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Spray tan, ratchet strap, drywall,

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I'm bleeding out. I

0:43

don't

0:53

have my gloves on yet because I want you to see

0:55

them going on. Oh, it's

0:58

like watching you slip into something more comfortable. Yeah. I

1:00

love how you have to do this too. Yeah, you

1:02

might well, you have a choice. Can

1:04

you imagine? You can't just put them on. Let me try

1:06

that. Let me try to just slide them on. Put them

1:08

on without pulling extra. No.

1:11

You can, I guess, you

1:14

need to squeeze the fingers. Yeah. You got to

1:16

really get it down. This is great TV for

1:18

those listening. Yeah. They love it. Episode

1:20

78. Yeah. Did

1:23

you know that we have over 6 million hours of

1:25

content? That's what I've heard. 6 million,

1:29

just bonus. Did

1:32

you know that? So what are we

1:34

talking like 15 million of regular? Yeah. Something

1:36

like that. At least, that's at least 17

1:38

trillion football fields. We're

1:41

back in the Triassic period. Someone's

1:44

doing a triathlon, am I right? No,

1:48

but we have a ton of bonus content.

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Thank you to everybody who supports us on Patreon.

1:52

If you are not signed up, you can

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find the link in the episode description, but it's

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also fairly easy to remember. Go to patreon.com.

2:00

don't podcast on top of the bonus

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content that is easy and thank you

2:04

Wow tell me more yeah baby tell me more

2:06

tell me more on top of

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the exclusive merch and

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the bonus content and the ad free

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stuff you also get

2:21

to you ready are you fucking ready for this I'm

2:24

trying to find like the right the

2:26

right thing right now I'm just rocking out

2:28

over here dude okay man this is I

2:30

thought it'd be way cooler sound bad no

2:32

but every single week we answer questions that

2:34

are sent in by the gaggle so head

2:36

over to patreon.com so it's can you don't

2:38

podcast send in stuff you want to hear

2:40

on the regular show to hey guys they

2:42

can you don't podcast calm we

2:45

got some new merch we talked

2:47

about it last week and we were recording like

2:49

weeks and weeks in advance we didn't really know

2:52

what we had but we have Christmas merch which

2:54

the deadline is approaching to order that and then

2:56

make sure like 100% that you get it in

2:58

time for your Christmas party is

3:01

that your knee my knee yeah geez

3:04

I thought you've big that's not a Bob

3:07

just like me cracking pencils yeah snapping

3:09

pencils and next yeah they won't sharpen

3:11

right I came here to snap next

3:13

and pencils and I'm all out of

3:15

pencils and play darts that's a long

3:17

t-shirt it is really long came here

3:19

to snap pencils pencils and sharpen pencils

3:21

and snap next and play darts and

3:23

get a free t-shirt and I'm all

3:25

out of pencils like

3:28

I don't need this bullseye every

3:30

time no but

3:32

we also have not a bomb not a

3:34

bomb not a bomb not a bomb also not a

3:36

bomb you could find those t-shirts

3:38

and then we have our first ever

3:42

baby merch we thought

3:44

it was funny to put ticking bomb on

3:47

top of that see if you have the not a bomb

3:49

and then your partner has the also not

3:51

a bomb and then the baby has ticking

3:53

bomb that's funny mm-hmm so

3:56

we did it the actual bomb the

3:58

actual bomb and anybody who's ever had

4:00

tiny kids that's exactly what they are is

4:03

a fucking ticking that'll be fun at an airport yeah

4:05

just I want you to know we're not an air

4:07

yeah just see if you get on the board it

4:10

either you can either rig a switchblade or wear those

4:12

shirts and then both of them will make you get

4:14

checked by security so

4:16

up to you give it give it a shot I

4:18

mean worst-case scenario you still get your TSA I mean

4:21

you how many times you've been kicked out of the

4:23

airport I learned a good

4:25

lesson about government if you bring

4:27

a switch accidentally during a switch play

4:29

through security one time you get banned from

4:31

TSA free for one year but

4:34

if you do it two times you get your

4:36

TSA free check back that's pretty sweet yeah you

4:38

just have to pay like whatever 250 bucks now

4:40

I want to bring like a sword maybe I

4:42

can just get it quicker and the first time

4:44

you do one year no

4:46

TSA free just immediately come back and be like oh

4:48

my god another sword and I don't know but

4:50

you might get it right back and I like

4:52

you know this guy's such a goofball let's

4:55

let him get a little silly goose bringing a

4:57

switchblade no one that can afford this many swords

4:59

is putting bombs in their shoes that's

5:01

true yeah that's just the rule I

5:04

live by I want to see that in the news

5:06

like the airplane passenger

5:09

threatens crew with swords

5:11

with samurai sword yeah

5:13

which he said which he said quote I

5:15

promise I won't get this out I

5:21

promised to holster my sword quote

5:26

so uncomfortable to sit with an

5:28

airplane guy you just adjusting

5:30

his swords like he's got the middle seat and

5:33

it's just poking up in between him and the

5:35

fat guy and oh it's getting caught on the

5:38

armrest and he's like yanking it

5:40

around all the time I heard one of the

5:42

funniest things I've heard from a

5:45

guy on an airplane when I was traveling back from

5:47

Vegas up to the game a lot

5:49

of yeah a lot of qualification so I

5:52

are must be real low well so the

5:55

funniest thing I've ever heard from a guy

5:57

wearing black shoes with blonde hair on an

5:59

airplane You don't hear a lot of

6:01

funny things on an airplane. Okay. So the

6:03

bar is not that high to begin with. Okay, gotcha. But I

6:05

thought this was funny. So I had,

6:08

we flew southwest, so

6:10

it was one, it's, you first come, first serve, and

6:13

I was like, I forgot

6:15

to do my check-in early, so I was like

6:17

C45, something like that. So one

6:19

of the last to get on. Not miserable.

6:22

And, but I'm walking through, like right about the

6:24

wing, there was this big fat dude sitting on

6:26

the aisle seat, and the other seats weren't open,

6:29

or they were open. And I was

6:31

like, you mind if I grab that window seat? He's like, oh

6:33

yeah, yeah, gets up, lets me sit down. Everyone's

6:36

filling up. Every other seat filled

6:38

up except for our middle seat.

6:41

And I look over and I'm like, oh, it's like we

6:43

got lucky, huh? Spread out. And he's

6:45

like, yeah, when I fly, I like to, I

6:48

like to look extra fat or whatever.

6:50

It's like how he's like, I like

6:52

to train myself as extra fat. What?

6:55

So no one will sit next to him on the airplane. But

6:58

I've never heard like just that blatant

7:00

honesty from someone. He's like, when I get on here,

7:02

I just fucking, I spill

7:04

it over. I just

7:06

try to be extra fat so no one sits next

7:09

to me. He's like, you kidding me? You think there's

7:11

no perks to fucking diabetes? You think

7:13

that I wouldn't play up diabetes? If

7:15

I got that diabetes, if I got a

7:17

chance. Everybody's gonna know about it. To take

7:19

advantage of diabetes? I'm gonna take

7:21

it. You're like, hell yeah dude, fist

7:24

bump. I thought for sure I was gonna have to sit

7:26

in the middle seat next to two fat guys. But

7:29

instead I got to sit at a

7:31

window next to an open

7:33

seat next to a fat guy. So which is pretty

7:35

cool. Yeah. And that guy also was like,

7:37

I'm looking as fat as possible. Yeah. Like

7:39

you do you buddy. Well, he was watching a movie that had like crazy

7:42

nudity in it and stuff. He just did not give

7:44

a shit. I don't know. But I

7:46

was looking over and it's just, I don't remember, I

7:48

don't even know what he was watching. But it's just

7:51

like blatant nudity. This is

7:53

awesome for me, but probably not. Probably not.

7:56

But his parents and 37 see. Also awesome

7:58

for them. Yeah,

8:00

yeah, I mean come on. He's

8:02

just browsing through Pornhub, and

8:05

it's mounted to the seat in front of him

8:07

You know what yeah, he it was I bet

8:09

it was he had the little sleeve that man

8:11

So he's just sitting there with his arms crossed

8:13

like this mm-hmm, and he's just just

8:15

watching Taking

8:18

it all in Just

8:21

I'd see this little jiggle like that. Yes,

8:24

and then just in the he fucking

8:27

Made you very comfortable right for him. Yeah.

8:29

Yeah. Yeah, I was that was the most

8:31

comfortable iPhone a long time Well thanks to

8:33

him. Love that for you. Yeah, that's awesome

8:36

Be sure to check out scat cast comm is

8:39

there anything new on scat cast zaki poo cards

8:41

cards cards a bunch of cards Yeah, cards like

8:43

crazy okay, if you haven't checked out the scat

8:45

cast Universe go check that

8:47

out head over to scat cast calm all

8:50

the podcasts that producers act mr. Sexy

8:52

uncle zack puts out you available

8:54

right there at scat cast Com

8:57

we got a bunch of Christmas specials in

8:59

the patreon okay next week too, so okay

9:01

perfect yay You have some notes

9:03

written in here on the open Well,

9:06

I yeah, I just had a funny experience heading

9:09

to Studio today getting some

9:11

coffee, okay? Pull it I

9:13

pull up to Thomas hammer,

9:16

I don't know if it

9:18

matters where I was but doesn't matter I

9:20

pull up There's

9:22

this car that's in front and there's

9:24

probably three four cars in front of him

9:26

and Or her I don't know

9:28

if it's a dude or chick and they

9:30

keep moving up what? Thing

9:34

I just love the bet like the bouncing back. Oh,

9:37

yeah, three like coffee shop. I don't know what coffee

9:39

shop Anyway, so

9:41

behind the car. I'm not sure what car it is. I'm

9:43

not sure matters. There's this guy driving I'm

9:45

not sure this guy could have been a guy or girl I

9:49

Want to run up with one here couldn't want to read

9:51

it. I'm sure it matters. I don't know if there's anybody

9:53

driving I never saw anybody. I was

9:55

just okay Washington. You know what doesn't matter doesn't matter

9:57

where I was Smoke

10:00

and smoke and I'm terrible at telling stories

10:04

Not great that proved it. No,

10:06

but that's just a funny way

10:08

of a lot of bouncing. I tell a story like I read

10:13

The worst news for anybody yeah, I'll

10:16

story how I read I can't Alright,

10:19

come on. I'm reading All

10:22

right, so Behind

10:25

this car And the

10:27

all the cars, you know soon assuming leaves

10:29

the window everyone moves up. Mm-hmm Every time

10:31

like I said, there's probably three or four

10:34

cars every time that they pulled forward He

10:36

wouldn't you just sit there and sit there. I'm

10:39

like the fuck is this guy doing normally I

10:41

wouldn't care but it's a small parking lot and

10:43

there's people trying to get through and like

10:45

dude pull up. Mm-hmm and After

10:48

a while along well pulled up a little

10:51

bit another car goes through It

10:54

takes a while same process three or four times and

10:56

the last time He

10:59

orders People pull up

11:01

and he pulls a little bit forward But there's

11:03

still like a car gap in between him in

11:05

the the car at the window So

11:07

I'm next to pull up to the window to order But

11:11

he's in that limbo spot if he pulls all the way

11:13

forward I can get there, but he's not doing that He's

11:15

just sitting there and I was like, you know what?

11:18

I'm just gonna give this guy a little bonk little

11:20

horn Just to let him

11:22

know like dude, come on. There are other people

11:24

in this fucking world Mm-hmm and rise I'm about

11:26

to do it. I look I my hands going

11:28

towards the horn I look up and

11:30

I see On the

11:32

back window Is that gonna one

11:34

of those American flags with like the guns all over the

11:37

place and like your nades and shit And

11:39

then I'm like, whoa Okay, and I look down

11:41

that is license plate and it says

11:43

my other auto is a nine millimeter and

11:46

like My my fist stopped.

11:48

I was like, whoa, maybe not a good

11:51

idea Maybe this guy because

11:53

I don't know maybe this guy's a loose

11:55

cannon. Yeah, and you know I

11:57

mean just because you like guns doesn't mean you're loose cannon, but

11:59

it was like it

12:02

was like something felt a little bit different

12:04

yeah you got if you went

12:06

through the conscious effort to put that on the

12:08

back of your car yeah something's going on not

12:10

just one not like a sticker it's like the

12:12

back window is filled up the lights this place

12:15

filled the stickers and everything it

12:17

was just like my other auto is a

12:19

9 millimeter I'm like this guy means he wants

12:21

everyone to know that that I'll kill you yeah

12:23

yeah so I'm like everything's like I'm like it's

12:27

like a half an inch to the

12:29

horn and I was like whoa it barely

12:31

hit it does one of those yeah oh

12:33

shit try to slow motion try to stop

12:35

your fist mm-hmm that's

12:44

what it felt like goes meep meep

12:47

he's like God door kicks open just

12:50

that's what I was afraid of yeah okay

12:52

cuz maybe maybe I caught this guy maybe

12:54

like that day he was gonna like quit

12:57

work or whatever I'm like this just set

12:59

him over the edge whatever was driving like

13:02

I'll just take the extra 30 seconds and

13:04

yeah get my coffee and make it to

13:06

work that whole falling down situation from that

13:09

movie back in the day which was that

13:11

falling down with Kirk Douglas I think oh

13:13

man I haven't seen it oh my goodness

13:15

it's so good oh don't spoil it it's

13:17

good it's good it's

13:19

good is it about falling down there's

13:21

some falling in it yeah so much though

13:23

a little bit of falling the whole movies

13:26

about falling down whoa just the slowest slow

13:28

motion of a guy tripping maybe the whole

13:30

movie is about getting back up you

13:32

know what that's the positivity I love from

13:34

you mm-hmm as a person it's really not

13:36

though oh so would

13:39

be cool very dark would be cool about

13:41

like the recovery of him being better than

13:43

he's ever been or whatever

13:45

that's better the way it is I think I'll

13:49

get the show rolling you're gonna see a movie

13:51

where the good guy just fucking dies that immediately

13:53

no not immediately but like you you expect him

13:55

to live and then they fucking die we have

13:57

your played Red Dead Redemption 2 yeah Nice.

14:00

Yeah, I mean yeah, that's why it's so sad. Yeah Play

14:04

that game by now and you're like oh they

14:06

should the spoiler. I know it sucks He also

14:08

horse dies too. Yeah, and you had to play

14:11

him the whole time. Yeah Welcome

14:13

to hell. I thought you started playing

14:15

it just say no. No you didn't know I heard

14:17

about you started playing that Years

14:20

ago. There's a grace period years ago

14:22

It's like it's fun. Someone's playing something

14:24

or watching something you're like, oh don't

14:26

say anything in spend 10 years Mm-hmm

14:29

like dude. No, come on. Sorry. You had

14:31

your chance get a grip I'll

14:33

do better next time Zack is still fun. It's been five

14:35

years since that game came out longer than

14:37

that 2018 that's

14:40

it pretty sure like to the

14:42

end of 2017 being 20 somewhere Yeah,

14:44

maybe because we just had the little baby.

14:46

I had to I had to go through

14:48

it quick cuz I had a baby That's it. I'm

14:51

like anyway, she probably get show. Sorry. All right, wrap

14:53

Exactly do the thing baby. Let's go Hey

15:00

You ready to get a little wild yeah No,

15:03

little fucking exactly what you expect on

15:05

the show wild and crazy cure. So

15:08

sent in by our son Cory And

15:11

I changed just a little bit just to make it

15:13

a little more even because there's certain parts of this

15:15

I was like, yeah, there's no way a little one-sided.

15:17

Yeah Would you rather?

15:20

Fuck Hulk Hogan If

15:22

he had a nice pussy His

15:26

pussy's just running wild didn't brother

15:29

nice dude Or we

15:31

have a fumant you and you'll see or

15:33

be fucked by Megan Fox But

15:36

she has a hairy eight-inch meat whip Has

15:40

to be hairy. Let's assume it's a

15:42

missionary position for both and yes Hulk's

15:45

pussy has a spray chin You Had

15:49

me at Hulk Hogan I'm there So

15:52

you so Hogan would be on his back

15:55

and you'd be plowing and you'd be on your

15:57

back Well, Megan Fox is right when you have

15:59

ate it So same position you just switch spots.

16:02

And originally Corey had Megan

16:04

Fox having a 12 inch.

16:09

I was like, let's dial it back. So

16:11

a Joe's size penis. I

16:14

am Megan Fox. Nice. Megan,

16:16

get eight inch, like any

16:19

butt if you

16:21

try enough you can take an eight inch whatever.

16:23

Okay. Well, because apparently it

16:25

just bounces back, right? Yeah, you

16:27

learned. People

16:30

are begging us to make t-shirts to be like, you don't

16:32

know how buttholes work? Because

16:37

yeah, it does bounce back. You've

16:40

taken shits thicker than dick.

16:44

Yeah, but the poop just slides out. It's

16:46

not getting penetrated and stretched

16:48

out over and over and over again. That was

16:50

where. Yeah, that's the difference. That was just Robin

16:52

if the poop was just like always coming out.

16:54

It was pulsating back and forth. It was just

16:56

staying there. Like a vagina just stays out after

16:58

childbirth kind of thing. Like

17:01

it never comes back. Well, yeah, because like you have

17:03

to do kegels and stuff to get your your vag

17:05

back, right? And if you don't do them it just

17:07

stays gaping the size of a baby's head. Yeah.

17:16

I mean, not that big, but it's not the way it

17:18

was, right? Sure. Oh,

17:22

oh, on the asshole. Yeah. Okay,

17:26

so let's go back to fucking

17:28

Hulk Hogan. Just

17:30

think about the whispers, dude.

17:34

Hogan can't whisper. No, no, no. Let

17:36

me tell you something, brother. You're really giving that pussy

17:38

good fucking. This

17:40

24 is python's are tingling up

17:43

your cave. Like just here's the situation.

17:45

You're fucking Hulk Hogan. It's a good

17:47

night. You guys want to dinner and

17:49

you're about to get this nice spray

17:52

tan pussy and you're looking forward to it.

17:55

You're fucking up and you're

17:57

pulling the whole thing close.

18:02

In his ear, you're like, that feel good?

18:04

And all you hear back is like, hell

18:06

yeah brother. That

18:13

feels so good brother. Fuck

18:21

me as hard as you can brother. I'm

18:26

about to come brother. Right

18:29

there, right there brother. You're running wild on that.

18:31

I'm about to come, I'm about to come. It

18:34

gives you one of these. Yeah, the pose. It gives

18:37

you the pose. See I

18:39

was visualizing it. It doesn't work but I

18:41

was trying to visualize him, the one doing the fucking

18:43

thing. So he's holding the pose but it wouldn't be

18:45

that way. Unless you do the Amazon position. You can

18:48

do it with him. Or like,

18:50

you do the pose. I want

18:53

to come with you, I want to come with you. Can you all do the pose at the same

18:55

time? Okay brother. Okay brother. Tell

18:59

me when brother. Tell

19:03

me when brother. Fuck.

19:09

Goddamn. And

19:14

just the soft light of like

19:17

the essential oils diffuser is lighting up his

19:19

food man's shoes. I

19:22

want to visualize their being his

19:26

pubes are, they're blonde. They're very disturbed

19:29

blonde. I mean Cory made sure to

19:31

say that it had a spray tan.

19:33

Yeah. Which, what if it was

19:35

only the pussy. Oh gawg, that

19:38

was spray tanned. Just that area. What

19:41

is this? He's

19:44

got a spray tan pussy with the fucking, with

19:47

the food man chewing some oogly eyes above

19:49

it. Does he wear a bandana around his waist

19:51

too? Yeah. Cause that's the whole

19:53

package, you gotta have the bandana. I

19:55

think he's gonna have some cool tricks like, like

19:58

some like ventriloquist stuff. like

20:00

like eat your eat

20:02

your eat okay hold on first of all never

20:04

comment on a sentence I'd ever say you're

20:07

eating a whole cogan? so

20:10

you're eating a whole cogan's vagina that's what I was

20:12

gonna say so you're eating a whole

20:14

cogan and he does

20:16

some choco shit and his pussy's like feels

20:19

good brother and you're

20:21

like yeah and you step back and his

20:23

pussy has his pussy has

20:25

a fubin' shoe ugly eyes and a bandana and

20:27

a belt like

20:29

where am I? is

20:32

this love? see I wanna like my my

20:35

wrestling is this unconditional

20:37

love? is this love? my

20:40

love for wrestling and like old school wrestling wants to

20:43

just take this down a route where like cause

20:46

Jimmy Hart was his manager let's go baby you

20:48

you can picture him he's like in the interview like he's

20:51

there with him so like he's laying on

20:53

his back and Jimmy Hart's in the background he's like give it to

20:56

him baby give it to him and

20:58

then Mean Gene rolls up and he's like what do you

21:00

think Hulk? he's like well let me tell you something brother

21:03

while he's getting fucked I've never been fucked my vagina's never

21:05

been fucked his brother and you're

21:07

like it's just stretch my vagina out brother

21:11

I'm about to come so hard brother and you're

21:13

just sitting there like you're like please can you

21:16

guys stop doing an interview right now? having a

21:18

really hard time staying hard all three of them right there Mean

21:21

Gene's standing there with a mic it's

21:23

already hard enough to hear the googly eyes above your pussy rattling but

21:27

if you guys should stop doing an interview right now it'll

21:31

be a lot easier for me to come I'll love your

21:33

fume and chew is

21:38

he wearing the championship belt? no he doesn't

21:40

know he took a different path of life

21:42

that'd be ridiculous that'd be crazy there's no

21:44

way and then getting fucked

21:47

by making Fox a hairy so

21:49

I'm guessing this is on the back of us talking about if the

21:51

dick was covered in hair does that

21:53

play a factor? on whether or not you're

21:55

gonna get fucked by making Fox if she had like a

22:00

like a normal looking 8 inch dick

22:04

would you decide differently if she had like

22:07

a hairy 8 inch dick

22:12

if I'm not like

22:14

hands on mouth on with a hairy dick if

22:16

it's just going in going in your butthole? and

22:18

I don't see it yeah I don't know will

22:21

it feel any different? does it scratch or anything?

22:23

I don't know never fucked an 8 inch hairy

22:25

dick you know what I mean? yeah I know what

22:28

you mean honestly the Megan

22:30

Fox thing doesn't do it for me just because

22:32

she doesn't so I'm trying to picture like someone

22:34

else okay Margot Robbie yeah or like Olivia Munn

22:36

yeah we heard about it the

22:40

hottest female celebrity or

22:43

whatever model anything with

22:45

an 8 inch hairy dick can it

22:47

be Halle Berry? sure whatever you want

22:49

buddy Halle Berry Bailey

22:52

or wait Halle Berry Halle Berry

22:55

yeah it's

22:57

Halle Berry hairy Halle Berry and

23:00

she's got a hairy 8 inch fucking dick I

23:03

don't know is that changed about you fucking Hulk

23:05

Hogan? I guess if

23:07

you I don't know if like

23:10

I've never fucking like I

23:12

mean I mean butt stuff

23:14

I'm not always about it like it's fine

23:17

but like if

23:20

it's about a one off if I

23:22

have to fuck Hulk Hogan with

23:25

a nice spray tan pussy or

23:28

we get fucked one time by Megan Fox

23:31

or your whatever hottest celebrity I

23:34

think I'm gonna take the hot celebrity fucking me one

23:36

time if it's a one

23:39

off I just don't think I can recover from

23:42

fucking every brand spray

23:44

tan Hulk Hogan pussy because every time you're

23:46

like back to your normal routine you close

23:49

your eyes you see Hulk Hogan yeah it

23:51

feels great brother come

23:54

on down to Hogan's hangout you're doing great brother

23:56

you're doing great brother oh my god

24:00

encouragement hmm oh

24:02

just you go there you Flexing

24:06

why you fucked me harder than

24:08

everybody else brother None

24:12

of my none of the past my past partners fucking

24:14

like you brother I think you just got to go

24:16

in the character like you're the macho man or something

24:18

like oh Yeah, like

24:20

fuck yeah, brother The

24:25

creams rising to the top Yeah

24:29

The top of what brother oh my dick Yeah,

24:33

you could outdo Hulk Hogan mm-hmm

24:36

and Elizabeth is like over

24:38

there watching mm-hmm Just

24:40

play the holes. I mean. I don't

24:42

know I've never I've never jammed anything in my

24:44

butt I know and that I understand that's a

24:46

problem. No, but here's what that's your problem I

24:48

know let me finish what I'm gonna say you

24:50

son of a bitch, okay? I'm

24:53

I'm not opposed to the idea like

24:55

it does like I mean I've heard

24:57

it's it Sounds good like

24:59

that's where the vine isn't it? It's like where

25:01

that it's where the dude. It's my eyes. Yeah,

25:04

like the G spot So

25:10

that's what the dudes vagina is So

25:14

if I if like if Margot

25:18

Robbie's whispering sweet

25:20

wonders and You're

25:23

able to take it. Yeah, I

25:25

mean yeah, that sounds pretty sweet. Oh

25:27

yeah, you could take it You're but

25:29

so deep dude All

25:32

your but you're she's gonna be she's gonna

25:34

be nice with you. No She

25:36

gets fucks with you. It's her voice, but she's

25:38

like hey like that brother She's

25:42

doing a whole cogan thing I just got out of this I

25:46

Came for this she's she's in character to

25:48

be she's got a like a whole cogan

25:50

movie She's even later on she pulls a

25:52

little string from the ceiling to light up

25:55

a lamp and she's wearing a whole cogan

25:57

mask You like that brother?

26:01

I don't know for that coming to hurt from her voice

26:03

though Australian

26:06

though, so it's yeah you like

26:08

that Hey,

26:11

you having a go this 80s dick in

26:14

Australia's hoke-hoke. Yeah, you're like that brother

26:18

Yeah, but I go ain't your brother You

26:24

like that down under yeah, I like this down on the

26:26

deep I Think

26:29

I'm saying it fucked I just can't I don't

26:32

think I can mentally recover From

26:35

folk or from fucking Hulk Hogan's pussy

26:37

no matter how nice it is I

26:39

think I will get plowed by if

26:41

I can pick it is like Olivia

26:43

Munn. I'm just tits out then butt

26:45

fucked I am a real man

26:50

Fireworks never be like holding this is kind

26:52

of answer the question Hulk

26:55

Hogan Now, we call you

26:57

now or Hulk Hogan like body slamming Andre

26:59

the giant We're like thunder lips

27:01

from rocky That's a threesome pre

27:04

that the slam from Andre the giant cuz

27:06

that's when he hurt himself was doing that

27:08

bullshit It's Hulk Hogan's pussy. Would you fuck

27:10

him or get fucked

27:13

by a super hot chick? I

27:15

am real at Hulk Hogan going

27:17

really yeah, I think so your best scared

27:19

about stuff. I think so man I

27:22

think I just like Hulk Hogan that much We

27:38

sign like what was going through your mind

27:40

when I

27:45

know this is weird when we're done with you someone underwear

27:47

What was your what were you thinking when you were gonna

27:50

turn heel and go in W? Oh, we're you like all

27:52

that my little Hulk a maniacs. Who's just gonna hate me.

27:54

I'll tell you right after I come brother God

28:01

okay we have to move on okay

28:04

okay let's go to what are you

28:06

thinking about Hey hey what's up babe

28:08

what are you thinking about? Ah

28:10

you know nothing actually you know what I'm thinking about

28:12

a lot of shit What

28:15

are you thinking about?

28:17

Alright so like I said I was

28:19

in Vegas for the Pac-12 championship Go

28:21

Dogs Go Dogs Um

28:24

and we went to I don't know

28:27

if anybody that knows who Zach Baggins

28:29

is Oh shit Yeah Yeah I

28:31

love it The host

28:33

of Ghost Adventures big paranormal guy and

28:36

as a person who is

28:38

interested and like finds the paranormal interesting

28:40

but is also very skeptical

28:44

It's a weird thing for me because I like the

28:46

shows but it's fun and then

28:48

Zach Oh please tell me it changed your outlook Well

28:50

then Zach Baggins comes along with his show and she's

28:52

like over the top and it's like fuck I like

28:55

it's like comical to watch

28:57

whatever But then we were down there

28:59

and we were like oh it's right here's a museum So

29:01

for me it was like it's almost like oh fuck we

29:03

gotta go to that because it's gonna be so ridiculous you

29:05

know And so

29:08

we got tickets and we we got not

29:10

we weren't VIPs we are RIPs Was

29:13

that rest in peace? Yeah like it's a

29:15

very it's a VIP No

29:18

there is no VIP it's just R.I.P. Gotcha

29:21

R.I.P.ers R.I.P.ers Okay So that allows you

29:23

access to that I would expect any

29:26

better marketing I know right God Zach's

29:28

get he gets it He

29:30

does Yeah he does He uh

29:33

so it's you know it allows you

29:35

access to the mansion that you that not everyone

29:37

gets So you go through you're going through this

29:39

place and like they'll be like all right now

29:41

the VIPs come on up and we get to

29:43

go do something special And everyone

29:45

else has to stand there like a bunch of fucking peasants

29:47

and wait for us And

29:50

uh so I will tell

29:52

you right up front I didn't have like an experience

29:56

Which I'm not surprised Being a skeptic

30:02

but it was entertaining and there's a

30:04

lot of people that have had crazy

30:06

experiences I had to sign

30:08

a death like

30:12

a whatever you call it like

30:14

a fucking sheet that says like we're not responsible

30:16

if you die in here well

30:18

okay marketing yeah got it okay yeah

30:20

but they said like the math had

30:22

marketing heart attacks and light headed and

30:24

they all that can they have yeah

30:27

but who hasn't people have had heart attacks

30:30

at fucking Arby's and

30:32

Arby's doesn't make you sign a death certificate on

30:34

the guy walks over and he's like can I

30:36

get your train you fucking die

30:42

just smash your head against my

30:44

Pepsi machine yeah

30:47

I get I know you're saying and then

30:49

like so that I don't know what to

30:51

believe is real yeah and I never know

30:53

what to believe because it's like I love

30:55

the idea of paranormal I love the idea

30:57

of like things we don't know and I

31:00

used to watch those shows and be like

31:02

when they debunked something so I

31:04

used to watch like ghost centers and they

31:06

would debunk something I'm like ah bummer but

31:08

that like Zach's like there's no debunking it's

31:10

just everything is real he's scratched his brew

31:13

no they come on have you watched

31:15

Ghost Adventures yes no not a long time

31:17

to debunk huh they were the

31:19

ones that started that no yes they

31:21

were they started a

31:23

debunking they've been around for like 20 years

31:25

yeah so they they would do it and

31:27

then they would find out it wasn't real

31:30

and look into it and then debunk it

31:32

that was them they started ghost hunters no

31:34

ghost hunters yeah

31:40

all right I'm willing to learn but I'm gonna

31:42

find out I'm not to ghost adventures this first

31:44

I'm not gonna stand on this platform cuz I

31:46

could be wrong but ghost hunters taps you know

31:48

they were the ones they would be they were hired

31:51

by people to go in and investigate and do

31:53

in and they'd come with the evidence it's

31:55

like this is what we found we found out that

31:58

there wasn't really anything going here's a couple things we

32:00

can't explain and that's what I

32:02

like that but then Zach show was like

32:04

over-the-top like he's he's yelling at demons and

32:06

he's like pick on some of your own

32:08

ties and getting scratched and like hit and

32:11

stuff and it was like oh okay come

32:13

on mm-hmm but once again like

32:15

whatever people's experiences but where

32:20

was I going with this we

32:23

find out oh man hold

32:26

on I'm learning I'm

32:28

learning things so he this mansion was

32:30

apparently like it was it's been

32:32

a haunted mansion for a long time the previous

32:34

owners then like Jenna Jameson's parents live there so

32:36

she reached out to him he ended up buying

32:38

this mansion she's like don't do it he bought

32:40

it and then he put all

32:43

this haunted stuff in this house and

32:46

so what basically what I

32:48

was gonna say was like as far

32:51

as the paranormal goes all that who

32:53

knows I'm a skeptic I need to be shown

32:55

so I didn't see anything so I can't you

32:58

know whatever but there's

33:00

some cool shit that he has in this place

33:03

he has like serial killer

33:06

things that belong to the people he's

33:08

got like Charles Manson's robe that he

33:10

was killed in Gacy's

33:13

paintings Gacy's letters

33:16

like pictures and stuff with

33:18

his family like authenticated real

33:20

shit the

33:23

van that Kevorkian

33:25

was like killing people in right

33:28

okay so supposedly all these artifacts

33:31

are like they're haunted

33:33

and they have like energies with like negative

33:36

energies in like there's a doll in there

33:38

that supposedly if you stare into its eyes

33:40

it gave some guy a heart

33:42

attack or something so you walk through this thing and you have

33:44

to like say hello hi Abby

33:47

or whatever and then buy Abby so you

33:49

don't disturb her space mm-hmm so for someone

33:51

who's like it's kind of like yeah

33:56

but at the same time it was still terribly it was Gary

33:58

yeah those little guys But

34:00

if you're into that I would

34:03

recommend going because it is like The

34:05

shit that you see in there like there is the serial

34:07

killer dude that was like Kidnapping

34:09

people and then like he's

34:11

doing horrible things to him which one.

34:14

I don't remember his name now toy

34:16

box killer Toy box

34:18

killer mm-hmm. I don't know okay The way that you

34:20

just described that sounds like a toy box killer so

34:23

like they have the bed that the guy had in

34:25

his house Did he like strap

34:27

him down with a and then play the thing they're

34:29

gonna do to him well He would know you would

34:31

like about that's what about killer He'd

34:33

make them wear headphones And then he

34:35

would they would listen to a recording of what they're going

34:37

what he was going to do to them And

34:40

then when they were done with recording he came back out and

34:42

then did the things to them That's

34:44

fucked up. It's so fucked up so this

34:46

guy He has like so

34:48

the bed that this guy used to do all

34:50

this stuff was in there the stick That was

34:52

like in pick he took pictures of him so

34:54

like Zach's got all the pictures Now

34:57

the shit on the walls that he was doing to

34:59

people and then there's a recording of

35:01

him Like admitting all

35:04

this stuff to investigators or whatever and

35:06

then his log that all the

35:08

stuff he did he was like 930

35:11

butt fuck it's like 950

35:14

went to eat lunch 10

35:16

o'clock took a shit And

35:19

then no 1020 went back for some more

35:21

butt fucking like you just casually Taking

35:24

notes and so all these

35:26

like all these create the fucking Dude

35:29

that was like kidnapping people inside the

35:31

road and killing people his his kill

35:33

kit was in Was

35:35

that in their truck stop killer? Zach

35:38

you were researched a bunch of these happy the

35:40

smiley killer or the happy face killer or whatever

35:42

yeah But

35:45

anyway, so the Was

35:48

gonna say was like anybody that's like into

35:50

the paranormal and experiences a place

35:52

like that is fucking crazy Yeah, but even

35:54

if you're not into that the stuff that

35:56

he actually has that he bought auctions and

35:58

shit. That's like real Like

36:01

real life shit. It's

36:03

fucked up, but So

36:05

regardless like it's interesting to just see it Yeah

36:08

Yeah And it's it's still crazy though because you're

36:10

walking through it and like the story there they're

36:12

telling like this chair Is

36:15

it's like the conjuring chair or something like that

36:17

from the it's like that the movie the conjuring

36:19

was based on It's in there.

36:21

You can go right up to it and

36:24

then The

36:26

the van from Kevorkian the trans

36:28

axle from fucking Jimmy Dean or

36:30

James Dean's car that was like

36:33

supposedly not the Saucing

36:35

guy Oscar Meyer Wiener Mobile.

36:37

Yeah, just thought of this shit But

36:41

you go through I mean it's it's fucking dark

36:43

in one of the rooms There's

36:45

they played the video of this actual exorcism that

36:47

they did on this girl and then was like

36:49

the table that they used It's the

36:52

actual table and then when they're

36:54

done playing that video the RIPers get

36:56

to crawl through this crawl space to

36:58

go to It's pitch black. So

37:00

if you're like if you're claustrophobic It's

37:03

like I went through it. No,

37:05

I started going back. I'm like I can't do it much

37:07

now I'm the only one here. So like fucking

37:09

so we better go through it. Yeah. No,

37:12

I want to go Ghost Adventures It's

37:14

just it's one of those shows that Yeah,

37:18

I think I mean

37:20

obviously you have to there's a lot of played-up

37:22

stuff Because it has to

37:24

be so entertaining That

37:26

you can do episode after episode after

37:28

episode that engages people and it's just

37:31

not that much No

37:33

matter who you are. There's not that much paranormal

37:35

stuff going on to make an

37:37

actual like ratings

37:42

Topping show there's no

37:44

fucking way. It's just not that much I

37:47

mean I've experienced shit Zach has experienced

37:49

shit and like I've

37:51

always been on the doubter side and then I had

37:53

my story and I had all this shit that happened

37:55

to me And I and I can't explain it. There

37:58

might be something that I can, but

38:01

from my experience, cannot be

38:03

explained. That's why

38:05

I love the paranormal stuff. It

38:09

gets to a point when you look

38:11

around and you think about everybody, all

38:13

the people that have had these paranormal

38:15

experiences. Are they all just

38:17

fucking crazy? No,

38:21

it's not that I think people are crazy, it's

38:23

that. Wait, but are they not in, the

38:29

reality that we exist in, are they not centered

38:31

enough in our reality to not be able to

38:33

debunk it on their own, is what

38:35

I'm getting at. Where it freaks them

38:37

the fuck out and they have a

38:39

story to tell, right? They see

38:41

some shit, they do some shit. It's like

38:43

every time this happens, it's like, oh, and

38:46

then have you been drinking? Yes. Have

38:49

you been doing this? Yes. But

38:51

it's like, how many times have you been doing

38:53

anything besides just going home from work and

38:56

you showed up and you have no drugs, no drinking? Yeah.

39:00

Like, so the mind is wild, I

39:02

get that. But man, like

39:04

looking at just our couple

39:07

centuries and then go back centuries and

39:09

centuries and centuries, there's all of these

39:11

themes of all of this happening.

39:15

It would be equally as crazy to me to

39:19

be like, that could happen, to be like, that couldn't happen.

39:22

Like looking at both avenues. There's

39:25

been a hundred billion people or so on the

39:27

earth. That means there'd be like a

39:29

hundred billion ghosts, wouldn't there? No. Or

39:31

something like that. No, no, no, because we don't know the rules.

39:36

There would be a percentage of those hundred billion people

39:38

so the whole planet would be haunted.

39:41

Like, and what about dogs and cats and bears

39:43

and chickens and shit, do they have ghosts? It's

39:46

like the whole planet is haunted there. So

39:48

then the whole planet, every single room, every

39:50

single square inch, it's got like bug ghosts

39:52

and, no, no,

39:54

no, that goes back to like, we

39:58

were created for this or that, right? Like

40:01

these are here because we're here and we're the one

40:03

like that's where like there's just we don't know the

40:05

rules Yeah, it

40:07

just goes like we don't we have no fucking

40:10

idea but out of a hundred so we have

40:12

a pretty good idea That's the thing yeah, well

40:14

the pretty good ideas. I've seen some shit and

40:16

so is that but that doesn't so so I

40:19

don't know I don't know what the rule is well

40:21

no so here's here is my here's my issue. This

40:23

is like I'm not making it up This is when

40:25

I start getting like come on man like when you

40:27

go to someone like I like I said I love

40:29

the idea of like we don't fucking know something and

40:32

when it gets debunked I'm kind of sad because I'm

40:34

like I wanted it to be something But

40:36

when they they start doing like demonic possessions

40:38

and things like that where they're very

40:40

specific with Christian Treatments

40:44

like the cross that kind of stuff

40:46

now you like every religion has a

40:48

demonic whatever I know but you have

40:50

to scare you to support the church

40:53

or to not steer wrong That's a

40:55

different debate, but every single religion religion has a

40:58

good or a bad so they have a demonic

41:01

Right you have to accept that that's real

41:03

and then to trust then to

41:05

accept that they're using Like

41:08

you have to agree that the devil except the

41:10

devil exists, and I don't know jokes around that

41:12

around about that too I'm not sure about on

41:15

the show, but like it's like you

41:17

have a chance to talk actually this is not too long ago

41:19

It's like and you chose to do this You

41:21

chose to turn the light on hmm. That's

41:24

what you did Like you are

41:26

coming from the afterlife. You know normally do I walk over

41:28

here and flip the light on like

41:32

Like what do you get from that like

41:34

deliver a message like I get I

41:36

mean I understand all the skepticism but

41:39

until like you experience it You

41:43

have no like you have no idea, and

41:46

I didn't have any idea until I had

41:48

my fucking experience What do you think it is? I

41:51

don't know I don't know

41:53

but to have the

41:55

experience that I had Like

41:58

involving Zach's wife Again, I'm

42:00

not fucking her. Zach, calm down. The

42:05

orgasm I had with Zach's wife,

42:08

no, like without saying anything

42:12

and for her to pick out everything

42:14

from my story. And if you

42:16

don't know what I'm talking about, I'm sorry. I talked about it on

42:18

a bonus episode a while back. But

42:20

like I said nothing and

42:23

she drew pictures. She

42:25

drew a picture of the person and

42:27

then knew what she was saying and had all the names

42:30

and then walked through my house and laid

42:32

out all of these experiences that she didn't

42:34

even knew existed. Had no idea they even

42:37

existed. What the fuck

42:39

is that? You can't

42:41

guess that shit. You

42:44

cannot guess it. You can't just walk around and do

42:47

that. So like what do you

42:49

do with that information? I don't know. I don't know

42:51

what it is. I

42:54

don't think that there's a heaven. I don't think there's a hell. I

42:56

think that humans have no fucking idea what's going

42:58

on and we're just

43:00

floating through this thing. Maybe

43:03

it's a glitch in the simulation. Yeah that could be it.

43:05

A couple ones and zeros are wrong. There's

43:08

a couple of twos. But it's just

43:10

a matter of like

43:12

just don't close that out. Because

43:15

there's so many people that you can't be like,

43:17

you know what the fuck you're talking about. Now

43:19

I haven't closed it. I've said I want something

43:21

to happen. Like I get bummed when things get,

43:24

when the window slams and they're like, oh

43:26

we figured out it was just like there was a train that

43:29

was going by vibration. Made all

43:31

the windows go boom, boom, boom, boom. It was

43:33

like people thought it was a demon shying

43:36

the windows going bang, bang, bang, bang. But really

43:38

what it was is just vibration shying

43:40

the window. I hear something like that. I'm like,

43:42

ah fuck. I wanted it to be a ghost. I

43:45

like, I want it. But I

43:47

gotta see it. That's what

43:49

I was doing too. And I hope you

43:51

get that experience because it's fucking, it's wild.

43:54

Well I don't know if I want that experience because it'd be terrifying.

43:56

No it's not that scary. They

43:58

can't do anything. But here's the thing. not

44:00

closed-minded because when we're at this thing

44:03

they were like don't stare into the doll's eyes it

44:05

can do blood so when I walked by it I

44:07

kind of gave a glance and walked off because that

44:09

and the off chance that

44:12

it would do what there's yeah so like there's

44:14

still a little bit of that little bit again

44:16

I'll play along a little bit yeah a lot

44:18

of its marketing but a lot of it like

44:20

there's no way that many people have no idea

44:22

what they're talking about yeah

44:24

there is a lot of there is no way that

44:26

a lot of people yeah I have no idea what

44:29

I experience right

44:31

so you can't pinpoint it so it was a joke

44:33

huh you have one degree

44:37

of separation one

44:41

degree to separation like you used to be like yeah

44:43

you're making that up you

44:47

hear them Sam yeah I hear you yeah you

44:49

don't look at me and be like now you

44:51

fucking bullshit we have zero

44:53

like that is it that's I'm well I I wasn't

44:55

there with you so I I'm not I'm not just

44:57

gonna take your word for it like

44:59

I mean I mean I have to take your word for

45:02

it like this is I'm not gonna call you a liar

45:04

but I don't know what you saw

45:06

you know and if it could have been explained because I

45:08

wasn't there with you so yeah

45:10

do you have a raid on testing

45:12

device in your house I do

45:14

have a raid on testing device okay if it

45:16

wasn't going off you should be good no it

45:18

probably goes that was after the after it all

45:21

happened okay okay

45:23

no but I I would like I don't expect

45:26

anything to happen when I go to a tourist

45:28

attraction like that's not where it's gonna happen I don't

45:31

know if I believe in haunted things I don't know

45:33

what I believe in but I know the

45:35

experience that I had that's really about it and

45:37

that's the whole thing like there is a

45:39

concentration of just high supposedly haunted

45:42

things at this thing so you like you

45:44

go into it like already

45:46

like holy fuck right like the divot

45:48

box it's the most hot suppose the

45:50

haunted most haunted thing in the entire

45:52

world post Malone went in it in

45:55

the in the room that we were in there and

45:57

they like took the cover off and then he got

45:59

in a car accident he had all this

46:01

bad stuff to him so that like

46:03

the marketing thing is that post Malone

46:05

was cursed and car accidents happen all

46:07

the time and he's always traveling yeah

46:09

mm-hmm yeah I mean I'm a skeptic too just

46:13

but at the time we were in the

46:15

room and it's like I want to know

46:17

if anybody else

46:19

has gone to this and

46:23

if they've had anything that they do

46:26

want to get your about like this paranormal experiences

46:28

like overall yeah yeah

46:31

those are fun too yeah send them in

46:33

I would love to have just like a

46:35

paranormal episode where everyone just sends in mm-hmm

46:38

stories and we read them and see

46:42

what's going on is going on yeah no

46:44

there's a you know

46:47

there's whatever okay that's why I gave up

46:49

like I don't tell my story because

46:51

it's again that was my story and I get

46:53

it because I was a skeptic heading in let's

46:55

move off to dick this week you ready to

46:57

go we're gonna do a nice

47:00

nice nice funny dick

47:02

this guy okay we have

47:04

to slide

47:12

through this one but there's some there's some funny

47:15

shit in here we're gonna slide it in so

47:18

the parents of a toddler who

47:21

was kidnapped during a car jacking

47:23

earlier this year are suing the

47:25

automaker so

47:27

the incident happened in Libertyville which

47:30

names of towns like that have always been

47:32

so funny to me like

47:35

I don't care what it is you

47:37

can be burgersville anything with

47:39

a bill with a name and then a bill

47:41

throw a bill on it yeah I guess like

47:43

a Libertyville okay Illinois

47:46

yeah this happened back in

47:48

February bill Taylorville

47:51

Shepherdville so Taylor

47:54

Shepherd who was pregnant at the time

47:56

was returning home Shepherd explained to

47:58

next stars W.J. that as

48:01

she went to retrieve her two-year-old son from

48:03

the car, an assailant pulled up behind her

48:06

2021 Volkswagen Atlas, assaulted

48:09

her and knocked her to the ground. According

48:12

to the lawsuit, the assailant

48:15

then stole the Volkswagen Atlas

48:18

with the two-year-old boy inside and then fled, running

48:21

Shepard over and causing serious injury

48:23

to her pelvis and extremities. Jesus.

48:27

Shepard was still a... Shepard-y...

48:30

She's a double Shepard-y. Sheppardville.

48:35

We'll call 911. Attorneys

48:38

from the family claim Volkswagen refused to

48:40

assist authorities in tracking the car until

48:43

payment of their tracking

48:45

system was paid and activated. Can

48:48

we just start a seven-day trial or something?

48:50

Come on! The

48:53

kid could be dead by then. And that

48:55

is where I stopped reading. It

48:57

almost got tears in my eyes. Just

49:00

thinking about corporate America. Or corporate anywhere

49:03

in the world. Do you have an account with us, sir? Yes! So

49:07

imagine, okay? Just let's replace

49:09

your kid getting... The car

49:11

getting stolen, your kid's in the back. And

49:14

you call up 911, okay? Or whatever,

49:16

and you're like, My house

49:18

is on fucking fire! I'm

49:21

gonna lose everything! And the guy... That's

49:24

really hard to hear about. I'm so sorry. I

49:27

know how you feel. Have you signed up for iFire by chance? Yeah,

49:31

it's kinda like, did you get the Apple coverage? I'm

49:35

gonna lose everything! Sure hope you signed up.

49:37

That's crazy. So... Sorry, there's nothing to do

49:39

for you. I know it's just crazy, but

49:41

have you explored the iCloud backup service? Paramedics

49:46

show up to a scene, like they're given CPR. And

49:48

it was like, Please, sir, wake up! I

49:50

need to know if you ever do your subscription to save my life

49:52

mobile! .io Our

49:55

records indicate you have it in pages October, and

49:58

it's only $8.99 a month! If

50:01

you use promo code I'm bleeding out at checkout. You'll

50:04

get three months free. Wake up! Wake

50:06

up! I'm trying to

50:09

save your money, sir. What

50:12

is it? What, sir? Are you saying

50:14

the promo code? I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding

50:16

out. Can you see the same... That's

50:18

confirmation. We have audio or verbal confirmation.

50:22

Yeah. He gets three months free. Three

50:24

months free. I think it's pumping his chest.

50:28

Clear! And

50:31

he's talking to him.

50:34

Fuck you Volkswagen! Man

50:36

it's not Volkswagen's fault. Just

50:39

a worker doing worker things. Well,

50:42

I mean who cares? It's a

50:45

Tuesday and worker is sitting

50:47

at worker desk in a worker cubicle

50:49

in a worker corporate office and

50:52

they get this call. It comes in and

50:54

is like, hi ma'am, how am I going to help

50:56

you? I just got right over it. My

50:59

pelvis is broken, my arm is crushed

51:01

and my two year old just got kidnapped in the back

51:03

of a car that was stolen. And

51:05

this worker in that moment went, oh

51:08

man, have

51:10

you subscribed for Voke's E-Trachee? Can I have

51:12

you the last four of your social please?

51:15

Have you signed up for Voke GPS? Voke.

51:18

No I haven't. Oh

51:20

shit. That would have helped. Oh

51:24

man you just missed the Black Friday

51:26

special. I love that. If

51:28

you're someone who got stolen last Thursday,

51:31

you'd be saving so much money. Anytime

51:36

someone says that like, did you

51:38

get this? No

51:40

it's like, it only would have cost you two bucks extra

51:43

at checkout. That's what

51:45

you get for not signing up for

51:47

emails. I

51:50

see here that you didn't

51:53

accept subscribe to marketing emails.

51:58

I didn't know that was. Oh,

52:00

yeah, we be able to save your

52:03

kid. Well one second. Let me check

52:07

We would have been able to find your kid at least

52:09

15 minutes earlier if you would have accepted all cookies Sorry

52:15

company policy anyway,

52:17

what's the last time you say your kids? Driving

52:21

down by 95 20 minutes

52:23

ago. I can't move my

52:25

pal. This is run over by

52:27

my own car Oh

52:30

geez. Oh boy. I mean just oh Please

52:36

hold I Man

52:55

you still there. Yeah Your

52:57

belt. Are you still bleeding out? Are you still

52:59

bleeding out? Have you heard your promo code? I'm

53:01

bleeding out No,

53:03

I haven't okay one second I

53:07

Let me connect you with the I

53:09

don't know they can actually with the

53:11

blood donor We

53:14

have you know the need for blood is really

53:16

high right now. We're gonna have a blood donation truck What

53:20

we try to find your kid one

53:23

second We

53:28

need we

53:30

need that sound effect that one

53:32

yeah that ringtone music. Yeah. Yeah,

53:34

I think you're right Yeah

53:38

That's right. I thought maybe you had it. Can you

53:40

imagine it was has a I'm fucking dialed You're

53:43

probably looking up on the internet um,

53:45

but now just like the the depths

53:47

of The promos and

53:49

the things and it comes down to your

53:51

fucking kid After you've

53:54

a two-year-old kid After

53:56

you've been ran over by your own car this

54:00

Smashing your pelvis? Is she a panic? She

54:02

probably can't even feel her pelvis. She's just thinking

54:04

about her two year old child. Oh

54:06

yeah! Like, who knows what's gonna happen

54:08

to that child? Nothing. Because

54:12

Volkswagen didn't get your payment.

54:15

So you're never gonna see your kid again. That'd

54:18

be a funny commercial to see. Volkswagen

54:21

like, there's a car, it's like driving over stuff.

54:24

It's doing like cool outdoorsy shit. It's

54:27

like, boom, zero fucking APLR.

54:30

Zero down payment for 24 months. It's

54:33

like, if your kid gets kidnapped, be

54:36

sure you pay folks, he GPS. You're right.

54:38

If your kid gets kidnapped, make sure you pay folks,

54:40

you just go down bleeding out. If

54:43

your kid is dying and she's taken away, make sure you enter out

54:46

bleeding out of check out. Just

54:51

the corporate oversight of that shit.

54:55

We've talked about that inhuman part

54:57

of the corporate world so many

55:00

times. Well it's just because

55:02

someone's getting a call, it's probably like that

55:04

person's 28th call of the day. Yeah,

55:07

I know this one's different but...

55:10

Well how about the other 28 kids? Yeah, I mean, why

55:14

is your kid more important? Look at you calling me

55:16

when your kid gets stolen. What's that

55:18

say about you? You're like, you're just

55:20

smashed on the driveway? Like,

55:23

please just do something? I

55:26

was going to go back to the story. Was she

55:28

in the car and got pulled out of the car or was she out of

55:30

the car? What's she doing outside of the car with a two year old in

55:32

the car anyway? They followed her home. Oh, kind

55:35

of. Yeah. Followed her and then took her out

55:37

and then she got ran over. She

55:39

didn't notice anybody following her home? Oh,

55:42

that's victim's shame. You know what I mean? Like,

55:44

she should have... You're just blaming? If I

55:46

was watching, I would have been more... I would have never gone home. I

55:49

would have been more vigilant. Right, especially

55:51

the road you live on where no one's ever following

55:53

you. Well, that's

55:55

why if you notice something... I noticed previous hills on the

55:57

south hill. If you notice something... I noticed previous roads. Around

56:00

the park couple times see if they're still

56:02

this if they're still there don't go home What

56:05

are you gonna do the first time cuz you're on like

56:07

a busy road just don't pull any driveway I? Do

56:10

that sometimes if I know someone's been following me for a

56:12

while I'll drive right by my

56:14

house and like go down a

56:16

different road This is the same case that

56:18

Volkswagen is making in court. I'm trying yeah,

56:20

I'm trying to listen your honor eyes Okay,

56:25

did the two-year-old Disappear and get

56:27

murder in the woods sure who

56:29

hasn't It's

56:33

like that happened. What's her what's her?

56:36

rear-view beer broken Could

56:38

she not see you that someone was falling

56:40

her is she not a vigilant parent. Oh

56:42

my god. You're the worst That's I mean

56:44

that's the whole thing right like no,

56:46

it's not It's

56:51

not Right is

56:54

whether how good of a parent you are oh All

56:58

right, let's take on the asshole. Yeah on this one.

57:00

Yeah, I think so Let's take

57:02

this move on to some petty beef. Okay. Okay. Let's do

57:04

it. Yeah, sounds like a pretty You

57:07

are now entering the petty beef courtroom

57:09

where all sides of some bullshit

57:11

will be heard and evaluated The

57:13

people are real the cases are

57:15

real the rulings are final ish.

57:17

This is petty beef I Know

57:24

you're just playing devil's advocate over there. We got down

57:26

that maybe well. Oh Pretty

57:29

much always playing devil's advocate That's

57:34

it for our daughter CJ and she

57:36

rides hey daddies and of course cool

57:38

uncle Zach Cool

57:41

uncle Zach. Yeah She

57:44

wants to plow her daddy's but she's like I want

57:46

to hang out with uncle Zach. Oh, yeah, he's cool

57:49

He's cool. He would never I'll take it. I

57:52

have a petty deep Petty

57:55

deep just give me a break good. God. I

57:57

have a petty beef that I need a Daddy's

58:00

perspective on yeah, I

58:02

live in interior Alaska and winters here

58:05

can be pretty miserable They

58:07

are dark snowy long and cold welcome to

58:09

the Pacific Northwest baby seen 30 days a

58:11

night I know how it is. Yeah, I'm

58:13

a working mom and my job is located

58:16

about 45 minutes away from our

58:18

house So I am commuting daily My

58:20

husband works about five minutes from our house

58:22

and only has to drive one or two

58:24

times a week to work because his job

58:27

Has an atypical schedule I'm

58:31

just remembering this this story right now And

58:35

I'm curious to see what you guys say. Okay. In

58:37

addition. We have three small children including

58:40

an infant All in

58:42

car seats that I have to drop off and pick up

58:44

every day My husband never

58:46

has to drop our kids off and

58:48

only occasionally has to pick our oldest

58:50

child up when I get stuck

58:52

at work late Why

58:55

am I telling you this? Well, here's

58:57

the beef We have a

58:59

standard size two-car garage, which sounds great But

59:01

my husband has a big-ass truck that takes

59:03

up most of the space in the garage

59:07

He calls the truck his baby

59:09

and refuses to park outside During

59:11

something will happen to it. I can picture

59:13

him. It's just It

59:16

just gets worse When

59:18

his big-ass truck is at the garage I

59:21

can barely get my vehicle in let alone

59:24

load three kids and a ratchet strap them

59:26

and ratchet strap them into their car seats

59:29

So rather than my husband parking outside

59:31

I have to back my car out

59:33

and load our three littles into the

59:35

car in the freezing cold sub-zero Alaska

59:37

weather and Repeat

59:39

this when I come home in the evening. I Tried

59:43

to have a conversation with my husband about this and

59:45

explained why this was a problem But

59:47

his response was that his truck is

59:49

worth more Than

59:52

my vehicle You

1:00:02

I try to approach it differently and

1:00:04

explain has nothing to do with your

1:00:06

vehicles. It has to do with

1:00:08

the safety of our children, which I will get back to

1:00:10

you because I

1:00:13

will say given the situation right

1:00:15

now, it's not the, your kids can go

1:00:17

outside. It's

1:00:19

not about the safety of the children. It's

1:00:22

about a gigantic inconvenience. It's

1:00:25

not about the safety. Okay. I'll come back

1:00:27

to that. That's a weird line to put in there.

1:00:29

And if that was brought up in the argument, that's,

1:00:32

I don't

1:00:34

know. Let's get through it and then

1:00:36

we'll come back to that. Yet he refused to budge

1:00:39

and said, at least the car is warm when you

1:00:41

load them in. Well, needless

1:00:43

to say, this royally pissed me off

1:00:46

and I refused to talk to him for a few days

1:00:48

after this discussion. Not

1:00:50

my best move, not my best move, but I

1:00:52

was, it was better for me to

1:00:54

just not say anything because nothing nice is going to be

1:00:56

coming out of my mouth. That's

1:00:59

a good move. As it sits, the

1:01:01

big ass truck still remains in the garage

1:01:03

and I curse his name and get pissed

1:01:05

off at him every morning and evening when

1:01:07

I come home and have to

1:01:09

complete, we have to

1:01:11

compete, compete in the car seat

1:01:13

Olympics with three tired, crabby and

1:01:16

or hungry kids. I

1:01:18

get that guys have a weird bond with their

1:01:20

vehicles, but am

1:01:22

I being the unreasonable one here? I'd

1:01:26

love a male perspective as this

1:01:28

is this as I just go

1:01:30

full mama bear when it comes to our kids.

1:01:33

Can't wait to hear your thoughts. Love

1:01:35

all y'all do and thanks for the, all

1:01:37

the laughs and sexy honks. Much love CJ.

1:01:42

I mean, I know where I

1:01:44

feel like I shouldn't say anything on this one. What do you

1:01:47

mean? Do

1:01:49

you do something like this? No, I

1:01:52

don't want him to get divorced. No,

1:01:54

I don't think they will. She's been putting up

1:01:56

with this. There's

1:01:58

no way this is the worst. I'm

1:02:01

so worried about the work she's doing I

1:02:09

don't mean to laugh, but what the fuck

1:02:12

I can't imagine doing that I Can't

1:02:15

I can't I can't even fathom. I think

1:02:17

we're I think all three of us are

1:02:20

on yeah We anything I think we're all

1:02:22

on the same side of this yeah without

1:02:24

even saying anything right. Yeah, Zach Yeah, obviously

1:02:26

the truck is worth more than all of

1:02:28

their lives. Yeah for sure Same

1:02:31

thing and she's in the wrong and she

1:02:33

needs to shut up and just do

1:02:35

what she's been born to do I

1:02:38

stay care of the kids during the

1:02:40

heart of conditions Because

1:02:45

that truck is worth more than all of your life But

1:02:49

what I was saying was Like

1:02:51

the same the safety line Was

1:02:54

it was a little much? Okay Maybe

1:02:57

she's trying to use that to get through his head

1:03:00

No, I think there was scolding. I guarantee

1:03:02

that that's what it was so that she's

1:03:04

probably tried everything else That's

1:03:06

been brought up, and that's what I was gonna

1:03:08

come back to was I knew that that hat

1:03:10

had to have come up In

1:03:13

arguments like it's for the safety of our kids Which

1:03:16

it's I ain't raising

1:03:18

Nazis. It's not for the safety of the

1:03:20

kids Walking inside of

1:03:22

a garage or coming outside to

1:03:24

the driveway the kids are gonna

1:03:27

make it They're

1:03:29

gonna they're gonna pull it off Whether

1:03:32

it's garage door or the

1:03:34

two steps To get

1:03:36

outside to the driveway the kids are gonna

1:03:39

make it so that argument she threw

1:03:41

that in there And what I was saying was I

1:03:43

knew I have you know that came up with an

1:03:45

argument and she tossed that in there I

1:03:47

think that's that's that's the only thing I have to

1:03:49

say besides this husband needs to fucking get his shit

1:03:51

together I like

1:03:54

that's the only other side I had

1:03:56

out of all well cuz that fucking

1:03:58

pretty two days a week drive

1:04:00

his big-ass truck? Two

1:04:03

days? He's not a monster truck

1:04:05

driver! Maybe

1:04:09

he's like, honey, I have to go back flip

1:04:11

some cars today? And

1:04:15

I need whatever cool name you want to give. I

1:04:17

need Captain America. I need fucking Red-

1:04:23

Captain America more expensive than

1:04:25

everyone. You know I need

1:04:27

Redneck Renegade to speak show

1:04:30

ready? Redneck

1:04:34

Renegade. You know that I

1:04:36

can't show up with my

1:04:39

windows frosted over? Like, outside

1:04:43

of that is the only reason

1:04:45

that you should be not like,

1:04:49

goddamn, and you live in Alaska.

1:04:51

Yeah. What,

1:04:53

what, what vandalism are you scared of?

1:04:55

El? Maybe, maybe

1:04:57

weather. A bear? Maybe weather

1:04:59

where? Yeah, he doesn't want to deal with it. Yeah.

1:05:03

Anchorage is kind of fucked up, prime wise. No,

1:05:06

not fucking touching trucks.

1:05:08

Show me a fuck up

1:05:10

truck stat. I got

1:05:12

none. I got nothing. There's no way. Because

1:05:14

everyone has a big truck. Because

1:05:17

you have to have a big truck to get the fuck

1:05:19

around. Does she have a big truck? Because she has to

1:05:21

go 45 minutes to work every day. I

1:05:23

guess she doesn't have a big truck. She has a normal size

1:05:25

garage. So you don't need a big truck to get around. Yeah.

1:05:28

He has a one, what, two minute drive? Is that what I

1:05:30

said? Yeah. And

1:05:32

it's two times a week. Yeah. So if

1:05:35

she can get around every day in 45

1:05:37

there and back, yeah,

1:05:39

I mean, so going back to the

1:05:42

safety thing, I'm guessing, I don't know,

1:05:44

this is for sure, but I'm guessing she

1:05:46

has tried every argument in the book just

1:05:48

to get him to fucking listen. And then

1:05:50

she's like, okay, this isn't about me anymore.

1:05:52

This is about the safety of our kids

1:05:54

to see, will that jar

1:05:57

something loose in his thick skull? And

1:05:59

it did. No. No. So

1:06:02

it sounds like you're stuck, CJ. I

1:06:05

don't... He's in the wrong. Yes.

1:06:08

He's 100% in the wrong unless he

1:06:10

has a commercial

1:06:12

grade ready

1:06:14

to rumble. I'm

1:06:17

sorry, but that- Monster truck. That doesn't-

1:06:19

That doesn't- This is gonna sound all,

1:06:21

like, sappy, but that doesn't- That doesn't

1:06:24

outweigh your family. It never

1:06:26

does! So... There's

1:06:28

no- There's zero reason that

1:06:31

this should be happening. No. Park

1:06:34

the fuck outside. Especially if it upsets her

1:06:36

that much. Like, is it really- Like,

1:06:38

your truck means more to you

1:06:40

than your wife's? For what reason? Because your

1:06:42

car gets- It gets keyed? Is

1:06:45

that more important than your fucking kids being

1:06:47

warm and happy when they get in the

1:06:49

car? And your wife, because she's gotta- She's

1:06:52

gotta travel almost an hour there and an

1:06:54

hour back. And I know what it's like

1:06:56

picking up kids who are in

1:06:58

bad moods and are tired from school and are

1:07:01

hungry. And so now you're having to

1:07:03

deal with all that on top of it. When

1:07:06

you could just pull in the driveway and get your kids

1:07:08

out and go right in the house. Yeah.

1:07:11

It's 100%- Not even like 99% to 1%. No,

1:07:15

it's 100%. It really

1:07:17

is. Zach, you agree? Yeah. Yeah.

1:07:20

Yeah, I would never- That would never

1:07:22

be a thing that ever happened. It's

1:07:25

like, what is- And like,

1:07:27

there's certain things when it comes to like you and

1:07:29

your wife. You try to figure that out, right? But

1:07:32

when it involves kids, tiny

1:07:34

ass kids, getting into

1:07:37

a car that is warmed and defrosted

1:07:39

and- I go out

1:07:41

and- Lambs ground. I ice my wife's car

1:07:43

and snow and just turn it on. So

1:07:46

when she's ready to leave or take the

1:07:48

kids, it's warm and ready to go. Yep.

1:07:50

I'll do that in my underwear. Yeah, absolutely.

1:07:54

So yeah, CJ, you're not wrong. I'm not sure if

1:07:56

your husband listens to the show. I'm

1:08:00

like, well hopefully we didn't make fun of

1:08:02

them too much, but like that's fucked up. It's

1:08:05

fucked up dude. Fuck your truck. Yeah.

1:08:08

Fuck your truck! That's weird

1:08:10

as shit. I don't yeah like it's super

1:08:12

weird. It's a fucking car. When she said

1:08:14

guys have a thing like that not every

1:08:17

guy does. No, a majority of us don't.

1:08:19

I love I love driving my car, but

1:08:21

that's like that's the end of it. Once

1:08:23

I'm I don't think about it.

1:08:25

Kids are involved? Fuck my car. Yeah, but I

1:08:27

don't think about it until like it's done driving

1:08:30

it. It's not like a sit

1:08:32

around like stare out the window and go yeah.

1:08:34

I mean some car guys that really really care

1:08:36

about the car and their truck and I get

1:08:38

that. But if you ever put that above your

1:08:40

fucking kids. Yeah, imagine Tim Allen.

1:08:43

You're fucking kids? Imagine if on home

1:08:45

improvement. He's always rebuilding that hot rod

1:08:47

in his but he never got

1:08:49

in the way of his kid. No, it's a hobby thing.

1:08:51

Yeah, it's like just something to do and to look forward

1:08:53

to and to work on and keep your

1:08:56

brain. Moving and yeah,

1:08:58

it's a project. That's

1:09:00

different. CJ, sorry

1:09:02

that's happening. You're

1:09:05

not wrong. I mean you try to bring it up, but

1:09:07

just I guess if nothing changes

1:09:09

just know that you are supportive. I

1:09:12

know that that's not gonna help when it yeah, when

1:09:14

she comes out of this situation. When she

1:09:17

has to go pick her kids up. She's like, oh. He

1:09:19

lets at least say agree with me. He

1:09:22

puts this on for her husband and he's

1:09:24

like, okay. I will change all that be

1:09:26

sweet. That'd be cool. Hey,

1:09:28

we're gonna head. We're gonna jump ahead to

1:09:31

hey guys. Okay, great. Let's roll it! All

1:09:38

right, let's hear what you guys think. Really?

1:09:40

You want to talk to me? Wow, that's

1:09:42

cool. Do you want

1:09:44

to read the first one, honey? Okay.

1:09:49

Hey, this first one's coming in from

1:09:51

our drunk ass son Kyle, okay? Hey

1:09:54

fuck faces, Joe and Brian.

1:09:56

Because I'm a big fan of

1:09:59

the show and I'm writing into- hopefully keep the

1:10:01

shit alive. Anyways, a bit of backstory

1:10:03

before I begin this tragic story. Oh,

1:10:05

that'd be sad. I work

1:10:07

for a company who travels the country

1:10:09

building mini golf courses, batting cages, go-kart

1:10:12

tracks, splash pads, bumper boat.

1:10:14

That sounds cool. Yeah, and more

1:10:16

of the same kind of shit. So basically 10 months out

1:10:18

of the year, I'm on the road with the guys. So

1:10:20

a carny. But construction carny. Horny

1:10:23

and hungry. Okay, we

1:10:25

always work hard during the day, but

1:10:27

party harder at night. Nice. We

1:10:30

usually stay at hotels unless the boss is feeling generous

1:10:32

and rents us a house. This time

1:10:34

we were not so lucky. We're

1:10:36

at some three-star hotel, which is normal, but

1:10:38

this time there's a bar literally

1:10:40

attached to the hotel on the ground

1:10:42

floor. So every night for weeks,

1:10:45

me and my coworkers go to this bar after

1:10:47

our shift, get hammered, and then head

1:10:49

up to our room and pass out. But

1:10:51

this night was a little different, dot, dot,

1:10:53

dot. Let's just say

1:10:55

I got a little too drunk and ended

1:10:57

up drinking till closing time on a Tuesday

1:10:59

night at basically an empty

1:11:02

bar. Tipping the bartender $100 for no reason. Going

1:11:06

to the front desk of the hotel and

1:11:08

then paying for a room, even though I

1:11:10

already had a room paid for by my

1:11:12

employer. But instead of going to the

1:11:14

room I was paid for, I went to

1:11:16

a completely wrong floor, broke into

1:11:18

a room that was under construction, and passed

1:11:20

out on the first bed I saw. Dude,

1:11:24

this guy's fucked. Hey,

1:11:26

there's some bumper boats in there, huh? Look,

1:11:29

there's been like six holes in this

1:11:32

room. You think you're gonna fucking

1:11:34

do a bumper boat without me? Are

1:11:38

you thinking better than me? Oh, you think you're a fucking

1:11:40

hole in one? Oh, you're a

1:11:42

hole in one? Yeah, right. Just

1:11:44

runs back, pulls his pants up a

1:11:47

little bit, and kicks

1:11:49

the door in. I'm a

1:11:51

hole in one. Fucking

1:11:53

buckertrap. Dude,

1:11:55

when you think about it, he already had a room that

1:11:57

he could've went to, but he didn't go there.

1:12:00

Room a lot of different room and then didn't go to

1:12:02

that one go to either one Oh my god, didn't go

1:12:04

to the room that he had to go to the room

1:12:06

you bought I mean just broke into a room. He didn't

1:12:08

even have I Only

1:12:12

In past on the first but I thought

1:12:14

I only know all this because I woke up

1:12:17

to three or four Hispanic dudes Literally working

1:12:19

around and he's sleeping ass my sleeping ass

1:12:21

in the hotel room Like

1:12:23

they came into the work for a day saw me

1:12:25

sleep in there and all said careful. Don't wake him

1:12:27

up No

1:12:30

me goes no, I know I literally

1:12:32

woke up covered in drywall dust and

1:12:34

people trying to be quiet while I

1:12:36

woke up totally confused And disoriented I

1:12:39

didn't say a word Grab my phone wallet

1:12:41

and headed up for the job site down the road

1:12:43

My boss just laughed when I got there so I

1:12:45

didn't get in trouble But I still wonder why all

1:12:47

those guys let me sleep through all that shit instead

1:12:49

of waking me up Anyways, I

1:12:51

hope this makes someone laugh. Don't stop being you

1:12:53

and I'll keep Keep giving you

1:12:55

five bucks every month. Love you guys and

1:12:58

fuck you hail Satan nice Kyle a messa

1:13:00

Doesn't make they're Zona. Yep PSM

1:13:02

about four twisted teeth deep as a right

1:13:04

that's so sorry for the grammatical errors or

1:13:06

anything like that I wonder where he ended

1:13:09

up after he wrote this anyway. I'm writing

1:13:11

this right now from a hotel room six

1:13:13

go many golf holes in it I

1:13:17

ran this from a hotel room. There's bumper boats in it So

1:13:23

I'm crazy I know what's going on that's

1:13:25

so fucking funny Just

1:13:29

Covered in drywall dust I've

1:13:31

been doing work. Yeah

1:13:33

around you. Yeah loud work

1:13:36

You slept and you're just like You

1:13:39

just like pull the blankets over your head.

1:13:41

How do you ever not again? Just no,

1:13:43

like when we were just in Vegas for

1:13:45

that game and we're walking around You

1:13:48

know we got we drank and got a little tipsy

1:13:50

and stuff. Yeah, you did and But

1:13:52

I'm like a 40. I'm not doing this shit and ruining

1:13:55

the entire day But I

1:13:57

remember thinking like have I ever

1:13:59

gotten to a point? Where you're just like you see

1:14:01

something like we're at the football game There was

1:14:03

this guy that's being like carried out of the

1:14:05

game And I couldn't imagine going to a live

1:14:08

event and having to be carried out with None

1:14:10

of the people that you're with me there like

1:14:12

putting that on them But you

1:14:14

have a you have a friend that like just

1:14:16

it seems to be allergic to alcohol. Yeah. Yeah

1:14:18

Yeah, I know the guy that we're talking about

1:14:21

Yeah, you've had four or five beers and he's

1:14:23

had the same amount, but it seems like it's

1:14:25

20 beers. I Don't

1:14:28

know I just it's weird like I've

1:14:30

you know blacked out or been like

1:14:32

what how did I get here? But not like

1:14:34

that Nope, never been carried

1:14:36

out of a place ever never

1:14:38

once in my life Zach

1:14:42

There was one time my first time drinking I

1:14:45

think I was underage and I just passed

1:14:47

out and started honking in my car I passed

1:14:49

out of my car and I

1:14:51

just kept honking I guess all night and I don't jerking off

1:14:54

You lots of jerking off you were just sitting in

1:14:56

the car just hitting your horn yeah over and over

1:14:58

and over Yeah, and everybody was camped out and it

1:15:00

was like a whole senior class kind of thing I'd

1:15:05

like people were pissed at me all Like

1:15:08

I remember my first fucking beer Jesus Christ pretty

1:15:10

much what I was mixing alcohol and beer together.

1:15:12

It was very strange I didn't know what I

1:15:14

was doing take it take it take the horn

1:15:17

away from the fucking Jesus

1:15:19

take the horn Funny

1:15:24

story Kyle so funny Okay,

1:15:27

so our second email is coming in from our

1:15:29

little helper son Nick. He says

1:15:31

hey guys. What's up? Brother

1:15:33

so I was listening to your episode

1:15:35

a while back where the guy's wife was getting

1:15:37

annoyed about him jerking off in bed Because

1:15:40

the motion of his ocean was keeping her

1:15:42

awake We all remember

1:15:44

fucking man. Yeah with the old cum sock

1:15:48

sock puppet saga But

1:15:52

more depressing story Pressing

1:15:56

than that You

1:16:01

set the bar for depressing pretty low. Yeah dude,

1:16:03

I thought I was happy, I'm not sure. At

1:16:06

this point, this was

1:16:08

several years ago and I was still married to

1:16:10

my ex-wife. One night I wasn't feeling well and

1:16:12

went to bed super early. Sometime

1:16:15

later my wife crawls into bed and starts to

1:16:17

masturbate. I woke up because the

1:16:19

bed's shaking and at first I thought it was

1:16:21

just her getting comfortable, so

1:16:23

I didn't really pay any attention to it,

1:16:25

but the shaking didn't stop. I've

1:16:28

never been, this is outside the

1:16:30

email, I've never been in

1:16:32

a situation where I thought or

1:16:35

I've mistaken someone rolling over in bed

1:16:38

to masturbate. Like how big

1:16:40

is that vagina? How

1:16:43

fucking bouncy do

1:16:45

you have to be? How

1:16:50

big are your vagina strokes? Yeah

1:16:52

that's like storky, it's like pulling a fucking

1:16:55

cord on a lawnmower. That's

1:16:59

like fucking using the old

1:17:01

bucket to wash your laundry

1:17:03

with the abboard or whatever.

1:17:09

There's no mistaking, bouncing around to

1:17:11

roll over and tiny movements of

1:17:14

masturbation. Okay, anyway, I just

1:17:16

wanted to point that out. Masturbation

1:17:18

is more frantic. I lay there

1:17:21

for a while trying to fall asleep when

1:17:23

I realized the bed was moving very rhythmically

1:17:25

and not random tossing and turning, so I continued

1:17:28

to lay there until I figured out what she

1:17:30

was doing. My back is towards her so I

1:17:32

can't see anything but I can hear her. I

1:17:35

can hear her breathing increasing and

1:17:37

she was moaning softly and that's when it

1:17:39

dawned on me what she was doing. I

1:17:42

was shocked and turned on. I

1:17:44

get it, I get it. After

1:17:47

about 10 minutes I decided I'm going to join

1:17:49

in. I turned over and

1:17:51

put my hand on top of her busy hand.

1:17:54

Let me take whatever for me.

1:17:58

Your busy hand. Did

1:18:00

you mind if I step in for that busy hand? She

1:18:03

froze instantly, so

1:18:05

I started rubbing her. She

1:18:07

quickly pushed my hand away and turned over. I

1:18:09

was confused, but let it be and went back

1:18:12

to sleep. The next morning I asked her about

1:18:14

it and she said she didn't know what I

1:18:16

was talking about. That

1:18:18

didn't happen. That sucks. I

1:18:20

pressed her, but she kept

1:18:22

denying it. I'm not saying this caused

1:18:24

it, but we were divorced less than a year later.

1:18:28

To the show, I listened to it at the end

1:18:30

of my work week to help me finish

1:18:32

the work week while I smile and send

1:18:35

me into the weekend on

1:18:37

a silly goose high. There's

1:18:42

certain little things in a relationship that happens

1:18:45

and that's hard to forget. But reaching

1:18:47

over and you're like, oh shit, you're masturbating and you

1:18:49

reach over to help or just

1:18:51

be there and they push your

1:18:54

hand away and then go to sleep, that's

1:18:57

going to fuck with you. It's one, because that's

1:18:59

not only are you not fucking with, like not

1:19:01

fucking me, but you don't want to

1:19:03

fuck me. Now you don't want

1:19:05

me to just fucking be around while

1:19:07

you fuck yourself. Yeah

1:19:10

that's going to fuck with you. Well, and why did

1:19:12

she feel comfortable enough to get in the bed to

1:19:15

do that in the first place? And then

1:19:17

when he notices it act

1:19:19

like it didn't happen. Yeah. And

1:19:21

it's, that's like a three strike, a three strike thing.

1:19:24

You're not fucking me when you were

1:19:26

fucking yourself next to me, I tried to help and

1:19:28

you said no. And then the next

1:19:30

morning you're like, I don't know what you're talking about.

1:19:32

I never happened. That is really weird. I never happened.

1:19:35

That is really weird. Really

1:19:38

weird. Everybody masturbates. Everybody

1:19:41

flicks. Everybody rubs. Sometimes. Episode

1:19:43

78 dude, let's fucking do

1:19:47

it. Yeah, it's

1:19:49

fucking sick dude.

1:19:52

Sign up, support

1:19:55

us on Patreon, get that bonus

1:19:57

content, that exclusive March, be

1:19:59

able to answer. or have us answer questions

1:20:01

on the show, head

1:20:03

over to patreon.com/canyonopodcast.

1:20:06

There's a link. It's coming in right now, too. Yeah, and

1:20:08

there's a link in the episode description for

1:20:10

the Patreon. There's also a link in the episode

1:20:12

description to send stuff in if you wanna help

1:20:14

decorate Zach's, Zach Cave. Looks pretty cool

1:20:17

in there now. It does. I like

1:20:19

it. Did you see the arcade sign? Yeah, I did. Okay.

1:20:22

Instagram and Facebook, YouTube, you can find

1:20:24

Canyonome Podcast on there. And

1:20:26

then something you wanna see on the show,

1:20:29

send it in to heyguysatcanyonopodcast.com. And

1:20:31

then rate and review the show wherever you listen to

1:20:33

your podcast. It truly does help us out.

1:20:36

You ready to wrap this shit up? Yeah.

1:20:39

All right, let's fucking do it. Zach! Ah!

1:20:43

Good God, wrap it up already, eh?

1:20:45

You can do it! Show

1:20:48

me more! You

1:20:50

can do it! Why was

1:20:52

the computer so cold? I

1:20:56

don't know. Because it actually left its windows

1:20:58

open all night. Oh, jeez. That's

1:21:02

funny. Come on. That's pretty

1:21:04

funny. It's a computer and it's a thing.

1:21:07

And it's like Windows. There's

1:21:09

gotta be something about it. Let me try again. How did

1:21:12

the mouse get in the computer or something? I

1:21:14

don't know. Because the computer left its windows open

1:21:16

all night? Yeah, something like that. That's good. I

1:21:19

like that. Why was the computer so

1:21:21

cold? I don't know. Because it left its Macs open all

1:21:23

night. Oh. Eh.

1:21:27

See, it doesn't work that way. It

1:21:29

doesn't work that way. One score Android!

1:21:33

All right. Let's move on

1:21:36

to the bonus stuff. Don't you have an iPhone? Yeah,

1:21:38

I do. I'm just making a joke. Ha ha! Fuck

1:21:40

you, iPhone! Ha ha ha! I'm

1:21:42

just trying to both ways. Because it left its eye windows

1:21:44

open? No, see that one doesn't. It

1:21:47

has to be exactly how it is. That's okay.

1:21:50

That's okay. All right, episode 78. Love

1:21:53

you guys. Subscribe

1:21:55

to us on Patreon to keep going. Fuck

1:21:58

yeah. Brian, do the thing. Oh

1:22:00

wait, I don't know, you say, bam! BAM!