0:00

We had time around the table as a family for

0:02

dinner. We had time for family

0:04

walks, for conversations. And

0:06

then as I got introduced to these 12 qualities,

0:09

I had the opportunity to have time

0:11

to include them in our home. It all started

0:13

with this change in my heart of

0:15

like, I want so much more.

0:21

Welcome to building relationships

0:23

with Doctor Gary Chapman, author of

0:25

the New York Times bestseller The Five

0:27

Love Languages. Today, Melissa

0:30

Hannigan talks about what she calls inconvenient

0:33

parenting. How do you activate

0:35

your child's God given traits?

0:37

You can find our featured resource at the website

0:39

Building Relationships.

0:41

US doctor Kathy Cook, who

0:43

we've talked with a number of times on this program,

0:45

says Melissa teaches how to put

0:48

children first without

0:50

enabling them to become self-centered,

0:52

arrogant, and selfish. You're

0:54

going to hear more about that concept of

0:56

inconvenient parenting today

0:59

on building relationships. Doctor

1:01

Chapman, the whole parenting journey

1:03

seems to me, looking back at it

1:05

now, in a lot of ways, it seems

1:07

to be less about me doing all the right things

1:10

and more about releasing the child

1:12

to become who God uniquely created

1:14

them to be. But that's not easy,

1:17

is it?

1:17

Well, you're right, Chris. You know, we had

1:20

two children. We have two children.

1:22

And Shelly was always focused.

1:25

You know, when she was eight years old, she said, I'm going

1:27

to be a doctor when I grow up. And she

1:29

never steered away from that. You know, high school,

1:31

she took three years of chemistry and four years

1:33

of Latin. And her brother, on

1:35

the other hand, he said, you know, Shelley

1:37

is too focused. She's going to miss out on

1:39

a lot of life, you know, because

1:42

he was all over the map. So

1:44

I think recognizing children being different

1:46

and allowing them to pursue, you

1:48

know, the way God has made them and the vision God

1:51

gives them. Yeah, it's not an easy journey.

1:53

I'm excited about our conversation today.

1:56

And we are praying that there's some parent

1:58

listening right now who will walk away really

2:00

encouraged by what Melissa Hannigan

2:03

has to say. She holds a master's

2:05

of Arts degree in counseling from Midwestern

2:08

Theological Seminary. Before becoming

2:10

a full time homeschool mom, Melissa worked

2:12

with teen girls to overcome abuse,

2:14

addiction, and trauma. She's married

2:17

to John, and they are the parents of

2:19

four children and are featured resource

2:21

at the website. Building relationships with

2:23

us is her book, Inconvenient

2:26

Parenting. Just go to Building Relationships

2:29

with us to find out more.

2:31

Well, Melissa, welcome to Building Relationships.

2:34

Well, thank you so much for having me.

2:36

Before we jump into today's topic

2:39

in the book, you and your family

2:41

have gone through some deep water in

2:43

the last year or so. Tell us about

2:45

losing your son, Joey and

2:48

this hard trail that you all have been

2:50

on.

2:52

Yes, absolutely. So this

2:54

book was set to launch August

2:56

and we were gearing

2:58

up for a book launch. Excited for

3:00

what God had, you know, open the

3:02

doors for us as a family to walk through.

3:05

And completely out of the blue.

3:07

1st June afternoon,

3:09

we got a phone call that Joey had

3:12

been in an accident in a friend swimming pool,

3:14

a pool that he had swimming hundreds of times.

3:17

He just dove in wrong. And,

3:20

uh, he broke two. I

3:22

can't even remember, but he severed his spine.

3:24

But he was incredibly

3:27

brave through that. And just continue

3:29

to trust God. He went

3:31

to the hospital. We all gathered our church,

3:33

our friends and family, and we prayed. And

3:35

he went through surgery and

3:38

started rehab. And so we were preparing

3:40

our hearts and our home for bringing home

3:42

our son who was going to be paralyzed, quadriplegic.

3:45

Um, and so that's kind of where

3:47

our mind was. And I was learning how to

3:50

care for my 16 year

3:52

old big giant of a son in

3:54

a whole new way. Um, but unfortunately,

3:56

while he was in the hospital, some other

3:58

complications arose. And within

4:01

three weeks, he passed away. And

4:03

it completely blindsided our family. It was

4:06

not even on the realm of possibility. And

4:08

yet, I can share so many stories of God's faithfulness

4:11

while we were in the hospital, able to

4:13

witness and just shine our light

4:16

in the midst of a really dark, hard time.

4:18

To the hospital staff and to our

4:20

unsaved family and friends that watched

4:22

us just trust God and be very

4:25

open handed with the whole process. Um,

4:27

you know, it hasn't been easy. No parent

4:29

can imagine losing a child.

4:32

But what I tell friends when they say

4:34

that to me is you can't imagine it. Because if

4:36

you're a believer, you can't even fathom

4:38

the presence of God in the midst of the trial. And

4:41

that has been our experience. God has been so

4:43

thick and present with us, providing

4:45

needs that we didn't even know that we had.

4:48

Of course, we're walking a new journey of grief

4:51

and and suffering and learning how

4:53

to live a new life without

4:55

our precious boy. But again,

4:57

God has just been walking with us faithfully. And

5:00

as I was in the hospital room thinking

5:02

back over Joey's life the last days as

5:04

we were waiting, we knew he was going to go

5:06

be with the Lord. Apart from a miracle. I

5:08

thought back over his childhood and I was

5:11

so grateful that God guided

5:13

me on this journey of inconvenient parenting,

5:15

of choosing to put aside

5:17

the the things that the

5:19

world says is important to. Really prioritize

5:22

relationships and and

5:24

helping Joey become everything that God created

5:26

him to be. And, you know, I had moments

5:29

where I'm like, God, he he responded to

5:31

a call to ministry. He was getting

5:33

ready to start his senior year. Why, Lord?

5:35

But the Lord made it very clear that

5:37

Joey's completed the work that he had

5:39

for him. And now it's our job

5:42

to continue the work that God has

5:44

for each one of us my daughters, my husband

5:46

and I. And so that's what we

5:48

are trying to do our best today.

5:50

Yeah. So he was a senior in high school.

5:53

He was going to be a starting in August.

5:55

Would have been his senior year. Yeah.

5:57

So he would have turned 17 in August

5:59

and started his. So he had taken the SATs

6:01

and Acts. We'd started visiting colleges.

6:04

He was wanting to go to a Bible school

6:06

and study, either be a missionary

6:08

or youth pastor. He wasn't entirely sure, but he

6:10

knew he wanted to do ministry.

6:13

Boy, that has to be. That has to

6:15

be hard in responding

6:17

to that. Uh, you know,

6:19

often husbands and wives process

6:21

grief in a different way. What have

6:23

you and John experienced along those lines?

6:26

Yeah, even starting at the hospital,

6:28

the trauma of the accident,

6:31

we were very different in the way we responded.

6:33

And it was God's grace. We both

6:35

prayed a lot and ask the Lord to just

6:39

give us grace for one another. Because,

6:41

you know, my background in counseling, I know high

6:43

stress environments can lead to

6:45

a lot of conflicts and really

6:48

the downfall of marriages. And

6:50

I, I said, Lord, help us.

6:52

And and so John and I really

6:54

were giving each

6:56

other the space to be who God created us

6:58

to be in our unique ways. I

7:01

was focused in on my

7:03

son and learning everything that I could

7:05

at the beginning of the hospital stay,

7:07

and John was

7:09

managing all of the decisions, talking

7:12

with the doctors, um, bringing

7:14

in the prayer groups and kind of managing all

7:17

of that where I wanted nothing to do with

7:19

anybody else other than the nurse

7:21

and the doctor that was next to Joey's side and

7:23

Joey. And then as we've grieved

7:25

again, I'm very internal.

7:28

I journaled and written a lot. God has

7:30

given me the opportunity to just

7:32

pour out my heart and my thoughts in

7:34

writing. And John is much more extroverted

7:37

and social, and so he needs to

7:39

be around other people. And so we've given each

7:41

other the space to do that as he needs to

7:43

go and, you know, surround himself

7:45

with friends and he allows me to

7:47

pull back and, you know, internalize

7:50

as I need to. But the important thing is that

7:52

we continue to come back together and

7:54

support each other and where we are checking

7:57

in as best we can. Again, we're

7:59

learning this as we go. We have not ever

8:01

walked through nearly this deep

8:03

of a trial, and yet we're just

8:05

trusting the Lord and leaning on each other as

8:07

best we can.

8:08

Yeah, yeah. I think,

8:11

uh, our listeners, including me,

8:14

you know, just trying to think about

8:16

that is just just overwhelming,

8:18

you know? Well, I wanted

8:20

our listeners to know about your loss

8:23

as we begin our discussion today, because

8:25

this is part of inconvenient

8:28

parenting journey that you write

8:30

about. There's so much that

8:32

we don't control in

8:34

life. Right?

8:36

Absolutely. You know, as I was writing

8:38

this book, I was looking ahead to

8:40

Joey's senior year and eventually leaving

8:42

the house. And as I

8:44

wrote, and I prayed over my children

8:47

each day, and I

8:49

really saw how the Lord had taken

8:51

me from a brand new mom with

8:53

Joey, um, terrified

8:55

of everything, wanting to bubble wrap him

8:57

and walking around, you know, mother

9:00

hen protecting him. I was scared of everything.

9:02

And through God's grace and

9:04

just maturity in my faith

9:06

and in my parenting, I started to trust myself.

9:09

And I started to trust Joey more.

9:11

And and I really I got to share

9:13

it. His celebration of life service, just the journey

9:15

that God took us on, of

9:17

trusting and learning how to let go. And

9:20

I can see so many times where God

9:22

really started to gently

9:24

teach me to be open handed with my children,

9:26

whether it was with their, you know, future

9:28

career goals or their personality.

9:31

You know, they're all so very different.

9:33

And it's easy for us as parents to want to put

9:35

them in a box of the way that we think that they should

9:38

be. Like you were saying earlier, you

9:40

know, our kids are so different, and

9:42

so I can look back and

9:44

see how God allowed me to trust him with

9:46

Joey in little ways along the

9:48

way. That really is best, as I

9:50

could be prepared to really release

9:52

him, ultimately to heaven until I see him

9:54

again.

9:56

Melissa. The title of the book, Inconvenient

9:59

Parenting. Why don't you describe

10:02

what that term or that phrase means?

10:05

Okay. It's funny, my husband

10:07

really came up with the title. I wanted to call

10:09

it sacrificial parenting. I feel like that

10:11

sounds more spiritual and holy, but

10:13

the reality is, it's this idea of

10:15

being willing to lay down yourself

10:18

for the sake of your children for

10:20

what you know. That is God's best for

10:22

them. It's giving up what's easy

10:24

for what's better. It's

10:26

seeing our children become who God created them

10:28

to be because we decided to prioritize

10:31

really, the things of the Lord. It's

10:33

not easy, and it takes an

10:36

intentional laying down

10:38

of some of our comforts. There's more mess,

10:40

there's more conversations

10:43

that 11:00 at night when you'd rather be in bed.

10:45

But this inconvenient parenting mentality

10:48

is just a choosing the

10:50

better and laying aside

10:52

kind of the comfort for a season.

10:54

Yeah. Is this something that came naturally

10:57

to you, or did you have to work

10:59

at choosing this path?

11:01

Well, I think in some ways,

11:04

mothers, I mean, from the

11:06

beginning, you know, you're sacrificing your body,

11:08

you're sacrificing your sleep for a baby.

11:10

And so some of that just comes naturally in motherhood.

11:13

But over the long haul of

11:15

continuing to choose that path, it

11:18

it didn't come necessarily naturally.

11:20

I share a story at the very beginning of the book.

11:22

Our family lived in Houston according

11:25

to the world standards. We had everything.

11:27

We had the, you know,

11:29

unlimited Amex and the. Personal

11:33

jet if we wanted to, and the

11:35

nanny and the housekeeper and, you

11:37

know, again, to the world standards, I had

11:39

an easy life. I could be with my kids

11:42

if I wanted to. I could go to the

11:44

spa all day if I felt like it. It

11:46

was very comfortable. But

11:49

because as I spent time with the Lord

11:51

and I observed my family, I realized that it

11:53

wasn't what God wanted

11:55

for our family because we were not seeking

11:57

the things of him. We were becoming

11:59

entranced by the things

12:01

of the world, material goods. And it

12:03

came to a head. One day I was listening to my son

12:06

have a conversation. At this point, he was probably in

12:08

second or third grade, and

12:10

he was talking with some of his friends, and they were calling

12:12

themselves jerks, junior educated,

12:15

rich kids. And I laughed because

12:17

I'm like, you were not a rich kid at

12:19

any standards. And he was

12:21

bragging to his friends that his daddy could land

12:23

a private helicopter to pick him up from school if he

12:25

wanted to with his black Amex. And

12:27

there was just this tug in my heart of like,

12:30

no, that is not what I want for my

12:32

son. I don't I don't want him to be

12:34

pursuing those things and bragging about those

12:36

things. I want him to be a man of integrity,

12:38

a man that pursues the things of the Lord.

12:40

And so at that point, I started praying,

12:43

Lord, whatever it takes to shift our

12:45

family's attention away from these things

12:47

and back to you and through a series

12:49

of trials and struggles.

12:52

Ultimately, God did rip away the

12:54

business partner that my husband had and

12:56

really simplified our life

12:58

pretty drastically overnight, and

13:01

it wasn't comfortable. We went from a huge

13:03

house to a tiny little apartment

13:06

or a small house, and, you

13:08

know, it was awkward. And there were times where I'd

13:10

be looking at the mess and my husband would remind me,

13:12

remember, we used to have a housekeeper that would help

13:14

you with these things. You wanted this, but.

13:17

And it was more inconvenient,

13:19

but it was so much better because

13:21

we had so much. We had time around the table

13:23

as a family for dinner. We had time

13:25

for family walks, for conversations.

13:28

And then as I got introduced to these 12

13:30

qualities, I had the opportunity to

13:32

to have time to include them in our home,

13:34

which we'll get to more later. But it all

13:37

started with this change in my my

13:39

heart of like, this is what, not what I want

13:41

for my family. I want so much more.

13:44

Yeah, yeah, well.

13:46

Well, you know, I've talked through the years with

13:48

parents about trying to get on

13:50

the same page, you know, with your spouse

13:53

when it comes to how you love and

13:55

how you discipline children and all

13:57

the other aspects of parenting. Was

14:00

it hard for you and John to

14:02

get on the same page, uh,

14:04

with this concept?

14:06

So when we were introduced to the 12 qualities,

14:09

it was Covid 2020. We

14:11

were in the lockdown period of time. Still,

14:13

I'm homeschooling our kids. John's

14:16

trying to figure out how to pivot his business.

14:18

That could be virtual. And

14:21

so he was very overwhelmed and busy

14:23

and focused on his job. And we always

14:25

kind of had this understanding where I managed

14:27

the homeschooling of the kids and he kind

14:29

of, you know, supported our family

14:32

financially. And he would step in for discipline

14:34

and things like that. But when it came to education,

14:37

he pretty much trusted my judgment.

14:39

And so it started

14:41

as a way to incorporate these

14:43

qualities into our homeschool day.

14:45

You know, there were times where I share stories

14:48

about in the book where John comes

14:50

home, comes in from outside

14:52

and sees us painting one of our front

14:54

windows with a mural

14:56

of watered down paint.

14:58

And I'm standing up on a table up against

15:01

the window. And the girls are, you know,

15:03

messy with paint. And he kind

15:05

of gave me a sideways look, but he never really

15:07

begrudged me for it. He just was surprised

15:10

by it, because I was always the type A

15:12

as best as I could keep everything very orderly.

15:15

And so it was a shift. But I think

15:17

he more observed. And then

15:19

again, I share in the book, we're on a road

15:21

trip one day and the girls are in the backseat

15:24

singing along, making up a song, rhyming

15:26

words, and where normally I prefer

15:28

quiet. I'm more of the introverted.

15:30

I get overwhelmed with a lot of stimulus.

15:33

I let it go. I let them continue

15:35

to sing and be silly. And he looked over

15:37

at me and he was like, okay, I've noticed the painting.

15:39

I've noticed the more messes and the

15:42

experiments that go terribly wrong

15:44

and you're so calm about it. What's

15:46

changed? And I said, it's been this

15:48

idea of these qualities and how God

15:51

created them in my children and wants

15:53

them to help them to live the abundant

15:55

life that he intended. And this is part of the process.

15:58

And he's like, but isn't that more inconvenient?

16:00

And that's kind of the birth of the title.

16:02

And I said, you're right, it is. But

16:04

isn't it so much more better?

16:07

Isn't it worth it to see our kids happy?

16:09

And they're not faces in front of screens

16:11

and they're not fighting with each other, but they're

16:13

experiencing joy and interacting.

16:16

And so, yeah, it's a little noisier,

16:18

but to me, it's much more worth

16:20

it. And so that, you know, I don't

16:22

necessarily think there was a disagreement. It was

16:24

just a slow understanding on

16:26

John's part and him just really trusting me.

16:29

Yeah.

16:32

You mentioned the 12 traits and

16:34

you spell these out in the book,

16:36

so we want to look at them. Uh,

16:38

but first, uh, how were you introduced

16:41

to these 12 traits and why do

16:43

you believe they're so important?

16:45

Yeah. So again, back in 2020,

16:48

Doctor Kathy Cook, she introduced me

16:50

to them as a homeschool mom.

16:52

She thought that they would be interesting to me.

16:54

And I love to learn. I'm a student.

16:56

I would be in school the rest of my life if I

16:58

could. So I'm always interested in new research

17:01

and new ideas. And so she passed

17:03

along this book. Doctor Thomas Armstrong

17:06

did, um, some research in the

17:08

education world where he was looking

17:10

at the best environment for classrooms

17:12

for student success. And he looked at

17:15

geniuses over time and found

17:17

12 things that they all had in common.

17:19

So he put them together in a book and he talked

17:21

about them. And and so I started to dive

17:23

in and study them because I was a

17:25

homeschool mom, I wanted the best environment

17:27

classroom for my kids. But as I

17:29

studied them, I realized, number one, these

17:32

were all qualities that God had placed in

17:34

us. He is the ultimate genius, right?

17:36

He is the Alpha Omega, the

17:38

ultimate creator. And so.

17:41

And we are made in his image. And so therefore

17:43

we have these qualities within ourselves.

17:46

And so I

17:48

started looking at Doctor Armstrong's definitions

17:50

and compared them to God's

17:53

definition. Wisdom is one of the biggest

17:55

differences. Yeah, that

17:57

was just kind of the way that I was introduced

17:59

to them. And I started to introduce them, and

18:02

I was excited to see the differences

18:04

that I noticed in my children and even in myself

18:07

as a mom. Just flourish

18:09

as a result of being more intentional

18:11

about stewarding these qualities that I

18:14

already saw present in my children.

18:17

Well, these 12 uh uh,

18:19

characteristics, 12 traits

18:21

are wisdom,

18:23

wonder, vitality,

18:26

sensitivity, flexibility,

18:30

curiosity, creativity,

18:33

imagination, inventiveness,

18:36

playfulness, humor

18:40

and joy. So

18:42

why do you believe these traits are God

18:44

given? And does

18:46

your definition differ from the original

18:48

researcher, uh, Doctor Armstrong, that you mentioned?

18:51

Yeah. So definitely

18:54

I believe, like I said, God

18:56

created each one of us

18:58

with the ability to experience

19:01

the world around us and have an abundant life.

19:03

And so these traits are the ways

19:06

in which we engage with the world, the

19:08

way that we learn, the way that we relate

19:10

with one another. And so each

19:12

trait as I dove in, I'm like, I

19:14

can find examples of this in Scripture.

19:16

I can see this aspect in God,

19:18

and I can see that my kids

19:20

were created with this.

19:22

Naturally, it's not something that you have

19:25

to teach creativity. You know,

19:27

I write about one of the studies that I came across

19:29

where they did a analysis

19:32

of kindergartners and their creativity was

19:34

off the charts, and they followed the same group of

19:36

students throughout their schooling

19:38

years. And by the time they were seniors, their

19:41

creativity had diminished to almost nothing.

19:43

And what had changed had they just

19:46

suddenly lost their creative ability?

19:48

No, the it was not stewarded.

19:50

It wasn't encouraged. It wasn't

19:52

allowed to flourish because other things became

19:54

more important. And so I

19:57

thought, well, if God intends us to be creative

19:59

because he's the ultimate creator, how

20:01

can I, as a mom, continue to

20:03

encourage this in my kids, even

20:05

through, you know, their teen years and

20:07

up into adulthood and as a as a mom,

20:10

as a woman, how can I continue

20:12

to tap into that creative ability that

20:14

God created inside of me? And

20:16

so I share some ideas

20:18

and examples in the book, but really, it's

20:21

just shifting the way that we

20:23

look at these things instead of as, oh,

20:25

well, it's nice if kids can get some, you know,

20:27

play imagination playtime. But

20:29

really what's most important is x,

20:31

y, z. And I

20:33

believe that that's not true,

20:35

that to be fully human,

20:37

to be all that God created us to be, is to express

20:40

all of these qualities in the,

20:42

you know, the way that God intended them.

20:44

Yeah.

20:44

I gotta jump in here, Gary, because she's

20:46

speaking my love language now because

20:49

I was I was just, you know,

20:51

the creative kid. I was always thinking

20:54

differently. And I felt like,

20:56

uh, so, so left out

20:58

or that some of the things that

21:00

I would gravitate toward

21:03

would be marginalized because

21:05

they, you know, I was kind of all

21:07

over the place, like you were saying, your son

21:09

was Gary, you know, he's he's

21:11

just everywhere. But

21:13

in in a lot of ways in education,

21:16

we kind of beat the creativity out of kids, not

21:18

beat it out, but we we ween

21:20

it out. And and a lot

21:22

of young people say, I want to go into music

21:24

or I want to go, I want to be an actor, or

21:27

I want to be a writer. And somebody

21:29

else well-meaning in their life will say to them,

21:31

well, how are you going to make a living at that? So

21:34

it all comes back down to, you know,

21:36

you can't make a living, meaning you can't

21:38

make a living at that, and you don't

21:41

allow the young person to just

21:43

dream cream. Is that part of what

21:45

you're talking about?

21:46

Absolutely. And that's my heart,

21:48

is for parents to just think

21:50

differently about their kids in a way.

21:52

Ultimately, I want parents to see

21:54

their children the way that God sees them, because

21:56

I believe God created each one of us

21:58

with a unique gifts and purposes.

22:01

And unfortunately, we try as parents,

22:03

to shepherd our kids into what we

22:05

think that they should be instead of seeking

22:07

what God wants for them. Right? And so

22:10

instead of taking this, the world

22:12

standard, which is to make money and to

22:14

have a career that's successful, which is

22:16

not a bad thing, but that shouldn't be

22:18

the most important thing. As parents, our

22:20

goal should be to help see

22:23

who God created our kids to be and then encourage

22:25

them in that. And so that's my heart with the book

22:27

is, you know, everybody's creativity is going

22:29

to be expressed differently. Some kids

22:31

are going to be more artistic, and some are just

22:33

going to be different in the way that they think.

22:35

And so becoming a student of your

22:37

child or your children and

22:40

to really. Staying the way God made them uniquely

22:42

is kind of the heart of what I get

22:44

to in this book.

22:46

Yeah.

22:46

How do you incorporate these qualities

22:49

into the family without

22:51

it becoming just one more thing you know, to

22:53

do on my to do list as a parent?

22:56

Right. I know it's a little overwhelming when

22:58

you you hear a book and there's 12 things. And

23:00

as a mom, I, I'm in the trenches,

23:03

I get it. There's so much that we

23:05

have to do. And you don't want one more

23:07

list. One more thing. Also,

23:10

I don't want parents to feel this guilt and

23:12

shame of like, oh man, I'm not doing this enough

23:14

or I'm not doing this well. It's

23:17

more of a perspective change. It's thinking

23:19

differently about, number one, what

23:21

is our purpose as parents and really

23:24

as a husband and wife? If you're married, if you're

23:26

single, just really nailing

23:28

down. What is the goal of parenting?

23:31

And it should be to help our kids become who God

23:33

created them to be. And if that is the goal,

23:35

then the results should be okay. Now let me

23:37

understand how God made my kids

23:39

each uniquely, and then what are things

23:41

that I can do to pull that out of my kids?

23:44

Not a checklist of okay, now

23:46

let me see. Did we have wonder today? Check.

23:48

Did we? Did I talk about feelings?

23:51

Okay, we covered sensitivity. It's more

23:53

of just an attitude of the way that we relate.

23:56

It's not about education. It's not

23:58

about any of those things. It's about relationships.

24:00

And so the book is really more about

24:02

thinking through what we already do.

24:05

We drive to work, right? Or drive

24:07

our kids to school or drive our kids to practice. What

24:09

is a conversation that we can have in the

24:11

car that points to the wonder

24:13

of creation? Can I point out

24:15

a cloud or a bird?

24:18

Or, you know, we live in Florida, so we

24:20

get beautiful sunsets

24:22

and we see the ocean. But, you know,

24:24

it doesn't take going out of your way to do anything

24:26

differently. But what can you incorporate

24:28

within your day that points

24:30

to these things or allows room for these things?

24:33

Another point is that a lot of times

24:35

we get so busy as as parents

24:38

with kids that are going 100 miles

24:40

an hour and lots of different activities, we

24:43

don't have time to have family

24:45

dinners. We don't have time to have conversations.

24:47

We're so exhausted by the end of the day that we

24:49

can't be inconvenienced by

24:51

conversation because we can't keep our eyes open.

24:53

And so back to the original point.

24:55

What is our purpose as parenting? What

24:57

are things that we put in our schedule that maybe

25:00

we need to set down for a time? Maybe

25:02

this is not the season to be in three sports.

25:04

Maybe we need to pay her back. And again,

25:07

what is our purpose? Our purpose is to help our

25:09

kids become who God created them to be.

25:11

Being a star athlete, is that your

25:14

purpose for your kid or is that really what God

25:16

created them for? And so I believe

25:18

that if we are trying to live in alignment

25:20

with God's design for our home, we

25:22

will have natural opportunities

25:24

for conversation, which builds relationships.

25:27

And that's ultimately should be foundational

25:29

of the priorities in our home.

25:31

Yeah.

25:32

Now, Chris, you and Andrea have nine children.

25:35

Yes we do.

25:36

Yes we do.

25:37

You look and looking back over

25:40

the years, how

25:43

is this resonating with you?

25:45

I'm just I'm seeing every

25:47

face of my children

25:49

and exactly what you're talking about.

25:51

And when I get busy

25:54

with all the important things that I have

25:56

to do, how often it

25:58

marginalizes them, pushes them

26:00

off, or I can think of one

26:02

time when my son came in the office

26:05

and he had this little car,

26:07

he was so excited about it. And, you

26:09

know, we'll do that later. We'll do that later.

26:12

And and just being and

26:14

waking up, it's almost like,

26:16

Melissa, what you're talking about is you

26:18

allow your kids to wake up what

26:20

was in you already so that

26:22

you touch that nerve in them. That's

26:24

what I'm hearing.

26:26

Absolutely. Yes. And, you

26:28

know, wisdom of wisdom, the first chapter that

26:30

I talk about, you know, the most important

26:33

model of wisdom should be

26:35

mom and dad, right? And we

26:38

should be seeking the things of the Lord and

26:40

and spending time in God's Word and

26:42

demonstrating where we get really good factual

26:45

truth information to our children because

26:47

they're going to follow our footsteps. And so,

26:49

yeah, being more intentional about

26:52

the example that we're setting and it's not

26:54

a shame, oh my goodness,

26:56

I'm doing this terribly. But my

26:58

heart is to be an encourager, to be a

27:00

cheerleader for parents that are doing

27:03

the best that they can. You know, most parents want

27:05

these good things for their kids. They just

27:07

get so overwhelmed. And

27:09

so my heart is to just encourage

27:12

them to slow down, evaluate

27:14

what it is that we can do differently,

27:16

even if it's just a little thing, and then do

27:19

that to the glory of God.

27:27

Our program is building relationships

27:29

with Doctor Gary Chapman. You can

27:31

find more simple ways to strengthen your

27:33

relationships at Building Relationships

27:36

us. Our featured resource

27:38

today is the book by Melissa Hannigan,

27:40

Inconvenient Parenting. Activate

27:43

your child's God given traits.

27:45

Find out more at building relationships

27:48

with us.

27:49

Well, let's, uh, own these 12

27:51

traits. What are some things that

27:53

parents do that

27:55

unintentionally work against

27:57

these traits?

28:00

Yeah. You know, we touched on earlier,

28:02

busyness is one of those

28:04

things, you know, kids that

28:06

are not given the opportunity to be bored

28:09

are not going to naturally find

28:11

times to be creative and inventive

28:13

and imaginative. And so,

28:15

you know, we don't think about the importance

28:18

of boredom as parents, but that's one of the ways that

28:20

we can really make space for these things

28:22

to flourish. And also, and

28:24

I struggle with this in our own

28:26

home. But screen time, you know,

28:28

as a parent, evaluating my own,

28:31

you know, attachment to my phone,

28:33

but then also taking a real hard look

28:36

at how much is too much

28:38

for my family. Um, and then

28:40

also just, you know, the way that we look

28:42

at different qualities in our kids

28:45

as a annoyance instead of

28:47

as the gift that God has given I,

28:49

I talk about in the chapter on playfulness.

28:51

You know, my husband is really gifted

28:54

with playfulness. I am more of

28:56

the like, let's get the checklist done kind of mom.

28:58

And and he looks for opportunities

29:00

for fun. And one day we were in the

29:02

kitchen and I was getting ready to

29:04

do dishes, and I turned the faucet on and he had

29:07

come in and turned the faucet around

29:09

so that when I turned the water on, it sprayed me in the

29:11

face. And I had this moment

29:13

where I could have chosen to be irritated

29:15

with him because I was trying to get the dishes done.

29:18

However, thankfully the Lord

29:20

had just let me, you know, be researching

29:23

on playfulness, and I saw it as an opportunity

29:25

to bring fun into our home. And so I

29:28

turned that hose back around on him, and I sprayed

29:30

him, and my son went and got his water gun,

29:32

and it turned into a family water

29:34

fight in the kitchen, which, you know,

29:36

somebody ended up slipping on the water. And,

29:38

you know, we had to clean up our mess. But it's a

29:40

memory that, number one, we treasure, and especially

29:42

now that Joey has gone on to be with the Lord.

29:45

I'm so grateful for those times, but

29:47

a lot of times parents see playfulness.

29:49

They see creativity, they see flexibility

29:52

of thinking is another one where my son was

29:54

so good at making connections, where you don't

29:56

necessarily see them, and sometimes it seems like

29:58

they're bouncing all over the place

30:00

with their thoughts. And as a homeschool mom,

30:03

I want you to stay on task and finish the

30:05

thing that we're working on. But as I saw

30:07

it, as a gift that God had given him, that his

30:10

ability to make connections and see things

30:12

in a different way, I encourage

30:14

that in him. Now, we still have boundaries. We

30:16

still have to get things done.

30:18

But it changed my attitude towards

30:20

playfulness or creativity or

30:23

flexibility in a way that

30:25

made it a

30:27

positive thing instead of an annoyance,

30:29

I guess. Yeah.

30:30

Yeah, I can.

30:31

See, I can.

30:32

See that. What

30:34

do you what do you think? It's one of the hardest

30:36

qualities to encourage

30:39

in children.

30:41

Oh, goodness. Well, I think that it's unique

30:43

to each family. I think every family

30:45

has their own culture. And so

30:48

for me, I think the hardest quality

30:50

for me is vitality. It's this zest

30:52

for life. It's excitement

30:55

over each new day. Um, that's

30:57

just not naturally my personality. And

30:59

so for me, that is

31:01

probably the hardest. But you know, for

31:03

others it may be wisdom

31:06

or slowing down for wonder. I don't

31:08

necessarily think there's one that

31:11

is, you know, the answer, but I think it's

31:13

just unique to each child, to

31:15

each home, really to each parent.

31:17

Because if the parent struggles with it, it's

31:19

going to be less likely to be incorporated

31:21

into the home, right?

31:23

Yeah, yeah. So what if parents

31:26

just, you know, naturally they

31:28

don't exhibit these these traits.

31:30

You know, they don't in their own lives.

31:33

Can they still, you know,

31:35

encourage them in the, in their children.

31:37

Yeah. Well, again, I think I

31:39

believe that God created us with all

31:42

of these inside of us. And so it's

31:44

reconnecting with that part of yourself that's

31:46

gotten lost vitality again, it's one

31:48

that I'm not so good at. But when I

31:51

spend time in nature, when I take

31:53

time in quiet and

31:55

to get away, I can reconnect

31:58

with that excitement for life and

32:00

and zest. And so

32:02

knowing yourself, knowing

32:04

what your week in and figuring

32:06

out, okay, asking the Lord for

32:08

discernment of how can I

32:10

touch back into this place. You know, I have

32:13

friends that are super creative, and then I have

32:15

friends that are like, oh, I can't draw at all.

32:17

And so getting out of the mentality

32:19

that creativity means you have to be a fantastic

32:22

artist, that's a lie. Creativity

32:24

can be expressed in lots of different ways, and it doesn't have

32:26

to be beautiful to be expressive

32:29

and creative and touching that, you

32:31

know, connecting to that Creator God part

32:33

of ourselves that he's placed in us. We

32:35

are all intended to be creative in some way

32:37

or another. And so not comparing

32:39

yourself to other people is another important part.

32:41

Like my ability to be

32:43

imaginative is different than my spouse

32:46

is. And that's okay. I believe God puts

32:48

us together with our strengths and our weaknesses

32:50

and our differences. And so,

32:53

you know, sometimes I know I am a

32:55

overachiever. So if I'm like, well, if I can't

32:57

be the most creative or the most imaginative,

32:59

then I just. Do it at all. And and that's really

33:01

unfortunate because that is

33:03

giving me I'm losing the opportunity

33:05

to really express that part of myself that God placed

33:08

inside of me. And so let go

33:10

of expectations and comparison and just

33:12

lean into whatever it is that's inside

33:14

of us. I would be my first advice for

33:16

those that find it hard for themselves.

33:19

Yeah.

33:21

In your own family. Uh, as

33:23

you look at these 12, uh, traits.

33:26

Is there one of them that kind of stands

33:28

out in your family? That is, you know, they just

33:30

feel like, you know, you observe.

33:33

It just kind of stands out in the family or not.

33:36

Well, I would definitely say in this

33:38

last season, Joy,

33:40

which is crazy, that we're going through grief.

33:43

But back when Joey was in

33:45

the hospital, uh, right before his

33:47

surgery, um, our

33:50

local church basketball team wanted

33:52

to dedicate their season to him. And so they asked

33:54

him for a verse to put on their jersey,

33:56

and he chose James

33:58

one to count it all joy when you

34:00

face various trials, because you know the testing

34:03

of your faith develops, perseverance and

34:05

perseverance must finish its work

34:07

so that you can be mature and complete.

34:09

And as a mom, when he said that

34:11

to me, I was filled with tears. I was

34:13

so proud of the young man. Like

34:15

he's laying there paralyzed, knowing that he will

34:17

never walk again. And yet he said,

34:19

count it all joy. And so that

34:22

has been something that as a family, we have continued

34:24

to carry through this

34:26

season of looking for ways to find

34:29

joy in the midst of suffering and heartache,

34:31

because there's always, always something

34:33

to be joyful for. God has been so good

34:35

to us. And so that, I

34:37

think, is the quality that I would like

34:39

to say our family really holds

34:42

on to the tightest. Well.

34:45

I have to admit, as you shared what

34:48

you just shared about him

34:50

choosing that verse, I had cold chills.

34:53

Just just the sense of, you know,

34:55

a young man who would have that that

34:57

attitude and that spirit in

34:59

that situation.

35:01

He's speaking to us today, you know.

35:03

Absolutely.

35:04

His life is speaking to us

35:06

and everybody listening right now. I

35:08

Melissa, I think that's a that's a wonderful

35:11

thing. Even though he's not with us, he's

35:13

still speaking. Isn't that great. Yeah.

35:15

Yeah. That's been my hope in prayer

35:17

as I've been able to speak, is to just

35:20

shine the light on God. Because

35:22

ultimately, God is the one who saved him,

35:24

who has grown him and matured him. And I've

35:26

gotten to be a part of the journey, and I'm so grateful

35:29

for that. But yeah, it's

35:31

it's incredible to see God using

35:33

the most unimaginable circumstances

35:36

to bring glory to himself. And he really has

35:38

in so many ways. Yeah.

35:41

Well, it's one of these qualities really,

35:43

really hard for your family. Is

35:45

there one that you say this is the hardest one?

35:48

It's unique with each of my kids. Right.

35:50

So flexibility where Joey

35:52

was really good at that. My youngest

35:54

daughter, she really struggles

35:56

with a fixed mindset.

35:59

Like she's very like, this

36:01

is the plan and we cannot deviate from

36:03

said plan or this is the way it's supposed

36:05

to be done. And so we are not

36:07

able to change. And so,

36:10

you know, I've had to work with her on

36:12

being more. Malleable,

36:15

flexible, able to, you know,

36:18

be transitional as needed. Um,

36:20

so I don't know, for our whole family if there's

36:22

one. Probably, like

36:24

I said, vitality is the worst for me. But my

36:26

kids, they really have been

36:28

just flourishing with each of them.

36:31

Humor. We love to joke, and

36:33

like I said, playfulness is my husband's strength.

36:35

Maybe wisdom, I guess, would be the one

36:37

we we all could do better at. I

36:39

don't.

36:39

Know.

36:40

Um.

36:41

I think all of us could use more wisdom.

36:44

Every.

36:45

Day, you know, now you

36:47

homeschool your family. Uh,

36:50

are the principles in this book

36:52

geared only toward homeschool

36:54

families? Or how about

36:56

families that where the parent is not,

36:58

you know, with the kids basically all day long?

37:02

Yeah. So my heart is I wrote this book.

37:04

I wrote it for my best friend whose

37:06

girls are in public school and my

37:08

sister, whose kids are. It's

37:10

not just for homeschool families. It's

37:12

not about how we educate our kids. That's

37:14

just one small part of our day. It's

37:17

really more about how we relate with our

37:19

kids and how we as

37:21

a family culture tap into

37:23

who God created us to be and then lean

37:25

into that. And so I believe my

37:28

hope is that it can be an

37:30

encouragement to all parents, single parents,

37:32

adoptive parents, all parents should be

37:35

able to be encouraged in some way

37:37

by the principles in this book. Yeah.

37:40

The parents who whose children are in public

37:42

school, the parents, both of

37:44

them work outside the home.

37:47

Obviously, that's a huge number of hours

37:49

every day invested in that. You

37:52

think they are going to find it,

37:54

uh, time wise, a

37:56

challenge to have these things

37:58

on the front burner?

38:00

Oh, for sure. I, I

38:02

can imagine the just mental

38:05

exhaustion of being at work all day, and

38:07

the kids are at school all day, and then you come

38:09

home and you want to

38:11

relate with your kids. You want to have time

38:13

as a family, and yet everybody's tired.

38:15

So I, I definitely can understand

38:18

that it would be difficult. But I again,

38:20

I believe the inconvenient part

38:22

of this is willing to put

38:24

aside our exhaustion. Ask the Lord for,

38:26

you know, strength. And I believe that God will

38:28

give us the opportunities to do

38:30

these things as we seek

38:32

to find the little nuggets of time,

38:35

whether it's in the car as we're driving

38:37

or, you know, as we're tucking the kids into

38:39

bed, it's definitely doable.

38:41

I just, I, I'm sure that it would be much

38:43

more difficult with the less time that you have together.

38:48

Melissa, in the book, you share a story

38:51

about a question that one of your daughters

38:53

ask. You share

38:56

how you handle that and why

38:58

you feel it's important that children

39:00

bring questions to their

39:02

parents.

39:04

Yes. So curiosity

39:06

is one of the qualities that I talk about. And

39:08

I think as parents, we want our

39:10

kids to come to us as

39:13

the first source of information.

39:15

Um, and so I've always encouraged my

39:17

kids that there's no question that's off limits.

39:20

I want you to come to me no matter what. And

39:22

so one day we're at the park. We

39:24

had just finished doing a human sexuality

39:27

unit with our home school, and,

39:29

um. We

39:31

are at the park. I don't even know where it

39:33

came from, but one of my daughters says, hey

39:35

mommy, how can two mommies have

39:38

a baby? And I

39:40

was taken aback by that question.

39:42

You know, my my flesh was like

39:45

wanting to say, like,

39:47

just ignore her. Pretend I didn't hear her. I

39:49

don't know. Lots of thoughts went through my head. But

39:52

the ultimate thought was, I'm

39:55

so glad that she asked me and she didn't

39:57

ask her sister to use her, you know,

39:59

laptop to Google this, you know? So

40:02

I knelt down and I said, thank

40:04

you so much for asking me that question. I

40:06

wonder what made you think that? But

40:08

also I said, remember how when we talked

40:10

about our reproduction unit at

40:12

home and I said that there are some conversations

40:14

that are only between mommies and

40:17

daddies and their children. And so I

40:19

was trying to preemptively stop my kids from going

40:21

to Sunday school and sharing all the things that they had just

40:23

learned at home in our,

40:25

you know, science lesson for the day.

40:28

And, um, so I said, you know,

40:30

we're at a park, there's lots of kids

40:32

of all ages here. And so why don't we save

40:34

this conversation for when we're at home

40:36

in private? And so, of course,

40:38

she says, okay, mommy, when about

40:41

the day we get home. And again, very

40:44

easy for me to just not circle back

40:46

to that conversation, right? Avoid it, ignore

40:48

it. I don't want to deal with it. But again,

40:50

I want my kids to know that when they

40:52

ask me a question, I'm going to

40:54

to answer them. Now, I might not have the answer

40:57

to all the questions that they have. And there have been many

40:59

of the things that especially my son, he

41:01

asked a lot of theological

41:03

questions that even as a seminary student,

41:05

I did not have the answers for it. But

41:07

I taught him, and I continue

41:10

to teach my girls. Like if mom doesn't know the answer,

41:12

if dad doesn't know the answer, we will find

41:14

somebody, a book, a pastor

41:16

that we trust, and we will get to the bottom

41:18

of the answer the best we can in

41:21

this situation. I as

41:23

best as her, you know, developmentally appropriate.

41:25

I explained God's design

41:28

for families, the God's, you

41:30

know, original plan for a mom and a dad. And

41:32

this is the way that a family is made up. But

41:34

with our culture today, there is medical

41:36

interventions, there's adoptive families. Families

41:38

are going to look all different kinds of ways. And so you're

41:41

right, one mommy

41:43

and one mommy cannot make a baby.

41:45

That's not possible. But they can

41:47

raise a child together in the culture

41:49

that we live in today. And, you know, so she

41:52

kind of went along and it's like, okay, that makes sense.

41:54

But it was a great opportunity for me to

41:57

re encourage her that, yes,

41:59

we're going to have things that don't make sense.

42:01

Come to mom, come to dad. We

42:04

want to be your source of information.

42:06

But it's easy. It's really easy, especially when

42:08

they're little. Kids ask so many questions,

42:10

right? They're always peppering you

42:12

with questions. And it's easy to just tune

42:15

them out, push them away. Say, not

42:17

right now, but when we do that, when they're

42:19

they're little, we run the risk of

42:21

them stopping coming to us. As they get

42:23

older and their questions get more complicated

42:25

and more, you know, serious.

42:28

And so my encouragement to parents would be,

42:31

no question is to, you

42:33

know, to little continue to encourage

42:35

them to come to you with all of them, because curiosity

42:38

is a gift from the Lord. It's a

42:40

way that we learn, and we want to be

42:42

the ones to shepherd our kids to

42:44

the truth.

42:45

Absolutely.

42:46

I hope parents are listening to

42:48

that. You know, there's a difference

42:51

between being sensitive to your

42:53

child's needs and

42:56

on the other hand, not allowing them to

42:58

become the center of the universe,

43:00

you know, are the center of the

43:02

family. Uh, how have you

43:04

navigated that with your children?

43:07

Yeah. So I share one of my daughters

43:09

struggles with anxiety

43:11

severely. We first noticed

43:13

it when she was a toddler,

43:15

and we were going to the movies as a family,

43:18

and she had a temper

43:20

tantrum as we were walking into the dark theater.

43:22

And we just thought it was, you

43:24

know, a toddler being a toddler.

43:26

And but every time we would go

43:28

to the movies, it was the same behavior. And so

43:31

we kind of stopped for a while going to the

43:33

movies. And then as she got a little older,

43:35

it had the vocabulary to kind of talk

43:37

to us. I asked her, what,

43:39

why do you not like to go to the movies? And she

43:41

was able, as best she could, explain

43:43

that it was overwhelming. It was

43:46

it was a big screen. It was dark,

43:48

it was loud. And she just

43:50

it made her feel unsafe.

43:52

And so my husband and I, after

43:55

a conversation, decided that this was

43:57

not going to the movies as a family with

43:59

her was not necessarily worth

44:01

putting her through. The

44:04

trauma truly that she was experiencing.

44:06

And so I would say getting

44:09

to the heart of the the what's going

44:11

on with the child is so important. Asking

44:14

the Lord for discernment. And

44:16

he will. He will give you discernment. And

44:18

then deciding as a family how you can

44:21

protect the child and be sensitive

44:23

to their needs without letting it overrun. Like

44:25

you said, overrun the family. We still went

44:27

to movies. We would just plan a time

44:29

where that particular child would go hang

44:32

out at grandma's or go to a friend's house, and

44:34

so the rest of the kids would still get to enjoy

44:36

a movie time with mom and dad. But,

44:38

you know, and now that she's older and she's

44:41

we've gotten coping skills, she

44:43

knows she can go to movies. Now she has

44:45

to sit on the end of the row. She

44:47

has to have a plan for how she's going to,

44:49

you know, handle. Mostly she has to

44:51

have probably already seen the movie because

44:54

the unknown, the anticipation is

44:56

just too much for her. But again, it's

44:58

not something that we were willing to

45:00

force on her going to the

45:02

doctor. She has to, even though she gets

45:04

anxious about it. We you know,

45:06

that's one of those things that is not negotiable.

45:09

And so as a family figuring

45:11

out how can you understand

45:13

your child's emotional needs and

45:15

support them without,

45:18

you know, letting them rule the household? But

45:20

again, like I said, God can give us discernment.

45:22

Recently, I had a

45:24

situation with my youngest child

45:26

where we had finished up

45:29

eating and she didn't finish all of her food

45:31

and her middle sister was still

45:33

hungry. So I just passed the plate over

45:35

and said, oh, you can finish your sister's sandwich.

45:38

And this is very out

45:40

of character for my youngest child. But she started

45:43

screaming, you can't have

45:45

my sandwich. That's my sandwich. I don't want you to

45:47

have my sandwich. Now, that is not

45:49

typical behavior for this child.

45:51

And my flesh was like, you're selfish.

45:54

I can't believe you're acting like this. Stop

45:56

being a baby. It's just going to go with the trash

45:58

anyways. You know, all of these typical

46:00

responses sent her to her room.

46:03

She starts throwing her stuffed animals. I mean, it

46:05

was very extreme reaction

46:07

for her and I could feel my

46:09

my blood pressure going up. Honestly,

46:11

I was getting angry at like, why is she

46:13

acting this way for a sandwich?

46:16

But I took some breaths and I

46:18

sought the Lord. I said, Lord, what is going on?

46:21

And it was. The Holy Spirit said,

46:23

it's not about the sandwich. And

46:25

I was like, okay, so I, I went

46:27

into her room with a calmer attitude.

46:30

She's still kind of going full

46:32

out temper tantrum. And I quietly

46:34

sat on her bed and I said, I don't think it's about

46:36

the sandwich. And she still kept going.

46:38

And finally she looked over at

46:40

a picture of her big brother and she just

46:43

wept. And it was the first time that she really

46:45

got emotional after Joey passed away.

46:47

And she said, I didn't want I didn't

46:49

want to give up my brother. And for her, for

46:52

some reason, she was putting

46:54

all of her emotion onto the sandwich,

46:56

which is so silly. But in place

46:58

of her brother and I

47:00

would have missed that opportunity to connect with

47:02

her and to understand the deeper

47:04

issue of what was going on now, I still had

47:06

to keep her from, you know, injuring

47:09

her sister. And we talked about temper tantrums.

47:11

But when I paused and sought the Lord's

47:13

discernment, and I realized that it wasn't about

47:16

the sandwich, I was able to

47:18

connect with her in such a deeper level,

47:20

and she started to open up about

47:22

her feelings. And so I think that's

47:25

the important thing for parents to remember, that

47:27

these outward behaviors are usually

47:29

indications of stuff that's going on inside

47:31

of their hearts. And so if we can probe

47:34

and figure out what's going on, we

47:36

can help them to manage those emotions

47:38

in a healthy way instead of in

47:40

this, you know, temper tantrum way that, like

47:42

my daughter did. And I'm so glad

47:44

for the Lord's guidance and that opportunity

47:47

that I was able to connect with her.

47:49

Yeah. That's powerful. Well,

47:51

Melissa, we're at the end of our time

47:54

on the program. I

47:56

want to thank you again for being with us and sharing

47:58

your life and and talking

48:01

with us about this book. I really

48:03

believe this book is going to help

48:05

all. Kind of families, you know,

48:07

whatever the parents vocation or whatever,

48:10

or single parents and adopted

48:12

parents and all of those. So thank

48:14

you for being here. And may God

48:16

continue to guide you and John

48:18

and your family. And

48:20

I pray also that God will

48:22

take what's been said today and

48:25

take this book and touch the lives

48:27

of parents. So again, thank you for

48:29

being with us.

48:30

Thank you so much for having me. Truly, it's

48:33

been a joy.

48:34

Once again, the title of Melissa Hannigan's

48:37

book is Inconvenient

48:39

Parenting Activate Your child's

48:41

God given Traits. We

48:43

have a link to the website building relationships

48:46

with us. Again, just go to building

48:48

relationships with us.

48:51

And next week some help

48:53

for adoptive parents.

48:55

We'll talk about a five love language approach

48:57

to loving adopted children. Will.

49:00

Don't miss that encouraging conversation

49:02

in one week. Our thanks to Janice

49:04

backing and Steve Wick for their work behind

49:07

the scenes. Building relationships

49:09

with Doctor Gary Chapman is a production

49:11

of Moody Radio in association

49:13

with Moody Publishers, a ministry

49:15

of Moody Bible Institute. Thanks

49:18

for listening.