0:04

My job is to somehow

0:08

make them curious enough or persuade

0:10

them by hook or

0:13

crook to get more aware

0:15

of themselves and where they came from and what

0:17

they are into and what is already there

0:19

and just to bring it out. This is

0:22

what compels me to compel

0:24

them and I will do it by whatever

0:26

means necessary. Welcome

0:29

to the Black Girls Heal podcast where

0:31

we talk about healing our intimacy disorders

0:34

and resolve trauma and building a healthy

0:36

relationship with first ourselves and then

0:38

others. Every episode we will

0:40

talk about advice you can apply today

0:43

to break unhealthy patterns and grow

0:45

in your self-worth. I'm Sheena LaChe,

0:47

Love Addiction Coach and Trauma Specialist. Let's

0:50

begin.

0:54

Hello, hello and welcome to the latest

0:56

episode of Black Girls Heal. I hope that

0:58

you are doing amazing wherever

1:00

you are and however you are.

1:03

So in today's episode I did hear back

1:06

from y'all. Y'all want to talk about going outside.

1:08

Y'all want to talk about what does it look like to

1:10

go outside and some

1:11

tips for going outside. For

1:13

those of you who may have missed

1:15

it in last week's episode I suggested

1:18

this because I talked

1:19

about how there was an article

1:21

that I saw about how a lot of dating

1:23

apps were losing tons of revenue

1:26

because a lot of people are

1:29

opting out and preferring to meet

1:31

people in real life.

1:33

And there are many of us who are just

1:35

introverts, many of us who are extroverts

1:38

who have been out of practice with meeting

1:40

people which is the category

1:42

that I would put myself in. But

1:45

just over COVID, mom life

1:47

and doing my own internal work

1:50

it became a lot easier for me to spend

1:52

time for myself and needed

1:55

time for myself. As I've gotten older

1:57

my energy levels have

1:59

shifted but I'm still an expert.

2:02

So there are some of us who are very much out

2:04

of practice with being outside and then

2:07

those are

2:07

there are some of us who are not

2:09

necessarily introverts but may have a lot of social

2:12

anxiety or just don't know how

2:14

to put yourself out there, make friends,

2:17

meet potential partners and all that.

2:19

So I'm going to give you eight

2:21

tips for going outside. This is

2:23

not going to be in any particular order. There

2:26

may be some things that work better for you

2:28

versus others so as always take

2:31

what you need and leave the rest. If

2:33

you are anti-going outside

2:35

I would still suggest for you to

2:38

listen to today's episode because you may get

2:40

some tips about how to be available for the

2:42

people who are in your life. So the people that you're already

2:45

comfortable with, the people that you may

2:47

see every once in a while, you may hear

2:49

some things that you can use

2:51

to make those relationships

2:53

and those connections more enjoyable for you,

2:55

more enjoyable for

2:56

them, maybe discover some

2:58

hidden treasure in those connections

3:01

that you didn't really have access

3:03

to because you were unknowingly

3:04

putting down some avoidant behaviors

3:07

or an avoidant meaning

3:09

y'all when we are avoidance we're avoidant

3:12

because maybe we're trying to protect

3:14

ourselves from rejection or abandonment

3:16

or just we don't know. We don't know what we're doing

3:18

or not doing and so it's not intentional.

3:22

We may be putting up walls or making it harder

3:24

to connect with people so this

3:26

episode is still for everybody

3:29

so let's go ahead and jump in with eight

3:31

tips for going outside.

3:35

Okay,

4:00

so let's go ahead and

4:03

jump on in.

4:14

And

4:18

the first tip that I'm

4:20

going to suggest for those who

4:22

struggle with love addiction or love avoidance for going

4:25

outside as I need you

4:27

to transport your mind from 1996

4:31

and act as if online apps do not

4:34

exist.

4:35

So

4:36

literally put yourself in a different

4:38

time period and just think, what

4:40

would I do if apps did not

4:43

exist? How would I

4:44

meet people?

4:46

I think a lot of times we fall back

4:49

on being lazy in our interactions

4:51

with people because as much as

4:53

we may talk a lot of crap about it or talk

4:56

a lot of crap about other people and

4:58

how this world is like, you

5:00

know, are addicted to their films,

5:02

maybe more superficial, maybe

5:05

victim or prone to this microwave

5:07

culture that wants everything exactly

5:09

how we want it immediately.

5:12

And people don't know how to take their time anymore

5:14

and all that stuff. Like a lot of us can wax

5:16

poetic about it, but we still

5:19

have normalized a lot of customs that

5:21

make us lazy or superficial

5:24

in our interactions or

5:26

just negligent of it. Because at

5:29

any point in time, you know,

5:31

we live in the most connected

5:32

culture and

5:33

time period in the world while we still feel

5:36

very disconnected. So at any time that I'm

5:38

feeling lonely, I can open my phone and

5:40

whether or not my thing is podcasts

5:43

or Reddit or TikTok or

5:46

Facebook or, you

5:48

know, even Words with Friends, you

5:51

can meet people online. You

5:53

can connect to any person at any time

5:55

in any way that you want

5:57

immediately, but that is not

5:59

deep.

5:59

connection, which is what many

6:02

of us are longing for. So

6:04

we need to bring ourselves back in time,

6:06

maybe 1996 is too far away

6:08

for some of us, let's do 2000s. Picture P,

6:12

WBCW

6:14

time period, right? At least that's

6:17

what it is for me. That's my

6:19

generation as a global millennial. And

6:22

you know, Martin, living single, all

6:24

of them, how did they go out, how

6:26

did they meet people, all that stuff.

6:29

And we are going to adopt those processes

6:31

and we're going to adopt that mindset. And

6:34

that is the life that we are going to live if

6:36

we are going to start going outside. And

6:39

knowing that outside is where the

6:41

love and relationships and connections that

6:43

we want are. Now, the

6:46

same rules are still true, though, y'all, everybody

6:49

that you meet ain't gonna be your cup

6:51

of tea. So if I'm going to still use those sitcoms

6:54

or that time period as an example, we

6:56

may have known our neighbors for we didn't like all of

6:58

them. You know, there may have been one or two people that

7:00

we really connect to it. We may have

7:03

had and still the same, you know, committees

7:05

or groups or neighborhood functions and everything.

7:08

And there are people in the friend group, the

7:10

big friend group that we vibe with, and there

7:12

are people that we did, you know. And

7:14

so that is going to be true. And I think what

7:17

happens with this kind of either

7:19

microwave culture or this high sensitivity,

7:21

especially for those of us who listen to this podcast,

7:25

those of us who may have a very high sensitivity

7:27

to rejection, to abandon

7:29

it, to putting yourself out there and

7:31

you have this belief that it's not going to work out anyway.

7:34

So you're very sensitive to any cues and

7:36

signs that that's the direction that it's going

7:38

so that you click before you even start or right

7:41

when you get started, you

7:42

may, you know,

7:43

mess up the interaction or think

7:46

that you just being yourself, you being quirky

7:48

or you just having conversation. You're sowing

7:51

your head about what you think somebody

7:53

is thinking. You are assuming that

7:55

they don't like you or that they think this conversation

7:57

is boring or really they're enjoying it.

8:00

So if you're not careful, you may

8:02

cut off getting to know

8:04

someone because you were projecting

8:06

your own insecurities onto them when they think

8:08

that you're wonderful. They think that this is a really

8:12

great way to meet someone. They actually

8:14

do care about where you're from. You're like,

8:17

you know, I've seen so many people do this. Like they start

8:19

off talking about themselves and then

8:21

they interrupt. They're like, you don't care about this. Let

8:24

me tell you what. I'm like, girl, I'm over here giving you

8:26

full eye contact and I'm talking to you. I

8:29

care about this. I'm not doing the social

8:31

cues of like looking at my walk

8:34

or yawning or, you

8:36

know, you know, looking behind

8:38

you and that kind of stuff. And my eyes glazing

8:41

over like I'm fully here. And

8:43

so until someone starts to do all that stuff,

8:45

then you stay, you take up space

8:47

and you talk about yourself and you ask them about

8:49

them themselves as well. I'm kind of

8:51

getting into the other tips, but let me focus

8:54

on the first one. The first one is pretend

8:57

that apps do not exist. Okay.

8:59

Pretend that online connecting to people, there's

9:01

no Bumble BFF. There's

9:04

no Bumble dating. There's

9:06

no hinge. There's not even any LinkedIn.

9:09

We're hitting the pavement to meet people.

9:12

And that's where

9:14

the sparks and the connections are. The immediate

9:17

feedback information about whether or not this is

9:19

real or not. So

9:21

I'm going to, again,

9:24

I'm not going to go in any order. So this

9:26

may skip around. I'm going to come back to something that

9:28

I said with the first one later. But the

9:30

second one is going to be where I

9:32

may lose some of y'all, but hey, we're

9:34

going it out there now. Actually,

9:36

I don't think I'm going to lose y'all. I

9:39

think this is going to make sense. The second one

9:41

is you need to talk to everyone. Talk

9:44

to everyone. So what do I mean when I say this?

9:46

This is my introverts. Calm down because

9:48

I'm not telling you to go out and

9:50

talk to every single person that you see

9:54

in

9:54

real life because I would be very

9:57

overstimulating for your nervous system,

9:59

for your brain. you know, that's just

10:01

a lot of input. What I mean

10:03

is sometimes we can go

10:05

out with this preconceived notion of what

10:08

types of relationships that we want.

10:11

And so let's say I am on a mission for

10:13

girlfriends, right? And let's say

10:16

I want to connect with other black

10:18

women

10:19

who look like me, dress like me, and talk

10:21

like me because I would love to be in

10:23

connection with other people like me. So

10:25

when I go to Target, I'm on the front for

10:28

people who look like me,

10:30

look like they may walk like I do, maybe look

10:32

like they may like the type of music I do, which

10:35

is fine for you to know the type

10:38

of populations that you feel the most comfortable with. But

10:40

when you do that, you put yourself

10:43

in this tunnel vision to where you

10:45

may have all these opportunities for love

10:47

and for connection and for friendship that

10:49

you are totally missing out on because you

10:51

think it will have to come in a certain

10:53

second. When for many

10:56

of us, part of the problem that we may be

10:58

in is because we're so tied to

11:00

what love, connection, and friendship

11:02

is supposed to look like.

11:04

You know, I was talking to someone the other

11:06

day who was kind of talking about

11:08

this phenomenon and she was saying

11:10

how she met this person who was like really

11:13

nice, you know, they had worked together and but

11:15

they don't anymore, I think. I

11:17

can't remember how they met each other, but either way they've

11:20

been along great, you know, they laugh together,

11:22

they feel she feels really

11:24

safe with her, you know, and they

11:26

have similar backgrounds and experiences and

11:28

like she's super loving and available, but

11:31

she's white.

11:32

And so this person was telling me that

11:36

that

11:36

was a con. That's why I phrase it as

11:38

but she's white not and she's

11:40

white. For her, she like

11:43

liked her as a person,

11:43

but like she was like, well,

11:46

what if this is like an issue? What if,

11:48

you know, with all the upheaval and things are happening

11:50

in the country and all this other stuff? And I'm like,

11:54

has she attended to all that? Like when you all

11:56

talk conversations, has she

11:58

made you feel safe? listen

12:00

to you? Has she shown up for you? And she's

12:02

like, yes. And I'm like, okay. So

12:05

your deep friendship that you've been

12:07

praying for and wanting for a long time

12:10

has not come in the package that you thought

12:12

it would, but it's come and it's here and

12:14

it's in full effect. So what's

12:17

going on? And I think,

12:20

you know, there may be friends

12:23

that are available for you that are much

12:26

older than you or

12:27

much younger than you. Again, they may be

12:29

from a different background that you are not

12:31

typically friends with. And so

12:33

this is your opportunity to go beyond

12:36

your comfort zone. They may be a

12:38

different gender presentation than

12:40

you. They may be a different religious

12:42

background than you. They may be

12:44

a different

12:47

ethnicity that typically from

12:49

your background there's a lot of conflict with.

12:52

And so it's about you bridging

12:54

that gap and going beyond your own

12:56

prejudices. They

12:58

may be more, they may be more differently able

13:00

than you. They may be on a different

13:02

attractiveness level than you. Sometimes

13:05

we will cut off people because we think that

13:07

they are too attractive for us. If we

13:09

struggle with our own sense

13:11

of body image or sense of

13:13

feeling threatened or the other

13:16

way, if we may be in our ego and,

13:19

you know, I only roll with bad bitches and

13:22

this person doesn't do her eyebrows in the

13:24

way that qualifies for your friendship,

13:27

you may miss out on the blessing

13:29

when all you got to do is take her to Sephora

13:32

and help her with some Anatasia Beverly

13:34

Hills and hook her up

13:36

if she wants, even if she even wants to. But if

13:38

everything else fits, do not

13:40

block your blessings. So talk to

13:42

everyone. This can also

13:45

be related as well to

13:48

romantic partnerships. I'm not going to emphasize

13:51

that part as much as

13:54

before because I know many of us who

13:56

listen to this. I'm prone to the builder

13:59

relationship. whether or not it's physically,

14:01

financially, or emotionally, and we will be

14:03

talking to someone that all the red flags

14:05

are flagging and are like, stay

14:08

away from them. And I do not

14:10

need no one to take what I'm saying on this podcast

14:13

and say, well, Shana said, talk to everyone.

14:15

The hell I did.

14:16

Please, please,

14:20

please, please, please understand

14:23

what I'm talking about. Romantic

14:25

partnerships, because I feel like

14:27

our eyes are open,

14:29

more eyes are more open to red flags when

14:31

it comes to platonic things than it is

14:33

when it comes to romantic things. Like there's like quickness

14:36

to join energies and, you know,

14:39

to compromise and to like give people

14:41

the benefit of the doubt that we don't do with

14:43

our friendships, which is a whole other conversation

14:46

for a different day. There's

14:49

a little bit more standards when we look at

14:51

with friend groups than we do with our romantic partnerships,

14:53

ironically, no matter what it is, no matter what

14:55

we think. But still, what I will

14:58

say for that

14:59

is I really, really

15:02

want to push just

15:04

for full transparency,

15:06

black women going towards relationships

15:09

with people who want them.

15:12

So I

15:13

am a proponent for love coming to

15:15

you and whatever form that looks like, including

15:17

this, that form is a different

15:20

culture or background than you.

15:22

For a form, meaning

15:24

if you are a five, two, five, four woman,

15:27

then

15:27

this man is five, six, five,

15:29

eight. He may not hit the five, 10

15:32

requirement or actually six foot

15:34

requirement, the six inches in height difference,

15:37

but you can still wear heels around him and

15:39

still be, you know,

15:42

still be seen and taken care of and

15:44

thrown over his shoulder, you know, like talk

15:48

to, be

15:49

open to talking to people. And

15:51

core, the core value of this, that

15:54

really underlines why

15:56

and what would help you to be open to talking

15:58

to other people. to see people

16:00

as humans and not as tools.

16:03

Whenever you are going out and

16:05

you are like targeted and I'm only gonna talk

16:07

to people who I feel like can provide value

16:09

to my life,

16:11

you're going out with that

16:13

prejudice, you're going out with

16:16

that,

16:18

that's not good energy because

16:20

who are you to say on outside

16:22

appearance who's going to bring

16:25

value to your life and who's not and what

16:27

do you constitute as value? Is value

16:30

only the aesthetics or is value also

16:32

the

16:32

emotional care, the spiritual

16:34

care,

16:34

the financial care, the

16:38

self-development and self-growth, the

16:40

wisdom of other people's experiences.

16:43

So you need to let your heart be open

16:46

to love, connection, possibility and

16:48

chance and whatever form it comes in.

16:50

So if there's a four year old little kid who wants to come

16:53

up and talk to you, talking to them, whether

16:56

or not it's an older lady or an older

16:59

non creepy gentleman, again,

17:01

I am pro, having

17:03

common sense and being and

17:05

acting in protection of yourself or

17:08

a person who doesn't look like you or any shade

17:10

and color, the stranger that's trying to do

17:13

a conversation with you in line and

17:15

you're like, yo lady, I'm just trying to get my

17:17

biscuits and get out of here, smile

17:20

back, talk to them about

17:22

nothing or about everything, you

17:24

never know who God is bringing across

17:27

your path. So do you open to angels

17:29

and whatever form they come.

17:31

So that's number two. Number three, I

17:33

already said it is to smile, smile.

17:36

Many of us have resting bitch faces.

17:39

I am one of them. I have been told many

17:42

a time that I'm intimidating. I've also

17:44

been told up many a time that I'm intimidating

17:46

with people who know me and love me. And

17:49

I am actively consoling them and my thinking

17:52

face is a thinking face,

17:54

but my thinking face, that

17:56

is like I'm here and I'm connected and

17:58

I'm like listening to you. looks

18:01

like a judgment face and you

18:03

know I'm

18:11

better than I was before but I'm not perfect

18:14

and here's the thing y'all as much

18:17

as you're like I've talked about this before

18:19

as much as you're like what people need to get to know

18:22

me and you know I'm a good person

18:24

and if someone's judging me on the outside then

18:26

I don't really need to see them.

18:28

As I see somebody walking towards me

18:30

when that's like get the

18:32

fuck out of my way is on their face I'm

18:34

gonna get the fuck out of their way like I'm

18:37

going to respect with their face is telling

18:39

me.

18:39

So with that is not the

18:42

experience that you want you're going

18:44

to have to learn how to smile.

18:46

I suggest that you look in the mirror and you

18:49

see what your smiles look like because

18:51

you may think that you're smiling and

18:53

then come to find out

18:55

it's not

18:56

happening at all like I've

18:58

had to practice with

19:00

taking pictures and I think

19:03

I'm doing like a slight like cute

19:05

little smirk and my face

19:07

really is like what do you want

19:10

and why are you looking at me? Like I've been

19:12

tired for

19:15

this. It is wild like when you're in your own body

19:17

you have full access to your thoughts you

19:19

have full access to your intentions you have

19:21

full access to all that but everybody else

19:24

does it. So it is

19:26

very important for you to over exaggerate

19:30

your expressions of openness

19:32

and love towards others. One

19:35

because it's inviting for others and if you're

19:38

listening to this podcast it sounds like that that

19:40

may be something that you actually want and

19:42

again this is also something that you can use in

19:44

your everyday life. I know

19:47

that we all have friends

19:49

especially if you are more avoidant we all

19:51

have friends that what's looking at me like

19:53

hey what's wrong with you? And you're like I'm fine.

19:56

This is why girls. This is why.

19:58

This is why persons. people listening to

20:00

me because you may

20:03

be giving off different energy and you

20:05

may want to and yes you can

20:08

do the default thing again and say well

20:11

they're my people they're not going to understand me and

20:13

yes that is true and

20:17

you are also the only one who's in charge

20:20

of the messaging that

20:20

you're putting out or not putting out.

20:23

So that's something that you feel comfortable with that

20:25

is totally fine that is totally up to

20:27

you like I said at the top of this episode

20:30

there may be some things that some people

20:32

are like hell yeah

20:33

that's me I'm going to work on that and there are going

20:36

to be some things or some people are like I'm

20:37

going to do what I want I'll grow

20:40

on people are going to have to deal with it and if this

20:42

is one of those things and good on you I am

20:44

proud of you for practicing your own boundaries and

20:46

everything and

20:48

I'm also going to tell you the truth as

20:51

someone who wants the best for you and

20:53

wants you to have that type of expansion if

20:56

or when that type

20:58

of advice is applicable or helpful for

21:01

you then you are

21:03

the podcast as a resource to help you

21:05

with that but it's not script number three and

21:08

again take what you need and leave the rest

21:10

do not not take what

21:12

works for you and do

21:14

the all or nothing thing where we can be like

21:17

you know

21:18

very black and white

21:20

this whole life is about learning what

21:23

works for us and what doesn't and so

21:25

I really champion and support you being

21:27

able to do that but yes

21:29

my folks so as you all know cooking is

21:34

not your girls favorite thing to do in between

21:37

momming life running

21:39

a business serving clients and hosting these

21:41

podcasts things get really busy

21:43

and it's also a goal for me

21:45

to also keep healthy in the meantime well

21:48

if you can relate to that this holiday season

21:50

you might be your own boundaries and everything and

21:53

I'm also going to tell you the truth as

21:55

someone who wants the best for you

21:57

and wants you to have that type of

21:59

expansion. If or

22:01

when that type of

22:03

advice is applicable or helpful for

22:06

you, then you have

22:08

this podcast as a resource to help you

22:10

with that. But if not, skip to number three and

22:13

again, take what you need and leave the rest.

22:15

Do not not take

22:17

what works for you and

22:19

do the all or nothing thing where we

22:21

can be like, you know,

22:23

very black and white.

22:25

This whole life is about learning what

22:28

works for us and what doesn't.

22:29

And so I really champion and

22:31

support you being able to do that.

22:34

But

22:34

yes, my lessons, my lessons.

22:36

So as you all know, cooking

22:39

is not your

22:39

girl's favorite thing to do. And between

22:42

momming life, running

22:44

a business, serving clients and hosting these

22:46

podcasts, things get really busy. And

22:49

it's also a goal for me to also

22:51

keep healthy in the meantime. Well, if you

22:53

can relate to that this holiday season,

22:55

you might be looking for nutritious, convenient

22:57

meals to keep you energized on jam packed

22:59

days as well. In fact,

23:02

America's number one ready to eat meal

23:04

delivery service can help you fuel

23:06

up fast for breakfast, lunch and

23:08

dinner with chef prepared, dietitian

23:11

approved, ready to eat meals delivered

23:13

straight to your door. You'll

23:14

save time, eat well and stay

23:16

on track with your healthy lifestyle while tackling

23:19

all of your holiday to do. I've tried

23:21

their chipotle rub pork chop and fell

23:23

in love. All of their meals are large

23:26

portions and come ready for the busiest

23:28

person to still eat well without the hassle.

23:31

Simply choose your meals and enjoy fresh flavor

23:33

packed meals delivered to your door ready in just

23:35

two minutes. No prep, no mess. Head

23:38

to factor meals dot com slash

23:40

BGH 50 and

23:43

use BGH 50 to

23:45

get 50 percent off. That's called

23:47

BGH 50 at factor

23:49

meals dot com slash BGH 50

23:52

to get 50 percent off. When

23:55

it comes to relationships, I'm a big believer

23:57

that you have to find someone you can be authentically.

25:59

is to start out

26:01

with,

26:04

I was going to say three but I am

26:06

an extrovert.

26:09

Here's my reasoning behind three,

26:11

but

26:11

those are my folks with social anxiety and introversion.

26:14

There's only one person

26:16

that you put yourself

26:17

out there and talk to you and say hello how

26:20

are you doing today and say that

26:22

person has a funky attitude.

26:24

They have a bad day, they're

26:26

having a bad day, they don't know English.

26:29

They have a

26:31

jealous best friend who's around the corner.

26:33

They are

26:34

in a hurry. Like

26:36

there's so much that could

26:39

happen

26:40

that can make that one experience

26:42

that you have so terrifying

26:45

and traumatizing and

26:48

motivating that you're not going to want

26:50

to talk to anybody ever again.

26:53

But if you are saying hello how are

26:55

you to release three people,

26:58

you have multiple different experiences

27:01

to balance this out, right?

27:04

For you to know put your foot into

27:06

the water and be like oh okay this is

27:09

fine this actually is okay

27:11

this works for me.

27:12

So when I say talking to three people

27:14

I am saying something as simple

27:16

as hello are you all talk more

27:19

about topics

27:21

and the numbers that are coming after this.

27:24

But really is you initiating.

27:26

The goal is you initiating

27:28

hello how are

27:30

you

27:31

looking them in their eyes, right?

27:33

Because especially if you're here in the States in

27:35

America we say how are you and

27:37

the answer is supposed to be fine. Like we don't

27:40

really expect a full conversation, we don't

27:42

do all that but for those of us especially

27:44

who struggle with social anxiety,

27:47

those of us who are introverts, extroverts

27:50

who are used to being outside

27:52

more this is all just brand new to us.

27:55

We may be more used to being

27:57

more passive and responding when things

27:59

hurt.

27:59

versus being more proactive.

28:02

And so this is you remember

28:05

where in 2002 or in 2003 right

28:08

now ain't nobody on apps and if they're

28:10

on apps we're at a period in time where people

28:12

were still looking at apps to be like that's

28:15

crazy.

28:16

That person is gonna you know hurt

28:18

you

28:18

or something you know it wasn't as

28:21

normalized as it is now where people just

28:23

assumed that apps like if you wanted now

28:25

it's at the place where if you're single

28:27

and looking

28:28

and people

28:30

are gonna ask you if you're on apps and it's gonna

28:31

be weird if you say you're not

28:33

or if you've never done an app before.

28:37

Yeah even even though people know that

28:39

there's like this love-hate relationship with

28:42

dating apps people are gonna judge you for not

28:44

ever trying an app before and that's

28:47

very different than it was you know 10

28:49

20 years ago my goodness 20 years

28:52

ago. Thank

28:54

you Lord for life and for time and longevity.

28:57

Yeah if we were in 2002-2003 and you were going outside just

29:03

you know meeting people talking to people and

29:06

selling let's say you're just sitting at a cafe

29:08

or something and someone walked by your mind your

29:10

business reading a book you may look up and be like

29:12

hey how you doing

29:14

and then keep on reading you know and

29:16

as much as I want you to

29:18

go out there of course we're talking about tips for going outside

29:21

and meeting people of course the next step is to

29:23

start a conversation which again I'll be talking

29:25

about in a moment for those of you who are

29:27

just so scared to do any

29:29

of this at all I just need you to talk

29:31

to people I need you to practice I need

29:34

you to practice talking to people not completely

29:37

you know looking away running

29:39

away and once once we're getting

29:42

good at that then let's talk about conversation

29:44

so that is actually number five practicing

29:47

eye contact. Eye

29:49

contact I think out of all the

29:51

things that I'm going to talk to you about today

29:54

is for those of us who struggle with meeting

29:56

folks and putting ourselves out there this

29:59

may be one of the

30:01

hardest things, not for everybody. I think

30:03

half of us is eye contact because

30:06

of the vulnerability, especially if we

30:08

have our own sense of internal

30:10

rejection that comes with it. And

30:13

some of us, the struggle is

30:15

going to be actually the desire. I want

30:18

to talk to people, I want friendships, I want

30:20

relationships, but I really couldn't

30:22

care less

30:23

about the small talk

30:26

and everything else that comes with that. So

30:28

we're going to talk about that in a little bit too,

30:30

but let's talk about those of us who have like this

30:32

strong anxiety and

30:35

all that. Looking all

30:37

around and everything communicates

30:39

that you are not that interested in the person

30:42

and what they're saying, which you

30:45

are because you're outside, you're not in your bed. You

30:47

know, you're there to try to make a

30:49

connection where you could just stay quiet. So

30:52

you do care. And so the eye contact

30:55

is going to be really important for you knowing

30:57

how to

31:00

stay present and stay grounded. So

31:02

this is where doing some deep breathing comes

31:05

into place. For those of you who know

31:07

how to tap, I would practice in tapping.

31:10

You see me, if you see me teach

31:12

you how to do tapping, I teach you how to do so.

31:15

And not only at the recovery school, but also in

31:17

the members club, the BJH

31:19

members club, I talk about doing

31:21

it like under the table or very subtly

31:24

to where you can be tapping on these pressure points

31:27

and getting some of that

31:29

stress and trauma out of your body while

31:33

also being able to be present in a very stressful

31:35

situation. But a very practical

31:38

way for you to practice eye contact is

31:40

to practice holding the gaze or

31:43

looking at the nose or looking into

31:45

one of the eyes of whoever you're talking

31:48

to for at least five

31:51

seconds. So five in your head, one,

31:53

two,

31:55

three,

31:56

four,

31:57

five. And then if you need to look away,

31:59

do so.

31:59

and then come back and hold it. And

32:02

the more you do it, the longer it will

32:04

be.

32:05

I also think

32:06

the longer it will be, obviously, the longer it will be, the

32:08

easier it will get, Lord. The

32:12

longer it will be. Oh,

32:14

Sheena, you're silly. Something

32:16

that has also helped me is

32:18

because there is a lot of fear that comes with holding

32:21

eye contact, at least for people like

32:23

me in the way my trauma story is set

32:25

up. So for anyone who relates to that,

32:29

I love watching people what

32:31

has helped me. Let me talk

32:33

about the reason why there's a fear. There is

32:34

a fear there because there's

32:37

a lot of thoughts around, well, am I gonna look weird

32:39

if I'm staring them in their eyes? Like,

32:41

they're going to think that I'm like,

32:44

being too intrusive, or they're gonna

32:47

be like, this weird girl is like staring

32:50

at me. When really no one's thinking any of

32:52

that, they are just fully present. So

32:55

I like to watch people who are

32:56

masters at eye contact,

32:59

or watching how the other people respond,

33:01

and watching how for other people is actually a more

33:04

enjoyable, hypnotic experience

33:07

to be seduced in that way. What's behind

33:10

a good

33:11

session

33:12

of eye contact and smolder is

33:16

truly seduction. It really is connecting

33:18

to a different side of you and

33:20

a different part of you that you're being seen.

33:24

So some people who I've watched an interview

33:26

who are great at this

33:27

are

33:28

Alani.

33:30

Whenever she does interviews with people, like she's

33:33

like deeply looking into their soul.

33:36

Angelina Jolie was great at that,

33:38

obviously.

33:40

Who else is good?

33:42

Michael Ely, when he used to do

33:44

more interviews, he was really good at that.

33:47

So just think about the people who you know

33:50

can have a

33:51

child of reputation being a little bit

33:53

more seductive, a

33:55

little bit more of the sirens

33:59

or the people who are good. were like super charming

34:01

and watch them in interviews.

34:04

But watch them not with like love interests

34:06

and stuff. Watch them with reporters.

34:08

Watch them having basic conversations

34:11

where these reporters are asking them about their movie

34:13

or their song and just

34:16

into them

34:16

talking about like their favorite color or their

34:18

moms or whatever. And

34:19

watch how they hold eye contact

34:22

and notice that the interview still

34:25

goes great. And if anything, it's even more

34:27

fun because that person is able to connect

34:30

with you more. And that's

34:32

going to be really great, this invitation

34:34

for you to know that it

34:36

is OK for you to, one, embody

34:39

this part of yourself, that it is

34:41

intent and that it is

34:43

available for folks, and then also

34:46

that

34:46

it actually is helpful for other people as

34:48

well.

34:49

So this is directly connected. This

34:52

is a great segue to number six,

34:54

which is probably one of the

34:56

most important ones, which means to

34:58

drop your defense mechanisms, aka

35:02

your good girl voice and your professional

35:04

voice. So those

35:07

of us who struggle to connect with people

35:09

and connect with love interests,

35:12

especially, one of

35:14

the ways that we protect ourselves from rejection

35:17

and don't actually show our full selves

35:19

is that we shift into the voice or the

35:21

presentation that is the

35:24

most foolproof for us,

35:26

which does not allow the person

35:28

to really feel

35:30

us. So this one is going

35:32

to be really for those

35:34

of us who are going out to meet

35:36

romantic partners.

35:38

I have seen

35:39

over and over again with my clients

35:41

who struggle with putting themselves out there and

35:45

meeting folks that they will tell

35:47

me things like, well, I talk to people all the time.

35:50

And it doesn't go anywhere. Or

35:54

they don't really seem that interested. And

35:56

I say, OK, so when you're talking to them, do

35:58

you go into the chat? chipper happy like

36:01

hi there. Sasha,

36:03

nice to meet you. And they're like,

36:05

yes. Like

36:07

this super

36:08

friendly,

36:10

non-threatening,

36:12

but just the asexual

36:15

person that they happen to know

36:18

versus do you embody.

36:20

There's a difference between hi there, I'm Sasha,

36:23

nice to meet you and hi,

36:25

I'm

36:26

Sasha. It's really great

36:28

to meet you. And dropping

36:30

into a different octave of your voice while

36:32

you're holding the eye contact, while

36:35

you are keeping your body language open,

36:38

while you are facing them and letting

36:40

them look at you and letting them linger

36:42

on you and you're doing the same for them. Can

36:45

you hold that type of

36:47

embodiment? Or the other one

36:49

is professional. So I'm meeting

36:51

folks and maybe I'm meeting someone who I can

36:54

tell is on my level professionally

36:56

or more super successful. And

36:59

so same thing, I go into meeting them

37:01

and I'm like, hi, I'm Sasha. I'm

37:04

very great to meet you.

37:05

How you enjoy the event,

37:07

right? Like I'm like

37:09

here versus,

37:14

hi, I'm Sasha, it's really

37:16

great to meet you.

37:18

How you enjoy the event?

37:20

You know, like to put some flirtation

37:22

in there, to be fully

37:25

sensual, sexual, a woman in

37:27

those experiences and for those of y'all

37:29

who are gonna be like, well, that's not safe.

37:33

Obviously, I'm talking about people

37:35

that you want to make a move on you. I

37:38

ain't talking about Leroy with three gold

37:40

teeth, you know, at the gas station,

37:42

trying to talk to you and be like, say girl,

37:44

say girl, where are you going? Like, we ain't talking

37:46

about him.

37:48

I'm talking about when you are out

37:50

at a bar or at the grocery

37:52

store or at a professional

37:55

event and you want to shift

37:57

from being just...

37:59

but for a casual contact

38:03

to them knowing that you are interested. And

38:05

so it is important for you to in

38:08

those moments, be a woman, be a woman. And

38:12

I found that the two most common defense

38:14

mechanism costumes and maybe they're

38:17

not costumes because there's still parts of you

38:19

there and they may be parts of you that you really

38:21

love and have a lot of flow in, but

38:24

you are a whole woman like

38:26

you, there are multiple different parts and

38:28

embodiments to you. And what I

38:30

find is that it's

38:32

easier for women who struggle with

38:34

this

38:34

to embody

38:38

these, these certain parts of

38:40

them, which is the defense mechanism because

38:43

of they show the full parts of them. If they show

38:45

the sensual, sexual, soft, tender

38:48

part of them and that part gets

38:50

rejected, that's very scary.

38:52

And a lot of times they don't show that part because

38:55

they either don't know how to embody it

38:57

because they feel like it's been rejected before

38:59

or they have rejected that part of themselves.

39:03

And so part of what happens with like love addiction

39:05

and love avoidance,

39:06

especially love addiction part, is

39:08

you are very over attached. It's hard

39:10

to let go of someone

39:11

who can see that part of yourself

39:14

and may even have brought it out

39:16

or has complimented it. And

39:19

that's been your only source of affirmation

39:21

and validation because you haven't given it to yourself.

39:24

And so,

39:26

when you start to go outside

39:28

to my fellow recovering love

39:30

addicts and love avoidance,

39:32

you need to start to embody

39:35

all of who you are

39:36

and letting potential partners see

39:39

that part of yourself. That is a struggle

39:41

for you. That is part of the things that we talk about

39:43

in the

39:44

recovery school program, which is where

39:46

I help you heal from the symptoms

39:47

of love addiction, love avoidance, love deprivation

39:49

and the trauma that causes it to make

39:52

way for healthy love. And so in

39:54

this process, every

39:56

single woman who joins this program and does

39:59

the program. has to learn

40:01

about different

40:01

parts of herself and has to learn

40:03

how to embody different parts of herself like

40:06

that is a

40:07

natural byproduct of

40:09

all the work that we do together So

40:11

if you're interested in recovering

40:13

these parts of yourself, like you're going out there You're

40:16

trying to do it or you don't even know where to start

40:18

I would love to help you as your coach and

40:20

you can learn more by going to the recovery

40:23

school

40:24

or even our main

40:25

website blackgirlshell.org and Clicking

40:28

on the work with us tab at the top and learning

40:31

more about the recovery school from there

40:33

So yes, learn and be prepared

40:35

to flirt and let go of all

40:37

those things and number seven

40:40

is to go alone Make

40:43

sure that you are not

40:45

grouping up Because

40:47

that can be not only Intimidating

40:50

for other people but really There's

40:52

going to be harder for you to actually want to

40:54

talk and connect to other people because you have

40:56

your own folks to Fall back on you

40:59

know You are already

41:01

there with your safety person So

41:03

even if you go to a party or something, let's say

41:05

you go with a good friend or something Let's

41:07

say it's a house party. So like it is an actual

41:09

party and not

41:11

People who are just going there and standing around,

41:13

you know, there's music

41:14

playing everything So you're there with your friend,

41:16

you know Y'all are talking and kiki

41:18

and there's like a lull in the conversation

41:21

or you know, your friend goes off to dance

41:24

if we are still in 2023 it's

41:27

gonna be so much easier for you to look down on

41:30

your phone See if you have any notifications

41:32

look at a tick-tock that you can't even hear

41:35

because you're at a party Right

41:37

versus if we were in 2002 2005 you

41:41

would probably look over to the person standing

41:43

right next to you and say something funny

41:45

or compliment her shoes or you

41:47

know Ask her if she knows anybody here

41:50

you would start a conversation

41:52

Right, and so a lot of times when you

41:54

go places with like a safety net Like

41:56

yeah, there's safety as far as like physical protection

41:59

and stuff like that But if your goal

42:01

is to meet people and to make connections

42:03

and put yourself out there, I

42:05

suggest for you to go alone, especially if you're

42:08

wanting to meet other

42:11

folks and be approached. So

42:14

here's where I'm going to say something

42:16

I did not plan

42:17

to say, but it's

42:19

really been on my mind. And

42:21

I really, I'm

42:23

going to contradict some

42:26

major advice that's currently out

42:28

there. And I'm probably going to contradict

42:30

myself as well too.

42:33

Okay.

42:34

So there, I

42:36

have noticed that there are two very distinct

42:38

experiences of women in

42:40

the world. And the advice

42:43

that comes as a

42:45

result of that is frustrating for

42:47

one or both of those sets of women, because

42:50

the experiences

42:50

are so different.

42:52

So there are some women in this world

42:54

who are constantly approached.

42:57

They are approached so much.

42:59

And to the point where they're like, I

43:01

cannot stand it. I just want to be able to go someplace

43:04

and no one talked to me and no one like

43:06

come up to me. Like I just want to be able to work out in

43:08

peace. I just want to go to the store and

43:10

grab my potatoes. I don't

43:13

need to be giving people my number. Like sometimes

43:15

I just want to be left alone. Like whether

43:17

or not they are being approached in

43:20

a gentlemanly way, in a nice

43:22

way, the amount of

43:24

it is too much. Or maybe they are

43:26

so used to being sexualized to where

43:29

them being approached

43:30

is now a sign of danger and discomfort

43:33

and

43:34

being dehumanized. Right? And

43:36

so whatever the case, they

43:38

are approached a lot and they

43:39

do

43:41

ladies who would qualify

43:43

to the

43:44

bad bitch category, you know, everybody.

43:47

And of also of all body

43:49

shapes as well. So that's their experience.

43:52

And then there are also some women

43:54

where that is not their experience

43:56

at all. They wish that someone

43:59

would approach them. They.

43:59

never get approached.

44:02

I mean I say never. I don't mean

44:04

you know once a week or once a

44:07

month. I mean never. And

44:11

so advice that

44:14

is something to the effect of

44:16

well don't ever especially

44:19

if you're straight don't ever

44:21

approach me at first let me come to

44:24

you is really frustrating

44:26

because they have a very long

44:30

life experience is not ever being

44:32

approached. And so then it's like well

44:34

then I guess I'm just going to die alone because

44:38

I'm okay. And then if I go to

44:40

them supposedly I'm starting something that

44:43

doesn't work out and all that stuff.

44:45

And

44:47

then there might even be a third

44:48

category because I do believe that there are

44:51

some people who are not

44:53

afraid to approach other people. And

44:55

because their pickers

44:58

are off we tend to approach people

45:00

who are like bad news for them.

45:02

Right so that's

45:04

that's not really hard

45:05

to fix in the grand scheme of things. You

45:07

know once you're just clear about what are the signs

45:09

of availability versus not being available

45:12

you get to

45:13

weed out the riffraff a lot sooner.

45:15

But

45:16

why am I bringing this up? Because

45:18

the idea especially the point that I just made

45:20

for number seven for number seven going alone

45:22

is the assumption that if you go out

45:25

alone that you will be approached more.

45:27

And there are many of us who take ourselves out on solo

45:29

dates. We do solo trips. We do all

45:31

this other stuff and the approaching still

45:34

does not happen. The approaching still does

45:36

not happen no matter how much you

45:37

smile or da da da da and all that other

45:39

stuff right.

45:41

So we're about to give a set of advice

45:44

that certain people who

45:46

are very big in the dating

45:48

and relationship space right now would

45:51

throw something at me yet. And

45:54

we're going to tell you why I'm going to give you this advice

45:56

though. Okay

45:58

for those of you who are going going out alone

46:02

and you are straight. I

46:04

would, if you see an attractive man,

46:07

I'm still going to encourage you

46:10

to initiate a conversation with him, being

46:13

fully embodied, making

46:15

eye contact, and for you

46:17

to,

46:18

the way that he is going to know that

46:20

you're actually interested in not just being

46:23

nice, especially if this is a non- or

46:25

non-black person

46:26

who's a lot of other cultures are just used

46:28

to kind of

46:30

being nice and being cordial, so they don't

46:32

even know that you may be interested, is

46:35

that you compliment them on something like, oh, you have

46:37

really nice eyes,

46:38

or you know, all of your being, you're

46:40

like

46:40

something like that, so that they know,

46:43

oh, she's not just shooting a breeze,

46:45

right? The reason why I'm telling you this

46:48

is because many of y'all

46:51

do not have really any experience

46:53

talking to folks much

46:55

at all, unless it's someone who's been

46:58

really aggressive towards you and

47:00

for many of us, it's like a narcissist or someone else,

47:02

you don't really know what it is to be

47:04

in the energy and to be making

47:07

conversation with someone who

47:09

you may be romantically attracted to, which is

47:11

where the defense mechanisms of going

47:14

into your good girl or your professional stance

47:16

comes from. You need practice

47:19

to know how to talk to folks

47:21

and be a woman and flirt and put

47:24

yourself out there, so I'm

47:27

encouraging you to talk to folks and to

47:29

initiate so that you can have

47:31

that experience and it may

47:33

turn out well and lead into something

47:36

else or it may not. With

47:39

that said, with that

47:41

said, as much as I'm encouraging

47:43

you to do that, I still

47:45

have a belief,

47:46

this is a personal belief,

47:49

but I still do have a belief that it

47:51

is a more positive sign

47:54

if person is approaching

47:56

you first,

47:59

because that is a full

48:01

sign that they are interested

48:04

in you.

48:05

Versus talking to you

48:07

and just kind of wasting your time and you

48:09

think, you know, because you have a really great conversation,

48:11

you

48:11

all exchange information, you're

48:14

hoping to hear from them, but you don't. Or even

48:17

worse, you know,

48:19

you

48:19

initiate reaching out to them and they're

48:21

responsive, but they're still not interested,

48:23

which is his own type of rejection

48:26

when you're hanging out with someone and they're kind of half-hearted

48:28

about it. That doesn't feel good, whether

48:30

or not it's romantic, platonic, or otherwise. Like

48:32

you want folks to

48:33

want to be with you, right?

48:36

And so that doesn't feel good. So

48:39

something that folks say sometimes about people

48:41

who don't

48:41

get approached is like sometimes, you know,

48:43

the prettiest girls

48:44

are the most attractive people

48:46

are not as approached because the

48:49

folks on the other side have this

48:51

assumption that they get approached often

48:54

or like they're going to get shot down and, you

48:56

know, they're intimidated and that kind of thing. And

48:59

so, you know, a lot

49:01

of the work, especially again

49:03

to a lot of the, you know, dating coaches

49:05

and folks who are kind of pretty big out there right now

49:08

talk a lot about leveling up, making

49:11

yourself look good, and having

49:13

a presence and the energy, right? And so when

49:15

you've done all that, and you're still not

49:17

getting this type of energy back, it can

49:19

make you

49:20

feel like, well, is there something wrong with me?

49:22

What's going on? Right? So I wanted

49:24

to share that.

49:25

But even with that said, you

49:27

know, you still want to make sure

49:30

that you are connected to people, especially

49:31

romantically, who

49:33

are not

49:34

intimidated by you to

49:36

that point,

49:38

because that is a sign of lower

49:40

self-esteem on their part. And that stuff is

49:42

going to show up down the road. And

49:45

I think there's a good number of us

49:47

who have taken people who

49:50

have had lower self-esteem,

49:52

we have watched the impact of that. We've watched

49:54

the impact of that competitiveness,

49:56

that jealousy, that

49:58

I'm not really being happy for

49:59

us, I'm wanting to bring us down to plague,

50:03

that they're how it shows

50:06

up for them with their own lack of integrity or

50:08

lack of accountability. Like that

50:11

kind of low self-esteem is a red flag

50:13

for something else. And so you

50:15

want to make sure that you are with a partner that sees

50:17

you for the jewel and the prize that you are and

50:20

is motivated by that and

50:23

is excited by that versus

50:26

intimidated by that. So that

50:28

may mean that you are not

50:30

approached

50:31

as much.

50:33

And that is still okay because

50:35

the folks who are

50:37

right for you will.

50:39

But in the meantime, I really want

50:41

y'all to practice putting yourself out there

50:43

if this is a skill set you need to

50:46

enhance. If it's not, then

50:49

let it go. You're fine.

50:50

Okay. I hope that makes sense.

50:52

And I hope that validates those of y'all who have

50:55

had that experience where you're like, what the fuck is

50:57

going on? Like you have friends

50:59

where you're watching them. They are constantly

51:01

being like approached, talked

51:03

to,

51:04

offered things and you're

51:06

just there. You're

51:08

not making it up in your head. There's a lot of people who

51:10

have that experience. And so just know

51:12

that

51:12

you are precious, you're beautiful,

51:15

you're valuable,

51:16

you're deserving and you need to be the one who

51:18

knows that and believes that and says that

51:20

to you first before anybody

51:21

else. And the last

51:24

thing that I will share for tips to go outside.

51:26

Tip number eight is the practice

51:28

gets to know you questions. So

51:31

you need to have some questions in

51:33

the bank that you're going to ask

51:35

for these first initial conversations outside

51:38

of, Hey,

51:40

hello, how are you doing today?

51:43

Some people go to questions like,

51:45

Oh, wow, the weather's really hot or

51:48

talking about traffic and that kind of stuff. But nobody

51:51

really cheers about that. So

51:54

you need to have a prepared

51:56

topic and a short enough that's not

51:58

going to be so weird.

51:59

in deep, but if you are in line at Target

52:02

and you say this to someone who like you're

52:04

standing behind, especially as the holidays come

52:07

up and y'all in line for a long time,

52:09

that's not going to be like this deep topic that's

52:11

going to be weird to talk about within 60 seconds,

52:14

right? But

52:16

also not something that's so general and weird

52:19

that they've answered that same question about

52:21

how fat, oh my God, I can't believe it's November.

52:24

Where

52:24

did the time go? Like how many

52:26

times have you heard that same

52:28

phrase? Just in

52:30

general public, right? So

52:33

you need to look up some topic ideas.

52:36

Go ahead and get on your Googles for that. Topics

52:39

to talk about and with strangers

52:42

or how to make friends and that kind of thing, see

52:44

what Google has for you. But have one

52:46

or two things so that you can just pull

52:48

them out when you need them and

52:50

have them ready to go. Questions

52:52

that are benign questions,

52:55

but still probably would be too long or

52:57

like, well, you

53:00

can ask someone where you from and that

53:03

may lead to some stories about where they're

53:05

from and like their neighborhoods and stuff

53:07

like that. But that's also like, it's

53:10

not engaging enough. You know,

53:12

I can easily tell somebody where

53:14

I'm from and then forget their face in the

53:16

next five seconds.

53:18

So I have

53:19

something that you can be prepared

53:21

to ask them more about. And

53:23

then also be prepared to say

53:26

if you are enjoying whether or not it is a

53:28

surface level conversation or whether or not y'all

53:30

are keeking or whatever, say, oh, we

53:32

should totally stay connected. You

53:35

can ask them for their Instagram if they don't have

53:37

one, you can ask them for their phone number. But

53:40

find a way to stay connected with them. Don't just leave

53:42

it to chance. And

53:43

I'm telling you

53:45

that now before you even get into

53:47

the situations, because remember,

53:49

you're practicing and learning how to put yourself out

53:51

there and not being a passive

53:54

observer. So get yourself

53:57

mentally prepared to know, okay.

54:00

I'm going to shoot my shot fully. I'm going to say,

54:02

hello, how are you? And we just

54:04

fully stay in contact, like those are your

54:06

roles in this.

54:09

And again, you can start off with one if you

54:11

need to, but just know that I'm encouraging

54:13

you all to, every

54:15

time you go out, set a goal. Set a

54:18

goal with I'm going to

54:18

maintain eye contact with

54:20

someone for at least five seconds before

54:24

I look away. You can do this while you're

54:26

walking by them,

54:27

again, in the grocery store. If you can't tell, I go

54:29

to the grocery store a lot.

54:31

Mom life, adult life.

54:35

But

54:38

just pick one of the things you don't have to do all

54:40

eight. Pick one of the things and start to build some

54:42

mastery around that and then add on

54:44

to each of them as you go, okay?

54:47

So I

54:48

hope that you found this helpful.

54:50

All the things that go into this

54:52

that can make this hard as far as our avoidance

54:55

techniques, our insecure thoughts,

54:59

trauma that makes us hard, past

55:01

breakups, past friendship breakups that

55:04

have made us resentful of all this stuff. Those are all

55:06

the things that we talk about in the recovery school

55:08

as well,

55:09

which is why sometimes these practical tips

55:11

can land and there'll be some that are better

55:13

than others or easier than others. And

55:16

so I'm available to support you with all those

55:18

things in my

55:19

recovery school program.

55:21

And I love doing it, especially

55:23

now in the holidays when my

55:25

things are slowing down, people

55:27

are becoming more reflective, we're

55:29

needing more comfort and support. This

55:32

is like literally the best time to start

55:34

to get these things started and to

55:36

start to work on these things. Especially

55:39

if

55:39

you happen to have a lot of family triggers and

55:41

stuff around this time or dysfunctional

55:43

family relationships, having this type

55:46

of support and these types of tools as

55:48

an anchor is truly life-changing.

55:50

So

55:51

you can learn more by going to therecoveryschool.com

55:55

and I hope to see you in there.

55:57

All right, that's it for now.

55:59

Hope you have a great.

55:59

rest of your day. Be mad

56:01

to care yourself.