0:13

Welcome to the Blossomy Podcast , a

0:15

place for vulnerable conversations

0:17

surrounding body image , nutrition

0:19

, mental health and the complex relationships

0:22

we have with our bodies and food . We'll

0:25

be diving deep into these themes and

0:27

featuring special guests to offer

0:29

expert insights , advice and

0:32

listening to their own stories , because

0:35

, let's face it , we all eat , think

0:37

and have a body , but we rarely

0:39

discuss dilemmas that may arise so

0:41

openly . Thank

0:44

you so much for joining me , maddie

0:46

Bento , and I hope by the end

0:48

of this episode you'll be feeling empowered

0:51

, inspired and oh so

0:53

blossomy .

0:55

Hello and thank you so much for joining us

0:57

today . Today I've got

0:59

the lovely Sarah on . Now

1:02

, sarah , do you mind telling the listeners just

1:04

a little bit about yourself ?

1:06

Yeah , sure , thank you so much . My name is Sarah , I'm

1:08

31 . I'm a real estate agent in Toowoomba . I'm one of

1:10

four . I have a twin brother . I'm

1:19

the youngest by 10 minutes , born

1:22

and bred in Toowoomba . Passion

1:25

for helping people like I should say as well .

1:28

Yeah , that's so amazing

1:30

and wow

1:32

a real estate industry . It's such

1:34

a vibrant and exciting

1:37

industry , particularly at the moment . I'm

1:40

sure you get to have lots

1:42

of really cool experiences and meet

1:44

so many lovely people and also

1:47

get to have that amazing experience

1:49

where you're connecting

1:51

with someone on their investment or their first

1:53

home and having sharing those beautiful

1:56

moments with people .

1:59

Absolutely yeah . It makes

2:01

my job , you know , all the more

2:03

worth it being

2:05

able to help people get into homes and

2:07

, obviously , dealing with people's

2:10

biggest assets in their life as well . So

2:13

, yeah , it can be a very rational roller coaster

2:16

, but it can be very rewarding at

2:18

the same time . I'm just , you know , blessed that I'm able

2:20

to , you know , work a

2:22

job with

2:24

people .

2:25

Really , yeah , yeah , and

2:28

although you're a

2:30

real estate agent , that's actually not why I've

2:32

put you on the show today . You've

2:35

got an event coming up which is very , very

2:37

exciting . Do you want

2:39

to tell us a little bit more ?

2:41

about it . Absolutely

2:43

so . This Saturday , the 7th

2:45

of October , I

2:47

have co-founded an event called it's Cool

2:50

to Talk Grief . It's

2:53

at George Banks in support of the Toowoomba

2:55

Hospice and I guess

2:57

my why . Around

3:00

this event I

3:03

had a fray and thought one

3:05

morning I guess a lot of people have

3:08

crazy thoughts at that time and this was one of

3:10

them my

3:12

mother passed away from cancer two

3:14

years to the day , on

3:16

Saturday , the 7th of October , and

3:21

the grief that I

3:23

experienced , or my journey

3:25

of grief like it's different with everyone

3:27

, but I felt

3:29

the need that it needed to be normalised more

3:32

and I felt the need that we need

3:34

to talk about it more Because

3:36

in my experience , it

3:38

was very eye-opening

3:41

the approach from others and what

3:44

I could put out as well . I feel as though

3:47

everyone struggles through

3:49

grief , no matter if it's a

3:51

death . It can be other things as well but

3:54

I felt the need that we really need to start speaking

3:56

about this publicly and making it

3:59

aware to people that haven't experienced , or help

4:01

people through their journey of grief , that they

4:03

are experiencing .

4:05

Yeah , and that's a huge

4:07

thing to take on and you're right , though

4:09

, it's so needed because we

4:12

often have a tendency

4:14

as a society to shy away from things

4:17

and

4:19

hard stuff . We don't like hard stuff . We want

4:21

to put it in a box and not talk about it

4:23

. And did you find

4:25

in your experience with grief

4:28

that people

4:31

kind of didn't either people avoided

4:33

you or they didn't want to talk to you about

4:35

certain things , or they got a bit like

4:37

funny around ?

4:39

Yeah , what's your experience ? Yeah

4:42

, for sure . I guess you'd

4:44

say a mixture of both . I

4:46

had , obviously , my family and friends , who

4:49

were always there for me , but

4:52

then there was another kind of site to it where

4:54

people really didn't know what to say . They

4:58

like I

5:00

got sick of people saying I'm so sorry for

5:02

you , I'm so sorry for you . I'm like

5:04

, yeah , I'm sorry for me too . What are we going to do

5:06

about it ? I

5:08

got sick of people kind of giving me that approach , and

5:11

that's totally fine because

5:13

we don't know what to say sometimes . But

5:16

I felt as though that

5:19

was the most frequently

5:21

frequently

5:23

said thing to me was I'm

5:25

so sorry for your loss , condolences , and

5:28

that's beautiful as well . But we

5:31

can I'm sure we can find a different approach

5:34

. Yeah , or we

5:36

create with our approach , you know

5:38

and don't get

5:40

me wrong like that was amazing being said to

5:42

me and I really appreciate it

5:45

. But there's only so many lasagnas you can

5:47

freeze too . Yeah

5:50

, I feel as though

5:53

everyone gives lasagnas

5:55

. Yeah

5:57

, you say you're all lasagna now

6:00

and that's just a funny thing to look at . Let's

6:02

just like lighten up , like we

6:04

can do other things with mints everyone

6:06

. But

6:12

that's kind of how I felt and

6:14

everyone's journey is different , but

6:18

we just need to normalize it a bit .

6:21

Definitely , and I think you

6:23

know I particularly

6:27

because I work a lot with women and

6:29

I work with a lot of mums we

6:32

, I often talk with mums

6:34

about the grief of either

6:36

miscarriage or infertility and

6:40

that's a really tough topic

6:43

, like it's a different grief , but it's grief

6:45

the same way , in that

6:47

they often talk about how there's that

6:50

people don't want

6:52

to have certain conversations with them , like

6:54

, or they don't want to mention certain things

6:56

. And I've

6:59

even found that

7:03

with myself , with

7:06

, if I'm honest , my , my husband's

7:08

dad passed away and I go to say some

7:10

things sometimes and then I'm like

7:13

, oh , I shouldn't say that to

7:15

him because his dad's not here . Have

7:17

you noticed that people have that

7:19

moment too ? And it's a little bit like do

7:22

you just kind of laugh at it ? How do you kind

7:24

of approach it ?

7:29

Yeah , yeah , I have , I have kind of experienced

7:31

that and

7:34

what I've got to done is , like

7:36

you can sense , when someone's a bit awkward with you

7:38

about , like , the whole grief subject , so

7:41

I just turned it back to them and said , you

7:43

know , when my mum was in hospice

7:47

in palliative care , I used

7:49

to go in every day to see her

7:51

and I said to mum , like

7:54

how about I share something with you

7:56

that you don't know about me and vice versa

7:58

. And then I would say

8:00

to this person can you be good

8:02

with me about grief and my mum

8:04

? Passing ? I used

8:06

to say things to mum like every

8:09

day that something I didn't

8:11

know about , like her , and vice versa

8:13

. So I'm going to tell you now like something

8:15

about my mum that you didn't know and

8:17

like we kind of , kind of like it makes

8:20

it , we loosen up the tension of how

8:22

awkward it is that you're about to talk to me about grief

8:24

. You don't really know how to handle it . Well

8:26

, let's just turn the situation over

8:28

and then they'll be like oh

8:31

like , and be a bit relieved

8:33

. Yeah , I

8:35

think the approach sometimes just

8:38

just you know , tell the person

8:40

exactly how you feel and say you

8:42

know , I don't know really how to approach this . Can

8:45

you kind of let me know how you feel

8:47

and people

8:49

will tell you yeah .

8:52

Do you ? Is

8:55

there anything that you

8:57

shouldn't say in your experience ? Is

8:59

there anything that you found that

9:01

you're like I can't

9:04

believe ? You just said that , or

9:06

that's a good question , actually

9:08

, and

9:10

not that you want to , you know , put

9:12

anyone in it or anything , but yeah

9:15

, yeah , yeah .

9:16

Sometimes oh

9:19

, great

9:21

question , sorry

9:24

, buddy , no , you're right

9:26

. I

9:31

guess when someone has said

9:33

you know she's

9:37

in a better place now , or she's no

9:39

longer in pain , it's like , well , now

9:41

I'm in pain . Yeah , it's

9:43

like like that's a beautiful thing

9:46

to say , but at

9:49

the time of when you lose someone , the last thing

9:51

you want to hear be like , oh , she's in a better place . It's like

9:53

, well , actually , no , I would go here . I

9:56

guess that kind of thing is a bit weird . However

10:00

, you know , I've

10:02

probably said that to someone saying like , oh

10:04

, it's that you

10:07

know they're no longer suffering . That's

10:09

the worst part . And unfortunately

10:11

, you know , when someone is going down the journey

10:13

of palliative care and you know , knowing that they're

10:15

going to die and knowing you know that they're

10:17

going to die , you've seen the pain

10:20

and suffering . So

10:22

this last thing that's on your mind , you

10:27

know when you're grieving because , like

10:29

, that's almost trauma too

10:31

.

10:32

Yeah , and you're not remembering . You

10:35

know , in your situation you're not remembering

10:37

your mum . In that situation You're

10:39

remembering all the wonderful things of your mum and

10:42

absolutely . Like

10:45

there's a , as you said , there's a trauma

10:47

, but there's a grief there as well that

10:50

you didn't . There was so much time

10:52

. That wasn't the

10:55

way that you could have enjoyed that time

10:57

with your mum .

10:58

Yeah , yeah , absolutely

11:01

.

11:01

And yeah , as well meaning

11:04

as it may be , that

11:06

it could nearly act

11:08

as like a guilt thing as

11:10

well , I don't know I'm

11:13

.

11:13

I hope I'm not putting words in your mouth here , but you

11:16

know I just want my mum

11:18

here and yeah and

11:21

it brings it back to it's cool

11:23

to talk grief like let's talk about

11:25

it . And

11:28

that's that's why we're doing this event , because you

11:31

know , people don't know what to say and let's

11:34

just guide them through that , because a lot of people

11:36

haven't haven't experienced grief , so

11:38

they don't know what to say .

11:40

Yeah , and so

11:42

best thing that you can say is I

11:44

don't know what to say to you , but

11:47

I'm here and I

11:49

want to support them of you . And

11:53

worst thing to say is , I guess , still the lining

11:55

the situation , because you

12:00

know I'm

12:03

all for positivity and but

12:05

you have to be on the right mind frame to do that

12:07

as well .

12:09

Oh , absolutely . And within

12:11

like grief , like

12:16

you start to get bored about

12:18

people asking you how you are and

12:23

like it comes to

12:25

a point where you want

12:27

to start , you know , kind of building

12:31

some foundations to get through

12:33

the grieving process . Like

12:35

, of course , any celebration , any

12:37

anniversary , that's always , that's always going to be very

12:39

difficult . But

12:42

I believe , obviously sticking together

12:44

as a family and you know , I've had

12:46

, I've been very blessed to have beautiful , you

12:48

know , brothers , sister

12:50

, cousins , aunties

12:52

, uncles , there for me and that's really important

12:55

to have a really close family connection

12:58

but , yeah

13:00

, you get bored about , bored with people asking

13:02

, like , how is someone you know , how

13:05

are you going ? I

13:08

guess we just need to normalize it a bit

13:10

more .

13:11

Yeah , yeah and

13:14

yeah , at some point life does

13:17

move on and it has to get

13:19

normal again , so

13:21

to speak , and it's like it's totally okay

13:23

as well . As you said , it's cool to talk grief

13:26

in that it's totally

13:28

okay for someone if they're

13:31

normal , isn't moving

13:33

on as quickly as someone else , but it's also

13:35

totally okay for someone to

13:37

be like no , I'm ready to

13:40

do all the things

13:42

that I was doing before .

13:45

Yeah , and I guess it's really important

13:47

, like anyone that's that's going through grief as well

13:50

. You know there's so

13:52

many different options for

13:54

like help out there

13:56

and it is really

13:58

important , I feel , in my experience

14:01

, to talk to

14:03

a professional that's not

14:05

in your family , that's not

14:07

like that has gone through it . It's really

14:10

like I found that really important to me to

14:12

talk to a professional

14:14

about

14:17

my grieving process as an outsider

14:20

. They're looking in . I found that really

14:22

important and that helped me a lot in my

14:24

journey .

14:26

That's really and

14:28

that's good to know and really good advice

14:30

. Actually , do you

14:33

, if you don't remember , me asking is that something that

14:36

, like hospice

14:38

, helps families with

14:40

, I guess , after

14:43

a loved one passes away , or

14:45

what sort of services

14:47

is that ? Did you just go to your GP

14:49

or ?

14:51

Yeah , I kind of I

14:53

took the approach of . I

14:56

guess I'm a very I wouldn't say very

14:59

, but more of a spiritual kind

15:01

of energy based person

15:04

. So I went down the road of kinesiology

15:07

. Just

15:10

just sitting with a , with a therapist and

15:12

a chair kind of isn't my jam , but

15:15

to other people may see . But I

15:17

feel like I'm

15:20

much more of a , you know

15:23

, energy based person , like I'm

15:25

in real estate . It's all about energy

15:27

. So kinesiology

15:30

was was where I found

15:32

the right fit for

15:34

emotional stability

15:37

and energy as well . But

15:40

there is , there is support

15:42

at the Tool for Hospice if you're wanting to

15:44

go down that route . My dad

15:46

actually has gone through some

15:49

programs there and he and he

15:51

enjoyed them . Yeah

15:53

, well , enjoy it . That's probably the real one . I've

15:55

got a lot out of them , yeah .

15:57

Yeah , well , that's

16:00

great to know that that is available

16:02

as well . Yeah , did

16:04

you notice

16:07

? When you

16:09

know ? You said that you're one of four , so

16:12

I'm sure that you all had different

16:15

experiences and ways through

16:17

the grief . Was that like

16:20

? Was that really difficult

16:22

? And particularly like , with your dad as well

16:24

? You know he's lost , I

16:27

know you've lost your mom , but he's lost his

16:29

partner . Like how does , how

16:32

did you find family dynamic cope with

16:34

the grief ?

16:37

So my brother's in Brisbane , my sister

16:39

is here , so I

16:42

guess being a part like

16:44

was a bit difficult because we couldn't really , you know , bounce

16:48

off each other . In a way Like

16:52

my dad and my sister , we're

16:55

pretty , we're very close , well , our whole family's

16:57

very close , but we could see them every day

16:59

. Yeah , it

17:02

was . It was pretty hard . I

17:06

guess the hardest part is like

17:09

seeing how they are so sad , like

17:11

seeing like my dad , like you

17:14

know , losing his wife after I'm gonna

17:17

get the year on here , 35

17:19

plus years of marriage , I think I think it's 36

17:21

. I've been in trouble for that , but yeah

17:25

, it was hard , it was hard

17:27

. My

17:31

eldest brother has two kids

17:33

and like losing , you

17:35

know , like

17:38

we call her Nana , me , my mum they

17:41

have one at the time but bringing

17:43

the kids into the family aspect , I

17:46

think it's very hard because obviously

17:48

she's not here anymore and my mum was very

17:50

family-orientated and

17:52

loved kids . That's

17:55

probably going to be the hardest ongoing grief

17:57

. Yeah , yeah

17:59

, but we're very

18:01

close-knit family so we

18:05

do support each other a lot . Yeah

18:07

, I think that's wonderful . I'm not sure

18:09

if that answers the question .

18:11

No , no , it does , and

18:13

I think it shows

18:16

that grief is ever-changing as well

18:18

. As you just said , you know

18:20

, we might be having

18:23

a wonderful time at an event

18:25

and really enjoying everyone's company , and

18:28

then someone may

18:31

have a moment of like oh actually

18:34

, this is sucky versus

18:36

. And then you may see someone else being

18:39

sad and thinking , oh yeah , actually

18:41

this is . We should all be

18:43

here together . I wish we were all here together

18:46

celebrating this moment .

18:48

Yeah , yeah , yeah

18:50

.

18:51

In if you don't mind going

18:53

into your grief journey a little bit . What

18:56

do you think has been one of the really difficult

18:59

parts of your grief journey

19:02

, and then what's not

19:05

one of the best parts , but , as you

19:07

said before , I guess one of the things

19:10

that you have learned the most or

19:12

grown the most from .

19:15

Sure , I think

19:17

the hardest part of the grief

19:19

journey and I'm sure I'm not the only one that

19:22

would experience this Like

19:26

when the funeral's over , when

19:29

everything

19:31

goes back to normal , normal . You

19:34

go back to work , everyone goes

19:37

back to normal life . You

19:40

have this sense and feeling

19:42

of like who am I now ? Like

19:45

, is this , it Is this ? Like this

19:48

is just normal , like you just go back and

19:51

continue living your life Like

19:54

it was , like I almost lost

19:56

my own

19:58

self , felt this weird

20:01

sense of unknowing

20:03

and that was

20:05

really hard to kind of process

20:08

that and not bottle it up

20:10

either . I went

20:12

down in the direction of work , work

20:14

, work , work , work , work , work , work . I

20:17

was trying to build my real estate career

20:19

, but if

20:21

I could give anyone any advice is

20:23

take some time off , because

20:26

I did not , and

20:29

that you know I burnt out because

20:32

I didn't take . But I think the hardest

20:34

part is when everything goes back to normal and

20:36

you have this sense of

20:38

like who am I now without this person

20:40

here ? Like , what do

20:42

I do ? How do I keep going

20:44

? Like it was hard , it was

20:46

so hard as far

20:49

as like just getting up , getting ready

20:51

, go to work , like , get the job and like

20:53

energy , energy , energy . Like I was just

20:55

flat for so long

20:57

until I

21:00

realized , all right , we

21:02

need to process this . Yeah

21:05

.

21:09

That sounds really tough . It's like

21:11

, actually it just it

21:13

sounds really shitty and it feels like

21:17

that . It's one of

21:19

those things that everyone has to go through , Like

21:21

, as you said , you know if

21:24

you could go back , you

21:27

know hindsight's , 2020

21:30

, right .

21:32

Oh , absolutely yeah and um

21:34

, yeah again

21:36

with the event , like that's why we want to , you know

21:38

, normalize it , because you know , unfortunately

21:40

people don't see the other side . And

21:43

we want to make sure , you know , people care

21:46

, people care for themselves , really lean into

21:48

what they're feeling and kind of dissect

21:51

it and be able to move throughout

21:53

. And I guess the answer

21:55

to your second question

21:57

, when I moved

21:59

through that and this is

22:01

going to sound so unusual , but

22:04

I feel as though

22:06

as a person

22:09

, I'm so much stronger

22:11

and I'm a different person

22:15

because I went through a good process and

22:17

I feel like somehow

22:20

I am somewhat

22:23

blessed from this experience

22:25

. I'm heartbreaking from this experience . All

22:27

the emotions rolled into one , but

22:30

I know I can get

22:32

through anything because that

22:34

was the hardest thing possibly in my life that

22:36

I had to experience . But on the backside

22:38

of that , I look at life so much differently

22:42

now and I just feel so

22:44

, so much stronger and

22:46

lucky that

22:49

I had a mum that

22:51

was beautiful and

22:53

caring and amazing and she

22:55

obviously brought

22:57

us up to be like this . I

23:00

remember saying to her and I'll

23:02

share this to you that

23:06

when she was in the hospital I said you know , I

23:08

know I'm a firm believer that everything

23:10

happens for a reason , but I don't

23:12

understand why this is happening to you . And she said to

23:14

me because you're strong and

23:16

you can handle it . And I'll tell you what

23:18

. She was right .

23:25

Yeah , what a I

23:31

don't know . That's just got me right in the feels

23:33

. That's such an incredible

23:37

thing for your mum to stay

23:39

to you

23:42

and yeah

23:44

, yeah , that's

23:47

just that's really got

23:49

me in the feels . I don't , actually I'm not prepared

23:51

to give you my next question . Why ? Because

23:53

I'm that was thank

23:56

you for sharing that , because that was really beautiful

23:58

, speaking

24:01

of your wonderful event

24:03

that you've got this weekend . Yeah , you've

24:06

got some other speakers lined up as well , so

24:08

you're speaking and you've got

24:10

some other speakers as well .

24:12

Yeah . So I've got Emma Wagner . We'll

24:14

be speaking as well . She

24:17

has gone through a

24:20

grief journey herself her

24:22

mother , a car accident in

24:25

a loss of a baby . We've

24:28

got Holly Baxter also speaking

24:30

. 10 years ago she

24:32

lost her firstborn , which is so

24:35

sad . And then we've got Asha

24:37

Honeystead , who's a psychologist . She'll

24:40

bring a professional

24:42

side to the grieving process

24:45

. We've got the Fibonacci band

24:47

playing as well . They're amazing and

24:50

, yeah , it should be an awesome

24:53

day .

24:57

What an amazing way to tackle

24:59

such a hard topic , and

25:02

I love that you've got people

25:06

sharing their stories . But then you've got the professional

25:08

aspect as well , because , like

25:11

, don't get me wrong , I think that professionals

25:14

are great and they can impart so much wisdom

25:16

, but there's also something so

25:19

wonderful about a person who looks

25:22

and sounds like you and

25:24

can share a story

25:27

that you think , oh my goodness , that

25:29

could have been me , I want

25:33

to make everyone aware that grief

25:35

isn't just about a death .

25:38

It can be grieving like a divorce , like

25:40

any sort of relationship , friendship

25:42

, loss of a pet , moving

25:44

house , moving jobs . There's

25:47

a whole other branch

25:50

of grief , if you will . Yeah

25:54

, so we want to just

25:56

normalise it , basically

25:58

, and really

26:00

make this event

26:02

also

26:05

what I'm trying to find here An

26:07

enjoyable event as well as a very

26:10

forwarded event as well .

26:13

I think you've got all the incredible

26:16

makings of that to happen and

26:18

, yeah , that it

26:20

all sounds really incredible . I

26:24

wish you all the best for it . Is there

26:26

anything else that you'd like to

26:28

, I guess , impart to

26:31

anyone about

26:34

how to cope with grief , or

26:36

any resources that you'd like to share

26:38

? I'll make sure that I also

26:41

put the event details in the show notes so

26:43

anyone who's looking for that can

26:45

find it . But yeah , is there anything else that you'd

26:47

like to share ?

26:49

Yeah , sure , I'm a very like musically

26:51

inclined person as well . I feel

26:53

like music helped me a lot through my grief

26:56

. Exercise

26:58

does help , and eating

27:00

and having a healthy lifestyle

27:03

is very important

27:05

. Alcohol does not help .

27:11

Yeah , it's funny . Before

27:14

we popped on to the podcast , I was just

27:16

writing a piece about

27:18

alcohol . I was

27:20

like , oh just

27:22

, it's so much fun or in

27:24

so many ways , but at the same time it

27:27

just it can also be so much

27:29

not fun , so not

27:31

fun .

27:33

Everything in moderation .

27:35

Yeah , yeah

27:37

, thank you so much for chatting with me today

27:39

and thank you for sharing your

27:41

story and about the event and

27:44

, yeah , I'm really so grateful

27:46

.

27:48

Thank you so much for having me on . I really appreciate

27:50

it , and

27:52

if you want to still grab a ticket for the event

27:54

, just go to the Facebook page . It's cool to talk

27:57

grief . There'll be a link there . $110

27:59

or proceeds go to the ToonPosperous .

28:03

Awesome and what an amazing organization

28:06

that we've got in ToonBah and

28:08

yeah .

28:11

Thank you so much .