"The trailer is what I wanted this movie to be." This week, the Brides head back to Texas for a recap of the most aggressively "meh" film in our podcast's short history: the 2003 remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. This is one of the most toothless, gutless, boring entries in the early 2000s American remake-a-palooza (this is the one that started it all, so....you're welcome?). It's even more aggravating because the original film is so wildly unsettling and transgressive, and there's nothing unsettling or transgressive about this thing. Along the way, the Brides discuss the two or three things that make this movie kind of palatable, namely OG TCM cinematographer Daniel Pearl's return and his GORGEOUS use of light - seriously, this movie looks spectacular. We also marvel at how long Eric Balfour played a teenager on film, Alysa shares her era-appropriate crush on Mike Vogel, and how every single person in this movie is definitely trying their hardest, but to what end? TO WHAT END?! If you want a 2003 movie with gross chainsaw content, definitely go for Alejandre Aja's Haute Tension instead of this slog. Also, we ponder the effectiveness of curing human meat like a nice prosciutto. 

And seriously, go watch the trailer for this movie. It's one of the best trailers ever made, which makes the actual film's soullessness all the more annoying.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 2003. Directed by Marcus Nispel. Written by Scott Kosar. Starring Jessica Biel, Mike Vogel, Eric Balfour, Erika Leerhsen, Jonathan Tucker, and R. Lee Ermey.