How to Bring More Pleasure and Joy Into Your Birth (And Why It Makes a Difference!)
How to Bring More Pleasure and Joy Into Your Birth (And Why It Makes a Difference!)
How to Bring More Pleasure and Joy Into Your Birth (And Why It Makes a Difference!)
Episode Transcript
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<!DOCTYPE html><html lang="en"><head><script nonce="ReCayb5craLJcmyc-oJnvQ">var DOCS_timing={}; DOCS_timing['pls']=new Date().getTime();</script><meta property="og:title" content="240424_Debra Pascali Bonaro_Transcript"><meta property="og:type" content="article"><meta property="og:site_name" content="Google Docs"><meta property="og:url" content="https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ycelyra_pISKomBSK_e9CNK4200jc4f-QiRflBQRFsY/edit?usp=sharing&usp=embed_facebook"><meta property="og:image" content="https://lh7-us.googleusercontent.com/docs/AHkbwyIOE0zDs4nxCbVqv_3OLWQGLmVJ2Wd_NHjcyBp_9SYxp-95rJmyjcstvoBwqd6MNH39EgVzbV0Ak0yDXmVyrVAdcGe9zrIcNpSzH5muHMGpeilx34I=w1200-h630-p"><meta property="og:image:width" content="1200"><meta property="og:image:height" content="630"><meta property="og:description" content="How to Bring More Pleasure and Joy Into Your Birth (And Why It Makes a Difference!) If you want to minimize sensations of pain and even move them into pleasure, this episode is for you! Debra Pascali-Bonaro and Adriana explore how you can bring more pleasure and joy into your birth, and why doing..."><meta name="google" content="notranslate"><meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, user-scalable=no, initial-scale=1.0, minimum-scale=1.0, maximum-scale=1.0"><meta http-equiv="X-UA-Compatible" content="IE=edge;"><meta name="fragment" content="!"><meta name="referrer" content="origin"><title>240424_Debra Pascali Bonaro_Transcript - Google Docs</title><link rel="shortcut icon" href="https://ssl.gstatic.com/docs/documents/images/kix-favicon-2023q4.ico"><link rel="chrome-webstore-item" href="https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/apdfllckaahabafndbhieahigkjlhalf"><script nonce="ReCayb5craLJcmyc-oJnvQ">_docs_webfonts_fontFaces = null; _docs_webfonts_iframe_fontFaces = null;DOCS_timing['wpid']=new Date().getTime();</script><style nonce="p5tBuBSbXhvJAoRV2sMr3w">.gb_ib:not(.gb_kd){font:13px/27px Roboto,Arial,sans-serif;z-index:986}@-webkit-keyframes 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DOCS_modelChunkLoadStart = new Date().getTime(); _getTimingInstance().incrementTime('mp', DOCS_modelChunkLoadStart - DOCS_modelChunkParseStart); DOCS_warmStartDocumentLoader.loadModelChunk(DOCS_modelChunk); DOCS_modelChunk = undefined;</script><script nonce="ReCayb5craLJcmyc-oJnvQ">DOCS_modelChunkParseStart = new Date().getTime();</script><script nonce="ReCayb5craLJcmyc-oJnvQ">DOCS_modelChunk = [{"ty":"is","ibi":17130,"s":"And the more I read recently to prepare for this, I was like, \"Hold on!\" If \"pleasure\" is not a word that\u0027s working for you, maybe it\u0027s \"intimacy,\" or it\u0027s \"curiosity,\" or it\u0027s just switching it to something that makes your experience enjoyable, frankly.\nDebra: Yes, totally. And, again, recognizing that we\u0027re not saying that there might not be moments of pain (if that\u0027s what you call it), but you can definitely minimize it. Some people actually take it completely away out of the pain zone, and other people move it deep into pleasure. You know, we\u0027re all different on the scale and we don\u0027t know what our labor will ask of us.\nI always say too, you know, our baby is 50% of the equation— and often when we have our desires for birth, we\u0027re not often considering that we have the baby\u0027s desires too, and sometimes they\u0027ll require something else or desire a different path. So we have to be prepared in a broader sense for what birth can be, but I do think, re: languaging, as you\u0027re saying, is really key. And having a toolkit of, whether you call them \"pleasure,\" or \"fun,\" or \"joyful,\" or \"loving\" things that you can do. 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And this is also where we can show that birth is a part of our sexuality, because the same hormones that are stimulated when we\u0027re turned on, and ultimately for female orgasm, are the same hormones in the sequence that happen in birth.\nSo labor begins with the baby, and the baby secretes hormones to let us know that its lungs are ready and it\u0027s ready. And the mother\u0027s body responds in her brain by producing a whole sequence of hormones, but one, oxytocin, (called \"the love hormone\" or \"the cuddle hormone\"), hormone of connection, is produced deep in our brain and actually has receptors in the brain that give us that sense of calm connection, but are huge pain relievers.\nAnd then they also drip down into the body. 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It really is amazing and nature has designed this so beautifully, that it\u0027s sad because we don\u0027t always honor this. We don\u0027t look at what would help, like my question is, \"what would help your hormones to flow the best?\" Those are the things that you wanna determine. If you\u0027re pregnant, you wanna make sure that you\u0027re creating an environment that is… You\u0027re gonna open to birth, that\u0027s gonna support your hormonal flow, that you have a caregiver that\u0027s going to give you that intimacy and privacy that you need to let it flow. And if we ask the questions and see that connection to birth, to sexuality, to hormones, to birth, then we can help create the environment that will make birth so much more joyful.\nAnd sadly, that\u0027s not the case today. So often we\u0027re in an environment that most of us would have trouble making love in. 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I always say: Have a series of YouTube clips that just make you laugh and smile. And even in between surges, if you have three minutes of just bliss, you\u0027re going to approach the next surge feeling different.\nSo, bring that environment into a safe space for you. And if you can\u0027t totally control it, do it with images, with other things, visualizations, and create in your mind\u0027s eye that mindfulness of what is that safe, sacred, sensuous space for you?\nAdriana: And when things start getting tough, because it\u0027s called \"labor,\" it\u0027s not called \"vacation.\"\nDebra: Right?!\nAdriana: Right! What are some things that people can do to… Or when it gets derailed by interventions or there\u0027s too much observation— whatever it is, they\u0027re being, you know, really annoyed by a monitor belt— like when things start to get derailed and in a process that can lessen that hormonal flow, what can people do to bring it back?\nDebra: So one of the things I always joke around, coming from a big Italian family, as a child, we would have these huge family dinners and my cousin and I, in the midst of it all, would throw a blanket over our head and create a tent and everybody disappeared and we were in our own space. I literally say do that in the hospital.\nI take sheets and throw it over, you know, a woman and her partner\u0027s head, her alone, her and me as a doula, we can change our focus. We can really bring it down and not see the other people. And I know it sounds funny, but, you know, often when I do that, we get inside and we have a giggle because we do feel like we\u0027re three years old again.\nBut when we have that little giggle about what we just did to shut everybody out, it shifts it for us. We feel different because we\u0027ve giggled rather than sat there like deer in the headlights of strangers in there that we really don\u0027t want there. So that\u0027s just one, like, fun little tip. Sometimes you have to just mix it up for yourself!\nVisualizations, I think, are really powerful. And I always like to have people have a safe place. So in your mind\u0027s eye, where can you go that\u0027s safe? Where can you go that\u0027s pleasurable? Where can you go that\u0027s joyful? Even with that use of technology, which sometimes can be a real advantage for us, I do have to say, I think it\u0027s greatly overused and I would encourage people to make sure that they\u0027re going to a hospital that has closer to appropriate use of technology. \nAlways ask: What are the percentage of births that are like the birth you desire? And if you\u0027re not seeing a good percentage of births of people eating and drinking and moving and using showers and water and balls and peanut balls and rebozos and ropes, then you might wanna look elsewhere, because I wanna make sure you have at least ten things available for you in your space that are for comfort and pleasure.\nSo if you can think about what are those things that you might have to be bringing, or what does the facility offer— because even a peanut ball is great, as you know, right, Adriana? 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What do they have then?\" like, when they took the bed out of the equation, they were, like, at a loss completely.\nDebra: Yeah, I mean when you think about it, the United States has the least opportunity for comfort, because we are putting you in a sick room, and, like itching (my analogy before), we know just from the room you enter can change your outcome. So if you don\u0027t go in and change that room to a health and wellness center for you, you\u0027re already at a disadvantage, if you put a hospital gown on and feel like a patient and, you know, get into a bed. But I came back from Austria— and it\u0027s one of our pilot sites— and their rooms are phenomenal. They have, like, a double mattress size foamy that\u0027s leaning up against the wall, that you could put down in the middle of the room if you wanted to use a ball on it or rest. They have this thing called a wheel— it looks like a big swing that you can swing on. 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DOCS_modelChunkLoadStart = new Date().getTime(); _getTimingInstance().incrementTime('mp', DOCS_modelChunkLoadStart - DOCS_modelChunkParseStart); DOCS_warmStartDocumentLoader.loadModelChunk(DOCS_modelChunk); DOCS_modelChunk = undefined;</script><script nonce="ReCayb5craLJcmyc-oJnvQ">DOCS_modelChunkParseStart = new Date().getTime();</script><script nonce="ReCayb5craLJcmyc-oJnvQ">DOCS_modelChunk = [{"ty":"is","ibi":43962,"s":"Even though my instincts might go, like, \"I just wanna give you something to take it away,\" because I\u0027m not gonna treat you like a child. I\u0027m gonna respect that. If you really need it, you have your voice to say, \"No, I\u0027d really need this. So I will say my code word,\" but until you say it, I\u0027m gonna continue cheering. And it\u0027s such a helpful tool.\nDebra: So helpful! And I find in most hospitals, we even put sometimes a sign on the door, you know, \"Do not offer an epidural.\" We have a code word just to remind the staff that they shouldn\u0027t come in dangling the candy. And these days they\u0027re constantly coming in saying, \"You know, the anesthesiologist\u0027s going to lunch. You sure you don\u0027t want it now?\" And so if we keep that out, and put the power into the birth giver, they\u0027ll make the wise choice for themselves.\nAdriana: They will. Absolutely. Debra, before we\u0027re about to wrap up, but is there anything that you wanted to say about pleasure and birth that we didn\u0027t get to?\nDebra: I would say— and I\u0027ll just give a nugget, I love to do so much— is that really look at what you\u0027re thinking of, when you think about birth and sex, and look into your sexuality. I know that, for some of us, sexuality has not always been whole. Many of us are survivors of sexual abuse, and pregnancy is a time to really look at that, to go deeper into healing if sexuality has not been whole. \nAnd if it has been whole, Elizabeth Davis and I, in our book Orgasmic Birth, have an exercise where we say to just look at a scale of one to ten (ten being the highest, one the lowest), and rate your sexuality today. So everybody, kind of find your number on that scale. And if you\u0027re blessed that that was a ten? Then just rock on! \nBut for most of us it\u0027s not. And what would it take to make it a ten? And I would really encourage every pregnant person and partner to really answer that honestly, and do the work to make it a ten, and do the work to connect that into birth. Because a lot of the tools that turn you on and expand into your sexuality are great tools for pleasure and birth that not only bring you pleasure, but they\u0027re running the hormones that you need for birth to be easier and more opening.\nSo many people I work with, we go deeper into that kissing and touching, again, language and words, but that would be my nugget is when we leave sexuality off, I think we do some harm, because we don\u0027t utilize some of our greatest tools. And also if it hasn\u0027t been whole, then we sometimes haven\u0027t done the work.\nAnd as we know for survivors, birth can either be re-traumatizing— or, as we see in our documentary Orgasmic Birth, Helen, who\u0027s a survivor, really focusing and using and identifying that in her birth was an incredible healing moment and reclaiming of her body. So real opportunities that exist within pursuing pleasure and sexuality.\nAdriana: Debra, thank you so very much for being here today and speaking to me. This was fun!\nDebra: Thank you! I really enjoyed it too, and I wish everybody who\u0027s listening pleasure today in birth or in your life.\nThat was world-renowned inspirational speaker, filmmaker, doula trainer, childbirth educator, and author Debra Pascali-Bonaro. You can find Debra on Instagram @debrapascalibonaro And Debra is spelled D-E-B-R-A.\nAnd you can connect with us @birthfulpodcast on Instagram. 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From The Podcast
Birthful
On Birthful, working doula and former journalist Adriana Lozada talks pregnancy, birth and postpartum with top experts and new parents. Every episode distills the overload of pregnancy information down to the most relevant and useful stuff. Adriana Lozada is a mom, author, speaker, birth doula, postpartum educator, and healthy-sleep consultant. Visit Birthful.com.Please note: Adriana has years of experience but she's not a doctor, and does not expect anyone to treat the show like medical advice. Please always consult with your care provider. This show does not dispense medical advice.Join Podchaser to...
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