Hiya Listeners, If you've listened to this week's podcast, and you're still wondering what I (Nike) really think about this week's movies, I have what you're looking for. I usually write up text reviews about these movies anyway (to remember them and all my witty one-liners about them). Reviews behind the cut. Enjoy! Dear god, the things we do for you people. For our first episode, CCD suggested we review Mall Cop. Mall cop!? Unfortunately, my resolve is weak, and one week later, I was sitting down to watch it. I was trying to decide what inspired anyone to waste money making that movie. Had the studio bought the script back when Chris Farley was alive, and were still contractually obligated to make it? There really can be no other explanation... What I loved about this movie: The illegal immegrant jokes. I didn't know we were allowed to taunt illegal immegrants...is it racist that his half-Mexican daughter hated Mexicans? Or did she just hate illegal Mexicans? Regardless, these jokes were a welcome break from the overwhelming stream of fat jokes that comprised the other 99% of the movie. I loved the random, pointless inclusion of extreme sports and parkour. I'm not sure why they were included: Presumably a group of theives who can jump over shit cost more than ones that can't, and the jumping around was utterly pointless. Then you just have a douchebag riding around on a BMX bike and another who skated -poorly- on a skateboard. Dudes: You're robbing a mall. Do your little skateboarding thing some other time. Seriously. I also loved the theory that an overweight, 40+, utterly depressed man could score a super-hot 20-something. If the story was reversed, and it was Roseanne or Rosie O'Donnell on that segway instead of a man, then you know she would have wound up with someone else grossly obese...it's just not reasonable to expect she could score a hot man 20 years younger than her. So...why do we believe that a man can? Alright, that was more something that I hated about the movie. What I hated: The ever present fat jokes. Now, I'm not against fat jokes entirely. However...when they comprise an entire character or an entire movie...No. Just no. Maybe the jokes worked for the people the movie was aimed at (namely, 14-year-old boys), but, for me, they fell pretty flat. As the movie continued, and we saw how utterly depressed Blart was, the jokes fell flatter. It's like making fun of an alcoholic or a kid with cancer. Sure, he had more control over his condition that would a kid with cancer, but...dude. Note: I may write reviews for all this week's movies, but I do expect to write them all for next next week!