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Jelly Bean. Propeller. Giant

0:35

Shoe. You

0:52

know how I know this is the big show for

0:54

you? What? Because you're stretching your arms before we got

0:56

going. Oh yeah. Why are you stretching

0:58

those arms? No, my back. My

1:00

back's still fucked. I was hoping you were

1:02

going to do like an interpretive dance or

1:04

something. No, you were making fun of me

1:06

for laying down in the last show. That's because my

1:08

back hurt, so I was trying to avoid it. To

1:10

be honest, you made fun of yourself by laying down

1:12

in the chair. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't have to do

1:14

much. Well, you called it out though. Someone

1:17

would have noticed. That was pretty impressive though. It was just

1:20

like completely... You were still stood out.

1:22

You had hands in your pockets. Like

1:24

you were just like, I don't even know how you... The

1:26

microphone was just kind of there. And

1:29

you're like, yep, that sounds good. Good

1:33

stuff, Joe. He's

1:36

a professional. What? So like the

1:39

back, the point of the chair, I'm

1:41

trying to dig into my sore spot.

1:44

So that's what it was like. That's where it started. That's

1:47

where it started and that's where it's ended. You know

1:49

what I mean? Fuck, I could just do the show.

1:52

This feels way more comfortable than sitting straight up. Episode

1:54

90. Of

1:57

Can You Don't? That feels good. Ten away

1:59

from... Oh, I realized I

2:01

fucked up and said something

2:05

Last show that I said the

2:07

millennium. It's mine because the morning is

2:09

without you Yeah, someone's like anybody here

2:11

Brian says a hundred years. Well, whatever

2:13

whatever dude You know how hard it

2:15

is to think on the fly. Yeah,

2:18

that's the thing you have the liberty

2:20

of Listening to it mean

2:22

like you dip. Yeah. Yeah, and then I yeah Yeah,

2:24

cuz I do the same thing if I hear somebody

2:26

doing oh, yeah, that's not right What

2:28

an idiot like watching the Olympics. I'm gymnast

2:30

like falls off the thing like you fucking

2:32

idiot. You suck You

2:35

can't balance. Yeah, fucking idiot. I'm just slamming

2:37

potato chips in my mouth laying on the

2:39

couch fuck out of here, dude I

2:42

signed up for patreon you'll find a link

2:44

in the episode description bonus content exclusive merch

2:46

all that kind of stuff and Speaking of

2:48

exclusive merch we do have exclusive merch. We

2:50

also have regular merch Let's start

2:53

with the regular merch reg merch the reg merch

2:55

on the reg, but we have a new shirt

2:58

Zach you wanna bring that up for me? Yeah. Okay. Thank you It

3:01

just says can you don't or whatever? We

3:04

don't is very fitting for the show. I

3:07

wish I could zoom out. I guess I could do that There you

3:09

go. There you go. Can you don't or whatever? With

3:12

a nice little design and you got a couple different color

3:14

options for it For the exclusive

3:16

merch if you are part of patreon we

3:18

have some stickies We don't have

3:20

any stickers when you decide to do it. We got like this

3:22

hologram Foil cover sticker and

3:24

then one that's regular and a clear back

3:27

and it just says sexy honk Hmm,

3:29

and you can get some big-ass one. So we got one

3:31

up here. See it might not

3:33

look very big on camera Oh shit, you

3:36

can't even see what it says. Well,

3:38

I guess I'll I'll work on that But

3:40

it's huge and it just says sexy honk Because

3:44

that's so shiny. It's hard to see what I know No,

3:47

but great for cars water bottles all that

3:49

kind of shit But

3:51

all available right now head over to

3:53

can you don't podcast comm and pick

3:55

up your new What

3:59

which is There's a first as well. It's not showing

4:01

up. Wait, maybe it is. Hold on one second. One second.

4:04

I think it is. Okay, right here. Because it

4:06

fits for when you have people over, but you

4:08

don't really want to see them. We have a

4:11

doormat that has the can you don't or whatever.

4:14

And if it, I mean people that are trying

4:16

to solicit and swing by and sell you some

4:18

some shampoo. I think I might get

4:20

one of those for our porch. For

4:23

all your carpet needs. And you're like,

4:25

just can you don't or whatever? The

4:28

Jehovah's the JW is the walker. I gotta

4:30

fix this. And I use like this and

4:33

just like I already got tattoos. I'm already

4:35

going to hell. You just right

4:37

just don't waste your time here. At

4:39

this household and I support the

4:41

gays so I'm going to hell. Yeah, exactly.

4:43

Which I mean that's exactly all that's where

4:46

you go. All

4:48

content suggestions including stuff for petty beef

4:50

or something for dick. If you got

4:52

some confessions. Hey guys, at can you

4:54

don't podcast calm? Let's take a look.

4:57

At this cool little tattoo our silly daughter

5:00

Deja got. Look at this silly goose.

5:02

Take a peek. Look

5:04

at it. And I remember her

5:06

writing a description. It's got a

5:09

silly goose tattoo and then also has

5:11

some kitty buttholes to represent scat cast. Yeah. So

5:14

those little little twinkles around it are some

5:16

kitty buttholes. It's hard to tell where that

5:18

where is this. Where is that? It's a

5:20

big toe. And that's what I thought. But

5:22

it's kind of like the way that it's

5:24

cropped. The world's smallest fingers. Yeah. Well it

5:26

could be close up. Yeah. Or yeah and

5:28

the knuckles are bent. I'm guessing that's a toe.

5:31

I think so. I mean look at the wear on the fat

5:33

part of that toe. Yeah. It's right on the big toe. That

5:36

is so cool. I think

5:38

that's a grand total of I

5:40

think it's four or five of

5:43

tattoos that are that

5:45

are inspired by the show. I think I might

5:47

get a silly goose tattoo. Why not? You

5:50

are a fucking silly ass goose over there. I

5:52

was silly goose way before this. Before it became

5:54

a thing. Yeah. Yeah. You've always been a silly

5:56

goose. He's been so silly. And Wishing you were

5:58

a goose. Just out there. The in Philly.

6:00

Oh yeah I wish I was abuse the

6:03

system for you or man. As

6:06

a slip knot reference kinda

6:08

before our old manse just

6:10

before our gas for amp

6:12

or on I was a

6:14

do is be far actively

6:16

and ah some I got

6:18

my success. I heard of

6:20

the Javan Over does get

6:22

the show roland fuck the

6:25

additional ninety in motion or

6:27

I was dizzy. Sorta

6:31

such as I would have a

6:33

gallery. Oh yeah oh would we

6:35

will we get wanted to go

6:37

would you what? your bow which

6:39

does ah ok go smooth citizens

6:42

of would you rather sound on

6:44

the internet not a Guinness? Us

6:46

Minister Scott Ah it's. It's

6:48

not dirty, isn't is nothing like that, but

6:50

it makes. Yeah, it's like. Help

6:54

of we I think we can make his dirty This. Would

6:57

you rather to put a direct

6:59

order for it was ready for

7:01

my mom or my dick in

7:03

nearby book or jersey? Yeah like

7:05

with the same same thing is

7:08

the way our job. Is

7:11

what I. Would you

7:14

rather be in jail for

7:16

five years bars or been

7:18

a coma? For. A decade,

7:20

oh, some of us years of

7:22

life we're putting aside. So if

7:25

you're in a coma, Lego.

7:27

I join you go to sleep at night we

7:29

foresee been. You wake up your like as like

7:32

no time passed. move. But

7:34

you. Lose ten years of your

7:36

life. Isn't funny That matter how well you

7:38

sleep, he always wake up and you're like

7:41

to move hundred mil. If you'd wake up

7:43

after a decade in a coma, his allergy

7:45

be rested. You want to go back to

7:47

see you but sleep goods or ago, when

7:50

do they have like nothing you've got fired.

7:53

not as a works out of in the

7:55

coma for decades much as two bags legendary

7:57

got would read what the kids like kids

7:59

You're in college. Um, so

8:02

don't have to worry about that and you're like shit, dude. I might take

8:04

a little nap little nappy poo You

8:07

say it like that a couple of these might catch

8:09

a couple of these your wife. You're like, you might

8:11

have a lay down close my

8:13

eyes for a second I

8:16

just want to close my a little bit rest rest For

8:19

a second. Yes, you've been sleeping for ten years. It's been 84

8:24

years. Yeah, you realize I Put

8:27

the kids in college and did all this stuff

8:29

and kept you alive Yeah, I've been working my

8:31

ass off and you're like it must sounds exhausting.

8:33

Yeah, doesn't mean I'm not tired You

8:39

know exhausting it's the stress of being in a hospital

8:41

for a decade and see I'm so tired Just

8:48

a board you just hand you the papers wake

8:50

up and the first thing you do is want

8:52

to go nappy little nap Get a

8:54

couple of these My grumpy's to

8:56

say that he'll take catch a couple of these a couple

8:58

of these you wake me up when I'm out

9:01

of these When the Z's

9:03

are all dried up, but I'm done catching them Where

9:06

you put the Z when you catch it? I

9:09

don't know a little Z pocket a little z-net

9:11

a little fanny pack of Z's Yeah, just going

9:13

out there catching them a Z pack. Yeah, that

9:15

sounds like something it is it exists Yeah, it

9:17

does Z package for like when you have strep

9:19

throat or it's called a Z pack.

9:21

Isn't it? Yeah, the Z pack They gave you like

9:23

some Anti, what does the Z

9:25

stand for? zippy Put

9:30

you to sleep. Maybe probably something's like little

9:32

like zap anorra fan. Oh, yeah That's something

9:34

like that house be what it is. Yeah,

9:36

give a little Z pack. So it says

9:38

jail I mean if you're from

9:40

a prison, let's call it prison. Okay, let's

9:43

up at the place like cuz you're a

9:45

hard care Look, you're going to like sand

9:48

Quentin Yeah

9:53

Pull that one out not a wallet from

9:55

here. No, not our wall. Like a different

9:57

is no one like Kansas or something Look

10:00

at that's like the big one right so

10:02

nice they named it twice I think we

10:04

have it I think the wall-to-wall prison is

10:07

Washington one. That's the one. No, sorry leavenworth

10:09

I meant leavenworth. Not wall-to-wall leavenworth the big

10:11

prison that yeah somewhere else so

10:13

there's things there There's a there's gonna. There's gonna be

10:16

an issue for you. Oh, yeah, it's

10:18

not going to take one Yeah, but it's

10:20

only five years Only oh

10:22

my god There are

10:24

five worth is Oktoberfest right so

10:26

yeah, yeah That's

10:29

what I was I was thinking it

10:31

was it's leavenworth is in Kansas, okay,

10:33

okay, so not great Some

10:35

sort of I mean I'm not sure if it's

10:37

maximum security But whatever the rating

10:40

system for prisons is like it's not gonna be

10:42

a good time well like you go and like

10:44

people Oh, never do we go like this remember

10:47

that yeah, I do yeah, you're gonna be a new fish.

10:49

Yeah I'm

10:51

gonna walk in there. Mmm. I tell

10:53

you why those fish are What

10:57

you know if it a good look at a butcher, you know,

11:00

I feel a trout my asshole You know what I mean hmm,

11:02

and I'm done in prison. I'm not a

11:04

fighter. He's fucking have at it It's

11:06

only five years dude. I'm gonna come better

11:08

I'm gonna be coma for 10 years after

11:11

wear what this dress, but I'm still alive

11:13

all right have fun Have

11:15

fun back there would you want to be alive though

11:17

if you're just getting fuck pounded all the time Federal

11:20

pound me in the ass prison From

11:23

is that in Oklahoma? That's

11:26

the name of it We

11:28

got good news like we approved your

11:30

transfer the bad news you go to

11:32

the federal ass pounding in Oklahoma

11:35

You're like, oh no fuck. Oh,

11:38

no. Oh, no not that That's

11:43

gonna suck Terrible

11:46

me. Yeah, where's the box? I

11:50

Yeah, so prison is scary. I'm I

11:53

mean I could fight I guess you could switch your

11:55

brain off to be like a like a tough guy

11:57

right for five years and

12:00

hold up you don't think so no I couldn't

12:02

be a good clip for a little bit now

12:05

because if I'm a tough guy there's

12:08

a tougher guy out there that's

12:10

gonna beat my ass this is going back

12:12

to last episode yeah you're gonna die you're

12:15

the worst dick so yeah dude I'm gonna be

12:17

dude I'm gonna be the guy that's like holding

12:19

the guy's pocket yeah

12:22

but you're also gonna get killed cuz you

12:24

suck at sucking dick if you're in prison though

12:26

like you better learn to suck dick no no if

12:28

you're in prison like aren't you just gonna take a

12:30

dick sucking are you gonna really gonna be like dude

12:32

you're not very good at this like

12:35

like five when we try

12:40

standards they got standards they have to

12:42

be the

12:44

best dick sucker guy the guy

12:47

that's better than Brian you

12:49

explained your dick sucking capabilities and

12:52

it sounds like a nightmare is Kansas on the side of

12:54

the Mississippi he's the

12:57

best dick suckers inside the Mississippi

12:59

yeah maybe no you're

13:01

not I see teeth I

13:04

feel like teeth guys and he's teeth guys

13:06

you know he's just the tip and he's

13:08

hoping that you just forget that he's using

13:10

his hand the whole time and not really putting

13:13

his heart into it you're

13:15

gonna you're gonna die you're gonna die but

13:18

that is a real thing so going to the coma no

13:20

one gonna wake up in a decade right like

13:22

at least you're alive you're gonna have

13:24

some astrophy like you're just gonna fucking be no

13:27

muscles atrophy yeah I've never said you

13:29

said astrophy you're gonna get astrophy from

13:32

prison and your muscles

13:34

aren't gonna work

13:38

right it but so

13:41

I mean coma you at least you know you're gonna

13:43

wake up we also your asshole will bounce back though

13:45

like you said we've learned that yeah yeah that's gonna

13:47

come back to you and I mean

13:49

pretty quick how do you get out of prison like

13:51

your ass was like I remember was you fuck her

13:53

right back I know my job and just hold your

13:56

shit up yeah for five over five years no you're

14:00

Your asshole's job is accepting penises.

14:02

I think for the sake of

14:04

making this a difficult decision, we

14:07

should change it, not necessarily a decade, but it's

14:09

like, let's say maybe you

14:11

have little kids, like you have a couple

14:13

of babies and when you wake up, they're

14:15

grown. You're missing 10 years of life. You're

14:17

missing all the good stuff, like all this.

14:20

Yeah. I would, if I get to

14:22

pick a decade and miss like maybe the teenage years where there

14:24

are a bunch of assholes and

14:26

I pop back in, I get sympathy points once I wake up.

14:29

So they've, you've got, you got them as

14:32

little kids. You raised them, you gave them

14:34

the right morals and like some sort of

14:36

compass. You weren't there during some pretty critical

14:38

years, but you hope they

14:40

make it through. Well, maybe your kids in prison now.

14:42

Now on the back end, you just show up and

14:44

you're like, shit, man, you already know how to play

14:47

baseball? That's all you have?

14:51

You're like,

14:53

all right, come up. I got my

14:55

legs working again. Let's go learn how to play baseball. He goes,

14:57

I'm already got a full ride. Yeah. You're

14:59

like going to Oregon state. Yeah. You're like,

15:02

shit. Well, guess

15:04

I'm going to go take a little nappy poo. Yeah. Catch

15:07

some Z's I guess. You go catch a fly ball,

15:09

catch a couple Z's. We'll try this again in 10 years.

15:13

I love how that's your response to everything.

15:15

It's like, uh, well, I gotta

15:17

go to school. All right. Well, I

15:19

guess go catch a couple Z's. Catch

15:21

a little nappy poo. I'll pick you up. I'll

15:24

pick you up after a pocket, a couple Z's. But

15:28

because you could really die in

15:30

prison, that's a real thing. But the experience

15:32

of that, you come out and you'll be a

15:34

different person. You just skip all of

15:36

it. Not sure for the better though. That

15:40

depends on the mentality. How many people get

15:42

out of prison and then stay out and

15:44

don't go back in? More than go back in. You

15:46

think so? I think so. I don't know

15:48

the statistics again, like we talked about last. I don't know

15:51

exactly. Maybe we need ZAC to... Recidivism is really pretty high

15:53

I think for people to go to prison. But

15:55

there's gotta be a good... But that was also,

15:57

they were bad on the... Things

16:00

were not going well on the way in yeah,

16:02

I think I should clarify. I have no fucking

16:04

idea. How about that? Okay, that's good. Yeah, like

16:07

if you went in for something that was like

16:09

like tax fraud hmm, right? I'm doing that again.

16:11

You're coming out. You know Robin banks now. Yeah,

16:13

and you're not killing people and raping people now

16:15

Yeah, so you're gonna go in though just to

16:17

survive you never know dude

16:19

prisons fucking hard Yeah, but prisons prison

16:21

man like rape scrape a little kill

16:23

a little Whatever you

16:25

got five years no matter what you do apparently

16:29

You don't get extended time for raping and killing in

16:31

prison No, you just you

16:33

just you just get through your five years

16:35

if you're five Well,

16:37

you're not doing the raping you're the one let's

16:39

be on if you're going into prison And if

16:42

you're like the way, I'm the smallest guy in

16:44

prison No So

16:48

here I want you to I want

16:50

you to think about this I couldn't kill a couple

16:52

people So You

16:56

know, yeah, you could if you so here's the thing

16:59

You the way you are now. Let's say you go

17:01

into prison. Are you just gonna start killing people? I

17:03

don't want to he what if I have to to

17:05

survive he would sneak in a knife Right,

17:08

I'm good caught obviously. Yeah, I'm not

17:10

good at anything But

17:12

like so I get caught trying to sneak lube in If

17:16

I'm gonna get fucked It's gonna be

17:18

at least it's a full bottle of lube

17:20

life in my asshole and they catch me

17:24

Be like sir, what's this? I'm like, yeah, you

17:27

caught me now. I got a raw dog it

17:29

What's this behind the lube life? Ah, you got

17:31

me to switch blade Wait

17:33

a second. He's like pulled it up. Wait, there's something

17:35

else back here or inside the lube life containers It's

17:38

which is which played inside the blue boy God

17:41

you guys really tighten things up around here No,

17:44

sir. It's literally a 40 Jar

17:48

of lube life with a switchblade in it. It

17:51

would be hard to miss. Yeah. Okay,

17:53

that's I'm trying to visualize Do

17:55

me a solid. Yes, that's a good fun. She's all

17:57

yeah, do me a song. Let me bring this in

18:00

It's gonna be a terrible five years.

18:02

I just want the first couple months. Just let me get through

18:05

this. Just let me just loosen

18:07

things up. I love the idea of that

18:09

visual of a bottle of lube with a

18:11

switchblade in it though. Trying

18:16

to conceal a switchblade but

18:19

doing it in a bottle of lube is so funny

18:21

to me. It ended up being up your ass. Yeah.

18:24

Which is where the lube's going anyway. Yeah. I

18:26

mean, just for the practical jokester I

18:28

am. Yeah. That would be funny.

18:31

Hiding lube in your butt knowing they're

18:33

gonna find it is really funny. It's

18:36

like, heh heh. And everyone had a

18:38

good laugh. And then you went in

18:40

and got your fucking ass kicked. Yeah. But

18:42

at least you got everyone to laugh one last time. And they'll talk about

18:44

it forever. Maybe some podcasts. Maybe a

18:46

new story will be written about it. You

18:49

get to make everyone laugh one last time before you

18:51

go in and just get fucking railed. That would be...

18:54

If you got to come out and start a podcast, like that's the

18:56

whole... What my five years was

18:58

like in there. I

19:01

don't think I would do well in prison. We

19:03

know. Oh,

19:07

you... Like

19:10

you're fucking hard. I wouldn't do well. I mean,

19:12

I am. What about you, Zach? You think you'd

19:14

do well in prison? If I could be in

19:16

solitary confinement, I'd prefer that. Not, not. No,

19:19

that sounds... I'm an only child.

19:21

I live in solitary confinement, so I'm

19:23

good with that. No, we're not in

19:25

solitary. You're in... You're gonna

19:27

have to be federal ass pound prison. Before the

19:29

chart... or to join a gang. You're

19:31

gonna have to do the whole thing. And you're a big

19:33

dude. People are gonna walk in and go, oh, this fucking guy.

19:36

We gotta knock him down a couple of chairs. I can't

19:38

wait to fuck that ass. I'm gonna fight that. I'm gonna fight

19:40

that pretty good. I'd rather have a coma. I think I'd rather

19:42

do the 10 year coma thing. 10

19:45

years is a long time. I still think

19:48

maybe it should be like 15, because I'm

19:50

like, you lose a huge chunk of your

19:52

life, but you don't even know it. But

19:56

you wake up and you know it. But

19:58

you're alive and you'll meet people. Who

20:00

the I mean who knows I'm taking five years in

20:02

jail prison. Whatever. I'm

20:05

taking that ten years. It's just Like

20:07

you get out. That's five years is a

20:09

long time to experience life And

20:12

you're still experiencing life in prison. Not great

20:14

I don't know if I want to experience

20:16

that but you're gonna learn a lot about

20:18

Yourself and what you can do but just

20:20

sleeping for five years. I see I don't

20:23

Like a crazy dream. I wake up

20:25

sad He was like hi.

20:27

Oh my god. He's awake and you're like I

20:29

had a bad dream about you Yeah,

20:34

because if you're gonna believe this remember Tom

20:36

from work, yeah, you guys you guys were

20:38

having an affair dude Tom died seven years

20:41

ago Cancer just

20:43

some weird ass dreams. Like what are you

20:45

doing? That's the funny thing to think about

20:47

like if you're so if you sleep You

20:49

have Like crazy now,

20:52

I bet you it doesn't work that way

20:54

but that'd be cool if it did I mean,

20:56

I forget dreams a second. I wake up your

20:58

brains gotta get speed. Sometimes I remember I'm like,

21:00

whoa Crazy and

21:02

just a quick pause to talk about how

21:05

weird comas are Come here. I'm

21:08

waking up from a coma. It's so weird. What

21:10

a weird thing that can actually happen

21:13

Yeah, it's fucking that just is it's like

21:15

time traveling. It's just I mean just doesn't

21:17

make any sense No, you

21:19

go to sleep at 20 and you wake up at

21:21

30 that is fucked and everything

21:24

like you think about now How

21:26

much has changed in social media and internet

21:28

all that stuff? Let's say that you missed

21:30

out on that 10 year like imagine I

21:33

always think about like like to

21:35

think about the Kurt Cobain. I think like artists who

21:37

were Young in the 90s and thinking

21:40

about like if Kurt Cobain was in a coma. He blew

21:42

try to blow his head off Didn't

21:44

work. He's in coma

21:46

and then he like Maraxi wakes up

21:48

now like what's he thinking? You

21:51

gotta release a new album We're

21:54

not charting Like

21:57

you see Dave Grohl, you know, you

21:59

see the you see the the the fame

22:01

that Dave Grohl has in the in Foo Fighters

22:03

and all that he gets mad at Dave Grohl

22:05

he's like you started other family yeah it's like

22:07

you cheated on me with somebody else oh you've

22:10

been sleeping for 20 years you ate

22:14

a shotgun shotgun I have no

22:16

idea how you're here you shouldn't

22:19

be here right now all right so what's your pick I'm

22:21

picking jail just cuz I'm alive and I get to experience

22:23

life rather than being a

22:25

coma and just laying in a hospital bed which

22:27

also sounds expensive I I really think

22:29

it depends on what

22:32

your perspective of the world because if I

22:34

think about like that happened now and I

22:36

missed 10 years of my kids life like

22:39

how horrible that would be even

22:41

with five you missing five years but like if they could

22:44

come visit you and you'd still see him

22:46

but if you just missed out on 10 years

22:48

of their life yeah even

22:51

though I hate the idea of

22:53

going to prison you love

22:55

the idea of sucking dick or

22:59

like the idea of at least trying to get good at it

23:03

practice makes perfect yeah I

23:06

think I think I could get good at it you

23:09

know the number one rule in prison is bigger

23:11

the ponytail bigger the problem that's right we've

23:14

learned that one yes we have it's a prison

23:16

prison hey what are

23:18

you doing Zach you guys are kind of talked me into

23:20

prison prison yeah all right let's go to prison I do

23:22

my best to get into solitary confinement though I probably shank

23:24

one of you wait sorry

23:27

I'm going to walla walla baby yeah okay

23:30

let's just do some prison stuff that's not good all right let's

23:32

move on to what are you thinking about hey

23:36

hey what's up babe what are you thinking

23:38

about ah you know nothing actually you

23:41

know what I'm thinking about a lot of shit

23:44

what are you thinking about

23:46

this just happened today today

23:50

today do

23:52

me is gonna be the day I'm gonna

23:55

get back to you I

23:58

was flying home from beautiful

24:01

Seattle Washington

24:05

got in just before he recorded also by

24:07

the way happy we're recording us on leap

24:09

day who knows if we'll ever do

24:11

that again yeah today's leap day happy

24:14

29th was my dad's birthday yesterday he's dead

24:16

remember that yeah so how

24:18

was he cuz he would have been 70

24:21

no no no on it was a good

24:23

sleep yeah how does that work yeah okay

24:26

sorry so how does it like if you're

24:28

born on February 29th then they get the

24:30

joke about being I'm one fucking like years

24:33

old yeah that's just there are you a

24:35

minor then it's their whole thing so you

24:37

could go out and just rape people and

24:39

be like oh dude so I'm only like

24:42

60 year old guy I just

24:44

anyway so flying home

24:46

from Seattle today and

24:48

I don't know and then flying home

24:51

I just kind of

24:53

was thinking about this and

24:55

I didn't know what to do I

24:57

had the best intentions but I also just I was

24:59

like this is kind of weird like what do I

25:01

do so I get my seat

25:03

and I sit down and I'm have the

25:05

window seat and I'm sitting next to this

25:08

this kid who's like a teenager I

25:10

mean he could have been like a giant fucking 11

25:12

year old you've had that you never know that

25:14

type of look to him the

25:16

big-ass kid if

25:19

I had to guess just based off of size

25:21

I would say it's probably 1415 right it doesn't

25:23

mean in the middle yeah yeah sure and it's

25:25

a bad to guess he was 46 years

25:27

old because he was born on a leap year yeah and

25:31

he had an eye he had his iPad out he's

25:33

playing Minecraft so I got the

25:35

windows seats you have to do that first awkward like you're

25:37

walking down and then you see the seat

25:39

and there's already two people then I go that's

25:42

me oh my god it's me over here

25:44

and they're like shuffle out of

25:48

the way and I get in and then they sit back

25:50

down and this is like before we even took off and

25:52

I'm you know the kids sit next to me His

25:55

iPad out and and I'm just kind of sitting

25:57

there and my back hurts a little bit and

25:59

I'm not really. You're like what's going on.

26:01

I'm like, why am I leaving to the right.

26:04

And I realize as fuck and kid.

26:06

With. His i pad, has his elbows

26:09

out and he's resting. I'm in

26:11

their problem there for five inches.

26:13

Over. The armrest into my see no

26:15

reason you're Spain and my space is

26:17

months. We're not spoiling the armor as

26:20

as much as elbows touching on the

26:22

armrests like he is fully expanded. In

26:25

his arm and says into my seat

26:27

of no use their we're Executives world

26:29

no not their know he is in

26:31

Minecraft, Him and Steve. Now. Whatever

26:33

they like, they're called in Minecraft World, the

26:35

zombies. and dude, he's He's in the end

26:38

or right now who see her. Third, Yeah,

26:40

that's right. Yeah, the never never never he

26:42

never enough. Ender Dragon insists. So he's and

26:44

I'm He's in Minecraft. Rolled his elbow. Is

26:47

it just sticking in the my side? I'm

26:49

on my phone. Expensive there is used he's

26:51

not. I get is not just like put

26:54

in some buttons or he's rotating as I

26:56

pad and he's tap and buttons up and

26:58

down so his elbow as wiggling into my

27:00

ribs. It's like I can feel it digging.

27:03

In not not bad but it just

27:05

enough. like him in his so far

27:07

over my arm is up like this

27:09

now holding my phone lineages the windows

27:11

in his elbow on robbing into my

27:13

room. right? But I'm

27:15

I being a dad had also

27:17

not being like some paddle. yes

27:20

I'm a psych ma'am I tell

27:22

him do with this many got

27:24

me thinking about. I

27:26

would I kill a kid know it got

27:29

me thinking of out like do I say

27:31

something to this kid rights? do I blame

27:33

real quick? Was he with anybody? was no

27:35

issues time and so I'm I'm saga so

27:38

he's old enough to do that. See my

27:40

guess that resets things so he has to

27:42

be thirteen or older to fly by himself

27:44

against like of Batman backpack and it's the

27:47

guy next to me. Cases of these. Skills

27:51

gets easier for as a gun happy

27:53

booze. I get up as he was

27:55

able to sleep. Before the plane take

27:57

not he was sued second rule and

28:00

we don't what you're doing. He could

28:02

add a great night for forty like

28:04

a chasm season I sit down but

28:06

he was he was these. This guy

28:08

was minecraft that I'm in the window

28:10

and our sync it I was like

28:12

do I do I talked to because

28:14

that's how kids learn right? Yes, like

28:16

he's doing fully. He's got a whole

28:18

landscape of deeming set out with elbows

28:20

and a guy sleeping has his arms

28:22

crossed. many so yeah he's laying back

28:24

so the of on the left side.

28:27

Side. Yeah that's a that's free runs monkeys

28:29

up poker anybody's ribs but you got me

28:31

seven and i'm not a my how my

28:33

arms crossed on for foreign arms than use

28:35

my phone. So. It's stitches stabbed

28:37

me and I thought do I

28:39

tell him because everybody moving forward

28:42

benefits would have to sit next

28:44

as fuck and gym because if

28:46

I say something like see v

28:48

know. Your. Elbow Grease Your

28:50

elbow is for see password

28:53

supposed to be. He's. Go

28:55

ahead and dow that thing back and keep that

28:57

my rib days of grapes in just isn't. Oh

28:59

a because he was a legitimate he was mean

29:01

and he would understand but oh sorry you move

29:03

back and I guess had a sit there and

29:05

my offer was up in a as I was

29:08

thinking of this is like now I'm gonna put

29:10

my arm them. So. I laid my

29:12

arm down and normal physician am just rest

29:14

missing my arm on top of the skids

29:17

arm. Skill it's

29:19

browsing around because he wants not moving is

29:21

what you do is this was center and

29:23

you going to notice and as I say

29:25

something of the just tell us okay we

29:27

got of prostitutes are over here dude but

29:29

I just lay there and are it was

29:31

as like pressure as I used my phone

29:33

was actually texting Tassie about it. as

29:36

like the such with said i'd like

29:38

tilted the phone up and i want

29:40

us going to get a picture but

29:42

i can do a bullet was so

29:44

far over it is a religious leader

29:46

and take a picture and we don't

29:48

on sons to my girlfriend a sales

29:50

for last night i face timer on

29:52

my kids fought his elbow is in

29:54

my arm did sectors out is beside

29:56

a while but i say i am

29:58

i have this often for laying my

30:00

arm on top of his arm and then

30:02

I started pushing a little harder on

30:05

his arm. I just kept on leaning back

30:07

a little farther and farther until I was

30:09

squishing his arm into

30:12

my rib cage just to fuck up

30:14

his gaming. And eventually he

30:16

was like, now you're the asshole.

30:19

He moved it away. He moved it out and

30:21

the second he did I was like, I set

30:24

up steak. I was like, I've

30:26

taken what he would normally take on an armrest and

30:28

I was like, bah, okay, elbows are in and I

30:30

just couldn't move them the rest of the time. I don't want to risk him

30:33

like, you know, playing the game of risk and

30:35

retaking the arm. So I guess like locked him

30:37

in and use my phone the whole time. But

30:39

that did get me thinking

30:42

about like talking to children

30:44

about things you know are wrong,

30:46

but they're not your kids. Where

30:48

is that line? Like, what do you do? Like,

30:50

you see some kid do some fucked up shit. And

30:54

it's just such a risky game because parents

30:56

fucking suck. Yeah,

30:59

they're like, who's who are you to

31:01

tell my like your kid was throwing

31:04

rocks at this other kid. A

31:06

bridge. Yeah. So

31:08

fuck your kid. Yeah, your kid doesn't get to do

31:10

that. And it goes back to that old saying of like, it takes a

31:12

village to raise a kid like that's I

31:15

mean, that is true. Or it

31:17

should be more true. Like not just

31:19

your perspective, but don't be a fucking clown

31:21

in a situation. It wasn't life or death.

31:23

It wasn't throwing rocks, but like it was

31:25

just digging his elbows into my rib cage.

31:28

While playing Minecraft. And there's no

31:30

way kids are so stupid. He had no idea.

31:33

No idea he was doing. He just rub

31:35

rubbing his elbows into a stranger's rib cage.

31:38

And you know, you're just like, I don't know. I got

31:40

to mine some more gold. Maybe

31:42

that's all he was thinking about. I

31:45

definitely love when parents are

31:49

they're they're open to you

31:52

educating their kids like what

31:55

being a coach in my

31:57

son's baseball team. I

31:59

definitely. appreciate the parents that are just like

32:02

That practice these yours, you know if you need

32:04

to put him in line or whatever,

32:07

right? It's like and if you don't feel

32:09

as bad saying something to like, all right

32:11

knock that off or whatever your dad said

32:14

Yeah, your dad said I can call you a

32:16

piece of shit. Yeah, right. I could do whatever

32:18

I want. It's very helpful Yeah, yeah, and there's

32:20

some parents that are just like they're like that.

32:22

They're like whatever you gotta do man Like whatever.

32:24

Yeah, and then there are some parents that are

32:26

just like that is my boy I don't want

32:28

him you talking to him like that It's

32:31

like well, then you say something because

32:33

play sports cuz mm-hmm. That's how coaches

32:35

work. I When

32:38

you're when your kids acting up and like

32:40

I'm having to keep say something just chime

32:43

in and say listen to coach You know,

32:45

whatever, you know, like I would

32:47

hope that their the parents like on an

32:49

airplane would do that. Mm-hmm Hey,

32:52

hey, maybe Dial

32:54

it back a little bit because you see that that's how

32:57

I am though Like I observed things and

32:59

my brain ran through the whole kiss here. Like

33:01

maybe it's his first time flying Maybe

33:03

he's just growing he doesn't really know how big

33:05

his wings man is when he's playing a fucking

33:07

iPad And I ran through all of

33:09

that just being a dad. Yeah, but I again like

33:11

I didn't know where the line was Luckily,

33:14

it's a short flight. Yeah, I would oh I would have

33:16

I think that played into it, too I was like dude

33:18

if I was flying I'll have to put up with this

33:20

for 20 more minutes I was like

33:22

flying to fucking Austin or something right now. Mm-hmm.

33:25

I definitely been like hey, dude You gotta move

33:27

your elbow your elbows way over.

33:29

It's in it's you are you

33:31

are $65 into my space Yeah,

33:34

like you got it. You know if

33:36

it's you versus like your family or

33:39

something Like if you're if

33:41

that kid's doing that and he's let's say

33:43

he's bothering pepper or something like that You're

33:45

probably more likely to be like knock it

33:47

off or like pepper tone, you know, like

33:49

I got your back No, you

33:51

know like you You can

33:53

I can put up with a lot more than I can

33:55

put up when it's happening to

33:57

my family Mm-hmm. That makes sense. Oh,

33:59

absolutely Absolutely, because I know

34:01

that feeling and just like I just let

34:03

this kid have it and so he it's

34:05

gonna happen again And that was my ultimate

34:07

thing. I was like just do a little

34:09

aggressive action. I wasn't like sticking my elbow

34:11

into him I was like, dude, this is

34:13

you gotta give me the armrest back bud

34:17

But I guess someone else I guess

34:19

will tell him to just keep your fucking

34:21

elbows in It

34:25

wasn't Lee I wasn't life-threatening like if he was you

34:27

being a complete fucking asshole Like I

34:29

would have probably said something I guess and be like,

34:31

dude, what are you like? You can't like

34:34

what are you doing? Some people just don't they

34:36

don't realize they're doing that and all and

34:38

he did All I take is like dude. Hey

34:41

Can you just a little bit and oh shit? I'm

34:43

sorry. Yeah, you know, I'm sure that's what it would

34:45

have been But he would have remembered it probably forever.

34:47

Yeah, so I guess someone you should have though with

34:49

some actual balls He's gonna

34:52

tell that kid to keep your elbows

34:54

in. Well, you know the route that I

34:56

usually Mmm, not

34:58

usually that maybe I would take it be like hey,

35:01

I just want to just wait and let you know Call

35:04

him the cops. Yeah, we're

35:06

gonna the plane is gonna turn around He's

35:08

like, oh my god. Why because your fucking elbow is

35:10

halfway into my seat He's like

35:12

what I was I take your elbow out here or they're gonna turn the

35:15

plane around. Mm-hmm This guy

35:17

Marshall has been notified also Santa's not real. He's like,

35:19

what are you doing right now? Now

35:22

You're the asshole. Everyone's like get this guy

35:25

off the plane. No, it's like you back

35:27

Hey, I just want you to know like

35:29

it's you know, I I

35:31

can handle I have little kids I get it

35:33

But you might next thing you might sit next

35:36

to someone who gets really upset and you know,

35:38

just like for whatever Time

35:41

like I want him to knock it off, but

35:43

I'm trying to use it as like I don't

35:45

mind Yeah, listen, I don't mind what you're digging

35:47

your elbow Bothering me the next

35:49

guy might slit your throat the switch blue, right? Yeah,

35:52

maybe he made the next guy gets his switch

35:54

blade. He sneaks it on maybe the next guy

35:56

just covers you in lube Like

35:59

what? I don't know how to get it

36:01

in here, but maybe what if you got lucky like maybe

36:03

it was in his butt I mean maybe got both things

36:05

on here got a bottle lube and a switchblade and if

36:07

you're rubbing your elbow into his ribcage He

36:09

might kill you and fucking throw. Yeah, he's like what

36:11

you're like what? Popper

36:17

popper your lube covered switchblade out Dripping

36:23

lube squirts into the

36:25

ceiling move your elbow Jesus

36:28

guy moral the story is moving fucking elbow

36:30

fucking elbow minecrafts not that cool. We yeah

36:32

we uh Minecraft

36:34

was cold 20 years ago put your fucking eye better

36:37

way you're starting to get into that once you get

36:39

in that range You're you're getting like alright. You need

36:41

to be a little bit more self-aware So maybe educating

36:43

him would have been a good idea. Yeah, nice

36:46

way Yeah, and if he doesn't do it, then you

36:48

can be a dick But yeah, and eventually you'll just

36:50

learn you don't want to just like dig

36:52

your elbow into random strangers every time

36:54

Like that touch like you just but

36:56

you play this game where it's like

36:58

you have like the corner of your

37:00

elbow I get touching so it's not

37:03

in then And then some

37:05

people are just like they just keep it off

37:07

because they that's just the way they are So you get to

37:09

kind of use it, but I would I can't even imagine like

37:11

the lady I don't even know if I told the story a

37:13

little lady that Heard her ankle

37:15

and it was basically loud laying on

37:17

my shoulder with her foot up on

37:19

her husband's lap Yeah, I

37:21

was what is going on here. You can't just

37:23

do this She was turned. I'm

37:27

sitting this way. She was turned this

37:29

way leaning over on them onto my

37:31

shoulder When

37:34

icing her ankle, did you

37:36

know they're swingers? All

37:39

right, they were testing you know, they're just like

37:41

you like you don't upside down pineapple means You're

37:44

like no get your fucking get off me. I

37:48

Wouldn't have partaken with this couple But

37:52

Let's move off with some dick. Let's take a look

37:54

at it. Okay, let's really ingest the feet. Our deal.

37:56

Yeah. I

38:05

brag I'd you take the first one or

38:07

the second one. Service: Hundred

38:11

the first ones who. Do

38:14

it and scrabble some large grams of

38:16

work out of my warmer. Did you

38:18

have you? Did you see the new

38:21

Willie Wonka movies? Know? File. Hazardous. I

38:24

didn't so I didn't see the one with

38:26

saw Johnny Depp. Against the just

38:28

so we're clear that the viruses are

38:30

clear and seventy dub ya his such

38:33

succeed or more of a. General

38:35

Rico, Kanga know just the Gene Wilder ones.

38:38

One of my favorite of all time and

38:40

it's just always will be in if nothing

38:42

will come close to that. As far as

38:44

Willie Wonka. Know. I'm going

38:46

to die on that hill. I didn't see that

38:48

but I didn't see the new one because we

38:50

took the kids. Do it Now. Com. Is

38:53

interesting in One Thousand Wonka it wasn't

38:55

used to have is probably kind of

38:57

like the as the same thoughts I

38:59

had on the one with Johnny Depp

39:01

resist like just find more actors. Why

39:03

we don't see why we don't see

39:05

the eye on everything. Yeah. To. Snow

39:08

is more about. Willie. Wonka and

39:10

the old movies. He's like am I

39:12

gonna live. In. Am

39:14

I gonna die at this place? in this

39:16

other one? And as who's to happy anyway?

39:19

Doesn't matter for this, but

39:21

it's willie. Wonka is prevalent

39:24

in society. Vs. Still,

39:27

See him and I'm. Some

39:31

people want to experience with that might be

39:34

like to be like Willy Wonka zachary been

39:36

fantasies go out there and will walk his

39:38

fantasies a kid or manatees his factories a

39:40

gas so good and people still have that

39:43

in so they like to places like to

39:45

put that out there for you to come

39:47

experience with. That might be like but a

39:49

weird sense for me to mess up to

39:52

other to experience we want defenses. It's

39:56

my sanctuary to be as easy

39:58

as fuck. In didn't eat now

40:00

by Willie wonka Me like slavery

40:03

is like Smalls awareness of. He's

40:09

walking over the bed as the

40:11

fucking freaked little a hobble cartwheels

40:14

in winter starts licking your plus

40:16

C o seven just like stance

40:18

of it as a bit other

40:20

things are seeking you out in

40:22

a small library. Seems like smooth

40:24

berries. Smith

40:28

How to ignore it goes. Well.

40:30

That might be a better experience than but

40:32

these people got outta. Source:

40:35

Inside a disaster A bad

40:37

Glasgow Willie Wonka experience that

40:39

had kids and years saw

40:41

talking about glass. Sold

40:44

as a celebration of chocolate and

40:46

all it's forms thing soon turn

40:48

nightmarish and say night Glasgow base

40:51

of in has gone viral after

40:53

was sold as an immersive Willie

40:55

wonka and experience ended in disaster.

40:57

crying children and police called to

41:00

less again. What went down is.

41:04

What leads you? Will Eat Chocolate Experiences that sounds

41:06

like a way to get around a hundred

41:08

is hop you're in front of her. the

41:10

right will use javascript Space Felt really like

41:12

a weird. As

41:15

at the school is talk a

41:17

lot of experience else. Except

41:20

extraordinary Bus really really suck. Let's

41:22

not a factory rooms do I

41:24

know for from a really good

41:27

chocolate or not assistant? I will.

41:29

Yeah I saw parents paying hundreds

41:31

to give their children what was

41:33

promised to be a celebration of

41:35

chocolate in all it's forms. Is

41:37

this a porn site of the

41:39

got August month ended up being

41:41

cancelled half way through. His kids

41:43

were in tears in general said

41:46

show of it. Seeing the experience

41:48

go viral across social media. Home

41:50

germs in some. ways

41:53

shocked that experience was organized by

41:55

houses a loose illuminati in a

41:57

promise to land full of shoes

41:59

mushroom and candy inspired by the

42:01

Timothée Chalamet film released in 2023. But

42:04

instead, families paid 35 pounds a

42:07

ticket and showed up in the industrial

42:09

area of Glasgow to a

42:11

shoddily decorated warehouse and disaster

42:13

quickly reached fever pitch. An

42:16

actor involved, Paul Connell

42:18

said, my heart sank looking

42:20

around. Just felt sad because I

42:23

was aware of how many kids were going to

42:25

be coming through. We were told to hand the

42:27

kids a couple of jelly beans and

42:29

a quarter cup of lemonade at the end.

42:34

Thanks for coming. Some jelly beans. Thank

42:36

you so much. Oh my God. To

42:40

a shoddily decorated warehouse and

42:42

disaster quickly reached fever pitch.

42:46

An actor involved, Paul Connell

42:48

said, my heart sank looking

42:51

around. Just felt sad because

42:53

I was aware of how many kids were going

42:55

to be coming through. We were told to hand

42:57

the kids a couple of jelly beans and

42:59

a quarter cup of lemonade at the end.

43:02

Thanks for coming. Some jelly beans. Thank you

43:04

so much. Oh my God. Holy

43:06

shit. This

43:12

tweet that I sent out, it said, the

43:14

dude cast to play Willy Wonka in the

43:16

Glasgow Cluster Fuck has spoken out on TikTok.

43:19

First was quote 15 pages of

43:22

AI generated gibberish. First

43:25

red flag was them casting me as

43:27

Wonka. Do you

43:29

want to play it? It

43:31

says children were given one jelly

43:34

bean and a quarter cup of Tesco's

43:36

own branded lemonade. Look at this guy

43:38

like something like Willy Wonka. It

43:42

looks like some, it looks like me,

43:44

like some ginger beard guy. If

43:47

that jelly bean was like an everlasting

43:49

gob starper, then that'd be okay. But

43:51

one jelly bean? Holy shit.

43:54

That was a good shirt. Zach,

43:57

bring up my computer. I'm

44:00

just listening. Like

44:08

it looks like it's trying to put together

44:10

some sort of scientific machine and

44:13

you have she's not, she doesn't

44:15

want to be there. No, she looks like

44:17

she's just got off a bender. Like you

44:19

can, I mean a clip could

44:21

catch somebody in a bad moment, but

44:24

I'm telling you right now this whole situation is

44:26

a bad moment. Yeah. I'm

44:28

just grabbing, you're like, huh, you go

44:30

to Amazon, you're like test tube, test

44:32

tube set up. But even, even

44:35

that though, do you have the picture pulled

44:37

up with the zoomed out where you see

44:39

like the, with the whole area? No, no,

44:41

no, no. That's all we get. Oh,

44:43

but people said that we have to vote this

44:45

for image of the year. No, there was, I,

44:47

where is it? I saw, I

44:50

don't know, but there's so many. Yeah. Here.

44:53

The reality. It looks like, it looks

44:56

like if somebody, uh, sorry,

44:58

if somebody decorated their own house for

45:01

like a haunted house and

45:03

then like this would be acceptable. It's

45:06

just fabric, like tablecloth backgrounds

45:09

of stripes and weird looking

45:12

shit. They

45:14

were just like, this is going

45:16

to be great. And then the

45:18

cries of children and children,

45:20

there's this part in the story about this

45:22

guy that was wearing a silver mask and

45:24

holding up a mirror and

45:27

like yelling at kids. And

45:29

he has nothing to do with Willy Wonka. Nothing

45:32

to do with it. And he just was

45:35

scaring people as they walked in. It

45:41

sounds like a, uh, uh,

45:44

oh, we fuck like a haunted house. Yeah.

45:47

Haunted house. So like the house of Illuminati,

45:49

the, the main guy for that, like he

45:51

apologized profusely for this, like how big of

45:53

a shit show this thing was. Right. And

45:55

then in an interview,

45:57

he, Oh my God, like, what are you?

46:00

Perfect. What the fuck? Like,

46:05

look at the mirror, like leaning on the

46:07

side, mirrors, leaning up. Like this is going

46:09

to be great. This'll make your

46:11

money worth it. And he

46:13

apologized for it. He said something.

46:16

He's like the holographic paper didn't show up

46:18

in time. It's like,

46:20

dude, it wasn't the shiny

46:22

paper. It wasn't the shiny

46:24

paper that ruined your event. It

46:27

was all of it that ruined the event. Let

46:29

me play it real quick. Okay. Oh

46:33

yeah. This

46:36

is scary guys. It's

46:44

the end up. What? Look

46:46

at that. That's the guy that played with the Walker.

46:48

Yeah. It

46:55

looks like a dude in a scream mask. It's

46:58

like a scary ass Halloween mask. He's

47:01

coming out from behind a standing mirror.

47:03

Dude. I would

47:05

have been laughing. I mean, I would have been

47:07

asking for a refund, but I also would have

47:10

been laughing so hard if I was at

47:12

that event, just walking into me.

47:14

I'm like, what the fuck? Where am I? Cause

47:17

you had this expectation, right? It's like, it's

47:19

going to be this magical fantasy land. Yeah.

47:23

It's like showing up to a prom where the prom

47:25

committee was your best friends. Yeah. And you're like, this

47:27

is not going to be well. This is not going

47:29

to do well. It's like, you're just

47:32

proud. They put something on PVC pipe and hung it.

47:34

Yeah. And you're like, you guys did a really good

47:36

job. You're like,

47:38

throw back to the eighties. And the,

47:40

it's like, and the entrance way is

47:42

like, they have one thing that looks

47:44

like a bowling alley like staple to the

47:47

wall. And you guys, you guys killed it. Here's

47:52

the thing. If it's for

47:54

adults or something, Sure. But

47:56

Kids have different expectations. Like I

47:58

Think the other. The around it was

48:01

just kids walked into to have to be

48:03

five. you're just a slogan. Pretty cool. But.

48:05

Kids walked him and they are premiere in

48:08

Parents go there with the kids like we're

48:10

promise for like when thirty five four to

48:12

forty five bucks is American dollars. Like

48:15

we're promise an experience to make memories

48:17

with our kittens. And he walked in

48:19

to vast. Lights

48:23

that will be memories cited so

48:25

that the bullies got hold. Of

48:28

Badger Event has to be where there's

48:30

not a slice and then get cancelled.

48:32

Yeah it has to respond Everybody like

48:35

be rethought. Eight hundred fifty people. That.

48:38

Have one jelly bean. I think they must

48:40

vows of the gonna back and of as

48:42

we get a handful of jelly beans or

48:44

won't Well as a result but here in

48:46

your attic like you're expected to get candy

48:48

right? Like a as as anything with place

48:51

are expecting a lot. Not going to Willie

48:53

Wonka Swirlies chocolate experience right now. Let's say

48:55

even the designs and all I can assess

48:57

sucks but as you leave was like a

48:59

giant pale of candy. If

49:01

you're a kid you're probably like okay

49:03

those are more it was just dates

49:05

You walk out to say thanks for

49:07

coming hand you a jelly beans and

49:09

some lemonade. It's in the name Started

49:11

Chocolate Chocolate Factory new the jelly black.

49:16

Muzzle give an Apple sauce.

49:18

Enrollees Apple Factor in the.

49:22

Willies Apple Orchard. Was.

49:27

Ah it looks like says it's hard

49:29

to explain how terrible this thing is.

49:31

If you're interested just look of will

49:33

be one Angeles will have we want

49:35

to close for comfort in a zoo

49:37

up one more your favorite fucking streaming

49:40

platforms I was about your next big

49:42

sis is so funny to me. So

49:44

this mom loses eight hundred and twenty

49:46

thousand dollars injury claims sastre. She was

49:48

pretty tossing a christmas of us yesterday.

49:54

So. My dry as

49:56

such. so much. we're

49:59

not gonna miss your fucking small towns

50:01

annual christmas shite town small

50:07

town man you have to defend your fucking

50:09

title yeah and you're like i'll risk it

50:11

all they

50:13

were coming for it so i

50:15

mean just in typical news fashion her

50:17

case was felled by a christmas tree

50:20

throwing competition a

50:22

court in ireland dismissed a mothers $82,000

50:25

insurance claim $820,000 what did i say? oh

50:28

that's a big $820,000 i think i

50:30

got it right the first time that's cool so camila

50:33

grabs guy 36 had

50:36

claimed that a car accident back in 2017 left

50:38

her with debilitating pain leaving

50:41

her unable to lift heavy things

50:43

bags, heavy bags and keeping her

50:45

in bed on bad days according

50:48

to his closures made in ireland's

50:50

high court and reported by the

50:52

iris independent newspaper so the

50:54

constant pain in her back neck and

50:56

thoratic spine left

50:59

her unable to lift groceries, do chores or

51:01

play with her two children she

51:04

sued rsa insurance on the basis that she

51:06

could not work for over 5 years claiming

51:09

past and future loss of earnings that amounted

51:11

to around $542,000 that

51:14

was her total claim

51:16

her case came back her case

51:19

came unstuck when a

51:21

photo published in the newspaper almost

51:23

a year after her accident showed

51:25

grapska winning a christmas

51:27

tree throwing contest irisha

51:30

hadn't done that she

51:32

wasn't just participating she was

51:34

fucking winning you

51:37

were throwing maybe

51:40

she saved all what she had for that

51:42

day she was like

51:44

listen but look at the picture yeah

51:46

she's heaving that thing that's

51:50

like a javelin toss back

51:52

pain here her pants

51:54

say i just can't i

51:56

just can't Just

51:58

don't take this fucking photo. She should. It

52:01

didn't to set a walk around and his

52:03

demise. Don't. Is here. Listen,

52:05

But I'm going to win this thing. But don't take

52:07

a picture right as I don't want people to know

52:09

how I'm doing. It can be any proof that I

52:11

won the city To prove that I won This. But.

52:14

How funny is that? To. Be drugged

52:16

out of. A giant

52:18

insurance claims are eight hundred and

52:21

twenty thousand dollars on a picture

52:23

them and like a a court

52:25

room in this case is going

52:27

and then we looked at. His.

52:31

Judge Johnson, whatever. And I like

52:33

to introduce some. Some

52:36

evidence emerges from the court. And

52:39

then it. However, you know it's like

52:41

sector he owes lots of and the

52:43

Brits of her throat a prisoner. Is

52:46

this you use? Yes, we. Are You

52:48

waiting for the fifth year in a

52:50

row? Some. Hundred bucks?

52:52

oh my god or like spillage.

52:54

I have to me like I'm

52:56

willing to call Mr or Mrs

52:58

grabs Got to this fancy like

53:00

to see see as a. Whole

53:04

new vaccine isn't a wheelchair since in a

53:06

wheel or. Is

53:09

this like twenty minutes? Like

53:11

Sympathy for Military sees his

53:13

Lexus down. There is a

53:15

city full. Of

53:18

winning the silent to things such as

53:20

notice the time stamps. North of times

53:23

that this was yesterday. Yeah, through

53:25

my bag. Go through my Christmas

53:27

A. Six years

53:29

ago as a series throwing

53:31

competition for twelve dollars. To

53:38

there is some evidence. Is either

53:40

a hundred twenty thousand or two of us but usually

53:42

get something. But

53:46

insurance companies my right now. To

53:49

somebody. I mean it's someone's job

53:51

because scout for this type of

53:53

ship? Yeah, Like. egypt unaware

53:55

of nurses assists is like

53:57

someone's presses the christmas tree

54:00

Contest gonna get there's no

54:02

way the right now. I receive this the

54:04

RSA insurance He's gonna watch me.

54:06

I am the Christmas tree throwing competition. We

54:09

go back and defend my title. Oh My

54:12

god, that's just so fucked up. I mean

54:14

imagine if we could do a whole thing

54:16

just on scam and oh, yeah

54:19

All that people trying to get away

54:21

with shit. No. Yeah, right frivolous lawsuits.

54:23

Yeah, I love that Fucking

54:26

read what a country, you know what I mean? All

54:30

right, let's take off to petty beef because we got something

54:32

to get into You

54:35

are now entering the petty beef

54:37

courtroom where all sides of some

54:39

bullshit will be heard and evaluated

54:41

The people are real the cases

54:43

are real the rulings are final

54:45

ish. This is petty beef All

54:50

right, let's get into it y'all ready for this

54:52

I'm ready for this All right, so many layups

55:03

Just you're doing the most aggressive layups

55:06

dude, I used my mom was a cheer coach So

55:08

she got all those jock jam tapes. Yeah, and then

55:10

when she's down with them She'd give them to me.

55:12

I just be I'd go to bed with my Walkman

55:14

is listening. Yeah All

55:21

right, our petty beef for this week was

55:23

sent in by our daughter Maddie who writes

55:26

When putting on a straw when putting

55:29

a straw into anything are you drinking

55:31

it or eating it? Okay Look

55:33

a little classic petty beef here. Let's give

55:36

an example here. I think if you put

55:38

a straw into pudding or You're

55:43

technically still eating those Same

55:49

goes for spaghetti mashed

55:51

potatoes, etc. Yeah, just

55:53

one individual noodle Raised

55:58

like a pressured suck just Yeah,

56:01

straight down your throat. Yeah,

56:04

these are all things that can can technically

56:06

work their way through a straw But

56:09

you're not drinking solid foods.

56:11

Damn it You

56:13

have to fucking eat them since they're

56:15

not liquids. Okay, okay, Maddie's got

56:17

a strong opinion She should have put that in all caps.

56:20

She did put an exclamation point though. Well, she did put foods

56:23

Yeah in all caps. So that's good. Yeah My

56:26

boyfriend is adamant that no matter what goes through

56:28

a straw you were drinking it Simply

56:30

because the method of consumption Please

56:33

settle this for us. Are you eating or drinking

56:35

insert food here when you're using a straw? Is

56:38

that where their relationship is that where they're fighting

56:40

over that things must be going pretty good. Yeah,

56:42

they're going pretty well That's what they're fighting. This

56:44

is petty beef. So that's true. This is a

56:46

thing. Yeah, it's not it's not

56:48

a relationship Anyway, yeah, anyway, I'm

56:51

falling for divorce divorce beef Thanks

56:54

so much for taking time read this and keep it

56:56

up the stellar work your sarcastic umpire daughter Maddie Empire

57:01

right? Yeah All

57:04

right So this is they get some one of those classics one

57:06

of those classic like it's a hamburger a hot dog or a

57:09

hot dog Hammer time, you know, or is that I was a

57:11

hot dog a sandwich or What's

57:13

the other one? God damn it. I just had it fuck.

57:16

There's a milkshake soup right,

57:19

right Right, you get

57:21

it a cereal soup like that type of thing. It's

57:23

just cold soup Okay,

57:26

here's a question for you. Okay, let's

57:28

say you're a paraplegic Okay,

57:30

and you have to eat through a straw you

57:32

get to blend your food. Yeah. Are you eating

57:35

through a straw? Are you drinking your food through

57:37

a straw? I think this one's pretty simple just

57:39

in the sense of like do you have to

57:41

chew what comes through the straw? It's all about

57:43

mastication. Yes Yes, man,

57:46

dude, you're you're you gotta quit it

57:48

with these big words today. That's okay

57:50

me Well, jeez,

57:52

Masticus is no one like no, I Don't

57:54

want it. No One of you picked prison.

58:01

or.com Ah yes oh yes yes. Smash

58:03

it up like the after the have

58:05

to eat the thing after comes through

58:07

a straw. I. Give you

58:10

have. Like. There's some chunks of

58:12

a milkshake that you feel more comfortable. To.

58:15

And on Rhode on Sunday like a

58:17

milkshake. sometimes it's it's I like to

58:19

bounce in revenue to get even know

58:21

it doesn't need it into this is

58:23

something about the texture like little frozen

58:25

this of it but as as as

58:27

a safety precaution like it could go

58:29

down pretty soon on aggregate could be

58:32

involved in voluntary or like news tune

58:34

it cause you and alter your messages.

58:37

Agree. To routers x of. Be

58:40

I know. So it's I that you don't have

58:42

to water. I'll

58:45

think it's so turn Mary's credit.

58:47

I will say it's not about

58:50

method of consumption. right? Thing.

58:53

That has nothing to give his sure I did. You stick

58:55

a straws. Into a food because

58:57

half of that can be sickened of thought

58:59

and rice you not drinking rise. You're.

59:02

Just doing your you're eating rice and

59:04

a weird fucking way nerds you're using

59:06

and as a utensils. Yeah East. See

59:08

there you go. May.

59:10

I wish I wanted like to sit. Around

59:13

and listen to the ways of a discuss.

59:15

This has that been brought up like a

59:17

you to It's it's it's you tensile like

59:19

a fork as you ten rights and will. You

59:21

could technically spoon water. Doesn't

59:23

mean you're eating it new. Rights. Of

59:25

bring that up to your fucking but how did you

59:27

get? you can. You. Can just reach into

59:29

a puddle, a water nude, scoop it up

59:32

and you're using your hand like you would

59:34

with a hamburger stabbing, still drinking and yeah

59:36

I get comes down to chewing. If you

59:38

get into your mouth and you have to

59:40

do it, you were eating it, right?

59:43

To. Say I'm. What?

59:48

I'm yeah, just like it reminds me of the to

59:50

I did your second time. I've an asshole. Oh

59:53

cause. City eat soup

59:55

or drink soup. It depends on the

59:58

chunks in there. And. Oh

1:00:01

okay oh no. the experience of the eat the

1:00:03

noodles, the chicken noodle soup, you eat the chicken

1:00:05

noodles and then at the end if you drink

1:00:07

the soup your drink and love the bra saves

1:00:09

live in the broth you're not eating. the broader

1:00:11

it's a combo meal. Blaze. But

1:00:14

if it's just tomato soup, Are you drinking

1:00:16

tomato soup? I.

1:00:19

Guess I guess you are if you just

1:00:21

sipping it but I think it was a

1:00:23

tomato soup with using spoon get you don't

1:00:25

drink a tomato but you can drink in

1:00:27

orange and you can drink orange juice and

1:00:29

eat in orange mere. S s

1:00:31

think the safest bet here it comes

1:00:33

down to do you have to to

1:00:36

the thing. right?

1:00:38

I mean, I'm not. That's a good way to

1:00:40

like to draw a line. Yeah. Is.

1:00:43

Going to be just weirdness, but if when

1:00:45

it comes to tomato soup. Like.

1:00:48

Are you eating tomato soup? Are you drinking tomato

1:00:50

soup? Regardless of the utensil, you sense of speed,

1:00:52

you don't have to do it. Maybe we should

1:00:54

start calling it tomato soup. And just

1:00:57

call it tomato broth or tomato

1:00:59

tomato soup but there's that know

1:01:01

two tomato juice to new people

1:01:03

so add to be reduced a

1:01:06

beer. Yeah. I've cut bloody

1:01:08

mary. Okay known I remember both

1:01:10

as you can access to beer as a

1:01:12

new you border bloody murder were but I

1:01:14

remember my parents drink a beer and then

1:01:17

like they're like more say well I a

1:01:19

can have you been poured in there ah

1:01:21

I forgot about the most as red berries

1:01:23

what I have yeah we read that sort

1:01:26

of this year as use i guess this

1:01:28

nigga hear the dog type situation. Like.

1:01:30

The next morning you throw a little will. Know

1:01:33

vegetable minute thing that's gonna. Help.

1:01:36

Thirty forty beers your other night

1:01:38

before sealing. I gotta feel so

1:01:40

much better and and stuff scan

1:01:43

apply for tomatoes her zeus and

1:01:45

his beard gotta feel better. As

1:01:48

really put my stepson today. I

1:01:52

definitely won't be feeling terrible later.

1:01:54

I put tomato juice and my

1:01:57

beer. Is. This you can be great. Okay,

1:02:00

well Zach do you have anything else? Nope.

1:02:03

To throw on this? I don't think so. Do

1:02:05

you think it has to do with chewing? I

1:02:07

absolutely do. I feel like that's a good like

1:02:09

if we decide if we all agree that's

1:02:12

the determination Yeah, then there's your line. There's

1:02:14

your line. So do you have to chew

1:02:16

it? If it doesn't matter if you're

1:02:18

sucking it in through a straw with your hands or

1:02:20

a spoon or a spoon Or

1:02:23

a fork or a spork If

1:02:26

you have to chew it, you're fucking eating

1:02:28

it. Wait, okay, so You

1:02:31

know, you can eat ice cream. I

1:02:33

mean you could technically You still have to

1:02:35

chew it a little bit. You have to just squish it around. You don't

1:02:37

have to. Well, it's not a milkshake But

1:02:40

like so like an ice cream cone you could lick

1:02:42

it And just swallow

1:02:44

it. Well, yeah, because you don't drink an ice cream cone

1:02:46

you eat it Yeah, but you're not

1:02:49

chewing it but that's the determination whether you're

1:02:51

eating it or drinking it, right? But I

1:02:54

guess you're not gonna say you're drinking an ice cream cone But

1:02:56

if we decided that the line is whether you have to

1:02:58

chew it or not Yeah, you don't have to chew an

1:03:01

ice cream. I think that just might

1:03:03

be a an English issue

1:03:06

It's an outlier. You have to eat that you have to eat

1:03:08

the cone Yeah, drink the cone, but

1:03:10

you can eat it. You can eat it out of a cup

1:03:14

You could just put in your mouth and swallow and you're eating

1:03:16

ice cream. You're not drinking ice cream It's

1:03:18

a milkshake. Yeah, you have to chew

1:03:20

ice cream. Yeah, I guess cuz the

1:03:22

cone is on the back end of it I'm just trying to

1:03:25

get any loophole or yeah, no, I gotcha. I gotcha Okay,

1:03:28

let's move on for some good news and involves

1:03:30

the sports fellow that we all love. Whoo. All

1:03:32

right And Zach changes name after him So

1:03:37

you're telling me there's a chance Hooray,

1:03:39

we aren't doomed. Yeah Was

1:03:42

that a true story that you your name ends

1:03:44

in a queue because of Shaq? Shaquille O'Neal, isn't

1:03:47

it? Okay, hell yeah, brother. Well

1:03:49

Shaq although I do hear some conflicting things

1:03:51

about him being an asshole or a nice

1:03:53

guy I feel like what I'm

1:03:55

presented is that he's a nice guy. Yeah, and

1:03:57

a fun guy, but people that I guess I

1:03:59

don't know You read things about being closer and

1:04:01

I mean I could see him also being an

1:04:03

asshole. I mean, he's no

1:04:05

Bob Ross. Yeah. He's getting there. So

1:04:07

this teenager was struggling to find size

1:04:10

23 shoes to wear and

1:04:12

Zach came to his rescue. So

1:04:14

a Missouri, look at this motherfucker. Dude,

1:04:18

this Missouri teenager who longed to find

1:04:20

tennis shoes that fit comfortably finally has

1:04:22

some of his

1:04:24

own. Thanks to NBA Superstar Shaquille

1:04:27

O'Neal. Did you say Superstar? Oh

1:04:29

my God, get out of here. Change their lives. Just

1:04:35

if you're listening, you don't know why I'm

1:04:37

laughing. He should be

1:04:39

a lot taller. He's going to be a lot

1:04:41

taller. Dude, I mean, fucking better be. You

1:04:43

know, they say size of the feet. This guy,

1:04:45

he's got the biggest dick. What

1:04:47

are we doing? Size 23 shoe. My

1:04:51

uncles were like 6'6", 6'7", and they had like 15 size. Man.

1:04:55

So it says entertainment tonight. They messaged

1:04:57

me and she was like,

1:05:00

someone special wants to talk to you. That special

1:05:02

someone turned out to be none other than Shaq,

1:05:04

who is no stranger to wearing big shoes. He

1:05:06

wears a size 22. So

1:05:09

this guy, bigger feet than Shaq.

1:05:13

They spoke to him via FaceTime where Shaq

1:05:15

told him to expect some goodies in the

1:05:17

mail. Just a few days later, Bolton received

1:05:19

three boxes full of clothes and 20 pairs

1:05:23

of shoes. Just

1:05:25

fast-track those shoes. God,

1:05:27

that's awesome. He's going to grow out of it. Yeah,

1:05:29

I was just going to say. Yeah, he's going to

1:05:31

like, hey, Shaq, dude, you guys got size 24s.

1:05:35

You can send over like next week. That'd be

1:05:37

great. But I love

1:05:39

it when people that are in a position

1:05:41

to help help. Yeah. That's like my ultimate

1:05:43

goal in life. Nothing can make me happier

1:05:45

than just to have a ton of money and

1:05:48

a ton of power and just be like, dude,

1:05:50

and just reach out and help people. So

1:05:53

the fact that Shaq's doing that, that

1:05:55

makes me very happy. Like Mr. Beast.

1:05:57

Yeah, just like Mr. Beast. Absolutely. all

1:06:00

this power and doesn't just like make dumb,

1:06:02

I mean he does make dumb videos, but

1:06:04

he also does some great philanthropy work. And

1:06:07

he does give somebody a hundred grand. Yeah,

1:06:09

exactly, exactly. And

1:06:12

he does that to make more money on the

1:06:14

videos, but yeah, but he still gives them a

1:06:16

hundred grand, but he also does that not to

1:06:18

make money back. If they punch the bees. Like

1:06:20

he will help out and do gigantic things, philanthropy

1:06:22

projects, and then make sure that he doesn't get

1:06:24

any money back and the money that's made from

1:06:26

that video goes back to the same philanthropy

1:06:29

project that he was working on. He

1:06:31

knows what he's doing and he, I mean,

1:06:33

no matter how modest he tried to live when you're

1:06:35

that big, you're still going to make money, but

1:06:38

he doesn't like live and extract. He's

1:06:40

making billions and hoarding it like he's

1:06:42

giving it right back to people. So

1:06:44

that is awesome. So good on you,

1:06:46

Shaq. I love that. All right. Here's

1:06:49

something funny I want to bring up that

1:06:52

was found online by Cassie. Okay.

1:06:54

All right. Fucking roll it. The

1:06:57

internet is pretty wild. Depending

1:07:00

on your browsing habits, you can either

1:07:02

experience something super cool or go

1:07:04

to prison. Crazy, right? Let's

1:07:07

check it out together as

1:07:09

a couple. Hey, look

1:07:11

what I found. You're back. That's

1:07:14

awesome. Or go to prison.

1:07:18

As a couple. As a couple. I'm

1:07:20

not sure how it is a couple. Not sure I feel about

1:07:23

this. Go to prison as a couple. It's

1:07:25

a thing that exists. So

1:07:27

IKEA's Japan, like that

1:07:30

was weirded, wordly. You

1:07:32

get it. IKEA's Japan's new

1:07:35

detoxing black hot dog looks

1:07:38

unbelievably disgusting in real life. It's

1:07:41

got to be charcoal or something. It is. Just

1:07:44

charcoal layered fucking hot

1:07:46

dog and bun called the ninja dog. It

1:07:49

looks cool. Does it? Would

1:07:51

you eat it? No. Would

1:07:53

you eat this black hot dog? I didn't say that. It

1:07:55

looks cool. I mean, there's not a

1:07:57

whole lot to read, but the hot dog is fucking

1:07:59

huge. It's 11.8 inches a full

1:08:03

of three inches longer than the bun That's

1:08:05

a size 23 shoe right there. Yeah, it is

1:08:08

but it's Way

1:08:10

bigger than three inches bigger than the bun

1:08:12

each side on each side of the kid

1:08:14

that one doesn't look as good as the

1:08:16

other One did that looks like that looks

1:08:18

like the Willy Wonka version of

1:08:21

the first one of a Costco hotdog Yeah, like some

1:08:23

yeah, the Lord of the Rings shit out or something

1:08:25

But like the charcoal supposed to be good and get

1:08:27

toxins out and all that kind of stuff But

1:08:30

I mean, I guess a pretty good marketing ploy. We're talking about

1:08:32

it on the show And

1:08:35

I yeah, I guess if it tastes like

1:08:37

a hot dog Would you would you eat

1:08:39

it that looks like a horse cock remember

1:08:41

when Shrek came out and they had green

1:08:43

ketchup Like biggest change

1:08:45

the color of it and

1:08:47

nobody bought it. I wouldn't fucking touch it now

1:08:49

remember when they made crystal clear Pepsi Yeah, no

1:08:51

one touched it. No one does it cuz it

1:08:54

wasn't good. But how? You

1:08:56

are the you're the soda pop connoisseur, you know,

1:08:58

you're the old pop guy if you if you

1:09:01

Need know about you need some thoughts on

1:09:04

that you call it pop or soda pop

1:09:06

pop nice. That's the Northwest in you

1:09:09

What do you call it Zach? Pop I

1:09:12

think I think I I don't even know I think I bounced

1:09:14

back and forth I think I do

1:09:16

too, but yeah pop and sometimes my wife says

1:09:18

soda I do like the tie together of soda

1:09:20

pop which is the worst version

1:09:22

I like the south where they're like Coke

1:09:25

Coke make Coke. What kind of you want?

1:09:27

Yeah Yeah,

1:09:30

I guess Coca-Cola's marketing must have been heavier

1:09:32

down there just to take over

1:09:35

like Kleenex like kind of Pepsi you want

1:09:37

Yeah, like Kleenex. You don't care. What type

1:09:39

of Kleenex it is. You just want to blow

1:09:41

your nose Please say Kleenex saran wrap. You know

1:09:43

saran wrap doesn't matter. There's looking to wrap food.

1:09:45

I don't care if it's Kirkland You

1:09:48

have that Kirkland What

1:09:50

kind of what brand of Kleenex you have? Nice

1:09:53

I like that. Yeah, well,

1:09:55

I'm not too sure about this thing man. I don't

1:09:57

even know if I would if I would try I've

1:09:59

never been I've

1:10:01

literally never been in an IKEA. I've been in one

1:10:03

time. One

1:10:06

time? Was it over in Seattle? Yes,

1:10:08

it was. Okay. Zach, you

1:10:10

ever been in IKEA? No, not once. And that's so weird.

1:10:12

It's so weird to people. Like, just kind

1:10:14

of how we grew up and where we grew up.

1:10:17

We don't have a fucking IKEA in this area. But

1:10:19

so many people hearing this, like, you've never been to an IKEA

1:10:21

meatballs? That's

1:10:23

right. But first of all, do

1:10:26

you know how weird it is that IKEA has meatballs?

1:10:28

Next to the lamps. Like, to hear that people are like,

1:10:30

oh, you got to go there for the meatballs. It's

1:10:32

a whole food court. That's so... God.

1:10:35

That's so weird. I didn't realize what IKEA

1:10:37

was. I just thought it was a furniture

1:10:40

store. But you go, you walk through

1:10:42

like a fucking mouse going

1:10:45

through a maze with

1:10:47

all the different stuff. It's weird.

1:10:49

Just eating your meatballs and looking at toilets.

1:10:51

And I had no idea that that's what

1:10:53

it was, where you're just being, you walk

1:10:56

one direction. Really? You just shuttled? Yeah, I

1:10:58

didn't know either. It's like you're shuttling cattle

1:11:00

through the store. I

1:11:02

kid it. Like, you're trying to eat your meatballs and

1:11:04

look at a bedroom and you're getting cattle prodded? The

1:11:07

guy pops out between that fucking bathtub. He's like, move!

1:11:10

Keep it moving! I thought

1:11:12

I was at a Willy Wonka extravagant. Get a

1:11:15

mouthful of meatballs. Sorry, sorry,

1:11:17

sorry. Sorry, do

1:11:19

you guys have ninja hot dogs? They're

1:11:21

right ahead. Keep going. Okay, sorry.

1:11:24

Sorry, I was just admiring the chandelier that

1:11:27

I can't wait to put together. And

1:11:29

fuck it all up, zero directions. I can't wait to

1:11:32

put this together five times because I forgot one step.

1:11:34

Keep it going! Zzap! Zappin'

1:11:37

ya! What do you do? I'm the cattle prodd

1:11:39

guy at IKEA. What? How much does

1:11:41

it pay? $60 an hour? Same as

1:11:43

the freezer. I get the cattle prodd people.

1:11:45

I also catch them Z's. Yeah.

1:11:48

Catch them Z's in the back room on some

1:11:50

really nice beds. You

1:11:52

looking for a new bed? Dude, I eat meatballs

1:11:55

and sleep on IKEA

1:11:57

beds and just cattle prodd people. It's great.

1:12:00

So you're homeless. Yeah, I'm homeless. Well, man $16

1:12:02

an hour you are Got

1:12:05

to tell you guys a dark joke. Yeah, but

1:12:07

I'm not sure how many people gonna find funny, but I'm

1:12:09

gonna tell it anyway When

1:12:11

I was in Hawaii, we went in

1:12:14

turtle toured Pearl Harbor, which

1:12:16

was fun It was cool to just kind of be part of

1:12:18

that history and check out the Missouri Which

1:12:22

is fucking huge Have

1:12:24

you done? Yeah, you've done for a hard one. I did it

1:12:26

when I was 18. So That

1:12:29

was 20 damn. So it was that yeah, they're so

1:12:31

over there 24 So

1:12:34

goddamn you were out there within the first five years.

1:12:36

Yeah And they

1:12:38

the guns on that fucking thing when they

1:12:40

were like, yeah It was within whatever days

1:12:42

like 20 like with anything within 26 miles

1:12:46

Those guns could hit with pinpoint

1:12:49

accuracy. They're like anything you can see like

1:12:51

any house All

1:12:53

these guns could hit it and you're just

1:12:55

like holy shit. No one ever was terrified of

1:12:57

this fucking thing That's

1:12:59

a gets crazy. I don't remember that You

1:13:03

can't even see the boat and you're

1:13:05

an enemy and you're looking with your binoculars

1:13:08

you're fucking 14 miles

1:13:10

up in the mountains and you're just like barely

1:13:12

can see a boat and you're like shit. Yeah

1:13:15

Wait, just like what the fuck who

1:13:17

did that? It was that that

1:13:19

was nice Yeah, and it was just like

1:13:21

within whatever was 90 seconds your fucking whole

1:13:23

house is exploded Yeah by the time you

1:13:25

see it Yeah It's already on the way

1:13:27

I get it get a speck at 26

1:13:29

miles out in the ocean and you crawl

1:13:31

You know your fucking house could be next

1:13:34

it was that good back then Yeah, like

1:13:36

they really just they figured it out. They're

1:13:38

crazy shit. Anyway, we were there and you're

1:13:40

walking by and they were selling hot dogs as

1:13:43

like one of the food items and Just

1:13:45

being me in my brain. I was

1:13:47

like how funny would it be if they had like kamikaze

1:13:49

hot dogs? Were you bought

1:13:51

a hot dog and it came with a little propeller on the front? It's

1:13:56

poked into the Front of the

1:13:58

hot dogs are burnt. It

1:14:02

look they would look like the next fargo

1:14:04

ever measured. Okay now a certain don't Make

1:14:07

and sister Sophie com company done and imagine

1:14:09

a hot over here you go ahead soon

1:14:11

as the wings on the side of propeller

1:14:13

on the front. End

1:14:16

of the issue like a vote. When of

1:14:18

was you're turn to feed the kid in.

1:14:20

Zoom in and the propellers mins. Films

1:14:24

Airplane they did not open up a

1:14:26

did not. Sell. Kamikaze attacks but

1:14:28

I thought it would be funny. Great marketing.

1:14:30

They really wanted to yes or no asked

1:14:32

by the amount of people are there other

1:14:34

don't dislike? yeah the only come from the

1:14:36

other artists on the listeners thousand are. All.

1:14:43

right? let's you guys think may

1:14:46

lead to me. Ah,

1:14:49

okay, you ready to go now? Am.

1:14:52

So that's a certain by our flower

1:14:54

hating daughter Rosie's which is a funny

1:14:56

point. Yeah, what's your name? Probably

1:14:58

why she'd flowers says hey daddy's

1:15:00

and communist for the extra hours

1:15:02

listening this week's episode with Block

1:15:05

talking about his Mexico vacation and

1:15:07

the Bulletin guy here and I

1:15:09

want to share a similar species.

1:15:12

It's not a similar regard them as

1:15:14

this gabi fine but it was says

1:15:17

that will be entire vacation but at

1:15:19

least it's. Just let. Me Preface

1:15:21

this by saying that I don't like cut

1:15:23

flowers. I think their plan

1:15:25

to divers said it was deaf ears

1:15:28

when I say to divert massive dump.

1:15:32

I suspect said that's like a web. Audio

1:15:36

coming back out of nowhere. Anyways, my

1:15:38

husband and I would to check out

1:15:40

a new Italian restaurant. The food

1:15:43

was divine. Nice! A near the end of

1:15:45

the dinner we see this guy with a

1:15:47

basket a rose is going to tables in

1:15:49

charging tips for the flowers. When

1:15:52

we we got that around here to. my

1:15:54

husband knowing that don't like them kind of

1:15:56

open the menu in front of us to

1:15:58

avoid making eye contact Of course,

1:16:00

he didn't take the hint and came to our table

1:16:02

and put a rose on it. With

1:16:05

the most apologetic tone and smile

1:16:07

I could, I think she

1:16:09

said, muster, I said, I appreciate

1:16:11

it, but I really don't like flowers, so

1:16:13

please give it to someone else. He

1:16:16

grunts, takes the flowers and

1:16:18

leaves. One minute later, he's back.

1:16:21

And now he's trying to hand me the rose, and

1:16:24

I'm keeping my hands down just telling him that I

1:16:26

don't want to waste it. My

1:16:28

husband also told him that I was okay. He

1:16:31

then puts the rose on the table again and says, that's going

1:16:33

to be $5. And

1:16:35

now I'm getting real mad and I said, I don't

1:16:38

think you understand. I do not want it.

1:16:40

Please remove it from the table. He

1:16:43

then screamed, eat the

1:16:45

fucking flower, you bitch. What?

1:16:48

Grab the rose and threw it in my

1:16:50

face and slammed a whole basket on my

1:16:53

table, tipping our drinks and splashed the remainder

1:16:55

of my pasta all over me. God.

1:16:59

He ran out of the restaurant before he could even, he

1:17:02

ran off the restaurant before we could

1:17:05

even process what had happened. My husband

1:17:07

got up and the manager immediately came

1:17:09

to us and apologized for what had

1:17:11

happened, so he doesn't work for them, that

1:17:14

he just let them sell the, he just let them

1:17:16

sell the flowers. We ended up getting the dinner comped,

1:17:18

which is awesome, and $120 voucher for the next time.

1:17:23

We ordered a couple, or we

1:17:25

ordered to go a couple days ago. Anyway, sorry,

1:17:27

not sorry for the long email. Honk.

1:17:30

You're childling, Rosie. That's

1:17:33

incredible. Eat the fucking

1:17:35

flower, you bitch. He throws it and

1:17:37

then runs away. Our flower

1:17:39

guy in Spokane is much nicer than that. Oh,

1:17:41

he's so nice. He's a hardcore salesman, but he's

1:17:43

nicer. Yeah, you know. I think it's the

1:17:45

same guy. Like he

1:17:49

has a big beard. He

1:17:51

had a shaved face. Oh, I know. I

1:17:54

know of a guy that drives between Coeur

1:17:56

d'Alene and Spokane and sells roses at bars, which

1:17:59

doesn't. seem like that's covering gas money like

1:18:03

it'll show up on a Tuesday maybe he's got a

1:18:05

Tesla okay

1:18:09

the flower business is great it's

1:18:11

booming blooming don't

1:18:18

grab an empty chocolate wrapper that's not empty it's

1:18:20

the Christmas vacation

1:18:22

one oh man what I do

1:18:25

what a fun fucking experience to just

1:18:27

like you have that

1:18:29

for me you got everything comped and 120 bucks

1:18:31

and then got more food out of

1:18:33

it that flower guy did

1:18:35

you know what that

1:18:38

was in the chocolate does

1:18:40

a giant hair is vacation oh my

1:18:42

god that is a hair from how

1:18:44

many years ago called

1:18:47

a 10 inch long hair out of that chocolate bar

1:18:49

this person is probably dead it could be

1:18:51

it had to have been on the floor right how

1:18:54

to get in the chocolate no it must have been like

1:18:57

and you grab the wrapper and the okay

1:18:59

I do a bit yeah there's no

1:19:01

way that got cooked okay

1:19:04

you ready to read our next one well you're

1:19:06

eating your chocolate can you I

1:19:09

ate a bunch of those and there was no hairs in mine I'm

1:19:11

just saying okay I mean that

1:19:13

hair was long enough that if

1:19:15

you were in some then so that was

1:19:17

Beverly D'Angelo's hair and you wish all

1:19:21

right our last

1:19:25

email was sent by our daughter Nikki

1:19:28

who was turning 40 this month a

1:19:31

bunch of 40 year old now she

1:19:33

said he won't what she

1:19:36

said she wanted no said she

1:19:38

she said he wanted a pornhub and she

1:19:40

had out she said she wanted is what

1:19:42

it's supposed to say okay she said she

1:19:44

wanted a pornhub inspired shadow which

1:19:46

I don't know exactly what that means so

1:19:48

I'm just gonna jerk off while I read this you're

1:19:51

it you're

1:19:53

welcome I should have read that before now if

1:19:56

I want to have

1:19:58

you read it oh god Alright.

1:20:01

God damn it, Brian! Every show. Every

1:20:03

show! I gotta go get the kids

1:20:05

is what that means. Every day. We've

1:20:07

done it today. No, I don't have

1:20:09

to do it today. Alright, hey sexy

1:20:12

daddies and step-uncle. Something

1:20:14

about hearing Nicky and sexy

1:20:16

daddies is making me

1:20:19

aroused. I just listened

1:20:21

to the latest episode. Words, words, words,

1:20:23

words. LOL, I don't freaking remember

1:20:25

the title. You guys are

1:20:28

talking about the woman who was in the dumpster and

1:20:30

then the dump truck. That's right. Of

1:20:32

course we were. Reminded me of a

1:20:35

fun story from a past job. I

1:20:37

used to work as an inventory manager at a

1:20:39

big box pet store. Probably

1:20:42

Petco. One night while taking out

1:20:44

the trash from a delivery day, myself and

1:20:46

a co-worker noticed one of the boxes still

1:20:48

had product in it and after we tossed

1:20:50

it in the dumpster. Well,

1:20:52

being the amazing inventory manager that I was

1:20:55

and refusing to write off the products, I

1:20:57

figured out I'd just jump into the dumpster

1:20:59

and recover the goods. Well,

1:21:01

jumping in was easy but getting out however

1:21:03

was a challenge. There you go, Joe. The

1:21:09

walls of the dumpster were flat and

1:21:11

slick. There was no place

1:21:13

to get a good footing to climb out.

1:21:15

At the time the dumpster had just been

1:21:17

emptied so there were barely any garbage to

1:21:19

climb on to get out. Eventually I managed

1:21:22

to get out with

1:21:24

the help and lame jokes of my co-worker but

1:21:26

it was proved to be quite the comical event.

1:21:29

Needless to say, the first thing I did after

1:21:31

that shift was shower. Hope

1:21:34

this gave you guys a chuckle. I know my

1:21:36

friends and I were laughing about it. For weeks

1:21:39

following I was known as the trashy bitch at

1:21:41

work. Nicky. I think that

1:21:43

answers your question about it. No, it doesn't. She got

1:21:45

out because of lame jokes. If your

1:21:47

life is in danger and the dump truck is

1:21:50

backing up, get the fuck out of there. That

1:21:53

doesn't answer shit. How

1:21:56

long did it possibly take? She's

1:21:58

like, I Was stuck in there for quite a while. What was it?

1:22:00

Was in twenty minutes. Was

1:22:03

it's five minutes but of just embarrassing as he

1:22:05

couldn't get out. Where were you

1:22:07

in there so long that have a dump truck was coming?

1:22:09

Didn't get the fuck out of it. Some.

1:22:12

People panic and they don't know how slowdowns

1:22:14

heard of him as that's that's just a

1:22:16

big as a problem. like you gotta fucking

1:22:18

build a get out of of footed dancer.

1:22:21

You're. Able to get it is. Who.

1:22:23

Soon have been in there and first place

1:22:25

to. I'm willing to try.

1:22:27

I'm going to go find a dumpster. I.

1:22:29

Will I will jump in? I will find my

1:22:32

way into the dumpster and then if I can't

1:22:34

get the fuck back out. Immediately

1:22:36

Okay. But something

1:22:39

tells me that if I'm able to jump into

1:22:41

a dumpster, I'm going to be ah

1:22:43

to jump back out of the dumpster. Whoop! Remember. The

1:22:46

Check. That I'm the jump in is

1:22:48

going be short. we don't know how

1:22:50

member make could have been momentum sorry

1:22:52

the just swing of your longer yeah

1:22:54

what is the way see com agree

1:22:56

toss yourself him with a driver no

1:22:58

way. Might be a weird angle to

1:23:00

how they have eczema triangular output. Yeah

1:23:02

my my be weird to well above

1:23:04

average but normally the front. Front.

1:23:07

Is straight men like that system block on

1:23:09

the front. The bat is angled. Are

1:23:12

now moms and moves. There's no way.

1:23:15

Is no I will will have never heard that

1:23:17

has been a long time but I have jumped

1:23:19

in dumpsters. And I never was

1:23:21

worried about going back out of the dumpster. And

1:23:24

I'm just so I'll do it. I'll do it

1:23:26

for research. But. Something tells me science

1:23:28

he will be we are. He got to build

1:23:30

a bouncer. read the fuck out of you can

1:23:32

get any ago You know isn't a little easier

1:23:34

to get out with? It isn't a little higher

1:23:36

is now saying easier to get out because on

1:23:38

the way in you have to go higher because

1:23:40

his wheels on the bottom, on the ground and

1:23:42

your nine. I guess that the inside is slick.

1:23:45

Blinds. Putting in there's none

1:23:47

of it's a key and will give you want

1:23:49

to touch it is it's ickes ever Again it's

1:23:51

unity. If I can. trashy bridge and work.

1:23:54

Like. there's if there's enough suzanne it's

1:23:56

hard to get out but if there's

1:23:58

a dump truck to pick you up

1:24:01

and put you in there and possibly smoosh you. What

1:24:04

if she was deaf and she didn't hear the dump truck?

1:24:07

It didn't mention that in the article. We

1:24:09

covered that. Because there's no way. Like

1:24:12

if she was deaf and blind, how'd she find the dumpster? Maybe

1:24:15

she fell in it. I know. We talked

1:24:17

about it. Just like, was it in a cave? Okay,

1:24:20

there's some excuses there. Like you

1:24:22

worked as a landfill and you fell off

1:24:24

of a 40-foot cave into a dumpster. Yeah, you're

1:24:26

not going to get out. We have to get more info

1:24:28

on this. Please somebody. Send us more

1:24:30

info on this. Alright, well that was episode

1:24:32

90. Had some

1:24:34

fun. Yeah. If you

1:24:37

want the party to keep going, we keep

1:24:39

doing bonus episode stuff on the back end

1:24:41

every single time. Just sign up at patreon.com.

1:24:43

Don't be the pod-de-poopa. patreon.com/candydontpodcast. If

1:24:47

you want to see something on the show, you

1:24:49

send it in to heyguys at candydontpodcast.com. We got

1:24:51

our Instagram and our Facebook. If you can't find

1:24:53

us, you don't deserve to follow us. You

1:24:56

can just type in the same shit we've been talking about. Stay

1:24:59

with the YouTube channel if you want to see the video stuff that

1:25:01

we were talking about today. And then rate and review

1:25:03

us. We'll have you listen to podcasts. Should you

1:25:05

really have to put any sort of a link

1:25:07

to social? Everyone

1:25:09

should know what the socials are and you just look.

1:25:12

Yeah, there's not. Oh, we are the only ones. Like,

1:25:14

do you have a TikTok? Yeah, just look it up.

1:25:16

Candy don't is not a normal phrase. You type in

1:25:19

those things, you're going to find us. And

1:25:21

then, yeah, thanks to the babysitters that moderate the

1:25:23

Facebook page because it's a blast in there. Stop

1:25:25

in there every single day to check out what

1:25:28

you guys are talking about and then check out

1:25:30

what Uncle Zach is doing. Thanks for producing today's

1:25:32

show. All the shows

1:25:34

that Zach does can be found at

1:25:36

scatcast.com and that is scat with

1:25:39

a Q. He's the scat man. It's

1:25:42

not it's not scat. Scat.

1:25:44

Scat. Scat. Scat.

1:25:48

Scat. Don't say that to him. His

1:25:50

K is a Q. So it's scatcast. You

1:25:53

see that? No? All

1:25:55

right, let's wrap things up. You're not going to say. Good

1:26:01

God. Wrap it up already. This

1:26:04

is a new one I haven't heard before. How

1:26:06

do you get a country girl's attention? Attractor.

1:26:12

Mmm. Cause she'll think

1:26:14

it's sexy. You attract. Yeah, you

1:26:16

attract her. I thought you were just taking it

1:26:18

at face value. Oh,

1:26:21

that's catcast. You

1:26:23

sure? No. All right.

1:26:25

Let's wrap things up. You're not going

1:26:27

to say. Okay, Zach, go! Good

1:26:31

God. Wrap it up already, huh? This

1:26:34

is a new one I haven't heard before. How

1:26:36

do you get a country girl's attention? Attractor.

1:26:42

Mmm. Cause she'll

1:26:44

think it's sexy. You attract. Yeah, you

1:26:46

attract her. I thought you were

1:26:48

just taking it at face value. Oh,

1:26:51

so you're just like, yeah, yeah. Fucking get attracted. Yeah, you

1:26:53

just duh. That's what I did. That's what I did with

1:26:55

the tractor. Dude, when I was in college and when I

1:26:57

go home and drive tractor. Yeah. And

1:27:00

there was a couple of girls that lived in Spokane

1:27:02

and they were fascinated that

1:27:04

I drove tractor and

1:27:06

they thought it was all sexy. Mmm-hmm. So

1:27:09

they always thought my tractor was sexy. You

1:27:12

being a guy that has driven the tractor, what's

1:27:15

the sexiest thing about driving a tractor? And

1:27:17

there's nothing sexy about it. Oh, it's terrible. I'm

1:27:20

just farting in the seat all day. Farting is hot.

1:27:22

It's hot. Sweaty and loud. Yeah. No,

1:27:25

it's miserable. It's like

1:27:28

shows like Yellowstone and all these women are like, oh, he's

1:27:30

so sexy as a cowboy. You would

1:27:32

not want to be with a cowboy. No, they're

1:27:34

there. I know cowboys. You wouldn't want to be

1:27:36

with them. No, they get done doing cowboy stuff

1:27:38

and they're not happy. Yeah. They

1:27:42

don't get done and they're pumped to be around because

1:27:44

they're doing it again the next day. Yeah. And

1:27:47

to them, it's not sexy. It's hard

1:27:49

work. It's fucking miserable. Yeah. Yeah.

1:27:53

And you have this fantasy that it's this cowboy is

1:27:55

going to take you on the, on his horse and

1:27:57

then do all that shit. It's like, no, that's not.

1:28:00

and have the mental capacity to love you.

1:28:02

Yeah. No, he's fucking miserable and tired and...

1:28:04

Yeah. Can't wait to do it again tomorrow.

1:28:06

Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's like doctors and nurses, all

1:28:08

the sexy porn with the doctors and nurses,

1:28:10

it's like that's the nastiest place to have

1:28:12

sex on earth, is a hospital. Mm-hmm. You

1:28:14

don't want to do that. Yeah. Yeah,

1:28:16

they're exhausted. They're tired and they

1:28:19

would rather you weren't there so they'd go right

1:28:21

to bed. You're cleaning up shit all day. Yeah.

1:28:23

Yeah. Yeah.