The holidays are a time for cheer and celebration but for couples, it can create tension. According to several polled therapists by the Huffington Post there a 6 main arguments that couples have during the holidays. In this episode, we are going to discuss those arguments and give you tips on how to navigate this holiday season while avoiding potential landmines in your marriage.

Podcast Mentions

Facebook Group: Join the Family!

Huffington Post Article:  The 6 Most Common Arguments Couples Have Around The Holidays

Therapy for Black Men: Find a Therapist

Therapy for Black Girls: Find a Therapist

BetterHelp: https://www.betterhelp.com/

TalkSpace: https://www.talkspace.com/

CBT Thought Diary: https://cbtthoughtdiary.com/

Libby Audiobook Library: https://www.overdrive.com/apps/libby/

Tips for Navigating the Holidays as a Couple

1. Communication of Expectations

   1. Explore the perspective that there's no absolute right or wrong, often just a difference in viewpoints (drawing inspiration from Esther Perel).

   2. Acknowledge that each person's family is unique and has its own dynamics.

2. Embrace Humility

   1. Approach holiday gatherings with humility, recognizing that both partners bring their own backgrounds and traditions into the relationship.

   2. Foster an open mindset to understand and appreciate each other's family dynamics.

3. Negotiate Priorities

   1. Prioritize and negotiate what aspects of the holiday season are most important to each partner.

   2. Example: Decide if traveling during Christmas is non-negotiable or if there's room for compromise.

4. Compromise Where Possible

   1. Find common ground and compromise to create a holiday plan that suits both partners.

   2. Recognize that flexibility is key, especially when blending different family traditions.

5. Express Discomforts

   1. Communicate any discomforts to your partner, serving as a buffer in family interactions.

   2. Example: Share concerns about personal boundaries, such as not wanting to be overly affectionate in certain family settings.

6. Create a Game Plan

   1. Develop a game plan for holiday gatherings, including specifics like how long you'll stay and what's acceptable behavior around children.

   2. Discuss potential challenges and agree on how to address them in the moment.

7. In-the-Moment Discussions

   1. Address issues as they arise during holiday events.

   2. Be a united front and step away together if necessary, ensuring that family dynamics don't strain your relationship.

8. Set Boundaries

   1. Clearly define and communicate boundaries for family interactions.

   2. Establish guidelines for how much time you spend with each family, especially if conflicts arise.

9. Stay United

   1. Resist external pressures that may attempt to pull you and your partner apart.

   2. Reaffirm your commitment to each other during the holiday season.

10. Reflect and Adjust

    1. After the holidays, reflect on what worked well and what could be improved.

    2. Use this information to adjust your approach in future holiday seasons for even smoother experiences.

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