0:08

School of Humans. Okay,

0:11

hello, welcome to another episode of Cadaver

0:14

Gals. This is the show where

0:16

we explore all the different ways people have died

0:19

to cope with our own mortality.

0:23

I'm one of your host Gabby, along

0:25

with Nika O Hi and

0:28

Taylor. Hello. Wow,

0:31

I said your name normally today? Who

0:33

am I? That's

0:36

why? I know? Yeah,

0:39

no tricks yet. So today

0:42

we're going to hear a tale about a king

0:44

who maybe met his end in a different

0:46

way that people had originally thought that.

0:52

You know, he might have died one way, but maybe he

0:54

died a different way. Um, we're gonna

0:56

hear about that. That's pretty exciting. And then we're also

0:58

going to hear about a lady who stuck

1:01

the wrong thing in her husband's

1:03

But oh my gosh,

1:05

I don't get too excited. I'm so

1:07

excited. I found a confetti dildo

1:10

that I am like you,

1:12

No, I'm buying it for myself either

1:14

when I get a promotion or on my birthday. Wait,

1:16

does a confetti inside of you?

1:18

Uh? Yeah, it's like no, it's like what

1:21

it doesn't have confer Okay, No, it looks

1:23

like confetti, but it's obviously

1:26

it's inside the silicone. So it's not like anything

1:28

crazy. You sound like it was

1:30

like a confetti gun. No, yeah,

1:33

you're like no

1:36

anyway, No, we are going to talk about vaginal

1:38

health later in this episode, so I think

1:40

that's a good foreshadowing. It's

1:43

a good vaginal Do

1:45

you have some tricks up my sleeve? I guess wow?

1:47

Yeah, Um, so I guess, Trey,

1:49

your warnings for today are I guess,

1:51

vaginas. But that's towards the end. Um

1:54

vagina. But we're gonna be talking about disease,

1:56

infection, you know, maybe some guts,

1:59

alcohol poisoning, but um,

2:02

and Catholicism. Oh my, So

2:06

we'll be right back. Listen to the theme music hap

2:08

on cadaver

2:22

Gals. Here we are. Wow, we have so

2:25

many interesting factoids to get

2:27

through today, and Nikka is

2:29

going to start us off with the very vague

2:31

description of the king who died

2:33

but maybe died in different way. So why

2:35

don't you like go into some more detail about

2:38

that or something, Nica. You know that

2:40

is the plan according to our outline. So

2:44

we have a nasty

2:47

story today, and I am so

2:49

excited about it. So I was reading

2:52

my weekly paper. I feel

2:54

so fucking stupid saying my jokes

2:56

when I know they're freaking like written down, like I'm

2:58

not funny. I think I need everyone to know this podcast.

3:00

I'm not funny. Okay. I was reading my weekly paper,

3:03

the Journal of Stomatology or and

3:05

Maxillofacial Surgery, as

3:07

one does, right obviously it's

3:09

called being smart, and they

3:12

reported that a certain king we

3:15

thought died of dysentery or plague

3:17

actually died of scurvy

3:21

like a pirate, right, oh

3:24

my god, wow, yes,

3:26

and just like pirates, this king was

3:28

in fact burning and pillaging

3:31

lands. So here we go.

3:33

Good, What a thing for people

3:35

to be doing. What a thing, honestly

3:37

in the medieval times. Um, I think

3:40

he got what he deserved, although he ended up being canonized,

3:43

which like, okay, spoiler

3:45

alert, sorry, okay, whatever,

3:48

anyway, we're talking. That's right everyone. I

3:50

know, everyone knows who we're talking about. I know everyone

3:52

knows King Louis the Ninth,

3:55

We know, we know. Yeah, I

3:57

was gonna say, was it Louis the ninth or eighth?

3:59

You know? Yeah? Yeah, well not

4:02

everyone

4:05

have their science and their Journal of Stomatology

4:07

on deck like me, you know.

4:10

Anyway, So he ruled

4:12

France as we know, from

4:14

twelve twenty six to twelve seventeen,

4:17

and oh my gosh. First of all, I find

4:19

it really funny that he had

4:21

to take the throne at twelve years

4:23

old, which, no,

4:25

that's like jof free status. I

4:28

know. I'm pretty sure that I was still playing with my

4:30

littlest pet shops at twelve years old. But anyway,

4:33

so he took the throne at twelve.

4:35

Obviously he could not rule at twelve

4:37

because he would probably be like make everyone race

4:39

or whatever. So

4:42

his mom ruled as like a

4:45

regent I think it's what it's called until he

4:47

was about fifteen, I think, and he

4:49

was like a major mama's boy. And when

4:52

his mother picked the wife

4:54

that he would marry, she was like, oh, this will be

4:56

a great political marriage whenever, blahlah blah. They

4:58

ended up actually really liking each other and having

5:00

like a good relationship, which is kind

5:02

of rare back then. Yeah,

5:05

sometimes moms know their boys just

5:08

knows what they want, which is a political alliance

5:10

exactly. But um, medieval

5:13

people said that the mom was

5:15

super jealous because of he

5:17

was an ardent husband, is

5:19

what they wrote down. And I'm like, oh,

5:22

giving me okay, bad vibes,

5:25

giving me mommy issues. That's not

5:27

okay. So apparently she was really crazy and jealous

5:29

and hated the wife because of that. Anyway,

5:33

just some medieval tea on your

5:35

morning or afternoon or wherever you

5:38

are listening, it's morning for me. I

5:40

think it'd be good for a dating app. Is you

5:42

know, you should just put in your qualities as like I

5:44

would be an ardent husband. I

5:46

mean, I love the word ardent. I read

5:48

that and I said, okay, exactly.

5:52

But he was also like super super Christian,

5:54

So how ardent? Can you really look kidding? Anyway?

5:57

Um? Well, his wife is his mom and the

5:59

Lord. That's a lot of love. That's

6:02

relationship. That's as PolyAm

6:04

rose as Christianity. That's kidding, kidding,

6:07

Um, I see you Christian polyamory people,

6:10

Okay. So um he was very very Christian

6:12

and he would punish blasphemy by mutilating

6:15

people's tongues and lips. And

6:18

he also led France to a time of economic

6:20

and political prosperity, which is good.

6:22

So you know, you got some bad the

6:24

mutilating, you know, all that sort of stuff,

6:26

and he got some good Ardent husband

6:29

political prosperity. Okay, Now,

6:32

crusades were very popular back

6:34

then, as we all know, and he was

6:36

a big fan of them. He was like, yeah, let's go on

6:38

crusades. He got really really sick

6:40

one time. Um, he was like on his deathbed

6:43

and then as he like, the last

6:45

words that he said were give me the cross

6:48

or actually he's French, so but I won't.

6:50

I won't do that. Don't look claw.

6:53

Hey, Yeah that's like that

6:55

sounded like, just give me a look,

6:58

cry one

7:01

seltzer water please. I mean

7:04

that's I feel like that's what people would do now.

7:06

But yes, he was like, give me the cross. And

7:08

they gave him the cross and he put it on his chest

7:11

and he miraculously got better.

7:13

And so he promised God that if he were to get

7:15

better from this illness that almost

7:18

killed him, he would go on a crusade.

7:20

It would be his first crusade

7:23

like that he was leading. So that was a big deal. That's

7:25

such a weird thing to do. But okay, what I will

7:28

say, though I know it sounds crazy, but especially

7:30

in Catholic countries, that still happens

7:32

now. Like I'm pretty sure my

7:34

grandma she asked God to

7:36

heal her from something, and then God

7:39

did wow. But

7:42

and then she had promised him that

7:44

she would go to see I think

7:47

the Virgin Mary or some

7:49

rosary person in Mexico.

7:51

And the doctor was like, you shouldn't travel, you're

7:54

just recovering, blahlah blah. She was like, she

7:57

said, she promised God, and so she went

8:00

to Mexico and she climbed up all of these

8:02

stairs to go and see the Virgin Mary

8:04

and go down. And that was like her pilgrimage.

8:07

So it's very much a thing that people still do, which I'm

8:09

like, okay,

8:12

you know, I thought you were gonna say she went on

8:14

a crusade. I was like, damn niked, no,

8:18

no, she did not go on a crusade, thankfully.

8:20

How do people just like decide randomly

8:22

like, m if you hear me,

8:25

I will go on a crusade. Okay,

8:28

you know, if you hear me, I'm you know, I'm

8:30

gonna just go travel the world. Like I

8:32

know, if you'll heal me, I'm gonna get

8:35

Lubatan's for myself. Okay. Anyway, so

8:38

you can say, okay,

8:41

So he did it like he

8:43

was like, I want to go in to a crusade because I want to spread

8:45

the word of God, but then also kill every

8:48

Muslim I meet um, which is

8:50

not not good. That is, that

8:53

is very bad, very

8:55

rude, exactly good crusade analysis.

8:59

Yep, you're welcome. So he went on his crusade

9:01

to the Holy Land, which is Israel, and

9:04

he decided to go through Eja, and he thought it would

9:06

be really easy. He was like, we are

9:09

better. Basically, we are more

9:11

quote unquote advanced, is what he thought.

9:13

So he took an army of forty thousand men with him,

9:16

but they were literally barely halfway

9:18

across the Nile before

9:21

the Muslim armies of Egypt attacked

9:23

and captured him, which like that

9:26

little bitch, that's what gen Z calls

9:28

an el. Okay, wait,

9:30

what does that mean? Like like a

9:32

loss a loser. You can make you ws

9:35

and you can have els. That's

9:37

also what smash mouth says. So

9:40

that's older. That's know gen xer.

9:43

Oh it goes back to gen X. I would

9:45

say, okay, well, I

9:47

didn't know the L the

9:50

history of the word l. Oh, my gosh, I've

9:52

never watched L. That's a letter, you

9:54

know, I got. Okay, I'm gonna

9:57

keep moving. I'm gonna keep a moving. So he

9:59

took his army. He got captured immediately,

10:02

big els all over here. He was eventually

10:04

released for an insane ransom.

10:07

He was released for four hundred thousand

10:09

I hate like, I

10:12

don't know how to say that, but that was basically a third

10:15

of France's annual revenue.

10:17

So he really done messed

10:19

up aa ron Okay, Anyway,

10:22

I say this to emphasize that he was not very good at

10:24

crusades. That's really the only reason

10:26

why I brought up his first crusade. He

10:28

did end up actually when he was captured them, he

10:31

ended up staying after paying the ransom for four years

10:33

and making friends with all of the army

10:36

generals and governors of that

10:38

province. And so he was a very good,

10:40

charismatic political leader. He

10:42

was just terrible at army

10:45

stuff. He was just bad at it. Okay, So

10:47

is he like, shoot, God is mad at

10:49

me because I didn't do my crusade? Well, I

10:52

mean I think that he thinks,

10:54

you know, God, I did it for

10:56

God and God said no this time. I

10:59

feel like that's the way that you know, people think if

11:01

it doesn't work out for them, that's

11:03

still what God wanted, even though it sucks

11:05

for you and you're kidnapped. That's what

11:08

God is. He's test right,

11:11

right, Like Drake said, Okay,

11:14

so not good at crusades and he

11:16

didn't go on another one for over twenty

11:18

years. He stayed in his lane, king,

11:21

and he should have because

11:24

things got nasty on the second one. Sometimes

11:26

as we get older, we forget the lessons that we learned from

11:28

our youth, as we all know. And

11:31

sure enough, at fifty six, Louis

11:33

is like, I want a crusade again. You

11:36

know, it's time to ride fast and furious nine

11:38

the last ride, you know what I mean. So

11:40

he packs his stuff up, his armies, et cetera,

11:43

and he goes to Tunisia, which is in Africa,

11:45

to start the journey of taking the Holy Land back

11:47

from the Muslims again. Okay,

11:50

y'all, they didn't even pack

11:52

water, they didn't even pack roads of vegetables.

11:55

I'm just like, I pack

11:57

better than like for a

11:59

six hour Florida road trip than they do

12:01

on a crusade. And that is lame anyway,

12:04

they were not. But you're super type and

12:06

like, let's plan and g coo everything.

12:09

Um, that's more dangerous a crusade

12:11

are going to Florida. Honestly, I

12:14

will let people answer in the comments

12:16

because we do not know. Okay, Florida

12:18

has some messed up things and

12:21

spaces and places. I was there two weeks

12:23

ago, and I was dancing in a bikini in a gas station.

12:25

Okay, I would never do. I saw some

12:27

things, Nica, you did.

12:30

I saw some things. O the

12:33

Graham, Oh my gosh, me contracting

12:35

syphilist because I was barefoot on a gas

12:38

station. Anyway, I don't even know. That's how you contractsyphilis.

12:40

I don't think so, Okay, unless

12:43

your vaginas on your feet, Taylor,

12:48

I knew that we were going to talk about vaginal health.

12:50

This is how you contract syphilis. Okay.

12:53

So they didn't even get to fighting.

12:55

They didn't even They literally set up camp, and

12:57

then one

13:00

sixth of the army died just

13:03

with setting up camp, including

13:05

Saint King Louis. Uh huh.

13:08

He also passed. Now for a while,

13:10

scientists believe that he died of the plague

13:12

because it seemed like a big plague was like riling

13:14

up the camp. Okay, but it

13:17

seems like that was a mistake and also a bad translation.

13:20

Of what actually could have been pestilence, so

13:22

they translated the

13:24

medieval French as plague, but it was actually

13:26

probably pestilence, which is interesting. His

13:29

job okay, well,

13:31

fuck you, Gabby. His job was

13:34

found buried in the Notre Dame

13:36

and they found evidence of scurvy

13:38

disease. Interesting now,

13:41

yes, now this tracks with a medieval

13:44

chronicler from that time who said

13:46

that the army had suffered from gum necrosis,

13:48

which is when your gums die.

13:51

Now, what they would have to do to

13:53

kind of fix this so they could keep eating and stuff.

13:56

They would have to cut the dead tissue off

13:58

the soldiers, and all throughout

14:00

the camp you would hear soldiers screaming in the agony

14:02

as their gums would get cut up and their teeth

14:04

would get hold because they were indeed

14:08

suffering. Oh yeah, that's

14:10

what happens with scurvy as your gums suck.

14:12

Well, it was like it's one of the many scurvy

14:15

symptoms. But yes, your gums just start falling

14:17

apart basically, yes,

14:19

yea, which like yucky

14:21

gums. I don't

14:23

think about, yeah, like I don't think about

14:25

how much they must hurt if they're not working

14:27

or if they get infected. But like that

14:30

must be very painful and scary

14:32

and also not cute at

14:35

all. You must have a weird smile after that,

14:37

exactly. The medieval

14:39

chronicler also mentioned that Louie

14:41

this is so disgusting, would consistently

14:44

spit out bits of his gums and his

14:47

teeth all around the camp. I

14:49

don't like. Oh that's gross. I

14:51

don't like that either. Nows scientists

14:54

were scratching their heads as they

14:56

do, because why would

14:58

he be suffering from scurvy? Tunisia

15:00

has a ton of fruits and vegetables, but

15:03

it seems like King Louis didn't want to try

15:05

any of the enemy's foods, and so he kept

15:07

eating the rations that they brought from France, which

15:10

were literally just meat, basically

15:12

just meat and fish, essentially not

15:14

exactly a Balas diet exactly.

15:17

Also, he would fast a lot because of

15:19

his religion, and so it seems like that

15:21

also affected the way his

15:23

bones. Like. They

15:26

did some testing to see how his bones were,

15:28

how his job bones were, and they showed

15:31

evidence of someone much older than King

15:33

Louis. But they think that that's because of his really

15:35

messed up diet, because he was

15:38

not built well basically, he did not

15:40

take care of himself. But it's for God, so

15:42

it's fine to have bad bones, right,

15:45

yes, exactly. Now scientists

15:47

are it's going to check louise guts next,

15:49

because they say that maybe the scurvy

15:52

wore Louis down and an infection actually

15:54

took hold of him and killed him. The

15:56

great news is that his intestines were boiled

15:58

in wine spices and salt and preserved,

16:01

so it shouldn't be long before we find out what parasite

16:04

or infection actually killed this ancient saint,

16:06

which is exciting. Wow.

16:09

So they haven't just like hopped on this research

16:11

immediately to you know, make this

16:14

profound discovery that we all need right now.

16:16

It's in progress. It's in progress.

16:18

You know. I am checking the Journal

16:21

of Stomachs Ofciology

16:24

and maximum a lickive facial

16:27

something every day, but nothing

16:29

yet, but I'll keep you guys posted. Wow,

16:32

I love. Why was his guts boiled

16:35

without just like a classy thing, yeah

16:38

like back then? Um, yeah,

16:40

no, no, they didn't want to cook them, Taylor,

16:42

You said that boiled they did to

16:45

preserve it. So what they would

16:47

do with peple? Okay,

16:50

what they would do with fancy people's

16:52

bodies, holy people's bodies, kings and stuff

16:54

like that. Is, they would preserve almost

16:57

the entire body basically, so like, for example,

17:00

to preserve the bones, they would boil

17:02

off all the fat and then they would polish

17:04

them so all of the bones would like remain perfectly

17:06

intact. That's why the job bone was in such

17:08

good condition. With intestines, they

17:11

would basically boil them and then

17:13

add wine, spices, salt and literally

17:15

preserve them as if they were like salted

17:17

beef, essentially because they believed

17:19

that all parts of the body were

17:22

holy. Okay, m

17:25

not to like, I'm

17:27

not saying to eat, but they cooked them.

17:29

That's forbidden meat actually just

17:32

forbidden meat, cannibalism.

17:34

It's the mystery

17:37

flavor, mystery,

17:39

jerky mystery, jerky

17:42

Louie the Ninth. While

17:44

Nika, that was so interesting, thank you for keeping

17:46

us up to date on this uh

17:49

breaking news, and um

17:51

we will be right back. It's

17:56

cold dab a gals here we are um

17:58

as Nika spoiled earlier

18:01

in her story but then actually didn't say anything more

18:03

about it. But Louie the Ninth was

18:05

canonized, okay, and

18:08

that doesn't mean he was put into

18:11

a human cannonball. And

18:14

I thought it too, and I was actually going

18:16

to write that into my outline and that I said. I'm gonna give Gabby

18:18

that. That's sweet of you. I

18:22

don't know why that's so funny that they put

18:24

a dead king in a human cannon

18:27

this launch. But the guts

18:29

is boiled guts. Okay,

18:31

um, that's not what it means. I'm

18:34

sorry, this is not funny. Okay, not

18:36

to be gross though, but um,

18:38

beef like preserved in wine and spices

18:41

sounds real good. I'm not saying guts. I'm not saying

18:43

people's guts. I'm saying people

18:45

cook with red wine all the time and that's yummi

18:47

as heck. So you get mad at me.

18:49

I said that they cooked

18:52

it, and you're like, no, Like, I know, they're

18:54

not going to eat it. They're not going to eat a king.

18:57

You don't always eat the things you cook, Nika.

18:59

Sometimes you let it just rat in your

19:01

fridge, tailor

19:04

grocery shopping. Okay, okay,

19:08

so he was not putting a human

19:10

kim in ball. This

19:13

is when you get sainted, even though it

19:15

is fun to think about. That's what all the

19:17

Saints are just human shooting

19:20

them out. Sorry Catholics.

19:22

But um, I was thinking about you know, Loui

19:24

the ninth he was sainted, so I was like, well,

19:26

if he could do it, we all could

19:28

write, we can all get saanted. So I was trying to look

19:31

at the steps, like, what do we need

19:33

to do as could avergals to

19:35

be calm saints? Is it? Um?

19:39

Her mother Teresa Saint, Yeah,

19:42

that bitch is and let me tell you about it.

19:44

She didn't even have to go through all the normal

19:47

rules. Okay, like I

19:49

think we might have to go buy the normal rules

19:51

unfortunately, but you know, she just

19:53

got passed through world quick. I're

19:55

just like, yeah, I honestly

19:58

don't think that we qualify.

20:00

Hey, because if I's podcast to be

20:02

saints, that's why we're going to delete

20:05

all the epis. So it's after this one listener.

20:07

So basically, okay, first

20:09

first thing you gotta do is you have to die, so

20:12

step one to being sainted. But

20:15

you know there's some things we should do before

20:17

we die. So um, basically, after

20:19

you die, what they do is like you know, your congregation

20:22

or people who you know, like you your

20:24

followers, your Instagram followers

20:26

will you know, hopefully still five years

20:28

after you die, they'll still be following you even

20:30

though you're not putting out content. You know, hopefully

20:33

you have those that real organic reach,

20:35

you know, on your Instagram. So

20:38

then you have to get your congregation followers

20:41

to then approach your area bishop.

20:43

Okay, so I need to figure out

20:45

who that is. Get to the area bishop,

20:47

and then the bishop will be like, yeah, okay,

20:50

yeah, the kidavergals were

20:52

pretty cool, so I think we

20:54

should try this process. So

20:57

then the bishop hires get some Catholic

20:59

investigators, like It's a True Crime

21:01

Catholic podcast investigators

21:03

to look at your writings and your sermons

21:06

in your life and like interview people about

21:08

you to see if you were

21:10

truly a servant of

21:12

God. This is our trump. This

21:14

is where we might have some issues. So

21:16

that is why we will need to delete everything

21:18

we've ever done and then starting

21:21

now probably just do some sermons

21:23

in the service of God. So that's

21:25

one step. So anyway, they do this investigation

21:28

to establish how much of a servant

21:30

of God you are, and then

21:34

they at that point then they might get permission

21:36

to exhume your body because you know,

21:38

I guess they need to see the holiness of your body,

21:41

which I mean we're gonna be looking pretty

21:43

good, I think. So I didn't

21:46

people's bodies what. I love

21:48

doing that, Nico, we talk about They know it's

21:51

not all the time, but I think, you know, maybe

21:53

they have to look at your bones or some see if

21:56

they had you know, Louis had bad

21:58

bones. But I think we have good bones,

22:00

you know, because Nika has good snacks

22:02

going to Florida. So that's

22:04

good. So after that they'll be like,

22:07

yes, you're cool and holy I'm

22:09

going to give you the title of venerable,

22:12

meaning that you are heroic and virtue.

22:15

Okay, so that's the next step, is you get that title.

22:17

You know, it's incredibly ironic. I did not plan this,

22:20

but I got my nails done yesterday

22:22

and they have little share of

22:24

angels all over them. So

22:27

I feel like I'm one step closer than all of you.

22:29

Yeah, this is a good step. Okay,

22:32

after you're called venerable, here's what happens.

22:35

It's a real biggie. That happens is that

22:37

you have to prove that

22:39

you have some that you you're the reason

22:41

for a miracle. By you, I mean your

22:43

followers. And this is where I thought like you

22:45

had to do miracles in advance of dying,

22:47

but actually it's post death miracles

22:50

were people. Yeah, so people

22:53

have to pray and say that they are

22:55

praying exclusively to you, and

22:58

through that act a miracle occurred.

23:01

Now, miracles are usually in the healthcare

23:03

system. It's like, Yo, if

23:05

you have a disease or an ailment, or you're in an

23:08

accident where you're like finna die,

23:10

then someone prays exclusively to

23:12

you or exclusively to the

23:14

person, to the cadaver gals, and they

23:17

get and they heal without any like

23:19

scientific explanation. That's

23:21

how you prove it's a miracle. So

23:23

basically, you just got to find some sick people

23:26

and you got to pray to the one

23:28

person you want to make a saint, and then

23:30

the miracle has to occur. They have to get

23:33

better without any reason and you're being

23:35

like doctor, I would be like wow, wow, what happened.

23:38

So that's how usually a miracle be happening.

23:40

Okay, the miracle is

23:42

not that this show got green light and we did it. That's

23:44

not the miracle. It

23:47

is a miracle, but it has to be more

23:49

of like you know, a dire more of a dire miracle.

23:52

Okay, So and then once

23:54

that happens, then that's that's

23:56

beautification. And

23:58

it's when you're beautified, that's

24:01

what that's called. But so you got to be sexy,

24:05

Yeah, gotta get beautified, Okay, absolutely,

24:08

So after you're beautified, the thing one way we

24:10

could surpass this pass this

24:12

step would be to

24:15

die martyrs, so you don't

24:17

have to do that miracle if

24:19

you're a martyr. You know, you die if you die

24:21

for you know, the Lord

24:23

sad sadly though, the next step after

24:26

that is another miracle. So

24:28

martyrs you only need one miracle,

24:30

but non martyrs you need to do like

24:32

two miracles to occur. But

24:35

then once you have that next miracle,

24:38

then you know, people can finally

24:40

like start you're finally a saint

24:43

and they can finally start like you

24:45

know, erecting churches in your

24:47

name, are renaming churches to your name,

24:49

and you can also like you get a feast

24:51

day and shit. But the thing is, like, I

24:53

don't even think it's that special, you

24:55

know, because there's like more than ten thousand

24:58

saints and shit, and so it's like the

25:00

only people who might celebrate your feast day would

25:02

be like your original Instagram congregation.

25:04

So it's like, ah, is it really even

25:07

worth it? I did not know that there were

25:09

over ten thousand saints. I had no idea

25:12

who's the most over ten thousand miracles?

25:15

Wow. I would

25:17

just like to say, I already am a church

25:19

so imbed very

25:22

funny, Taylor church very

25:25

and I'm a lightbulb lots

25:28

of watts. Okay, I'm a sexy

25:30

last Nambaka's just sexy. Okay, great,

25:32

yep. Anyway, this is how we can

25:34

eventually be celebrated across the Catholic

25:37

diaspora. But we'll figure that out

25:39

at some point. We got we gotta just delete

25:41

everything, but we'll get there anyway.

25:44

We're gonna I'm gonna segue into

25:46

Taylor's story really smartly.

25:48

You know what Catholics like drinking

25:51

the blood of Christ. You know what the blood

25:53

of Christ is is

25:55

wine, and you know water into wine

25:58

wine, wine. Oh, Taylor,

26:02

Taylor's story has some

26:04

alcohol on it too. That

26:08

also saints know what saints

26:10

have butts okay

26:14

wow, and so Taylor, Yeah,

26:16

take us down the rabbit hole

26:18

of your story. Great, yeah,

26:20

I will um as you just

26:22

said, we're talking about butts. Yea.

26:26

My excuse for my sucking

26:29

at telling a story today is that I'm busy

26:31

at work. But when in doubt talk

26:33

about butts. Yeah. Absolutely.

26:36

Also, you literally haven't even started. You

26:38

don't suck yet. Okay, I'll tell you. Yeah, I'll tell

26:40

you if it happens. Not yet, okay. Two

26:43

thousand and four. How are we feeling so far? Bush

26:47

Presidency? Email music,

26:49

great, low rise

26:54

sticks. It's like we're trying to go back there now

26:56

anyway, it really is, and it's dressing me. I

26:58

don't like that idea. But um so there's

27:01

this couple and they were in their forties and fifties.

27:03

Their names were what yeah, their

27:06

names were Michael and Tammy.

27:09

No hate, but like Tammy is

27:11

like is like the name Karen, except

27:14

for their thing is that they just do some like crazy

27:16

shit. Tammy is a crazy crazy

27:18

woman name. Um well that's like in

27:21

um uh Parks

27:24

and Recreation. Yeah. Yeah, and his

27:26

wives name Tammy and they're all crazy. Yes,

27:29

so good. I need to rewatch that. Tammy is like a

27:31

white trash Karen maybe yeah,

27:33

old Tam Tam. Um So

27:37

anyway, Michael, so we have Tammy

27:39

so, and then we have Michael,

27:42

who was a bit of an alcoholic goops.

27:44

Yeah, and he was sickly, which

27:47

made alcoholism a little bit tricky. He

27:50

had these ulcers and it also

27:52

gave him really bad heartburn. Also, when I was writing

27:54

this, I had heartburn,

27:56

and I was like looking for Tom's so I

27:58

could relate. I was like, no alcohol

28:01

for me, heartburn. Tam

28:04

Tam and the tom toms.

28:06

Tam Tam and the tom toms and Tam

28:08

Tam also had some tomtoms. Um

28:10

that was jomb okay, seem sucking all right.

28:13

Um So anyway, so that was problematic because he had these

28:15

ultrastuff he couldn't really swallow. He was all they were. All the

28:17

doctors were also like, you probably shouldn't have alcohol.

28:20

It's not it's not great for you in your current

28:22

condition. But he was like,

28:24

you know what I need, I need

28:26

it. But he was a trickster and found a different

28:28

way to consume alcohol. Um,

28:31

and he thought he was gonna outsmart the doctors. So

28:33

what he did was he would take alcoholic

28:36

enemas, specifically of the

28:38

sherry variety, Sherry

28:41

and his but yeah, I

28:43

thought Tammy was in his but not

28:45

sherry. That's

28:48

a good joke. I didn't think about so

28:50

an alcoholic enema. The youths

28:53

like to call this butt chucking or boofing.

28:56

In my day, we would just funnel beer

28:58

or do you like keg stands? But okay,

29:01

um, your button, no through

29:04

your mouth. So anyway,

29:07

but if you recall, you've seen a butt enema,

29:10

a butt chugging, yeah, at a frat

29:12

party. At a frat party, It's

29:14

it's disgusting. I

29:16

like, don't ever want to see that again ever in my

29:18

life. Okay, well it's really dangerous. So

29:22

yeah, yeah, I mean here tell you. Also,

29:25

I'm really dumb and I literally thought

29:27

that like an

29:29

alcoholic enema would just be like a

29:31

liquid advil or something that would just like dissolve

29:34

and then the alcohol would be there. I'm like, really stupid, but

29:36

really it I like looked it up

29:38

and it's literally like funneling through

29:40

your bottom. Absolutely, that is that

29:43

is what I saw. It was a handstand, it

29:45

was a it was a leg spread open, it

29:47

was a it was a funnel. Yeah.

29:50

So too, Literally, like Nika

29:52

just said, to have an alcoholic

29:55

enema, you just have a little funnel, a little

29:57

tube, you know, to do, just pick

29:59

your poison and bottoms up literally

30:02

bottom. That's really funny, Taylor, thank you.

30:06

But yeah, so I'm not judging, but the sherry seems

30:08

to be like a very fancy booth and

30:11

it's like why, I don't know, Like you can't even taste

30:13

it, right, which thank god, because

30:15

that would be really gross. That's nasty.

30:17

But also like he was an alcoholic. I think he needed

30:20

it, you know, I know that's what I'm saying. It's like, but

30:23

share it anyway. Whatever. But

30:25

actually, so when Michael was younger, his

30:27

mom, like all of this makes sense full circle. His

30:29

mom would give him these enemas, and he

30:32

basically became addicted to these enemas, and

30:34

so he became very dependent on them. His

30:37

mom gave him alcohol, not alcohol

30:39

like other enemas, but like why, I don't really

30:41

know. It was just like you're

30:44

not feeling well, enema, you

30:47

know, like I havena tell me like enema.

30:49

I don't know. Oh

30:53

so he Yeah, he became very dependent on them.

30:55

So it all kind of makes sense. But

30:57

anyway, this was a typical day,

30:59

I guess in Michael's like, Kunney, it's

31:01

time for my sherry drops

31:03

trial. Tammy does hurt. So

31:07

Tammy was helping him with the enemas this whole

31:09

time with the child obviously,

31:11

but so yeah, some people can do it on their own.

31:14

But Tammy was old, Tam Tammy, she

31:16

was nice and she was happy to administer

31:18

his sherry enema. But unfortunately

31:21

this would be the last alcoholic

31:23

enema he ever got. That

31:25

means he died. Oh

31:28

oh. So the

31:30

next day, Tam Tam found her husband

31:33

unresponsive. She calls nine to one one

31:35

where he's pronounced dead and the coroner

31:37

had suspected that he had about two bottles

31:40

of alcohol. That's a

31:42

lot. His blood alcohol content was point

31:44

four seven, which is like six times

31:47

the two drunk to drive limit. I

31:49

couldn't find exactly how much he

31:51

was given, like how much of this enema

31:54

he was given. But here's the thing.

31:56

When you drink alcohol, there's like a

31:59

lot of stuff that happens. It goes through a

32:01

lot of things, it gets filtered, and it's the alcohol

32:03

is gradually introduced into your bloodstream

32:06

and then so like when you have too much alcohol,

32:09

your body reacts by throwing up

32:11

or passing out to basically stop you

32:13

from poisoning yourself. But

32:16

with an enema. With an alcoholic enema,

32:18

that doesn't really happen. He goes directly to your bloodstream,

32:20

Like when it's taken, it's just

32:23

chilling in there, swirling around, going

32:27

into your bloodstream. So it's

32:29

pretty easy to have

32:31

too much. You don't realize how much you've had before

32:33

it's too late. So we can only

32:35

assume that that's what happened here. So

32:39

Tammy gets arrested. Oh

32:42

no, tarrested because

32:44

they're like, hello, he's

32:46

dead, what did what did you do? And

32:49

like, and she did say like, hey, he

32:51

takes alcohol enemas, like that's

32:53

a thing that he does. I wasn't

32:55

a hundred person if she actually

32:59

there. I saw where she like said that she denied

33:01

giving him the enema, but like sometimes like she

33:04

did, so I'm like kind of confused. I think she did.

33:06

But anyway, so she goes to jail

33:08

for a negligent homicide. She's

33:11

then released on the thirty thousand dollar

33:13

bond, and then three years later they go

33:15

to trial. The trials

33:17

then dismissed for lack of evidence. So

33:20

basically, the defense was making this comparison

33:22

that like if somebody has lung cancer and you buy

33:24

them cigarettes. Is that murder? So there's

33:26

like no evidence found whether she would

33:28

like intentionally murder her husband, and

33:31

like I think something else. She also

33:33

like burned his will,

33:36

which you're not supposed to do that, but like I guess she

33:38

did that to prove like I didn't want anything

33:40

out of this, like I loved him,

33:42

he loved me, like I was just doing

33:45

what he wanted. And you

33:47

know me, I love a good quote. So

33:49

here's what old Tam Tam said.

33:52

My husband told me he loved me more than anything

33:55

in the world except for God. Olwell,

33:58

I'm not ashamed of my husband because I

34:00

loved him and I supported him a thousand

34:02

percent. Whatever he wanted to do,

34:05

that's the way he went out. And I'm sure that's

34:07

the way he wanted to go out because he

34:09

loved his enemas wow

34:13

wow, oh my. So

34:16

she was like she was like, look, he

34:19

died, he died doing what he loved. I

34:21

supported him, but I didn't

34:24

kill him. Shit happens, like

34:27

it was a dangerous thing, and we

34:29

all knew that it was a dangerous thing. But that

34:31

was a risk I guess that he was willing

34:33

to take. So I

34:36

just that last sentence like

34:39

he died doing what he loved and that was enemas.

34:42

My god. Yeah, wow, I

34:44

mean some people, I mean beyond

34:46

and I don't know, Gabby, if you're gonna talk about this later,

34:49

but beyond the fact that it gets

34:51

you drunker faster, it's also

34:53

like kind of an erotic thing I guess

34:56

for some people. So I

34:58

don't know. I guess, well, Taylor,

35:00

thank you for that. Um, I

35:03

guess it's a good less

35:05

Yeah, sherry was a specific beverage

35:08

that is interesting. But we'll be right back

35:10

with a little bit more about sticking things in your

35:12

orifices. Okay, b I

35:14

b RB. Okay.

35:20

Here we are at cadaver Gal's

35:23

um having a good ass time talking

35:25

about, you know, an enema

35:28

of alcohol and your bottom.

35:31

Um. Okay,

35:33

so you know, alcohol enemas, as Taylor is saying,

35:35

they're a real thing. People do them. There's all a

35:37

large variety of different types of cinemas too.

35:40

And Taylor is also telling

35:42

us about how you know it's dangerous as heck,

35:44

because it means, you know, if

35:46

it's going into your butt, there isn't like a way

35:49

to regurgitate the alcohol. You

35:51

know, you can't throw it up so like you will just like

35:53

be more susceptible to alcohol poisoning.

35:56

But yeah, so throwing up

35:58

is let Okay, drinking is so cool. Okay,

36:00

but the butt is not the only orifice

36:02

people have put alcohol in before. Definitely

36:05

not why Okay, they've surprised.

36:07

They've also you know, have you know, soaked

36:10

tampons in alcohol and stuck

36:13

it in their cooters. Yeah

36:15

wait, JK, that's not a real thing. Okay,

36:18

this is actually an y Yeah,

36:20

okay legend.

36:24

I thought that. I don't. Wow, I heard

36:26

about that growing up, like in high school. That's

36:28

so weird. Yeah, this is the problem

36:30

with the media. Sometimes you hear a thing and then you're

36:32

like, oh my god, it must be real. It's like the show

36:35

this show where I like to do fearmongering.

36:37

It's the same thing. That's a lot of like fearmongering.

36:39

Like maybe a few times people

36:42

have done this, but it was not like the epidemic

36:44

of suburban teens that like the media

36:46

was trying to make it seem like, or the media

36:49

wasn't trying. They would just like caught got

36:51

caught up in like the salaciousness

36:54

and the dangerousness of this idea

36:56

that teens were doing this to get drunk,

36:58

okay, because basically,

37:00

yeah, because I remember this was like in twenty twelve, I think,

37:03

like, but the earliest time this was ever like

37:05

report ordered it in like a newspaper, was

37:07

in like nineteen ninety nine. But there really

37:09

just isn't Like most of the stories, there's

37:11

never an actual specific case where

37:14

this happened. And so basically

37:16

what they would say is that,

37:18

you know, parents, they need to watch out for their kids soaking

37:20

tampons and alcohol and sticking it in their vaginas

37:23

because they want to get drunk faster. They also

37:26

want to like not smell like alcohol.

37:28

And they also thought that you know, if

37:30

you got drunk in this manner, you

37:33

wouldn't when you were breathalyzed, there

37:35

wouldn't be any alcohol trace in

37:37

your breath. But all of this thing

37:39

is like even those points that

37:41

they're trying to make in this lie are also like

37:44

none of that actually works, because like even

37:46

if you did get drunk off of like

37:48

either butt chugging or having like a tampon

37:50

and your vagina soaked an alcohol, you

37:53

would still your breath would still smell because

37:55

it's still a way alcohol is expelled

37:57

and also your breath. You would when your breath, Liz,

37:59

you would still still in your Yeah,

38:02

it's still in your bloodstream. So all

38:04

of that is silly, even the

38:06

lines within the lie, it's all stupid.

38:10

Also another problem here's this

38:13

is why journalism is can be hilarious.

38:15

I guess journalism in quotation

38:18

marks. But there's this one blogger who actually

38:20

did an experiment who was like, Okay, they're saying teams

38:22

are doing this, so let's try it out. Let's

38:24

do it. And I

38:26

didn't take it upon myself try

38:28

it out this time. Good glad you

38:31

made that. But she did a test where she took

38:33

some tampons and she'd put them in

38:35

vodka to see how much they absorbed. And it

38:38

was kind of like with a regular tampon it would be like

38:40

a third of a shot, so a third of an

38:42

ounce basically, but then you know, made with a jumbo

38:44

tampon, at most it would be like one point five

38:47

ounces, so kind of like your standard bar drink

38:49

or whatever. But the

38:51

problem is, then here's the thing. Once

38:54

you like have a tampon that has liquid in

38:56

it, it's hard to put it up in there. We

38:58

all know that, you know, you're not going to do a

39:00

pre damned tampon up in there. No, So

39:03

like when you're even trying to put it in like that

39:05

alcohol, it's gonna like spill out of it

39:07

because you're and so the thing is like, even

39:09

if you did do that, like you're not even putting

39:12

that much alcohol into your body. Okay,

39:14

So it's all silly. It

39:16

doesn't make any sense.

39:18

So you wouldn't even really get drunk. So then it's kind of

39:21

like, well, how would you do it? Would you have to like stick

39:23

lots of tampons up in there? And

39:25

teens, teens, college kids,

39:27

I don't think anyone's you know, there's

39:30

a level of discomfort that people

39:32

do, I think to have fun. But that's just like a lot of

39:34

discomfort. So it doesn't make any sense. Also,

39:37

it's gonna hurt, like ass like, it's

39:39

gonna hurt so bad because especially if

39:41

you're doing it in liquor, you're putting

39:44

now you know, you're putting a

39:46

liquor stingy thing

39:49

into your very You know, we

39:51

should protect the vagina because

39:53

it has all this like you know, bacteria. It's a very

39:55

delicate balance of fluids

39:58

and junk and so you've

40:00

got to keep it all good, and so if you put the alcohol,

40:02

it would just be really bad for you. But also it hurt

40:04

really bad. Yeah, it's weird.

40:07

When I was in high school, I remember everyone talking about

40:09

this, but no one ever, like, I don't know anyone who actually

40:11

did it, you know, yeah, because it's

40:13

fake. I mean

40:15

I think it's someone's done that. I someone has done

40:18

this. You know, people have for sure

40:20

stuck things and their vagina

40:22

that maybe shouldn't have been there, just like the

40:24

butt. You know, we've done we eat on

40:26

cadiver gals have exposed some

40:29

of these problems of you know, like

40:31

eels in the butt like that. The eel in the

40:33

butt was crazy. That was one of

40:35

the stories I've ever told.

40:37

I didn't like that one anyway. But this

40:39

is kind of also like the

40:42

same thing with like tide pods,

40:44

where like it wasn't really a thing, but

40:46

then it just got blown out of proportion of

40:48

like, yeah, I mean tide pods,

40:51

probably someone's eating them before, but it's not

40:53

like an epidemic. Yeah, tiods,

40:56

do they look scrumptious? Yeah, yeah,

40:58

but like no one's gonna eat them. That's like when you

41:00

look like at rocks, like pretty rocks.

41:02

You want to put them in your mouth, but you're not gonna do

41:05

it because that's remember the bath

41:07

salt salt? Yeah, oh

41:09

my gosh, yes, when that one guy, everyone

41:12

thought that he was like crazy quote

41:15

unquote off bath salt and then he turns out he had severe

41:17

mental illness. We also talked about that in the podcast

41:19

We are Exposed a Queens. Okay,

41:21

wow, we know we literally

41:23

thought there was gonna be a zombie apocalypse, absolutely

41:27

absolutely because of bath salts. But no,

41:29

I was scared to use bath salts for

41:31

like the longest time. You were afraid we gonna eat them?

41:34

No, oh my gosh. No, I was just afraid they're

41:36

gonna seep into my skin and turn me into a zombie.

41:38

Okay, yeah, so all

41:41

I'm trying to say, kids, Okay,

41:45

if you're a teen who's trying to get drunk, just

41:48

do it the regular way through your mouth

41:50

hole. Okay, you

41:52

don't need these other holes, you know. Well,

41:55

this has been another episode of cadaver gals.

41:57

Um. I hope you guys are gonna

42:00

follow us so that we can become saints, um

42:03

and make sure you know, we get that

42:05

Okay, so we'll talk at you

42:07

next week. Mp RAMP. Cadaver

42:23

Gals is a production of School of Humans and iHeartRadio.

42:26

It is hosted by Me, Gabby

42:28

Watts, Nika Duarte, and Taylor Church.

42:31

You can follow us on the internet at cadaver

42:34

Gaws on Instagram and Twitter.

42:36

You can also like and subscribe on

42:39

various apps or whatever. And if you're going to

42:41

leave a review, be nice about it.

42:43

And also stop worrying about

42:46

medieval rats. They're fine.