0:00

The. Matter how angry somebody is, no matter how sad

0:02

they are. Know how depressed known. I. Won't

0:04

waiver. And. Therefore, they can

0:06

rely on me. Because. How

0:08

they feel isn't going to change how I show

0:10

up. And. I think that was like the

0:12

best gift he could have given me, cause to this day

0:14

he does that. Are

0:20

you free and unshakable business across one hundred

0:23

million dollars? Net worth by the eat at

0:25

a noun very Apple's is.com into a billion

0:27

Our portfolio in this part. As I said,

0:29

the lessons I've learned is james. Big businesses

0:32

that help your portfolio companies do this a

0:34

buck a lot. And let's. Build. A

0:41

look to store where you grew up and

0:43

especially for for British audience. Like how would

0:45

you describe why you brought you grew up

0:48

like. I. United. I didn't know what

0:50

Vegas was like until I was like twenty years older than

0:52

the way would look like. So yeah, what was your childhood

0:54

like? Where did you go? So. I grew

0:56

up in Portage, Michigan. Which

0:59

is like a small Midwestern town.

1:01

Mid. West Different from the west coast

1:03

in terms of. My. People are

1:05

very friendly. You all know all your

1:08

neighbors. I'm typically if you grow up

1:10

there you end up staying there, getting

1:12

a job. They're starting a family there.

1:15

I'm. Not as many people I

1:17

think. Are. Venturing out

1:19

and leaving and going to the coasts. Am.

1:22

Et. Seventy. A different kind of. Mentality.

1:25

It's slow. It's much slower

1:27

than where I live now and so everything

1:29

is. Slower. Paced. More.

1:31

Family focused. Obviously.

1:34

Also, safer, I'm. Less.

1:36

To do. And.

1:39

You. Know as funny as the I just remember my

1:41

entire life. When. I lived

1:44

there. Always. Thinking and can't

1:46

wait to leave. Because.

1:48

It felt too slow for me. And.

1:52

Out. Of all the. Amazing places that you could

1:54

live. In the country? Not even just

1:56

that. The world I was like why here. And.

1:59

I think. Felt bad for very long time which is why

2:01

did end up leaving. The thing that gets

2:03

me like with your story is and this is

2:06

what let's try get across the viewers. His.

2:08

Dues think you were born. Of.

2:11

Do you think you are born

2:13

with this sort of ambition to

2:15

grow outside as the situation? U

2:17

N. Or. Was it something that happened

2:19

with in your childhood? that legit that place.

2:22

I don't think that I was born. With.

2:24

Any think ah I mean I would tell

2:26

you my dad would say differently. On

2:29

by. I actually think it was.

2:31

When. My parents ended up. Getting.

2:33

Divorced when I was I think I

2:35

was between eight and nine. And.

2:37

When they separated and. My.

2:40

Dad ended up moving out, getting an

2:42

apartment somewhere my sister ended up leaving

2:44

going to college she was much older

2:46

than me and then I was stuff

2:49

alone My mom in the house when

2:51

they had last. And the my

2:53

mother very quickly. Because. Of the

2:55

divorce and then very quickly after their divorce

2:57

arm her dad passed away. And

3:00

Cetus went into like. A

3:02

very dark place and she turned to

3:04

drugs and alcohol. And

3:06

I witness that some day one.

3:09

Like. The like starting to drink

3:11

more than like. Drinking.

3:13

Every day, then like started doing earlier in

3:15

the day and then like until it snowballed

3:17

into like a complete alcoholics. And

3:20

so. I actually

3:22

think that. That. Time.

3:24

In my life and living. With her

3:27

for the. Five. Years

3:29

I did when she did that. Was.

3:32

Probably. The pivotal moment that turned me into

3:34

the person I am today. Because.

3:38

Until then. I. Had been sheltered

3:40

by to really amazing parents who meant well.

3:42

But. I also think as a sheltered. Ah,

3:45

And depend on them and. In.

3:48

The time that I spent living with her

3:50

when she was alcoholic. He or

3:52

she wouldn't come home for days on on end, she

3:54

would come home and be incoherent. She. Would.

3:57

Not talk to me. Ignore me. She'd always be

3:59

with and boy. Print out the time. I

4:01

in now the bars and. I

4:03

had learned take care myself, And.

4:05

At the time it was. Extremely

4:08

hard and I remember just. A

4:10

constant. Perpetual.

4:12

Feeling of stress like in my body.

4:15

Like not being able to get rid

4:17

of the feeling of dislike. Complete anxiety.

4:19

Ah, I'm peas. I was always worried about

4:21

her. As. Always worried as you can be okay

4:23

is he going to end up. Killing. Yourself today

4:26

is he or going and of com home Am I

4:28

gonna be a my own? like when I'm going to

4:30

do ah. But.

4:33

What? I didn't realize was that going

4:35

through that for those five years.

4:38

Taught. Me: how to take care of myself.

4:41

And. Ultimately, that I could rely on myself. Which.

4:44

At the time I don't think I could have known that I would do that

4:46

for me. But now looking back, I

4:48

see it as like that was the moment in

4:51

which. It

4:53

I. Would say I'm. It.

4:56

Was almost. I got. He.

4:58

Gave me the jump start to get to where I am today. Because.

5:01

I'm not sure that I was able to be. The.

5:03

Leader I am if I hadn't learned had a

5:05

lead myself so early on. Could. You

5:08

pinot, so could you pin down. The

5:10

the trait that you had or some the

5:12

decision isn't your thing was ten years old

5:15

or that is tragic story I'm amused. Say

5:17

no more your videos about where you could

5:19

use call him for and and happen on

5:21

multiple occasions viewed he was trying to call

5:23

for and you couldn't get holders a ten

5:25

year old. I'm. Almost. Ten year

5:27

olds I don't think would react in the same way as

5:30

you did. Like is the something you could pin down the

5:32

lead you to be able to do that. Yeah.

5:35

I was sitting in. Our.

5:38

Guest. Room of. When

5:42

he said it was like. I

5:44

was sitting in the guestroom. Of

5:46

our house and I. Have

5:49

a son is dead. And site kept

5:51

calling her phone. I think it was like the

5:53

twentieth time that I called. And.

5:55

Since pick up. As an I remember

5:58

thinking to myself. Why you keep. When.

6:01

She's. Never going to pick up. She's not going to

6:03

answer. And I sat there

6:05

and i rember thinking pulling the for my

6:07

hand I said i'm not falling again and

6:09

on. And. Then I

6:11

just thought to myself this thought pops my head lice and.

6:15

I. Need to make the rest of my life. So.

6:18

Good. That. It makes all of this

6:20

worth it. Because. The pain

6:22

I felt in that moment and for those years.

6:25

Was. So great! And it was also a secret I

6:27

kept. To myself, I didn't tell anybody. Because

6:29

I also still loved her and I didn't want

6:31

to. Get. For in trouble or whatever

6:33

that meant. But

6:36

that was what stuck with me was in that

6:38

moment I thought to myself like you have to

6:40

be so good. That it makes everything

6:42

worth it. And. I think I took

6:44

that on with me in that now when I go through

6:46

anything in life. I just think to myself. Make.

6:49

It worth it. Make the dark moments worth

6:51

it. By. Doing yourself justice and getting to

6:53

the other side and getting through it and not being

6:56

a victim of those dark times. I

6:58

don't know how a kid at that age

7:00

had that thought. But. I'm super grateful

7:03

I did. I remember it crystal clear. I

7:05

remember holding the phone. It was one of

7:07

the phones with a key. huge cord. And

7:09

it was like yellow banana phone basically

7:11

ah, I'm. Amber Just sitting

7:13

there with three I am and thinking that and.

7:16

From that moment on I felt like a sense of.

7:19

Calmness. Because I thought to myself one.

7:23

No longer am I gonna keep

7:25

calling. She's. Gonna leave.

7:27

Who. Knows if she's in a comeback. I need to

7:30

focus on myself. And I need to

7:32

focus on making my life better. And

7:34

then the second thing was. It

7:36

like lit a fire inside of me. To be

7:38

better. Because. I feel like

7:41

in that moment I saw. You

7:43

know she was a great mother to me when

7:45

she was but I saw her turn into this

7:47

person I felt was. So. Unfamiliar to

7:49

me. And. The.

7:52

Only saw I could have to myself was like. I

7:55

will never do this to somebody I never wanted

7:57

us to anybody in my life and make them.

8:00

With way And so I think what I did was

8:02

that it. Propelled. Me to go in

8:04

the complete opposite direction that she was in. And.

8:08

Then I it led me. To. You.

8:10

Know finally getting out of her house. And

8:13

saying you know what? I'm going

8:15

to leave pursuit safe you. If you leave

8:17

I'm I'm gonna die as he leaves like

8:19

I have. Nothing lasts at my life will

8:21

be over. And so it felt like

8:24

you know, in a way a threat like what does

8:26

that mean your life will be over in or she

8:28

wasn't stable. And I said

8:30

to myself. I'm

8:32

not your mother. And. I

8:34

remember the day I was like i'm leaving. And

8:37

I'm not. I'm not coming back. Because.

8:39

At the end of the day. This

8:44

is really hard to say but. I

8:47

said if you die. Because

8:49

of me leaving. Some.

8:51

Me: I've seeker

8:53

myself. And

8:56

that was kind of mentality. A tux. From

8:58

that point out, And

9:01

she didn't end up I think getting better, But.

9:03

I haven't marine and conduct. I'm

9:07

it's wise to deliver. As it

9:09

And Fourteen Fifteen. Wow. Side.

9:11

And the so those of a five

9:13

year time period was us from when

9:16

your parents divorced go through that so

9:18

process so. During. The time in

9:20

between. Ice. I stopped say of house

9:22

I started he okay you've talked to like closer

9:24

friends like I end up saying with them. I

9:27

had friends, parents who knew the situation with my mom and

9:29

I would basically live at their house. I gave and detours.

9:31

I'm one of my best friend's house. They

9:33

would buy groceries for me like it was like I

9:35

basically lived there and I would come home to get

9:37

ill clothes and things like that. But. I

9:40

can check out. I was like I'm just going to

9:42

do me and take care of myself. And.

9:46

Not be around this. And.

9:48

I would come back, you know, every week or so

9:51

to see what was going on and. Usually.

9:53

The houses discussing and I would clean it. And.

9:55

Then I would leave again. But. I just tried not

9:57

to say there because. I didn't feel.

10:00

Faith and I didn't feel like. I.

10:02

Know who she was anymore. It wasn't a mother that I

10:04

grew up with and so I didn't. I

10:07

didn't want to say there because I felt like. I

10:10

created my own family. Within.

10:12

My friends, families, And I think that is the truth

10:14

is like I think. She. Was so absent

10:17

at that point time. I. Felt like I had

10:19

to go. Get. What I

10:21

needed elsewhere. Alcohol. Was

10:23

so destructive a lot I think

10:25

I'm on the of our family

10:27

suffered with. My my father

10:29

was like a really bad alcoholic where he was in

10:31

our lives I didn't really affect us but like I

10:33

remember I the phone call my grandmother one time as

10:36

it with she's the sweetest late I never realized that

10:38

shows up Heisman alcoholic whole life. And.

10:40

And i got a for as a phone call about

10:42

on when to kill myself and or you know or and

10:45

it's i can only imagine like what that would be

10:47

like to be live in around out with a parent

10:49

was be so difficult. Ah, I'm A.

10:51

I'm still like. I wish it was

10:53

easy to pin what the ingredient was.

10:55

The L allowed you to grow up

10:58

in that situation because. So.

11:00

Many people. Sue.

11:02

Tragedy or difficult time than

11:04

traumas. Issue. That they do the one

11:06

of the or the of away you know they either fall victim

11:08

to or they don't become a victim of the com. What's wrong

11:10

for us? I think there was a quo I'm I'm gonna. Mess.

11:13

This up because is this so many moments in

11:15

your life where. He. Was probably hundred

11:18

this and and you this when the

11:20

opposite way and it was like you

11:22

guys like have i'll show you guys wrong

11:24

but it was something he said com.

11:27

A can't find. I'm just gonna butcher it

11:30

so maybe out of butcher it. They're basically

11:32

like. I'm. Gonna work as hard as I

11:34

possibly can. Soda for the future The the passage

11:36

of the past and it's so It's so fall

11:38

behind me that all I can see is the

11:40

suits us. To talk about mentality.

11:43

You know I heard this guy. Said. To

11:45

at one point it's like. Over

11:47

fifty percent of the past that

11:50

we remember is inaccurate. And.

11:52

Once I heard that. The.

11:54

Psych light bulb went off for me because I think I

11:56

was. Probably. Like. Twenty

11:59

Or Twenty One. The time and people are always telling

12:01

me. Scott. Of resolve things with your

12:03

mom, you've gotta figure out these things and like

12:05

I'd been to therapy in a now and talk

12:07

to plenty. Therapist. And my put

12:09

all these things about my mother right? And.

12:13

I. Constantly felt like. He

12:16

would as reopening something. That.

12:18

And would never find a resolution to. You.

12:21

Know it's like it was. She.

12:23

Became an alcoholic. She didn't mean for it to make

12:25

my life force, but it did. By consequence. Do.

12:28

I think she's a bad person. Know what? Do I

12:30

think that See you know created bad conditions

12:32

for me? Yes and. I

12:35

just. Realized. That.

12:38

The more that I focus on working on my

12:40

future. The. Less the past have

12:42

power over me and the less relevant it was

12:44

the my life. And especially

12:46

knowing that what fifty percent of

12:48

it could be made up. Of

12:51

my what is. It. Was better. What

12:53

if it was worse? I don't know. You

12:55

know this is my memory, my recollection but.

12:57

I. Don't want to live my life. Beholden,

13:00

To a past that might not even be

13:02

true. It's just my perspective. That's.

13:04

And he was the main thought. It's like why would I

13:06

let that control. Me when. You

13:08

know our minds. To very powerful things like i

13:10

don't know in what direction it with amplified.

13:13

You know, But right now. Allowing me

13:15

to think that things were worse than they were. Also,

13:17

I can help me make. A better future. It's.

13:20

Not. And. So I just sent heads

13:22

down and like I'm integrates such a compelling

13:24

life for myself that I don't even think

13:26

about the past. And. That's worked

13:29

for me for the last. Thirteen. Years.

13:31

Normally. I'd stick to sort of the document just

13:34

above the big one this because it's really close to

13:36

me. So. Around

13:38

seven years ago just before one of them

13:40

have a store or like the whole you

13:42

tube stuff Muslim passed away and my way

13:44

of dealing with it was to do this

13:47

or not you know I I had down

13:49

was obsessed. still on but was obsessed by

13:51

would say two years ago. There.

13:53

Was a point where everyone around me was telling me

13:55

how you know it wasn't great for me and it's

13:57

going to therapy or this kind of. So I did.

14:00

And it felt like I was just sure in and out

14:02

of for a good year. It surely not listing of bringing

14:04

all this like. This. Stuff but now and

14:06

butt heads down again. you know, outposts in

14:08

forward and discussion on and I feel bad.

14:10

another. That. The opinion of

14:12

people with that kind of mentality is that

14:15

is just wrong is not the right way

14:17

to do it is. I'd love

14:19

to hear more on it. I mean there's a lot that

14:21

we go into their which is like it's also like. You.

14:24

Know there's great waitresses and there's

14:26

awful waitresses. Thera Great therapist. They're

14:28

awful therapists. How does the

14:30

person in the room know to judge? Often times they

14:32

don't And so I think a lot of people fall

14:34

prey to people that. Treat. Dependency on

14:37

them. You know I actually think in studying

14:39

what I had which isn't setting like some

14:41

of the best know. Psychiatrists,

14:43

And therapist from hundred years ago

14:46

on most simply. Someone takes six eight

14:48

weeks. And I think that we created a

14:50

culture in which people are dependent on therapy so that they

14:52

can see pulling back in the hit recurring revenue of. So

14:54

I look at it more as like that's great. This is fun

14:56

for a therapist says that that a the patient probably not. Also.

15:00

Through a lot of the things that I studied,

15:02

I just realized. There. Is also cell

15:04

therapy which is that you can surprise yourself.

15:06

Now. That. The Who has studied

15:09

the Most Sense of Pride and Albert Ellis I've read

15:11

like all of his books, Arm.

15:14

But. I think that. What? I

15:16

realize is that you can change how

15:18

you behave. Despite. Whatever.

15:21

Happens. You. And so most people

15:23

say. Let. Me sigur out

15:26

why this happened like. Why?

15:28

Are you upset about your son? Of course,

15:30

just. of what the hell you know what

15:32

I mean like of course an upset them a

15:34

little have like that's normal and okay to be

15:36

banned said. Is. There

15:38

anything that can be done about it. Like.

15:41

Know and then I think that

15:44

people tend to demonize. Maybe the

15:46

way that me feel. Afterwards and see

15:48

that there must be something wrong with you for

15:50

feeling depressed. That's

15:52

baffling to me that people would think

15:54

that there's anything. Wrong with feeling

15:56

depressed or anxious or. You

15:59

know, like you have something. Wrong with you because

16:01

I think when we feel like the truth

16:03

deaths of negative human. Emotions We do wonder

16:05

if there's something wrong with us. But.

16:07

That's just life and I think that we live

16:09

in a society where people label it as. There's

16:11

something wrong with you. And. I think I

16:14

actually sell Pray to It for a few years. Where.

16:16

Therapists are telling me there's something wrong with me. And

16:19

I you know after that I kind of to the

16:21

setback. I was like. I

16:24

think something's wrong with you. Because. You're

16:26

labeling it. You. Know and. I'm

16:28

doing all these things to make my life better. and. You

16:30

keep telling you why it's shouldn't be and

16:33

why it's okay to feel this way and

16:35

keep reopening these wounds. And. I

16:37

just noticed it wasn't helping. But what

16:39

did help? every time. With that I focus on

16:41

the future. And I changed my

16:43

behavior and I didn't allow anything that's ever

16:45

happened to me in the past to be

16:47

a reason why. Behave a certain way today. You

16:50

know I could easily say oh, I don't get close.

16:52

To people, I've got walls up because my

16:54

mother was an alcoholic and so I'm a

16:56

little colder. What? I'm

16:59

I'm fully functioning thirty one year

17:01

old adult. I can decide to

17:03

act in. A more productive way. My

17:05

relationships. Social. What happened

17:07

When. I was fourteen should affect when it happens

17:09

when I'm thirty one. But. What

17:11

happens is that an event occurs and then

17:13

oftentimes to deal with that event we take.

17:15

On unproductive behaviors. And it

17:17

we don't stop. and they go on for ten

17:20

or fifteen years. And. Then we say all.

17:22

In order to change this unproductive behavior, I should

17:24

figure out why this thing happened to me. And

17:27

put. Reason behind it. And I've just

17:29

found that. What if I just

17:31

changed? The unproductive behavior. And.

17:33

It didn't matter why I was do it but I changed

17:35

it anyways. And. So I think that's

17:37

the kind of. Approach the I've

17:39

taken to things as I look at a very much

17:41

like. I am not

17:44

in control always of we'll choose the thoughts

17:46

and feelings who have. Some. Days like.

17:48

We. Can choose to focus on things but can I

17:50

choose it? pops into my head. Know. I

17:53

can observe it and try not to focus on it. But.

17:55

What I can do is that despite what I think

17:57

and despite what I feel, I can change my behavior.

18:00

And. That has been like the one thing that

18:02

has brought me release and everything because I

18:04

can feel as. Bad as I want. I

18:07

don't have to accept what. And. I think

18:09

that I've gotten a lot of released from that, but. I

18:11

don't know. For me, it felt very. Unproductive talking about all

18:14

the things because I think that a lot I'm

18:16

also are predicated on. I.

18:18

Think that. Imagine this right?

18:21

Somebody. Dies. And you live

18:23

in. One. Of the

18:25

in a western or Eastern Indian country

18:27

is right. They so that

18:29

death. And they're happy and

18:31

their overjoyed that those people are dead.

18:34

And then they move on and go on with their lives. Here.

18:37

We're told it's a bad thing and we should be sad

18:40

and therefore people grieve. For months Years,

18:42

Decades. And so when

18:44

I hear that, I think for myself, It's.

18:47

All in a way. Expectations,

18:50

societal norms, and almost the

18:52

placebo effect. He know.

18:54

I remember when I broke up with a

18:56

boyfriend and then I moved across the United

18:58

States to California. And. A

19:00

therapist told me. She was probably

19:02

the only good therapist for brat. Ah, I'm

19:04

I says it's in I kicked over Uma.

19:06

Just so sad. She's. Like

19:08

whoa, how long the been I said two months?

19:11

How long way to get their fourteen months. She

19:13

said why is so sad. And. Of support. I.

19:16

Heard tix like half the time is enough for me to get over

19:18

and. She. Said I think that. Layla.

19:21

And. In the moment. I. Was

19:23

stunned that a therapist would say that's. And

19:26

I was if we meet. To lick it takes for

19:28

a prolonged side of sick. Start. Living

19:30

your life again. And

19:33

that frame I've applied to pretty much

19:35

everything. Because. I

19:37

have just found that continuing to think about

19:39

things. That don't make our lives better.

19:43

Just ten, Not Albus. Definitely! I

19:45

heard you say that as well about

19:47

the The Axe and say in the

19:50

that. He. Just decided I

19:52

loved up. As a if it does

19:54

to the same for me like does exactly was whole

19:56

lot like I. Have is I'm sad like

19:58

than and know is is ten. Well like I

20:00

feel sad I feel devastated by don't need to be

20:02

there forever like I don't need to wallow in that

20:05

and let you know affect my life massively. Bay was

20:07

true like a loss our up as would tell me

20:09

the you know you need to explore this hims explore

20:11

your feelings or emotions and. You. Know, I

20:13

think. The they try as if there is

20:16

like you said behavior. They try and fix what

20:18

that is When. The

20:20

the inciting saying this thing, the insight of

20:22

the behavior you since you don't it doesn't

20:24

need to be attached to anymore. And.

20:28

The. I mean, I think it was the conversation

20:30

Holy Sybil you I see no so many

20:32

like know gets in there again. I'd love

20:34

to go over them. Not one was a

20:36

huge want to me does another one. Again

20:40

like I though I do want to boot cities

20:42

but this this was the the I read. I

20:45

really like this one and it was. It

20:48

was a based on anxiety and fum

20:50

if you have anxiety like. I.

20:52

Want to talk specifically about when you settle

20:55

a stage where liked a just go away

20:57

from not like. You. Said: You don't

20:59

have to feel great when you step into

21:01

a boardroom, oh, onstage, or whatever situation is,

21:03

you don't have to feel great. You can

21:05

accept that. And once you've accepted the, it

21:07

makes it easier. It is not to feel

21:09

perfect the whole time and then you kind

21:11

of work your way for it one step

21:13

at a time afterwards. That mentality

21:16

I think is another thing that stopped

21:18

not having that stops people from doing

21:20

in the first place. Taken

21:22

those steps. I think I sound

21:24

for me that. The.

21:27

More that I try to get rid of the ceiling, the

21:29

more I feel it. If

21:32

I'm feeling frustrated, Or

21:34

I'm feeling angry or in Philly excess. And.

21:36

Then I think Cleese until the Sleigh. I

21:38

don't want to see like this. Let me go do something to do Not

21:40

feel like this. Actually create more

21:43

of it. Because.

21:45

I think I'm just guessing it's like

21:47

I'm telling myself it's not okay and

21:49

therefore now I'm stressed about feeling stressed.

21:52

I'm. Not to stress. I know stress. I'm feeling

21:54

stressed. And so for me,

21:57

I've just found that. Was worked

21:59

best. Have been. I.

22:02

Accept. That I'm gonna feel

22:04

awful. And. I can get really

22:06

good at feeling awful. In fact

22:08

I think the I had master feeling awful and

22:10

that's what people don't get. Their like

22:12

how do you do all the things I'm like I'm

22:14

really great. Doing

22:17

anything feeling awful, Like I can speak

22:19

on states while I so awful, I can lead a

22:21

meeting while I so awful I can do a presentation.

22:23

Was so awful. Out and run a book was all

22:25

I feel awful. I can do. all these. Things While

22:27

I feel awful and I think that most

22:30

people when they feel awful, act awful. They

22:32

stay in bed. The app depressed They

22:34

act how they feel. And.

22:36

What I've found is that at compounds

22:38

the ceiling of bad. Weather. It's

22:40

stress, anxiety, or awfulness greece it.

22:42

except her. You. Feel knew that way

22:45

because you behave that way. For.

22:47

Me: What I've found is that one. Eventually.

22:50

I will start to feel less awful. If. I stop

22:52

thinking about it and I start doing the thing. right?

22:55

Because I may be more focused on what I'm doing, them

22:57

I'm feeling. And then seconds

22:59

about is. If. I

23:01

can do something. Was feeling awful. How

23:03

easy is it to do it when

23:05

I see how could how much more

23:07

skilled will I be at that site?

23:10

And so that I look at it now way which is

23:12

like. I. I seek

23:14

out to do things in imperfect conditions

23:16

because then when there are perfect conditions,

23:18

I have an unfair advantage. I

23:21

don't feel awful to that. I got a full

23:23

night's sleep. I'm. Prepared. Amazing.

23:25

This is gonna be of the kick walk. You. Know

23:27

because I'm used to being up all night the

23:29

night before, being stressed, not being prepared to something

23:32

with last minute and doing it anyway. And.

23:34

So does it feel that in the

23:36

moment? No, but it creates. A sense

23:39

of confidence. That then turns

23:41

into. A feeling of. Trust

23:44

with myself. And that

23:46

is something that. Is worth it.

23:48

So much more to me than feeling that every day. Because.

23:52

Will be hard whether you want to or not and

23:54

you never know what to expect. Things can just come

23:56

out of nowhere and all the sudden it's just like.

23:59

This. Is what it is. They were going to really hard see them. And.

24:02

I don't ever want to go into season like that and

24:04

my life feeling like. Sonos. I've got

24:06

my that. Can. I do this. I

24:08

want to know like. There. Is insurmountable

24:11

evidence that I can do this?

24:13

Do you enjoy performing in the

24:16

chaos more than performing in like

24:18

a nice situation? Enjoy!

24:20

Know find useful Yes. I

24:23

think it is more useful than performing when

24:25

things are going well. So. You

24:28

don't even get off on you know it

24:30

does. Been mayhem. After the

24:32

first. Stop. I'll

24:34

think that. It's. Still

24:37

hard. To. Do things and you

24:39

feel awful. But I know I'm like if you just take

24:41

the first step. And just commit to this.

24:44

It. Will feel easier. For. The

24:46

second step. And. So to say

24:48

that ice like. School. I'm

24:51

hungry for and look forward to it like. Yes,

24:54

And no, like. Axel like often wish I

24:56

could just am not have to do that. But

24:58

then the other voice inside of me is like.

25:00

This. Is what makes you who you are. This is

25:03

why you're going to be better in other situations. This

25:05

is gonna make you a stronger person. You have more

25:07

trusting yourself after this. And then let me see

25:09

Excited! Because. I think. Again,

25:14

Sorry you make a bad situation worth it. You

25:17

figure out what good can come from it and I think. That.

25:21

Is why I look forward to seeing. How

25:23

in months or in years nice showing

25:25

up in those situations will apply to

25:27

future situations that I didn't even know

25:29

where to come. I

25:36

just want to keep up with break to think all

25:38

of you for listening to the south of our if

25:40

you in jail your little too I be so. Great

25:43

that if you did consider leaving me with you

25:45

or even serious elite. See think would love to

25:47

go the current. As you can see I don't run

25:49

out of here for the only way the show growth

25:51

as if we can continue to make often. Content and

25:53

the only way I can do that as

25:55

three liking subscribing and reading aren't. Yeah.

26:02

I think been able to form lay say about like

26:04

kind of level with that kind of chaos going off

26:06

them. when it is a little bit calmer you know

26:08

you're gonna kill it. I do want to site dial

26:11

it back and over into the the story just to

26:13

make sure I've got this. Their. I'm.

26:15

The so many interest employees to choose from

26:17

by think. the the early days that

26:19

with a great story around subway I think at

26:21

the i don't know it whether it's been com

26:24

a too much by do I would love to

26:26

hear again. By.

26:28

I also interested in our is it

26:30

is it intertwined with that that story.

26:33

Was there? At that

26:35

point. A belief in your had the

26:37

you gonna be somebody to use going to do so

26:39

and Lisa was. Did it come from anywhere in

26:41

particular. I don't think I

26:44

ever. In my early days.

26:46

Had a belief. Oh

26:48

I'm than a be somebody. Who.

26:51

Whatever. That means but I think

26:53

that. The. Mentality I had

26:55

was. Don't. Stop until you are.

26:59

Do. I believe that I can get there. At

27:01

that time now. But. Did I

27:03

believe I could work harder than anybody? Yes,

27:06

I believe that and any work hard to money by

27:08

is relative but I think. I.

27:10

Knew that I can put in the work. To.

27:12

At least have a chance at it. On

27:15

and I think that was the one thing that. Yeah.

27:18

I think I got that for my dad in he. Was an immigrant.

27:20

he came from Iran. And. I've

27:22

watched him my entire life. And

27:25

he has tireless work ethic. And.

27:28

He always said like you don't have to be the smartest,

27:30

you don't have to be the best, but like you can

27:32

work harder than everybody. And he's like that

27:34

safe house I've always taken. And my

27:36

dad is a fantastic person but I believe

27:39

and because I think he does out work

27:41

everybody just because he cares. And. That

27:43

part of who he is. And so I think. Seeing.

27:45

That. I think was a really great

27:47

example for me. Because. Early.

27:50

On as I got out of the house

27:52

with my mother, Thousand. And

27:55

holidays which was just like work on

27:57

yourself, work on being better. And

27:59

that's when I. My first off. And

28:01

I I got my job. is that subway

28:03

which I could walk to from my house.

28:06

For my dad's house, I moved out with them. And.

28:09

At that point I think I had like my

28:11

driver's permit. Arms I couldn't actually

28:13

drive a car yet so I knew I could walk and

28:15

I was like well that's good because one I think exercise

28:18

and I go there and back these us trying to get

28:20

in better shape. And. Then to I can

28:22

have it off right? And they were one of the

28:24

only places that would take somebody that was not sixteen.

28:26

Yeah, And. So that

28:28

was my first job and. It

28:31

was purely to make money. I

28:33

was just like I need this money. To

28:35

save up to buy things I want. It was just.

28:38

That was it. It wasn't like. Oh

28:41

I'm going to work so hard. All these things. I

28:43

think I'd is except did. The. I need to start

28:45

from the bottom. Because. I remember being embarrassed that

28:47

time he will come in on like a subway sandwich

28:50

artist. I'm making their Subways. And I'm

28:52

a girl. Also, there's more men that

28:54

works there. and it was the Subway

28:56

right next to my competitor high school.

28:58

So. All the football team would come there and

29:00

get Sods are all like you know and so

29:03

it was a little embarrassing and times on. But.

29:06

I think it was really good. For me because. What?

29:08

That Trump taught me to do in the beginning

29:10

was and I think this is a skill but

29:12

how to follow directions? That. Sounds

29:15

silly. But. There's so many people he can

29:17

give directions to and they don't follow them. And

29:19

I think that I learned in that at

29:21

that job. That. That is a

29:23

skill because I saw. All. These other

29:26

people that will lessen their kits fired. Because.

29:28

He didn't make a scene, would certainly be

29:30

they wouldn't do the opening of the clothing

29:32

correctly like simple things. But. They

29:35

are skills nonetheless. And. And

29:37

people that I started there because I think.

29:40

It. Was humbling. It wasn't glamorous and none

29:43

of my first jobs were. On.

29:45

But they taught me things that. In

29:47

the moment I didn't realize were important and I look back

29:50

on now and I can pinpoint. Everything again from

29:52

each one. The eyes

29:54

of is a crowbar. Steve Jobs or don't

29:56

like are not woods a word bird. The

29:59

dots will commence. Looking. Back my

30:01

way and it does it. You don't know,

30:03

go forward, but I think we we've had

30:05

it with Mulligan Rivers and. And all

30:07

the jobs we worked like labor labor in jobs

30:09

and least I stuff and the so many different

30:11

things and I think the biggest one is holding

30:13

work ethic for as was i was a huge

30:15

thing like. I'm going to load more Brits

30:17

and able to on site. That's the why I'm gonna do

30:19

because that's what I do like and there was an addict

30:21

another reason I think get paid more for it but it

30:23

just felt like that was the thing. The.

30:26

Ah, how valuable his. Work.

30:29

Ethic and how far can it take you. I.

30:31

Think that in the beginning. Is probably

30:33

one of the most valuable skills you can have.

30:36

Because. When. You're just getting

30:38

started. Often. Times. It's

30:41

not that you. Lack one skill or even

30:43

to. But. You might lack three

30:45

or four or five skills. And. The

30:48

only thing in my opinion they can

30:50

get you past that wall is having

30:52

the tenacity and having the work ethic.

30:55

To. Be able to do all the same time. Because.

30:58

Even when you take on new job. Seen.

31:00

Take on a new business. Whatever. it isn't life.

31:02

Usually we have a learning curve and when I

31:04

think a lot of people miss is that it's

31:06

a learning curve on multiple skills at the same

31:09

time and that's something. Feel really hard. Why do

31:11

most people fail at building. A business because

31:13

it's like ten skills at the same time

31:15

and most. People can work on to but

31:17

they can't work on upset. And

31:19

I think that. That

31:22

is why I believe work ethic was such

31:24

an imperative part of my dirty. Because. I

31:27

think in realizing for example, when I

31:29

was losing weight. The I lost

31:31

some some hundred pounds and I was

31:33

nineteen twenty. And that

31:35

process was. It's not just that your

31:38

starting to work out. But. You're

31:40

also learning how to cook food. You're also

31:42

learning to measure food. You're also learning to.

31:44

In you know not either party like those

31:47

are all skills you know and prior to

31:49

this I was in fitness and nutrition. Second

31:51

tell all those things are still not taking

31:53

food when people ask not facing, put on

31:55

your plate skill county or towers a skill

31:58

knowing that their salaries and soda skill. These.

32:00

Are all I can. Sounds crazy, but they really aren't.

32:02

Remembering to weigh yourself everyday. The skill: Measuring yourself A

32:04

tape of the skill. They're. All skills and

32:07

so. I. Actually, think that that. Translated a

32:09

lot when we came. To business because

32:11

it felt like this insurmountable

32:13

task. I'm that was very

32:15

hard and it was a very steep learning

32:17

curve. But. Once you get over the

32:19

hump, It's. Feals.

32:22

Inevitable. That that the outcome is going

32:24

to happen because. It. Starts to snowball

32:27

and I think physicists the same way. But.

32:29

A lot of people kick get past i

32:31

think the first year or two years of

32:33

the learning curve. They. Just Quit. If

32:35

he isn't working for me, He. I've been working my

32:37

ass off for year. Though. Another

32:39

year. You know, I think that

32:42

a lot of people realize. That.

32:44

Their accumulating. Maybe in that first year

32:46

they've accumulated to skills. They need

32:48

to more to be able to get what they want. And.

32:51

They just they just aren't willing to wait it out

32:53

and so then they don't try something else or they

32:55

don't work on something else. But but they don't realize

32:57

that they just what they accept work on is expanding.

32:59

Their capacity for work more than anything. I'm

33:03

gonna be comebacks by the end for

33:05

the the business. This is A I

33:07

think we have just. Use

33:09

work ethic to get to where we are and if

33:11

I know this, lila you on this. In.

33:13

Same level with teaching sire level people but

33:15

I yeah I think about that start such

33:17

a new you guys have to do that.

33:19

The store like you had to go from

33:21

work ethic to structure and Ortiz authentic Edmunds

33:23

Lowest Yeah it went along with easier and

33:25

so yeah. I'd love to talk about the

33:27

one thing that comes to I am I

33:29

from Japan. Weight loss journey. One.

33:32

Time is a moat. One of the most embarrassing

33:34

those two to kind of stories Obvious to me

33:36

a very similar time for Milan but polymer away

33:38

after my son died and. Ah, Are

33:40

unhealthy habits. I was that over

33:42

hundred pounds, overweight and. I

33:45

was walking on the streets and I had a

33:47

bull like have a carrier bag of fries like

33:49

him is his good tips in the Uk and

33:51

I'd I'd smoke them. Was. Walking

33:53

home like a fat person wouldn't as there

33:55

are so a screen that the call you

33:57

fat bastard to me and I was I

33:59

was begun. At a time as hour and. A.

34:02

I was really like taken a and and I

34:04

went home looks animals that live in a cure

34:06

must say right now and then and then that

34:08

doesn't have a story. A week or so after

34:10

were friends moments in with the as of the

34:12

same thing she said. Total happens

34:14

here and. You. Have dislike

34:16

Story this pivotal moment. When

34:20

you supporting. And. A

34:22

similar thing happened. But.

34:25

You took it as a positive and you managed again.

34:27

It was like you guys that are So you guys.

34:30

Did did that last you know that the yeah

34:32

and that was bit from that point on to

34:34

we're about the story and so of what was

34:36

done for you had would have and will sell.

34:39

When. I was when says nineteen?

34:42

I was really overweight. I think

34:45

at that point I'd gained gained

34:47

like anything thing. Is.

34:49

To the point where it's like. A King and

34:51

paint a picture because I completely avoided a camera.

34:53

like there's one is just my head and it's

34:55

pretty bad, but that's it on. And

34:58

I remember. I was at.

35:00

it was the weekend. Or my friend's birthday and

35:02

she says you want to have a party and she's an

35:04

invite A bunch of people from Hopeful. Immediately

35:07

I just felt like a complete. Sense.

35:09

Of anxiety. Wash over me because I thought,

35:11

oh my gosh, I looked so much better

35:14

than. You. Know, but I like

35:16

spiraled into. Gaming. All this week.

35:19

And. I felt like oh gosh, I really hope I don't

35:21

run into anybody. And so.

35:24

The weekend comes and you know it's a

35:26

start of the party. I think for pre

35:28

gaming whatever people are coming and nobody's saying

35:30

anything. They and I'm a psych. the same

35:32

for me. It's elegant else in the room.

35:34

like I haven't seen you since I gained

35:36

eighty three. I I am aware. And.

35:39

nobody was saying a thing. is all going as

35:41

planned like it's a felt fine. And

35:44

then. It. Was probably close

35:46

to the and the night and i went

35:48

to go the bathroom. And I

35:50

walked through the hallway and there was this guy that

35:53

I've been friends since high school. who is there?

35:55

And I saw him. And

35:58

I think oh hey, and he's like hey, And

36:01

he was like. Man. Such.

36:03

A shame. And I was like

36:05

why. And.

36:07

I just think in that moment knew he was going

36:09

to something and he said. Gang,

36:12

He's like. A killer so

36:14

crude. harm. But. It was like. Religious

36:17

a shame because I used to be so hop years

36:19

or so fat. And

36:21

I was like. Wow.

36:25

And. In that moment all I sell

36:28

was. Like. A white Hot

36:30

like your eyes see read. You

36:32

know, like white hot raids. And.

36:35

Funny enough, it was not at him. All.

36:37

It was completely at myself. Because.

36:40

My first thought after he said

36:42

it was, i agree, You're right,

36:45

I would. And

36:47

it was like. It can even be

36:49

mad of the guy can look we're doing singing the facts.

36:51

Like. I'm aware as well. And.

36:54

I left early and I went home. And.

36:57

I just felt. So compelled to

36:59

do something. I remember.on Facebook because

37:02

they suck was cool of the time

37:04

and. And. Me to post thought

37:06

was like I'm done. I'm I'm

37:08

done thirty and you're not going to see mean

37:10

I have to go work on some things like.

37:13

I'm out. In. His ominous

37:15

very vague post. And.

37:18

That was the day. I.

37:20

Woke up the next morning. And

37:22

I threw out. All. The food in

37:24

my house that was. can't. I

37:27

literally. We drove to Planet Fitness. Joined.

37:30

Planet Fitness Gym. And

37:33

then I said. And done drinking. He.

37:35

Was like. In. That instance. I

37:38

made this decision where I thought to myself. It.

37:41

Just felt like. It. Was a

37:43

deviation. From the path I was on, Being.

37:45

That overweight and. In

37:47

that moment I felt like. Am

37:49

I gonna let this get worse? He

37:52

is. Am I going to show up? Two

37:54

years from now. At a party? What woman

37:56

can be four hundred pounds? Because like if we

37:58

continue to go down this path. At

38:00

the rate again we. That's what

38:02

would happen. And. That saw

38:04

when I had that. Where I was like,

38:06

What if I were so often that mears me? What?

38:08

What's stopping me from that. Why?

38:11

Stop Now. You keep gain weight. what's the

38:13

most up. And. I just thought. It.

38:16

Was so unacceptable. The thought to me i was

38:18

like that cannot be my future. Immersive,

38:20

Terrifying that I I felt like I had

38:22

to immediately. Changed in that moment. When.

38:25

That's been something has served me so much throughout

38:27

my life, which is like. There.

38:30

Are times when incremental change makes

38:32

sense? And then there

38:34

are times when they're so much inertia in

38:36

one direction. The. Wrong direction.

38:39

That. I think you need. To. Just completely put

38:41

a stop to it. And. In that

38:43

moment that was one of those I was like we

38:45

need to those snowball in the other direction. And

38:48

sunset of like let me just slowly make life.

38:50

I was like screw it everything goes out the

38:52

window today. New Layla, I am no longer who I

38:54

was. I am now this new person. You eat well,

38:56

you don't hang out with people who drink all the

38:58

time, you don't do drugs all the time, and

39:00

you work out. And

39:03

it was. Really?

39:05

Hard and terrifying because.

39:08

I had not been. Out of shape before. But.

39:10

Going into a gym, being overweight,

39:13

Was. So hard for me. Like walking in

39:15

their feel like ever was staring at me.

39:18

Feel. I was out of shape. You

39:20

know, saying no to all the social things I've

39:22

been going to and drinking and. It

39:24

was really hard for me. I didn't know how to say

39:26

no to people and say like, know what's best for me

39:28

right now. And. Then.

39:31

Basically I ended up to actually moving out of

39:33

the house I was in. Because.

39:35

I lived with ah five six other

39:37

roommates. In a house and I

39:39

felt like. That environment is

39:42

Not. One that is conducive with the future

39:44

that I want. And. I don't think saying

39:46

here is going to help me reach my goals. And

39:49

so I moved out and the last.

39:51

I think year and a half that I was in college I

39:53

lived by myself which is like unheard of. See the with this

39:55

for a woman. Ah, But.

39:58

I just didn't know another way. And

40:00

I public cold turkey stuff. I needed to

40:02

change my environment. You've got these

40:04

moments in your life where you've had

40:07

like these inflection points. We've had big

40:09

changes. I think that you've written before.

40:11

I rock bottom. And. I think. Ways

40:14

as a the story

40:16

of your six arrest.

40:19

What I would love to maybe talk about like

40:21

maybe the first arrest? Like what? What was one

40:23

of those moments like light when that I'm aware

40:25

realize it was get in it was too mature

40:27

was at did did they just so of happen

40:29

as they came along. Know. It's funny

40:32

because. I

40:34

don't think. That the

40:37

first. Even three

40:39

or four times I gotta rest said I didn't think of

40:41

the big deal. And.

40:44

I think that a lot of. People would assume that I would

40:46

have. But. One

40:49

context of like the town I was and lots

40:51

of people got arrested. It. Wasn't

40:53

like. A Novel Things

40:55

the people I hung out with got arrested.

40:58

Wasn't. A normal thing. Some of them had been

41:00

to jail or prison. So. It wasn't weird

41:02

based on that if I hung out with. And

41:05

then I think even southern to that point. I

41:08

had no. I

41:12

think there's the shifts that happens. When

41:14

your in your early twenties. And

41:16

I can't. I don't know anything about the science of it,

41:19

but all I know. Is. That until a

41:21

certain point my life. I. Felt

41:23

invincible. I felt like I could

41:25

do things. I could drive drunk. I

41:27

can drink, I could. At

41:29

all sorts of ways. And. I wouldn't have

41:31

to bear the consequences. The Others: What? And

41:34

I think that. I know that there's. A

41:38

saying in the army where they say it's like the

41:40

best friend syndrome or something to that degree in out

41:42

how to look it up and basically what is is

41:45

that they asked him. Run into the army? Are

41:47

you afraid of dying? And they

41:49

say no, I'm not afraid of dying, but I'm worried

41:51

Jimmy, my best friends is it off. Well.

41:54

Interview all the people come to the army literally

41:56

everyone's worry about their friend enough themselves and what

41:58

are the stats? Some of them. The Gonna Die.

42:01

And. I think that the same went for me at

42:03

that point my life which was like. Oh.

42:05

I understand where this is going but that won't be me.

42:07

I'm not gonna be one of those see I'm not actually

42:09

going and of getting put in jail on the apps A

42:11

and a bracing myself to death. I'm not actually going to

42:14

end up with a the things. And

42:16

it wasn't until. My dad.

42:19

On my sixth arrest. I.

42:21

Woke up at my parents' house and

42:24

my father. Was. Waiting downstairs for

42:26

me. Which. Was like the

42:28

worst, one of the most. Sickening.

42:30

Moment of my life to wake up there were I didn't

42:32

lead. Have a ticket next

42:34

to me of my rest. And

42:36

then have to walk downstairs to confront them.

42:39

Is just like opening the door to walk down

42:41

with like I can still feel hi Sal Memo

42:44

was awful. And. I

42:47

remember thinking where he was going to like calm down

42:49

me. Tell. Me how awful I

42:51

am. he doesn't want talked me again. Whatever.

42:54

And as prepared for that, But

42:56

what? I wasn't prepared for was that

42:59

I walked down. And he was sitting

43:01

on the couch with my stepmother. And.

43:04

He looks at me and he just looks. At.

43:09

Any said. Not

43:11

intervene. Petroleum like I'm trying

43:13

to threaten you unlocked and try and do anything.

43:16

I. Just won't let you know. That. I am

43:18

worried. If you continue to do this, That.

43:21

You're going to kill yourself. And.

43:24

It was like in that moment. The.

43:26

Fact that he thought that that that would happen to

43:28

me. It was just baffling.

43:32

And. That is why it. In

43:35

my mind. That was the saying

43:37

that made me like I can do this anymore,

43:39

I can't drink. My father is like that. the

43:41

nicest person he came in from around he started

43:43

this family. He's only done anything to try make

43:45

my life better. He tried to get me outta

43:47

my mom's house like everywhere he's down from his

43:49

birth and task father and to feel like I

43:51

put him in a situation where he's worried I'm

43:53

going to kill myself. And I respect my

43:55

dad opinion. It was the moment

43:58

that I was like. I. Can do this anymore. Like

44:00

I can't drink like this. I can keep getting arrested Like

44:02

I can see. In

44:04

the weird thing is that I think that. During

44:06

that time I was. I knew

44:08

that wouldn't be the rest of my life. I was like I

44:11

know me. I'm not gonna keep the summer. But

44:13

I think that. You.

44:15

Know lot of people say that some thousand and

44:17

twenty years later they're still say in turn Around

44:20

and I have to. And I

44:22

realize that that's. A really poison? This.

44:24

Thing to think, Is. Like you'd you think

44:26

a one than eventually do it. Why

44:29

isn't eventually to today? Fear and dude eventually

44:31

muzzle do it now. Take away where

44:33

you are now. But as you deliver

44:35

me a story before your dad said.

44:38

You know, given the history

44:40

of your family. Six arrests.

44:42

Like. Work the story ends differently. Live

44:45

without you.com an to say in the

44:47

like I think you're right light out

44:49

to the more audits modest, more. Kick!

44:51

It out the com foreign of down the road and

44:53

yeah it does. Maybe enjoy Your dad

44:55

said it would lead you? Think that could

44:58

have been a reality? I

45:00

admit for me is. If. You

45:02

didn't have a role model model like your father. Like

45:04

what? What did the situation look like? I

45:07

think my dad has been. The.

45:10

Anchor for me. Many. Times in my

45:12

life. After. I.

45:15

Moved out. Of my mom's

45:17

house. I lived in of my dad.

45:19

An. Alice. Very. Angry.

45:23

Like. I think. Very

45:26

angry and I don't think that's like of an

45:28

emotion that I think a lot of. Girls.

45:30

Get sad. But. I

45:32

was angry. And. I.

45:36

Raging at all points and times. At

45:38

everybody. And my dad. Was.

45:41

So. Empathetic, And

45:44

so patient with me. And

45:46

he was eyes. In many ways. I think he was the

45:48

reason I was able to. Stop.

45:50

Acting that way because. It

45:53

was like no matter what, He.

45:56

Didn't. Let me skip any commitments I had. He

45:58

was like you're still gonna do all these. Thing doesn't matter with my

46:01

off your mother doesn't matter how you feel it doesn't matter

46:03

All this like you've got stuck with your commitments. So.

46:06

To that agree I think he a for me a lot.

46:08

At that age and then I think. as

46:11

I got older. You. Know

46:13

when I was spiraling, drinking all the time

46:15

and doing drugs? Having him

46:18

say that again. It's.

46:20

Not like it was something I didn't know. But.

46:23

I think sometimes. Having

46:25

somebody from the outside say it is much

46:27

more powerful, especially those moments where you're convincing

46:29

yourself otherwise. And. I think that that's what my

46:31

dad has done for me so many times my life as he's.

46:34

Kind of pull that he. Is this provided me with

46:36

a mere. At which to

46:38

accurately see myself. And.

46:41

He I don't know if anyone else would have done that

46:43

because I think that what I was doing was not abnormal

46:45

for the people around me. But. It was for

46:48

him. And. I think

46:50

that. That's. Why I'm so grateful

46:52

for him? Because my whole life isn't that.

46:55

He's. Just in the anchor. I think

46:57

this and so much like season so much. There's

46:59

all these things. Even my dad.

47:01

in a one day he won't be here. But.

47:03

While he is, he is. A.

47:05

Complete rock for me and I think. He's.

47:08

Also inspired me to do that for other people.

47:11

Is or particular moment or story that

47:13

would encapsulate or describe your dad to

47:15

to somebody else. Is

47:20

actually going on crime? but I'm. I'm.

47:23

I'm gonna move out of my mom's house and in

47:25

with my dad. I was so anxious

47:28

and I was so. I'm. Scared

47:31

Mad. Whatever. I felt so weird because I

47:33

I will do with him. He was

47:35

l married and then they had her kids mouse and then

47:37

it was just me. And I felt

47:40

so. Out of place. like I felt

47:42

like I left my mom's house. Which wasn't safe

47:44

and such. By at least felt like that was my home

47:46

I grew up any with people I knew. I.

47:48

Knew this my dad. I felt. Someone.

47:51

To unfamiliarity, your hadn't been as close with

47:53

him growing up as I had my mother.

47:56

So. It felt weird at first. And

47:58

he wasn't at that point. I wouldn't

48:00

have considered my dad the rock I do Now It became

48:02

that after I moved in with him. By.

48:05

It. I remember I told him I didn't feel

48:07

like it felt like home. And.

48:09

I would like to lay awake at night feeling like

48:11

this is my house. I feel scared, I feel uncomfortable.

48:14

And I remember. One

48:17

day I came home. And.

48:19

My dad had. Had been

48:22

looking and I think we were at a

48:24

store. I. Saw this furniture, sat

48:26

and it was. You have to think

48:28

I'm fifteen at a girl the time

48:30

and had this beautiful white crested vanity.

48:32

And bed and dresser and it was

48:35

so beautiful and. Timber I was like

48:37

oh my gosh this. Is so pretty. It's so

48:39

beautiful. That. It was so expensive you

48:41

know and i wasn't thinking out of get per

48:43

se with always had hand me downs of we

48:45

never felt like new stuff. And.

48:48

Arab I came home one day. And

48:51

I walked in my room. And.

48:53

It with all the furniture. Lyceum, the. And.

48:57

My dad looked at me and he was like. You

48:59

know you. You deserve everything Like I want you to feel

49:01

comfortable thing I want you to feel safe and at home.

49:05

And. I remember thinking will fall flat. I

49:07

just don't deserve you as a father

49:09

because I was so angry and it's

49:11

so funny because to break down in

49:14

tears. Because. I felt so

49:16

undeserving. Of that furniture, I couldn't even fathom

49:18

that my dad spent that much money on. It. For.

49:20

Me who was acting like a complete. But.

49:23

That's who he is. He's the guy that

49:26

shows up when you're acting like a complete. And.

49:28

He's there to be like, but you know, Like

49:31

this. Isn't who you are and your to get

49:33

back on track and. He's unwavering in

49:35

that instance. Like no matter how

49:38

I'm feeling, my dad doesn't change how he

49:40

shows up. And. I think that

49:42

that's why. Consider him to be Iraq and that's

49:44

what I think that I have been able to emily

49:46

for others which is like no matter how angry somebody

49:48

is, no matter how sad they are, know how depressed,

49:50

Know what. I want waiver. And.

49:53

Therefore, they can rely on me. Because.

49:56

How they feel isn't going to change how I

49:58

show up. And I think. The like.

50:00

The best gift he could have given me cause to the

50:02

state he does that. Are

50:05

so wonderful as well because bought

50:07

your dad did as. Impact

50:09

of thousands thousand people through yourself as

50:11

well and at this is like. Everything

50:14

that we do we genuinely like push this

50:16

message of inspired change and it's through action

50:18

you know is to action and and and

50:20

actually doing something like what your father did

50:22

you know of of course he's gonna be

50:25

there for you. Sit such a wonderful moment

50:27

as wow. That. Him doing that

50:29

in stolen that a new has so have installed

50:31

the same belief system food for you to be

50:33

there for the people and is had such an

50:35

impact and is so it spreads so much I

50:37

think is so important that. Pit.

50:39

People don't realize that you don't have

50:41

to have a million followers on Instagram

50:43

to really impact the world or Chainsaw

50:46

in his life like it happens as

50:48

everybody like everybody's apologizing. So beautiful.