0:04

Hello and

0:04

welcome to a another exciting

0:07

episode of Bridge the Gap where

0:07

we're balancing life through

0:11

health, wealth, business and

0:11

relationships.

0:16

All right, hello and welcome to

0:16

another exciting episode of

0:19

Bridge the Gap we're bouncing

0:19

live through health, wealth,

0:22

business and relationships. My

0:22

name is Colton Cockerell. With

0:24

me I have my lovely co host,

0:24

Miss Trisha Stetzel, Trisha,

0:28

what is going on?

0:29

Hey, Colton, I'm

0:29

super happy to be here. As

0:32

everyone knows, the month of may

0:32

bring some beautiful weather,

0:36

right? We're loving it. Although

0:36

we're in Texas, it's probably

0:39

really hot outside. Welcome,

0:39

everyone this month on the show.

0:44

As a reminder, we're focused on

0:44

family and relationships. Today

0:49

we're going to be talking about

0:49

relationships through a

0:51

Christian perspective. And who

0:51

better to talk about this then

0:55

Mr. K Pierce students and

0:55

missions pastor at bay area

0:59

church. Kate, welcome to the show.

1:01

Hey, thanks so much for having me, guys. I appreciate it.

1:03

And Kade, I'm

1:03

glad , you're about to ask this

1:06

yesterday, we do have a sponsor

1:06

and it does Sharer McKinley

1:08

Group, LLC. So thank you for,

1:08

for asking the question. Okay,

1:12

we're gonna jump in. We don't have any for too much time. I love the smile. My nose is

1:14

bothering me like crazy. My

1:16

voice is not the same. It's not

1:16

the deep, booming, luscious

1:20

voice that you hear every

1:20

Wednesday, but hey, it's I'm

1:22

going to make it happen today.

1:22

Kade being a youth pastor,

1:25

because specifically as we're

1:25

kind of talking about, you know,

1:28

you are battling culture, I feel

1:28

like all the time. I mean, you

1:32

have all that, you know, social

1:32

media, so much stuff, and trying

1:36

to lead young men and women to,

1:36

you know, follow the faith, it's

1:39

very difficult to do. So. Let me

1:39

ask you this. What are obstacles

1:42

that you see right now? It

1:42

really I guess, in a sense, you

1:45

are a parent, you have two, two

1:45

little boys? What do you see the

1:48

biggest obstacles are for kids?

1:48

That are, I guess, taking their

1:52

attention away from you know,

1:52

not only family, but from God

1:55

and other things like that?

1:57

Yeah, that's a good

1:57

question. I don't think it's

2:00

new. I think it's packaged

2:00

differently than it has been

2:04

before. But I don't think the

2:04

obstacle is new. The obstacle

2:08

for any teenager for that matter

2:08

for any human is figuring out

2:11

who they are. It's an identity

2:11

issue. Who am I? And what does

2:14

that mean for my life? So in in

2:14

the teenage world, now, you're

2:18

finding that from social media

2:18

platforms, you're finding that

2:20

from friends, you're finding

2:20

that from a number of different

2:23

things. And as I said before, as

2:23

a friend has told me, that's not

2:27

a new obstacle. It's just a

2:27

repackaged obstacle. It's

2:30

packaged in a seven inch screen

2:30

in their pocket, and it's called

2:33

their phone. And so that's,

2:33

that's a major obstacle. But

2:38

it's not a new one.

2:40

And it's, it's interesting that you described it that way to K because, you

2:42

know, although it is a smaller

2:47

screen, and it's in your pocket,

2:47

I feel like it's following us

2:50

around everywhere, right? And it

2:50

really does. Give us a sense of

2:55

culture in our pocket, if you

2:55

will, what would be your best

2:58

advice to parents out there that

2:58

have teenagers to steer them,

3:05

maybe clear of finding culture

3:05

in their pocket and finding

3:09

culture with real people?

3:11

Yeah, so you have

3:11

to monitor the phone in their

3:15

pocket. So one of the pressures

3:15

of parenting is, well,

3:20

everybody's got one of these. So

3:20

we gotta give our kid one of

3:22

these, and every kid has one of

3:22

these, and they can use it at

3:25

their will. So we should let our

3:25

kid to use it at their will. But

3:28

if you, you gotta give your

3:28

guardrails with that kind of

3:31

stuff. So in some ways, like

3:31

handing them a phone and just

3:34

saying Go for it is like putting

3:34

a loaded gun in their pocket and

3:38

say and figure it out. It's not

3:38

a good scenario, they need to

3:41

learn how to use it. And so it's

3:41

not bad for them to have

3:44

boundaries, boundaries are good

3:44

things, we we're underneath

3:49

boundaries all the time you

3:49

drive on a road, you appreciate

3:51

boundaries, they're called

3:51

lanes. When there aren't lanes,

3:54

chaos happens. So when there

3:54

aren't boundaries, chaos

3:57

happens. And so create

3:57

boundaries with your kids with

4:00

their phone, have moments where

4:00

they put it away, or they can't

4:03

take it out, or they turn it

4:03

off, or they look a person in

4:05

the eyes instead of somebody

4:05

else on a digital screen in the

4:08

eyes. That way, they're being

4:08

formed by real people in front

4:11

of their face,

4:13

then that's,

4:13

that's good information. So how

4:16

important is that? You know,

4:16

because, again, a lot of people

4:19

I see now a lot of people make

4:19

friends on social media

4:21

naturally, the that's where the

4:21

extent is, there's no there's no

4:25

other contact in real, real time

4:25

because everyone either, you

4:28

know, they're they don't want to go out because it COVID That's kind of behind us now, but

4:30

there's just so many obstacles.

4:33

So how important is it to have

4:33

those relationships with real

4:36

people? So whether it's a school

4:36

outside of school, definitely

4:38

with family members, instead of

4:38

just like texting all the time

4:41

and all that stuff? How

4:41

important is it to be present?

4:44

Yeah. So in the

4:44

faith community, dad makes it

4:49

pretty clear in the Bible that

4:49

we're not meant to live alone.

4:52

We were created for what would

4:52

be called community and that

4:56

community can't be satisfied

4:56

digitally. It should be

4:59

satisfied. So, in reality,

4:59

virtually is not going to

5:03

accomplish that, in reality is

5:03

where we accomplish that. So

5:07

there's a book called Gen Z that

5:07

Barna put out, it's a study. And

5:12

it talks about how social media

5:12

actually gives us the illusion

5:16

of a community, but not actually

5:16

the reality of community. So it

5:20

over promises and under delivers

5:20

is really a scenario. Right? So

5:24

it gives you this idea of

5:24

presence and absence is what

5:27

they call it. But it doesn't

5:27

actually deliver on what it

5:30

promises. And so only real life

5:30

in person Eye to Eye

5:35

relationships can accomplish

5:35

that. So it's vital. I mean, you

5:39

really, really, we cannot live

5:39

without it as people.

5:42

Yeah, Kade, how

5:42

has 2020 or since 2020, the last

5:51

couple of years where we really

5:51

had to move into digital only

5:55

world and now we're kind of

5:55

moving back into being in how

5:58

has that changed what you're

5:58

doing with the youth at the

6:02

church.

6:04

Um, to be honest,

6:04

it's it's not it's not changed

6:08

what I'm doing particularly. We

6:08

were we had an online presence

6:14

as as a church anyway, we had an

6:14

online presence as a student

6:17

ministry on on a social media

6:17

platform. But we didn't like we

6:21

didn't live and die on that

6:21

digital platform. And we're

6:23

still not going to live and die

6:23

on that digital platform. Like,

6:26

at the end of the day, we're

6:26

going to encourage you to gather

6:29

in person with the people of

6:29

God, that's that that is the

6:31

preferred way to gather. We have

6:31

that option. It's available to

6:35

you. But at the end of the day,

6:35

we're going to resolve to the in

6:39

person gather.

6:41

It's so many kind of change. I mean, still kind of the same topic a little

6:43

bit. But can you give some

6:46

pointers, I know they're there,

6:46

right now, I feel like there's

6:48

so many parents who just feel

6:48

disconnected from their kids.

6:51

Right? And we kind of touched on

6:51

this a little bit. But can you

6:53

give some tips or some ideas or

6:53

thoughts, how families,

6:57

specifically, parents can better

6:57

connect with their kids.

7:01

So this is not new

7:01

to me. I didn't come up with

7:04

this idea. But like experts say,

7:04

like, eat around your dinner

7:07

table together. It's easy to eat

7:07

on the go, right? Like,

7:12

everything's busy, we've got

7:12

volleyball, this and soccer

7:15

practice that and whatever

7:15

clubs, whatever, it's just a lot

7:19

I get it. The more you can fight

7:19

to sit around your table with

7:22

your family, the better it will

7:22

be for your child, you can look

7:25

at the research on that it's

7:25

probably through the roof on how

7:27

much how beneficial it is to the

7:27

family dynamic. And then like

7:31

connect with your kids where

7:31

they want to connect. So one of

7:33

the mistakes that parents might

7:33

make is they try to create

7:36

connection between their kids.

7:36

And it might default to things

7:39

that they like to do instead of

7:39

what their kid likes to do. And

7:42

so as a result, your teenager or

7:42

your kid doesn't really care

7:46

about what you're doing. So you

7:46

as the parent have to figure out

7:51

what is my kid like to do? And

7:51

how can I meet them there. And

7:55

the way that I tell it to our

7:55

parents and to our leaders here

7:57

is you don't have to love that

7:57

thing that they're doing. But

8:01

you and you step into that place

8:01

because you love the kid that's

8:05

doing that thing. So look, you

8:05

don't have to like video games,

8:08

you can be terrible at video

8:08

games. But if your kid likes

8:11

video games, play video games

8:11

because you love your kid, not

8:14

because you love video games

8:17

like that. And Trisha it's funny because you know, that was a two weeks ago,

8:19

Raychel mentioned the same thing

8:22

about you know how important it

8:22

is with her family to eat around

8:24

the dinner table. How that's a

8:24

big staple in their household.

8:27

And that's eating no, no TV in

8:27

the room? No, nothing. It's just

8:31

conversation around the table you're eating?

8:33

Yeah, put your

8:33

phones away. Right. That's the

8:36

role. And I think a lot of

8:36

people throughout the pandemic

8:40

found that again, right where

8:40

they were, they were cooking

8:43

with their kids again, they were

8:43

sitting at the table and having

8:46

conversations. And I feel like

8:46

now everyone's gone back to the

8:50

old way. Right? They're just not

8:50

being intentional about spending

8:55

time with their kiddos. So Kade,

8:55

what do you find is the most

9:01

difficult thing with the

9:01

relationship building between

9:06

the parents and I'm gonna call

9:06

them tweens right betweens in

9:09

the teenagers because that's

9:09

where I feel like just from

9:13

having a kiddo of my own who's

9:13

as old as Colton. Yeah, I know.

9:16

I don't look that old. But that

9:16

there's a space there right

9:22

where there's more disconnect as

9:22

they get older. Right at the at

9:27

this age. So what what's been

9:27

the most difficult thing do you

9:30

find? Talking with parents and

9:30

the kids in that tween teenage

9:35

space?

9:36

I mean, I think in some ways you're identifying even in your question, there's a

9:38

natural gap that begins to be

9:41

created relationally between

9:41

parent and child so I've got

9:45

littles I've got a five year old

9:45

and a three year old. They still

9:48

like being around mom and dad,

9:48

you know, we're we're fun people

9:51

to them. Somewhere along the

9:51

way, a relational wedge can be

9:58

start to be put to between

9:58

parents and kids. And some of

10:01

that is like them trying to

10:01

figure out who am I and what I

10:04

want to be about. And I've got

10:04

these friends that I want to

10:06

hang out with. And so some of

10:06

that's not bad. But what so

10:11

that's the challenge. And I

10:11

think some of the solutions that

10:13

is like as a parent, it's a lot

10:13

harder work to keep the

10:17

relationship when they're a

10:17

teenager. And so perhaps what

10:20

happens with with parents is,

10:20

they just resolve this is too

10:23

hard. And so I'm just going to

10:23

kind of throw my hat in the ring

10:26

and be done. They want to be

10:26

with their friends. I'm not cool

10:29

enough. And so I'm just going to

10:29

step out, and you use the word

10:33

earlier. It's gonna require a

10:33

lot of intentionality on your

10:36

part. In some ways, with littles

10:36

it's easy to live in their world

10:39

because they want you in their

10:39

world. When it comes to

10:41

teenagers, you have to carve out

10:41

time and create intentional time

10:45

and block out time and all that

10:45

kind of stuff. And it's hard,

10:48

hard work to do that. But it's,

10:48

it's worthy work at the end of

10:52

the day.

10:55

That's a good

10:55

word. And and let me ask you

10:57

this. So how, you know we this

10:57

is from a Christian perspective.

11:01

So how important is is faith in

11:01

young children growing up and

11:06

you know, experiencing life? In

11:06

all the chaos that comes with

11:10

being a like Trisha said, tween

11:10

and teenager

11:14

is so from my

11:14

perspective, it's the only way

11:17

to deal with the chaos of life.

11:17

There is like, it is the best

11:22

answer to all the chaos that

11:22

we're looking at in the world.

11:25

That through the biblical

11:25

worldview, we've we see the

11:28

answers to what it is that we're

11:28

facing, where the solution is

11:31

found, it's found in in Jesus, I

11:31

think otherwise, you kind of

11:36

grasp at things or to try to

11:36

figure out how do I make sense

11:39

of the chaos, it's around me,

11:39

not only like people say like

11:42

this, not only is the chaos

11:42

outside of me, but the chaos is

11:44

in me, not only is the world

11:44

broken out there, something is

11:47

broken in here. And it is only

11:47

through Christianity, that we

11:53

find a solution to both of those

11:53

problems, the brokenness out

11:55

there and the brokenness in here.

11:59

And it's

11:59

something that we, we need a

12:03

connection, right? As humans, we

12:03

need that connection. And

12:06

whether you believe in one thing

12:06

or another, it's always

12:12

important to have those groups

12:12

of people surrounding you.

12:15

Right, and they, they share the

12:15

same values. So how do we get

12:19

our kids to hang out with the

12:19

right people? Right? They,

12:23

right, because we send them off

12:23

to school, they get to hang out

12:26

with whoever and make those

12:26

choices. So how do we? How do we

12:29

encourage them or create this

12:29

space? Where they're choosing

12:34

the right relationships?

12:37

Yeah, so maybe a

12:37

couple of things. One, you model

12:40

it as a parent, what kind of

12:40

people that you hang out with?

12:42

What kind of people do you bring

12:42

in your home? They will, they

12:47

will inevitably see that. And

12:47

they learned from that. So what

12:50

are you showing them as you have

12:50

friends in your house, and then

12:54

to like, give them space in your

12:54

home to bring those friends

12:57

over? The kind of friends that

12:57

you want to be in your house,

13:00

give them space? Don't make your

13:00

home off limits to your kids,

13:03

friends, know them, see what

13:03

they're about. That's going to

13:08

be work on you, that's going to

13:08

be inconvenient on you as a

13:10

parent, but such as parenting,

13:10

right? The alternative is not

13:15

the better solution. So be the

13:15

house that people people go to

13:20

let your door be open to the

13:20

kinds of people you want them to

13:23

be wrong.

13:25

Are you taking? I take a notes Colton,

13:27

no, no, I like

13:27

that. That's really that's

13:29

really good. Really good.

13:32

You know, I

13:32

believe that you are the average

13:35

of the five people that you hang

13:35

around with most, right? And if

13:39

we're teaching our children that

13:39

I think that's an important

13:42

lesson, you know, who do you

13:42

want to be the average of you

13:44

want to be the average of these

13:44

kids over here? Or do you want

13:47

to be the average of these kids

13:47

over here? Right? The ones that

13:50

are challenging you and making

13:50

you do better things? Whether

13:53

it's through sports, or faith,

13:53

or building relationships,

13:57

right, all of those things are so important.

13:59

And sadly, as

13:59

a teenager or tween, you're more

14:02

geared toward the five for the

14:02

most popular, right instead of

14:05

the five that are probably most

14:05

health that are healthiest, your

14:08

your growth and development.

14:08

That's okay, what do you have to

14:12

say to that? I mean, is that,

14:12

are you seeing that constantly

14:17

in teenagers and tweens, just

14:17

the Battle of you know,

14:20

popularity or the Battle of just

14:20

finding space or finding

14:24

belonging even if it's in a

14:24

toxic environment?

14:27

Oh, I mean, I Yes,

14:27

I think it's a teenage problem.

14:30

I think it's a human problem.

14:30

Everybody's looking for a place

14:33

to belong. Nobody wants to walk

14:33

into a room and not know anyone.

14:39

It's it's specifically noticed

14:39

in teenage world because

14:43

teenagers have a variety of

14:43

insecurities. Right? And, but I

14:46

think it all goes back to what we talked about at the beginning is they're trying to figure out

14:48

who they are. And one of the

14:51

ways that they figure out who

14:51

they are is they find a group of

14:53

people that will tell them who

14:53

they are. Or they find a group

14:56

of people that will give them a

14:56

label of who they are. Right I I

15:00

am popular. I am an athlete. I

15:00

am a theater kid I am fill in

15:04

the blank, their group becomes a

15:04

label by which they gain an

15:08

identity.

15:11

That's really

15:11

special. We're right here on the

15:13

15 minute mark. So we're gonna

15:13

have to leave it at that. Kade,

15:17

thank you so much for being here

15:17

today. I think it's really good

15:20

insight I hope parents really

15:20

understand and only the

15:23

importance of really spending

15:23

time with your kids. And even if

15:26

it is inconvenient, like you

15:26

said, hopefully they found some

15:29

tips and some tricks to really

15:29

make that work and then also the

15:32

aspect of faith. So Trisha, you

15:32

want to take us out?

15:36

Yeah,

15:36

absolutely. Kade, thank you so

15:38

much for being with us today.

15:38

And for our listeners. As usual,

15:42

we'll have the contact

15:42

information for Cade down below

15:45

if you are interested in

15:45

reaching out and learning more

15:49

about the program that he's

15:49

responsible for at the church.

15:53

So tune in next week for another

15:53

exciting episode of Bridge the

15:57

Gap will be focused on again

15:57

family and relationships for the

16:01

month of May. Next week, we'll

16:01

be talking with Regina Wagner.

16:05

Thanks again for tuning into this week's podcast. Don't forget to

16:07

subscribe and share this podcast

16:10

with the most important people

16:10

in your life. Colton Cockerell

16:13

with Sharer McKinley Group, LLC

16:13

is located at 820 South

16:15

Friendswood Drive Suite 207

16:15

Friendswood, Texas 77546 phone

16:18

number to 281-992-5698.

16:18

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16:21

advisory services offered

16:21

through NEXT Financial Group,

16:23

Inc. member FINRA/SIPC Sharer McKinley Group is not an affiliate of NEXT Financial

16:25

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