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You're listening to a

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Mamma Mia podcast. Mamma Mia

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acknowledges the traditional owners of the

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land and waters that this podcast

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is recorded on. Have you ever had

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that dream?

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The one where you suddenly

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become famous because you went

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viral on TikTok and your entire

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life changes overnight?

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Well

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that happened to today's guest, but

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it was not a fluke. If you've been

0:30

on TikTok at all over the past few

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years, you have probably seen Millie

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Ford's face. Sometimes

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she cosplays as a teacher with a really

0:39

distinctive cardigan, an ambiguous folder

0:41

and a weirdly full keychain that makes

0:43

you certain she has spent hours

0:46

sitting in a school and studying the staff.

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How dare you just barge into

0:51

my classroom like that? Okay,

0:53

we need to go back and try that again

0:55

and this time you need to knock first

0:58

of all. Other times she's a mother

1:00

stepping into her teenage daughter's bedroom, discovering

1:03

she's bought another dress and being horrified

1:06

by the price tag. Have you bought another dress?

1:10

Where are you getting

1:10

all this money from? Where's this one

1:13

from this time? You just bought one

1:15

the other day. Or she's a volunteer

1:17

at an op shop or an overly friendly

1:19

hairdresser or the cranky worker at

1:21

the self-checkout. Wait,

1:24

just wait.

1:25

Okay. Now

1:28

I'll move some. Simply, she is an

1:30

expert at creating relatable

1:33

point of view video content. When

1:35

Millie was younger, she was obsessed

1:38

with YouTube. She created four different

1:40

YouTube channels and she was

1:42

trying to make it as a YouTuber.

1:46

Then TikTok came at the same time

1:48

as Australia's COVID lockdown and

1:51

it was her stripped back lo-fi

1:54

videos that made her famous

1:56

really, really quickly. But

1:59

once she had the

1:59

career she had consciously

2:02

dreamt about and her life was starting

2:05

to look how she had always wanted

2:07

it to. She realized

2:09

happiness was not the automatic

2:12

byproduct. In fact, as recently

2:15

as the first half of this year, she

2:17

was not happy. Today,

2:19

Millie is here to have a conversation about

2:21

why basing her whole social media

2:24

identity on being the relatable

2:26

girl next door might actually be a trap.

2:28

If people are going to be like, oh, she's turned really arrogant

2:31

because she started posting things, you can't win. It's

2:35

been a long journey to get there. The

2:37

people-pleasing stuff really sticks with you.

2:40

If that's kind of how you've

2:42

been, it sticks with you. I'm

2:44

just like, I'm exhausted. How

2:46

her recent OCD and ADHD

2:49

diagnoses have impacted her

2:51

day-to-day life? I would do

2:53

my TikTok videos about 30 times.

2:57

A normal person would look at them and be like, they're exactly the same. I'm like, it's

2:59

not. I have to do it again. I

3:02

literally could not move on

3:04

until I've done it. And whether making a lot

3:06

of money

3:07

quickly

3:08

makes you happier. I have more freedom

3:11

in what I spend my money on and

3:13

I can go and buy

3:15

things that will make me happy.

3:16

But in saying

3:18

that,

3:19

there's other things that come with that, like things

3:22

that are now new problems to have.

3:25

It's not a cure for happiness at all.

3:27

It was almost disarming to sit opposite

3:30

someone whose content you know so

3:32

well and see them in a really

3:34

natural, non-performative state.

3:37

But that's what this conversation was. Here's

3:40

my chat with Millie Ford. It's

3:43

so strange to sit down with

3:45

someone who feels incredibly familiar

3:47

because you've infiltrated my TikTok and

3:50

Instagram algorithms for years now, but

3:52

who I actually know so a

4:00

lot you've never talked about, a

4:02

lot you've never said, a lot I don't

4:04

know about your life. In

4:06

videos, you're usually playing a character.

4:09

You impersonate a teacher or a parent or a

4:11

shop assistant in a way that is so funny and

4:13

so incisive and so widely

4:16

shared that you've become a really well-known

4:18

face here and overseas. You've

4:22

got 1.5 million followers on TikTok, more

4:25

than 80 million likes, and

4:27

in the last few years you've appeared

4:29

as a librarian in the Stan TV

4:32

series Bump on an episode of Beauty and the Geek.

4:34

You've got your own podcast, you've hosted red carpets

4:37

and events and met an absurd number of

4:39

celebrities. I want to start

4:41

by asking, how would you describe your

4:44

life right now? Honestly, this is

4:46

actually so wild to hear

4:49

that paragraph that you put together because

4:52

honestly, I would say unbelievable

4:56

right now because if you had told

4:58

me, I hate using this, but if you told me that literally

5:00

five years ago that that would be what you're doing right now,

5:02

I would have

5:02

been like, what? That

5:05

to me does not even sound like

5:07

my life. It does not sound like

5:10

my life. To be honest, I

5:12

feel like it's chaos in the best way possible.

5:15

However, I still can't believe

5:17

that I get to do

5:18

all that stuff and that you've just described

5:20

my life. It still is such a pinchy moment.

5:23

You said

5:24

one example of a time the world

5:26

told you you'd be happy and you weren't. When

5:29

you were chasing a career that you thought

5:31

would suddenly flick a switch and

5:34

finally make you happy, you said

5:36

it did to some extent in the short term, but

5:38

then you found other things that made you unhappy.

5:41

Was that chasing a career as a content creator?

5:44

Okay, so yes. A little bit about me

5:46

that you might not know is that I grew

5:49

up watching YouTubers. I was obsessed

5:51

with YouTube, all the British ones.

5:53

I was like, I want to be a YouTuber. I think

5:55

I've started about three or four YouTube

5:58

channels in my life. because I've always

6:00

loved video editing. I made videos when I was a kid,

6:03

like my brother and I would go do little like skits.

6:06

I did like my own rip off of my strange addiction,

6:08

like all

6:09

privateed by the way. You can't go find them on

6:11

YouTube. I did go to your YouTube

6:12

channel and it's very, I was like, huh,

6:15

I wanted some really cringe things but I couldn't find

6:17

anything. I've privateed everything.

6:19

I was like, this could not go. But no, I literally

6:21

have always wanted to create. And

6:25

it's funny when they tell you in high school, some of

6:27

you are gonna be doing jobs that don't exist right now. And

6:29

I was like, oh, I can't possibly think what that is.

6:31

But now I think about it, my job as a,

6:34

I guess full-time content creator slash TikToker

6:36

wasn't around then. So I think

6:39

I always was chasing a creative role

6:41

and there definitely was a part of me that

6:43

when you see the glamorous side of

6:46

being a YouTuber or an influencer, a creator,

6:48

whatever it is, you see that and

6:50

you're like, oh my gosh, that is a dream.

6:53

The lives that they live, they've got it so

6:55

lucky. Like that is my ultimate

6:57

goal. And I definitely think a

6:59

lot of the glamorous stuff was partly

7:03

what attracted me. However,

7:05

it was the creative

7:07

stuff which made me realize I actually

7:09

think I could do it really well.

7:10

So when I started doing like, I tried

7:12

to attempt YouTube channels and none

7:15

of them were successful. Like I probably got 100

7:17

or 200 subscribers

7:20

on one, like my most

7:22

successful YouTube channel.

7:23

And then I started doing Facebook

7:25

videos with my best friend. And I think I got like

7:27

a thousand likes on that page. So like

7:29

it's always been this consistent theme

7:32

as it kind of turned into more of a business you see

7:35

on Instagram. I was like, oh my gosh, like, you know, I

7:37

really wanna do this as hype around it. So

7:40

I think for sure, like

7:42

I did put it on a pedestal. I

7:44

was like, this is gonna be an amazing

7:47

career. Like, oh my gosh, I can't wait. Oh my gosh,

7:49

all of the free PR

7:51

stuff I'm gonna get, like that is goals

7:53

and like going to all these fancy events

7:56

and like life is just such a breeze. And

7:59

I think. It's so funny because

8:01

I look back at all of the times I tried to achieve

8:04

that by trying to

8:06

replicate all of the successful

8:09

Instagrammers and YouTubers. I would sit down,

8:11

do makeup videos. I was like, I don't even know the first thing about

8:13

makeup. Like, who's going to be coming to me to watch

8:16

me do a makeup tutorial or a fashion

8:18

like I have? I would kill to say that. I

8:20

actually will. I would kill to say that. Maybe I'll

8:23

lick the one day. They were awful. It wasn't

8:25

me at all. And

8:27

I think that's what stood out to me. It wasn't

8:29

me. She was like trying

8:32

to create these outfits. And I'm like, they were

8:34

not even like who I was. No

8:36

wonder they never took off. Like people were obviously

8:38

just like not vibing with that. Like

8:41

long story short, I've tried this career

8:43

so many times and I

8:45

feel like finally something

8:48

clicked with TikTok when I wasn't even

8:50

trying. Like it's so strange

8:52

to think I put all this effort

8:55

in to try to be someone else when it finally worked. I

8:57

literally was like in my bedroom

8:59

with no makeup on being stupid.

9:02

And these are the kinds of videos that you wouldn't

9:05

want people to see. These are the ones you send to your friends and you're like,

9:07

haha, like this is my impression of this. You're

9:09

not thinking I'm going to process on the internet and people are going to love

9:11

it. And do you think that's why TikTok

9:14

worked for you because it's a different format

9:16

in that it's more candid and less

9:19

kind of curated and edited

9:21

and it's less about perfection? Yes.

9:24

And I think who I am as a person,

9:27

like I'm not put together. Like I really

9:29

struggle with organization chronically

9:32

late. It's not something I'm proud of, but I am.

9:34

I'm a disorganized person with my

9:36

life. Like I'm like, bla bla bla, always scatterbrained.

9:40

And to think that I was trying to fit into like a curated

9:42

world on social media is actually quite funny.

9:45

It's not even me. It was never going to work. It

9:47

was never going to work. I wouldn't have been able to keep up with that curated

9:50

life. I'm so glad

9:52

that TikTok kind of deeds create

9:55

a space where it's okay to be messy

9:58

and I don't know, disorganized.

9:59

in low five, as I like to call

10:02

it. And I never put

10:04

two and two together. And then I realised, hey,

10:06

this is really working in my favour because I

10:08

honestly cannot be bothered to do a full face of makeup

10:10

every time I film. And that was the expectation

10:13

on YouTube and Instagram. And then

10:15

suddenly you've got this platform where people are like,

10:17

oh, no, we

10:18

want less from you. Like, this is too

10:20

much. You're trying too hard. Like, we want less.

10:23

And also, I remember having

10:25

like a

10:25

goal. I was going to hit a thousand subscribers

10:28

on YouTube.

10:28

Like, I think it was end

10:31

of 2020. I was like, I'm going to do this. It's

10:33

like my last attempt. I was like, I'm going to do a thousand subscribers

10:35

on YouTube. And by

10:38

the end of 2021, I had over a million

10:40

followers on TikTok. Wow. Wow. I

10:43

was going for the wrong thing. I was

10:45

going for the wrong thing. And I was also aiming too

10:47

low. But it just wasn't my thing. So

10:50

once your TikTok did

10:52

take off and you do start living

10:55

the dream that you had in

10:57

terms of you get free stuff, you

10:59

get to make money from making content, you

11:01

get to go to events,

11:03

were there any parts of that that you expected

11:06

to love that you didn't? I

11:08

really struggled with the event side of stuff. Really

11:10

struggled with it. It used to be, at

11:13

the start, like an anxiety thing, like going

11:15

and you're meeting people the

11:17

first time, like people I have followed for years.

11:19

I'm talking about when I first met like Steph

11:21

Clerc Smith and Laura, I

11:24

was squealing and they were squealing when they

11:26

met me. And I was like, this is bizarre because I've

11:28

been following you for years. You know who I am. I'm

11:30

like, what? And they're just divine. And

11:32

it was the best feeling ever. Honestly,

11:35

the novelty does wear off a little

11:37

bit. I don't know if that's going to sit well

11:39

with a lot of people because the idea of

11:41

an event is so exciting and fun.

11:44

But for me, I found that in

11:47

terms of my career goals and what I wanted to do

11:49

with my life, going to an event

11:51

or like going to a beautiful lunch, you've

11:54

got to get ready. You've got to get there. You go to the event.

11:56

It could be three to four hours long. You're

11:59

chatting. and then go

12:01

home and you're like, it's four o'clock and what

12:03

did I do today? I didn't get anything done. So

12:06

I started to feel really stressed because

12:08

I was like, I just feel like I'm going to all these lunches

12:11

and I'm, you know, chatting to lovely people

12:14

and getting to eat beautiful food

12:16

and have cocktails. And

12:18

like, I just was like, this is actually not moving

12:20

the needle on my career because I want to do acting.

12:23

And I always felt like I was obliged

12:25

to go. I was like, oh, they've invited me to this beautiful

12:27

event. Like, think of how many people would

12:29

want to go to this. I have to go. But

12:32

because I was trying to please them by going

12:34

and being like, oh, look, she's so committed and she's great

12:37

talent to work with. Then I started to

12:39

feel resentful. So like, oh, like I just wasted a

12:41

whole day going to that event. And you just start

12:43

to feel really bad about yourself. And you're like, hang

12:45

on a minute. Like, let's just like circle

12:47

back. OK, like those events,

12:50

they are such a beautiful

12:52

perk of the job. But if

12:54

I put it this way, I was like, I kind of was thinking about how

12:57

many perks that, you know, you'd get in a regular

12:59

job and it might be like going to like

13:01

a team lunch or whatever and

13:03

you are selective about what you can get

13:05

involved in. And it's just not even about

13:07

being ungrateful. It's just about being selective. I

13:09

find some of them can be really repetitive.

13:12

And if it's the same people and

13:14

you're talking to the same people, a lot of that conversation

13:16

is really shallow and you're

13:18

seeing these people again and again for little short

13:20

periods of time, but

13:21

don't have enough time to go into a

13:23

deeper chat. Yes. Yes. And not that

13:25

you want to do that with everybody, but I just found

13:28

those to be quite draining. So it's actually socially

13:30

draining. Has there been anybody that

13:32

you've met or not

13:35

even individuals, but I guess types

13:37

of people in the industry that have

13:40

surprised you? Because I find that sometimes

13:42

it's the people that you have quite different politics

13:45

to or ideology to that then you meet and you're

13:47

like, damn it, I really enjoy

13:50

this person's company. I remember Kyle Sanderlands

13:52

came into the office one day and I was like, I think

13:54

he's really

13:54

not. Oh my God. Even though listening

13:57

to him on radio, I'd be outraged. But

13:59

there are those.

13:59

thoughts of people you come across and you're like,

14:02

oh, I disagree with you ideologically. Yes.

14:04

Yet as a person, I find you really lovely. I

14:06

can't think of any examples now. An

14:09

interesting thing though, and this is where

14:12

it gets interesting is if I am

14:16

leaving an event and I've brought a friend and

14:19

comparing

14:20

stories

14:21

about people. Yeah. That's

14:24

when it gets really interesting because

14:27

I hear different things. You

14:29

know, my friend might've been like, yeah, she was really rude

14:31

to me or like completely blank to me. And I'm

14:33

like, wow, I thought

14:35

she was divine. And so

14:38

then you're like, huh, was that a mad

14:40

coincidence? Was that just bad timing

14:43

or do they treat people differently?

14:46

For example, bringing a friend who isn't

14:48

a creator. Yeah. They treating them the

14:50

same as they're treating me. That's what I

14:52

find really interesting. And yes, you probably

14:54

take it for granted that people know you. They

14:57

know your face. They know the power

14:59

you're bringing to that situation. I always

15:01

find it a bit funny that I've got a bit of

15:04

a close comparison with my sister

15:06

who's always had a bigger profile

15:09

than me. It'll happen on social media or

15:11

it'll happen in real life that I'm like, this

15:13

is a real life experiment because we

15:16

are identical twins and

15:18

we're incredibly similar. And if

15:20

you're interested in what she has to say

15:22

and don't give a shit what I have to say, it says something

15:25

about you. Yes. And so I do think that that's

15:27

something you pick up on. It's so interesting.

15:29

And it's really sad because like the friends

15:31

that I go with or the friends I bring, they're

15:34

my close circle. I love them all so much.

15:36

And I feel like I am very selective

15:39

about who is in that close circle.

15:41

And I trust them. And I'm like, if you've had a

15:43

bad experience, I'm sure you're not

15:45

just saying that to the horse drama. Like it does make

15:47

me a bit sad because I'm like, oh, now

15:49

that actually is worse because I've come away even though they were lovely

15:52

to me. I was like, well, are they a bit too faced? Yeah. Not

15:54

in like a rude way. It's just like a fakeness.

15:56

You can detect when people are fake. That's

15:58

almost worse. Or the people who. scanning

16:00

the room for the next best person.

16:02

So you're having a conversation with them and they're

16:05

constantly looking around to see who's actually

16:07

like a better contact to go and speak to.

16:09

Oh, I hate that. So you talk

16:11

about your friends being pretty incredible

16:13

people and then having met a

16:16

lot of people in the industry where you've got more

16:18

surface level relationships. What

16:21

do you look for in a friendship

16:23

and what kind of makes that difference between somebody

16:26

being surface level and somebody being a friend?

16:28

OK, great question. And was

16:30

actually watching a TikTok about how a lot of people

16:33

struggle when they move to Australia with

16:36

friendships, because apparently Australians

16:39

don't like to put in as much

16:41

energy. It's funny because as

16:43

much as I do have a lot of great friends,

16:46

it is really hard to make friends as an adult. And

16:49

I didn't realise it was an Australian thing, but

16:51

it is such an energy thing. It really

16:54

is an energy thing. I find this in dating

16:56

and relationships too, but friendships, it's like, are

16:58

they matching your energy? I've been in one

17:00

sided friendships and it's not fun. You don't

17:02

feel like you're being thought of at all. Do they

17:05

care about what you're doing? They genuinely care

17:07

and support you. And I think sometimes,

17:10

like with relationships and dating, you

17:13

can find these things out over time.

17:16

I don't necessarily need to have an immediate

17:18

connection with someone. Like,

17:20

you don't need to be like, oh, my gosh, we just clicked. But it has happened

17:22

quite a few times with recent friends. We

17:25

literally clicked and it's just

17:27

so easy. I feel like I have to

17:29

force it with them. So what I look

17:32

for is support, obviously honesty,

17:34

not the kind of honesty that's like, I'm just the honest

17:36

friend. Oh, yeah. I'm just being honest.

17:38

But I'm just, yes, I have

17:41

friends who are great at doing that

17:43

and they'll be like, I'm

17:44

going to be honest. I liked the other dress.

17:46

And I'm like, thank you. I need to go. Yeah,

17:48

yeah, yeah, yeah. That's different.

17:50

I think it's like in your

17:52

gut, you know that this person is there for

17:54

you and supports you. But

17:57

also, it's that interest

17:59

in your life. It's not just like when something

18:01

exciting happens, they come back and like, oh my gosh,

18:03

let's try it. Like it's consistency.

18:06

Consistency isn't like you need to

18:08

talk every day or every week. It's

18:11

knowing that you have a consistent friendship relationship

18:13

with them that at any point talking

18:15

to them, you've got their support. And it's

18:18

not only if you're winning or if they're winning,

18:20

they forget about you. It's like, it's constant.

18:22

And I've got heaps of different levels of

18:24

friendships with people. My best, best,

18:27

best friends.

18:28

I just respect them so

18:30

much. I respect their advice

18:32

as well. And I ask them for

18:34

life advice

18:35

because I just believe that they genuinely

18:37

want what's best for me. And I think you just

18:39

know when you're got like as well, when I start

18:41

to make friends, I

18:42

trust my gut so much.

18:44

Yeah, me too. I can just sense it. I

18:46

just know. And I think everyone

18:48

knows when I've met new people recently,

18:51

there's literally like micro nuances

18:54

and idiosyncrasies that you pick up on your life. I've

18:56

seen that in a friend before and

18:59

I didn't like how that turned out or I did. And

19:01

those little things you just got to be aware of little,

19:04

you know, comments. Things that you're

19:06

like, that doesn't make me feel good. Yeah. So

19:08

that's kind of what I like when I look for friends. And I'm always

19:10

open to new friends. I think people think, oh,

19:13

you know, you've probably got so many friends. I think we all

19:15

think that everyone has so many friends. Yeah. I'm

19:17

not one to be like, sorry, reach the limit.

19:20

Yeah, I don't think I've ever heard somebody

19:22

be like, oh no, actually, even

19:25

though you can feel really busy, I think everybody

19:27

always has more room for more people. I agree. And

19:29

also I was talking to a friend about this the

19:31

other day. Sometimes friends

19:34

who you actually already have, they, you

19:36

know, move away or they move out of your life and

19:38

it doesn't mean that the friendship is any less.

19:41

It just means like, maybe you've got more energy

19:43

for a new friendship and that's okay. You don't have

19:45

to put the same amount of energy if they've moved

19:47

away and you're not seeing them as much. Like it's

19:49

not like you have to like, I've

19:52

only got these friends and I need to stick to them.

19:55

Just being mindful of where you're

19:56

putting your energy and like who fills up your

19:58

cup.

19:58

So when you have.

19:59

experiences where you've gone to

20:02

events, brought a friend and had

20:04

them maybe not have the same experiences

20:07

as you have with people or with

20:09

the event in general. What

20:11

do you say and how do you comfort them? Because

20:13

I can imagine that that feels pretty

20:16

shit for them being like, oh, actually you had a

20:18

great experience with that person, but they gave zero

20:21

shits about me. What do you kind of say

20:23

to them? Say if we were like, we just had an experience

20:26

of walking back to the car and they'd be like, this

20:28

just happened. I'd be like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. First

20:31

of all, that happened because

20:33

I completely trust them. I'm not going to be like, really?

20:36

The only time I would say that is if

20:38

they were in a conversation and they

20:40

misconstrued something

20:43

that was said.

20:43

That's totally fine. Sometimes

20:46

we get different tones and it's always

20:48

just knowing that you validate how they're

20:50

feeling and not being like, oh, she didn't mean that.

20:53

She's not like that. There's always a little

20:55

bit of flexibility with these situations.

20:58

I also have had experiences where I've met people and they've

21:01

come across really cold. I'm like, oh my gosh, when

21:03

I met her, she was really cold to me too. You

21:05

do have to watch her a little bit. Yes, yes,

21:07

yes. It just can be any sort of situation, but

21:10

I always validate them. I'm like, I'm sorry that

21:12

that ruined the night for you. I

21:14

feel really, really bad

21:15

about that. I'll remember it. I'll

21:17

always remember those

21:18

situations so that next

21:20

time I don't put them in an uncomfortable situation

21:23

or if they're going to an event that I know they're going to be at.

21:25

I'm like, by the way, this person is going to be there. Do you

21:27

feel comfortable going or we just don't have

21:29

to talk to them? You know what I mean? I

21:32

think just always catering for your friend's needs,

21:34

but at the same time, you don't have

21:37

to be... Everything changes

21:39

just because they had a bad experience. You

21:41

just got to understand it.

21:44

I think comforting them in that way as well. That's

21:46

what I would normally do with a friend. We

21:48

all have different experiences with people. Also,

21:51

just remembering that sometimes you might click

21:53

with someone that they don't click with and

21:55

that's fine

21:56

too. If they're being

21:58

rude.

21:59

There's something I don't tolerate and

22:02

I hate when people are rude. It's just a joke.

22:04

Like I'm like, no, I know. Yeah. Yeah.

22:07

And it wasn't. Clicky is a different thing. Like,

22:09

oh yeah, we just didn't click.

22:11

I might click with them.

22:12

That's different. It's more of like a rudeness

22:15

thing

22:15

for me. Yeah. But

22:17

I think the validating is really important because the worst

22:19

thing is when you say you've had an experience and everyone's like,

22:21

that's just you. Yeah, that's just you. Also,

22:24

can you imagine like your friend being like, oh,

22:26

I'm really sad that she reacted that way, like ruining your

22:28

actual friendship with someone rather than

22:30

an experience with someone you don't really know? Yeah,

22:33

exactly. I wouldn't want that. Why would you side

22:35

with them? No. Very true.

22:37

Very true. So

22:39

when you've had those experiences of being

22:41

out in public and being swarmed or people

22:43

coming up to you, does that change

22:47

how you feel about going out

22:49

or going out of the house? Like, for example,

22:51

if before I assume everybody

22:53

does this, that you might, you know, be in your pajamas

22:56

and go for a walk to get a chocolate at 11

22:58

o'clock at night with no makeup on

23:00

and you have wet from the shower.

23:02

Do you second guess that now?

23:05

Okay, so I still do that. Okay,

23:07

good. Good. I

23:09

think that that's like innately a part of me though, because

23:12

I'm like, I am not putting on makeup to

23:14

walk up to Woolies. Like, I just

23:16

can't be bothered. I don't know. I

23:19

can't speak for beauty creators, but I do feel like

23:21

there's more pressure for them to look

23:24

good because, you know, there's this expectation.

23:26

It's like, oh, you're really good at beauty and makeup.

23:28

Oh, online she appears like this. I saw her

23:31

with really gross makeup. Like I literally

23:33

don't wear makeup. I look gross.

23:35

I dress up like a fugly teacher and a fugly

23:37

cardigan. I literally could not look

23:40

worse. In fact, I get people saying that I look

23:42

like surprisingly

23:43

better in real life.

23:45

So I've set above that low for myself

23:48

that when people say, oh, you're actually really pretty.

23:51

I'm just like, okay, cool. I'd actually prefer that

23:53

even though it still stings a little bit. I

23:55

will say it's also very mood dependent. Like if I'm

23:58

not feeling super confident in that. season

24:00

of my life or that time of the

24:02

month or whatever. Yeah, there are definitely times when I

24:04

was like, I just would hate it if someone recognized me right

24:06

now. Like, I just need to make myself look

24:08

better. I know my mum had an experience a few

24:10

years ago when I told her I was doing this interview. She's

24:13

like, oh, I met her when I

24:15

was, I think she was at the Burdekin for her Christmas

24:18

party. She's a teacher, group of teachers,

24:20

and they bombarded you. Oh

24:21

my gosh, I remember this.

24:23

And she said that you were like, I hope I haven't offended

24:25

you by my teacher impressions. And

24:28

she was like, absolutely not. She's completely

24:29

spoiled. Oh my God. You know what? I

24:32

had a comment once, one or two comments out of like,

24:34

all of the ones I've ever got about one being like,

24:36

teachers already cop so much as it is. We

24:39

don't need more people making fun of them. And of course,

24:41

when you get one negative comment, everyone thinks

24:43

that. I was like, I've offended half of the population.

24:46

I need to stop and reconsider my priorities.

24:49

But genuinely, like when they were like, we're teachers

24:51

and we love it. It's like, okay, good. Like,

24:54

you know, you guys are like, oh no, it's because

24:56

it's incredibly accurate. Literally. Literally.

24:59

I don't even know

24:59

how to explain it. Like if you were doing an impersonation of a celebrity and

25:02

you met them. Yes. And you'd be

25:04

like, oh shit. Did I upset you? It's alright.

25:06

Did I do it okay? Like,

25:07

can I get your approval? When

25:10

it

25:11

comes to content creation and you end

25:14

up doing like a shtick that becomes your shtick.

25:17

So you do the teacher videos. Everybody

25:20

loves teacher videos. The nature of TikTok is that

25:22

then everyone's like more, more, more, more, more, and you've got to

25:24

do more and more. What happens when you

25:26

get sick of the shtick? I did

25:28

not expect it to last this long and

25:31

it's not that I'm over it, but I think I'm the

25:33

first person to like

25:35

immediately be like, all right, that must be done now. Everyone's

25:37

sick of me.

25:38

Before I get completely like fatigued by it, I'm

25:40

just going to move on.

25:41

It's so weird as the character when

25:43

you're doing it. So like, for example, I'll do a video,

25:45

like say if I'm doing a teacher video

25:47

and I'm doing a skit, I sometimes film up 20

25:50

to 30 times and that thing

25:52

about me doing my character 20 to 30 times in a row,

25:54

the same thing. But for every single video,

25:57

that is a lot of Mrs. Brown. That is a lot

25:59

of mum. Like that is a lot

26:01

of me just being that character and

26:03

people see a bite-sized version of that so

26:05

of course they're not as exposed or

26:07

over it as I am and I forget

26:10

that because like you think about characters

26:13

playing roles on TV shows they

26:15

go for seasons and seasons They've

26:17

been playing characters. They would have done hate to take so it's not like

26:20

their character gets old But I think for

26:22

me, I thought it was so Oversaturated

26:25

at the beginning I was doing teacher teacher teacher mum

26:27

mum mum that I didn't want everyone

26:29

to get sick of them And yeah again

26:32

like Mike and they'll comment like oh like this is old do

26:34

it again But like the majority of people do more

26:36

I'm like really like I

26:39

mean look it's great to hear that because it's always gonna be my

26:41

bread and butter is like my teacher And mum

26:43

I will say it's nice that people

26:44

aren't over it But I get so terrified

26:46

of fatiguing the characters and

26:48

losing such a core part of my

26:51

content I know that must be really hard to

26:53

be pure about your creativity

26:56

when you're in such a

26:59

Symbiotic relationship with your audience like you're

27:01

getting constant feedback You're constantly

27:03

being told what to do and it must be

27:06

hard to then know Wait,

27:08

what do I authentically want to create

27:10

and what am I being told to create? so

27:13

one of the reasons you resonate so profoundly

27:16

is because of your Relatability

27:18

like the whole thing when you started doing the

27:20

videos of being a mum and everyone's

27:22

like holy shit That's my mom you said that's

27:25

your mom like you've clearly

27:27

had such a similar upbringing to so

27:29

many people that there's something So familiar

27:31

about what you create yeah, what happens

27:34

when? Your fame and success

27:37

means you get further away from

27:39

that relatability like for example

27:42

With the TikTok success comes

27:45

money comes opportunities Are

27:47

you aware of how that is

27:50

going to affect your relatable

27:52

persona? I think about this a lot

27:54

I do and I think it's probably one of the

27:56

biggest Kind of concerns

27:59

based in your whole social media identity

28:01

on being relatable and funny and

28:04

the girl next door can

28:06

actually end up being the downfall. We've

28:09

seen it with actresses like Jennifer

28:11

Lawrence, Copped It and Hathaway.

28:13

It's like all those massive celebrities

28:15

who said that they like pizza once

28:18

and then everyone's like, she's trying to be relatable, but you're not relatable

28:20

anymore because you're literally a celebrity. And

28:22

for me, I think I am super conscious

28:25

of it. And this is why

28:27

it is so

28:27

important for me when I'm making my content

28:30

that I am always

28:32

trusting my guts and staying authentic

28:35

to myself. Like I would never be like POV

28:38

when you go to an influencer

28:39

lunch or you'll feel really awkward.

28:41

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's like, people will be

28:43

like, oh, can't relate. Unrelatable or

28:45

like POV, like when you get too many

28:47

PR packages, you can't carry them up the steps.

28:50

That's such a good one. Like that is

28:52

not relatable to the majority of people, but

28:54

I find it really hard sharing packages

28:57

that I get sent in my head.

28:59

Like, okay,

29:00

how many relatable things have I posted today versus

29:03

can I post this PR package from this

29:05

brand because people feel like they've

29:07

gotten the relatable side and the unrelatable

29:10

side? Like genuinely this is how my brain works

29:12

to the point where I don't post anything. And

29:14

someone once told me, and this was a really good analogy

29:17

or comparison, they were like, think of like PR

29:19

packages and events as your work

29:21

perks. Like you are getting a raise

29:23

at the end of the year or like a promotion at the end of the year that

29:25

incentivizes you. Like those little things, yes,

29:28

you know, we all get it, you know, you're going to get sent

29:30

stuff. And if you're sharing things that

29:33

you like, then there's nothing wrong with that. I

29:35

just always felt really awkward about it because I

29:37

was like, I'm getting sent free stuff

29:39

and like, not everyone gets free stuff. And

29:42

you're just like, it's exhausting. They're

29:44

constantly trying to seem like

29:46

you're just living a normal life. And so

29:49

I think you just at the end of it all, I know

29:51

that I'm not doing it to show off. I

29:53

think people who know me know

29:55

that I'm not doing it to show

29:57

off. And if people want to judge me on that.

30:00

Like I can't change that. There would have been

30:02

a point with TikTok probably

30:04

quite early on. People didn't really

30:06

know how to monetize it. Like brands,

30:08

creators, it was all Wild West.

30:11

But then there was sort of a point where people worked

30:13

out like, holy crap, everybody's here and

30:16

there are, you know, certain creative people

30:19

listen to. You are very good at branded

30:21

content, particularly good at it. So

30:24

like I have used it as examples

30:27

in all sorts of meetings. You wouldn't even

30:29

know that that was about a Mars bar. Like

30:31

it's so clever. Was there a moment

30:34

where you realized

30:37

your life was changing financially?

30:41

And was there like a particular

30:44

partnership or brand opportunity where you're like,

30:46

oh shit, this is unlike what I've ever

30:48

experienced? Yeah. So to

30:51

start with, we didn't really know the landscape

30:53

and I was not getting paid much at all. So

30:56

it started saying yes to everything. And

30:59

because the way that it works

31:01

and you don't get paid for up to 30 days after

31:03

you do an ad, there's like that invoice period.

31:06

I was saying yes to lots of stuff and I didn't even realize

31:08

how much I was making. Honestly, I had no systems

31:11

in place. People were like, do you have an invoice system like me?

31:14

No, I still don't. I still have

31:16

no idea. And it's terrible. I'm

31:18

working on it. Anyway, I was

31:20

like, yeah, I think invoice coming in. I've got no clue. Like

31:22

luckily my amazing manager was on top of it. And

31:25

then she's like, I think you just got paid today. And I checked my bank

31:27

account. I was like,

31:28

I'm sorry, what?

31:30

And I was like, has there been a mistake genuinely

31:33

because it had all piled up and all got

31:35

paid at once. I didn't

31:37

know what to do with myself. I think I kind of was

31:39

like, this doesn't make sense. Like, and

31:41

I just didn't want to touch it. And then

31:44

I think moving out on my own

31:46

was a real milestone for me because

31:49

I was living with my cousin at the time. And

31:51

we were living in Kiribati and

31:54

we loved living together. It was amazing.

31:56

However, because she just got a remote job and I was

31:58

making

31:58

my TikTok videos.

31:59

Imagine her being in a meeting and you're hearing, boy, is it the bag

32:02

in the background? Or like me filming

32:04

a video and hearing her talking about something important.

32:06

Like it just wasn't going to work. So I moved out in the

32:08

end and it was really sad. And I

32:10

was like, I need to just live on my own. And I

32:12

remember thinking like, I just don't know how I'm going to afford

32:15

it. Like it's going to be really hard. Because

32:17

I was budgeting off my old

32:19

salary, the jump up from

32:22

my rent in Curabilly

32:24

to

32:24

almost paying about three times as much living

32:26

on my own.

32:28

At first I was like, this is just ridiculous.

32:30

And I didn't want to tell people, but

32:32

then I figured out, wow, like I can't

32:34

believe

32:35

that I can actually afford that.

32:36

And it was just one of

32:38

those moments to me where I was like, okay,

32:41

like you need to be really, really careful here

32:43

because, and I've always been a good saver,

32:45

but I was like, you don't want to get carried away. So

32:47

obviously seeking financial advice on what I can do

32:50

and then being like, yep, that's fine. You can, like provided

32:52

this keeps going, you're fine.

32:54

And I was like, really?

32:56

Are you sure? And

32:58

I just never seen any kind of money like that in my

33:01

life. It just was unbelievable

33:03

to me. And, you know,

33:04

coming from a very, like,

33:06

you know, my parents will always make sure we stay humble

33:09

and grounded in that stuff. Like I was never one

33:11

to flaunt my money. So even like telling

33:13

people that I moved out on my own was really awkward. I

33:16

was like, yeah, I'm on my own. Like give

33:18

housemate? No. Yeah, I

33:20

don't. But like, it's, you know, it's my office. Like,

33:23

and so I just did for me, that

33:26

has been one of the hardest things to

33:28

cope with is like, you

33:30

know, not getting carried away in the money side

33:33

of things. Yeah. I will say,

33:35

because I saw another creator talking about this,

33:38

it's like when you realize that you

33:40

don't need to check your bank account.

33:42

That's a moment. That's a moment. Yes.

33:45

Can I afford this? The stress

33:47

of not

33:48

being as on top of it is almost

33:50

like it's gone. Yes. Have

33:53

you found that money has

33:56

bought you happiness? When you think about

33:58

happiness and what? what it was like before

34:01

you were earning this amount. Do

34:03

you think there is a relationship? There's

34:06

definitely a relationship for sure, but

34:08

I'm not going to say it's black and white because

34:11

for me, with my journey

34:13

with money and say

34:15

I remember

34:17

when I worked at my first say PR

34:19

job, I think I was earning about 45K and

34:21

getting the train home and like sitting

34:25

on the train and being

34:28

like, oh, should I get something

34:30

to

34:30

eat on my ride home? And I was like, oh,

34:32

I could just quickly go and get

34:35

something from Woolies. And I'd

34:37

be like, okay, well, what's on sale? The dollar

34:39

bar. Cool. I'll just

34:41

get that. You know, I'm going to be really like good

34:42

with my money.

34:44

I think now those

34:46

little luxuries of being like, I

34:48

can buy a coffee today. I know it

34:51

will make me happy and not thinking

34:53

twice about that. It is such a luxury.

34:55

And I remember that girl sitting on the train being like,

34:58

she wouldn't have been able to do that every day or she'd go find

35:00

the $2 coffee that was around the corner or like

35:02

the $1 coffee at 7-Eleven. Like those

35:04

little things, not that they made

35:06

me sad, but it's just when

35:08

you have access to the next thing and you

35:10

realize that actually makes me happy. So

35:13

like the side of me that money makes

35:15

me happy is that I have more freedom in

35:17

what I spend my money on and

35:20

I can go and buy

35:22

things that will make me happy. But

35:24

in saying that, there's other

35:26

things that come with that, like things that

35:28

are now new problems to have. It's

35:31

not a cure for happiness at all. Yes,

35:34

you can buy things that you want or

35:36

you can set yourself up with processes that allows

35:39

you to have more time to do other things. Like I completely

35:41

acknowledge that. And that's one of my favorite

35:43

ways to use my

35:44

money is like, how can I buy myself, I guess,

35:46

like not more time, but more like,

35:49

say, for example, I have a cleaner, didn't

35:51

think I'd ever have a cleaner. I have a cleaner and

35:53

in that time while they're cleaning my house, I'll

35:55

go for my exercise. It's like that

35:57

hour. So instead of me spending the time cleaning, I'm going to buy

35:59

my money. my house and then having to go for a walk

36:02

or Pilates or whatever, it's then. So

36:04

that is like for me, I hate cleaning.

36:07

I don't want to clean. That's a happiness thing. I

36:09

wouldn't be able to do that if I didn't have money. It

36:11

can definitely like enhance your

36:13

life in ways if you spend it wisely. It can

36:15

also make people's life horrible.

36:18

Honestly, if you get too addicted to

36:20

superficial things or gambling,

36:22

like it can do both. I've

36:25

had a lot of mental health struggles in this

36:27

new world. So

36:28

it's brought money into my life, but

36:31

I've also been tackling a lot of mental health stuff this

36:33

year. I'm now on medication for it. You

36:35

know, I'm in a situation where I was getting so

36:37

much anxiety because I didn't know how to handle myself

36:40

in public. I didn't know how to run a business.

36:43

So it brings good and bad.

36:45

And you need to be so, so careful

36:48

that if you just assume that

36:50

when you get this next job or when you get this next

36:52

paycheck, then your problems are going to be solved.

36:55

It will solve some of the problems, but

36:57

you need to have a balance in your life with everything else.

37:00

Like you need to be on top of everything else for

37:02

that to work properly.

37:09

So you said that you were struggling

37:11

with your mental health earlier this year and

37:13

you sort of just turned a corner. What

37:16

did that look like struggling with your mental

37:18

health? So this is a really interesting

37:20

thing. So I feel like for me,

37:22

it kind of came down to things

37:25

I needed to address. I needed to work on

37:26

some stuff within myself. And that was things

37:29

like, I guess, social media pressures

37:31

that I kind of chose to ignore.

37:34

Being a people pleaser actually comes up a lot in this, but also

37:36

the pressure on myself to have high

37:39

standards for myself and achieve those high standards.

37:42

I've

37:42

been diagnosed now with OCD

37:45

and ADHD. So it's

37:47

weird because you think about those two together in your life.

37:50

I wouldn't have thought you could

37:51

do both. I've heard of a lot of comorbidity

37:53

between those two. So was that only

37:56

this year that you went diagnosed?

37:56

That was only this year. That was a couple of months ago, just

37:58

before I went away.

37:59

And that

38:01

actually was so validating to me rather

38:04

than feeling like, oh, I've got these problems.

38:06

I was like, hang on, this is going to help me

38:08

in my life. But the reason that I

38:11

ended up getting to that point of getting

38:13

diagnosed was because I

38:15

had all these problems that I didn't know how

38:17

to deal with. So a lot of it was I didn't even

38:19

realize this was a thing. And you know how everyone's kind

38:21

of like, oh, everyone's got ADHD. Everyone's

38:24

like, I think to a degree, everyone has symptoms. So

38:26

like when you're telling friends about like, I think I've got

38:28

that. I'm going to get checked. And I'm like,

38:30

yes, but also, do you

38:32

also do these other things? And for

38:35

me, a big one that I didn't even realize

38:37

was timeliness. And

38:39

that is like literally the

38:41

root of so much of my disorganization

38:44

in life and not realizing

38:47

it all links together. But then the OCD

38:49

stuff, I did things that I didn't

38:51

even realize were OCD related. And

38:55

it's like there's a perfectionism side to it. But

38:57

it's not just like, oh, I need to be neat and tidy.

38:59

And like everyone thinks OCD is like, you need to be neat

39:01

and tidy and have a perfect house. And

39:03

you're like, no, that's one side of it. There's so many

39:05

other things that are involved with OCD.

39:08

How did it express itself for you? Okay. So

39:11

for me, a few weird things

39:13

that I do,

39:14

it's a perfectionism thing. However,

39:16

it's not just a perfectionism thing in the sense

39:18

that it needs to be perfect.

39:21

I can't move on from things

39:23

unless I feel like I have done them perfectly.

39:26

So that's not just like cleaning up the house or

39:28

whatever. It's literally like it does not sit

39:30

right with me. If I don't feel complete,

39:33

it's a physical feeling of completion. So

39:36

for example, I would

39:39

do my TikTok videos

39:40

about 30 times and

39:43

all person would look at them like they're exactly the same. I'm like, it's

39:45

not.

39:46

I have to do it again. I literally

39:48

could not move on until I'd done

39:51

it. It's not even like I'll just get back to that

39:53

later. It's like, I can't move on to that. My mind doesn't

39:55

move on to the next thing until I feel right. Another

39:57

example is like I'm lifting weights. And

40:00

my shoe doesn't feel like it's on properly. And

40:02

I need to wiggle

40:03

my shoe and feel like it's in the right spot.

40:05

And I told my PT about this and she's like, take your

40:07

time. I'm like, sorry, it just,

40:09

most of it looks like it's on. It just doesn't feel

40:11

like it's on. Yeah. You know, a classic one people

40:13

reference is like checking if the door's locked and

40:16

not being able to move on. That's also partly

40:18

a safety thing. It's like the intrusive thought is

40:20

I didn't lock the door and then the compulsion

40:23

is you've got to go check it. So I had a similar

40:25

one with that and just like having really

40:27

awful intrusive thoughts about things,

40:30

you know, something touching my body and

40:32

I would get a really weird, like I literally physically

40:34

be like, oh, and then I'd have to like touch my eyes

40:37

to like make the thought go away. And that was the compulsion.

40:40

And I didn't even know I was doing it, but it would have looked so weird if you

40:42

saw me doing that in real life. Those little

40:44

things, there's that part of it, but also there's

40:47

a perfectionism side of it, which I wouldn't

40:49

even attempt things if

40:51

I didn't think I could do them perfectly. So

40:53

that's when you get the procrastination of

40:55

the ADHD. So I, the thing is

40:57

for me, you've got the drive,

41:00

you've got the ambition, you just can't

41:02

apply yourself to it because

41:04

of these reasons that the perfectionism comes into place.

41:06

So for example, I really, really,

41:08

really want to get into acting and I really

41:10

desperately want an agent. However, I'm so

41:13

scared

41:13

of my dream being squashed

41:15

and being a failure that I'm just actually not

41:17

going to send the email because that means that if

41:20

people ask about it, I can't say, no, I didn't

41:22

get it. I can say, oh, I still need to

41:24

do it. Yeah, I was just constantly exhausted,

41:27

racing thoughts before bed every night, like not

41:29

being able to like get anything done.

41:32

The time blindness thing is really interesting. Like I'll

41:34

literally be like, all right, I've got to be somewhere at one. You

41:36

know, it takes me maybe like 15 minutes, get ready. Sweet.

41:39

So 15 minutes. And then I just got

41:41

to walk to the car and park. So like I could probably start

41:43

getting ready at 1230. So

41:45

I started getting ready. Oh, that outfit didn't

41:47

look good. OK, I would have found another one 10 minutes

41:49

later. I'm still looking for an outfit. I'll just quickly do my

41:51

makeup and then I'll be like five minutes late. I'm

41:54

like, oh, this traffic. Oh, I can't find a park.

41:56

Who would have thought that'd be traffic? I'm shocked

41:58

every time. Actually, a barrier. Yeah.

42:02

Oh, I'll go to my room and I'm looking for an outfit and I'm like, oh, just literally

42:04

it'll take me two minutes to find an outfit. I'll just chuck the dress

42:06

on. And then I get back and I look at the word 15

42:08

minutes and pass. I'm like, how did that, where did that go? What

42:11

the heck? Like, what? My

42:13

friends are so good about it. They're like, oh, that's fine. It's

42:15

fine. I'm really trying hard here. Yeah. It's

42:19

not something I'm proud of. I'm not like, huh, that's just my personality.

42:22

I genuinely was like, I need to work on this. How

42:24

do I do it? And all

42:26

of these things, like these are just some of the examples

42:30

I've realised I do. And

42:32

then weird stuff, like if I turn

42:34

the light switch off weirdly, like my finger leaves it

42:36

weirdly, I won't do it again. Or if I close the

42:38

door weirdly, I have to do it again. You

42:40

wouldn't even know that I was doing it and

42:43

people would be like, it's fine. It's closed. I'm

42:45

like, no, no, no, you don't get it. It's not closed. It is,

42:47

but it isn't to me. It doesn't feel right. It

42:49

didn't make the right noise or the right pressure. Anyway,

42:52

I jumped on medication. Is the medication

42:55

for ADHD? I'm on two now. So

42:58

funnily enough, because they're both driven by anxiety,

43:00

I'm on antidepressants for the OCD.

43:03

And that actually has

43:06

just taken my anxiety away. And

43:08

then I went on my Europe trip. So you can imagine me, no

43:11

anxiety. I'm in

43:13

Europe. And I was like, I could not believe

43:16

it. I was like, so what you're telling

43:18

me that when you walk up to a restaurant,

43:20

you're not shaking because you think it's embarrassing

43:22

to ask if they have a table.

43:24

So you're telling me that like, when you're

43:26

walking, you're not thinking that your step was just weird

43:29

and that person

43:29

in the car is just like judging you.

43:32

It's almost like it just switched off. And I was like, oh my gosh.

43:34

I

43:34

was like, okay. Like, who wants to be up? So

43:37

there's

43:37

that anxiety side of it. And

43:39

so there, yeah, antidepressants. And

43:42

the anxiety is supposed to alleviate, I

43:44

guess, the overthinking of things. And

43:47

it's just also a bit of a calmness at night so

43:49

I can sleep properly. But because

43:52

it's literally anxiety, that's all

43:54

gone. But also the ADHD stuff

43:56

is a focus thing. So like for

43:58

me, an attention.

43:59

thing. I can't stick to one task. Like

44:02

I'll be writing an email and then I remember

44:04

in

44:04

the middle of the email, oh my gosh, did I ever

44:06

end up finding

44:07

that shoe? I'll just quickly go upstairs and just check if that

44:09

shoe, if I put in the right spot.

44:11

Yeah, it is there. And then when I'm upstairs, I'm like, oh, this pile

44:13

of papers is really messy. I'll just quickly do them. And

44:15

I'm like, oh my gosh, wait, this is a fine. I never

44:17

paid the fine. Go to my phone

44:20

and I go on my phone to pay the fine. I get a message.

44:22

I was like, oh my gosh, I need to reply to this person before, you

44:24

know, an hour's pass. Like I need to send the email.

44:27

I didn't send the email. Oh my gosh. So that's like

44:29

that. Yeah. And so the medication I'm

44:31

on for ADHD helps

44:34

with the focus. And that

44:36

has been a game changer for me as well. And

44:38

like focusing on one task. And

44:41

it's this clarity. It gives you the clarity

44:44

of like, I can actually articulate my

44:46

thoughts a lot better now. I can speak

44:48

to someone. And if I hear

44:50

like a bird tweeting, I don't look up

44:52

and be like, sorry, what was I saying?

44:53

And I used to get so lost

44:55

in my thoughts. And now I can

44:57

just zone in on the person and talk to

44:59

them. And it's just been so good

45:02

because it gives me clarity with that. It also

45:04

helps me stick to one task at a time.

45:07

And it also helps me just kind of plan

45:10

my day better and not get

45:12

swept up in these mini decisions that like grab

45:14

my attention. It's been honestly a

45:16

life changer. And I did not realize, you

45:19

know, medication isn't for everybody. Feel

45:21

like I have been trying to work on these things

45:23

for years. Yeah, without it. Without it. And

45:25

here we are. So honestly,

45:27

that really changed my life. And at the

45:30

end of June, I remember thinking this year's a write

45:32

off. Like I'm just I'm not in a good place.

45:34

I can't do my work. I can't be creative. Really,

45:37

really, really low self-esteem.

45:39

And then everything turned around

45:42

and I signed to an acting agency. I

45:44

got my first gig. You know,

45:46

I went to Europe, which was like my annual leave, I suppose.

45:49

And I just

45:50

was feeling so much better about myself. So,

45:52

yeah.

45:53

So you've got your first

45:56

big acting gig.

45:56

Yes. Is that true? Very.

45:59

Is that so? You shared something

46:01

about it on your Instagram. Oh

46:04

my God, really quickly as well. Can I

46:05

just say the irony behind

46:08

me sharing that

46:10

and not finishing the story because

46:13

I almost shared it. I was like, guys, I've got two

46:15

major updates. One, I haven't

46:17

hired my PA yet, but I'm getting into it. And

46:20

two, I can't wait

46:22

to tell you guys. And then I was like, hang on, give me two seconds.

46:24

And then I never came before. And I was like, oops,

46:27

that's me. That's me. And then

46:29

I came back a week later. Oh, sorry.

46:31

There was another update. So

46:34

you've landed this gig that you can't

46:36

say what it is. I can't say what it is. And

46:39

I hate that because it doesn't come

46:41

out for a while. I

46:43

can't say anything, but I'm so excited

46:45

about it. I literally was like,

46:47

just

46:48

ecstatic. This is a career milestone joint

46:50

come true, like

46:51

crying. Because the acting

46:53

stuff must be

46:55

really difficult. I've just heard

46:57

it's such a hard industry. Things

47:00

like doing auditions, demoralizing

47:03

a sock. So this

47:05

particular role, is it

47:07

US or Australia? Can you say Australia?

47:10

Was it the result of having

47:13

done lots of auditions and being rejected or

47:15

was it kind of you've built your

47:17

profile and these opportunities are coming? So

47:19

I don't actually think it was to

47:21

do with my profile.

47:23

It is helpful. I still

47:25

need to be able to act. Yeah, I had to audition. And

47:29

when it came up, I was like, oh my gosh,

47:31

like,

47:32

I need to get this. So I'm

47:34

very, very excited. And it's

47:36

one of those things. And I'm like,

47:39

I just come over to come out. Seriously,

47:41

such a pinch me moment. And you can

47:43

imagine just like feeling

47:45

I think, in a way coming from

47:48

being in an industry, social

47:50

media, where you do feel like,

47:52

I mean, you know, I haven't been around for a

47:54

long time. But for

47:57

me, content creation was never

47:59

going to be.

49:59

of unhappiness and

50:02

I know that there's still those seasons to come

50:04

and so I'm always so

50:06

grateful when I am in a period

50:08

of happiness because you

50:11

know you have to experience the

50:13

lows to

50:14

appreciate the highs as they say and

50:16

I think now I'm in a high

50:18

and it's not gonna last

50:20

forever right now and then I'll go back

50:22

down. I am genuinely happy right

50:24

now and I can't

50:26

wait to see what's to come. I do feel like

50:28

I'm entering a new chapter and

50:30

it's always nice to start a new chapter on a high

50:33

and yeah I can't believe the

50:36

way that this year turned around. Like if you'd asked me

50:38

four months ago I would have been like probably not

50:40

like

50:41

I'm not where I want to be. I don't feel proud

50:43

of myself. I feel like I'm stressed

50:45

and

50:46

anxious all the time and I

50:48

don't know what's wrong with me. I've learned there's something

50:50

wrong with me and I would

50:53

say just you know if anyone is in that period

50:55

of life right now I

50:57

really had to strip back and think

50:59

about myself first

51:00

and it wasn't to do with like trying

51:03

to be productive in a day or whatever. It was like what

51:05

do I need to do with myself and I have

51:07

such lame advice like what do I think? It

51:09

was more about what are the obstacles that

51:12

are stopping me from getting there and I realized

51:15

I had all this anxiety I needed to figure out my systems

51:18

weren't in place. All of that core

51:20

stuff really helped me turn

51:22

things around so working

51:24

on that has really helped me and I'm

51:27

excited for this next chapter. Thank you so

51:29

much for your time. I really appreciate

51:31

it. For a lot of

51:33

young people Millie Ford's

51:35

story of online success is

51:38

one that weirdly feels like it could genuinely

51:40

happen but it also feels like such

51:43

a dream and so surreal that

51:45

you can't imagine how

51:48

it would feel to actually succeed

51:50

in that dream. After

51:52

we recorded this episode Millie actually

51:55

hung around in the Mum Mia offices

51:57

and recorded a bunch of TikToks.

51:59

And seeing

52:00

her at work is like watching

52:03

a seasoned director behind the

52:05

camera. Her success is

52:07

not a fluke. This woman is

52:09

a genius.

52:11

I loved learning in this

52:13

conversation that Millie is not just

52:15

a regular person who happened to make

52:17

a viral video by accident one day. She

52:20

knows exactly what she's doing. She'd

52:23

worked in social media marketing for years, she'd

52:26

tried and failed at YouTube, and

52:28

she has the skills of a trained actor.

52:31

It reminds me of a story I heard once

52:33

about Pablo Picasso that has definitely

52:36

been misquoted, but the story

52:38

goes that a woman approached Picasso in

52:40

a restaurant, asked him to scribble something

52:42

on a napkin, and said she would pay

52:45

whatever he felt like it was worth, and

52:47

he said $10,000. The

52:49

woman argued it had only taken him 30 seconds,

52:52

and he replied, no, it has taken

52:54

me 40 years to do that. Because

52:57

our culture has been flattened on

52:59

screens where we just see the surface of what

53:01

people do, we think so

53:03

much looks easy and effortless,

53:06

like a viral video and a funny character

53:09

and someone who just happens to make people

53:11

laugh on social media.

53:13

But Millie's story is

53:16

such a clear representation

53:18

that in almost every case, there's

53:20

been an invisible period of learning

53:23

and perfecting and failing. And

53:25

there is so much happiness and satisfaction

53:28

to be found in that process, instead

53:30

of just focusing on the outcome

53:33

and when you get all the accolades for

53:35

your achievement. I

53:37

really appreciate Millie speaking

53:40

openly about her OCD and

53:42

ADHD diagnoses. She

53:44

actually hasn't spoken about them before,

53:47

and she was so conscious of being

53:50

responsible and sensitive and providing

53:52

context, which you're able

53:54

to do in a podcast in a way you are

53:56

not always able to do in a social media

53:59

caption. That kind of maturity

54:01

I found really fascinating because

54:03

she is 27 and she knew that the way she

54:07

spoke about her mental

54:10

health needed to be very

54:12

specific and in

54:14

a way that was genuinely helpful. Learning

54:17

that the things she had loathed about herself,

54:20

those traits she'd always been frustrated

54:22

by and ashamed of, were actually

54:25

conditions that could be recognised

54:27

and validated and treated was a

54:29

turning point for her. And those challenges

54:32

made it really hard for her to be happy. Even

54:35

when outwardly she had everything she

54:37

had dreamt of. I hope

54:39

this conversation, and especially

54:41

in the context of a few of our recent episodes,

54:45

promotes help seeking if you're concerned about

54:47

your own mental health. Going

54:49

to your GP is the first step because they can

54:51

make a mental health assessment, create a mental

54:53

health treatment plan, refer you

54:56

to a suitable mental health professional and

54:58

discuss

54:58

treatment options.

55:00

Now some of us aren't ready to do that

55:02

yet

55:03

and that's okay too.

55:04

So if you are concerned about your own mental

55:07

health,

55:07

talk to someone,

55:09

your friends or your family. Communicating

55:13

how you feel is so crucial

55:16

in being able to process

55:18

it and putting words

55:20

around an emotion can be helpful in itself.

55:23

But it also just means that you've got a support network

55:26

there who know how you

55:28

are, know when to step in and you're

55:31

inviting them in to be

55:33

able to help. That's

55:35

all we have time for on today's episode

55:38

of But Are You Happy? Next week

55:40

we are talking to Hugh

55:43

van Kuylenberg. He

55:45

is the host of the Imperfects.

55:47

He runs a resilience project and he

55:49

is an absolute expert in this space

55:52

but also is very

55:55

very compelling when it comes to

55:57

his own vulnerability. If you enjoyed

55:59

the podcast, please review and subscribe

56:01

wherever you get your podcasts. If

56:04

you'd like to suggest someone for the

56:06

show, you can get in touch with me directly. My

56:08

Instagram handle is claire.stevens

56:10

with two S's or you can email

56:13

us here at podcast at mamamia.com.au.

56:17

This episode was produced by Carly Blackman.

56:20

Our executive producer is T.U. Sitch.

56:22

This podcast is powered by our subscribers.

56:25

If you believe in independent women's media

56:27

and want to support us, a subscription

56:29

to Mam Mia costs less than the price of

56:31

a coffee each month. There's a link in

56:34

the show notes and a big thank you to all

56:36

our current subscribers. See you next

56:38

week!