0:01

Sawdust, kitchen knife, cattail,

0:05

fallacy. I'm

0:22

Joe Paisley. Well we haven't said

0:24

our name in a long time bro. Got an o-re. Yeah. You

0:27

can't say it like that after I said it like that.

0:29

It feels very egotistical if I say it. I'm Brian Albrand.

0:33

I don't like saying my own name.

0:35

From beautiful. How about I say you're

0:37

Joe Paisley and you say my name. That makes me feel

0:39

more comfortable. Alright let's do it again. Here's

0:41

Joe Paisley with Brian Albrand. It's such a

0:44

lame name. Which one? Mine. It's so boring.

0:46

It's not bad. You got Ayn on the

0:48

middle. I do. Remember? And a lot of

0:50

people comment on that. It's been a

0:52

while we've talked about that but you put Brian

0:54

and Albrand and you squish them together with no

0:56

space and you just brain-al. I

0:59

used to use that in my videos. Yeah you did.

1:01

What happened? Got scared? No.

1:03

Too much? Every video I put out had anal

1:06

in front of it. Not

1:08

everyone's an ass man? Yeah. Well

1:10

just mostly because the censorship.

1:14

Yeah. Got a little worried. Same

1:16

reason I don't put like just fucking cum bucket

1:18

in the title of our episodes. Right. I

1:21

would love to. Last week

1:23

would have been fine right? Oh yeah

1:25

right. Episode 85. What a good

1:27

year. Oh you were born in 85.

1:31

I was also born in 85. Man you were 82? Three?

1:36

Geez I'm not that old. Zach when were you born? I'm

1:40

old as fuck. Flower power.

1:42

Yeah baby. Yeah or whatever. You're

1:46

basically a nom dude. I remember downtown nom.

1:51

What was communism back in 79?

1:54

Not good. Not great. Side

1:56

up with the bonus. He comes out and

1:58

he's just like fucking commies dude. All

2:00

the time all the time mom's like what

2:03

it would he comes out here mark is

2:05

like what? Sign

2:07

up for the bonus episode or the bonus content

2:09

on the back end of every episode by supporting

2:11

us on patreon Finally get to the script and

2:13

maybe we should have a shirt that says Zach

2:15

is a commie. He is though I mean

2:18

that's first telltale sign that someone's a

2:20

communist is they hate communism so much

2:23

Okay right always

2:26

something Send

2:28

your content into the show and hey guys that

2:30

can you know podcast comm speaking

2:32

of uncle commies? Zach we

2:35

got lap time On

2:37

the show today. I think I like that nickname is much.

2:39

Yeah, we'll see if it sticks It's

2:42

not up to you. It's communism, right? You'll

2:44

pick your own nickname anyway, right? Well, let's well,

2:46

I know you will let you know what everyone

2:48

else thinks Okay, we're gonna hear

2:50

that name with the the consensus of the kids. What

2:53

are we talking about on lap time? We're

2:55

gonna talk about logical fallacies, which we

2:57

might be right on right now. Mmm It

3:00

should be fun. Just a couple. There's so many good Good.

3:03

All right. Well looking forward to that and then of

3:05

course get cast with uncle Zach Check out everything he

3:07

does on all of his shows. That's why he did

3:09

it with a K Yeah, cuz

3:11

no it cuz the calm he didn't want

3:13

to see involved. Mm-hmm. That's how

3:15

much he hates communism Yeah, he made up a

3:18

word so he didn't have to have a C

3:20

in his name. No, what a guy scum you

3:22

know, I Let's

3:27

just get into the show. Okay, we got a lot of stuff to

3:29

go. All right, what? Anybody's

3:37

a mix between cover and show a lot of stuff

3:39

I think you should travel We got a lot of

3:41

lots of to start to travel. Nothing's a scumble, but

3:43

yeah, but yeah something like that All

3:46

right. So shut up and start the show. Here we go.

3:48

And I pulled this little fella off reddit Originally

3:51

posted by users Snapple

3:53

Peach. Mmm And

3:55

it says how much sawdust? Can

3:57

you put into a rice krispie treat? Before

4:00

people start to notice That

4:02

a trick question No,

4:05

it's a fun thought experiment though. The

4:07

texture is spot-on like

4:09

I Think you

4:11

could get away with way more Do

4:14

you think you think I mean cuz

4:17

think about eating the rice crispy treat? There's

4:19

that there's not a whole lot going on It's

4:22

marshmallow and rice crispy treats.

4:25

Yeah, there's not a whole lot of flavor in

4:27

rice crispy treats That's why a lot of people like

4:29

add a little sugar on top Like

4:31

to just make it more American

4:35

To Americanize it to Americanize it but

4:38

in marshmallows, they don't have a whole lot to

4:40

them either Like,

4:42

you know, it's a marshmallow but more because

4:44

of the texture the consistency. Mm-hmm Because

4:47

there's not a whole lot going on. It's just a Thing

4:50

it's just a blob. So how

4:52

much sawdust could you sneak in? To

4:55

a rice crispy treat. So how does smells

4:57

good? Yeah, we were talking about last week.

4:59

We're talking about this smell Yeah

5:02

on the bottom. Oh, yeah, the bonus guy.

5:04

Yeah. Yeah, what is this smell? Uh-huh sawdust

5:06

is up there Just

5:09

feeding it to someone to take a bite. Mmm But

5:12

what's your secret ingredient? Is it maple? You're

5:14

like kinda. Yeah does come from trees Like

5:17

yeah, no, you're right on it is maple eat

5:19

up And how bad on your

5:21

system is sawdust? Compared to

5:24

marshmallow. Well, it might not be any

5:26

worse than marshmallows. Yeah. Yeah. Would you

5:28

even notice? It's

5:30

full of fiber. Yeah, is

5:32

it? I don't know what's your secret

5:34

ingredient cedar and what what? They're

5:37

pretty good though, right? Yeah Yeah,

5:39

it can't be worse than a lot of stuff.

5:41

We ingest Exactly. See

5:43

can ingredient with oh you You

5:46

gotta tell me what you put in these things. You're

5:48

just like particle board. Mmm. What? It

5:51

spit out a chunk of fucking

5:53

asbestos of insulation

5:55

like sorry cut you these How

5:59

much insulation now? Did you miss the Celioma?

6:01

Now now those commercials actually apply to me

6:04

that come on during daytime TV. Did your

6:06

grandma make rice Krispies with Insulation

6:08

inside of them were you alive during? 1979

6:11

in 1985 when grandmas were making

6:14

with using

6:16

using insulation as a substitute for marshmallows Well, we

6:18

can raise you might you might be eligible for

6:20

a Perfect out for money. Government

6:22

is paying six. It has six million dollars set aside to

6:24

pay out for you guys will feel the ends I

6:29

Still we're pretty good. What is insulation taste like?

6:32

It looks like cotton candy, right? So When

6:37

we were no I eat it when we were

6:39

doing the house here uh-huh the the room and

6:42

we're reaching through and through the it was like I

6:46

Thought about it a little bit like give a little taste.

6:48

It was a taste like it was right here They

6:51

don't they still put like pieces

6:53

of fiberglass inside insulation They

6:55

just still cut you up like it did back when I had to help my

6:57

dad Or do they move on to something

6:59

a little less cutty? I'm pretty sure it cuts yet

7:02

pretty good. Why why are you? What

7:04

are you doing in there? Why do they put that in there?

7:07

I don't know I'm sure it has

7:09

to do the chemicals chemicals or something. Okay, so I'm

7:11

gonna do is insulate internet anyway,

7:13

keep talking about uh

7:17

Insulation that's in the house right like they I

7:19

guess yeah, we're supposed to be talking about rice

7:21

krispies treats. Yeah Well,

7:23

here's a question. What could you put more

7:26

of sawdust or insulation in a rice krispies

7:28

treat? I missed your question.

7:30

I was reading that Google search go ahead I guess

7:32

like if we're gonna talk about that like could you

7:34

put more sawdust or more insulation into a rice krispies?

7:37

Oh, that's for sure. I think so. Yeah, because

7:39

you can only jam so much dust

7:42

right like it's gonna get compact

7:44

Yeah My

7:47

master think that's the game. How much can you put in? Anyway,

7:50

it says that fiberglass is an attractive

7:52

choice for home insulation because it poses

7:54

no fire hazard According

7:56

to some estimates thermal insulation made from

7:58

fiberglass And its alternatives

8:00

conserves 12 times as much energy

8:04

as is lost in its production.

8:07

And it may reduce residential energy costs by up to

8:09

40%. So

8:11

I don't know, nerd. Yeah, there's somebody

8:13

out there that, they do this

8:15

for a living. They

8:18

measure the amount of super-cutty fiberglass

8:20

to pour into insulation. I

8:24

mean, honestly, back to the

8:26

question. How much do

8:28

you think you could put in? Because

8:31

I bet you, you could put, you could get away with

8:33

like... 75% sawdust? What?

8:37

As long

8:39

as you flavor it good, that would be fine.

8:41

And all you say is, and like the worst

8:43

reaction is like, oh fuck, it's Christmas, you taste

8:45

like wood. And they don't eat anymore.

8:48

I hear, tastes like paint.

8:51

Wood, getting wood. From

8:54

Charlie, uh, is it Charlie

8:56

and Chocolate Factory? No, it's Mr. Wilson. Oh

9:00

from, oh yeah. Yeah, it's the minute. Yeah, it tastes

9:03

like paint and wood. I

9:06

don't know, man. Cause it's

9:09

really fine, right? But it's something like,

9:11

you're, I think once you

9:13

bite into that. You think even just a

9:16

tiny hint of soda? Well, no. That

9:19

said 75%. I feel like that's too much. Zach wants to

9:21

make a piece of wood. Like not a piece of wood

9:23

with like somewhere in the 50's or something. Two-beth-two.

9:25

Two before. Like you're

9:27

cutting off the end of a two before. I've

9:29

had a two before in high school bands. Yeah.

9:33

Yeah. It didn't sound like good. I've eaten

9:35

two before. It was a wood instrument. Yeah.

9:38

It's like a woodwind. Yeah. Still

9:41

got it. What? Look at me

9:43

like that. I

9:45

don't know, man. That's... I'm

9:48

gonna go, you could probably get away with 20 to 25%

9:50

sawdust inside of a Rice Krispie

9:55

treat before someone was like, this

9:57

is... Do you put it in the marshmallows? Yeah,

10:00

you're making it up the whole thing you're mixing it up and

10:02

you're dumping it in until someone is

10:04

like hey, did you put? Yeah,

10:07

and you lose the game. Yeah,

10:09

and you're like, okay. So yeah, you're you're

10:11

you're mixing up You someone eats

10:13

it and they're like no delicious. Okay, they're you bump

10:15

it up a little bit more the next person You

10:17

put in a little bit more saw them Getting

10:21

caught for that But this this

10:23

question got my brain going so I started searching

10:25

around for stories of people just sneaking stuff into

10:27

people's food I don't know

10:30

what I expected but I was like we've

10:32

we've covered fast food incidents.

10:34

Mmm, like pretty early on in the

10:36

show of It

10:39

was disgusting. Yeah the amount of things that were happening

10:41

in fast food restaurants that were first hand like first

10:45

Hand of witness. Yeah first first hand

10:47

witness that doesn't seem like anyway I

10:49

witness they were they witnessed it firsthand

10:51

Right, like they weren't there or they

10:53

did it. So I know this

10:55

shit exists But what

10:57

the fuck I'm gonna do a little bit of a trigger

10:59

warning on this one Just in case for

11:02

some reason you have PTSD of something like this

11:04

happening to you. Oh shit like I But

11:08

it's a it's a wild wild

11:10

tale I'm not sure if we're gonna have time

11:12

to read or I'm not going to read

11:14

all of it But it's just fucking crazy. So

11:16

here's the headline of this article or this post

11:18

It says I found out my partner has

11:20

been putting slugs in my food And

11:23

I don't know how to forgive him like

11:25

a bullet slug. No or the

11:27

animal looks bug Okay,

11:30

I 22

11:32

year old female have been with my partner 24 male

11:35

for four years now I've

11:37

never known him to do anything like this, but

11:39

I noticed he started acting a little strange around

11:41

a month Maybe a month and a half ago

11:44

He started putting fruit on the floor in the

11:46

garden and I thought it was a bit weird But

11:49

he said he was feeding the mice family that

11:51

were nesting in my shed on our shed So

11:53

I thought it was sweet and I helped him

11:56

do so. Oh, what a loving guy Anyways, he

11:58

started being really nice to me around two weeks

12:00

ago and was making food, baking

12:02

me cakes and stuff, which he never usually

12:04

cooks ever, so I was

12:06

happy that he found a new hobby. I

12:09

did notice sometimes I felt sick and dizzy after

12:11

eating and I just put it down to a

12:13

lack of sleep and hormones. Anyway,

12:16

a friend of my partner's came into my

12:18

work today, I work at a cafe, and said he needed

12:20

to speak to me when I was free. I

12:23

was free as there wasn't any customers at this time

12:25

and he told me that my partner had been collecting

12:27

slugs from the garden on the fruit

12:29

that he was putting out there and putting them

12:31

in my food, blending them up.

12:34

He even sent his friend a picture of bags

12:36

of slugs that he had collected and

12:38

the picture of blended slugs. I

12:41

feel really sick to my stomach, I don't understand

12:44

why he would do this. This is so out

12:46

of character of him. It's just like listening to

12:48

a fucking true crime documentary. He lit up the

12:50

room when he walked in. Yeah, yeah, neighbors. Nothing

12:52

suspicious. This is the nicest guy. The nicest guy,

12:55

he mowed my lawn. Yeah, he'd give you the

12:57

shirt off your back. He needed it. I

12:59

put on the side, he's also blending up slugs and

13:01

treating it to his partner, which you didn't know that.

13:04

I asked him why he was doing it and he

13:06

accused me of snooping through his messages. And

13:09

she even put some little caveat, which I

13:12

would never do. He

13:14

got so angry at me for not being able

13:16

to take a joke. I

13:18

feel disgusting, I love him to pieces, but I

13:20

just don't understand his way of thinking just now.

13:23

Am I overreacting? I

13:25

don't know what to do. I feel lost. What? I

13:29

feel like you're not overreacting.

13:32

Not at all. So your fucking

13:34

partner is catching and blending

13:36

slugs and baking in the cake. At

13:39

least he's slugging, or he's slugging the

13:41

blenders. At least he's blending the slugs.

13:43

At least. You know? So

13:46

at least you know there's some respect left in his relationship.

13:48

Yeah, he's like biting into a muffin and like biting the

13:50

head off of a slug. Oh man,

13:52

it just goes on and on. There's more updates. I went

13:54

to urgent care last night, early hours of the morning, and

13:57

waited and was finally seen around 6am-ish.

14:00

I had some tests and I have high

14:02

levels of oh man. I'm so bad at

14:04

fucking medical terms. Where's metal? Metallicide

14:09

oh Metallicide in

14:11

my blood of formaldehyde. I don't

14:13

know. I guess so much metallid I looked

14:15

that up I was kept in

14:17

for monitoring and have some ulcers in

14:19

my stomach I was aware of these

14:21

anyways as I was hospitalized about two

14:23

months ago for a burst ulcer richly

14:25

thought it was stressed But now said

14:27

it could be because of poisoning. Oh,

14:29

yeah, metallid is pesticide used to control

14:31

snails and slugs Mm-hmm. I

14:34

could have an infection of some kind as my temperature

14:36

is high, but they haven't found anything that could be

14:38

causing that yet They have checked my heart

14:40

and it's fine I am due to have

14:42

heart surgery this year though But they're

14:44

delaying it due to ulcers and infections and

14:46

the fact I keep getting sick, which is

14:48

okay I have an appointment to see my

14:51

cardiologist on the 20th of April I

14:53

contacted the police and wrote a statement and

14:56

was asked some weird question anyone who knows me

14:58

in real life knows I don't Don't

15:00

post mine in my partner's name as the police said

15:02

it would destroy the investigation My

15:04

ex refused to say anything to the police to me

15:06

However, he did say he would speak to his friend

15:09

and only him he then spoke to

15:11

me. It was not alone I was with a

15:13

friend and his friend too He confessed of doing

15:15

random experiments on me and test during a few

15:17

months after we moved in together You're

15:20

living with Jeffrey Dahmer. No shit.

15:23

What running test Was

15:28

not was he using the mice at first He

15:31

was feeding the mice and he's right and

15:33

a diary subject seems to be acting dizzy

15:35

He moved on from the testing the mice

15:38

to his girlfriend He

15:40

started with spitting on my toast and

15:43

then the week later he replaced my

15:45

beta blockers with salt I

15:50

want to add He was my

15:52

medication holder is have a history of suicidal attempts

15:54

So he handled my meds and gave them to

15:56

me and that's when he thought it'd

15:58

be funny Is

16:01

this guy training to be a doctor and

16:03

he's what just fucking around with beta blockers?

16:05

I don't know just someone who already have

16:07

to have heart surgery This

16:11

guy's a fucking lunatic Yeah,

16:13

what a piece of shit and

16:16

that's so what I wonder what else he was doing that

16:18

she has no idea. I Know

16:21

I mean it goes on and on

16:23

and on he also admitted to these

16:25

things swapping my Linda McCartney veggie sausages

16:27

with real meat I

16:29

have IBS and struggle to digest meat so

16:31

I became a vegetarian He

16:33

also replaced my corn nuggets with

16:35

his real ones one

16:39

of my One

16:41

of my pet giant African land snails went missing

16:43

in the summer and I assumed he escaped I

16:46

left a lid open on their box, but he said

16:48

it had died. So he scraped it out and put

16:50

it in my curry Wait,

16:55

she had a pet snail Oh

17:05

Sorry True

17:14

authentic curry The

17:17

idea that he's like, oh sorry your snail died. He's

17:19

like, oh I didn't even get to say goodbye He's

17:21

like well, he'll be with he's always with you We

17:24

were he'll be with you for at least two days.

17:26

Yeah, until you shut him out Do

17:29

you shit your pet? He's in your

17:31

bloodstream I vaguely remember the day He

17:34

did this as he laughed whenever I went to eat

17:36

the curry and I got really paranoid So

17:38

I put it in the kitchen and stormed off and

17:40

he brought it upstairs and told me to taste and

17:42

I did And realized he added

17:44

lots of I don't even know what this word is

17:46

X hi, ll I I I

17:52

This thing down here. What is

17:54

this? Big silly sure and

17:57

he said he was laughing because he put

17:59

chili powder in and too much came out. Now I

18:01

think he must've been putting chili in to cover the fact

18:03

that he put my snail in there. He

18:06

also said he rubbed my toothbrush on the

18:08

toilet but then washed it as he thought

18:11

that was too far. Holy fuck man. Good

18:13

God dude. Dude I was, what is going

18:15

on? When I was reading this I was

18:18

just blown away. Trust no one. Like

18:20

someone already with health issues and like

18:23

mentally unstable with like you know the

18:25

suicide attempts and taking medication and this

18:27

motherfucker shows up moves in. It starts

18:30

blending snails her own pet, rubs

18:32

her toothbrush on the toilet. Don't

18:35

get too far though. Takes her beta blockers in a

18:37

place that was salt to see if anything

18:40

new would happen. Maybe he's trying to push her

18:42

over the edge. Maybe they had, he was like

18:44

I'm gonna get all her shit or something. Who

18:46

fucking knows it is. He's got a trust fund.

18:48

I feel like this is all a dream. It

18:51

just seems too dramatic to feel real. I'm unsure

18:53

what is happening on the legal front blah blah

18:55

blah. It goes on and there's more and more

18:57

updates. If you go to the internet and you

19:00

look up my boyfriend

19:02

was feeding me snails reddit you can

19:04

go and read more. But if the

19:06

story just keeps going and going and

19:08

the comments are just like oh my

19:10

fucking God run. Get

19:14

the fuck out. Are they

19:16

still together? I don't remember. I did read the

19:19

entire story off the top of my head. It

19:21

is just update after update after update. But

19:24

I don't remember if they're still together. I

19:26

would be shocked if they

19:28

are. That is fucking insanity. So

19:31

put as much sawdust as you want in

19:34

my Rice Krispies. I'll eat it. Just

19:37

don't put my pet snail in it. I'm

19:39

gonna rub your toothbrush on the toilet and he's

19:42

like nah that's too far. That's too far. That's

19:44

too far. There's the line. There's

19:46

the found it. Let me wash this out really

19:48

quick. Fuck

19:50

me man. Should I? If

19:52

I drop my toothbrush on the floor if it's

19:54

near the toilet. You

20:00

know like I just like I'm at that

20:02

point I want to rip the

20:04

head off of it and go get a new one Yeah,

20:06

just throw it out in this guy's rubbing it around the

20:09

toilet. He's like oh, she'd be so funny He's

20:11

like that's too far. Oh anyway

20:13

back to the kitchen to grind up a snail and put

20:15

it in her curry It's

20:18

swap out her actual meds with salt just picture

20:20

him in the kitchen like Just

20:23

cook it away Yeah Porter

20:28

and mr. What's it? Yeah, missile importer

20:30

over the fuck the ball with mortar.

20:32

Yeah, and just grinding up Slugs

20:35

and snails. How's the back for it, hon?

20:41

God I can't wait to your gun watch as much football

20:45

No more bachelor no more bachelor

20:47

more basketball All right,

20:49

well that was that it's fucked up, but you know

20:51

what else that's fucked up what I'm thinking about

20:53

this week Hey,

20:57

hey, what's that babe? What are you thinking

20:59

about? Ah, you know nothing actually, you

21:01

know what? I'm thinking about a lot of shit What

21:04

are you thinking about? So

21:07

that's what he's thinking about heads back. I

21:09

don't know a few weeks now But

21:12

I like I do

21:14

not do this very often Like

21:16

probably I would say five times in

21:18

the last decade But for

21:21

whatever reason Cassie and I decided that we were gonna go

21:23

to Northern Quest casino Just

21:25

what we were bored and we're like, ah, whatever.

21:28

We'll take this cash out there This is

21:30

what we got and we're just gonna we'll

21:32

play and we'll try to win. I have

21:34

to report we did win That's great. That's

21:36

I guess move on. All right off to

21:38

dick I'm happy to say we left the

21:40

casino in the positive in the positive. That's

21:42

so that's that's great But while

21:44

we were there it was

21:47

like kind of towards the the The

21:50

end of the night and we're gonna head back and

21:52

I had to go to the bathroom Okay,

21:55

so I walk in and like it's

21:57

pretty dead. It wasn't even like a

21:59

weekend or anything I don't believe and

22:03

we go in and I walk in

22:05

and it's no one's in there but all like

22:07

the bathroom stalls are closed and the

22:10

urinals have like like out of order signs on

22:12

them like come to find out there was a

22:14

cart there that I didn't see on the way

22:16

in and the guy was cleaning the fucking urinals

22:18

so I'm like alright I'm gonna go pee and

22:20

I'm gonna go into the bathroom stall so I

22:22

go and I push one

22:25

open and

22:27

there's a guy like

22:29

you remember the revealing

22:31

scene in the Blair Witch Project? So

22:34

this guy was facing the corner with his

22:36

pants down jerking his dick just

22:39

in the casino bathroom just

22:43

fucking like clearly and he's he's deck

22:45

he's in timeout like he's that close

22:47

to the corner he's not over the

22:49

toilet or anything he's back

22:51

behind the side of the toilet in

22:54

the corner and he's just like pants

22:56

are down belt buckles like shaking you

22:59

know and he's vigorously punching

23:01

the clown and I push it open and

23:04

he turns around he goes oh sorry and

23:07

I'm like it's fine

23:09

no problem and I close it up

23:11

and I go to push the other one I open

23:14

it up and there's another guy

23:17

standing on top of a toilet talking to

23:19

the floor what he's

23:23

giving a speech to the floor he's

23:26

on top of it he has all his clothes

23:28

on but he's looking down at the floor and

23:31

he's just saying the weirdest shit he goes he

23:33

goes and then I said well be out there

23:35

we're going to be out there and he's not

23:37

on the phone and I'm just he's looking at

23:39

my feet when

23:41

I pop it open and I'm like what the

23:43

fuck and then the other guy hobbles out of

23:45

the bathroom stall with his pants still down he

23:48

goes I'm sorry man I'm sorry so he's walking

23:50

towards me like a fucking massive yeah it is

23:52

like boxers halfway up so when sticks kind of

23:54

cut but his pants are still down he was

23:57

I'm sorry man I'm sorry so he's like a

23:59

like a jerking off zombie, walking

24:01

at me, and this other guy's talking at the

24:04

floor. And I'm like,

24:06

I'm like, what the fuck? It's like,

24:08

why does this shit happen to me? Yeah, only

24:10

you. And I'm laughing, and I'm on my way

24:13

out, and the janitor guy comes in. I

24:15

was like, hey, hey, hey. I was like, that

24:17

guy was jerking off the other guy, yelling at the floor.

24:21

And he goes, he goes, not again.

24:23

And he peeks in there, and he sees him, and

24:25

he goes, God, I already told him to leave. I

24:28

was like, you knew about this? Like,

24:31

what the fuck? And he goes, ah, and he

24:33

gets on the phone, and he's like, blah, blah,

24:35

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And as I'm standing

24:37

out there being like, what the fuck did I

24:39

just say? Someone from the

24:42

girl's bathroom walks out and just screams

24:44

into the lobby. She goes, does

24:46

anyone have a tampon? It's

24:50

loud, and she possibly can't.

24:53

And I'm just like, what the fuck is

24:55

happening? And she looks

24:57

at me, and I'm like, I don't have one. And

25:00

I was like, is it for the girl because

25:03

it's for Cassie? Because I knew that. Oh, no.

25:05

But didn't know that some random lady's going to

25:07

come out and be like, does anybody have a

25:09

tampon? And I'm like, I know

25:11

who it's for. I was like, I think whatever else.

25:14

I think she's sad so I can go get some. And

25:16

she goes, no, no, no. We'll figure it out. She

25:19

just walks back in. She's like,

25:21

you didn't have one. I didn't have a fucking

25:23

tampon. And this guy comes out, and now the

25:25

guy that was having a speech at the floor,

25:27

he's still talking. But he's just talking to himself.

25:30

He's walking out of the bathroom. He walks out

25:32

of the bathroom, and he walks by me. He's

25:34

still just talking to whatever entity

25:36

he's seeing. Christ gets a friend. And the other

25:38

guy comes out, and he's still buckling his belt

25:40

as he fucking walks out. And he goes, I'm

25:43

sorry, man. I'm sorry. And I was like, it's

25:45

fine. I was like, quit saying you're sorry. And

25:47

he walks out. And then security walks up, and

25:49

that goes to the bathroom. And I'm

25:51

like, did you not just see the two people that walked

25:53

out of here? That's what you're

25:55

looking for. Not me. Right

25:57

here. Yeah. And like, he's like, one. One

26:00

guy walks by the security guy and he's like, I

26:02

don't even know where they're gonna go. Like, I don't

26:04

know what we're gonna do. Like, everyone's gonna be there.

26:06

Everyone's gonna be there. And walks by, and the other

26:08

guy's fucking still buckling his pants. And

26:11

he walks by in the security guy's like, walks up to me

26:13

and he goes, is it in this

26:15

bathroom? And I'm like, they just walked by you.

26:18

Sir, you didn't see it? And

26:20

like, they were very homeless and like,

26:22

they were clearly on drugs. Like,

26:25

it was, you know, wobbling. And I was like, you

26:27

walked by that to come ask me about what was

26:29

in the bathroom? What about the dudes that were 10

26:31

feet from the bathroom? Sir, let me see your switchblade.

26:33

Yeah, like, sure. Do you have a switchblade? He's like,

26:35

fuck! I

26:38

see your ID, he's like, TSA's looking

26:40

for you. TSA's looking for you. Shady.

26:42

And then those guys just walked into the night. Like,

26:45

I don't know where they went. I don't know what

26:47

they did. Like, they walked outside? Nope, just into the

26:49

casino floor. Out to gambling again. Whatever they were doing.

26:52

Good God. It was just

26:54

a wild, wild experience. That's so funny.

26:56

And it's, I love those shit. I

26:58

actually remember what the guy was saying, because I did remember

27:01

afterwards, the speech to the floor was pretty

27:03

good, but had something to do about calming

27:05

down and that everyone was gonna be there.

27:07

Don't worry, everyone will be there. Right. They

27:10

may take our lives, they'll never take

27:12

our freedom. Just standing on a toilet,

27:14

just fucking, like, like

27:17

he was talking to mice, like he was leading

27:19

some sort of army. Yeah, I just picture like

27:21

a dictator out the window of

27:23

his castle, and all the people

27:25

are down on the ground, and he's just

27:27

like, they will rise, and we're like, don't

27:30

worry, everyone will be there. And I'm just

27:32

like, what the fuck? I'm sorry, hobbling towards

27:34

me with just his underwear up and his

27:37

pants milled down. I'm like, fuck,

27:39

we gotta get out of here. So the guy never actually

27:41

came. I don't know. Maybe

27:43

he was sorry that he did. Maybe he's sorry that he

27:46

was embarrassed that I had to watch him come.

27:48

Not about being caught jerking off. Like, he just

27:50

has weird qualifications about what he's sorry

27:53

about. I don't know why you would stand, why

27:55

would you stand over in the corner? I don't

27:57

know. Were they together? But that was because they

27:59

left. I didn't know till they left

28:01

together. Yeah, I wonder if if you know like

28:03

masturbating go to speech We

28:07

will come together. We will come together and

28:09

rise up Hey,

28:11

bro, you ready to come together. He's like yeah, you

28:13

promised your jerking off. He's like yeah He's just standing

28:15

on the toilet talking to the floor. I'm

28:18

coming right now You didn't see like his

28:20

head above the no stall or anything too

28:22

close Like that's wild about

28:24

a time. Yeah, I didn't like those you know

28:26

what you saw is available. Yeah Yeah, there's only

28:28

there's only two stalls and then two urinals And

28:31

those are the two that that were they were there so I

28:33

guess went back out and waited So then you

28:35

eventually went back and go back in and pee and I picked

28:37

the one which way was the guy was standing Okay, yeah, not

28:39

where the guy was jerking. Yeah, cuz there might be like a

28:41

puddle or the guy the guy jerking off was in The

28:44

luxury the handicap. Oh, yeah, so

28:46

he he had all that room and he's

28:48

in the corner like this close

28:51

like just right in it like

28:53

he was He was

28:55

in trouble at school Imagine imagine a

28:58

person in a wheelchair rolling up there having

29:00

to go pee. Mm-hmm or something It's like

29:02

he can't because it's not only an off

29:04

in the corner Not only is there

29:06

someone using the handicap stall so I

29:08

can easily peek over. Yeah Take

29:11

take a take a little look see Look

29:14

see it's your handicap piss If

29:16

you empty your empty your bag into

29:18

the toilet Good

29:21

stuff Anyway, that

29:23

was it. No, you did win. I

29:25

did win at the Northern Quest casino Sorry,

29:37

I tried to make a jerk off sound there that worked That's

29:40

interesting Now I wish I wish

29:42

I had fun stuff happen to me like

29:44

that Anytime something happens is like I'm involved

29:47

like you're the one jerking off in the

29:49

yeah. Yeah, it's never like I don't get

29:51

to witness Anybody else doing it. It's always

29:53

fun for someone else where you just got

29:55

caught jerking off So I was driving to

29:57

the studio for the last episode and driving

29:59

down the hill and

30:01

went through an intersection and there

30:03

was a guy in the car and there

30:06

was a guy on the sidewalk

30:08

and that's like a sketchy area and

30:10

the guy was going like that

30:12

and then the door rips open and the

30:14

guy jumps out but I was driving so

30:16

I had to I was doing like this

30:18

move and I'm like fuck cuz I had

30:20

to keep going like I wish I was

30:22

like fuck it's too late I couldn't pull

30:25

over and snowing I guess like I want

30:27

to be able to see what's gonna go

30:29

down here so I was hoping when I

30:31

would head back to work something's going on

30:33

but it was all there's all settled like I

30:35

never get to see anything cool never even see

30:37

Rex open your eyes man oh cuz I don't

30:39

leave the house that's gotta be it 100% I

30:41

gotta put myself

30:43

in this area right yeah a little

30:46

more of that a little less of sitting it on

30:49

yeah showing the mailman your dick all right pick it

30:51

a dick let's take a look at some dick you

30:53

ready all right all

31:06

right what how do you pronounce this Enoch Enoch

31:09

you know you maker you know you

31:11

yeah that is a eunuch yeah I've

31:13

never seen eunuch written hmm only heard

31:15

it there it is eunuch

31:18

maker case male escort jailed

31:20

for removing man's genitals damn

31:22

fucking hell fucking ripped them off hell of a job

31:25

the hardcore episode this week is it we having fun

31:27

oh yeah yeah 85 good year

31:30

want to make it make it a good one you

31:32

know lugs chopping dick eating slow

31:34

chopping dropping dick yeah male escort

31:36

who cut off consenting man's genitals

31:38

and film the procedure for a

31:40

pay-per-view website has been jailed for

31:42

five years yeah well how everyone

31:44

was in on it yeah which

31:46

also like why you put them

31:48

in jail the guy won't yeah

31:50

it's it's everyone agreed

31:52

to getting adults right

31:55

Damien burns 36 removed Marius

31:58

Gustavus and penis Intesticles with

32:00

a kitchen knife oh God

32:05

In February 17 burns along with

32:08

Jacob Krimly Appleby 23 in Nathaniel

32:10

pleaded guilty to causing GBH With

32:13

intent what's that? genital

32:16

boner General

32:21

botch general boner humor general

32:24

boner humor You're

32:27

run-of-the-mill boner Curly

32:31

a froze goose-upsons leg and dry

32:33

ice leading to its amputation while

32:35

Arnold part removed a nipple what

32:37

the fuck yeah Krimly

32:40

Appleby was jailed for three years and

32:42

eight months Arnold was given two years

32:44

suspended prison sentence Okay warning this

32:46

contains graphic and disturbing descriptions That's why it's

32:49

on the show the old

32:51

Bailey and previously heard what the old

32:53

Bailey had previously heard the procedure carried

32:55

out by Burns is linked to a

32:57

subculture where men become Nolus

33:00

nulls short for genital

33:02

nullification by having their penis and

33:05

testicles removed prosecutor

33:08

Said burns from Tottenham in North

33:10

London was among ten people charged

33:13

with taking part in the extreme

33:15

body modifications She told

33:17

the core burns was hired by

33:19

goosefson who called himself the eunuch

33:21

maker I'm

33:23

the eunuch maker You

33:25

must call me the eunuch maker okay sure get off

33:28

the toilet I Step

33:31

down off the toilet you have to go to

33:34

come with us sir your friends jerking off in the corner They

33:38

had been involved in numerous Extreme

33:40

body modification procedures including the removal

33:42

of other men's gentle tools That's

33:46

off the bucket list Gustafson,

33:49

previously admitted charges including conspiracy to

33:51

make can make brea killing

33:54

it Grievous Bodily harm

33:56

and will be sentenced separately in March miss

33:59

Carber told the court that in December 2016,

34:01

Burns readily agreed to

34:04

mutilate Gustafsson's Gustafsson's

34:06

for 500 pounds knowing it would be

34:08

filmed for the website, but Gustafsson reduced

34:10

the payment to 50. He's

34:12

like, listen, this dick involves? You

34:15

think these are worth 500 bucks? No. Listen,

34:17

you just gave me 50 bucks, you can cut my dick off. Is

34:20

that the fucking knife right there? That's the one. Oh

34:23

no, thanks. Oh my god. Before

34:25

the procedure, Burns said to Gustafsson, I

34:27

have no issue with it, but

34:30

won't you lose a lot of blood, like nearly

34:32

die? Gustafsson went on to tell

34:34

him that he would be anesthesized?

34:38

Is that how you say that? Anesthetized. Anesthetized and

34:40

tied down and instructed Burns on what to do,

34:43

the court said. All right, now start slicing one

34:45

ball at a time. What you're gonna want to

34:47

do is take that knife and cut

34:49

my penis off. Step one, cut my dick off. Step

34:52

two, cut my balls off. Once you've done that, then

34:54

you can leave. Yeah. And you're just 50 bucks? During

34:57

the video, Burns could be heard saying, well, that's

34:59

one off the bucket list. Never

35:01

expected that one. Oh my god. Graphic

35:04

film of the mutilation was not shown in

35:06

the court, but was described by Miss Carberry, who

35:08

said after Burns left, Gustafsson called 911. The

35:12

court heard Gustafsson was treated in a hospital

35:14

and discharged after months of, after

35:16

a couple of days of the, fuck. You

35:18

got it, man. He's

35:20

killing it. You're doing charged up for a

35:23

couple days with the referral for a psychiatric

35:25

assessment. When Burns did not receive payment, he

35:27

threatened to go to the police. The

35:29

court heard Gustafsson responded by saying

35:32

that he would report him for

35:34

threats, blackmail, and mutilation. Over a

35:36

period of two years, Gustafsson paid

35:38

Burns sums, totaling more than 1,500

35:42

pounds, the court was told. It's just, also,

35:44

imagine, you

35:47

know, I'm not, if it works the same

35:49

over in London, but

35:51

you get picked up for jury duty, right? You're

35:53

like, dude, I, big

35:55

day, babe. You wake up, you're like, the case of

35:58

all faces. I got the fucking Dick

36:00

and balls chopped off the chicken knife a chicken

36:02

knife with a kitchen knife case And

36:05

if they don't show that fucking video in the courtroom I

36:07

swear to God we write and you get there and you're like

36:10

we're not showing the video on the guys just like God damn

36:12

it Sure, you'll be held

36:14

in contempt. Yeah, just sit in the jury

36:16

box like fucking another waste of time Mm-hmm

36:18

if I get one more dick and balls

36:20

cut off case and I'll get to watch

36:22

the fucking video Do

36:25

we get to see this one? No, we're not watching

36:27

this. Well, can you find it? I

36:29

didn't even try I don't want to see a fucking

36:31

dick and balls getting chopped off with a knife. I

36:34

do That's up. I'm

36:36

sure it's on x.com. Don't worry. Yeah on your

36:38

own time Brian Yeah, I'm not gonna I won't

36:40

watch it now, but I'll watch it. Well, you

36:42

could You could watch it now. Is

36:44

there a link? No, the news article

36:46

did not let me hear the fuck That's

36:49

off the bucket list I

36:53

Think it sounded something like that. I just

36:55

picture, you know, like when you're cutting a

36:57

chicken or something lifted up the fucking And

36:59

just like yeah picture that like you lifted

37:01

up the dick and balls and just sawing

37:03

into it. What the fuck guys Is

37:07

there more to this now if you've got me to

37:09

see I know you've got it. You've got the bulk

37:11

of it That's the thick of it Consent

37:14

is not a defense It

37:17

kind of should be but that's

37:19

yeah, that's the the other side of it It's like well if

37:21

he said and paid to do it,

37:23

I'm guessing if paid prostitution and

37:25

stuff like that is illegal But

37:28

like where does it where does it draw the

37:30

line? Where's the Next

37:32

listen, I like genital mutilation

37:34

as much as the next guy So

37:37

you tell me you tell me so if

37:40

I'm getting this correct, I was having

37:42

trouble reading it We know the guy that got his cock

37:45

and balls and kind of paid the

37:47

guy to do it to do it. Yeah He

37:50

wanted somebody like you give the guy who cut it

37:52

off was an escort and I

37:54

think they settled Like he was gonna pay

37:56

he made he he asked

37:59

for 500 and the guy, they ended up settling for 50.

38:02

That guy's a terrible negotiator.

38:06

Best I can do is one dollar, Bob. I'm

38:09

fine, you drive her hard bargain, but I

38:11

really want to cut this dick off. I'm

38:14

gonna take 50 bucks. You'll let it, you'll

38:16

let it. You'll let it. You'll

38:19

let it. You'll let it. You'll let

38:21

it. You'll let it. You'll let it.

38:23

You'll let it. You'll let it. You'll

38:26

let it. You'll let it.

38:28

You'll let it. You'll let it. He just

38:31

dropped off. He just really didn't want to. He wanted to just have not to

38:33

have to worry about it, like we talked about last week. He didn't want to have

38:35

to worry about being, like,

38:37

having to come and have a partners and just chop his dick off and

38:40

get back to his life, I guess. Oh,

38:56

it's hot. Hopefully, yeah. Good job. Is

39:00

this your first time? Is this my first time?

39:03

Have you ever done this before? No. No one's done

39:05

this before. What are you talking about? What are you

39:07

talking about? He's sharpening the knife. Yeah. Is this your

39:09

first time? This is my first time sharpening a knife,

39:11

get alone, chop my dick and balls off a stranger.

39:14

No, I haven't done this before. God,

39:17

I lay down. I love how, like, who do you,

39:19

let's say you're gonna, let's say you're gonna call, you

39:22

try to get ahold of someone to murder your spouse. You

39:25

know, like, that's hard enough to, like, you gotta offend

39:27

the right people to talk to. Who do I, you

39:30

got this guy, like, and now you're like,

39:32

I need to find a guy who will cut my

39:34

cock and balls off. Who do I

39:36

get in touch with? Do you know anybody? Something through

39:38

your contact. Yeah, you're like, I got a guy. Oh,

39:40

you got a guy? Oh, you got a guy? Typing

39:42

balls, no one shows up, you're like, what

39:44

was his last name? Eunuch

39:47

Maker. Dr. No Dick. He's like, that's

39:49

not it. No, that's not showing up.

39:52

Sam, going back through, God, what was

39:54

it? I was talking to that guy in

39:57

the bar and he's like, you'd have no problem chopping my dick and

39:59

balls off. Should've got a car. Which is good. Oh

40:01

shit. I got that fucking he offered

40:03

me a card. Oh stupid just Austin

40:08

You know I've been worthy Alright, let's

40:10

move on to our next article. This one

40:12

is just a wild scenario that I never really thought could

40:14

happen We all know that the cartel Can

40:17

be and does some crazy ass shit down there to

40:19

our neighbors to the south. Do they know? but

40:22

the Mexican cartel Provided

40:24

Wi-Fi to locals with threat of death

40:26

if they didn't use it Jesus

40:31

I'm not getting locked into a plan, right Like

40:35

a Verizon is that month a month

40:37

yeah, we're like yes Imagining

40:40

going to trying to complain about your

40:42

megabit speed to the fucking cartel There's

40:46

a guy in the corner sharpening a knife Shifting

40:48

a knife he's like can I see your IT

40:50

department? He's like I am I can do it

40:52

with a fucking samurai sword Mmm

40:54

like a giant grinder sparks flying

40:57

or I am the IT

40:59

department Man,

41:01

so you don't really need to know but

41:04

they have like they're dubbed narco antennas by

41:06

local media The cartel system

41:08

involves internet antennas set up in various towns

41:10

built with stolen equipment of course the

41:13

group charged approximately 5,000 people elevated

41:16

prices between 400 and 500 pesos just 25 to 30 bucks

41:19

a month and then Michakan

41:25

Michakian State-pro reasonable

41:27

price for Wi-Fi. Yeah, I mean I literally

41:29

they complain about about The

41:32

state prosecutor office told the Associated Press

41:34

that meant the group could rake in

41:36

about a hundred and fifty thousand dollars

41:40

Off of the internet services, which also made me

41:42

open my eyes and realize how much oh, yeah

41:45

The internet companies are making off of us not

41:47

forcing us to do it right by the

41:49

threat of death to us and our family but People

41:52

were terrorized to contact the internet services at excessive

41:54

costs under the claim that they'd be killed if

41:57

they did it if they If they did not

42:00

Local media identified the criminal group as

42:02

a faction known as the Los Viagra's

42:05

close to Viagra law

42:08

enforcement officer sees the equipment late last week

42:10

shared photos of the makeshift antennas and blah

42:12

blah blah, but imagine like just You'd

42:15

be so scared to look up Anything

42:17

you search for if you're like

42:19

how to get rid of these pesky cartel in

42:22

my mind how to double cross the cartel How

42:25

to escape the cartel me like search me

42:27

like shit. I should have done that Yeah,

42:30

yeah, knock at the door. Hi. I

42:32

understand you want to understand you're looking to

42:34

leave Understanding

42:36

we want to know how to get the past the cartel

42:38

off your lawn. I Love

42:41

that when you like if you call Comcast

42:43

or whatever like who we're gonna leave and they're like

42:45

oh we can offer you Lower

42:47

price and then so you do that with

42:49

the guy. He's like you sure you want to do that. Yeah

42:52

Like I can't even play Call of Duty. It's so

42:54

so laggy and he's Cox's gun. He goes like to

42:56

play it in real life You're

42:59

like no never mind fuck. I hate living here.

43:01

It's a nice nice Wi-Fi signal. You have shame

43:03

is some happy Yeah, yeah, be a shame or

43:05

something happen doing something It should be a shame

43:08

if you fucking ended up in a ditch somewhere

43:10

be a crazy crazy There's no one in this

43:12

house to use the shitty internet Just

43:15

put it alone. Yeah Look

43:17

man, it's a little house to be for sale in about

43:19

five minutes. Let's equip bitching about your

43:21

fucking internet connection But what

43:23

a wild thing man? tying that

43:25

to any other Business is

43:28

just it just I mean it's not

43:30

funny But the way that's the

43:32

way the world could work Where

43:34

they're like, I don't know. I could you get this

43:36

packet off Amazon. You're like no others like all right Well get

43:38

your family out here. I gotta fucking kill you all. Mm-hmm. You

43:40

sure you want to Send this send

43:42

this back for a refund Amazon just shows up and set your

43:44

house on fire You're

43:46

like, what are you gonna do? That's Amazon

43:49

for you. Well, what's great too is

43:51

that? They're they're making him

43:53

use Wi-Fi, right? It's not that was

43:56

that that is not that the people needed Wi-Fi

43:58

so they were It was that

44:00

they had the monopoly layer like you need to use you

44:02

have to do it And you have to give us money

44:04

for it, and if you don't you die yeah, yeah So

44:07

all you really all you had to do is just go you need

44:09

to give us 30 bucks a month or you die Like

44:12

the overhead that it must cost to get a Wi-Fi

44:15

But just go around to the neighborhoods and put a

44:17

gun say give me 30 bucks in but yeah

44:19

every month But why are they wasting why are

44:21

they wasting their time cuz they have to go

44:23

around all these houses? So they

44:25

probably they cut all the internet. They know how vital internet

44:27

is to everybody so Back

44:30

at least you think you like at least they're getting something

44:32

for it, but everything you search they get to see like

44:34

it's just a What a

44:36

disaster What a terrible thing I

44:39

always just picture like someone at a

44:41

Wi-Fi coming looking my searches up. Mm-hmm.

44:43

You know I mean Yeah, man,

44:46

my mom's gonna be so disappointed Just

44:49

for her sake I hope she goes before that happens

44:51

and yeah, I don't ask for

44:53

much I just want my mom to go before

44:55

she gave my read my search history. That's

44:57

what I Amen, you know,

45:00

I'm in brother. Oh you get it Let's

45:03

move off some smart shit with lap time

45:05

real quick. What where in Mexico is that?

45:08

If it's in the Mexico place Mexico's

45:11

a big place. No, it's not it's saving us

45:13

at Central Mexico. Let me look Central

45:18

Mexico state of Dude

45:22

Michonne Michonne, okay good Michio

45:24

Michio Akyan nairi no, yeah,

45:27

not there for it free

45:29

to look up all that fucking goosehead

45:31

dildo dick for when you need Baby, yeah, dude.

45:33

Yeah Margot Robbie with ghosthead

45:36

dildo neck honk

45:38

honk Sexy honk dude a I

45:40

could bright come up with something like that If

45:42

I wanted to see Margot Robbie getting penetrated with

45:44

a goose head. Yeah, I could make that happen

45:47

Yeah, she doesn't listen to this. Yeah, don't

45:49

worry. You never had a chance of getting

45:51

one. No, I'm not. Yeah

45:53

I know. Oh, come on.

45:55

I'm somebody I've done

45:58

things. Yeah, I'm a guy Margot

46:01

Robbie just cuz she's pretty

46:04

and famous and talented. My friends

46:06

are always like how'd you how'd you get how'd you

46:08

get your girlfriend so high how'd you get your wife

46:10

so hot? Mm-hmm see

46:13

me yeah yeah dude take

46:15

a peek suck it in

46:17

look what I've accomplished alright

46:20

look at me now enlighten us baby let's

46:22

go. Hey

46:25

little children why don't you come take a seat on

46:27

Uncle Zaki's lap Gather

46:31

it up boys and girls it's lap

46:33

time with Uncle Zach My lap you

46:35

little shits you little

46:37

shits little punk shits what is it? Logical

46:40

fallacies. Ooh sounds

46:42

expensive. Probably it's expensive

46:44

to use. Alright well hopefully this

46:46

is interesting I slipped 0% last night. No

46:49

Zach! Fuck me here we go you

46:52

ready? Yeah. Alright so there

46:54

are lots of types of logical fallacies both

46:56

formal and informal and we all

46:58

use them all the time and they're used in

47:00

professional A-level asshole firms like advertising

47:02

agencies political propaganda and

47:05

then we use it all the time. Okay. Logical fallacies are

47:07

very common and let's see blah blah. I read that twice

47:10

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

47:12

blah blah blah blah blah The whole point of this is

47:14

that if you know what they are you can reduce the

47:16

amount of times that you use them or

47:18

at the very least you can recognize them

47:21

when you see them and act accordingly. Okay.

47:23

Okay so another thing is they're a bigger

47:25

part of an understanding of a thing called

47:27

rhetoric which is basically the practice of crafting

47:29

words for desired outcomes. Rhetoric.

47:31

Okay and we don't learn that anymore by the

47:33

way. It's a huge field and it

47:35

goes all the way back to Aristotle and

47:38

Cicero of Rome. Okay a logical

47:40

fallacy is a misconception resulting from

47:42

a flaw or multiple flaws in

47:44

reasoning or a trick

47:46

or illusion in thoughts that often succeeds

47:49

in obfuscating facts or truth. So

47:51

it's like word sorcery. Let's

47:54

see the first I'll just get right to it. The first one

47:56

I picked is called the no true Scotsman fallacy. Have

47:58

you ever heard of that? Yes, but

48:02

I'd not enough to I would never be able to explain it, but

48:04

I have heard it. Okay The

48:06

no neutral the no true Scotsman fallacy appeals

48:08

to the purity of an ideal or standard

48:10

as a way to dismiss Relevant criticisms or

48:13

flaws in your argument Catholic Church So

48:16

here's an example some Scottish soccer hooligan might

48:18

be hanging with his drunken cohort all kilted

48:20

up past his nuts Trying to

48:22

have some post match haggis or something and he

48:24

learned leaves over to his pal and he says

48:27

something like hey you wanker No Scotsman puts sugar

48:29

in his porridge bitch And

48:31

then the second guy says well But my

48:33

friend Connor McLeod of the clan McLeod like sugar with

48:35

his porridge mm-hmm and the next guy and the other

48:37

guy says well He

48:39

commits the fallacy by saying no true Scotsman put

48:41

sugar in his porridge you stupid bitch and

48:44

that's it. So that's basically The

48:47

argument creates an ideal man and uses

48:50

it to prove a point and then we all get dumber in

48:52

the process Hmm all right Let's

48:54

see more precisely the no true

48:56

Scotsman is used to reject any counter examples

48:58

to an argument in order to protect a

49:00

sweeping generalization In essence it

49:03

involves redefining the terms of an argument in

49:05

order to make it valid The

49:07

fallacy is named after Scottish people blah blah

49:09

blah who knew Go figure

49:11

what the up-fucking-thinkin all right the next one

49:13

is called the it's very popular to the

49:15

ad hominem or ad hominem attack Mmm, and

49:18

it is what X does it's if you'd

49:20

like to see some it's there The

49:22

ad hominem attack is a logical fallacy

49:25

associated with trying to undermine an opponent's

49:27

argument by personal attacks Through

49:29

attacking their character or skill level or even their

49:31

looks The ad hominem attack uses

49:33

an accepted fact about a person to undermine their

49:36

credibility Despite the lack of casual

49:38

connection between the two parts of an argument

49:40

an example is There's

49:42

a dude. Let's call him country McPizzybody He's

49:45

at work and he makes a major mistake that cost his dumb

49:47

company a bunch of money Conti claims that

49:49

this was an accident But everyone in the office knows

49:51

country McPizzybody to be a filthy lying shit stain on

49:53

the on the underpants of a very So

49:58

we all would be dumb cunts like country McPizzy If

50:00

we take his word for it, right? No, even

50:03

though country McBusy body may be a liar

50:05

his character does not automatically make everything He

50:07

say he says untrue it

50:09

may very well be untrue and but

50:12

the fallacy is that we can't assume another

50:14

simpler and very Common version of an ad

50:16

hominem might occur in the middle of an

50:18

argument about economics and someone

50:20

might say this is gonna be funny Well inflation

50:22

is actually too much currency chasing down enough goods

50:24

and services and could be seen as a hidden

50:26

tax on the poor and middle Class hence the

50:28

massive increase in prices in every country that has

50:30

monetary policy like ours So basically

50:32

inflation is a cost of blow to government and

50:34

then the person that you're arguing with would say

50:36

well You're a fuckface. You dumb fuckface. So that

50:39

would be the tactic and it happens all

50:41

the time Yeah, sure

50:43

does. I've heard many of

50:45

these in like religious arguments

50:47

Yeah, attack the as

50:49

much as I don't care for religion and stuff

50:51

like that You you know attacking

50:53

a person who believes in God and saying they're

50:55

an idiot or they're dumbass and they how

50:58

could you think one way? fucking

51:00

it uneducated You're

51:03

attacking their What's

51:05

the word? I'm like very intelligent. Oh, yeah, they're intelligence.

51:07

Yeah, that is definitely the way to do it It

51:11

works a lot. I don't know why but

51:13

next is an appeal to emotion another very

51:15

popular one Yeah, it's used in nearly all

51:17

advertising and a ton of the world's propaganda

51:20

The fallacy of appeal of to emotion makes

51:22

a claim based on sympathy or empathy instead

51:24

of just instead of just or

51:26

logical grounds an example Sarah

51:29

did not want to eat her circus elephant and shed her

51:31

hot pocket for dinner But her mother told her

51:33

to think of all the starving children in the world who do not

51:35

have food at all That's pretty common, but it's

51:37

a logical Sarah eating or not

51:39

eating her food has no bearing on starving

51:41

children in another part of the world It's

51:43

meant to elicit guilt and to get the

51:45

desired reaction. Yeah another example. Almost every commercial

51:47

is an appeal to emotion Mercedes

51:50

wrapped in a bow the supermodels pretending to

51:52

be normies and even a Captain Crunch commercial

51:54

will show kids enjoying their breakfast with a

51:56

happy mom In the background the commercial is

51:58

supposed to make parents think that if they get

52:00

the cereal, their kids will just sit

52:02

the fuck down, shut their shouts bigots and have

52:04

their breakfast without acting like goddamn filthy animals. So

52:08

politicians do this constantly too, I'm sure you guys have

52:10

noticed. If you don't

52:12

support my dumb ideas, the repercussions will be

52:14

that the cutest kitties will die or something.

52:18

And you don't want that blood on your hands, do you? It's

52:20

cute blood. If you elect this guy, everyone's

52:22

gonna start aborting babies. Yeah.

52:25

And now that blood's on your hands. Exactly. So

52:28

this is kind of an aside, but

52:30

propaganda is believed initially by over

52:32

80% of people according to a couple

52:34

studies. Usually that's based on

52:36

the appeal to emotion fallacy. And

52:38

so it's good to call propagandists out for this kind of

52:40

shit, but you will be very busy. Yeah. So

52:43

to close it out, here's a- Well, before you continue, I

52:45

just have to tell you guys about a commercial that I'm

52:47

hoping that you've seen, but maybe

52:49

you haven't, that kills me every single

52:51

time. It's for a disinfectant wipe. And

52:54

it just seems like commercials are playing into

52:56

this fallacy so much and it's so fucking

52:59

ridiculous. This kid wakes up for

53:01

the day and she gets a

53:03

pep talk from her parents and she goes

53:05

out and she goes to this gym performance,

53:07

like a gymnast, and she's

53:09

on this hanging bar. She's being active.

53:12

She's so happy and everybody's so goddamn

53:14

happy. And she lets go of this

53:16

little hanging pull-up bar. And

53:18

as she falls down, her hands touch the mat

53:20

at the bottom. And then she

53:22

runs off and does something else. And then

53:24

a parent walks

53:27

over and wipes the mat.

53:29

Then it goes back to the kid having fun

53:31

and doing gymnastics and the commercials for disinfectant wipes.

53:34

Like it has fucking nothing to do with anything. It's

53:37

just a super happy kid being active and happy

53:39

with friends. And there's

53:41

about 0.3 seconds of the

53:43

commercial is a disinfectant wipe wiping the mat

53:46

down. Well, look at, I mean,

53:48

and you're just like, what the fuck? Like

53:50

dick pill commercials. It's just always, it's

53:53

always getting me so hard. There's

53:55

nothing sexual going on ever, but they're

53:57

talking about, what they're talking about is

53:59

completely. For sex purposes, but it's like

54:01

some guy throwing a football and playing with his

54:03

grandkids. Yeah, just fucking being a man Being

54:07

happy and the family loves them because this dick can get

54:09

hard now His grandkids

54:11

love him more Grandpa dick can get

54:13

hard Look

54:16

at grandma, how happy grandma

54:19

is. What's because grandpa's dick is getting hard

54:22

Throw me the ball, Graham. So run a post. Whenever

54:25

I think of emotional commercials, I think of the

54:27

Folgers commercials back in the day Yeah, I remember

54:29

just crying to a commercial. What the fuck just

54:31

happened? Yeah, I need this coffee Right. Here's a

54:33

Budweiser one with the horses that won the free

54:35

years ago. Yeah, that one like that one ripped

54:37

people apart Yeah, and the dog was just drinking

54:40

their beers crying Well, yeah has nothing to do

54:42

with anything and he's like on the back end.

54:44

You're like how the fuck was this a accurate

54:47

commercial? How did this

54:49

fall? What the fuck said nothing to do with anything

54:51

and something? Do nothing cars had nothing to do with

54:53

this way putting a car at the end of this

54:55

well knowing that they're manipulating the shit out Of you

54:57

shouldn't that gonna bother us a little bit? No, no,

54:59

probably not. No, cuz also it's what capitalism Yeah, it

55:01

keeps the economy alive. I know something. I mean you

55:03

can get I mean you can get mad about it

55:05

But you also you have to get mad at yourself

55:07

for falling for it. Yeah, that's true Do

55:10

you want a couple more? Yeah, okay. This

55:12

one is called appeal to authority. Hmm the

55:14

fallacy of appeal to the police You're

55:17

not appealing to authority. Well done The

55:19

fallacy of appeal to authority makes the argument that

55:21

if one credible source believes something that it must

55:23

be true So you'll see this with

55:25

like if the Pope or the president or your pop-pop

55:27

says something and it must be true because of their

55:29

position The Pope is infallible. The president

55:32

is supposed to be our top most honorable person

55:34

and pop-pop brought it by you into the world

55:36

So what law? Here's

55:38

another one Appeal to ridicule

55:41

is an informal fallacy which claims an argument

55:43

to be ridiculous or absurd without addressing it

55:45

the fallacy uses this claim And attempt to

55:47

invalidate the argument since it's not worth entertaining

55:50

Appeal the ridicule can be used in

55:53

conjunction with other fallacies, especially appealing to

55:55

emotion You will find sarcasm all

55:57

throughout that and there's lots of different ways to

55:59

do it. Hmm An example would be someone would

56:01

say, everyone should wear seat belts. It will

56:03

prevent injuries. And then the fallacy would be

56:05

something like, oh, well, we should all

56:07

probably wear bibs and sleep in a bassinet too. What

56:09

next? Yeah, what's next? What's

56:11

next? I'm shopping for dresses with

56:13

a dick in my butt. Right. You'll

56:16

also find this as popular for politicians as well.

56:18

It sure is. The rhetoric is something you should

56:20

learn if you want to be involved in politics,

56:22

really. Especially as a consumer of politics, you should

56:24

see how they fuck with you. I

56:26

know a guy that he was in

56:29

the time of COVID

56:31

was going on and he didn't want to wear a mask. And

56:35

then I was in the car with him and he didn't put

56:38

his seat belt on. And

56:40

I was like, are you going to put your seat belt on? He's

56:42

like, no, I don't want I don't do anything that the government tells

56:44

me to do or something like that. And I

56:47

was like, the math thing. OK, fine. There's a

56:49

lot of people. But like, who do you think who are you

56:51

sticking it to when you and now

56:53

you're endangering your own life? Like,

56:55

who are you showing? Fuck

56:58

you. You not wearing a seat belt. No

57:00

one sees you not wearing a seat belt. So you're like, oh,

57:02

God. Yeah, exactly.

57:05

Fuck me. So I guess it better be better. Yeah.

57:08

But like, like not going into a

57:10

place, not wearing a mask makes a statement.

57:12

And you like there's people to see. But like if

57:15

you're in your own car, not wearing a seat belt

57:17

to stick it to the government. Done. Like what the

57:19

fuck? I'm not wiping my ass. It's

57:22

my ass. No, I don't have to wipe. I have

57:24

to wipe. I won't do what you tell me because

57:26

the side says that I have to have a

57:29

butt that doesn't stink. Just

57:31

so we're clear, I don't necessarily think you should

57:33

have to wear a seat belt just

57:35

so we're clear, like just because it's a law.

57:38

If you don't want to wear him. But his point

57:40

was he's not doing it because

57:42

the government made it

57:44

a lot to wear a seat belt. That's where

57:46

it was like, what the fuck? That's funny. If

57:48

you don't want to wear one fine. But I

57:50

want the stats on like the strain on emergency

57:52

services is too great because put your fucking seat

57:54

belt on. That is I think

57:56

why. That's a big cost. Just

57:59

why. not. In closing, there's

58:01

a tons more. There's tons more. We're actually swimming

58:03

in manipulative language all the time, including propaganda all

58:06

the time, which is not good. But learning rhetoric

58:08

can be like a condom for your brain, but

58:10

there's still holes in it because all of us

58:12

can be susceptible to these things. But

58:14

if you're interested in any of this, the

58:17

best book I know of to get into

58:19

rhetoric besides reading Aristotle and Cicero is called

58:21

Thank You for Arguing by Jay

58:23

Henricks, H-E-I-N-R-I-C-H-S.

58:27

And I hope you got something interesting or

58:29

useful out of the bloviation. Now get the

58:31

fuck off my lap. So I, in community

58:34

college, I think

58:36

it was the first year out of high school

58:38

or something, I had to take a logic class

58:40

and I took logic and

58:42

then was just like to get, I

58:44

had to take it so I did it. But now

58:48

I wish, like looking back now, I wish

58:50

I would have taken it more

58:52

serious and like, because

58:54

that kind of stuff interests me now, but at the

58:56

time it didn't. Yeah, it's so valuable to me. It's

58:58

like a moral thing too. I mean, if you're using

59:00

precise language, it's just the right thing to do in

59:03

my brain. I mean, especially if you care for what

59:05

you think is true, because logical fallacies,

59:07

if you get less of them, that gets you

59:09

closer, it gets you further from wrong anyway. So

59:12

I think there's a lot in every single argument,

59:14

relationships and with friendships. I mean, how many times

59:16

you've been, and sometimes like they're, the fallacies are

59:19

used as common as comedy as well. Like

59:21

somebody says something and you're talking about, I don't know,

59:23

you're talking about politics. They, what the fuck do you

59:26

know Mariners fan? And you're like, what?

59:28

Yeah, I know. Yeah. Comedy is all sorts of

59:30

files. Yeah. Like there's, there's so much of that

59:32

going in and in relationships. Like, yeah, well, how

59:34

about when you did this the fucking 10 years

59:37

ago? It's just, and you're like, well,

59:39

okay. Like, what, because you, there's no

59:41

argument to come back from that. You're

59:43

like, yeah, I did. But I'm not

59:45

doing that now. Zach, what would be

59:47

like, um, what would be an example

59:49

of like, so

59:51

like, just say Joe and I

59:53

don't agree on a political thing.

59:56

We don't fuck you. And God,

59:58

fuck what was I going to say? Like I, Like

1:00:02

your opinion on a

1:00:04

verse, like if I can do an

1:00:06

argument about something, for me it's

1:00:09

rarely for like an opinion based

1:00:12

or how I think it's usually like... Fact

1:00:14

based? It's not, yes fact based,

1:00:16

but like more of like middle of the

1:00:18

road, let's have a conversation and be able

1:00:20

to kind of poke holes in like in

1:00:22

your opinion. It's not mine. Yeah,

1:00:25

it's like coming to an argument with facts versus

1:00:27

feelings because feelings aren't real.

1:00:29

It's just how you feel about something like your

1:00:31

feelings are real, but your feelings don't mean a

1:00:34

fucking thing to anyone else. So come to the

1:00:36

argument with some goddamn facts. Yeah, and so when

1:00:38

you argue with someone, it's completely based on their

1:00:40

opinion or appealing

1:00:42

to the way their parents

1:00:45

raised them or whatever. Like that's how their

1:00:47

brain is arguing based on their

1:00:49

previous knowledge. You just don't hang out with those

1:00:51

people. I think that's the goal. Well,

1:00:53

there's all sorts of fallacies like

1:00:55

personal incredulity. I think it kind of sounds

1:00:57

like what you're talking about there. But

1:01:00

I don't know. Yeah, not knowing what you're talking about is

1:01:02

a fallacy for sure. But

1:01:04

does anybody really know what they're talking about? Because

1:01:07

just for example, but

1:01:09

some more than others. Yes,

1:01:12

but like you have to

1:01:14

accept that that person has

1:01:17

done their due diligence and

1:01:19

knows exactly what they're talking about versus taking

1:01:21

their word for it. Like

1:01:23

Bill Nye the Science Guy,

1:01:26

that's appealing to authority, right? When

1:01:29

he talks about climate change or he talks about

1:01:31

any of these things you're appealing to, it's Bill

1:01:33

Nye the Science Guy. But he's

1:01:36

not as sciency as

1:01:39

a guy, a scientist in a lab.

1:01:42

He's a guy that knows a lot of shit

1:01:44

and I like Bill Nye. That same time, you

1:01:48

shouldn't just trust everything Bill Nye. Because a

1:01:50

lot of it's just opinion based. Yeah, credibility.

1:01:54

You just trust what sources you're

1:01:56

trusting and how much faith

1:01:58

you're going to put in who you're going to trust. Like

1:02:00

the world has always struggled with that balance and

1:02:02

understanding some fundamentals about where your food comes from

1:02:04

It's quite useful too so that you don't have

1:02:07

to trust experts all the time or just random

1:02:09

folks Yeah, learn concepts. But

1:02:11

how do you know for sure unless you go out to

1:02:13

like a Go to

1:02:15

the meek pack. Yeah, so let's say that's just that yeah

1:02:17

That's it. I want to get my eggs from a cage

1:02:19

free place Like

1:02:24

I feel like the only way to truly know is to

1:02:26

go to that farm and Watch

1:02:28

their process and then trust that that's

1:02:30

what they're doing when you leave or

1:02:32

raise your own chickens because yeah Yeah,

1:02:35

or raise your own chickens Yeah,

1:02:37

keep it all on your keep it close to

1:02:39

your chair And I think that's what a lot

1:02:41

of people do but if people they assume the

1:02:43

people that care about them Don't actually care about

1:02:46

them. No, they care about your money care

1:02:48

about your wallet, which is politics in a

1:02:50

nutshell Which is capitalism, but hey

1:02:54

All right. Well, thanks for that me blow be ate up.

1:02:56

Yeah, that was fun. Good. I don't think there's a

1:02:58

whole lot of shovel cock in There good job. Yay Well,

1:03:01

I'll shovel cock next week. Thank you You

1:03:03

might have everyone just spoken logic all

1:03:06

the time like engineers do that Like

1:03:08

if you had a conversation and you're

1:03:10

just like you you you I

1:03:13

listen to what you're saying and it's like my

1:03:16

brain is Regurgitating

1:03:18

like a response but it's based everything

1:03:21

is based on Yeah,

1:03:23

all that autism. Yeah. Yeah,

1:03:25

you're talking to you're talking to Ezra You're

1:03:28

having a conversation with Ezra. There are

1:03:30

limitations there though, too Oh, absolutely because

1:03:32

if there's no yeah, you're you can't

1:03:34

ignore the human condition Yeah, it's like

1:03:36

cuz it's just cuz it's what

1:03:39

the facts are you can't just be like well You shouldn't

1:03:41

fucking react this way. It's like have you ever seen a

1:03:43

human? This is this is what's

1:03:45

gonna happen. Especially someone's autism like you just like

1:03:47

they It's they dig.

1:03:49

Yeah, if you get louder they

1:03:52

get more, you know, and well, it makes

1:03:54

it worse So through yeah, if you do

1:03:56

decide to choose if you're arguing with someone

1:03:58

or debating with someone This would

1:04:00

be good. So then you can be more precisely

1:04:02

defined terms and speak to each other in good

1:04:04

faith kind of thing. Mm-hmm Yeah, I agree usefulness.

1:04:07

Yeah. All right, let's find terms

1:04:09

Alright, let's take a look at some good news for this week. Zach you

1:04:12

put oh So

1:04:15

you're telling me there's a chance

1:04:17

hooray we are dude. Yeah,

1:04:19

you may remember this From

1:04:22

I'm not sure how long ago, but

1:04:26

I didn't know That

1:04:28

there's a go fund we set up for this guy

1:04:30

But do you remember the story about the Burger King

1:04:32

employee who went 23 years without

1:04:34

missing a single day of work? Do

1:04:37

you remember that story vaguely and they

1:04:39

gave him a gift basket? He's fucking

1:04:41

nonsense for 27 straight years and a

1:04:43

couple Amazon gift cards. Anyway, he buys

1:04:45

his first home Thanks to donations,

1:04:47

which I fucking love so Burger King employee

1:04:50

celebrated for impeccable attendance records banning

1:04:52

over two decades Achieved

1:04:54

a milestone by buying his first home through

1:04:56

a successful fundraising campaign So back in June

1:04:58

of 2022 Kevin forn Ford gained widespread attention

1:05:03

After posting a tick-tock video showcasing the gifts

1:05:05

he received for his 27 years of service at

1:05:09

the fast food giant the gifts included a

1:05:11

movie ticket a Starbucks cup

1:05:14

a bag of Reese's Pieces was at

1:05:16

least a family cup two packs of

1:05:18

lifesavers Two pens a lanyard and two

1:05:21

cheese chains and a note that says

1:05:23

go fuck yourself. They didn't

1:05:25

even give a free walker Having

1:05:28

your way Ford's daughter

1:05:30

initiated to go fund me campaign in

1:05:32

response to the viral video because just

1:05:34

like us that response had to have

1:05:36

been What the fuck you? Fuck

1:05:39

you Burger King. Don't you get a watch

1:05:42

after 25 years? Buy him

1:05:44

a fucking buy him a house by this

1:05:46

guy a car set a

1:05:48

standard So anyway as of Tuesday afternoon

1:05:50

the campaign had raised nearly Thanks

1:05:55

for the generous the generous contributions from thousands

1:05:57

of donors utilizing a portion of

1:05:59

the funds was able to fulfill

1:06:01

a long-held dream of purchasing his first

1:06:03

home as reported by TMZ

1:06:07

I just hate women. It's just so weird to me You

1:06:09

hate women? No. What? I

1:06:13

just pause them like anyway fucking women am I

1:06:15

right? No, just like

1:06:17

as reported by TMZ. It's like to know just

1:06:19

erase that no one fucking cares But

1:06:22

anyway, I just thought that was great Just shows people coming

1:06:24

together to to make a wrong thing a right thing and

1:06:26

I hope that Burger King is Fucking

1:06:29

happy disappointing cuz I love Burger King. Yeah me

1:06:31

too and you they're hard to find now So

1:06:33

when you find one like oh get that Whopper

1:06:35

game and I'm guessing I mean no one just

1:06:37

gets a gift basket I have the Whopper of

1:06:39

a gift basket. I'll tell you what movie ticket

1:06:43

One they are expensive though. Yeah movies are

1:06:45

now I mean, that's at least fucking 19

1:06:47

bucks and if it was a Stanley Cup

1:06:49

that he got Starbucks when we

1:06:51

now we're getting that 80 bucks. Yeah a

1:06:53

couple keychains in there. That's 81 pencil Was

1:06:56

there a two bucks? Yeah, two pens 82

1:06:59

bucks Fuck did

1:07:01

they say bird did the pins say Burger King?

1:07:04

Whopper of a deal. So is he

1:07:06

was he quitting? I'll take a number two

1:07:08

pencil. Yeah What's

1:07:11

he quitting is that why he's done 27 straight years he's

1:07:13

all done did he retire 440.

1:07:15

Yeah, I guess you can't retire off that Yeah,

1:07:20

he wanted you know, he was just done working.

1:07:22

He's going somewhere that respects them like McDonald's I'm

1:07:25

going to five guys. Yeah, I'm going to five

1:07:27

guys with a gift baskets are huge Get

1:07:30

an edible arrangement when I get out of here. Yeah, 25 years. It's

1:07:32

gonna be sick I

1:07:35

came across something you got some puss or

1:07:38

something Card to brothel

1:07:40

we go. You got one movie ticket. So

1:07:42

you got the pay for whatever pussy brings the movie Peter one

1:07:46

movie ticket He's

1:07:49

got it he's got a pay for another

1:07:51

one Yeah, I didn't get the combo the

1:07:53

combo meal movie ticket situation Take the take

1:07:55

the Stanley back and get me

1:07:57

a movie ticket least free Burger King for

1:07:59

life anything That would

1:08:01

have been great. Twenty-seven, this

1:08:03

isn't twenty-seven years he was

1:08:05

just working there. Twenty-seven straight

1:08:08

years of this guy's life.

1:08:12

I mean, you gotta be able to pull a spreadsheet and be

1:08:14

like, how much does this motherfucker make us? You

1:08:16

know, like, things go viral on the internet when they're

1:08:18

like, something happens or something

1:08:20

like this, and the people that,

1:08:23

and then it blows up and it makes

1:08:25

this huge story like this. Like, when the

1:08:28

people were putting together this basket, did they

1:08:30

really honestly think like, that was a fair

1:08:32

trade? He's gonna appreciate that we

1:08:34

did this. Someone, there has

1:08:36

to be someone who's like young now and is

1:08:38

like, in

1:08:42

the social media department, they're gonna be like, this is

1:08:44

not a good idea. Maybe they'll get a go fund

1:08:46

me out of this. Like, maybe

1:08:48

that was all part of the plan. Maybe. We don't

1:08:50

want to pay for it, but... That makes Burger King

1:08:52

look bad though. But they should have gone way low.

1:08:54

Yeah, yeah, it does. There's no way that happened. But

1:08:57

that would have been, you know, at least forgiven on

1:08:59

some front. Like, anything that happens

1:09:01

like that now, you have to know that someone's

1:09:03

gonna post something about it and it's gonna go

1:09:05

like, just play it safe

1:09:07

and... I just picture the

1:09:09

person that's putting together the gift basket, like

1:09:12

27 straight years, fuck it, like, he's

1:09:14

sitting in his corner office, like, what do we got? He's

1:09:17

just looking around, he goes, I got this movie

1:09:19

ticket, opens the drawers, like, threw

1:09:21

in one key chain, he goes, I better make it two. Throws

1:09:24

that in there. World's greatest dad mug. He's

1:09:26

like, world's greatest dad mug. These two pens.

1:09:28

Thanks for your service. And he clicks, throws

1:09:30

that in the basket. So

1:09:32

that, and then, I don't know, fucking, these two

1:09:34

pens, he throws them in. He's like,

1:09:36

that's a lot of stuff. Dude, I'd be pumped

1:09:38

to get this. Yeah. Fucking

1:09:42

crazy. I think that everyone needs to, in that situation,

1:09:44

think about, what if I worked for 27 years? What

1:09:46

would... Straight

1:09:49

years. And if I got

1:09:51

this, do this basket, how would I feel? Would it be

1:09:53

an insult, or would I love it? Would I be pumped?

1:09:55

Would I be a little bit... I want to see, does

1:09:57

it, can we see the video of the guy talking about...

1:10:00

There's no video of him getting the basket deal was

1:10:02

was a link. Oh, yeah, I've seen I've seen that

1:10:04

video Oh you are do you want to see it

1:10:06

any good to watch? No, he's just showing it off

1:10:08

He's just like pointing at it and what he got

1:10:10

but was he was he jacked for it I have

1:10:12

to spend a long time so they watched it. Here

1:10:14

we go That's what I'm wondering like was he like

1:10:16

what the fuck is this or was he like dude?

1:10:18

I have to send you

1:10:21

a puzzle or I'm not a

1:10:23

robot Hold

1:10:26

on, I'm getting this queued up here. Okay, there you go There's

1:10:35

a sweet gift bag. It's

1:10:37

not even a basket. It's a literal

1:10:39

clear bag of shit What

1:10:46

is HM Yeah,

1:10:48

the guy gets found it in the drawer.

1:10:51

Oh my god, dude. This was so last

1:10:53

minute. There you go one movie ticket Grateful

1:10:58

so thankful Reese's

1:11:01

bag. I hope those are his favorite

1:11:03

candy Garb of

1:11:05

cup again. This is all shit that someone just

1:11:07

pulled off and we're good a

1:11:09

desk a couple key chains God,

1:11:13

this is embarrassing Really

1:11:15

were pen only yeah You

1:11:19

think I was just kidding Zach, I hope you

1:11:21

got that Sharpie you wanted. Well a couple of

1:11:23

lifesaver packets, too Yeah,

1:11:29

that's bad no, I know it's rough All

1:11:34

right, let's hop off this is something that I didn't know existed at

1:11:36

all and I'm really excited to show you guys Does

1:11:39

that sound good? Yeah. All right, Zach The

1:11:43

Internet is pretty wild depending on

1:11:45

your browsing habits. You can either

1:11:47

experience something super cool or go

1:11:50

to prison Crazy, right?

1:11:52

Let's check it out together as

1:11:54

a couple. Hey look what

1:11:57

I found Surprise

1:12:00

that was not awesome. That was the opposite

1:12:02

of awesome dude. That was fucking me the

1:12:06

Not like not surprised that this existed but surprised

1:12:08

that I'd never heard about it And then also

1:12:10

just imagining having one of these so when you

1:12:12

picture a mousetrap How

1:12:14

long has it been that like what we know

1:12:17

is the mousetrap has existed? I

1:12:19

mean our entire lives right pulling it back and pulling

1:12:21

it back got the you got the Metal

1:12:23

thing and you got the cheese and then the trigger

1:12:25

and let it go and it snaps down and fucking

1:12:27

claps on you I was picturing the game to be

1:12:29

honest. Oh, yeah Well, that would be do the whole

1:12:32

thing to marble and then the little like I wonder

1:12:34

if we got a mouse and you go I'm just

1:12:36

sure like a plastic cage running around the garage

1:12:40

No, but back in the old days they

1:12:42

had a fucking gun mousetrap so

1:12:46

again, so not surprised like

1:12:48

obviously because Humans you like

1:12:50

to fuck these things shoot it in the

1:12:52

face safety last like if a baby walks

1:12:54

over and touches it But this is

1:12:56

the 1862 mouse killer I'm

1:13:00

just gonna play the video so the guy he's pouring Pour

1:13:03

in the black powder and he's putting in the wad Gonna

1:13:05

shove that down there so you get blasted with this

1:13:07

like a fucking water. Here you go. I Mean

1:13:11

he's doing demonstration. Oh My

1:13:16

god Good

1:13:18

blast his face. Okay. I was gonna say this sounds

1:13:21

like a Tom and Jerry bit Hit

1:13:24

his face is black. It looks like fucking

1:13:26

daffy duck when I

1:13:28

bled his beaks the sideways. He's so black it

1:13:30

with the end of a gun. Yeah It's

1:13:33

gun, but how funny like

1:13:36

what the Imagine like you're

1:13:38

late night and you're walking around your kitchen

1:13:40

You look just new glass of water and

1:13:42

just shot in the foot. Oh step on

1:13:45

it just triggered Oh, I mean

1:13:47

again, it doesn't have a bullet in it, but it has enough

1:13:49

of a blast to kill him It's

1:13:51

possible that mice were a lot tougher in 1882 They've

1:13:55

softened up like humans that they're chill now.

1:13:58

Oh, but. Oh

1:14:00

see, I thought she was not suitable

1:14:02

without. And. Remy probably ever

1:14:05

think about a humane way to

1:14:07

kill something. Maybe.

1:14:09

Killen. it was miss massing half of it's

1:14:11

head into a metal scraps and it lays

1:14:14

there paralyzed into. you. Can find enough to

1:14:16

kill yourself or habit for sure. Daggers gets

1:14:18

blasted with the fuck Him gun. You.

1:14:20

Know which one would you prefer A while

1:14:22

it was funny as I guess. I never

1:14:24

really thought of people having mouse problems like

1:14:27

sinking was a problem. Then he

1:14:29

couldn't. Sixties, I don't I have. You heard the

1:14:31

plague. Yeah. Thousand.

1:14:33

As you do? Yeah, That was

1:14:35

a big problem but I never I like

1:14:37

us. I never thought of and never thought

1:14:39

like I went to a mouse traps hurl

1:14:41

were like a suspect in Syria where they

1:14:43

figured out that rats for the issue for

1:14:45

the flag. How many does dad's had a

1:14:48

slight lie awake with a revolver to step

1:14:50

in the bedroom is a shooting as routes.

1:14:52

Susan is listening to Sue do the fucking

1:14:54

Wall just for he did it with your

1:14:56

monsieur like. To

1:14:58

add. Up at our

1:15:01

Mrs. he like spots. God damn

1:15:03

it. Says

1:15:06

I'll even of that's a different timelines correct on

1:15:08

of guns were around when the plague of an

1:15:10

empty and and the it. And. Had

1:15:12

guns. right? Can't even if

1:15:14

another shot winner. The Chinese invent guns, Fully

1:15:17

vetted gunpowder. But.

1:15:19

They may have gunpowder on arrows of with a cigarette

1:15:21

or guns. Was. Younger like. Such a

1:15:23

city that this should be on fucking Tlc. Says

1:15:26

us talking about how history maybe

1:15:29

with wounded civilians. Kit

1:15:31

to done us around a thousand and

1:15:33

a d o area guns and maybe

1:15:35

does not like the modern former guns.

1:15:38

Motorists there are things like ah they

1:15:40

were the other were rockets that they

1:15:42

use gunpowder force so like for yeah

1:15:45

they put they put flaming they for

1:15:47

gunpowder on the end of arrows they've

1:15:49

hit men explosion I saw Rambo I

1:15:52

think they let peons have guns so.

1:15:55

Enormous didn't have guns. know we had

1:15:57

to get the gun. Rather good idea.

1:15:59

It's. Video

1:16:02

of an exorcist video this mom's she was

1:16:04

she was like had a gun and or

1:16:06

seamlessness music and she was acting like she's

1:16:09

all bad as she has a gun by

1:16:11

having and went off moon and like him

1:16:13

air hair flung up in the air is

1:16:15

what like buster handgun and in you see

1:16:17

her tears like running away in the gone.

1:16:21

Excess faces of death on crown. Sorry not

1:16:23

assert that lady she out of a gun.

1:16:26

Oh man samra to sneeze So he does.

1:16:29

Way for that's. Because

1:16:31

as you think you. Says

1:16:35

let's down. All

1:16:40

right, let's you were. You guys

1:16:42

think merely me. For.

1:16:46

All right Ah Joe This first

1:16:49

email sent my are dating pool

1:16:51

daughter backs okay. See.

1:16:53

Rights. Wtf.

1:16:56

Is wrong with a bow? This.

1:16:59

Whole thing happened last night and I had to share

1:17:01

with your. See

1:17:04

size isn't. So. I met this

1:17:06

guy us are just so we're clear my

1:17:08

computer, my dad books, I met a guy

1:17:10

on Tinder M and the first four days

1:17:12

when well not great but okay experience over

1:17:15

three at a five star citizen would seem

1:17:17

to thing except for a different guy. Seen

1:17:19

as to tax yorkers have a significant event

1:17:21

viewer slimy I decided it was time to

1:17:23

take it to the next step. You know

1:17:25

what I mean We saw as if I

1:17:28

could come yeah like he took his cooking

1:17:30

dinner like numbers has become so as to

1:17:32

make them to his apartment to see where

1:17:34

he lived in what. Not the place

1:17:36

was nice, clean and organized. know weird

1:17:38

smells, know creepy photos and overall good

1:17:41

vibe. Soils I cool needs as as

1:17:43

a review a period of five stars.

1:17:45

It's cool places, nice, clean, organized, know

1:17:48

it smells was creepy photos of Roger

1:17:50

by etc. Five stars. Are

1:17:54

like to go. Maybe this guy's gonna

1:17:56

work out t he'd order Italian food

1:17:58

since I went around. The time and

1:18:00

after we ate and sat on the couch and

1:18:02

watch a movie isn't my think. We're both waiting

1:18:05

for the Italian food to settle before heading to

1:18:07

the bedrooms. I'm

1:18:09

telling ya this for the story cause I

1:18:12

won't yield a know that there were no

1:18:14

red flags. Super normal guy So we made

1:18:16

our way to the bed and care started

1:18:18

making now and took everything off that are

1:18:20

unaware. Then he started says hey I know

1:18:23

I know we just barely map but I

1:18:25

feel like we understand each other pretty well

1:18:27

and I'm excited to have sex with you.

1:18:29

So. I bought you something that I want

1:18:32

you to wear. Well, we do it. So

1:18:34

man the pit in your stomach he was

1:18:36

sealed. Guess a lot. hey I know which

1:18:38

is barely met but a fifty foot in.

1:18:41

Front of a penis own of abuse would

1:18:43

ever say hard to guy fifty bucks the

1:18:45

wipe it off as a. Thong

1:18:49

yeah he presents of the tuck in balls

1:18:51

and a little things tears as who's. See

1:18:54

how he eyes of the bed grabs gift

1:18:56

bag and hands it to me and my

1:18:58

mind I was like i'm kinda weird. But

1:19:00

he probably just got me some sexy lingerie

1:19:02

his favorite color or some shit. but when

1:19:05

he would have picked up the bags and

1:19:07

self savvy and took a deep breath and

1:19:09

brace myself when I was gonna find but

1:19:11

was not ready for what was inside it

1:19:14

was ahead of qu said new city said

1:19:16

no those essence it was a pair of

1:19:18

cat ears, a rubber knows and with whiskers

1:19:20

to gloves that look like pause a pair

1:19:23

of socks it look like ten feet. And

1:19:27

drumroll grammarly hundred a month.

1:19:31

A huge pot plug with a

1:19:33

fucking tat Tales has to it

1:19:35

more any actual soft as I'm

1:19:37

holding the cat's tail but point

1:19:39

in my hand sucking dumbfounded citizens

1:19:41

says i know looks a bit

1:19:44

large be a big book and

1:19:46

as I eat a pursuit of

1:19:48

snug fit. Your

1:19:50

we never even thought about having sex

1:19:52

before me coming your last night and

1:19:54

I definitely don't have putting but. Flick

1:19:57

of Fish or buts like Aficionado on My

1:19:59

Tinder by. Oh, so I yelled

1:20:01

curses at him got the fuck out of

1:20:03

there and immediately deleted my profile from all

1:20:05

dating apps I'm done y'all

1:20:07

hope you can spend some sympathy for your

1:20:09

lonely stepdaughter and step-niece Bex Oh man, and

1:20:12

you know what back to the booty

1:20:14

Bex Bex This is the this is the

1:20:16

sad truth guess what that whole

1:20:18

cat get up little cat outfit You

1:20:21

were it was not meant for you the

1:20:23

last point he presented that to do the same thing.

1:20:25

Yep Yeah, like somebody's got it.

1:20:27

He's like fall for this right someone's gonna

1:20:30

snug this fucking butt plug in her big

1:20:32

butt I love how he's

1:20:34

a big button. I appreciate having nice foot like how

1:20:36

do you fall? Do you fall that with a wink?

1:20:39

Hmm. I mean you got a big butt. I

1:20:41

thought you'd appreciate a snug fit You know what I

1:20:43

mean but in a cat butt plug review what I

1:20:45

mean? Yeah, you can give it like a little punch

1:20:47

on the arm. You know what I mean? Yeah, so

1:20:49

anyway bend over get this fucking thing I love how

1:20:51

he associates big butt with like a big hole to

1:20:53

yeah, like there's like the bigger the but the bigger

1:20:55

the hole That's what I always say Bigger

1:21:00

the phone longer pony there the problem the problem

1:21:03

bigger the butt bigger the hole bigger the hole

1:21:06

Or is any truth to that? Should that

1:21:08

be a shirt? Yeah, big hole bigger the whole big

1:21:10

how big is your hole? Yeah, this conversation is just

1:21:13

Fell into how big is your hole Bex?

1:21:15

Hinging on this. No, man, that is booty

1:21:17

but whole Bex I

1:21:19

like the big booty Bex big triple bags,

1:21:22

dude. Let's go Well,

1:21:26

I'm sorry that happened to you Bex but

1:21:28

you know, maybe I hope she found someone

1:21:32

It wasn't like the right kind of cat. That was her

1:21:34

problem. He's like, she's like,

1:21:36

I'm a Calico girl You have a you got

1:21:38

me a fucking just a black Calico's all one

1:21:41

breed or one sex aren't they all mixed?

1:21:43

Are they all female? I

1:21:45

don't know. I think I don't know enough about cats But

1:21:47

correct it or tell us the information when you

1:21:50

get it Our second email is coming in from our medical

1:21:52

son Lee who writes been a while. So we've heard from

1:21:54

Lee What's going on, bud? What's up?

1:21:56

Daddy's and uncle's act uncle commie's

1:21:58

act Your recent

1:22:00

episode with the MRI handgun mishap brought to

1:22:02

mind a couple of incidents that occurred with

1:22:05

the MRI where I previously

1:22:07

worked. First, I've had an

1:22:09

MRI for a disc in my neck, even

1:22:12

after all the safety screening,

1:22:14

I left my beeper in my pocket. No

1:22:16

gunfire, but the technician and I kept hearing

1:22:19

this infernal beeping sound.

1:22:22

Needless to say, the beeper was toast afterwards.

1:22:25

By the way, I did fall asleep.

1:22:28

Since I was at work during lunch, I was well rested for

1:22:30

the rest of the day. Another time

1:22:32

someone took a patient into the MRI room for

1:22:34

an oxygen tank or with an oxygen tank. I

1:22:37

don't recall if the patient was on oxygen or if

1:22:39

the tank was just in the holder built into the

1:22:41

wheelchair, but the metal tank got stuck to the side

1:22:43

of the MRI. I remember maintenance

1:22:46

scrambling trying to figure out how to pull it

1:22:48

off the machine. It is

1:22:50

very expensive to shut off an MRI machine down

1:22:52

and restart it. It is done

1:22:54

when certain maintenance cycles come around, but

1:22:56

to have to shut one down

1:22:58

because of stupidity gets expensive. Another

1:23:00

really crazy incident happened when a

1:23:03

staff member had the brainstorm that

1:23:05

a magnet can wipe a data

1:23:07

disc when an MRI should really

1:23:09

wipe a hard drive. Other

1:23:11

than that, there were no

1:23:13

injuries and that was their last

1:23:16

day. We never heard any more details about

1:23:18

the incident. Later, your vintage son, Lee. So

1:23:20

someone was like, shit, dude, this

1:23:22

is going to wipe data off a fucking beeper in a

1:23:25

floppy. I'm going to go ahead and bring

1:23:27

my hard drive in and stick it in here. Oh,

1:23:32

so dumb. People are so

1:23:34

dumb. Yeah, people thinking about it beforehand, they're

1:23:36

like, oh, this is going to be better.

1:23:38

Play this safe. Yeah, I'm sure. Why would

1:23:40

I get the struggle of formatting this hard

1:23:42

drive when I just go put in the

1:23:44

MRI machine? Fucking two

1:23:46

birds, one stone. Get

1:23:48

two birds sewn at one bones, one machine. What'd

1:23:51

you find out over there? And then we'll wrap up

1:23:54

number 85. We're looking something

1:23:56

out of the Calico cat. Yeah, they're, they're

1:23:58

almost exclusively female except for some. mutations.

1:24:01

The genetic mutation is just a dick? Yeah.

1:24:05

Sick mutation dude. God you got lucky.

1:24:08

You could have got three eyes and all you got was a penis. Fuck

1:24:11

dude. The three eyed cat looking at my...

1:24:13

He's like six mouths and three eyes looking

1:24:15

at the cat. And can't actually ejaculate. Yeah

1:24:17

it just has nothing. It has no way

1:24:19

of doing anything and then the other his

1:24:21

brother got a mutation that just gave him

1:24:23

a fucking big old dick. He's

1:24:25

like a... Just a girthy son of a bitch.

1:24:27

Look at the meow. You know what I mean?

1:24:30

Alright well that's episode 85. Had

1:24:32

some fun man. Become part

1:24:34

of the gaggle. Get the bonus

1:24:37

content patreon.com/can you don't podcast. Also

1:24:39

head over and check out scat

1:24:41

cast with commie uncle Zach.

1:24:43

Oh fuck. I never said that. Oh

1:24:47

gotcha. Sorry Brian's plugging his computer in for

1:24:49

the ones not watching the video. I was like what the fuck

1:24:51

is he doing over there? Watch the

1:24:54

camera above your head. Be careful.

1:24:56

Anyway scatcast.com that's scat with a K.

1:24:58

We've got our Instagram and Facebook Instagram

1:25:00

and Facebook YouTube channel for the video

1:25:02

version. And then things you want to

1:25:04

see on the show email them in

1:25:06

to heyguys at can you don't podcast.com

1:25:08

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1:25:10

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1:25:12

to the babysitters that moderate and

1:25:15

run the can you don't playground for our Facebook

1:25:17

page. Ok. Well

1:25:20

we're gonna get. Are you completely dead?

1:25:22

Or can you do a joke at

1:25:24

the end? No I got it. You're so close. Ok

1:25:27

he's plugging in everybody. Zach what are you doing out there?

1:25:29

Are you plugging in? I'm already plugged in bro. Yeah you

1:25:31

are. Fuck yeah you're plugging in. There we go. Alright. It

1:25:34

was at 1%. Way to go man. Alright let's wrap it

1:25:36

up. You got something for us on the back end of

1:25:38

the show. Think you'll have your

1:25:40

headphone plugged in by then? Yeah you'll be good.

1:25:43

Good God. Wrap it up

1:25:45

already huh? Alright

1:25:51

Joe you ready for this? I recently came into a bunch of

1:25:53

money. Which is strange for me. Ok. Because I usually just use a

1:25:55

paper towel. I

1:26:03

Get it hmm. Yeah, it must be nice

1:26:05

to be rich just wasting money just coming

1:26:07

It's me nice stiff $1 bill, you know,

1:26:09

like you great you can get into the

1:26:12

machine Yeah, I come on all my

1:26:14

dollar bills before I buy a twix dude picture

1:26:16

some guy at like a Pizza

1:26:18

place you want to play some games? You can't get the dollar

1:26:20

in there get the coin. So he's