0:04

Hello and

0:04

welcome to a another exciting

0:07

episode of Bridge the Gap. We're

0:07

balancing life through health,

0:12

wealth, business and

0:12

relationships.

0:16

Hello everyone and welcome to

0:16

the show. My name is Colton

0:19

Cockerell. And with me, I have

0:19

my lovely co host, as always

0:22

miss Trisha Stetzel Trisha.

0:22

Hello.

0:26

Hey, oh my

0:26

goodness, Colton. Where's your

0:29

energy today? Hey, guys, I am so

0:29

excited to be here today. And we

0:34

have a very, very special guest

0:34

with us. So welcome, everyone.

0:39

This month on the show, we are

0:39

focused on family and

0:42

relationships. And today we're

0:42

going to discuss the importance

0:45

of strong family and

0:45

relationships and who better to

0:49

talk about family and

0:49

relationships than Raychel

0:53

Modlin with the sanctuary foster

0:53

care. Raychel, welcome to the

0:56

show.

0:57

Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here.

1:00

And Trisha, I think you said family relationships like three times.

1:02

So yes, it's very important.

1:06

That's why you said three times,

1:06

right. So before we would jump

1:09

in with questions, and the

1:09

importance of family

1:11

relationships, I want to go

1:11

ahead and give a shout to our

1:14

sponsor Results Xtreme Business

1:14

Solutions. Trisha, I'm going to

1:18

mix it up today, I'm gonna let

1:18

you give the ask the first

1:20

question. Over. Okay, fantastic. And since

1:22

this will be the first family

1:27

relationships show of the month,

1:27

just to remind everybody you

1:32

know why we're going down this

1:32

path because Colton and I are

1:34

normally talking about business

1:34

and finances and those sorts of

1:37

things. And what we really

1:37

wanted to bring was balance and

1:40

talking about family and

1:40

relationships, I think it's so

1:43

important to bring balance to

1:43

all of us and all of our lives.

1:47

So Raychel, can you tell us a

1:47

little bit about how you got

1:51

into the business of helping

1:51

foster care children and parents

1:58

find each other?

2:00

Yes, absolutely.

2:00

So I was a foster kid in the

2:04

state of Colorado. And I ended

2:04

up aging out of foster care. And

2:10

my foster parents kicked me out

2:10

on my 18th birthday. And I was

2:15

really fortunate and really

2:15

blessed to have, I think, the

2:18

best caseworker on the planet.

2:18

And so because of her, it really

2:24

inspired me to just become a

2:24

social worker, and really get

2:27

involved and help people. And so

2:27

being a foster kid and being

2:33

able to be involved in seeing

2:33

where there's issues, but also

2:37

being part of the solution, I

2:37

think is just, it's a huge

2:40

blessing. And I love it. Yeah,

2:40

absolutely.

2:43

Yeah, we had

2:43

you on the show today, because

2:46

of that story. Because you don't

2:46

only I mean, you have a family

2:49

yourself, but you're also

2:49

involved in many families lives.

2:53

So tell me what are some things

2:53

that you see just family to

2:56

family? I guess really, for

2:56

people who may be struggling,

2:59

they're struggling with, you

2:59

know, their kids, their

3:01

teenagers, whatever age, what

3:01

have you seen to be helpful, you

3:06

know, tips, tricks for parents

3:06

to, you know, get their kids to

3:09

engage, listen, you know,

3:09

behave, whatever it may be.

3:13

I think for me,

3:13

the big thing is realizing that

3:15

every kid is different,

3:15

especially when dealing with our

3:18

foster kiddos, they all come

3:18

from trauma, but they all come

3:21

from very different trauma. And

3:21

so understanding them and

3:25

understanding what their needs

3:25

are, we have a saying connection

3:30

before correction. And so really

3:30

getting to know your kiddos

3:33

before you're trying to correct

3:33

them. And even at home, you

3:36

know, with my biological

3:36

children, they don't come from

3:39

any trauma, and really just

3:39

understanding what the need is

3:44

and, and really knowing what is

3:44

driving that behavior. And so I

3:49

just I find like a lot of

3:49

patience and a lot of grace. And

3:52

in those really difficult

3:52

moments, you know, humbling

3:55

myself and remembering that

3:55

these kids are coming from

3:58

really difficult times and

3:58

they're experiencing something

4:01

that they've never had to

4:01

experience and that's typically

4:04

comes with structure or

4:04

discipline. And so in those

4:07

moments, really taking a step

4:07

back and being like, I get to go

4:10

through this really difficult

4:10

moment with this kid. And I

4:14

think there's something really

4:14

beautiful about that to be able

4:16

to go through that with them.

4:18

Yeah, I mean,

4:18

foster not I mean, still every

4:20

every kid, like you said is

4:20

different and, and they're gonna

4:22

have, you know, what makes them

4:22

tick or how they listen. And so

4:25

I think what you said is so

4:25

important about the patient's

4:28

aspect. I know so quickly, you

4:28

know, parents come home from

4:32

work, whatever and you know, they have a ton on their mind. The last thing they want to do

4:33

is deal with, you know, a rough

4:37

situation wherever it may be so

4:37

patience, man that that is

4:40

probably going to be the podcast

4:40

is just have patience with your

4:44

kids because man now today's

4:44

generation, holy cow, some of

4:47

the most disrespectful kids.

4:51

We love every

4:51

moment. We do

4:56

and let's dig a

4:56

little bit further into how How

5:00

difficult Rachel it's been since

5:00

2020, as parents as children and

5:06

kind of the world that we live

5:06

in now, what what are some

5:10

things that you found to be

5:10

beneficial inside your family or

5:13

even working with your foster

5:13

families to help get through

5:18

these really significant times

5:18

that we're going through right

5:23

now?

5:24

For me, I think the

5:24

biggest thing is a support

5:27

system, no matter what that

5:27

looks like, whether it be

5:31

friends, or co workers or

5:31

family, just finding people that

5:35

you can really rely on an in

5:35

trust these difficult times with

5:40

because it is it's, I mean, it's

5:40

something that none of us have

5:43

really experienced in our

5:43

lifetime. And so being kind of

5:47

just thrown into it to say

5:47

figure it out, I think it really

5:51

makes you rely on people that

5:51

you either didn't have to rely

5:55

on before or you didn't realize

5:55

that you needed to rely on them.

6:00

So how do you

6:00

find the that support system?

6:03

Rachel, what's the best way to

6:03

go about that?

6:06

I think being

6:06

vocal about what your needs are,

6:09

I think it's really hard when,

6:09

you know, there's this need and,

6:14

and for a lot of people I know

6:14

for me, for my history to speak

6:18

out and say I have a need it, it

6:18

almost makes you feel

6:22

vulnerable, which then in turn

6:22

makes you feel a little unsafe.

6:26

And so for me finding people

6:26

that you trust, and people that

6:30

you know, that you can go to, is

6:30

really important. I think just

6:34

being able to speak up and say,

6:34

Hey, I need help, I'm really

6:37

struggling in this area, or I

6:37

need something in this area.

6:43

And you can

6:43

relate that to probably every

6:45

single category we talked about

6:45

on this show is just being put

6:49

it's swelling, the pride and

6:49

just asking for help. For sure.

6:52

And so really, whenever, and I

6:52

don't want to just make it

6:57

about, you know, the kids, kids

6:57

and parents. But again, I think

7:00

this is just such an important

7:00

topic. Whenever you're working

7:03

with kids, and you can use your

7:03

own kids as an example. You

7:07

know, what, what is kit? I know,

7:07

we talked about, you know,

7:09

listen to them figure out what makes them tick and stuff. But can we get more specific is

7:12

there what are some some things

7:15

that you've learned or things

7:15

that you, whenever you've just

7:18

to get to the position you are

7:18

that you, you taught yourself

7:21

that you went through the courses to really make sure you're engaging? Like what does

7:23

that look like? On a very

7:25

surface level? Yeah, lots of training and lots

7:27

of self awareness is the big

7:32

thing. Something that we talk

7:32

about a lot in our trainings is

7:36

tbri. And it's, it's really just

7:36

building that relationship with

7:42

kids. And really just

7:42

understanding them because

7:46

there's, you know, every kid is

7:46

so different. And there's so

7:49

many things to learn. And so for

7:49

me, like I look at every

7:53

difficult situation that I deal

7:53

with, whether it be with our

7:56

foster kids, or even my personal

7:56

kids is being really self aware

8:00

and being open to learning

8:00

something new, and being able to

8:03

look back at that situation and

8:03

say, Wow, I really, you know, I

8:07

learned this from that, or next

8:07

time, I can really try this. And

8:11

I've learned something new about

8:11

my kid. And so now I can really

8:15

apply that.

8:18

So Rachel, when

8:18

when somebody says social

8:21

worker, everybody has their own

8:21

like, right, like this, this

8:24

thing that pops into their head,

8:24

and I think there's a lot of

8:27

misconceptions out there about

8:27

what a social worker actually

8:31

does? Or is, can we talk about a

8:31

few of those? Yeah, um, so what

8:36

I do is case management

8:36

specifically and so I am that go

8:41

between for foster families and

8:41

CPS. And it really, it's, we're

8:47

just part of a team. You know,

8:47

for every kid that comes into

8:50

care, there's a whole collective

8:50

team that has to work together

8:54

and get along because we all

8:54

have the same goal. And that's

8:57

for these kids to be safe and

8:57

loved and ultimately have the

9:02

best outcome possible no matter

9:02

what that looks like. And so I

9:07

always tell people, you know,

9:07

because there is just this

9:09

conception that it's there's so

9:09

many different things that come

9:12

to mind. And it's it's really

9:12

people who do this, do this

9:15

because we love kids and we want

9:15

to help kids and help families

9:19

you know, not just foster

9:19

families but biological families

9:23

because statistically so many of

9:23

them come from trauma themselves

9:27

and don't have that support and

9:27

so being just one more person in

9:31

their corner to root them on and

9:31

so you can do this is really

9:37

what we do.

9:40

And the I

9:40

think the thing that you know, I

9:42

hear a lot and that's what's so

9:42

sad and that's why it's so

9:45

important to have a you know, a

9:45

solid ground with your children

9:49

and you know, your personal

9:49

children is because the people

9:53

that are that do wind up in

9:53

foster and not everybody there's

9:56

horrible situations parents

9:56

might pass away. Horrible things

9:58

happen, but You know, you see,

9:58

you know, abuse, you see all

10:02

these horrible things. And that

10:02

sets the stage for the kid for

10:05

the rest of their lives, it is

10:05

so difficult when something like

10:08

that happens for them to break

10:08

that mindset for them to open up

10:11

and trust other people. Can you

10:11

talk about that the importance

10:15

of you know, really making sure

10:15

that that you're loving your kid

10:18

that you're just supporting them

10:18

that you're not, you know,

10:21

you're not tearing them down.

10:21

Because all that stuff at a

10:23

young age just being absorbed in

10:23

that is just creating the person

10:27

they're going to be in the future.

10:29

Absolutely, yet,

10:29

we get, you know, these kids and

10:32

they, they come to us whether

10:32

they come at age two or age 17,

10:37

there's already such a, like,

10:37

large amount of trauma in this

10:41

little person. And so you're

10:41

really rewiring their brain. And

10:45

so, you know, when you sit with

10:45

them through those really

10:49

difficult moments, and you show

10:49

them like, Hey, you can trust me

10:54

in in one of your most difficult

10:54

times, where you're triggered,

10:58

and you're really struggling,

10:58

you build that relationship with

11:01

them, and you help build that

11:01

trust, where, when it comes time

11:05

to getting more things that they

11:05

need, they're gonna come to you,

11:08

and they're gonna trust you for

11:08

that. And so when you have a

11:11

kid, especially with our older

11:11

kids who, you know, are

11:14

reluctant to getting help in

11:14

therapy, when you build that

11:17

trust with them, you're able to

11:17

help them realize the benefits

11:21

of it and get that buy in with

11:21

them. Because you go through

11:25

these horrible and tragic times

11:25

with them.

11:31

Oh, Rachel,

11:31

what? So many families and most

11:34

of our listeners are business

11:34

owners. So they're balancing

11:39

business, they're balancing

11:39

their families, they're

11:41

balancing kids and their

11:41

household and trying to get

11:45

healthy again, because maybe

11:45

they let themselves go or COVID,

11:49

right, all of these things? What

11:49

piece of advice would you give

11:53

to our listeners about finding

11:53

that holistic balance between

11:59

all of these things that are

11:59

pushing and pulling in different

12:02

directions?

12:04

I think the

12:04

biggest thing for what I think

12:07

is the best is self care, I

12:07

always have to remind myself

12:12

especially in this job where you

12:12

do deal so many heavy things.

12:17

Personally and ethically and

12:17

then your work environment and

12:21

then having to go home and, and

12:21

turn that off. So you can be

12:24

100% for your kids or your

12:24

family at home is self care.

12:29

Because I really am a big

12:29

believer that if I'm not taking

12:32

care of myself, I can't give

12:32

100% in any aspect of my life.

12:37

And so, you know, if I'm not

12:37

taking that time to read my

12:41

Bible every morning, or taking

12:41

that one day a week to just, you

12:47

know, spend an hour of quiet

12:47

time and just breathe and you

12:51

know, process then I can't give

12:51

100% to my family or to my job.

12:56

And so to me, I like I always

12:56

just I cannot harp enough on how

13:01

important self care is for

13:01

yourself, but also for your

13:05

family.

13:06

She kind of just summed up what we're trying to do with our podcast. So thank

13:08

you.

13:10

Yes, that was

13:10

amazing. Yeah. Well, so I want

13:18

to take this, we only have a few

13:18

minutes left. And I want to take

13:20

this in a lighter direction.

13:20

Because this topic is pretty

13:23

heavy. But now I want to talk

13:23

about animals. Because I know

13:28

Rachel that you're a dog lover

13:28

Colton. Yeah, you and I are both

13:32

dog lovers. So we hang around

13:32

with a bunch of dog lovers. So

13:35

what about what about balancing

13:35

this whole balancing act that we

13:39

have, but we also have these

13:39

four legged critters that we

13:42

have to take care of. Right? So

13:42

how do you what are there

13:46

anything? Is there anything

13:46

special that you do for your

13:50

four legged kids on a regular

13:50

basis?

13:54

They are

13:54

horribly spoiled. And so they

13:59

sleep in my king sized bed I get

13:59

about two inches on my bed. They

14:03

each have their own pillows and

14:03

their own blankets. And so my

14:08

husband nicely complete

14:08

opposites of the bed so they can

14:11

have the whole middle part. They

14:11

are spoiled rotten. Cool.

14:16

No, we're gonna add a whole nother segment to the show.

14:20

You probably actually have a lot of business people who can relate to that,

14:22

you know? Like you and your wife

14:26

hugging you at night. No, no, my

14:26

dog right next to me at night

14:29

that's

14:31

too hot. Don't

14:31

worry about it. Just move over a

14:34

little bit more and give them some space.

14:37

Animals do so

14:37

many great things for us though,

14:40

you know, and I don't want to go

14:40

too far into the health and

14:42

wellness space because that's

14:42

not what we're talking about.

14:45

But they do become our family.

14:45

You know, these four legged

14:47

kids, whether it's dogs or cats

14:47

or maybe you have parents or

14:51

alligators whatever you have at

14:51

home, they become part of your

14:54

family and it their science that

14:54

shows they can actually lower

14:59

your blood fresher right? Cool.

14:59

It was like, just stop it.

15:04

Alligators

15:04

like who has a year? I don't

15:07

know.

15:09

I was just in

15:09

New Orleans. I can't sorry. I my

15:13

mind.

15:14

Yeah, yeah,

15:14

come in. If you did not know

15:16

this Rachel, Trisha is like the

15:16

biggest dog. I mean she she's

15:19

done a ton stuff with dogs.

15:19

That's what she's a fan. But I

15:22

do want our listeners when

15:22

before they leave this podcast

15:25

to really understand the

15:25

importance of making sure that

15:28

you do spend time with the

15:28

family as a whole, you know,

15:30

whether that's you know,

15:30

spending an hour hour and a half

15:33

a dinner every night together,

15:33

whatever it may be spin that

15:37

time, and really like, like

15:37

Rachel said, pour yourself into,

15:40

um, take take time to take care

15:40

of yourself. So you can be there

15:43

and present. But But knock that

15:43

out. Because I know a lot of

15:46

parents are juggling a ton,

15:46

especially if you're a business

15:49

owner, you are juggling a bunch.

15:49

So Raychel, thank you so much

15:52

for being on the show today. And

15:52

Trisha, I'm gonna let you take

15:56

us out today.

15:56

All right,

15:56

fantastic. Rachel, thank you so

16:01

much for joining us. We had a

16:01

really great time with you and I

16:08

appreciate you sharing your

16:08

story. Tune in next week for

16:15

another exciting episode of

16:15

Bridge the Gap will be focused

16:18

Thanks again for tuning into this week's podcast. Don't forget to

16:19

subscribe and share this podcast

16:21

on family and relationships for

16:21

the entire month of May. Next

16:23

with the most important people

16:23

in your life. Colton Cockerell

16:26

with Sharer McKinley Group, LLC

16:26

is located at 820 South

16:28

Friendswood Drive Suite 207

16:28

Friendswood, Texas 77546 phone

16:28

week, we'll be talking to Erin

16:28

Callahan about protecting you

16:31

number to 281-992-5698.

16:31

Securities and investment

16:34

advisory services offered

16:34

through NEXT Financial Group,

16:35

and your family through estate planning.

16:36

Inc. member FINRA/SIPC Sharer McKinley Group is not an affiliate of NEXT Financial

16:38

Group, Inc.