In this 'Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week' special, I speak to Laura Bisbey, who was diagnosed with perinatal distress and anxiety during her pregnancy. This sadly continued following the birth of her daughter. Laura tells me about her feelings of rage during the pregnancy, and - once her daughter had been born - her struggles with bonding and the onset of O.C.D. (obsessive compulsive disorder). It's a tremendously brave conversation and I am so grateful to Laura for sharing her story with us.

*TRIGGER WARNING: *Brief mention of feelings of suicide*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[02:28] Introduction to Laura.

[02:53] Increased anxiety and guilt about not enjoying pregnancy.

[07:15] Perinatal rage - completely out of character for Laura.

[10:02] How breaking her arm exacerbated negative feelings during pregnancy.

[12:05] Enforced rest = over-thinking. Feeling she wasn't needed at work. Letting the mask slip.

[14:06] Laura's husband couldn't relate, but was very supportive.

[15:37] Advice for people listening - "explain how you are feeling".

[16:51] The importance of Laura's work and how hard the abrupt ending was for her.

[19:11] Unrealistic expectations of how easy motherhood would be. Trying to be 'perfect'.

[23:34] Charlotte's birth - a quick labour but no 'rush of love'. Bonding took a year.

[28:37] C.B.T. (Cognitive Behavioural Therapist) and O.C.D. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Trying to stay 'in control'.

[31:24] *Waves of sadness and not wanting to be here anymore*.

[33:44] Starting to build a relationship with Charlotte through play.

[36:30] How Laura's O.C.D. manifested - fears around contamination, choking and vomit.

[43:28] How this O.C.D. tested Laura's relationship.

[44:45] Trying to cope when Charlotte was sick.

[47:33] Getting help with the O.C.D. and keeping 'checking' under control.

[49:26] How C.B.T. offered Laura solutions and strategies.

[51:14] Recovery isn't linear.

[52:02] How returning to work was integral to Laura's recovery.

[53:37] Finally being hit by that much longed for 'rush of love'.

[56:54] Telling people at work.

[01:03:09] Advice for people currently struggling.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Follow this link for N.H.S. information about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (C.B.T.)
2. You can find more information about postnatal rage here – from the Centre of Perinatal Excellence (Australia).
3. Perinatal O.C.D. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) is one of the most misunderstood perinatal mental health problems. Click here for advice and support from the Maternal O.C.D. charity, set up by 2 mums with lived experience and O.C.D. Action, the UK's largest O.C.D. charity.
4. Difficulty with baby bonding affects a third of UK mums. Read more about it here in this N.C.T. (National Childbirth Trust) article.
5. Find out more about the 'Circle of Security' model of attachment here