0:03

What is up, Daddy gang? It

0:05

is your founding father, Alex Cooper

0:07

with call her Megan

0:12

Fox. Welcome to caller Daddy. Thank you. I

0:14

am so happy we

0:16

are doing this tonight. Same. And

0:19

I say tonight, which is crazy. I

0:21

have never done an interview this late

0:23

in my life. It's 10 o'clock

0:25

at night. Are you a

0:28

night owl? No, but I find that interesting

0:30

because you've interviewed so many rappers and I

0:32

did I refuse to believe that they showed

0:34

up on time or in the daylight. Okay,

0:36

offset didn't show up on time, but it

0:38

was the daylight. But no, I have never

0:41

done a late night interview. But I do

0:43

feel like it's kind of a vibe. You

0:45

might end up loving it. Okay, well, I

0:47

was gonna say guys, it's raining right now.

0:49

There's thunderstorms in LA. We've got candles going.

0:51

This makes sense for a

0:54

Megan Fox episode. When you are like

0:56

late night by yourself, your kids

0:58

are asleep. What is your favorite thing to do

1:00

at night usually? Well,

1:02

I usually stay by the fire and I like to read

1:04

and I read a lot

1:07

of metaphysical books. But right now I'm

1:09

reading whatever that new like adult

1:12

version of Twilight book that's out. It's like

1:14

a erotic fairy book. Wait, isn't it like

1:16

the king of or the court court of

1:18

thorns? Yeah, I'm reading that. Wait, does it

1:21

like kind of make you horny? I haven't

1:23

gotten to the horny part yet. But

1:25

I know that I'm gonna get there because I've

1:27

I know that he has like, the

1:30

ability to bind her energetically with

1:32

magic. And I'm already like, I'm

1:35

here for that. That'll that'll do it for you. Yeah, I

1:37

remember my friend was reading it. She was like, Alex, I'm

1:39

not kidding you. I keep waking my boyfriend up in the

1:41

middle of the night because I'm like, I'm

1:43

reading about fairies, but something get me going.

1:45

I'm like, I don't understand it. Maybe I

1:47

need to read it. I'm not there yet.

1:50

But I feel like you should. Okay, and

1:52

it's definitely a lot more

1:54

interesting than most of the like, psychological

1:56

textbooks that I read by the

1:58

fire at night you're reading textbooks

2:00

over there? Sometime. You enjoyed that?

2:03

Can't say I enjoy it. I think that I

2:05

do it out of I made

2:08

like a really clear decision when I

2:11

was young to avoid the pitfalls or

2:13

like the traps of social media or

2:15

just internet usage in general. And so

2:18

I kind of go out of my way. And maybe

2:20

it's annoying to be this way,

2:23

but to counter that by attempting

2:25

to educate myself, by the way, I didn't graduate high

2:27

school. So I think a lot of that

2:30

is just like pursuing things that I'm interested

2:32

in and wanting to have as much information about

2:34

it as possible. And trying to

2:36

not become just like a

2:39

plebeian or like a mindless

2:41

brainwashed sheep. I think most of

2:43

us today are mindless

2:45

sheep because I feel that way sometimes when

2:48

I'm on social media too much, I'm like,

2:50

what is happening up here? Like I'm not

2:52

when is last time I had an original

2:54

thought I'm mindlessly scrolling. Yeah, we got to

2:56

get me anxiety. Like I have group chats

2:58

with my friends and they'll send me links

3:00

to things but I don't keep like the

3:02

Instagram app downloaded or anything like that. But

3:05

even just like if they send

3:07

me a link to something on Twitter and

3:09

I open the Twitter website, just

3:11

the energy from the website gives me

3:13

so much anxiety that I feel like

3:16

I immediately contract like ADHD.

3:19

And I can feel how I'm not able

3:21

my thoughts are not able to sustain the

3:23

same way. And that's just from being exposed

3:25

to it for like five seconds, 30 seconds.

3:27

Yeah, like get me the fuck out of

3:29

here. I can't imagine like what it's doing

3:32

to everyone, especially like younger kids that are

3:34

starting so early with cell phones. It's actually

3:36

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6:45

Something I also noticed about you is you just

6:47

announced kind of that you have like a

6:50

whole new sleeve tattoo on Instagram. What

6:52

was the story behind that? Like how did you decide to do that? Well,

6:56

back when I dyed my hair from that auburn

6:59

colored red that it was to this color, it

7:01

was like a bright red. During

7:03

that metamorphosis, I decided

7:06

I had bought these weird... I

7:10

became a victim of Teemu. Wait,

7:12

what? Do you know what that happened? Yes,

7:14

only because of Super Bowl. Someone introduced me

7:16

to Teemu and I was like, what is

7:19

this though? I was

7:21

victimized and I ordered a bunch of stick

7:24

on tattoos and fun things to do with my

7:27

kids. Some of them were fake sleeves

7:29

because I was like, oh, my kids will love to do

7:31

this. I did it on me

7:33

and I was like, wow, I love it. I

7:36

instantly made an appointment to get my arm

7:38

done. I started

7:40

it, but the artist I was

7:42

working with had a different vision than what I

7:45

wanted. We

7:47

got halfway up my arm, dust in the wind was

7:49

playing and just that line repeating over and over again.

7:51

Nothing lasts forever, but the

7:53

earth and sea and your tattoos that you get

7:56

kept playing. I was like, okay,

7:58

I have to stop because this isn't... my vision. It

8:00

wasn't a bad tattoo. It just wasn't what I

8:02

wanted. So we stopped with

8:05

half the tattoo. I kept that for like

8:07

six months. And then I found an artist

8:09

to cover it. Most people would say I'm

8:11

grounded, but I'm also very impulsive. Like when

8:13

I decide to do something, it must be

8:15

done right then. I can't decide it and

8:17

then do it months from now or I'm

8:20

not, I can't plan far into

8:22

the future. It has to happen instantly. And

8:24

so once I found the cover artist, I was like, we have

8:26

to get it done. And we just did it four days in

8:28

a row. It was like six hours a day. They

8:31

won't have to usually pass six hours in one

8:33

sitting because your, your

8:35

skin starts rejecting the ink. So I just did

8:37

it four days in a row and sleeved it.

8:40

And then it healed very weird. It like didn't

8:42

even peel. It's very weird.

8:44

It just healed. It was just

8:46

fine. Someone that you know also

8:48

got a lot of new ink and

8:51

I have to ask about it or I

8:54

would get roasted on the internet. MGK,

8:56

should I call him MGK or Colson

8:58

or Colson or MGK? Okay.

9:01

He posted and I saw all

9:03

the comments of everyone mostly being like, what does Megan think

9:05

about his new tattoo? What does Megan think? What does Megan

9:07

think? And now I'm sitting here in person with you and

9:09

I'm like, I have to ask you, like, what

9:11

did you think when you saw the tattoo? Well,

9:13

he has like a really special story behind

9:16

why he did that, which obviously I'll leave

9:18

for him to tell, but he

9:20

had a relationship with the tattoos that

9:22

he had, that he was

9:25

very conflicted emotionally, whatever they represented.

9:28

And I don't actually know. He

9:31

didn't like to revisit those memories of the, some

9:33

of those tattoos that he had and he wanted

9:35

to get rid of them. But I think the

9:37

piece that she did for him is very like,

9:40

I think it's very art. It gives

9:43

me like Rick Owens. It gives me

9:45

like, you know, it's, it's like an

9:47

elevated version of all

9:49

of those tattoos that were pieced together. I think it's

9:51

really elegant and it's kind of ahead of its time.

9:53

I think in 10 years, that'll be a trend. I

9:57

Don't know how many people can take that kind of

9:59

pain. The i don't know don't

10:01

people will be put to sleep and get get

10:03

the tattoos on. be heated it like fully. Awake

10:06

with no pain killers and known as

10:08

you go with an awning. I went

10:10

to one of the session right? The

10:12

probably money there there are many yeah

10:14

and. It didn't feel

10:16

like something it to me and folic

10:18

he was going to like a spiritual

10:20

initiation and that space needed to be

10:22

respected and I didn't need to be

10:24

there. I stopped by one of them

10:26

know that I don't actually know how

10:28

he. Endured that level of pain

10:31

because he's awful tattooing on top of

10:33

tattoos. they are tattooing the scar tissue

10:35

which makes it even more painful as

10:37

I I don't know, I don't know.

10:39

His liver is also probably not feeling

10:41

well at this time. Prayers

10:44

for call sense yeah I'm I was

10:46

about as I was reading those comments

10:48

and like the internet is such a

10:50

wild place, what is the craziest. Rumor.

10:53

You've ever heard about yourself on the Internet?

10:56

There. Is lots of those. We could

10:58

talk about that for awhile. Let's

11:00

talk about have a lot about

11:02

it. I'm I guess one of

11:05

the ones that's very persistent is

11:07

that I'm I'm like say tannic

11:09

or do you say tannic rituals

11:11

or maybe adjacent to Illuminati or

11:13

something and.vein which I think really

11:15

start is. I

11:17

don't know why it started. There is

11:20

just like that one time that I

11:22

said i drink blood ritualistically. Ah,

11:25

and then everybody was like wow season

11:27

to say Ten Agree Bristles Plaza. Despite.

11:31

That was a very

11:34

misunderstood. Thing.

11:36

I mean child finance? Give us the

11:39

some contact. Okay here's the contacts. Everything

11:41

is a matter of like. What?

11:43

You're accustomed to or what

11:46

is currently like socially acceptable

11:48

or normal and. Back.

11:50

in like the fifties even how many times

11:52

did you see like probably never but like

11:54

on leave it to beaver are like movies

11:57

for bags in or even the eighties how

11:59

many times that see like little boys

12:01

would go out with like their little pop

12:03

guns and they would cut their fingers and

12:05

like be blood brothers right and they're like

12:07

we're best friends forever now and they would

12:09

like smush the blood together on their fingers.

12:11

Uh-huh. That's not satanic right?

12:13

That's normal and that's cute that's sweet that's

12:15

like an innocent like. A little bond. Yeah

12:17

it's a little bond between kids who love

12:20

each other they have a pure friendship it's

12:22

like that. Except

12:25

instead of rubbing your fingers together

12:27

the drop of blood goes

12:32

in your mouth and I don't

12:34

know what why that becomes satanic

12:36

I understand people are like hey

12:39

that's weird but guess what I think is weird I

12:41

think it's weird that girls are out here

12:43

letting guys come in their mouth and they

12:45

don't know these guys you're letting somebody put

12:47

their sperm in your mouth and you don't

12:49

know what he did he doesn't even have

12:51

a job you met him on fucking tender

12:54

he's an entrepreneur or whatever he's in a

12:56

startup and you just let him sperm

12:59

in your mouth that's disgusting that makes my back

13:01

hurts that makes me sweaty so fuck you you're

13:04

so offended that I got a drop of machine

13:06

of Kelly's blood in my mouth. You

13:11

have Brandon from Silicon Valley sperm in

13:14

your mouth he didn't even buy you

13:16

a nice drink. I'm

13:18

crying. Honestly

13:20

though it's a matter of perspective what

13:23

is so gross about what I did with

13:25

my soulmate you guys are out here letting

13:27

strangers come on you this is

13:29

disgusting. It

13:33

is these are the facts we really

13:35

need to discuss today. Megan We get

13:38

on the interview here. You know I

13:40

mean because this is the hard-hitting truth

13:42

and I appreciate the honesty because when

13:44

you give us a little context, it

13:46

does kind of make fucking sense and

13:48

you're right. Like anyone can look at

13:51

it anyway. like just like Christianity when

13:53

they're like drinking wine and they believe

13:55

it's the blood of Christ like everyone

13:57

has their thing like let everyone fucking.

14:00

What do you give a shit? Are you drinking?

14:02

Someone's like, know? why do you fucking care of?

14:04

Ideally, it doesn't matter. Synchronize, integrate point about the

14:06

com and we should circle back on that for

14:08

the women at the end of this episode. really

14:11

talk about who should be coming inside of you

14:13

and your mouth and. Yeah. Appreciate that

14:15

what other rumors you have any

14:17

that comes out but super rich

14:19

people that that that's the first

14:21

one. And just to clarify because

14:23

I didn't go on record as

14:25

saying that's not trill I actually

14:27

was raised like Pentecostal christian. I

14:29

don't mock currently like a part

14:32

of the church but I definitely

14:34

identify with Christ consciousness and I

14:36

actually a very spiritual positive person.

14:38

I'm a service which separates lame

14:40

and going through it a little

14:42

that out and terms of positivity

14:44

by. I'm definitely I've never been a part

14:46

of a satanic ritual. don't know any people

14:48

of than a part of the sit in

14:50

a gradual and not sure of the Illuminati

14:53

is real. It probably is. I have not

14:55

been extended an offer to join. I feel

14:57

like if it was real I would have

14:59

been given an offer to joined by now.

15:01

Ah, So. Yes, just

15:03

to squash that. Not.

15:06

A satanist? or any kind

15:08

of like an evil Wedge

15:10

Light worker. Yes, And

15:12

I do feel rituals that

15:15

that doesn't. That's.

15:17

Not a negative thing. Anything is

15:19

a ritual Taking doing your skin

15:21

carotene as a ritual. Going to

15:23

church is a ritual high thing.

15:25

Be laughed as separate that word.

15:27

That word has been demonized for

15:29

so long. Yeah, that it's just

15:31

and very misunderstood. And also I

15:33

think we exacerbated it because Halloween

15:35

of that year. Am I

15:37

dressed up in bondage with a dog

15:39

collar around my neck and he dressed

15:41

up as a priest and he was

15:43

feeding the communion on my knees and

15:46

we we. We played Marilyn and since

15:48

I'm. Sweet sweet

15:50

dream or hi we play that that was

15:52

the song to the that and people. Felt

15:54

like that was a confirmation of they are

15:56

tannic rituals. See you can kind of feel

15:58

like we're people melee they may I can

16:01

see. I can see where I planted a

16:03

seed and and their grew a tree. In.

16:05

It's place but you're here. a top down

16:07

the dream like it never fucked up. and

16:09

yeah, he he didn't want me to clarify.

16:11

you'd like it's actually someone should just let

16:13

them think this that it's so much cooler.

16:15

The people think we're this bizarre that word

16:17

this weird that were doing this kind of

16:19

weird, not magical weird shit in our basement.

16:22

Like let them think that this is what's

16:24

going on with it. It is kind of

16:26

a testament to like everything they see on

16:28

social media as face value and it's like

16:30

it's not that deep. Yeah with Holloway. Yeah,

16:32

let's go back to the beginning. Megan Fox,

16:34

What were you like. As a kid. I

16:38

told my mom when I was to that I was gonna be

16:40

a famous actor. a. Son. New.

16:43

And. Not was out of passion for

16:45

acting on the honest I just always

16:47

knew that that's what it was gonna

16:49

be. I had like an awareness of

16:51

my destiny for some reason I young

16:53

age and. I was a tomboy when

16:56

I was a little kid. I was

16:58

always outside. Ah I had

17:00

like a very assertive energy as a

17:02

child and whenever my mom would get

17:04

laid secret psychic readings because she was

17:06

pentecostal so that was have no no

17:08

to see psychics. They would always read

17:10

that she had an older daughter and

17:12

a younger son and that the younger

17:14

son with me on and I'm not

17:16

really sure why I always came see

17:18

that way except. That. I

17:20

have. No. One's gonna know what I'm

17:22

talking about right now, but I have Mars

17:24

on my as Sundance in Astrology sell. I

17:27

have like a warrior energy that I

17:29

was born with, and I think that

17:31

was translated as being like, maybe masculine

17:34

as a child because it wasn't docile.

17:36

but I was. Like. A

17:38

good kid. I was like a little machine

17:40

years. And never interested in

17:42

school. Always knew that that was not

17:44

for me. What was the dynamic? Like

17:46

in your house? Ah, My my

17:49

parents got divorced when I

17:51

was three. And.

17:55

Prior to that, I just remember both my parents

17:57

are still alive and so I want to be

17:59

careful. Not to drag them but while

18:01

also being honest I remember my mother's

18:04

depression was really really affected me very

18:06

deeply and he was very visceral for

18:08

me and like if I were to

18:10

drawn image of my mother from my

18:13

childhood it would be hurry like this

18:15

not a literal image but she just

18:17

always seemed like latest soaking wet blanket

18:19

are like like and draped over a

18:22

couch like we bang that was that

18:24

would be like my and image of

18:26

mother because I was so connected to

18:28

her sadness or her. Air

18:31

feelings of being on facility and

18:33

also her resentment. Towards

18:35

relationship. My.

18:37

Dad Before I skip ad

18:39

my Dad is like really

18:41

outgoing and funny and charming

18:43

and like really unique and

18:45

sparkly and it. They.

18:48

She. She was. I don't know. She

18:50

was not as hills in that relationship.

18:52

For whatever reason, they got divorced. From

18:54

my perspective, as a three year old,

18:56

he kind of disappeared for a little

18:58

while. She immediately got remarried. My step

19:00

dad who has passed was on. The.

19:03

Probably have borderline personality but

19:05

back then he was diagnosed

19:07

i think bipolar and though

19:10

he was emotionally and mentally

19:12

and verbally very abusive to

19:14

me not to her on

19:17

and he isolated me from

19:19

her and. Just. In

19:21

general, like I wasn't allowed to have friends

19:23

over or like go to anyone's house, I

19:25

spent a lot of time isolated in my

19:28

room. And

19:30

wasn't able to really. Even

19:33

spend much He wanted her. I.

19:35

Guess he isolated her is really what

19:38

was happening by it seemed as though

19:40

I was on being isolated and then

19:42

I watched her depression do that relationship

19:44

as well. And so the messaging the

19:46

I received is that man and marriage

19:49

and particular drain you of your life

19:51

force and keep you from being able

19:53

to express your creativity or express your

19:55

unique desires. And if you know experience

19:57

to be in a relationship or to

20:00

be in love or to be married

20:02

and particular being married like rights to

20:04

say the word be Merry I feel

20:06

my i feel my shockers tighten up

20:08

my back like go yeah gets high

20:11

even though I was married for a

20:13

long time. How bad

20:15

does that it was is that and they

20:17

are gonna my him if it is interesting

20:19

and you have one sibling or you were

20:21

younger know I have an older sister became

20:23

the twelve years old or so. she was

20:25

going to college when I was still really

20:28

young and she was gone a lot. cannot

20:30

hire to that when I was really on.

20:32

she was in high school and she wasn't

20:34

around much and she had a boyfriend and

20:36

she got married and she moved out so

20:38

I was alone a lot and. Trying.

20:40

To make sense of. My.

20:42

Mom's depression? Yeah, and the

20:44

disconnects and then the like.

20:47

The emotional violence coming from my

20:49

that father and also wanting to

20:51

be with my dad more and

20:53

not being able to to be around

20:56

him because he always was a

20:58

lie and he still is a

21:00

lie. And. That

21:02

he. Was. Separated from

21:05

the in a way where I couldn't. I

21:07

couldn't get to the lights kind of like

21:09

can get to God Yes, that that constant

21:12

like wanting to connect with the father figure.

21:14

like either spiritually or it. literally. yeah. I

21:17

yeah I feel like a lot of people

21:19

that I've talked to i such empathy for

21:21

people. Bad. Weather, and

21:23

literally or just like by age kind

21:25

of had a upbringing that you're essentially

21:28

an only child like your sister, being

21:30

so much older than you like you

21:32

were in the house alone and I

21:34

feel like. A. Lotta times when

21:37

there's such. Chaos. From

21:39

the parents like there is. I

21:42

found you can have such an emotional connection

21:44

to siblings because you can look at someone's

21:46

You're right, You're locked into like our going

21:48

to the same shit whereas when you're an

21:50

only child centrally in those moments you can

21:52

only internal. I think what's wrong with me

21:55

more. heat what's going on around you

21:57

and try to do the complete opposite of what your

21:59

parents did I feel like obviously we've

22:01

seen in movies you play just

22:03

like the most popular hot girl.

22:06

And when you got to high school, because I know you said

22:08

when you were younger, you were very tomboyish, you would be alone.

22:11

What was your high school dynamic like? Were you

22:13

the cool girl or were you the opposite of

22:15

that? No. And middle school

22:17

I had, I was always a loner,

22:20

I guess, and not necessarily by

22:22

choice, but have

22:26

you ever taken an Enneagram test? Do you know what that

22:28

is? I do know what that is. Do

22:30

you know what number you are? I completely forget what number I'm

22:32

in now. You're probably a one if I had to guess. Oh

22:34

my God, what does that mean? Is that a good

22:36

question? Or a seven. Actually, you're probably

22:38

a seven, the enthusiast. Take

22:41

it and then tell me, take it and then like,

22:43

I don't know how this works, but like insert it into

22:45

this interview and tell me if I was right. My face,

22:47

I was like, I am a one. I know a

22:49

seven, a seven. I think you're the enthusiast. I'm a

22:51

four, which is, I

22:53

think in that one they call it the

22:55

romantic, but it's a personality

22:58

that's been developed where I

23:00

identify as being an outcast

23:02

or being so incredibly unique

23:04

and unusual that no one

23:06

could ever understand me. And

23:08

so for me, like the

23:10

worst insult you could give me is that I

23:12

blend in with everyone else or I have like

23:15

a vanilla personality or that I'm normal. But

23:18

that actually stems from a family environment

23:20

where I didn't feel that I belonged

23:23

and never felt a part of anything. And

23:25

then as I went out into the world

23:27

in school, that was also reflected back to

23:29

me where I didn't fit into a friend

23:32

group and I wasn't received well by kids.

23:34

And then as I left school and went out

23:36

into the world as a famous person, the world

23:39

received me that way as well with a

23:41

lot of contention and a lot

23:44

of negativity and a lot of projection.

23:47

And so it's a part of

23:49

my identity, but it's a survival mechanism

23:51

to say, I'm

23:54

a pariah. Like I'm an outlier.

23:57

That's who I am. And I'm proud of that. need

24:00

to be now that's how I self-identify but

24:02

really that comes from a deep wound of

24:05

looking to have belonged somewhere at some point in

24:07

my life and never finding a place that I

24:10

fit. That's really actually interesting to hear because I

24:12

was going to say like on one hand it

24:14

is a survival mechanism for you to get through

24:16

but I'm also like isn't that

24:18

lonely? Yeah, yeah

24:22

it's super lonely but I was a lonely

24:25

baby. Yeah I've been a love and

24:27

lonely my whole life so and when

24:29

I meet with like I've

24:31

met every healer every psychic every they're

24:33

always like well this is your nine

24:35

life path this is your life last

24:37

life you're an old soul old souls

24:39

are lonely old souls are sad you've

24:41

been doing this a long time you've

24:43

been through a lot of trauma you've

24:45

had every kind of experience you can

24:47

have and there's like this sort

24:50

of bittersweet experience of it's

24:55

it's lonely but I also know that

24:57

part of my purpose is to be

24:59

in service to others my children in

25:02

particular but yeah it's

25:04

not a it's not a particularly like I

25:07

feel alone yeah a lot but to

25:09

answer your question about high school and middle school

25:11

I wasn't cool I had an eating disorder in

25:13

middle school a really bad one I had to

25:15

be hospitalized twice and I

25:17

was left in there like my

25:20

mom will say she took me out for Christmas I don't think

25:22

that's accurate I think I was in there for Christmas but I

25:24

was in there for a few months at a time every time

25:27

they would put me in essentially I was 51 50s

25:29

because my eating disorder was so bad I

25:33

had braces I plucked out all of

25:35

my eyebrows and

25:37

when you do that when you pluck your eyebrows by

25:39

the way for anyone that's ever going to do this

25:41

if you do that when you're sick or your immune

25:43

system is down those hairs don't grow back so

25:45

plucks my eyebrows out most of

25:47

them never grew back why did you pluck them out it

25:51

was like a like cutting or like any kind

25:53

of a I was just doing

25:55

things to myself to like Not

25:59

just figure my. So, but it

26:01

was a compulsive action I didn't

26:03

understand that time. And then in

26:05

high school. Like. If you saw

26:07

my high school yearbook picture I am. I

26:10

thought by that point I was cheating C

26:12

S. I had figured it out somehow by

26:14

it easily as lonely and like isolated and

26:16

I had a friend. But

26:18

I've never had like a friend

26:21

group. How did boys treat you?

26:23

And high school? I had a

26:25

high school boyfriend. I

26:27

didn't I don't know at that point

26:30

I'd started like some modeling in Miami

26:32

and doing like addition in for acting

26:34

things I think during high school I

26:36

did that Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen

26:39

movie I Mind Backlash. I think I

26:41

was like sixteen seventeen on. The

26:44

kids in school why didn't get like

26:46

a real reaction from the boys in

26:48

school but as I went out into

26:50

the world doing that stuff I started

26:52

as getting reactions to also from like

26:54

much older men which was. Weird

26:56

because they were not my peer group

26:59

obviously and that sent a whole nother

27:01

like that is confusing messages or yeah,

27:03

I'm curious. before we do get into

27:06

that like. When. People.

27:08

Probably think of Megan Fox in high

27:10

school there like I would have killed

27:12

to look like you did. You have

27:14

insecurities? Yeah, I'm body dysmorphic since I

27:17

was probably like. Five.

27:19

I remember sitting the back of my sisters

27:21

car she was getting married. I remember I

27:23

was wearing I had black shorts that white

27:25

polka dots on. Then I was five in.

27:27

This is crazy when I look at my

27:29

children because now I understand what it has

27:31

to be five years old and I was

27:33

in the backseat looking at my legs being

27:36

like I have such fat guys. My size

27:38

or so far has five but I also

27:40

had like i'm. I think

27:42

I was blonde and a past life or

27:44

and or I mean I've had many path

27:47

live. whenever. I

27:49

would look in a mere as a child. I was like satellite

27:51

me. That. Never felt like

27:53

me. I will I nothing about

27:55

that face, their hair, the skin

27:58

color, the body that wasn't. Me:

28:00

I never associated that with me and

28:02

so I think that's because I have

28:04

a strong. Ties to some of

28:06

my other life times and it was

28:08

always hard for me to accept that

28:10

this is who I am in this

28:12

lifetime and that goes back to. My

28:14

parents are still married so I was

28:16

a two or three. my mom said.

28:19

That. I used to go into the bathroom

28:21

and phantom a toilet and pull up my

28:23

shirt to see if my. Billie.

28:25

That ground and I will get really

28:27

upset that I didn't have. Big.

28:29

Boobs And nine. Thirty. Thousand

28:31

dollars later here. Thought

28:34

that for honestly girl get it. I was

28:37

getting yeah because I was gonna ask you

28:39

like I know you've been open about body

28:41

dysmorphic and I know that doesn't doesn't just

28:43

go away and like where do you think

28:46

that. Control. Of

28:48

that that's essentially control thing of the you're trying

28:50

to control how you look like what were you,

28:52

What do you think Now you look back, you're

28:54

trying to achieve. I think ultimately at the time

28:57

that was going through it, it was. Loss.

28:59

Of control because of the the dynamic

29:01

between myself and my stepfather and having

29:04

know like a autonomy a whatsoever and

29:06

like not being able to have friends

29:08

or to leave the house or to

29:10

even like do things freely inside the

29:13

house but prior to that it. Was.

29:15

Just a feeling of being

29:17

defective. Are being unwanted? And

29:20

for whatever reason, I'm not sure

29:22

why it manifested specifically as that

29:24

and not as like an addiction

29:26

issues which I've never had. but

29:28

it it and manifested as. Body.

29:31

Dysmorphic and self esteem. Instead.

29:34

Your ex has then made headlines recently

29:36

when he said that you never got

29:38

to experience being a single young woman

29:40

because you guys met when you are

29:42

only eighteen and he was thirty one

29:45

at the time. Do.

29:47

You agree with him like do you feel like you

29:49

miss out on of anything? Because that really says. I

29:52

feel. Like. Hey. Of

29:56

the first of all, let me just

29:58

say. I was. A

30:00

great girlfriend to Brian. I'll be

30:03

very honest and like. He

30:05

was not great to me either all the

30:08

time, but I think it would be easy

30:10

for me to lean into and complain about

30:12

or let it seem like that relationship was

30:14

one way that maybe I was not. Great.

30:17

Because I was young and really should

30:19

not have been in a relationship of

30:22

that that level of commitment and not

30:24

magnitude. With that I shouldn't have been

30:26

involved in their owners. Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty

30:28

Twenty Five, Twenty Two Twenty three. I

30:30

shouldn't have been. So I did a

30:32

lot of like falling in love with

30:34

other people all the time. I would

30:36

go to work in. Fall.

30:38

In love because I was a kid

30:41

and ah, Yeah

30:43

I never had the full freedom to

30:45

like be single an experience that life

30:47

and I thought for a minute when

30:50

I got divorced that that for I

30:52

was gonna do. And I

30:54

was single for like. Three.

30:56

Week. Hence,

30:59

Than than just met the guy

31:01

A I thought I was really

31:03

gonna. Go. Full like Leo

31:06

Dicaprio. While that would really

31:08

like fun to watch, everyone

31:10

says that version. Of

31:12

everyone agrees. I now need to know because

31:15

you reference in the beginning of this interview

31:17

like it literally makes your skin crawl when

31:19

you think about marriage. But you did get

31:21

married Like how did you decide to do

31:23

that I think because then I was so

31:26

unaware of my feelings. Can I was so.

31:28

So much younger and nurses before

31:30

I had my kids and most

31:32

of my. Growth. And

31:34

like. Accident Awareness.

31:37

Came after childbirth though prior

31:39

to that I was very.

31:43

I just wasn't aware that oh, marriage

31:45

makes me feel any particular way. That

31:47

was something I did kind of impulsively.

31:49

I'm also, it was like an adventure

31:51

it's had to go on and to

31:53

do. and I'd already been with him

31:55

for so many years at that point.

31:58

and I do feel like karmacally. The

32:00

part that her kids with them

32:02

of course, so I didn't realize.

32:05

You know, I wasn't looking at myself

32:07

being like I'm reenacting. My.

32:09

Mother's Life and or I'm carrying my

32:12

mother's burdens or uncaring. You know, the

32:14

things that she projected onto each. I

32:16

was not able to recognize any other.

32:19

I was in the moment and had

32:21

not had therapy or anything like that

32:23

and I'm not. Started reading in educating

32:26

myself, savages acting in doing and I

32:28

got myself into a relationship which I

32:30

of course found. No.

32:32

Shade to Brian unfulfilling Because inevitably that's what

32:35

I was going to do because I was

32:37

reenacting what I watched my mother do I

32:39

have a child Yeah, yeah, I think that's

32:41

something that's like fascinating when you get into

32:44

therapy or like oh fuck like and just

32:46

I literally said I didn't want to be

32:48

like my mother and I'm turning into my

32:50

mother and it's on earth obviously to like

32:53

take some accountability of our lives to be

32:55

like pause. How do I tried to change

32:57

that? But it's really fucking hard to not

32:59

do what we saw a growing up. When

33:02

I think about. You and and since

33:04

the rise of your career I

33:06

feel your name in the public

33:08

eye has been. Synonymous.

33:10

With the phrase sex symbol right?

33:12

How does that make you feel.

33:16

I've never been life particularly attached to that.

33:18

To be honest, I'm not like. I.

33:21

Don't have an emotional. Reaction.

33:24

To that I don't believe me. Sit

33:26

here and analyze it while you're asking

33:28

me. I think it odd pressure. To.

33:31

A girl who. Like

33:34

I said has body dysmorphic

33:36

and really ever see yourself

33:38

that way and that the

33:40

things that I thought were

33:42

my strength like my mind,

33:44

my intelligence or an easy

33:46

my sense of humor which

33:48

is granted like very nice

33:50

sometimes buy it on those

33:52

things are not acknowledge and

33:54

instead I'm being in college

33:56

for something that I don't

33:58

identify. With. Or. And

34:01

so that's almost like this

34:03

artifice. It's like forcing me to

34:06

wear a character that

34:09

I don't actually... I

34:11

wasn't trying to wear. And then also

34:14

you assign the character to me and then

34:16

you torture and demonize the character. And I

34:19

was never that... I was never

34:21

her. Like you created her and then

34:24

you murdered her. And that...

34:28

I love that I started this out by being like, I don't

34:30

have an emotional attachment to this. Like

34:33

you fucking killed me bitch. But

34:35

I think to

34:38

just being called a sex symbol, I

34:40

don't initially have a reaction. But to

34:42

the whole process of what really happened

34:45

and it goes... it's into

34:47

just being famous in general. And the

34:49

whole process of fame has been

34:52

really haunting

34:55

to be honest. Because

34:57

like I said, the media

34:59

and people built up this

35:02

character and then decided to

35:04

destroy her. Because I don't

35:09

know why there's a need to

35:11

like worship and then

35:14

destroy. And

35:16

I was

35:18

always a sensitive kid,

35:22

but I had to wear armor to survive my

35:24

childhood. And I had to wear armor

35:26

to survive being famous. And

35:28

so there's this energy of me of

35:30

that, you know, that I don't give

35:32

any fucks. And to some degree that's

35:34

true in terms of I would never

35:36

change anything about myself in order to

35:39

get someone to like me. So in

35:41

that way I don't give any fucks.

35:43

That doesn't mean that I

35:45

don't get my feelings hurt and that when

35:47

I'm being bullied or drabbed that that doesn't

35:49

cause me to be mentally unwell sometimes. Because

35:51

it absolutely does and did. And in 2009,

35:54

Crossing Indigenous,

36:00

2010 I had been famous not even

36:02

that long only a couple of years but

36:04

the fame was so heightened it was so

36:07

intense That all the

36:09

energy started peaking and I was going through

36:11

this process of I was getting

36:13

crucified in the press every day And on

36:16

whatever the blogs were at that time. There

36:18

was no social media, but like press Hilton

36:20

like Was it Nikki Swift?

36:22

There was other yeah, so me. Yes

36:24

daily mail What I remember what they

36:26

would like say about you the same

36:28

the same exact things they say right

36:30

now You could swap the articles

36:32

from this year with 2009 and 2010 and see exact

36:35

same thing obviously

36:38

like Being

36:41

a slut being a whore now I have kids

36:43

for people to project on and be like but

36:45

aren't you're a shitty mom? I didn't have that

36:47

at the time, but it was just like you're

36:50

a shitty person for whatever reason um

36:53

plastic surgery fake Talentless

37:00

There's so many there's so many headlines

37:02

I used to get chased by paparazzi

37:04

who would be like Megan

37:08

everybody's saying that you're overrated. Do you think that

37:10

you're overrated? Megan everybody's saying that you shouldn't have

37:13

got your nose down. Nobody likes your new nose

37:15

Are you embarrassed that you got your nose done?

37:17

Are you sad? Do you regret getting your nose

37:19

done Megan? Why are you

37:21

such a bitch? Why does nobody like you like

37:23

grown men right chasing you with back then? This

37:26

was like TMZ cameras. They don't talk to you

37:28

like that anymore, but back then they did So

37:31

you're in life getting bullied by

37:33

actual grown adult men with cameras

37:35

everywhere you go then

37:37

there's like the online presence of just getting

37:39

torn to shreds for Everything

37:42

that you do everything that you

37:44

wear how you look every single

37:46

flaw every pimple every star every

37:50

Five pounds you gain five pounds you

37:53

lose your you can't win and That

37:56

energy was peaking and it was every day and during

37:58

2009. They had a blackout, a

38:00

Megan Fox blackout, where the media

38:03

all agreed to not post any

38:05

content about me for a whole

38:07

day. Which by the way, I

38:09

was like, I hope you do this every day.

38:12

Thank you. But the attitude

38:14

was that, oh, this is that I

38:16

was a fame whore or an attention

38:18

whore, which is the opposite of the

38:20

truth. I'm extremely introverted and horrified by

38:22

having to be in front of people

38:25

or cameras. But

38:27

it got so bad at that point,

38:29

I was just like, Hey, I can't

38:32

survive the criticism and the

38:34

bullying anymore. Like, I actually

38:36

can't live every time I

38:38

step out of my house, someone has

38:40

something to say about how I look,

38:42

or it's going to be it started

38:44

to become a witch hunt, where I

38:46

felt like tabloids would send photographers with

38:48

the intention of getting a bad

38:51

photograph or getting a bad, getting

38:53

a bad story. This was around the time, it

38:55

may have been a little before, but it was

38:57

in the years of when Brittany shaved her head.

39:00

And so the media

39:02

at that time, they were on witch

39:04

hunts, and they would set

39:07

out to try and find something negative,

39:09

the ugliest picture they could get to

39:11

splash it everywhere. Because that's what people

39:14

want to that gets the most engagement,

39:16

obviously, even back then before socials

39:18

existed. And that's when I sort

39:20

of stepped away for a long time. And I was like, I'm

39:23

good to just not

39:25

be involved in this anymore, because I

39:27

actually can't sustain this amount of damage.

39:30

It's not normal. And I

39:32

also feel like it was kind of just

39:34

me at that time. Whereas now all of

39:36

us get it. Yeah, there's so many other

39:38

girls that are getting it constantly. But back

39:41

then, it really was kind of

39:43

just me. There wasn't another actress that was getting

39:45

it the same way I was getting it. Like,

39:47

as I'm listening to you, it's first

39:49

of all, it's fucking exhausting. Like I

39:51

cannot imagine and what you're sharing with

39:54

me in the beginning Of this being like, at such

39:56

a young age, I looked in the mirror and I was

39:58

like, I literally cannot connect. With my

40:01

physical appearance in, it so hard for me to look

40:03

at myself intake is that me in the mirror? I

40:05

don't feel that way. To. Know the

40:07

eating disorder that the barges more feel like

40:09

what you were going through how exacerbated it

40:11

then became because he became famous If you

40:13

had to say and I know there's like

40:16

no answer but like. Why?

40:18

Do you think people. Are.

40:21

So. Obsessively trying

40:23

to pick you and pull

40:26

you down. I. Don't.

40:29

Know I think they give fi

40:31

were term. Try

40:33

and speak about it from a spiritual

40:35

angle that. I'm.

40:38

The architect of this experience and

40:40

sell. I'm drawing this to me

40:42

because my soul needs to. Learn

40:45

and deal with these feelings and be

40:47

able to transcend. Today I believe in

40:50

a past life. I actually was burned

40:52

at the stake for being a witch,

40:54

so I think that's an energy that

40:56

I've had like two lifetimes. and it's

40:58

carried into this lifetime as well. Because

41:00

that is essentially what is happening day

41:03

every day. Or people don't realize it,

41:05

but they all wake up. And.

41:07

They're just or reincarnated Medieval Mob and they

41:09

have their pitch work and their lantern. and

41:11

they're like, who do we get the bright

41:13

date today? Who do we get to cancel

41:15

to get a good leader to destroy today

41:17

And that's the first thing they do. They

41:19

go on twitter and they're like what's trending

41:21

this I wanna join in on us and

41:23

that's also something that should be studied. Is

41:25

like. Why? Do

41:28

people want to join in? On.

41:31

Something. set which is as essentially psychological

41:34

violence why do you want to join

41:36

in on that because i think most

41:38

people if you are walking on the

41:40

street and you saw me or he

41:42

saw camera kylie your any of these

41:44

other girls and we're being beaten by

41:46

a mob of people your instinct is

41:48

not gonna be to join the mob

41:50

and to beat us it would probably

41:52

be to either help or to go

41:55

get help however when you watch that

41:57

same thing happened on line and it's

41:59

the cycle violence the

42:01

instinct is to join

42:03

and that's a very

42:05

weird that's a very weird instinct

42:07

that people have that they should ask themselves

42:09

like why do I want to be a

42:12

part of tormenting torturing mocking

42:14

making fun of or bullying

42:16

when we do understand the

42:18

ramifications and the danger of

42:20

doing this it's such

42:23

a good way to look at it and

42:25

it's fucking terrifying and I think I

42:29

think that as I'm sitting

42:31

here listening to you like I

42:33

also just have to like acknowledge like you

42:36

are conventionally like a

42:38

beautiful woman like you have been

42:40

called in certain years like the

42:43

most beautiful woman in the world

42:45

and I think people cannot

42:49

accept that you

42:51

could have it all you can't be this

42:53

beautiful and be smart you can't be that

42:55

beautiful and be a good person and I

42:57

think it brings so many insecurities

43:00

out in people when they look

43:03

at you I think for women

43:05

like I remember I just saw

43:07

a tick-tock of this woman who was like I just

43:09

lost a hundred pounds and my life is so different

43:11

because I used to walk in rooms

43:14

and women would befriend me and men treated me

43:16

like shit and now it's the opposite I walk

43:18

in a room and every fucking woman looks at

43:20

me like a threat and every

43:22

man is opening the door for me

43:25

treating me like a queen and I'm

43:27

like whoa I just live

43:29

two different fucking experiences in a year

43:31

and I'm like which one would I choose but

43:33

I think you threaten women because you're confident and

43:35

beautiful and educated and smart and we're all like

43:37

fuck you you can't be like that but to

43:39

men I mean I was gonna read this to

43:42

you I was like what the fuck is wrong

43:44

with the world I read an old article okay

43:47

and they they described you as

43:50

a screensaver on a teenage

43:52

boy's laptop a

43:54

middle-aged lawyers shower fantasy and

43:57

a sexual prop used to sell

44:00

movies. Like

44:03

the objectification of you, Megan

44:06

Fox is so much larger

44:08

than you. It is like

44:11

the embodiment of misogyny and what's wrong

44:14

with our fucking society. And it's terrifying

44:16

even hearing though it come from your

44:18

own voice of like, I

44:20

didn't ask for this. I

44:22

didn't. I'm not out there selling my

44:25

body and my soul to this. Like I'm just

44:27

trying to do my job. And somehow people are

44:29

like, take her the fuck down. Like, yeah,

44:32

I also, it was always

44:34

confusing to me because I

44:36

never really did anything bad.

44:39

I was never like associated with

44:41

drugs or alcohol. I was never

44:43

around until recently anyone who's associated

44:45

with drugs or alcohol. I was

44:47

never caught at clubs. I was

44:49

never arrested. I was never,

44:51

I never did

44:54

anything outside of having like a

44:57

kind of Andy Kaufman ask

44:59

sense of humor, which people

45:01

don't understand that is my

45:03

greatest crime. And so it

45:06

was very hard to understand in the

45:08

beginning. And I'll be honest with you,

45:10

it's hard to keep enduring it because

45:13

I did step away for a decade

45:15

and I did all this

45:17

work on myself spiritually and thought that

45:19

I was transcending and growing and becoming

45:21

a better person. And so when I

45:24

got divorced and I started dating Colson,

45:26

inevitably I was sort of

45:28

thrust back into the light, the synthetic

45:30

light, not the real light. And

45:34

I thought that either it would be

45:36

different, I would be attracting a different

45:38

experience to myself this time because my

45:40

level of consciousness was so much higher

45:42

or my ability to deal with

45:44

it would be so much better at this point

45:47

because I was a different person. And I have

45:49

not found that to be the case at all.

45:51

Like I've been doing it, it's going on the

45:53

fourth year now. And it

45:56

is wearing me down. I'll be honest, like

45:59

It's very hard. It I think because I

46:01

don't have a family support system or

46:03

like a large group of I don't

46:05

feel that I belong. Because I am. I

46:07

do feel so alone. Like you said

46:09

when you have to deal with something and

46:12

you don't have siblings, are you feel

46:14

like you're by yourself? You internalize and

46:16

then it can become very grim very quickly.

46:18

And I do. I am kind of

46:20

getting to the end of my rope with

46:22

I'll be honest, like I'm I'm I'm

46:24

struggling with it again. It feels like I

46:26

was in I, a wormhole like I

46:28

left two thousand and nine. And

46:30

I'm like right back and where I left

46:33

off and there was no growth which makes

46:35

me feel defeated. And

46:38

I just I. really, I can't

46:40

believe how. Negative.

46:43

The beings are and

46:45

how. Cruel.

46:48

They need to be to everyone.

46:50

This is not just me, but

46:52

that. Also. Ways on me

46:54

because I have kids and I have

46:57

one kid who's like an artistic survive

46:59

and that kid. Will inevitably

47:01

be in the spotlight. them how it's

47:03

impossible that they want and I know

47:05

how cruel the world is because I've

47:07

lived through it and I don't think

47:09

I can endure watching what my child

47:11

is gonna have to go through. I'm

47:14

gone. Really struggling with that as well. I'm

47:16

like not wanting my kids staff to be

47:19

exposed. I wouldn't say it's also just a

47:21

good fish is psycho. Like you said like

47:23

ever and someone up we've seen it was

47:25

so many stars online and then the minute

47:28

you're at the top they break you down

47:30

and I already know It's like if you

47:32

disappear again and you go away. Oh my

47:34

God We made Magdalene Hi the name is

47:37

why is that when I went away there

47:39

is like this surge of like i hate

47:41

this phrase by it applies to the i

47:43

would not normally. Say this. There

47:46

is that pekin energy where I was getting

47:48

crucified every day. I. Went away

47:50

I disappeared. I was like find fuck it

47:52

you in the world had like their posts

47:55

not clarity and they were like a. Way.

47:58

that Why did we

48:01

why did we kill her? Why did we murder

48:03

her? She never did anything. What did she do?

48:05

She was actually like She

48:08

was actually a positive. She stood for a lot of

48:10

really good things. Like we should have given her her

48:12

flowers Why do we do that? Fuck

48:14

and then I step back. I'm like

48:17

With someone knocking were you guys were you

48:19

guys calling me? I'm here. I'm here to

48:21

receive my flowers And

48:23

it was immediate just murder them

48:26

immediately. And so That

48:29

Experiencing that cycle like you said if I

48:31

were to disappear again right now like I

48:33

did in 2009 Which believe

48:35

me I'm very tempted to do because

48:38

I am not well at this moment The

48:40

same thing would happen where people would be like,

48:43

oh, but she brought you know, she had this

48:45

messaging She was such a smart girl. She was

48:47

a grounded girl. She was encouraging. She was supportive

48:50

of other women. She was this she was that

48:52

She was I promise you 40 years after I'm

48:55

dead It's gonna be like with not

48:57

to compare myself to Marilyn but the way she died

48:59

and then everyone's like well You know, she was a

49:01

genius, you know, she had 142 IQ

49:04

that's gonna happen to me too I'll years

49:06

from now I'll be dead and then somebody

49:08

will have something nice to say about me

49:11

But living it's not gonna happen even

49:13

like making me think as you're just

49:15

talking and I'm staring at you Like

49:18

you are so bright and you have

49:20

so much to offer and It

49:23

makes me sad because I know so many people will

49:25

listen to this and be like wait She's

49:27

actually like really fucking dope, but it shouldn't

49:30

take you sitting for an hour and talking

49:32

if You're a kind person.

49:35

You've never done anything to anyone. So you shouldn't

49:37

have to prove yourself but it's like Frustrating

49:39

that there's this pull and push on the

49:42

internet and you just can't fucking win and

49:44

I'm sorry You have to deal with that.

49:46

Um, I'm curious like how did

49:48

how did and how has this

49:51

like Extreme focus on

49:53

your look and body impacted

49:55

your relationship to sex That's

49:58

a good question. I I have Virgo on

50:00

my eighth house, so. Megan,

50:03

you gotta like talk to the girlies that are

50:05

like, bitch, I have no idea what you're talking

50:07

about. I know, I know I'm trying. I

50:10

think. Google it. Yeah, you gotta. Just Google

50:12

it. You gotta deeply Google to understand what

50:14

I'm talking about there, but I, it

50:19

does affect, obviously, anything that's going on

50:21

with your self-esteem affects your relationship to

50:23

sex. But

50:25

I will say, I feel like as

50:27

I took more control of

50:29

my body, actually, because when I

50:32

was younger, it was

50:34

like really scandalous to get anything

50:37

done. So my

50:39

boobs have been fake, by the way, since I was 21

50:41

or two, I

50:45

got them done in between the first and

50:47

second Transformers, but I had them done conservatively.

50:50

I've done this way too many times during this interview.

50:52

I hate it. You gotta like. No,

50:54

you haven't. You gotta AI those out. I

50:57

can't keep doing that. I'll just bump it in your face when

50:59

you do it. Okay. Where

51:02

was I? Okay, so I had them,

51:04

I had, they were very conservative because back

51:06

then you had, everyone did the work, but

51:08

you had to do work that was undetectable.

51:10

Obviously people have been doing work since

51:12

Hollywood began. That's the way the studios would bring you

51:14

in and do a screen test and

51:16

be like, okay, John Wayne, he needs a chin implant.

51:19

Marilyn, she needs a nose. She needs this, she needs

51:21

that. That's the oldest story ever told. But

51:25

back at that time when I was

51:27

doing it, it had to be unnoticeable.

51:30

But I always, that little girl that was in

51:32

the mirror, like where are my boobies? I always

51:34

wanted big boobies. And so I wasn't happy with

51:36

the first set. The same thing was like, can

51:40

we just talk about plastic surgery? Yeah, let's talk.

51:42

Okay. So I'm just gonna

51:44

go through all the things that I've done. Love. Thank

51:57

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select call her daddy in the drop down

53:57

menu that follows. Can

54:00

we decide what she surgery other? I thought yeah

54:02

they're. So. I'm gonna go

54:04

through all the things that I've done. Love I

54:06

because I feel like there's this. Stigma.

54:10

And I'm not gonna win. I'm gonna

54:12

do this. I'm not gonna win or

54:14

got. However, I'm hoping it's that some

54:16

people free was go because. I

54:19

feel like. People.

54:21

Are like will we like we we If you would ask

54:23

women they would be like will we. We. Say

54:25

these things We bully. You know of my

54:27

favorite comments are from women and I don't

54:30

often reason but sometimes and in the mood

54:32

and on like I want to interact with

54:34

a troll and it takes one second for

54:36

them to start pouring into my instagram feed

54:39

or my my comments and they're often from

54:41

women were all the like. Holy

54:43

shit, that is a particularly cruel

54:45

thing to say. Who is this

54:47

person and I'll click on it.

54:49

And so the like: Women's Lives

54:51

Coach. Crystal Healing

54:54

loving dancer at last

54:56

June. Divine. Feminine

54:58

and she's under my plan.

55:00

And. Being. Like you know,

55:03

com crucify me for being plastic or

55:05

whatever. So there's but they're If you

55:07

were to ask her, she would be

55:09

like will. That's because she perpetuates an

55:12

unhealthy standard of beauty right by. And

55:14

so here I am. I'm going to

55:16

be fully transparent. I still won't win

55:18

because there are some girls who have

55:21

been to I've been transparent. I don't

55:23

like bring people in but someone like

55:25

a highly has been very transparent that

55:28

is not helping her. people are women

55:30

are still brutally dragging her just. The

55:32

same and totally undeserved. She's a

55:34

beautiful, healthy, young, gorgeous girl, and

55:36

I actually feel, for whatever reason, very

55:38

protective. When I watch other girls go

55:41

through this, I want to defend them

55:43

or. Go. To war

55:45

for them By it's. A lot

55:48

of hey I'll go through piercings I

55:50

haven't done that I have been accused

55:52

of the over and now confirm the

55:54

things that are cause I've never had

55:56

a facelift of any kind so no

55:58

made facelift know like lateral brown that

56:00

although I would like one or know

56:03

regular brow lift arm i've never done

56:05

threads I have research center's not because

56:07

of some moral thing. I. Just.

56:09

Don't. Really believe they work and I'm

56:12

also afraid they would interfere when I do

56:14

need to have a facelift. But I am

56:16

very tempted to go have my eyebrows not

56:18

like all the way I want. I want

56:21

outlook sometimes I seen such and you can

56:23

do it all. Lunch break and I see

56:25

why. It's so tempting and I I have

56:27

researched it have not done it yet. I'm

56:30

I've never had this on what is it?

56:32

Oh block google fat buckled now Buckles articles.

56:34

I've never had that done. I'll never have

56:36

any fat removes. I'm a very like lean.

56:39

Person. That doesn't have enough body fat

56:41

or fat in my face so I

56:43

will only ever put fat in. I

56:45

will never be taking fat out. Which

56:47

leads me to I've never had any

56:49

like liposuction, her body contour and anything

56:51

like that. I've never had. What?

56:53

Are other things and can have. But.

56:56

Implants. I mean I'll I'll be l

56:58

l flattered If somebody thought I had

57:00

an evil guy that ever a likelihood

57:03

I would. I saw a very old

57:05

i don't have the extra body fat.

57:07

I would get it done if I

57:09

can go air out for an that

57:11

that. Surgery. Is such

57:13

a hard one to recover from it? So insane.

57:16

It's basically like three months you have to lay

57:18

flat on your face a could never hear me

57:20

rules for an eternity if I were to ever

57:22

do that. I. Would come out

57:24

with ivy league if I'm going to

57:26

survive that surgery you're going to give

57:28

me. And asked. It's

57:30

like an anomaly like i'm your, I'm gonna

57:33

walk through a park and I'm going to

57:35

turn around and every one is gonna be

57:37

whispering in, laughing and talking because they're like.

57:40

What are your? Why are we looking at

57:42

like a circus freak that if I'm going

57:45

to that healing process through gritted the i

57:47

want that I'm not coming out with like

57:49

I owed Is she the has she been

57:51

like really hitting the gym lately Actress gloss

57:54

know I wanted to be months for? yeah

57:56

it's guy the it's guess thought people and

57:58

their track. However,

58:01

I don't have the body fat to do

58:03

that's less ever going haven't But at the

58:05

time when when in the future you can

58:07

take donated fat from people I will be

58:09

doing that and you will be seen. The

58:11

situation is a twisted go down in the

58:13

park. Okay what you want to have had

58:16

done. Like I said, I had my son

58:18

when I was. Plenty. One

58:20

or twenty three other I hired.

58:23

Them. Read on after I was on breastfeeding

58:25

my kids, he has I. I. Don't

58:27

know where they went, but they went

58:29

and that had to have them read

58:31

on very recently because the first set

58:33

I didn't have enough body fat to

58:35

disguise. You could see the rippling of

58:37

the implants. I had to switch them

58:40

out to this that I don't like

58:42

surgery. My body does not react well

58:44

the general anesthesia and so. When.

58:46

I go to have surgery. it's a very

58:48

big deal and I have my all my

58:50

doctors up to me with me before have

58:52

to tell me if they've seen any omens,

58:54

if they saw any owls, crows if anyone

58:56

stepped on a spider, if I knew their

58:58

and he dead. Inside flakes by doctors.

59:01

Have to go see this with me because

59:03

I'm very afraid of dying under general anesthesia.

59:05

So I don't take surgery lightly and therefore

59:07

I have not had many of them because

59:09

of that. Such probably a saving grace that

59:11

I had this paranoia or the sphere because

59:13

god knows what I would have been up

59:15

to. Your doctor think you're insane. I go

59:17

down a raw meat know the lower you

59:19

said yes, I saw an hour Meghan, let's

59:21

reschedule. We did we all. And by the

59:23

way, I'm like I'll still pay for the

59:26

surgery, just do not. Also, make sure the

59:28

music playlist. No music comes up that reminds.

59:30

You like your ex girlfriend or an ex wife

59:32

or anything was gonna make you upset because more

59:34

the surgeon you need to be in a good

59:36

had space. If you have a fight with your

59:39

wife do not come in for surgery. I go

59:41

through all of these protocols. you should make us

59:43

all like a list of i a little pre

59:45

are you selling it wants it Any surgery is

59:47

a risk your life I don't care what anyone

59:50

says ride out the truth Go Hundred General Anesthesia

59:52

is a risk your life so on. When I

59:54

had to go in for this said I would

59:56

like look. If. You're going to put me to

59:58

sleep if I'm going to be. For two months

1:00:00

from the general Anesthesia. If I'm

1:00:03

gonna feel if I'm gonna go through cause

1:00:05

I'm not fully ever asleep some my soul

1:00:07

like fighting on the surgical table or wake

1:00:09

up. It's a very traumatizing experience for me.

1:00:11

I was like I better wake up with

1:00:13

the biggest boobs you can fit and my

1:00:15

body. And. That.

1:00:18

Is what he said He did. And

1:00:20

they're not even not big Era thirty two

1:00:22

d which is not that big they just

1:00:24

look big on my bike as nobody's tiny

1:00:26

right right by if they give you could

1:00:28

have gone bigger I would have had him

1:00:30

go bigger because I don't like surgery and

1:00:32

the fact that I had to do it

1:00:34

I was like I want to reward for

1:00:36

the suffering I have to go through. I

1:00:39

don't want to wake up with a full

1:00:41

because there's no fucking point and not not

1:00:43

doing it for it You want a the

1:00:45

I wanted to eat I said I want

1:00:47

I don't care was on try and give

1:00:49

me night t Ninety stripper. Pity.

1:00:52

That's. What I want. And he did it. Grow

1:00:55

your to me that thank you and then

1:00:57

on. I had my nose on when I

1:00:59

was the my early twenties and that's something

1:01:01

I've literally been accused of having like. Six.

1:01:03

Seven Eight Rhino classy surgeries which

1:01:06

is impossible your nose would get

1:01:08

necrosis and fall off on. I

1:01:10

hadn't hired. I. Write up last

1:01:12

the since I was. I'm

1:01:15

gonna say twenty three. It's been well over a

1:01:18

decade guy that I've not touched my nose and

1:01:20

then. We. Didn't contour

1:01:22

my know. If. We

1:01:25

didn't call, you know we did and

1:01:27

your nose looks tiny thawed out for

1:01:29

we didn't contact your fire icon for

1:01:32

a half. actually. show everyone hike on

1:01:34

We my know, shut the fuck have

1:01:36

you your no, no, no I can

1:01:38

make it pony like a little elvin

1:01:40

princess. I'll make it so small within

1:01:43

within one inches. It's allies like pawns

1:01:45

works and so I think people think

1:01:47

I keep constantly working on. it is

1:01:49

just the contour. I can't believe I

1:01:51

can't believe I'm doing an interview with

1:01:54

Out Knows Com Drawn! I'm traumatize

1:01:56

you daughter's they want a big the oldest

1:01:58

and likely not having done my eye. brows

1:02:00

very scary for me. I'm traumatized

1:02:03

that you think that your nose

1:02:05

won't look good right now because

1:02:07

I'm like the fuck this one.

1:02:09

I like I like to contour

1:02:12

it down until it's just nostrils

1:02:14

like Voldemort. No, no, just just

1:02:16

two holes here. Wait, after this,

1:02:18

can you know how you contour your nose and I'll do

1:02:20

it next to you? Yeah, but I'm

1:02:22

I'm breaking out and I'm not I don't

1:02:24

have it on you look so gorgeous. You're

1:02:27

gonna keep going. This is good for you.

1:02:29

This is good for you. She's got to

1:02:31

keep going. Okay, you've had your nose done.

1:02:33

You've had your tits done and what Botox

1:02:35

and filler that's Yeah, that's it. Right? Oh,

1:02:38

there's one thing I had done that

1:02:40

I'm gatekeeping because sorry,

1:02:42

what it was it was really good. And

1:02:44

it's not a known like

1:02:46

plastic surgery. People don't even really know about

1:02:48

it. Will you tell me off camera? Yeah,

1:02:51

you don't need it. I don't think really

1:02:53

you're not gonna want it. I wanted it

1:02:55

very badly and I needed to do it

1:02:57

and it's something that can you give us

1:02:59

a hint now? No. Okay,

1:03:02

so that's it. Yeah, it's actually

1:03:04

not that much. Right. Not that in terms

1:03:06

of surgery. It's not that much. When it

1:03:08

comes to lasers and stuff like that. I've

1:03:10

done everything you could possibly think of doing

1:03:12

and I always will. I don't understand the

1:03:14

point of shaming people for getting

1:03:17

stuff done. Granted, I'm

1:03:19

not encouraging anyone to do

1:03:22

anything crazy. And like I said, you need

1:03:24

to be very safe and very careful when

1:03:26

you do any of this stuff, even fillers,

1:03:28

like people that get fillers in their nose,

1:03:31

you can get necrosis from that. Like, none

1:03:33

of this shit is really safe. It

1:03:35

all comes with a risk. So I'm

1:03:38

not encouraging people to just go out like

1:03:40

blindly and do things you should do your

1:03:42

research. However, it's a very weird thing to

1:03:45

shame somebody for. And coming back

1:03:47

to your question about sex. Yeah, the

1:03:49

more that I've taken control of my

1:03:51

body and done the things that

1:03:53

I've always wanted to do, the more comfortable

1:03:55

I am in my body and the more

1:03:57

freedom I have sexually and the more in

1:04:00

I feel sexually and I'm more

1:04:02

like playful and confident in that

1:04:05

way versus when I was Wearing

1:04:08

a body that didn't feel like my body because

1:04:10

I always wanted it to be different Yeah, I

1:04:13

appreciate you sharing that though because they think you're

1:04:15

right It's like to the women

1:04:17

that are shaming women for getting work done

1:04:19

If you are so triggered

1:04:21

that probably means you have an insecurity Where

1:04:24

have you maybe you've thought of getting fillers or Botox

1:04:26

or something? But maybe you're too scared so the new

1:04:28

shame women that have done it It's

1:04:31

like why if and if you don't want

1:04:33

it, why do you care if another woman

1:04:35

gets it? It's all projection when someone is

1:04:37

so angry looking at you It's it

1:04:40

is based in some form of jealousy like we have

1:04:42

to just call it what it is But also where

1:04:44

does the logic end of like what?

1:04:46

Why won't you take it to shaming people

1:04:49

for coloring their hair? So

1:04:51

true, you know what I'm saying or

1:04:53

wearing gel nails or where does that

1:04:56

logic right now? Yeah, yep, what's what's

1:04:58

natural enough for you and

1:05:00

then what's fake and What's

1:05:04

the barometer? I'm like, why do we all

1:05:06

have to follow some kind of a standard?

1:05:09

It doesn't make any sense like can we

1:05:11

talk about your book for a second? Yeah

1:05:14

so you released your book

1:05:16

pretty boys are poisonous and

1:05:20

You basically write about the

1:05:22

fact that you have your entire life

1:05:24

kept the secrets of men Which

1:05:26

again if anyone asks like why it's like we

1:05:29

kind of talked about that today. It's like What

1:05:32

the fuck you're gonna if you say it no one believes you

1:05:34

or they shame you or they call you a whore like There

1:05:37

are certain reasons why women don't come forward

1:05:39

and say these things and you wrote a

1:05:42

lot in this book One

1:05:44

of the things one of the common themes I wrote

1:05:47

down was like throughout the book you talk about Minimizing

1:05:50

yourself in order to

1:05:52

make a man or men feel comfortable

1:05:55

and confident and important

1:06:00

When was the first time you remembered

1:06:02

doing that in a relationship? Like bringing

1:06:04

yourself down? So tricky because

1:06:06

my relationships are public. So it's hard

1:06:08

to say, but I would say very

1:06:10

early on, like when I first started

1:06:13

going to

1:06:16

award shows and things like that, feeling

1:06:20

judged for like

1:06:23

my naive excitement over like first

1:06:25

experiencing some kind of success or

1:06:28

like being at like, Oh my

1:06:30

God, I'm at the MTV Awards. Like, Whoa, this is

1:06:32

so cool. And not being met

1:06:34

with what

1:06:36

felt to be criticism or judgment and

1:06:39

then me shrinking and

1:06:42

receiving the message that it

1:06:45

was embarrassing to like

1:06:48

these things or to be happy to be a

1:06:50

part of these things and that I needed to

1:06:53

quell that and reject

1:06:55

it maybe. Have

1:06:57

you ever had someone that

1:07:01

like had a very strong opinion to be like, you're

1:07:04

not allowed to wear that or don't

1:07:08

be like as outgoing in at

1:07:10

events? Like how controlling have

1:07:12

you experienced relationships become? I

1:07:14

haven't had somebody control

1:07:18

clothing and things like

1:07:20

that. But

1:07:23

definitely, yeah, definitely

1:07:25

just down to like maintaining too

1:07:27

much eye contact with someone else

1:07:29

or having being

1:07:32

too curious during a conversation or to

1:07:34

the point where it's like,

1:07:36

well, I just won't talk to anyone. I

1:07:39

just won't look at anyone. I won't shake

1:07:41

anyone's hands. Like I'll just

1:07:43

sit. And that's that's one of the poems you're referring

1:07:45

to is I think it was the art of becoming

1:07:47

an accessory and feeling like an accessory

1:07:49

where I'm there. But why

1:07:52

am I there? And what am I doing?

1:07:54

I don't have like, I don't have a

1:07:56

presence here because I'm not allowed to be.

1:07:58

Another theme is toxicity in the book. I

1:08:01

wanted to read you this particular line. I prefer

1:08:04

the agonizing psychological

1:08:06

abuse of this trauma

1:08:08

bond to the

1:08:10

prosaic tedium of a regular

1:08:12

life Why

1:08:15

do you think you gravitate

1:08:17

towards toxicity over? stability

1:08:21

Because stability sounds boring Like

1:08:24

it it does That's the

1:08:26

truth. It sounds like

1:08:29

it's not romantic. It doesn't sound like

1:08:31

it's passionate the

1:08:33

literal definition of passion is to suffer and

1:08:37

It doesn't it just sounds I would

1:08:40

rather be in Something

1:08:42

this is not to encourage others to do

1:08:44

this But my

1:08:46

personal Psychosis an issue

1:08:49

is that I would prefer

1:08:51

to be in something dramatic

1:08:53

and toxic versus something Stable

1:08:59

keep in mind. I've never experienced like

1:09:01

truly stable So if I were to

1:09:03

honestly experience it, I would probably have

1:09:05

a lot of peace and

1:09:07

would accept it Yeah, but I've never

1:09:09

had it. So to me the idea

1:09:11

of it sounds very boring Boring

1:09:14

I want to read part of this heartbreaking poem

1:09:16

that you wrote because it's fucking

1:09:19

heartbreaking you say There

1:09:22

was a time where I had never heard

1:09:24

a man call me stupid

1:09:27

pathetic bitch cunt

1:09:30

slut Idiot, and

1:09:32

there was also a time When

1:09:34

I had never felt a man's hands hit

1:09:37

me Suffocate me or throw

1:09:39

me to the ground But

1:09:41

now if one of those things hasn't

1:09:43

happened by Wednesday, I consider

1:09:45

it a miracle when I

1:09:47

read that to you How

1:09:50

does it make you feel? I? Just

1:09:53

associate from the physical violence a lot

1:09:55

and even when I talk to my

1:09:57

therapist I have yet to be able to have

1:09:59

like a strong emotional reaction to that,

1:10:02

because I compartmentalized that.

1:10:05

And that sort of just jumped over my

1:10:09

logic, my logical brain and went right

1:10:11

into my body. So I need

1:10:13

to probably do a lot of like somatic therapy

1:10:15

to work on that. But

1:10:18

I am not able to feel emotional when I

1:10:20

write about it or when I talk about it.

1:10:22

It's basically like describing a movie. The

1:10:25

gaslighting and the name calling and

1:10:27

the mental emotional abuse,

1:10:29

I do get very emotional about that.

1:10:32

I am very like present with that. But

1:10:35

how do I feel about it? I don't know. Well,

1:10:38

part of me feels like exposed because

1:10:40

I wrote this book with things

1:10:43

like that in it. And

1:10:45

so to hear someone else read it, I'm like, okay,

1:10:47

I wrote that for everyone to read for all of

1:10:49

eternity. They can revisit that book. And I did it,

1:10:51

but I did it for a reason. Why

1:10:54

did you do it? One for myself,

1:10:56

I think because obviously

1:10:58

it was therapeutic to get

1:11:01

it out and to get it out in a

1:11:03

way that's different than to just

1:11:05

talk to a therapist and like the words

1:11:07

float away into nothingness

1:11:10

to put it into a book. I

1:11:13

know that it'll find even if

1:11:15

it's only one person, it'll find

1:11:17

someone that needs to read it.

1:11:20

And they will experience some kind of

1:11:23

healing or some kind of inspiration from

1:11:25

it. And therefore that gave my pain

1:11:27

a purpose versus me just

1:11:29

trying to heal privately. And

1:11:32

it also just felt like a demon I needed

1:11:34

to have exercised from my

1:11:36

body like I needed to I

1:11:39

needed to get it out in this way. Do

1:11:42

you remember the first time that a man

1:11:44

hit you? Yes.

1:11:48

I can't I don't know that

1:11:50

I can tell the story. I

1:11:53

have to be so careful. Of course, of course.

1:11:55

I guess I could just ask like, once

1:11:58

something happens more than once. There's

1:12:01

a way that you can almost, I

1:12:04

don't want to say like normalize it, but

1:12:06

you have you do you acclimate to it.

1:12:08

Yeah. When it happened the

1:12:10

first time. Do

1:12:13

you remember your reaction and like how

1:12:15

you handled it and move? Yeah, I

1:12:17

fond. That was my initial

1:12:20

reaction that freeze,

1:12:22

fight, flight,

1:12:25

fawn, fawning is like, it's

1:12:27

a combination of freezing and then

1:12:29

also attempting to soothe the other

1:12:31

person. So that was

1:12:33

my initial reaction. And it

1:12:35

was very, it was definitely

1:12:38

shocking. But like

1:12:40

I said, I almost immediately compartmentalized

1:12:42

it and went into the like

1:12:46

took on went into nurturing the other person

1:12:48

to like calm the

1:12:50

situation. And I

1:12:52

don't know, I just I just took it

1:12:55

on as my own burden right away instead

1:12:57

of feeling the trauma. But

1:13:00

I think that's like really relatable. And

1:13:02

that's how fucked up it is to

1:13:04

be a woman. Like we're trained to

1:13:06

like make men feel like you're it's

1:13:08

okay, like make them feel comfortable also

1:13:10

because I think it's a survival mechanism

1:13:12

because if you can deescalate a situation

1:13:14

with a man, you, you don't know

1:13:17

how much farther that was going to go. So our

1:13:19

brain goes to it's like I was talking to my

1:13:21

therapist about this the other day, she was like, I

1:13:24

call it like the blowjob effects. It's like when you're

1:13:26

about to get sexually abused or something's

1:13:28

about to happen. It's like you can

1:13:30

rationalize like, okay, if I just give him a blowjob,

1:13:32

that will stop me from having to have sex with

1:13:34

him. And then people will shame you like you gave

1:13:36

him a Oh, so then but so you did it's

1:13:39

like, you don't know what's going to happen. They

1:13:41

could have a gun they could try to fucking kill you. We

1:13:43

know what men are capable of. And

1:13:46

so there's moments where it's just survival. Again,

1:13:48

I think it's such a privilege standpoint when

1:13:50

people would be like, what do

1:13:52

you mean you soothed him? I

1:13:54

know exactly what you mean. You immediately

1:13:56

go into survival mode of how do I

1:13:58

completely deescalate the situation? The

1:14:02

poem you wrote called Rape, did

1:14:06

anyone in your life know that you

1:14:08

had survived that type of sexual abuse

1:14:11

before you wrote this poem? Yeah.

1:14:15

Not my parents or like my

1:14:17

family, but people that I've been

1:14:20

with like have known. Did your family reach out

1:14:22

to you once the book came out? No.

1:14:26

Interesting. Did that

1:14:28

shock you? No. I'm so

1:14:30

sorry. That's okay. I mean,

1:14:32

that's... But that's telling of the relationship. Yeah.

1:14:37

We're going to move on to your relationship a

1:14:39

little bit. Okay.

1:14:48

Mr. MGK. This

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1:16:26

going to move on to your relationship

1:16:28

a little bit. Okay. Mr.

1:16:30

MGK, obviously this

1:16:32

book has a lot of heavy topics and

1:16:35

I know you clarified on multiple

1:16:38

interviews you did, I'm not just writing about

1:16:40

one person, I'm talking about my life experience,

1:16:43

but how did that book just impact

1:16:46

your relationship in the moment? Did it open wounds?

1:16:48

Did you have to have a lot of conversations?

1:16:50

I can imagine it was tough. Yeah.

1:16:52

And because some of the poems are about him and

1:16:55

they're obviously about him, like a 32 year

1:16:57

old narcissist attempts to quantify his crimes.

1:17:00

It's about him and he knows it's about him. And

1:17:03

there are other ones like Ghost of

1:17:06

Christmas Future, obviously about him. But

1:17:10

I also didn't really write anything about

1:17:12

him that he hasn't said about himself

1:17:14

in his own music. However,

1:17:17

that doesn't make it any less sensitive

1:17:19

for him to experience me

1:17:22

writing about it because obviously he feels in

1:17:24

control when he's telling his own story or

1:17:26

even like maybe he's able to hide

1:17:29

behind the music a little bit, even though he's

1:17:31

saying all the same things. It felt

1:17:34

different in this

1:17:36

format. So obviously he would

1:17:39

have to be asked for his experience, but

1:17:41

it was not easy.

1:17:44

And I think he was like really nervous

1:17:47

and worried because there's a lot

1:17:49

of explosive content in the book,

1:17:51

obviously. And there was

1:17:53

some fear there. And also,

1:17:55

I mean, some of them

1:17:57

are about him and are savage. They

1:18:00

are Megan, they definitely are.

1:18:02

They're, go

1:18:05

read the book everyone. I feel like everyone has

1:18:07

such like an opinion on your guys' relationships. You

1:18:09

know, you got engaged and I think it was

1:18:11

called off then we don't know what's going on

1:18:13

with you. Like how would

1:18:15

you describe your relationship with MGK?

1:18:21

I think that

1:18:23

what I've learned from being in

1:18:25

this relationship is that it's not

1:18:27

for public consumption. So

1:18:29

I think as

1:18:31

of now, I don't have

1:18:33

a comment on like the

1:18:35

status of the relationship per se. What

1:18:37

I can say is that is what

1:18:39

I refer to as being my twin

1:18:41

soul. And there will always

1:18:44

be a tether to him no matter what.

1:18:46

I can't say for sure what the capacity

1:18:48

will be but I will always

1:18:50

be connected to him somehow. Beyond

1:18:52

that, I'm not willing to explain but

1:18:56

all those things you said were accurate,

1:18:58

things that have occurred. And

1:19:00

I could see them being confusing or interesting

1:19:02

to people and them being like, what's

1:19:05

up? Yeah, I mean, yeah,

1:19:08

I think the reality is like reading your

1:19:10

book, I was like, holy fuck. This is,

1:19:14

some of this is traumatizing. This is

1:19:17

scary. This is sad. This

1:19:21

is really relatable. Like I think, and

1:19:23

I think that's what you just explained you

1:19:25

wanted to do with the book is like,

1:19:27

I think a lot of women, which is

1:19:29

unfortunate and sad for us as women that

1:19:31

a lot of people can be like, uh-huh,

1:19:34

I've experienced that and that and that. And

1:19:36

I think what's sad is like so many

1:19:38

people probably don't know how many women have

1:19:40

gone through that. How many women have

1:19:43

normalized getting hit or

1:19:46

getting verbally, physically, emotionally

1:19:49

abused. Like it's everywhere.

1:19:51

It's one in three

1:19:53

women. Like it's so fucking prevalent.

1:19:55

And I think our culture likes

1:19:57

to just turn a blind eye.

1:20:00

and pretend it's not happening. So like, I

1:20:02

appreciate you writing the book, but I agree. I think a

1:20:04

lot of people are like, you

1:20:07

okay? Like, are we still in this relationship? And

1:20:09

that's for you to decide. Like, I don't think,

1:20:11

I think you're right. It's like, for everyone, fuck

1:20:13

off. You're gonna decide what you're gonna do. And

1:20:16

also, he gets to write his fucking music. Yeah.

1:20:18

And I think you, as an actor, it's not

1:20:20

like you get to be like, let's change this

1:20:22

role to be more like that. Like, this is

1:20:24

an expression for you that I bet was like,

1:20:27

healing in a way to like, put it out and

1:20:29

let it go. Yeah. It also

1:20:31

was written just from the like, one

1:20:34

angle of my perspective, meaning this

1:20:37

was me being like, I'm

1:20:39

writing this from my anger of all

1:20:42

these men, all these experiences that I have

1:20:44

had. It's not an objective view of my

1:20:47

roles in the relationship. Like I said,

1:20:50

like, I failed many times

1:20:52

inside the different relationships and was not

1:20:54

a flawless.

1:20:56

Yeah. I was not

1:20:59

a pure victim. Like I did plenty of

1:21:01

things and provoked plenty of things, not in

1:21:03

terms of violence, but like, I

1:21:06

provoked pain or issues inside the relationship

1:21:08

as well with my behavior. But the

1:21:10

book was not written in a holistic

1:21:12

way. It was written from my anger

1:21:14

and my pain needed to speak. And

1:21:16

that's what the book is. Yeah. Okay.

1:21:19

I have a couple more fun questions.

1:21:21

Okay. First of all, because we're going

1:21:23

to transition and help the girlies out. Okay. How

1:21:26

have you gotten to a place

1:21:28

in your life where you do not give a

1:21:31

fuck about what other people think

1:21:33

in their opinions? I have not gotten to

1:21:35

that place. Oh, wait, Megan, I thought you

1:21:37

did. No, no, no, we still care. No,

1:21:41

I, I, I guess, like

1:21:43

I said earlier, it is a thing of like, I

1:21:46

would never change anything about myself

1:21:48

to appease someone. Yeah. Like publicly,

1:21:50

I would never do that. I

1:21:52

actually had to one time during

1:21:55

Brian was in a custody case with his,

1:21:57

his child and sometimes a part of

1:21:59

those. a part of the process is

1:22:01

everybody has to do a psych evaluation. So

1:22:04

all four adults had to

1:22:07

go undergo psychiatric evaluations.

1:22:09

And mine came back and they took

1:22:11

note of the fact that I was one of

1:22:13

the only people that had never

1:22:16

attempted to slant the test because

1:22:18

it's human nature to want

1:22:20

your best self to be seen. So when

1:22:23

people are being tested, it's

1:22:25

often that they will not

1:22:27

lie per se, but mislead or like

1:22:29

present a truth that is an entirely

1:22:32

accurate out of wanting to

1:22:36

be liked. And I don't have

1:22:38

that function or that mechanism. So

1:22:40

I, they took note of

1:22:42

the fact that that was completely absent from my

1:22:45

psych evaluation, but not in a

1:22:47

like sociopath way, but

1:22:50

in a way where I'm

1:22:52

just not somebody who's going to bend unless I'm

1:22:54

only doing what

1:22:57

I believe in the end, like that will

1:22:59

never change. But that doesn't

1:23:01

mean that it doesn't hurt my

1:23:03

feelings. When people spew venom

1:23:05

or negativity or hatred towards me,

1:23:07

I'm very permeable actually, because I'm

1:23:10

very sensitive. And yes, I've been

1:23:12

wearing that armor, but the armor

1:23:14

is heavy. And at

1:23:17

a certain point in my life, I was down

1:23:19

to get some blood on my blade and like

1:23:21

go to war if I needed to, but I'm

1:23:24

tired now. And it's, it's

1:23:27

actually wearing on me a lot

1:23:29

in this particular moment for whatever

1:23:31

reason, things are coming to a

1:23:33

head for me. And I'm not in a place where

1:23:35

I don't give a single fuck. I

1:23:37

do get hurt. That won't change who I am

1:23:39

and how I am and how I speak and

1:23:41

how I proceed with my life. But I do

1:23:44

still feel the pain of that. How

1:23:46

do you as a mother handle

1:23:49

knowing people are like, like going

1:23:52

to try to get at your kids

1:23:54

through you and knowing you, like, are

1:23:56

you paranoid at all with

1:23:58

that? Yeah. a lot of sleep

1:24:01

about that, especially because at least one of them

1:24:03

is I know going to be in

1:24:06

the public. Probably all three of them,

1:24:08

they're like drop dead gorgeous kids and you know,

1:24:11

they're both of their parents are actors in

1:24:13

this industry. So it's likely that they're going

1:24:16

to have some type of public

1:24:18

platform up at a certain point. I

1:24:20

worry about that every day. You talk to them about that.

1:24:22

Yeah, not yet. My oldest is 11. And

1:24:25

my kids were not allowed. They weren't raised with

1:24:27

screens and they don't have iPads

1:24:29

or anything like that at my house or phones. I

1:24:32

can't keep that up forever. Eventually that

1:24:35

will happen. I'm trying to delay it

1:24:37

as long as possible. But when they get a little

1:24:39

bit older, it's still too early.

1:24:41

And it's also, I

1:24:43

don't want to put the weight of my experience on

1:24:45

them. I want them to have their

1:24:48

own experience and I don't want to preload

1:24:50

it by being like, this

1:24:53

is all the suffering that mommy's been through.

1:24:55

This is how the world treats mommy. You

1:24:57

know, mommy's never been loved. Mommy's always been

1:24:59

bullied. Mommy's always, mommy doesn't belong. Like they

1:25:01

don't need to feel that. So

1:25:04

I haven't found the right way to talk to

1:25:06

them about that, but I will have to with

1:25:09

certainty. And yes, I lose a lot of sleep

1:25:11

about that. Somebody should ask Brian

1:25:13

that question. He's watched

1:25:15

me cry so many times. He's

1:25:17

always like, are you okay? Because

1:25:20

every school meeting I'm just weeping. Like

1:25:22

I'm always crying because I know what's

1:25:24

coming and I'm not able to live

1:25:26

in this moment because I know what's

1:25:28

ahead. And I'm, I'm not

1:25:30

prepared emotionally to have to do it. I

1:25:33

can't do it. It's a lot.

1:25:35

Yes. Okay. You're going to

1:25:37

give the girl. I thought you said there were fun.

1:25:39

It's right here, right here, right here. Okay.

1:25:42

You are funny, by the way. Thank you. We

1:25:44

should do like a part two where we only talk about

1:25:47

funny shit. Okay. We just let you go.

1:25:49

Okay. So let's just start on

1:25:51

a couple of scenarios. Okay.

1:25:53

What would you say to someone who, and then like

1:25:55

it's a girl going through it. Okay.

1:25:57

This girl sees a hot guy at a bar, but

1:25:59

it's too nervous to go up to him and make

1:26:01

the first move. What would you say to her? It's

1:26:04

not gonna be worth it anyway. Ha

1:26:07

ha ha ha ha. Meckin'. Not.

1:26:12

You're like, you're the same bitch that's getting fucking cum

1:26:14

in your mouth. Like go home. It's not gonna be

1:26:16

worth it. Go home. It's not

1:26:19

gonna be good. Would you ever go up and

1:26:21

approach a guy? I can't

1:26:23

be bothered. It's not, what

1:26:25

do they give you really? What

1:26:27

do you get out of it really? I'm sorry. Have

1:26:31

you ever gotten a magical dick? Have

1:26:34

you ever been, gotten

1:26:36

a sacred dicking down where

1:26:39

you're like a better human

1:26:41

afterwards? Have you?

1:26:43

Because if you have, please tell me. Please

1:26:46

tell me. But in my experience, that's

1:26:48

not what happens. And it's not worth

1:26:51

the drama that they bring and they cause.

1:26:53

It's not worth it. Your dick needs to

1:26:55

be in direct proportion to the drama that

1:26:57

you cause. And

1:26:59

if it's not, then you need

1:27:01

to fuck the fuck off. I

1:27:04

mean, they'd be so little or they'd be huge.

1:27:07

There would be no like medium boyfriend

1:27:09

size six anymore. Wait, how

1:27:11

did you meet Colson? Did he go up to you?

1:27:14

Oh no. No.

1:27:18

For the audience, I did

1:27:20

not connect to those things. So I just

1:27:22

wanna make sure that those, that's not an

1:27:24

ongoing continuation of the sentence. Yes, yes, yes,

1:27:27

yes, yes, yes. How

1:27:29

did you meet him? Did you go to him? I met

1:27:31

him on set and we were in a scene together. Oh,

1:27:33

wait, wait, wait, the music video. No, no,

1:27:35

no, it was before that. We were doing a

1:27:38

movie that will forever be upset that we're, we

1:27:40

met on the set of that movie,

1:27:42

but we were doing a scene and

1:27:45

I had seen his picture before he showed up and I

1:27:47

knew just from his picture, I was like, I

1:27:50

recognize that person. And then I looked in his eyes

1:27:52

and I was like, oh yeah, it's you, I've known

1:27:54

you for thousands of years. So

1:27:56

we were in a situation where it wasn't really

1:27:59

about one person coming. up to the other. He's

1:28:01

very shy and he'll tell you he's

1:28:03

very awkward as well. So he's not

1:28:06

somebody who like picks up girls. He's

1:28:08

just gorgeous and a famous musician so

1:28:10

he gets them easily but if he

1:28:12

was not famous he would be struggling

1:28:14

because he's not good

1:28:18

at that. He isn't. He's a brilliant

1:28:20

musician. He's not good at picking

1:28:23

up girls or conversation. Are you

1:28:25

good at it? I

1:28:28

would say that's so

1:28:30

subjective. But no, I don't

1:28:32

think I'm good at it because I don't like

1:28:34

to. I don't do how girls

1:28:36

flirt. I don't like. I can't be bothered

1:28:38

to do that. I also

1:28:41

ask them questions they've never been asked before that

1:28:43

they don't want to answer like like why like

1:28:45

the questions you're asking me and shit we're talking

1:28:47

about now where I'm like what's your deepest mother

1:28:49

wound like no no

1:28:52

guy likes to talk about that shit especially

1:28:54

right away when they don't know you right

1:28:56

you're like let's talk about what happened what

1:28:58

happened in the childhood they're like huh yeah

1:29:01

what are you most traumatized by what's

1:29:03

your weirdest fetish what's your

1:29:05

like yeah they don't they

1:29:08

don't like to feel exposed so I'm not

1:29:10

a good dude I'm not good at that

1:29:12

because they just want you to be pretty

1:29:14

and really dumb and I don't like

1:29:17

to play that game. I agree.

1:29:19

What if a girl keeps comparing herself

1:29:21

to her best friend how do you

1:29:23

stop comparing yourself to women? That's

1:29:26

a great question. I don't

1:29:28

know that I've ever been in that you

1:29:30

mean it from like a standpoint of jealousy

1:29:32

comparing to or and more of like an

1:29:35

envy because there's so many it could

1:29:38

have a venomous element or it could just

1:29:40

be like wow I'm really

1:29:42

proud of my best friend I wish I

1:29:44

could get my shit together and be like

1:29:46

that there's different aspects to it one I

1:29:48

think is not necessarily unhealthy to be inspired

1:29:51

by your friend and to take

1:29:53

notes and want to move in that direction but

1:29:55

if it's unhealthy and it's toxic I don't know

1:29:57

that I have great advice.

1:30:00

like you have to start working on yourself

1:30:02

and because you have insecurities and things that

1:30:05

you you need to heal and Probably

1:30:09

desires need to be satiated and all of these

1:30:11

other things that that you need to work on

1:30:13

because Jealousy will always be there with your friend

1:30:16

or with Just

1:30:18

all others sucks. Okay.

1:30:20

What if a girl is hung up on a

1:30:22

guy who ghosted her after a date? What

1:30:25

do we do Megan? I? I

1:30:29

don't know. I can't be friends with that person

1:30:33

You can't be friends with the girl No,

1:30:37

what do you mean? Is

1:30:39

that rude? I can't be

1:30:41

friends with that person She's

1:30:45

upset after she went on a

1:30:47

date with a guy one time and he ghosted her.

1:30:49

Yeah, he still is obsessing over him You

1:30:54

can't be friends I

1:30:57

can't do that That wasn't the

1:30:59

question I can't be friends

1:31:01

with her I can't be friends with

1:31:04

her Oh my god I'm peeing We

1:31:07

were not friends with her. Okay. What about a girl

1:31:09

that's too afraid to tell her partner that she's never

1:31:11

had an orgasm Well,

1:31:16

you gotta just you gotta do that you gotta you

1:31:19

gotta say that that's that is I Feel

1:31:22

like all of us have been in that position at one time or

1:31:24

another That

1:31:26

is not worth living like that

1:31:29

though. You cannot What

1:31:32

is the fear that he's gonna feel

1:31:34

so insecure What do you

1:31:36

do it overwhelmed? How would you do it? Is

1:31:39

the question specifically? I've never had an

1:31:42

orgasm with you or I've never had

1:31:44

an orgasm with you. That's a different

1:31:46

question. I Think

1:31:49

how long has it been? I'm

1:31:51

making this up. Well, if it's been a

1:31:53

week versus ten years, then like it's been

1:31:56

like a year That's

1:31:58

a long time because now you're a liar. That

1:32:06

are One hundred. Keep up that I. Know

1:32:09

you're a fucking liar, you know. But

1:32:11

now you have to answer for a

1:32:13

little. Why have you been lying for

1:32:15

year? Like, don't let it get to

1:32:17

that point. I understand of fear of

1:32:19

being intimidated or worrying or whatever. You

1:32:21

can't live like that. You have to

1:32:24

understand the a orgasm. If he's entitled

1:32:26

to an orgasm, you are entitled to

1:32:28

an orgasm. The and so don't let

1:32:30

anything any kind of fear talk you

1:32:32

out of being able to speak that

1:32:34

truth. This is your body. and orgasms

1:32:36

actually keep women very healthy. It's a

1:32:38

vitamin. And you have to prioritize

1:32:40

that so don't be afraid. And if

1:32:42

he has a problem with that, he

1:32:44

is not for you. And I promise

1:32:46

you, the dig wasn't that good anyway

1:32:49

obviously because are not com. A

1:32:52

man Or a million bucks question? What do you

1:32:55

think this next chapter of your life will look

1:32:57

like for you? I think you're about to disappear.

1:33:01

On I didn't have. I am on like

1:33:03

the cliff of I Don't I don't know

1:33:05

I'm either going to really has some kind

1:33:07

of like breakthrough. Where I do transcendent is

1:33:09

some like. Bliss Law, higher

1:33:11

level of consciousness or find some

1:33:13

kind of purpose being in service to

1:33:15

people or I will disappear again.

1:33:17

I feel like I handled that wrong

1:33:20

the first time now and I

1:33:22

regret some of those years that I

1:33:24

law so I don't think I'll repeat

1:33:26

that. However, I am on the

1:33:28

precipice of what am I about. To.

1:33:31

Do And I don't know. Who.

1:33:33

Will be looking for you. Megan.

1:33:35

Fox Thank you so much for com and hard Id

1:33:37

This was. Over. Deal. And it

1:33:40

was. Perfect. Thank you thank

1:33:42

you for staying up silly! As.

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