here that

2:30

are in the entertainment industry . We

2:33

have Summer that is going to talk to

2:35

us about how to do

2:37

that . We have a guest speaker . She's been here

2:39

on the podcast Olivia Nunn . Absolutely

2:42

love this woman . She's a great leader , not

2:44

only as a lieutenant-caramel in

2:46

the United States Army , but she's also

2:48

a great mentor , a great coach

2:50

when it comes to how to brand yourself

2:53

, how to continue to

2:55

communicate your message effectively

2:57

across all platforms . I mean , you will learn

2:59

so much from her . And also

3:01

we'll have Rosa talk

3:03

about real estate and how she's starting

3:05

her technology business . And

3:08

we'll have Michelle talk about

3:10

financial planning , how she is

3:12

not only creating financial freedom with

3:14

her family , but also how you can

3:16

create that , even if it's

3:18

a small dosage

3:20

at a time , even if it's just saving a little bit

3:22

of time , even if it's just investing

3:25

a little bit of at a time . And

3:28

so I really encourage you to

3:30

come join us , and I know I get it

3:32

. You have so many things to get done . You

3:35

have to go , get ready for the

3:37

gifts , get ready to wrap the gifts . You

3:39

have to get ready for the meals . You

3:41

have to get ready for everything else that

3:43

is going to need your

3:45

attention , right ? Not to mention your day-to-day

3:47

job or even obligations

3:50

and duties . But listen , I want

3:52

to encourage you to take an hour

3:54

of your time and focus

3:56

on yourself . And I

3:58

get it . Let's say you already have something that you've

4:00

registered for and you're like I won't

4:03

be able to be there and join you all Still

4:05

register , because we are going to ensure

4:08

that you still get

4:10

the message , either through email or through

4:12

the Facebook community that we have

4:14

for Service Women Advanced Network

4:16

. So I highly encourage you to

4:19

take some time and block that

4:21

time off your calendar and come join us and

4:23

learn from these amazing women . All

4:26

right , well , with that , I

4:29

want to continue the conversation of

4:32

struggling with confidence . Let's

4:34

get into the topic , because when

4:36

I tell you that this is something that I struggled with myself

4:39

not only in the past , but even this year

4:41

, because of these three reasons and

4:44

the first reason is

4:46

because we tend to

4:49

go or go off

4:51

base previous past events

4:54

. So if

4:56

you're trying to start something different , and you've

4:58

maybe started something forward

5:00

and you failed or it didn't go

5:02

as you plan , you are

5:04

now thinking that it's going

5:06

to happen again , even if it's not the same

5:08

situation or the same goal

5:11

. Your mind is going

5:13

to be like , okay , you

5:15

are not going to do this because you failed

5:17

before , and so what

5:19

happens is that you are

5:21

thinking of that

5:24

one time that

5:26

you failed or you didn't follow through , or you didn't

5:28

get it done . And so now

5:30

your mind's like why are you even going to

5:32

try this ? Like you failed before . You've

5:35

tried to start this career in

5:37

the modeling industry , or

5:39

you've tried to get out of the military

5:42

and find a career that you would be interested

5:44

in , but you failed . And

5:46

so what happens ? You

5:49

lose trust in yourself . You

5:51

lose trust in anything

5:53

that you are aiming to do

5:56

, anything that you want to accomplish , because

5:59

you are thinking

6:02

that is going to happen

6:04

like it did before . So the first

6:06

reason is because you go back

6:08

to past events that didn't work out

6:10

for you . Now , if this

6:13

is you and you're going through it

6:15

right now , it's completely okay . It

6:17

is completely okay , completely normal

6:20

. There's nothing wrong with you . There's

6:22

nothing wrong with your brain . This

6:24

is how our brain works , because it wants to protect

6:26

you . Why go expose yourself

6:28

when you've failed

6:31

before and you've failed to scourge ? Why

6:33

go through that again , where you could just be

6:35

safe and not do the thing that you

6:37

want to do ? Because it's scary

6:39

, you're not going to make it , you're not going to follow through , right

6:42

. So that's the first reason . The

6:44

second reason , and this is

6:47

the biggest one , especially

6:49

for the military folk , for

6:51

all the military , women , women , veterans we

6:55

have this perfectionism mentality

6:57

. We're like we're

6:59

not going to put it out there unless it's a

7:01

plus material . We're

7:04

not going to audition , we're not going to

7:06

apply for this job unless I have or

7:08

check all the blocks , because

7:10

it has to be perfect . And

7:13

let me offer you this now . You

7:16

don't have to be perfect , it doesn't have to be perfect

7:18

. Listen , if I would

7:20

have waited for this podcast or this video

7:22

podcast to be completely perfect , it

7:25

would never be out . There's so many

7:27

things that I've said here before that

7:29

I'm like , oh my gosh , I can't believe I said that story

7:31

or I said

7:33

it in this way . I sound it this

7:35

way . Whatever it may be , I judge myself

7:37

All these thoughts about how bad it

7:39

sounds . I would never put

7:41

this out on public and you would never

7:44

hear an episode and you would never learn about how our mind

7:46

works . Isn't that crazy ? Because

7:48

we have this perfectionism

7:51

mentality and

7:53

we don't want to fail , we're

7:55

like what ? No

7:58

, we're not going to go out there and give

8:00

B minus work and stuff

8:02

that isn't 100% complete or 100%

8:05

perfect . So what do we

8:07

do ? We hold back . We're like , no , I'm

8:10

not going to show up . Or

8:12

if I do show up , I'm not gonna have the confidence because

8:14

it's not perfect . And so in our minds

8:17

we're constantly thinking it's not perfect , so

8:20

we don't feel confident . We

8:22

create that emotion of self-doubt

8:24

, we create an emotion of discouragement

8:28

. You feel discouraged . You're like , no , no , no , no

8:31

, I'm not gonna do that , I'm not

8:33

gonna put anything out there , I'm not

8:35

gonna apply to this job , I'm not even gonna

8:37

consider to get out of the military , because there's nothing

8:39

out there for me . Who am I to get profession

8:42

or do something that's out

8:44

of my even

8:46

understanding or even the

8:49

skill set that I have ? And

8:51

so that is the second

8:54

main reason why we

8:56

lack confidence and we struggle with the confidence

8:59

, because our thoughts

9:01

are creating everything

9:04

but confidence . And

9:06

so here's the third one , my favorite , because

9:09

this is something

9:11

that I've also struggled

9:14

with and it's

9:16

something that we all do at

9:18

some point in time of our lives

9:20

, even as a mom , even as a mom Like

9:22

I . This is something that for

9:24

a long time and I've shared this before I struggled

9:27

with , even considering that

9:29

I was a good mom , like an okay

9:32

, mom , and that is thinking

9:34

about you versus

9:37

thinking about either

9:40

the service that you're providing , thinking

9:42

about your children , thinking

9:44

about the value that you're

9:47

giving . And so what

9:49

happens ? We are so

9:51

focused on how

9:53

we're doing , how we're looking , all

9:56

of the little things that may not

9:58

be perfect or may not be great , and

10:00

so when we lose focus

10:03

of what

10:05

we're doing or what we're serving , or why we

10:07

wanna serve , why we wanna do the thing , we

10:10

lose confidence . We don't even like , we

10:12

completely go into self-doubt . I

10:14

used to go into self-doubt so many times because

10:17

I was always thinking about how I

10:19

was performing as a mom , how I was performing

10:21

as a leader , how I was performing

10:23

, even as a podcaster , right

10:25

, even just beefing the mic . Like , oh my gosh

10:28

, like what are they gonna think of me

10:30

? What are they gonna say ? Like , what

10:32

is it that they're going to judge me about

10:35

? Instead of focusing on

10:38

the audience , focusing on you , focusing

10:40

on my children , focusing on the

10:42

organization that I work for , focusing

10:45

on the people that I'm serving

10:47

, when we focus

10:49

too much on ourselves

10:51

and we are constantly

10:54

reminding ourselves of all the imperfections

10:57

that we have , we lose confidence

11:00

, we go into self-doubt . We

11:02

then get overcome to get disappointed , discouraged

11:04

and nothing fits , because

11:07

we get stuck or we go

11:09

into this cycle of self-doubt

11:11

. And so why

11:13

is this important right Like , why do you need to know that

11:15

one ? You

11:18

are struggling with

11:20

trusting yourself , or even

11:22

just going

11:25

back to all these past

11:27

events , your willingness

11:29

to fail , just thinking

11:32

over , thinking everything about

11:34

you , having all these thoughts about you . Why

11:36

does it matter ? It matters because

11:38

it keeps you in the same spot . It keeps

11:41

you from being who

11:43

you're meant to be on this earth . It

11:45

keeps you from being

11:47

that piece of the puzzle that we

11:49

all need . It keeps you from serving . It

11:52

keeps you from actually doing things that

11:54

you want to do . Maybe you wanna

11:56

pursue that career , you wanna pivot career

11:58

. You're like you know what I'm , though , with the military . I

12:00

appreciate all the time that I've had as

12:02

a leader , but now it's time to go and teach or

12:05

learn or get this PhD

12:07

degree , or go get this

12:09

business , go invest in real

12:11

estate . It keeps you

12:13

away from all of that . It keeps you away from evolving

12:15

, from growing , and so now

12:18

you may be thinking like okay , wendy . Well , now that

12:20

I know that , I know these

12:22

three reasons why I struggle with confidence , what

12:25

do I do now ? This is what I wanna offer you

12:27

. I want to offer

12:30

you to pay close attention the next

12:32

time you want to actually

12:34

take action on the one goal that you have

12:36

. It may be you wanna lose weight

12:38

, you may wanna start going to the gym , you

12:40

may wanna start a podcast , a business , you

12:43

wanna start investing in real estate , you want

12:45

to be a better mom , you want to be a better

12:47

wife , whatever it may be for you , start

12:50

a career in the entertainment industry . I

12:53

want you to consider which one of

12:55

these three will really resonate with you

12:57

the most , and whichever one it is . So

12:59

, for example , for me is number three thinking

13:02

about myself versus

13:04

thinking about home serving who

13:07

I am actually providing the value

13:09

to , because when

13:11

you understand exactly

13:13

what it is , you can start working on that . You

13:15

can start working on , okay , how

13:18

can I now not

13:20

look at the past events but

13:22

focus on the present moment ? How

13:25

can I now completely

13:28

not necessarily

13:30

forget , but just be

13:33

able to be

13:35

willing for it to not be perfect

13:37

? How do I overcome

13:39

perfectionism ? What can I

13:41

do ? You write that down ? What

13:44

can I do to focus mainly on my audience

13:46

, on the people that are going to be affected . So

13:49

, for me , my kids , how can I focus on

13:51

them ? For them to have

13:53

a mom that actually isn't going to

13:55

yell at them , for someone that is

13:58

going to love them no matter what , because

14:00

that's what I'm here for , right , to

14:02

love them , no matter what . So how can

14:04

I now focus on them

14:07

so that I'm not constantly overthinking

14:09

the things that I'm lacking in , and have

14:12

more confidence to pursue

14:14

these things that I

14:16

want , right , like to be there

14:18

, more present for my kids and

14:21

not yell at them ? How can I do that

14:23

? I focus on them , and that's something that you may

14:25

want to do , right ? I'm just giving you an example

14:27

of my own personal journey

14:30

, and so when you do that , you

14:33

already see what it is that

14:35

you're shown with . It may be perfectionism

14:37

. For you , it may be as simple as , like you

14:39

know what . I'm not going to go back to those past experiences

14:41

. I'm going to focus on who I am today

14:43

and where I want to go , and

14:46

so when you look at that , you one

14:48

are in your you're facing

14:51

all these lies that

14:53

your mind is giving you and

14:55

, for the most part , is doing it because it wants to protect

14:57

you . Like I said , it's wants to protect you from

14:59

that negative emotion . And so now

15:02

what you want to do is

15:04

one pray about it . Allow

15:07

God's relationship to

15:09

help you and guide you through

15:11

overcoming these thoughts right To

15:14

only focusing on what he tells you

15:16

, on his word . He's

15:18

already given you authority . He's already

15:20

given you the confidence you can come

15:23

to him whenever you feel scared . You can come

15:25

to him whenever you want to

15:27

not only face

15:30

these sentences in your brain , but

15:33

also the doubt that's happening , because

15:35

he's the only one that can help you with overcoming

15:38

that self-doubt . Because another

15:41

reason why we have a lot of self-doubt is because we're so

15:43

worried on ourselves . We need

15:45

to rely on him even more , not just on

15:47

ourselves , but on him . So how

15:49

can we overcome the self-doubt ? And maybe

15:52

even it becomes just more of a

15:54

doubt as a whole , and

15:56

then it become more

15:58

into like , okay , maybe I'm just feeling discouraged

16:00

. How can I pray about this

16:02

? And when you do that , you'll be

16:04

able to see that now you're

16:07

creating different sentences , different

16:09

thoughts . You're

16:14

building the neural pathway to

16:16

help you believe that you

16:18

are able to do this imperfectly . That

16:20

regardless of what happened in the past , you're

16:22

still able to move forward . That regardless

16:25

of what thoughts you have about yourself , how perfect

16:27

you are as a woman , as an individual , as a mom

16:29

, as a wife . You can still keep going

16:31

. You can still

16:33

improve and be better , because

16:36

I'm not a perfect mom . I'm nowhere

16:39

near a perfect mom , and my kids can tell you , but

16:41

I know that I'm getting a lot better . Every single day

16:43

. I pray about this on like Lord

16:45

help me . Today , literally this morning

16:48

, I prayed about it and guess what ? I

16:50

got triggered again , but I was able

16:53

to have self-control , because

16:55

I again reminded fruits of

16:57

the spirit self-control , love

16:59

, patience , peace . If

17:03

I'm not in the word in the morning , there's

17:05

no peace , there's a lot of chaos , there's

17:08

less joy , less love , even

17:10

though not for my kids , but for others

17:12

, right , and so again

17:15

, how can you now start building

17:17

new sentences

17:20

, new thoughts that are going to help

17:22

you to take action ? Because

17:24

ultimately , you

17:26

want the feeling that it's going to help you to

17:28

take action , so that you can create results . That's

17:31

how we create results by taking action . And

17:34

we only take action when

17:36

we are having an emotion , positive

17:38

emotion that is fueling

17:41

and driving that action . And

17:44

now , if you are stuck and

17:46

you're it's still in action . You're in inaction

17:49

, but that is because you're

17:51

just indulging in this self-doubt

17:54

or the negative emotion

17:56

it can be disappointment , discouraged and

17:58

so I offer and

18:00

encourage you to do this simple exercise

18:03

it's literally going to take you five minutes or less and

18:06

be honest with yourself . Become aware

18:08

of what's happening here that is holding

18:11

you back and , maybe you

18:13

know , keeping you struggling with confidence , because it

18:15

sucks . It really does suck . When we're stuck

18:17

, we're feeling we're alone , we're in

18:19

a self-doubt and we feel like we just can't get

18:21

out of this hole because we're spiring

18:24

, we're constantly reminding ourselves oh yeah , remember

18:27

Wendy , you can't do this because it didn't work before

18:29

. It has to be perfect . There's

18:32

no way that you can allow yourself to

18:34

fail , no way at all whatsoever . And

18:37

also , making

18:39

it about you , don't make it about you . I was making

18:41

it about me . It's not about me . It's about the people

18:43

that I'm serving , who it's

18:46

affecting . And so , again

18:48

, the example of podcasting it would be

18:50

affecting the audience , you tuning in , not

18:52

learning anything about emotional

18:55

well-being . How do we continue to evolve

18:57

with the struggles that we have

18:59

? And that's

19:02

what I'm here for and I'm all here for

19:04

it . And so , with that

19:06

, I hope that you not only learned

19:08

these three reasons , but also

19:11

feel encouraged to really

19:13

dig deeper and encourage you

19:15

to start building the confidence . Now

19:17

, if you want to start conquering , go

19:20

, really just being confident

19:23

in your life and your career

19:25

, come join me . Come join me

19:27

this Saturday , december 9th , at

19:29

6 pm Eastern Standard Time , where

19:31

I will give a workshop and you will

19:33

be there and not only learn

19:36

but also apply this in

19:38

that moment . Give yourself an

19:40

hour to yourself , block that time

19:42

and come , evolve

19:45

and get empowered with us together

19:47

. All right , ladies . Again , the

19:49

link is in the show notes . I would love

19:51

to see you there and I look forward to seeing you

19:53

soon . Talk to you later . Have a great

19:56

rest of your week . Bye .