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Hey, this is Ken Jensen. I beat bipolar disorder in an all natural fashion back in the mid two thousands.

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And believe it or not, that's not even the coolest part of my story.

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What I learned through that process and what came next and how that applied to

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bipolar and why bipolar was ever even part of the process was mind blowing to

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say the least. Bipolar has hidden within its strengths.

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I'm gonna show you what I mean and how they've shown up in my life.

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So you can do the same. Welcome to Bipolar Excellence, episode 68, struggling with the Fish.

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So that was an odd thought that popped into my head. I went out tonight,

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it's it's Mother's Day, 2023, May 14th,

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and I went out for a nice dinner with my wife.

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We don't have the time or matching schedules enough usually to do that very

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much. And uh, even when we had the time because of the unusual schedules,

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one of us hungry, the other one isn't. So it was nice. We had a nice meal.

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I had Zpa Depeche, and after all these Zpa,

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Depeche was in me, and with the setting sun and the coming war day,

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I completely lost my will to do anything else for the rest of the day.

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And this podcast had yet to be done.

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And that seems to be the way this always will be <laugh> until I finally retire

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from my day job. And this won't be such a struggle for me ever, the struggle.

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That's why I titled it this way, um, <laugh>,

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it's a fight to put this work in and to keep putting the work in,

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and it has to be done. I, I got, uh, what happened?

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Something happened in a few episodes back and I missed a couple weeks and it was

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unavoidable in that respect. I had nothing left.

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I was busy with other stuff in my life. Whatever it was. I said ab,

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I talked about it in that last episode, a couple episodes back.

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I don't even remember which one. But there was no way, and I did not care.

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I was spent on every level. Tonight is the normal spent,

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the spent where I just wanna mellow out and, uh,

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do some Netflix before I gotta go to work tomorrow. God, I can't,

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I cannot stress, I cannot stress to you listeners how joyful I'll be when I earn my

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way out of, out of that job. And it's a great job. I'm just not an employee.

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I never have been. Nobody should be,

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unless they're doing it to soothe some ache deep within their soul.

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Or you're at some point in life where you need a job to learn something

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that you could then one day turn into your own business company or

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service. I'm not saying you don't work, I'm just saying you, you don't,

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less people need to be an employee than they realize <laugh>.

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That's what I'm saying. You're gonna, you're gonna always work.

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And I think for a lot of people, they don't want the responsibility of being the boss.

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I know that for a fact actually. They don't know what the plan is.

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They don't like work, but they don't know what the plan is. They don't learn the responsibility.

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Life is a lot simpler when you can blame someone else for all your problems. And

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I'm not that guy. I need to be in charge of my day and I relish it and I want it.

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I don't have enough time to enact all the cool ideas and write about all the

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stuff that pops into my head that I could go on about at length that would be

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helpful to you in an, in, in an enjoyment.

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Is that a word <laugh> enjoyable to me to share?

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So anyway, back to the fish. So that was it for the fish. It,

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it was just me trying to find the gumption to do my job,

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that being this podcast. So in the process, I,

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I went and found a clip on YouTube about the movie clerks.

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I'm not even supposed to be here today in this, um,

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es I'm forgetting, I'm forgetting. It was Randall and the other guy's name.

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I I, I'm blanking. I i I should be struck down by the movie Gods for blanking on, on his name.

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But, um, he's complaining cuz he had to come into work on an off day cuz somebody else no

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showed. And then these two buddies argue it out in the, in the, uh,

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the mini mart about the other ones inability to take responsibility for his life

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and, and a bunch of other things. I put like a little 32nd clip on, on uh,

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episode 68 on bipolar excellence.com. It's funny, if you get the,

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if you get the newsletter, you'll see it in there as well.

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So I've always wanted to throw this in the little clerk, the uh,

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the little clerks. I'm not supposed to even be here today.

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When I first saw that movie, cuz now we're gonna talk about that cuz it matters.

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Clerks when it came out, which was in the early nineties,

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I can't remember what year exactly, but when it came out,

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it was a game changer in movie world.

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Nothing like it had ever been made before. Or if it was,

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it never got major play. This was back before the internet.

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This was back on with VHS tapes. Shit,

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I remember beta tapes were still a thing back then. And you know,

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you had to be fortunate enough to find certain things and if they were really

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underground, you had to know a guy who knew a guy <laugh> to, to find copies of,

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of anything. Cool. I kind of missed that little side rant.

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I kind of missed that cuz the, the, the satisfaction of finally getting your hands on the copy is something you've

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been trying for weeks and months to find. There was nothing like it Now,

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now you can find, you can easily find anything you want. I like that too.

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I really do. But I do miss the adventure and,

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and the achievement and the victory of finding a copy of

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something that you only heard whispers of through,

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through side conversations with other people.

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I miss everything about the video store and all of that. But anyway,

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clerks makes me think of all of that cuz there was a video store involved as

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well. <laugh>, it's one of the best movies ever. Please go see Clerks.

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So I'm reading on the page I wrote before I made this here episode. And,

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um, what,

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what clerks led to for me beyond the enjoyment was

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I eventually got to know the world of Kevin Smith.

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He went on to do bigger and better things and then he,

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he that was a little indie flick and black and white made with, you know,

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no money and a bunch of local people and friends helped out in the neighborhood,

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which in itself is awesome. That's something I really love about making a small movie that the community can

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pull toge pull together like that to help the movie maker's vision come

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real. I still love that to death and I aim to be on projects like

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that soon. I have been,

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but it's been a long time since I've done so actively.

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It's one of the coolest thing to be in rooms with people like this,

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making a thing come true that it probably isn't gonna make any money,

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or if it does, it'll be very little, but everybody's committed to seeing this thing being brought to life.

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I I love that so much. I had,

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I had a strong taste of it for a while and then my life changed and I got,

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I wasn't back in it. I wasn't in it any longer like I used to be.

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I want that back. That's part of why I do everything I do now.

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So I'm watching all of Kevin's movies. He of course got better with age and he got into other genres and did

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some really twisted stuff, some really phenomenally interesting stuff.

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He made some good traumas, <laugh>, not everything he made was gold, but what,

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whatever. Then as I evolved as a human and just wanted

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to do more with my life, I started finding interviews of Kevin Smith or with Kevin Smith.

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And I liked how he spoke about why his life was like it was and why he

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did anything like he did. And it was plainly evident.

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He could give a shit about what anybody thought about what he said or

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anything. He's just gonna Kevin Smith and you can just fuck off if you're not cool with

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that. Oh my god, do I love that. The,

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you could say it takes balls, but people that really le lead their lives that way. It, it's, it's,

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it's frequently, it's not even balls.

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They're just not bending and they don't care. So I emulate that most of the time,

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but it's something I've struggled with wondering as I put my message out there,

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I, I definitely can be too much too soon to new people.

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Sometimes you gotta get to know me, you gotta get your head around where I'm coming from. It's some of it's weird,

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some of it's way too aggressive,

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some of it's very sick and twisted. I'm all of these things, but

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I can, I I have no attempt to not be eaten.

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I have no desire to not be these things.

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I want to improve how I wield these facets

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of my character definitely.

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But I don't want them to go away because I enjoy the shit out of them.

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I want to enhance them and use them well use them better and draw the other

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people like that to me.

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Or if not exactly like me because as I've found,

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I draw people that are like a hundred percent the opposite of me in every

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way imaginable. But me being me gives them something they need to pull off whatever it is

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they're trying to pull off. Then I throw some advice around what have you.

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I have found over the years in very sometimes unique ways,

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there's something about having me in your life when you're trying to get

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something done that people, the right people,

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they gotta have me <laugh>, they gotta have me way back before I started this, not only this podcast,

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but the two that came before it, that are since long gone.

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I remember asking my coach at the time, Jason Leister,

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he [email protected]. Go fall in love with him.

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You'll thank me one day. He's one of the best people. Um, I told him,

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listen Jason, I don't know what my thing is.

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All I know is at every job and I've had every job under the sun.

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Most of them are not, not related to one another, but at every job people seem easy and

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willing to drop all their problems in my lap. And they want,

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they want my opinion, they want answers.

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They want to know what they can do about 'em. I know there's that.

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And then I also know that wherever I am,

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I tend to be one of the sparks, if not the spark,

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depending on the size of the organization.

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I seem to be the guy that adds some pizzazz to the day and gets everybody else

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motivated and fired up just by being a Luna lunatic and saying the the fucked up

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little off offhand remarks I make that I'm, I'm awesome with in, in a,

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in a conversational setting. I just know right what to say when, and it's,

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it's, some of it's just twisted as hell and it's always perfect and it's frequently

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used in a way that takes care of people. <laugh>. It's how I am.

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I can't sit and like say it as I'm talking about it here.

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It happens while I'm talking to people. So there's that when I'm,

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when I'm present, everyone's more excited and happier and motivated.

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And I know that when I leave a job, which has happened over 50 some odd times now,

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I leave a trail of tears in my wake. Um,

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people are just d they,

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when I find people that I used to work with at any of my former jobs,

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I'll get some kind of comment like, it just wasn't the same after you left. Uh,

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or everybody still talks about that shit you did. Or

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in some cases other people quit too. That's happened more than once, too.

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Once I left, I don't know it,

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it caused a vacuum that no one else was comfortable with. And, and, and it's,

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it's literally happened on about four different jobs I was at where the people

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just left right behind me. I'm not gonna sit here and say I was holding the whole company together,

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but it's kinda weird how many people left in each of these places.

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In one case it was 50 50 and everybody that I

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crossed paths with in the, in the, the, the few years right after it all said, don't no man,

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something about after you left, that was something happened.

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It just wasn't the same place. I'm sharing all of this because as I started to say about Jason Leister,

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I asked him, I don't know what the fuck it is about me,

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but I have this impact on people and I don't,

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I don't know how to define it and I don't know how to digitize it.

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I don't know how to put it on the internet. I don't know how to make money from it.

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I don't even know a hundred percent what it is. I'm a great companion.

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Uh, I do a certain amount of crowd work like a comedian.

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I seem to be a counselor and I'm also a coach. I'm also a visionary.

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I've helped other people build stuff who've gone on to do better than me faster.

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And I was nothing but happy. I said, what,

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what am I? And he was like, well, let's start with, uh, your impact.

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What's your greatest impact? I said, seems to be while people are talking to me,

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he's like, then podcast. You need to be on a podcast. That's how you guys are hearing from, from me.

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Now that talk with Jason was many years ago, and the funny thing is,

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as I'm sitting here talking to you, I do get into a flow state rather quickly and I like

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executing the act of creating podcast. Well,

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but I'm not even fond of making podcasts. I'm not,

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I'm fond of the conversations they will one day lead to,

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as you listen to this and decide you wanna work with me,

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uh, this, this is the price I pay among others to help bring you

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to me, whoever you are to help you understand me and to help you

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decide yes or no. If I'm the guy that, that you need to be working with next,

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I do it as well so that the wrong people are pushed away. I don't wanna see 'em.

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It's nothing personal. We just don't match. And I don't,

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I don't want to work with anybody that doesn't wanna work with me.

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I have actually done that in the past and it is a, it's bad juju. It,

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it never ends well and I don't want that.

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So I build all these things I bill build so I can find the people

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I can help the best and enjoy doing. So enjoy doing it with the most.

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So that's all I got. This one's gonna be short. Um,

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more things have been happening. There's a lot of stuff going on in my my world with, uh, my mom's house.

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I I put up a GoFundMe page. If you punch in Ken Jensen on GoFundMe,

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you'll see me with a baby version of my beard with my arm around my dad.

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If you want to do something there, I appreciate it. If not,

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or if you're looking to build something and reach out to the world,

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go check out how I built that GoFundMe page just for copywriting tips

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and, and to see how somebody shares a story online. It's not my best work.

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I kind of just cranked it all out rather quickly as it came about.

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But I did edit things as I built,

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I I did want 'em to be a certain kind of done well, a certain amount.

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And it'll give you an idea of, um, really that's, that's, that's like a,

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that's like a, a low cost, uh, quick lesson on,

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on how you might reach out to the world. Not exactly true GoFund me page,

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but the words I use and the way I position things and the way I use headings and

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bolds and images and the words I choose and the way I I use

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them and the order they're in to tell a story.

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There's a lot you can pull from that GoFundMe page.

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And if you wanna help my mom, well, uh, I love you <laugh>,

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go do so. Please. If not, that's fine too. <laugh>.

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Okay, let's cut this one short because I,

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I am fried and I am still absorbing a lot of whatever is in Zup at de peche.

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I'm tired. All right guys, go to bipolar excellence.com if you haven't in the past and, and, uh,

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sign up for my newsletter and you will get my free wellness course.

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I get a feeling that someday more than likely I'm gonna evolve to the point that

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it doesn't make sense to give that course away. If you need to know how to live life better, heal from hideous things,

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no matter what your problem is and succeed a little better at life,

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that's a nice foundational piece for you to have in your arsenal. Go get my, uh,

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it takes guts to live well course while I'm still giving it away. And, uh,

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tell me someday if it helped you. That would be really cool. All right guys,

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have a good night and be well.